The White Elephant in the Room Playground

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Is that so? I ain't had one of these since I was a kid. Before I became a pokémon."

It still felt weird, twenty five years later.

"Know anythin' about humans, son?" asked Jesse, with a wink. "I ain't been one for awhile, but I know one when I see one."

 

[Shiny Phantump]

Okay, okay... Abigail wasn't exactly surprised to see that her trick didn't work, but it had been worth a shot.

She did notice the operator cabin, though. She tried to open the door, but she had a gut feeling it would be locked.

 

[Tanuki]

Okay, okay... Abigail wasn't exactly surprised to see that her trick didn't work, but it had been worth a shot.

She did notice the operator cabin, though. She tried to open the door, but she had a gut feeling it would be locked.

Her gut feeling was wrong. The door opened without any resistance at all. It revealed a tiny cabin with mechanical controls, a ham radio, a frozen cup of coffee, an open present, and a freezing, shivering zangoose. “What do you want, kid?”

 

[Shiny Phantump]

"Wait." Abigail blinked. "Have you been here this whole time? I had been looking to see if I could reactivate the lift, but now I have other questions. So, so many other question. First off, do you live here?"

 

[Tanuki]

"Wait." Abigail blinked. "Have you been here this whole time? I had been looking to see if I could reactivate the lift, but now I have other questions. So, so many other question. First off, do you live here?"

The zangoose sneered at her. “No, I decided to jump in a lake and freeze my—” his voice cracked. “Fucking puberty,” he grumbled to himself before looking back at her. “I just like freezing to death and finding ski lift cabins to cuddle up in. Of course I’ve been here! It’s my job.” He tried desperately to rub some warmth back into his blood with icicles clinging to his feet.

 

[Shiny Phantump]

The zangoose sneered at her. “No, I decided to jump in a lake and freeze my—” his voice cracked. “Fucking puberty,” he grumbled to himself before looking back at her. “I just like freezing to death and finding ski lift cabins to cuddle up in. Of course I’ve been here! It’s my job.” He tried desperately to rub some warmth back into his blood with icicles clinging to his feet.

Abigail shrugged. "That's so normal that, with all the bullshit I have experienced over the past few days, it's almost weird. There are just people who live here? Normally? With jobs? You don't, like, die if you open presents early or get killed by pseudoscientific quantum bullshit if you try to leave this place?"

She stopped to think for a moment. Something about their game must've been evident to an outsider in the world, right? "Did your scheduling get messed up when Darkwhite decided to literally fucking, and I quote, 'eat the night?'"

 

[Tanuki]

Abigail shrugged. "That's so normal that, with all the bullshit I have experienced over the past few days, it's almost weird. There are just people who live here? Normally? With jobs? You don't, like, die if you open presents early or get killed by pseudoscientific quantum bullshit if you try to leave this place?"

She stopped to think for a moment. Something about their game must've been evident to an outsider in the world, right? "Did your scheduling get messed up when Darkwhite decided to literally fucking, and I quote, 'eat the night?'"

The more Abigail talked, the tighter the zangoose squinted. What the hell was she talking about? Was she some hypothermic illusion? “Why would opening a present early kill me?” He kicked the open box towards her.

“That showed up a few days ago. “From Santa,” as if.” Indeed, the tag said it was from Santa to Zeke. He picked up the book and showed her the cover. Oddly, its spine was on the right instead of the left. “I mean, I’m thrilled to get a first edition copy of this and a coat, but a few more layers wouldn’t have hurt if they’re gonna go radio silent and leave me stranded at my post. My replacement was supposed to be here like a week ago!”

He grumbled a few expletives about his boss. “Last summer break I get, and I have to spend it freezing to death here. The pay isn’t even good.” He spat, the spit freezing before it hit the ground and shattered. “Worker’s union my ass. They haven’t done jack either.”

 

[IFBench]

"Is that so? I ain't had one of these since I was a kid. Before I became a pokémon."

It still felt weird, twenty five years later.

"Know anythin' about humans, son?" asked Jesse, with a wink. "I ain't been one for awhile, but I know one when I see one."

Gen yelped, as Jesse called him out so blatantly. He gripped his reunion cape tight for a few seconds to regain his bearings.

Eventually, he stammered out, "Y-yeah."

Then, quieter, "I was one."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse nodded. "Figured. Ain't easy, is it? And I'm guessin' you ain't used to it yet. Don't worry, son, it'll be alright."

Jesse continued to rotate and progress the puzzle cube, drawing nearer to success.

"Things can seem mighty confusin' when you're wrapped up in them, but in my experience, every conundrum has a solution."

 

[Shiny Phantump]

The more Abigail talked, the tighter the zangoose squinted. What the hell was she talking about? Was she some hypothermic illusion? “Why would opening a present early kill me?” He kicked the open box towards her.

“That showed up a few days ago. “From Santa,” as if.” Indeed, the tag said it was from Santa to Zeke. He picked up the book and showed her the cover. Oddly, its spine was on the right instead of the left. “I mean, I’m thrilled to get a first edition copy of this and a coat, but a few more layers wouldn’t have hurt if they’re gonna go radio silent and leave me stranded at my post. My replacement was supposed to be here like a week ago!”

He grumbled a few expletives about his boss. “Last summer break I get, and I have to spend it freezing to death here. The pay isn’t even good.” He spat, the spit freezing before it hit the ground and shattered. “Worker’s union my ass. They haven’t done jack either.”

Great, he thinks I'm insane. All things considered, he'd probably correct.

"Listen. I don't fucking know why either. Myself and a handful of other people were kidnapped to this place for a so-called christmas party, with myself being involuntary put into this fucking ralts body in the process. The nitwits running the show cordened this place off in some kind of bullshit interdimensional nonsense, which, by the way, would explain why your signal is down, so enjoy being trapped here with us!"

She cleared her throat. "Anyways, they then told us that Santa had been murdered, and everything went downhill from there and it's become some kind of fucking ridiculous dangengaronpa-esque killing game where people die when their christmas presents are unwrapped before christmas. Now that I think about the whole killing game thing was probably the point all along, because there's absolutely no way anyone, even this fucking clownsel, is stupid enough to recreate dangengaronpa by accident."

Abigail sighed, "Yes, I know. I am probably insane. Honestly, even if this is real and not just a bad nihilego trip, and I was sane when this started, I have definitely fucking lost it since then."

 

[IFBench]

"Don't worry, son, it'll be alright."

It wouldn't be alright. Not truly. Not until things get back to normal, and he's back in Goldenrod with his family again.

He didn't mention it, though.

A few tears slid down his face.

"T-thanks," Gen said. He didn't feel much better at all, but he appreciated the effort.

He watched as Jesse solved the cube.

 

[Tanuki]

It was better to let customers talk than try to understand or interrupt them. They could come from all walks of life and Zeke could not care less about any of them when all he wanted to do was go home with some extra money betting on which dunce would make him hit the emergency stop, or as he called it, the “stupid kid” button.

Children especially were very easy to ignore. They came up with the wildest fantasies, tales, and he just had to nod along feigning interest until they either got on the list or won him a bet. “Right, yeah, definitely. Did you need something, kiddo?”

 

[Shiny Phantump]

Abigail sighed. "Please just turn on the lift, thank you very much."

After a moment, Abigail looked down at her ralts body. "I'm going to need a fucking stepstool to get up, too, aren't I? Yveltal embrace my artificially-grafted soul, I'm going to die of embarrassment..."

 

[Tanuki]

"The lift? No," Zeke spat. "I've been freezing in a blizzard I don't know how many nights in a row! You couldn't get me to start the lift with Seviper Egg Soup from the Seviper Soupery." He shook his head, half in frustration and half as a consequence of shivering. As mad as he was, he couldn't help but empathize with the little girl moping about how short she was.

He stepped out of his chair, flinching when the icicles at the bottom of his paws broke against the floor, and knelt in front of her. "Hey, it'll be all right, little girl." She might slip into what had to be a language she made up sometimes, but he got the gist of her frustration. "You'll get to be a tall, pretty gardevoir soon enough." He went to run a paw through her hair. "Doesn't that sound nice? C'mon, chipper up." He forced himself to smile and, unfortunately, revealed just how little practice he had with the expression to a comical degree. It looked like an imitation of a caricature of a smile.

"Do you all hear Abigail? Is she in the room?" Elbert interrupted. Zeke didn't seem to notice at all, but Abigail could hear him clear as if she were in the room. "It sounds to me like she's talking to herself. Is our connection breaking up?"

 

[Shiny Phantump]

The lift? No," Zeke spat. "I've been freezing in a blizzard I don't know how many nights in a row! You couldn't get me to start the lift with Seviper Egg Soup from the Seviper Soupery." He shook his head, half in frustration and half as a consequence of shivering. As mad as he was, he couldn't help but empathize with the little girl moping about how short she was.

He stepped out of his chair, flinching when the icicles at the bottom of his paws broke against the floor, and knelt in front of her. "Hey, it'll be all right, little girl." She might slip into what had to be a language she made up sometimes, but he got the gist of her frustration. "You'll get to be a tall, pretty gardevoir soon enough." He went to run a paw through her hair. "Doesn't that sound nice? C'mon, chipper up." He forced himself to smile and, unfortunately, revealed just how little practice he had with the expression to a comical degree. It looked like an imitation of a caricature of a smile.

Abigail sighed, "I guess of all the things I could've been turned into, it could've been worse. I could've been a Muk, or a Seviper, or a Trubbish. Ralts and Gardevoir are close to my old human body, at least..."

She paused for a moment, thinking. "The word 'human' doesn't mean anything to you, does it? Apparently they're not aloud to exist in this universe so I had to turn into a bloody ralts. And if they're not allowed to exist here, you've probably never heard of them, which means you have another thing to add to your growing stack of evidence that I am, in fact, completely batshit fucking insane."

"Do you all hear Abigail? Is she in the room?" Elbert interrupted. Zeke didn't seem to notice at all, but Abigail could hear him clear as if she were in the room. "It sounds to me like she's talking to herself. Is our connection breaking up?"

Abigail looked over her shoulder, then turned to yell in the general direction she'd come from. "No, I am not in the fucking room. I left to go investigate the lift, and guess what? I'm not talking to myself! Your incompetent counsel of interdimensional fuckups managed to trap a normal person here with us, and I'm talking to him! He's been fucking stuck in the ski lift operator cabin for all of the seven days and four nights wherein everything has been going to shit."

She turned back to him. "Anyways, I have a strong inclination that getting somewhere on the other side of that ski lift will be worth my trouble. If you want, like, a bribe or something, bribing a ski lift operator would not be the weirdest thing I've been involved with this week thus far. Not like your employer could even notice while we're in interdimensional hell."

 

[Tanuki]

"I guess of all the things I could've been turned into, it could've been worse. I could've been a Muk, or a Seviper, or a Trubbish. Ralts and Gardevoir are close to my old human body, at least..."

A look of realization flashed on Zeke's face. "Oh, human? No, I've seen plenty like you." He leaned back and took his hand off her head to scratch his chin in thought. "Knew a cute one in middle school, but she disappeared after..."

Abigail looked over her shoulder, then turned to yell in the general direction she'd come from. "No, I am not in the fucking room. I left to go investigate the lift, and guess what? I'm not talking to myself! Your incompetent counsel of interdimensional fuckups managed to trap a normal person here with us, and I'm talking to him! He's been fucking stuck in the ski lift operator cabin for all of the seven days and four nights wherein everything has been going to shit."

Well, it wasn't uncommon for kids to have imaginary friends. She seemed mostly normal otherwise, at least. Then,

bribing a ski lift operator would not be the weirdest thing I've been involved with this week thus far. Not like your employer could even notice while we're in interdimensional hell."

His sour expression returned. "No. I ain't turning it on after all this. You couldn't bribe me with Seviper Egg Soup from the Seviper Soupery downstairs." His stomach grumbled, and he stepped back to lay down in his chair. "Haven't been able to leave my post for days. Ran out of rations last night." He shivered at the mere thought of the storm.

He didn't want the little girl leaving empty handed, though. "Here, have this," he said, pulling a Bingo Card out of the pocket in his jacket and handed it to her.

"No, I am not in the fucking room. I left to go investigate the lift, and guess what? I'm not talking to myself! Your incompetent counsel of interdimensional fuckups managed to trap a normal person here with us, and I'm talking to him! He's been fucking stuck in the ski lift operator cabin for all of the seven days and four nights wherein everything has been going to shit."

The television remained notably silent. Not a word, chirp, or bit of static for at least a full two minutes. When he finally responded, he only said, "No there isn't."

 

[Tanuki]

Countdown Timer

Counting time since Jan 11, 2021. Showing days, hours, minutes and seconds counting up

www.timeanddate.com

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Click-clic-click-click-click. Done.

"There we go. Satisfyin' little thing, really."

Jesse hummed for a moment, then his ear flicked in irritation.

"We're runnin' outta time. We need to get a move on and figure out our goddamn situation. I trust our friend on the fuckin' screen will keep doin' his level best. In the meantime, my intuition says we oughta get that lift operator motherfucker some fuckin' food."

Jesse tried stepping from the lobby straight to the soupery, found he couldn't, and swore colourfully as he had to actually get to the damn place on foot...

 

[IFBench]

Gen followed after Jesse, wincing at his harsh language.

Should I tell Jesse? What if he gets mad at me?

But if I don't tell him and Lee really is the one, then we might all die...

Gen took a few deep breaths to calm himself, then said, "I-I think you made a mistake."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"I-I think you made a mistake."

"Yeah? How's that, son?"

He stopped in his tracks and looked around, scratching his cheek fur. Gods, it was starting to feel empty. Where were Lee and Tabitha, anyway?