K_S
Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
- Partners
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I can wait for you to finish then hunt down the comic for a compare contrast after the fact...
Alright, so I’ll just get this out of the way first. You should not, under any circumstances, be telling readers “go look up these characters if you don’t know them.”Though future chapters will require knowledge of characters like Hareta and Mitsumi so look them up if you're unfamiliar.
I love this as an opener. I don’t know the Manga, but this tells me that it’s after their big defeat and that things may have gone differently than the canon I know (which is a huge plus to me lol). I also really like the way it sets our POV character out in front of us right off the bat.The first thing Saturn had heard was that Cyrus hadn't put up a fight.
Here’s what I meant. I know you’re probably not trying to bog the fic down, but if this character is important, then their significance should be explained in the fic (even if it’s not explained at this point).there had been no 01, not after Mitsumi left,
I kinda wondered why Charon apparently took over Galactic after Cyrus lost. It never really got explained, and the fact that everyone disliked him made it more confusing.Charon's recent actions, how prepared he was for everything, told Saturn that this was something Charon had planned well in advance, as if he knew Cyrus's failure as surely as any other element of the plan.
Lol, the matter of fact-ness of this makes me smile. Like, Saturn isn’t wrong that people probably want to kill Cyrus, but he’s probably not wrong that some would want to see him for other reasons.thought that anybody would see him again so soon was...difficult.
Ho boy, Charon really doesn’t think much of Cyrus, eh?He's just 'Cyrus' now. Some pathetic little wretch who thought he could play god.
Me too, Saturn. Me too. The smug little prick seems to need it.Saturn wanted to deck Charon full in the face,
Well, being entrusted with the safety of a man who you served unquestionably and attempted to kill you all the same (probably some other “bad boss” shit as well) would undeniably be A heavy burden to bear.The key was as light as any other but for some reason, Saturn felt a weight to it that went beyond the thin metal.
oubliette
I never did get that far in the Pokemon Manga, but I did play Pearl, so hopefully that will suffice at least for chapter 1.(hi this takes place after volume 5 of Diamond and Pearl Adventure! but if you haven't read that, then you should be ok if you know the events of the games. Though future chapters will require knowledge of characters like Hareta and Mitsumi so look them up if you're unfamiliar. I'm going to post a chapter a week!)
So he gets to be cooped up equal to the amount of time his loyalty to Cyrus equals. I wonder what length of time that is?The first thing Saturn had heard was that Cyrus hadn't put up a fight. This information stood on its own for over an hour, leaving Saturn at the mercy of his imagination. The frustrating vagueness of the message curdled in his stomach and sat there in a sickening lump because what it failed to convey was if Cyrus's surrender had left him *alive*, but Saturn had been ordered to remain where he was until further notice, so he could only sit at his desk in a freshly painted office and wonder what was happening in the wider world past his walls.
A surprising amount of depth here regarding the caller ID numbers. Not bad!It was nearly midnight when his phone rang again, the heavy conference style land line that seemed out of place in a high tech organization, and the ID was only "01". The way Team Galactic used to be constructed, there had been no 01, not after Mitsumi left, and she had been gone long enough that the number was considered unused. 00 had been Cyrus, something Saturn had figured represented the sun itself, around which everything else revolved. But in the reborn Galactic, 01 referred to the former 09, Charon.
Sounds like Charon is an absolute joy of a co-workerIt was a moment before Saturn answered it, but the ring started to take on an almost bitterly sarcastic tone to it, as if Charon himself was taunting through the line already. Finally he grabbed the receiver. "Saturn here".
"Good, good." Charon's voice was as sickeningly cloying as Saturn had predicted. "Come to the west hallway on the second floor."
That spoke better for Cyrus's chances, at least. "Is he here?"
"Don't ask stupid questions, commander." And the call ended.
Useful context of Charon & Cyrus.If they had killed their former leader, Charon would have almost certainly sounded far happier than he had. The scientist had always made his dislike of Cyrus very clear, but so long as he kept to his lab and did as he was assigned, Cyrus was content to keep him on the payroll. There had been no question that Charon had been kept in the dark of what Cyrus's true plans had been, but he seemed to have figured it out on his own simply given the nature of the team's studies.
Charon is giving me vibes of 2nd-in-command now taking things over in Cyrus's absence.And he seemed to take it in relative stride as well. Charon's recent actions, how prepared he was for everything, told Saturn that this was something Charon had planned well in advance, as if he knew Cyrus's failure as surely as any other element of the plan.
Wait, I'm lost here. Cyrus is here in the scene with Saturn and Charon? If not, how did Saturn reason that Cyrus was alive from this small bit of dialogue? Is it that Charon could ONLY be talking about Cyrus by saying "guest"? If so, why was Saturn so sure when he appears to be completely in the dark about the specifics of this meeting so far?Saturn was there before he knew it, the distraction of his thoughts being almost a time distortion itself. Charon was waiting there, and seemed to be alone, reading something on an electronic tablet. "Sir."
Charon tucked the tablet under his arm. "Heh, commander. I think you'll have a special interest in seeing our guest."
So Cyrus was alive in there after all. Which meant that Saturn would be expected to *speak* to him, something he hadn't considered until that moment. The man had tried to kill them all, and the thought that anybody would see him again so soon was...difficult. Saturn only nodded.
Never mind co-workers, sounds like Saturn considers Charon to be above him in rank."Now, hush-hush, of course. Can't let this get out."
"Of course not, sir."
Charon fumbled with a key for a moment before opening a nondescript door. In the layout of the former base, this had been supply closet, so when the entire building was rebuilt it would stand to reason that it would be the same, but now the supply closet was on on the other wall. It was a bit baffling, and Saturn had wondered why such a place would exist, but he couldn't question Charon's intentions without feeling threatened.
Ah, Saturn still prefers Cyrus. I guess that was obvious from Saturn's willingness to 'wait'.Inside, the room was utterly dark, the only light streaming into it from the hallway, but Saturn could make out a dim figure within. As he got closer to the doorway, he could see that the figure was slumped over and tied to a chair, and closer still could finally make out Cyrus's distinctive hair. "Boss!" he gasped instinctively, but felt Charon's glower even with his back to the man.
Yep, definitely getting the vibes that Charon is the in-charge villain here."Not any more." Charon's voice was more upbeat than Saturn would have thought. "He's just 'Cyrus' now. Some pathetic little wretch who thought he could play god. Really, anybody could have told you how it would turn out."
Something tells me Cyrus won't enjoy whatever Charon has planned for him...Saturn wanted to deck Charon full in the face, but found himself taking a fumbling step towards Cyrus. "...Is he all right?"
"Eh, he'll wake up in a few hours."
The commander tried to reach out, though he wasn't close enough to make contact. "W...what will happen when he wakes up?"
Charon tapped the door with the back of his hand. "Sound-proof walls! Hundreds of people can pass him all day long and won't know he's here!" he grinned.
I suppose there was that SMALL detail..."I was thinking more about a framework of events. What will we do with him?"
"I figure we can let him stew for a while; think about what he's done. Everyone he's wronged. How he's in a building full of people he tried to murder. Not like he'll know exactly where he is at first, but he did try to kill everyone in the universe, so he could be on another planet for all the difference it would make." Charon's voice was so *gleeful* that Saturn felt that odd rot in his stomach again.
So I guess they are just going to keep him trapped and shout at him and beat him indefinitely.But at the same time, he couldn't argue that Cyrus didn't deserve it. He closed the door behind himself, hearing it lock automatically, and when he turned around, Charon was dangling a key in front of him.
"There you go. I figure you'll be wanting to lay into him once he comes to, but try to just go in there when I tell you to. I'll come up with something close to a schedule in the next few days."
I guess Charon feels like he is doing everyone else a favor. Letting them beat up a guy they hate might raise his popularity. I expect he intends to capitalize on that and use it to become the official new leader.The key was as light as any other but for some reason, Saturn felt a weight to it that went beyond the thin metal. "Yes sir."
Charon's beaming expression shifted to a scowl. "Don't let me catch you taking it easy on him. He wanted you dead. All of us. Everything and everyone you've ever known." Just as quickly, he was smiling again, a deceptively kindly expression that an unknowing observer would describe as grandfatherly. "Ah well. Sleep on it. And when you come back to handle things later, just keep it in mind. Don't let him manipulate you." He yawned, accompanying it with a dramatic stretch. "Ah, I'm sure you can handle it. You've always been forthcoming, haven't you? Well, I'll see you in the morning."
But what will Saturn do, I wonder? I'm guessing he will break Cyrus out and this will be a fic about Saturn and Cryus being at odds with the rest of the team led by Charon.Even with Charon's departure, the key in Saturn's hand carried the same disquieting presence. It was a few minutes of silence before he let himself leave the hallway, feeling as though both men were watching him the entire time.