Pokémon TCG2: Doduo Adventures - Book One: TCG Island

[Tango]

Alright, I’ve kept you waiting long enough for an update to that review exchange. Let’s give this thing a quick and dirty bump to get things rolling again:

Chapter 4

Awesome!

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Gentleman: “... I’m sorry, why do you even have that thing with you right now? Shouldn’t you have left it at the coat rack?”

I’m assuming from the emote, that that’s a ‘yes’

They do have the effect of telegraphing things a bit lol...

Ah yes, the Gentleman let a pungeon master into his house. I can already see him regretting this in live-time.

It amuses him and he hates it.

Um… do I want to know how many beers this guy has had up to this point?

No, you probably don't.

Quite a few, apparently. Even if I do wonder if there should’ve been a bit more indication before the after-the-fact mention in the dialogue that Rick went through quite a bit of beer.

Good point! I went back to specify he had multiple beers.

Oh, hello surprise out-of-series music. I can’t say it doesn’t fit a scientist character, though.

Yep. I do dip into other stuff when I feel like a scene calls for it!

Okay, Mr. Gentleman, just how much beer have you had since that scene cut anyways? >:V

More than he ever would by himself, that's for sure...

Huh. I’m a bit surprised that they have minced oaths involving Pokémon when only Doduo exist outside of being characters on trading cards.

Well, if you remember the lore of the three legendary mon from the previous chapter, Ho-Oh, Mew, and Lugia, is it really such a stretch?

I can already see the army of fantasy anoles swiveling their heads across dimensions.

So what’s the over/under of Gotan getting a sandwich at some point in this story?

A sandwich? He never gets offered one. He does, however, get offered pizza. And what an interesting spectacle that becomes...

I mean, Rick’s kinda drunk right now, so isn’t him swinging his head around not particularly out of the ordinary? ^^

I suppose, but I'm drawing a blank on how else to have him react.

Just how many potential romances has the Gentleman let slip through his fingers in the past anyways?

All of them.

And you did! They just were all transparent gold diggers, but that’s why you should try to find romance before making it big in life. ^^;

Yeah... too little too late for that now... 😅

Ah yes, I can already tell that things are going to get nice and awkward in short order. Though for your readers who don’t have Spotify accounts, you’d probably find the following YT link a better alternative (I’m pretty sure it’s the same one since ‘Jonne Kokkonen’ is brought up as an alias):

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KApkPLhmWng

Ok, it didn't occur to me to check and see if there was a youtube channel for this guy in particular. I'm going to swap the link out for this. Thanks!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KApkPLhmWng

See, I knew that things were going to get awkward, even if I didn’t expect it to get awkward for this reason.

Yes, that tends to happen when you put your entire social and personal life on hold to play trading card games, Gentleman.

Yeaaaaah... 😅

Let’s check in on how the Gentleman’s doing right now:

So true.

I warned you about the card games, bro.

Tis lonely at the top.

Yeah, I figured. Though I feel that a bit more lead-up to the Gentleman breaking down would’ve been called for here.

With his inhibitions reduced, I preferred a quick transition.

Because she assumed that your true love was card games and she gave up on you?

Nah, she was just shy and needed him to be the one to confess his feelings first.

Beer, obviously.

Ah yes, let’s check in on our beloved protagonist right now:

Gentleman:

Yeah. This bit is a total bombshell for him. Very true!

Oh hey, there’s a song for this moment:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UCz_DF7SQA

Well that was a unique thing to see in a review!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UCz_DF7SQA

Though I suppose I shouldn’t rule it out entirely given the overall tone of this story so far.

Yeah! You never know for sure!

Ah yes, the Stein’s Gate music is back.

That’s Rick doing that in reality, isn’t it?

Yep!

Even if I kinda wonder if this dream sequence should’ve had a bit more detail relative to what we got.

I mostly just wanted it to make a point and move on. Especially since I added another similar dream sequence at the start of chapter 1 (I don't think you saw that one since I added it after you had reviewed, I think.)

Yeah, it’s totally Rick, I can tell.

So what’s the over/under that someone got this on tape?

Well, neither of them would have got it, so unless Gotan taped them, I think the chances of that are slim.

Even if I feel like it’d be funnier to have the Gentleman realize he’s sleeping on Rick a bit more gradually than this

Maybe I'll look at expanding that somewhere down the line. Glad the humor still landed, though.

I can already tell that these two will never, ever bring this up to anyone else beyond their personal journals after this.

That's almost true!

I’m now morbidly curious as to what “disheveled and hung-over” Gentleman would look like as a picture now.

You will have to use your imagination on that, I'm afraid. My wallet protests the expenditures on art commissions as it is lol...

… The Gentleman really never just looked outside the window at all in the prior day?

My headcanon is a 'no' to that. He enjoys privacy and shutting out the world outside when he is indoors.

Since if Gotan never went anywhere, you’d think that he’d be quite noticeable as a background thing on the prior day’s entry.

Not if the blinds were closed!

You have a superfluous word in the start of your second scene here.

I fixed it.

Though I feel the prior scene ends a bit abruptly. Even something as simple as noting that the Gentleman left since he had card games to get to I think would’ve made for a better ending note.

Thanks, I've added another line to make this a bit smoother!

Small missing punctuation there. Though I actually wonder if we’re going to cliffhanger on a battle here or else if the Gentleman’s just going to curbstomp Erik badly enough that he barely gets a mention in his journal.

Curbstomp, of course.

I actually think that this would’ve been one of those battles that would’ve been worth depicting in more detail. Not necessarily because it would be particularly climactic, but more because it’d be an opportunity to show off more of how Gotan will be interacting with future encounters like this.

Don't worry, there will be plenty of examples of that to come!

Erik:

Gentleman: “Oh, you don’t even know the half of it right now.”

But as completely insane as this is, it is something the general population is aware of and shrugs at.

Priorities!™

Erik: “Really, you spend more time in your journal talking about your bird losing a few feathers than what strategy I used?”

Gentleman: “Your strategy was the sort of stuff that I face on a day ending in ‘y’, so… yes?”

So on-point for it.

Oh, so Rick is going to be sticking around, or at least for a while. Duly noted, then.

Rick is in it for the long haul in the book. I didn't even plan for his character to be such a big thing but he just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.

I think that I’ll leave things off for now since I’m feeling a bit under the weather.

Sorry to hear that! I hope you feel better soon.

But I found myself my getting reminded of just how different and standout this story is as a premise, which you know what, kudos for picking the lane less traveled and owning it.

I do that, if nothing else!

But oh man... if you are saying that now... you've barely scratched the surface.

I feel the main standout strength of this chapter was the character focus on the Gentlemen, since it helped get more insight into the Gentleman and his backstory.

Apart from the humor, yeah, I'd say so too. Though I suppose the humor was just complimentary towards that goal.

I also thought that Rick was a fun addition to the story.

I’m not fully convinced that he’ll be around for the long term, but he’s been fun to watch so far, and I’m glad he’ll be back for more chapters in this story after this.

As I mentioned earlier in the review, Rick is around to stay for the Book! Rick is probably one of the best aspects of Book One which is crazy since I tossed him in on a whim!

Once again, the multimedia component added a lot to the reading experience, especially the custom art which helped a lot for visualizing the characters. You really pulled out all the stops for this chapter.

Thanks so much!

By the way, if you want to see a new art I got for Doctor Wem, go scroll through my Prologue!

And onto the less fun and more critical parts of this chapter. I’m not really sure how much you intend to further overhaul your chapters that you already published up to this point, but in this chapter, it felt like there were some parts of the prose that were a bit too hazy and high level, and like they’d have benefitted from getting into things in more detail. I also felt like there was room to get a lot deeper into the Gentleman’s thought process, especially since this is a more character-focused chapter and his journal is his space to bare his soul, while we spent a weird amount of time from the outside looking in, especially at moments that could’ve been particularly impactful as the Gentleman grapples with how he inadvertently wound up pushing Nikki away when she genuinely loved him. Lastly, I feel like the first card battle with Gotan riding shotgun should’ve been shown off a bit more. I get that this story generally fast-forwards through the card battles where it’s another “day ending in ‘y’” for the Gentleman, but it did feel a bit weird that we didn’t even get an acknowledgement of what standout cards Erik had in his deck and spent more time focusing on how Gotan took damage from the card battles. For that matter, Gotan is weirdly absent in a way that you’d think wouldn’t be the case where the Gentleman literally just needs to look out his window to see him, which just felt a little strange to me since it was a missed opportunity to get in a bit more humor.

For the moment, I'm satisfied with the general beats and writing for Book One with the exception of improving the dialogue which I am currently working through. Going to be implementing hovertext more too.

I may eventually return to improve things further, but I'm also wanting to get to work on Book Two. At the very least, I think the overall quality of the book is satisfactory even though it took my best efforts just to get it to the point it is currently at.

But altogether, I think that things are still quite a bit more put-together than your v1 of this story,

Hearing this really helps. I appreciate that a lot!

and while I still saw areas that I felt would benefit from further polish, things largely accomplished what you set out to in this chapter, and it does a good job at getting us invested in what comes next.

I'm very happy to hear that the overall impact of this chapter was a positive one. The next chapter is probably the weakest and is also one of the shortest chapters in the fic. But even that chapter is way better than my v1 writing. Also, based on feedback form other reviewers, the book gets better as it goes! If you like the first half, I think you like the 2nd half even more!

Hope the feedback was helpful, @Tango , and I’ll be looking forward to seeing you around again sometime soon.

As always, reviews from you are imbued with energy and substance! Thanks @Spiteful Murkrow!

I'll be looking to get the next review up for you sometime soon.

 

[Tango]

Hiya! How are ya? Hope you're doing well because I'm finally here for the review I was talking. Apologies if it was later than I promised. Things got a bit busy during CNY so... yeah.

That's ok! Reviews from you are always worth the wait @ShiniGojira!

Spoiler: Big Post

Anywho, let's start off with the introduction stuff:

There's definitely a ton of nice and juicy info for the game the fic is based on. I'll be honest, I thought book two was originally the 1st game's story instead of the sequel but I guess it made sense that it wasn't since it did sorta start off as a 'Mark is already the champion' thing.

I will say one thing. I am TIRED of reviewers not knowing Mark's name. I know that sounds crazy because it's literally a bed of my own making, but MAN am I glad to just be able to see and use his name in some review replies! 🤣

Also the map for the two islands is pretty cool. Tbh, I thought GR Island would look more like the 1st island because I think I remember there being a lot more forest scenes in book two so it's kinda odd seeing a big percentage of GR Island being this weird brown (Wasteland? Autumn? Mountainey?) place.

You're right. There was a huge wasteland there. I'll probably switch that up a bit in Book Two so it makes a little more sense.

The art's pretty cool, especially the pixel art. Tango looks cute and goofy in 'em and Mark has that jazzy, fancy look and I really like how the background on his pixel art is the TCG type symbols.

The soundtracks are as cool as usual. Won't be talking about them much though unfortunately since again don't have a PC to properly listen to them but it's cool to see you putting in a lot of thought into the songs. I tried doing something similar when I was first starting out but it was a lot of effort so good on ya for sticking to it!

Fair, but thanks for commenting on it anyway! But you know, for intense moments, maybe you can listen with headphones on your phone and then go back and read the scene the track corresponds to? Just a suggestion. Some of them are really neat, especially during the important moments of the fic!

And I think that's about it for the introduction. It's definitely a lot more dense compared to other stories that do introductions but I think you put in a good amount of content and context for what game you're basing the fic on and there wasn't a single part where it felt like it was too much. So overall, I think you did a great job pretty summarising the fic's content and it sets some nice expectations for what's about to come.

Yeah!! Thanks!!

Quick Summary for Prologue:

Diary stuff. Mark tells us all that's happened. From his new title as the champion to tutoring then becoming broke and selling his deck and then using all commons because people are scared of fighting his full strength.

Chp 1 Summary:

Mark wakes up from his dreams and goes to the Grass club to beat a bunch of kids and then the entire island with his common deck.

Chp 2 Summary:

Mark goes to the Water club and has to fend off all the succubus inhabiting that land and also Joshua. Then he encounters a wild Imakuni and gets a new pet!

Chp 3 Summary:

Mark tries getting rid of bird but bird no wanna so he reluctantly lets it stay as he also thinks it'll make more people wanna fight him because of the silly birdy. We also get introduced to Nikki's brother, a scientist and learn a bit of the lore of the world along with the Ho-Oh thing.

Chp 4 Summary:

Drunk moments ensue and Mark confesses his regrets for the love he lost and almost gets frisky with the little bro because drunk. He beats up a random scientist before going home.

Chp 5 Summary:

Another lovely in-depth battle as Mark stomps his way through the science club and for whatever reason, Gotan hates the scientist bro that's gonna tag along.

Well yeah. Rick gets to do what he used to be able to do all the time: science! He also gets to eat pizza.

Chp 6 Summary:

More duels ensues and Mark actually loses for once! Sure it was because his gambling went wrong but still! A canonical loss!

Chp 7 Summary:

Mark loses twice against Jonathan and decides to become a P2W player to even the odds.

I mean, technically he already was one... sort of. The teleporter. Even though Bill's nephew, Timmy, makes what should be reliable perfectly unreliable.

Chp 8 Summary:

Mark finally wins against Jonathan through the power of money and bribery! He banters some more with Stephanie and we get to see some news and worldbuilding!

Chp 9 Summary:

Mark goes to the psychic club and has a heart-to-heart with Stephanie before getting everyone else to forfeit against him by doing nothing. Truly the best Luigi player.

Chp 10 Summary:

Mark goes to the lightning club (I wonder if the OG version was electric like the card?), and beats up the former champion with his sick after deck of commons! Also we learn some tidbits of Isaac.

No, actually the former champ visits his house. He WAS going to go to the Lightning Club that day, but ended up spending the day at home dueling Ronald and working on the blueprints for MothZapper to use in Book Two way later.

Review of Prologue:

So let me just say that this chapter was great. There's a incredible jump in quality compared to when you first started out.

This is one of the things I love hearing most!! So many other authors have no clue what I started with or how far I've come. For someone who has seen what was to comment on what is, that is pretty special!

Like the characters (even if there's only two so far) are fun and they don't feel like they just have one trait, they actually feel alive in a sense. The dialogue's good, the humour has definitely improved too, I love all the meta jokes sprinkled about. The story flows pretty well and all the exposition blends into the narrative seamlessly and is super interesting since it also kinda tells us Mark's backstory a tinsy bit.

Commentary like this is what makes writing worth it. Thanks, Shini!

Aside from that though I don't think I have too much to talk about since a lot of this is just exposition I already know about. There are definitely some weak parts though, the section for the explanation on game mechanics is definitely a sharp drop in quality compared to the rest of the chapter but I know it's not supposed to be as good due to it just being explanation upon explanation so I don't think it's too important.

Yeah, the game mechanics section mostly just is what it is. Many readers will skip it, so I'm not going to put full effort in there.

There was also the latter half of the Doduo exposition that felt a little off. I think it's around the part where Mark started talking about buildings being built with Doduo in mind. It's a little weird for him to randomly talk about it I guess. I think it's fine if you skip this bit honestly and just show it subtly in the background instead. Like have Mark just thinking about it when visiting somewhere that has the Doduo stuff or something like that 'cause it just felt out of place compared to everything else since it's not that surprising or weird.

Yeah, I took the stuff out about the buildings. You reviewed a version before I did that. It was fairly recent.

Review of Chapter 1:

Okay, so Chp 1. The dream sequence was pretty cool and it's certainly well written with the subtle hints of things not being entirely true, what with the fuzziness and all that. It's a good way to show the readers that it's a dream and not something that's actually true.

I kinda find it funny just how much Mark regrets his past. It's a nice way to sprinkle bits of his past here and there and I love how it still affects how he acts to this day. Although I'll be honest, it did get kinda annoying after the third time of him just hammering in that point. You saved it when the three grass girls were introduced and showed exactly how it affects him and his interactions.

And honestly, I'm not sure if it's just my tastes or if it's something that's a problem. I just think that him talking about the same regret like more than three times in a couple hundred words got a bit tiring. (Btw to be more specific, I'm talking about his walk to the grass club here)

I added some of that recently as something I wasn't too sure about. Ultimately I don't think it did the overall tone any favors so I trimmed some of those regret thoughts out. Thanks for bringing this up.

The rest of the chapter was fun. The first duel is also something that was engaging. It's what I'd initially expected when I picked up book 2 like a year ago.

Yeah... I wasn't too great at handling duels back then...

Very glad to hear you are enjoying it now!

There's the nice setup, fun dialogue between the duellers, a bit of explaining for the cards and overall, was a great introduction to how duels work.

As for the plot of him challenging the rest and the ever looming Nikki and Isaac encounters, I look forward to how all that'll go and whether he'll mend that discarded friendship or just chuck it into oblivion when they reconnect.

You are right to zero in on that as a plot point. It's going to be big.

Review Chapter 2:

I loved this chapter the most so far. Mostly because it was hilarious. All the back-and-forth between the girls and Mark. I initially expected to hate or dislike them honestly but they were funny and that's a thumbs up in my book. Also poor little Joshua, hopefully he manages to escape the three dreaded succubi though it's highly likely that he wouldn't.

Yeesssss!! You have no idea how much fun this chapter was for me to write. It really stretches the boundaries. Surprisingly, I see a lot of readers having mixed opinions on it. Like they like it, but just barely. Seeing someone who gets the humor is always a treat.

Anyway, duel was fun. The innuendos slipped in were pretty funny.

You mean like the chapter title? 🤣 Oh man, I REALLY pushed it with that one!!

I also really like how fun and engaging the specific mechanics and the switch up in tactics used compared to the last when he used Voltorb instead of Rapidash.

Card games always interested but I never really had the time or money to play them so it's always fun to read things about them.

Well, hey. If you get a hacked 3DS or if you get a PC, you can get a rom of the game to play on a GBA emulator or something!

And random Imakuni encounter. It's abrupt! It's random! And it comes completely out of nowhere!

As any good first Imakuni encounter should.

But that works for such a weird character like him. I like it for how goofy this random guy is, plus we also get introduced to a new reoccurring character, You Tango... or maybe just a random Doduo idk. If this is the same Doduo as Book 2 then it's cool that I get to see him this early. Excited to see how things will fare with him this early in the story.

Oh it definitely is.

Cypress has entered the chat!

Chp 3 Review:

The interactions between Tango and Mark is fun, especially since he misread the little birdy's name.

Just another way of torturing myself. 😅 You have no idea how painful it was writing his name as Gotan and having to call him Gotan. I finally caved and couldn't take it anymore so his name gets revealed early in "Chapter 17 - Tango". Just his name, though.

I can almost guarantee that I'll see some real funny stuff every time Mark calls him by the wrong name.

I'd have to put WAY too many reactions in for that. Thankfully I'm not nearly as masochistic as Tango in the fic is and just made him pretend not to be annoyed by it the vast majority of the time.

Also since I'm one of the few that read Book 2, I do wanna say that I really like Gotan (calling him that for now 'cause it'll be really confusing for me due to you also sharing that name). The big contrast from how he used to be is probably the best change in character traits. Despite him only just appearing recently, Gotan's really endearing and likeable, and I do like the way you've eased us into the masochistic side of the dumb birds and introducing it in a comedic way unlike how it was mostly used as a detriment to Mark in the OG story. So yeah, liking Gotan a lot atm.

I think you will learn to like him even more as it goes on too!

Nikki's brother and Da Lore! It's a good way to show off how wonky and weird the world is with ancient tech being more advanced than the modern world. I don't think I can comment on it too much though since I'm pretty aware of the sequel and a decent chunk of its lore,

Eh, you can comment on Book Two stuff. I don't think other authors read reviews of others too much.

but I think it's written pretty well and the exposition was pretty engaging and the by-play between Nikki's bro and Mark were fun.

Glad you liked it!

Review of Chp 4:

It's a pretty funny chapter. We get some backstory on Mark's original motives and some context between his and Nikki's lost love.

I enjoyed the funny drunk moments between Mark and Nikki's brother, it's a nice scene of the two bonding and just in general chilling out.

Yep, I was aiming for it to be a setup chapter with some character building and fast-paced bonding for them.

Although the prose of this chapter is a tad weaker than the previous, some sentences and tags were repetitive. Oddly enough, I think it's only a problem during the drunk scenes since the scenes right after were pretty alright.

Huh. And here I thought the drunk scenes were the highlight of it. Odd that you consider it the other way around. Maybe because the repetition was intentional? They are drunk and aren't thinking very clearly.

Maybe try adding more description of things and add the drunken slurring in the narrative to put in more spice? 'cause at the moment, it feels pretty barren.

Goodness. It felt the opposite of barren to me. I thought it was very amusing. Certainly the harshest critique I've encountered of the drunk scene so far.

I don't want to write the words slurring. It sounds too annoying to do and I don't want to learn how to do that for just one scene. As for description of things... Most people liked the drunk scene, so I'm not going to worry about it. But I still appreciate the input, regardless. I'll keep it in mind if I get similar feedback from others.

That aside, I do wonder why Nikki's brother wants Doduo's feathers. Is it because Pokémon magic and it's like a source of power or something? It can't just be for nothing. Why would you make a device that only sucks that specific item otherwise?

I'll give you a special insight.

He seeks scientific evidence that the three legendary mon exist. If they do exist, they are the only other Pokemon in their world. Currently the only Pokemon they have to work with is Doduo. By examining Doduo feathers, Rick hopes to create something like a long-range itemfinder except it finds Pokemon instead of items. Once he gets enough examples of feathers in various conditions, he plans to attune that Pokefinder to seek all pokemon EXCLUDING Doduo. He gathered burned feather variants as a way of studying flame effects on feathers. He believes this will help him fine-tune his Pokefinder to specifically locate Ho-Oh. He hopes that by finding Ho-Oh, he will also re-discover The Legendary Rainbow Palace which is said to contain the temple of Ho-Oh. That place is said to be a scientific marvel that he hopes to study.

Those are Rick's goals, anyway. Beyond the goals themselves, that's all I can say on it for now.

Review of Chp 5:

And Mark comes in swinging with a steel chair and boom! The science club goes down!

Jokes aside, I really do enjoy the occasional in-depth battles that happen. It's nice seeing just how different in skill level Mark is compared to the random NPCs. And not to mention just how much better written they are compared to before, they're super engaging and fun to read through like I'm actually watching two dudes just duelling each other with a bunch of cards.

It's so awesome to hear that! Not everyone seems to really appreciate the duels, but I'm glad they are entertaining for you!

Anywho, after beating the scientists, he heads out with Rick (finally remembered his name this time) in town. I like the two's chemistry, Rick's been a blast to read through and having him be some sort of conflict with Gotan is nice. I wonder whether Gotan will start being a bit more prickly now that he'll have to spend more time with Rick.

Nah, Tango was just initially jealous because Rick gets to do the scientist thing and he doesn't despite that his IQ is probably higher than Ricks.

Review of Chp 6:

Alright so review time! Mark challenges the Fire Club, apparently he's an OG member. And unsurprisingly, he loses his first battle against a member of a club that spawned his super talented skills.

Unsurprisingly? I don't know, I'd say his first loss with the deck was pretty surprising.

So as an aside, I do like that Mark actually loses here, even if it's because his luck went kapoot, it's nice to see him not just casually blitz everyone before him and it makes him feel less like a juiced up power fantasy MC and and more like a grounded character that's just really good at the game. And also, it teaches us the one true enemy of TCG, RNGesus.

Funny thing is that all the duels in Book One are based on the outcomes of the duels from the original prologue from the original version of the fic! So, I'm not actually crafting losses for him at specific points. It was just how the lets-play went that I crafted the narrative around!

Anywho, aside from that, I do enjoy the different flair of character personalities we've been getting throughout the chapters and it's nice to see some scenes dedicated to them individually. It's a huge upgrade compared to how it started when most characters were usually just one to five paragraphs or so of just really surface-level traits. It makes the world feel a lot more alive with all the different unique personalities running around.

Ah... Most people have no idea how flat my characters used to be. You being able to tell how much better they are AND comment on it is a pure joy to read!

Like I really do enjoy John's arrogance annoying the crap out of Mark. And while I do have one tiny complaint about the chapter, it isn't big enough to warrant changing I think as it's just my personal opinion. Basically John and Jonathan are very similar in names and I did get a little confused when I was first introduced to them. Again, I don't think it matters too much since I don't think we'll be seeing them anytime soon in the future but it's something to keep in mind when making characters as to not make their names too close to one another (unless y'know, they're twins or that's the point of the joke).

So... ALL of the names for the characters are from the game. The source material is to blame! NOT ME!

Review of Chp 7:

I find it so funnily weird how paying money can influence a coin flip. Like, I know it's explained already but it's such a goofy concept. Like imagine paying a couple bucks just to manipulate luck? All the billionaires would be swimming in even more dough if they could.

I had to come up with SOME way for the bribery and Bill's Teleporter malfunction to make sense. You KNOW what my ending of Book Two will involve and YES I am going to keep that chain of events!

So anywho, surprise guest from a psychic! It's interesting to see another one aside from that old lady in Book 2.

Claire, yes. Other than her.

I wonder whether there's a difference in their psychic powers since Stephanie seems to be using it a lot more casually when compared to that old lady.

Yes, Stephanie tends to use her powers for much more short-sighted goals than Claire.

Also kinda funny that a future seer is using her powers to work customer service instead of like the lottery or trying to gamble. Though I guess Stephanie was stated to be a kid so she's probably not old enough to even try that.

Exactly!

Going back to the main topic of the chapter, Jonathan. I know I've said it before in the previous chapter but it really is nice to see Mark losing and trying his best to boost his odds... even if it's a morally dubious way to gain an advantage. It makes his championhood feel a lot more earned and more believable as he's not stomping his way through while holding back. It also makes the inevitable wins so much more gratifying when it happens, y'know.

That's the narrative advantage of him using an all-common card deck. If he was using his original champion deck, Mystic Fire? He would wipe the floor with every single one of these sorry excuses for duelists.

Review of Chp 8:

So a decent bunch happens this chapter with Mark beating up a little boy and reading the news. It's nice seeing the little set-ups and foreshadowing hidden in the news section, really helps the payoff when things start ramping up later on.

I love lore, foreshadowing, and setting up plot threads!

I really enjoy the banter between Mark and Stephanie. It's always fun seeing a future seer going through something they didn't expect.

Most of that banter is newly crafted too! Glad it hits as Stephanie is an important character.

It's a bit odd that I find the female characters in this fic a lot more entertaining than the male ones. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing or anything since Rick is a fun character as well though I guess it's also because a lot more girl were introduced than guys lately so that might be colouring my thoughts a bit.

Hard to say, but I think you will still find some entertaining male characters in the fic too.

But anywho, another fun chapter with fun characters and interesting worldbuilding!

Review of Chp 9:

Okay, so let me just jump straight into the big thing about this chapter. Stephanie!

The heart-to-heart with her and Mark was cute, definitely felt a little sad at hearing her backstory and it was a scene that was good and didn't drag things down.

It was a brand-new scene for a lot of it. Very glad it landed well!

Though I can't help but wonder whether it would've hit a lot harder if we knew what exactly Stephanie wanted to use her money for. I know she already said it's to numb the pain but I feel like it could hit a lot harder if we get subtle hints of what exactly she's doing with the money, y'know?

There is a reason I'm not saying in the fic, but would you like to know? If so, click below...

Spoiler: Stephanies Past and Plan

Her father was a professional hacker. Her mother was a reporter. Her mother was investigating the disappearance of Doduo from TCG Island. He leads eventually pointed to Neo Island. Specifically the Doduo research facility. Her father hacked into the facility and found incomplete files hinting at something big and ominous.

Later her parents receive an anonymous tip from a whistle-blower on Neo Island. They are to travel to Neo Island to meet the whistle-blower to get full copies of the files that Stephanies dad hacked to get the incomplete ones for. They left Stephanie to go to Neo Island. Stephanie didn't realize the danger they would be in because her psychic powers prevented her from seeing anything about Neo Island.

Her parents left and didn't return. Stephanie used her psychic powers to see that her parents would never return even though she still couldn't see anything about Neo Island with her powers.

She had learned the basics of hacking from her father. She taught herself more with the notes her father had left behind.

Using a combination of hacking and psychic powers, she was able to access information on Neo Island and learned her parents had been killed in a staged accident. She follows the information trail all the way to the top for the one responsible. The CEO of Eyetech Inc. who doubles as the ruler of Neo Island: Mister Eye. Knowing who killed her parents, Stephanie has a singular goal in mind. Using her psychic power she learns of a way to get what she wants but she needs money. Lots and lots of money. So she uses her powers to find the quickest ways she can without being stopped. And she has no problems playing dirty to get it...

I won't answer anything else right now for Stephanie, but ask me again after you read "Chapter 20 - Light and Shadow" and I'll give you part two of her tale.

Like maybe she wants to buy something that reminds her of her parents?

Yeah! That's it! Uh-hu!! 😅

Something that she'd always bugged them about when they were still around? Maybe she wants to use it to help her club? Or any number of things really. I think giving us something could make it feel a lot more personal.

Oh dear. You have no idea...

So aside from that, I do like the short bits of bonding between Gotan and Rick, it's cute seeing them (or well Gotan) not hating or disliking one another. And the rest of the psychic members immediately forfeiting is a nice casual display of their powers. A bit disappointing that the psychic club scene was so short but it makes sense given the context of their powers.

Yeah, I was getting tired of having to write all these in-depth things, so having ONE club where things could just be easy for that was a nice break for myself and change of pace for the readers.

Chp 10 Review:

So here we learned that apparently Isaac was the reason why nobody wanted to fight Mark with his op deck which sets up a nice little build-up to the inevitable confrontation that'll occur in the future.

A confrontation that will arrive sooner than you might think...

I wonder why exactly Isaac decided to do that. I assume it's likely jealousy because of Mark's skills so I'm all the more excited to see how that confrontation will go down. I'm expecting a lot of screaming and yelling.

Funny you should ask...

Oh and make sure you read chapter 11 soon, I think you will like it!

Anywho, another duel and this time with the former champion. It's always cool to see other people react to just how vast the gap between the skill levels of a player and an NPC is.

Yeah, it's pretty darn big.

It's also pretty nice to see Mark starting to work on another deck, makes MothZapper feel a lot more 'worked on' rather than coming out of nowhere (yes, I remember he did so because he lost. I'm moreso talking about how it's because it took him so long to make a new deck) in Book 2.

Yeah, I had to get the origin for MothZapper in there somewhere. Seemed like a great opportunity to do so. Also, I think I mentioned Ronald helped him build it in my original fic, so now you get to see how it started!

Spoiler: Line-by-line comments

Prologue

Always find it funny when the characters in story take note of the game's terrible ai.

Yeah. Has to be done. AI in the game is terrrrrible compaired to me.

Also think this is missing a 'the' here

RIP gramps. You gave us a cool guy that can beat everyone with common cards

He sure did. 🫡

Knowing what I do about the diary. It's kinda funny how the foreshadowing here is essentially implying that this book is super old and yet somehow it's not broken or ruined. Great subtle way to hint at the 'magicks' of the book

Yeah, and if you read the authors note at the bottom, it even talks about how it was used to save the game in the game itself. (oh man I don't know how many people will miss that. Probably all of them )

I don't really get why having the champion tutoring someone be something that's weird or looked down upon?

Because teaching someone isn't PLAYING the game! Or at least that's my headcanon on it.

Like isn't it a good thing that the expert is passing down his knowledge and brightening the next generation or something? Though I guess if no pro teaches the younger generation about the TCG, it does make sense on why so many people are complete trash at the game despite it being the main way to solve conflict.

Teaching is garbage. Nobody learns the TCG very well. Or at least almost nobody. Mark learns exceedingly well. So does Mint.

Also wrong 'its'

Christ, just how expensive is this world's college? Like I understand the economy's shit but selling a literal mansion to afford university seems real silly, like damn I think this really sets the idea for why so many of the population is trash at the TCG if college is so expensive a rich person has to sell his fucking mansion to afford it!

Remember how I said teaching is garbage? It works for all aspects of their world except the TCG. Many people grow in skill, but they only get so far before they stop improving. It's different for Mark. Same for Mint. But because of this, people are willing to pay INSANE amounts of money to supposedly rise to the top. This drove the cost up to crazy heights, ESPECIALLY for the foremost univeristy in the world for the TCG.

Huh, I wonder if she's gonna return in the tournament arc since I feel like that's a great place to show off her true prowess

Yes. She absolutely will. In fact, she will be the final opponent of Book Four. Also, if you didn't catch the most recent update, check out the prologue again. I have art for her in there now!

Lol TBF Mark, you're literally dealing with a spoiled rich brat so maybe tone down those expectations, my dude.

Missing an apostrophe

Yeah, Billy! How else are you gonna be a geoguesser pro if you don't know your geography?

Also missing an apostrophe here

Aw, don't be so down on yourself, Mark. You have a decently stocky build, just do some pushups and you'll probably win against a preteen girl

Maybe if we get him Gary's cheer-leading squad he can win? I'm not sure the pushups would be enough...

*Cough* Let's ignore that I thought the exact same when I first read book 2. (Except I was worse 'cause I thought he was 60ish)*Cough*

The pain he would feel if he could hear you... 😅

You could say the kid's typing must've been Asian with the EMOTION DAMAGE he dealt (This is a Steven He joke, if it isn't obvious enough)

🤣

Y'know, considering that the TCG is used to solve conflict. Doesn't this mean that Billy technically invented a war crime lol

You're right! He DID invent a war-crime! Billy is secretly a monster. (though in my fic, it's like there is a 50% chance of that being true or something )

Okay so I know this section is mostly an exposition rather than anything pertaining to the actual story. I do think it's kinda odd that Mark would talk about poison type if they don't exist. If you ever decide to mix this section in with the story or make this more story like, I think it'd be better if you have Billy question why something that's literally living sludge is grass type and having Mark just saying he doesn't know or saying that it's a commentary of modern society something along the lines.

Again, it's something completely optional since this is just an exposition section but I think you could add some humour if you have them question why something that looks toxic is grass type

Dude. When you are right, you are right. I worked in an update to do that just for you.

*Looks around at the state of the world* Is it bad that this joke has only aged like wine?

I honestly can't understand how something like that ever happened to begin with... It's really horrible. Like it's a joke in the chapter, but its so oppressive in reality. You can never own anything of substantial value as long as there is a tax on it.

Okay, what's the monstrosity? I'm kinda curious. Is it a really big Doduo plushie or... No wait, is it a Scyther shrine? I remember him loving Scyther. Also misspelled 'coming'

Let's just say, it's his favorite method of transportation...

Chp 1

Lol yeah, it's a dream. Thought I'd accidentally skipped a chapter or something with how out of nowhere Nikki was

Why do I feel like that's he's gonna be the complete opposite out of this dream?

Whaaat? Oh comeon, you don't reaaaaly think I would do that, do you??

I think it'd work better if instead of 'even saw', changing to 'could even see' would flow a bit better

Y'know, I always find it funny that in Pokémon worlds where pokéballs don't exist, there's always just a pokéball symbol for like no reason. Like why would something like that exist in PMD or in this fic where cards are the main way to fight? Not a criticism mind you, it's just something I wanna just rant about lol

Well, hey. There IS a Pokeball card. So they DO have a point of reference, at least.

Well, people change, Mark. You can't really expect things to stay the same no matter what you want

Sure, but in his mind, she left him.

Huh, the TCG has levels? Do they actually do anything or are they just pure cosmetic? I'm assuming higher levels=better stats based on Mark's thoughts.

Chapter 10 answered your question.

This just in newly-appointed champion bullies a little girl to tears. More news at 8.
Also there's something hilarious about seeing him smirking like that right after the picture of Brittany crying

I mean... dude isn't allergic to winning. What can I say?

Misspelled 'looked'\

Chp 2

Probably not important, but one of the only lakes? Huh? I know the world is tiny and all but seriously? What? Do rivers exist? Are the lakes super special or is it just random worldbuilding because the world is smol?

Rivers... I don't think they exist. Streams do, though!

Also, Neo Island is geographically the same as TCG Island.

Lol, yeah. The only player character aside from Wes that doesn't have a hat.

Huh. Interesting point!

Yeah, a bunch of gold diggers who only care about money and fame. Don't know why people would even go for them honestly.

Wait. You really don't know why?

Lol, they're so generic, even he knows about it

Hah! Really hit 'em with the nuclear roast by complete accident eh, Mark?

Hah, omg Mark! They don't even have the same hair colour!

😅

He's a whipped twink. Amazing.

... They're totally gonna turn him into a femboy the next time we see him

You know...

Ah, so that's why he gets confused. It's not that he becomes a dummy when dealing with pretty girls

We have a winner!

Lol, I just love all of these lines Mark has, they're hilarious. If only the rest can hear his thoughts and understand what he really thinks of them

His thoughts out loud would be pretty funny. Maybe I should make a chapter about it where he contracts a psychic virus that broadcasts his thoughts or something?

Wait what, he just completely ignored the girls and left the water club? Aw, I kinda wanna see what the girls' reactions were to that random Imakuni encounter.

Chapter was running a bit long as it was, I figured.

Also yay! Tango (who's totally not secretly an ex-evil guy) is here! Also whatever happened to the Amy duel? I assumed things went the same but it's kinda odd that she got left out

So, I went back to clarify, but he is dueling all the regular members first and THEN coming back to duel the Club Masters.

Chp 3

Obviously Pokémon magic! It was using Feather Dance the entire night!

Tango can shed many feathers...

Really? It's not bothering anyone! Why on earth would you care for something as stupid as that? (Also yes, I know this is a joke about IRL, I'm still annoyed at that even being a thing)

HOA's. The worst thing on TCG Island.

Careful Cypress, your human's slipping.

Indeed.

Lol, I can already see the running gag of Tango trying really hard to correct his name and the climax where he finally reveals himself and screams that his name is Tango

He would if I could make it that far. Alas, I could not. It really got old having to write him with the wrong name. You have no idea... 😅

A bunch of little freaks in disguise that's what.

Chp 4

A feather–what now? He made a vacuum just for feathers?

Yup!

Wrong "it's"

Heh, too bad that won't ever happen with how he'll only fall in love after getting kidnapped

Mint is indeed the one for him.

I think the added line breaks here are kinda redundant tbh. This section could either just be mixed in with the previous scene or removed entirely since it doesn't really add too much considering how small it is.

An extra 'from' here

Wrong "let's"

Chp 5

Heh, Gotan is gonna have the crash out of a lifetime once he has the chance to correct his name lol

Git gud, skrub

Y'know, with how many times Gotan's let it slip that he's not an ordinary Doduo. I wonder when Mark will start suspecting Gotan of being something more 'cause having this many coincidences happening so close to each other would probably make even the most skeptical person to think that something's off.

I wouldn't hold your breath. Mark's capacity for denial on this matter is LEGENDARY.

Chp 6

Bwah! Gotan wtf! There are better ways to warn people that doesn't involve setting yourself on fire, y'know.

Yes, but few quite as enjoyable.

LMAO! Even the tabloids are roasting his lack of financial awareness!

I loved the tabloid. So fun to write!

I think this word here is supposed to be 'intense'

An extra 'run' slipped by here

Misspelled 'Gambler' here.

Chp 7

Yeah, totally understand that feeling through the multitude of Gacha games I've played without getting what I wanted!

You know his pain well...

Lol, it's not like Mark can control his luck, this ain't an RPG. Cut him some slack

Oh, that's pretty cool. I was just about to ask how they'd determined the coin flips.

Glad it works well enough.

Yeah! Time to file a lawsuit for false advertising!

Except he can't. Corporate immunity.

Yeah, that darn tiny child has a bedtime!

🤣 YES! That's EXACTLY what it is!! But NO ONE understands why! You and K_S are the ONLY ones!!!

Just the mental image of that is hilarious. The thought of some guy fighting through hundreds of people in a card game just to get to the CEO, with said CEO escaping through blimp is so ridiculous.

I thought it was pretty amusing.

Also missing an 'I' here

Let me guess, you'll have to duel with ketchup packets and pizza boxes to get your food?

Nah. They get to just eat it. Sometimes things are just simple, you know?

Tango crying 'cause he can never taste pizza ever again😭 (also fun fact, this is when I've reached the character limit in my notes app)

Indeed. He loved pizza too. Was his favorite food. But he has gone about 100 years with no pizza. His current body can't stand it.

I see you resisting that pun! Trust me, Mark it's better to say it out loud and have people groan at you then hide it!

Wrong 'its'.

So many apostrophie catastrophies...

I mean yeah, you literally need a mansion worth of money to get in

Indeed.

Oh so Stephanie is a psychic that can see the future?

Correct.

I wonder how her reaction would be if she was ever a variable against Cypress with the diary? Y'know, considering all the time loops that'd happened during the fight, would her vision be all wonky and stuff when it happened?

Her visions are unable to see the inpact of diary usage. In fact, no psychic power in their world can see that.

Hell yeah, power of P2W!

Chp 8

I think making it 'evolving it, and bringing his Eevee...' would flow a bit better

An extra 'his' slipped by

Oh I just realised something. Since book 3 is gonna be a tournament, does that mean we'll get to see these club guys again? 'cause that'll be cool if so!

THAT is the entire purpose of Book 4.

Book 3 will be an origin story for Tango and his original owner, Kara of the GR Fire Fortress, and an arc for a certain other character.

But for Book 4? As many duelists from TCG Island and GR Island are brought to The Legendary Rainbow Palace for the biggest tournament their world has ever seen.

Because you were cocky enough to think you'd steamroll through the whole club and got humbled?

Well, he had beaten every one leading UP to it... 😅

Okay, so her future seeing does have limits. Gotcha.

It depends. In this case, she didn't see it because it wasn't something that she needed to see for her goals.

An extra quotation mark slipped through

Think you're missing a couple words here

Damn, this place really is a paradise, huh?

Correct. But this paradise comes at a cost...

Missing an 'of' here

Think this is supposed to be 'an' here

This is the whole nameless thing, isn't it?

Correct!

Chp 9

If poison or ghost weren't a thing, I'd be more inclined to think of those over psychic with the colour scheme

Next thing you'll know, they'll somehow make the sky purple around their base.

Also wrong "it's"

Oh! That's the old lady, right? I don't really remember her name but it was definitely a 'C', probably Cindy?

Claire.

I don't remember if I asked this before but huh. Psychics can see the future but not use telekinesis? Can they atleast teleport? Because that's so odd since telekinesis is usually the easy baby steps for any other psychic

Yeah, they can't teleport or use telekinesis. That's because the source of their power doesn't want to let them.

Could be worse. At least it isn't the mainline games where your Pokémon can stay frozen for potentially an infinite amount of turns if you were unlucky

... Okay, wow. I did not expect this turn of events from smug psychic girl

She still has feelings underneath and no one left to turn to...

Aw, it's nice to see them bond

Chp 10

Ah, the ol' ex friend is jealous of the MC's success I assume?

There's a bit more to it than that...

I feel like adding a bit more to what Gotan is doing would be better since the sentence 'staring holes in someone' doesn't make me think of puppy-dog eyes like what Gotan is currently doing

Wrong "let's"

Think this is supposed to be 'he' or 'his hand'

Wrong 'its'

Either remove 'of' or add 'all' here

Dun dun dun! Backstory time?

Something's coming, that's for sure.

And that's it! Took me a while to get this out yet, better late than never, right?

Of course!

So overall, Book 1 is a massive jump in quality compared to how you've started and it's a lot of fun especially with how wacky the world is.

Love hearing stuff like this!

It's always nice seeing a writer being so passionate about their work and I can tell just how much you've enjoyed writing this fic.

I've put so much into it. You're right that I've enjoyed it. Been a blast! And to think, I'm still only just getting started!

So yeah, I enjoyed reading this and when I got the time again, I'll try and do another big review like this.

Well, relax and recharge those review batteries. Thanks so much for what I thnk has been the longest review I've ever had!

Take care in your future writing endeavours!

Right back at you. But remember to hit me up when you get your next fic chapter in need of beta reading!

 

[Tango]

Hey im here for your 3rd Greninja review!
Also this took me about a 5-6 hours to write

Dude. That's awesome! Great job!

so yea and i am not going a for thick review but a funny one with gifs and stuff and also not that much concrit
i'm gonna be reviewing the full prolouge except the parts i reviewed. Lets go!

Hey sounds good for me! I've got most of the concrit I want at this point anyway.

Spoiler: Review

Hmmmm wow nice start on the day
and the other parts...

Ooooo so that's why he is tutoring makes sense now , bro is basically making a kid who will battle him. 😲

Nah, he has given up hope on the general population reaching his level 😅

Hmmmm being raised by a gentlemen of course makes you chivalrous aren't i right

I mean, it did for him.

maybe they bought that house

Nah, he would have recognized it.

Hmmm feels like a mentor eh?

Indeed. Not only his mentor, but the most skilled duelist in their entire world.

Hmmm of course a student who becomes a champ was a best student.

And yet, the champion he replaced had no such credentials.

Hmm of course bro was her best student and the only one to able to beat her

She is a true nightmare and legend at the game. Even moreso than he is.

It took me a long time to the damn rock paper scissors version of Pokemon trading card game makes sense. But the holding back feels like my dad when i play cricket with him vs when he plays with my big bro.

He was just trying to encourage you. Kids don't deal well with losing.

Classic a strong side character having some plot point which doesn't make he/she the best. .

In truth, it was beneath her.

Wow , that just adds more salt to the wound , classic plot points (this is not meant to be critism just tryna be funny )

She had better things to do than be the Champion.

foreshadowing that the mc becomes broke?

Clever guy. You are correct!

Hmmmmm neo island? that's new!

Yep! A newly crafted island specially for the purposes of my fic!

Ooooo they only allow certain people huh?

Correct. They are a very mysterious island.

Wow bro really wants a challenge these days.

Indeed he does.

Good. It's working, then.

Hmmmmm , hmmmm , hmmmmmmmmmmm HMMMMMMMMM! (bro is using his full brain power on what to say)

And yet, in trying, you've technically said nothing at all!

Okay pretty straight forward line

and anything else about it:

Essentially.

What's a study?

It's a fancy word for a small office area in a home. Usually only mansions have them. Typically a place to read, relax, and write.

Hmmm classic question.

Lil bro thinks he is 100 years old

Lil bro rocked champ shocked.

Bro the word lad just made my mind say "let's switch to a brit voice , bo'o'wa'er" bro and is that a Yu-Gi-Oh reference wait let me google it up... holy casserole it is!

Yeah. I had to. You know why? Because 80% of all reviewers would make cracks at it and compare the fic to yugioh or ask if there would be holograms if I didn't. So you see, I really had no choice! Plus I am a yugioh fan anyway and making the reference amused me.

hehe it's Yu-Gi-Oh

That it is.

I like how billy had no patience and didn't let our MC (someone tell me his name) speak a SENTENCE! and immediately lil bro throws a mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini

mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini mini-mini-mini-mini-mini tantrum

The little dude needed his holograms.

[Insert laughing here] noice meme reference.

i think took about

HUUUUUH? how the counter is glitching it can't decide!

The dialog is pretty bland on it's own so like yeah i have to include lines together , First of all kids hate geography so like yea ig 👍

Naughty kids always need a tutor only smart naughty kids don't, which i am. In India we call it a smartbencher we have topper who always tops. then we have a backbenchers who are the class clowns combine those two and get a smart bencher.

Well that has been a fascinating look into Indian culture!

i like like he says dear Mew and not dear Arkoos just like are cards even alive that he says dear Mew like idk honestly.

Thats because the only Pokemon that make cards and/or they are aware of are Pokemon from generations 1 and 2. They have never heard of Arceus.

The gif shall show my reaction

And yet, I'm still left wondering what your thoughts are.

I seriously wanna know the MC's name dear Arkoos what is it?

His name? It is one of the many mysteries of my fic. Eventually you will know it.

That is a nice thing like your school clubs like theatre club y'know?

These are a little different but they DO sometimes take the place of regular school!

lil bro has nice dream but the disrespect is crazy as my nan's toe

Do I even want to know what your nan's toe looks like?

well you wouldn't cuz uh lil broski is already putting disrespect for breakfast , lunch AND dinner.

That he does.

bro literally said crummy to make the kid happy such a nice a tutor

He tries.

Charges for assault and battery detected.

He's a handful.

face palm detected aura rejected.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

You know, this perfectly encapsulates just how embarrassingly physically weak, he is. Yep! It's that bad!

Even more disrespect lil bro is the king of disrespect here. 👹

Lil bro just keeps on roasting him.
Honestly the whole day of tutoring is just getting roasted and toasted but we aint gon skip that even if it takes me years

Classic champ has no family like diantha , lance , steven , cynthia. so the MC is quite trending.

MC is chopped.

yea unc.

bro peak roasting on a kebab where is ma CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA?

Billy's ability to roast is unparalleled.

but that line would not master bruce.

Indeed

The line "Holding a hand to my chin" proves that our MC is a unc.

Woah! You've got some roasting skills there too!

Hmmmm pretty weird feeling but new TCG cards out of no where is also weird so like yea that's like make strats with the same old cards like at some point y'know they would be bored and make new cards but nope!

Yep. The meta reason is that the fic is based on a let's play so there can't be new cards. But there is an in fic reason too which is interesting.

Oh wow that's actually a pretty nice idea like you haven't beat the game yet! go beat up some grand masters, is like holy S### there's still more bosses?!!?

Somewhere strong foes exist. Perhaps he will meet some?

if Lil bro went against cynthia , lil vro is cooked he ain't survin allat pain bro that garchomp a beast frfr

They don't even know what a Garchomp is.

So this is so like funny cause bro said nah bro nah why gramps? just anything but gramps man and bro said it will be easy and bro admires him atleast hahaha

Well, he has to say nice things every now and then. That way the roasting is more effective.

I genuinely have no words here but , like this just kinda shows that the champ is GOATED like the tactics by him and his professor are like the only like creative ones like him saying grasping the optimization of a deck.

Yep. He is on a totally different level than most opponents.

Bro is like yea bro i wanna be the very best like no every was dadada [then i mix it with XY's theme song for some reason(faaaaaa)].

well yea he wants to be the very best like no every was [just play the whole team song at this point]

Billy saying not holograms is just like FAHHH bro is so fed up with no holograms nintendo give billy hologram cards right this SECOND! and our MC saying at least holograms weren't grandpa was just comedy gold Our MC be like :I would take mr holograms just not grandpa.

Yeah, I was pretty proud of that one.

oooooooo let me guess mew?

That's actually a very good guess! It also happens to be not the answer provided. 😅

Duduo? makes sense with the name of the fic itself and like Billy boy jones being excited is just showing the hyperactive of kids these days. and Our MC saying "That , ma boi would be Doduo" is like so nonchalant for some reason. 😗

Yep. It be Doduo Adventures for a reason.

Hahaha turkey birds this reminds me of a gif i saw a year ago and it is drumroll please in five four three two and one

Gobble til ya Wobble boi.

K_S is to blame for that particular reference.

[insert laugh here] Our MC just can't catch a break [Insert MORE laughing] Billy is just a disrespect king honestly put him in the roasting tournament right now he boutta cook frfr. and billy just wanting to know if there was a shiny or can it evolve is the perfect display of a child's curiosity ,hey that's the name of my science textbook! Pretty neat huh?

bro Billy boy bob just can't stop his questions and him saying turkey-bird like bro so funny turkeys are literally just birds , lil bro's IQ is cooked.

MC shocked billy rocked!😗

the fact that billy just can't stop his obbsession with holograms bro just so funny even if he is there for one like prolog. and Mew replacing arceus here like is comedy gold. 👁️

Of course no one knows , it's Pokemon! Greninja i choose you! like that's absurd in real life but pokemon yea just your average tuesday seeing a ray quay quay fighting a Deoxys , The only Pokemon minority goes to deoxys! and being y'know racist to Deoxys i call it deoism so ray quay quay your a deoist now [this is just pointless hahaha].

Hahaha this dyanamic between Billy and The MC is just peak comedy honestly. 😂😂

Yeah, with all the upfront questions to answer, I figured some lamp shading and humor was the best way to do it! Glad the humor lands well for you!

Protecting yourself from bullies in pokemon 101!
1.Challenge them to a pokemon battle
2.Beat their pokemon with a greninja you found on route 1
3.Take all their money and go gambling!
and if they don't give you money hit with a water shuriken! that'll surely make them your slave forever until you die!

Goodness! If you and I ever get swallowed up by a rift from reality and find ourselves trapped in the Pokemon world, remind me never to bully you!

This is peak 6 year old brain you just unlocked thinking a year ago you don't know shit so like yea bro is pretty smart haha!

And we are going to skip this for the sake of my brain and sanity.

Ok, but did you at least read it?

Best way to make money in any pokemon world is of course , battles except the anime for some reason...

Yeah they really don't get much money in the anime... come to think of it... where DO they get money? Surely they must need to buy supplies at times??

Yea classic everyone is avoiding you now.

They sure are.

Yep now bro is in Pokedebt! YAEY

Yep, so now he better get his butt out there and Pokehussle!

Yea bro has a lot of cards and sold those for money what bro got like 0.00001 pokedollars for one?

Oh you would THINK that, wouldn't you? But in a world that revolves around the Pokemon TCG, they are worth a considerable amount of money!

Hehehe real estate tax the worst thing in the world , and yet all the irl countries follow this what a shame. 😢

It really is horrible. It essentially means that there is no real freedom even across the face of the entire earth. Homes are held hostage every single year by every single government of every single country. Even people who live in cars pay car tax. So where does that leave people as a place to be free? Nowhere. I'm not sure I'd call a homeless person free either...

Hehehe they didn't wanna lose their money!

Except they don't lose money. Booster packs appear in their pockets by some unknown means to give as prizes. But only when they lose a game. Also, the bit about dueling as much as he want's is a nod to gameplay in the game. You can literally duel the same opponent 50 times in a row but they will say the same things and use the exact same deck every time.

Well yes you do what else do you need , more balls?

Heeeey! He may be embarrassingly weak for a guy but he is still capable of making babies!

YES! i've been waiting for this only common cards difficulty : Super duper hardcore 👹

You have NO idea. If you ever play the game sometime, try it. It's fun. 💀

wow bro is very very very weak now and that is also a genius idea no would refuse cause PFFFFF loser really declined a match were his opponent only has common cards what a NOOB.

Exactly!

oooooo sounds very basic and if he actually pulls this off bro is more than just OP!

Stick with him in his journey. See just how far this takes him. I promise you will be in for an entertaining time.

We do not care.

That's fine. You will probably care a little more during actual duels. I wrote it in a way to appear to non-players and players of the TCG too!

Okay bro is actually pretty good on this noice! he is starting his journey

This prolog is AMAZING all the funny stuff like billy just keeps roasting our MC is just so comedy gold and remember in the beginning i said the MC would go broke and here we are , I hope the chapter will be interesting

Sounds like I started off my fic in a good way! I'm glad to see it captured your interest!

By the way, for your trouble of leaving the review, your name will also be added to the list of authors who have reviewed. Thank you!

Hows that for a reveiw now?

Clearly you are able to summon the willpower to leave a long review. That bodes very well for you! I have further tips, but I'll give you those in PM. As for the review reply, feel free to reply to me here if you like or we can discuss in PM.

 

[rimly]

Spoiler: Chapters 21-23

the nikki match is painful because mr gentleman has to perform being cruel and you can FEEL how much he hates it. ricks helping him act but the whole time hes just dying inside :((

then game two happens and nikki goes

FINE YOU JERK!

and plays pokemon breeder

bulbasaur straight to venusaur turn 2

and then she starts DESTROYING him. energy trans to move all the grass energy off venusaur, pokemon center to full heal, energy trans BACK to reload it with a fresh energy from hand - thats actually brilliant and mr gentleman is panicking for real.

Was I going to lose a duel? To a GRASS DECK?!

first time hes been genuinely threatened since jonathan. she WINS that game and for a second you think maybe she could actually pull this off

he wins the match overall but it clearly cost him emotionally. which! well, reasonable

onnn to the next chatopr!

nikkis pov chapter is the heaviest thing this fic has done so far

the dream sequence where shes nine and wants to marry both of them - kid-mr-gentleman saying

I welcome Isaac's assistance in making you happy my lady. I have to sleep sometimes and I would rather have someone reliable around to keep you safe when I'm away attending business

and kid-isaac being like "we SHARE her!" - thats the last version of this situation where nobody gets hurt

she wakes up crying before reaching the happy ending. every time

then we get her actual life and its bleak

she used her ONE oracle visit - the single most important thing every citizen gets in their lifetime - to ask how to get better at pokemon tcg

and it didnt work

so she decided she was broken. :(

Eventually I decided there must have been something wrong with me... I was broken in some way that just couldn't be fixed. Even the Oracle couldn't fix me

thats why she married isaac. not because she loved him more but because she thought she wasnt good enough for mr gentleman :(( wow,, oof,

The shower was the only place I felt safe enough to be weak... To be hurt

shes been crying in there for YEARS because her marriage is hollow and isaac gives her nothing but she cant leave because being a good wife and mother is all she has left :(

and about that night ten years ago: she has NO memory of it either. thought the forehead kiss was a dream

so both of them have been haunted by a night neither of them actually remember and it destroyed their entire lives

next chapterrr

mr gentleman wins the isaac match

isaac breaks down crying, nikki comforts him even though he doesnt deserve it

then rick pulls out his phone with the VIDEO

nikki slaps isaac? which!!

ISAAC! HOW COULD YOU!

and then rick pulls out a TASER????

From here on out the gloves come off. When I said I was going to mediate. I meant it

RICK IS MEDIATING WITH THREATS OF VIOLENCE

this shouldnt work but it does. hes forcing everyone to actually communicate instead of spiraling which! well, if it works it works.

mr gentleman admits out loud he loves nikki. isaac goes full paranoia - everyone is conspiring, the recordings are fake, rick and mr gentleman planned it together

rick plays the car conversation from chapters ago and isaac STILL thinks its staged

A meeting with the Oracle. MY meeting with the Oracle! You bunch of thick-headed JERKWADS!

rick is out here using his one lifetime oracle visit to prove isaac is wrong about everything

theyre going to an AI god for objective truth...

so, the oracle is about to reveal a LOT. not just the relationship stuff but maybe the clone conspiracy too? rick and mr gentleman figured out neo island is sending clones and vowed never to tell anyone - but the oracle KNOWS. will she force them to confront it?

GR2 is still out there. isaac hired them to kidnap or kill mr gentleman and now that isaacs lost the match... is that still happening? or did isaac call it off? because stephanie said you might not even die which means somethings coming

also nikkis inability to improve at tcg despite the oracles help - that feels connected to the neo island immigrants not being able to learn the game at all. is there something PREVENTING certain people from understanding it? some kind of mental block? the oracle gave nikki advice that should have worked but didnt - why? mhmmm interesting pieces to pick up here.

 

[Tango]

Oh wow! Chapters 21-23 gets through an important section!

Looking forward to this!

Spoiler: Chapters 21-23

the nikki match is painful because mr gentleman has to perform being cruel and you can FEEL how much he hates it. ricks helping him act but the whole time hes just dying inside :((

Absolutely! The hardest match emotionally he has had so far!

then game two happens and nikki goes

and plays pokemon breeder

bulbasaur straight to venusaur turn 2

and then she starts DESTROYING him. energy trans to move all the grass energy off venusaur, pokemon center to full heal, energy trans BACK to reload it with a fresh energy from hand - thats actually brilliant and mr gentleman is panicking for real.

Can you imagine my surprise when the AI did that to me in the original let's play? I was like whaaaaaat???

So for Book One I crafted a large portion of the narrative around setting that up! 😎

first time hes been genuinely threatened since jonathan. she WINS that game and for a second you think maybe she could actually pull this off

he wins the match overall but it clearly cost him emotionally. which! well, reasonable

Yeah. Nikki is scary when she gets what she needs. 😅

onnn to the next chatopr!

nikkis pov chapter is the heaviest thing this fic has done so far

Yeah, I knew I had to go super significant with it.

the dream sequence where shes nine and wants to marry both of them - kid-mr-gentleman saying

and kid-isaac being like "we SHARE her!" - thats the last version of this situation where nobody gets hurt

she wakes up crying before reaching the happy ending. every time

Yep. She never gets it.

then we get her actual life and its bleak

she used her ONE oracle visit - the single most important thing every citizen gets in their lifetime - to ask how to get better at pokemon tcg

Yeah, it pretty much is the most important thing. And it's only TCG Island citizens that get it. Neo Islanders and GR Islanders don't get it.

and it didnt work

so she decided she was broken. :(

Yep.

thats why she married isaac. not because she loved him more but because she thought she wasnt good enough for mr gentleman :(( wow,, oof,

shes been crying in there for YEARS because her marriage is hollow and isaac gives her nothing but she cant leave because being a good wife and mother is all she has left :(

and about that night ten years ago: she has NO memory of it either. thought the forehead kiss was a dream

so both of them have been haunted by a night neither of them actually remember and it destroyed their entire lives

You seem to understand the issue!

next chapterrr

mr gentleman wins the isaac match

isaac breaks down crying, nikki comforts him even though he doesnt deserve it

then rick pulls out his phone with the VIDEO

nikki slaps isaac? which!!

and then rick pulls out a TASER????

RICK IS MEDIATING WITH THREATS OF VIOLENCE

this shouldnt work but it does. hes forcing everyone to actually communicate instead of spiraling which! well, if it works it works.

Because that's what it takes to try to fix it!

mr gentleman admits out loud he loves nikki. isaac goes full paranoia - everyone is conspiring, the recordings are fake, rick and mr gentleman planned it together

rick plays the car conversation from chapters ago and isaac STILL thinks its staged

rick is out here using his one lifetime oracle visit to prove isaac is wrong about everything

theyre going to an AI god for objective truth...

so, the oracle is about to reveal a LOT. not just the relationship stuff but maybe the clone conspiracy too? rick and mr gentleman figured out neo island is sending clones and vowed never to tell anyone - but the oracle KNOWS. will she force them to confront it?

Ooo! Now you are getting into the really interesting stuff! Keep in mind that even though Book One is currently listed at 38 chapters, the real end of the book is chapter 33. I'm moving the rest over to Book Two to be the prologue for that. Just mentioning so you have an idea of story pacing from this point forward.

GR2 is still out there. isaac hired them to kidnap or kill mr gentleman and now that isaacs lost the match... is that still happening? or did isaac call it off? because stephanie said you might not even die which means somethings coming

Oh yes there IS still something coming!

also nikkis inability to improve at tcg despite the oracles help - that feels connected to the neo island immigrants not being able to learn the game at all. is there something PREVENTING certain people from understanding it? some kind of mental block? the oracle gave nikki advice that should have worked but didnt - why? mhmmm interesting pieces to pick up here.

Yessss. You recognize the pieces. Just not how they fit together yet.

Thanks for the reviews!! Now you are getting to the best part of the book!

 

[rimly]

Spoiler: Chapters 24-25

the pokemon dome description is MASSIVE and detailed - glass windows, seven floors for each tcg type, library, restaurants. mr gentleman getting emotional about the hill recording because its from when they were nine and you can see the old water club bridge being torn down in the background - thats a nice touch. shows the oracle choosing this specific recording

tango gets a dog bed with his name engraved on it and just walks over and lies down.

I wondered if that bird could recognize the writing of his own name or something. Perhaps it was just his house training kicking in...

yeah no that bird can READ BUDDY

the oracle taking heathers form is WILD. showing up as isaac and nikkis nine-year-old daughter to mediate their marriage problems and relationship drama - thats a power move LOL

murray confirming everything with psychic powers is great because isaac CANT deny it anymore. every time he tries to wiggle out rick hits him with another truth bomb

isaac finally breaking is oohohho

Mister Gentleman never tried or even intended to take Nikki away from me... That means he was never using Heather or Jennifer as a way to get closer to Nikki to steal her from me... This means he was just being nice and kind to them...

watching him cry and realize hes been wrong about EVERYTHING for years - that landed because the story earned it

then the oracle FORCES them to hug and its awkward but works

but THEN

nikki admits she loves both of them EQUALLY. not more, not less, THE SAME

So you love us the SAME?!

Truth.

and the oracle goes: you two should kiss. with isaacs permission. in front of everyone. with a countdown timer

WHAT

the kiss scene is written genuinely sweet though. mr gentleman wiping her tears, nikki saying

Make me a princess just this once! I love you!

, murray counting down while the oracle CHEERS THEM ON like shes watching a sports game ;c;; i was on with that.

Woot! Yeah! Get in there! Make it longer! No cutting it short! As long as you are still hugging it still counts as only one kiss!

the oracle is UNHINGED and i love it

isaac watching and just rolling his eyes because this is insane but hes going with it

they all make up. isaac invites mr gentleman to be the kids godparent. theyre planning an amusement park trip for tomorrow

everything is FIXED

and then

SUDDENLY the screens in the entire room went dark red with a yellow 'WARNING' across! All the sounds of the hill stopped and were replaced by an alarm!

One second Murray was there and the next he was gone! Simply vanished!

As for the Oracle she was also gone!

WHAT HAPPENED

WHAATT, okay so,

GR2 is coming. stephanie said "you might not even die" and now theres a WARNING and the oracle AND murray just VANISHED. somethings attacking the dome

or the clone conspiracy just got exposed? rick and mr gentleman figured it out and vowed never to tell anyone but the oracle KNOWS. maybe someones coming to silence them

the oracle being an AI that cares THIS MUCH about individual citizens and orchestrates elaborate relationship therapy INCLUDING A MAKEOUT SESSION is suspicious. shes TOO helpful. too invested. why?

also the oracle talking about siblings "destroying the world with their fighting" - was that just a throwaway line or is that LORE

nikkis inability to improve at tcg despite oracle advice connects to neo island immigrants not being able to learn the game. the oracle gave nikki advice that should have worked but DIDNT. why? is there something preventing certain people from understanding tcg?

murray vanishing instantly when the alarm goes off - he wasnt just dismissed, he DISAPPEARED. same with the oracle. what can make an AI disappear from their own audience chamber?

isaacs comfortable with the kiss because murray confirmed hes "in the clear" - what did murray SEE in the future? that the kiss wouldnt cause problems? or that isaac wouldnt LOSE nikki?

the oracle saying "eventually this kiss WILL cause problems for Isaac. We are going to prevent that" - she KNOWS it will cause issues and set a timer to stop it before it does. shes manipulating timelines or probability here

whats the warning? whos attacking? is it GR2 or something bigger? :00

 

[Tango]

I'm glad to see you back again so soon, rimly!

Spoiler: Chapters 24-25

the pokemon dome description is MASSIVE and detailed - glass windows, seven floors for each tcg type, library, restaurants.

Yeah, I wanted it to be one of the most significant buildings in their world. I figured I'd use scope and awe leading up to the meeting.

mr gentleman getting emotional about the hill recording because its from when they were nine and you can see the old water club bridge being torn down in the background - thats a nice touch. shows the oracle choosing this specific recording

Yep! She pulls out all the stops, as usual.

tango gets a dog bed with his name engraved on it and just walks over and lies down.

yeah no that bird can READ BUDDY

Maybe.

the oracle taking heathers form is WILD. showing up as isaac and nikkis nine-year-old daughter to mediate their marriage problems and relationship drama - thats a power move LOL

Heather is also a striking resemblance to Nikki when she was younger. Nikki sometimes thinks of herself as a little girl. Now that little girl is stepping in to mediate. The Oracle is less like Heather and more like Nikki in a younger body. For Nikki, this comes across as uncanny.

That was the reason for Nikki's expression.

murray confirming everything with psychic powers is great because isaac CANT deny it anymore. every time he tries to wiggle out rick hits him with another truth bomb

Yep! Delusions hold no power there!

isaac finally breaking is oohohho

It's huge. It's unexpected. And I found it quite satisfying.

watching him cry and realize hes been wrong about EVERYTHING for years - that landed because the story earned it

Yess! To take create a hopeless situation and OVERCOME it! That's one of the things I like to do.

then the oracle FORCES them to hug and its awkward but works

but THEN

nikki admits she loves both of them EQUALLY. not more, not less, THE SAME

Yep! That's the thing no one would guess. Like a coin landing on edge instead of heads or tails!

and the oracle goes: you two should kiss. with isaacs permission. in front of everyone. with a countdown timer

WHAT

Yes. I had to. If I didn't, readers might think I was sane!

But seriously, I don't want readers ever feeling so comfortable that they believe they know what I can or can't do. Makes things much more interesting for speculation!

the kiss scene is written genuinely sweet though. mr gentleman wiping her tears, nikki saying

Excellent! It seems those in favor of romance enjoy the kiss scene.

, murray counting down while the oracle CHEERS THEM ON like shes watching a sports game ;c;; i was on with that.

the oracle is UNHINGED and i love it

isaac watching and just rolling his eyes because this is insane but hes going with it

Yeah, because what the heck else is he going to do in this situation? Dude doesn't have a leg to stand on after all the crap he pulled and he knows it!

they all make up. isaac invites mr gentleman to be the kids godparent. theyre planning an amusement park trip for tomorrow

everything is FIXED

and then

Yeah... They aren't getting by that easy.

WHAT HAPPENED

WHAATT, okay so,

GR2 is coming. stephanie said "you might not even die" and now theres a WARNING and the oracle AND murray just VANISHED. somethings attacking the dome

That certainly seems to be the case... But what could make someone vanish?

or the clone conspiracy just got exposed? rick and mr gentleman figured it out and vowed never to tell anyone but the oracle KNOWS. maybe someones coming to silence them

I love how you consider the various possibilities...

the oracle being an AI that cares THIS MUCH about individual citizens and orchestrates elaborate relationship therapy INCLUDING A MAKEOUT SESSION is suspicious. shes TOO helpful. too invested. why?

Ooo! You are SO right to question these things!

also the oracle talking about siblings "destroying the world with their fighting" - was that just a throwaway line or is that LORE

Oh, it's most DEFINITELY lore. 👽

nikkis inability to improve at tcg despite oracle advice connects to neo island immigrants not being able to learn the game. the oracle gave nikki advice that should have worked but DIDNT. why? is there something preventing certain people from understanding tcg?

Yes.

murray vanishing instantly when the alarm goes off - he wasnt just dismissed, he DISAPPEARED. same with the oracle. what can make an AI disappear from their own audience chamber?

Someone incredibly powerful.

isaacs comfortable with the kiss because murray confirmed hes "in the clear" - what did murray SEE in the future? that the kiss wouldnt cause problems? or that isaac wouldnt LOSE nikki?

Murray saw that as long as the kiss didn't last too long that it wouldn't cause marital problems for Isaac leading to Nikki divorcing him and marrying Mister Gentleman instead.

the oracle saying "eventually this kiss WILL cause problems for Isaac. We are going to prevent that" - she KNOWS it will cause issues and set a timer to stop it before it does. shes manipulating timelines or probability here

Ah... you caught it.

Indeed. How would she know?

whats the warning? whos attacking? is it GR2 or something bigger? :00

Bigger.

Ok I liked this review better than the last one. Much more speculation and reactions. I can't wait to see what you think of the next chapters!

 

[FanFictioner144]

Four long weeks passed. Went the distance, now I’m back to my notes.
Anyway, hi there Tango. Reviewing first, explanations later. Feels like I’m the last known Survivor!

Spoiler: Chapter 6 Review

Track 31 – an E major to simbolize the nostalgia. A fun fit for the club presentation.

Suddenly, a young boy from the group of kids was reaching into one of the lit bowls

Kids these days…

Vacuming away the evidence

Caught one! “Vacuuming”

I've been wanting burned variants

Y’know, there’s this recent human invention, you wouldn’t believe. It’s called fire.

Master Ken! The first character who’s shown to have the right backstory for rivalry. He and MC should battle soon, I foresee. Wonderful!

One word to describe the description: descriptive.

Track 32 – starts suspenseful; shifts into Jazz just in time to [talk about donations]. It’s like reading through the music’s melody!

please contact our office at 555-555-5556

Placeholer alert!

I think Jonathan recently surpassed me

Internal intrigue that triggers the thrill of… disliking towards the character? Triggers in the sense of [activates].
how much trouble did you have with that tongue twister?

Track 33 – while it conveys the tone of a challenge, the melody sounds too chaotic. With this track on, Ken’s stirring talk reads more like [fun] than [imposing].

Ken grit his teeth

Caught one! “gritted”

"This should be fun." With a hand on his deck pocket, he was calm but determined

Statistically, the last presented character tends to be that one calm and collected person. Doubly true when the Rule of Three applies.
Anyway, I’m quoting from Jonathan: “This should be fun.”

My first duel commenced against Adam

Anticipating my beta-read for this one: maybe use an action track to represent the shift, from [pre-challenge] into [battle].
Or perhaps a less chaotic Track 33 would make up for it.
me throwing tantrums over that subpar track

"You had a good run and even knocked out a couple of my Voltorb in the process

Implying that Adam fought well?! Alright, pack it up, guys; MC might just not win this.
At least, this is the way readers are inclined to feel.

He whittled me down over several turns until the game resulted in my first loss with the deck

His first loss!
Oh. I mean, his first loss

Track 34 – MC lost the battle, we get it. You don’t have to make me go all sad with this one! 😭
A fitting track.

In any normal game I would have rolled right through the setup John had

“This guy was full of himsell,” monologue edition.

Track 34.5 – we’re getting to the finals with this one, folks!
shouldve been track 33 as well

but with it's low HP

Caught one! “its”

I drew my next card:
Voltorb Lv. 8

MC uses about the same strategy every other battle. Works well among newbies and intermediates, but experienced opponents? Not so sure about that one.

Pokemon Trader

Caught one! The tooltip has “or Evolution cards from you deck”
i wonder how i missed it so many times

"What's a matter

Caught one? “What’s the matter” or “What’s-a-matter”
Mi ricorda l'Italiano 🤌

Where’s Rick when you need a cheerleader, MC? Come on, bring me with you, and I shall flame up your determination!

I could swap it for

Dark Rapidash
, evolve, and retreat it

Caught one! Formatting mistake

DJ, fire it up to the max!
MC can, mister can! He can do it, ohhh he can! Send the spark, let them blaze, allll the way!

I benched it and retreated to it

I read this three times, and I still do not know what that means. “I benched Doduo and retreated Voltorb to my deck?” There are too many [it]s in one sentence.

Amusingly, Rick's eyes lit up much the same

I liked you before, but now I dislike you Rick.
Make him spark, let him blaze, allll the way! 😈

Ninetales Lv. 35

First time a tooltip specifies genders. For some reason, its length reminds me of that German deputy discussing a gender equality proposal.

I could get a lighting energy with it

Caught one! “lightning”
should be upper case too

I blinked

Reader's reaction right now.

John grit his teeth

Caught one! “gritted”
im getting a dejavu right now

I claimed the final prize of the game

Woah, you did it. Great work
Cheerleading done, me go home.

That review took up more Word pages than usual. Now I will call it a day and send it for future impressions.
As for the beta-read, I do not have much to say about. The chapter stands solid from start to finish.
except for that inhumane track, i mean

Have a great day!

 

[rimly]

Spoiler: Chapters 26-27

MEW???


okay so the WARNING was MEW. she hacked the oracle, suspended her, and took over the entire room. hurricane on the screens, deep water churning under the glass floor, and shes just floating there glowing going "Greetings, mortals" (lmao i saw the mew in the image before you sent me and uh yeah, wow)

I noticed Tango flipped over his bed and was hiding under it. It did a rather poor job of obscuring him, but it was all he had...

;c; tango hiding the ENTIRE chapter. is he afraid of mew specifically? does he know what she is? does she know what HE is??

and then she transforms into a fourteen year old girl and goes "So, how do you like my look? Pretty cute, huh?" i was NOT expecting this tone?? she goes from terrifying cosmic entity to teenage girl energy in like two seconds, but well, she is a weird cat.

"Ok! How about this?" Mew twirled about. "Victoria from GR island usually wears these clothes. Better?"

wait. WAIT. is mew also GR4 victoria?? from the blimp stuff later?? or does she just know what victoria wears. that name drop felt deliberate


rick pulling out his notepad the SECOND a legendary pokemon appears is the most rick thing possible LOL

"You have the WORST morals in this room by FAR and you're trying to lecture ME? Please... stop! My transformed gut can barely take any more of it!"

mew roasting isaac about his morals while simultaneously threatening to kill him is such a weird dynamic. and nikki IMMEDIATELY jumps in to defend her husband against a LITERAL GOD: "How dare you threaten my husband! Don't you know what Isaac has been through?!" nikkis loyalty is unreal


the pizza scene is... i dont know what the pizza scene is. mew is mid-existential-threat and she orders pizza??

"Engagement ring, pay off parents' mortgage, cure my sister's blindness, and enough funds to quit my job!! I would ask how you knew all this, but that's really BESIDE the point!"

mason getting his entire life fixed by a tip from a god who is about to threaten to murder two people. the tonal whiplash is insane lmao

"Yup! With popcorn! Craziest stuff I've seen in a looong time!"

mew watched their entire relationship drama as entertainment. the crying, the slap, the mediation, the kiss. all of it. and shes telling them to their FACES. nikki hiding behind her gardening book :((

"Refuse the duel and I will kill Isaac right here in front of you all. Agree to duel and win? Isaac lives. If you lose? I will kill both Isaac AND Nikki."

brutal. and then she dangles the worst possible offer- erase everyones memories, give nikki to mr gentleman on a silver platter, no guilt. and he refuses. because he CANT sacrifice a friend for his own happiness even when a god is literally offering to remove the consequences. thats the whole character

rick throwing a POKEBALL at mew sent me LMAOOO. it bounced off. of course it did

"Mister Gentleman, if it guarantees Nikki's safety, you can walk away! I won't let her down any more!"

this is maybe the first actually selfless thing isaacs done?? and nikki clutching his arm going "I can't bare to lose you!" - they just reconciled twenty minutes ago and theyre already functioning like an actual couple ;c;

on to the next chapterr

ch27 is mostly deck review but the wem connection jumped out at me

I remembered! In my days at the academy, Doctor Wem used to have the class write papers for in-depth analysis on various mon cards and their evolutions... The final set of papers involved this specific set of mon! Even their levels were the same!

he recognizes mews deck from dr wems class papers. same mon. same levels. hes about to connect them and then:

What was I thinking about again?

did mew just psychically interrupt his thought?? he was about to figure it out and his brain just... reset. wem moved to neo island, mew is associated with neo island, wem was an exceptional duelist who deliberately held back, and wems name is literally an anagram of mew. mhmmm

also mews ancestor claim- mr gentlemans ancestor was "Magician," a past hero. is thats why hes so absurdly good? is tcg ability genetic somehow? and does THAT connect to why nikki and isaac cant improve past a certain point?

im worried about this duel. mew has had 1000 years to perfect strategy and she CHOSE this matchup. but she gave him her deck to review which is either extreme confidence or she actually wants a fair fight?

also tango hiding the entire time mew was there. he didnt hide from isaac, didnt hide from the oracle, but MEW sent him under a flipped dog bed. what does he know? :00

grammar: "I couldn't bare doing such a thing" and "I can't bare to lose you" - should be "bear" in both. bare means naked/uncovered, bear means to endure or carry something.

 

[Tango]

Four long weeks passed. Went the distance, now I’m back to my notes.
Anyway, hi there Tango. Reviewing first, explanations later. Feels like I’m the last known Survivor!

Hey there @FanFictioner144 ! Nice to see you stop in again.

Spoiler: Chapter 6 Review

Track 31 – an E major to simbolize the nostalgia. A fun fit for the club presentation.

Glad you liked it!

Kids these days…


Caught one! “Vacuuming”

Y’know, there’s this recent human invention, you wouldn’t believe. It’s called fire.

You have a very good point!

I've updated the dialogue to have Rick mention that now he doesn't have to go through the effort of lighting some on fire.

Master Ken! The first character who’s shown to have the right backstory for rivalry. He and MC should battle soon, I foresee. Wonderful!

They do have a battle, but it isn't until much later. He is dueling all the regular members first and then the club masters later.

One word to describe the description: descriptive.

Track 32 – starts suspenseful; shifts into Jazz just in time to [talk about donations]. It’s like reading through the music’s melody!

Glad you liked it!

Placeholer alert!

Less of a placeholder than you might think. In fact, it's actually an intentional clue for something later...

Track 33 – while it conveys the tone of a challenge, the melody sounds too chaotic. With this track on, Ken’s stirring talk reads more like [fun] than [imposing].

It's not meant to seem super imposing, so I'd say this is landing as it should.

Caught one! “gritted”

Wrong. Gritted is incorrect. Grit is correct. Thanks for trying, though!

Anticipating my beta-read for this one: maybe use an action track to represent the shift, from [pre-challenge] into [battle].
Or perhaps a less chaotic Track 33 would make up for it.
me throwing tantrums over that subpar track

Hmm adding another track dedicated to the battle? I thought about it, but the battle didn't last long enough to warrant one. Thanks for looking out for ideas, though!

Implying that Adam fought well?! Alright, pack it up, guys; MC might just not win this.
At least, this is the way readers are inclined to feel.

His first loss!
Oh. I mean, his first loss

Indeed.

Track 34 – MC lost the battle, we get it. You don’t have to make me go all sad with this one! 😭
A fitting track.

Thanks!

Caught one! “its”

MC uses about the same strategy every other battle. Works well among newbies and intermediates, but experienced opponents? Not so sure about that one.

For the answer to that, you will need to read and find out!

Caught one! The tooltip has “or Evolution cards from you deck”
i wonder how i missed it so many times

NoOoOoOo!!! UGH! That is so MANY I'm going to have to go back and fix!

Thanks for catching it...

Caught one? “What’s the matter” or “What’s-a-matter”
Mi ricorda l'Italiano 🤌

Ok sure. Swapped to the one with dashes.

Where’s Rick when you need a cheerleader, MC? Come on, bring me with you, and I shall flame up your determination!

Rick records and cleans feathers for free and now you want him to cheer lead too!?

Caught one! Formatting mistake

I read this three times, and I still do not know what that means. “I benched Doduo and retreated Voltorb to my deck?” There are too many [it]s in one sentence.

Thanks for pointing this out! I went back and reworded a good bit of it.

Caught one! “lightning”
should be upper case too

Caught one! “gritted”
im getting a dejavu right now

Wrong again.

Woah, you did it. Great work
Cheerleading done, me go home.

Thanks!

Have a great day!

You too!

 

[Tango]

Oh yeah! Nice to see you here for chapter 26-27 reviews, @rimly !

Spoiler: Chapters 26-27

MEW???

okay so the WARNING was MEW. she hacked the oracle, suspended her, and took over the entire room. hurricane on the screens, deep water churning under the glass floor, and shes just floating there glowing going "Greetings, mortals" (lmao i saw the mew in the image before you sent me and uh

I see you understand the plot. 🫡 (I'm going to say this every time you demonstrate your understanding of the plot for this review reply. In future review replies, I won't do this at all. I'll just reply to the sections that are not restating the plot.)

yeah, wow)

Hmm. Yeah, I guess most of your reaction you already gave to the art-in-progress that I showed you. Alright.

;c; tango hiding the ENTIRE chapter. is he afraid of mew specifically? does he know what she is? does she know what HE is??

All good questions.

and then she transforms into a fourteen year old girl and goes "So, how do you like my look? Pretty cute, huh?"

I see you understand the plot. 🫡

i was NOT expecting this tone?? she goes from terrifying cosmic entity to teenage girl energy in like two seconds, but well, she is a weird cat.

She's a bit all over the place.

wait. WAIT. is mew also GR4 victoria?? from the blimp stuff later??

Blimp stuff? Have you been reading ahead? 🤔

or does she just know what victoria wears. that name drop felt deliberate

She is not Victoria, but she is using Victoria's appearance and clothing style.

rick pulling out his notepad the SECOND a legendary pokemon appears

I see you understand the plot. 🫡

is the most rick thing possible LOL

glad it landed well for you.

mew roasting isaac about his morals while simultaneously threatening to kill him

I see you understand the plot. 🫡

is such a weird dynamic.

That's Mew for you.

and nikki IMMEDIATELY jumps in to defend her husband against a LITERAL GOD: "How dare you threaten my husband! Don't you know what Isaac has been through?!"

I see you understand the plot. 🫡

nikkis loyalty is unreal

Sure is. Part of her charm as a character.

the pizza scene is... i dont know what the pizza scene is. mew is mid-existential-threat and she orders pizza??

Some good ol fashion random chaos. Or perhaps scripted chaos...

mason getting his entire life fixed by a tip from a god who is about to threaten to murder two people.

I see you understand the plot. 🫡

the tonal whiplash is insane lmao

Well, Mew DID just explain her philosophy. So there's your answer.

mew watched their entire relationship drama as entertainment. the crying, the slap, the mediation, the kiss. all of it. and shes telling them to their FACES. nikki hiding behind her gardening book :((

I see you understand the plot. 🫡

brutal.

and then she dangles the worst possible offer- erase everyones memories, give nikki to mr gentleman on a silver platter, no guilt. and he refuses. because he CANT sacrifice a friend for his own happiness even when a god is literally offering to remove the consequences. thats the whole character

I see you understand the plot. 🫡

rick throwing a POKEBALL at mew sent me LMAOOO. it bounced off. of course it did

Yeah. It was only a prototype and not a very good one. But hey, Rick is trying to INVENT Pokeball technology! (And he is even making PROGRESS! Even if it is small.)

this is maybe the first actually selfless thing isaacs done?? and nikki clutching his arm going "I can't bare to lose you!" - they just reconciled twenty minutes ago and theyre already functioning like an actual couple ;c;

Nikki loves Isaac too. They've just had a real bad time of it, but she knows things are going to be better now. 🥰

ch27 is mostly deck review but the wem connection jumped out at me

Oh?

he recognizes mews deck from dr wems class papers. same mon. same levels. hes about to connect them and then:

I see you understand the plot. 🫡

did mew just psychically interrupt his thought??

You want me to answer that? Because I will if you do...

he was about to figure it out and his brain just... reset.

Indeed.

wem moved to neo island, mew is associated with neo island, wem was an exceptional duelist who deliberately held back, and wems name is literally an anagram of mew. mhmmm

also mews ancestor claim- mr gentlemans ancestor was "Magician," a past hero. is thats why hes so absurdly good? is tcg ability genetic somehow? and does THAT connect to why nikki and isaac cant improve past a certain point?

Mr Gentleman may have 'Magician' as an ancestor, but it is NOT why he is so skilled. The real answer is kind of meta, but there is an in-fic reason for it.

im worried about this duel.

As one should be.

mew has had 1000 years to perfect strategy and she CHOSE this matchup.

Indeed.

but she gave him her deck to review which is either extreme confidence or she actually wants a fair fight?

You shall soon find out!

also tango hiding the entire time mew was there. he didnt hide from isaac, didnt hide from the oracle, but MEW sent him under a flipped dog bed. what does he know? :00

More than he seems.

grammar: "I couldn't bare doing such a thing" and "I can't bare to lose you" - should be "bear" in both. bare means naked/uncovered, bear means to endure or carry something.

Ah! Thank you! I've fixed these.

Thanks for the review!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, it’s been a while since I bumped things as part of our review exchange, but since Catnip has spoken and decreed that it was time to hurry up and get back to this story, I figured that I’d make up for some lost time by doing a double-feature review of this story:

Chapter 5

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

May 10th

(29.5)

Today I traveled yet again with Rick and Doduo to the Science Club for my next opponent: David!

He was standing where I had met Erik before, but he looked like he had been patiently waiting for me with no distractions.

View attachment 19736

Gentleman: “Uh… I realize that the TCG is kinda a big deal in our world, but did you really need to just stand there with that face the entire-?”

David: “Yes.”

David peered confidently at me. [ ]

"So, Mister Gentleman. We meet again! I hear you are using an all-common deck that you even defeated Erik with! I'll be quite curious to see what you have managed to achieve with those common cards. In fact, I'd say this was WORTH missing a day of the symposium for!"

I probably won’t point it out super often given that based on past review commentary, it sounds like Book 1 is pretty firmly set at the moment, but this would’ve been a moment where it’d have been worth expanding on David’s reaction a bit to make it a bit more memorable

View attachment 20285

"Well, I would be more than happy to oblige!" Confidently, I smiled in return.

I’d say that this is tempting fate, but considering everyone’s batting average against him up to this point… yeah, I suppose that probably applies to David a bit more there.

Our four-prize duel began. This time, my only mon in hand was Doduo Lv. 10, so I played it. David played Bulbasaur Lv. 12. He also won the coin-flip to go first and attached Grass Energy to his mon followed by tackle for 10 damage.

Huh, that hovertext really is handy. Definitely communicates a lot for the reader that while it makes sense that the Gentleman wouldn’t explain all of this in his own journal, helps a lot with understanding what’s going on. Shame that the site’s implementation can’t handle embedded images yet, since getting to see the card art would’ve been the cherry on top.

View attachment 20522

Gotan relished in the damage as several feathers went flying into the air. Rick caught them all with the Feathermaster before they could touch the ground.

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Gentleman: “That is never going to feel normal for me.” .-.
Rick: “It will for me! I could get used to having such an easy supply of feathers to work with!”

David's attack meant his turn was over, so I drew my card:

Ponyta Lv. 8​

View attachment 20285

Since I already had at least one Fire Energy in my hand, this game was ALREADY OVER!

Yeah, looks like that hunch that David should’ve watched out there was onto something. Though it does make me wonder how long it’ll take before the Gentleman hits his first proper wall in this story.

I benched Ponyta Lv. 8, retreated Doduo Lv. 10 for free due to it's zero retreat cost to bring out Ponyta Lv. 8, attached Fire Energy to it, and attacked with Fireworks for 20 damage doubled to 40 due to weakness, providing the exact damage needed to KO his mon! Since he was out of mon, that made me the victor.

I feel like something about this account feels a bit too “action list”-y and like it’d have been a bit more interesting to read if it got a bit more opinionated. Consider something like:

I benched Ponyta Lv. 8 and retreated Doduo Lv. 10 for free due to it's zero retreat cost. From there, it was just a matter of bringing out my Ponyta Lv. 8, attached a Fire Energy to it and then...

Fireworks. The attack’s 20 damage doubled to 40 due to David’s weakness, providing the exact damage I needed needed to KO his last mon in his deck!

Clearly even with a deck of commons, I still had the touch as a Champion.

Some food for thought, anyways.

View attachment 19737

David balled a fist. "What? I barely got to play at all! I didn't leave the symposium just to have ONE game like that! Please give me another chance!"

Gentleman:

“Look, there’s a whole second island I’m supposed to get to in this story, so I think it’s about time for me to get moving along here.”

I sympathized with him, having been on the receiving end of such losses before.

Huh. Wonder if we’ll either get to see flashbacks of those at some point, or else if we’ll see the Gentleman on the receiving end of such a loss in this story.

View attachment 20523

"Very well, David." Smiling, I held my hand out to him. "I'll grant you one more. Hopefully your luck will be better!"

And more winnings never hurt!

I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting that one there.

Gentleman: “Especially when I’ve got mortgage payments looming over my head, but let’s not talk about that right here and now…”

(29.7)

Our second duel began. I had no basic Pokemon in my starting hand, so I did what anyone does and shuffled my hand into my deck and drew seven more. This time I had a Voltorb Lv. 8, but no others. Starting with a 30HP mon was a bit risky, but I had no choice and it would likely be fine for one turn.

He had a Nidoran ♀ Lv. 13 as active with Zubat Lv. 10 and Bulbasaur Lv. 12 on the bench.

I won the opening coin-flip to go first and drew my card:

Ponyta Lv. 8​

Wasn’t expecting that music to play there. Is that foreshadowing, or…?

I also had:

Dark Rapidash​

Gust of Wind​

Pokemon Trader​

Energy Removal​

Energy Search​

Lightning Energy​

Though I think you missed some hovertext over the Lightning Energy card.

A bit of an odd situation. I could try for Dark Rapidash by starting with Ponyta Lv. 8, but I would only get one Fire Energy with Energy Search. There was also a possibility of not getting another Fire Energy for a long time. That would mean my Dark Rapidash could only use Rear Kick for 20 damage. If I got Lightning Energy with Energy Search, I could fully power a Voltorb Lv. 8 and start attacking for high damage with Group Spark. I could also get another Voltorb Lv. 8 with Pokemon Trader to boost the damage further. In this case, I opted to go all in on Voltorb Lv. 8. It was more fun that way and arguably the best chance to win!

At first I thought he was going to get more blowey-uppy with that Voltorb card, but alas, more limited moves than the video games. Not that a 50-50 chance of paralyzing your opponent is really a bad trade-off.

I played Pokemon Trader to swap Dark Rapidash for Voltorb Lv. 8 and played it to my bench. I then attached Lighting Energy to my active Voltorb Lv. 8 and attacked with Thundershock for 10 damage followed by a successful coin-flip to inflict Paralysis!

David: “I call hax.”

David drew his card for the turn and played Bill to draw two more cards. He then benched a Venonat Lv. 15, attached Grass Energy to Bulbasaur Lv. 12, and passed his turn.

Wait, so what exactly was the significance of this move on David’s part? Like given that the Gentleman is commenting on these card battles and how they’re playing out, I wonder if he also should be getting in more consistent commentary about how clever (or not) his opponents’ moves are and what he thinks they’re trying to do, since it’d also help out with less TCG-versed readers for understanding what’s happening.

View attachment 20286

I drew yet another Voltorb Lv. 8! Now group spark would be doing 50 damage! Who needed weakness to double damage with it already being that high?

Whelp. I suppose that’s just about GG again for David there.

I played Energy Search for a Lightning Energy and attached it to my active Voltorb Lv. 8. I then benched the one I just drew. Now I had the following in hand:

Ponyta Lv. 8​

Energy Removal​

Gust of Wind​

I could drag his Bulbasaur Lv. 12 out with it, but Energy Removal would already take care of his energy, so I opted to hold onto Gust of Wind and played Energy Removal to discard the Grass Energy from Bulbasaur Lv. 12. I then attacked for Group Spark for 50 damage to KO his Nidoran ♀ Lv. 13 which was at 50/60HP. As for my prize, it was:

Doduo Lv. 10​

Gotan:

Gentleman: “Boy, I’m just never going to be able to escape that freaking bird even in my games, am I?” >_>;

David played a Nidoran ♂ Lv. 20. This one was much more dangerous. It could potentially do 30 damage with only one energy. The attack could fail since it relied on a coin-flip, but it wasn't worth the risk of leaving it alone, especially since he attached Grass Energy to it.

Gentleman: “Wait, wait, wait. They can get that much more competent in rematches? I just dogwalked this guy five minutes ago!”

On my turn I drew:

Dark Rapidash​

It was now time to use Gust of Wind. I played it and dragged out his Nidoran ♂ Lv. 20 and KOed it with Group Spark, claiming my second prize:

Energy Search​

I’m just realizing right now that we’re not really getting much of a read on how things are going in the battle from David’s end. Like if things are going obviously wrong, it might make sense to give some passing note/acknowledgement of him reacting accordingly.

Gentleman: “Also, it’d be a welcome distraction for me from the masochist bird and Rick running that vacuum constantly.” >_>;

View attachment 20286

Excellent! I was currently out of energy, so this would let me start building a backup mon in case he managed to KO Voltorb Lv. 8.

View attachment 19737

Speaking through clenched teeth, David furrowed his brow. "You don't seem to let any threat slip by!"

View attachment 20285

"Quite correct!" I grinned. "None that I can help anyway..."

Gentleman: “Do recall that even with a common deck, I am a TCG champion.” ^.^
David: “Gee, rub it in, why don’t you?” >.<

View attachment 19736

"Good thing I'm not out of options yet!" Taking a card from his hand, David met my gaze.

He then attached Grass Energy to Bulbasaur Lv. 12 and ended his turn. One more energy on it and he could use it's 30 damage attack, Razorleaf.

I drew:

Bill's Teleporter​

I figured I might as well see if that blasted teleporter was working!

So wait, just how threatening was that Bulbasaur card that David drew anyways? Since it’s not really apparent from the narration even if between the lines, I’m getting the vibe that the Gentleman is on the knife’s edge of a world of hurt there.

'Tails'.

Of course it would fail... Infernal contraption…

No, that’s just all that positive RNG you were drawing on earlier needing to get balanced out a bit.

I benched Ponyta Lv. 8 and played Energy Search to obtain a Fire Energy. I then used Group Spark to KO his 50HP Venonat Lv. 15 and claimed my third prize:

Doduo Lv. 10​

David then brought Bulbasaur Lv. 12 to active, attached another Grass Energy to it, and used Razor Leaf for 30 damage to KO my Voltorb Lv. 8. His 'victory' was short lived. I moved my Ponyta Lv. 8 to active with the Fire Energy it needed already attached. I drew my card without looking and attacked with Fireworks for 20 damage doubled to 40 to KO his Bulbasaur Lv. 12. That allowed me to claim the fourth and final prize. Victory was mine!

Another spot where IMO some more mutual reaction would’ve made this back and forth a bit more interesting to read, especially if the Gentleman is busy -ing from Bill’s Teleporter failing only for it to wrap around to after realizing that he has Energy Search drawn or something. Ditto David’s face as his last hope goes up in smoke.

View attachment 19737

"Commons... I lost to a deck of all commons." With a clenched fist, he glowered at my cards. "You certainly are something, Mister Gentleman. Well played."

Correction, you lost to an all-common deck put together by a champion. If there was anyone who could wring out an unlikely winning combo from that, it’d be him.

I nodded respectfully towards him.

View attachment 19738

"Fantastic duel data!" Rick held up a piece of chalk. "Not a bad haul of feathers from the first game either! I'm fortunate that you run Doduo Lv. 10 in your deck. Without it, I would not benefit from the additional feathers Gotan throws about when taking attacks from cards!"

Gentleman: “Boy, that sure sounded like a compelling argument to just throw that card into a drawer and never touch it again.”

Gotan seemed to wince upon hearing Rick call his name.

Probably just a coincidence.

Narrator: “It was not a coincidence.”

At any rate, I was starting to get used to having that bird and my eccentric house-guest around!

Okay, I assume that it probably won’t get addressed since it’s a pretty big change, but I do wonder if this is something that should’ve been built up over the sweep of the two battles the Gentleman had with David, especially since the two of them were there right beside him the entire time, but didn’t really seem to have much presence for most of the two battles.

May 11th

Back at the Science Club again, now for my final opponent here for now: Joseph!

View attachment 19739

"So, I've heard how both Erik AND David lost to you, but surely you just got lucky. It IS a deck full of just commons after all!" With a swift motion, he grabbed the visor of his hat and turned it around backwards. "I'm ready!"

Well, that was a fast transition. I do wonder if we should’ve had a bit more acknowledgement than this of whatever happened since the last journal entry, especially if there were funny Rick and Gotan antics involved, but I suppose some days the Gentleman’s just more business-oriented with his journal entries.

View attachment 20286

"Very well!" I confidently crossed my arms. "I'm always eager for new opponents to test this on!"

Joseph's deck contained more evolutions than the other members. He had Arbok, Nidoking, and Weezing. I kept him locked down with Energy Removal and chipped away at his mon one by one with my Voltorb Lv. 8. Before long, he was defeated.

View attachment 19740

After turning his hat back around, Joseph muttered. "Commons... The whole club... How?"

Two words: Skill. Issue.

Even if this is once again another spot where I feel that making the narration more opinionated would potentially make it more fun to read. Even if it’s something simple and to the effect of “And it was another day ending in ‘y’, so his team didn’t last particularly long.”

(30)

View attachment 19738

"How indeed!" Rick chimed in with a smile. "This is the kind of thing that's worth investigating! Joseph, I want you to run the club for a while. The other two can handle the symposium."

Just saying, I think that my explanation will save you like a hundred hours of attempts at experiments, just saying. Though catchy remix is catchy.

Taking a large bag out of his Feathermaster 5,000, Rick held them out for Joseph. "Take these feathers and continue the research project involving them. This is an excellent chance to show me what you have learned recently. As for any botched experiments, you need not worry since I will be collecting more feathers."

Joseph nodded, accepting the feathers.

Wait, wait, wait. Just how many people in this setting are even into collecting Doduo feathers, anyways?

"You took down all the members of my club!" With a raised eyebrow, Rick turned to me. "We may not be as serious as some of the other clubs about the TCG, but considering what you are working with, it's quite fascinating! I trust you have no objection with your 'wing man' joining you on your little expedition around the island?"

Some small tweaks that I’d suggest for this line here.

Though I suppose that’s a sign that we’re not going to be rid of Rick anytime soon given that he basically invited himself to tag along with the Gentleman indefinitely.

View attachment 20286

"Free feather clean-up and an entertaining house guest! Why not?" I chuckled.

Boy, that night getting sloshed must’ve been something else, since I was admittedly expecting the Gentleman to be a lot more resistant to this right now.

Gotan made a clicking sound as he looked away.

Was it my imagination or did Gotan seem disappointed by this turn of events? I reasoned that would be ridiculous and that I read entirely too much into that dumb bird…

No, that’s very obviously ‘anger’ from those eyes in the sprite, Mr. Gentleman.

I decided I had been slacking too much lately and since the Fire Club wasn't terribly far away, I decided to pay my old stomping ground a visit.

Gotan: “*Hey, what am I here? Chopped liver? I didn’t sign up to be stalked by the weird scientist while I’m supposed to be stalking you!*” >v>; >v>;

Chapter 6

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Chapter 6: Flames Past
[/CENTER]
(31)

View attachment 20287

Ah, the Fire Club. My early days with the Pokemon TCG were spent there. Back then, 'Mister Gentleman' had been a way to appear more important. Amusingly, I seemed to have grown into it rather well!

Surprise Colosseum music there. And I see that we’re getting some really deep cut lore about the Gentleman’s name there. Even if it makes me wonder what his proper one is.

I stepped into the familiar lobby of the club and took in the nostalgic decor. My feet stood upon the obsidian floor. Flames from a couple of small fire bowls in the far corners delighted my ears with their crackling before a group of young kids entered the club with some idle chatter. I ignored them as I continued my trip down memory lane.

Rugs connected to the lounge and main club room. They were red and orange with diamond-shaped patterns. A large square symbol for fire comprised the center of the lobby in the same way as the other clubs. The walls were dark orange at the bottom and gradually shifted to yellow towards the top. A splendid theme altogether! There was only one change since my last visit: a vending machine in the corner full of electric handheld fans.

I wonder if this is what the place actually looks like in the games, since this feels like it’d be a pretty swanky environment to hang out in in general.

Suddenly, a young boy from the group of kids was reaching into one of the lit bowls!

Before I could do anything to warn the lad, Gotan dashed forward, dunking both heads straight in, catching them on fire!

See the last reaction image, really.

Gotan screeched, dashed around for a few seconds, and savagely beat his heads into the floor to put out the flames! This sent the boy into an uncontrollable laughing fit, causing him to forget all about touching the flame.

Gentleman: “Oh, so his masochism is capable of accomplishing positive effects. Even if clearly this place has let itself go for teaching its members about basic health and safety procedures.”

It even got a chuckle out of me...

Gotan appeared happy. Was it from lighting his own head on fire or was it from potentially helping a child? Likely the former... Crazy bird…

Gentleman: “Not sure why I’m finding this funny, but you know what, I’m just not going to question it and move onto demolishing my old club right now.”

Swooping in with his Feathermaster, Rick gathered up the stray singed feathers. Vacuuming away the evidence of Gotan's apparent altruism. "Fantastic! I've been wanting burned variants!"

Ohhhh boy...

Gentleman: “I… don’t even want to know what other ‘variants’ of Gotan’s feathers you want right now, do I? Or the various things that Gotan’s going to do to get you them for that matter.” >_>;

With the crisis averted, I returned my attention to the vending machine as I approached and peered through the glass.

Inside were sections for two versions: Doduo and Scyther. There were considerably less Scyther fans than Doduo, but the same amount of space was dedicated to each. Clearly, Scyther was more popular, as it should be. I was tempted to buy one, but figured I wouldn't need it since I only expected a few duels there. Not enough time for the usual high temperature of the club to bother me. I reasoned that my younger self might have enjoyed such a fan in here.

Huh, surprised that there’s only two variants there given that if the manufacturer was branching out into Pokémon that only exist as TCG characters, that there’d be demand for more than just Scyther.

I’ll just chalk that one up to the ‘absurdium’ factor that this setting has going on in the background.

Since my youth, the members and master of the club had all rotated out. Ken, my old rival, was now Club Master. His dedication to fire surpassed mine, but at the cost of overall effectiveness since he refused to use other types. Club Masters and members were required to use their club's type in their decks, but were free to mix in other types. I no longer had to use fire in my decks, but I generally preferred to. Over the years, my rivalry with Ken became one of mutual respect. I believe my tendency to use Fire helped.

Just going to be keeping an eye on this, since this and the chapter length sure smells like a sign that the battles here aren’t going to be anywhere near as much of a cakewalk as last time.

I entered the main hall with my entourage trailing behind me. Rick occasionally activated the Feathermaster 5,000 to pick up Gotan's stray feathers along the way.

Gentleman: “Is it really necessary for that thing to be so loud?”

Rick:

As we proceeded into the main room of the club, I noticed Ken kneeling down and polishing a small decorative torch on his raised golden-colored stage. He was wearing his usual purple suit. Ken seemed to be dealing with a particularly stubborn smudge and was focused upon his task.

View attachment 19741

Non-sprite art jumpscare there. I wonder if this is from a manual or if this is another commission you made, but it’s definitely nice-looking.

The stage had four steps leading up to it and was adorned with four small torches in the corners like the one Ken was working on. Separate platforms farther out on both sides each contained a row of three tall torches. The first two had flames, as one might expect. The last was appropriately topped with a decorative glass orb containing the TCG symbol for fire. Continuing past those were oversized shelves big enough to fit a couple large objects on. Being empty, they always felt a bit tacked-on.

Running from the door to the stage was a long rug. The middle of it was covered by another larger rug of a large flame-like icon that was symmetrical and almost too geometric to be recognized as flame. Along each side of the icon was a row of small fire bowls.

Couple small errors there. I see the setting description is a lot more on-point this time around. Dunno if that was an internal re-adjustment or if it’s a deliberate meta thing given that this club in particular matters more to the Gentleman, but it’s a nice touch.

I directed my gaze upward.

I always found the ceiling to be an enjoyable spectacle since it had been styled to resemble the inside of a volcano. It stretched up as high as a three story building to the highest point in the middle where a small round opening was closed off by a window.

The club occupied a corner of our vaguely square-shaped island and was attached to the side of our land's only volcano. While it always contained lava and produced rings of smoke, there were no historical records of eruption. The same held true for the one on GR Island and the one on Neo Island. According to scientific discoveries, only deep-sea volcanoes were capable of eruption, but those eruptions hadn't been substantial enough to create another island in all of recorded history.

Some more errors and neat description. Also, that’s some fascinating worldbuilding for this setting, since those are certainly some skewed expectations relative to reality.

But it was time to focus on my reason for visiting.

Scattered about were all the club members I recently defeated in my run for Champion.

View attachment 19741

Ken dropped his polishing cloth as he saw me, stood up, and called out. "Mister Gentleman! We meet again!" Leaping from the stage into a jog, he approached.

Ken: “... You are still going by that, right? Since just saying, if you were ready to start using your real name, I’d be fine with that, too.” ^^;

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"Ken." I nodded.

"Why is Rick here? I don't think I've ever seen you go places with him before! It's just like this crazy tabloid!" Pulling out a folded paper from his back pocket, he handed to me.

View attachment 19742

(32)

Wait, is the fire background emote supposed to come before Ken asking about Rick, or…? Since something about the placement feels a bit odd, not least of all since it’s not obvious from context that his mood really shifted beforehand.

Also, hello, surprise Colosseum music.

He handed the tabloid to me as I took a couple minutes to read it as Rick hovered over my shoulder to do the same:

Sixth Sense
Sensational Secret Scoop

Broke Champion Works Side-Gig of Doduo Feather-Collecting To Pay Bills!​

The Champion was sighted on main-street with Science Club Master Rick in a sad and desperate attempt to make ends meet!

Their plan? To shadow a random Doduo all day collecting feathers to sell!

Rick was hard at work with his vacuum trying to train the Champion on vacuum techniques!

Our Champion, full of despair that no one will duel him anymore, barely had his heart in learning...

To donate to our champion relief fund, please contact our office at 555-555-5556. Operators are standing by.

Shots fired. I’d complain about the tabloid text being a bit too on the nose, but I feel that it’s funnier this way. Anyways, let’s check in on the Gentleman and how he’s doing right now:

Gentleman:

Of course the stupid tabloid would include pictures to try to substantiate it out of probably hundreds taken... Somehow, I imagined I would never see any of those 'relief funds'... Whatever organization or person was behind it, they didn't even TRY to get things correct! They just stirred up the biggest scandals possible!

Which would be…? Like I’m not sure what the Gentleman is really getting at here.

Rick snorted. Not a care in the world for his reputation... Clearly, he found it almost as funny as Ken did!

Rick: “To be fair, I wasn’t the one who got labeled as the broke guy who was terrible at making plans-”
Gentleman: “Okay, can you not right now?!”

[ ] With a sigh I explained the events that lead to Doduo and Rick accompanying me.

I think that this works better with a bit more meta prompting for the Gentleman to explain himself, whether by Ken bluntly asking for an explanation or him just staring at him and the message coming across implicitly.

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"So now this guy follows you around, recording matches, and sucking up Doduo feathers?! That's hilarious!" Ken laughed. "Well, if you're here to duel the club members, you might want to know that we've been training pretty hard lately. John might be a tough opponent..."

Gentleman: “Ken, just show me where this ‘John’ is so that way I can hurry up and go home and drink away this embarrassment right now.” >_>;

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His eyes intensified with a knitted brow as he leaned in whispering, "I think Jonathan recently surpassed me. As a Club Master I can't let that become known. I've been telling him I go easy on him in duels, but I need to knock him down a peg... Do an old buddy a favor?"

Gentleman: “I’m going to get paid if I do this, right?” ^^;

I chuckled before whispering back. "Things sure do change don't they? I bet if the old you knew you would be asking me for a favor, he would have set the whole club on fire! You're in luck though. I AM here to beat everyone without losing any games, if I can manage."

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"Thanks, pal." Ken's gaze softened. "I'll owe you one."

Gentleman: “... ‘I’ll owe you one’? Ken, I am getting paid for this… right?” .-.

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Smiling, I shrugged. "Well, I still have to duel them first. My deck is still in the early stages of testing, but it has gone undefeated against members of three clubs, so I'm feeling optimistic."

I assume that the Gentleman’s luck won’t be running out here, but boy is this tempting fate right about now.

Ken turned to the rest of the club.

(33)

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"Listen up, club!" He swept his arm out towards them. "Today we have the rare opportunity to duel the Champion using a deck of all-commons! He's taken down three clubs without a single loss and wants to do the same to us! Are you guys gonna take that?!" Making a fist from the extended hand, Ken grit his teeth.

That sounds like some Grade-A schmuck bait if I ever heard it, just saying.

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Adam was the first to speak up. He looked to be ten. He was wearing the standard Fire Club reddish-orange tracksuit with a yellow zipper. Many days of my youth were in a uniform just like that.

He spoke in his usual nasally tone. "You may have beat us last time, Champion, but we've been training! I'm finally going to beat you!"

I’m hearing him with the same voice as Stickler from the Cuphead show right now.

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The next to speak was John. He was wearing his usual pokeball cap and was twelve.

"All-commons? Is that some kind of joke?" He sneered. "No one can beat me with all commons. Not even a Champion! I look forward to seeing you try..."

Famous last words. I sure hope you left your milk money home today, John.

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Jonathan had waited to speak last. He was eleven by my memory.

"This should be fun." With a hand on his deck pocket, he was calm but determined.

Cue the back-to-back curbstomps in 3… 2…

My first duel commenced against Adam. He used a deck that ran the same types as myself, with Pokemon like Ninetails, Raichu, Magneton, and Rapidash. And yet, despite him using an unrestricted deck, it paled in comparison to the speed and power of my own. It wasn't long before he was overwhelmed and defeated by the potent attacks from my Voltorb.

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Adam frowned. "I guess even if you are using all-commons you are still the Champion. You are also the most powerful fire duelist in apparent recorded history. I accept my defeat."

I’d make a pithy comment about that being a skill issue, but yeah, sounds like even Adam acknowledged it there. That’s definitely a change of pace from the bewilderment and shock that we’ve seen the Gentleman’s typical opponents display after their defeats.

High praise! I tried to think of a way to humbly refute it, but everything he said was technically the truth.

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"You had a good run and even knocked out a couple of my Voltorb in the process. Good game." Holding out my hand Adam accepted and shook it.

Gentleman: “Alright, and I don’t mean to be rude, but I do have a mortgage to pay, so let’s move onto that next challenger right about now…” ^^;

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The moment our shake ended, John spoke up. "I'm not surprised that you beat Adam. He's always been weak. Unlike me! All my training has paid off in spades and it’s time for me to end your all-common reign!" He held an arm out towards me as if he fancied himself a Champion.

I fought back the urge to roll my eyes. This guy was full of himself…

Honestly, that’s a lot more polite than I was expecting, since I was half expecting open mockery to kick in, even if the Gentleman thus far has been a bit nicer than that in this story.

Our four-prize duel began. John used Arcanine, Ninetales, Rapidash, and Magmar Lv. 31. The setup of the game went abysmally. I lacked energy for any viable attack options even though I had Doduo, Porygon, and a Voltorb. My Gambler card failed the coin-flip so I was unable to draw enough cards. By the time I managed to take down his Magmar Lv. 31 he had too much momentum and I wasn't drawing enough cards to compensate. He whittled me down over several turns until the game resulted in my first loss with the deck.

Wow. The Gentleman actually took an L for once there.

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(34)

"Hah! You SEE THAT! I'm the best!" He placed his hands on his hips.

Oh, hello, Pyrite Town music. And yeah, I can already tell that this kid is going to be nice and obnoxious there. Even if I’m kinda wondering if there should’ve been a bit more reaction from the Gentleman here. Like how does he react to taking his first out-and-out loss here? Especially when he’s got money troubles weighing on him. Also, how is Gotan reacting to taking an outright loss given that he seems to be connected to the Gentleman’s performance in his card games in some capacity.

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Shaking his head, Jonathan chimed in. "I wouldn't get too full of yourself there, John. Do you really think that's what the Champion's deck is made of? I think it's pretty obvious how unlucky he was in that duel. If you want to brag, do it after beating him two more times in a row." He closed his eyes and smiled.

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Looking down, John was motionless. "Full of myself you say... fine then. I'll beat him as many times as it takes for you to understand my power." He held up a fist.

Ah yes, just going and giving the Gentleman a free chance to get his lost winnings and prize cards back. Pride’s one hell of a drug there.

That Jonathan fellow had a keen eye! The luck in the duel was absolutely dreadful! In any normal game I would have rolled right through the setup John had...

Rick shook his head while smiling, jotting down a few notes. I think he understood how unlucky I got.

John: “Cope and seethe, old man. I’ll wipe you across the floor as many times as you please!”

(34.5)

Our duel began. In my hand was:

Porygon Lv. 20​

Ponyta Lv. 8​

Voltorb Lv. 8​

Lightning Energy x2​

Energy Removal​

Gambler​

Boy, you sure were on a Colosseum music bent in this chapter, though it certainly feels fitting for the tension to be expected in a rematch with something to prove here.

I had enough energy to load up Voltorb Lv. 8, but with it's low HP, it would be bad if I had nothing else to work with. I decided to play Ponyta Lv. 8 as active to stall and give me time to accumulate energy on my other mon. I played Porygon Lv. 20 and Voltorb Lv. 8 to my bench while John only played a Meowth Lv. 14.

I won the opening coin-flip and drew:

Doduo Lv. 10​

Ponyta Lv. 8 had a retreat cost, so I was locked in where I might otherwise try for an early KO against his Meowth Lv. 14 to win the game. I attached energy to Voltorb Lv. 8 and passed.

John played Bill to draw two cards and benched a Magmar Lv. 31 followed by a Ponyta Lv. 8. He then attached energy to Meowth Lv. 14 and used the 'Earn Coins' attack. He then flipped coins getting two heads before getting a tails and drew two cards from it.

Hrm… while the hovertext is helpful at describing what the cards’ abilities can do, I feel like that here and in some earlier spots in the story, it was a bit harder to get a handle on what the actual strategies that each player is going for would be. Given that the Gentleman is narrating this after the fact, I kinda wonder if it’d have been worth him delving a bit more into more of what he was aiming to do here and what he anticipated his opponents’ strategies to be.

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"How you like that CARD DRAW!?" With a sneer, John boasted.

View attachment 20287

I yawned. "Drawing cards is only as useful as the deck itself." Perhaps it wasn't very gracious, but his misplaced arrogance irked me.

No, no, he absolutely earned that sort of response, Gentleman. Though is that a sign that there’s going to be a best two out of three? Since John absolutely seems like the type who would insist that a loss right after a win would be a fluke.

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John set his jaw as he squinted at me.

I drew my next card:

Voltorb Lv. 8​

View attachment 20287

Ah, now there were ideas. I benched the other Voltorb Lv. 8 and attached another energy to my first one. I could have benched Doduo Lv. 10, but it would just clutter my bench if I were to draw the other two Voltorb Lv. 8 since the bench was limited to five mon. I then played Energy Removal on Meowth Lv. 14. Finally, it was time to try out Gambler. Even if it failed, it would still draw one card. Almost anything was better than Doduo Lv. 10 at the time...

Unfortunately the coin-flip failed, but the card it let me draw was Switch! I played it to get my Voltorb Lv. 8 out as my active mon and attacked Meowth Lv. 14 with Group Spark for 40 damage leaving it at 10HP. If he evolved Meowth Lv. 14 I wanted it considerably damaged.

Holy dense paragraph, Batman! I do feel like this might have worked better dividing it up a bit more than what you had here since the coin flip sequence and onward feel like they would fit better in their own section to get a bit more focus.

John benched a Vulpix Lv. 13, attached energy to Ponyta Lv. 8, and passed his turn.

I drew:

Pokemon Trader​

Useless on its own, but it could be used later to potentially fetch another Voltorb Lv. 8! I KOed his Meowth Lv. 14 with Group Spark and claimed my prize:

Pokemon Trader​

Couple small typos there.

Yes, my deck was being hilarious today... Two Pokemon Traders in the hand had absolutely no benefit on their own.

Ah yes, I see that RNGesus has finally caught up with the Gentleman, since that feels more like the sort of luck I’d expect from playing a Game Boy game.

John brought out Ponyta Lv. 8, attached energy to Magmar Lv. 31, and attacked for 20 damage with Fireworks bringing my Voltorb Lv. 8 to 10HP. Not an ideal situation. He even won the coin-flip to keep his energy...

I drew my card:

Ponyta Lv. 8​

Well at least I could get another Voltorb Lv. 8 out. I played Pokemon Trader to swap Ponyta Lv. 8 for Voltorb Lv. 8 and benched it making it my third one in play. Awkwardly, I could KO his Ponyta Lv. 8. But if I did, John would just bring Magmar Lv. 31 out and immediately KO my Voltorb Lv. 8 in return. Since I wasn't ok losing my only attack-capable mon, it was time to shift to the defensive to buy time to draw more cards. I retreated Voltorb Lv. 8 for Ponyta Lv. 8 and passed my turn.

Gentleman: “(Aaaaand he’s about to be an obnoxious little snot about this, isn’t he?)” >_>;

View attachment 19748

"What's a matter? You don't want to attack?" Bringing a hand in front of his gaping mouth, John poorly acted out a gasp.

Yeah, I figured that he’d be annoying about this.

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"Timing matters." I smiled.

John: “You know, if you ever get tired of coping and seething, you can just spare yourself the embarrassment and forfeit here.”

John attached another energy to Magmar Lv. 31 and attacked with Kick for 10 Damage.

I drew my card:

Bill​

Finally! Something that might help me regain my momentum! I wasted no time playing it and drew:

Voltorb Lv. 8​

Bill's Teleporter​

No time like the present. I played the Bill's Teleporter, but the miserable piece of garbage malfunctioned again, denying me my four cards! I couldn't understand WHY. That prepaid service to Bill Inc. was NOT doing its job of guaranteeing the blasted card to work!

Gentleman: “(That kid has the most insufferable face imaginable right now, doesn’t he?)”
John:

Gentleman: “... Yeah, I figured.” >_>;

So now I was left with:

Voltorb Lv. 8​

Pokemon Trader​

I could swap it for

Dark Rapidash
, evolve, and retreat it, but I still had the same basic problem: not enough cards! I sighed and passed my turn.

Cue the obnoxious crowing from John’s end of the table in 3… 2…

View attachment 19748

Laughing, John waved his hands around overhead. "Oh nooo! Your coin-flip failed! Too bad you aren't me. I'm sure I would have got heads." He gestured to himself with his thumb.

Yeah, I figured he’d do something like that.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as he took his turn. He evolved Ponyta Lv. 8 to Rapidash Lv. 30, attached energy, and used Kick Away for 20 Damage with the added effect of it forcing me to switch a different mon to active. Not that it mattered since the others all had zero retreat cost... I chose Porygon Lv. 20.

I drew my card:

Fire Energy​

Not what I needed, but at least it would enable Porygon Lv. 20 to convert weakness. I attached it to Porygon Lv. 20 and swapped back for Ponyta Lv. 8 as a sacrificial defense to stall and passed my turn.

Gentleman: “(Seriously, what on earth is up with this luck this game?)” >_>;

John benched another Vulpix Lv. 13, attached energy to it, and finished off my 10HP Ponyta Lv. 8 claiming a prize in the process. He even used inferno to discard an energy to do 30 damage when he could have just attacked with Kick Away with no energy cost. The little troll...

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"I don't even need all my energy! I'm not just going to win this, I'm going to humiliate you!" Drumming his fingers over his deck, John grinned widely.

Whelp, famous last words there, since I get the distinct vibe that had John played more conservatively, he’d likely have the Gentleman dead to right right now.

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"Careful there, John." I smiled. "This game is far from over..."

I drew my card:

Porygon Lv. 20​

Not what I needed, but at least I had a temporary plan. I benched Voltorb Lv. 8, played Pokemon Trader and swapped it for a Doduo Lv. 10 from my deck. I benched it and retreated to it. Its 50HP would serve me well. Besides, Gotan was sure to love it judging from the gleam in his eyes.

Ah yes, Gotan’s masochism for the win here. Even if it makes me wonder if he’d faint along with the Doduo card in the event that its HP got depleted to zero.

Amusingly, Rick's eyes lit up much the same as he readied his trusty Feathermaster.

Priorities™!

I passed my turn.

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John moved his arm all around in the air as he played his Bill in the most exaggerated way possible. Little twerp rubbing it in about drawing cards...

Gentleman: “Kid, just draw the damn cards already.”

He attached fire energy to Vulpix Lv. 13 and evolved it to Ninetales Lv. 35. His attack was Inferno for 10 damage without discarding energy.

Singed feathers exploded from Gotan as he smiled at the pain.

"Excellent!" Rick happily vacuumed them up out of the air. "More singed specimens!"

Gentleman: “That is never not going to be weird for me, but you know what, I’m just going to not think too hard about it and be grateful that I still have 20HP left on Gotan to buy me time here.” .-.

I drew:

Energy Search​

Well, at least I could get a lighting energy with it... I played it and attached the energy to Voltorb Lv. 8. It was time to go on the offensive. I switched to my fully energized Voltorb Lv. 8 and wiped out his Rapidash Lv. 30 in one hit for 60 damage with Group Spark which let me claim my prize:

Energy Removal​

Surprised no focus on John’s reaction given how arrogant he was earlier, since I’m sure that this reversal would’ve caught him quite off guard there.

John brought out Ninetales Lv. 35, attached another energy, and played Dancing Embers to flip eight coins doing 10 damage for each heads. The result was 30 damage, KOing my 10HP Voltorb Lv. 8 as expected. He was now down to two prizes. Things were getting rough.

See the above note, since thus far, John’s been very vocal of when he had the upper hand in this battle, so it’s a little weird to see another such moment come and go in a fairly after-the-fact fashion there.

I brought out Porygon Lv. 20 and drew my card:

Nightly Garbage Run (Rocket's Secret Machine)​

Since I knew I would need more Lightning Energy, I played Nightly Garbage Run (Rocket's Secret Machine) to send my KOed Voltorb Lv. 8 and its energy back to my deck from the discard pile. I then played Energy Removal on Ninetales Lv. 35 and used Conversion 1 to switch the weakness of Ninetales Lv. 35 from water to lightning.

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On his turn he stood up and twirled about like a ballerina before sitting back down and playing Bill. Few things were as obnoxious as that...

Don’t go tempting fate there, Gentleman. Since you’re still very early on in your overall journey right now.

He then attached another energy to Ninetales Lv. 35 and thankfully only manage 30 damage, leaving my Porygon Lv. 20 at 10HP.

It was the moment of truth. I needed a lighting energy or card draw that WORKED for a change!

Lightning Energy​

Wait, wait, wait, so what’s the significance of-?

My lips curled into a smile. I attached the energy, swapped to Voltorb Lv. 8 and ripped through his Ninetales Lv. 35 for a whopping 100 damage after applying weakness! I claimed my thrid prize card:

Gambler​

Okay, yeah, that’s quite the reversal there.

John brought out Magmar Lv. 31. All it would take was a heads to add poison to his 20 damage attack and he would KO my Voltorb Lv. 8. I waited with bated breath as he flipped the coin: Tails!

I released my breath and got a jab in at him. "A tails?" My eyes widened. "I thought you were the expert at coin-flips!"

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All emotion left John's face. "Laugh while you can. I'm only two hits away from victory..."

Yeah, no, he walked right into that one, and fully deserved it there. >:V

"Not quite." I chuckled.

I drew my next card:

Fire Energy​

So, at this point, all I needed to do was abuse the hidden power of Porygon Lv. 20: the inability of my opponents to recognize the threat of weakness conversion! But first, I attached my energy to Doduo Lv. 10 and tried my luck again with Gambler: Tails. Of course it was. Coin-flips... The way to make any simple game akin to walking barefoot over HOT COALS! I drew my lone card from it:

Electric Energy​

I blinked.

HUH?!

Wait, I’m not sure if I follow why this is-

I could have sworn they were LIGHTNING Energy! But I couldn't deny the information right in front of my eyes... Awkward as this was, that was the moment I realized I had called them Lightning Energy my ENTIRE LIFE! In an effort to remain consistent, I decided to maintain my error and continue to refer to them as Lightning Energy. Besides, they sounded cooler that way.

Ah, yes. That would certainly do it there.

But now it was time for the crescendo of this little farce! I swapped to Porygon Lv. 20 and used Conversion 1 to switch the weakness of his Magmar Lv. 31 to lightning.

"Well, John? Look at my weak Porygon Lv. 20 just sitting there waiting for you to attack it. Don't you just want to KO it?" Gesturing to it, I grinned.

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John smiled. "Happy to oblige!"

Wait, John didn’t see the Gentleman convert his Porygon2’s weakness? Or is that something that by design you don’t have to declare to your opponent upfront in PTCG?

The fool had no clue what he just walked into!

He drew his card, attached another energy to one of his mon, and used Smokescreen to finish it off Porygon Lv. 20 for 10 Damage.

"It's my win." Holding my chin in one hand, I displayed my dashing smile.

Cue the theme song:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9PsOUyH2fs

I brought out my fully energized Voltorb Lv. 8.

John grit his teeth as his eyes widened at the realization of what was about to occur.

I drew my final card:

Voltorb Lv. 8​

I benched it to make my final attack more impressive. I attacked with Group Spark for a mighty 120 damage! His 70HP Magmar Lv. 31 was nothing compared to it. I claimed the final prize of the game.

Oh, so I see the Gentleman isn’t above a little bit of showing off of his own there. Duly noted. >:V

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John was quiet. He shook his head as he walked away after picking up his cards.

I would have said something, but I imagined he was already taking the loss pretty hard. As a gentleman, I was against belittling others after winning a game even if they had been arrogant…

I’m honestly surprised that he didn’t instantly demand a rematch for a best two out of three, since I honestly expected him to go straight to coping about his loss was the fluke and not the win.

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Jonathan now stood completely composed before me. "So, Mister Gentleman, looks like it's time." Clearly, he was unbothered by the losses of the other club members... "I've watched how you played to get a feel for your deck. I look forward to our duel." By his eyes I sensed the fire of his determination.

Something about his demeanor unsettled me... He reminded me of myself at that age.

Well then, I guess we’ll find out next time if the Gentleman’s win-loss ratio gets another blemish on it, since boy does that sound ominous for his chances there.

Well, those chapters certainly went places I wasn’t expecting, but this Fire Club arc in general so far has been a lot of fun to read. Like I wasn’t expecting the Gentleman to take an out-and-out loss in these chapters, let alone to an opponent that’s basically a random NPC. It definitely helped keep things fresh and on their toes, since in Chapter 6, there was a period of time when it looked like he was about to take a second consecutive loss. It was also nice to get to see the Gentleman’s interactions with other characters he has history with, and the reveal that he’s actively being tracked by a tabloid in-setting was a pretty funny reveal there. Once again, the multimedia component really adds a lot to this story, since the little sprites tracking with the characters’ moods at different points of the battle really make everything feel a lot more expressive while reading.

I felt like by and large things worked with this chapter, even if I feel like there were some things that were kinda missed potential. I won’t really say much about the Gentleman’s thought process since you noted after the last review that you don’t expect that to be something that can easily be fixed for Book 1, so I’ll focus more on other issues that I noticed. The first thing that caught my eye was that there were a few bigger moments in these chapters that felt a little underreacted, like for instance the Gentleman taking his first outright loss in the story where he didn’t really seem to have much of an opinion about it at all when you’d think he’d feel something given how high-stakes his card games are for him and his livelihood. I also felt like Gotan and Rick were a bit underutilized for some of the card battles. Like they show up, but it’s fairly sporadically and unless you’re very deliberately going for the angle that Gotan only comes in when the Doduo card in the Gentleman’s deck is played, it might have been worth giving them a bit more of a role in things. Lastly, while I thought that the added hovertext definitely helped a lot for understanding what the cards were doing in the battles, it was sometimes hard to follow what the intended strategies the Gentleman and his opponents were attempting to use. It might have been worth giving a bit more acknowledgement of that for your readers who are less versed in PTCG.

Though I feel that even with those issues, by and large these chapters accomplished what they set out to do. This story really is a unique experience that I have yet to really encounter anything else like. Hope the feedback was helpful, @Tango , and I’ll be looking forward to coming back for more of this story sometime in the not-too-distant future.

 

[Kiba Makuro]

Hello Tango I'm back with our review trade.


I'll admit I don't want to repeat myself so these reviews may be a bit brief.


I'm back for Chapter 2 Wet & Wild and Chapter 3 Feathers


Chapter 2 gives just a little break before Mister Gentleman gets into the Water Club. It's quite interesting that the girls used to go crazy over him, when they should have been going after the guys of the club in his opinion but that's neither here nor there because it's battling time. Though later on in the chapter we can see that there's only one guy in the Water Club and he's treated pretty rough, definitely failed attempts to woo the girls.


Unfortunately this seems to be the majority of this chapter, the girls flirting and whining over Mister Gentleman, crying pathetically when they lose in the TGC battles despite them all being adults. The girls are also quick to be comic relief with one another, thinking that the Common Deck that Mister Gentleman has will definitely change the tides of their battle.


Though I suppose it’s fun to see Mister Gentleman systematically defeat all of them with electric-type Pokémon after he ‘hyped’ them up with his fire-type cards. Though I suppose his luck will end if he goes up against the Rock or Ground Club with just those cards, maybe he'll have to change to another deck?


Then there's that joke character appearing out of nowhere with a crazy deck. I do feel like how bizarre it was could have been showcased a bit more heavily if Mister Gentleman didn't recognize him immediately and maybe there was a bit of a back and forth before and after battle to add to the mystic.

Chapter 3


It looks like we get to see home life from Mister Gentleman for once but things aren't completely home sweet home with all the feathers in the way.


Feathers all in the yard… And oh here's the one and only physical Pokémon of the TCG and GS islands


A very funny scene of panic and wondering to introduce the double headed nuisance and oddly loveable goofballs invading and just barging into Mister Gentleman’s house.


Finally the Dodou in Dodou Adventures has finally arrived in full, and I will admit this section made me really happy. As I personally wasn't necessarily a fan of the comedy in the last chapter and the various situations involving the ladies, almost ‘shonen anime’ or rom-com type of humor. Though it is not the end of the world, just personal preferences.


Seeing that Gotan hasn't left and is now just following him this is funny. However Mister Gentleman has no interest in becoming a Dodou owner, however he ends up as a wrangler, or sort of handler with Gotan following him into his house and even across the street when he takes the bus.


And the Science Club should be a breath of fresh air, however it's not like no guys couldn't find Mister Gentleman attractive. Either way these guys demand Duelers clean up after their Dodou feathers which makes sense in a way as it is a lab, however the fact that they let Dodou enter is interesting. However we soon found the reason why, with our next character Rick.


Rick takes interest in Gotan because of the scientific marvel of his feathers, though the bait and switch Gotan being afraid of Rick to pleased at having his feathers plucked by the handful is wild.


I was quite surprised to find that he wasn't going to battle Mister Gentleman at all, and instead actually joined him to study Gotan, living in his house even. Jrpg recruitment at its finest I see. It's nice to give a new companion to bounce off Mister Gentleman and anyone else he comes across, especially since Gotan can't talk.


And there's supposedly legends about some well Legendary Pokémon Mew, Ho-oh, and Lugia being spotted across different islands in the past, though it's another to have eyewitness accounts still remembered. Also it's kinda funny that Mister Gentleman’s grandpa has a name but he doesn't. Either way looks like the Science Club will have to wait but Mister Gentleman has two new companies in just one chapter!


A nice break in the traditional formula, a decent section of chapters. Keep up the good work, that's all I have for now.