Pokémon TCG2: Doduo Adventures - Book One: TCG Island

[Tango]

Chapters 15, 16, 17, and 18!

Yeah!!

Damn, the UBI-giving oracle really has a strong idea of what good and bad jobs are, huh. Little judgmental on the part of the all-knowing powers that be.

Huh. That's actually pretty fitting, so I see no problem there!

I don't know why but "the oracle even stated it would pay for their airfare" was hilarious to me in how passive aggressive it is.

I hadn't considered that, but it actually fits pretty well!

🤔 Very odd. Like they don't even try?

Not don't try.

Can't try. 💀

Wow! Okay, now this I did not see coming! So they literally really do all look the same! Which raises all sorts of horrifying questions about who is cloning people for the purpose of having them do low-status jobs TCG Islanders want!

Yep!

So the Neo Islanders are apparently constitutionally incapable of understanding Pokemon battling. And also really quick to fawn when anyone's mad at them, which is... pretty sad. I don't know if they've been taught that or if they've been genetically engineered to do so, but it's brutal either way. I guess Rick must have noticed as well because he knelt down right away.

Yeah, poor Neo Islanders. They have it rough.

The rotation of the image to suggest her lying down is

Normally there isn't much I can do with art, but figuring this out made me giggle!

Rick, you were skeevy and weird throughout this whole interaction 😭 seek therapy

Yeah... Rick is something else.

You used 'ripped' in the chapter with Amy as well. I'd recommend a different word - "tore"?

I have no idea how you picked up such an obscure thing like that!

No skin off my back. I switched it. Thanks!

He still doesn't get it! He never needed to become champion - he only needed to be honest with Nikki!

Very true.

He still thinks his value is in winning, although I guess it's a step forward that he realizes that he probably trained more than necessary.

Baby steps.

Either way, it's probably everything he learned on the way to become champion that allowed him to create an all-common deck that won.

Very true.

The power of the TCG is such that Pokemon that are normally not impressive such as Mr. Mime and Porygon become these big threats. It really challenges your pre-existing associations with each species!

Yeah, it's really interesting how that works!

Hmm, so the clone appears to be the mother of one of the boys... I wonder if he's the one who has no distinguishing features?

No one with distinguishing features has Neo Island parents. Huh, I guess even though I haven't stated this in the fic, it is my headcanon that Neo Islanders never get in romantic relationships with those from other islands and they don't have kids with them either.

A touching conversation with Gene! I'm glad that our protagonist has come to understand that, weird as he is, Rick has been there for him throughout the story. I mean, he was both his wingman and his anti-wingman (though he did the most there...).

Indeed.

I hope our protag will also come to recognize that Tango, the Doduo formerly known as Gotan, has also been there with him too. He underestimates Doduo, but we the audience know better. :)

Yep!

These chapters have also had some very interesting developments. The relations between Neo Island and TCG Island have become more important, as has the Oracle. Why is everyone from Neo Island a clone? Are there even people left there? I notice that Neo Island aesthetics are associated with more traditional styles of clothing as well.

And yet deeper still the rabbit hole will go...

 

[Slayerofthewind]

*Knock, knock* I have returned with a multi-chapter review!! Excited to continue with this!

Spoiler: Chapter 2 reactions

Had I been wearing a hat, (not that I would be caught dead in one) it might have blown away!

Omg why is he so adamantly against hats LMAO Give me the hat lore!!

It was the girls of this club that had wanted to 'date the champion'

Actually very curious how he would know this because hasn't he been Champion for only a short amount of time? Or is it more of a "they want to date whoever the Champion is, and it's always been that way" kind of thing.

They all flirted quite well too... But underneath, I could sense it. They only wanted prestige. No-doubt if I ever lost the title of 'champion', these 'amazing girls' would drop me like a bad card from their decks...

...One might even say they were... shallow.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Or even trying to reel in a big fish.

Twin sister of the other girl member of the club, Sara. I believed they were both age twenty.

I should hope they're both the same age if they're twin sisters!!

I'm so sorry, this is an unintentional sentence structure nitpick -- like I know what you were intending to mean by this, but the way it was structured technically implies this -- but I'm pointing it out because I found it funny and think it's really funny if your character actually does think like this and didn't realize them being twins meant they obviously were the same age.

Ok if this is Amanda, are they identical twins or fraternal twins? Because the art is reading to me as fraternal twins.

Just then, the last of the terrible trio arrived!

The club leader, Amy!

How many people are in the clubs generally? As a world building thing I mean. Like is it just these three girls and one guy? Because you do say that Joshua is the only guy in the club.

I had the same question with the Grass club too. Because you mentioned advertisement for them being not needed due to how big it was, these clubs being essentially the heart of the whole island, and TCG being the world's favorite thing, so I'm more so curious why membership seems low? Or is this just a game-specific thing I don't get?

When the others weren't looking I could see Joshua's eye twitching.

Why is he staying as a club member if it's literally the worst experience for him tho? Because he really seems impervious to their charms and sees through it, so why is he putting up with them?

One does not feel bad for beating away a hungry crocodile with a shovel...

LMAO

A random Doduo also trotted along behind him. It appeared to be attempting to mimic Imakuni's dance moves throwing its feathers about everywhere as it danced!

This is my favorite character now This drawing of him is perfect. Absolutely perfect. Idk really who you are beyond this intro yet, Imakuni, but I don't have to -- I'm sold.

He looks like he's gonna jump out of an alleyway and uncomfortably ask middle-aged women to buy cell-phone plans or, like, insurance, as a very misguided corporate stunt to attempt to be "more relatable by creating a mascot character," but all it amounts to is an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. It's perfect.

He looks like his best friend would be a magic 8 ball. He would consult this magic 8 ball for all important decisions such as curating his stock portfolio. "Should I buy stock in Apple?" *shakes ball* "Signs point to yes."

Also, he also has mad Tamagotchi-character energy if you know what I mean.

Also, pop off Doduo!!

I turned to my left and noticed that his Doduo was just standing there.

...Menacingly.

It wasn't going to follow him? Rather odd. As I went to leave, I noticed the sounds of an extra pair of feet as I walked.

I paused. The feet stopped.

I started walking again. The feet resumed.

I then turned around and found the Doduo was following me! No matter. These birds were known to follow people on occasion... Perhaps it didn't even know Imakuni. Little did I know, that Doduo was going to follow me the entire way home!

Love the idea that Doduo didn't know magical incredible Imakuni and was just reeled in by his sheer aura to become his flash dance partner.

Imakuni?! is a joke duelist the game included with a weird battle track for any duels. In the original game, he is one of the weakest duelists and plays badly but his deck was substantially improved for the sequel. He travels around the various clubs and fortresses, so it can be hard to find him. In the original, he gave four booster packs instead of the normal maximum of two for most duelists!

Love!! I was hoping he was real. Best character, 10/10, no notes. Appeared out of nowhere, said literally nothing, danced, then peaced out. Immaculate vibes.

Spoiler: Chapter 3 reactions

It looked at me. Its eyes were vacant and its faces wore rather dull expressions.

"We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty..."

There were few other ways to explain the sheer volume of feathers I was seeing... A fat, lazy, and dumb bird...

With how many feathers are about, I'm surprised Doduo isn't looking a bit sparse himself, damn.

Doduo looked at me with both heads wide-eyed and... eager?

"Gotan!" I smiled while crossing my arms proudly.

Gotan's heads tilted as its eyes seemed to squint for a moment with a flash of... bewilderment? -or at least I thought he might have, perhaps it was my imagination?

Awww poor Gotan doesn't seem to vibe with the name.

Obviously I was NOT this bird's owner, but with him following me around everywhere, who would believe me?

The Doduo distribution system has chosen you. Be honored

"...but what could I use for testing this? Our stock ran out just yesterday... If only we had some Doduo feathers laying about... They are getting so hard to come by these days... Another shipment of Doduo went out to Neo just last week... I thought they hated those birds..."

Looks like this might end up working out for MC in the end haha!!

Rick always was an odd one. More interested in science than the Pokemon TCG.

The idea that "Pokemon TCG" is normie culture is SO FUNNY

Rick grinned. "I shall come with you back to your house and gather the feathers myself! I have a method of procurement that ensures quality and freshness."

I meaaaaan they've already been procured from Doduo. But if he cares how "fresh" the feather is from off of the lawn, go off lol. Hopefully he has a special way to pick up feathers off the ground

Rick smiled broadly. "Excellent! Do you have a spare bedroom?"

Inviting himself over already haha.

Rick rolled his eyes. "Well I'll need a place to crash for the night! Also, being around Gotan will give me the opportunity I need to collect the most fresh feather specimens! I do hate manual labor, but I can tolerate it... if you have some beer."

Lol you're the one asking for the favor and inviting yourself over here, Rick I don't really think you're in the position here to be complaining about the work you willingly took on of your own design.

Rick looked me in the eye. "Not bad, but do you have enough... for two?"

Ah, Rick is the type to invite more people over lmao... or he could be talking about Gotan, but let's hope he's not.

Spoiler: Chapter 4 reactions

After poking around in the lawn for over an hour, Rick finally swung the door open, tossed a couple feathers he was holding into the air and sucked them up with his Feathermaster 5,000.

Essentially, a vacuum cleaner lol

I leaned back with my mouth hanging open. "She wanted to date me and you know what I did?"

Ok, but why does everyone want to date him?? Tbh "being Champion" doesn't work in ever situation, especially here. Also tbh this is pretty unprofessional on her part, potentially even going to get her in trouble with the university depending on rules, and you've made her seem like a very professional and put-together person thus far, so what is happening here exactly with her with this to motivate this?

"Just because she's your sister doesn't make her bad for others..."

Rick nodded as if he had just learned something profound. "Dude... your right! It's like when you look through a kaleidoscope or something!"

LOL as a sister to two brothers myself, I can tell you that the real answer you'd give to "Just because he's your brother doesn't make him bad for others..." (which, for real, I have actually heard variations of this before) is:

"Ew, no."
"You're an idiot."
"He's an idiot."
"Really?? That *brother name*?? Ew, why?"
"Literally how."
And so on haha!

Rick started laughing again too before regaining some semblance of composure. "DUDE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY HIM! She settled for him, man. But she was all upset she couldn't catch up to you! Isaac had a crush on her for years too. It's not like anyone else was knocking, man, so she opened the door, man, she OPENED THE DOOR!"

Ehhh, to be honest, this on her as well given she didn't speak up or make a move herself. I also think this is really shallow of her too to just pick someone that was there if she didn't also have feelings for him. Doesn't exactly paint her to be a good person either -- it makes her seem like she's taking advantage of Isaac's feelings for the convenience of marriage. Instead of feeling bad for Nikki and MC, I feel bad for Isaac.

I really hope this is more so the relationship being incorrectly filtered through the lens of someone not in the relationship. Not that I need the Nikki and Isaac marriage to be happy, but you've essentially painted Nikki as a wonderful sweet girl who could do no wrong, and this is a really terrible and manipulative thing to do that's being entirely brushed off.

My tears still weren't letting up. "THEN WHY DOES SHE STAY?!"

"Dude. Nikki's always been traditional n crap, man. Ever since she was little, she said she would never divorce. She ain't going nowhere, man... Sorry, dude..."

Rick stumbled over from the recliner and plopped down next to me on the couch while putting his arm on my shoulder. "You know, dude? You're alright. You did all that to try to make Nikki happy. Ima be your wing-man ok? I need more feathers from that crazy bird of yours, so Ima just follow you around and pick up feathers, but if there's a chick you dig, I use some science or crap to get her to notice you..."

Don't love that Rick, her brother, and the MC, who supposedly loves her's first thought is "let's break up their family," and doesn't even consider the fact that Nikki might be happy at this point in life, that maybe she did move on, and maybe she loves her daughter and husband?? It's very "I am more important than them, and my wants and feelings are more important," and not at all considering what the reality may or may not be or even somewhat taking into account what Nikki might want. Breaking up a family is a very big deal, especially if you don't know the reality of what that marriage is. It really seems like Nikki and MC only had crushes years ago that never evolved into a relationship, and being unable to understand why a married woman with a kid would probably not leave her family for a crush she had years ago that never even lead to a date is really odd.

Also, don't love how Nikki's brother is reducing his sister to just a very simplistic stereotype. Women can be traditional, and there's nothing wrong with that, but when it's your brother and they're describing your marriage and the only thing they can think of to say about you has nothing to do with your feelings, personality, wants, or desires, but is just "she's traditional" makes it seem like Rick is a terrible brother and/or Nikki doesn't have wants/feelings/personality/etc beyond "traditional," which is why I say it feels like a stereotype in this instance. Because there's no second note to her at all so far yet. Rick doesn't say, "Nikki isn't happy," he says, "Years ago, she picked another guy and is traditional." It really makes me think that Rick doesn't know or care about his sister at all, and is only able to say things about her relationship that may have been true and occurred years ago at the start of her marriage. It's just odd that he can only mention things that were surface level and applicable in time years ago -- it makes it feel like he doesn't know her.

Additionally, I'll also say that the MC when describing her and his feelings for her even all the way back in the chapter we first meet her in the Grass club, really appears to be that the thing he loves about her is that she's "traditional," which is really shallow on his part too if that's the main reason why he loves her, not anything else about her. Because of that, I don't really believe MC's feelings for her, and more so think he just likes the idea of her.

I really hope Nikki's not this 1-dimensional and that there's more to her we get later.

Also, I recognize they were drunk, but how MC is talking about and thinking about Nikki in this scene is essentially identical to how he talks about her when he's not drunk.

Totally realize I went off on a little bit of a rant here LOL, but take it with the only best intentions please!!

We spent the rest of the day watching movies and relaxing. We even ordered delivery pizza.

Omg they even ordered pizza I do really enjoy how they've suddenly become domesticated living with each other friends.

...But also didn't Rick have an important thing to do and had no time to waste which was why he insisted on coming over ASAP in the first place? A little confused why that's changed. I get they're hung over, but that doesn't stop scheduled events from happening or deadlines lol. Also, Rick really doesn't seem the type to lounge around all day watching movies given how frantic he usually is.

Gotan was taking attacks by Erik's Pokemon cards! The crazy bird loved it!

Interesting. I commented on this before in my last review, but I'm curious as to why this "Doduo is linked to the cards and takes damage" phenomena is happening Hopefully this is something the fic will eventually address.

Since it takes a while to get out to the Science Club, I decided it was ok to just have one duel for the day. I returned to the house with both Gotan and Rick tagging along.

I know this is not *quite* the case, but I do kind of like the mental image of MC's two companions being Gotan and just a guy named Rick that both decided to stick themselves to MC and follow him around at all times.

Overall, this was a very fun continuation!! I think the humor lands a lot more in these next few chapters, and I can tell you're getting into the swing of things by how the writing flows a lot more naturally in these chapters. My lack of TCG knowledge and game-lore is definitely leading to questions I know are just built in things I don't understand, but I felt that there were a lot less of those questions this time!

Dodou is finally introduced, and he is wonderful!! The sprite art of his vacant stare is absolutely perfect, and I love how he's just a silly little guy with complexity we'll hopefully slowly get into. You've done a great job at the characterization of Gotan, and I actually enjoy how he's written the most! Outside of Imakuni, who even if he never shows up again will be very hard to dethrone as the best character, Gotan is my favorite character! I'm interested to see how his lore and character will build out as well as watching Gotan and MC's relationship develop.

OH YEAH! I wanted to ask -- Does the MC have a name?? Because I haven't spotted one yet, and I've been wondering if this was intentional or not.

I have two main points of critique! The first is that it feels like there’s a difference in scale being emphasized a lot that creates conflicting world building and leaves me with questions. Like if this island is emphasized as a TCG major hub with a university and everyone is just deeply into TCG, why is it that there are only like 4 people in a famous renown club that apparently advertises? And in the case of the Grass club, why are those members essentially all children? That’s just one example, but this discrepancy in scale actually happens a lot and beyond just the clubs. You'll do something that makes the world seem very large, and then the next bit of world building makes the world seem very small in a way that contradicts the previous world building. It's fine if you want the world to be small or big, but you can't have both at the same time when addressing the same beat.

The second point being that your female characters are very one note, which makes them come off as stereotypes, some scenes feeling rather misogynistic because of that, and the way male characters talk about/interact with/describe female characters is often very reductional. Additionally, it's fair of me to point out that all of the female characters thus far fall into one of two camps: 1. are literal children, or 2. want to date MC and that appears to serve as one of their main character motivations. Doctor Wem was the exception to this... aaaaaand then it dropped in chapter 4 that no, she was not the exception to this, she did want to date him, and it's somewhat implied that she only favored and taught the MC because she wanted to date him. The same goes for Nikki (I talked about her a lot above already haha).

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having your MC be a desired figure, but the problem is only that there isn't anything else of major note being given to these women for characterization (Dr. Wem does have her TCG knowledge and career, but the reveal in chapter 4 honestly undercut and went directly against that characterization because of how big of a deal a professor dating a student really is, which makes her seem way less professional and caring about her work/career than she'd been depicted as so far) and that all women seemingly fall at his feet. I'd really love to see some more depth and complexity to them!!

ALSO, to be clear -- that's not to say you can't have shallow women/gold diggers/etc!! You can, and they can be great characters! Not every female (or male) character has to have depth and complexity. But right now, it's all of the women in this fic, not one or two or a few of the female characters, which is why I'm wanting to point this out. To put it another way, this fic would not pass the Bechdel Test right now lolol. It's definitely something that could be improved upon!

As a whole, really great job!! I'll be sure to continue reading later!!

 

[Tango]

Heya, it took a little bit, but popping in for this as part of our review exchange that I was hoping to chip away at over the course of Blitz, taking us right into…

Chapter 1

Awesome! I've been looking forward to the next review from you, Spiteful!

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

I’ll admit that I wasn’t expecting to hear ending music right off the bat in this chapter.

Neither did I, but darn it if it doesn't fit! Also, he recently became Champion, so this is sort of like a really really extended epilogue for him in a way.

Well, clearly not completely terribly since this would be a short story otherwise.

A fine guess!

Huh. Is that sprite custom? But it’s certainly a nice touch there either way.

It is custom. I had it commissioned. Credits for that are in the intro post!

Also, I’m pretty sure that this is a sign for you to play fewer card games and go on more dates, buddy.

N-no! No! He has no idea what you are talking about.

I mean, considering how this setting works, you might as well try getting into a bunch of battles with girls at this rate and see if you can somehow trigger love at first (card) fight.

I mean, it's got to give him better chances than moping about in his house, right?

Oh, so that’s what his grandpa looks like. I wonder given the image name if we’ll actually see him in the story later on.

Unless I add a flashback of some sort, the answer to that is essentially no.

I’ll admit that I did a double-take at the scene breaks here, especially since the whole “after a leisurely breakfast” part doesn’t really feel like it’s a scene on its own. It might have made sense to just merge it with the scene beginning at “The brisk morning air”.

How do these things completely escape my notice? It looks obvious now that you pointed it out. I fixed it. Thanks!

A part of me wonders if it’d have made sense to lampshade that the diary entries would get more elaborate / multi-scened with something to the effect of Jack(?) writing that he’s been having busy days lately and expects to be writing in his diary at different intervals of the day instead of all at the end to ensure that he doesn’t lose his thoughts / memories of what happened in order to look back for card strategies, but maybe I’m overthinking things.

My headcanon is that he usually writes in his diary at home late at night.

So what’s so proper about these trees that weren’t proper about the ones in the new neighborhood again? I kinda wonder if there should’ve been more at least passing mention of what said trees were like. Especially if the trees in the new neighborhood stood out from the natural surroundings like a sore thumb.

I mean, it kind of states it. Small trees are lame. Big trees are nice.

You’re missing a word here in this section.

Would Jack(?) know this from a one-off travel down the trail if he hasn’t been here in the past? It might have been worth changing the framing to something more along the lines of “so (once again) there was nobody else on the trail today” with the paren text added or dropped depending on the protag’s level of familiarity with this place.

I switched around the wording a bit. Should be a little more apparent now.

Ah yes, he’s getting close to joining the plot, I see…

Nah, this was just a random wild Doduo here. He won't meet the real star until chapter 2.

I think that you can potentially get a bit lampshad-ey about glossing over “those details aren’t important, so I’m not putting them in you, diary”. Since while I as a reader would’ve liked to have a bit more detail regarding what the Grass Club looks like, it does make sense that in an in-setting diary that “bruh, it’s a 7-11 clubhouse, they all look about the same” would lead to that getting omitted.

I switched it around a little to help it make more sense for the lack of detail. Thanks.

Swanky art is swanky there. Did you draw that? Though either way, you clearly went all-out with the multimedia component of this fic this time around.

I had it commissioned. First time it was used was in the intro where I have the credit to the artist listed below. Since I re-use commissioned art in some places, I'm not going to put the credit below every time I do because I don't want it cluttering my fic.

Neat music is neat there. A part of me wonders if you should’ve potholed specific words in your prose to look visually neater, but I suppose the way you did things makes it easier to get the BGM playing at the moment.

I honestly have no idea what you are talking about with the prose here. I mean, I could just refrain from commenting on this bit or smile and nod, but I really just don't know... 😅

I do wonder if given that this is written as a diary entry where the protagonist is recalling things after the fact, if this is a bit too ‘live-time’ at the moment. Unless if the protagonist is very deliberately scribbling little bits and pieces into his diary throughout the day, in which case, that should be mentioned in passing somewhere.

Ah, I mean to have everything written in past tense, so if you see me slip up somewhere, please feel free to call my attention to it like you did here. Thanks! (I fixed it)

Small typo there.

I feel like your two small paragraphs before Brittany’s portrait feel like they could be merged. And they likely would be merged as part of a diary entry that someone was writing out.

When you are right, you are right. And you're right, so I fixed it.

Protag: “Which was just a wee bit more difficult for me this time given that I basically started from scratch.” ^^;

For sure. It really is a huge handicap.

Wow, I didn’t know that people made fanart of the PTCG games. I have to wonder how the artist reacted when you asked them if you could pothole their doodle.

That's because they don't. I had this commissioned specifically for use in my fic.

Probably wild ones too given how Isaac looks like he’d get up to some dumb and stupid and yet thrilling antics. :V

This is technically all true.

Huh. That actually makes me wonder why they did have shared music for the Grass and Lightning Clubs. I wonder if that was a technical limitation.

Not sure, but it makes the leaders of the club being married to each other make a tiny bit more sense than it would otherwise, so I'm not complaining.

Priorities!™

Should’ve kept chasing after Nikki, bro.

Truth.

I looked this up on BP and apparently these two are actually club masters in the first PTCG game. That’s some impressive attention to detail there. Though does that mean that one day we’ll get a novelized PTCG 1 Let’s Play?

This lets play is kind of intended as that for both games since the 2nd game is mostly just a better first game. The only thing the 2nd game didn't have that the first game did was the story.

Sudden Trails in the Sky music jumpscare. I wasn’t expecting that one.

I enjoy that series and when there is a good opportunity to inject music from it, I will. Nice to see you using the soundtrack, though! And just so you know, I consider the soundtrack to get better as the fic goes but I try to use fitting tracks everywhere in it.

And yeah, should’ve been chasing after Nikki there, buddy.

He really should have. He screwed that up badly.

Which, uh… given your current money troubles, is highly debatable as to if that was worth it or not.

Oof! Insult to his injury! True though.

Okay, not that the protag going into his backstory isn’t informative, but I do wonder if it’d have made sense to provide a bit more framing about what suddenly put this on his mind and encouraged him to put it into his diary entry for the day at the start of the scene. For instance, is he killing time while waiting on his next card battle?

What encouraged him as pointed out in the narrative, was seeing Heather. Heather is Nikki's daughter. Heather looks just like Nikki did when Nikki was Heather's age. MC knew Nikki the most when Nikki was a kid. That is where the bulk of his interaction with Nikki came from. Seeing Heather takes him back.

Just saying, I don’t think this is going to get you any closer to getting a girlfriend than last time.

Still better than sitting around his house, though.

Well, I mean, they’re not wrong. But I suppose it’s on our protagonist to actually give them hope that this isn’t going to be a curbstomp, huh?

That it is.

So just how many butterflies are in our protag’s stomach with a smile like that on his face anyways?

Depends. Sometimes its to mask negativity. Sometimes its genuine.

You have a small typo here.

Yes, he loves to set those!

This once again feels a bit too “live-time” relative to the diary format that this story is rendered in.

Oh, so do they also force you to battle in the PTCG games every time that happens, too? ^^;

Nah, you have to walk up and talk to start battles in the PTCG.

Though I do feel like it would make a bit more sense to play up the whole “Oh. Nikki’s here too”-ness, since I’m sure that the protag had some feelings seeing her again.

Indeed he did but more of that will come later.

Which again, should be giving you quite a bit of pause as to how successfully you’re going to be able to leverage climbing to the top again for being able to get a girlfriend, buddy.

Oh, so that’s what the ‘forever alone’ face looks like in the PTCG games. /s

Maaaybe.

I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting a guy in as nice of duds as our protagonist to just sit on the floor, but I suppose that it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing about these islands and the world that they’re in.

Yeah. Kind of like my reaction to realizing that these psychopaths have no duel tables in the vast majority of places that duels take place in.

Yeah, see the comment about not being the weirdest thing about these islands.

And things are only going to get weirder as it goes. I look forward to your theories and reactions to stuff.

Wait, is this an actual thing that happens in the PTCG games? I’ll admit that I wouldn’t have expected it, since you’d think that professional card gaming would rapidly get uncomfortable without a nice table to sit on.

It's heavily implied. How else would they duel without tables and duel disks?

Just filing that one away as a thing that’s part of the in-setting culture there.

Just remember. The game did it, not me!

Wait, it does? I’m not sure how being on the floor would directly correlate to using a stall deck or not.

Really? A stallout deck stalls. It makes games take forever. The longer it takes the more uncomfortable it would be to keep sitting on the floor. Faster games mean less sitting.

Whelp, time for our impending curbstomp.

Indeed. 🧐

Huh. I wonder if we’re going to get an actual honest-to-goodness war story for the card battles this time around, since I remember that being something that I wished was present in the v1 of the story.

Well, I can promise you it will work way better than what you saw in the original, at least.

Hm. Looks like we won’t be getting a full blow-by-blow, though I suppose that makes sense even in a diary-formatted story, since I would not expect a diary-writer to document every single turn used for setup in a card game.

I don't want to bog it down too much, but I do add way more details than I used to.

I wonder if it’d have made sense to include some sort of turn tracker in spoilers or something like that. Assuming you didn’t do it at the very end as part of an action log or something like that.

Turn tracker? Why? What difference does it make what turn it is from a reader perspective?

I do wonder if the card list of what’s getting played / in the hands of the different characters would work better differentiated from the surrounding text a bit more. Some food for thought, anyways.

You might be on to something here! Could you elaborate more on this or perhaps provide examples?

Girl, this guy is a one-time champion. You sure you want to get this confident right now?

😅

Oh, so we are getting card battle war stories this go around. Neat.

😁

A shame that you didn’t have stills from the emulator when writing this out, since I feel that might’ve helped a lot for visualizing these different card plays that were happening.

The problem with that is that they don't really give a good indication of things from one screen. You usually have to go into different menus to get the full picture of how the duel is progressing. They sound good on paper, but probably not in practice.

Ah, I see that someone prefers to play conservatively here.

Only when prudent to do so.

I can already see Brittany’s

face from across the tarp, since boy is her luck crashing and burning in live-time right now.

I warned you about getting confident there, Brittany.

Yep. She should have listened. Oh well.

I feel like the “concealed” doesn’t quite work there. And once again, it is probably worth doing something to differentiate the text of these ‘card list’ parts from the rest of the narration.

Nice idea! I applied it.

Protag:

“I just said that I was playing a deck with only commons. Nothing about going easy with it.”

RNG can be a dick like that. Even if usually it’s not in the player’s favor like this.

It really can! It's a menace.

Not that our protagonist isn’t immediately familiar with the different cards and what they’d do, I kinda wonder if it’d be worth elaborating on what the attributes of these cards are in some capacity. Whether by inserting it into the narration, or something more meta like hovertexting explanations over the different cards the first time they pop up in the story or something like that.

I don't want to bog down the narration with cards I already listed in the prologue as part of the deck, but I guess you are talking about opponent cards. It's true that I didn't provide pictures for those. Hovertexting might be a good compromise. I've never used that before, though. Would you be willing to explain how to use it?

Now that’s more along the lines of the RNG that I was expecting there.

I'm glad she was able to get a good hit in when I played her in the game. Spiced things up a bit!

Ah, alas. Though funny that the very first battle in this story is going to be such a fraught affair.

Luck be like that sometimes. The narrative is still bound by the lets-play skeleton that frames it.

Um… protag? Your confidence is starting to scare me right now, since usually things don’t end well in stories when you assume you’ve won in advance.

Nah, when he gets confident, the opponent should be trembling. When he is worried, the reader should be for him too. He is extremely good at understanding the game state. Especially compared to the other duelists in the world.

If our protag was less of a gentleman, I could already see him busting out the popcorn right about now.

Yeah!

Alas, I couldn’t find a good rip of the 4-second victory jingle, so just imagine that’s playing in the background.

It has been imagined!

Protag: “Er… no? This was more of a thing that I was doing since I needed to rebuild my savings account.” ^^;

Yep! 😅

Oh, so she’s still cranky about this at the end, huh? Since losing to an all-common deck has got to sting one’s pride in a society where card games are the end-all-be-all of everything.

Indeed. Refusing to duel someone with that handicap essentially screams to the world that their deck is extremely weak. Duelists have too much pride to run and hide from it.

Ah yes, one step closer to making those money issues a thing of the past.

Yeah! She is sure. Why do you ask?

Ah, so I see that we’re not getting full war stories for each battle. Though I suppose that makes sense from the protag’s perspective, since describing his deck nuking his opponents from orbit in detail sounds like it’d get repetitive after a while.

Yes it would. Also, not every reader wants to read all the duels. It was about finding a balance which I think I've achieved. (hopefully)

Heather, don’t make me bust out that Bender gif again.

Which would explain a thing or two about why we’re not getting a proper war story for it. ^^;

Even if I do hope that we at least get those regularly for the more important battles in this story.

The important battles have duel details and even some of the unimportant ones do too.

Protag: “You certainly did!” ^.^

Protag: “(Also, I kinda need to pay my mortgage, so I’ll just be taking those booster packs, please…)” ^^;

Is our protag going to be able to convince everyone on the island to try battling him? Since you’d think that word would get around that the ex-Champ is now going around and stomping everyone with a deck of common cards.

It doesn't matter. It's a common deck. Anyone who beats him gets to say they beat him in a duel. (A feat that rarely almost never happened when he was using his unrestricted deck.) Everyone has too much pride to run from it.

Not convinced that things are really going to be that easy, but duly noted there.

That, and I’m pretty sure that the protag isn’t ready to navigate all those ‘coulda, shoulda, woulda’s regarding his once-fling with Nikki right here and now. ^^

Correct!

Alright, I’ll be leaving things here for now given the wall time. Though once again, I have to commend you for doing a story built around the TCG games. It’s a really unique premise in general and by and large it’s been executed quite well from what I’ve seen of this story so far.

That feedback means a lot to me. Thank you!

I also thought that the diary format was a lot more engaging to read than the one that you used for the v1 of the story, and it basically gives you a convenient out for when things go into detail and when things reel said detail in as needed. I can’t tell how much of that is deliberate or a happy accident, but I did notice it.

Yes!! I'm very happy to hear this!

Also, once again, your multimedia game is on point, since the embedded images and audio added a lot to the reading experience.

That's what I was really hoping!

Originally I added those things as crutches to help supplement my lack of writing experience, but there is no reason to take them away just because my writing improved, either!

On the more critical end of things, I did find myself wondering if a few sections of the chapter were going a bit far out on a limb relative to what one would write in a diary, especially the ones that read more like entries from a liveblog. I feel that there’s a few things that you can do to smooth them over and make them still fit your format (see: the throwaway suggestion of adding a note in passing that the protag would be making multiple entries during the day for the diary entries that start getting into multiscene territory).

At least this seems like a minor grip rather than a major one. 🤔

A part of me also wonders if things would’ve been better for the story to include a few emulator screencaps showing the state of play for these different games, since it was admittedly a bit hard for me to visualize the state of the protag and his opponents’ decks sometimes.

I'm not too sure what to do to help with that... I don't think screencaps would work as well as you imagine.

I also think it would’ve potentially been worth it to include some meta explanation of what the cards are and what they do, whether in the narration, or by blunter methods such as hovertext notes.

I think adding it to the narration would be a bit too clunky for most readers. Hovertext would probably be better, but I don't know how to implement those. If you would be willing to explain how, I'd appreciate it.

Also, I thought it’d have been worth having more differentiation between the text for the card listings and the text format used for the rest of the story, since as it stands, they kinda blend together a bit visually.

I think for this, I'm going to need examples and specific ideas. If I implement something and you don't like it, it makes it kind of pointless since you are the one with the idea for it. If I'm going to implement something, ideally, I would prefer it to be something you like.

But altogether, I had fun with this chapter.

YES!!

I’m not really sure why things are clicking for me so much more this time around, but I really do feel that it boils down to the subtle but important change in how the story is currently framed compared to your v1.

Book One is a big step up from the original fic. I'm so glad it shines through to your overall enjoyment!

I hope that the feedback was helpful for you, @Tango ,

I might need a little more explanation to put it to best use. I like some of the ideas you have and I think they would be good to implement but the how/what aspects of it are a little lost on me, currently.

and I’ll be looking forward to chipping away a bit more at our review exchange in the not-too-distant future.

I'm trying to work my way back around to Fledglings too, but this blitz has been rather crazy so far. If it gets a bit lopsided in the short term, I'll catch up on it later. Hopefully my overall reputation speaks for me on that.

But this was a great review!! As I have come to anticipate from you.

 

[Tango]

*Knock, knock* I have returned with a multi-chapter review!! Excited to continue with this!

Ooo! I'm excited to have you back!

(Even with that sick roasting you gave me later on! It's fine, keep em coming! )

Spoiler: Chapter 2 reactions

Omg why is he so adamantly against hats LMAO Give me the hat lore!!

You have asked and I have delivered. Updated my chapter for the bit below!

The sky was partly cloudy, but there was still plenty of opportunities for the sun to beam down. The water of the lake glistened in the light. A hearty breeze was blowing today. Had I been wearing a hat, (not that I would be caught dead in one) it might have blown away!​

​

Hats. A means of concealing a perfectly wonderful head of natural hair! One did not visit the finest barber on TCG Island to merely cover up their work with some plebeian head covering!​

​

Ridding my mind of the infernal head-cages as I strolled, I took notice of the occasional fisherman angling for some fresh-water fish, which were quite the rarity. Fishing was greatly limited on the lake to preserve the species of fish in it. If one was skilled, they could make a healthy living that way. Fishing may be enjoyable as a novelty, but doing it all day as an occupation did not appeal to me..​

Actually very curious how he would know this because hasn't he been Champion for only a short amount of time? Or is it more of a "they want to date whoever the Champion is, and it's always been that way" kind of thing.

A good point! I've updated it to the following:

It was the girls of this club that had wanted to 'date the Champion'. Naturally that extended to those speculated to become Champion, of which I was the prime target... Each of them had amazing figures.​

...One might even say they were... shallow.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Or even trying to reel in a big fish.

Nice ones!

I should hope they're both the same age if they're twin sisters!!

I'm so sorry, this is an unintentional sentence structure nitpick -- like I know what you were intending to mean by this, but the way it was structured technically implies this -- but I'm pointing it out because I found it funny and think it's really funny if your character actually does think like this and didn't realize them being twins meant they obviously were the same age.

This is great! I'm leaving it in and this is now my official interpretation!

Ok if this is Amanda, are they identical twins or fraternal twins? Because the art is reading to me as fraternal twins.

Identical that use different hair dye. Or at least that's what I'm going with. The art does make them seem a bit different maybe, but it's funnier if they are identical, so that's what I'm sticking with.

How many people are in the clubs generally? As a world building thing I mean. Like is it just these three girls and one guy? Because you do say that Joshua is the only guy in the club.

Well, I copied the game for it. In the game there are generally 4 people in a club. Three members and one Master.

I had the same question with the Grass club too. Because you mentioned advertisement for them being not needed due to how big it was, these clubs being essentially the heart of the whole island, and TCG being the world's favorite thing, so I'm more so curious why membership seems low? Or is this just a game-specific thing I don't get?

Ok, so you brought up a question no one asked yet. I've given it some thought and I think it makes sense to explain/make it like this:

Most people on the island don't play the game as well as club members and Club Masters. Club members and masters are still way less skilled than Mister Gentleman. So he is playing against the best of the best even though their best isn't very impressive.

Most TCG games that take place on their island happen at duel tables in the lounge of most clubs or at peoples homes. That's where the duel tables are. Remember from Chapter 1 that beginners tend to play at tables. This limits the number of people that play in the main rooms of the clubs to those who are either testing the waters or are very confident in their TCG skills.

Why is he staying as a club member if it's literally the worst experience for him tho? Because he really seems impervious to their charms and sees through it, so why is he putting up with them?

Being a club member is a prestigious position even though it seems weak. That's why he stays.

LMAO

This is my favorite character now This drawing of him is perfect. Absolutely perfect. Idk really who you are beyond this intro yet, Imakuni, but I don't have to -- I'm sold.

I knew it! I knew you would be an Imakuni fan! I could sense it!

He looks like he's gonna jump out of an alleyway and uncomfortably ask middle-aged women to buy cell-phone plans or, like, insurance, as a very misguided corporate stunt to attempt to be "more relatable by creating a mascot character," but all it amounts to is an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. It's perfect.

There is also a red Imakuni from GR Island. In the big tournament arc I have planned, they will start their match in a card duel but it will devolve (or evolve?) into a dance off. They are both going to be wearing antigrav boots and dance away into the sunset sky to determine who wins. This will disqualify them from the tournament, but they(the Imakuni's) will consider it a casualty of war. (I'm not kidding. I'm 95% sure that will become canon)

This reminds me of what they think of each other:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np1TwAMBdrU

He looks like his best friend would be a magic 8 ball. He would consult this magic 8 ball for all important decisions such as curating his stock portfolio. "Should I buy stock in Apple?" *shakes ball* "Signs point to yes."

Wow, this bit... this is some comedic gold! I might do that with him later!

Also, he also has mad Tamagotchi-character energy if you know what I mean.

He's got something that's for sure!

...Menacingly.

Natuarally.

Love the idea that Doduo didn't know magical incredible Imakuni and was just reeled in by his sheer aura to become his flash dance partner.

You know... I'm pretty sure that's what actually happened there!

Love!! I was hoping he was real. Best character, 10/10, no notes. Appeared out of nowhere, said literally nothing, danced, then peaced out. Immaculate vibes.

Certainly the most random thing I've had in my fic that I can think of lol

Spoiler: Chapter 3 reactions

"We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty..."

With how many feathers are about, I'm surprised Doduo isn't looking a bit sparse himself, damn.

Actually, the reason for that is because they potentially grow back super fast. Like insanely fast. Way faster than should be possible for any living being to do. And no, I'm not kidding. It's a real feature of the Doduo in their world. That is not based on the game, that's lore I invented.

Awww poor Gotan doesn't seem to vibe with the name.

Heck no. Would you if someone got your name backwards?

The Doduo distribution system has chosen you. Be honored

Either way, he aint getting out of it!

The idea that "Pokemon TCG" is normie culture is SO FUNNY

It is in that world anyway!

I meaaaaan they've already been procured from Doduo. But if he cares how "fresh" the feather is from off of the lawn, go off lol. Hopefully he has a special way to pick up feathers off the ground

He does. It's his glorified self-invented vacuum cleaner, the Feathermaster 5,000!

Lol you're the one asking for the favor and inviting yourself over here, Rick I don't really think you're in the position here to be complaining about the work you willingly took on of your own design.

Ah, Rick is the type to invite more people over lmao... or he could be talking about Gotan, but let's hope he's not.

Nah, he just wants Mister Gentleman to drink with him.

Spoiler: Chapter 4 reactions

Essentially, a vacuum cleaner lol

Yep! I love it!

Ok, but why does everyone want to date him??

It's like he is a famous celebrity. Tons of people want to date him. But keep in mind most of the people that are wanting to date him are very into the Pokemon TCG.

Tbh "being Champion" doesn't work in ever situation, especially here.

True, because he wasn't the Champion at that point.

Also tbh this is pretty unprofessional on her part, potentially even going to get her in trouble with the university depending on rules, and you've made her seem like a very professional and put-together person thus far, so what is happening here exactly with her with this to motivate this?

What's motivating her? Fine, I shall explain with only a manigible level of spoilers.

She spent a lot of time around him and trained him to be the best duelist in the world to the point where he could duel her and win. No one else in their world was able to do that. Due to that and the time she spent around him, she developed feelings for him. She wasn't intending or wanting to form those feelings nor did she realze she would develop them. She asked him out not in the hopes he would say yes, but because she knew he would reject him. She knew that not from intuition, but because she has the power of foresight. Doctor Wem is secretly a psychic. She needed that rejection for some closure because she knew she needed to part ways with him after his training was complete. Psycic powers are a thing in their world if you remember from the prologue. In fact, the reason she became an instructor was 100% for his benefit even though she taught others too. That's why she began there not long before his arrival to the university and is why she left not long after he graduated. She knew she needed to train him. As for why, those are answers for later.

LOL as a sister to two brothers myself, I can tell you that the real answer you'd give to "Just because he's your brother doesn't make him bad for others..." (which, for real, I have actually heard variations of this before) is:

"Ew, no."
"You're an idiot."
"He's an idiot."
"Really?? That *brother name*?? Ew, why?"
"Literally how."
And so on haha!

Interesting. You are the first person to comment on this aspect, I think. He did start with a reply like one of the ones above. He is just good at seeing things from the perspective of others.

Ehhh, to be honest, this on her as well given she didn't speak up or make a move herself.

Valid!

I also think this is really shallow of her too to just pick someone that was there if she didn't also have feelings for him.

Ah you are making an assumption there. Also, you seem to cause me to reveal spoilers in order to defend my writing... (That does seem like some karma coming back to bite me. I have no one to blame but myself lol...) Not everything needs to be explained right away! But to attempt to satisfy you, the answer is below.

In fact, she had feelings for them both. Rick incorrectly assumed she settled for him because she was unhappy after, but the real cause of her greif is that she considered it a betrayal of Mister Gentleman, especially after he became Champion since that was the condition she set when they were all young to determine which of them she would marry. (she already had crushes on both of them by that point)

Later chapters delve into this more but I prefer to hold some of this back for now. Hopefully that helps! 😅

Doesn't exactly paint her to be a good person either -- it makes her seem like she's taking advantage of Isaac's feelings for the convenience of marriage. Instead of feeling bad for Nikki and MC, I feel bad for Isaac.

See explaination above.

I really hope this is more so the relationship being incorrectly filtered through the lens of someone not in the relationship.

Indeed it is.

Not that I need the Nikki and Isaac marriage to be happy, but you've essentially painted Nikki as a wonderful sweet girl who could do no wrong, and this is a really terrible and manipulative thing to do that's being entirely brushed off.

Brushed off? Even if that were the case, what are they supposed to do about it?

Don't love that Rick, her brother, and the MC, who supposedly loves her's first thought is "let's break up their family,"

WOAH! Hold on there!

That is absolutely not what I wrote! 😅
I think I'm going to need to reword it, because you are not the first person to somehow get this bizarre interpretation!

Two things happening here:
1. He is happy that MC tried to get better at the TCG as a way of making Nikki happy.
2. Since he missed the boat with Nikki, if there is a chick (aka not specifically Nikki as he would not refer to her as "a chick" and would just use her name) he is interested in, he will help make a good impression for him (whatever that is supposed to entail)

But the fact that you aren't the first person to view it this way means this isn't a coincidence and is instead a problem with my wording being too open to interpret it that way.

I've reworded to the following with bold being the change:

"You know, dude? You're alright. You did all that to try to make Nikki happy. Ima be your wing-man ok? I need more feathers from that crazy bird of yours, so Ima just follow you around and pick up feathers, but if there's some other chick you dig, I use some science or crap to get her to notice you..."​

Thank you for pointing that out! I don't want people getting the wrong idea here! 😅

and doesn't even consider the fact that Nikki might be happy at this point in life, that maybe she did move on, and maybe she loves her daughter and husband??

Nikki is very much not happy and Rick can tell.

It really seems like Nikki and MC only had crushes years ago that never evolved into a relationship, and being unable to understand why a married woman with a kid would probably not leave her family for a crush she had years ago that never even lead to a date is really odd.

MC doesn't want Nikki to leave her kids. He just believes she is unhappy and doesn't understand why she would marry and stay with someone who (from his currently incorrect perspective, seems to be someone she didn't really love to begin with)

I think the misunderstanding about what Rick was conveying played pretty heavily into this, so I'm guessing that is probably ok now, but feel free to comment again if not.

Also, don't love how Nikki's brother is reducing his sister to just a very simplistic stereotype.

Yeah... this be some karma, I think. Look, I'll be more careful in reviewing your characters later ok? Just stop roasting me please!

But to give an actual reply, he didn't mean she is traditional in the sense that it defines her as a person, just that she takes marriage as something that is supposed to be for life and that stance is a traditional one. Thus, she is 'traditional' in that sense. Does that help?

Women can be traditional, and there's nothing wrong with that, but when it's your brother and they're describing your marriage and the only thing they can think of to say about you has nothing to do with your feelings, personality, wants, or desires, but is just "she's traditional" makes it seem like Rick is a terrible brother and/or Nikki doesn't have wants/feelings/personality/etc beyond "traditional," which is why I say it feels like a stereotype in this instance.

See reply above.

Because there's no second note to her at all so far yet.

But she hasn't even had dialogue yet!

Down tiger, DOWN! No! I need my leg, stop chewing it! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Rick doesn't say, "Nikki isn't happy," he says, "Years ago, she picked another guy and is traditional." It really makes me think that Rick doesn't know or care about his sister at all, and is only able to say things about her relationship that may have been true and occurred years ago at the start of her marriage.

Well, at least you feel comfortable enough to roast me. I can appreciate it for that. 😅

But to give an actual answer, It's very much the opposite for Rick. He cares about her quite a bit and knows her as well as a brother does but doesn't know the whole story because she is bad at opening up to people.

I think our different ways of thinking causes some friction, but it's also kind of exciting!

It's just odd that he can only mention things that were surface level and applicable in time years ago -- it makes it feel like he doesn't know her.

But he is drunk. He isn't exactly super profound at the moment! 😅

Additionally, I'll also say that the MC when describing her and his feelings for her even all the way back in the chapter we first meet her in the Grass club, really appears to be that the thing he loves about her is that she's "traditional,"

Is it? I went back and re-read the relevant bits of chapter one. He didn't explain why he had a crush on her. He only speculated her shyness might be part of it. He likes how she appears to keep her club orderly and speculated that she takes care of her family with the same diligence and attention. Are there things he could have added in that section to expand on things more? Sure. Does the fact that he did not go into more depth in that section mean that he sees her as a stereotype? No!

which is really shallow on his part too if that's the main reason why he loves her, not anything else about her. Because of that, I don't really believe MC's feelings for her, and more so think he just likes the idea of her.

He had a crush on her when he was young. Once he met her he spent his time with her and Isaac playing cards with them. He was there to spend time with both of them. Nikki mentioned she would marry whoever of the two of them became the Champion.(She was serious about it at the time.) This lit a fire in his heart and he dedicated his life to the pursuit of that goal. When they were young teens they stopped hanging out due to drama that occurred. He kept pursuing the goal to be with her. She didn't wait for him and started dating Isaac. He pursued ahead anyway since he was always into the TCG anyway.

You don't find anything romantic at all about him trying to prove himself in her eyes and dedicating his life to it? Nothing that suggests a genuine desire from him to be with her?

I really hope Nikki's not this 1-dimensional and that there's more to her we get later.

Nope. That's all there is. The stuff from one chapter about a character defines their entire existence. There is nothing else that can possibly add to it!

I think the issue here is that I don't explain everything about every character up front. I reward patience and additional reading with depth and additional nuance for my characters. I treat my characters as mysteries for the reader to uncover and speculate on. I reveal things about characters in stages. I guess this makes them seem one dimensional early on, but there is more to them than that.

Also, I recognize they were drunk, but how MC is talking about and thinking about Nikki in this scene is essentially identical to how he talks about her when he's not drunk.

He didn't go very far in depth when he was at the club because he was there to duel not sit an day dream all day and when he is drunk he isn't going much in depth either.

Totally realize I went off on a little bit of a rant here LOL,

Yes, and my left leg is chewed and sitting in the corner. You left some meat on it by the way...

but take it with the only best intentions please!!

Ok. But only because you asked nicely. 😉

Omg they even ordered pizza I do really enjoy how they've suddenly become domesticated living with each other friends.

He has the feathers and Rick provides the lawn service. It was inevitable.

...But also didn't Rick have an important thing to do and had no time to waste which was why he insisted on coming over ASAP in the first place?

Or so he said...

A little confused why that's changed.

Pretense.

I get they're hung over, but that doesn't stop scheduled events from happening or deadlines lol.

Nah, but he has his club members to handle those things for him. Also, he does occasionally go home to take care of crap.

Also, Rick really doesn't seem the type to lounge around all day watching movies given how frantic he usually is.

Sometimes he is frantic, sometimes he is not. Welcome to Rick.

Interesting. I commented on this before in my last review, but I'm curious as to why this "Doduo is linked to the cards and takes damage" phenomena is happening Hopefully this is something the fic will eventually address.

I try to address all the weird things in my fic at some point or another. This has a real in-fic explanation which will be addressed.

I know this is not *quite* the case, but I do kind of like the mental image of MC's two companions being Gotan and just a guy named Rick that both decided to stick themselves to MC and follow him around at all times.

It's close enough to that for you to hold onto that mental image, because things are just getting started! 🤩

Overall, this was a very fun continuation!!

What was that? I can't hear you over the sewing machine I'm using to close the wound from my missing leg!

I think the humor lands a lot more in these next few chapters, and I can tell you're getting into the swing of things by how the writing flows a lot more naturally in these chapters. My lack of TCG knowledge and game-lore is definitely leading to questions I know are just built in things I don't understand, but I felt that there were a lot less of those questions this time!

That and it can be hard to distinguish between game insanity and my own crafted insanity. 😅

But it's great you are settling in well!

Dodou is finally introduced, and he is wonderful!!

Best birdo he is!

The sprite art of his vacant stare is absolutely perfect, and I love how he's just a silly little guy with complexity we'll hopefully slowly get into.

Gotan is quite complex as you will find...

You've done a great job at the characterization of Gotan, and I actually enjoy how he's written the most!

I think you will enjoy his antics and the revelations about him as the journey continues.

Outside of Imakuni, who even if he never shows up again will be very hard to dethrone as the best character,

It's a bit of a tall order to fill. I guess we will have to wait and see if any other does it for you that good!

Gotan is my favorite character! I'm interested to see how his lore and character will build out as well as watching Gotan and MC's relationship develop.

MC is very not good at recognizing certain signs...

OH YEAH! I wanted to ask -- Does the MC have a name??

He does not. Yet. Getting one is a major plot point for him later. Not even joking. 😅

Because I haven't spotted one yet, and I've been wondering if this was intentional or not.

1000% intentional.

I have two main points of critique!

Back for the other leg, huh? Can I at least keep half of it this time?

The first is that it feels like there’s a difference in scale being emphasized a lot that creates conflicting world building and leaves me with questions. Like if this island is emphasized as a TCG major hub with a university and everyone is just deeply into TCG, why is it that there are only like 4 people in a famous renown club that apparently advertises?

Oh good I answered this one already! That was close!

And in the case of the Grass club, why are those members essentially all children?

Well, the meta reason is because that's what the game did.

As for the story reason, it's because kids are allowed to work in TCG Clubs as members or masters. They have to fit it into their schooling schedule. Also, most adults are no better at the game than kids, but adults are better at learning adult jobs than kids are. This causes there to be more kid members of clubs than adults. Also, kids they get older tend to leave when they realize they aren't good enough to become the next Club Master.
Does that help?

That’s just one example, but this discrepancy in scale actually happens a lot and beyond just the clubs. You'll do something that makes the world seem very large, and then the next bit of world building makes the world seem very small in a way that contradicts the previous world building. It's fine if you want the world to be small or big, but you can't have both at the same time when addressing the same beat.

Feel free to point out more examples of this. I need to at least have a working headcanon to explain them.

The second point being that your female characters are very one note,

So, you might not have noticed this, but I don't currently have any female main characters. (Which is actually pretty funny, because my series as a whole is planned to have MANY female main characters! Way more than male, actually! And that was planned before I started writing Book One.)

Female characters are not one note because they are female. If any character in the series has less substance to them, it is because they haven't had as much screentime for me to try to add more to them.

There are more than 32 characters from TCG Island alone. Adding all the characters from GR Island too puts it I think at about 100 characters. Because this fic is built on a lets-play skeleton, I am required to use all of these characters. If I devoted the level of depth you seem to be suggesting into every character, my fic would become diluted and the main characters would get lost in the sea of side-character depth.

I also want to point out that many of the club members are simply not going to have a lot of depth to them. Club Masters have a bit more depth in many cases.

which makes them come off as stereotypes, some scenes feeling rather misogynistic because of that,

see explaination above.

and the way male characters talk about/interact with/describe female characters is often very reductional.

see explanation above.

Additionally, it's fair of me to point out that all of the female characters thus far fall into one of two camps: 1. are literal children,

see explanation above.

or 2. want to date MC and that appears to serve as one of their main character motivations.

Ok, but the Water Club was like that to be funny. The other females are kids(the grass club members). Nikki is an exception and Wem is an exception.

You act like I've introduced 50 female characters already!

Doctor Wem was the exception to this... aaaaaand then it dropped in chapter 4 that no, she was not the exception to this, she did want to date him, and it's somewhat implied that she only favored and taught the MC because she wanted to date him. The same goes for Nikki (I talked about her a lot above already haha).

see explanation above.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having your MC be a desired figure, but the problem is only that there isn't anything else of major note being given to these women for characterization

Yet. Keyword is yet. Also see explanation above.

(Dr. Wem does have her TCG knowledge and career, but the reveal in chapter 4 honestly undercut and went directly against that characterization because of how big of a deal a professor dating a student really is, which makes her seem way less professional and caring about her work/career than she'd been depicted as so far)

That's because she didn't care about her career. She was only there for MC to begin with. Oh and if you are wondering, Wem had MANY things going on outside of the MC. Even during her university tenure.

and that all women seemingly fall at his feet.

See explaination a while back.

I'd really love to see some more depth and complexity to them!!

Well, if you are patient, maybe you will get some!

Can I have my other leg back now?

ALSO, to be clear -- that's not to say you can't have shallow women/gold diggers/etc!! You can,

I can?!

and they can be great characters! Not every female (or male) character has to have depth and complexity. But right now, it's all of the women in this fic, not one or two or a few of the female characters, which is why I'm wanting to point this out.

Fine, but at least let me keep my leg as a stump at the knee. I want to look cool with a pegleg!

Also, see explanation a while back.

To put it another way, this fic would not pass the Bechdel Test right now lolol. It's definitely something that could be improved upon!

Well, my series as a whole definitely would. So I wouldn't worry about it.

As a whole, really great job!!

Thanks!

I'll be sure to continue reading later!!

All joking aside, thanks a bunch for the review! Feel free to reply to my reply here or PM me or discuss on discord! All options are valid.