Pokémon TCG2: Doduo Adventures - Book One: TCG Island

[Tango]

Hi Tango! Here for our long-overdue review!

Yes!! I've been looking forward to a review from you!!

In conjunction with our trade, I this will cover the prologue to chapter 4--I will do my best to come back before blitz end, but worst case, we can do more reviews in the future now that my time has freed up!

That sounds great to me!

I'll begin by saying that I've never heard of this game--not even in a PMD sort of way, where I've played bits and pieces but don't know much about it--just straight up never heard of it!

That doesn't scare me. I've gone to great lengths to make my fic approachable to those with no TCG experience!

But I do know a bit about TCG from playing Pocket TCG...however, my apprehension was all for naught because you provide so much background information, I'm actually thoroughly impressed. So, thank you for that.

Thanks so much!

That leads me to my first point--I found this fic, so far, to be an excellent example of "write what you know."

Oh?

It's very clear to me, from the way you've formatted this, and the art you've had made for this, and the detail you go into to make sure your readers have all the background information that you care very deeply about this game and building out the world around it.

It's true! I do everything I can to improve my fic and give it every edge I can!

As an all around newbie to Pokemon TCG, I actually learned a bit while reading! (Especially in regard to deck building, that skillset still largely evades me)

That's so cool that my fic handles duels well enough to help a new player not just follow along but understand how to play!

I'm no good with modern Pokemon TCG but in this old retro format, I'm awesome! 😎

I am also fascinated by this world you've started to build; I know you have a foundation, and because I am unfamiliar with the game, I don't have much to go off, but just from what I've read, it's quite interesting.

Much of the creative aspects of the world of the fic were things I expanded on or straight up added. The locations, characters, titles, cards, and islands were from from the game.

I'm glad it has your attention! If you like secrets, mysteries, surprises, drama, and twists, my fic has these things! It takes time to set up and build things up, but those who read it seem to think it's worth the wait.

TCG being the main sport "staple" instead of actual Pokemon? Doduo being the lone Pokemon that seems to exist in the world? The world presumably only being made up of 3 islands, one of which apparently has a harsh travel restriction? I have to say, that last point feels extremely bleak...but in a sort of Attack on Titan way, where the people on these islands believe their islands are the only ones who exist and will eventually find out there is a WHOOOOOLE world out there full of the "continents" that the little boy gushed on and on about (it seemed like some prettyyyyyy cool foreshadowing to me...), and it's just a fascinating concept, if I happen to be right. I have Mystery Writer™️ brain, so please pardon me if I'm off base LOL

I think you will be pretty interested in how things develop!

I LOVE that you seem to enjoy theorizing! Its one of the funnest things to do with my fic with how crazy it is!

Also enjoyed the (not so) subtle YuGiOh drop LOL.

I had to. The audience demanded it!

(Plus I thought it was funny )

Is this just a world of card games running the show? That would actually be so neat if that's where you're going...

That is exactly what it is!

I like the Gentleman as a character. He definitely is just that--a gentleman. You do a good job of capturing that in the way he refers to himself with kind of an arrogant air while also being kind and cordial with everyone he meets. You've nailed down that characterization very well, and I THOROUGHLY enjoy the sprites of him!

I think you might be his biggest fan! Wow it's so great to hear so much positivity for my main character!

It adds so much character to the story; like I'm playing a game (which I'm sure was your intention). I do hope that bro finds a girlfriend, though. I was cringing (in an "oh no poor dude") way in chapter 4 when Rick was detailing how Nikki also had feelings for him, but neither of them acted on it, and she settled.........like, woof bro. That is "the one who got away" in the worst possible way.

Yeah, it wrecked him for sure.

I don't WANT Mister Gentleman to be a homewrecker, especially because it seems like Nikki has made a decent life with Isaac (kids n' shit, they probably have assets that would be meeeeeessssyyyyy to split in a divorce) but..........I can root for them a little if there's a particular reason Nikki isn't happy in the marriage. Just a little bit.

I think on this point I will keep it simple and refer back to my previous comment on drama being a thing in this fic.

Also, I've never looked twice at doduo as a Pokemon,

Well, yeah! Who honestly DOES?

Certainly wasn't MY pick for the fic! He just butted his way in to both my deck AND story!

but this fic might change that--the sprites of Gotan are SO DAMN CUTE.

Yeah... I'm with you there. The bird grew on me.

I love his stupid little dumb stare, it's soooooo adorable--

I know right?

not a thought behind those eyes...or is there????

Or is there, indeed.

I hope we get more insight on this silly little dude (and maybe more Pokemon in the future, mayhaps???

At least one of those questions has 'yes' as an answer.

I feel like I'm seeing a lot of setup for a BIIIIIG revelation that other Pokemon exist, especially as of Chapter 4...but again, Mystery Writer™️ brain at work!)

Keep that brain working! (It's coming up with some great material!)

I definitely enjoy how you write out the battles. It's very easy for me to follow and keep up with the play-by-plays and what the Gentleman is thinking of as he's going through the motions.

In that case, I think you will enjoy the battles of the fic since I tend to keep them consistently good with some being even better than average!

I also really REALLY like that you haven't written out every single battle. You do a great job of deciding when it's absolutely necessary to play out a battle and when it's okay to just summarize it, and as somebody who can easily get lost in the sauce of too many back to back battles, even in fics with actual Pokemon doing the battling, I really appreciate that. It's important to know when to keep things concise, and you one hundo percento have that down pat!

Yeah, I really didn't want to bog people down in too much battle. I'm glad my decisions on it are well received by you!

I know you said you'd prefer that reviewers keep concrit to a minimal,

Well, I just mean I don't want more than 80% of a review being concrit is all. But having read the concrit and came back up here to comment, you've done great on balancing it!

so I'll try to keep this section short--and please let me make it clear that if I say anything that makes you feel some type of way, or if you need clarification on anything, do not hesitate to reach out!

You've always struck me as respectful and positive. I've also seen a bit of a wilder side side your self-promo post from last year I think!

I am happy to talk things through with you if anything I say came off wrong or rubbed you in a negative way.

Aww thanks!

Spoiler: ConCrit Section

So the first thing I noticed, majorly, is the way you structure your dialogue. I was an aspiring playwright before I pivoted into novel writing, so dialogue is my BIG thing. Every line of dialogue you have follows the same format where it's Action. "Dialogue." This is not me saying that this is the wrong way to structure dialogue, but rather, it would serve your story very well to vary it. When you have a repetition of the same dialogue structure, the prose can start to feel exactly that--repetitive.

Like for example, I noticed it the most in the prologue:

In this example, you could maybe do something like:



Just to give you an idea about how you can go about changing things up.

Very valid!! And thank you so much for the great examples!

I've been meaning to learn to improve how I handle dialogue and I'm planning to get some coaching/tutoring for it. I'd like to do better with it, but I need guidance and practice. Until I can develop that skill and apply it, please excuse my lackluster dialogue! 😅

For now, it's written as best as I know how! But once I'm caught up on my exchanges I plan to take a close look at improving this aspect of my fic before I move on to rewrite my original fic into Book Two.

Additionally, regarding the Gentleman's history with Nikki, I think that needs to come up a lot sooner.

Oh? You aren't afraid to offer plot suggestions?

Neat! Most people don't seem to try that.

Like, while he's in his big house, all by his lonesome, have him dream of the life he could have had with her.

Well, I liked your idea so much that I went ahead and used it! New scene has been added at the start of Chapter one for it. I even switched the music around to accomodate it!

If you go back to check it out, let me know what you think!

As he's gearing up to head to the Grass Club, I do think he should be nervous about getting there--he hasn't seen her in years, I presume based on what was written?

So, he became Champion recently and had seen her recently but I switched things around a little to try to make that more clear as many of my readers seem confused on that point.

To me, he should be sweating buckets. Maybe he doesn't want to go to the Grass Club first, but decides he needs to get it out of the way so he isn't anxious about it the entire time he's battling. Maybe he fumbles during his battle with the members because he feels Nikki watching him. There's a lot you can do to raise those uncomfy stakes there that can make his grief feel more visceral.

I think the edits I made help with this some, but it's less of a build up than you are thinking since he would have been in there less than a year prior to the chapter.

Same with when he goes to the Science Club to see Rick; I think he should be on edge about it. Like, what does he think Rick thinks about him? Is he worried about that? What else can be going through his head as they're talking?

Nah, he was never really worried about what Rick thought of him. Rick and him hardly had any interaction when they were younger and he would have seen Rick relatively recently too anyway.

The last thing I'll get at is much smaller, and happened mostly in the Grass Club duels--I noticed you used a lot of the dialogue to kind of info dump what was happening, and while that can happen in moderation, that can sometimes cause dialogue to feel forced and almost robotic. Like the characters are programmed to explain to a reader what is going on, when all you really need to do is write that exposition in maybe a thought process, or in an action a character does. It's important to trust that your reader can figure it out without you needing to spell it out for them.

This is much less intense concrit and more just small line edits I noticed:


This is what I mean by info dumping in dialogue--trust that your reader can figure it out through just you writing out what they're doing in standard prose!

Hmmm... I'm not sure if I want to trust the reader on this. YOU might be observant enough not to need it, but I'd rather err on the side of caution for others especially when taking into account non-author lurkers. Granted, these were relatively new additions and if I see other people chime in with similar thoughts on it, I may revisit this. Regardless, I appreciate you pointing it out.

I also want to add that future chapters don't have them speak quite like that. This duel was meant to serve as a tutorial for readers since it was the first.

Did you mean "the"?


Some prose repetition here that can be simplified


I see it written as Mr. Gentleman in one place (with a dropped capital G) and Mister Gentleman in another. Just make sure it's consistent across the board.


giveaway is one word


Comma between "there" and "better"


Water Clubcapitalization?


The rest of the club names were capitalized, so this one should be too, I think?


you're


Question mark here


n' crap


I'ma

All of these were valid except the one about the question mark I wanted to convey he said it more like a statement but I threw in the towel and changed it anyway because I don't want to see more people pointing it out lol... 😅

All in all, I had fun with this!

Well, I had a lot of fun reading your review. It felt great AND it was very helpful at the same time! It's pretty rare to run into ones quite like that. You seem to have a real knack for writing reviews. It was an absolute pleasure reading! 🥰

Thanks for sharing this (finished!!!!!!!!) fic, and I look forward to more trades with you in the future <3 Happy Blitz!

After a review like this, I'll definitely be wanting more!

 

[Tango]

Hello! I'm here for Chapters 19 and 20! :D

I am so psyched to see you back!

This is where things in the fic really start to come together according to Flyg0n and Nekodatta. I think you will find the remainder of the fic through chapter 33 quite enticing from here! Chapters 34 and above I was convinced by Flyg0n should be the start of Book Two, so that is what I will use those chapters for.

sus. Very sus.

I think I'll start calling her sus fuss in my mind from now on lol

You can't just drop that on someone's head without even thinking about the consequences, Stephanie!! Sloppy work!

Ah, but was it sloppy or planned? (It was sloppy)

Just "figure" is fine. Figure by itself implies a humanoid person. If the figure was of something else, like a Pokemon or an animal, then it would make more sense.

Creative use of font to show the voice modification software!

Trying to remember to use it is a pain, but yeah I do like the effect!

Noooo Tango recognizes this type of person for sure. Too bad our protagonist is too disconnected from him to read the signs 😩

Nah he just wants some yummy garbage!

When listing nouns like this, separate them with a comma - it makes it easier to read.

This reminds me of the scams where they try to get you to be into something by flattering you and saying "you're just soooo talented, I'm here looking for talent, and I think you're definitely one of them." And of course, even though he is the champion, Mister Gentleman craves recognition...

Yeah that's pretty much it!

A true appreciator of the art of theatre! Well, he cares about aesthetics, and we know game recognizes game.

Isaac!! This is deranged behavior!
How did he get them to agree? I'm guessing he put on an act like "well, none of us stand a chance since he's so strong!" since that's what the protagonist says in the early chapters. But yeesh!

Yep. He certainly has more than a few screws loose!

The way he's calling his daughter pathetic... :(
And then he quickly corrects himself and says that it wasn't his daughter, but Mister Gentleman's fault for "dragging her through the mud." But you can see that he's upset that she didn't win. Even though she's, you know, eight.

Probably because he was more skilled at duels than she was when he was her age.

Respect the commitment to anatomically accurate Doduo 🫡

The tabloid was Stephanie's doing?? Got to say, she's very entertaining. She could really make a living writing gossip columns if she wasn't getting a cut from everyone's winnings.

Stephanie is such a fun character to write. I love how she double crosses everyone, gets away with it, and makes a killing! All at age 11!

It's interesting how important money is in this fic - Mister Gentleman is on the brink of losing his fancy lifestyle and now Isaac is pushing himself to the edge of bankruptcy... but Isaac is acting out of pride and resentment.

Huh. You're right!

Mister Gentleman isn't actually trying to steal Nikki. But whatever Nikki felt for Mister Gentleman clearly hasn't gone away, and obviously he's really upset about it. On some level, Isaac feels like he's second-best even though he got to marry the woman of his dreams. And it's sad, because although we're obviously seeing Mister Gentleman's point of view, Isaac is also clearly suffering. Nikki is caught up in all this as well. One wonders if Isaac could have moved on from Nikki if Mister Gentleman had gotten together with her; that way he would not feel that he was just the backup for her.

Spot on character analysis! Most people have a hard time empathizing with Isaac but you are correct!

Chapter 20 was a real bombshell! Seeing things from Isaac's perspective really shows how far gone he is in his jealousy.

Yep. He may be suffering, but that doesn't mean he isn't missing some screws! (Actually, that probably applies in more ways than one! )

And of course, we are interested in knowing what's the deal with the GR2 fellas. The plot thickens...

Indeed!

 

[Axihdio]

Hey Tango, I'm finally here to review chapter 1 of your fic. (Took me long enough.)

Firstly, Mister Gentleman's doubts about whether his deck would work is quite understandable. After all, he is trying a new deck that he isn't used to yet as well as the fact that he is barring himself from using extremely powerful and reliable cards that would make the game much easier for him. (e.g. Professor Oak and Computer Search.)

Next, the scene of Mister Gentleman reminiscing about his childhood playing Pokemon TCG with his friends and reading about them growing apart was quite sad as this has happened to many people (including me). Growing apart from your friends is one of the worst things a person can experience because it feels like losing a part of yourself. Mister Gentleman himself said it best "In my pursuit of her... I had left her behind..." Well, I guess you could call this my personal headcanon but I think that the reason why Mister Gentleman has barely any friends is because he felt like it was his fault that him and his friends grew apart and after he learned that Isaac and Nikki were dating, not only did he use the Pokemon TCG game as a coping mechanism, he also intentionally avoided making friends in order to prevent that situation from happening again.

Mister Gentleman's thoughts being used as the narration for the TCG battles was really neat. It reminded me of the times when I played UNO against my sister. I was thinking like how Mister Gentleman was thinking when he was in a TCG duel. Sorry that the review for this chapter wasn't as long or in depth as the last one. I'm pretty exhausted right now. Hope you don't mind it though.

 

[Tango]

Hey Tango, I'm finally here to review chapter 1 of your fic. (Took me long enough.)

I suppose for you it was a bit slow, but it was still fast objectively speaking.

Firstly, Mister Gentleman's doubts about whether his deck would work is quite understandable. After all, he is trying a new deck that he isn't used to yet as well as the fact that he is barring himself from using extremely powerful and reliable cards that would make the game much easier for him. (e.g. Professor Oak and Computer Search.)

Indeed.

Next, the scene of Mister Gentleman reminiscing about his childhood playing Pokemon TCG with his friends and reading about them growing apart was quite sad as this has happened to many people (including me). Growing apart from your friends is one of the worst things a person can experience because it feels like losing a part of yourself.

Yeah, I tried to make this bit relatable. Glad it resonated with you.

Mister Gentleman himself said it best "In my pursuit of her... I had left her behind..." Well, I guess you could call this my personal headcanon but I think that the reason why Mister Gentleman has barely any friends is because he felt like it was his fault that him and his friends growing apart and after he learned that Isaac and Nikki were dating, not only did he use the Pokemon TCG game as a coping mechanism, he also intentionally avoided making friends in order to prevent that situation from happening again.

This bit was quite interesting. I hadn't had anyone else in reviews mention this. I think you're right!

In chapter 4 you will see what I mean...

Mister Gentleman's thoughts being used as the narration for the TCG battles was really neat. It reminded me of the times when I played UNO against my sister. I was thinking like how Mister Gentleman was thinking when he was in a TCG duel.

Yeah, I try to do everything I can to spice the duels up. I wanted them to be enjoyable to readers who don't have TCG experience. Glad this landed well!

 

[Starlight Aurate]

Hey there, I'm back to review another chapter! Also, just letting you know that I'm not expecting reviews in exchange, since you and I never set up a formal exchange. I'm here because I enjoy your story and just want to know what happens next :)

For this review, I'm mostly giving line-by-line reactions. I hope you enjoy!

Chapters 5-12

Chapter 5

Our protagonist seems to have his most drawn-out fight so far with David. Granted, that's not saying much, especially that he wiped David out almost immediately in the first duel, hehe. And even in the second duel, David didn't last that long. But it wasn't quite a curb-stomp like the first duel was!

Gotan seemed to wince upon hearing Rick call his name.

Probably just a coincidence.

Oooooh this is an interesting tidbit! I wonder if Gotan has some sort of history with Rick? Or an issue with hearing his name? I think it'd be the former, since he never winced when someone else said his name so far.

LOL Joseph didn't last long.

Was it my imagination or did Gotan seem disappointed by this turn of events?

It certainly does seem that way! Poor Gotan. I hope the protagonist shows him a bit more care and attention soon. I wonder what's going on with him? Does he have something against Rick?

Chapter 6

Before I could do anything to warn the lad, GOTAN dashed in, dunking one of his heads straight in, catching it on fire!

Woah, what's going on? Also, why is Gotan capitalised?

Gotan screeched, dashed around a few seconds, and savagely beat his head into the floor to put out the flames! This sent the boy into an uncontrollable laughing fit, causing him to forget all about touching the flame.

Ah, I see! What an interesting strategy to protect the child, haha. It's also a funny mental image. I wonder what the head that was not on fire was doing? Trying to beat the flames out of the one that was burning? :P

Gotan appeared happy. Was it from lighting his own head on fire or was it from potentially helping a child? Likely the former... Crazy bird...

Considering he also enjoys getting hurt from the TCG battles, I could easily envision that he enjoyed the pain from the flames!

Inside were sections for two versions: Doduo and Scyther. There were considerably less Scyther fans than Doduo, but the same amount of space was dedicated to each. Clearly, Scyther was more popular, as it should be. I was tempted to buy one, but figured I wouldn't need it since I only expected a few duels there. Not enough time for the usual high temperature of the club to bother me. I reasoned my younger self might have enjoyed such a fan in here.

I'm still not sure what this vending machine is for? Is it some type of Pokemon card packs? Or vending machine drinks or snacks?

Neat artwork of Ken! Is this another piece that you got commissioned? Or is it something official?

The club occupied a corner of our vaguely square-shaped island and attached to the side of our land's only volcano. While it always contained lava and produced rings of smoke, there were no historical records of eruption. The same held true for the one on GR Island and the one on Neo Island. According to scientific discoveries, only deep-sea volcanoes were capable of eruption, but those eruptions hadn't been substantial enough to create another island in all of recorded history.

How interesting! I find worldbuilding bits like this so fascinating. I'm sure building clubs inside of volcanoes (or just volcano look-alikes) is a lot less anxiety-inducing when the volcanoes above ground don't actually erupt.

Oh my gosh, an ad for a "champion relief fund"! That's hysterical! I can only imagine Mr. Gentleman is not happy with his public image being like this!

(32)

Just letting you know that the link here doesn't work anymore, and says the the YouTube account associated with it has been terminated.

Ooh, Jonathan is only eleven and Ken thinks he's surpassed him? I wonder how old Ken is?

Wow! John won against Mr. Gentleman! What a twist! And here I was starting to think our protagonist was unbeatable!

Just a note that having a John and Jonathan back-to-back in the same scene did throw me off for a second. If these are canon names, I totally understand that you would want to keep them!

Man, John can be such a little turd! His arrogance definitely would have made me roll my eyes and tell him to hold his tongue lol.

I could have sworn they were LIGHTNING Energy! But I couldn't deny the information right in front of my eyes... Awkward as this was, that was the moment I realized I had called them Lightning Energy my ENTIRE LIFE! In an effort to remain consistent, I decided to maintain my error and continue to refer to them as Lightning Energy. Besides, they sounded cooler that way.

Oh my gosh, this is SO relatable! I'm sure that I've made plenty of mistakes like this before and, instead of owning up to my mistake and changing my ways, I of course choose to continue on with it and act like it's the correct way after all. This paragraph was such a treat!

Also, forget what I said about David giving our protagonist the most involved match so far LOL that was nothing compared to the duels with John!

Jonathan now stood clam and relaxed before me.

I think you meant to write "calm" and not "clam."

Ooh, interesting that Jonathan's demeanour is throwing our protagonist off! I have high expectations for him, considering Ken thinks that Jonathan has surpassed himself. I wonder what sort of match he'll give our protagonist, and if he'll try the same "win 3 out of 3" that John attempted? Will he actually beat Mr. Gentleman 3 times in a row?

Chapter 7

Haha, I Love how he keeps bemoaning the coni flip fails, and how that mechanic has totally screwed him over. Relying on luck is so, well... unreliable!

My old unrestricted deck NEVER had to resort to such inconsistent garbage to perform well!

Hey, if the coin flip fails every time, I wouldn't say that's inconsistent garbage! That's VERY consistent garbage!

Now my only hope was that Jonathan had no energy...

He immediately played one and attacked, KOing my Ponyta.

Ha, I love the 'oops the opposite is true' comments like this.

And our protagonist has lost AGAIN! Will he lose 2 more times to Jonathan??

(36)

This link also no longer works.

BRUH, RICK, our guy here has only lost TWICE since this fic started! Show him some compassion instead of bemoaning how disappointing it was!

I wondered how that bird could fall asleep so easily and why he wouldn't sleep like a proper Doduo: with one head at a time instead of both... I concluded the bird must be too dumb to understand the concept...

Awww, calling your Doduo "dumb" and "that bird" isn't very nice!

As for the coins flipped, they were always performed with special official Pokemon TCG coins. Those coins had a wireless internet link which served to monitor coin-flips to prevent cheating and link to Bill Inc. for 'Gambler' and 'Bill's Teleporter'. Bill Inc. sent wireless signals to the coins to trigger the micro anti-gravity devices in them to influence the result of the flips.

Wow, that's some advanced technology! What era does this fic take place? I assumed the 1990's because that's when the video game came out, but this technology seems more modern than that. Granted, I understand how technology works isn't a 1-1 with reality (hello, Pokeball technology LOL) but it still is cool!

Now it was time for perhaps the least fun aspect of being an adult... calling a business with phone prompts and hold times...

Ugh, tell me about it ;_;

After being on hold for several hours with Bill’s company, I finally obtained an answer for my complaint. Despite a team of IT working around the clock, there is an on-going malfunction in the machine that was expected to continue with no current time-frame for it to be fixed. I also learned that dueling after 7:00pm was often met with more success for some reason. I imagined it may have been due to fewer users since it was later in the day.

Ugh, this is WAY too similar to real life DX

When I inquired about a refund, the rep informed me it was handled by another department, had a required mail-in form that cannot be sent electronically, and had a turn-around time of three years!

AHAHAHAHA this is exactly like one of my friend's healthcare applications--it has to be sent by MAIL, not electronically, and the deadlines are often closer than the mail can actually deliver it by LOL

I even thought about showing up to their HQ in person to duel my way through their staff, but they had hundreds of employees. I knew wouldn't make it to their senior management and CEO, Bill, before they would evacuate to their rooftop corporate blimp.

LOL he sounds like Billy's company is akin to Team Rocket and needs to be defeated in a series of Pokemon duels to be shown the error of their ways!

Were Bill Inc. confined to our Island, it would have fallen under TCG Island law and I could have filed sued them at the very least.

I think you want to remove the word "filed."

Oh my gosh, I just want to say that all of his gripes with Bill's Island Corporation are hysterical and all too real. I can absolutely feel his pain at having to deal with them over the phone only for it to go nowhere, receive promising calls of a return call, and have it STILL go nowhere. This is very much how things were when I lived on a remote island in the Pacific (fitting that this takes place on an island as well lol), where everyone lives on "island time" which might mean that stuff never actually gets done. And I love how you bring in all of the issues with real life bureaucracies and trying to get your way with companies that are in reality too huge and have too much power. It's a legit problem for sure, and so seeing all of that detailed in this fic definitely gave me a laugh--because, on one hand, it almost seems like it would belong in a different genre. But it DOES tie seamlessly into our champion's issues with dueling, and so it all actually makes perfect sense!

Ah, I LOVE the Dewford theme! So relaxing ~

Aww, poor Gotan! It looks like he might be allergic to the pizza or something?

I glanced to my side to see Gotan had frowns on both faces.

Given that Doduo have beaks, I wonder what he means by Gotan frowning? Or are their beaks more expressive in this world?

He appeared to be a fowl in quite a foul mood indeed...

LOL nice one :P

No one even knew where she was these days.

Hmm, I wonder if this will be another mystery that is resolved in this fic!

OOF, he lost TWICE in a row! How will the third battle shake out???

Frankly, it was working, but I couldn't let him see it.

Hahahaha, but we can totally see it without you telling us, so it's likely that Jonathan can see it, too!

Perhaps another subscription from Bill Inc. would work? I reasoned it at least wouldn't be connected to that glitchy janky 'teleporter'.

Nooooo do NOT try working with that company again! Learn from your mistakes!

I hung up and called her back on her cell.

I assume this is over some sort of video call if he can see her smiling.

I closed my eyes and found myself nodding. "Very well, name your price."

BRUH this is borderline CHEATING

Hmm, considering Stephanie's psychic powers, it would be easy for her to manipulate someone. Perhaps, if our protagonist didn't know of her powers, he would have given the deal further thought, and actually wouldn't have been willing to bet something so high as what she asked for. Just a thought!

Ooooof, guess we'll see how the next round goes! Sure, he now has Stephanie's psychci powers helping him, but even she admitted that she won't always be able to rig the odds in his favour...

Chapter 8

(42)

Alas, this link is now broken, as well.

I drew:
Electric Lightning Energy

Hehe, nice one!

In my next two duels, all of my coinflips worked flawlessly.

Hmm, I WONDER why! Funny how that works, eh?

He kept leaning his battered parts into the vacuum, seeming to savor how the suction agitated his bruises.

Eughgh, this makes me shudder!

He walked and wrote with a practiced grace. Somehow, he managed to avoid tripping or running into things. It was a feat quite beyond me.

I wish that I could walk and write at the same time! I can't even speak and write at the same time ._.

Ah, now I see that the vending machines are for fans! So cute that Gotan is happy about him purchasing a Doduo fan, hehe

What DID matter was that I was now getting the results I deserved!

Ah, I wonder why he's saying that he deserves good results? Is it because he purchased a subscription to Bill's Inc? That would make sense. Or could it be that he knows his own skill is superior to others, and wants the results of the match to turn out in his favour? If it's the latter, I'd be worried about how his pride is getting to him, and that he doesn't take it very well when his pride gets hurt.

I recently cancelled my subscription to conserve funds, but found this the perfect opportunity to catch up on things.

Ah yes, because your subscription to Bill's Inc was well worth the investment...

In theory, I could sell my house, downsize, and not need to go earn any money at all, but where would be the fun in that? I enjoyed my fancy home and disposable income too much to just let go of it.

Ha, I had this exact conversation with my dad last night. It's an interesting observation that part of human nature is for us to always want more, no matter how much we currently have, or how much we could live off of at a minimum.

Being told ahead of time by a psychic that I would win all my duels at a club had a certain excitement about it. I strolled inside as Rick and Gotan followed.

Haha, it'll be interesting to see if this ends up biting him back.

Interesting news reports in the paper! I wonder why all the Doduo (except Gotan) have suddenly disappeared? Have they moved elsewhere, or did something more sinister happen to them? And interesting tidbit about immigration between Neo and GR Islands, but that TCG Island doesn't seem to be involved in it. I wonder how this will impact the plot in the future of the fic, and what it's pointing to!

Chapter 9

Interesting that all of the interior decor of the Psychic type club is purple. I've always associated purple with psychics as well (and with poison types lol), and I'm not really sure WHY except for the fact that Pokemon decided Psychic = purple!

If I worked at a place like this, the color purple would probably make me ill...

God bless everyone who is colourblind enough to not see the colour purple.

He was age forty-six, I believed.

WOW. For some reason, this felt like such a burn lol, probs because he's *still* trying in vain to use psychic powers. So Stephanie clearly has psychic powers that work, but is it possible that Murray doesn't actually have any powers, despite being the club master?

She would press a cleverly-hidden button and it would bend.

Ah, interesting! I wonder if she actually had any psychic power, or if she just had her trick spoon because she liked messing with people?

As I learned, telekinesis wasn't a real psychic phenomena, but it was a little late to try explaining that to Murray...

Oh haha. Well, I guess telekinesis isn't, but premonitions are? Or extrasensory perception?

"Nooo! Not again! How can I fail so many coin-flips that my Pokemon stays asleep FOUR TURNS IN A ROW!!!"

Sounds like Stephanie is rigging the game against you!

She was either eleven years old or she had a petite frame and could be any age ranging from that to twenty-one.

Lol yep, it be like that sometimes.

"My usual, Alakazam, Gengar, Jynx, Mewtwo, and Mew."

Good grief, this girl has Mewtwo and Mew and Alakazam, and she STILL would have lost???

(50)

Ah, this is such a sweet tune! Interesting piece for these games, I feel.

Oh my gosh, the kids in the Psychic club are just forfeiting because they already know they're going to lose! That's also hilarious! I guess it makes SENSE, because why would you waste your time on something if you knew you were going to fail? But still, at least they could get some learning experience from the battles, right? Or am I overthinking this?

So, I wonder if our protagonist actually defeats Murray? Or does Murray just remain concentrated on his spoon and the guy leaves the club without having played a single card?

Chapter 10

Welp, seems like Murray never even battled lol and now we're at the Electric Lightning club!

I could only assume Gotan's prior owner taught him that phrase. I imagined he suffered many painful attacks he was weak to there. I put a hand to my face, shaking my head. This bird...

Oh, man. Gotan is quite the masochist, isn't he?

Ronald gave me the kind of look that usually meant he had an idea.

What neat artwork for Ronald! I have to ask: commissioned, or is this official?

I love the batner between Ronald and Mister Gentleman about wake-up times haha. To be honest, I am 100% on Ronald's side. I wake up early so I can finish the day early. I hate sleeping in on most occasions, I always feel bleh doing so. How Mr. Gentleman can sleep in until noon and still have a good day is BEYOND me!

"It first started... with Issac."

*GASP* Issac?!?!? The one who ended up with Nikki?!? What on earth could he have against Mister Gentleman?

Also, just a note that you go back-and-forth between spelling "Issac" and "Isaac." I assume you mean the latter? That's the way it's usually spelled in western countries, at least.

I'd have gladly traded my success if it meant having her by my side...

;_;

Ronald was smiling like when I challenged him to the championship match.

That's some really nice artwork! Can def tell that this one was commissioned.

I then retreated Porygon which had just woken up.

This makes me wonder: in the TCG, are Pokemon asleep for a set amount of time? Or is there a certai time/way to make them wake up?

Now the only mon left was Voltorb

Out of curiosity, is the term "mon" used in the TCG commonly? Or is that something you just decide to do? I see it commonly in PMD fics, and so I've assumed it's official slang from the PMD, but I have no idea about other areas of the fandom.

Hopefully Stephanie's hacking would come through for me.

Tails.

HA!

Ronald next played a Chansey with a monstrous 120 HP to his bench.

Wow, so Chansey has a monstrous HP in the TCG as well? That checks out, though it certainly doesn't help our protagonist!

Ah, what a sweet ending! It was cute to see that Ronald was happy about Mister Gentleman winning the match and praising him for his skill. Even though their rivals, it seems like Ronald overall has a good attitude about dueling and losing! I found it interesting that the end of the chapter has our protagonist ruminating on thoughts of Isaac! (I spelled that as Assac at first LOL) If he's following Stephanie's premonitions, as he clearly seems to be doing, it makes sense that he's going towards the Lightning Club. But he clearly still is at least somewhat shaken by Ronald mentioning Isaac dissuading people from dueling Mister Gentleman! I'm hoping we get to see this Isaac character for ourselves soon and really find out what this guy is all about.

Chapter 11

Whaaaa a Scyther-themed SUV?? This guy is amazing! I knew he had a fancy house, but I didn't know he also had a fancy CAR! And I didn't really catch on to it before, but it seems like he's a Scyther fan in general? I know he wanted a scyther fan (he) from the vending machine, but I thought that was mainly due to limited options. If he drives a Scyther car, then it seems like they must be one of his favourite Pokemon.

Haha, I love the bits with trying to get Gotan into the car. The simple, short sentences really hammer in the humour behind it! And the fact that Doduo are fast enough to easily keep pace with the car LOL and he's well-behaved enough to just follow along. Truly an easier solution than most of the time!

Nikki didn't want to play anymore either. She preferred grass types which were weak to the fire I used.

Bruuuuuh if you like a girl, don't destroy her in battle! Go easy on her or let her have a win!

But at this point, I would have easily settled for Wem.

WOah woah woah woah woah, the Wem who taught him??? He was also attracted to her?! I had the impression she'd be much older, no that there's anything wrong with that, it just surprises me!

I looked out the window past Rick to see Gotan speeding along totally unfazed.

I love this TCG artwork of Doduo! For some reason, this one is easily recognisable for me and I remember it from so long ago, haha.

It then dawned on me that I was currently going through... A Scyther phase?! That revelation was more unnerving than I had expected. I made a mental note to downplay my adoration for Scyther going forward lest anyone draw such a comparison...

Aha! I knew it!

Nikki always did have such cute kids... I imagined they filled her life with purpose and joy to raise...

Oof, my heart </3
Also WOW, Jennifer looks exactly like a female Ash Ketchum!

Oh my gosh, what a dramatic chapter! I was so disgusted the way Isaac was hiding behind Jennifer and accusing Mister Gentleman of trying to steal Nikki from him without any actual evidence. It's clear that resentment has been destroying him all these years, and it sounds like he got together with Nikki more out of convenience than actual love. I feel so bad for poor Jennifer :( It wasn't fair for her dad to belittle her and tell her she wasn't going to the amusement park with him. I would totally take the poor girl!

I really liked this chapter! It's certainly got a lot of emotional impact and drama to it. I need to know how this dispute will resolve! Isaac actually promising to not take up a defamation lawsuit if he loses! I actually enjoy that how, if our protagonist wins, he doesn't actually get anything extra, he just won't have to face court, lol. Truly a wise decision!

Chapter 12

(63)

This link doesn't work because the video is listed as private.

...It's like he wasn't even the same person anymore... My friend Isaac from long ago was gone! In his place was something completely unrecognizable... Something dark...

Ugh, this is such a painful thing to go through. I've gone through it with a few real life friends, and it's so hard to see people change, especially when consumed by trauma or resentment. I feel for poor Mr. Gentleman here :(

Also, it's amusing how the protagonist is thinking all of these things while showering, and the little face captures of him still show him fully-clothed, haha. I understand you wouldn't want to put images of him without his shirt, but the mental image of this guy showering in full getup is funny XD

I didn't care much for that entire day, so I got drunk off of my beers.

Noooo Mr. Protagonist! Don't intentionally get drunk!

I was eighteen years old. Drinking age.

As long as you live outside of the U.S. :P

I lamented that I might never understand women...

Bruh, I know men who have been married the majority of their lives and have several kids and STILL say that they don't understand women.

I had thought it was the alcohol, but knowing what I learned from Rick... It must have been a sign of her crush on me!

Oh NO ahahahaha, I can only see where this is going!!

Admittedly, I'm a bit confused as to WHEN this bar drinking takes place. Is it his first time drinking, when he's 18? If so, how does he know about Nikki's crush on him? I thought that was something he recently learned from Rick.

It was Nikki...

Entirely naked!

OH NOOOOOOOO

I did NOT see where this was going!

Mister Gentleman, I do NOT support you in this!!

(69)

This link is broken, since apparently the Youtube account associated with it has been terminated.

Oooohhhh man, Mister Gentleman! To have intentionally gotten drunk together with the girl of his dreams and then to have slept with her and crept away before she even noticed... No wonder her heart was so broken! I thought that he was going to get drunk and start talking about how he knew that Nikki liked him and embarrass himself in public, not follow her back to her house and then do things they didn't even remember... I hope that he can find her and say a proper apology to her for (1) getting waaaay to drunk with her and (2) sleeping with her when they were both drunk and (3) leaving without a word before she even woke up. Sure, he was trying to save his own dignity and reputation by not letting anyone know that he enabled her to cheat on Isaac, but in doing so, he made Nikki the victim by leaving her after sleeping together without even a word. He didn't even give a thought as to how she might feel apart from assuming it was a dream, but leading her to keep believing a lie isn't charitable or honest.

I know everyone makes stupid mistakes in their lifetimes, but he needs to own up to it and apologise to her, even if it's 10 years late. This has soured me a bit to our protagonist, so I'm hoping he owns up to his mistake and his wrongdoing someday! And this makes me wonder... is it possible that Nikki's oldest child is actually with Mr. Gentleman?!?!?!?!

Anyway, thank you a bunch for this fic! I thoroughly enjoyed reading these past several chapters, and I'm very much caught up in the drama and am curious to see where this will lead!

 

[Tango]

Hey there, I'm back to review another chapter! Also, just letting you know that I'm not expecting reviews in exchange, since you and I never set up a formal exchange. I'm here because I enjoy your story and just want to know what happens next :)

For this review, I'm mostly giving line-by-line reactions. I hope you enjoy!

Chapters 5-12

Oh wow!! Thanks so much!

It's so hard to get anyone to leave a review without expectation of reviews in return.

This is definitely going to result in me returning to your fic, just so you know. I've got several other reviews to get to first, but I was hoping for an excuse to go back and read more of Drowning!

Spoiler: Review reply

Chapter 5

Our protagonist seems to have his most drawn-out fight so far with David. Granted, that's not saying much, especially that he wiped David out almost immediately in the first duel, hehe. And even in the second duel, David didn't last that long. But it wasn't quite a curb-stomp like the first duel was!

Good! That means I built a sense of progression.

Oooooh this is an interesting tidbit! I wonder if Gotan has some sort of history with Rick? Or an issue with hearing his name? I think it'd be the former, since he never winced when someone else said his name so far.

It certainly does seem that way! Poor Gotan. I hope the protagonist shows him a bit more care and attention soon. I wonder what's going on with him? Does he have something against Rick?

Hmmm... There is a reason although a petty one.

Chapter 6

Woah, what's going on? Also, why is Gotan capitalised?

A stylistic choice but I switched it to italics since it was odd enough to solicit a reaction from you...

Ah, I see! What an interesting strategy to protect the child, haha. It's also a funny mental image. I wonder what the head that was not on fire was doing? Trying to beat the flames out of the one that was burning? :P

Good point. I switched it to both heads. Besides, he prefers it that way.

Considering he also enjoys getting hurt from the TCG battles, I could easily envision that he enjoyed the pain from the flames!

Indeed.

I'm still not sure what this vending machine is for? Is it some type of Pokemon card packs? Or vending machine drinks or snacks?

There was a description earlier back that explained it was for fans. I went back and looked to confirm.

Neat artwork of Ken! Is this another piece that you got commissioned? Or is it something official?

Official!

How interesting! I find worldbuilding bits like this so fascinating. I'm sure building clubs inside of volcanoes (or just volcano look-alikes) is a lot less anxiety-inducing when the volcanoes above ground don't actually erupt.

Thanks! I enjoy the world building too. It's pretty weird.

Oh my gosh, an ad for a "champion relief fund"! That's hysterical! I can only imagine Mr. Gentleman is not happy with his public image being like this!

He ain't thrilled.

Just letting you know that the link here doesn't work anymore, and says the the YouTube account associated with it has been terminated.

I really hate how things get taken down on youtube, but I don't have a good alternative!

Thank you for pointing it out! I went back and fixed it...

I guess I need to go through my fic every month to make sure the blasted links are still working... So stupid!

Ooh, Jonathan is only eleven and Ken thinks he's surpassed him? I wonder how old Ken is?

28

Wow! John won against Mr. Gentleman! What a twist! And here I was starting to think our protagonist was unbeatable!

I wish he was unbeatable...

Just a note that having a John and Jonathan back-to-back in the same scene did throw me off for a second. If these are canon names, I totally understand that you would want to keep them!

Yep. Canon.

Man, John can be such a little turd! His arrogance definitely would have made me roll my eyes and tell him to hold his tongue lol.

Oh my gosh, this is SO relatable! I'm sure that I've made plenty of mistakes like this before and, instead of owning up to my mistake and changing my ways, I of course choose to continue on with it and act like it's the correct way after all. This paragraph was such a treat!

And the funniest part about it is that while playing this duel out, I'M the one who noticed!

Also, forget what I said about David giving our protagonist the most involved match so far LOL that was nothing compared to the duels with John!

And you still ain't seen nothing yet!

I think you meant to write "calm" and not "clam."

This one was pretty funny! Thanks! I fixed it!

Ooh, interesting that Jonathan's demeanour is throwing our protagonist off! I have high expectations for him, considering Ken thinks that Jonathan has surpassed himself.

Part of that is Ken's fault for trying to force stupid deck ideas... You will see what I mean later.

I wonder what sort of match he'll give our protagonist, and if he'll try the same "win 3 out of 3" that John attempted? Will he actually beat Mr. Gentleman 3 times in a row?

If he had won three times in a row I might have thrown in the towel on the entire challenge and this fic series would not have existed. So I guess you could say the stakes were pretty darn high!

Chapter 7

Haha, I Love how he keeps bemoaning the coni flip fails, and how that mechanic has totally screwed him over. Relying on luck is so, well... unreliable!

Yep, but he has no choice. There is no way to beat stronger decks if he doesn't have enough ways to draw more cards. I find it fascinating that the all-common format has decks that willingly take on these coin-flips. I HATE coin-flips. I prefer to design decks entirely devoid of them except for incidental effects that don't matter much, like if a mon has a weak attack that uses a coin-flip and a stronger one that doesn't.

Hey, if the coin flip fails every time, I wouldn't say that's inconsistent garbage! That's VERY consistent garbage!

You know... you have a point.

This link also no longer works.

Fixed! Thanks!

BRUH, RICK, our guy here has only lost TWICE since this fic started! Show him some compassion instead of bemoaning how disappointing it was!

Well, the more he wins the more impressive and amazing it is. It's like watching someone flip a coin on heads 20 times in a row or something. Once it lands tails, of course there will be disappointment!

Awww, calling your Doduo "dumb" and "that bird" isn't very nice!

He didn't say it, he only thought it. But Doduo in their world are known for animal-level intelligence and nothing more. If Gotan doesn't seem to line up with that, it's because he is special.

Wow, that's some advanced technology! What era does this fic take place? I assumed the 1990's because that's when the video game came out, but this technology seems more modern than that. Granted, I understand how technology works isn't a 1-1 with reality (hello, Pokeball technology LOL) but it still is cool!

If I had to compare their technology with our own, I would say they probably have sort of the equivalent of 100 years in the future compared to us. They already have anti-gravity technology, but Pokeball technology is far beyond them. Pokeball's are pretty much like star-trek transporters. They convert something into light, squish it down, and reconstitute it as if nothing happened. If you really think about it, that is CRAAAAZY advanced!

Ugh, tell me about it ;_;

Ugh, this is WAY too similar to real life DX

AHAHAHAHA this is exactly like one of my friend's healthcare applications--it has to be sent by MAIL, not electronically, and the deadlines are often closer than the mail can actually deliver it by LOL

LOL he sounds like Billy's company is akin to Team Rocket and needs to be defeated in a series of Pokemon duels to be shown the error of their ways!

The company is the source of much pain.

I think you want to remove the word "filed."

Oh my gosh, I just want to say that all of his gripes with Bill's Island Corporation are hysterical and all too real. I can absolutely feel his pain at having to deal with them over the phone only for it to go nowhere, receive promising calls of a return call, and have it STILL go nowhere. This is very much how things were when I lived on a remote island in the Pacific (fitting that this takes place on an island as well lol), where everyone lives on "island time" which might mean that stuff never actually gets done. And I love how you bring in all of the issues with real life bureaucracies and trying to get your way with companies that are in reality too huge and have too much power. It's a legit problem for sure, and so seeing all of that detailed in this fic definitely gave me a laugh--because, on one hand, it almost seems like it would belong in a different genre. But it DOES tie seamlessly into our champion's issues with dueling, and so it all actually makes perfect sense!

Always glad to hear this is amusingly on point!

Ah, I LOVE the Dewford theme! So relaxing ~

Wow, you really are using the soundtrack with it! It might be a little hard to do while reviewing, but reading it just to read with the soundtrack is really cool! When I re-read my fic, I always use the soundtrack. 🥰

Aww, poor Gotan! It looks like he might be allergic to the pizza or something?

Heh... not quite... but it's definitely something worth noting

Given that Doduo have beaks, I wonder what he means by Gotan frowning? Or are their beaks more expressive in this world?

I was going to go with stretchy beaks but that's probably too weird even for my fic so I swapped it out.

LOL nice one :P

Hmm, I wonder if this will be another mystery that is resolved in this fic!

Perhaps

Hahahaha, but we can totally see it without you telling us, so it's likely that Jonathan can see it, too!

Very possibly.

Nooooo do NOT try working with that company again! Learn from your mistakes!

But he needs his card-draw cards to work!

I assume this is over some sort of video call if he can see her smiling.

Yes, since that is what she asked him to do if you look back at her dialogue.

BRUH this is borderline CHEATING

Sort of... if it actually worked.

But it's kind of bull crap that they offer a subscription to get heads for Bills Teleporter but they don't do the same for Gambler. Also, Professor Oak discards the hand and draws 7. No coin-flip required. He is the Champion. He shouldn't be having a problem of people not wanting to duel him to begin with and he shouldn't have to use an all-common deck or suffer the indignities of those blasted coin-flips! He shouldn't even be losing at all! (Explaining his thought process some.) Yes, he is excited to see how far he can take things with an all common deck but he HATES the fact that it involves coin-flips. Could he design his deck to play without them? Certainly! Would the deck be as strong? Nope, and he knows it. So in his mind, the bribery is justified.

You've inspired me to add a new paragraph that goes over his thought process for why he goes through with the bribe. It's kind of like the paragraph above. Thanks!

Hmm, considering Stephanie's psychic powers, it would be easy for her to manipulate someone.

Oh yes it would. You have no idea...

Perhaps, if our protagonist didn't know of her powers, he would have given the deal further thought, and actually wouldn't have been willing to bet something so high as what she asked for. Just a thought!

Nah, I prefer him to know she has powers. Funnier that way.

Ooooof, guess we'll see how the next round goes! Sure, he now has Stephanie's psychci powers helping him, but even she admitted that she won't always be able to rig the odds in his favour...

Yeah... Spoiler: Stephanie isn't doing squat for him. He just thinks she is.

Chapter 8

Alas, this link is now broken, as well.

Hehe, nice one!

Hmm, I WONDER why! Funny how that works, eh?

He just got incredibly lucky but considering the timing of it, he attributes it entirely to Stephanie which is exactly what she was counting on in her premonitions.

I wish that I could walk and write at the same time! I can't even speak and write at the same time ._.

Me too my friend. Me too.

Ah, now I see that the vending machines are for fans! So cute that Gotan is happy about him purchasing a Doduo fan, hehe

Of course!

Ah, I wonder why he's saying that he deserves good results? Is it because he purchased a subscription to Bill's Inc?

Yes, that is part of it. Also if he wasn't forced to handicap himself, he could use Professor Oak which doesn't require a coin-flip.

That would make sense. Or could it be that he knows his own skill is superior to others, and wants the results of the match to turn out in his favour? If it's the latter, I'd be worried about how his pride is getting to him, and that he doesn't take it very well when his pride gets hurt.

Yes, he is also aware that his skills are significantly higher than the others on the island. Using his all-common deck makes him lose all sorts of games that he would normally easily win. All his opponents who manage to win games rub it in his face as if they beat him using his main deck instead of a crippled all-common deck.

Ah yes, because your subscription to Bill's Inc was well worth the investment...

He is desperate to make the failings of coin-flips go away.

Ha, I had this exact conversation with my dad last night. It's an interesting observation that part of human nature is for us to always want more, no matter how much we currently have, or how much we could live off of at a minimum.

It does seem to take a special person to be content with less.

Interesting news reports in the paper! I wonder why all the Doduo (except Gotan) have suddenly disappeared?

Technically there are other Doduo on the island too. It's just that most of them are pets and there are far less of them than there used to be.

Have they moved elsewhere, or did something more sinister happen to them?

Who knows? Just keep in mind that not all plot points I introduce in Book One will have resolutions in Book One.

And interesting tidbit about immigration between Neo and GR Islands, but that TCG Island doesn't seem to be involved in it. I wonder how this will impact the plot in the future of the fic, and what it's pointing to!

This bit pertains to Book Two since it will take place on GR Island.

Chapter 9

Interesting that all of the interior decor of the Psychic type club is purple. I've always associated purple with psychics as well (and with poison types lol), and I'm not really sure WHY except for the fact that Pokemon decided Psychic = purple!

Indeed.

WOW. For some reason, this felt like such a burn lol, probs because he's *still* trying in vain to use psychic powers. So Stephanie clearly has psychic powers that work, but is it possible that Murray doesn't actually have any powers, despite being the club master?

Ah, interesting! I wonder if she actually had any psychic power, or if she just had her trick spoon because she liked messing with people?

She had power, just not telekinesis. And yes, she used the trick spoon because she liked messing with people including poor Murray!

Oh haha. Well, I guess telekinesis isn't, but premonitions are? Or extrasensory perception?

Psychic power exists in rare humans, but none of them can use telekinesis, so it is considered to not exist.

She has psychic power

Sounds like Stephanie is rigging the game against you!

Hmm... I DO think she is capable of it if she put her mind to it. (pun-intended)

Lol yep, it be like that sometimes.

Because it is funnier, my headcanon is that she is actually 11!

Good grief, this girl has Mewtwo and Mew and Alakazam, and she STILL would have lost???

It's not what you have, it's how you use it. Stephanie may have foresight, but that doesn't help her win a game, it just tells her what the outcome will be.

Ah, this is such a sweet tune! Interesting piece for these games, I feel.

It's one of the best tracks in the game. So simple and yet so effective.

Oh my gosh, the kids in the Psychic club are just forfeiting because they already know they're going to lose! That's also hilarious!

Yeah I got a kick out of it too!

I guess it makes SENSE, because why would you waste your time on something if you knew you were going to fail? But still, at least they could get some learning experience from the battles, right? Or am I overthinking this?

Normally, you would be right. In their cases, it doesn't matter.

So, I wonder if our protagonist actually defeats Murray? Or does Murray just remain concentrated on his spoon and the guy leaves the club without having played a single card?

Chapter 10

Welp, seems like Murray never even battled lol and now we're at the Electric Lightning club!

He is going to challenge the Club Masters later once he has defeated all the regular members.

Oh, man. Gotan is quite the masochist, isn't he?

Quite!

What neat artwork for Ronald! I have to ask: commissioned, or is this official?

Official.

I love the batner between Ronald and Mister Gentleman about wake-up times haha. To be honest, I am 100% on Ronald's side. I wake up early so I can finish the day early. I hate sleeping in on most occasions, I always feel bleh doing so. How Mr. Gentleman can sleep in until noon and still have a good day is BEYOND me!

I'm firmly on Gentleman's side on this one. I hate waking up early!

*GASP* Issac?!?!? The one who ended up with Nikki?!? What on earth could he have against Mister Gentleman?

What indeed!

Also, just a note that you go back-and-forth between spelling "Issac" and "Isaac." I assume you mean the latter? That's the way it's usually spelled in western countries, at least.

Ugh! Thanks for pointing these out! Fixed!

That's some really nice artwork! Can def tell that this one was commissioned.

...aaaand you would be wrong. Official. Not commissioned.

This makes me wonder: in the TCG, are Pokemon asleep for a set amount of time? Or is there a certai time/way to make them wake up?

In between every turn a coin-flip is made to see if the mon wakes up. 4 turns(for the player who controls the mon, aka 4 rounds) in a row of sleep means there was 7-8 coin-flips that failed to wake it up.

Out of curiosity, is the term "mon" used in the TCG commonly? Or is that something you just decide to do? I see it commonly in PMD fics, and so I've assumed it's official slang from the PMD, but I have no idea about other areas of the fandom.

It's not offical in TCG. I just picked it up, found it convenient, and decided to use it.

Wow, so Chansey has a monstrous HP in the TCG as well? That checks out, though it certainly doesn't help our protagonist!

Yeah, Chansey is tied for Charizard with the highest HP in the TCG.

Ah, what a sweet ending! It was cute to see that Ronald was happy about Mister Gentleman winning the match and praising him for his skill. Even though their rivals, it seems like Ronald overall has a good attitude about dueling and losing!

Yep. Ronald is a cool guy and the only friend Mister Gentleman has unless you count Gotan and Rick (but they were more recent for him than Ronald)

I found it interesting that the end of the chapter has our protagonist ruminating on thoughts of Isaac! (I spelled that as Assac at first LOL) If he's following Stephanie's premonitions, as he clearly seems to be doing, it makes sense that he's going towards the Lightning Club. But he clearly still is at least somewhat shaken by Ronald mentioning Isaac dissuading people from dueling Mister Gentleman! I'm hoping we get to see this Isaac character for ourselves soon and really find out what this guy is all about.

Oh you are about to find out. I was quite proud of the next chapter!

Chapter 11

Whaaaa a Scyther-themed SUV?? This guy is amazing! I knew he had a fancy house, but I didn't know he also had a fancy CAR! And I didn't really catch on to it before, but it seems like he's a Scyther fan in general? I know he wanted a scyther fan (he) from the vending machine, but I thought that was mainly due to limited options. If he drives a Scyther car, then it seems like they must be one of his favourite Pokemon.

Scyther is his favorite mon, but he is also a fan of Arcanine.

Haha, I love the bits with trying to get Gotan into the car. The simple, short sentences really hammer in the humour behind it! And the fact that Doduo are fast enough to easily keep pace with the car LOL and he's well-behaved enough to just follow along. Truly an easier solution than most of the time!

Yeah, this scene was fun for me to write. Glad you enjoyed!

Bruuuuuh if you like a girl, don't destroy her in battle! Go easy on her or let her have a win!

Nikki was pretty competitive. I don't think that would have gone over very well with her. But considering how things ended up going, I don't think it would have made things any worse!

WOah woah woah woah woah, the Wem who taught him??? He was also attracted to her?! I had the impression she'd be much older, no that there's anything wrong with that, it just surprises me!

She was in her early thirties by the time he graduated. He was in his early twenties. He was certainly attracted to her enough to prefer being with her over being alone his whole life (which is what it feels like to him at this point) The only reason he didn't take her up on her offer to date him was because he thought he would have even better options later.

I love this TCG artwork of Doduo! For some reason, this one is easily recognisable for me and I remember it from so long ago, haha.

Yeah, I used that as my profile picture for the longest time before switching to my pixel art Doduo comission.

Oof, my heart </3

Yeah... he is NOT happy with how being a Champion is turning out for him. All the sacrifices he made to get there and he has to resort to using an all-common deck just to scrape by while people write tabloids about him and his former best friend is living it up married to his childhood crush that he never really got over. Oh yeah, and his only remaning family, his Grandfather who raised him, is already dead. Good times.

Also WOW, Jennifer looks exactly like a female Ash Ketchum!

Huh! I guess she kind of does!

Oh my gosh, what a dramatic chapter!

Yep. This chapter was a turning point both for the book and the series, really.

I was so disgusted the way Isaac was hiding behind Jennifer and accusing Mister Gentleman of trying to steal Nikki from him without any actual evidence.

Yeah and he isn't even trying to do that to begin with anyway!

It's clear that resentment has been destroying him all these years, and it sounds like he got together with Nikki more out of convenience than actual love.

Hmm. I wonder why you think he got with her out of convenience? If he didn't care about being with her, why would he go to such extremes to keep Mister Gentleman from 'stealing' her from him? He isn't with her because he wants to keep her from him. He is with her because she is exactly who he wants to be with but it's a little more complicated than that...

I feel so bad for poor Jennifer :( It wasn't fair for her dad to belittle her and tell her she wasn't going to the amusement park with him.

Yeah... Poor Jennifer.

I would totally take the poor girl!

As would I.

I really liked this chapter! It's certainly got a lot of emotional impact and drama to it.

One of my favorite chapters in Book One!

I need to know how this dispute will resolve! Isaac actually promising to not take up a defamation lawsuit if he loses! I actually enjoy that how, if our protagonist wins, he doesn't actually get anything extra, he just won't have to face court, lol. Truly a wise decision!

I think you misread this part? If Isaac wins, Mister Gentleman steps down as Champion, giving up the title forever. If Mister Gentleman wins, he gets to sue Isaac for all Isaac is worth and Isaac is not allowed an attorney or to defend himself in court.

Chapter 12

This link doesn't work because the video is listed as private.

THESE STUPID LINKS!!! UGGHHH!!!

I fixed it. Thanks!

Ugh, this is such a painful thing to go through. I've gone through it with a few real life friends, and it's so hard to see people change, especially when consumed by trauma or resentment. I feel for poor Mr. Gentleman here :(

Glad it earns him some sympathy points.

Also, it's amusing how the protagonist is thinking all of these things while showering, and the little face captures of him still show him fully-clothed, haha. I understand you wouldn't want to put images of him without his shirt, but the mental image of this guy showering in full getup is funny XD

Yeah... pay more money to get a one-off set of pictures? Nah.

Besides, if you find it funny, that works in it's own way anyway.

Noooo Mr. Protagonist! Don't intentionally get drunk!

As long as you live outside of the U.S. :P

This fic doesn't take place in the US. It takes place on TCG Island where the drinking age is 18 and life is good.

Bruh, I know men who have been married the majority of their lives and have several kids and STILL say that they don't understand women.

Oh NO ahahahaha, I can only see where this is going!!

Hmmm but do you really, I wonder?

Admittedly, I'm a bit confused as to WHEN this bar drinking takes place. Is it his first time drinking, when he's 18? If so, how does he know about Nikki's crush on him? I thought that was something he recently learned from Rick.

Yeah, this is a flashback to when both Nikki and him are both 18 years old and drinking for the first time.

OH NOOOOOOOO

I did NOT see where this was going!

Mister Gentleman, I do NOT support you in this!!

I mean, he is just as surprised to be there as you are to see him there!

This link is broken, since apparently the Youtube account associated with it has been terminated.

I'm getting real sick of these youtube accounts being deleted...

Fixed. Thanks!

Oooohhhh man, Mister Gentleman! To have intentionally gotten drunk together with the girl of his dreams and then to have slept with her and crept away before she even noticed...

He did sleep in the same bed with her, yes. The question is if he slept with her too.

As for sneaking away, he was worried about ruining her relationship with Isaac. Him being with her like that was something he considered wrong of himself to do since she already had a boyfriend and he didn't want to hurt Isaac by getting in a relationship with her in that way. So, he thought it was best to keep it to himself.

No wonder her heart was so broken!

True. At the very least, she remembered drinking and going home with him. Even if the rest was a blacked out blurr, she would likely remember that much.

I thought that he was going to get drunk and start talking about how he knew that Nikki liked him and embarrass himself in public, not follow her back to her house and then do things they didn't even remember... I hope that he can find her and say a proper apology to her for (1) getting waaaay to drunk with her and

He was already drunk when Nikki had the bright idea to drink more. If they were sober, neither of them would have started drinking and certainly not to the extent they ended up drinking!

(2) sleeping with her when they were both drunk and

Considering he didn't even remember it due to the drinking, he gets a pass from me on this point.

Now if you want to say it was his fault because he was drinking in the first place, I suppose you could, but just going to the bar to get buzzed isn't expected to turn into what happened.

(3) leaving without a word before she even woke up. Sure, he was trying to save his own dignity and reputation by not letting anyone know that he enabled her to cheat on Isaac, but in doing so, he made Nikki the victim by leaving her after sleeping together without even a word.

There wasn't really a good solution here and he was panicking.

He didn't even give a thought as to how she might feel apart from assuming it was a dream, but leading her to keep believing a lie isn't charitable or honest.

A bad situation all around.

If he told her the truth and she told Isaac, they would have broken up. As a result, Mister Gentleman almost certainly would have had the opportunity to date and even marry her, but Nikki would have felt bad thinking she betrayed Isaac and it would have eaten away at her.

If he told her the truth and she kept the truth from Isaac and stayed with him anyway, then she would have been even more unhappy and so would Mister Gentleman. Even Isaac would have been more unhappy, he just wouldn't know why.

If he told her the truth and she left Isaac and didn't date Mister Gentleman then no one would have been happy.

I know everyone makes stupid mistakes in their lifetimes, but he needs to own up to it and apologise to her, even if it's 10 years late.

Yeah, he really should.

This has soured me a bit to our protagonist, so I'm hoping he owns up to his mistake and his wrongdoing someday!

Certainly fair.

And this makes me wonder... is it possible that Nikki's oldest child is actually with Mr. Gentleman?!?!?!?!

Based on their current ages (28), when this happened(roughly 10 years ago), and Heather's age of 9, the math supports your hypothesis. What a coincidence!

Anyway, thank you a bunch for this fic! I thoroughly enjoyed reading these past several chapters, and I'm very much caught up in the drama and am curious to see where this will lead!

Chapters 11 and 12 I think do a good job of setting the drama for the fic up. Things will be a little slower for a while while he finishes up with dueling the members of the other clubs and then things will start heating up as he challenges the Club Masters. Chapters 13-18 are good, but things really start to take off again once it gets to chapter 19. Also, I want to point out that chapters 33-38 are going to be moved from Book One to Book Two. They will become the prologue for Book Two. So you can consider the end of Book One to be the end of chapter 33.

I think once you get to chapter 19 and 20, you are probably going to need to read the remaining chapters. I think that's how it worked for Flyg0n and Nekodatta. (Also, my chapters being short for blitz certainly did my fic some favors! )

I hope you come back to read more soon and thanks for the amazing review!

 

[CuteBunnyGirl]

I’m here for the Review Blitz and to finish an old review exchange I never ended up delivering on until now!



So we start from the POV of the TCG island’s champion, how interesting! I like this creative approach to the fic’s protagonist, since I haven’t seen something like this often. Usually the fics center on a child starting their journey for the first time, but this one is from the perspective of someone who has already had their journey.

After that, we get a description of his deck, which feels like it has a lot of game mechanics thrown into it. In most situations, I’d make it feel less like gameplay mechanics and more fitting from the perspective of an in-universe character. (Like a trainer probably wouldn’t bring up their pokemon’s level and HP if it wasn't a video game.) However, I am willing to excuse this one because the TCG seems to be portrayed as an in-universe game played by the characters rather than a reality they live in.

Then we get a description of the main character’s appearance and are introduced to Billy, a young boy learning to play the TCG. The main character’s late grandfather is also brought up, as the protagonist’s diary was originally from him.

The MC arrives in Billy’s mansion, and begins reminiscing about his grandfather and her experiences in the academy. Is this going to have any relevance to the plot or will it just be exposition for little reason.

We get a fun Yu-Gi-Oh reference. (At least I assume it’s a Yu-Gi-Oh reference, I haven’t actually watched the show)

So the entire world only consists of three small islands? That definitely is an unusual and interesting decision!

Then we get introduced to the clubs, presumably there’s one for each type.

I like Billy’s fun personality, his dialogue definitely feels like something a young child would be like.

The mention of having had the same cards for all of history is intriguing, the implications of that definitely are unusual but interesting!

Then we are introduced to Doduo, who is mentioned in the title of the fic. Also, it is stated to be the only pokemon that exists as a creature instead of just being a fictional creature in a card game?! That is a very surprising concept, and definitely not one I have seen before! They also were stated to have appeared around 200 years ago, which has great potential for a mystery plot!

Honestly, Billy is starting to seem to have actual common sense. Like why would a bunch of criminals stop stealing things after losing in a simple card game?

We get a bunch of exposition about the trading card game, and while you did say it was skippable, I decided to read it regardless for the full experience. It did help me understand the game mechanics, as I haven’t really played the TCG before.

After that, we have a large timeskip and find out the MC hasn’t been participating in duels due to his deck being too overpowered. Makes sense, he is a champion, after all.

He comes up with the idea of using a deck of exclusively common cards, which is a cool premise. It’s like a cool self-imposed challenge! I like how he intentionally designs his deck to not be too weak against one particular type, it shows he has a sense of strategy.

Overall, I think it was fun to read, even if some of the worldbuilding choices were very unusual! I also felt you overused italics a little bit.

 

[Tango]

I’m here for the Review Blitz and to finish an old review exchange I never ended up delivering on until now!

A review for my Prologue from you? 🥹

You have no idea how special I feel from you posting this. Made my day, Bunny! 🥰

So we start from the POV of the TCG island’s champion, how interesting! I like this creative approach to the fic’s protagonist, since I haven’t seen something like this often. Usually the fics center on a child starting their journey for the first time, but this one is from the perspective of someone who has already had their journey.

Yeah, it all come from the literal stereotypical gentleman my main character was when I first started writing what I didn't know would become a fic! You don't think a 10 year old when you think gentleman. You tend to think 55+. But I wanted someone a bit younger and settled on 28. Still young enough to have not missed out completely on life, but old enough to have some big and old regrets.

After that, we get a description of his deck, which feels like it has a lot of game mechanics thrown into it. In most situations, I’d make it feel less like gameplay mechanics and more fitting from the perspective of an in-universe character. (Like a trainer probably wouldn’t bring up their pokemon’s level and HP if it wasn't a video game.) However, I am willing to excuse this one because the TCG seems to be portrayed as an in-universe game played by the characters rather than a reality they live in.

Correct! Since the series doubles as a let's play, these games are actual games played directly in the fic (not all duels will have full details though)

Then we get a description of the main character’s appearance and are introduced to Billy, a young boy learning to play the TCG. The main character’s late grandfather is also brought up, as the protagonist’s diary was originally from him.

The MC arrives in Billy’s mansion, and begins reminiscing about his grandfather and her experiences in the academy. Is this going to have any relevance to the plot or will it just be exposition for little reason.

One thing you will learn if you get far enough in my fic is that almost all the details matter eventually.

We get a fun Yu-Gi-Oh reference. (At least I assume it’s a Yu-Gi-Oh reference, I haven’t actually watched the show)

Well that is epic! You got the reference even without watching the show!

So the entire world only consists of three small islands? That definitely is an unusual and interesting decision!

The games had two islands in them. I added an island and went with that. It also helps narrow the scope down juuust enough for my series as a whole!

Then we get introduced to the clubs, presumably there’s one for each type.

Essentially, yes.

I like Billy’s fun personality, his dialogue definitely feels like something a young child would be like.

Thanks! 🥰

The mention of having had the same cards for all of history is intriguing, the implications of that definitely are unusual but interesting!

There are a great many interesting implications with my fic. And the series aims to explore them!

Then we are introduced to Doduo, who is mentioned in the title of the fic. Also, it is stated to be the only pokemon that exists as a creature instead of just being a fictional creature in a card game?! That is a very surprising concept, and definitely not one I have seen before!

That's because on my original writing before I realized I was writing fanfiction, Doduo was just a dumb joke. It has free retreat cost, a decent amount of HP, and fighting resistance. It's attack is crap, but who cares? It's just a tank to soak up damage while I build up more important mon to use. It's the punching bag of the deck and the butt of every joke! Eventually it got so absurd that I started writing about it like it was an actual mon and not a card and well... there you have it. The bird chose me! After that, I put the finishing touch on it and made it the only mon that exists in the fic!

They also were stated to have appeared around 200 years ago, which has great potential for a mystery plot!

Yes!!! That's a big thing I like to do with my fic. Multiple plot points and mysteries. Also drama. Lots of drama!

Honestly, Billy is starting to seem to have actual common sense. Like why would a bunch of criminals stop stealing things after losing in a simple card game?

Part of Billy's function is to represent the collective head-scratching of the audience.

We get a bunch of exposition about the trading card game, and while you did say it was skippable, I decided to read it regardless for the full experience. It did help me understand the game mechanics, as I haven’t really played the TCG before.

Wow! Great choice on that!

In Chapter 1, the first real duel I wrote specially in a way to help new readers understand the basics. Between the skippable section and that, I bet you will have a decent understanding of the games in the fic!

After that, we have a large timeskip and find out the MC hasn’t been participating in duels due to his deck being too overpowered. Makes sense, he is a champion, after all.

Yeah. In the games you can just duel everyone over and over again. You could duel the same person 100 times in a row, win all 100 and they wouldn't even bat an eye.

That idea was a bit too absurd, so I took a more realistic approach. I do try to go with absurd canon lore when I can, but for the sake of the story, sometimes I change things.

He comes up with the idea of using a deck of exclusively common cards, which is a cool premise. It’s like a cool self-imposed challenge!

Yep! That was my challenge. I played the game and started a non-rare format and eventually got the idea to try out an all-common format once I saw how well the non-rare format went! Testing the deck I built became the backbone for all of my Book One and Book Two!

I like how he intentionally designs his deck to not be too weak against one particular type, it shows he has a sense of strategy.

Indeed he does! (aka me! 🥰)

Not to say the deck still doesn't have hard match-ups though. Hitmonchan is an absolute beast against it.

Overall, I think it was fun to read, even if some of the worldbuilding choices were very unusual!

Glad you had fun! Yes, the world-building is unusual, but I put it to great use

I also felt you overused italics a little bit.

yyeeaaaahhh.... I probably do lol

I'm a bit italics-happy. If it helps, I think maaaayybee I tone it down some in later chapters??

Overall, I'm overjoyed to see you come back to review this!

If you want to take advantage of the bonus I am offering as mentioned in my self-promo post, just come back to review my chapter 1 too!

 

[CuteBunnyGirl]

I’m here for the Review Blitz again, this time reviewing Chapter 1!


So we get introduced to Nikki, who is the MC’s wife, alongside Isaac, who is his childhood friend. Also, wasn’t the MC’s age 28 in the prologue while now it’s 18?

And then... he wakes up, and it was all a dream! It felt a bit unnecessary to introduce us to two new characters only to immediately say that none of this was real. Especially since so far, there doesn’t seem to be much reason for this scene.

He goes on a walk to the Grass Club in order to get his first duel with this common deck. We also get a lot of description of him traveling to the club.

Nikki is revealed to be the Grass Club master, which is an interesting reveal! We are also introduced to Brittany, Kristin, and Heather. Heather is stated to be Nikki’s daughter, so does that mean Brittany and Kristin are too? Also, Nikki and Isaac are said to be married.

Heather is hesitant to challenge him, before he mentions his new all-common deck, which gives the three girls so new hope.

Brittany seems to be the first to challenge him, and it is specified that the two are sitting on the floor. Then, it’s time to start the duel!

The MC starts the duel by drawing lots of cards using Bill cards twice. This is followed by him leading with Ponyta due to its type effectiveness. He then attacks Brittany’s Scyther with a Kick attack, dealing decent damage due to Scyther’s weakness.

After that, Gust Of Wind is used, followed by a Fireworks attack that knocks out her (presumably still benched) Bellsprout with another type advantage!

Brittany then uses a Weedle, followed by a poisoning attack. The MC switches to Voltorb, which uses a paralyzing attack on the Weedle.

Brittany’s Scyther then KO’s the MC’s Ponyta. The MC uses another Ponyta, evolving it into a Dark Rapidash that knocks out Scyther and Weedle.

After winning the battle against Brittany, the MC also battles Kristin and wins as well. Heather is also quickly defeated as well.

The MC feels bad about defeating them so easily. Then, Heather makes a request for the MC to defeat everyone on the island with the same deck, which he agrees to.

He doesn’t battle Nikki yet, deciding to next head to the Water Club instead.


Overall, the chapter was fun to read through! I like how you used so many images to represent the characters.

 

[Tango]

I’m here for the Review Blitz again, this time reviewing Chapter 1!

So great to see you again so soon, Bunny!

So we get introduced to Nikki, who is the MC’s wife, alongside Isaac, who is his childhood friend. Also, wasn’t the MC’s age 28 in the prologue while now it’s 18?

And then... he wakes up, and it was all a dream! It felt a bit unnecessary to introduce us to two new characters only to immediately say that none of this was real. Especially since so far, there doesn’t seem to be much reason for this scene.

Thanks for commenting on this bit! This scene was new and it was supposed to help show the motivations and desires of MC. That is because of the things actually unfolded which were way different than the dream. It looks like you were reviewing this as you went, so I'd be curious to see what you think of this part after having read the rest of the chapter

He goes on a walk to the Grass Club in order to get his first duel with this common deck. We also get a lot of description of him traveling to the club.

Nikki is revealed to be the Grass Club master, which is an interesting reveal!

Hopefully this makes the earlier bit make more sense

We are also introduced to Brittany, Kristin, and Heather. Heather is stated to be Nikki’s daughter, so does that mean Brittany and Kristin are too? Also, Nikki and Isaac are said to be married.

Nope! Brittany and Kristin are members of the Grass Club but are not daughters of Nikki. And yes, Nikki and Isaac are the ones actually married, not MC and Nikki

Heather is hesitant to challenge him, before he mentions his new all-common deck, which gives the three girls so new hope.

Brittany seems to be the first to challenge him, and it is specified that the two are sitting on the floor. Then, it’s time to start the duel!

The MC starts the duel by drawing lots of cards using Bill cards twice. This is followed by him leading with Ponyta due to its type effectiveness. He then attacks Brittany’s Scyther with a Kick attack, dealing decent damage due to Scyther’s weakness.

After that, Gust Of Wind is used, followed by a Fireworks attack that knocks out her (presumably still benched) Bellsprout with another type advantage!

Brittany then uses a Weedle, followed by a poisoning attack. The MC switches to Voltorb, which uses a paralyzing attack on the Weedle.

Brittany’s Scyther then KO’s the MC’s Ponyta. The MC uses another Ponyta, evolving it into a Dark Rapidash that knocks out Scyther and Weedle.

After winning the battle against Brittany, the MC also battles Kristin and wins as well. Heather is also quickly defeated as well.

The MC feels bad about defeating them so easily. Then, Heather makes a request for the MC to defeat everyone on the island with the same deck, which he agrees to.

He doesn’t battle Nikki yet, deciding to next head to the Water Club instead.

So this summary here tells me that you did not skim it. That's great, but it's ok not to go in depth recapping what happened. Instead, I'd love to get more reactions, thoughts, questions, and critique. The review you did for my Prologue was a little better for that if an example is helpful. That said, I'm always happy to get reviews from you!

Overall, the chapter was fun to read through!

Thank you so much! I'm glad it was fun! I know my chapters are a bit long too, but they get much shorter after this one. Thanks for hanging in there with it!

I like how you used so many images to represent the characters.

Aww thanks! I do that with pretty much all my chapters. I've found most people enjoy them.

So, now that you reviewed my Prologue and Chapter 1 during blitz, you are eligible to claim the bonus reward from me. Even though this was part of an exchange you were getting back to me on, I still say it counts. So, you can have me read and review any chapter of any fic within the bonus guidelines in my self-promo blitz post. Obviously you can use this for your own fics, but you could select someone else instead if you prefer. I have no time limit on this bonus, so feel free to save it or use it whenever. Just keep in mind it may take me some time to get to it because I have a big backlog of reviews to get through already! 😅 Even so, I can probably fulfull it in less than a month.

 

[CuteBunnyGirl]

More reviews for the Blitz!


Chapter 2 review

We start our chapter with the MC traveling from the Grass Club to the Water Club. And having a funny little monologue about his hatred of hats, for some reason. I don’t really know why this is part of the fic, but it is kinda funny.

He arrives at the Water Club, giving us some beautiful descriptions of the club’s interior. These descriptions give off a beautiful mental image of the interior. We also get descriptions of how the girls at the club are only interested in him due to his TCG playing ability.

After that, we are introduced to the twin sisters Amanda and Sara, which the MC immediately struggles to tell apart before the club leader Amy shows up only to make romantic advances towards the MC. In my opinion, the female characters should have more personality rather than simply being love interests, as that feels somewhat like stereotyping, even if not intentional. (I’m not accusing you of intentionally being sexist of course, I just feel there are stereotypical undertones.)

Then, the MC defeats Joshua, who is the club’s only boy, by using his electric type cards. After that, another duel against Amanda takes place. This time, I won’t go into detail about the duel since that’s what you previously requested. The MC wins, defeating Amanda.

We also meet Imakuni, a musical star who challenges the MC to a duel. The MC manages to win. Then, the Doduo following Imakuni instead begins to follow the MC! I have already somewhat heard of Doduo’s relevance to this fic, considering it’s literally in the title.


Overall, this was a fun chapter to read, introducing Doduo and the Water Club! I liked reading it, even if I felt slightly weirded out by the Water Club’s characters!

Chapter 3 review

The MC wakes up, seeing Doduo again. The yard is also covered in the Doduo feathers, which I think is a nice touch. The MC decides to nickname him Gotan, due to the text on its collar. He then decides to go to the Science Club next.

He arrives at the Science Club, and we get some nicely detailed description of what the club looks like! I like how there’s enough description to give me a decent mental image without being overdescriptive or hard to read.

Then, we meet Rick, leader of the Science Club and Nikki’s brother. I like the detail of so many characters being related to each other. Rick then takes some of Gotan’s feathers for his experiment before giving us some really interesting lore regarding the possibility of pokemon other than Doduo existing on the island! I like the idea of Mew, Ho-Oh, and Lugia being here, and I wonder if it will be explored in the future!

Then, the MC makes a deal with Rick to give him some Doduo feathers in exchange for duels against the Science Club’s members.

This chapter was also fun, I liked the introduction of the cool worldbuilding details! I don’t really have much else to say about this one, though.

Chapter 4 review

We start this chapter with Rick having gathered the Doduo feathers with his vacuum (or as the fic calls it, the Feathermaster 5000[Mewlulz]) The two have a conversation about the MC’s old teacher Wem.

We also get some insight into Nikki and the tragic reason why she was unable to marry the MC and why she ended up with Isaac instead. In my opinion, it’s quite tragic to see how the MC got the title of champion for nothing.

We also get another dream scene, which feels quite emotional considering the recent revelation about Nikki. The MC then wakes up, has a hangover from getting drunk, and the two spend some time together.

Rick invites a member of the Science Club, a person named Erik. Then, Erik has a battle with the MC that leads to Erik’s defeat. I also enjoy the fun detail of Gotan taking damage from the attacks in the card game! I know it has been stated before in the fic, but I still thought it was fun to show it in action.

I also like how Rick has a fun scientific personality, especially combined with his eccentric and maybe even slightly crazy personality traits. I especially like how he analyzes the battle between the MC and Erik.

Overall, this was also a good chapter, and while I didn’t have that much to say about this one either, I do think that two characters named Rick and Erik can be somewhat easy to mix up due to their similar names. Of course, you don’t have to follow my suggestion.

 

[Tango]

More reviews for the Blitz!

Yay! So glad to see you again! I hope you enjoyed these chapters being a little shorter!

Chapter 2 review

We start our chapter with the MC traveling from the Grass Club to the Water Club. And having a funny little monologue about his hatred of hats, for some reason. I don’t really know why this is part of the fic, but it is kinda funny.

I'm glad it amused you.

He arrives at the Water Club, giving us some beautiful descriptions of the club’s interior. These descriptions give off a beautiful mental image of the interior. We also get descriptions of how the girls at the club are only interested in him due to his TCG playing ability.

After that, we are introduced to the twin sisters Amanda and Sara, which the MC immediately struggles to tell apart before the club leader Amy shows up only to make romantic advances towards the MC. In my opinion, the female characters should have more personality rather than simply being love interests, as that feels somewhat like stereotyping, even if not intentional. (I’m not accusing you of intentionally being sexist of course, I just feel there are stereotypical undertones.)

I mean, they probably do have more personality, but they are competitive and care a TON about status. So while he is there, the only thing they care about is being the one who 'wins' him as a trophy boyfriend they can flaunt around and brag about. He also has a reputation for being rich, and they all love money, especially if they don't have to do much to get it.

Primarily, this club exists for humor. I wanted to have something different compared to the other clubs. It absolutely doesn't represent how most girls and/or women in the fic are.(or my own thoughts on women) But I think the type of humor here really only works with complete commitment to it. Unfortunately, it seems to look like stereotyping to some readers, which sucks because I think it takes away from how funny it would otherwise be. Some people get a good laugh out of it though, so that's good enough for me, I guess.

I might give them some more character development in Book Four but my fic has a ton of characters, so you won't always see a whole lot of depth to all of them. If I tried to make all characters as nuanced as Rick, the forest would be missed for the trees and it would ultimately serve to do the opposite of improve my fic as a whole.

Either way, thanks for mentioning it. I consider honest input useful, be it positive or not.

Then, the MC defeats Joshua, who is the club’s only boy, by using his electric type cards. After that, another duel against Amanda takes place. This time, I won’t go into detail about the duel since that’s what you previously requested.

You can certainly mention aspects of duels in reviews! I only meant if you do, I would rather it be in ways that provide your reaction or thoughts on it vs restating what happened. that's all

The MC wins, defeating Amanda.

We also meet Imakuni, a musical star who challenges the MC to a duel. The MC manages to win. Then, the Doduo following Imakuni instead begins to follow the MC! I have already somewhat heard of Doduo’s relevance to this fic, considering it’s literally in the title.

Overall, this was a fun chapter to read, introducing Doduo and the Water Club! I liked reading it, even if I felt slightly weirded out by the Water Club’s characters!

I'm glad you were still able to enjoy it! Also, there are no other clubs that act like the water club.

Chapter 3 review

The MC wakes up, seeing Doduo again. The yard is also covered in the Doduo feathers, which I think is a nice touch. The MC decides to nickname him Gotan, due to the text on its collar. He then decides to go to the Science Club next.

He arrives at the Science Club, and we get some nicely detailed description of what the club looks like! I like how there’s enough description to give me a decent mental image without being overdescriptive or hard to read.

Always nice to hear I've balanced things decently. Thanks!

Then, we meet Rick, leader of the Science Club and Nikki’s brother. I like the detail of so many characters being related to each other.

Thanks! I tried to look for ways to keep things related in interesting ways.

Rick then takes some of Gotan’s feathers for his experiment before giving us some really interesting lore regarding the possibility of pokemon other than Doduo existing on the island! I like the idea of Mew, Ho-Oh, and Lugia being here, and I wonder if it will be explored in the future!

I'm glad the lore interests you! As a little secret, yes, this will be expanded on later...

Then, the MC makes a deal with Rick to give him some Doduo feathers in exchange for duels against the Science Club’s members.

This chapter was also fun, I liked the introduction of the cool worldbuilding details! I don’t really have much else to say about this one, though.

My fic has many world-building aspects to it. I enjoy world-building so much that I usually include way too much of it and K_S helps beta read so I can trim it down!

Chapter 4 review

We start this chapter with Rick having gathered the Doduo feathers with his vacuum (or as the fic calls it, the Feathermaster 5000[Mewlulz]) The two have a conversation about the MC’s old teacher Wem.

We also get some insight into Nikki and the tragic reason why she was unable to marry the MC and why she ended up with Isaac instead. In my opinion, it’s quite tragic to see how the MC got the title of champion for nothing.

Thanks! It's meant to be sad to help get readers emotionally invested in the plot. Glad it seems to work well enough!

We also get another dream scene, which feels quite emotional considering the recent revelation about Nikki. The MC then wakes up, has a hangover from getting drunk, and the two spend some time together.

Rick invites a member of the Science Club, a person named Erik. Then, Erik has a battle with the MC that leads to Erik’s defeat. I also enjoy the fun detail of Gotan taking damage from the attacks in the card game! I know it has been stated before in the fic, but I still thought it was fun to show it in action.

Glad you liked it!

I also like how Rick has a fun scientific personality, especially combined with his eccentric and maybe even slightly crazy personality traits. I especially like how he analyzes the battle between the MC and Erik.

If you like Rick already, you ain't seen anything yet!

Overall, this was also a good chapter, and while I didn’t have that much to say about this one either, I do think that two characters named Rick and Erik can be somewhat easy to mix up due to their similar names. Of course, you don’t have to follow my suggestion.

Rick and Erik are canon names, so I won't be switching them out even though I agree with you.

Thanks for stopping by again!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, I decided to spend my last day of Review Blitz making headway into stories that I wanted to get deeper into, and given that I still have a healthy chunk of review exchange ahead of me from your end, that sounded like as good a reason for me to come back and see more of the Gentleman’s misadventures with his bicephalic buddy.

Anyhow, let’s get straight into where we left off from last time:

Chapter 3

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

May 7th

(19)

After taking a day off, I felt refreshed and ready to resume my challenge of the clubs!

Well, I know what clubs we’ll be focusing on this time from that music.

As I stepped out of my front door, my eyes landed on a particularly rotund Doduo. Clearly, it was the one that followed me home the day before yesterday... It was asleep with both its heads!

Gentleman: “You’re still here?! I thought you’d have gone off to go forage outside town by now!”

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Doudo were supposed to sleep with only one head at a time... Pah! No matter.

As I turned to lock my door, I heard a sudden ruffling of feathers. Curious, I glanced over my shoulder to see Doduo had jerked awake.

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So… what’s the over/under of Chocobo music kicking up in the background right about now?

(20)

It looked about frantically until one head noticed me. It then pecked the other head causing it to turn towards me too as they both sighed in a way that I thought might be relief!

Neat chiptune there, though I’m surprised there’s no commentary from the Gentleman about “why are you even here?” in his journal entry at the moment / wondering if Imakuni trained the Doduo somehow.

I had barely even met the bird and it already seemed inordinately concerned with following me!

I turned around and faced it.

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It looked at me. Its eyes were vacant and its faces wore rather dull expressions.

Doduo: “*Look, buddy, have you ever considered that your eyes with the big irises are the weird one, here?”* >v> >v>

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"I don't know why you are following me, bird, but I am not currently in the market for a pet, nor do I have the funds to spare on food for you!"

I feel like this sequence would’ve worked a bit better with an acknowledgement of more of the actual “following and noticing I’m being followed” playing out more. For instance, does the Gentleman make it to the end of the street before turning around and realizing “surprise, Doduo is here” or something like that?

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It simply continued to stare at me. Rightfully so. I spoke to it in the same manner I do when I am alone: without expectation of a reply.

I glanced about the yard [ ]. I had been distracted before, but now that I had a moment, its feathers... They were EVERYWHERE! In the bushes, in the newly planted yard tree, all over the lawn, and they spilled over into the neighbor's lawns as well!

I think that this moment would’ve been a bit funnier if we’d gotten into the Gentleman’s expression/mood in a bit more detail. Like is he horrified by how much of a mess Doduo made, or…?

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It's a good thing Doduo feathers were not on the list of prohibited yard debris for the homeowners association... I recalled their last visit to be particularly unpleasant. Apparently my Scyther-themed mailbox was not on the approved list of mon for the neighborhood! Now all I had was that dull Doduo mailbox in its place…

Well. That would explain a thing or two about why Doduo just stuck around the Gentleman’s house all night. Even if I have to wonder if there was a funny:

moment to be had between Doduo and the mailbox in that case.

Shifting my focus back to the feathers, I was immensely relieved that I did not invite the bird inside the house. Clearly, the bird was so lazy that it rolled about my yard for an entire day! There were few other ways to explain the sheer volume of feathers I was seeing... A fat, lazy, and dumb bird…

Sure is a great thing that this is the only actually extant Pokémon species in your setting, huh? >:V

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If it caused people to take duels with me less seriously, I reasoned it would likely reduce the chance of opponents refusing to duel me! Very well! Since I stood to benefit from the arrangement, I supposed I could tolerate it following me about if it chose to do so.

Somebody’s a sneaky one there. Though yeah, I’ll admit that if someone strolled up to me with the LiMu Emu with a second head getting into antics, I’d have trouble taking them seriously.

(21)

Just then, I caught sight of what appeared to be small metal collars on Doduo. One on its left neck and another on its right neck.

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I brought a hand to my chin. "A collar? Could you perhaps belong to someone, bird?"

It’s going to be Imakuni’s name, isn’t it?

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Doduo looked up in a way that displayed the collar more prominently.

Taking the opportunity, I knelt down to inspect the left one first.

Doduo appeared not to mind and stood there patiently.

The collar was old and tarnished. It had a dog-tag attached, and even though it was worn, I was able to make out letters on it: 'go'. Go? Go where? I turned it over to find a male symbol on it.

Oh, so Doduo actually has a name. Or at least I think that that’s the implication behind this collar.

"Ah, it seems we share a gender, dear bird."

Out of the corner of my eye, Doduo appeared to have... grinned for a moment? Perhaps it was my imagination.

I next inspected the right one next and found it in a similar condition to the first one. This one had the letters 'tan' on it. The back of this tag was empty.

Oh, so that’s why you tweaked your username here to ‘Tango’. I was wondering for the longest time why you did that, but that clears things up considerably.

Well, I supposed Doduo was rather 'tan' in color and certainly a creature that 'goes' quite fast!

I then had an idea. If this bird should follow me about everywhere, I might as well give him a nickname!

I’m actually a little surprised that it didn’t occur to the Gentleman that Tango (or ‘Gotan’, I suppose) was Doduo’s nickname. I can’t tell if that’s a feature or a bug in terms of his thought process there.

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I looked Doduo in the eyes and grinned confidently. "Very well, bird, I now know what I shall call you!"

Doduo looked at me with both heads wide-eyed and... eager?

"Gotan!" I smiled while crossing my arms proudly.

Doduo:

“*The name tag with the gender symbol is clearly the one that’s supposed to come at the end, you know.*”

Gotan's heads tilted as its eyes seemed to squint for a moment with a flash of... bewilderment? -or at least I thought he might have, perhaps it was my imagination?

I was joking about that last cutaway gag.

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I tilted my head. "Can you... understand me, Gotan?"

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Gotan simply stood there with a blank vacant stare.

Well, I wonder if that’s a sign the bird’s going to be ‘Tango’ after all, or if we’re just sticking with ‘Gotan’ for hilarity.

Gentleman: “I’m… going to take that as a ‘no’.”

Of course that bird couldn't understand me... What an absurd notion! I turned my thoughts to more productive matters. If Gotan had an owner, it must have been from too long ago to expect to find them again. Judging from the collar's condition, the one who placed these collars on Gotan was not Imakuni.

I kinda wonder if the Gentleman should’ve suspected that Gotan belonged to Imakuni a bit earlier on and then ruled it out from the condition of the collars, since something about this thought process here feels like it’s a lot more delayed than it needs to be.

"So, it seems like you have been without an owner for a long time, huh?"

Gotan's eyes began to shimmer slightly. Were his eyes... watering?

These custom sprites are really cute, by the way.

Before I could contemplate the matter further, Gotan suddenly broke into a roll in the grass sending feathers into the air as it went.

I kinda feel like it probably would’ve been worth to show off a bit more of the Gentleman’s thought process here. Like even if we’re not strictly sticking to a diary format for storytelling, it just feels like an opportunity to get into the Gentleman’s head a bit more.

"Well, from now on, I'm going to call you Gotan. At least, until you get bored and find someone else to follow."

Gotan stopped rolling and I almost thought I caught him squinting at me, but on closer inspection, it was his usual dull vacant expression.

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inb4 he really was squinting. Since if it turns out later on in the story that Gotan’s proper name is Tango, I’m going to have more than a little bit of a giggle.

Wanting to waste no more time chasing idle flights of fancy, I looked over the yard again and thought about cleaning the feathers, but decided that would be a problem for future me instead.

My next destination would be the Science Club. After my recent suffering at the hands of the opposite gender in the Water Club, a currently all-male club would be a welcome reprieve... I opted to take the bus to see how determined that bird was to follow me. Since Gotan was too large to fit through the bus door, he would have to chase on foot.

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Sure enough, Gotan followed me all the way to the Science Club! He didn't even look like he ran close to his top speed... Clearly, that bird would be following me until he found someone more appealing. I supposed I could have attempted to sneak away when he slept, but that would only leave him in my yard which would accrue even more feathers in it…

I kinda wonder if there would’ve been a funny moment to be had noting that Gotan kept pace with the bus the entire time or something like that. Though that actually makes me wonder if there will be any clubs that just bounce Gotan from the door later on in this series, since from what I remember of him in the v1 of this story, I’m pretty sure that he’d just straight-up eat some players’ cards if left unattended for too long. >:V

As I entered the Science Club, Gotan trotted right behind me. Feathers fell off the bird like the leaves of an autumnal tree.

Then I saw the sign.

(22)

There was one hanging in every club. It read: 'Doduo owners are responsible for the cleaning of any feathers left behind. Violators will be prosecuted.'

Yeah, have fun with that one, buddy. Even if it makes me wonder just how commonly people bring their Doduo along with them to these card matches.

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[ ] Obviously I was NOT this bird's owner, but with him following me around everywhere, who would believe me? Besides, I suppose I DID nickname him…

Kinda feel like the Gentleman’s thought process here would’ve worked better getting expanded a bit. Especially if he’s having a flash of annoyance or something.

I lamented the fact that I would soon be routinely cleaning his feathers at any club I visited... Had I the funds, I could pay a lawyer to fend off the lawsuits, but the problem would still remain that it would look like I disrespected the clubs by allowing my presumed Doduo to leave his feathers about. As a champion and a gentleman, I had to hold myself to higher standards than that! At least I wasn't planning to visit the lounges, so the feathers could all be contained to the entrance and main room of each club…

A part of me kinda feels like this thought process would’ve worked better after the Gentleman visited a club or two along with Gotan and realized that Gotan was just not going to politely wait outside until he was done. Since while I can buy him realizing that Gotan would be a problem if he came indoors, would it really occur to him that Gotan wouldn’t wait outside given that Gotan did just that outside his house?

The entrance of the club was unchanged from my last visit since clubs almost never redecorate. The floor had a large square light purple tile in the middle with the TCG Island science symbol on it. The symbol itself looked rather strange now that I was looking at it closely. Almost like some kind of mechanized Mew.

Oh, well, that’s different. Though if Gotan is meant to be coming along with the Gentleman, I feel like that should be explicitly noted, especially since a part of the Gentleman is presumably grumbling internally about Gotan going along and making his life hard.

The remainder of the floor was some sort of light green metal tiles. One would assume this building was brand-new with all the technology it contained, but these light-green metal floors were actually among the oldest structures on our island. They also seemed to be impervious to all forms of damage. Perfect for an experimental building that might contain the occasional chemical explosion. I had the lectures from my academy days to thank for that information.

Wonder if that’s a sign that the metal floors were made of copper that’s since oxidized with age.

Blue diamond-patterned rugs adorned the floors in the hallways leading to the other rooms. The walls were all covered in light purple ceramic tiles.

In the far left corner of the lobby were two large vertical metal cylinders with steps leading to what looked like sliding doors of some sort. They seemed like things a person could crawl inside of.

The corner in the far right contained one of the Science Club's quantum computers. It might have been old technology, but few households had their own quantum computer due to their cost and bulk.

Hrm… I kinda wonder if there was a less “list”-ey way of describing the interior of the Science Club. Like I suppose that it wouldn’t be out of the question for someone to write a diary entry like this, but I just wonder if there was some combination of noting the Gentleman moving around or else getting in more of an opinion about different things he noticed about the interior decor (e.x. if he liked certain features, or thought other features looked very tacky) that could’ve been done here.

(23)

As Gotan and I entered the main section of the lab, I noticed the majority of the room was unlit, with only the separate room in the back with the light on. As I stepped into the room, the automatic lights kicked in, revealing the usual decor.

There were three large wooden tables in the main section of the room with laptops, beakers, flasks, and various notes scattered about.

Which is a great combination with a bicephalic emu that just runs and rolls around as it pleases.

A wall formed a separate room towards the back left. It was lined with two shelves with various chemistry supplies. Finally, there was a large hall off to the right leading to two more quantum computers at the back. Seeing no one in the main section, I made my way to the smaller room in the back.

I could hear a voice mumbling to itself in the other room.

I’m honestly a little surprised that the Gentleman didn’t have to keep Gotan on a tight leash for this given that birds tend to be attracted to shiny things. (Also, the potential comedy of the Gentleman having to wrangle the big feathery ball of trouble from going and breaking some very expensive chemistry equipment that he probably doesn’t have the money to pay for right now.)

"...but what could I use for testing this? Our stock ran out just yesterday... If only we had some Doduo feathers laying about... They are getting so hard to come by these days... Another shipment of Doduo went out to Neo just last week… I thought they hated those birds..."

Oh well. That sounds totally normal and not ominous at all there.

[ ] I coughed loudly from the other room.

A head poked around the corner.

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"Well! If it isn't the Gentleman!"

Surprised no commentary about all of this from the Gentleman’s part there. Even if it’s something as simple as “I wasn’t sure what that was all about since it did sound weird that Neo Island of all places would want more Doduo, but I didn’t really pay it any mind. After all, I had card games to win.”

His gaze shifted to Gotan.

"Ah, very good of you to bring a present! Well, come on then! I have work to do!" He stuck a hand out around the corner beckoning with a wave.

View attachment 20488

Oh yeah, that’s not a worrisome reaction at all, there.

I glanced at Gotan. He seemed to be... afraid? I didn't know he could be afraid of anything!

I feel like this would’ve worked better if we got to see Gotan do some things earlier that the Gentleman would’ve expected to scare him off. Though that actually makes me wonder… would Gotan have reacted so neutrally to the Science Club all this time? Or would it have negative experiences surrounding the whole "laboratory aesthetic” going in through the door that might have been noticeable?

Rick always was an odd one. More interested in science than the Pokemon TCG. It was hard to believe that he was Nikki's brother... Even when we were kids, he was always holed away in his room working on Mew knew what. Now that he was leader of the Science Club with tools and quantum computers at his disposal? I had even less of a clue what he was up to.

Wait, wait, wait. They have quantum computing in this setting? .-.

Since he appeared to be the only one here for the moment, I figured I might as well see where the club members were.

As I entered the back section, it was as I remembered: the two quantum computers in the right corner were lit up with a variety of flashing lights. The small workbench in the far left corner that Rick was standing at had a variety of flasks and notes strewn about. Two more cylindrical objects like the ones from the entrance loomed in the corner to my left.

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It was a wonder that Gotan wasn't wrecking things in here or the previous room. If I didn't know better, I'd say he almost seemed respectful!

Yeah, I’m about as shocked as you are, Gentleman. Since I was expecting Gotan to cause a lot more problems right now.

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Speaking of the bird, Gotan followed, but was cautious. Using both heads, he eyed the surroundings and Rick carefully.

Rick was busy pouring some chemical into another flask with his back turned towards me. He was wearing a long white lab-coat.

"Well? Don't just stand there! Bring the bird over. Hurry!"

Gotan:

[ ] I approached and so did Gotan. Still cautious, but less so at this point.

Perhaps the bird found my presence comforting in an otherwise scary situation? Not that I could see anything scary about this room in particular...

Rick grabbed at Gotan's feathers and took a decent clump of them. "Ah! Excellent!"

Though I feel like this was another moment where it might have been worth getting into the Gentleman’s head a bit more about what’s going on.

[ ] Gotan had a dumb, yet happy expression on his faces. Apparently he enjoyed having feathers forcefully removed.

Gentleman: “You are the weirdest bird that I’ve ever met, you know that?”

Even if I wonder if there should’ve been more recorded about how the Gentleman would react to Rick suddenly just going and plucking feathers from his bicephalic stalker here.

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[ ] I held my chin with my right hand.

"Do you always collect feathers that way? Were Gotan a human woman, you would likely be missing your hand right about now..."

Rick chuckled. "Oh trust me, I've dealt with enough Doduo to understand they PREFER it that way! They also tend to yield more feathers with such an approach. I don't pretend to understand it, but it is an observable law of Doduo."

[ ] I chuckled a bit as I shook my head. What was wrong with those birds?

Ditto in these two spots. Though the answer to that question is “ask your writer, Gentleman”. Since I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting Gotan’s behavior to be a normal baseline for Doduo in this setting, but duly noted.

He then placed the feathers on the workbench and pulled a single feather from them to drop into the chemical he was holding. The feather rapidly dissolved with a hiss and some light smoke as Rick turned to face me.

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"Unlike quantum phenomena, watching the feather dissolve does not change the behavior of the process. Curious things, Doduo are. Unless the old tales of the three legendary Pokemon gods are true, they are the only Pokemon to inhabit our world."

I nodded. "Correct by my understanding."

Just filing the underlined away mentally. Though I wonder if those would be the Legendary Birds or the Legendary Gerbils in that case.

(24)

Rick held the flask up. "Mew of Neo island, Ho-oh of TCG Island, and Lugia of GR Island. I am not one to trust superstition though. If there are any Pokemon other than Doduo, we have yet to find any scientific evidence to support that hypothesis."

Oh. Well. “None of the above”, apparently. Though I wonder if that’s an actual association from the games, or if it was created wholesale for this story.

An odd diversion, but Rick was the type to be helpful after indulging him in conversation that interested him.

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I crossed my arms. "Where would one find such evidence, I wonder?"

I kinda feel like we’re missing something to get the Gentleman interested in where this evidence would be. Maybe something along the lines of “You speak as if you’ve been searching for a long time.” -> “Where would one even find such evidence, I wonder?” or something like that.

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Rick suddenly appeared more focused and confident. "For Ho-Oh, The Legendary Rainbow Palace may hold clues, but no one has seen it in over a century. Historical accounts from multiple eye-witnesses have been compiled on it. Is it truly a miraculous place, or does it simply involve technology beyond our current understanding? We know it employs anti-gravity to float in the sky. Anti-gravity is not new technology; GR Island's blimps use it. But we do not know the source or specific means that the palace utilizes for its anti-gravity."

Well, this world certainly sounds a lot wilder than I was expecting. Even if I have to wonder how on earth nobody’s been able to find a definitive yes or no if they already know where they ought to be looking for clues.

I do wonder if some of Rick’s exposition in dialogue here would’ve worked better being handled by the Gentleman in the narration / contents of his own diary, though.

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My arms still crossed, I impatiently tapped my finger on my arm. "Yes, I too have heard of such a place. My late grandfather, Jack, told me stories he heard from his grandfather."

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Rick grinned. "Indeed! The eyewitnesses are numerous! Those accounts also refer to a temple dedicated to Ho-Oh within the palace. Perhaps it contains some artifact or clue on the matter. Unfortunately, no one knows the current location of the palace or how to get it to appear again, if indeed it ever does!"

Well. That would explain why nobody was able to get a definitive answer for at least a hundred years at this rate.

As interesting as this all was, it had nothing to do with what I was here for, so I swooped in to change the subject.

I waved my hand dismissively. "Perhaps if it appears again, you will find something interesting to study. For now, I am here seeking duelists to test my new all-common card deck against!"

Rick raised an eyebrow. [ ]

"All-common? How fascinating! It's been a while since I've had the opportunity to collect duel data on such a unique concept! However, the club members are currently at the TCG Island science symposium at the Pokemon Dome and will be occupied for the next month... I could briefly recall them one at a time, but I would like something in exchange."

Would recommend expanding the bit focusing on Rick’s reaction, especially since the Gentleman would presumably be studying Rick and how he responds to see if his gambit of having Gotan get his opponents’ guard down would go anywhere or not.

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I tilted my head slightly. "Like what?"

(25)

Rick peered at Gotan intently. "Feathers. I need more of them! Your Doduo appears to produce them in abundance!"

Well, that’s an easy ‘yes’ from the Gentleman if I ever heard one.

I smiled. [ ]

"Well, if that's all you want, I'll give you as many as I have! I have some at my home I can perhaps bring by tomorrow."

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Rick frowned. "Tomorrow?! I need those feathers ASAP! Where are they at?"

Kinda feel like there should’ve been more commentary from the Gentleman here about how convenient this all seems to him. Since he has a source of feathers to give who actually enjoys getting plucked right next to him. Also, maybe a funny moment of him wondering if Gotan would wind up leaving the lab with any feathers at all left on him at this rate.

Gentleman: “All over the yard to my house? I can give you an address if you want, you know.” :|

I held my arms outward. "At my house. This bird has been camped out there for days... You wouldn't believe how many of them there are!"

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Rick lit up. "Ah HA! That settles it, then!"

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I fully tilted my head this time. "What does?"

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Rick grinned. "I shall come with you back to your house and gather the feathers myself! I have a method of procurement that ensures quality and freshness."

It’s just raking them into a bag, isn’t it?

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Free lawn care? Did my ears deceive me?!

I nodded. "Very well, you may accompany me and I will permit you to gather them!"

Rick smiled broadly. "Excellent! Do you have a spare bedroom?"

I… kinda feel like this and the prior section would’ve benefitted from some combination of elaborating on the Gentleman and Gotan’s reactions or internal thought processes to things, since aside from the portraits, this was basically a bunch of disembodied dialogue.

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I furrowed my brow. "Why do you ask?"

Rick rolled his eyes. "Well I'll need a place to crash for the night! Also, being around Gotan will give me the opportunity I need to collect the most fresh feather specimens! I do hate manual labor, but I can tolerate it... if you have some beer."

… Not convinced that the Gentleman isn’t going to wind up sorely regretting this in a chapter or two, but hey, if his place is big enough, why not?

I laughed. "Well, yes I do. I don't find myself partaking it in much, but I keep a supply for guests."

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Rick looked me in the eye. "Not bad, but do you have enough... for two?"

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNHooTszyW4


Gentleman: “I’m sorry, what do you mean for two?” .-.

Even if I do wonder if the Gentleman should’ve had a bit more of a reaction to that as part of the outro of the chapter / his diary entry.

Alright, time’s-a-burning, so I think that I’ll leave things off here. I take it that this was basically a breather / comedic relief chapter meant for us to get to know our feathery friend here a bit better and tee up the next round of card battles in the next chapter or two. It was definitely a nice change of pace from the past couple chapters and had some fun character moments in it. Once again, the multimedia component of the chapter added quite a bit to the reading experience, and the length made it a breezy read to dive into, even if it did kinda dovetail into one of the bigger issues I had with the chapter.

Namely, I wonder if you made things a little too short, since the entire time, I thought that there were opportunities to get into the Gentleman’s head a bit harder. Since even if we’re straying from a strict diary format a bit, each chapter is a document where he’s writing down his thoughts to himself, so it felt a bit strange that he didn’t record things like details he noticed about Gotan’s behavior when Gotan’s novel and unexpected to him or more of his opinions about certain moments that happened such as his exchange with Rick. It also would’ve potentially made some of the more exposition-heavy moments in the sequence with Rick a bit smoother, since you could’ve offloaded the parts that Rick presently brings up in his own dialogue into the narration as written by the Gentleman as a “oh yeah, I know that” sort of thing.

But altogether, I thought that even if there was some room for further polish, that this was still a fun chapter and it managed to surprise me a couple of times. Hope that the feedback was helpful, @Tango , and I’ll be looking forward to coming back to for more of our review exchange sometime soon.

 

[Sinderella]

Hiiiiiiiiii you're my LAST review of Blitz 2026, rounding off both the event and our exchange (I think). I'm here for chapters 5-10, with some rambly notes and some random line by lines. I'm a little not sober rn so in the event I say something that doesn't make sense or rubs you the wrong way, please don't hesitate to reach out; I'm happy to talk things through!

OKAAAAAYYYY so this was actually a pretty exciting chunk of chapters! There wasn't much for me to go in on in 5; just him rounding off at the Science Club and giving those poor trainers a run for their money (or, decks, in this case. He's running for his own money, brokie). Don't get me wrong, I like seeing the man continuously proving himself--I love a character on top who continuously proves WHY they're on top. He's powering through these other players with this weak ass deck on nothing more than raw strategy. However, I was really looking forward to seeing Mister Gentleman struggle and I REALLY got it in the coming chapters.

I waited with baited breath as he flipped the coin: Tails!

*Bated

I could have sworn they were LIGHTNING Energy! But I couldn't deny the information right in front of my eyes... Awkward as this was, that was the moment I realized I had called them Lightning Energy my ENTIRE LIFE! In an effort to remain consistent, I decided to maintain my error and continue to refer to them as Lightning Energy. Besides, they sounded cooler that way.

This is pretty funny that bro is the champion and was calling it the wrong thing the entire time, love that for him

Were Bill Inc. confined to our Island, it would have fallen under TCG Island law and I could have sued them at the very least. But being a multi-island corporation, they had what's called 'corporate immunity'. While it was theoretically possible to successfully prosecute them, the vast majority of cases were thrown out without a second glance by most judges.

Man, I am getting so much DYSTOPIA vibes from this. Not only does Bill Inc. seem to have an unchecked monopoly, it's also insane that people can pay a subscription for 100% accuracy on something, not get it, and the company isn't held accountable. Insane work, I hope it goes boom.

The former champion, Ronald, was my nemesis: a morning person. He would have clubs open at 5:00am! They would also close down at 2:00pm! As a recent academy graduate back then, trying to wake up before 2:00pm was sometimes a challenge...

Ohhhh hope we get to meet him soon

Rick stopped chewing his pizza and somehow spoke clearly with his mouth full. "How curious! Doduo hate human food, but I have never seen one act like that before. You have a really weird Doduo! Gotan looked like he wanted very badly to eat that pizza despite how he could clearly not even come close to tolerating it."

IS GOTAN A HUMAN IN A DODUO BODY???? OR IS IT THE ORACLE PERSONIFIED???

Jonathan winked again. "Oh no! More bad luck there! So unfortunate. You know, you really should probably not rely on coin flips too much. I've got to say, that Professor Oak I used to draw seven cards in our game was preeety nice considering I didn't have to flip a coin for it! Just let me know when you are ready to lose your final duel against me, mkay?"

this is actually a pretty good use of info dump-y dialogue. Doesn't feel out of left field, and serves to inform the reader. Good worl.

My jaw dropped. "Stephanie from the TCG Island Psychic Club?!"

Hmmmm would have wanted to see some more of him trying to decipher who this was and not just immediately getting it

A quick glance revealed he was hobbling not to avoid pain, but to seek it out! Stepping awkwardly and directly on the bruised parts of his talons. Smiling all the while... the lunatic.

??????????????? GOTAN WHAT ARE YOU

Oh why had I not purchased one sooner!? Now all they had were those dumb Doduo-themed fans!

well sir i have bad news for you....

"Music to my ears. Keep up the good work. Oh, and make sure you pay our club a visit next. Fortune will favor you and I wouldn't mind raking in a bit more of that nice cash of yours..."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm foreshadowing???

UBI Cap Increase
Universal Basic Income. A wonderful fact of modern life. Set in place by our oracle centuries ago, this one social reform virtually eliminated all poverty for TCG Island citizens over the past several generations.

As we have come to expect from our oracle, when inflation gets a little too high, the UBI is increased. Let us be thankful for our benevolent AI ruler, the oracle! Let us also not take for granted the modest houses, food, water, healthcare, and UBI granted to all our citizens as basic human rights.

The latest increase in UBI will continue to safeguard our way of life and help ensure the happiness and well-being of all our citizens for years to come.

BRO THIS IS SO WEIRD??? I AM GETTING SO MUCH BAD VIBES FROM THIS????? LIKE ARE THESE THREE ISLANDS JUST IDLY WORSHIPPING AN AI GOD THEY CALL THE FUCKING ORACLE AND NOBODY SEES A PROBLEM WITH IT?? HAS NOBODY READ I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST SCREAM???

TANGO YOU'RE SCARING ME

As TCG Island does not allow for immigration except by special permit, marriage, or adoption, GR Island is the only other place for citizens of Neo Island to formally move to.

Not all immigration is legal, however. Reports indicate GR Island is also engaged in deportation of immigrants that have not gone through the proper channels. Failure to return undocumented immigrants to Neo Island is a hot diplomatic topic lately on the world stage. Neo Island does not tolerate when their citizens leave Neo Island illegally.

THIS TOO. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE ON THIS DAY, THIS IS SO STRANGE.........THERE IS OBV A LOT MORE GOING ON HERE AND I AM INTRIGUED

The walls, were painted - you guessed it - purple!

Roll chapter credits

Daniel whined. "Nooo! Not again! How can I fail so many coin-flips that my Pokemon stays asleep FOUR TURNS IN A ROW!!!"

Yeah Gentleman knows this pain

Leaning against a nearby lamp with her arms crossed, was Stephanie. Her age was one of the only ones that threw me for a loop. She was either eleven years old or she had a petite frame and could be any age ranging from that to twenty-one.

Hey I have a character she might get along with!

I smiled. "What can I say? I enjoy the finer things in life."

Clearly and that's why you're a BROKIE

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "We can't be the only club to cower at your all-common deck. We do have some pride."

I like this sentiment that clubs aren't just prepared to bend to his will. I like the pushbacks/

Stephanie smiled. "My usual, Alakazam, Gengar, Jynx, Mewtwo, and Mew. Even Pokemon Breeder to evolve Abra directly to Alakazam on turn two. Wouldn't matter. Your Porygon's psychic resistance would stall until your Voltorb's rampage would begin. Nothing I could have done about that..."

I like that she breaks it down for him, that's cool

I approached right as Robert and Daniel finished their game. They were both eight years old.

Odd age drop, i'd work this in a little more naturally

Today I planned to visit the Lightning Club.

Don't you mean,,....ELECTRIC CLUB???

Feathermaster 5000.

5,000?

Ronald gave me the kind of look that usually meant he had an idea. "Good morning there, buddy. Or that's what I would have said if it weren't already 12:30pm. Seriously man, when are you going to get your time turned around? You're setting a bad example for the younger generation!"

OH HEY RONALD

Ronald looked me in the eyes without amusement. "It first started... with Isaac."

OH FUCK//////???????????? LOVERS QUARREL?????

My success... it was all to help me reach her. Nikki, the girl of my dreams... My inspiration to push myself to the limits and become Champion... It wasn't fair... I did what she required... but she changed her mind and didn't wait for me.

BRO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

I flipped my coin for Gambler. Hopefully Stephanie's hacking would come through for me.

Tails.

Bro I hate Bill Inc.


So it somehow flew over my head that Mister Gentleman was a member of the Fire Club, but considering the deck and mon he uses, yeah of fucking course he was. And I thoroughly enjoy how THAT was the club that you decided to give him a run for his money. If I read correctly, he seems to have lost TWICE in a row? That's......actually kind of rough after such an insane winning streak. BUT! It's something I like to see! I was really hoping that somebody was going to beat his ass, and I think it's kind of sweet sweet irony that it was somebody in his old club. Although it sucks IMMENSELY that it happened due to failed coin flips. That actually feels infinitely worse than just losing on skill (though that seems to have played a part of it). His win only happenening because he struck a deal with somebody from the Psychic Club also doesn't really feel great either, but it seems to be necessary being how bad the flips were fucking him.

I am curious about the whole Bill Subscription service, as that seems to have a huge play in why things went wrong for Mister Gentleman. Or...maybe more just confused. If he's paying a monthly subscription for it to work 100% of the time, why is it failing on him? I understand he had to call the customer service line to get it fixed (and didn't), but if it's 100% supposed to work, I feel like it shouldn't even be a source of contention? Like the fact that it's not working should cause a pretty substantial uproar, I think, even if Bill Inc. does seem to be protected by some pretty bogus business laws--seriously, that feels pretty dystopian!

Speaking of dystopian, I can't help but feel like....this world that you're building is pretty damn bleak. First of all, this world is run by some AI called the Oracle????? Hello???? I'll take "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" by Harlan Ellison for $1000 Alex. It might be my poor reading comprehension skills, but I'm curious about what it means by the UTI rising???? Like, is that just the monetary system in this world?? Or something related to the Oracle?? I don't know, I am getting INSANE bad vibes--just from that little bit, it feels like there is almost a cult-like reverence for this AI that seems to run anything, and it's crazy to me that nobody (at least in Gentleman's near vicinty) seems concerned about it, not even the Gentleman himself. Is the AI the one insisting to people that these islands are the only ones that exist in the world? Is the AI the one telling people that all Pokemon-related stories are actually a myth? Is the AI the one making everyone base their lives around TCG? IS THE AI THE ONE DEPLETING THE DODUO POPULATION AND TRYING TO PLAY IT OFF BY TELLING PEOPLE NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT??????

And the living situation?? There's only 3 islands (and assuming you mean actual islands, I imagine they're....pretty small??? Like how big are we talking??? Are they like AUSTRALIA big, if you would even call that an island, or are we talking, like Hawaii or New Zealand size? Maybe Japan?). Regardless, that still feels bleak, and I continue to think back to the premise of Attack on Titan where all the civilians were certain they were the last ones left in the world on their little island only to eventually find out they were just COMPLETELY isolated and the entire world was going on and evolving without them. I have a feeling that's where we're going here, too. It's insane that there's only 3 islands and it's so hard to move between the three of them??? You would think it would be easier to move back and forth if those were the ONLY places to live, but no??? They're all so harsh about it???

My mystery brain is going nuts. Idk man, I know you keep hinting that shit is gonna get crazy in this fic, and I'm starting to see it come to fruition here. Like, I'm getting some religious or polticial blowup type things happening in this story that I thought was only going to be about Pokemon TCG???? Tango, you have me intrigued here

 

[Tango]

Heya, I decided to spend my last day of Review Blitz making headway into stories that I wanted to get deeper into, and given that I still have a healthy chunk of review exchange ahead of me from your end, that sounded like as good a reason for me to come back and see more of the Gentleman’s misadventures with his bicephalic buddy.

Anyhow, let’s get straight into where we left off from last time:

Always great to see a new review from you! @Spiteful Murkrow

Feel free to take a small break after this one. I need a chance to apply some formatting edits and see if I can get hypertext in place for duels. Also, I want to try overhauling the way I handle dialogue in the Book. What I do gets the job done, but I'd like it to be at least somewhat impressive...

Chapter 3

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Well, I know what clubs we’ll be focusing on this time from that music.

One would think that, but one would be wrong.

Gentleman: “You’re still here?! I thought you’d have gone off to go forage outside town by now!”

So… what’s the over/under of Chocobo music kicking up in the background right about now?

I'm familiar with Chocobo's but I'm not sure what you are trying to ask here.

Neat chiptune there, though I’m surprised there’s no commentary from the Gentleman about “why are you even here?” in his journal entry at the moment / wondering if Imakuni trained the Doduo somehow.

Good point. I added a bit!

Doduo: “*Look, buddy, have you ever considered that your eyes with the big irises are the weird one, here?”* >v> >v>

I think that this moment would’ve been a bit funnier if we’d gotten into the Gentleman’s expression/mood in a bit more detail. Like is he horrified by how much of a mess Doduo made, or…?

I went back and added a bit more. Thanks!

Well. That would explain a thing or two about why Doduo just stuck around the Gentleman’s house all night. Even if I have to wonder if there was a funny:

moment to be had between Doduo and the mailbox in that case.

Good point! Makes sense for him to think that may have had something to do with it. I added a bit for that.

Sure is a great thing that this is the only actually extant Pokémon species in your setting, huh? >:V

He doesn't find it great at all. He would love an Arcanine as a pet, in theory.

Somebody’s a sneaky one there. Though yeah, I’ll admit that if someone strolled up to me with the LiMu Emu with a second head getting into antics, I’d have trouble taking them seriously.

Exactly!

It’s going to be Imakuni’s name, isn’t it?

Not quite...

Oh, so Doduo actually has a name. Or at least I think that that’s the implication behind this collar.

Indeed.

Oh, so that’s why you tweaked your username here to ‘Tango’. I was wondering for the longest time why you did that, but that clears things up considerably.

I don't know what you're talking about!

I’m actually a little surprised that it didn’t occur to the Gentleman that Tango (or ‘Gotan’, I suppose) was Doduo’s nickname. I can’t tell if that’s a feature or a bug in terms of his thought process there.

This bit totally went over his head. He wasn't thinking of Go and Tan being names at all since they seemed to short to him, so he just immediately looked for a way of naming him and decided to combine them.

Doduo:

“*The name tag with the gender symbol is clearly the one that’s supposed to come at the end, you know.*”

I was joking about that last cutaway gag.

Well, I wonder if that’s a sign the bird’s going to be ‘Tango’ after all, or if we’re just sticking with ‘Gotan’ for hilarity.

Yes.

Gentleman: “I’m… going to take that as a ‘no’.”

I kinda wonder if the Gentleman should’ve suspected that Gotan belonged to Imakuni a bit earlier on and then ruled it out from the condition of the collars, since something about this thought process here feels like it’s a lot more delayed than it needs to be.

He did. He thought it was odd how Gotan didn't follow Imakuni at the end of chapter 2 and then pondered if Gotan even belonged to him to begin with.

These custom sprites are really cute, by the way.

Thanks! I thought Sonya did a great job on them!

I kinda feel like it probably would’ve been worth to show off a bit more of the Gentleman’s thought process here. Like even if we’re not strictly sticking to a diary format for storytelling, it just feels like an opportunity to get into the Gentleman’s head a bit more.

Not for this one. Perhaps it might make sense to expand his thought process, but I'm not ready for him to think that hard about Gotan at this point in the plot.

inb4 he really was squinting. Since if it turns out later on in the story that Gotan’s proper name is Tango, I’m going to have more than a little bit of a giggle.

I kinda wonder if there would’ve been a funny moment to be had noting that Gotan kept pace with the bus the entire time or something like that. Though that actually makes me wonder if there will be any clubs that just bounce Gotan from the door later on in this series, since from what I remember of him in the v1 of this story, I’m pretty sure that he’d just straight-up eat some players’ cards if left unattended for too long. >:V

Very funny you should mention this... Card-eating is an actual thing to do stuff I plan to introduce in Book Five. (I'm not joking )

Yeah, have fun with that one, buddy. Even if it makes me wonder just how commonly people bring their Doduo along with them to these card matches.

They used to do it all the time. Now it has become a rarity.

Kinda feel like the Gentleman’s thought process here would’ve worked better getting expanded a bit. Especially if he’s having a flash of annoyance or something.

Expanded it some. Thanks!

A part of me kinda feels like this thought process would’ve worked better after the Gentleman visited a club or two along with Gotan and realized that Gotan was just not going to politely wait outside until he was done. Since while I can buy him realizing that Gotan would be a problem if he came indoors, would it really occur to him that Gotan wouldn’t wait outside given that Gotan did just that outside his house?

I switched it around a bit. Should hopefully make more sense now.

Oh, well, that’s different. Though if Gotan is meant to be coming along with the Gentleman, I feel like that should be explicitly noted, especially since a part of the Gentleman is presumably grumbling internally about Gotan going along and making his life hard.

I changed this around a bit too. Thanks!

Wonder if that’s a sign that the metal floors were made of copper that’s since oxidized with age.

Nope. It's not copper. And for good measure, I've revised this section to the following:

The remainder of the floor was some sort of light green metal tiles. I couldn't remember what they were called. One would assume this building was brand-new with all the technology it contained, but these light-green metal floors were actually among the oldest structures on our island. I had the lectures from my academy days to thank for that information. Unlike oxidized copper, many experiments revealed there was no force known to mankind that could even scratch them. How old were they? How were they made? Where did they come from? No one knew. Regardless, they were perfect for an experimental building that might contain the occasional chemical explosion.​

Hrm… I kinda wonder if there was a less “list”-ey way of describing the interior of the Science Club. Like I suppose that it wouldn’t be out of the question for someone to write a diary entry like this, but I just wonder if there was some combination of noting the Gentleman moving around or else getting in more of an opinion about different things he noticed about the interior decor (e.x. if he liked certain features, or thought other features looked very tacky) that could’ve been done here.

I switched this around some. I think it works a little better now. Thanks!

Which is a great combination with a bicephalic emu that just runs and rolls around as it pleases.

One would think that...

I’m honestly a little surprised that the Gentleman didn’t have to keep Gotan on a tight leash for this given that birds tend to be attracted to shiny things. (Also, the potential comedy of the Gentleman having to wrangle the big feathery ball of trouble from going and breaking some very expensive chemistry equipment that he probably doesn’t have the money to pay for right now.)

True, that would be funny, but since he is not used to being around Gotan and Gotan isn't making sudden crazy movements, he isn't recognizing that it might be a problem!

Oh well. That sounds totally normal and not ominous at all there.

Surprised no commentary about all of this from the Gentleman’s part there. Even if it’s something as simple as “I wasn’t sure what that was all about since it did sound weird that Neo Island of all places would want more Doduo, but I didn’t really pay it any mind. After all, I had card games to win.”

Good point. I added some.

Oh yeah, that’s not a worrisome reaction at all, there.

I feel like this would’ve worked better if we got to see Gotan do some things earlier that the Gentleman would’ve expected to scare him off. Though that actually makes me wonder… would Gotan have reacted so neutrally to the Science Club all this time? Or would it have negative experiences surrounding the whole "laboratory aesthetic” going in through the door that might have been noticeable?

I switched things around a bit here. Hopefully makes more sense now.

Wait, wait, wait. They have quantum computing in this setting? .-.

Uh. Yeah. It's been mentioned multiple times at this point!

Yeah, I’m about as shocked as you are, Gentleman. Since I was expecting Gotan to cause a lot more problems right now.

Yep! Gotan could easily make a mess of this lab if he were so inclined.

Gotan:

Though I feel like this was another moment where it might have been worth getting into the Gentleman’s head a bit more about what’s going on.

Added a bit. Thanks!

Gentleman: “You are the weirdest bird that I’ve ever met, you know that?”

Nah, masochism is the default for Doduo in their world. 🤪 (Is actually true.)

Ditto in these two spots. Though the answer to that question is “ask your writer, Gentleman”. Since I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting Gotan’s behavior to be a normal baseline for Doduo in this setting, but duly noted.

Yep. Part of the weirdness is Doduo in general. Gotan is even weirder than normal Doduo too.

Just filing the underlined away mentally. Though I wonder if those would be the Legendary Birds or the Legendary Gerbils in that case.

Oh. Well. “None of the above”, apparently. Though I wonder if that’s an actual association from the games, or if it was created wholesale for this story.

Created entirely by me!

I kinda feel like we’re missing something to get the Gentleman interested in where this evidence would be. Maybe something along the lines of “You speak as if you’ve been searching for a long time.” -> “Where would one even find such evidence, I wonder?” or something like that.

Well, this world certainly sounds a lot wilder than I was expecting. Even if I have to wonder how on earth nobody’s been able to find a definitive yes or no if they already know where they ought to be looking for clues.

Well. That would explain why nobody was able to get a definitive answer for at least a hundred years at this rate.

Well, that’s an easy ‘yes’ from the Gentleman if I ever heard one.

Kinda feel like there should’ve been more commentary from the Gentleman here about how convenient this all seems to him. Since he has a source of feathers to give who actually enjoys getting plucked right next to him. Also, maybe a funny moment of him wondering if Gotan would wind up leaving the lab with any feathers at all left on him at this rate.

Switched it around some. Thanks!

Gentleman: “All over the yard to my house? I can give you an address if you want, you know.” :|

It’s just raking them into a bag, isn’t it?

That is NOT far from the truth!

I… kinda feel like this and the prior section would’ve benefitted from some combination of elaborating on the Gentleman and Gotan’s reactions or internal thought processes to things, since aside from the portraits, this was basically a bunch of disembodied dialogue.

Going to try to enhance dialogue for the fic in general. Hopefully this will be a section that will be fixed by doing that later.

… Not convinced that the Gentleman isn’t going to wind up sorely regretting this in a chapter or two, but hey, if his place is big enough, why not?

Oh he will definitely regret part of it!

Gentleman: “I’m sorry, what do you mean for two?” .-.

Even if I do wonder if the Gentleman should’ve had a bit more of a reaction to that as part of the outro of the chapter / his diary entry.

Perhaps, but I like how it ends cliffhangy and makes readers scratch their heads, so I'll probably just keep that bit as-is.

Alright, time’s-a-burning, so I think that I’ll leave things off here. I take it that this was basically a breather / comedic relief chapter meant for us to get to know our feathery friend here a bit better and tee up the next round of card battles in the next chapter or two.

Yes, essentially. It was also there to introduce some lore.

It was definitely a nice change of pace from the past couple chapters and had some fun character moments in it.

Yeah, not all chapters include card duels. Glad you seemed to enjoy it!

Once again, the multimedia component of the chapter added quite a bit to the reading experience,

and the length made it a breezy read to dive into, even if it did kinda dovetail into one of the bigger issues I had with the chapter.

Namely, I wonder if you made things a little too short, since the entire time, I thought that there were opportunities to get into the Gentleman’s head a bit harder.

Yep, I was able to find some bits to expand on. I didn't go too crazy with it, but I think the additions and revisions helped.

But altogether, I thought that even if there was some room for further polish, that this was still a fun chapter and it managed to surprise me a couple of times.

I think my fic will manage to surprise you quite a bit more than you might expect!

Hope that the feedback was helpful, @Tango , and I’ll be looking forward to coming back to for more of our review exchange sometime soon.

I don't think I've seen a review from you yet that wasn't helpful. The attention via the length of your reviews is always a treat. Thanks a bunch, Spiteful!

 

[Tango]

Hiiiiiiiiii you're my LAST review of Blitz 2026, rounding off both the event and our exchange (I think). I'm here for chapters 5-10, with some rambly notes and some random line by lines. I'm a little not sober rn so in the event I say something that doesn't make sense or rubs you the wrong way, please don't hesitate to reach out; I'm happy to talk things through!

Nah. All this rubbed me the right way! So much of it had me grinning ear to ear! 😁

OKAAAAAYYYY so this was actually a pretty exciting chunk of chapters!

If you thought these were good...

There wasn't much for me to go in on in 5; just him rounding off at the Science Club and giving those poor trainers a run for their money (or, decks, in this case.

Fair. Chapter 5 is probably the least interesting chapter in the entire fic.

He's running for his own money, brokie). Don't get me wrong, I like seeing the man continuously proving himself--I love a character on top who continuously proves WHY they're on top. He's powering through these other players with this weak ass deck on nothing more than raw strategy. However, I was really looking forward to seeing Mister Gentleman struggle and I REALLY got it in the coming chapters.

You will see more than that later on too. Actually, It's quite unfortunate you stopped before chapter 11 considering how that one goes. I'm itching with anticipation for you to get farther in!

*Bated

This is pretty funny that bro is the champion and was calling it the wrong thing the entire time, love that for him

It totally wasn't something that I noticed while playing out a duel to add details to the fic with! Nope! Not at all!

Man, I am getting so much DYSTOPIA vibes from this. Not only does Bill Inc. seem to have an unchecked monopoly, it's also insane that people can pay a subscription for 100% accuracy on something, not get it, and the company isn't held accountable. Insane work, I hope it goes boom.

What? You mean you don't like a powerful corporation that gets to do pretty much whatever it wants with no consequences? And I thought I was weird!

Ohhhh hope we get to meet him soon

IS GOTAN A HUMAN IN A DODUO BODY???? OR IS IT THE ORACLE PERSONIFIED???

Wow Sind. I LOVE the way your mind works!

I can tell this is going to be great fun having you get farther in the fic!

this is actually a pretty good use of info dump-y dialogue. Doesn't feel out of left field, and serves to inform the reader. Good worl.

Thanks!

Hmmmm would have wanted to see some more of him trying to decipher who this was and not just immediately getting it

He is just good at knowing people. It's kind of his shtick.

??????????????? GOTAN WHAT ARE YOU

👽

well sir i have bad news for you....

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm foreshadowing???

Foreshadowing.

Welcome to Doduo Adventures.

BRO THIS IS SO WEIRD??? I AM GETTING SO MUCH BAD VIBES FROM THIS????? LIKE ARE THESE THREE ISLANDS JUST IDLY WORSHIPPING AN AI GOD THEY CALL THE FUCKING ORACLE AND NOBODY SEES A PROBLEM WITH IT?? HAS NOBODY READ I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST SCREAM???

TANGO YOU'RE SCARING ME

Excellent. I love doing that.

THIS TOO. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE ON THIS DAY, THIS IS SO STRANGE.........THERE IS OBV A LOT MORE GOING ON HERE AND I AM INTRIGUED

Roll chapter credits

Yeah Gentleman knows this pain

Does he ever...

Hey I have a character she might get along with!

Oh? I'm intrigued!

Clearly and that's why you're a BROKIE

Nonononono... that's not why he is. The monstrosity underneath his garage concrete slab is. (There really is something down there)

I like this sentiment that clubs aren't just prepared to bend to his will. I like the pushbacks/

Yep! They all want to win if they can. If the others don't win, that just makes the ones left want to win even more!

I like that she breaks it down for him, that's cool

Yeah! It seems to have worked out pretty well as a summary!

Odd age drop, i'd work this in a little more naturally

Don't you mean,,....ELECTRIC CLUB???

Actually, the club is actually called the Lightning Club. This is probably why he (aka I) screwed up the name of the energy card!

5,000?

OH FUCK//////???????????? LOVERS QUARREL?????

Oh you have no idea...

BRO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

He got love bait and switched.

Bro I hate Bill Inc.

So it somehow flew over my head that Mister Gentleman was a member of the Fire Club, but considering the deck and mon he uses, yeah of fucking course he was. And I thoroughly enjoy how THAT was the club that you decided to give him a run for his money. If I read correctly, he seems to have lost TWICE in a row?

Yep!

That's......actually kind of rough after such an insane winning streak. BUT! It's something I like to see! I was really hoping that somebody was going to beat his ass, and I think it's kind of sweet sweet irony that it was somebody in his old club. Although it sucks IMMENSELY that it happened due to failed coin flips. That actually feels infinitely worse than just losing on skill (though that seems to have played a part of it). His win only happenening because he struck a deal with somebody from the Psychic Club also doesn't really feel great either, but it seems to be necessary being how bad the flips were fucking him.

Yeah, the flips are pretty awful lol

I am curious about the whole Bill Subscription service, as that seems to have a huge play in why things went wrong for Mister Gentleman. Or...maybe more just confused. If he's paying a monthly subscription for it to work 100% of the time, why is it failing on him?

Because Bill Inc isn't giving him what he is paying for and blaming it on technical problems. But if he cancels the subscription, he will have to wait like a year before he can start a new one.

I understand he had to call the customer service line to get it fixed (and didn't), but if it's 100% supposed to work, I feel like it shouldn't even be a source of contention? Like the fact that it's not working should cause a pretty substantial uproar, I think, even if Bill Inc. does seem to be protected by some pretty bogus business laws--seriously, that feels pretty dystopian!

Well, yeah! Bill Inc can walk all over him with impunity and there isn't anything he can do about it!

Speaking of dystopian, I can't help but feel like....this world that you're building is pretty damn bleak. First of all, this world is run by some AI called the Oracle????? Hello???? I'll take "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" by Harlan Ellison for $1000 Alex.

Nah, the whole world isn't run by it. Just TCG Island. The best island in their world to live.

It might be my poor reading comprehension skills, but I'm curious about what it means by the UTI rising???? Like, is that just the monetary system in this world?? Or something related to the Oracle??

UBI is universal basic income. It's something the Oracle provides, but only to TCG Island citizens. The other islands don't have it.

I don't know, I am getting INSANE bad vibes--just from that little bit, it feels like there is almost a cult-like reverence for this AI that seems to run anything, and it's crazy to me that nobody (at least in Gentleman's near vicinty) seems concerned about it, not even the Gentleman himself.

Why would they question it? Life is good there.

Is the AI the one insisting to people that these islands are the only ones that exist in the world?

Again, I enjoy the way your mind works!

Is the AI the one telling people that all Pokemon-related stories are actually a myth?

Potentially.

Is the AI the one making everyone base their lives around TCG?

I'm amazed at how soon you are able to both think of and ask such a question. No one else has yet.

IS THE AI THE ONE DEPLETING THE DODUO POPULATION AND TRYING TO PLAY IT OFF BY TELLING PEOPLE NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT??????

So much fun... I've got to get you to keep reading this. Your reviews are some of the most fun I've had!!

I love all your wild theories.

And the living situation?? There's only 3 islands (and assuming you mean actual islands, I imagine they're....pretty small??? Like how big are we talking??? Are they like AUSTRALIA big, if you would even call that an island, or are we talking, like Hawaii or New Zealand size? Maybe Japan?).

Hmmm... I guess they are probably between Hawaii and Japan. I haven't 100% nailed that down in my mind, but I feel like that is probably what it should be.

Regardless, that still feels bleak, and I continue to think back to the premise of Attack on Titan where all the civilians were certain they were the last ones left in the world on their little island only to eventually find out they were just COMPLETELY isolated and the entire world was going on and evolving without them.

I have a feeling that's where we're going here, too. It's insane that there's only 3 islands and it's so hard to move between the three of them??? You would think it would be easier to move back and forth if those were the ONLY places to live, but no??? They're all so harsh about it???

GR Island isn't harsh about it. Just TCG Island and Neo Island.

My mystery brain is going nuts.

Idk man, I know you keep hinting that shit is gonna get crazy in this fic, and I'm starting to see it come to fruition here. Like, I'm getting some religious or polticial blowup type things happening in this story that I thought was only going to be about Pokemon TCG???? Tango, you have me intrigued here

Reviews like this lite a fire in me to complete my series. Such an enjoyable review. I definitely need to review your fic more to get you back in here!