Sharpedo Bluff

[Namohysip]

Owen didn't look surprised to startled this time like he usually would--he was probably thinking of the same thing. He nodded toward her. "Glad to've been there," he said. "Hey, and if you ever need to talk or anything, you can probably find me in the fire. Or if you want to get some energy out for a spar." He grinned playfully. "Hope that letter gets to Pine soon, huh?"

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Yes."

A fight would be good, actually. Maybe not until she'd had a moment to think, but soon.

"I might just take you up on that later," she said, some vigour returning to her voice. "I've heard it said that you're quite the scrapper!"

They set off together back to town, chatting with enthusiasm about fighting preferences and sparring tales.

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[NebulaDreams]

<><><><><><><><><><>

Curio roamed with no destination in mind. She passed through the streets of Cibus, through empty roads, and finally arrived back at the bluff. She glanced at the spot where her and that Shinx-- no, Brisa. Her name was Brisa. She was her friend, right? Then why did she go that far?

She didn't mean to. Of course she didn't. She never would've done that on purpose, and she wouldn't have known what Curio suffered through before. But that didn't make it any easier to forgive. So Curio sharply turned her head away from that damned spot and stormed through the grassy hills and into the unknown.

Curio wanted to forget she was here. She wanted to forget herself. She wanted to forget everything. All the pain they inflicted, all the dreams that lay shattered in her path, and all the people she had hurt, injured, or... She didn't want to say the word. But those ghosts stayed with her and followed her wherever she went, until she hit a dead end, just at the edge of the cliff.

That sea stretched endlessly into the horizon, just like how it looked back in her salad days. She stared off into space, where she could forget everything, where she could dream of a different life where none of what happened had happened to her, and where she could pretend she was just a young wide-eyed Riolu again, not in this imitation of a body.

 

[Namohysip]

The negativity attracted Diyem like a bug to carrion. Slowly, his attention drew toward Curio, ever silent, as he wondered just how he could approach this. Curio was clearly in a great amount of distress, and that wouldn't do for team dynamics, especially when it was very likely that Brisa wasn't fully aware of herself.

Yes, this was part of his mission. His therapy had told him about stations like these, hadn't it?

Curio, Diyem said, but he made sure to announce his presence a little more 'loudly' first. It was not a sound or a thought, only a feeling directed toward Curio that she would be able to sense--as if someone was there, watching over her like a vaguely benevolent sky monster. I am sensing... a great amount of negativity from you, he said.

And then, Diyem worked his magic. His comforting skills, everything he had been taught about... what was it called, emotional support? Yes. He knew how to begin.

Hello.

Perfect.

 

[NebulaDreams]

“Fuck off, fake dragon.” Curio wanted to sound angry, but she just barely got the words out. “And yeah, I’m going through something right now. Does an Ursaring shit in the woods?”

 

[Namohysip]

Not always, but I imagine the feral ones mostly do.

Diyem had always been told that his idea of jokes did not go well for mortals. He supposed he could try the story about the orphaned hatchling speaking to the berry bush, but that usually made people sad. Probably not the best time right now.

Shit, now that he actually approached Curio, he didn't know what to do next. Was he supposed to say he was there for her? That's what was told to him before. No, but that was annoying and irritating and it was usually an empty statement. Not to mention he wasn't corporeal here.

Didn't Owen once tell him something about being cheerful? 'When I'm feeling down, I usually try to distract myself with something happier!'

Ugh, what an idiot. Distractions and denials to mask the pain. There was no point in trying something like that, was there?

To try to change the subject now didn't work. Curio would have to do that herself. That's why it worked for Owen. He had to address it directly and follow Curio's topics.

I witnessed the end of it, Diyem said. Are you hurt?

He could start there.

 

[NebulaDreams]

Not always, but I imagine the feral ones mostly do.

"Har har, some comedian you are. Don't quit your day job." She sighed.

I witnessed the end of it, Diyem said. Are you hurt?

"No shit. I mean, my whole body still feels like it's got pins and needles, but it doesn't hurt, I guess. That's not where the hurt is, though. But look, if you're trying to pep talk me, it won't work."

 

[Namohysip]

Okay, she was talking. That was a start. The next step was making her feel more secure. She was pushing him away and he wasn't supposed to press. What was next? Insulting her? No, that didn't seem right.

Mortals were so illogically and needlessly complicated and fickle.

I am not one for pep talks, Diyem replied. They annoy me.

 

[NebulaDreams]

"Yeah, good. Now make like a tree and piss off."

 

[Namohysip]

I could do that, Diyem replied coolly. But if people ask where you went, I would answer. Then you will be bothered even more. But if you allow my presence, I will tell them that you are alone, but safe.

 

[NebulaDreams]

"Right. I guess when you're a disembodied voice, you can't just take a hike. Whatever. I might've finally lost it if I'm talking to thin air, but okay. So, go ahead. Whaddya wanna yammer on about?"

 

[Namohysip]

Fuck. Why was Curio asking the most difficult questions?

Diyem wasn't one to yammer on. Was he? Sure, he used to go on rants about the follies of mon, but that was past him now. Mostly. It was still true but he didn't rant as much about it.

Follies...

Regardless of how you felt in your old world, Diyem said, I can at least confirm that you are not alone. There are some things that others have done that... will haunt them. And for something like that... I can empathize.

Somewhat, but he'll leave that part out.

 

[NebulaDreams]

"Yeah, yeah, you can empathise, lots of people do, but that doesn't do jackshit for me." She cuddled herself again, still shivering with the leftover shock. "People say 'you're not alone' and all that, but I am. I've got this secret I can't tell anyone about, something I can't even tell myself or else, well, I don't know." She clutched her head. "It's like... like this drill that's constantly piercing through my brain, something I can never get out no matter how hard I try. And I have to live with that, knowing that something in me's gonna snap. I could be fighting one minute, the next minute, I could be reliving one of the worst days of my life. Can anyone here actually relate to that?"

Curio stood up, pacing back and forth.

"And, and, and, do you know how it feels being a Pokemon in the human world? It fucking sucks! Every day, I'm constantly reminded about what I'm not. I can't do the things humans do because I didn't have the same chances they did at making it. And when I was given that chance, get what, they took that away from me!" At that point, she had to take a breath before going back in again. "They didn't just take it from me, they gave it to me and let me hold onto it, only for someone else to come along and snatch it from my paws and toss it into the fire, and, and--"

Curio tried not to cry. She didn't want to show weakness, not like this. So she covered her face. "I-I can't go on like this. I hate this. I hate bein' a Pokemon. I don't even wanna be a human. No matter what world I'm in, it's always gonna be like this." Curio breathed in and out, in and out again. "Please, just leave me alone. Just go... Go away. Go away..."

 

[Namohysip]

Diyem did not intend to go away, but he decided to leave that to implication rather than stating it overtly.

There are a few Pokemon who can relate to that, said Diyem. One way or another. They do not know the magnitude that you have suffered.

...Hmph. But I would not have chosen you if I thought you were too weak to fight, both mentally and physically. And while I may have made some mistakes about some of my choices, I do not think you are one of them. I had done cursory research into your background, Curio, and know that you have been through a lot, and yet here you remain standing.

...But if you want to hear from someone who can truly relate to being constantly reminded of something they will never be...

There was a long, long silence then. Had Diyem left? No, his 'presence' was still there, lingering...

 

[NebulaDreams]

Diyem's words fell on deaf ears at first. Of course, Curio knew that other people have suffered. Logically, she knew, but that still didn't account for what she actually felt about it. Still, after some time passed, Diyem's talk started chipping away at her defences. She still kept her face covered, but at least her attention was directed somewhere else other than herself.

...Hmph. But I would not have chosen you if I thought you were too weak to fight, both mentally and physically. And while I may have made some mistakes about some of my choices, I do not think you are one of them. I had done cursory research into your background, Curio, and know that you have been through a lot, and yet here you remain standing.

"I thought you said you didn't give pep talks..." she croaked.

...But if you want to hear from someone who can truly relate to being constantly reminded of something they will never be...

"Go ahead. Not like it matters anyway. I'm always tuned into other people's problems. There's never time for my own."

 

[Namohysip]

The silence finally let up when Curio started replying, but Diyem still found himself paralyzed.

You are focused on your own plight because nobody spared the time to hear them. And yet, when they do, you push them away, because perhaps even you do not truly want to focus on it. Perhaps it is easier to see the problems of others and complain about your own, than to examine them yourself and to be left alone with it.

...I know how that is. I blamed the entire world for my problems and lashed out. Curio... I was born in such a way that I knew I would never have the same opportunities as others for something so basic, so fundamental, that it drove me mad.

I cannot be happy, Curio. Joy, relief, companionship, it all comes with pain for me. I am not tuned to be able to handle such things. And I hated that so much, and blamed the world for what it did to me, that I had tried to destroy it. Multiple times.

Ah, he'd said too much. Well. So much for that. He mentally cleared his throat and tried to normalize his voice again.

 

[NebulaDreams]

Curio listened as Diyem laid out all her problems bare. He was close to the truth. Too close for comfort. She still didn’t want to tell anyone what had happened to her. What would they say? Would they even see her the same way or even want to be around her? It was scary enough telling it to a stranger, but having to tell her own family? She couldn’t do it.

She started tuning into more of Diyem’s speech, and actually found herself feeling for the omnipresent mist. And then...

I hated that so much, and blamed the world for what it did to me, that I had tried to destroy it. Multiple times.

Somehow, she wasn’t even fazed at that. “Go on.”

 

[Namohysip]

Diyem sighed, and it felt as if the mist was pacing around Curio, sitting beside her to stare at the ocean's horizon.

Maple had given you all a history lesson about this world and the crises that had recently befallen it, one after the other. That the true person behind it all was... Dark Matter. The Dark Matter of this world. Cynthian's world had one as well, and so on.

...I... am also one. I am another Dark Matter. That includes a similar past, similar sins... similar origins and properties.

 

[NebulaDreams]

Right, whatever. Curio didn't care. She was so totally done with all of this that she was ready to accept anything. Talking to a world-ending abomination? Sure. It was Tuesday for her.

"So, if I ask somethin', will you promise not to tell anyone? And all the sappy crap you said about being able to relate, well, I actually have a question for you, or two questions." Curio stood up and wiped her face dry. "Tell me, have you ever killed anyone? And if so, does that guilt ever go away, even if it was for the greater good?"

 

[Namohysip]

...Yes, Diyem said. I have. And if you did so for the greater good, then you are in a far better position than I ever will be. The guilt is something that does not go away, just as any memory would not. You must reconcile with it. Accept what you did. Move forward, let that drive you to do better now. That is what drives me, now.

...I once had happiness, of a sort. But that, too, was taken from me. And now... perhaps I will never get it back. But I must still do better. If I can save at least one world...