Rocky Road ~ House of Brisa, Dave, Koa, and Owen

[Flyg0n]

"I won't," Koa snarled, rising up slightly, gaze locked on his shadow. He had a brief vision in his head of springing upon it, tearing it up-

"Really? You worshipped him. You agreed with him. You thought he was right, that he could make the world a better place. Given half the chance you would have fought for him to the very end."

Almost unconsciously, Koa started to gather his legs under him. For a moment, he almost forgot Starr was in the room. All he wanted was for the damn shadow to shut up- "Shut up! That's not true-!" Shadows don't lie. His heart felt like it was beating in his ears, his throat tight. That was forever ago it didn't matter anymore. He didn't want to think about that, about what he'd believed in back then.

"You stupid-"

The shadow simply smirked, as if pleased with the response. "You still want to do the same things he did."

 

[Chibi Pika]

“The same things…” the Incineroar repeated emotionlessly. The shadow turned to face Starr, waiting.

“What, me?!” Starr snapped. The shadow stared wordlessly.

Starr dragged a hand down her face. “Ugh, fiiine,” she said, turning to Koa. “Look, who gives a shit if there’s moments where you want something that’s kind of screwed up. You don’t have to act on it.”

 

[Flyg0n]

"I don't. I won't." Despite his anger, his voice sounded almost desperate to himself. He dragged his furious gaze away from his shadow and back to Starr. "I only believed in my da- him back then. Before I knew." For some reason he felt like he needed Starr to understand that, to know he wasn't just some stupid kid following in his daddy's footsteps-

"Are you sure?" his shadow sneered.

Shut up shut UP- Red crept across his vision. "That's not what I believe anymore."

"I'm just saying what's true. What you deserv-"

"No! You're just a pathetic coward who can't get over anything!" he snapped, voice raising. Strange dark feelings bubbled inside him and for a moment, the room faded and he only saw his shadow. "Shut up," Koa hissed. "I'm so sick of you." His lips curled and he bared his teeth.

"I hate you!"

His shadow spoke at the same time as him, their words overlapping. He flinched back.

"Yes. Hate me. Hate me the way I hate you," his shadow snarled. A cold, cruel smile played across his shadow's jaws. "Hate me more. I know you want to. You like it."

Cold chills enveloped Koa and he stared back at himself.

 

[Chibi Pika]

“What you deserve?” the Incineroar repeated incredulously, mockingly. “For the crime of what you could have been?”

Starr rubbed her arm, glancing away. “This isn’t even someone you ever were. Just someone you could have been.” Her eyes flickered toward her own shadow and she let the ‘not like mine’ go unvoiced.

 

[Flyg0n]

A pit yanwed inside Koa as he realized what the shadow had said. What he had said. What was he doing?

"Starr I'm sorry-" he felt like shrinking into the couch. He probably sounded like an idiot.

The shadow scowled. "It's... what I have to do." For the first time its voice wavered slightly.

 

[Chibi Pika]

What I have to do…

“Because otherwise it’s like you never even existed. You’ll just be forgotten, unless you make sure he can’t forget what he could have been.”

 

[Flyg0n]

As Starr's shadow spoke, the other shadow seemed to waver more, its shape flickering. Despite the anger it seemed to still project, there was fear beneath it too.

"I can't... Let him forget. I don't want to forget."

Koa cringed uncomfortably at the words.

 

[Chibi Pika]

The shadow Incineroar stared at the Manectric for a long while before slowly lifting its golden eyes to rest on Koa. “Convenient, isn’t it? You get to grow, and change, and be someone better. We get to stay like this.”

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa stifled the urge to look away from her shadows golden gaze.

"But we'll forget, won't we?" he murmured, looking at Starr. "When we go home. But our shadows, they're still a part of us."

His own shadow ducked its head, falling silent.

"They don't lie... they don't go away."

"I don't want to go away."

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr glanced away. “Some of it, yeah. Other parts will stick around, just buried pretty deep.”

“That’s just for what happened here,” the shadow said. “What happened back home isn’t going anywhere.”

Starr’s brow furrowed. “Yeah, well… like I said, none of that has to be you. You didn’t actually do anything.”

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa hung his head. "I know that." He did. Even if he forgot it sometimes. And even if his stupid shadow kept holding it over him. "I just wish I didn't have those thoughts or fears or doubts. All that darkness. Don't you ever just wish you felt normal?"

He sighed, eyeing the shadow from the corner of his vision, then stared at the floor. Maybe this wasn't even useful anyway, if he'd forget about. If he'd just go back to being the same person he'd been before. He could just ignore the shadow again, pretend this didn't happen-

"You can't get rid of me." The shadow repeated again, more firmly.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Again, Starr had the distinct feeling that she was the least qualified to be giving any reassurance here.

She exhaled slowly. “I don’t even know what ‘normal’ is. Starting to think no one here is normal. But guess what—we still made a fucking difference, didn’t we? So it shouldn’t be so hard to feel like you’re worth something.”

 

[Flyg0n]

"I do," he began. He felt rather than saw his shadow watching him. He was happy, and proud of his successes. He heaved another sigh. "I know I've come far, and I've learned a lot. And... I know by now I can't be perfect." He paused, at a loss for thought. His shadow filled in.

"I guess I just needed someone to talk to. To listen to me." This time, his shadows voice sounded softer. "Someone who understood."

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr clapped a hand to his shoulder. “Good. Cause you should be fucking proud.”

The shadow Incineroar stared wordlessly at the Manectric who more than anything, needed to be heard. Its face said, ‘I hear you.’

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa couldn't help but give a small smile at the reassurance, wamrth seeping through his fur. His shadow still lingered, but at least he wasn't making more stupid comments for now. Ho-oh's feather, he felt kind of silly though.

It gazed back at the shadow Incineroar. Despite its reserved demeanor, the faintest smile seemed to play across its jaws.

"Thanks Starr," he said, a bit awkwardly. He caught what he thought was a pointed glare from his shadow. "And... you're cool too. I know things weren't easy for you but you're a good person..." it felt kind of weird to say, but it was true to. He stared awkwardly at the ground.

A silence hung for moment, then the shadow spoke again. "We look up to you."

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr rubbed the back of her head. “It wasn’t a big deal. Just didn’t want you beating yourself up forever.”

The shadow considered him. “You’re a decent kid.”

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa nodded firmly, then eyed his shadow again, staring into his cold yellow eyes. All the words his shadow had said still rang through his mind, as well as Starr's.

"You can't get rid of me. You can't." This time his shadow's voice sounded cool, but softer. Insistent.

"Yeah. Yeah I can't," Koa said quietly. Somehow, talking to Starr, saying everything he had... things felt clearer now. A long sigh escaped as he finally relaxed, the tension in his limbs finally easing. Perhaps he needed to stop trying to ignore so much...

He was glad it had been Starr he'd run into today. Glad that it was her, here on Cibus.

"Thank you Starr, for listening."

<><><>​