Rocky Road ~ House of Brisa, Dave, Koa, and Owen

[Flyg0n]

Koa groaned. That's what everyone had said, and kept saying. "I know but-" His mind fumbled for words.

"The truth... its..." What? Maybe he was just searching for an excuse. Shadows didn't lie. Maybe it was just that simple. All the things in his head were just... true after all.

But he needed to know, and he needed to know before the fight and before he left Cibus for good. "What does yours say, then?" he asked, hesitantly.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr hesitated. "Mostly shit I already know," she said, trying to sound casual. "That I hurt people. That I can't erase the past. It's like... I already know all of that." She exhaled slowly. "I've already beaten myself up over it a thousand times over. Don't know what the damn thing wants from me."

You still don't get it. You still wish you could forget.

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa bristled at the familiarity.

'Don't know what the damn thing wants from me'.

"That's just it though. Why don't they go away then," he muttered bitterly. "I thought I was..." he exhaled forcefully. "I thought I was good with mine after ... that whole storm craziness. It was quiet or whatever."

You can't ignore me that easily.

He dug his paws into the ground. "It doesn't make sense!" Irritation crept into his tone, and he struggled to press it down. "They don't lie but they don't go away, even if you accept the truth. So what does he want."

For a brief second he saw a flicker of a shadowy shape of himself, draped in red chains, cold eyes gleaming and a disgusting smile on its face.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr let out a long sigh. "Well, if Owen or Brisa were here, I know they'd say something like how you haven't really accepted it, or whatever. But then, those two just straight-up talked with their shadows, so..." Starr trailed off, eyeing Koa's anxious expression. She knew the kid had shit to work out about his dad and all, but.

"Look…" Starr began slowly, not really sure where she was going with it, "what do you think yours is trying to say?"

 

[Flyg0n]

"I thought I knew," Koa said with a sigh. "I thought I just needed to I dunno..." he rolled his eyes "stop expecting myself to be perfect. But I still hear it, sometimes. In the back of my mind, always making some stupid comment." Always trying to tear at him.

He wasn't sure anyone else even had that problem. Brisa was practically best friends with hers, Wishkeeper was actually cool it seemed. "Have you ever tried it?" he asked hesitantly. "Talking to yours?"

The thought of even trying to talk to his made him sick but maybe if he could make it go away-

Coward.

Maybe it would work.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr rubbed the back of her head. "Eh. I haven't seen mine since what happened on the moon. And well, that happened to everyone, even people who're pals with theirs." As far as she was concerned, if it didn't feel like showing its face anymore after what happened there, then that was just fine. Not like she'd have to deal with it much longer anyway.

Starr paused to consider what Koa had said about his. "I guess not trying to be perfect isn't exactly a bad thing." Something told her there was more to it then that, though.

 

[Flyg0n]

"Exactly. I thought that was it. I mean, I know I can't be perfect and I'll make mistakes and stuff, and I have accepted that but-"

He gave a vague shrug. "I saw it briefly, fighting Giratina. I thought maybe that was it. I can't change... well you know how it is. You can't change where you from," he murmured, his tone a little more somber. "But I still hear it." Even now.

You'll never get rid of me. I am you, fool.

Koa shifted uncomfortably, ignoring the voice as best as he could, same as ever. "Aren't shadows just supposed to be stuff you hold back?"

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr gave another sigh. "Well, I'm not exactly an expert or anything..." Why couldn't Brisa or Owen be the ones handing this. "But I guess that sounds right. Stuff you're lying to yourself about." And she was nothing if not good at lying.

"Look, whatever the hell your shadow keeps going on about, you gotta ease up, alright? Stop giving yourself so much shit," Starr said, giving him a hard look.

 

[Flyg0n]

"Tell that to him!" Koa growled. "I tried easing up or whatever." In a mocking tone, he continued. "Stop being perfect, talk about stuff more, stop thinking of myself as some kind of monster, accept that my dad was a deranged lunatic, and that I'm his son-" Sucking in a sharp breath, Koa rolled his eyes.
"Anyways, I know that stuff now. Being his son doesn't have to mean I'm... like him. So I don't know what that thing wants from me."

To admit how you really feel, coward. The truth. This time, Koa heard the voice, almost like a whisper in his ear. His hackles rose unconsciously and he gritted his teeth. No. He refused to address it.

A few shadows flickered in the corner of his vision, but Koa kept his gaze fixed away from it, vaguely staring in Starr's direction, without meeting her eyes. Not here. Mind scrambling, he searched for something to change the subject. "You uh... you saw yours on the moon, right? You fought it and it stayed away? Maybe.... maybe thats it?"

'Changing the subject doesn't change anything', the voice hissed. 'Still here.'

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr ran a hand down her face. "That all sounds like shit you'd want to have figured out, yeah. I would've assumed that was it. I don't know, maybe your shadow's just bitchier than the others. We're not gonna be here that much longer. Think you can hold out 'til then?" She didn't want him to be stuck leaving here with regrets or anything, but she didn't have a fucking clue what he was supposed to do about it. The kid was desperate, anxious...

"Or at the very least, just stop hating yourself so damn much, alright?"

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa drew back slightly, chest suddenly tightening. "Wh-what?" He shook his head. "No, I don't think... that doesn't sound right. It doesn't make any sense." He didn't hate himself or anything. "Maybe I'll just hold out, you know? We'll be gone soon anyway," he said, forcing a lightness into his tone he didn't feel.

I won't be. I'll always be a part of you.

This time, a hazy image of his shadow flickered visibly into existence, sitting next to him. Its cold gaze bore silently into Koa, as if daring him to say something.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Well, that pretty much answered that. Starr wanted to say, ‘was that all?’ but it didn’t seem all that helpful.

“You know like half the team felt like that at some point, right?” Starr asked, giving him a hard look.

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa kept shaking his head. It didn't make enough sense. "But all it does is make stupid comments-"

"All I do is say what's true."

Grim horror filled Koa as he realized the voice no longer came from in his head, but from right next to him. Gold eyes, cold and detached as metal, met his own. His shadow lounged next to him on the couch, paws hanging off the edge.

His hackles rose a faint growl rose in his throat. He'd seen it before, a few times of course, but usually only in fights. Somehow, seeing it in his house like this... only made him angrier. His body tensed, but he resisted the urge to beat it into the ground. Meanwhile, his mind raced, trying to figure out how to get rid of it, make it go away-

The shadows gaze turned upon Starr, regarding her coolly."He wants to get rid of me. But he can't," the shadow sneered. "Too weak."

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr raised an eyebrow. “Well, I could always beat the shit out of it. I don’t think that’d do anything, but I’m not gonna complain if you ask,” she said with a forced grin. Maybe the bit of levity would cut the tension.

What she didn’t expect was for a shadowy reflection of herself to kneel next to Koa’s and ask, “What do you want?”

 

[Flyg0n]

The comment made Koa snort. Starr beating the stuffing out of that thing sound pretty appealing... His eyes widened at the unexpected sight of Starr's shadow, kneeling in front of his own.

Its eyes flickered as it regarded Starr, its expression seeingly unchanged. Yet there almost seemed to be something else beneath the cold apathy. "I want to hurt him."

Alarm surged through Koa and he recoiled, a few stray sparks popping from his fur. For a second, he almost expected a fight, except his shadow never moved.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr's shadow didn't give much of a visible reaction to that declaration. Neither approval nor disapproval. She just considered him with the same steely gaze. “Why?”

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa's whole body remained rigid as he stared at the shadow, caught between anger and and inkling of fear. Why now? Why here, with Starr? He was supposed to be past all this. Why wouldn't it just leave-

The shadow glared back at her, his demeanor seemingly disaffected. When it spoke, a strange chill crept down Koa's spine.

"Because I like it. It feels good. Someone has to remind him of the truth." He paused. Then in a taunting tone added, "You know how that is."

 

[Chibi Pika]

The Incineroar stared at the Manectric, considering him. “So you want to cause pain to distract from the pain you feel.”

Starr turned away with a huff, but didn't say anything.

 

[Flyg0n]

The shadow bristled. Its gaze narrowed, annoyance showing on its expression, though only subtly. She'd cut a nerve, more than it wanted to admit.

"It's what he needs. I'm keeping him from making the same mistakes. From becoming something horrible. From turning out like him." The shadow spat out the words, and shot Koa a terrible glare.

Cold rage flared in Koa's chest. "No you're not! You're always bringing up old stuff or making stupid comments! You're just ruining everything."

Smugness dripped from the shadows demeanor. "Of course I am. I'm you."

 

[Chibi Pika]

“What the hell kind of bullshit—” Starr began, but her shadow cut her off with a glare. She was about to reply with some kind of retort, except that would mean she’d be stuck talking to the shadow Manectric, and she didn’t exactly want to do that either.

The Incineroar turned back to the other shadow. “Why do you think you’ll turn into ‘him.’”