Pokémon Rocket

[K_S]

Heh so gios a refugee from the real world. I wonder how long hes been stuck since hes practically coming unglued by this hitch in the plan.

I mean opening fire on a fire type? Beter hope oh-ho doesnt counter with a flamethrower considering the gasoline that keeps a chopter afloat...

He stole back the iron moth. Wonderful, the escapee trios down a legend and once ohho leaves thats going to be a huge problem.

Shanks seriously waited two seconds. I dint blame them between adrenaline and possible last moments and eriks reaction definitly dovetails into it. I love how he's like "this isnt perfect but i wouldnt change a thing... Except the encrouching death part...".

Molly: "not to interupt this wonderful snogging session but real life is calling collect!"

Her and ohho (who shes steering) are the ones dodging the bullets and she does not apprecuate being the responsible on in this case.

I meam its great they got ohho instead of lugia. Less water overlap to dim houndoom and mag's fire... But still the birds gotta be getting crouded right about then.

Starts laugjing when erick picks up salt. I am so sorry but i'm imagining that orange spandex villian from despicable me crowing "piranah gun" and i can just not...

Ericks got the most lethal water gun dight in history on his hands and the turkey legend is definitly feeling the weight of everyone on its back i'm sure...

Love how rockets like... "Oooh stones" but i gotta ask... Why in arceus' name a leafeon? Did shank not have a thunderstone or something?

 

[Kandykorn]

Chapter 20:

“Why would you take the leaf stone!” Shank yelled, frustrated. “There were literally so many better options!”

“We’re a little stressed for time!” I responded, pulling back on one of Salt’s fins like I was cocking a gun. Salt (rather appropriately) made a gun-cocking noise with his mouth. We unloaded another few hydro pumps at the Iron moth, who was pursuing us unrepentantly. Right behind it, Mewtwo and Valentine fighting in an all out, teleport war, and behind them, Giovanni in a helicopter, screaming profanities and firing his gun.

“Shank! Where are we going!” I yelled. “Molly and I can't keep this up forever!”

“No Clue!” Shank responded. “I assume arceus has a plan though!”

“Wait, what?” I stopped for a second.

“Oh yeah! We talked to arceus!” Shank said. He then threw a book my way, and I dropped Salt to catch it.

“Yeah, I love you too.” Salt grumbled, Harmony picked him up and sighed. I turned to the book and looked inside. The runes were gibberish, but somehow, I understood them:

Say my name.

“Arceus?” I said. Suddenly, a beam of light came down, striking Iron moth and down descended Arceus. Mewtwo and Valentine stopped fighting. Ho-oprah paused its flight path.

“For fucks sake finally.” Arceus said. “Okay, wow. No one has gotten this far, and sure, you skipped meeting Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina, but they can get over it.”

“I- hello sir.”

“Darkari didn’t teach you anything?” Arceus said. “You’re too serious. Now don’t get me wrong, at least you’re not Shank.”

“Hey!” Shank growled. Arceus ignored them.

“Anyway, I’ve come to ask you a favor. You’ve proven yourself worthy enough to find me, so I want to ask if you’d replace me.”

“If I’d-” I frowned “What?”

“You will catch me, I will grant you three wishes, you will get a week to experience them, and then you will die and become an arceus, and I can retire and become some other force. Many have tried, Erick. But few have succeeded. I don’t think I’ve had a replacement since that kid from Hisui who beat Volo to it!”

“Well, I-” I started, but was quickly interrupted by A scream, and arceus was gone. Behind him, Giovanni with a master ball.

“I’m finally going home.” he smiled.

 

[Kandykorn]

MATURE THEMES ALERT!

Spoiler: Content warnings

CW: Dog fighting

Chapter 0:

Hello.

This is new.

In case you haven't heard by now, I am unfortunately not your universes Giovanni.

My name was Greg Ingred Oblong, and I was a human gangster. Gio, being my initials, became my street name. I ran a dog fighting ring on the left side of LA. I made bank, but I had no family. No one to call my own.

Until I met Emmet. He was a goofy white-haired conductor. He was kind, and a law abiding citizen. I got to know him. I fell in love with him.

And that was when I met his dark side.

He was obsessed with getting to this… Fictional world. He was obsessed with the multiverse. He was obsessed with finding his twin brother, Ingo. I refused to fund his research. I dumped him. He persisted though. He told me he knew where my fights were. He knew my secret too.

So I helped him.

Warehouses that used to be arenas for poor wretched souls to watch grungy, beaten dogs fight for their own sick, twisted gambles became a giant laboratory containing walls upon walls of portal frames. Failed experiments left and right.

He was mad. None of this would ever work.

Until it did.

A wormhole ripped open next to me, and before I knew it, I was flying at a zillion miles a second. Emmet was gone. Next to me was a version of me that looked more successful. This version of me wasn’t wearing a stained wifebeater and gold chain. He was wearing a suit, with a red “R” on the breast pocket.

“Hello?”

“Hi”

“You’re m-”

“Yes. I’m you.”

“What’s happening?”

“We’re switching places.”

“Why?”

“Time will tell, I suppose.” The more successful me said, thoughtfully. “Take after rocket for me.”

And then there was white, and then I was standing in Giovanni’s office, with Giovanni’s clothes.

~

The world was fantastic for a while. I was a rich mob boss. I could do whatever I wanted. I had all the money, power, and food I could ever need. I even got my men to re-capture mewtwo, and killed Red. I was set. But I missed home.

I missed Emmet.

And so became the dance, as I fell into my former lover’s insanity. There was no way to travel dimensions, but there were was to travel in time.

I quickly had my men kidnap Professor Oak. Supposedly, he was having strange visions of his dead protege. He led me to discover paradox pokemon, strange beings from the future. I let Oak go.

After that, I spent all my energy trying to get to the past. To the moment the real Giovanni and I swapped. Then maybe I could re-swap with myself the moment I left. Then maybe I could return.

But as you know, that plan didn’t work. I only captured one Paradox pokemon, Iron moth, and I couldn’t figure out how it got to Paldea in the first place. I went to Oak for answers, but he was gone.

My men searched day in and day out for him. They found him in a cavern, searching for a book to claim his three wishes.

Wishes?

That’s the kind of awe inspiring fantasy bullshit I needed.

~

Obviously however, I did not claim those wishes. I kept him in Rocket HQ for five years before he died. The man gave me information on every single piece he could strip from whom he referred to as Red-Darkarai’s hands. He told us the way the power passed down.

I decided to try again on the next person. I bribed Lance to give me info on every delinquent in Johto.

I waited. I watched.

But after a while, I found what I was looking for.

 

[K_S]

Yes shank, ask the million dollar question. Why a leaf stone? Why a leafon? (I mean really a grass type, not that i have prejudices but i guess i do.)

Laughs. I see i triggered some lantant despicable me vibes her. Fish gun anyone? Love how salts just rolling with it and i hope erick doesn't suggest hydro pump.

Well i guess hydro pump isnt as o.p. as i though it'd be? That or ohho is piviting in flight to keep erick on his back while rolling its eyes.

(And yes i know shanks name for ohho i just cant say it, type... You get the idea...)

Shank: yeah we talked to god number nine. (Blank looks) The deer one... (More blankness, because the legends of x and y and platnium ect) The gold and white one that obsessed with plates? (Clarity dawns). And we got an in with him! He's kinda a jerk though.

Erick whose delt with so many jerk gods thus far. "Tell me about it"

Shank proceeds to.

Molly: who is holding the groups sole brain cell, stearing ohho like a champ around iron moth. Mewtwo. Gios chopter and bullets, is like "a little help here!"

Love how by accident erick suddenly becomes the most powerful person in region history. Arceus either picked the best landing spot ever or decided to stomp on the bug paradox on his way down.

Dark: (from the corner of ericks subcon) "hey i tried! its as tight as a safe under the ocean here. I couldnt get a idea the size of a gnat through all this pressure in here."

Thats quite the deal. Granted its a bad one with the whole "you get one week" shebang. Unless you use the wishes to get out ot the ascention part.

Wait volo was in for consideration? Mr. Giratina fanboy who wants to off everything? Ung might as well dickered with gir' for cyrus if you want a omnicidal maniac to take over as god.

Wait, i dont think gio was listening because if he inherits ericks deal he'll get back. For exactly one week before dying.

 

[K_S]

So we get gio's back story. I called it in that he was from mundane land. And for simplicitys sake we are sticking with gio as his real life names too much of a mouthful to bother with and old habbits die hard.

So emmet not only got shunted along to arceus timeline world but modern l.a. as well? That mans been through the wringer and then some and i'm not surprised that he'd stoop so low as to theaten his lover to get back home. Or that gio went along with it. Thinking "i'm only placating him" until suddenly he's not.

So if game'verse gio is in the real world... Depowered... I wonder how he'd actually function there? and what mess he left for real world gio to mop up when he gets back.

But then if mon gio got to keep his critters he real world version might be inheriting one hell if an empire after all rhydons take on mountians and modern militarys would have issues with the thing...

But again, gios inheriting a very tight timeline. Were it me i'd be like "first wish, immunity against all legends and thier plots. Second wish, Molly gets to take my place in dying and ascention. Third wish, three more wishes. First wish again... (describes ideal situation in real world and does switch).. So long suckers!" and he'd get off with two back up wishes in case things go bad back home.

So he offed red and lead to oaks decline? I mean i suspected just by how much he knew but i wonder if anyone else picked up on it?

Well we will see how gios plot pans out. Me? I will nip into a bunker to wait out that week see you in eight days.

 

[Kandykorn]

Chapter 21:

“Giovanni!” I yelled “Please! Don’t do this!”

“Yeah!” Shank yelled “What the hell dickweed!”

“You shouldn’t talk to me that way.” Giovanni warned.

“Or what, snotface?” Shank shot back. “Ho-Oprah, prepare to fire on that sad man over there.”

“Cute.” Gio smiled. He opened the masterball and out flew Arceus. “Deer, please bring these three to somewhere more… presentable.”

“What the hell is a dee-” Molly started.

“SHUT UP.” Gio yelled, miffed. Arceus rolled its eyes. “Deer, just- put them in the stupid pocket dimension.”

“As you wish.” Arceus sighed. “Erick, you could be a literal god right now.”

And then everything disappeared. Shank, Molly, Rocket, Valentine, Gale, Homer and I were floating in a void.

“This fucking sucks.” Shank sighed.

“Yeah.” I sighed. “It does.”

“Agreed.” Rocket said.

“Erick?” Molly asked. “Can you speak to your pokemon?”

“I-” I started. “Yeah.”

“That makes about as much sense as any of this I suppose.” Molly sighed.

“So Erick…” Shank said. “Did you, like, uh, me?”

“I mean, yeah-”
“Guys.” Molly sighed. “Not. The. Time.”

“Fair.” We both blushed slightly.

“Soooo, do you think he’s going to show up… or… just leave us here?” Rocket asked.

“Could be anything.” I sighed.

“What’d they say?” Shank asked.

“They broached the possibility that we could be stuck here… Forever.”

~
Hours of nothing but a white void, Three teenagers, and four pokemon.

Unremitting silence. Ocasional fights. Shank and I made out. Molly found a notepad in her backpack and played Joltic-tac-toe with Shank while I played on my DS. More silence. My DS ran out of batteries. Molly ran out of paper. More fighting. More silence.

I was starting to go a little crazy.

As of current, I was sitting(?) on seemingly nothing. Shank was resting their head on my lap. Molly was sleeping with Gale. Rocket, Valentine, and homer were trying to do rolls in the vast space.

“Is this it?” I asked Shank.

“Maybe.”

“I’m sorry”

“I-” I looked at Shank, dumbfounded. “This is not your fault.”

“But Molly and I got to achieve our dreams.” Shank shed a single tear. “And you can’t achieve yours.”

I let that thought simmer on my brain for a minute. I’d never be a cook. Never.

I looked over at my friends. I looked down at my hands.

I’d never be a cook.

“Chex…” I started to cry. Maybe Chex was a cook? If Gio didn't destroy the world? I sure hope so.

“Oh Erick.” Shank said. “It’s… I’m so sorry.”

“Wait!” Rocket yelled. It looked over to me. “Stop crying.”

“Why?” I sniffed.

Rocket said nothing. She just closed her eyes, and started to glow. In front of her, all kinds of nuts, berries, wheat, and plants sprouted from the nothingness. Next to her, valentine started a fire.

“I- What’s happening?” I asked. Rocket grabbed a pan from my bag.

“Make us one last meal?” Rocket asked. Shank started to sob loudly behind me, but knowing them, this time it was because this moment was so sweet.

“Okay.”

And I did, and for the first time in that void, we were at peace.

 

[Kandykorn]

Chapter 100:

Hi there.

It’s me, Erick.

Still, uh, in the void.

Time is very weird here. I don’t think I’ve aged?

Shank, Molly, the Pokemon and I have been…

Well, We’ve been.

My ribs are finally healed again!

Shank had gotten into mechanics, and built a TV screen into Homer's chest at about the fourth week. They said it had something to do with their plumbing background.

Somehow, the wifi of the TV showed us the outside world through “Ninetails News.”

We saw Gio destroy our world, and then leave, being replaced with a very disgruntled version of him, who was beat up, and holding a small orange persian-like creature in his arms, who stood up, looked around, and then grinned slightly.

We saw him release Deer the Arceus.

We watched Arceus rebuild our world.

We watched Arceus forget we were trapped.

And there was nothing we could do about it.

We watched Arceus for the next year, hoping he’d come to save us.

But he never did.

Valentine, Gale, and Homer never spoke, but they supported us and each other in any way they could.

Molly kept us from going crazy. She made every day a little better even though we were trapped.
I cooked for us, and helped as well.

Shank kept us laughing.

Rocket kept us alive.

But we never left.

After a while, I started writing this. And in a last ditch effort to do something, I threw the whole thing into a black hole Valentine created in frustration four months later. Miraculously, Homer’s TV screen changed, and we were shown a slightly… different world.

One Where Gio was a king.

The man was rich, and living in the human world by himself. He was surrounded by Mafia men. My book fell next to him. He picked it up, and laughed. He wrote something into it, and then put it on his shelf.

“What if… We go into a black hole?” Shank asked. “Will we go… there?

“No way of knowing.” Molly sighed.

“Better than here.” Rocket sighed.

“But if we leave,” I looked at Valentine. “We’d have to leave Val behind. They need to keep the portal open.”

“I’ll stay with them.” Rocket suggested. Gale and Homer nodded. “We all will.”

“Rocket, we can’t just…”

“You can.” She nodded.

“What’s she saying?” Shank asked.

“She’s suggesting that the pokemon stay.”

“But I- We-” Molly started to cry.

“I know.” Rocket said, even though she knew Molly couldn’t understand. She placed her forehead to Molly's shin. Molly sobbed.

~

“You know,” Shank said. “We could enter this hole and just die.”

“Yeah I know.” Molly said, “Would you losers just shut up and go.”

“Always the charmer, Malls.” I smiled.

“On three?” I asked. Molly started to count down.

“One.”

“Two”

“Thr-”

“Wait!” Shank Interrupted. They smiled weakly, knowing that in a second, we’d jump into a pulsating black vortex that could spell our doom, or our salvation. “On three, or after three?”

Molly laughed a hoarse, dry laugh.

“Like ‘one two three’, or ‘one two three bam’” Shank giggled back.

“One two three bam” I laughed too, at the absurdity of it all. “Molly, start over the countdown.”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

And then we jumped.

 

[K_S]

Rocket chapter 21
Blitz review

We are so in the final gasp it seems. Gio's got op powers, ala mons game genie made flesh... I wonder if he heard the  stipulation though.


.. Gio names things worse then shank. Deer. He named mon god deer? Sigh. And of course no one knows what that is yet again.. The mans life experience is a running joke. And i pray he didnt name his Persian kitty.

(Though i suspect he did).

Love how arceus is like "yeah you could literally be o.p. cheating now..."

Personally i'd be like "yeah except now i dodge the ring/grudge's 7 days dead thing. Hope your affairs are in order gio!"

And in the void secrets come out. That erick can talk to rocket. Shank really likes to snog... And no one thinks to spare the mon death by boredom with offering to recall them...

Yeah solitary and lack of stimulation will drive anyone mad. These active kids faster than others. I'd guess by the d.s. batterylife that if erick was playing low light to stretch things out... That they've been in void float land for a few days at least... Also why doesnt anyone summon harmomy and rub the d.s. on her to recharge it?

"Trying to do rolls" as in loop de loops, summersalts, or baking rolls?

And i guess the leafon evolution has one use right there. The synthesis of salad materials. If only they had a flying type to get eggs off of, the hourdoom or magcargo could be used as a stove and a bake off could occur... Ah well such greatness will ever be and at least they alll got a dose of happiness before things went bad.

 

[K_S]

Chapter 22 (finalie)
Blitz review


(Yeah i know its labeled 100 but if i put that in the blitz review submition paperwork they might constrew it as milking the system for extra points so lets not)

Yeah i imagine ericks life is pretty static right now... Being trapped in suspended animation and all. Still time is passing if healings occured though theres no way to guage anything anymore...

I think shanks plumbing background might also stray into wire splicing among other fun data sharing schenanigans. Still i suppose homer is both wollowing in the irony (simpsons alter was the tv and pink donuts) as well as the attention of being the teams sole window out.

I imagine the fighting over what station to watch was epic.

Shank: i swear to whatever nice legends there are that if we watxh one more cooking show i will die!

Erick: pulls out puppy eyes.

Molly: no... Look away. Making eyecontact is fatal to your resolve... Look. A. Way.

Shank: (makes eyecontact for a fraction of a second) craaaap

Erick: flicks on mon version of masterchief xxiv.

Molly: whhhhy....

Shank: because i'm weak?

Of course canon gio would comandeer a kitty. He probably had a swarm of them back at base while running the mob and had fronts being cat cafes or something. But seeing the eldrich lights of "going back now" led to him grabbing his precious wittle Hobs-cat in that last sane second. I suspect the rivalry between the mundane cat and his Persian is going to be legendary.

I can also imagine one scene where he treis to intimidate someone and tells Hobs to slash and the cat jist... Flops over with a murp.

R.l. underling: uh boss... Cats arent attack animals... Remember.

Game gio: (in a sad sad voice) you mean they dont do slash, or thunder, or toxic-?

R.l. underling: uh no sir...

Game gio: or hypnosis, or- (continues to go down the list of all the tm and hms persian can use)

R.l. underling: (sounding defeated) no sir

Human world gio is going to be well intrenched per game gios schenanigans and wonder at the ninty million cat toys, pictures, and furballs, in his flat.

Arceus: i am done do da do daa.

The trio looking at him with sad expressions a pocket dimension away.

Arceus: no more dumb humans for me oh do dah day!

Game Gio: (clears throat and indicates non life sustaining mud ball r.l. gio has inflicted on them)

Arceus: alright one exception...

Huh so gio made it back but no emmet huh? I wonder if that was because the guy was too nutters and r.l. gio realized and let him go or if he honestly forgot...
Now considering where that book landed gio probably can hear them talking themselves up. Evennif he cant hes going to have three very unwelcome visitors in his office the way the trios luck is going. Still hes a better, safer (sad isnt it?) Option than divine neglegence deer, and most of the canon legends by a long shot.

Lovely shout out towards how things started. The count to three. And if they get back i can see erick grabing arceus by an ear and snarling that he wants his team freed from pocket dimension hell, now, or he will cook the most vile sludge this side of a muk, ingredients fresh from a cesspool and shovel it down arceus' throat to get his team back.

And so the adventure continues with them making a wreck of r.l.

Overall this was a nive devut fic. The pacing felt a bit wierd in places but the sheer insanity of the cast and premiss carried the tale through. Thanks for sharing Rocket with us.

 

[System Error]

Had this one recommended to me. I definitely don't mind silly little fics with a goofy tone like this, so let's give it a go. First three parts of this.

The prologue starts off parodying the intros of Pokemon games. Get some worldbuilding straight off the back: Oak being a former champion and also dead, apparently in a freak accident by a lab experiment gone probably comically wrong. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like he has a Pokemon to send out to demonstrate in this void. Still as only accepting of two genders as always, almost thought a nonbinary character would've been fitting giving the parodist nature. Though I guess that comes later given Shanks, hehe.

Then it gets dark in a hurry as the thing turns more aware than it seems. Insulting him for playing not Animal Crossing (or is it not Pokemon?). Alas, it seems in this world, Pokemon training is all the rage, and even if he wants to be a chef like those Striaton guys, it has to be a trainer as well. Just seems to be how this world works. It's kind of dystopian when you think about it, like what if he doesn't succeed?

And so begins Rocket, what is apparently a tale of a journey that goes wrong in record time.

As we move into the first chapter, we get a look at some of the culture of this world. Yep, it is heavily journey driven, like get the hell out of the house and don't come back, you are ten. Like I said, secret dystopia. What happens to those who don't succeed? Apparently, something happened between mom and dad that is only speculation, and my theory is she found out he was never a trainer or that he decided to do something non-trainery with his adult male life. Messed up stuff. Or maybe it's just a Galarian thing. You know how toxic they can be about battles.

Then going to meet rivals or maybe fellow travelers? I do like the acronym here, though it should really be JAoDE when you think about it, isn't it hyper convenient to just ignore letters? But it seems that it's not just a Galarian thing in this world if another person is talking about not leaving the house. We have quite the motley crue here: one with higher aspirations than trying to be the very best like no one ever was and probably failing miserably like most do and then what happens? A Pokephobe, and...someone who was decidedly less cybercriminal than I thought when I saw simply "Cybercrimes". Must not have been very experienced.

And well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Elm is a drunk given what I was told about. And it also seems that the intern is equally pissed off, probably and actually because of all the abuse, but maybe because this world is just like that. Though, I wasn't expecting them to just have paradoxes lying around. But hey, nontraditional starters, including a male Sandalit, oops. Except they also have paradox starters, double oops. Chex and Pepper, huh? Food stuff is the good stuff.

Shank definitely comes across as a delinquent at the start of the second chapter. Of course, only now is Erick having second thoughts of getting involved instead of like, stopping him right away. And more hate for being a cook! I mean come on. Like I said, there's plenty of cooks in the Pokemon world. Someone has to make the food. At least Shank accepts it after a bit. And seems to have made a successful buy that wasn't just taken from him. A fine question about when to throw when counting down is asked, before a surprisingly calm meeting of the paradoxes happen. It's cute little fluff before being left on a cliffhanger.

Ha, I like this one so far. It's absolutely on the sillier side of things, but it's in an amusing and self-aware sort of way, like ruthlessly parodying the Pokemon world, especially its fascination with journeys and stuff. Big fan of nontraditional journeyfic protagonists, and well: the titular Rockets haven't shown up yet, but they certainly will soon. Probably the very next chapter given that semirandom explosion, but I'll get to that in time. And hey, a complete story to read, no need to wait till the next installment once I reach the end here. Just have to keep reading on.

That said, there's a lot of capitalization and punctuation stuff lying around the fic, as an aside, but nothing badly blatant or anything. Just a little jarring. Didn't keep track, so. One I will point out, Shank is sometimes called Shanks. Definitely a thing that should be fixed if nothing else. In chapter 2, window is spelled widow at the very end of the first scene. Mostly, there's no common of period at the end of certain quotes. Stuff like that is the main meat. Just stuff to consider if you come back to it and give it a proofreading pass.