- Partners
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What I wanted to do today was blitz through the rest of this after going shopping and finally picking up my friend a belated Christmas present now that I know what game to get. But I woke up too late, so I guess I'm just going to skip to the first part and figure out what I can do after.
14
- I am a bit surprised that the narrator never sees fat trainers anywhere. I mean it does sort of make sense on the one hand, but on the other: Crasher Wake exists and he's muscle AND flab. Same for Wulfric. Though I guess they're out of scope for the Hoenn region.
- I wonder what about the narrator doesn't give off a trainer vibe? Is it the shoes? Lack of a hat, maybe?
- That would be one way: if they're a coordinator! Well, later stuff reveals they're still a trainer too, but you'd think that the staff would know how to recognize coordinators if any schmuck on the street can.
- Shorts, comfy and easy to wear, you have more restraint than I do for not even referencing that.
- Unclear from this initial set of lines whether these are more fashion shows or if the multiple categories exist. Never seen them in a fic, but the keyword "cute" is in here.
- I guess coordinators would be mini celebrities in a way.
- MissSquish? Hm, that sets the narrator as female. Here I thought they were going to be gender neutral to fit with the second person thing.
1
- Finally jumping into the wilderness chapters! Been waiting for these ones, heh. I thought it was, but I did have to double check that it was the weather route before jumping into this.
- I guess if a rainbow is visible, it isn't raining here like it often is for whatever reason that somehow avoids drowning everything under a deluge.
- That's one difference between myself and the narrator. I would never pick Treecko. Not after it's consistently failed me in the midgame too many times, much as I like the payoff.
- I like the detail of rain ponchos or similar prep stuff to keep things dry. Stuff like preparing for a journey in non gamey ways are always a good thing. Of course, it's more stuff to pack around.
- Playing! Eating! What's there not to love!?
- Oh, Tropius. Fancy as you are, it's a shame you're in such an inconvenient spot and have such an unfortunate typing. Still would rather personally use it over Treecko, though.
- Well, Miss Narrator, it sneaked up on you because you weren't paying attention. Or maybe because the ground was damp and its feet are lighter than you might think? Who can really say?
- Typo in here: fourth, not forth. The fourth goes forth! Like that's how you use each.
- Not a danger I was expecting to see on a journey, and they're just fortunate they didn't mess with the wrong trainer or Pokemon. Some might not take too kindly to being bumped into. Or not move because they're too heavy.
- There is something funny (but not bad!) about calling a team an army.
13
- Oh hey, this one is my setting. Let's see what you got in Veilstone. Starting off with, philosophical things and talking about poor diet.
- There is indeed a point where it comes down to being too cheap. Though, a lot of street food I know isn't that cheap. You get what you pay for in any case.
- Another instance of the narrator being explicitly female here. Kind of awkward now that I really think about it. It should probably be something made more clear in either of the starting points if it's something you're going to settle on.
- That must have been a really bad sausage roll if it gave that bad food poisoning. The one time I got it several months back (from Subway of all places) I was fine after regurgitating the food. Made of pretty tough stuff, but still.
- Hostel in a Pokemon context makes me think of an old fic. They're so old fashioned in either case, but it sort of stands out here.
- Hinterlands too! Yeah, the retroisms all of a sudden are starting to amuse.
- Okay I was not expecting narrator-chan to get a part time job. It's an interesting concept to do on a journey though, so I'm game for it even if it gives the world sort of a darker than usual vibe.
- There must have been serious theft problems if that was a problem, and especially if the bag can't just be left elsewhere.
- I wonder how two battles could even wring out a wallet. Were they like following narrator-chan and just shaking her down for battles? What determines how much money is given after a battle? That's always the biggest question I have whenever it gets implemented in a fic, because it's such a gamey concept.
- Shoutouts to, um, steroids? "Vitamins?"
- I guess Silph has muscled its way into Sinnoh too. I wonder just how many of these supplements are legit.
- I mean all you need to do to stop exploding dye is put it in a bag. Then it explodes on nothing.
- Heh, I like that closing paragraph.
2
- Randomly as I type through this: one big thing I like about reading this so far? It's really easy to change up your background music. Just play the song tied to wherever narrator-chan is! Good for blocking out people who startle you by shouting at computers. (It doesn't help when being talked at)
- Well, Route 34 is technically near the ocean, but I would imagine one could see it unless this is an expansionific thing..
- Oh dear, she's going for a dip, this certainly can't end well. Pond skaters, though? Looks like there's more than just Pokemon in this world, because Surskit certainly don't make this place their home.
- What in the world, skinny dipping?!?!!! That, um. That is uh, okay then narrator-chan. You do you, I guess.
- I think not using a bikini is notsomuch being vain as it is being an exhibitionist.
- Jeez, this is a super rough journey if there are that many little injuries.
- I do hope narrator-chan hasn't been out in the wilderness for the many months in which she hasn't shaved her legs.
- Good aim, narrator-chan. Looks like Pokemon battles are significantly more violent here if one grab could be dead.
10
- This seems to be one time where the "hopscotch" order makes more sense than going normally. For once it seems to be in chronological order, even if it's just this one little bit so far.
- Wow, so much for the shining city of whatever. Bustling big? Festive and opulent charm? I hit Oil Ocean instead of Goldenrod (GSC!) instead because this place in narrator-chan's verse seems to be a bigger craphole than in canon.
- I mean, there's enough electricity in the air to be heard and implicitly constant sirens as well! Jeez!
- And so this is her life. An NPC trainer rooted to the ground waiting for a Pokemon to beat up.
- I like the description about shadows writhing with unpleasant possibility.
- Now watch this rough guy train Fairy-types proving that looks can be deceiving. And has a job as a lumberjack just to further defy expectations.
- Ohhhh. Oh jeez. This got dark in a hurry. And I suppose this is why you can't easily rewrite the narrator to be gender ambiguous. I mean you could to make this guy even more creepy, but still.
- It seems the would be rapist doesn't have much in the way of stopping an escaping victim. I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. Not something that bothers me personally, so hopefully it doesn't bother any of your other readers.
Okay, got interrupted, so a few comments in the meantime: yeah, the female narrator thing took me a bit by surprise. Like I said, nothing I mind or care about, but it might be best to establish that sooner rather than later so readers don't get confused. With that sudden dark turn though, I wonder if the rest of it will be dark or if that was just an isolated incident? I mean, it's clear this is a pretty dark world, especially with financial issues being a serious concern to where travelers have to consider part time jobs and you can get mugged for all you're worth in a battle. Nothing new to fics, but it's clear this isn't going to be all fluff and rainbows.
5
- Picking up again in a sort of chronological order, now we head to one of the shortest routes in the setting. I'm genuinely curious how you're going to make something of this one when all there is here are some trainers, three apricorn trees, and SUNNY OF SUNDAY.
- Wait, Pecha Berries? Okay chalk that one up to expansion, but still something of a surprise.
- Ah, so this is more about the walk up to Ecruteak rather than the route itself. A little disappointed. I was hoping to see Sunny here. Then again, there's many paragraphs to go.
- Bars? Hm, well drinking age is usually bigger than legal adult age, but I take it it's not an issue here.
- Okay, I'm a little confused at the complaint to Furret (also hey recurring character!). There was just a paragraph about all the stuff to see in Ecruteak, then narrator-chan expresses reluctance over the whole thing. Unless the Pokemon is dragging the trainer on the badge quest. That'd certainly be a sight.
- Like the musings about the future of narrator-chan's trainderdom. Of course from this hopping around, it's already known how it ends. Though when you think about it: reading in order is hopping around too.
- Why shop when you can scavenge?
12
- WANT TO EARN FAST CASH? Then go fight random people! I have to wonder though, is money being on the line a legal requirement in this surprisingly dark world, or is it something optional?
- Ah, we have a stall team up in here. Toxic spikes storm, anyone?
- As long as it takes? Don't take certain people up on that bet. They might keep you there for hours, especially with Recover and stuff.
- Stamina mode! I don't know, there's not much to say about this particular scene.
- Paladin? What sort of a nickname for Hitmontop is that one?
- Huh, was the Hitmontop knocked out to? There was no sign of it being knocked out or even recalled. Just the Weezing falls and it seems to fall out of the narrative. Even if the implication is that it's a series of 1v1s, should probably show the top being recalled.
- Wicked? Are we about to defy gravity here?
- You're one to talk, narrator-chan. Also suddenly a straight up theft. Sheesh. What is wrong with this crummy world?!
15
- Well it seems things worked out at least. Somehow, off screen, maybe answered in another one. Also wow it's been a while since we've seen an actual postcard or talk about one being sent, now that I really think about it.
- You know, now that I really think about it? There wasn't that much darkness in the early goings of this, now dark stuff seems to be a recurring theme. Violent crime in the headlines, huh? I wonder if there's secretly an overarching plot going on behind the scenes?
- Narrator-chan wanting to leave a legacy as an understandable thing. Hopefully one that won't be torn down.
- I guess she cycles teams as she goes through journeys. And never once had a traveling companion from the seems of it.
- The problem with giving advice is indeed whether or not the person will take it. Though it's always funnier or sadder or both when they directly seek it and go on not to listen.
- I'm not sure what a foreign Pokemon would surprise narrator-chan, unless this is actually set a little earlier than the Japan region ones so they are a surprise.
- The infamous locking eyes equals a battle thing.
- Batshit crazy, or shitcrazy for bats?
- Are we about to see the ferris wheel of love?!
- Okay we don't even need the ferris wheel for love, dayum. Hopefully this doesn't end with a mugging or kidney being lost.
- Oh, just a love em and leave em. Well, hopefully it was at least a night to remember for narrator-chan.
- I guess narrator-chan is very much aware of the criminality by this point. Or maybe she's just being paranoid. Better safe than sorry?
- Though there is an interesting contrast here: she hooked up with a strange girl for no reason, but a strange guy? Know the workplace rules, or something like that.
3.
- Circling back now, and we quickly find out that yes, narrator-chan did have traveling companions before. Evidently, none that lasted. My working theory is that this world is so bad it's hard to find any good ones.
- Being around a person all the time is sure to make you find out things about them you probably didn't know, for better or worse.
- EZ-Mac sounds like a crummy discount version of Mac and Cheese you'd find at the less than a dollar store.
- Well so far we've only really seen Pokemon from their own region in their own region, so this at least seems to settle the question of where narrator-chan started if her traveling companion had two Hoenn Pokemon. Which makes the Lilycove Contest one all the more interesting, because it's implied to have happened later on, i.e. her circling back to Hoenn.
- Aw, Olivia's a nice girl. Though it seems narrator-chan had no sympathy fo the weak. Or the florence-nightengalish, maybe.
- ...what sort of junk magazines? I mean I assume tabloid junk, but with narrator-chan, who can really say?
- I guess this was the incident that turned her off from them forever. It evidently wasn't Olivia, it was the possible walking mass of complexes that was narrator-chan.
- Another mention of a bar. I wonder if a future chapter is going to be set in one? And if there are going to be any consequences for getting plastered?
- Solitaire?! She must really be desperate.
- Seems she misses Olivia after all, aww.
6
- Looks like we have some traveling companions here. And narrator-chan having no sympathy for the one who's sick, or maybe is just disgusted by her knight in shining armor.
- Heh, here comes the poker or whatever that was hinted at in the last chapter. Green though? Must be a little different than the usual red and black in the world. And "a couple of green" rather than both implies the cards aren't exactly the same anyway.
- That's one way to cheer someone up.
- What card game are they even playing?
- Yeah, I'm thinking this series of chapters is about narrator-chan's flaws when it comes to getting along with others. What a petty thing to get mad over.
- And getting really inattentive. Oops, now her head is going to be hurting among other things.
- Hey, drinking straight from the Pokemon tap is one way to deal with things. Hopefully there's nothing like bacteria to worry about. At least that's one thing about this world that's not bad, water sources.
- A sort of sleepless night...
- Kind of a weird place to cut this one off at. You'd have thought the traveling companions would have gotten worried and come looking, but I guess this is supposed to be about how pissed narrator-chan gets at them for reasons both justifiable and imagined.
11
- I mean, why doesn't narrator-chan bring out her Typhlosion? The narrative has been oddly quiet on the Pokemon she caught in regions and left behind when on other legs of her journeys.
- Ah, here we are, in a bar. Called it coming!
- An implication narrator-chan has been in multiple bars in Driftveil, huh? Something of a drifter herself.
- Well luckily the fights don't involve weapons. Depending on if you want to classify a Pokemon as one or not.
- Surprised she kicked the smoking habit, yet not surprised at the same time. Yet also surprised she smoked to begin with. Was that the reason for her money shortages back in Veilstone?
- It's one thing for narrator-chan to make friends, it's another for her to keep them.
- Like the little detail about challengers from other regions being around at a certain time of the year.
- Present badge
- I thought that narrator-chan was exaggerating when it came to the band or it wasn't her tastes, but yeah, those lyrics are comically bad, ha.
- It's a secret to everyone! Okay seriously like the little details beyond what we see in the games.
- Churches? Plural? I could probably see it in America.
- Metal Gear exclamation sound on that trash bag.
- Huh, so this part seems to imply narrator-chan is from Goldenrod. Are there multiple narrator-chans? There was no sort of special reaction when she went back to the down and this whole bit implies she never caught on there, therefore her mom had to had lived in Goldenrod. In fact, a Haunter was in that very same chapter, a Poison-type in itself. So yeah, I'm inclined to think that there's multiple narrator-chans here just because of the Goldenrod thing more than anything. Had a hunch, but it's a weird reveal now.
17
- This is the end, the end my friend. I wonder why it isn't the end in the alternate reading order? Well, I'm about to find out.
- Friendly reunions with friends!
- I should try to have one of those fancy breakfasts sometime, but never am up and in the area for any of those.
- Too much to go over sounds about right if you don't keep a journal.
- THEY GOT MARRIED? AND THEY HAVE ONE KID????? Sorry, not sorry. I suppose this narrator-chan isn't from Unova at the very least.
- "Hey mom and dad, I'm home, and I brought stuff for cleaning!"
- Not many teachers I know would hug their students, even platonically.
- Well this narrator-chan still craves adventure it seems. Just a temporary stopover.
- I like the last two paragraphs. How long until narrator-chan (this one??) finds her purpose in life? It is a mystery even to her.
9
- And now for the real last one in the alternate order I'm following.
- Okay yeah I see where they go together right at, the home you're born in and the home you consider.
- Well if this narrator-chan is the one who gets involved with contests and runs a blog, I imagine she would still need some of that skill with words.
- Going back and reflecting on the first night! I'm not sure about it being too quiet to sleep, but I can get it. Sort of going from an unknown into something else.
- Hopefully the radio has long lasting batteries. Mega energizers, or whatever.
- Are there even ten bird Pokemon regularly around in any sort of region to understand them all by their calls? Or I assume this is further along?
- Absence of life? Okay that is a dramatic way of putting it.
- Interesting ending here.
Hm, okay then. At the end of this fic, and I have to say, it was a ride. I'm not entirely sure if it was entirely in a good way or not. Like I said, the dark patch in the middle of the reading order was a little bit jarring. Along with the reveal that this is not just one journey by one protagonist, but a series of--wait.
4
- Because I am stupid and blanked I read this one last. Ooooops. Well you said you can read in whatever order, so whatever!
- I mean you kind of have to have boxes and bags of stuff on the go. Can't go carrying around perishables, most you can have is vegetables and those will go bad if you don't eat them fast enough.
- One thing I noticed among the various narrators: they do seem to all call training as "drills". Sort of a writing quirk of yours. Not a bad or a good thing, just a thing.
- Dehydrating meals? That's the first I ever heard of that. Probably could imagine it happening in the Pokemon world all the same.
- Hell of an accident for a Pokemon to burn off your freaking eyebrows nearly accidentally. I can see trying to eat other owned Pokemon in this dark world.
- Feels like I'm tasting, nothing at all! Hey, at least they have the means to heat stuff up.
- I have to question what Poke-Os even are. There's not much you can do with an O-shape in cereal. Unless their shape is like the eye thing in the logo.
- I like the idea of trainer food. And I especially am amused at the idea of it sucking rocks to actually eat.
- Hey, the hungrymen I eat have pretty decent brownies if they're cooked well! Though sometimes the corn gets stuck in it, eww.
- Satisfy the craving? Eat a snickers! I mean Hostess exists in this world! Why not Nestle or Mars or whoever makes them over here?
- Bad move, narrator-chan. Don't eat too much all at once.
- I wonder if Gyms have to be scheduled in this world or if they're walk-ins and the schedule thing was just flavor?
Okay, that's done now. So yeah. This was an interesting fic. It had wild ups and downs, and there seemed to be little mini arcs in them between the various narrators: like the dark spot or the part where it turns out it kind of sort of sucks to have traveling companions. Like I mentioned, there were a few bits that probably could've been clearer from the beginning, like the fact that the narrator is female or that there seem to be more than one, but they're minor little bits. Would've liked to see more recurring characters too, but I think the only one I can really remember is the Furret.
And despite the minor flaws? I liked this one. They were enjoyable little snippets of the world, and since this was all in the name of worldbuilding, I'm curious to see what you do with it in a longer fic. Even if it turns out to be kind of bleak like some of this implied. Good work on this little piece. Powering through the rest of it was a fun way to spend a chunk of the day. Took longer than I expected between all the interruptions and other things going on, heh. Good work on this one.
14
- I am a bit surprised that the narrator never sees fat trainers anywhere. I mean it does sort of make sense on the one hand, but on the other: Crasher Wake exists and he's muscle AND flab. Same for Wulfric. Though I guess they're out of scope for the Hoenn region.
- I wonder what about the narrator doesn't give off a trainer vibe? Is it the shoes? Lack of a hat, maybe?
- That would be one way: if they're a coordinator! Well, later stuff reveals they're still a trainer too, but you'd think that the staff would know how to recognize coordinators if any schmuck on the street can.
- Shorts, comfy and easy to wear, you have more restraint than I do for not even referencing that.
- Unclear from this initial set of lines whether these are more fashion shows or if the multiple categories exist. Never seen them in a fic, but the keyword "cute" is in here.
- I guess coordinators would be mini celebrities in a way.
- MissSquish? Hm, that sets the narrator as female. Here I thought they were going to be gender neutral to fit with the second person thing.
1
- Finally jumping into the wilderness chapters! Been waiting for these ones, heh. I thought it was, but I did have to double check that it was the weather route before jumping into this.
- I guess if a rainbow is visible, it isn't raining here like it often is for whatever reason that somehow avoids drowning everything under a deluge.
- That's one difference between myself and the narrator. I would never pick Treecko. Not after it's consistently failed me in the midgame too many times, much as I like the payoff.
- I like the detail of rain ponchos or similar prep stuff to keep things dry. Stuff like preparing for a journey in non gamey ways are always a good thing. Of course, it's more stuff to pack around.
- Playing! Eating! What's there not to love!?
- Oh, Tropius. Fancy as you are, it's a shame you're in such an inconvenient spot and have such an unfortunate typing. Still would rather personally use it over Treecko, though.
- Well, Miss Narrator, it sneaked up on you because you weren't paying attention. Or maybe because the ground was damp and its feet are lighter than you might think? Who can really say?
- Typo in here: fourth, not forth. The fourth goes forth! Like that's how you use each.
- Not a danger I was expecting to see on a journey, and they're just fortunate they didn't mess with the wrong trainer or Pokemon. Some might not take too kindly to being bumped into. Or not move because they're too heavy.
- There is something funny (but not bad!) about calling a team an army.
13
- Oh hey, this one is my setting. Let's see what you got in Veilstone. Starting off with, philosophical things and talking about poor diet.
- There is indeed a point where it comes down to being too cheap. Though, a lot of street food I know isn't that cheap. You get what you pay for in any case.
- Another instance of the narrator being explicitly female here. Kind of awkward now that I really think about it. It should probably be something made more clear in either of the starting points if it's something you're going to settle on.
- That must have been a really bad sausage roll if it gave that bad food poisoning. The one time I got it several months back (from Subway of all places) I was fine after regurgitating the food. Made of pretty tough stuff, but still.
- Hostel in a Pokemon context makes me think of an old fic. They're so old fashioned in either case, but it sort of stands out here.
- Hinterlands too! Yeah, the retroisms all of a sudden are starting to amuse.
- Okay I was not expecting narrator-chan to get a part time job. It's an interesting concept to do on a journey though, so I'm game for it even if it gives the world sort of a darker than usual vibe.
- There must have been serious theft problems if that was a problem, and especially if the bag can't just be left elsewhere.
- I wonder how two battles could even wring out a wallet. Were they like following narrator-chan and just shaking her down for battles? What determines how much money is given after a battle? That's always the biggest question I have whenever it gets implemented in a fic, because it's such a gamey concept.
- Shoutouts to, um, steroids? "Vitamins?"
- I guess Silph has muscled its way into Sinnoh too. I wonder just how many of these supplements are legit.
- I mean all you need to do to stop exploding dye is put it in a bag. Then it explodes on nothing.
- Heh, I like that closing paragraph.
2
- Randomly as I type through this: one big thing I like about reading this so far? It's really easy to change up your background music. Just play the song tied to wherever narrator-chan is! Good for blocking out people who startle you by shouting at computers. (It doesn't help when being talked at)
- Well, Route 34 is technically near the ocean, but I would imagine one could see it unless this is an expansionific thing..
- Oh dear, she's going for a dip, this certainly can't end well. Pond skaters, though? Looks like there's more than just Pokemon in this world, because Surskit certainly don't make this place their home.
- What in the world, skinny dipping?!?!!! That, um. That is uh, okay then narrator-chan. You do you, I guess.
- I think not using a bikini is notsomuch being vain as it is being an exhibitionist.
- Jeez, this is a super rough journey if there are that many little injuries.
- I do hope narrator-chan hasn't been out in the wilderness for the many months in which she hasn't shaved her legs.
- Good aim, narrator-chan. Looks like Pokemon battles are significantly more violent here if one grab could be dead.
10
- This seems to be one time where the "hopscotch" order makes more sense than going normally. For once it seems to be in chronological order, even if it's just this one little bit so far.
- Wow, so much for the shining city of whatever. Bustling big? Festive and opulent charm? I hit Oil Ocean instead of Goldenrod (GSC!) instead because this place in narrator-chan's verse seems to be a bigger craphole than in canon.
- I mean, there's enough electricity in the air to be heard and implicitly constant sirens as well! Jeez!
- And so this is her life. An NPC trainer rooted to the ground waiting for a Pokemon to beat up.
- I like the description about shadows writhing with unpleasant possibility.
- Now watch this rough guy train Fairy-types proving that looks can be deceiving. And has a job as a lumberjack just to further defy expectations.
- Ohhhh. Oh jeez. This got dark in a hurry. And I suppose this is why you can't easily rewrite the narrator to be gender ambiguous. I mean you could to make this guy even more creepy, but still.
- It seems the would be rapist doesn't have much in the way of stopping an escaping victim. I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. Not something that bothers me personally, so hopefully it doesn't bother any of your other readers.
Okay, got interrupted, so a few comments in the meantime: yeah, the female narrator thing took me a bit by surprise. Like I said, nothing I mind or care about, but it might be best to establish that sooner rather than later so readers don't get confused. With that sudden dark turn though, I wonder if the rest of it will be dark or if that was just an isolated incident? I mean, it's clear this is a pretty dark world, especially with financial issues being a serious concern to where travelers have to consider part time jobs and you can get mugged for all you're worth in a battle. Nothing new to fics, but it's clear this isn't going to be all fluff and rainbows.
5
- Picking up again in a sort of chronological order, now we head to one of the shortest routes in the setting. I'm genuinely curious how you're going to make something of this one when all there is here are some trainers, three apricorn trees, and SUNNY OF SUNDAY.
- Wait, Pecha Berries? Okay chalk that one up to expansion, but still something of a surprise.
- Ah, so this is more about the walk up to Ecruteak rather than the route itself. A little disappointed. I was hoping to see Sunny here. Then again, there's many paragraphs to go.
- Bars? Hm, well drinking age is usually bigger than legal adult age, but I take it it's not an issue here.
- Okay, I'm a little confused at the complaint to Furret (also hey recurring character!). There was just a paragraph about all the stuff to see in Ecruteak, then narrator-chan expresses reluctance over the whole thing. Unless the Pokemon is dragging the trainer on the badge quest. That'd certainly be a sight.
- Like the musings about the future of narrator-chan's trainderdom. Of course from this hopping around, it's already known how it ends. Though when you think about it: reading in order is hopping around too.
- Why shop when you can scavenge?
12
- WANT TO EARN FAST CASH? Then go fight random people! I have to wonder though, is money being on the line a legal requirement in this surprisingly dark world, or is it something optional?
- Ah, we have a stall team up in here. Toxic spikes storm, anyone?
- As long as it takes? Don't take certain people up on that bet. They might keep you there for hours, especially with Recover and stuff.
- Stamina mode! I don't know, there's not much to say about this particular scene.
- Paladin? What sort of a nickname for Hitmontop is that one?
- Huh, was the Hitmontop knocked out to? There was no sign of it being knocked out or even recalled. Just the Weezing falls and it seems to fall out of the narrative. Even if the implication is that it's a series of 1v1s, should probably show the top being recalled.
- Wicked? Are we about to defy gravity here?
- You're one to talk, narrator-chan. Also suddenly a straight up theft. Sheesh. What is wrong with this crummy world?!
15
- Well it seems things worked out at least. Somehow, off screen, maybe answered in another one. Also wow it's been a while since we've seen an actual postcard or talk about one being sent, now that I really think about it.
- You know, now that I really think about it? There wasn't that much darkness in the early goings of this, now dark stuff seems to be a recurring theme. Violent crime in the headlines, huh? I wonder if there's secretly an overarching plot going on behind the scenes?
- Narrator-chan wanting to leave a legacy as an understandable thing. Hopefully one that won't be torn down.
- I guess she cycles teams as she goes through journeys. And never once had a traveling companion from the seems of it.
- The problem with giving advice is indeed whether or not the person will take it. Though it's always funnier or sadder or both when they directly seek it and go on not to listen.
- I'm not sure what a foreign Pokemon would surprise narrator-chan, unless this is actually set a little earlier than the Japan region ones so they are a surprise.
- The infamous locking eyes equals a battle thing.
- Batshit crazy, or shitcrazy for bats?
- Are we about to see the ferris wheel of love?!
- Okay we don't even need the ferris wheel for love, dayum. Hopefully this doesn't end with a mugging or kidney being lost.
- Oh, just a love em and leave em. Well, hopefully it was at least a night to remember for narrator-chan.
- I guess narrator-chan is very much aware of the criminality by this point. Or maybe she's just being paranoid. Better safe than sorry?
- Though there is an interesting contrast here: she hooked up with a strange girl for no reason, but a strange guy? Know the workplace rules, or something like that.
3.
- Circling back now, and we quickly find out that yes, narrator-chan did have traveling companions before. Evidently, none that lasted. My working theory is that this world is so bad it's hard to find any good ones.
- Being around a person all the time is sure to make you find out things about them you probably didn't know, for better or worse.
- EZ-Mac sounds like a crummy discount version of Mac and Cheese you'd find at the less than a dollar store.
- Well so far we've only really seen Pokemon from their own region in their own region, so this at least seems to settle the question of where narrator-chan started if her traveling companion had two Hoenn Pokemon. Which makes the Lilycove Contest one all the more interesting, because it's implied to have happened later on, i.e. her circling back to Hoenn.
- Aw, Olivia's a nice girl. Though it seems narrator-chan had no sympathy fo the weak. Or the florence-nightengalish, maybe.
- ...what sort of junk magazines? I mean I assume tabloid junk, but with narrator-chan, who can really say?
- I guess this was the incident that turned her off from them forever. It evidently wasn't Olivia, it was the possible walking mass of complexes that was narrator-chan.
- Another mention of a bar. I wonder if a future chapter is going to be set in one? And if there are going to be any consequences for getting plastered?
- Solitaire?! She must really be desperate.
- Seems she misses Olivia after all, aww.
6
- Looks like we have some traveling companions here. And narrator-chan having no sympathy for the one who's sick, or maybe is just disgusted by her knight in shining armor.
- Heh, here comes the poker or whatever that was hinted at in the last chapter. Green though? Must be a little different than the usual red and black in the world. And "a couple of green" rather than both implies the cards aren't exactly the same anyway.
- That's one way to cheer someone up.
- What card game are they even playing?
- Yeah, I'm thinking this series of chapters is about narrator-chan's flaws when it comes to getting along with others. What a petty thing to get mad over.
- And getting really inattentive. Oops, now her head is going to be hurting among other things.
- Hey, drinking straight from the Pokemon tap is one way to deal with things. Hopefully there's nothing like bacteria to worry about. At least that's one thing about this world that's not bad, water sources.
- A sort of sleepless night...
- Kind of a weird place to cut this one off at. You'd have thought the traveling companions would have gotten worried and come looking, but I guess this is supposed to be about how pissed narrator-chan gets at them for reasons both justifiable and imagined.
11
- I mean, why doesn't narrator-chan bring out her Typhlosion? The narrative has been oddly quiet on the Pokemon she caught in regions and left behind when on other legs of her journeys.
- Ah, here we are, in a bar. Called it coming!
- An implication narrator-chan has been in multiple bars in Driftveil, huh? Something of a drifter herself.
- Well luckily the fights don't involve weapons. Depending on if you want to classify a Pokemon as one or not.
- Surprised she kicked the smoking habit, yet not surprised at the same time. Yet also surprised she smoked to begin with. Was that the reason for her money shortages back in Veilstone?
- It's one thing for narrator-chan to make friends, it's another for her to keep them.
- Like the little detail about challengers from other regions being around at a certain time of the year.
- Present badge
- I thought that narrator-chan was exaggerating when it came to the band or it wasn't her tastes, but yeah, those lyrics are comically bad, ha.
- It's a secret to everyone! Okay seriously like the little details beyond what we see in the games.
- Churches? Plural? I could probably see it in America.
- Metal Gear exclamation sound on that trash bag.
- Huh, so this part seems to imply narrator-chan is from Goldenrod. Are there multiple narrator-chans? There was no sort of special reaction when she went back to the down and this whole bit implies she never caught on there, therefore her mom had to had lived in Goldenrod. In fact, a Haunter was in that very same chapter, a Poison-type in itself. So yeah, I'm inclined to think that there's multiple narrator-chans here just because of the Goldenrod thing more than anything. Had a hunch, but it's a weird reveal now.
17
- This is the end, the end my friend. I wonder why it isn't the end in the alternate reading order? Well, I'm about to find out.
- Friendly reunions with friends!
- I should try to have one of those fancy breakfasts sometime, but never am up and in the area for any of those.
- Too much to go over sounds about right if you don't keep a journal.
- THEY GOT MARRIED? AND THEY HAVE ONE KID????? Sorry, not sorry. I suppose this narrator-chan isn't from Unova at the very least.
- "Hey mom and dad, I'm home, and I brought stuff for cleaning!"
- Not many teachers I know would hug their students, even platonically.
- Well this narrator-chan still craves adventure it seems. Just a temporary stopover.
- I like the last two paragraphs. How long until narrator-chan (this one??) finds her purpose in life? It is a mystery even to her.
9
- And now for the real last one in the alternate order I'm following.
- Okay yeah I see where they go together right at, the home you're born in and the home you consider.
- Well if this narrator-chan is the one who gets involved with contests and runs a blog, I imagine she would still need some of that skill with words.
- Going back and reflecting on the first night! I'm not sure about it being too quiet to sleep, but I can get it. Sort of going from an unknown into something else.
- Hopefully the radio has long lasting batteries. Mega energizers, or whatever.
- Are there even ten bird Pokemon regularly around in any sort of region to understand them all by their calls? Or I assume this is further along?
- Absence of life? Okay that is a dramatic way of putting it.
- Interesting ending here.
Hm, okay then. At the end of this fic, and I have to say, it was a ride. I'm not entirely sure if it was entirely in a good way or not. Like I said, the dark patch in the middle of the reading order was a little bit jarring. Along with the reveal that this is not just one journey by one protagonist, but a series of--wait.
4
- Because I am stupid and blanked I read this one last. Ooooops. Well you said you can read in whatever order, so whatever!
- I mean you kind of have to have boxes and bags of stuff on the go. Can't go carrying around perishables, most you can have is vegetables and those will go bad if you don't eat them fast enough.
- One thing I noticed among the various narrators: they do seem to all call training as "drills". Sort of a writing quirk of yours. Not a bad or a good thing, just a thing.
- Dehydrating meals? That's the first I ever heard of that. Probably could imagine it happening in the Pokemon world all the same.
- Hell of an accident for a Pokemon to burn off your freaking eyebrows nearly accidentally. I can see trying to eat other owned Pokemon in this dark world.
- Feels like I'm tasting, nothing at all! Hey, at least they have the means to heat stuff up.
- I have to question what Poke-Os even are. There's not much you can do with an O-shape in cereal. Unless their shape is like the eye thing in the logo.
- I like the idea of trainer food. And I especially am amused at the idea of it sucking rocks to actually eat.
- Hey, the hungrymen I eat have pretty decent brownies if they're cooked well! Though sometimes the corn gets stuck in it, eww.
- Satisfy the craving? Eat a snickers! I mean Hostess exists in this world! Why not Nestle or Mars or whoever makes them over here?
- Bad move, narrator-chan. Don't eat too much all at once.
- I wonder if Gyms have to be scheduled in this world or if they're walk-ins and the schedule thing was just flavor?
Okay, that's done now. So yeah. This was an interesting fic. It had wild ups and downs, and there seemed to be little mini arcs in them between the various narrators: like the dark spot or the part where it turns out it kind of sort of sucks to have traveling companions. Like I mentioned, there were a few bits that probably could've been clearer from the beginning, like the fact that the narrator is female or that there seem to be more than one, but they're minor little bits. Would've liked to see more recurring characters too, but I think the only one I can really remember is the Furret.
And despite the minor flaws? I liked this one. They were enjoyable little snippets of the world, and since this was all in the name of worldbuilding, I'm curious to see what you do with it in a longer fic. Even if it turns out to be kind of bleak like some of this implied. Good work on this little piece. Powering through the rest of it was a fun way to spend a chunk of the day. Took longer than I expected between all the interruptions and other things going on, heh. Good work on this one.
