Pokémon Pokemon: Legendary Adventures

[Flyg0n]

Chapter 23: Heart's Fire​

After a disastrous gym battle, a heartfelt evolution and shocking robbery, Koa has rescued his stolen teammates from Team Blackout. However, now he must deal with the aftermath... just how will this affect his journey?

Echo (Male Golbat)

Hazard (Male Joltik)

Rascal (Female Tyrunt)

Anubis (Male Houndoom)

*Scrapper (Male Breloom)

Flurry (Female Spheal)

---

Koa lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and watching the fan blades spin. The clock on the nightstand read 5:17, a fact which he knew because he'd been checking it every couple minutes. His pokemon snoozed peacefully around the room, but he found himself unable to find rest so easily. All night he'd tossed and turned, dark shadows and haunting cries filling his dreams. The events of yesterday were still fresh in his mind as well.

His gaze traveled to Anubis, who lay curled tightly around Flurry. It was a stark difference to the blood rage he'd seen in the Houndoom's eyes yesterday, facing the thugs who'd stolen Flurry. It was a little scary - not that he was scared of Anubis, but of what he would do to someone who hurt his pack.

The other thought, the one he didn't want to think about, was how close he'd come to losing his pokemon. Another half hour perhaps, and Team Blackout would have been on a boat and far out to sea with Flurry, Rascal and Hazard. He swallowed and glanced over again at his pokemon, just to reassure himself they were safe.

His thoughts continued to drift as he lay still, contemplating the robbery. One thought in particular crossed his mind a few moments before he drifted off to sleep. Why take Hazard? Or that girl's Minun? Neither were particularly valuable, at least as far as he was aware. What good could a couple unevolved (or unable to evolve) electric types do? Finally, he drifted off into a restless sleep, with vague dreams of being lost, and his pokemon missing.

xXx

Sleep didn't last long. He was awoken by a notification indicating that Scrapper was ready to be picked up. He practically shot out of bed, quickly dressing in semi-presentable clothing before rushing to the front desk.

When he arrived, a doctor in a white coat was waiting for him. He offered an amiable smile as Koa approached. "You're Breloom's trainer, correct?"

Koa nodded.

"Now you understand your Breloom needs plenty of time to recover, right?" The doctor looked him dead in the eyes, and Koa nodded seriously, pushing aside his excitement at getting his pokemon back.

"Make sure you give him at least a full month until you allow him to battle again. During that time, only walking and light exercise. Here is a detailed care sheet for him. As long as you follow this, he will make a full recovery." He held out a small packet of papers to Koa.

Koa took them and nodded again, and the doctor smiled. "Excellent. You're all set then. Nurse Joy will be out shortly with Breloom."

"Thank you."

The doctor left, and Koa paced as he impatiently waited for his Breloom.

A minute later, a Chansey appeared from the back, pushing a large cart. And on that cart sat Scrapper. A white bandage was wrapped around his leg, and he sat awkwardly, not resting against it at all.

"Scrapper!" Koa cried delightedly. Scrapper looked up, then grinned at the sight of him, giving a happy rumble.

He helped Scrapper off the cart, then thanked the nurse profusely, as well as asking her to thank the doctor again for him. Chansey and Nurse Joy departed, leaving Koa alone in the pokemon center. "I'm going to return you for a bit to rest, that way you don't hurt your leg," he told him. To his surprise, Scrapper's only response was nod. No protests. Shrugging it off, he returned Scrapper, then headed back upstairs to pack. There was still a lot to figure out.

Upstairs, he released Scrapper again, helping him onto the bed where he could sit comfortably. The Breloom made no attempt to resist help, which felt a bit odd for him. But perhaps he was simply tired?

"Scrapper... I owe you an apology." He glanced at the rest of his team arrayed around the room. Anubis raised his head and looked at him, while Flurry blinked sleepily from her spot nestled next to Anubis. "All of you guys, really. I dragged you into a situation you weren't ready for, and..." he trailed off. "Especially you Scrapper. My recklessness got you hurt."

Scrapper, who until now had simply stared towards the floor, looked up and gave a cry of protest. He moved closer and patted Koa firmly on the shoulder, staring fiercely as he did. Even without speaking pokemon, he could tell what Scrapper was trying to say. You didn't make me do it. I chose this.

"But-"

Scrapper rumbled, anger in his tone, his tail lashing side to side. He gestured to Flurry, then to Hazard and Rascal, as if to say 'I did this for them.'

Koa looked away, unable to meet Scrapper's eyes. "I still should have done more."

Another grunt, followed by Scrapper punching the bed. 'I don't regret anything.'

Silence fell for a moment. Koa swallowed, not sure what else to say. Scrapper was right of course, he'd made his own choice. Yet he could shake the guilt. He turned away, glancing around the room. At least it had worked out in the end. He'd saved his pokemon from a terrible fate. Now he could move on. Which meant he needed to start packing.

Halfway through packing, his phone rang. He reached for it, ready to answer, the paused when he saw the caller ID. Blake. For a few seconds, he let it ring. Then he took a deep breath and answered.

"Hi Blake," he mumbled.

"Koa."

Koa gulped. Echo's ears pricked and he grew still, watching Koa anxiously, sensing the shift in his demeanor.

"You're coming back to Canalave." Blake's voice sounded short and clipped.

"Yeah, actually I was planning on-"

His cousin continued, silencing Koa. "There's a boat leaving at 6pm. I've purchased your ticket already. Just show them your trainer ID." His cousin paused. "Don't miss it." Click. The line went dead, and Koa flinched away from his phone. He couldn't remember the last time he'd ever heard Blake sound so cold. A second later, his poketch beeped, showing a text message with more details about the boat.

Koa stared at, then at his phone. Should he call Blake back? Try and apologize? Explain? He shook his head. He was fairly certain that no amount of apologizing would do anything, not now at least. Besides, doing it over the phone was pointless.

Feeling as if his head were buzzing, Koa hurriedly packed the last of his things, then left the pokemon center. There were still several hours before Blake's boat left, and he wanted to get away from the city. Almost unconsciously, he took the west exit, making his way towards where he'd made camp just a few days before.

Less than an hour later, he found himself standing on the same ridge where he'd watched Echo battle a Staraptor. Overhead, grey clouds carpeted the sky, giving the whole area a rather bleak feel. The ground underneath was a bit squishy, and he could still see the glistening water droplets on the grass, indicating rain recently. Unsurprising, considering the area was rather known for its perpetually rainy weather. His hand drifted to his pokeballs, and he released Echo. The Crobat emerged with a shriek, fluttering around Koa's head before settling on his backpack. He reached back, stroking Echo between his ears.

"Remember this spot, buddy?"

Echo gave a happy shree in reply, dislodging himself enough to flutter over the edge of the cliff a few feet. Koa crept closer as well, then peered over the edge, letting out a low whistle as he did. Seeing it now, in daylight, the drop was terrifying. It was a miracle he hadn't broken any bones. He stepped back, his thoughts drifting again.

It was hard to believe how much had happened in just a few days. Even the past week had been crazy. Raikou's attack, losing at the gym, Echo evolving, his pokemon nearly getting stolen and Scrapper getting hurt. A light drizzle started, though the drops were so few and far between it felt more like a mist than anything else.

Out of curiosity, he scanned the skies, wondering if the same Staraptor might be around. To his dismay, he saw no sign of the impressive avian. He chuckled to himself. To think, months ago, when he first started training, he'd compared the Zubat line to the Starly line, as if all flying types were the same. Now he realized what a ridiculous notion that was. A lot had changed since then, he reflected.

Yet he'd still ended up getting his pokemon hurt. Had he not changed enough? As if sensing his thoughts, Echo returned to his perch on Koa's backpack, giving a comforting trill. "Yeah, you have a point," he mused out loud. His actions going after Team Blackout had been necessary. Officer Traci had said so herself. The thugs would have escaped if he and Avis hadn't done something. And Scrapper had affirmed he had no regret.

His gaze shifted in the direction of Mt. Coronet, which was little more than a distant shadow on the horizon thanks to the gray weather. Blake's words came back to him.

"Whenever you lose a fight, you should try to learn something about your opponent, and about yourself."

The Blackout incident hadn't exactly been a fight, but the principle still remained. Every situation presented a chance to learn something about himself. Even though he didn't regret his actions, he also knew he could have approached the situation with more caution. Next time, he would. Although hopefully, there wouldn't be a next time.

A tiny, cold tongue rasped across the back of his neck and Koa flinched out of his thoughts. "Gross, Echo," he grumbled. "Keep it up, and it's the last time I'm letting you ride on my backpack."

The Crobat's only response was to give him another playful lick.

Shaking his head, Koa looked out again in the direction of Mt. Coronet. Only three more badges. The drizzle let up, and a gust of wind blew, ruffling his hair. Overhead, the carpet of gray clouds parted, and sunlight fell across the grassy hills, causing the water to sparkle. As more clouds fell away, a rainbow appeared. It arced across the sky like a brilliant bridge of multicolored light, as if someone had taken a huge paintbrush to the sky. Koa gasped softly. It seemed more vivid than any rainbow he'd ever witnessed, each color distinct and blazing.

On his back, Echo stilled. A huge shadow fell across Koa, blanketing the ridge. Both he and Echo looked up simultaneously. His breath hitched and his heart skipped a few beats. Time slid to a crawl. Shimmering crimson feathers filled his vision, sweeping overhead and kicking up a burst of wind that nearly knocked Koa off his feet. He caught a glimpse of a massive avian pokemon as it soared by only yards above. His brain seemed to freeze, struggling to process the sight before his eyes. No other pokemon sported feathers so red, or wings that shimmered in the sun.

No pokemon but Ho-Oh.

Ho-Oh the legendary phoenix, resurrector, guardian of the Bell Tower.

In stupefied silence, mouth hanging open, he watched Ho-Oh fly overhead. The sun cascaded off its multicolored feathers, causing them to shimmer with red, gold and green. Its great tail streamed behind it like a cone of fire and the feathers on its belly gleamed a pristine ivory. With a few flaps of its mighty wings, it rose higher into the sky, a rainbow of sparkling light trailing after it.

Then, a single drop of light fell from its form and drifted lazily across the sky towards him. In a trance, he reached his hand up, and the light drifted into it. Closing his hands around it, he opened them to see a single, glistening feather. Warmth flooded his hand. It shimmered in the sun, seemingly red, orange, gold and green all at once.

He stared out at the sky again, just in time to catch a distant glimpse of Ho-Oh's golden tailfeathers as it disappeared into the clouds. For several more seconds, Koa didn't move. He simply stared at the spot where Ho-Oh had vanished, his heart thudding erratically in his chest. Still dazed, he practically collapsed into a sitting position, ignoring the water soaking his pants. Tearing his gaze away from the sky, he peered down at the feather in his hand. It felt a bit warm, and seemed to pulse lightly, the colors shifting and dancing across it.

A crazed smile crept across his face. Leaping to his feet and sending Echo fluttering awkwardly off his back, he let out a loud whoop. "We did it, Echo!" he cried. Echo matched his cry with a shriek of his own, their voices joining into an odd harmony of joy. He gazed down at the feather in his hands, still grinning wildly. We did it. He'd met the real Ho-Oh. Of that, he had no doubt. This was no fake. Which meant he'd met an honest to goodness, true legendary. And he had the feather to prove it.

There were plenty of legends surrounding Ho-Oh feathers, ranging from them being good luck charms to truly ridiculous myths about rainbow heroes or something. He wasn't sure how much of the myths were true, but he didn't care. One thing he did believe, Ho-Oh didn't accidentally drop feathers.

For a long time, he didn't leave the ridge. Eventually, some time after the sun had crossed the midpoint of the sky, he managed to drag himself away. He returned to Veilstone, still in a state of shock. He'd only been in the city for a few minutes when he felt his phone buzzing. Immediately, unease filled him. He really hoped it wasn't Blake.

Almost hesitantly, he retrieved his phone and peered at the screen. Avis. Phew. He answered it quickly. "Hey Avis."

"Koa! You know, I have been calling you for the past thirty minutes." She sounded mildly annoyed, though there was an underlying excitement to her voice.

"Sorry," Koa replied. "I was distracted. What's up?"

"I've got some news to share, if you're still in Veilstone."

Curiosity filled Koa. He had been wondering how she'd fared after yesterday. "Sure. Where do you want to meet?"

"How about Sawsbucks Cafe?" Avis said. "There's one on the south side of the city."

"Sounds great, see you there!"

xXx

Reaching the cafe didn't take long. When he arrived, she waved eagerly to him from a table outside the cafe. He took a seat across from her. To his surprise, she didn't seem upset or distressed in the slightest. Perhaps she'd managed to keep her investigators license? "So what happened? Did they take away your license?"

"Yup!" Avis grinned.

Koa blinked, then frowned. "Okaayy... You're not super upset, which means there's more to this. What happened?"

Avis leaned forward, placing her hands on the table. "I had to have my license revoked, for breaking the rules about involving a civilian. Which the police guy who was questioning me seemed annoyed about. But then they told me to hang around, there was someone who wanted to talk to me. Then a guy in a brown trenchcoat comes in." She grinned delightedly, her eyes lighting up as she continued. "Turns out, it's Looker!"

"Who?" Koa asked.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm the crazy one for not knowing all the weird legendary celebrities, but you don't even know Looker?" She shook her head. "He's one of the most well-known members of the international police, and a master of disguise. And he's responsible for the takedown of Team Galactic. Anyways, I guess he was one of the members looking into Team Blackout. When he heard about what happened, he asked to speak to me." Her voice rose in volume as her excitement grew. "Can you believe that? Looker wanted to talk to me!"

"What did he say?"

"I'm getting there," she said, shooting him a playful glare. "So I've been sending in a lot of information about Team Blackout, and other criminals these past few years. And apparently Looker himself has kept tabs on my reports. After what happened yesterday, he met with me." Her voice changed into what Koa could only assume was an imitation of Looker. "He said: 'Even though your actions were foolhardy, they were driven by justice and strong character'. So... Now they want to consider bringing me into the International Police as a trainee!" She finished with a smile and sat back in her chair.

Koa stared at her, absorbing what she'd just said. "That's sick!" he grinned widely. "So you're really gonna become a member of the International Police?"

"Technically, I still have a few years training in the academy that I have to pass, but yes. I finally have a shot." Her face grew a little more serious. "Thanks to your help though. And... I'm sorry. I never wanted to have any of your pokemon get hurt. I shouldn't have allowed you to put yourself in danger. It's against the rules-"

"Stop." He shook his head. "First, you didn't make me do anything. I asked to help you. Second, aren't you the one who told me law and justice walk different paths? I don't regret what I did today, and I know Scrapper doesn't either. No matter what the rules say." He paused, recalling something else he'd heard. "I met Cynthia back when I was in Hearthome. She told me that the world we live in today is good because everyone has a responsibility to uphold. And you did that yesterday."

Avis brightened slightly. "Thank you. You have a point, I definitely didn't force you. Is Scrapper going to be ok though?"

Koa nodded. "He'll take a little while to recover, but the doctor said as long as he takes it slow, he'll be fine."

"That's good."

"So I guess you'll be heading straight there to begin training?" he asked.

"Yes. I guess this is where we part ways again. But I'm sure we'll cross paths again. And by then, who knows? Maybe I'll be a full-fledged member."

"Maybe... I'll still beat you in a battle though." He smirked at her.

"Don't be so sure. I won't be the only one in training, my pokemon will be too."

"Yeah, but I will be too. And I'm already better than you, so..."

"You lost last time we battled," she pointed out.

"Only because I was testing a new move! Which Rascal mastered by the way."

Avis gave a nonchalant shrug. "A loss is a loss," she stated, standing up. He scowled at her, mock playfully, and she glared back. Then she chuckled. "We'll settle this one day."

"We sure will," Koa replied confidently. For the next hour or so, they made amiable conversation. He filled her in on the results of his training, and how Wilma had helped teach Rascal Ice Fang.

In turn, she told him all about how her Litwick had evolved recently and how her team had been working on some new techniques since they last battled. He decided not to tell her about Ho-Oh, or the feather. There would be time for that one day, but for now, he wanted to savor the experience in his heart.

Eventually, as the afternoon wore on, it came time for her to leave. "Don't be a stranger," she said, standing up.

"I won't,'' Koa promised. "See you when I see you." She waved farewell, and Koa waved back.

After she had gone, he headed for the department store. As long as he had a couple more hours to kill, he might as well stock up. As he wandered the aisles of the mall, trying to get a few supplies, he found himself constantly reached into his pocket, stroking the feather, checking to make sure it wasn't some bizarre dream.

He ended up purchasing a cheap jacket, which was nowhere near as nice as his old one, but still better than nothing. He also spent some money on treats for all his pokemon - honey, pokeblocks, and some fresh berries. They had all earned it. Then he made his way to the eastern edge of Veilstone, where a large park of sorts lay. It wasn't much more than a fenced-in stretch of grass and a few sparse trees, but it was peaceful and empty.

After a pleasant lunch with his pokemon, and a rather humorous attempt from Echo to reenact the appearance of Ho-Oh to his other pokemon, he departed for the docks. A short check in, the steward explained the boat trip was roughly a week long, during which they would make several stops before Canalave. He was shown to his quarters, which were comfortable enough, and informed what hours the cafe on board was open. Then he was left to his own devices.

As soon as he was settled, he released Scrapper, Flurry, and Hazard. The cabin wasn't quite big enough for Rascal and Anubis to fit comfortably, so he opted to wait until later to see them. Flurry greeted him with a cheerful squeak, then Hazard crawled onto his shoulder and nuzzled his cheek, making his skin tingle. He turned to Scrapper, ready to remind him to rest, only to find that the Breloom had clambered onto the bed and was sitting down, staring at the wall. He frowned.

"Are you okay Scrapper?"

Scrapper looked up, then quickly nodded. Koa stared at him a moment longer, not entirely convinced. Scrapper was absolutely acting weird. He'd expected more resistance. Then again, it had to be hard for him, knowing he wouldn't be able to do any fighting for a month.

"Don't worry Scrapper. I know you can't run around or battle, but maybe we could still work on some fighting techniques that use your arms," he offered. At that, Scrapper brightened, giving a happy cry. With everything else settled, Koa decided to explore the boat. He had a feeling it was going to be a very long week.

xXx

As it turned out, he was right. The week dragged by. After his initial exploration, there was little else to see. The boat was small, and mostly consisted of cabins, an exercise room, a cafe, and a tiny cubicle where one could buy snacks. Most of his free time he spent on the deck, where all his pokemon could roam comfortably.

He did some brief training with Scrapper, though he stuck only to some basic punches and walking around the boat. Despite his best efforts to cheer Scrapper up, he couldn't help but notice the melancholy air the Breloom still had. Yet he couldn't think of any words to say to help. In the end, he resigned himself to trying to spend as much time training and helping him recover as possible.

For the rest of his stay he lounged around his room, wishing Dialga could show up and make time fly by. His only other comfort was admiring the feather Ho-Oh had bestowed upon him.

On one such occasion, laying on his back on his bed in the cabin, an announcement rang over the PA system. Good evening passengers. We are now approaching Canalave City. Expected arrival time is thirty minutes. Please be prepared to disembark in a timely manner if this is your stop.

Koa shot out of bed. He paused just long enough to tuck the feather safely into a compartment in his backpack and pack the rest of his things, then he raced out onto the deck. A blast of warm ocean air greeted him. On the horizon, the low buildings of Canalave peeked from the horizon and famous drawbridges started to rise. He took a deep breath, letting the familiar sights wash over him. Even from this distance, he could pick out the pokemon center, pokemart, and the library. It was good to be home.

A short time later, the boat pulled into port. He darted to the ramp, ready to disembark. He took one step off the boat and caught sight of Blake, standing at the end of the ramp with his arms crossed. He froze and cringed, reluctantly meeting Blake's eyes. They glistened like chips of ice in the late morning sunlight. Scowling, he descended the ramp.

When he reached the bottom, Blake stayed utterly silent, simply turning and starting towards the house. Koa followed, frustration boiling inside him. The silence only grew thicker as they walked.

Blake opened the door of the house, and Koa stepped inside. Almost immediately, Absol trotted up to him, nuzzling his hand. He smiled briefly, patting Absol's head, then trudged over to the couch and flopped down. His cousin picked an armchair that faced him. For a moment, he found himself wondering if Blake had rearranged the furniture to make this confrontation easier. Or more intimidating.

For a full minute, Blake didn't speak. He sat on the chair, hands folded and chin tucked into them, staring at the ground. His foot tapped on the wooden floor, making Koa very anxious. He hadn't seen Blake upset like this since... well probably since he'd broken his arm trying to climb a tree right after it rained. Finally, his cousin spoke. "Tell me what happened." His voice sounded strained and clipped.

That was a surprise. Koa half expected Blake to launch into a lecture. Swallowing, he began. "Well, after I rematched Maylene, that group, Team Blackout, attacked the pokemon center. They stole a bunch of pokemon, including my Rascal, Flurry and Hazard." He continued, explaining everything that happened after. Avis showing up, pursuing the criminals, fighting the thief and Scrapper getting injured. The entire time, Blake listened, only interjecting to ask for clarification once or twice. Koa ended his tale with a sigh.

Part of him was tempted to give an explanation, to justify his choice. But he also wasn't sure Blake would even listen, if he was too upset. The clock on the wall ticked loudly and Koa stared at the floor.

He let out a sigh. "I'm not mad." Blake spoke slowly, carefully.

Koa looked up.

"I was mad," Blake corrected. "But only because I was worried. When the police called me about you, I automatically assumed the worst. Getting a call from the police..." he took a long breath. "Usually it means something bad, Koa." He unfolded his hands, resting them on his lap to look Koa in the eyes. "I was so relieved to hear you weren't injured. And then I was angry. Angry because for one moment, I was scared." He shook his head. "I worry about you. And knowing you're out there doing things like fighting criminals only makes me more concerned-"

"But I can handle myself!" Koa protested. "I have my pokemon-"

Blake held up his hand. "Koa, I know. I know you're capable and a pretty decent trainer. Your pokemon are tough. But the same way you feel responsible for what happened to Scrapper, I am responsible for you."

"Oh," Koa said. He sat back, his irritation swiftly fading as his cousin's words fully sank in. He remembered sitting there for hours at the pokemon center, driving himself mad with possibilities. The guilt he still felt when seeing Scrapper's injury. And all that on top of the fact that he'd been in the hospital just a short time before, due to his encounter with the Rapidash.

He continued. "But... I'm also proud of what you did. A good trainer should look out for his pokemon, and pokemon theft is not something to take lightly." He chuckled slightly and shook his head. "Honestly, I would have probably done the exact same thing."

Koa stared silently at the floor as he took in his cousin's words. "Did I do the right thing then?"

Blake let out a long breath, then groaned and ran his hand through his hair. "What's right is hardly ever easy." His cousin's voice grew lower and his gaze dropped to the floor. "Sometimes doing what's right can get good people hurt. Truth be told though, I... I'd rather you do what's right than do nothing."

Swallowing, Koa nodded in numb agreement. He'd always believed in doing what was right, standing against evil... it was something he'd always had in common with Blake.

Blake took a breath, and his tone brightened as he continued. "That still doesn't mean you get to be reckless! Try to be careful, please. I mean, at this rate you're going to give me gray hair."

Koa chuckled. "Gray would probably be an improvement on you. Maybe it would make you wiser."

Blake smirked. "At least I have hope. I'm pretty sure there's nothing on this planet that can make you smarter."

Koa scowled, then rolled his eyes. "Ha ha, ok."

"Please though, promise you'll be cautious? Think a little more and let the police handle things? If you can?"

Koa nodded solemnly. "I promise." Setting aside his doubts, he grinned. "I've got something to show you!" He reached into his backpack and withdrew Ho-Oh's feather.

Blake's jaw dropped, and Koa savored the look of utter shock. "Is that-?"

"Ho-Oh's feather? Yup!" He smirked proudly. Bursting with excitement, he retold the experience of meeting Ho-Oh on the ridge, and getting the feather.

For a few seconds, Blake sat in stunned silence. "That's amazing, Little K! You met a real legendary. And Ho-Oh of all things." An odd look flashed through his eyes, almost like guilt. He smiled, but his eyes watered slightly. "It's been so long since I've heard of a proper legendary sighting here. Ever since..." he stopped somewhat abruptly, but Koa already knew what he'd been about to say.

Ever since Team Galactic. Even now their legacy still haunted Sinnoh. And-

"Well, not counting that Entei I suppose," he said with a humorless laugh.

"Or Raikou," Koa said quietly.

Grim silence fell for a moment. Once again Koa found himself asking the same question. Were those real legendaries? And what of the second Entei?

Blake's expression shifted to a grin. "Well, now that you're here, you'll have to fill me in on everything else that happened on your adventures," Blake said. "Starting with your team. I haven't gotten to meet them yet!"

Koa nodded, glad for the distraction. One by one, he released each of his pokemon. In an instant, the living room grew more crowded. Echo shrieked happily and flew about, greeting Koa with sticky licks. Flurry bumped Blake's ankles until he picked her up into his lap and began stroking her. Anubis barked eagerly, wagging his tail as he began nosing Blake. Chuckling, his cousin stroked the large canine and then scratched him behind the horns. Scrapper puffed out his chest and threw a few punches, showing off. Rascal sniffed disdainfully, then stood tall and gave a roar, making Blake jump.

The movement dislodged Flurry, sending her rolling to the ground. She squeaked in shock, and Anubis shot Rascal a dirty look. Rascal, however, ignored him. She strutted up to Blake and plopped her head on his lap. "Well I can see where you get your name," Blake said, shaking his head as he scratched her under her chin.

Hazard emerged from her ruff slowly, perching on her head as he eyed Blake. At the sight of the small electric type, Blake slowly held his hand out. Hazard studied it for a second, then nuzzled his fingers. Then, a second later he was tackled by Echo, and treated to one of his signature greeting licks. Grimacing, Blake pried the excited Crobat off. He flew back to Koa and settled onto his head.

"You've really got yourself a nice team," Blake said finally, once everyone had settled down. "I'm impressed. I thought you'd never let go of your plan."

Koa laughed awkwardly. "Yeah. I almost got rid of Echo at first. But he stuck with me." He reached up to scratch the Crobat's soft purple fur. A lot had changed since he first left Canalave, he reflected. But had it all been for the better? One question gnawed at his heart that he wanted to ask Blake. Yet he couldn't bring himself to say it. Instead, he opted to fill Blake in on everything that had happened on his journey.

For the next several hours he recounted his adventures, from the pokemon he met, to trainers he battled. He skipped recounting the bits about the legendary beasts, since technically he didn't know what he'd seen. And there was no need to give his cousin more concern. They wore the night away talking. In those moments, just enjoying his cousin's company and recounting his travels, he felt utterly relaxed.

As he turned in for the night however, his mind turned to the question he'd dared not ask earlier, the question that had been turning over in his mind for the past week. One only deepened by receiving Ho-Oh's feather.

Am I really a good trainer?

xXx

At first, being home was quite pleasant for Koa. He had time to work with all his pokemon, without worrying about traveling. He particularly focused on Flurry, given that she was still a ways behind the rest of his team. Blake was also able to give him some good advice on training, and he made solid progress as well as purchasing him a single-use TM for Steel Wing. Naturally, he used it on Echo to replace Crunch. It would come in handy if he faced Rock or Ice Types. Flurry practiced her moveset as well, until she had a solid handle on each of her attacks. Scrapper had plenty of time to rest too, and seemed to be recovering well.

By far the best part about returning home, however, was being near the Canalave Library again. Much of his free time was spent within the building, and on this particular rainy afternoon, he had once again taken refuge within.

He took a deep breath as he stepped inside, reveling in the familiar sight of the book lined shelves. It felt like seeing an old friend again. Today, he had a particular goal in mind to research, a topic he'd yearned to probe once he was back in Canalave - Legendaries. Maybe there was something within these walls that could clear up what was happening.

Thirty minutes, and a tall stack of books later, he had taken a seat in a quiet corner of the library to scour his findings. Several were ones he'd already read, but a few were newly published. He began by reviewing one of his favorite volumes, an encyclopedia that compiled all the known Legendary and Mythical pokemon. Something Kitto had said to him a long while ago had been bothering him, and he couldn't think of a better time to rectify it.

What legendary would he try to battle and catch first? An hour later, he thought he'd come to a reasonable choice. Latias. Latias were legendary dragon pokemon, but were also not thought to be as strong as deities, such as Lugia or Rayquaza. They were also not singularities, meaning there were at least one or two around, though they were incredibly rare. It meant he'd have to travel, since they were usually seen in Hoenn, but at least it gave him a solid goal to pursue after he earned his badges.

And climbed Mt. Coronet.

With that question answered, he turned to his other research - the legendary beasts and Ho-Oh. His research was quite fruitful. First, his suspicions were confirmed. Nothing in any of the books suggested there were multiple of the beasts. Some speculation, yes. But never anything absolute.

There were also a few interesting passages about Ho-Oh and his feathers. Like he had heard, they were supposedly given to trainers who were 'pure of heart'. There was also one brief myth about something called a 'Rainbow Hero' but he was pretty sure that was utter bogus. Folktale more than anything.

One final passage caught his interest. It was one of the last books he skimmed, and it talked about legendaries and their relationships with humans.

'One question researchers have asked throughout time is why legendaries have been occasionally responsible for disasters and destruction. If they are benevolent deities, why would they commit such acts? The truth is far more complex than most people want to admit. There are many varied reasons for these occurrences. In a few cases, it is the work of humans themselves, attempting to frame legendaries. In one such occurrence, mirage technology was used to misrepresent legendaries.

In other cases, the legendaries lash out because of various interferences. For example, if pokemon are injured or being attacked, a legendary may step in to fight the aggressor. Instances have also been recorded of the opposite - ordinary pokemon acting strangely because something has happened to upset the balance between legendaries.

At the end of the day, it is rarely, if ever, the fault of the legendaries themselves. Most known records of rampages can be linked to human malignance.'

Closing the book, he leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling, thinking. Mirage technology could explain why he'd seen two Entei. Except mirage technology didn't have any real power. It simply created a projection. The Entei at Amity had exuded power. And used moves. But if it wasn't a mirage, then what was it? An illusion? No, still too powerful for that. But perhaps it was faked...

Making one final sweep of the library, he returned the books he selected and headed for the exit. As fun as his research had been, he still felt unsatisfied. Despite his new knowledge, many questions still lingered. Entei could have become enraged for some reason... But why? Amity Square was one of the most peaceful places in Sinnoh. And the mural in Celestic Town was a mural about legendaries. It had stood for years. Why would Raikou destroy it?

Fake legendaries were the only answer that made sense, but what else could be strong enough for that?

xXx

"So, when are you going to challenge Byron?" Blake asked him over breakfast one morning.

Koa poked at a sausage on his plate and frowned. Even though he'd expected the question eventually, he wasn't exactly happy to hear it. "Dunno," he began. "Soon. I'd like to keep training more first though." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Blake's gaze narrow in suspicion.

"Not a bad idea. But you do know training only against yourself doesn't give you or your pokemon much experience," Blake said. "You could train in solitude for years with just you and your pokemon, and still be weaker than a trainer who's been on the road for a few months."

"I know," Koa replied, resisting the urge to groan. He'd heard the lecture from his cousin before, more than once. "A trainer can only truly grow stronger by battling against other opponents of equal or greater skill." As he spoke, he made air quotes with his hands.

Blake grinned. "Exactly! So, I'll ask again, when are you going to challenge Byron?"

Koa stared across the table at Blake. His cousin returned his gaze evenly. "I'll go by today," he said finally. "But just to check it out, and maybe set an appointment."

His cousin gave a nod. "Good enough for me."

xXx

As he walked to the gym, he kept his pace fairly slow, in a poor attempt to drag out the time. He felt torn- part of him really wanted to face the gym, and get back to his goal. He'd beat Maylene, he felt fairly confident in his prowess, and he'd even gotten a Ho-Oh feather.

Yet on the other hand, he felt just as doubtful, for the same reasons. He'd beat Maylene, but that didn't guarantee a win against Byron. And he'd still screwed up and gotten Scrapper hurt, even after knowing he shouldn't rush into things and get too over confident. What if he allowed the same mistake to happen again? Why had he even received the feather? He didn't deserve it, he wasn't a good person-

To his dismay, he arrived at the gym all too soon. He gazed up at it, putting aside any misgivings to admire the building. The structure itself was quite the sight. Jagged rock formed the base while a pathwork of metal panels adorned the sides. Four large red steel beams curved up along the outside like support columns, and the entire look was completed by a silver dome-like roof.

After admiring the outside a moment longer, he walked inside. It felt like stepping into a museum. Hundreds of glass cases adorned the entry hall, featuring a variety of rock specimens that rivaled the museum in Oreburgh. There were fossils of all kinds, and various mineral and stone deposits from different eras. A small counter stood near the entrance. Beyond that, he could see a pair of wide steel doors, which he assumed led to a battlefield.

A dark-haired young woman at the receptionist counter glanced up at him, giving him a blank stare. Her fair skin made him wonder how often she got outside. "Welcome to Canalave Gym." She said in a monotone drawl. "How are you today? Appointment times are available from 8-6." As she spoke, she kept glancing at something in front of her, almost as if she were reading off a script, which was a rather amusing thought. "Byron is currently on a brief break, but he will return shortly. When would you like to schedule an appointment?"

"I actually don't want to set one yet," Koa admitted. "I wanted to see the displays."

She blinked, as if surprised. "Huh, that's new," she murmured. In a louder voice, she continued. "Sure! Uh..." she paused and briefly glanced down, shuffling papers in front of her. "Yeah, that's fine actually. You can go ahead."

"Thanks," Koa replied. He squinted at her nametag. "Blair."

She smiled ever so slightly and nodded in acknowledgement.

Koa took his time browsing the displays, admiring the various pieces. He hadn't been browsing long before he heard the front doors open.

"Well, if it isn't Koa!" Byron's voice echoed through the empty front hall. "I was wondering when you'd work your way back around to my gym." Turning around, Koa saw Byron, grinning madly and leaning lightly on the shovel he carried at his side. "My son tells me you got yourself a bona-fide, honest to goodness Tyrunt. Is that true?"

He grinned at the sight of the gym leader. "Yeah! My Tyrunt is pretty sick. I found the fossil at Ore caverns." Looking at Byron, it was strange to think that Roark was his soon. Though there were some minor similarities, such as their jaws and noses, they couldn't have been more different. Byron was boisterous, and enthusiastic. Roark was considerably more reserved and analytical. Byron was also much bulkier than his son.

"Well then, I've got a proposition for you." He leveled his shovel, pointing it at Koa. "When you're ready for your gym match, let's have a one on one. My Bastiodon vs your Tyrunt. A good ole fashioned fossil showdown!"

A wide grin spread across Koa's face. A one on one match, facing one of Byron's strongest pokemon? "Yeah!" he cried. "That would be awesome! I hope you're ready to lose," he added slyly.

"Hah!" Byron chuckled. "Don't be so sure. Few trainers are able to surpass my steely defenses."

"Few trainers have a Tyrunt," Koa retorted.

"Indeed," Byron said with a nod. "I look forward to our battle then. Once you're ready, Blair here can set you up with an appointment." He gestured to her and she flashed what Koa thought might be her best customer service smile.

"Why wait?" he blurted. "How about tomorrow? First match of the day." He pushed down the sudden flicker of doubt that grew in his heart and stared Byron down.

Byron chuckled. "No hesitation, I see. Very well then. Blair, put him down for my first match," he declared. After she'd quickly penciled it in, he gave Koa a nod. "You and your Tyrunt better get plenty of rest tonight."

xXx

Koa fidgeted uncomfortably as he sat on a bench a short distance from the gym. "What was I thinking?" he groaned. His appointment for the battle was in thirty minutes, and he didn't feel ready at all. He reached to his belt and released Rascal. Immediately, she gave a loud snarl, as if ready to battle. He chuckled. "Sorry, not yet girl."

She gave an annoyed huff and flopped on the ground, pointedly facing her snout away from him. "I'm not sure we're ready for today. I jumped the gun. I mean, there's still a lot to practice-"

Rascal whipped her head around and snarled at him. He flinched back, then relaxed. "I know, I know. But I just don't want to lose again, or mess up in battle again. I can't get over-confident like before."

She gave a low grumble, which he interpreted as 'Get over it.'

"Yeah, you're right." Even though he said the words aloud, he didn't quite believe them. Slowly, he slid his hand into his pocket and brushed his hand against the shimmering feather within. Was he worthy of it? Could he really be a good trainer? If he wanted to be, he'd have to be cautious in this battle then, so he wouldn't make the same mistakes.

Swallowing, he stood up. Rascal looked up at him, then stood as well. "Let's go."

xXx

"Gwahahaha! So are you and your Tyrunt ready to face my Bastiodon?" Byron declared, grinning.

Koa nodded. "Yep!" he declared with a confidence he didn't quite feel. But then again, not feeling confident was a good sign, right?

"Then let's get this battle started!" Byron led the way through the gym's entry hall and onto the battlefield. The two trainers took up their positions. A moment later, a referee arrived and called for them to release their pokemon.

Byron went first, tossing out a pokeball. White light poured from it, producing a sturdy quadrupedal pokemon. Sandy scales covered its body, while dark gray ones framed its square head. It was an imposing sight in real life, given he'd only seen them before in pictures and video. It gave an intimidating rumble and stamped one foot into the earth. Koa quickly responded by releasing Rascal from her pokeball.

She emerged onto the field and lowered her head, glaring down her opponent. For a moment, she remained utterly silent. Then she threw her head back and let out an earth-shaking roar. Byron's eyes widened at the display, and Koa smiled, slightly heartened by her attitude.

Byron gave a low whistle. "That's quite the Tyrunt," he said. "She looks tough." Rascal preened proudly under the praise. "But enough chatter. Let's have a fossil showdown!" He nodded to Blair, who was refereeing.

She raised her hands, and both pokemon grew still. "Gym Leader Byron vs Challenger Koamaru. This will be a one on one battle. It will continue until one side is unable to fight." She glanced between both sides. "Battle begin!"

Koa took a steadying breath and did his best to focus. He vowed not to fall into the same trap he had before. Just because he won against Maylene in his rematch, he wouldn't let that go to his head again

"Bastiodon, Iron Head!"

Byron's command snapped Koa from his thoughts. Across the field, Bastiodon stamped one hoof, then charged, head shining with a silver light.

"Rascal-" Koa's brain went completely blank. His memory deserted him, and he found himself unable to even recall any of her moves. "Move!" In his panicked haste, he shouted the only words he could think of. Unfortunately, the call came much too late. Distracted by him, Rascal was mowed down by Bastiodon's greater bulk.

Rascal cried in shock as she was tossed halfway across the field, where she landed awkwardly. Blinking, she pushed herself upright and shot him a furious glare. Unwanted emotions began to crowd Koa's mind, and he quickly pushed them aside.

"Rascal, use Ancient Power." In the blink of an eye, she refocused, charging a silver sphere and firing it at Bastiodon.

Byron threw his arm out dramatically. "Bastiodon, Stone Edge." The fossil pokemon gave a loud cry as it stamped its foot into the earth. Spikes of shining blue stones rippled across the field and shattered Ancient Power before continuing towards Rascal.

"Dodge and use Dragon Tail," Koa called.

Rascal sprang to the side, then charged across the field to slam her tail into Bastiodon's head. She drove her tail into him for a moment before springing away and landing with a snarl.

Koa quickly called another attack. "Crunch." A dark aura grew around her jaws and she moved to attack.

"Iron Defense." A pulse of silver light grew on Bastiodon's head before rippling across its whole body. Rascal sank her jaws into Bastiodon's skull with a CLANG. With a grunt, Bastiodon shook its head hard, tossing Rascal off. She landed on her feet with a snarl.

Koa frowned. Bastiodon's defenses were going to prove difficult to overcome, especially for Rascal. He needed to catch Byron off guard somehow. Or should he play it safer? If he tried to catch him off guard, Byron would expect that.

"Rascal, use Ancient Pow- I mean, use Ice Fang!" Rascal began to charge Ancient Power, then stopped and lunged forward, tripping over her own feet before catching herself and charging. A shroud of blue icy energy gathered on her jaws. She leaped at Bastiodon's side. As she flew through the air, Bastiodon shifted, facing her. She struck the front of his skull and chomped on the edge. Frost crept across its scales.

"Iron Head, again," Byron called.

Bastiodon reared up, then charged with frightening speed at the side of the battlefield, slamming Rascal into the wall hard enough to leave a dent. Rascal grunted as she was dislodged and dropped unceremoniously to the ground.

"Alright Rascal, try to get behind it and use Crunch." She lowered her head and charged, then ducked to the right, going in a wide circle around the opposing fossil pokemon. Bastiodon began to shift, moving with her and continually facing her, leaving no opening to attack.

"Ancient Power," As she ran, she fired the silver sphere at Bastiodon, managing to catch it on its side and cause it to stagger. For a moment, it was off balance. His eyes lit up. This could be his chance to attack!

No. He couldn't rush this-

"Enough!" Byron's voice boomed across the battlefield. Rascal slid to a halt, stopping a few inches from Bastiodon, who appeared unfazed. She glared at the gym leader, as if demanding an explanation for stopping the fight. Koa looked up at him as well, equally startled.

"Your heart is not in this battle. You and your pokemon are out of sync. Beating you now would be a dishonor to both of our pokemon."

"No!" Koa protested. "I'm not done-" He paused. Rascal had actually turned away from Bastiodon and had begun stalking off the field. His heart sank. Byron was right. His heart wasn't in the fight at all. He kept second guessing, thinking too much or too little...

"There's no shame in it, kid," Byron said in a cheerful manner. "Take some time, figure out whatever's going on, then come back. I'll be waiting."

Hot shame burned on Koa's face. Every fiber of his being wanted to protest. This was so stupid. How could Byron just call off the match like this? Yet the more rational side of him recognized Byron was right, which only stung his pride worse. He stared at the ground. "Okay." Unable to look Byron in the face, he left the gym as quickly as he could. Behind him, Rascal followed, though at a slower pace.

Once outside, he glanced down, ready for her anger. He'd let her down, messed up her chance at a good battle- There was no anger in her eyes. She looked... concerned? Which was definitely a different emotion for her. She gave a low rumble and cocked her head to the side. Fresh guilt filled him and he looked away from her and up at the sky. He felt even more mixed up inside now than when he'd stood back on that ridge outside Veilstone, trying to clear his head. But now where to go?

On an impulse, he dialed Kitto's number. He knew the fighting expert was probably busy training, but maybe he could get some advice from him anyway. It rang several times, then Kitto picked up.

The sound of several grunts and thumps came across the line, as if a fight were taking place. "Kitto?"

"Hey Koa!" A moment later, he heard a grunt and a thud. The sound cracked sharply and rattled, as if the phone had been dropped. Hitmonchan's cry echoed faintly, followed by a few more grunts. Then the phone rustled again, as if being picked up. "Sorry about that, Koa. Jackie and I have been training and he thought he could get a lucky hit on me just because I answered the phone. What's up?"

Koa chuckled. "Do you and Jackie actually fight each other?"

"Sure!" Kitto replied. "How do you think we got so good?"

Koa simply shrugged and nodded to himself. "Where did you go to train this time? Back to Unova?"

"Nope. Ever hear of Iron Island?"

"You're on Iron Island!?" Koa exclaimed. He knew all about the island, of course. It was both a well-known excavation site, as well as serving as a mine many years ago. Now it was mostly home to many strong wild pokemon and was more like a nature habitat. Both Roark and Byron had trained there too.

"It's a pretty interesting place," Kitto said. "Jackie's started to develop a reputation among the local Steelix and Golem." There was a brief pause. "You're probably near Canalave by now, right? You should come join me for some training. Jackie and I have been working on something for the past few weeks. You'd like it."

Koa blinked. He paused and considered the offer for a moment. Maybe some special training away from the rest of the world would help. And he did need to clear his mind... "That sounds awesome. I'll catch a boat there soon."

"Great. Can't wait to make the score 2 to 0."

"Don't you mean 2 to 1-" Koa started to retort, but before he could finish, the line went dead. He scowled at his phone. He'd definitely get Kitto for that when he saw him. Tapping a few buttons, he searched the next boat for Iron Island. 12:20pm. Perfect. It gave him time to pack and say goodbye to Blake.

xXx

In the end, Blake didn't seem surprised to hear his match hadn't gone well. When he got home and explained what happened, as well as his plan to sail to Iron Island to train, Blake simply nodded knowingly.

"I figured."

"What? You mean you knew I would lose against Byron?" Koa asked, feeling almost a bit annoyed.

Blake chuckled and shook his head. "Well, you didn't lose. And I'm not stupid. I could tell something was bothering you. But you needed to realize that on your own. If I'd told you, you would have denied it."

Koa frowned. "No I wouldn't."

His cousin shot him a dubious look.

"Yeah, you're right," he admitted. "I just... I can't stop questioning myself when I battle. I don't want to get too overconfident again and lose like I did to Maylene. My pokemon deserve better."

"True," Blake said. "But your pokemon also don't need you to put on a front for them. They need you to be honest with them."

That made Koa pause.

"I can see the smoke pouring from your ears, Little K," Blake joked. "Don't think so hard. Just go pack your things before you miss your boat."

Pushing aside his contemplations for later, he nodded. The next couple hours passed in a blur. Bags were packed, supplies bought, and a short time later, he stood in his room once more, ready to embark on a new adventure.

On a whim, he opened his computer to check the news before he left. Most of the top articles covered the recent 'attacks' happening around Sinnoh. Entei at Amity, Raikou at Celestic and something about pokemon around Snowpoint acting aggressive. There were a few other legendary sightings as well, rather interestingly. One mentioned Suicune near Snowpoint. Another seemed to hint that some Manaphy had been seen in the oceans nearby.

Just as he was ready to sign off, another article caught his attention.

Mysterious Break-in at Aether Paradise Still Unresolved

Curious, he clicked it.

Earlier this month, reports were received that a break-in occurred at Aether Foundation, a research foundation based in Alola. The Aether Foundation is known for its efforts to preserve the welfare of pokemon in Alola, and has a base of operations on a VLF in Central Alola Sea. According to reports, the security systems experienced a brief downtime on the night of the 3rd, just after midnight. Functions were quickly restored, however it is believed the thieves escaped with something related to a discontinued project.

We have reached out to Aether Foundation, but they have not given a comment. Police are currently investigating the theft.

Update: President Lusamine appeared in a brief video conference to address the public's concerns.

"I understand many of you are concerned about the recent break-in that occurred here. However, there is nothing to fear. While the thieves did escape with some research, nothing of significant value was taken, merely some discontinued research. I have complete faith in Alola's police force, and this is nothing more than a desperate attempt to gain money." - Lusamine

Briefly he wondered if Team Blackout had anything to do with it. As far as he knew, they only operated in Sinnoh, but he supposed it was possible they had expanded. Still, he felt confident that between the local police and the International Police, they would catch them quickly. Shrugging it off, he turned off the computer and headed downstairs.

At the bottom of the stairs, his cousin was waiting for him. "Ready?"

Koa nodded eagerly. Together, he and Blake left the house and headed toward the port. In seemingly no time at all, he stood at the docks, ready to board a ship. His time in Canalave felt like it had flown by. He lingered by the boarding ramp, not quite ready yet to say goodbye.

"You'll be careful this time, right?" Blake said, as he stared into the horizon.

Smiling, Koa nodded. "Yeah, I will." For a few moments longer, they stood together in silence, watching the waves lap against the dock and the Wingull glide overhead. All too soon, the ship's horn sounded.

"Last call for boarding!"

Blake clapped his hand on Koa's shoulder. "See you soon, Little K."

Koa leaned over and gave his cousin a quick hug, then hurried onto the boat. Just a few minutes later, the boat was pulling away from the port and sailing out to sea. He waved to Blake until he was nothing but a blotch on the horizon, then made his way to the ship's bow. Leaning against the railing, he gazed into the distance. The ocean stretched before him, an endless wave of blue. Beyond that, lay Iron Island.

A grin spread over his face, and for the first time in the past couple days, he felt a genuine excitement. He had a new goal. Train at Iron Island, get stronger, then get back to facing gyms. He would defeat Byron, Candice, and finally Volkner. Once he had all 8 badges he could ascend Mt. Coronet, and find the Spear Pillar. And after that... battle and catch a Latias.

---

Echo (Male Golbat)

Hazard (Male Joltik)

Rascal (Female Tyrunt)

Anubis (Male Houndoom)

*Scrapper (Male Breloom)

Flurry (Female Spheal)

Authors Note:

Spoiler

Hello everyone! I'm finally back with a new chapter! Thank you all for your patience, as it took longer than expected to get this chapter up! (More on that in a moment.)

First of all, thank you to anyone still here and reading, as well as my followers!

Updates have been slow, but as of 05/01/23, I have done a full re-edit of early chapters with a lot of minor tweaks and changes.

Koa met the real Ho-Oh! I was very excited to post this part, since Ho-Oh is one of my favorite legendaries (and they still don't have a proper movie! That Rainbow Hero garbage does NOT count) and I wanted it to feel very special. Hopefully it worked. The intended backing soundtrack is 'Legendary Encounter' on the pokemon Journeys OST.

I want to make it clear that this is *not* a chosen one thing, or Rainbow Hero or any balderdash like that (sorry to anyone who really loves the I Choose You movie). The feather is important in certain ways but Koa isn't a 'special hero' thing or chosen one or anything. I can't say more because spoilers though. ;) And Avis has received quite the surprise! She has a chance to train to become a real member of the International Police! Of course, it'll take a couple years...

For anyone wondering, I don't have any plans to have her make a major reappearance, at least for now. But who knows what might happen!

Thank you again!

 

[Pen]

Hey tetra, I'm here for Catnip and I'll be picking up at chapter three!

We've got two plotlines going on in this one. The first is the logistical steps and setbacks of the Quest, with Koa reaching Oreburgh, learning that he can't immediately resurrect his fossil, losing badly to Roark, and setting off for Eterna. The second is Koa's acceptance of Zubat as a member of his team.

We also learned more about Koa's endgoal. I like that even reaching Spear Pillar in and of itself would be an accomplishment, even if there's no legendary there. The details about how the windstorms and cold keep anyone from being able to fly there has a nice supernatural tinge. It reminds me of Mt Caradhas from Lord of the Rings--the massive snowfall and winds when they attempt to scale it could be a coincidence, but . . . It suggests to me that some force protects the Spear Pillar.

Zubat's a cutie throughout, and I like how we see him trying to train in the background. It's also nice to see that Hazard wants to stick up for Zubat. I would have enjoyed seeing some more interactions between them this chapter. When Koa is training, they're separated, but do they hang out in-between? If they're getting along well, that might be another thing for Koa to feel a pang about and then dismiss. Too bad . . . Hazard will definitely get along with that starly that I'm totally going to get, and all that.

Throughout the chapter I can see you laying the groundwork for Koa's turn around--sometimes a bit unsubtly. The magnitude of Koa's turn-around (not the turn-around itself) did strike me as a little unbelievable. His switch to self-flagellation and instantly being able to label his failings was a bit hard for me to believe. Koa hasn't shown much tendency towards introspection, and I'm not sure he had the emotional intelligence to come to the conclusion of "you're not terrible, I am" so quickly. I'd believe this moment more if Koa decided that Zubat had proven he was worthy, without necessarily identifying his own past behavior as bad. There's definitely some hypocrisy to Koa getting upset on Zubat's behalf after another person says the things about Zubat that Koa's been saying ever since they met. But the boy who insults Zubat is coded as being cartoonishly nasty, while Koa is supposed to be our protagonist. I would have found the scene and Koa's realization a bit more compelling if the encounter was a bit less dramatically confrontational. For example, if the boy began to insult Zubat and Koa had initially joined in, then began to think about how hard Zubat fought in the gym battle and started to feel bad.

In terms of the journey and the training scenes, I do think they could benefit from some judicious cutting. As readers we don't gain much from getting a fairly neutral description of video game routes, and training sequences and battles without real stakes get repetitive in large doses. Showing how Koa trains Hazard but not Zubat and how Zubat is trying to train on his own is important, but it doesn't take too many scenes for that to come across. Scenes like the bidoof trainer, for example, don't really contribute much in terms of the plot or characters. Trimming some of the travelling and training scenes down would make the chapter a zippier read and place weight on the encounters that matter. A lot of the description felt a bit generic--I don't get a sense of this being Koa's narrative or of his character voice from it. More moments like the Mt Coronet Zubat dream would be great.

I was a bit confused by Koa's lack of preparation regarding the gym battle. I get that his goal is Mt Coronet, but since gym badges are a prerequisite to that, it seems odd he wouldn't have been prepared for them, considering how much he likes to prep for other things. It's not just that he thought Roark only had two pokemon when he in fact had three--it's that he's trying to take on a rock-type leader with an electric/bug pokemon and a flying pokemon. And he doesn't even consider the difficulty of that before challenging the gym. I'd expect even a hot-head to have some awareness of the realities of type match-ups.

It'll be interesting to see how Koa treats Zubat going forward--is Zubat now going to be a valued member of the team, or will Koa keep slipping back into fantasies about stronger pokemon?

Spoiler: Line-by-lines

The route was fairly simple, mostly consisting of a long, winding path through spare woods, and near the end, and gentle slope leading to Oreburgh Gate, a passage through the mountains.

Think you've got a typo in this one. The clauses at the end start getting a bit cluttered too.

Starly chirped in surprise and then opened its wings, preparing to take off.

"Use String Shot and immobilize it!"

A burst of sticky web shot from Hazard's pincers, wrapping around Starly's body and one of its wings. It fluttered its remaining wing in a panic.

Starly aren't that rare, so I'm surprised Koa would go after one that doesn't seem interested in battling.

The little Joltik had taken to absorbing electricity from his Poketch after battles, but Koa made a note to pick up a battery pack next time he was in a city. Though his Poketch had a powerful solar battery, battery packs were more efficient. Plus, they were specially designed for electric types like Joltik and Pichu. He was excited by the prospect of continuing to train the determined little Joltik.

The battery packs are a cool detail. I'd be curious to learn more about how joltik get electricity in the wild--is it that Chargestone Cave has lots of free-floating electricity, but if they are taken outside that habitat they need support to maintain their electricity stores?

Lines like "He was excited by the prospect of continuing to train the determined little Joltik" feel a bit tell-y. Having that excitement come through Koa's body language and actions will make it feel more impactful.

"Koa and Galvantula..." he murmured the words softly to himself.

Minor thing here, but here you either need to cut "the words" or you need to make the sentence stand-alone and capitalize the 'he.'

With a whoop of delight, he ran the short distance to the water's edge. He dropped to his knees, splashing his face with the cool, refreshing water. After enjoying the water for several moments, he sat back. Time to make camp.

Once he'd set up his tent and sleeping bag, he sighed contentedly, and leaned against a tree, taking a moment to relax and enjoy the peaceful atmosphere. About three seconds later, he sat up again. Time to train.

These paragraphs gave me an oddly impersonal feeling.

He let out a happy screech and did a little loop.

Cutie-pie

A sharp pain tore through his ankle and he looked down to see Hazard glaring at him, pincers clicking threateningly. "Ow! What's that for?" he said crossly, staring at Hazard.

Hazard is not here for assholery, huh.

A sharp pain tore through his ankle and he looked down to see Hazard glaring at him, pincers clicking threateningly. "Ow! What's that for?" he said crossly, staring at Hazard.

The Joltik chittered and nodded expectantly at Zubat. His gaze bore into Koa accusingly, and sparks danced across his fur.

Koa sighed. "Sorry Zubat," he said, somewhat reluctantly. "I didn't mean to sound harsh. Right now I'm going to work with Hazard but I'll try and train you later, ok?"

Nothing wrong with adverbs in moderation, but I'd keep an eye on them.

but there was no harm in it either he supposed.

Missing a comma here.

He didn't bother watching to see if Zubat stuck around, though. Besides, he had more important things to worry about.

For the second sentence, you don't need the "besides"

Oreburgh wasn't far off, and he would need to be as strong as possible.

To me this implied Koa was planning to challenge the gym, but later it indicates that challenging the gym wasn't his original plan?

The sun had nearly set completely, and he was fairly worn out from everything that had happened.

I'm not sure if I missed something, but it seemed to me that Koa's day was fairly low-key? He had a quick fight with a wild starley, trained Hazard, chilled by the lake.

he honestly hadn't even seen the Zubat leave.

Uncapitalized sentence here.

His dreams were filled with legendaries and thoughts of climbing Mt. Coronet, only to be greeted by a giant Zubat instead of a legendary.

This dream is a nice encapsulation of his anxieties! I think you could give it a bit more breathing space. I'd say it's a lot more character relevant than some of these fairly generic route descriptions.

He awoke fairly early, eager to continue on his journey.

Again on the show not tell--something like telling us that Koa wakes up to find the sun's not up yet, but doesn't want to go back to sleep and instead starts breaking tent would show his eagerness.

He didn't stop to battle much, although he let Hazard take out a few Bidoof and another Starly. He decided to wait until after he got his Tyrunt to catch a Starly. For now, he was simply happy with Hazard. There'd be plenty of time for training a Starly later.

I get that Koa's supposed to be rationalizing not catching a starley because he's secretly softening to Zubat, but I continue to be confused why he wouldn't have caught a starly early on if it's part of his dream team, when they're everywhere.

A place no one had seen in years.

Oh interesting. Pokemon generally has a feeling of everything having already been well-explored so it's cool to see a place that's really unknown.

A place of proving.

Nicely phrased.

A man wearing a police uniform stood outside Oreburgh gate, leaning on the cave wall. As Koa approached, he looked up. "Hey! You there!"

Koa gave him a questioning look.

"You see any shady characters around?"

"Shady characters?"

"Suspicious people. There's been some crimes committed lately In Jubilife and Oreburgh, and we're trying to track down the criminals responsible."

This felt a little unconvincing as a police officer asking for information. 'Shady characters' really isn't criteria that they could hope to get useful information from. I assume he's referencing Team Galactic, so maybe he could give some basic description, like: have you seen anyone with a turquoise bowl-cut? (lol pokemon is so silly sometimes.) Alternatively, maybe it would make most sense if the cop asks for Koa's license first, then after verifying apologizes for the check and explains about the crimes in Oreburgh.

He'd only see a few other people out walking about, and none looked very suspicious. Although he supposed any criminal worth his salt wouldn't be very good if he looked suspicious.

Lampshading how nonsensical the question was doesn't really make up for the question having been nonsensical in the first place.

Congratulations man.

Comma needed after Congratulations! Whenever you address someone directly, a comma comes before the direct address. Ie "Hey, Misty," or "Hey, girl!"

Truthfully, he'd always known he would have to take on the gym circuit eventually. After his experience at the Ore caverns, he was considering going for the gym circuit sooner, rather than later. He knew for sure that the highest levels of Mt. Coronet were restricted to all but the most accomplished trainers. Perhaps after he got his Tyrunt, he would try for it.

While it's nice that you're emphasizing how Koa's goals don't revolve around the Badge Quest TM, it feels strange to me that someone as goal-oriented as Koa would be so equivocal about taking on the gyms. It's a necessary step to entering Mt Coronet, so it's a necessary step for him that I would expect him to have prepared for more.

The north area was mostly housing, and perhaps the most important building - the Oreburgh Mining Museum. He hurried through the town as fast as he could run, not bothering to take in the sights.

A massive steel and glass building took up the northeast portion of the city - The Oreburgh Mining Museum.

You've got the mic drop of " - The Oreburgh Mining Museum." twice here.

If he didn't get Tyrunt, then all his efforts in the caverns would have been for nothing. Clenching his fists, he stomped out of the museum.

He's approaching this in a very binary way. The patience is not strong with this one.

Without waiting, he walked straight to the gym and burst through the doors. The inside of the gym looked as if it had been carved from rock. The walls and ceiling resembled a cave and a few gym members milled about. The gym leaders arena was located at the rear of the cave, on a raised platform of rock. Roark stood at the base, beside a steep slope, waiting for him.

"Alright let's battle!" Koa shouted as he approached.

"Are you certain you're prepared? I can wait as long as-"

I'm sure this will go swimmingly. Electric type and flying type vs rock pokemon. How could he lose.

"This will be a one on one match! Koamaru Averon of Canalave vs Roark of Oreburgh! The challenger is free to use up to six pokemon, the defender will use three.

A bit confused by the match being 'one on one' but them being able to use six and three pokemon. Do you just mean that it's not a double battle? I think calling that 'one on one' may confuse more than it clarifies, since double battles are pretty rare.

His anger boiled over, and he wished he could charge across the field and fight Roark himself for the badge. He'd probably have better odds, too.

Lol, Koa's 14 and Roark's how old and a miner?

"Boulder, Rock throw!"

It hurled the rock straight at Zubat. Koa stared at Zubat, unable to muster the drive to give him a command.

"Dodge," he called finally.

Feels like a rock being thrown would happen in too short a time for someone to stand there laconically and then finally say "Dodge."

Koa realized he still didn't know all of Zubat's moves. Nor did he particularly care. He couldn't keep Zubat as a battler, so what did it matter?

This is phrased oddly since in this particular moment, knowing the moves does matter.

"I know!" Koa snapped. "Look, clearly, I made a mistake. No need to rub it in."

"I only-"

"Just stop. Hazard and Zubat need rest. And I have other things to do than stand around here all day getting lectured."

Wow. I'm amazed he has a good relationship with so many adults if this is how he normally acts with them.

For a moment, he considered sneaking into the museum and doing it himself, before dismissing the thought.

Didn't realize Koa had a phd in fossil resurrection ;)

Even as he spoke the words, a pang of guilt flickered through him. He'd thrown Zubat into a battle he was utterly unprepared for. Whose fault was that?

I like this viewpoint on it--he's thinking of Zubat as not his pokemon, and he hasn't been training him, and from that perspective it's a dick move to throw a pokemon into a battle.

"Well, the next step is Eterna City."

I'm curious why? If he's not prioritizing the badge quest, is there a reason he has to move on to Eterna so quickly?

The walk had been pleasant, but prosperous as well.

I don't think prosperous is the word you want here.

Here, a little reward from Bidoof and I."

To his surprise, she handed him a few poke.

I'm confused by Koa's surprise. Seems like people giving money after battles would either be an established thing in the world or not. It feels weird that someone would just randomly give money after being beaten if that's not normal.

The device had cost him a pretty penny, but it was worth it.

Pretty penny is, hm, just not really a phrase I'd expect to see in a teenager's inner monologue. It was a bit jarring.

"Alright, take a good rest. We'll be at Ravaged Path soon, and I want you ready to battle." He took out Hazard's pokeball and returned him. Standing up, he continued down the path. As he walked, he spotted a few trainers, some having battles or training, but didn't challenge them. He to save Hazard for Ravaged Path, after all.

Koa pressed on, emerging from the grass at the entrance to Ravaged Path. He strode inside, the light behind him fading. The main area of Ravaged Path was fairly straightforward. A staircase sloped steeply upwards to a path that curved to the right, emerging on the top of the cliff. Unlike Ore cave, which had yet to be fully mapped, thanks to Onix's and such, Ravaged Path was no more than a small cave with an underground lake. Just as he ascended the stairs, a Geodude leaped from a ledge above, barring their path. A grin spread across Koa's face. Perfect. Training time.

As it turned out, Hazard was able to take out the Geodude fairly easily. Using a combination of String Shot and Absorb, he wore it down rather quickly. From there, it was simple to finish it with Bug Bite.

This all felt very skippable. We don't get much from hearing about every route Koa takes and every wild pokemon encounter; better to focus on the meaningful ones.

Of course, it would be a cinch once he caught his Tyrogue. They were known to hang outside Eterna, and he planned to catch one after fighting Gardenia.

Ah, I guess this explains the rush to Eterna. I think it would flow more naturally if this came up earlier in the chain of thought - damn, I want my tyrant - ugh, but I need to beat Roark first -- to do that I need a tyrogue -- Eterna let's go.

Watching it, he almost pitied the poor creature. Almost

Double almost here.

Its blue fur was extraordinarily soft and fluffy.

A cuddly fren.

Koa clenched his fists. "Maybe you shouldn't just touch other people's pokemon!"

The emphasis strikes me as a little odd here. Seems like he's emphasizing that she touched what belongs to him, whereas I feel like the real issue is that she touched Hazard without Hazard's permission.

"Actually, can you add a jar of honey as well? I think my Zubat acquired a taste for the stuff."

Interesting that he's claiming Zubat as his in this moment.

Zubat paused, hovering, and stared in Koa's direction. Then he did another loop and fired a wave of sound energy at the tree, this time opening his jaws much wider. The soundwave carried several more yards this time, visibly rattling the sapling. Koa smiled to himself before turning back to Hazard. "Good job, buddy." Hazard chirped appreciatively, then looked pointedly at Zubat.

Koa gulped and shifted awkwardly. "Uh... Nice work, Zubat."

I'm a bit confused as to what Koa is telling Hazard good job about when they've been watching Zubat for the last paragraph.

"A Zubat! How pathetic indeed, to use such a weak, common pokemon. The-"

Koa punched him in the face. "No one calls my pokemon weak!"

Zubat screeched at the boy, who crawled so his feet, a hand clamped to his nose. "How dare you attack me in such a manner?"

The boy's dialogue here is very cartoonish in a way that takes me out of the story a lot. 'How pathetic indeed' 'How dare you attack me in such a manner' just aren't the way random kids say things. He doesn't feel like a real person at all, so it's hard to be invested in the subsequent fight. He's just sort of popped out of the ground, twirled his mustache, and said exactly the kind of things Koa's been saying for the past three chapters.

(typo, should be "to" not "so")

"Come Sai, let us finish off this foolish Zubat!

Ditto here: this just doesn't read as stuff a real person would say.

"Oh Zubat, I'm sorry!" he cried out. "I've been an awful trainer to you. You fought so hard for me and I didn't fight for you."

Zubat perked up slightly, lifting his head as if staring straight at Koa.

Hazard chirped encouragingly from his shoulder as if to say 'about time'.

"This whole time I've been thinking what a terrible pokemon you are, but I'm the one who's terrible. I should have been training you to bring out your strength. A good trainer works with his pokemon, no matter what. But instead, I doubted you, ignored you, and dismissed you. " Koa took a deep breath. "Can you forgive me, Zubat?" Even as he spoke the words, he felt a pang in his heart. Why would Zubat even forgive him, after he'd been so awful?

We've had a lot of build-up but the reversal here still felt kind of sudden.

 

[Namohysip]

Heyo Tetra! This is a review of pretty much all of LA except for the most recent chapter as part of your BLEC prizes. I've read it for a while now, but I never quite had the chance to give my thoughts on it until now!

First thing I want to remark on is that it had a cute premise, and I think the author's note at the beginning helped to give a sense of what I should be expecting from the story. It follows, as you said, a familiar formula of a trainerfic, where we have an evil organization, an adventure, and a starter, even though that last one in particular was an unexpected one.

What I appreciated in particular was how this choice and Koa's plan, while predictable in the broad sense, was utilized in a way that the world seems to react to Koa's choices. There is a very clear conflict or theme going on between Koa's plan, the way that plan didn't turn out for his team, and the fact that he still sticks with his team despite that. The fact that he's an underdog because of his suboptimal team compared to his 'plan', but the fact that his determination and practice--and perhaps, familiarity and trust with his team--makes up for it.

I will admit that it got a little on-the-nose near the most recent chapters where actual stats were put up to question, and I think it could have gone somewhat without getting in any sort of depth about it and came off as more of an author tract. Still, it was consistent with prior themes, when it was a little more subtle.

The fact that Koa is on an adventure to get badges to achieve his main goal is a good and easy way to give a sense of progress for the story itself, similar to how the actual games can give a sense of progress in the same way. Also like the games in particular is the main plot that accompanies it, in this case the strange happenings with the Legendary Pokemon. Now, narrative meta suggests that the Legendary Dogs (or their fakes?) and Team blackout are related in some way, but I don't think that's been quite confirmed yet. But I do like this intrigue that it's setting up, and the sheer magnitude of how powerful these creatures are in this world. And, apparently, what we've seen is a weaker form of what they're truly capable of, too!

Overall, though, I'd say that this has been largely a journey for Koa's personal growth as a trainer. Some of my favorite moments have been of him training on combat himself to defend himself when he doesn't have Pokemon to do it for him, and most of all, his trust in his team. It's a little cliche, but it's genuine, and I think that's what matters, particularly because I think he fails with his mistakes and learns from them.

I think one of the weaker parts of the story would be the battles--not because of how they're executed, but how frequent they are. Particularly in the beginning, I felt that some of them went on for longer than they should have, and perhaps could have been glossed over, or perhaps starting at the end of them. Once we're familiar with a Pokemon's fighting ability, it may not be necessary to show it again, you know?

Still, it was a good read through, and I'm curious to see where it'll go from here. My primary interest will be to see how Team Blackout and these Legends fall into place. Thanks for the read~

 

[Dragonfree]

Look, it's me, actually reading beyond chapter one! Miracle!

He approached a tunnel ahead, examining it curiously. The walls were smooth and somewhat uniform. Probably made by an Onix.

I enjoy this - suggests he's studied this specific thing a bit, which makes sense for where his interests lie.

His ultimate dream was to actually capture a legendary. It was a dream he'd never shared with anyone, not even Blake. Though for now, he would settle for a picture of Regirock. Beings like Palkia and Dialga were out of his league, but he believed it was possible. Perhaps one of the trio of legendary birds or dogs. He'd read research papers suggesting there could be more than one of the species. Personally, he wasn't sure he believed that, but if it were true... That would be something. Or perhaps he could even catch a mythical pokemon, like Shaymin. He turned his attention back to his surroundings.

Also enjoy the worldbuilding in here.

Same with Machop outright challenging him, and it being customary to accept a challenge so Koa reluctantly sends out Zubat even though he doesn't really want to. It's fun to see wild Pokémon being the ones to politely initiate a battle against a reluctant trainer, as opposed to just outright attacking in a way where they don't care.

Zubat flashed a lopsided grin and chittered, as if proud of himself.

What a cute bat, I love him.

The Golbat flock had been nothing more than an unexpected occurrence, and once he had a proper starter pokemon, wild pokemon wouldn't be a problem. Plus, he still had the Plan. With a full team of strong and diverse pokemon, he could go anywhere. His guilt dismissed, he reflected on his next steps. The first stop was circumventing Lake Verity. From there he could travel to Route 201, which would lead him to Sandgem, which was only a half day's walk away. After he stopped in to see Professor Rowan, then he would make his way to Oreburgh and revive his fossil. Then he could train more and get back to his Plan.

I am sure absolutely nothing will happen to derail his Plan from here

Zubat chirped happily and fluttered onto his head. A grin spread across his face, but he quickly let it fade. No, he had to stay focused. Zubat was simply his responsibility for now. That was all. He wouldn't train Zubat, and he didn't want to get attached. It wouldn't be fair to Zubat either.

I like that he thinks it wouldn't be fair to Zubat either. Fundamentally he's just a good dude even if he's really fixed on getting the exact Pokémon he wanted.

I enjoy the nurse getting mad at him for putting himself in danger, and being rough with him to a point where Koa wishes he'd refused her help. Just kind of a fun spice to the interactions here.

Koa mumbled a thanks and headed out of the Pokemon Center. It was too late to be out on the road, so he got a room at an inn and stayed the night.

Is this an inn within the Ranger outpost...? I had the impression he was kind of in the middle of nowhere here.

I was a bit surprised at how lightly Koa took the second disruption to his Plan - he has a moment of thinking he wanted a Luxray, but then he's just immediately over it, thinking of Joltik as his starter, of Koa and Galvantula. Purely in terms of stats, Crobat has a significantly higher base stat total than Galvantula, and I'd been strongly under the impression up until now that Shinx as his starter was the very most important Pokémon to the Plan! How's he just dropping that whole idea so easily now, after spending the last entire chapter determined that he must get his Shinx and release Zubat because Zubat's not part of the Plan? If I were Echo witnessing this I'd be pretty offended right about now. :P

The nicknaming scene with Hazard is cute; it's nice to see him ask and feel out for a name he likes.

Pokedexes were generally reserved for those in a Professor's personal class or could be bought. However, they were somewhat expensive.

This sounds a little funny - if they're available for sale, and only "somewhat" expensive, it doesn't really make sense to say they're generally reserved for those in a professor's personal class.

Koa grimaced at the mere mention of the name again. He knew all too well the atrocities they'd committed, trying to kidnap the Lake Guardians and almost succeeding, trying to rewrite the universe- He pushed the thoughts down. Fortunately, they'd apparently been thwarted before they could do real damage, which was all that mattered. Besides, those details weren't public knowledge.

Nice hinting

Investigator girl is definitely going to be relevant. (Impressive that she's seemingly an investigator, by herself, at the age of about fourteen? Can't decide if this is Pokémon having anime unrealistically young professionals or if it's hinting that she's up to something and lying to him.)

It was fun to return to this. Echo is cute and I kind of wish there was more of him in the chapter (he and Hazard haven't even met yet!). Biggest surprise is how easily Koa dismissed his plan for Hazard, given all the setup about how stubborn he was about it; I definitely expected him to put up a lot more of a fight against further non-Plan Pokémon forcibly attempting to join him. Joltik is a good and I look forward to seeing more of Hazard, though. And Koa is still a good bean.

Spoiler: Quick easily-fixed typos/mistakes/etc.

Baring his fangs, Zubat sunk them into Machop

I'm pretty sure you want "sank".

Sprinting in the direction he'd last seen it, he dodged stalagmites and began scaling the wall up to the ledge. A few moments later, he'd dragged himself onto the ledge.

Two sentences in a row ending with "ledge".

What does that make you? He thought.

In this sort of situation, where you've got a direct quote even if it's not surrounded by quotation marks, I'm pretty sure the "he thought" should not be capitalized, since it's part of the same sentence in the same way as a regular speech tag.

He'd found plenty of fossil's before

Errant apostrophe in a plural.

"I thought these were found in Kalos, not Sinnoh," He murmured to himself.

Another capitalized dialogue tag.

"Sweet!" He shouted.

Another.

Slowly, hesitantly, he aimed his flashlight towards the ceiling. An entire colony of Zubat and Golbat hung from the ceiling

Repetition of 'ceiling'.

[qupte]"Nurse!" He shouted.[/quote]
Another capitalized speech tag.

"Thank you nurse..." He glanced at her nametag. "Nerene."

In this context Nurse is being used as a title and should be capitalized, and there should be commas around direct addresses, like "Nurse Nerene" here. (So: "Thank you, Nurse..." He glanced at her nametag. "Nerene.")

"It looks like you were injured too. Didn't you see the guard stationed outside the entrance?" her tone was annoyed, and Koa couldn't help but be reminded of Blake when he got mad at him for doing something dangerous.

Here, "her tone was annoyed" is not a speech tag (there's not an actual verb referring to her saying this line, just "was"), so it should be capitalized as its own sentence.

"Scram kid, this doesn't concern you."

Another direct address, so you want a comma before "kid" too.

Still, at least the poor Galvantula managed to escape. Judging by its appearance, it seemed the Galvantula must have escaped from the poacher. They definitely weren't native to this area of Sinnoh.

It took me a moment to parse these sentences correctly, since you're first using the word "escape" to mean Galvantula not being recaptured just now, and then use it in the next sentence to mean Galvantula was brought to Sinnoh by the poacher and then got away.

In the distance, he could catch the first glimpse of the buildings of Sandgem town

Pretty sure the "Town" should be capitalized there.

"Professor, what happened?" he searched the Professor's face anxiously, trying to find any clue of what transpired.

Another instance where there's no actual dialogue tag so it shouldn't be capitalized.

Koa's clenched his fists and followed him inside. Rage bubbled in him as Rowan led him to the main room, which was empty, and sat down. How dare someone rob a pokemon Professor? Poaching was bad enough, but to rob a Professor?

In this context, where Professor is just a word and not a title, you don't want to capitalize it.

Typing in a code, the safe clicked open.

Since the subject of the sentence is the safe, you're actually saying that the safe typed in the code - you'd want to rephrase this.

Poketchs

That should probably be pluralized like "watches", with an e.

 

[bluesidra]

Hello! Here for the catnip, albeit late. Sadly, I only made it halfway through chapter 4 this weekend. I wanted to repay you with a 10 chapter binge review, too, but then the worldbuilder‘s disease got to me yesterday. Oh well.
Rest assured I have the full version on my app and I’m very much determined to make good on that.
I’ll try to give you as best of a feedback as I can for early chapters.

Characters​

Spoiler: Koa

Koa is a fourteen year old boy starting out on his trainer’s journey in Sinnoh. He strikes me as very ambitious and studious. He has clearly studied a lot, knows a lot of movesets and type-matching and has the power to go on an early morning jog. That ambition also makes him a bit in-flexible, as shown by his hesitation to deviate from his planned team.

He has one goal - catching a legendary – and puts himself into quite some danger in a foolish attempt to find a regi without a pokemon at hand. He generally has a habit of underestimating things – as seen in his battle against Rorak and how he treated Zubat.

He also strikes me as a bit of a loner. He had a hard time socialising in school and then at the final exam and he keeps conversation with other trainers he meets to a minimum. A few fresh perspectives would certainly do him a favor and help him over some of his personality hurdles.

He does, however, deeply care for his pokemon. He can’t stand to see them hurt and shows a great deal of empathy, even for wild pokemon. Which made him disregarding Zubat for so long even more jarring. (But now that he finally came around to accepting him, they are an absolute adorable unit.)

Koa also has a bit of a short fuse, especially when challenged. He takes on Rorak with way too little prep and even though the option of turning down a challenge seems to exist, he accepts most trainer battles. When Kody insulted Zubat’s strength, Koa even jumped to physical violence by punching him in retaliation. That honestly struck me a bit odd. Koa so far didn’t seem prone to violence, even hoping to never have to resort to it. And when Kody antagonises him, it’s literally the first thing he does. Seemed a bit ooc for me, but maybe Kody got up really close to his face. I’d probably freak out too.

Spoiler: Echo

Zubat is the nicest and most forgiving bat on the planet. He seems to be in a constant good mood and disregards every instance of Koa ignoring him. That luxury ball must have done wonders on their friendship.

Zubat really wants to make himself count, training countless hours by himself while Koa focuses on Hazard. And honestly, from the first three chapters, I had the feeling like Zubat was the stronger of the two pokemon. Zubat even managed to take down one of Rorak’s pokemon and held out longer than Hazard.

When Koa finally accepts Zubat and gives him a nickname, Echo visibly relaxes. That constant begging for attention and fluttering around seemed to be way less anxious and the scene where they both cuddled before falling asleep made me melt. (On a related note: I wonder why Zubat had no swarm but clearly wants to be loved and part of a family? Is something with his soundwaves wrong?)

Seeing how it’s Koa’s first arc in this story to accept Zubat as part of his team, I was reasonably mad at him for his antics. And you really pulled it off well, with the inner monologue explaining pointedly how Koa feels about the situation. Every decision makes sense, but:

I felt the difference between Koa accepting Hazard as a replacement for Shinx vs his reluctance to even consider Zubat jarring. Zubat had done so much for him (save his life from the Golbat, fought several battles and doing fairly well) while Hazard is a little powerhouse, but was otherwise pretty unceremoniously gifted to Koa. One would think Koa would have a stronger connection to Zubat, even if he considered him a weak pokemon. Especially since Zubat proved time and time again that he’s quite tough. Part of it could be Koa wanting to stick to his plan for the sake of sticking to it, but still. Anyway, it made for a very compelling arc.

Also, Echo’s happy dance is adorable.

Spoiler: Hazard

Hazard is a little ankle-biter and for his small size quite the powerhouse – move and personality wise. He has the right size to fit on Koa’s shoulder and that’s squarely where he belongs. He seems adventurous and quite headstrong, having chosen Koa as his trainer rather than the other way around. (“Hey, Mom, I have chosen this human as my starting human!”) I’m pretty sure his mom now stretches her eight feet out in relaxation now the little bugger is out of the nest.

He also has a solid grip on emotions and seems to be the literal angel on Koa’s shoulder, helping him out whenever Koa’s subpar people- and pokemon-skills start to get to him.

He’s also a hard worker and keen on getting stronger, not protesting to Koa’s hour-long, repetitive training sessions.

Overall, a likeable little guy who is not to be overlooked. So far, however, I haven’t gotten a better read on him.

Story and Premise​

You said you wanted to tell a “vanilla” pokemon journey with an OC at the center, and so far, you are doing a splendid job.

The anime-inspiration comes across very well, giving the story this kid-friendly feel. I like how certain things “just work”, like camping in the wilderness or being on the road, alone, as a 14 year old. No cars, no real sensible infrastructure. That stuff only works on anime-logic and it’s refreshing to see.

Then again, especially the first few chapters remind me a lot of the games. I haven’t played Gen4 in a while, but I can almost recall the routes via your description. The problem with these game-routes is, that they can be traversed in ten minutes, and I kinda feel that in your narrative as well. You’ve mentioned how Koa spends three days on one route, but I didn’t get the feeling that the environment changed much as Koa travelled. I mean, I can spend three days on one route in the games as well, but then it’s grinding in the same spot of grass.

My recommendation would be to dedicate a paragraph once in a while on description of the environment specifically from Koa’s eyes. Like, what do the streets in a city look like as opposed to an overhead view. Then again, early chapters. I get it.

Koa’s main goal is to catch legendaries and I know that many people congratulated you already on that fresh take. What I think makes Koa stand out is less his desire to catch a legendary and more his rejection of the league. The one line, where he said that being a Gym Leader is only temporary fame stuck with me. That is a line you’d normally hear from a villain, but there is nothing wrong with it per se. It’s nice seeing a teenager aiming for the long road to recognition, where most (me included) would strife for a position as Gym Leader.

Seeing Koa lose more times than not (not including his off-screen training) is also somewhat refreshing. I’ve always liked how Ash never won the title of League Champ, because it broadcasted to such a wide audience, that losing is not the end of the world. Also, it spoke way more of Ash’s character to be a good loser and move on than to win the Cup.

Koa also takes his losses in stride. Of course, he’s a bit sour, but compared to how I would handle them, he’s pretty mature about it. No panicking, no questioning his entire existence. Just accepting and moving on. I value that a lot.

What could be changed​

(should you ever want to revisit it)

• I’ve already mentioned Koa punching Kody in the face unprovoked. That felt quite out of left field.
• A lot of the day-to-day life of a pokemon trainer kinda blends together when he’s traversing a route. I recall a battle against a girl where he won 200poke and I wondered what the purpose of that was. Were the 200poke important? Yes, Hazard can pack a punch, but I’d believe that from the off-screen training. There was no meaningful interaction between Koa and the girl, so maybe it was to show that Koa is a loner? And then the thing about the travel mentioned above.
• The skeleton in the cave was a bit off tone – at least for me. It did set the stakes very high and I was gripped and with Koa his entire way out of the cave, but it also introduced death into a usually very light-hearted world. You know, where Team Rocket can blast off at the speed of light and only have a few scrapes. Maybe if Koa only found the old bag with the fossil, wondered where its owner went and then theorised – much to his shock – that they might be dead, it would make for a less jarring scene without taking away from the stakes.

All in all, Koa is a very likeable, flawed protagonist with a super cute team to back him up and I’m looking forward to where his journey takes him. I hope I’ll be able to get the 10-chapter binge in soon :D

 

[Cresselia92]

Alright! Here I am, with a fresh Catnip review by yours truly!

I've been looking forward to read this story in quite some time, and the stars aligned to remind me to drop a review!

I was planning to review the first three chapters, but my energy levels have been pretty low as of late, so I hope the first two chapters suffice. ^^;

With this said, I'm gonna drop both reactions to various lines and a general commentary under the spoiler parts.

As such, here we go!

Spoiler: Ch1: Never Plan Ahead!

Koa rubbed Absol's head vigorously, eliciting a pleased rumble from him. "Nice to see you too. Ready for a little exercise?"

Absol barked eagerly.

So Absol is a doggo here. Best disatrer doggo.

"You're never that happy to see me..." Blake muttered to the Absol, his tone playfully bitter. Absol sniffed and turned his back on Blake before walking towards the door.

You probably need more badges, pal. Or maybe you should spoil your Absol a bit more.

Blake left the room a moment and came back holding a Great Ball in one hand and a baton in the other. "Tsk tsk. You should always carry your pokemon's pokeball with you. And something to defend yourself."

Koa rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah." His cousin tended to be paranoid, in his opinion. Most pokemon wouldn't attack humans or seriously harm them. Only the angriest or most territorial pokemon would. And even then, humans were tough.

Professional wrestlers are tough and could probably crush your hand, but you don't see them challenging a tiger. Better safe than sorry!

Although he supposed it could come in handy if he ran into any an He tucked Absol's pokeball into his pocket.

Any what? "Animal"? There's something missing here.

A rush of salty air greeted him as he stepped outside. Closing the door behind him, he drew in a deep breath of familiar ocean air. The simple gray buildings of his hometown, Canalave, rose all around him. He began his usual routine, starting with a few basic warm-ups.

Avian cries broke the quiet morning as a flock of Pidgey and Starly landed a few feet away, watching with expectant gazes. He grinned and waved, then pulled out the pack of seeds he always kept with him, tossing them a few. The birds descended upon them, pecking them up in the blink of an eye. They shrieked and bobbed their heads in their own version of 'thank you' before flying off.

Once he finished stretching, he broke into a jog, heading north. Absol bounded alongside him, keeping pace easily as he wove through the town. Lately, he’d altered his morning jog to carve through the city instead of heading straight to the outskirts. With the day fast approaching when he would set out on his journey as a trainer, there was no telling when he’d return to Canalave.

As he crossed near the beach, a pang of nostalgia struck him. He’d miss this city. His gaze shifted to his left, to the only two-story building in town. Or rather, he’d miss one specific building. The library. Ever since the day his cousin had first introduced him to the concept of unlimited free books, he'd been hooked. Most of his spare time had been spent in those walls, reading, researching, and making small talk with the librarian. She'd been the one to introduce him to the section on legendaries, with its well-loved couch and beanbag chairs. Mythology and legends became his escape from all his fears and worries.

Yo! I like these descriptions!

When he was young, the section used to be filled with kids his age. They would all dream about the ones they wanted to see, which ones were cooler, and who was the strongest. They would pretend to have epic battles and write silly stories about legends.

Plot twist: Legendary Adventure is actually one of those silly stories, written by Koa. :hyperthink:

But as the years had gone by, he soon found himself alone on the couch, his only company a scruffy plush of Mew. While everyone else moved on from their ‘legendary phase’, as adults deemed it, he couldn’t. He didn't have anything else, so his love never once wavered.

History and legends spoke of ancient trainers who befriended the powerful beings. Earned their respect and trust through the honored art of battle, or through acts of valor. League winners and gym trainers didn’t make history. They were remembered for a season until someone else came along. But those trainers? That was something no one could forget. If he could build his team and battle a legend, then he could make his own history. One that belonged to him and his pokemon and no one else.

I wonder where this drive of being remembered comes from. And that's a lie: legends are forgotten, too. Just look at poor Calyrex. XP

The Trainer's License exam featured a rock wall that he had to climb in 3:00 or under. If he could climb a tree in less time, he was sure to pass that part. Of course, climbing the wall was far from difficult, but he always liked to see if he could one-up himself. While a lot of trainers he spoke to dreamed of challenging the League, he had an entirely different goal. He dreamed of becoming an explorer. Trekking across the wilds, with nothing but his wits and a strong team at his side. Sighing, he leaned back in the tree and closed his eyes, giving his aching limbs a rest. His thoughts circled back to his perfect team.

'A Comprehensive Guide to the Trainer’s Journey', a book which he basically swore by, described how a trainer's first pokemon was the key to their journey. The ‘starter’, as the term had been coined, was representative of what kind of trainer one was, and could become. Cynthia and Garchomp, Lance and Dratini, Steven and Metagross.

I really feel like this piece should have gone before the tree-climbing scene, so that the practice would have come across as less random.

He grinned at the thought. First, he'd catch a Shinx. They were cool, powerful, and intelligent. Then a Starly. Unassuming in their first stage, but absolute powerhouses when they evolved. Then a Gyarados, a Garchomp, a Nidoking and a Hitmontop. Or Hitmonlee. He hadn’t decided on that bit yet. And of course, a fossil pokemon. Perhaps a Bastiodon, like Canalve’s gym leader used. Together, they covered a lot of common weaknesses and types. A team like that could take on a legend. A team like that would be remembered.

Ooh, Koa's got some big plans!

And minor type: *Canalave

“Yes!” Koa grinned widely. The trip would be cinch by bike. He started towards it, then froze midstep. "Wait! What about work?" A note of panic slipped into his voice. "I work today and tomorrow-"

"Relax, Little K." Blake chuckled. "I already cleared everything with your manager. You're good to go for the next week."

Now I'd like to know about Koa's work. What he used to do before his great journey?

Koa beamed and grabbed the bike. "Thanks!"

Blake held up his hand. "Be careful with that bike. They aren't cheap, you know," he said.

No kidding -- one million Poke don't grow on trees!

"Take route 218 straight there. I'm guessing you already have enough basic supplies in your backpack?"

Koa nodded impatiently. Ever since he started training for the trainer's exam, he got in the habit of keeping a backpack of necessities- first aid kit, map, a knife, clothing, a sleeping bag, tent, and rope. Not to mention the baton he always kept at his side, although he abhorred the thought of having to use it. "Of course. Besides, this is a quick three-day trip, not a wilderness excursion."

"Good. You should be able to make it there by the morning after tomorrow if you keep a steady pace. I recommended resting at the Ranger's Lodge before you cross the bridge. And don’t rush! It's not a good idea to cross the bridge after dark. You can get supplies there too. There's another lodge on the west side that-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know how to travel, dude." Koa swung his leg over the bike.

Blake handed Koa a paper bag. "I packed you lunch."

Koa took the bag, stuffing it into his backpack. "Anything else, mom?" he said teasingly.

Classic "mom" joke. X3

The next couple days passed in a pleasant but sweaty and tiring blur. At one point, a strange hooded trainer on the back of a Zebstrika almost mowed him down, but the trip otherwise remained pleasantly uneventful.

I wonder if we'll see this hooded Trainer again...

He also passed by several trainers over his two days of travel, and a few even challenged him, but he was forced to refuse. If he was caught, he would be prohibited from getting his trainer's license. Last time the police hadn't pressed charges but he doubted he would be so lucky if he did it again. Even though anyone was technically allowed to carry a pokemon, only licensed trainers could catch pokemon, participate in battles, or try for the gym circuit.

By the dawn of the third day, he’d made solid progress. He crossed the bulk of the route and entered the last stretch, an area cutting through a sparse forest. As he entered the woods, a loud shriek sounded from somewhere ahead and to his right. Koa paused. The sound came again. It sounded like a pokemon in distress. Curious, Koa dropped his bike and hurried into the woods.

Okay, here's something I found off about this: no mention of the Ranger's Lounge during these two days. I find it bizarre that it was mentioned earlier and that it simply... phased out of sight.

I guess it could be considered a small piece of worldbuilding, but it would have been kinda interesting to see how it worked.

A faint trail wound through the woods a short distance, leading to a tiny clearing with a single tree. Unlike the rest of the trees in the area, this one's leaves were a golden yellow, and a sticky coating covered the trunk. A honey tree. He knew there was one near Jubilife, and he wasn't exactly surprised to find another.

At the edge of the clearing, a small Zubat lay still on the ground. Koa's eyes widened and he quickly shuffled closer. It fluttered weakly at his approach, squeaking in fear. Its ears flicked erratically and it kept twisting its head side to side.

Right. Zubat saw with sound, not their eyes. Because they didn’t have eyes.

Omigosh, really?! I had no idea! :O

“Easy there,” he whispered softly. The Zubat stilled at his voice, turning towards him. It flapped its wings again in a vain attempt to fly, then gave up and dropped back to the ground, seemingly too exhausted. Koa knelt beside it, examining it closer. No visible damage, which was a good indicator. Pokemon's natural abilities allowed them to fight without sustaining serious wounds unless they fought when sick or weakened. So it wouldn't need medical attention.

It fluttered weakly into the air a few inches then landed again, panting. Koa patted its soft head gently to soothe it, wracking his brain as he did.

Pokemon battling in the wild for sport or territory was normal. Matches in the wild were as common as trainer battles, and much like a trainer battle, ended when one side 'fainted'. Professor Rowan had once explained how fainting was a natural process during a battle that prevented Pokemon from injuring themselves. Their body would drop into a quick healing state to recover their protective energies. However, if the pokemon continued to push themselves without proper recovery - either through medicine or rest - then they could become over-exhausted, leaving them vulnerable. Could that be the case here?

This is a very interesting piece of worldbuilding! It tells how things work on this setting from the get-go. Nice!!

Uncapping the potion, he sprayed the Zubat. After a few moments, it fluttered to life, emitting a happy shriek. Judging by the size of its fangs, it was male. He wondered what he was doing all the way out here. Zubat and Golbat tended to stick to colonies. Usually, they lived in caves, although some lived in forests or in cities. This one also didn't seem as bothered by sunlight as other members of its species. What had brought it out here?

For a split second, I thought that the one who was wondering was Zubat, since male/he. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to just put Koa in that place.

His question was soon answered when the Zubat started to flutter towards the honey tree. A warning cry from its branches made him pause. The purple head of an Aipom poked out and glared at the Zubat. He guessed the Aipom had claimed the tree as its own. He knew the monkey pokemon were fairly fond of honey. The Aipom didn't seem surprised to see the Zubat either. Judging by the condition Zubat had been in, he guessed it tried to get some and got attacked for it.

Hmm... I know that this is a early chapter and everything, and that you don't want extensive feedback about these early chapters, but frankly I find these sentences a bit... monotonous. Those many "he", "he", "he" in rapid succession kinda magnify that feeling.

Like, for example, I think that the part "He guessed the Aipom had claimed the tree as its own. He knew the monkey pokemon were fairly fond of honey" would work better as "He guess the Aipom had claimed the tree as its own. After all, those monkey pokemon were fairly fond of honey".

Even if you won't edit this chapter, I think it's a piece of advice that could be useful for future chapters. :)

In no time at all, he found himself zipping between the highrises of Jubilife on his bike. Just ahead, he could make out the wide, many-windowed building of the Jubilife Trainers' School. He stopped outside, leaving his bike on the rack, then hurried through the doors.

The hallway looked just as he remembered it - a narrow stretch of grim hardwood floors, classrooms lining either side like little jail cells. He’d only been once before, for a seminar for new trainers. And once had been enough. He'd given a presentation about his goal to battle and catch a legendary. The mocking laughter had been the final straw for him, and he knew better than to discuss his dreams openly.

Aw. It's a pity that people can't talk freely about their dreams... :c

Rowan stroked his beard, his gaze drifting to the ceiling. “Not quite. We believe evolution is distinct from age and maturity, although only to some degree. And of course, it depends on the species. Some species are even impossible to find wild at all, such as Umbreon and Espeon. I am sure there is a human component to this.”

Hmm... So, I suppose trade evolutions don't exist in the wild, either?

"Great!" Koa replied enthusiastically. "I'm ready for the exam, I think. And I even have my whole team planned out," he added proudly.

Rowan frowned. Or at least his normally stern face got slightly more stern. "Planning ahead is good, but remember not to limit yourself. Unexpected occurrences always happen during a trainer's journey."

"I know," Koa said, trying to hide the impatience in his voice. He didn't really mind surprises, but he didn't want his team to be one.

I mean, what would you do if you found something cooler than what you had in mind? You never know.

Rowan narrowed his gaze and eyed Koa, but remained silent for several moments. “Koa, I hope you understand something,” he said finally.

Koa gazed at him questioningly. “What?” he asked, a note of hesitance in his voice. It was the sort of tone that usually preceded an adult's lecture.

“The bond between Pokemon and trainer is sacred.” Rowan’s tone became quiet, but forceful. “It allows both to reach unprecedented heights. Why Pokemon have chosen to live and serve alongside us is something even Oak and I don’t fully grasp, but it is not something to be taken lightly. Make no mistake, Pokemon choose to fight with us.” He paused. “By working together, there is little we cannot accomplish, regardless of the pokemon or the trainer. All that matters is your hearts and drive. Do you understand?”

Koa grinned, then nodded. “Yeah, I understand.” And there's nothing me and Luxray can't accomplish.

There's a bit of inconsistency between using Pokémon and using pokémon, I see. Is there some difference, or...?

"Easy boy. I'm sorry, it was an accident. I didn't mean to run into you."

Apparently, the Mightyena didn't care for his apology. It snarled in anger and took a step towards him. Koa reached for Absol's pokeball.

The rogue Mightyena lunged forwards, knocking the ball out of his hand. It rolled several yards away. The Mightyena snarled, prowling in between him and the ball. Koa gulped. His heart beat a little faster and he stared anxiously at the pokeball.

Hm? Can't Pokémon get out of their Poké Balls by themselves? Or maybe Absol is sleeping and didn't hear Koa.

Suddenly, a loud, high-pitched screech from above assaulted his ears. The Mightyena whimpered and flinched. Koa looked up, towards the source of the sound. Several feet above, a small Zubat hovered in the air. It screeched again, then dived at the Mightyena. The Mightyena leaped away, then glared at the Zubat, as if contemplating attacking. Apparently, it decided it wasn't worth the trouble and gave a single bark, then darted back into the woods.

Not wanting to lose his opportunity, Koa grabbed Absol's pokeball and picked up his bike. He glanced up again, but the Zubat had disappeared. He frowned in thought. That was odd. Singular Zubat didn't tend to be aggressive. Why would one attack a Mightyena out of the blue? As he got back on his bike and continued his trip home, he contemplated the Zubat. Could it have been the one from the honey tree? He quickly dismissed the thought. There were hundreds of Zubat in the world. Perhaps this was just the Pokemon gods smiling upon him. Either way, he was grateful not to have to use his baton, even for defense.

I mean, you basically gave yourself the answer. Why would a random Zubat shriek at a Mightyena, otherwise? 🤔

"Good luck, Little K," his cousin called.

"Oh please. I got this. Luck is for losers!" Koa replied, smirking.

"That's why I offered it."

Koa's smirk disappeared and he shot Blake a scathing glare. After a moment, he smiled. "Not bad, I'll give you that."

Ah, yeah! Nothing's like some lighthearted banter between brothers--I mean, cousins!

Koa turned and headed inside. Several soon-to-be trainers milled about inside, most around his age or a little older. Some were chatting, while others showed off pokemon they had gotten. He brushed by them, heading straight for the front desk. A woman with straight black hair, pale skin and a serious face sat behind the counter, staring blankly ahead.

"I'd like to register for the Trainer's License exam," he said.

The lady looked at him, then down at her computer. "Name?"

"Koamaru Averon."

"Age?"

"14," he replied. It felt good to finally say it.

She took another look at him then typed in some more information, murmuring to herself as she did. "Eyes, brown... skin, light. Hair dark navy." She looked back up at him.

"Height?"

"Five foot four."

"Hometown?"

"Canalave City."

She finished typing, then looked up at him. "You're all set." She slid a slip of paper over the counter towards him. "Here's your exam pass. The first part will begin in five minutes. Please wait in the lobby."

I felt like being in one of those games with customizable characers, for some reason.

He let his attention drift as he mentally prepared himself for what lay ahead. The exam consisted of three parts. A test of physical prowess, tests of knowledge about the pokemon world, and finally, a simulated battle. The physical test and knowledge test he knew well, but he was slightly less certain about the battle test. You never knew what pokemon you would get, or what opponent you would face. On the bright side, they weren't required to win, merely demonstrate their skills.

"Hey, rookie!" A blue-haired boy waved to him from a cluster of other teenagers. "Come on over!"

Koa shuffled over towards the kids, and they parted to make space for him. There were five in total - the blue-haired boy, a muscled boy who kept glancing at the floor, a girl with teal curls, a confident-looking boy wearing a cape (which Koa thought was a bit extra), and a girl with the neatest green bun he'd ever seen.

The blue-haired boy cleared his throat. "Name's Galen. We're all talking about what we wanna do with our pokemon when we get our license. Our goals an' stuff." He grinned. "I'm gonna be a Dark-type specialist. My dad’s gonna help me find a Murkrow."

Cool choice! Murkrow are cool birds!

Must be nice to have parents helping your journey. Koa quickly pushed the bitter thought away. He had Blake, and that was plenty.

Ah, if I didn't know about Blacklight, I would have thought orphan.

Galen gestured to the teal-haired girl. "Hilgar said she's gonna become a coordinator and Cade over there is gonna be a dragon type specialist." He pointed to the caped boy, who nodded calmly in agreement. “And you said you’re gonna try to win the league tournament, right?” He nodded his head towards Bun Girl.

She nodded, flashing a determined smile. “Gonna try to win the Lily of the Valley in a year.”

A couple of the kids let out low whistles, and Koa understood why. To both qualify for the league tournament early next year and win it was an impressive feat.

"What're you gonna do?" Galen asked. Five heads swiveled to stare at him expectantly.

Koa gulped. "I want to c-" He caught himself and coughed awkwardly. "I'm gonna research legendaries."

"Sweet! Like Dialga and Palkia and stuff?" Galen asked. "You think they're real?"

Ah, young Trainers with their young dreams...

The muscled boy cleared his throat. "My dad said they're just a bunch of crazy worshippers who exaggerated stories. All that legendary stuff is nonsense. No way can a pokemon really control time and space."

No way a slug can be five times hotter than the frigging sun! What's your point?

Hilgar snorted. "You seriously believe that Morris? It's somehow all fake?" She rolled her eyes. "Oh, legendaries are real all right."

Morris frowned. "How do you know?"

Everyone looked at her expectantly.

She gave him an exasperated look, which she then shared with everyone else as if expecting someone to finish her sentence. "Team Galactic? Unless we all collectively forgot about the crazy cult who tried to bring about an apocalypse."

Koa flinched at the mention of Team Galactic as a grim silence wrapped around the group. They had been responsible for terrorizing Sinnoh region only some six years ago. The general public never knew the full extent of what they attempted, but they knew it involved trying to capture the sacred guardians of Sinnoh's three lakes. Because of them, the age for a starting trainer had been raised by two years, from 12 to 14. He gritted his teeth, intense bitterness washing over him just thinking about them.

Welp! It looks like things became more complicated because of those fake astronauts...

Cade nodded thoughtfully. "True. We humans are the ones who chose to call them 'gods' because of their actions in protecting humanity and our world."

Hilgar relaxed slightly and sighed. "I mean that they're not like a regular pokemon. You can't catch them or anything. They do their own things while us mortals do ours."

"No." All eyes turned to him. Koa did his best not to squirm. "I just mean... In the past... legendaries would work with humans willingly and stuff." He mentally smacked himself. And stuff? That's the best you can do? "There are a lot of stories where legendaries have been... I mean, were caught by humans." he paused awkwardly. “So it’s not impossible.”

For a moment, it looked as if Hilgar wanted to make a comment, but Cade spoke up first. He let his gaze drift across the group before speaking. “History indeed speaks of Legendaries who joined with humans. It is not unheard of. It is fact, actually.” His tone carried a certain amount of authority that Koa couldn’t help but be jealous of. “Although it certainly seems unlikely in our present time. I will admit I have not heard of any such occurrences in a long time. Not since Ho-Oh and Lugia separated from the towers of Johto about 200 years ago.”

Koa eyed Cade with new respect. He clearly knew his history. And could articulate it better.

Ah! I already like Mini-Lance. Just see at he goes down a path of destruction and villanry.

A couple hours later, he sat anxiously on one of the hard-backed chairs of the auditorium, tapping his foot against the ground. The first two parts of the exam, the physical and the knowledge test, had gone great. He cleared the hurdles and rock wall easily, only outmatched by Cade, who’d practically glided up the walls.

He’d handed in his written test before most of the class too, except for Cade again, and he’d been confident on just about every question. But everything had gone downhill during his battle aptitude test. It had seemed so simple when he’d gotten a Hippopotas and the instructor sent out an Eelektross, an electric-type. Yet he’d lost it, and humiliatingly too. Poor Hippopotas never even got to land a hit.

The instructor's advice to him rang in his mind.

"Never assume, young man. Eelektross has a special ability known as Levitate, which causes ground attacks like Earthquake to miss. And although type advantages can win a battle, don't forget that a skilled trainer must also account for his partner's weaknesses."

I mean, it was also a first-stage vs a third-stage. Even if he remembered about Levitate, it was going to be a uphill battle, anyway.

"I have a gift for you, by the way." Blake reached into his jacket and pulled out a small box.

Koa's eyes widened when he saw the picture on the front. "A Poketch?" he stammered. "Thank you!" he hugged his cousin, then stepped back to examine his new prize. He tore it out of the box and put it on. It booted up flawlessly. He'd wanted a Poketch for months now, and planned to buy one after he started his journey. Now he could save his money for something else.

Yo, cool! And you don't have to hunt down random clowns, either!

The sky had begun to darken by the time they reached Canalave. Koa visited the library before it closed that evening, then purchased a few extra potions and pokeballs from the Pokemart. He bid farewell to his coworkers at the shop, then returned home for the evening. As he lay in bed that night, he silently marveled at the fact that his pokemon journey would begin tomorrow, for real. He would travel to Sandgem, and soon, catch his first pokemon. Thoughts of his perfect team floated through his mind as he finally drifted off to sleep.

Oh? So he worked at a shop. Nice!

Koa sat back for a moment, contemplating. The Ore Caverns lay within a small mountain range directly south of Canalave. If he left now, he could be there by the afternoon. Of course, it would mean getting to Sandgem much later. Although... he could always trek straight through the wilderness and get to Sandgem, if he went off route. He grinned and nodded to himself. It was decided. He would take a quick detour to the caverns, then head Southeast and cut through the wilderness to Sandgem.

Of course! A fresh Trainer without Pokémon going through a wild area! What could go wrong?

"Sorry, no one is allowed past this point without a Trainer's License and at least two badges." Two guards blocked the cave entrance, barring the path forwards.

"What?" Koa cried out. This was his first time hiking all the way to Ore caverns, but he'd assumed he could just go right in. Although granted, he'd never been far from Canalave. The farthest he'd ever gone was Twinleaf town, to visit his cousin's friend. And even then, he always traveled on official routes.

"Why not?" he demanded.

The guard looked down at him and frowned. "This is not a cave that is on an official route. It's not safe for inexperienced trainers, plus there have been sightings of a dangerous Golbat colony."

"You should know better than to goof off in an unexplored cave," the second guard added, giving Koa a look of disdain.

Oh. c'mon! After he climbed the way up there you just... stop him? Shouldn't there be signs or similar to avoid wasting people's time or something?

Plus, the Zubat line was not that dangerous. As long as he kept quiet, he should be fine.

Poison-types... not dangerous... I smell a contraddiction here, Koa.

The cavern he stood in was medium-sized, perhaps as big as an average house. One large tunnel on the opposite side stretched away into the darkness. Koa decided to head for that one first. Keeping his flashlight trained ahead, he started towards the tunnel. He hardly took a step before a bluish shape darted in front of his flashlight beam. He gave a sharp yelp of surprise as a strange weight landed on his head. Dropping his flashlight, he batted the object off his head in a panic. It landed on the ground with a shriek of surprise. Koa grabbed his flashlight and aimed it at the shape. The beam revealed the small bluish body of a Zubat. He frowned and peered closer. The Zubat's fangs indicated it was male, and the unusually thick fur on its body was sticky and matted. With honey. Koa groaned. Something told him this wasn't just a random Zubat. It was the same Zubat from the honey tree last week.

Zubat fluttered into the air and shrieked happily, then settled on his head again. What was it doing here? Koa sighed and shook his head, displacing the bat. "Oh no you don't. Scram," he whispered.

He's using your head as his nest, Koa. How adorable!

Either the Zubat was ignoring him, or didn't care, and immediately dived for his head again. He ducked out of the way and made a shooing motion. "No!" he recognized the behaviour quite clearly - Zubat wanted to join his team. There definitely was not room in the Plan for a Zubat as a starter, or at all for that matter.

Unfortunately, the Zubat didn't seem to get the memo. He squeaked again and dived for Koa's head. He dodged it again and tried to keep walking. The bat kept squeaking happily and fluttered after him.

Well, that's still company, no? And his sonar could be useful, so why not ask his help?

Koa stopped and turned around, glaring at the Zubat.

I doubt glaring will help. You said it earlier -- no eyes. ;p

"You can't come with me," he said firmly. Zubat chirped and did a little loop. Koa tried again. "I can't be your trainer. Find someone else." Zubat was a perfectly fine pokemon, but he wanted a Shinx as his starter. He'd done his research and Zubat simply lacked the natural strength of pokemon like Starly and Shinx. Plus they were flighty and difficult to evolve to their final form. No one even knew what exactly triggered their evolution.

With so many people owning Crobat in the games, I find that last claim a tad bizarre.

There was absolutely no way in Arceus' name he was keeping a Zubat. No. Way.

Narrator: He keeps the Zubat.

Spoiler: Ch2: ...And Here's Why!

Chapter 2: The Unplanned​

Koa continued through the cavern, trying to keep his mind off the Zubat he'd just caught. As soon as he got out of here, he was releasing it. As admirable as its persistence was, he just couldn't picture himself making it to the top with a Zubat.

But what about a Golbat? Unless you're planning to slap an Everstone on him, that'd be a valid choice.

He approached a tunnel ahead, examining it curiously. The walls were smooth and somewhat uniform. Probably made by an Onix. "Alright Regirock, where are you..." He pulled out his camera and started walking.

His ultimate dream was to actually capture a legendary. It was a dream he'd never shared with anyone, not even Blake.

Well, you actually shared your dream at that presentation and people laughed at you for that. I supposed you meant it as "a dream you didn't share recently".

Zubat shrieked and dived at Machop, his wings glowing. Before Machop could react, Zubat struck it with two solid blows. Baring his fangs, Zubat sank them into Machop, delivering a solid Bite attack. Machop cried out and shook itself free. It glared at Zubat, still defiant, although Koa could tell the Wing Attack had greatly weakened it. It leaped into the air, its leg glowing white. Zubat twisted sideways, barely dodging the attack. He delivered another Wing Attack, sending Machop smashing to the ground. Machop didn't get up again.

Koa returned Zubat with a sigh. Despite Zubat's triumph, he couldn't find it in himself to be impressed, not when Zubat had the type advantage. He was beginning to regret not going straight to Rowan's lab. Maybe if he had, he could have found a Shinx. Or at least gotten whatever surprise Rowan had for him. Maybe Rowan had a Shinx, just waiting for him... That would be something. Even so, the Zubat had battled well on its own. For a Zubat, at least. His heart was still set on a Starly though.

I dunno, man. I have trained many Zubats who struggled putting some dent into opponents' health, and that Zubat seems a solid battler. I'd keep him around, y'know?

"Shoot!" He leaped to his feet just as the boulder seemingly came to life, two arms and two legs popping out, followed by a small brownish head. The Golem roared at him in annoyance.

Sheesh! Wild Pokémon really have no patience, huh? Can't even tap them once that they already want you gone.

Golem roared angrily, causing the room to shake. Koa grabbed a rock from the ground and hurled it past Golem. For a brief second, it glanced away, towards where the rock landed.

I can't believe a "made you look" trick worked here... :o

A few moments later, the Zubat began to flutter its wings. Koa smiled in relief, then gave him another Oran berry. Within a few minutes, he was looking completely restored. Koa opened an HP checker app on his Poketch and scanned Zubat. A few seconds later, the results popped up. Full HP.

Hmm... So, there is a concept of HP here? Is that some approximate value, or does it take an approach similar to Origins?

"Phew," he murmured. He still didn't want to keep the Zubat, but he didn't want to see it hurt, either. Until he released it, it was technically his pokemon. His responsibility. Regardless, the encounter only made him more desperate to capture a real pokemon.

"No more challenging ridiculously strong pokemon," Koa snapped.

I learned that lesson hard in SwSh, when I was attacked by a Lv. 50 Pokémon and I had only Lv. 20 ones. :p

Koa stood up and dusted himself off as best he could. "Well, might as well look around." The cavern was large, even bigger than the first one he encountered. Tragically there was no sign of Regirock, although he'd come to suspect what he'd seen earlier had simply been another pokemon. He wandered slowly through the room, carefully checking the ground for tracks or signs of Regirock. He'd made his way almost halfway around the cavern when something caught his eye. Poking from behind a stalagmite, he spotted something white. He crept over to it and peered around the stalagmite. A crumbled set of human bones lay scattered on the ground, gnawed clean.

Koa took a step back and shuddered, looking away. Likely an errant researcher or hiker who had wandered too far. What does that make you? he thought. A chill traveled down his spine and he forced his gaze away from the skeleton. There was no evidence of a pokemon skeleton, so he could have simply come in alone and been overwhelmed. Besides, they looked pretty old. Something else quickly drew his attention away from thoughts of being killed by wild pokemon.

Not gonna lie. The first time I read this part I was shocked. I didn't really expect things to take such a morbid take so fast.

Though, I blame that on my overly imaginative mind.

An unusual stone object lay several feet away, a much lighter and grayer color than the cave rock. It resembled a piece of a large jaw bone, almost twice as big as his head. "It's a Jaw Fossil!" He picked it up and stroked it.

It felt heavy, although still lighter than he expected based on its size. He'd found plenty of fossils before, while out with his cousin or when he snuck into caves on his own. But he'd never found any complete enough for regeneration.

"I thought these were found in Kalos, not Sinnoh," he murmured to himself. Perhaps it belonged to the explorer? Pushing the thought aside with another shudder, he contemplated his next move. If he could get to the museum in Oreburgh City, he could revive the fossil into a Tyrunt. "Sweet!" he shouted. His voice echoed through the cavern, bouncing back to him.

Oh, yeah, let's not report the discovery of a set of human bones to the authorities and focus on a piece of rock. Right.

While, yes, you could get in real trouble for that if you gave out your name, but maybe you can leave an anonymous report?

As the noise faded, he heard scratching and fluttering above him. A vague sense of dread filled him. Slowly, hesitantly, he aimed his flashlight upwards.

Bad idea. Better just walk away.

An entire colony of Zubat and Golbat hung from the ceiling. A nest. Their wide-open eyes gleamed in his flashlight beam as they glared down at him. He took a step back and stumbled, his beam sweeping wildly across the ceiling. Loud screeching filled the room and the sound of hundreds of wingbeats echoed as they left their perches, swarming the cavern.

Yeah... Definitely reaaally bad idea.

The Golbat coalesced into a swarm, shrieking their displeasure. One dove at him again. Koa threw his hands up, narrowly avoiding being bitten in the face, though he paid for it when Golbat bit his shoulder. Flinching in pain, he batted it off. His heart pounded in his chest. A horrifying thought occurred to him. The Golbat didn't seem to be interested in just driving him off. They wanted him gone, whatever it took. This wasn't at all like the ultimately harmless techniques a pokemon wielded in sport combat. These Golbat could very well mean to maim him. Or worse.

This wasn't just about escaping. It was about survival. Koa backed away, his heart pounding.

A Golbat can drain the entire blood of a human in a few seconds, according to dex entries. You'd better keep your skin away from them. Trsut me.

Suddenly his Zubat emerged from his pokeball again. He faced the swarm, shrieking and chittering angrily. One Golbat, larger than the rest, flew forwards, shrieking angrily in return. The two seemed to engage in some kind of brief conversation. A tiny flicker of hope burned in Koa's chest. Then it died.

The Golbat dived at Zubat, its jaws wide open. It snatched Zubat out of the sky, tossing him to the ground. Zubat squeaked weakly and fluttered back into the air as the horde of Golbat began to draw in around them. Zubat opened his tiny jaws and let out an ear-splitting screech. The horde backed off slightly.

Zubat turned to him, chittering urgently, then took off towards a tunnel Koa hadn't noticed before. Koa bolted after his Zubat. He weaved through the tunnels, gasping for breath. Behind him, he could still hear the wingbeats of the colony. They weren't giving up as easy as the Golem had. He ran faster, his chest tightening. Taking out Zubat's pokeball, he returned him, whispering a harried 'thank you' to the pokeball.

Zubat is a dang hero! He deserves more than a thank you!

"Nurse!" he shouted. "My pokemon needs help!" The nurse, an older woman with short-cropped gray hair, hurried towards him. Her Chansey trotted beside her, pushing a gurney, and she carefully took Zubat from him, setting him on Chansey's cart. "What happened to it?"

"We were attacked by a colony of Zubat and Golbat. And they bit him too."

The nurse nodded. "Wait here." She pushed his Zubat through a set of double doors. Koa started to follow, but the doors locked behind the nurse. With a sigh, he picked a chair near the doors and sat down. The longer he waited, the more worried he grew. He pushed the worry down, deep into his mind. He wasn't even sure why he cared so much. After all, he still planned to release Zubat soon. Next time he'd be more prepared, that was all.

The Golbat flock had been nothing more than an unexpected occurrence, and once he had a proper starter pokemon, wild pokemon wouldn't be a problem. Plus, he still had the Plan. With a full team of strong and diverse pokemon, he could go anywhere. His guilt dismissed, he reflected on his next steps.

...Are you for real? Like... for frigging real, mate? That Zubat risked his life for you, and you want to dump him at the next chance you got? What an ungrateful brat! XP

Unless you're trying to lie to yourself and actually won't admit you care about him and want to keep him around, of course. I'd be willing to forgive you, if that's the case.

Zubat chirped happily and fluttered onto his head. A grin spread across his face, but he quickly let it fade. No, he had to stay focused. Zubat was simply his responsibility for now. That was all. He wouldn't train Zubat, and he didn't want to get attached. It wouldn't be fair to Zubat either.

*face-palms* Duuude!!

"Get over here. No sense in healing your pokemon and letting you catch all manners of diseases." Nerene led him to a side room and helped bandage his deeper wounds, and had Chansey use her abilities to heal the less serious ones. She was none too gentle, and Koa started to wish he'd simply suffered through the pain. "Alright, there," Nerene grumbled. "Now stay out of dangerous caves."

Sheeesh, even humans are jerks in this world? I understand being annoyed, but still! Don't let this annoyance spill into the treatment of an injured person!

Koa unexpectedly sucked in a mouthful and started coughing. His eyes began to water and his throat burned. Zubat squeaked and coughed as well, and he quickly returned him to his pokeball. At least Zubat would be protected from the fumes there. It took almost a full minute for the smoke to clear. When it did, the poacher was gone, unsurprisingly. Still, at least the poor Galvantula managed to escape. Judging by its appearance, it seemed the Galvantula must have been brought all the way from Unova. They definitely weren't native to this area of Sinnoh. As soon as he got to Sandgem, he vowed to report the poacher.

Oh, now you're reporting stuff? I hope you reported the bones, too. After all, the nurse already knows what you did, so...

As he watched, it slowly approached him. Then, from the fur on its back, a tiny Joltik leaped off, landing in front of him. Koa gasped. Galvantula was probably Joltik's mother. Given how small Joltik was, it could have been hiding on Galvantula the whole time. The Joltik scurried forwards, its tiny blue eyes gleaming with determination. It chittered defiantly and took another step forwards.

"Oh boy..." Koa muttered. He recognized the look in its eyes. It wanted to come with him. He fought the urge to groan. The Plan was to get a Luxray, not a Joltik. As he stared into the Joltik's eyes, his heart began to soften. Despite its size, it displayed an unusual ferocity. Well, Joltik was still an electric type. And a Galvantula would be a strong addition to a team... "Are you saying you want to come with me?"

The Joltik nodded, its eyes gleaming.

"My dream is to become the greatest explorer ever." Koa turned and gestured to the far off hills of Mt. Coronet. "I'm going to climb that mountain one day, and find the peak. And along the way, I want to raise a team of powerful pokemon. Do you want to come?"

The Joltik bounced up down, tiny sparks leaping off its fur. Koa chucked at the display. "Alright then, I guess that settles it." He withdrew a pokeball from his bag and held it out to Joltik. It sprang forwards, tapping the button in the center. The usual red light emerged, drawing Joltik in. A moment later, the ball dinged.

Yo, boy! This basically predicted the Nidoran short, didn't it? Especially the whole "child leaves parent(s) to join Trainer". I dig that stuff!

And hey, at least Koa seems to like Joltik already, unlike...

Koa couldn't help but grin. He'd caught his first pokemon! His starter. Koa and Galvantula... There was certainly a nice ring to it.

...his real starter. Dude, really?

Joltik churred happily and scurried up his leg and onto his shoulder. Koa patted it gently. "So what do you say, buddy? Want a nickname?"

Joltik gave a little hop in acknowledgment.

"Let's see..." Koa mused. "How about Jolt?"

Joltik immediately delivered a small shock to him.

Call me Jolt again, and I'll give you a real jolt!

"Professor, what happened?" he searched the professor's face anxiously, trying to find any clue of what transpired. He looked even more cross than usual, and his gaze was dark.

"A robbery, I'm afraid. Come inside, I have to explain some things to you."

Koa's clenched his fists and followed him inside. Rage bubbled in him as Rowan led him to the main room, which was empty, and sat down. How dare someone rob a pokemon professor? Poaching was bad enough, but to rob a professor?

"I have some bad news."

Koa turned to face Rowan, trying to prepare himself for the worst, although he had no idea what the 'worst' actually was.

"The people who broke in escaped with a great deal of valuable research and equipment. They also took a pokemon from the nursery." Rowan let out a long sigh before continuing. "I'm afraid that pokemon was meant for you. Your cousin and I were going to give it to you as a gift for becoming a trainer."

A mix of emotions swirled through Koa's mind. "When did they break in?" he asked stiffly.

"This morning."

Rage burned inside him. He felt like punching a wall. As it was, he settled for clenching his jaw. Deep down, he blamed himself. If he'd just come straight to the lab instead of going to that cave first... He pushed the thought away. The deed was long done. Besides, he might never have found the Jaw fossil if he hadn't gone exploring.

Rowan continued. "I am sorry, Koamaru. I can offer you one of the pokemon I keep for young trainers starting their journey."

Okay, here's another something I find very odd. While I understand the secretiveness of what this gift Pokémon was meant to be for plot purposes, I find it very strange that we don't know what Pokémon has been stolen. I mean, if Koa were to come across some thief who has X Pokémon, he could question whether that was his Pokémon.

Sure, it might be moot if the stolen Pokémon ends up bonding with the thief, but... yes, I still find this event bizarre.

"I was wondering if you knew anything about the break-in. I'm investigating it, and I think it may be connected to a series of other robberies. Did Professor Rowan tell you anything?"

Koa shook his head. "No. Is that it? Because I kinda have a bus to catch..."

The girl frowned and sighed. "I'm an investigator. I'm trying to see if the recent crimes are in any way connected to Team Galactic. Do you know anything else about what happened?"

Koa grimaced at the mere mention of the name again. He knew all too well the atrocities they'd committed, trying to kidnap the Lake Guardians and almost succeeding, trying to rewrite the universe- He pushed the thoughts down. Fortunately, they'd apparently been thwarted before they could do real damage, which was all that mattered. Besides, those details weren't public knowledge.

"I don't really know much, sorry," Koa said.

She flicked out a business card, handing it to him. "If you see anything else, call me."

Kinda hard, I'm afraid. I don't even know what Pokémon has been stolen!

Without another word, she turned and jogged back towards the lab. Koa watched her go, then resumed his trek to the bus stop. The disappointment of missing out on the pokemon Rowan had for him still weighed heavily on his mind. To distract himself, he released Hazard from his pokeball.

"Alright buddy, let's see what you can do." He pulled out his Pokedex, scanning the Joltik.

Joltik, the Attaching Pokemon. They attach themselves to large-bodied Pokémon and absorb static electricity, which they store in an electric pouch. This Joltik is male and knows the moves Absorb, Electroweb, Bug Bite, String Shot. Its ability is Compound Eyes.

"Cool!" The moveset was fairly good, considering. Absorb and Bug Bite would give him good offense, while String Shot and Electroweb could trip up opponents.

Just wait until he evolves into a Galvantula and learns Thunder! Compound Eyes + Thunder is a sick combo!

---

General Overview

Alright, so! You prefaced your story by saying that you wanted to capture the vibe of the anime with your story. Well, I'd say you've caught that nostalgic feeling really well, and you've painted a really good image of the Pokéworld and its inhabitants.

Speaking of inhabitants, gotta talk about the protagonist now. A kid who just graduated from Trainer school and who has big plans to accomplish his big dream: befriending and catching a legendary Pokémon. A grandiose goal, no doubt, especially for a youngster. And this dream is so strong that he even gets himself in dangerous situations just to take a peek at a legend... talk about reckless, and somewhat immature. Which is fitting for a teenager, I'd say. Also, his relationship with Blake and friensdhip with the professor were really nice!

Gotta say that I like that he is a flawed character with both quirks and strong points, and also that he has a very rough beginning as his Plan starts going off the rails. Because of a Zubat. I guess you should have brought some Repels, huh? ;p

As of that Zubat, he is such a sweetheart, who shows this sweetness by licking honey and saving Koa from his own recklessness various dangers, despite his lack of experience. That act of helping him out really meant a lot for that Zubat, hm? Pity that Koa wants to release him because he's such an ungrateful kid. :absus:

Can't really say much about Hazard the Joltik, though. He has a determined behavior for his small size, but he doesn't stand out as much as the Zubat imo. I wonder if we'll get to see more about him in future chapters.

But honestly, I've got to say that your worldbuilding is solid. You give reasoning behind how things work in the Pokémon setting, especially the logic behind 'fainting', and you showed that this world can be very dangerous despite the whole "humans and Pokémon are friends" vibes from both the games and anime. I was somewhat thrown off by the general rudeness of both humans and Pokémon alike, but heh! Who wouldn't be annoyed by having kids run around and doing all kinds of dangerous stuff because they feel invincible?

Now, for a little pet peeve of mine, I kinda wished we got to see more of Absol. He was a literal shadow from the beginning until the end, and I kinda feel that the encounter with the Mightyena was a missed opportunity to show his role as a protector and close friend for Koa. Maybe next time we'll get the chance to see more about them. Who knows?

Well, I don't really have much else to say, and whatever observation I've had while reading it's under the notes.

With this said, major kudos for these chapters! They sold the setting immediately without veering too much into info-dump territory.

Keep up the good job!

 

[Flyg0n]

Review roundup time!

First-
Thank you very much everyone! Your insight has been very valuable. I was able to smooth over a lot of really easy to miss errors I had.

To address the most recent batch of reviews...

Spoiler: Pen

Hey tetra, I'm here for Catnip and I'll be picking up at chapter three!

Heya Pen! You covered a lot of broad stuff in your review so I don't have any specific replies, but I did want to thank you. I was able to make one or two adjustments to some of the simpler stuff. Some of it is advice I don't have the time to smooth over, but I'll file away for future projects for sure.
Thanks for your input!!

Spoiler: Namo

I will admit that it got a little on-the-nose near the most recent chapters where actual stats were put up to question, and I think it could have gone somewhat without getting in any sort of depth about it and came off as more of an author tract. Still, it was consistent with prior themes, when it was a little more subtle.

Hehe, I did get very pointed on that chapter. I was going through a hint of saltiness towards how stats were handled, so that probably bled through into my writing. Even so I do still enjoy the vibes. I'll keep this advice in mind for future instances of stuff like this!

I think one of the weaker parts of the story would be the battles--not because of how they're executed, but how frequent they are. Particularly in the beginning, I felt that some of them went on for longer than they should have, and perhaps could have been glossed over, or perhaps starting at the end of them. Once we're familiar with a Pokemon's fighting ability, it may not be necessary to show it again, you know?

Yeah, a few people have said that. I'm realizing some of the battles in the early sections don't do much. I'm just such a sucker for them, but they really aren't the same when they're not animated either. And they don't really play into the narrative in early parts.

Anyways, I cut the Bidoof battle because that was particularly useless long term. Noting this for future chapters!

Spoiler: Free

I was a bit surprised at how lightly Koa took the second disruption to his Plan - he has a moment of thinking he wanted a Luxray, but then he's just immediately over it, thinking of Joltik as his starter, of Koa and Galvantula. Purely in terms of stats, Crobat has a significantly higher base stat total than Galvantula, and I'd been strongly under the impression up until now that Shinx as his starter was the very most important Pokémon to the Plan! How's he just dropping that whole idea so easily now, after spending the last entire chapter determined that he must get his Shinx and release Zubat because Zubat's not part of the Plan? If I were Echo witnessing this I'd be pretty offended right about now. :P

Yeah, looking back it reads a wee jarring. It is supposed to be hypocritical to a degree, because Koa has a minor internal prejudie against the idea of having a Zubat. And Joltik is electric type so to his silly brain they're more similar. Might revist down the line to change, thanks!

This sounds a little funny - if they're available for sale, and only "somewhat" expensive, it doesn't really make sense to say they're generally reserved for those in a professor's personal class.

Lol yeah this is really silly. Fixed it.

Can't decide if this is Pokémon having anime unrealistically young professionals or if it's hinting that she's up to something and lying to him.)

Nah, this kind of stuff is normal. She'll reappear later to explain more fully but since 10 year olds become champions and children are gym leaders and there's an episode of DP feature a young girl and her luxray training to be a police officer its just fun anime world logic!

Technically her role as investigator is closer to 'Neighborhood Watch' but you know, kids these days love fighting criminals.

Spoiler: Bluesidra

My recommendation would be to dedicate a paragraph once in a while on description of the environment specifically from Koa’s eyes. Like, what do the streets in a city look like as opposed to an overhead view. Then again, early chapters. I get it.

Yeah, I'm really bad at showing stuff through the MC's eyes! I end up doing a very 3rd 'distant' perspective. I'll have to remember to work on this!

I’ve already mentioned Koa punching Kody in the face unprovoked. That felt quite out of left field.

heh, it is a little jarring. I don't plan to take it out but I am now rethinking how to lead into it better.

Koa so far didn’t seem prone to violence, even hoping to never have to resort to it. And when Kody antagonises him, it’s literally the first thing he does. Seemed a bit ooc for me, but maybe Kody got up really close to his face. I’d probably freak out too.

To be clear, Koa didn't want to have to use violence against a pokemon unnecessarily, unlike criminals, who he hates. I've done a couple teensy tweaks to show his Intense dislike of criminals earlier though. He has a shorter fuse with people though sometimes.

• A lot of the day-to-day life of a pokemon trainer kinda blends together when he’s traversing a route. I recall a battle against a girl where he won 200poke and I wondered what the purpose of that was. Were the 200poke important? Yes, Hazard can pack a punch, but I’d believe that from the off-screen training. There was no meaningful interaction between Koa and the girl, so maybe it was to show that Koa is a loner? And then the thing about the travel mentioned above.
• The skeleton in the cave was a bit off tone – at least for me. It did set the stakes very high and I was gripped and with Koa his entire way out of the cave, but it also introduced death into a usually very light-hearted world. You know, where Team Rocket can blast off at the speed of light and only have a few scrapes. Maybe if Koa only found the old bag with the fossil, wondered where its owner went and then theorised – much to his shock – that they might be dead, it would make for a less jarring scene without taking away from the stakes.

Yes and yes! I decided to shorten that section drastically, as the fight has no narrative impact.

And yeah, the human bones bit is overkill, a holdover from my edgy teen years writing this in 2015. I changed it though!

Spoiler: Cress

I really feel like this piece should have gone before the tree-climbing scene, so that the practice would have come across as less random.

Holy cheese what a good catch. Fixed! Thank you!!

Hmm... I know that this is a early chapter and everything, and that you don't want extensive feedback about these early chapters, but frankly I find these sentences a bit... monotonous. Those many "he", "he", "he" in rapid succession kinda magnify that feeling.

Like, for example, I think that the part "He guessed the Aipom had claimed the tree as its own. He knew the monkey pokemon were fairly fond of honey" would work better as "He guess the Aipom had claimed the tree as its own. After all, those monkey pokemon were fairly fond of honey".

Even if you won't edit this chapter, I think it's a piece of advice that could be useful for future chapters. :)

You're right. I hate this paragraph now lol. Fixed it.

There's a bit of inconsistency between using Pokémon and using pokémon, I see. Is there some difference, or...?

The difference is I am stupid lol. Anyways I'll be going back to address this. I was very in decisive in the beginning.

With so many people owning Crobat in the games, I find that last claim a tad bizarre.

It is really bizarre and weirdly put, especially here. Fixed!

Well, you actually shared your dream at that presentation and people laughed at you for that. I supposed you meant it as "a dream you didn't share recently".

Good catch, fixed! The presentation was added in a later edit, so I forgot to make everything consistent. thank!

Sheesh! Wild Pokémon really have no patience, huh? Can't even tap them once that they already want you gone.

This is some hot lore! See, going too far into the wild/off the Routes is dangerous because pokemon there basically have a sort of mutually understood 'Do not Disturb'. He's kinda walking through their backyard without even offering a battle or being able to defend himself.

This is all Koa's fault, if he'd come back with more badges he would be just fine. That's what routes are for, silly Koa!

Not gonna lie. The first time I read this part I was shocked. I didn't really expect things to take such a morbid take so fast.

Though, I blame that on my overly imaginative mind.

Yeah this was wayy too morbid, fixed!

Unless you're trying to lie to yourself and actually won't admit you care about him and want to keep him around, of course. I'd be willing to forgive you, if that's the case.

This is exactly what Koa is doing.

Sheeesh, even humans are jerks in this world? I understand being annoyed, but still! Don't let this annoyance spill into the treatment of an injured person!

I tweaked this slightly, but Nerene isn't rude so much as annoyed with Koa for being irresponsible. He was warned not to go in the caves for a reason. She's more worried/scared concerned, not mean.

Okay, here's another something I find very odd. While I understand the secretiveness of what this gift Pokémon was meant to be for plot purposes, I find it very strange that we don't know what Pokémon has been stolen. I mean, if Koa were to come across some thief who has X Pokémon, he could question whether that was his Pokémon.

Sure, it might be moot if the stolen Pokémon ends up bonding with the thief, but... yes, I still find this event bizarre.

Hmm yeah, I adjusted this. I can't really change it, since its referenced later but I did adjust it to show that Koa purposefully doesn't want to know its identity... I'll revisit this more later.

Now, for a little pet peeve of mine, I kinda wished we got to see more of Absol. He was a literal shadow from the beginning until the end, and I kinda feel that the encounter with the Mightyena was a missed opportunity to show his role as a protector and close friend for Koa. Maybe next time we'll get the chance to see more about them. Who knows?

Hmmm yeah, thats a fair point. Maybe I can find a way to fix this somehow later...

Anyways, thank you thoroughly for all your thoughts, they've been of great help!!!

 

[bluesidra]

Hello!

Finally here to repay you for your 10chapter-binge-review. Though "binge" is a stretch. I've been listening to it for two months now, on and off, while I was driving to work.
So... get ready for the mother of all reviews :D

Spoiler: Chapter by Chapter Summary

1: The Plan​

• Koa and Blake are introduced, Koa travels to Rowan and rescues a Zubat
• Koa gets his trainers license
• Koa ventures to Ore cavern after a Regirock has been spotted there, Zubat joins his party

2: The Unplanned​

• Koa explores Ore Cavern
• Finds Tyrunt Fossil
• Get almost killed by Golbat flock, but him and Zubat make it to safety
• Koa rescues a Gavantula from a poacher, gets Hazard in return
• Gets to Rowan’s Lab to retrieve starter, but Lab has been broken into and his starter stolen
• Rowan gives him Pokedex

3: Rocky Road to Success​

• Koa trains Hazard and ignores Zubat
• Gets to Oreburgh to revive Tyrunt, but Roark refuses unless Koa beats him in a battle
• Koa loses fight and is salty about it, blames Zubat for it
• Koa gets into an argument with a lady in the flower shop, buys some berries for his team
• Trains a bit more with Hazard, and even a bit with Zubat
• Kody antagonises Koa, Koa challenges him to prove that Zubat is not pathetic and loses (Zubat vs Meditie)
• Comes around and accepts Zubat as his starter, names him Echo

4: Every Roserade has its Thorns​

• Challenges Kody’s sister Rachel and wins (Echo vs Psyduck). Echo evolves
• Reaches Eterna, visits Dialga/Palkia statue. Meets another boy who’s also interested in Legendaries
• Researches Gardenia, then challenges her, wins badge and a lot of price money
• Buys bike

5: Rematch and Revival​

• Koa challenges two trainers on Cycling Road and wins
• Koa challenges Roark and outstalls him. Wins
• Rorak revives Tyrunt, but something goes wrong. Building collapses, Tyrunt escapes
• Koa chases Tyrunt, finds her hunting Ponyta. That quickly goes south when the Rapidash defend their herd. Koa gets injured trying to protect Tyrunt

6: Unstoppable, Immovable​

• Koa wakes up in hospital, Blake is there, angry and worried
• Claims Tyrunt, but she has trouble bonding with him or the team
• Rorak has second thoughts about his GL position, thinking he handled the incident badly
• Avis interviews Koa about what happened at the Lab, introduces Team Blackout
• Koa tries bonding with Tyrunt again, to no avail
• Koa explores Mt Coronet a bit, and is challenged by wild Onix. Tyrunt disobeys and loses
• Meets Rorak, they have a practise battle, Tyrunt vs Cranidos, ends in a embarrassing tie

7: Looking Onward and Inward​

• Koa explores Mt Coronet for two weeks. Tyrunt challenges a Machamp and loses every time
• Tyrunt accepts Koa’s help at learning Dragon Tail. She still won’t listen, but is stronger now
• Get trapped by rockslide, Hazard finds a way out
• Meets Cade, the guy from the statue. They have a training battle, Gible vs Tyrunt. Tyrunt loses
• Cade gives Koa some tips on how to handle dragon types.
• Koa finally bonds with Tyrunt, giving her the name Rascal

8: Where the Hearthome lies​

• Koa gets to Hearthome, but finds Gym closed
• Meets and befriends Wyatt and his Clefairy in the park
• Wyatt invites him to his poffin course, but Team Blackout interferes and steals Clefairy
• Koa pursues grunt and beats the shit out of him, saves Clefairy, gets egg as reward
• Visits conference by Dr Callahan
• Rowan sends him Houndour, which has been specially bred by Blake

9: The Hound of the Hour​

• Houndour is introduced to the team, is a bit reserved
• Koa is challenged by guard, Houndour vs Hoothoot, Houndour wins
• Gets to Pokemon Mansion, double battle Rascal and Hazard vs Roselia and Chatot, Koa wins
• Koa enjoys mansion’s luxury, Anubis is still hostile towards team
• Koa challenges brat Liam, Anubis vs Monferno, Anubis wins
• Koa lets Anubis fight against Echo, Echo wins. Anubis is humbled and bonds with the team
• Gets caught in downpour, somehow finds his way to Shards-guy, trades shards for Giga Drain

10: From Marsh to Shining Marsh​

• Makes his way through the Marsh, meets Avis again. They bond and later have a tag battle against two rangers
• Reaches Pokemon-Center, calls Blake. They make up for their fight in Oreburgh, and Koa shows him his team.
• Koa and Avis go to Safari-Zone Marsh, Koa spots a very determined Shroomish. Shroomish already has a trainer, but seems to be abandoned. Koa brings it to the Center after it faints and gets to keep it.

11: Mach Power​

• KITTO!
• Koa trains with his team, switches up attacks
• Challenges Crusher Wake with Echo, Hazard and Shroomish and wins
• Shroomish finds Kitto
• Koa challenges Kitto, Echo and Shroomish vs Jackie, Jackie wins, Shroomish evolves into Breloom
• Kitto accepts to train Koa and Scrapper

12: You’ve got to be Kitto-ing me​

• Kitto and Koa are training, Koa is not happy with it, but Scrapper finally learns Mach Punch
• They come across the pokemon mansion again, Koa challenges Liam, who wants Scrapper back. Rascal vs. Abomasnow, Rascal loses
• Mansion owner deems battle illegitimate
• Rematch against Liam, Echo vs Kadabra, Echo wins
• Kitto promises Mansion owner to come back when he’s stronger, so they can have a full out battle

13: Getting Ghosted​

• Kitto and Koa bond a bit more (Kitto is best), Kitto prepares to leave for Unova
• Rumors of an Entei being spotted. Koa goes to search for it, but finds nothing
• Gym is still closed
• Kitto has challenged Cynthia to a practise battle, but lost. Koa asks her for the same, in an effort to get Phantina’s badge, Cynthia is concerned
• Koa and Kitto hang out a bit more, Koa practices with his team and researches Phantina
• Koa challenges Phantina and wins
• Cynthia powns Phantina

14: Cal-amity square​

• Koa gets Everstone for Hazard, who refuses to evolve
• They hang out in the park and have a picnic
• Koa and Anubis have a close encounter with Entei, Anubis evolves
• Koa and Wyatt make poffins for his team

15: Don’t Gabite off more than you can chew​

• Training, Scrapper for Sky Upper Cut and Echo for Air Slash
• Avis shows up, offers help with Air Slash in return for a battle
• Echo vs Noctowl, Echo wins
• Echo has difficulties learning Air Slash, stays up until late in the night, Koa and him have some Bro-Time together and Echo finally learns Air Slash
• Koa meets Cade again, Rascal vs Gabite, Rascal loses
• Koa promises to get stronger so he won’t lose again

16: Enter the Unown​

• Koa and Avis explore Lost Tower
• Koa meets Callahan, they have a discussion about Legendaries
• Gets egg checked up, everything is ok
• Meets Charles Dragonwood at Solaceon Ruins, catches a lot of Unowns

17: Strategy for Success​

• Koa vs Avis, Koa wins by brute force. Avis tries to bring it up, he snaps at her
• Koa reassures himself that strategy isn’t the way to go

18: Getting your Psyducks in a row​

• Koa gets challenged by ninja kid, Tyrunt vs Skunky, Tyrunt wins
• Psyduck steals Koa’s egg, Avis and Koa work together to retrieve it
• Have a run-in with Team Blackout
• Flurry hatches

19: Breaking the Ice Fang​

• Koa gets challenged by ninja kid, Flurry vs Wurmple, Flurry wins, Wurmple evolves
• Koa asks Wilma to teach Rascal Ice Fang. Has to find out about the nature of ice in a cave.
• Practise battle against Wilma. Rascal vs Flygon, Rascal wins
• Flies with Wilma to Celestic Town

20: An Electrifying Encounter​

• Koa meets Callahan at ruins
• KITTO! shows up again, back from Unova. Kitto has adopted a Pidgey that can’t fly
• A thunderstorm brews, Koa runs out to hopefully meet Raikou
• Next morning, they learn that the ruins have caved in and Koa fills Kitto in on his sightings
• Koa vs Kitto, Koa wins with Echo

21: KOa’d​

• Koa meets Battle Triplets and gets into a confrontation
• Koa gets steamrolled by Maylene
• Koa storms off to do some more training and research
• Goes for a walk to clear his head about his attitude lately, gets caught in storm
• rushes to his tent, finds all his pokemon inside save for Echo
• Looks for Echo, finds him battling a Staraptor that is way out of his league in an attempt to give Koa a better flying type
• Koa assures him that Echo is the best flying type ever, and Echo evolves.

22: Blackout​

• Koa seeks out the battle triplets again
• Koa wins against Maylene
• Battle Triplets leave, but with begrudging respect from both sides.
• At the pokecenter, Team Blackout robs Koa of Flurry, Hazard and Rascal
• Koa and Avis pursue them, Scrapper gets caught in a trap, Anubis goes feral for a few moments
• Police give Koa a very stern warning for endangering himself

23: Heart's Fire​

• Scrapper needs some serious medical attention and won’t be able to battle for long, is now kinda downtrodden, even though he doesn’t blame Koa
• Avis almost gets her license revoked, but caught the eye of Looker, and is now a trainee with the international police
• Blake orders Koa home and is Not amused
• Koa goes back to the cliff where Echo evolved and meets HO-OH!!!!, but questions if he is really a good trainer
• Koa goes back to Canalave
• Blake and Koa do some wholesome bonding
• Koa challenges Byron but is unfocused because of self doubt. Byron calls the match off
• Goes to meet up with Kitto to do some training on Iron Island

General Thoughts​

Spoiler: Things I really liked

• The feeling of safety. You established very early on how you want this to be nothing more than a lighthearted adventure, and, after some time acclimating to it, it shows. It is a lighthearted adventure, and thus I can go in with all emotional guards lowered. I think I can trust LA as much as I would trust a saturday morning cartoon to not completely destroy my feels. And if it does, it does so justified and with enough of a buildup.
• The pokemon. Even though they are fairly “streamlined” for the sake of the saturday morning cartoon feels, they never get boring. They have distinct personalities and are always a joy to read about.
• Koa not being the best at everything or right about everything. Koa definitely tries his best, but he gets a lot of beatdowns, both in pokemon battles and outside of it. And though those beatdowns help him overcome one wrong approach, they never fully turn his character around. So after 200k, the Koa we have is definitely a different Koa from the one we started with, but it doesn’t feel unearned or out of the blue.
• The writing style. Yes, your writing is on the more simplistic side. The sentences are short, the vocabulary is limited. But you know what? That’s great! I don’t need to divert all my resources to reading your fic. It’s a nice and relaxing read to unwind to.
• The limited array of characters. Despite it being a semi-episodic piece, I don’t feel overwhelmed by the amount of characters I have to keep track of. There are five recurring characters (Koa, Avis, Kitto, Blake, Rowan), and the rest of the characters show up when they need to and then vanish just as quickly. The few times a character outside of these five reoccurred, you introduced them again in a very natural manner. And despite this, the characters never feel like filler. They very much have their own life and goals, are not over the top and still distinct. The Pokemon Mansion chapter was especially noteworthy in that regard.
• Kitto. Did I mention that already? What, only a hundred times? But yeah, Kitto is exactly my type. One half hipster, one half snarker, overall badass. The good stuff. And if I’m not all over the place for Kitto, I’m cheering for Echo. Little happy bat! I love his sensibility and positivity.

Spoiler: My Highlights

I thought before I take a look at the overall story, I’ll give you my thoughts on my favourite chapters and why they are my favourites.

1. Heath’s Fire
   This chapter is incredibly atmospheric. Koa is at a seemingly important point in his life and emotionally vulnerable and I feel it. A lot of things happen that break his status quo. Blake is concerned. Avis gets a promotion. He sees Ho-oh, but questions if he is actually a good trainer. This chapter feels like a goodbye and a first step and was very very effective in that.
2. KOa’d
   Koa, who has become overly dependent on raw strength, gets absolutely flattened by Maylene, while the Battle Triplets watch. He feels humiliated and hits a really low point, as does Echo, who evolves in an emotionally very touching scene. What I like in this chapter most are the side characters, Dimitri, Demetria, Duche and Maylene. You treat them all with a lot of respect, never depicting them as caricatures or strawmen, and Koa also seems to respect that, even if he lashes out against them.
3. Blackout
   Koa’s rematch against Maylene, his coming to terms with the Battle Triplets and of course the robbery. The rematch was great and felt earned and the goodbye from the Battle Triplets carried the positive vibes they had from the last chapter over. And then the robbery. It raised the stakes tenfold. Koa being paralysed and helpless was something we’ve never seen before and honest to god scary. It bordered on a too-drastic tone-shift, but only bordering (I know how squamish I am with feeling physically helpless, so other readers might not have those issues). Luckily, Koa and Avis can return his stolen pokemon within the chapter, but it comes at an incredibly high and consequential cost for all involved.
4. You’ve got to be Kitto-ing me
   The long training session with Kitto and Scrapper. I have to admit, 50% of why I like this chapter is Kitto. He is such a joy. The other half is that the training-success felt earned and I was physically cheering Koa on when they finally cracked it. Also, Koa and Kitto form a really genuine feeling connection and it’s nice seeing Koa interact with someone who gets through to him.
5. Rocky Road to Success
   What can I say, I love it when Karma comes around and all of it in one chapter no less. Koa loses against Rorak, lets his frustration out on Echo, and finally comes around to accepting him, leading to a lot of fluff and a worthy payoff for our bat-friend who had been fighting hard to be loved.

Spoiler: Pacing

Now, we’ve discussed overarching pacing a lot, and there’s little you can do while writing to influence it. So please don’t be discouraged by the following and keep in mind that I don’t know either what makes something work and what doesn’t. Those are theories most of the time.
But first off, let me tell you that there is absolutely no issue with small-scale pacing. In the very early chapters are some scenes that could have been condensed and what not, but overall, if you take a look at an individual scene, they flow quite well and at an even pace. Training and Fight scenes take up quite a lot of space and they are not exactly my jazz, so I might be biased against them, but even they flow well.

So, when I listened through it, I sometimes kinda… lost track? But only in some places. In others, it worked great.
I’ve picked my brain about what threw me off sometimes. (Keep in mind that I usually listen to this on my way to and from work. I’m usually either not quite awake or exhausted, so that may have played part in my ability to focus.)

One reason may be because of the chapter length. You tend to have very long chapters with multiple scenes, where it’s easy to lose track of why this scene is happening and why this scene is in this chapter.
Oftentimes, when I tried to pinpoint one of the more difficult to grasp chapters down, it had multiple things going on. The very effective ones imo are the encounters with the Legendary Beasts (“Cal-amity Square” and “An Electrifying Encounter”). They almost solely focus on the encounter and if I read their titles, I can say in one word what they were about. Whereas the ones I struggle most with are chapters that deal with multiple smaller going-ons simultaneously (“Don’t Gabite off more than you can chew” and “Getting your Psyducks in a Row”)
I suggest maybe finding a unique thread that runs through a chapter and coming back to it ever so often. Like, maybe in the opening scene, Avis said something, and then in the closing scene, Koa thinks back to it and sees it in a different light. But that’s also me talking, and I love doing that kind of stuff. I don’t know if other people find it as effective as I do.

Another issue might be the even pace, which is not necessarily good. It can create a sense of monotony, and maybe that is the overall problem I had with the blurry parts. Because when you get chapters like the Legendary encounters, that are incredibly fast paced, things are shaken up again.
Here, maybe keeping slower and faster paced sections balanced is a good pointer. Normally, a fight is fast paced, and can quickly break up a slower section, but since LA focuses a lot on fights, especially “normal” league battles, they are kinda “normal paced” too. Maybe here emotionally challenging (Echo’s evolution) or “setpiece scenes” (Legendary Encounters) do the trick.

Spoiler: Arcs

Then I found that some chapters overall blur together. Especially the chapters 4 to 10 and 14 to 20. Those were the ones I struggled to keep my focus most and I really really pondered why. I tried to divide your story up in arcs.

Arc 1: Echo (Ch. 1-3)
It introduces Koa, his goals and shows him capturing his first two pokemon. He challenges Roark, loses and then sets out on a new plan.
I think those three chapters work great together, because they are such a compact little character study of Koa. He is introduced, gets to confront challenges (which shows his approach to things) and then has to change his mind about Echo. Echo and Koa wrap this little arc in a neat bow

Arc 2: The rest of the team (Ch. 4-10)
These chapters mainly focus on Koa acquiring his other team-members (save for Flurry), as well as two badges.
This was the first stretch that I found difficult to focus on and I don’t quite know why. Maybe because there was no longer arc (save for maybe Rascal). Koa doesn’t really have character development. Most of the chapters here have a very episodical feel to them, which is good for them, but doesn’t make much room for a longer narrative. But still, after revisiting this part, I can still pinpoint in one word what each chapter is about.

Arc 3: Kitto (Ch. 11-13)
This is basically one big training montage for Koa and Scrapper. I really liked those three chapters. Every one of them had a unique theme to it (getting to know Kitto, training, travel with Kitto), while Kitto’s presence still marked them as part of one entity. (Also, I simp for Kitto)

Arc 4: Overconfidence (Ch. 14-20)
These chapters have Koa shifting his approach to fighting as their overarching theme. And while this is a very clear thread throughout all of the chapters, the individual chapters don’t really stand out. There is rarely a change in scenery (save for “Breaking the Ice-Fang”, which is one of the more memorable ones). Even though Avis is with Koa for four chapters, she doesn’t have as much presence as Kitto (because she is very often absent, not because she isn’t as colorful as he is), and therefore also doesn’t serve as thread to the chapters.
We have a lot of training here, which might also be a contributing factor to why I lost track of where I was so often. Training scenes tend to be very long, and when they are finished, I often don’t remember where we were before. More on training and fights later though.

Arc 5: A new approach (Ch. 21-23)
I don’t exactly know what it is, but those three chapters are incredibly riveting. They are my top three favourite chapters in the entire fic by far. Koa’d is incredibly brutal towards Koa, and though you haven’t held back before either, these defeats really hurt. But Koa comes out of it with so much grace and growth, it’s lovely. Then Blackout raises the stakes by a lot. And Hearth’s Fire is a very touchy cooldown chapter. This is the first time, I think, that there are major negative consequences that stretch over multiple chapters and that change the status quo. It really feels like this is the beginning of a major new arc and I can’t wait to see what comes next.

Spoiler: Training, Fights and Mechanics

First of all, I have to say that your fights are great! They really carry the feeling of the anime across. They are dynamic, interesting and even though pokemon moves are difficult to describe, you manage to conjure up vivid images in my head in very few words.

Fights and training are not my favourite thing to write about (seeing how I’ve so far written one actual trainer battle) and I think a bit of that sentiment carries over to reading. Which is strange, because I never lose interest in a fight once it goes on. But sometimes, I lose sight of what went on “around” a particular fight. Like, what did the characters do before or after that fight.
Especially in the very early chapters, there were a lot of fights and interactions that I didn’t see the reason for (as mentioned in my first review), but that quickly got better. By now I can see a reason for every fight. It still “blurs” a bit around it, but I thoroughly enjoyed the battles against Maylene for example.

Then we have training montages. Which, seeing that this is a trainer-fic, are vital. I just don’t really vibe with them in general. You’re doing a great job with them, but if I had to choose one thing that I’d cut, it would be several Koa and team training sessions. But a trend I’ve seen in later chapters is to just fast-forward his training sessions and/or connect training breakthrough with other important character moments (Echo’s evolution, the nature of ice thing)

Also, shout out to your consequent and confident use of game-mechanics. I myself tend to approach this stuff waaaay too rationally and it’s really nice to see someone just accepting game mechanics and running with it. It never feels immersion-breaking and is a fresh new experience for me.

Here are my top 5 battles. Keep in mind that the encounters with the legendaries and the last fight against Team Blackout rank higher imo (they are what I refer to as setpiece-fights), but I wanted to focus on traditional battles here

1. Koa vs Maylene, both fights
   In their first encounter, it was absolutely clear how out of his depths Koa was. Maylene had an incredible pressure going and I felt it. Also, Koa giving up halfway through added to the emotional brutality of the chapter.
   The rematch had a way more confident Koa and though I felt Maylene didn’t put quite the pressure forward, his victory still felt earned. All his team-members showed their strength and especially Scrapper made a memorable sacrifice.
2. Koa vs Byron
   Koa blanking in the middle of a fight is something new and exciting. Also, Rascal shrugs it off, which is quite nice of her. Byron, who I always saw as a bad and borderline abusive father to Roark, is actually likable here.
3. Koa vs Crusher Wake
   Even though Crusher Wake went by so fast that I often forget that Koa encountered him, the battle and the use of the environment made it memorable.
4. Koa vs Roark, rematch
   Seeing Koa come out on top even though he had a severe type disadvantage was satisfying. Also, he got to show his strategizing for the first time.

Spoiler: Technical Stuff

Overall, your prose is simple and I like that. It gets its job done and lets the reader focus on the story. Since I didn’t read it, only listened, I can’t really give my two cents on punctuation. Though I did catch a few keyboard slip-ups here and there, they are nothing tragic.

Characters​

Spoiler: Koa

He’s our protagonist and we follow him around exclusively. Koa is a fourteen year old boy from Canalave, who dreams of catching a legendary one day.

In the beginning, he is shown to be quite inflexible when it came to his plans, but over time, he became more relaxed. By now, he seems to have put planning ahead fifty steps completely behind him, and seems to enjoy his journey for what it is. In the latest chapter, he even had to recall what his actual goal was - to catch a legendary.

Koa is not especially good with people. He is usually curt, and bordering on unfriendly when he doesn’t pay attention. He gets by on a day to day basis well enough, but most of his relationships and encounters stay surface level. The only two people who he seems to share a deeper bond with, are Kitto and Blake.

Blake is his cousin who raised him and acts more like a big brother. And though Koa finds him overbearing sometimes, it’s clear that they both love each other a lot. They blow up in each other’s faces and quickly make up for it, just like real siblings.

Kitto and Koa share an interesting friendship. They have by far the most substantial chemistry in the entire story between them. Koa seems to trust Kitto instinctively, and allows himself a level of openness around him that he usually doesn’t do with others. He discusses legendaries and his plans with Kitto, who never dismissed him, and Koa takes his responses seriously. Seeing them interact is always very nice.

Koa’s biggest weakness is his insecurity, though. Since he went on his journey, he feels that things grow over his head, especially his pokemon and the challenges he takes on (in my interpretation). This led him to dismiss his usual strategies and preparation for raw strength. He argued that strength will always be available, even if strategy and preparation failed him. And when this seemed to work, he became overconfident. But even that overconfidence was only a thin layer - he constantly questioned if this was the right approach, and only didn’t turn back because of stubborn pride. When it eventually backfired, he understandably had a crisis. He managed to bounce back to beat Maylene, mostly thanks to Echo, but even now still feels inadequate. He tends to blame himself for things he couldn’t foresee (Scrappers injury) and often dismisses other people arguing against that notion.

Spoiler: Kitto

Kitto is my favourite character in all of LA, period. This is mostly because I love his type: mature, unreadable and snarky (Read 26y to see that prototype in action).

When he’s not trolling Koa, he is a stoic fighting type specialist (or so one might think), who values self-improvement and honing his body and mind alongside his Hitmonchan, Jackie. For a 16yo he’s quite mature and thoughtful.

He treats everyone he sees with respect, which gives him an additional edge at connecting with other people. He sees fighting as a sport and a form of self-improvement, which makes him a very professional trainer and a good loser.

All of those qualities make it even more rewarding when he starts opening up around Koa. Then he admits to how he almost lost his cool with Skyla or when Koa beats him at his own game of teasing.

Narratively, he acts as a grounding force to Koa and the closest thing he has to a rival. He is the one Koa either actively turns to or that magically shows up when Koa needs someone to exchange ideas with or just to spar with, mentally and physically.

Spoiler: Avis

Avis is an aspiring detective who bumps into Koa on her pursuit of crime, and later just as a travel companion. She is an upbeat character, energetic and driven. She and Koa get along quite well. At first, she annoyed him a bit, since she disturbed his plans, but in the later chapters, he genuinely cares for her well-being.

Avis is a bit more snippy with her remarks than Kitto, but never ill-intentioned and Koa never takes offence. And even though she is quite energetic, she can also bear Koa when he doesn’t want to talk or they just have to kill some time together in silence.

Sadly, even though she has more screen-time than Kitto, she is not as memorable (which is unsurprising, Kitto is extremely charismatic and hard to beat in that area). It also doesn’t help that in the chapters that she’s with Koa, she tends to disappear for longer periods of time, doing her own thing.

Spoiler: Pokemon

Echo​

Echo is Koa’s starter and the best boy in his team. By far the strongest pokemon, Echo has won countless battles and also lost his fair share. But when he loses, it’s always a big deal. Not for Echo personally, he is more ashamed that he couldn’t deliver for Koa. Echo and Koa share a really strong bond, and Echo is always Koa’s first choice as a casual walking partner. They spent many nights out together, growing stronger, to a point that, whenever Echo’s on screen, there’s a certain feeling of security that the happy-go-lucky bat exudes.

Hazard​

Hazard chose Koa as his trainer and is a very confident and headstrong Joltik. He is quite perceptive too, especially when it comes to Koa. In battle, it’s always refreshing to see those six inches stand up against the biggest foes, and with some spiderman-action, the little bug type has come a long way. Him and Scrapper had a bit of a rivalry going on, but once Scrapper outgrew the pipsqueak, Hazard seemed to drop the issue.

Rascal​

Rascal is an overconfident Tyrunt that prefers to run through walls over stopping and going around it. She has gotten her fair share of beatings, and over half of them were self-inflicted, but she bounced back every time. Sometimes, her pride got a scratch, and that’s when she’s vulnerable. But despite the headaches she’s given Koa, she is now a reliable teammate. Judging by the aftermath of their battle against Byron, she accepts Koa’s quirks just as much as he grew to accept hers.

Anubis​

Anubis is a very reliable, serious and sometimes stuck-up Houndoom. He is a canine pokemon and as such takes his responsibility as guard dog for the party very seriously. Distant as he might be, he seems to be loyal to his grave. When Flurry hatched, he immediately latched onto her. When she was later kidnapped, Anubis Dark type tendencies showed, when he attacked with full force, potentially seriously injuring both opposing pokemon and trainer.

Scrapper​

Scrapper is a stoic Breloom, who acts like a full Fighting type and only remembers that he’s part Grass type when his effect spore kicks in. He had been abandoned by his previous trainer because he was weak and that did not sit well with the determined Scrapper. If things went his way, he’d train 24/7 and not relax ever. That makes him kinda distant from the team, but his teammates accept him nonetheless. Currently he is out of commission after a serious injury and goes through some kind of funk that I haven’t yet figured out.

Flurry​

Flurry is a ball of pure joy, covered in soft fur. She is a freshly hatched Spheal that doesn’t have a single care in the world and loves rolling around and clapping. As much as Koa might want a Walrein, I wouldn’t protest if all Flurry ever does is roll around and be the designated cheerleader of the party.

So that concludes my thoughts on Legendary Adventures so far. I really admire your determination and consistency with which you write this. It's been going on for quite a while now and evolving a lot, but that doesn't get too apparent in the story. And even though you might have hit a rough spot right now - I'm sure you'll bounce back even better than before. 200k is a serious commitment, and I'm sure it takes more than a little burnout to dissuade you from writing and loving this story.

Thank you for the lovely and entertaining read!

Cheers - blue

---

Also, after spending countless hours with your characters, I figured I might as well give them a picture to go with. Hope you enjoy <3

 

[Flyg0n]

Hello!

@everything I cant even put thought to word rn im just
exceedingly grateful beyond words and my heart is warmed THAT AART Im CRYING

 

[Umbramatic]

MY REVIEW EXCHANGE FINALLY FINALLY CONTUINUES WITH CHAPTER !)!

...For Catnip. Two birds.

Speaking of birds good to see Avis is back! It was nice to have expansion on her and her backstory and shit, even if part ocf it is she's a fucking cop.

Side note I find it funny her name is Avis yet she's not a total Flying monotyper. I mean she has a goddamn Kricketune, A pure bug type. As an HM slave. It amuses me.

The double bottle scene was also really fun. Nice to see Avis and Koa working together! Also your Pokemon battle scenes are like, goals.

Ah, the Great Marsh. A sticky, ugly mess. Koa fared better there than I did in Shining Pearl. He had Echo to help him for one.

And also he found a Shroomish! A very absurdly tough Shroomish. Damn the little guy packs a punch. You remind me I love the Shroomish line. But why did rich brat abandon this little boi? that's rude. very rude. What's his name gonna be when he evolves? You can tell I am very enamored with this little Shroomish lol. He'll be a good fit for Koa's team!

I WUILL GET TO THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS, JUST YOU WAIT. THE EXCHANGE AIN'T DONE YET

 

[Ambyssin]

SinnohBlitzmas Confirmed

1
-Raising the training age to 14, the most mature of ages to be given magical critters that could demolish entire buildings. :V
-I feel like outright stating most pokemon wouldn’t attack/harm humans is setting up for that exact scenario to face Koa at some point in the future. Also absol as first ‘mon featured = absolute win. (See what I did there?)
-Missing the library the most? [ahem] NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD. I may be misremembering, but I always thought the library had three stories, not two. :P
-KOA LOVES BASTIODON. I do like that apparently the trainer license exam includes a physical part to it. Does make me wonder what sorts of accommodations would be in place for people with disabilities. I assume Sinnoh has some sort of equivalent to the Americans with Disabilities Act, anyway.
-Gotta include that Gen IV staple of a lathered honey tree. Though admittedly I never paid attention to what ‘mons are attracted to it in canon beyond combee and heracross. If zubat’s one of those ‘mons, it’s a nice touch.
-I’m also guessing Rowan’s remarks about the human-pokemon bond will have some degree of significance as well. Especially since the premise is his plans going awry.
-Oh, hey, look, the attacking thing popped up much faster than I expected. Also, obligatory “I can’t believe this fic predicted Legends: Arceus.”
-Seeing Zubat’s response to Mightyena brings to mind what Rowan said, actually. I think Koa’s act of kindness imprinted on Zubat, so now he’s drawn to Koa in a way?
-Currently unsure if any of these other kids will be recurring characters, but I’m tempted to say the dragon tamer will be, given he’s mentioned repeatedly during the test.
-Is Blake friends with Dawn/Lucas or Barry?

2
-Using the luxury ball on zubat is totally setting up for some sort of friendship-based event to get Koa a crobat. Calling it now.
-Nice touch including the actual HP checker app, though I’m personally not the biggest fan of actual stats from the games finding their way into fan fics. Just personal preference. Always makes me feel weird.
-lol the juxtaposition of good luck jaw fossil to bad luck of crobat colony is classically cartoony and makes me smile.
-I vaguely recall you getting flack for Koa’s decision making, but if I’m honest his shifting back to his plan after the near-death experience is perfectly in-line with that teenage sense of invincibility. I’ve cared for kids hospitalized for stupid things who were ready to go back out and continue doing stupid things despite our attempts to stop them.
-Joltik is way better than Shinx; Koa just needs more refined tastes. Though it does make me wonder what these Unova ‘mons are doing here. The poacher jump countries due to law troubles and then his galvantula try to flee? (I’m pretty sure the real answer is you’re taking creative liberties for funsies.)
-Robberies connected to Team Galactic, huh? I would say maybe you’re connecting it to the Stark Mountain stuff from Platinum, but the two years since the Spear Pillar bit makes it hard to believe that. So, I guess it’s entirely original? Though a theft at Rowan’s lab reminds me of the Delta Episode for some reason.

3
-I do appreciate that you’re cutting out most of the travel stuff. Feels like a lot of trainer fics (namely on FFN) are determined for something to happen on every route and that’s what leads to them getting so loooooong.
-Koa’s attempts to ignore Zubat, which even seeps into the narration, is cringy, but in a good way. It’s got that “I’m not listening, la la la” energy to it.
-Highest levels of Coronet are restricted, huh? So, like, are there police who just climb up the mountain and take positions at checkpoints or something? Reminds me of ski lift operators, in a way.
-I’m going to assume Roark’s comment about Koa needing two badges is a reference to fossil restorations not opening up in DPPt until after you’ve beaten Gardenia. :P
-Small note: I do think it should be noted that Geodude uses some other attack on Zubat after emerging from Dig. Unless this is a fic where ground-type moves can hit flying-types?
-And he storms off to pout after losing. Perfect teen move. XD
-Okay, I wasn’t expecting Koa to just… punch Kody in the face. That one strikes me as a bit weird just b/c of how quickly it’s brushed aside. Though I know you’re aware of that fact; guess you wanted Koa to channel his inner Ash? Also, in the ensuing battle, it looks like Zubat’s saying, “Confuse it,” instead of Koa, since he follows the dialogue tag.
-I expect Kody to show up again down the road.

4
-I love this chapter title. It’s fantastic. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
-Kody gets punched in the face a lot, huh? I don’t think that many blows to the head will help his dream of being the best psychic.
-I suppose the battles lean more toward the anime’s way of handling things? Since stalemating Confusion with Confuse Ray sounds like something you’d see there, even if it seems odd with one being an attack and the other a status move.
-Oh, wow, Kody returned earlier than I expected. And Echo evolved much earlier than I also expected. I think, because Koa’s goals are different and nebulous, it’s hard to put a finger on the pacing of this fic compared to the typical journey fic. I suppose this concluded a miniature arc of sorts with Echo’s training and Koa coming to accept Echo as his starter. Short and sweet.
-And dragon tamer boy returned, too, to talk about Giratina? I’m guessing that Koa’s connections(?) to Team Galactic make him aware of some of the Spear Pillar stuff? I think this is a world where Platinum’s events took place as opposed to vanilla DP?
-KOA PLAYS FOR MAD CASH. One hundred percent Wario approved.
-Turtwig named Twiggy? Gardenia has good taste for PMD fic reasons.
-This battle does have a few of the same instances of following dialogue with pokemon names, making me a bit confused who’s saying what.
-The bit with Flash blinding Echo, who falls back on his hearing was a nice little, anime-esque strategy and counter. Though it also makes me wish there was a bit where Echo needed to get used to having eyes after it evolved.

5
-I’m pretty sure the title gives away the outcome of the fight. Just saying. XP
-Is Megan supposed to give me crazy cat lady vibes? It must be the “my pretty” thing.
-Echo licking Koa makes me think of golbat’s Gen I sprite. Dat big tongue, though.
-Yeehaw, that there Hazard be wrangling up Cranidos like a runaway tauros at the corral. It’s a nifty sequence to have Koa use an accidental discovery from an NPC fight to create a strategy for Roark’s bulkier rock-types. Shows he’s learning compared to, well, a couple of chapters ago.
-Small bit: Jared uses “How odd” in back to back sentences when bringing up the lack of Tyrunt in Sinnoh. I… don’t think that was intentional?
-Tyrunt overloaded the machine? Yeah, I guess things were going too nicely for Koa. Cue the Jurassic Park theme!
-The ending part with the herd of ponyta and rapidash also brought the anime to mind, namely all the times Ash put himself in harm’s way to protect some pokemon. Except Koa actually gets badly hurt from it. I am a bit baffled with the mechanics behind a broken poke ball trapping the ‘mon inside. I’d have kind of expected the opposite, since a wild pokemon breaking free just, y’know, breaks the ball. But your fic, your rules, I guess.

So far: 3/10 not enough of Koa as a sparky, barky, awoo dog. I jest, of course, it seems like the beginning here succeeds at adapting trainer fic conventions and mixing in conventions from the anime.

 

[windskull]

Every time KOA is mean to echo in the early chapters I get all

We stan unusual starters in this house.

Hi Tetra! I figured I would stop and drop a review now that I've read six chapters. I was planning to read up to chapter 5, but with that cliffhanger, it made sense to get through its resolution. As a note since these are older chapters I will generally not be focusing on critiquing the prose or plot beats outside of a couple relatively minor things that I thought worth bringing up, so they might be avoided in future works or if you do any edits. When I eventually get to more recent chapters I’ll probably talk more about prose. Also please note that journey fics are outside my usual genre, so take anything I say that pertains to that with a grain of salt.

As I don’t read a lot of journey fic, I don’t really have anything to compare the beginning against, but from the outset it feels fairly standard, other than Koa’s unusual starter. It starts pretty normal, but his plans have quickly gone awry, and I get the feeling things are going to continue to not go to plan. Which is something I like. If it’s going to be a relatively standard journey fic, then spice it up by making things not work out the way Koa is hoping they will.

That said, the most recent chapter definitely feels like it might be a point where things divert from the typical. Yes, I’m still expecting Koa to go on and get his badges, but I have a feeling he’s going to be getting himself in trouble soon. Trouble has been foreshadowed multiple times so far - the man on the zebstrika, Koa’s run-in with the poacher, increased crime rates being brought up several times, and the robbery at the museum - all culminating to the recent reveal of the new evil team of the story. The fact that things reached this point is what leads me to believe that things will be changing soon.

In the first few chapters, Koa felt a little bit like a blank slate to me. However, when his personality does shine through, it shows off a lot of who he is as a person and how his life has gone thus far. And it quickly picks up as the story progresses. We get to see how stubborn and hotheaded he can be, and how these tend to get him into trouble. For example, the entire cave sequence, or when we’re told that he almost got in trouble for illegal battling - which doubles as a bit of worldbuilding.

On the subject of the license, I think the exam regimen that prospective trainers go through makes a lot of sense. If you're going to be out backpacking and living on the road to go from gym to gym, then it makes sense that you would need to take the physical exam as well as a written and battle exams. They want to make sure you're not going to get yourself killed because you can’t take care of yourself.

As I mentioned earlier, I’m not going to do much critique on plot and prose, but I did want to address a couple things. The big one being that parts of the first chapter felt a bit like an infodump. There were parts where the information presented was mostly just worldbuilding, and felt like it was brought up just to establish more of the world, while it could have been presented naturally later in the story. The part that particularly stood out in this regard was when how pokemon were handled when a trainer has more than a team of six. I feel like this could have been brought up later, when Koa was speaking with Rowan about his system, and it would have made a lot more sense.

An example where I think this was done well was how you integratedKoa’s physical description into an actual event in the story by having it be part of getting his photo for his trainer ID. It feels like it comes up naturally in comparison to other information that just kind of feels like it was put there to get it out of the way or as a shortcut to explain how your universe works.

The one other thing I wanted to bring up is that it feels like some of these chapters, especially the first, have a lot happen in them for one chapter. The concern I have is that a lot of times when there's so much happening in so little time it can be an information overload to the reader. I personally think it would have been better to either split the first chapter in two or two even possibly cut out a few things between going out to go climbing with Absol and the exam itself. But is just me spouting out ideas and I don’t really write in this genre, so please take it with a grain of salt.

Those were the only real “negative” critiques I had. There are some thoughts I had on the prose, but I’m going to hold off on them until I read some of the newer stuff.

Before I wrap up, I want to talk briefly about the three pokémon that Koa has this far. Of the three I feel like Rascal has the strongest personality. She is, obviously, a rascal. I get the feeling that Koa's training issues won't be going away all that fast. While she may have listened to him better in this last battle, I think it’ll take more than that to get her to listen.

Hazard’s personality is the one that I find hardest to pin down. He feels stubborn, in a way, but I find myself growing blanks when trying to think of anything else. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just something to keep in mind.

Echo is precious. Enough said. Really though, I just love everything about Echo. He’s a sweetheart and I like that he does his best to prove himself when Koa is being a little bratty and stubborn. The one thing I do have to say is I was actually kind of surprised by how early in the story he evolved. I was fully expecting to go 10 to 12 chapters before he evolved into a golbat but I can't complain.

I think that's just about everything so I'm going to wrap up here. Overall I do have some issues here and there but in the grand scheme of things they're pretty minor. But I am definitely interested to see where this goes next because it feels like something is about to change. So I will definitely be revisiting this in the future and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.

 

[ShiniGojira]

Hello there, Tetra! Hope your day's been splendid! I'm here on account of Amby's rec and because I didn't exactly had the time to read it on w1 of Blitz so now I'm here!

Woo! Let's get on with the review!

Spoiler: Almost forgot to shorten this

Chapter 1 starts off in a pretty simple way, we get introduced to our MC, Koa and his cousin Blake. Koa seems to be an orphan and is obsessed with Legendaries, he's also turning 14 which seems to be the age requirement for this world. He goes on a walk, meets and helps a Zubat who he absolutely despises when it becomes his starter but over time he comes to accept it as one of his team. Then we see him almost getting run over by a poacher, we also learn that his surprise got stolen by what I'm assuming is the poacher's gang? (Or team Galactic or a Silver clone)

Fast forward a little bit, Koa hears news of a potential Regirock in a nearby cave and like all dumb protagonist, decides to risk his life even though he has literally nothing to protect him.

After almost dieing, he meets the poacher from before, engages a fight and saves a helpless Galvantula who rewards him with her baby. (God, that sounds wrong)

I'll be honest, I didn't exactly like Koa when he disregarded Zubat and treated him like trash (Like dude, just release him if you don't want him) but hey, it just means he's believable and realistic. (That and he's gonna go through the ringer known as 'Puberty')

He gets his butt whooped by Roark and slowly gets accustomed to Zubat before finally accepting him. (Yay!)

Koa's a pretty cool dude, obviously this is still pretty early and he has a lot of development that'll happen, so I'll refrain from saying what I dislike about him.

Here's some line-by-line thoughts:

"Don't slack, Little K." Koa rolled his eyes at the nickname. In one week he would turn fourteen,

Guess you could say he's becoming Big K

Take Absol with you.

Ooh, Absol! One of my favorites!

Absol barked eagerly.

Cute.

"Because I said so," Blake replied, smirking. The smirk softened to a fond smile. "It's a surprise."

Wonder what this surprise is.

Koa rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah." His cousin tended to be paranoid, in his opinion. Most pokemon wouldn't attack humans or seriously harm them. Only the angriest or most territorial pokemon would.

Never a bad idea to be too safe, kid.

And even then, humans were tough.

Yes, anime logic. As evidenced by Ash surviving electrocution and being burned alive. (Also James and his Grass-type problem)

With the day fast approaching when he would set out on his journey as a trainer, there was no telling when he’d return to Canalave.

If the games are any indication, it'll take-Hm... A world-saving event or becoming champion till you're allowed to see your family again.

He moved swiftly as he could, taking care to secure his hold before moving upwards. No need for a repeat of last month's accident.

Yes, anime logic. Inconsistent human durability.

First, he'd catch a Shinx. They were cool, powerful, and intelligent. Then a Starly. Unassuming in their first stage, but absolute powerhouses when they evolved. Then a Gyarados, a Garchomp,

So, a standard Diamond, Pearl and Platinum team.

"Be careful with that bike. They aren't cheap, you know,"

Tell me about it. "One million Poké-dollars? Are you kidding me?"

"Anything else, mom?" he said teasingly.

Now that we're talking about it. Where are his parents?

he whipped around just in time to catch a glimpse of a figure in all black, riding a... Zebstrika? That was odd. Zebstrika's weren't native to Sinnoh.

Well, that doesn't seem suspicious at all. I'm sure nothing bad will come from this stranger.

Because they didn’t have eyes.

Thanks, Kaptain Obvious. I didn't know that.

Pokemon's natural abilities allowed them to fight without sustaining serious wounds unless they fought when sick or weakened.

What defines 'weakened'? Like is it when they faint? Injuries after a battle?

Uncapping the potion, he sprayed the Zubat. After a few moments, it fluttered to life, emitting a happy shriek.

There's the good anime protag vibes.

The Zubat nodded emphatically. The Aipom’s expression shifted to an apologetic one. It eyed Koa and the Zubat for a moment, then slowly nodded. With a grateful squeak, Zubat flew to the tree, landing and licking the honey off.

And all wells that ends well.

The mocking laughter had been the final straw for him, and he knew better than to discuss his dreams openly.

Relatable.

"Planning ahead is good, but remember not to limit yourself. Unexpected occurrences always happen during a trainer's journey."

Like when a nuzlocke player gets a garbo team.

"Good luck, Little K," his cousin called.

"Oh please. I got this. Luck is for losers!" Koa replied, smirking.

"That's why I offered it."

Funniest exchange so far.

And I suppose you believe everything you hear on the news?

That man spittin' facts.

“History indeed speaks of Legendaries who joined with humans. It is not unheard of. It is fact, actually.” His tone carried a certain amount of authority that Koa couldn’t help but be jealous of. “Although it certainly seems unlikely in our present time. I will admit I have not heard of any such occurrences in a long time. Not since Ho-Oh and Lugia separated from the towers of Johto about 200 years ago.”

Guess they never heard of Ash Ketchum?

Keep this up and maybe I'll have to start calling you Big K

Oh hey, Big K!

There was absolutely no way in Arceus' name he was keeping a Zubat. No. Way.

Yes way.

A round green boulder had stopped his fall. Green boulder? The cave's walls were a brown color.

Green? Wait, a shiny Golem? Goddamn, his luck is horribly lucky.

It resembled a piece of a large jaw bone, almost twice as big as his head. "It's a Jaw Fossil!" He picked it up and stroked it.

A Jaw fossil? I'm assuming that black figure has something to do with it.

Slowly, hesitantly, he aimed his flashlight upwards.

I don't know if I'm just being picky but I think having just either 'slowly' or 'hesitantly' alone is better than both of them since they both make the sentence read the same and having two of them seems redundant.

An entire colony of Zubat and Golbat hung from the ceiling. A nest.

Oh hey, there's the colony. I was wondering when they'd appear.

Their deafening cries rang in his ears, and they began to dive at him. One whizzed by him and scratched his jacket, tearing straight through the leather and cutting his skin. Another made a dive for him. Koa ducked and it whizzed by just inches above him. He shuddered. This must be the Golbat colony the guards had referred to.

I'm guessing that Zubat's gonna save him and negotiate with his old colony? That seems like the direction this is taking.

The Golbat dived at Zubat, its jaws wide open. It snatched Zubat out of the sky, tossing him to the ground. Zubat squeaked weakly and fluttered back into the air as the horde of Golbat began to draw in around them.

Okay, never mind then. This was a nice twist.

"It looks like you were injured too. Didn't you see the guard stationed outside the entrance?" her tone was annoyed, and Koa couldn't help but be reminded of Blake when he got mad at him for doing something dangerous. She had the same worried light in her eyes Blake did too.

Busted~

Moments later, he sound of hoofbeats filled the air.

Missing a 't' on 'he sound'

The smoke began to fade just in time for Koa to catch a distant glimpse of a retreating... Zebstrika? Hot anger flooded him.

Hey, it's that guy! I thought we wouldn't get to see him for at least a few more chapters.

Koa couldn't help but grin. He'd caught his first pokemon! His starter. Koa and Galvantula... There was certainly a nice ring to it.

Little K, your starter's a blue bat, not a fluffy spider.

what kind foo pokemon

A typo here with 'foo'. (Unless this is what you wanted to write?)

He just wanted to catch the right one. That was all. And when he did, he would release Zubat. For sure.

Keep telling yourself that, Koa.

He weighed his options - go back to bed for an hour or two, or leave now

Mood.

he would be on national news..

An extra period snuck by here, either that or a broken ellipsis.

From somewhere behind, Zubat screeched his agreement.

I feel so bad for Zubat.

And Hazard was weak to rock types. And ground.

*Puushes up anime glasses* Acktually, it's neutral against ground and weak to fire and rock.

he wished he could charge across the field and fight Roark himself for the badge. He'd probably have better odds, too.

I don't know, Koa. You might be a bit too little to fight a miner.

"Rocky, use Screech!"

Roark is me when it comes to naming my Pokémon.

So what if he didn't have any badges? That didn't mean he could tame a Tyrunt.

Probably just me being picky but I think 'couldn't' fits better than 'could' here.

He to save Hazard for Ravaged Path, after a

Missing a 'had' or 'needed' before 'to'.

. A small smile began to creep across Koa's face.

Yes, join the bat side, Little K.

Zubat shrieked happily and landed on Koa's head again. Koa held back a sigh. It occurred to him he was beginning to grow used to the Zubat's presence.

You're getting closer.

"This whole time I've been thinking what a terrible pokemon you are, but I'm the one who's terrible. I should have been training you to bring out your strength. A good trainer works with his pokemon, no matter what. But instead, I doubted you, ignored you, and dismissed you. " Koa took a deep breath. "Can you forgive me, Zubat?" Even as he spoke the words, he felt a pang in his heart. Why would Zubat even forgive him, after he'd been so awful?

And there it is! There's the 'I'm a crap trainer, please forgive me' moment!

Overall, a great start and I'll definitely check up on this sometime later.

Take care! Have a great day!

 

[HelloYellow17]

So I figured it’s been so long since my last review, I wanted to re-read and re-write a review for the first two chapters :D

I know you’re not looking for any major critique on the early chapters, so I won’t get into the nitty gritty too much! Though I do have some thoughts on chapter one—feel free to take this with a grain of salt or stow it away for wayyyyyy down the road, it’s totally up to you!

Anyway, chapter one feels like several chapters in one. And I’m not really talking about the length, per se—rather, the fact that a lot happens in the first chapter. A lot! It feels as though it’s jumping around and there are several spots where it could have ended neatly and the rest come in a second chapter.

And that’s one simple solution—you can end it sooner and include the other scenes in the next chapters. Personally, I think a better solution is to shift the order of events around a bit and include the trainers school section and some of the scenes with Blake as flashbacks.

But, all that aside, it was a very enjoyable first chapter and Echo instantly steals my heart the moment he enters the scene, hehe. Also the cover art for chapter 1 is just PERFECT.

Chapter 2 felt smoother in terms of events and pacing! Echo is a million times more patient with Koa than Koa deserves, ahahaha. And Hazard ALSO stole my heart, there’s something about a teeny tiny pipsqueak mon being the fierce-hearted fiesty one that just HITS MY BUTTONS. Bless. Echo and Hazard deserve the WORLD UGH.

I like the balance you strike with Koa’s personality. He’s arrogant and a bit clueless and reckless, but he’s not without good qualities. He cares deeply about Pokemon and their well-being, he’s respectful of those who treat mon well, and he gets along with his peers. (As long as they’re not snotwads, heh.) Also, he’s totally Fine and has No Issues Whatsoever. Totally ideal!!

NOW TIME FOR SOME LINE QUOTES

Spoiler

But as the years had gone by, he soon found himself alone on the couch, his only company a scruffy plush of Mew. While everyone else moved on from their ‘legendary phase’, as adults deemed it, he couldn’t. He didn't have anything else, so his love never once wavered.

Aw this broke my heart. His little Mew plushie 😭 and the little “he didn’t have anything else” just really hit me. Perhaps he isn’t just focused on legendaries because he thinks they’re cool—perhaps they’re also one of the last connections he has to a time when he was truly happy?

Cynthia and Garchomp, Lance and Dratini, Steven and Metagross.

Koa and Luxray.

Listen, “Koa and Crobat” rolls off the tongue wayyyy better anyway ;D

Heart hammering, he whipped around just in time to catch a glimpse of a figure in all black, riding a... Zebstrika? That was odd. Zebstrika's weren't native to Sinnoh. He narrowed his eyes, his grip on the handledbars of his bike tightening. Anger simmered in his chest, but he forced it down. As much as he would've loved to give the rider a piece of his mind, he'd never catch up.

Gee I wonder if this is the same person who later robs Rowan >:) nah. They’re definitely not gonna be important later, amirite

"Alright, hang in there," he murmured. Recalling the potion he kept for Absol in case of emergencies, he started to take his backpack off his shoulder, then stopped. If something happened, he might need it later. And yet... Zubat was here, right in front of him. Absol could handle himself, and he was nearly at Jubilife. Sure, it would recover with time, but if something happened before then...

I love this. He has no intention of keeping Zubat, but this doesn’t stop him from doing what he can to help the little guy.

The Aipom let out a shriek and shook its head adamantly. It bared its teeth and clutched the trunk tighter.

An Aipom baring it’s teeth is actually a terrifying image. Detective Pikachu flashbacks

Koa hesitantly reached for the baton clipped at his side. It wouldn't hurt a pokemon much, but maybe it would deter the Mightyena, show it he meant business.

Baton! This makes a lot of sense, tbh. Especially for trainers-to-be that don’t have their own mon yet. Though I’d hope a baton wouldn’t just make a Pokémon angrier and just make the situation worse because that could be…hoo boy!

"Good luck, Little K," his cousin called.

"Oh please. I got this. Luck is for losers!" Koa replied, smirking.

"That's why I offered it."

Ahahaha this is fantastic banter, I like Blake a lot.

a confident-looking boy wearing a cape (which Koa thought was a bit extra),

Lolol yes. Correct. Though I do like this mysterious cape kid.

Must be nice to have parents helping your journey. Koa quickly pushed the bitter thought away. He had Blake, and that was plenty.

Aw. I want to hug him. Though I’m sure he’s totally Fine. Look at him! Completely Fine.

Koa’s jaw twitched. And I suppose you believe everything you hear on the news? So much more had gone down during that incident...

Oh?? 👀 what more does Koa know? And how did he get his information?

"You better be careful out there, Little K."

Koa nodded. "I will."

lol no he won’t

There was absolutely no way in Arceus' name he was keeping a Zubat. No. Way.

HEY KOA HONEY I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU

"Alright Regirock, where are you..." He pulled out his camera and started walking.

This is cracking me up. Koa?? You don’t have any Pokémon of your own besides Zubat? What are you planning to do if you find the beeg ronk boi???

This wasn't just about escaping. It was about survival. Koa backed away, his heart pounding. His mind began to race and he cursed himself. Why had he come here? He'd trespassed and ignored the warnings. He could almost hear his cousin's voice, chiding him for his recklessness again. Would his journey amount to being gobbled up by a swarm of Golbat? No. He'd figure something out, somehow.

This combined with the skeleton he found earlier is downright scary. Also lololol “This is life or death BUT I AM FINE, I WILL FIGURE IT OUT, EVERYTHING IS FINE.” Suuure, Koa.

The poacher growled. "Trap that thing!" Marowak gave a nod, then dove into the ground. A moment later, the Galvantula gave a cry of surprise as the ground underneath it collapsed, half burying it.

"Leave it alone!" Koa shouted. His fists clenched and his body tensed. Poachers were the worst kinds of criminals as far as he was concerned. They illegally captured pokemon using cruel and unfair methods, usually only to sell them for terrible purposes.

GO GET EMMM
Though uhhh he’s lucky that guy didn’t give him more of a fight. It’s not like Koa has much to back his words up other than an untrained Zubat, heh

"I was wondering if you knew anything about the break-in. I'm investigating it, and I think it may be connected to a series of other robberies. Did Professor Rowan tell you anything?"

Koa shook his head. "No. Is that it? Because I kinda have a bus to catch..."

Well he might not know anything about Galactic connections, but now would be an ideal time to mention that Zebstrika trainer!

"I... I don't want to know what kind foo pokemon it was," he said quietly.

Everybody was Kung fu fighting

I’m sorry. 🤣 Anyways, smol typo here!

The disappointment of missing out on the pokemon Rowan had for him still weighed heavily on his mind. Even if Houndour was an odd choice...

Eh?? Did I miss something? I don’t remember Houndour being mentioned anywhere so I’m confused where this came up.

 

[ShiniGojira]

A little late for RR but I'm done with chapter 4 and 5, wish I have more time for Chapter 6 but this'll do for now.

So for my thoughts on chapter 4. Gotta say, wasn't expecting Echo to evolve so early. The battle between him and Gardenia was a fun one, love how 'anime' it feels especially during the part with blocking an attack with Growth. The story's pretty fast paced compared to things I'm used to but it's got a nice charm to it.

Chapter 5 has the rematch with Roark, an encounter with a snob and the revival of Tyrunt. The rematch was great, I like how Koa uses Hazard's size to his advantage and the String Shot usage, always love to see moves used in creative and unconventional ways. Tyrunt's revival went from 0 to 100 pretty fast, explosions, panic and the encounter between the herd of Ponyta and Tyrunt reminded a bit of when Ash's Riolu hatched and ran off to fight things it wasn't supposed to.

Again, this is a fun story. It definitely feels like there's a lot of progress being made. Though I'd like it if there were more moments between Koa and his Pokémon. Other than that, it was pretty good.

Take care, Tetra!

 

[Chibi Pika]

Here for Smeargle Swap! A fateful encounter!

 

[IFBench]

Finally here for catnip on chapter 2! I'm so sorry I took so long.

Oh, just you wait, Koa. That's already your reputation outside of the fic.

I like how you can see Koa's attitude towards Zubat even in just the way he speaks. The lack of an exclamation, the use of "muttered", it paints a very clear picture of him not liking this Pokemon very much.

Ooooh, I really like how Zubat used Bite unprompted, in what I'm guessing is an attempt to impress Koa. I wanna give this bat a hug.

Oh boy, looks like Koa got lost in the cave.

Ooooh, is that a shiny Golem?

Yay, Koa cares about Zubat!

Huh, so HP is an in-universe thing in this setting! Very interesting! I wonder just how it works in-universe?

Rascal! Or, well, what was once and will soon be again Rascal.

Zubat's trying their best!

Awww, I loved the little bit where Koa thanked Zubat.

Escape!

Zubat is adorable.

Hahaha, that Plan is long gone, Koa.

Huh, a Galvantula! Wonder what that's doing in Sinnoh.

Oh boy, a poacher.

Koa's now using exclamations when he's instructing Zubat! Character development!

Ooooooh, new team member, a Joltik!

Oh, Koa, that's not your starter, that's your second Pokemon.

Hazard the Joltik has joined the team!

Oh boy, a robbery. I wonder if we'll see the people who stole Koa's planned starter.

That was a fantastic chapter, showing some character development for Koa already! I look forward to seeing how things progress for him!

 

[Dragonfree]

Chapter 3

I'm back! Finally! After you've been diligently reading my trainerfic I've been sorely meaning to get back to this for ages and the anniversary reviewing event seems a great opportunity to churn out some reading.

Something made him pause, however. You already have a flying type. Zubat. You should train him. He stared at the Starly, uncertainty gripping him. He would desperately love a Staraptor, yet... His hesitation cost him. In a moment, the Starly recovered. It blinked a few times, cheeped smugly, then took off. Koa watched it go and groaned. Well, there would be plenty of opportunities to catch another Starly. He just wanted to catch the right one. That was all. And when he did, he would release Zubat. For sure.

ah yes definitely

I do kind of wonder why, in his head, he hasn't just already released Zubat. If he's not planning to keep him and doesn't want to train or battle with him, why would he figure he'll string him along until he's caught a Starly to begin with? Why not just tell him he's not getting trained...? Obviously he's feeling some small degree of conflict about it, but why does he think he's keeping Zubat around on the surface, is what I don't feel like I quite get. Like, main reason I can see that he could figure he should keep Zubat around now but release him once he's caught a Starly would be if he just thinks he needs a Flying-type on his team, buuuut Koa isn't planning to actually use Zubat at all and doggedly avoids training him whatsoever, so having a non-battling Zubat hanging around him doesn't actually mean he has a Flying-type in any meaningful way, right? So what exactly is he getting out of the idea of keeping Zubat around until he gets a Starly?

Satisfied, he continued on, allowing Hazard to remain on his shoulder. The little Joltik had taken to absorbing electricity from his Poketch after battles, but Koa made a note to pick up a battery pack next time he was in a city. Though his Poketch had a powerful solar battery, battery packs were more efficient. Plus, they were specially designed for electric types like Joltik and Pichu.

Aww, this is cute worldbuilding.

He was excited by the prospect of continuing to train the determined little Joltik.

This line feels a little clumsy here, I feel like? It doesn't quite feel like it relates to what came just before it, which was all about battery packs - what does that have to do with Hazard being determined, or Koa being excited to keep training him? I don't quite think it's necessary either; kind of telling something you can show just fine.

Once he'd set up his tent and sleeping bag, he sighed contentedly, and leaned against a tree, taking a moment to relax and enjoy the peaceful atmosphere. About three seconds later, he sat up again. Time to train.

Koa you dork

A sharp pain tore through his ankle and he looked down to see Hazard glaring at him, pincers clicking rapidly. "Ow! What's that for?" he said, glaring at Hazard.

The Joltik chittered and nodded at Zubat. His gaze bore into Koa accusingly, and sparks danced across his fur.

Koa sighed. "Sorry Zubat," he said. "I um... didn't mean to sound harsh. Right now I'm going to work with Hazard but I'll try and train you later, ok?"

Aw, I really like Hazard standing up for Echo! What a good little bug. I'm always a fan of Pokémon acting as characters with their own agency and not as extensions of their trainer and one Pokémon being pissed at his treatment of another is a definite yes good.

Zubat gave a high-pitched three of delight

Three...?

Poor Zubat, so affectionate at the tiniest crumb reluctantly thrown to him at Hazard's prompting. What a pure bat.

Hazard eyed him for a long moment, then hopped off his shoulder and took up a battle stance.

I like that you had Hazard hesitate again here a lot; he can clearly tell Koa's only trying the bare minimum.

His dreams were filled with legendaries and thoughts of climbing Mt. Coronet, only to be greeted by a giant Zubat instead of a legendary.

Bwahaha, oh dear. Definitely drives home how much he feels like Zubat just ruined everything replacing what he wanted.

Once, he saw Zubat fly off towards a Kricketot to challenge it, but he didn't pay any attention to the fight. Judging by its behavior when it returned, however, he supposed it must have won.

Hey Koa next time you go on about how Zubat sucks in battle are you going to remember this

Halfway to Oreburgh Gate, Koa took a moment to stare at Mt. Coronet. His heart filled with longing. One day he would explore its depths. No telling what kinds of treasure lay inside, not to mention the legends he'd read about in the Canalave library. How Arceus had formed Sinnoh, and how, at the highest peak of Mt. Coronet, lay the Spear Pillar. The place where Palkia and Dialga, the gods of space and time, had been created. A place no one had seen in years. According to some, it didn't even exist, but he knew better. A place of proving.

oh I'm sure you do know better, Koa

Pictures of legendary Pokemon swarmed through his head. He saw himself climbing the mountain, being lauded as one of the first trainers to reach the Spear Pillar in centuries. Photographs of Sinnoh's deities in hand, he would be on national news.. He would be famous and loved. He would show the whole world how there was nothing he couldn't achieve. But above all that, perhaps... just maybe he would have a chance to meet one of Sinnoh's greatest legends.

"We'll make it there one day, Hazard," he pointed towards Mt. Coronet. "Maybe we'll even see Dialga and Palkia." Maybe even another...

Doing a great job censoring the difficult bits of this thought process, eh

"Suspicious people. There's been some crimes committed lately In Jubilife and Oreburgh, and we're trying to track down the criminals responsible."

Koa shrugged and shook his head. "No... sorry." He'd only see a few other people out walking about, and none looked very suspicious. Although he supposed any criminal worth his salt wouldn't be very good if he looked suspicious.

Wait, didn't he meet a poacher last chapter...? Any reason not to mention that?

Koa took a step, then the officer held out his hand. "Hang on. Lemme see your Trainer's License."

Koa handed it over. The officer looked it over before handing it back. "Congratulations man. Good luck out there. Are you gonna try for the gym circuit?"

"Maybe. But I've got a lot of places to explore too."

The guard nodded. "I understand. Don't forget though, a lot of places require badges for entry if you plan to explore."

"I'll keep that in mind," Koa said. He started towards the exit. "Have a good day," he called back.

"Same to you!" The guard replied.

Huh, I thought when he asked to see his license it meant he was suspicious of him but then he's just congratulating him and making small talk, which'd hardly be how you continue when you learn somebody you found suspicious does have the legal right to be there. It feels weird and I'm not sure if it's supposed to be or not...? I'm not sure why the small talk is there if it doesn't matter somehow.

Roark raised his eyebrows. "Incredible! A Jaw Fossil? Tyrunt are native to Kalos, so it's very unusual to see one here in Sinnoh. May I see it?"

For some reason my brain saw "May I see it?" and immediately filled in Chalmers' "No" from the steamed hams scene

Koa pushed away a flicker of fear. Three pokemon? He could have sworn Roark used to use only two. And Hazard was weak to rock types. He swallowed and took a breath. There was no going back now. Besides, Roark was regarded as the first in the gym circuit. And Hazard at least wasn't weak to ground. Koa felt sure he could handle him.

Koa this is literally a Rock gym, how do you think it will help you that Hazard isn't weak to Ground, if they want a super-effective move why wouldn't they just use a Rock move

He's going to get creamed so badly, isn't he.

Koa stared, his mind whirling as he tried to think of a counter. A moment later, Geodude hurled the rock. It smashed into Hazard, sending him flying into the barrier. He fell to the ground with an unceremonious thump. Slowly, Hazard got to his feet. He was battered and worn, and Koa guessed he could only take one more hit.

"String Shot!"

Hazard gathered his strength, then rapidly fired a blast of sticky webbing, binding Geodude tight.

"Now use Absorb!"

Hazard's eyes glowed red, and tendrils of energy began to flow from Geodude to him.

"Break free and use Rock Throw!" In a surprising display of strength, Geodude tore through its bindings. It looked weakened but clearly could still go on. A large rock materialized in front of it.

It feels like Geodude goes a while just standing there not doing anything here - first Hazard gets up "slowly", then Koa orders a String Shot and he uses it, and then Koa orders a second move and Hazard uses it before Roark even gives the next command. What was he doing this whole time - why'd he let Hazard first String Shot Geodude and then Absorb, when he could've ordered another Rock Throw immediately? It feels a bit unconvincing to me, and means that although Hazard does still go on to faint in one more hit regardless, Geodude being weakened at all by the time Koa sends out Zubat doesn't quite feel earned.

"Seriously?" Roark called. "A Zubat? Now you really don't stand a chance."

Kind of surprised Roark shares Koa's prejudice against Zubat here - surely as a gym leader he should be familiar with unassuming Pokémon being able to battle well, and it's not like Joltik isn't just as weak to Rock. (Unless he just means he really doesn't stand a chance because previously he'd figured at least his second Pokémon could be something good...?)

"We'll see," he muttered angrily. His anger boiled over, and he wished he could charge across the field and fight Roark himself for the badge. He'd probably have better odds, too.

I like Koa's stubbornness in response, though - he may not think much of Zubat himself but he's still mad about Roark mocking him for it.

It hurled the rock straight at Zubat. Koa stared at Zubat, unable to muster the drive to give him a command.

"Dodge," he called finally.

At the last second, Zubat whirled out of the way, only getting his wing grazed.

Hmm, this also feels like it's happening a bit slowly. First the rock gets thrown, then Koa stands there staring without having the drive to give a command, then "finally" he tells him to dodge, and only then does Zubat dodge. This all makes it sound like it took a good few seconds - but the rock was already in the air before any of it! Koa shouldn't have had time to think or stare or "finally" anything before it hits.

It also does feel a bit funny to me here that Zubat's dodging is made out to be conditional on Koa ordering it first - like, building tension out of Koa being unwilling to order the dodge. I'm not in principle opposed to trainers ordering dodges in a fight - it makes sense for the trainer to suggest the Pokémon focus on dodging rather than attacking for the moment. But I'm not sure it makes a lot of sense here that Zubat wouldn't just have chosen to go for the dodge himself regardless of Koa's input - you don't actually indicate he's doing anything else instead, so the implication with this winds up being that Zubat is just literally hovering dumbly in the air waiting for the rock to hit him until told to dodge by Koa, which doesn't feel very natural.

Roark returned Onix, then crossed the field to Koa. "You started strong, but you can't just rely on a single pokemon. Your Joltik wasn't anywhere near strong enough or tough enough to handle multiple pokemon in a row. Especially at a disadvantage. And your Zubat was-"

"I know!" Koa snapped. "Look, clearly, I made a mistake. No need to rub it in."

"I only-"

"Just stop. Hazard and Zubat need rest. And I have other things to do than stand around here all day getting lectured." Without waiting for a response, he turned and stormed away.

Oh, Koa. I'm betting what Roark was about to say about Zubat was a lot more positive.

No need to become a criminal. Not yet anyway, he thought jokingly.

is this foreshadowing

Koa chuckled and stroked his fuzzy body. "It's alright buddy. You did your best. I should have trained you better before fighting Roark, especially since you were at a disadvantage. And I should have researched him. I didn't realize he had three pokemon." He mentally cursed himself for not looking up Roark's third pokemon while he was at the Pokemon Center. Oh well, he could do that later.

"I didn't realize he had three Pokémon," says Koa, as if that forms any part of the explanation for him losing a battle that never involved the third Pokémon at all

Hazard chittered and scurried up his arm, nuzzling into his neck.

What a cute bug.

With that settled, Koa whirled on Zubat, who had perched on a rock nearby.

"You! I didn't even want you on my team. And today's battle proved you don't have what it takes." He frowned. In a slightly quieter tone, he continued. "It's my fault for not getting rid of you sooner. I'm taking you back to the Pokemon Center and releasing you." Even as he spoke the words, a pang of guilt flickered through him. He'd thrown Zubat into a battle he was utterly unprepared for. Whose fault was that?

Jesus Christ, Koa, did you not notice how Zubat did better than Hazard in that battle. (He probably didn't, confirmation bias and all. This isn't really a writing complaint, I'm just annoyed with him.)

Do like him realizing deep down that this was his fault, though.

Koa groaned and reached for Zubat's pokeball. Zubat screeched in alarm dived into the pokeball, knocking it out of his hand. "What the heck!" Koa yelped. He gave a resigned sigh. "Look, Zubat. I'm sorry." Zubat stopped flitting about and hovered in front of Koa.

"I never should have even caught you in the first place. And I definitely shouldn't have thrown you into that battle. You weren't ready and I didn't even try to help you. That wasn't fair to you," he sighed. "But... you're not part of my plan, so you can't be on my team."

A jolt of electricity shot through his body, making his fingers tingle. "Ow!" He looked down at his shoulder to see Hazard glaring at him. Realizing his words, Koa tentatively patted him. "I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't mean you. Besides, you still fit into the Plan, sort of."

Hazard's fur fluffed up and he continued to glare at Koa. Koa withdrew his hand and sighed, looking at Zubat again. Perhaps Hazard had a point.

This is a good interaction. Enjoy him rightly apologizing to Zubat for everything, still insisting he can't be on the team because he's not part of the plan, only for Hazard who wasn't part of the plan either to immediately call bullshit on it.

"Okay, fine. I'm not catching a Starly until after I get Tyrunt, so you can stay for now."

Is there a reason he is determined not to get a Starly until after Tyrunt...? Feels kind of arbitrary, especially after learning he won't be able to get a Tyrunt until he has two badges - surely if he wants a Starly this is a perfectly good time to get one. Waiting until he has two badges before catching this basic bird Pokémon just seems kind of strange. Is he not planning to catch any other Pokémon until he's earned two badges?

Zubat shrieked and did a loop, then landed on his head. Hazard buzzed with annoyance from his shoulder, clearly not fully satisfied with the decision. Koa did his best to ignore him.

Love Hazard, he is so not standing for this nonsense. (Zubat, bless him, just doesn't mind so long as he gets to stick around. What a tragic little bat. Sure, as it happens Koa will end up loving him but what if he'd latched onto someone who'd just continue to be a dick to him? D:)

"Well, the next step is Eterna City." He paused for a moment, contemplating. The fastest route would have been going north and taking the Bike Path. Unfortunately, the Bike Path required a bike, which he did not have. That left one other option. Backtracking to Jubilife, traveling north to Floaroma City, then continuing north through Eterna forest. The trip was at least a week, probably more, since Eterna Forest was huge, and difficult to navigate. Oh well, at least he could get in some good training for Hazard. His route featured plenty of weak pokemon, as well as some water types.

Hmmm, they're continuing to Eterna City despite not having gotten a badge in Oreburgh? That feels kind of funky with the Oreburgh gym being officially the first gym as I think you indicated earlier...? Is he going to try to take on the second gym before the first? I'm surprised it's going totally unremarked-upon if so - like, if he thinks the Eterna City badge will actually be easier to get first even though Gardenia will have stronger Pokémon because he'd have a type advantage, I would've expected him to mention that as part of his reasoning for this, and not just kind of act like going to Eterna City is the obvious thing to do now...?

Hazard sprang earnestly into battle. In just a few minutes, Hazard managed to use smaller size and speed to slip through the Bidoof's rather impressive defenses and immobilize it long enough to deal the finishing blow.

Summarizing a throwaway trainer battle like this is nice! We didn't need the blow-by-blow. I think you could prooobably have trimmed more, Hazard looking smug is cute but I don't get very much out of seeing the trainer appear etc., but skipping inconsequential fights good.

Despite how easy the battle was, it did give him some confidence for his eventual rematch against Roark. In the back of his mind, he was already trying to figure out a strategy to beat him. Of course, it would be a cinch once he caught his Tyrogue. They were known to hang outside Eterna, and he planned to catch one after fighting Gardenia. Within the hour, he exited the cave to the upper half of Route 204.

Okay, I understand better now. Still do think it was a bit confusing none of this came up before he decided to head to Eterna City.

The next morning, he awoke to a strange weight on his chest. Blinking his eyes, he opened them to see Zubat nestled against his chest, sleeping peacefully. Or at least, he assumed he was sleeping. Zubat's lack of eyes made it hard to tell. Watching it, he almost pitied the poor creature. Yet he also respected the uncommon stubbornness it displayed. Almost unconsciously, he reached up and stroked it gently between the ears. Its blue fur was extraordinarily soft and fluffy. A small smile began to creep across Koa's face.

Aww. I like that he likes the stubbornness specifically; two stubborn dorks.

Looking a little closer, he realized Zubat wasn't just goofing off, however. Was he... training? Curious, he continued to watch. Zubat would spiral through the air, pull off some acrobatic tricks, then pause to open his jaws and fire a soundwave at a small tree. It looked like he was trying to use Supersonic. Each time he did it the waves of sound spread out across a wide area and disperse quickly, not even reaching the tree. Koa frowned and narrowed his eyes, watching carefully.

"You know, you barely open your jaws when you use Supersonic, but if you open them wider you can make your attack stronger."

Zubat paused, hovering, and stared in Koa's direction. Then he did another loop and fired a wave of sound energy at the tree, this time opening his jaws much wider. The soundwave carried several more yards this time, visibly rattling the sapling.

Nice to see the trainer actively helping a Pokémon's mastery of a move.

Koa smiled to himself before turning back to Hazard. "Good job, buddy." Hazard chirped appreciatively, then looked pointedly at Zubat.

Koa gulped and shifted awkwardly. "Uh... Nice work, Zubat."

Koa, jeez, Hazard has been just resting for a little while now and you still manage to turn around and compliment him immediately after spending a while looking at Zubat and smiling at his results? That's starting to stretch my suspension of disbelief; sure, he likes Hazard more, and sure, he isn't too keen on complimenting Zubat, but literally what is he complimenting Hazard on here? It'd make more sense if Hazard was at least still doing anything.

As Koa approached, the boy stopped and whirled to face him. His eyes darted to Zubat before breaking out into mocking laughter. His Meditite stopped training to mimic him.

Koa clenched his fists and strode up to the boy, stopping less than a foot away. "What's so funny?"

The boy pointed and laughed again. "A Zubat! How pathetic indeed, to use such a weak, common pokemon."

Man, what is this dude's problem. The mere existence of a Zubat isn't hilarious, jeez.

Koa balked. He highly doubted Zubat stood a chance against the Meditite. Hazard could handle it. But Zubat was weak and inexperienced. Still, his pride (and Zubat) had been challenged. If he backed out now, he would be a coward. "Fine," he growled. "What's your name?"

Koa, shouldn't you ask Zubat if he wants this, especially after last time you apologized to Zubat for unilaterally throwing him into a fight he wasn't well prepared for

Koa glared at the boy. "If I win, you admit that my Zubat is awesome. And give me, say, 200 poke."

I like how he phrases this as "you admit that my Zubat is awesome" like he knows he totally is awesome and Kody just needs to admit it.

"I'll give you first move," Koa said, smirking.

...Why, though? He is decidedly not sure Zubat can win; going out of his way to increase Kody's chances just seems like a very bad idea. Of course he wants to show him up and project confidence, but that's not going to help you if it just means you lose, jeez. (And he does go on to lose pretty narrowly, so honestly this may very well be why he lost.) Feel like this is just a weird thing to do in his situation - if you're projecting confidence but are actually insecure about your position, surely the last thing you do is actually literally give up advantages to the opponent.

Zubat had lost, unsurprisingly. What did surprise him was that he should have fainted much earlier, after the first Psyshock. The fact that he survived the second shocked Koa even more. And then... he reflected on the battle, how Zubat bravely tried to keep fighting anyway. Even when he was exhausted. Despite how he'd rejected Zubat constantly, he had clearly put everything he had into the battle. Another thought occurred to him, one he'd tried to avoid thinking about. Technically, Zubat was his starter. Not Joltik. It was the first pokemon he acquired after becoming a licensed trainer.

A trainer's starter was special.

Confusion brewed inside him. His head said not to keep Zubat, regardless of what it had done. Plenty of books he read mentioned how flighty and unpredictable they were. How they were a weak species, hard to train. Yet his heart said otherwise. Even after he'd gotten angry at Zubat after their loss to Roark, it had persisted. For him.

"Oh Zubat, I'm sorry!" he cried out. "I've been an awful trainer to you. You fought so hard for me and I didn't fight for you."

Awww, look at him figuring it out.

"This whole time I've been thinking what a terrible pokemon you are, but I'm the one who's terrible. I should have been training you to bring out your strength. A good trainer works with his pokemon, no matter what. But instead, I doubted you, ignored you, and dismissed you. " Koa took a deep breath. "Can you forgive me, Zubat?" Even as he spoke the words, he felt a pang in his heart. Why would Zubat even forgive him, after he'd been so awful?

I am sort of surprised that he's now professing that he should've been training him to bring out his strength because a good trainer works with his Pokémon, no matter what - he's stating it like it's a general principle he believes in, but it hasn't quite felt like that's the case so far, given he was that preoccupied with the idea Zubat are just bad Pokémon. Maybe it'd read more smoothly if instead of declaring it like a general principle, he talked about the way he's seen (twice!) that Zubat's capable of way more than what his books made him think he was? Or, alternatively, if he like, recalled a specific instance of someone saying that that he'd originally brushed off as sentimental nonsense but rings truer now that he's seen how hard Zubat is willing to fight?

All in all, this was primarily a chapter about Koa being a jerk to Zubat because of his stubborn sticking to his Plan, Hazard being pointedly unhappy about it, and Koa eventually bonding with Zubat over the course of days, realizing he's been an idiot, and apologizing to him (and finally giving him a name and officially considering him part of the team). I had some niggles with how that all played out, but overall I do think the core of it worked for me! Hazard not putting up with Koa's treatment of Echo did a lot here - while Echo is just a character who is total devotion to Koa no matter how poorly Koa treats him, seeing Hazard continually call him out on it gives the Pokémon a sense of agency and lays bare that Echo's easy complacency in the face of how Koa's acting is a specific character trait he has and not just the narrative shrugging it off. You also made his coming around pretty gradual, and had a lot of setup throughout the chapter where slowly he becomes fonder of this Zubat who's latched onto him - lots of cute little interactions throughout slowly melting Koa's heart.

It also did help, I think, that we'd seen Zubat last way longer than you'd think in the battle against Roark, and then again against Kody, even if Koa only properly notices the second time - having the first time there, where we can see it, still makes it feel more built-up and satisfying when Koa realizes it's the case. I would kind of have liked to see him realize, as he's reflecting on the battle against Kody, that the same thing had happened in the fight against Roark! It'd be a nice way to bring it together even better.

I was also fond of the fact Koa is doing a lot of losing here. He's making dumb mistakes and they're his own fault and he has to grapple with and acknowledge that. He lost both the big main battles in the chapter, which is more than I expected - I was figuring he'd win against Kody but nah, and I like that.

I found the pacing of the chapter a little uneven. A gym battle tends to be the climax to a chapter, but you continue after the gym battle to relating a lot of rote traveling and training and then another battle against some random trainer and that's where it ends. There's definitely an overall arc to the chapter, and I get why you did it this way, but it did feel long and a little draggy to me in some of the traveling/training sections, where I felt like you did a bit of recounting things that don't really appear to matter and aren't all that interesting in themselves. It's a little tough because you also use these sections to get the character moments between Koa and Zubat across, and making those work properly requires some kind of material happening around them and not just a dozen forced timeskips, so I do get what you're doing with them, but one way or another it might have been possible to compress things a little or alternatively try to inject additional purpose or tension into some of these scenes.

I did also find the way the Roark fight in particular played out a bit odd and awkward. With Roark standing there doing nothing while Hazard recovers from an attack and Koa orders two separate moves, Hazard managing to put a dent in Geodude felt kind of manufactured, and later it's Zubat who seems to be oddly standing there doing nothing while Koa takes his time deciding to give a command to dodge, all somehow in the space between Geodude throwing a rock and it hitting Zubat. I can't picture these sequences in my head in a way that doesn't feel hugely strange!

Finally, I wasn't a huge fan of Kody as a character. He just felt very cartoony and hard to take seriously - bursting into a mocking laugh simply at Zubat's mere existence just feels like a bit much, and his dialogue feels kind of one-dimensional and over the top. His appearance here gives me the sense he's going to be a recurring character, so hopefully we'll see him developed more in later chapters, but for this appearance I found him kind of flat and stereotypical.

I'm all in all enjoying the Pokémon interactions a lot here, though, which is always great in a trainerfic. And seeing Koa get his ass handed to him in fights he shouldn't have picked and being a jerk to his Pokémon before finally growing is good! Also I love Echo and Hazard a lot, what terminally cute Pokémon.

Spoiler: Typos, etc.

In the distance, he could just make a smaller series of mountains

Should that be "...he could just make out a smaller series of mountains..."?

"I'm going to do some quick training with Hazard, so just stay out of the way, ok?"

I believe it's more correctly written either "okay" or "OK" in caps?

Zubat returned from somewhere looking rather proud of itself, but he couldn't tell why.

Previously Koa's been calling him him, so the itself here feels off.

He'd gone there with Blake on a few occasions and was familiar with the city and its gym leader, who happened to be the son of Canalave's own gym leader, Byron.

You capitalized Gym Leader a little earlier but then you write it in lowercase here - bit inconsistent.

his mind fixated one the only building that mattered.

*on

The referee stepped over to button on the wall and pressed it.

A button on the wall, I assume?

"Boulder, Rock throw!"

"Throw" should be capitalized when it's part of the name of the move.

Red energy emerged, drawing out the Geodude's energy.

The repetition of "energy" feels a little awkward.

Zubat screeched in alarm dived into the pokeball, knocking it out of his hand.

Think you're missing a word here.

Backtracking to Jubilife, traveling north to Floaroma City, then continuing north through Eterna forest.

Isn't it Floaroma Town, not City? Unless it's gained city status since the games' timeline.

The Forest there should also be capitalized.

He to save Hazard for Ravaged Path, after all.

Missing a word.

He seemed so happy. Koa decided to let it stay outside its pokeball.

Pronoun confusion for Zubat again.

As he passed under the arch and into Floaroma town, he was assaulted by a mix of earthy and flowery scents. Floaroma town consisted of groups of small, quaint cottages with large fenced-in gardens all around.

Missing capitalization of "town" here a couple times.

The Roserade nodded and disappeared into the back of the shop. A few moments later, she returned with three packages balanced expertly in its hands.

More weird pronouns.

"200 Poke!" The saleswoman said.

Should be no capital on "the" here.

Meditite hopped forwards took up a fighting stance.

Missing an "and", presumably.

 

[Dragonfree]

Chapter 4

His gaze drifted to his pokemon - Echo, perched a short distance away on a lamp, and Hazard, curled up on his backpack. Echo kept shifting on his perch as if he couldn't quite get comfortable.

"Echo," he whispered.

The Zubat's ears twitched and his head swiveled towards Koa.

Koa patted his chest. "Come on," he whispered. With a happy chirp, Echo launched off the lamp and plopped on Koa's chest, nestling into his neck. Smiling softly, he stroked his soft fur, then tucked his own hands behind his bed. Plan or no plan, he was happy to have the Zubat by his side.

D'aww <3

"Fair enough," she said with a shrug. "He gets punched in the face a lot honestly." She paused and smirked. "But that's not what I'm here for. My brother and I have a little contest. Who can get the most wins in a row. So that means it's up to me to beat you too! Come on out Psy!" She tossed a pokeball, and a Psyduck emerged. She grinned at him. "Name's Rachel by the way."

Koa frowned. He was in no particular mood to face anyone related to Kody. Still, at least she wasn't as rude as him. Something she'd said made him pause, however. "You and your brother nicknamed your Pokemon the same name?"

At that, Rachel frowned. "NO. Psyduck's name is Psy. P-S-Y. My ridiculous little brother spelled it S-A-I or something."

Pfft. True sibling energy.

Koa chuckled, then reached back, patting Echo, who found a new perch on his shoulder. "Want to give it a shot, Echo?"

Echo shrieked and fluttered onto the battlefield.

Appreciating Koa now asking Echo if he wants to do this fight!

Grinning, Koa took out Echo's pokeball. "Go Echo!" As he tossed out the pokeball, it rattled violently midair, then burst open, spilling out blue light. The light coalesced into the silhouette of Zubat for a second. Suddenly, the light began to glow even brighter. Bright bluish light began to swirl around the form of Zubat.

Koa gasped, barely able to believe his eyes. Echo was evolving! As he continued to watch, the blinding light doubled in size. The silhouette shifted from the small, wiry form of a Zubat to the tall, powerful form of a Golbat. With a final surge of energy, particles of light surged outward, leaving behind an angry-looking Golbat.

Huh, really wasn't expecting him to evolve so soon!

I was also a little surprised that he hadn't obviously gotten any healing after the battle with Rachel, but you do say there were hours in between, so I guess it just happened offscreen.

Kody stared at Meditite, his gaze distant. Slowly, he pulled out a pokeball and returned it. He stared at the pokeball for a moment, then looked up. "Well, I guess I was wrong. Your Zubat - sorry, Golbat, is impressive. You've trained it well." Kody strode forwards and offered his hand.

Feels like a surprisingly quick turnaround, after last chapter and even earlier here when Kody's voice was dripping with arrogance - he's taking this loss wayyyy better than I would have expected given given his prior attitude. Not really complaining, though - I kind of prefer him as someone who is able to just swallow his pride and admit he was wrong.

"The creation of DIALGA,
The giver of time...
In laughter, there is tears...
And, likewise it is with time.
The same time flows on.
For it is the blessing of DIALGA."

While Palkia's read:
"The birth of PALKIA.
The creator of parallel dimensions...
Alive, yet not alive...
Everything drifts in space...
To arrive in the same universe.
It is the blessing of PALKIA."

Huh, cryptic. (Shouldn't it be "In laughter, there are tears", though?) Can't make out what the inscriptions are on about at all right now, but I'm guessing it's going to be relevant.

Koa perked up. "You mean Giratina?" Just the thought of the shadowy dragon sent shivers down his spine. The great dragon, balancer of time and space. Ruler of the Distortion realm. Supposedly, it was only a myth, a story to scare small children or warn them to be careful of the unknown. But he knew better. Giratina was all too real.

Enjoying the way you're sprinkling in these little hints without ever quite directly hinting at what's behind it.

Although he didn't look much older than Koa, he sounded odd. His voice had some kind of dialect or accent, although not one he'd ever heard. And the way he spoke sounded unusual as well. Not to mention he had a really weird outfit.

Is he a time-traveler/from a parallel universe? :o (We just had those statue inscriptions, after all...)

Koa rolled over in bed and addressed his pokemon. "Here's the plan guys..."

For the rest of the evening, he formulated different strategies with his Pokemon.

This feels a little funky to me - "Here's the plan guys" sounds like Koa has already come up with a plan and is just explaining it to them, but then you go on to say they're discussing different strategies together for the rest of the evening, so that line doesn't quite seem right.

Koa knew he needed a new strategy, and fast. Echo was quick, but as a Golbat, he could never compete with Cherubi's speed.

This makes it sound like Cherubi is just inherently faster than Golbat, but in game terms it has a base Speed of 35 whereas Golbat has 90, which made me balk a bit at this. I have no problem with not sticking strictly to game stats, of course - nothing wrong with having Gardenia's Cherubi just be a particularly fast one making use of its Chlorophyll ability! But the way this particular sentence is phrased makes it sound like the problem is a Golbat just can't compete with a Cherubi's speed, and that just seems odd.

From Koa's shoulder, Hazard gave a cry of encouragement to his teammate. Echo glanced back, locking eyes with him before nodding.

Love to see the two of them interact!

"Flash!" A bright light exploded from Roserade's hands, lighting up the entire stadium. Koa shaded his eyes with his hands. It faded after a moment, but the damage was done. Echo fluttered erratically about the stadium, his eyes screwed shut. His movements grew more erratic and he began to spin about in confusion. Koa muttered a curse. This wasn't good. Echo was panicking.

This makes me wonder if it's even weirder for Echo given he's a Golbat and only very recently gained eyes to begin with.

He spoke quietly, his tone soothing. In addition to calming Echo, he didn't want Gardenia to hear him. "Hey Echo. I know you can't see right now and it's scary. But remember being a Zubat? You didn't need to see back then. Just relax and listen."

Echo stopped glancing about, his tiny ears twitching. His body stilled, and when Koa finished speaking, he gave a low shree of acknowledgment.

Aw, good. Could have been fun to see more focus on Echo enjoying and becoming more reliant on sight after becoming a Golbat, to give more context to this, but it's lovely to make use of the Pokémon's physiology like this and let Koa help him to remember his capabilities and not panic.

"Thanks," Koa said, a bit uncomfortably. If only she knew...

I enjoy him bringing this up here.

I expected going into this chapter that Koa'd be beating Gardenia, and then he'd be getting a bike some way or another, biking back down to Oreburgh, beating Roark, and resurrecting Tyrunt; no surprises there so far. The Gardenia battle here felt much better than the Roark fight last chapter; it all flowed smoother and more convincingly with more interesting use of strategy.

It did surprise me that Echo evolved so early, although it does check out with the levels of Gardenia's Pokémon! I guess it felt early mainly because this is nonetheless Koa earning his first badge, and it's happening in only chapter four - but you do write chunky chapters and haven't been doing a lot of subplots/etc. so far, so the rate at which he's progressing through the region isn't bizarre or anything. I guess this also means we should expect Hazard to evolve soon! (Maybe during the Roark battle? I do recall you saying you're a fan of dramatic mid-battle evolutions.) They'll still be at a disadvantage against Roark, but all in all I expect Roark won't know what hit him.

Meeting Rachel, and Kody again, was something I didn't quite expect so soon, but it was welcome and made me appreciate Kody more as a character. It did mean in a stark contrast to last time Koa spends this chapter winning three different named character battles with a relative ease, and I strongly expect you wouldn't have him lose against Roark again, so I'm foreseeing the winning streak continuing for now, but definitely looking forward to more of Koa having a tough time later.

Think the bit that piqued my interest the most here was Cade, though, if indeed the hints I'm picking up that he is some kind of time/interdimensional traveler are not just me reading too much into things. Plot! Intrigue! Legendaries! Cannot wait for the fic to get to Giratina stuff/the reveal about Koa's dad.

The scene at the cabin was also super cute, though.

Spoiler: Typos, etc.

Koa stroked him gently, scratching behind his ears before going into the cabin. He briefly wondered about its trainer. It looked happy and well-cared for.

More swapping between "him" and "it" for this Arcanine.

It dropped it's hold on Echo. It's eyes flickered blue, then it hurled itself headfirst into a nearby tree.

Both those "it's" should be "its".

Echo dived at the stunned Psyduck, his wings glowing brightly. He struck it with his wings, knocking it out cold.

Repetition of "wings" feels sliightly awkward.

"To think that Pokemon themselves hold mastery over the fabric of the universe. Time and Space..." his voice trailed for a moment. "Antimatter."

Since "His voice trailed for a moment" is a full sentence of its own, it should be capitalized.

Although he didn't look much older than Koa, he sounded odd. His voice had some kind of dialect or accent, although not one he'd ever heard. And the way he spoke sounded unusual as well. Not to mention he had a really weird outfit. "The legends are so cool! I know everything about them pretty much. Once I'm strong enough I'm going to find the Spear Pillar."

I think you should probably have a paragraph break before Koa's dialogue here - if dialogue is accompanied by a paragraph that's entirely about a given person, the usual assumption is that it's that person speaking, so when it isn't it's momentarily disorienting.

A rush of warm, slightly muggy air greeted inside of the gym resembled a giant greenhouse, with rows of trees and various plants growing all about.

Think some words are missing here.

Unfazed, Gardenia gave her order. "Dodge Cherubi!"

As a direct address (she's saying this to Cherubi) there should be a comma before Cherubi here - right now this parses as "Dodge Cherubi" as in "Dodge the Cherubi". This is a recurring thing you do which I haven't been commenting on but felt particularly off to me in this particular instance.

He spoke calmly "Electroweb to the right."

Spoke isn't actually a speech verb, so you want a period there (but even if it was, you'd want a comma after it).

Half an hour later, he sat in a grassy area at the eastern edge of Eterna City, enjoying lunch with his pokemon, and relishing the new bike he bought.

You want "he'd bought" since by this point he had already bought it.

 

[Dragonfree]

Chapter 5

"Ready for this?" He turned to his pokemon, who stood by his side - a fierce Joltik, and an eager Golbat. They both gave cries of agreement. Koa grinned and took out their pokeballs, returning them. He planned to travel pretty fast, and he didn't want to risk anything happening to either of them.

It felt a little funny to me that he asks "Ready for this?", as if asking if they're ready to experience this trip, only to immediately recall them - not like they really needed to get ready for anything if they were just going into their balls!

His opponent was a cyclist named Nicole. She sent out a Starly, so Koa led with Hazard. As it turned out, her Starly was fairly new, and Hazard was able to defeat it after a couple of Electrowebs. Her next pokemon, however, proved much more difficult. It was a rather sturdy Ponyta who was proving to be fast. So far, it hadn't landed a good hit, but neither had he.

Like this quick skip to the more relevant bit of the battle.

A sudden pressure wrapped around his shoulders and he jerked to halt a half-inch away from smacking the pavement. The pressure vanished a second later and he fell to the ground, though with considerably less force. Puzzled, he rolled over to see Echo hovering anxiously above him. Laughing wearily, he reached up and patted him.

I'm a little confused on exactly what Echo did here. Did he just manage to literally physically wrap his feet around his shoulders and hold him that way somehow...?

"Echo, dodge and use Wing Attack!" Echo spun neatly out of the way. Koa stared at his dodge, intrigued. A thought began to dawn on him. Unlike when other pokemon he faced dodged, or even Hazard, Echo was different. Thanks to his naturally erratic flight patterns, he had a way of being unpredictable. Of course, he probably would have realized that sooner if he'd paid attention to Echo in the first place. Well, all he could do now was be better...

Enjoy this realization a lot.

"Spark!" The panicking Shinx covered himself in electricity, shocking Echo. Echo spat it out and screeched angrily.

He spat out... the electricity? I don't think that's how electricity works.

Geodude grunted and disappeared underground. Hazard paused his charge and narrowed his eyes.

Koa grinned. He hoped Geodude would try the same tactic again. "Up and use String Shot," Hazard nodded and jumped upwards. Aiming straight down, he fired a huge mass of sticky web. A second later, Geodude burst from the ground directly beneath Joltik. His eyes widened in surprise as he collided head on with the web. He struggled futilely and crashed back to the ground, immobilized.

Enjoy this tactic.

Roark nicknamed his Geodude and Onix but not his Cranidos?

"Crunch, destroy them," Koa said. As each rock flew at him, Echo sunk his jaws into it, shattering them. One made contact, knocking Echo back, but he managed to avoid the worst of it.

Having a bit of a hard time picturing this - okay, sure, maybe he can shatter a rock in his mouth, but while he's doing that surely the other rocks would hit him - he doesn't have time to just crunch them one after another.

"Really? How odd. I've not known Tyrunt to be found anywhere on Sinnoh. How odd..." he murmured. "And Ore Cavern of all places. Hmm..."

Oh?

Enjoying the revival going wrong and Tyrunt escaping etc. - nice way to put a little twist on the expected progression of Koa wins the badge and gets the fossil revived.

For a moment, Koa feared that he'd lost the Tyrunt for good when he spotted footprints heading north.

I think what you mean here is that he thought he'd lost Tyrunt until he spotted the footprints, right? The current phrasing suggests that when he spotted the footprints that made him fear he'd lost Tyrunt for good.

Koa stopped and jumped sideways, but the Rapidash moved much faster than he was ready for. Pain exploded across his torso as it collided with his body. The impact knocked him down hard, and he crashed into the ground. There was a frightening crunching noise as he rolled over and stopped. A moan escaped him and he lay still for a few seconds, trying to collect himself. His senses felt dulled, and the world seemed distant. The pained cries of Tyrunt drew him out of his stupor. He staggered to his feet and reached for his pokeballs, cursing himself for not using his pokemon earlier. Instead of smooth round spheres, his hands met three cracked pokeballs. He jerked his hand back, looking down in horror. All three pokeballs had cracks webbing them and running through the button on front, as well as chips in several areas where the inner casing could be seen.

ohoho Love to see protagonist get into Trouble

Enjoying this cliffhanger, Koa defenseless but jumping to save Tyrunt anyway because he's a good bean and then lying there bracing for this Rapidash to just basically murder him. Betting either Rascal manages to save him (perhaps just by distracting the Rapidash) or Roark followed the tracks too after taking care of things and comes to save him?

All in all there wasn't terribly much tension to the Roark rematch; it felt pretty narratively inevitable Koa would win, and I think the way the final matchup played out lost momentum a bit thanks to poisoning Onix early and then skipping over time while Echo basically stalls him out. (Don't expect you to go in and change that sort of thing now, of course, just thoughts and reactions that may or may not serve as some form of useful insight for the future.) But Tyrunt blowing up the machine and going stomping around as a little ball of destruction while Koa has to follow and then gets the crap kicked out of him by a Rapidash trying to save Tyrunt from it was great and I enjoyed it. Looking forward to seeing how Koa gets out of this, and the likely fun shenanigans with Rascal.

Spoiler: Typos etc.

Roark gave his command just as the attack subsided. Headbutt." Cranidos charged across the ground faster than Koa expected.

Missing an opening quote there.

"Battle, begin," The referee called.

Errant capital on the dialogue tag here.

"Rock Throw, one more time." Onix hurled a boulder straight for Echo.
"Wing Attack!" Echo spun midair and struck the rock with a glowing wing, hurling it straight back at Onix. It shattered over Onix's head, causing Onix to roar in pain.

Single line break here.

Roark lay him on the floor outside.

When you lay something else somewhere in the past, it's "laid".

He began to see more wild pokemon as well-several bird pokemon out hunting, and the musical tones of Kricketunes and Kricketots calling to one another.

I believe this happened at some earlier point as well - a hyphen with no spacing being used as if it were a dash. It threw me off pretty badly because it just parses as a single hyphenated word, "well-several", until I realized the sentence didn't make any sense and backtracked. You want to use a proper em dash or else at least put spaces around the hyphen (or two of them) to simulate it.