Spiteful Murkrow
Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
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Heya, it’s about that time for a fresh syndication bump to come down the pipe, and with that, a fresh review. Picking up with one of the meatier chapters in your story, though do remember to drop in the threadmark for it, since at the time of posting, it didn’t have one. ^^;
Chapter XVI
Alice: "We're supposed to feel overjoyed about everyone we've ever known from Camp Tempest being dead?"
Flame: "Livia, Archangel, the guys who made the Haxorus joke, those Team Salient 'mons..."
- Shake head -
Flame: "I should probably stop, I'm going to wind up sitting in bed staring at the roof of the tent all day again if I keep going on like this. I just really, really thought when I first woke up that more of us made it."
Gaius: "Well, that Staraptor that fed you like a little fledgling made it."
Flame: "Gaius, that's not making me feel better here!" >.<
Gaius: "Hrmph, sorry for trying to look on the bright side, since I'm not exactly doing super chipper myself. I'm still short a hand right now." >_>;
Flame: "... Getting regular rations of food is being salaried now?" .-.
Gaius: "Considering what happened to our last paycheck, it's probably better than being salaried at the moment." -_-;
Alice: "Yeah, and I don't think we'd exactly have much of a choice with whether or not we got roped into fighting that war even if the rest of the Task Force was still alive and kicking right now."
Gaius: "Well, we wouldn't get executed for skipping town to Capri like we would right now as technical legionaries."
Virgo: "... Weren't these guys supposed to be auxilia and lend us operational support? This is the sort of thought process I'd expect coming from some bedwetting hatchling!"
Yvaine: "I mean, we know things were disorganized enough on Task Force Aegis that these civvies were actively dumpster diving for food. Are you really surprised that they'd have morale problems even without most of them getting killed off?"
Virgo: "They'd have fewer morale problems if they followed my advice and lived a little!"
- Yvaine 'ugh' expression -
Yvaine: "Let's... stick to more traditional methods of encouragement, Virgo. I don't think contracting venereal diseases right off the bat is going to help them learn the ropes much."
Flame: “Look, we don’t need you to show us these ‘ropes’, okay?” >_>;
I’d recommend hacking up this paragraph in two, since it’s pretty long and dense. I don’t think any further changes are needed if you divide it up here, but it might be worth giving it a once-over if you do split it.
Gaius: "... I thought we were all in mutual agreement that we wanted to bail for Capri but were stuck on how to avoid getting turned into piñatas by our new bosses if we got caught."
Alice: "Remember that none of this is canon, Gaius. It's not unreasonable for Flame to have doubts in-story." ¬_¬
Gaius: "Oh come on, how gung ho for army life do you think I am in-story with a missing hand right now?" >_>;
Flame: “Oh yeah, this is a great omen for how army life’s gonna be already, I can just tell.” >_>;
It might make sense to drop in a paragraph between Alice and Flame’s second lines doing some combination of describing Alice’s body language and having Flame get flustered and taken aback there.
Gaius: “To be fair, there wasn’t exactly a ton of description of what was going on with you, Alice-”
Alice: “Gaius. I’m. Not. Feeling. Well.” >.<
Flame: "I thought that dropping Portal Storms on us aside, the actual fighting with the Scum was explicitly compared to fighting Ferals, just with a lot more of them at once.”
Gaius: “Pretty sure that that one was firmly out the window considering how completely they managed to overrun Camp Horizon, even if the leadership’s strategies weren’t exactly ironclad there.”
Flame: “... Yeah, I don’t have an explanation for that one. Especially since the Scum we fought in Castra Aeterna weren’t hard to take down at all!"
- Beat moment -
Flame: "Hey, wait a moment. How come the Scum in Castra Aeterna were that much easier to deal with anyways? There were dozens of them there and we just picked them apart!"
- Alice shifts uncomfortably in coils -
Alice: "There's... some possibilities I'd considered based off those stories I told you about the Scum moving mothers and younglings along with their armies right before Portus got sucked away, but I honestly think it'd make me feel worse right now to think too hard about them." ._.
Flame: "... Remind me why you didn't run away to Capri originally in the first place again, Alice?"
- Alice hang head -
Alice: "I- I wanted to, but... I..."
Flame: "... It's alright, Alice. Everyone has their reasons, we can try and figure out a way to make it there together."
Gaius: “Might want to get a bit creative about that strategy, since I’m pretty sure one of those reasons involves Capri being the property of the Emperor and dumping ground to exile unfavorite members of the royal family.” >_>;
- Beat moment -
Flame: “... (Huh. Maybe she is a Senator’s kid after all. Since if that’s where royal family members get exiled, it wouldn’t make sense for Alice to not have gone there… right?)”
Not that Flame knows it right here and now, but that line is so cruelly ironic looking back given that when these three were ultimately summoned for battle, they didn’t get sent to fight together. ^^;
Flame: “M-Maybe he’d forget about the Flamethrower I blew into his eye?” ._.;
Gaius: “Need I remind you that we were probably about to get flying lessons off a cliff if you hadn’t breathed out that Flamethrower? Look, no matter how well that meetup would end for you, it wouldn’t end well for us.”
Flame: “Gaius, can you not say that out loud while we’re in the middle of an army base? God, imagine if someone had heard you there!” >.<
Alice: “To be fair, with how much Gaius drinks, we could just say that he was just drunk and most of these ‘mons would probably believe it.”
Uh… yeah, funny story about that, Flame…
Even if some recent revelations in the most recent chapter have made it a bit murky as to how right or wrong his sentiment is there.
While you probably didn’t already plan it out this far back, considering what you recently revealed about Gaius’ backstory, he likely had a few contributing motivators he’s not being open about for hiding Flame’s background.
Gaius: "I mean, it would be kind of a dick move to get the 'mon who's the reason why we're all still standing here right now killed as soon as we got back here."
Gaius: “Look, it just felt really, really wrong for me to throw you under the wagon there, alright? There’s nothing more to it.”
Flame:
Gaius: “Look, shouldn’t we be trying to find that army officer or something?” >_>;
Gaius: “Again, Flame. We’d be really, really dead if we ran into that Dusknoir again.” >_>;
Flame: “B-But suppose that you weren’t dead yet by then. You’d definitely be dead thanks to the army.”
Alice: “... Are you two seriously talking out loud about this in the middle of an army base?” >.<
Just saying. This sort of separation from the rest of Team Phalanx actually happens to Flame later on. He very, very quickly regretted getting cut off from hisblue noodle crush friend circle afterwards.
Also, you’re missing a word after “particularly” there.
Alice: “... And yet you’re just openly saying all of this on an army base where we can be overheard.” >.<
Flame: “Look, let’s just assume that we’re leaning in and whispering, okay?” >_>;
Gaius: "Alice, you do realize that we literally tried to do just that less than two weeks ago, right?"
Alice: "Don't undercut my moment, Gaius!"
Flame: "Yeah, and honestly, that's kinda been overtaken by events at this point. I'm honestly think I’m ready to let it go here."
Gaius: "(Still as overly eager to trust as always, I see.)" -_-;
Well, she’s not wrong. And we get to see Alice prove this repeatedly over the course of the story. Even if there’s a couple things she’s not ready to be brave about even with her friends just yet.
Gaius: “Oh blargh. Do you two have to do this sappy stuff right in front of me?” >_>;
Alice: “Gaius, hush.”
Gaius: "I mean, we'll still try to make Capri work, but might as well be realistic here."
Flame: "(Was Gaius always this much of a pill before he lost his hand?)"
Boy is that a mood when Flame’s arguably still stitching the team back up together again in the most recently published chapter and it doesn’t firmly have all 3 members on lock yet.
Gaius: “Hey, it raised my opinion of you too, you know!” >_>;
Flame: “Considering what your opinion of me was beforehand, that’s not saying much, Gaius.” >.<
Gaius: “... Wait, but I thought that we were already in broad agreement that we were going to skip out on the plot and bail to Capri.”
Flame: “That’s not canon, and we probably want to think that through a bit if… well… we’re going to die if we get caught.” ._.;
IMO, it probably makes sense to drop in a sentence like “When it dawned on him why he felt familiar.” in the bit in brackets to better tee up “Virgo’s here”.
Virgo: “Hey! Flamey! Fancy seeing you here!”
Flame: “... Well it was a nice, heartfelt and touching moment in the story.” >.<
Virgo: "I'd been looking forward to getting some more screentime! We were starting to go stir-crazy watching your boss’ villa!"
Alice: "Oh gods, him again." X(
Flame: "Hey, you're not the one getting bear hugged by the syphilis-ridden land shark here!" >.<
Virgo: "Guess love really does conquer all, huh, Flame? You and your girlfriend here look ready to go wild on the battlefield. And not just against the Scum either!" ^^
Flame + Alice: "..." >///<
Gaius: "(... Starting to think we should just go ahead and make a run for it. Getting caught and executed for desertion can't possibly be that much worse than having to deal with this crap.)"
Flame + Alice: “...” >.<
Gaius: "Uh... what cohort is this again?"
- Virgo strikes a pose -
Virgo: "The tenth cohort, of course! Full of all of our legion's rising stars!"
Alice: "... Isn't the tenth cohort of every legion composed of its least experienced and lowest-ranked members?" >_>;
Virgo: "That's just a technicality! It's still a step up from that Task Force you were all on!"
Gaius: "Gods, we are so screwed."
Flame: “Gee, what could possibly go wro-?” >_>;
Gaius: “Flame, I know we owe you our lives and all. But I swear to gods, I’m going to stab you if you finish that statement.” >.<
I’d recommend hacking up the first paragraph in this block here.
Virgo: “... It’s above our pay grade, so don’t worry about it?” ^^;
Yvaine: “We do have multiple crises to respond to in the army, so…”
Flame: “Gee, way to make me feel better about being a soldier, you two.” >_>;
Flame: “Yeah, I kinda gathered when we were in Nova Sperantia.” >_>;
Yvaine: “In Virgo’s defense, getting attacks lobbed at one’s self would make anyone cranky. Especially in a setting like this one where Pokémon aren’t exactly built strong against injuries.”
Virgo: “Don’t you know it. Why this way you can finally get to see Miss October-” ^^
Flame: “Okay, I take it back, this isn’t going to be a blessing.” >_>;
Virgo: "I mean, just saying, you are supposed to be able to fight well enough already to have our backs. Your assignments have already been drawn up assuming that."
Flame: "Ahahaha... Crap." o_o;
I see that the Imperial Army understands that Prinny logic is a bad idea for its rank and file when they need them to bleed against the barbarian hordes. One would think that there’d still be some MD training for survivability purposes, though from the way that evacuation efforts at Camp Horizon just completely collapsed and the Imperial Army being directed by influences that don’t necessarily prioritize optimal strategies, I suppose it wouldn’t shock me that much if that training was withheld.
Yeah, let’s not get into the fact that Sycorax’s strategy at this point is already to lure the Scum to Aesernia to engage them. ^^;
Flame: “Considering how a nontrivial chunk of Aesernia was already going hungry before the earthquake, I’m not sure if I want to know what’s going to happen to them with their food situation getting even more dire.” .-.
Considering how thus far, the most sympathetic Imperial Army characters have been Yvaine and Virgo, I’ll very heavily take the under on that one, Flame.
Flame: “Oh my god. That’s seriously canon now?!” >.<
Virgo: “Well, yeah. How’d you think the writer of these things knew I’d call you that, Flamey?”
Flame: "Look, couldn't you have called me 'Ignis' or something like that instead? Alice was saying it was something that might’ve suited me, and while it's a mouthful, it sounds a hell of a lot better than 'Flamey'." >_>;
Virgo: "Nah, that sounds like something Yvvie would call you. I'm not the nerd type that throws around fancy Oldspeak left and right."
Alice: "... ('Ignis' as a Charmeleon's name? Why does that sound vaguely familiar? And why am I thinking of that killer Froslass we never ran into again?)"
Flame: “(Wait, isn’t this the same Scizor that stiffed us out of those rations before the earthquake?)”
Gaius: “(I’m really, really hoping it’s not, otherwise this is going to get awkward as hell and I’m pretty sure we’re going to have a really bad time in this Legion.)”
I mean, you technically got to already, Flame… for all of about 5 minutes, but still. :V
… Somehow I completely forgot that Virgo’s rank or at least as a Praetorian embed was a Sergeant (though you want to capitalize that). I guess that would explain a good deal about his and Yvaine’s fighting prowess since if Urbe’s ranks track IRL structures, they’d be NCOs.
I think “weapons” likely sounds more natural as “fighters” or something like that, since these guys have proper siege machinery that they employ as weapons out on the field.
Flame: "Uh... Gaius, you're kinda scaring me here."
Gaius: "Why the hell were we drafted if this asshole is just going to dump on me not being fit for service?!"
Alice: "Gaius, calm down! The superior's right there!"
Flame: "... Wait, how did that implication come into play? We weren't talking about 'costs' at all here." ._.
Gaius: "I mean, this is Urbe, Flame. It's just assumed like that. Though I guess it would've been clearer if he tacked on something like 'no matter the cost' at the end or something."
Flame: “... What the hell did I just say, anyways?”
Gaius: “‘Hail, Emperor’. Y’know, the traditional profession of loyalty to him?”
Flame: “... Yeah, that didn’t survive my amnesia, so…”
Scizor: “Boy does Sycorax sure know how to pick ‘em…” >_>;
Flame: “(... Wait, this guy could hear us saying all that stuff earlier?)” O_O;
Flame: "(Yeah, I take it back. You are so not a Senator's daughter with that reaction.) Uh... Alice, are you alright? You sound... well, awful."
- Alice look away -
Alice: "... Can we please just move on past this part and into the rest of the chapter?"
Flame: “... This guy is totally going to yeet us to the front line as cannon fodder in like a day, isn’t he?” o_o;
Gaius: “The hell’s a ‘cannon’? Though… yeah, I suddenly feel a lot less confident about my life expectancy right now. And I was already not feeling too hot about it.”
Flame: “Uhhh… yeah, we totally should’ve skipped out to Capri like ten chapters ago.” ._.;
Alice: “Well, there’s not much we can do about it now. Let’s just try and survive this first day of army life.”
Yeah, that’s what happens when you get thrown into endurance marches with all of like a week of practice. Fresh after a week of bedrest to boot.
Wow, rude.
- Flame gawks at the passing catapults and ballistas -
Flame: "... Shouldn't we be concerned at how long these things will last considering how nobody seems to know Protect in this setting? I can't imagine it'd take that much to mess these things up."
Gaius: "The idea is to use them before the enemy gets into range to mess them up, Flame."
Flame: "I guess... though it seems kinda risky given how much work obviously went into them."
Yeah, that’s kinda to be expected when you’re baking in the sun constantly as a reptile without a break. It’s a fast way to overheat.
I mean, they could have her pretend working like she canonically did when they were making their way out to Portus, but I’ll be nice to her and not assume that. :V
This day’s just getting better and better for Flame, isn’t it?
Flame: “Seriously, why me?” >_>;
Flame: “I’d just like to remind everyone that I’m doing this after having been on bedrest for a week.”
Virgo: “Nice try, Flamey. I saw you moving around earlier, and you weren’t exactly stiff and slow there.”
Yvaine: “It would’ve reflected better on you if you were just honest about being inexperienced at long marches.” -_-;
Flame: “... Is being really, really lucky an ability? Since that’s basically what carried us back there.” ^^;
Yvaine: “Well Super Luck is an ability, yes. Even if it’d be… peculiar for a ‘mon of your type to have it.”
Flame: “... I’d personally like to not view the situation at all, since I’d like to be able to sleep at night and not be constantly woken up by nightmares of seeing mangled corpses and hearing the sounds of death rattles.”
Yvaine: “... I suppose that that’s a valid alternative as well, yes.” -_-;
Virgo: “(Yvvie, how on earth did Sycorax think it was a good idea to enlist Flamey in the army again? Like I know we’re supposed to keep him and his buds safe, but boy is he not going to make it easy when he’s still this green.)”
Flame: "... 'Sons of Lopunnies'?"
Virgo: "I mean, they are literal playboy bunnies. You do the math there, Flamey."
- Flame frowns -
Flame: "Do I want to know what a 'playboy bunny' is?"
Virgo: "Well, you know what my Playdrakes are right? A playboy bunny's-"
Flame: "Okay, stop, I get it already!" >_<;
Flame: “... (Okay, I suppose there was Nova Sperantia getting sacked and burnt to the ground, but still. For all I know the Scum got forced into a corner where they had no alternatives. It’d be pretty par for the course for this Empire considering everything I’ve seen of it thus far.)” .-.
Flame: “Preferably ‘never’, honestly.” ._.;
Flame: "... If we're literally the least experienced cohort in the legion, doesn't it make sense to not reflexively send us out into combat? That sounds like a really, really fast way to die painfully and horribly." o_o;
- Yvaine and Virgo trade looks with one another, before Virgo shrugs -
Virgo: "Tch, well how are we supposed to get any better that way?"
Virgo: “... Flamey, you do realize there’s the better part of a centuria all around us and that that sort of talk gets ‘mons into trouble, right? You should be more careful, not everyone’s going to be so understanding.” :|
Flamey: “Look, I have like a week of effective combat experience to work with, okay?! I’m allowed to freak out a bit about potentially going off to frontline combat!” >.<
Yvaine: “... (Maybe we should see if we can inform Sycorax about this somehow. Since this… seems kinda fundamentally at odds with his request for this Cohort to keep Flame and his companions safe.)” ._.;
Flame: “Yeah, Alice brought it up in passing in the Chapter VI review and then you reacted to it like she started talking about Ravenholm or something like that.”
Yvaine: “(I’m pretty sure that’s a few more violations of the fourth wall than is healthy, but…) Okay, let me repeat that. Have you seen Edessa, Flame?”
Flame: “Er… well…”
IMO, Yvaine’s paragraph where she goes into detail about the home she never knew works a bit better hacked up with a paragraph describing her body language or the like dropped in as a separator. Some food for thought.
Also, some of those features of Edessa Province are very
after remembering that this is a Roman-themed setting that doesn’t shy away from the less savory parts of Ancient Rome, especially the mention of cotton fields.
Flame: "Uh... being able to go to Capri with my teammates?" ._.
- Yvaine frowns -
Yvaine: "... Being able to go on an island vacation? Really?"
Virgo: "Hey, don't knock it, Yvaine. Flamey here's got ambition! Why I hear the girls on Capri are top percentage-!"
Flame: "By 'teammates', I didn't mean you Virgo!" >_>;
I don’t know how much it was planned out at this point in time, but it still gets me in the wake of your most recent chapter how that lack of belonging arguably applies to the whole of Team Phalanx. A lot about Team Phalanx’s dynamic could’ve potentially been very different but for the want of a couple nails for decision-making and personality.
You do realize you could’ve just left things at “Honestly, I don’t know”, right, Flame? ^^;
Flame: “Wait… it… is?” ._.;
Considering how the Empire’s SOP for dealing with Scum is either “summary execution” or “subject to a fate worse than death”, some of those mind-wipes literally would also be explainable as “soldier saw too much, captors for one reason or another didn’t have the stomach to kill them, and then covered their tracks before yeeting said soldier back to their territory”. Considering the consequences of intel being relayed back to the enemy, it’d be an almost mandatory prerequisite for giving any sort of quarter that didn’t involve lifelong captivity.
Flame: "Are- Are you telling me that I got kidnapped by Scum, got my brain picked, and then got mind-wiped?" ._.
Yvaine: "It would seem to be the most logical explanation. Why? Do you have an alternative?"
- Flame thinks back to the Scum Dusknoir trying to get chummy with him and vigorously shakes his head -
Flame: "No, no, nothing like that. It's... just a lot to take in, that's all."
Yvaine: "You do realize that I can sense that you're being evasive right now, right?"
Virgo: "Aw lay off him, Yvaine. Why's everyone need to get the third degree from you anyways?"
Yvaine: “I mean, I have my doubts from how relatively normal you are, but it’s not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.”
Virgo: “But hey, don’t sweat it, Flamey. Yvvie will get right to the bottom of things after a quick peek.” ^^
Flame: “... Yeah okay, Virgo.”
Flamey: “... Pretty sure that I don’t want the two ‘mons who consistently have been giving me vibes that they’re going to kill me when I’m not looking to think I’m interesting.” O_O;
Yvaine: “Oh trust me, you couldn’t hide that even if you wanted to. You… carry quite a presence with you.” ._.;
Virgo: “I mean, I’m pretty sure that the average camp follower to a legion isn’t exactly a prize fighter. You could’ve always been one of them, Flamey. It’d still place you in a position to be captured like that and explain a thing or two about how you kinda suck at this whole ‘fighting’ thing.”
Flame: “... I feel as if I should probably feel insulted right now, but I guess it’d be possible? Assuming we even have camp followers in this setting…”
I mean, at the end of the most recent offsite chapter at the time of writing, it’s an open question as to whether or not Flame actually has a blood tie to the Scum, or else if he just has his link because there’s a certain role that’s been conveniently cleared for him to fill in it by a figure the Scum deeply trust. That would definitely explain the disconnect between his role and his complete lack of knowledge of the tongue of what’s supposed to be his side.
Still nostalgic over this ‘Flame as Arminius’ hypothesis from back in the day, even if it ultimately appears that Flame’s background is something much, much more unusual.
Alice: "... I know that this is going to sound crazy, but... If Flame really is connected to the Scum somehow, is it possible he was taken from the Wastelands when he was younger to be raised in Urbe or something like that?"
Gaius: "What? Why the hell would anyone want Scum to be living in Urbe in that sort of capacity? Let alone important Scum?"
Alice: "Well just thinking back through Urbe's history, when an enemy was conquered or else forced into tribute, sometimes they'd be made to give up the children of their leaders and the like to be raised in Urbe and taught our ways.”
Gaius: “And you’re basing this off what again when what little we’ve heard about Scum that weren’t put down like the borderline ferals they are very heavily pointed towards enslavement?”
Alice: “An educated guess from how Urbe has direct historical parallels to that other Urbe and very heavily takes after its culture. I mean, think about it, Gaius. The way the Scum's leader reacted to him, the way Flame reads and speaks our language and has a natural-sounding accent to 'mons from the South... isn't that something that you'd expect from a 'mon that came from circumstances like that?"
Flame: "... I... But..."
- Flame shake head vigorously -
Flame: "B-But that's insane! If all of that somehow happened, why on earth would I have turned up in a cave in Aesernia?!"
Alice: "... I don't have an answer to that. And it's all just a theory that's probably wrong anyways. (... I hope.)"
Flame: “(Oh yeah, I totally needed thoughts of getting intimate with Yvaine on my mind.)” X(
- Flame pauses and falters briefly -
Flame: "... (Also don't I have memories of 'mons begging me for mercy and weird technology like boats made entirely out of metal that everyone insists isn't possible to exist? Is letting some random legionary I was worried about ratting me out for sympathizing just a few minutes ago really a good idea?)" .-.
Will need to make a note of the underlined for the future. Though I have to question if that really is the truth, or only applies to ‘normie’ Pokémon. Since… yeah, I would be hesitant to take the under on the likes of Sycorax pulling off some of those more impressive party tricks assuming they had appropriate training.
Flame: “I’m… starting to get second thoughts about all of this right now.” .-.
Yvaine: “Suit yourself, though I can’t exactly help you if you don’t bare your thoughts to me.”
Flame: “Er… yeah, all of this is just screaming that this is a terrible idea…” ._.;
Virgo: “Oh, so underneath that prudish exterior, you do have a wild side, Flamey. If it’s any consolation, Yvvie knows all about me and we get along just fine.” ^^
Flame: “(That’s… not a high bar to cross, Virgo.)” >_>;
Flame: “Th-This is the first time you’ve done something like this?!” O_O;
Yvaine: “... Yes? I mean, I’ve did some exercises, but this would be the first time using it in an actual field setting.”
Flame: “... I swear, it’s like the universe itself thinks this is a terrible idea…”
Something about Flame’s phrasing feels a bit off there, you might find something like the following worth considering as an extension / polished take:
[ [...] How much it’s bugged me… not knowing who I am. Not knowing why I’m here. ]
Food for thought, anyways.
Flame: "Screw it, I need to know. Do it, Yvaine."
- Gaius and Alice stare on from the side slack-jawed -
Alice: "Flame, what are you doing?!" O.O;
Gaius: "Oh good Arceus, don't you have a single skeptical bone in your body?!" >_<;
Flame: “... I’m regretting agreeing to go along with this already.” >_<;
Gaius: “Flame! For gods’ sakes! Back out now while you still can!”
Flame: "U-Um, Yvaine? On second thought, can we-?"
Yvaine: "Too late, I'm starting the read now."
Alice: "... We are so dead." ._.
Let’s not get into how this very sequence is what Yvaine uses to pass Flame’s true identity on to the rest of the Praetorians.
If this is specifically past memories and not nightmares or the like, you want ‘(unconscious) bodies’ of his friends and not ‘corpses’. Since corpses are very specifically dead bodies and Alice and Gaius are both very much alive right now.
Flame: “N-No I mean it, Yvaine! I really need you to stop right now-!”
Flame: “Oh god, why on earth did I agree to this?”
Gaius: “That’s what we’d like to know, genius! Fat lot of good us keeping your secret did for you when you just let a Legionary see it for herself!” >_>;
Flame: “W-Well, at least Yvaine didn’t see all the memories I had of fantasizing about injuring her or Virgo? S-So silver linings?”
Yvaine: “Oh no, I saw those, I’m just not dwelling on them since this current train of thought seems more interesting.”
Flame: “... Of course.” >.<
Flame: “... (Considering everything she just saw from my memories, I feel that I should be a lot more worried about her having a ‘bemused’ face there.)” o_o;
Flame: "What- What the hell is-?" ._.
Ah yes, this is where Yvaine got that encounter she talks about in Chapter XXXI that spooked her about Flame. Or at least I assume that it is since while she obviously sensed something was wrong in her prior encounters, she didn’t react like this to them.
Yeah, okay Yvaine. Everyone saw you linger at the memory of Daedalus.
I feel as if there should be a paragraph dropped before the one here in where Flame stops to catch his proverbial breath after Yvaine’s retort before he speaks up. Perhaps it’s just me but it feels like it’d help show off Flame’s state of mind a bit better.
Uh… yeah, this whole moment basically is what helps Sycorax firmly put two and two together as to what Flame’s real identity is. So this kinda caused some serious second-order effects.
And he does! Just not in this chapter. :V
Though that makes me wonder if that other psychic is going to wind up getting similarly burned by what lies under the surface of Flame’s mind at some point. Since… yeah, Flame has some things about him that are distinctly not normal.
Flame: “A-Are you sure you weren’t seeing things from inexperience? This is your first time mind-reading.”
Yvaine: “Y-Yes, I’m very sure that I saw a Dusknoir on two separate occasions. The same Dusknoir on those separate occasions.” ._.
Flame: “(W-Well, I tried...)”
Flame: “You kept reading even after I told you to stop!” >_>;
Yvaine: “Again, I thought it was just the equivalent of stage fright, okay? I didn’t know that- that was going to happen!” >.<
An object lesson in being careful for what you wish for there. Since… yeah, what does wind up happening because of this is arguably significantly worse than what Flame feared. ^^;
>25 words thought moments before disaster
Gaius: "Remind me, Yvaine's mind read didn't pick up anything from these cutaway gags, right?"
Flame: "That's nonsense, none of this is canon, so-"
Yvaine: "Er… by the way, Flame. You sure seemed to be thinking about Capri a lot. I know that these aren't exactly pleasant circumstances, but do try to keep yourself from spacing out, okay? It could be the difference between life and death in battle."
Gaius + Alice: "..." >.<
Flame: "... Right, thanks for the heads up, Yvaine." -_-;
Virgo: “Flamey, you could’ve just said ‘no’!” >_>;
Flame: “Fine, I’m not okay, alright?” >.<
Flame: “... Should’ve listened to my gut to stay far, far away from those two given how that’s what happen after I let my guard down for once.” >.<
- Flame hesitates briefly -
Flame: “Though what is with those two? Have I met them somewhere? Since I’ve always felt like I wasn’t safe around them, and like I really, really wish they were dead. But I can’t for the life of me understand why...” ._.
Probably for the best, since picking a fight with a trained soldier with a type advantage in this setting sounds like a recipe for a bad time. ^^;
Flame: "Wait a minute... what does cutlery for a Dragonair look like anyways? Isn't it just socially acceptable to dig into your food since you don't have limbs?"
Alice: “But seriously, I will throw this soup at you if you try and spoon-feed me.” >:|
Flame: “Er… noted.” ^^;
Flame: “... I mean, I didn’t realize there were platters given that they didn’t exactly show up in the narration.” ^^;
Alice: “You should try to be a bit more observant, Flame. After all, you don’t want to get snuck up on if we actually get into a fight on a battlefield.”
Flame: “... Yeah, I can see how that’d be a problem.” ._.
Flame: “I-In a good way, right?”
Alice: “Well, in an amusing way, that’s for sure.”
Flame: "... How do we have potatoes in a Rome-themed setting again?"
Gaius: "The same way we have Mystery Dungeons, mind probing, and a malevolent faction that styles itself after the Combine lingering in the background in a Rome-themed setting?"
Flame: "... Right, guess I won't question it too much."
Flame: “... Pretty sure that fact that our meals for the entire time up to that hospital stay were scraps from dumpsters surely would explain a few things about my appetite as well.” ^^;
Alice: “(Flame can you not say that out loud in front of the hall full of Legionaries that casually bully ‘civvies’ for giggles?)” >_>;
Flame: “Boy did we sure pick a winner for a table here.” .-.
Flame: “Wow, rude. You can at least pretend to care about hiding that from us.”
Legionary!Zangoose: “Hey, butt out, trash muncher. I wasn’t talking about you anyways.”
Alice: “(Oh gods, so they did hear that dumpster comment.)” >///<
Flame: “Oh god, this dinner’s going places already. M-Maybe we can calm the Zangoose down with an apology?”
Background!Legionaries: “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”
Flame: “... So much for that brilliant plan.” ._.;
Gaius: “Oh shut up, Flame. I already took apart one Zangoose before, what’s another?” >:|
Gaius: “Say that again to my face, jackass!”
Alice: “This sure would be a handy time to have the likes of a Petrify Orb. Assuming those work outside of Mystery Dungeons.” ._.;
Flame: "Gaius, you were giving me crap for having poor impulse control?" >.<
Gaius: “Flame shut up and let me have this right now!” >_>;
… Those are some quality friends that Zangoose has got there. :V
I mean, if what that Scyther had to say about how well the guy holds up in the presence of his superiors, I’ll heavily take the under on this “real soldier” lasting more than about 5 minutes in serious battle before either devolving into a gibbering wreck or else running into problems of the terminal sort. ^^;
I think the last paragraph works better as something along the lines of [All conversation at Team Phalanx’s table stopped after that. Nobody had anything further to say about the episode.] since something about “Thus stopped all conversation at Team Phalanx's table.” feels a bit stilted. There might be other ways of slicing that apple, but it’s what immediately came to mind.
Flame: “Agony.” X_X
Alice: “Yeah, I kinda gathered. Though do you mind elaborating a bit?”
That… is more than a little presumptuous there, Flame.
Though something about Flame’s ‘Two hours’ bit feels a little flat. I think the solution is probably to expand with details and get a touch theatrical. For instance, something like:
[ It took us two hours to carry the damn things there. From how heavy they were, I could’ve sworn they were filled with concrete! ]
Yeah, see what I mean? ^^;
Flame: “... Me and my big mouth.” ._.
My operating hypothesis for how Alice got disowned from the Imperial family is still that it’s precisely because she can't fly. I saw that little slip-up of hers there
Gaius: "Psst! Alice, pipe down about your axe-grinding against the Emperor there! We're in an army mess hall!"
Flame: "Yeah, calm down! Look, there was that encyclopedia of Pokémon back in the library. No urban myths, just cold, hard facts. We can go and borrow it, turn the pages over to the part about Dragonair in front of the Captain, and it should back you up, right?”
Alice: "No!" O.O
- Alice blanch before laughing nervously -
Alice: "I-I mean... we're new here, and w-we've already been getting into trouble on the first day. Maybe it's for the best if we don't make any waves." ^^;
Gaius: "... We'll wait, though I wanna see this encyclopedia entry for myself now. I'm starting to question who's getting the bad read of biology here."
Oh, so Gaius has already copped a look at that ‘Dragonair’ page to that encyclopedia, huh? :V
Wow. Rude. Even if that obviously struck a nerve for Alice there. Though I’d completely forgotten that there were cracks this visible between Team Phalanx’s members this early on into the story.
Gaius: “... No, I’m pretty sure that the moment where we were all half-dead in the snow in Boreal Chasm was the point where the team was the closest to collapsing.” >_>;
Flame: “Okay, ‘close to utter collapse’ in a fashion that doesn’t involve imminent death. Happy now?” -_-;
Though yeah, she’s lying to you, Flame. Though unlike a certain life detail of Alice’s, this is one that she hasn’t come clean to you about yet even offsite.
Gaius: “How is this possibility just occurring to you now when we both tried to pass you off as-” :|
Alice: “Aius-Gay, ut-shay up-ay about-ay e-thay agauda-bay oment-may!” >.<
I think that it probably makes sense to elaborate what sort of story those eyes told. I’m assuming that it’s something like “betrayed that she had clearly felt deeply hurt by the topic of conversation”, but it’s not explicitly laid out at the moment.
Boy is Gaius’ response such a mood in light of his thought process in your most recent chapter. .-.
Flame: "We're not going to make it to Capri, are we?" ._.
Alice: "(Oh thank gods, you’re not pressing on about the whole flight thi-) I mean, er… No. Probably not."
Gaius: “(Considering how Capri has come up exactly zero times canonically thus far, I’m pretty sure that’s closer to ‘definitely not’.)” >_>;
Alice: “(Hush. We’re allowed to try and find a way to get out of this story here!)”
Flame: “Okay, seriously, can we just go on strike from the canon and try and flatly run away at this rate? Like everything about this conversation is more or less screaming ‘Hello Capri’ loud and clear.” o_o;
Gaius: “You realize that’s just going to lead to us getting drug back kicking and screaming if there’s another chapter to review, right?”
Flame: “I-It’s still worth a shot?”
I mean, yeah. It’s only a horrible situation where everyone’s worried about dying in painful fashion in the immediate future, but it’s still a very ‘d’aww’ moment there.
Gaius: “What am I, chopped liver here?” >_>;
Gaius: “That… doesn’t exactly sound like a plan, Flame.” >_>;
Flame: “I-It’s the rough outlines of one? Look, the point is that it’s a goal to start with and work towards.”
Flame: "... Why am I this worried again when Alice literally just badmouthed the Emperor in a 'half-shout'? Shouldn't I be able to just whisper this without getting overheard over the crosstalk?"
- Flame looks around mess hall again and thinks of literally everything that almost went wrong earlier tonight -
Flame: "... Egh... better not tempt fate."
Gaius: “... I’m sorry, but why would that be an issue when we were literally just plotting ways to run away from the plot and make it someone else’s problem?”
Alice: “Gaius. Remember that none of that was canon...” >.<
A little surprised at the lack of naturally bioluminescent Pokémon being pressed into service like Ampharos or other Chars, but I suppose it doesn’t take that much to get a torch going.
Gaius: “If it’s about ditching the plot, you know the answer’s going to be ‘yes’, right?”
Flame: “No, it’s about the plan. You know, to actually make that happen.”
Alice: “Hm? What is it?” :?
Flame: "Namely, let's just leg it for Capri and figure out the details as we go along."
Alice: “... On one level, that doesn’t sound like much of a plan, but-”
Gaius:
Alice: “Yeah, that.”
Flame: “H-Huh? But I just shared my idea.” .-.
Alice: “Share more of it. Remember that we’re going to die if we get caught deserting, so it’d be handy to hear some firmer details.” >_>;
Gaius: “Including being stuck with Virgo and Yvaine on a bodyguard assignment in Capri for the foreseeable future?”
Flame: “... Okay, almost anything’s better than fighting this stupid war. (Please tell me that we weren’t seriously considering that as our ticket to going out there!)”
Gaius: “(Godsdamnit, Flame. Why do you have to be so picky? We could’ve potentially done that without deserting. Virgo would’ve been all over it.)” >_>;
Flame: “Even though I don’t see how we’re exactly going to fare better if we have to fight Scum on the frontlines.” o_o;
I mean, Team Phalanx have canonically mugged other Pokémon by this point in time, so they could do worse than roll becoming bagaudae as a new career path. :V
Gaius: "Again, I told you this was a thing in the last review, Flame!" >.<
Flame: "That was in a cutaway gag and not in the actual story!" >_>;
Alice: "Look, the point is that this is a serious decision with serious potential consequences. I'm... iffy, to say the least about trying to play deserting to Capri by ear." ._.;
Alice: “I mean, I know that I have some… problems with the leadership of this Empire. But you can’t exactly keep your head down and soldier on as a wanted outlaw...” ._.;
Flame: “But you could get an awesome island lifestyle out of it!”
Again, one of those bits that definitely reads harsher in hindsight after the events of the most recent chapter. Gaius really got messed up by the events of Boreal Chasm given that he was showing flickers of that self-destructive impulse this far back, huh?
Gaius: “Oh my gods, seriously Flame? You’d turn down help in deserting like you wanted to over a girl you have a crush on?”
Flame: “Th-That’s not the only reason for my hesitation, okay?!” >///<
- Flame exhales out of relief -
Flame: “Oh thank god, she is coming along.”
Gaius: “Not helping your case there, Flame.” >.<
Gaius: “Flame, I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you. For the love of the gods, you have what you want. Stop talking already!” >.<
I’d recommend hacking up Alice’s line into at least two paragraphs of dialogue with a transition in between, with the suggestion I made being one possibility. It might make sense to expand the new description paragraph further, but I’ll leave that for you to decide if you opt to go this route.
This is once again one of those moments that’s simultaneously very
and
.
Feels like you’re missing a sentence or two to to transition things back from Flame and back over to Alice. I’m admittedly sure not what would work best. Perhaps have an acknowledgement of Alice’s voice snapping him awake in the description paragraph in a new sentence, and just axe it from Alice’s speech tag?
Alice: “I mean, there’s more than that. But you were having a moment and I didn’t want to freak you out.” ^^;
Flame: “...”
Huh. I forgot that Team Phalanx actually had more than the clipped nummi and dust bunnies to work with under their tent. Though yeah, now would be as good a time as any to take those out to use.
Flame: “... Assuming it didn’t get flooded by the rains a little over a week ago.”
Gaius: “Flame, can you seriously stop being such a wet towel? You’re a Fire-type for crying out loud!” >.<
Not that Alice knows that, but that’s actually a really terrible idea versus stealing from civilians if Urbe takes after Real!Urbe for military discipline. Since theft in legionary camps was historically punished by ever-so-minor sentences of death. ^^;
I feel like the library bit should be elaborated a bit more than what’s there, though if my memory serves me right for what they wind up taking from the library next chapter, that should be [ we should go to the library to see what we can find for a map ] .
Flame: “... Which is probably a sign that we haven’t planned things out enough, but let’s not think too hard about that.” ^^;
Flame: "Wait, isn't Capri closer than all those places?"
Alice: "It's also under Urbe's control and we'd need to sneak through [Naples] to reach it. We might as well keep our options open just in case we bring down more heat on us than we expected."
- Flame sigh -
Flame: "Dammit, I was looking forward to those beaches..."
Flame: “No pressure, huh?”
Gaius: “Look, we’ll have at least a night to think things over. Probably. There’s a teaser for a next chapter, after all.”
Speaking of, let’s take a gander at that glimpse into things yet to come, hm? … Or at least for this review series, since the chapter’s right there for everyone to read. ^^;
I mean, all that’s missing at this rate is draining the seas and yeeting hostile wildlife into Urbe’s world, and then ‘Our Benefactors’ really will complete the strong HL2 vibes they’re giving off here in this passage right now.
Gaius: "Wait, 30% of our grain has been going to some random islands? Then none of this food inflation crap needed to happen in the first place! Who the hell are these 'Benefactors' and what is their deal?! Stealing food from our mouths is a funny way of 'benefitting' us!"
Flame: "'20% of wartime slaves' for over 140 years? As in the ones Urbe took after every time it defeated an enemy in battle like Virgo mentioned back in Castra Aeterna? What on earth would they need so many 'mons for?" ._.
Alice: "I just don't understand how the Emperor could be so powerless to resist this! He's the Emperor! How can he let himself get pushed around like some little child when the fate of all Urbe is in his claws?!"
Flame: "Based off that letter, I think the point is that it's not in his claws."
Gaius: "Let's just get some rest. If that's really what the Army's fighting for, then the sooner we ditch 'em the better."
- Flame sigh -
Flame: "I really wish I'd looked at that 'Our Benefactors' book while I had the chance. Maybe it'd make more of these teasers make sense."
Alright, for my final recap of thoughts:
I thought that this chapter was a decent breather coming off the heels of the last chapter where everyone was basically picking up the pieces in the wake of the disastrous expedition to Portus. It also did a good job at showing glimpses of what life in the Imperial Army is like, the internal workings of Alice and Gaius after their big wipeout in Boreal Chasm and hints at things going on in their pasts that they don’t want to be too open about, and sets the stage for things to come since we find out in fairly short order after this point that boy was Flame’s mind read sequence with Yvaine ill-advised.
As for stuff that probably could’ve been done differently… it is a bit long as a transitional chapter, but I won’t give you too much crap over that, since I’ve written a few chunky chapters myself, and I admittedly am not sure if there’s a clean thematic break lying around anywhere in the vein of Chapter XIII. If the segment after Yvaine’s mind read was a bit longer and had a bit more going on, it might be an option worth considering, but as it stands… yeah, that theoretical “Chapter XVIS” there would be both a bit short and light on things happening as a standalone in its present form. I suppose you could’ve cliffhangered things at the part where Yvaine just starts her mind read over Flame’s objections and yeeted everything after into that “Chapter XVIS”, but meh. That’s getting into fairly gimmicky territory there, and I won’t begrudge you for sticking to your guns.
Good work as usual, @Shadow of Antioch , and kudos for supporting this version of your story. It’s been quite the journey seeing it evolve from those lonely two chapters you had up for the longest time. ^^
Chapter XVI
Camp Tempest
They should have been overjoyed. To finally be out of that damned tent, able to feel the sun on their scales, to walk about on their own legs. It was supposed to have been a liberating experience, even more so afterexperiencinghow slowly the last few days of their recovery had seemed to crawl by.
And yet, Team Phalanx currently felt nothing of the sort.
Alice: "We're supposed to feel overjoyed about everyone we've ever known from Camp Tempest being dead?"
Flame: "Livia, Archangel, the guys who made the Haxorus joke, those Team Salient 'mons..."
- Shake head -
Flame: "I should probably stop, I'm going to wind up sitting in bed staring at the roof of the tent all day again if I keep going on like this. I just really, really thought when I first woke up that more of us made it."
Gaius: "Well, that Staraptor that fed you like a little fledgling made it."
Flame: "Gaius, that's not making me feel better here!" >.<
Gaius: "Hrmph, sorry for trying to look on the bright side, since I'm not exactly doing super chipper myself. I'm still short a hand right now." >_>;
Flameemittedlet out a soft sigh as he sat among the tall grass, flanked by his teammates, waiting outside the very tent they'd been stuck in for days. He followed a pair of nurses with his eyes as they hurried a bloodied Raichu in on a stretcher, yet he wasn't really paying attention. No; his mindwaskept replaying the last words said to them by Sycorax from the day before.
'From this moment, in light of the demise of Task Force Aegis, you will be integrated in the Imperial Army as part of the VII Legion.'
The words never failed to dig a cold pit in his stomach whenever he recalled them.
They were soldiers now. Not a ragtag team of glorified rescuers;they werefull, salaried warriors of the Imperial Army, with their own rank and responsibilities to the Empire. Soldiers. Just repeating that word in his head seemed to make his shoulders heavier. Despite the full implications of that duty eluding him, he knew one thing: soldiers fought wars. And there was a war going on right now, a war he'd never asked to be a part of.
Flame: "... Getting regular rations of food is being salaried now?" .-.
Gaius: "Considering what happened to our last paycheck, it's probably better than being salaried at the moment." -_-;
Alice: "Yeah, and I don't think we'd exactly have much of a choice with whether or not we got roped into fighting that war even if the rest of the Task Force was still alive and kicking right now."
Gaius: "Well, we wouldn't get executed for skipping town to Capri like we would right now as technical legionaries."
Nobody asked me if I wanted to become a soldier. They never even gave us a choice, Flame thought, bitterness welling up inside him as he ran his claws through the stalks of grass at his side.
No matter how much he tried, the fear just wouldn't go away. The fear of being sent off to fight. The fear of reliving those frenzied moments all those days ago, of coming as close to death as he had, just one claw swipe or ice beam away from nothingness. Or what if they got to Alice or Gaius first?
His claws tensedtoand grabbed a fistful of grass at his side. No, he was not a fighter—he could barely keep his heart in his chest during an engagement, and Alice had just recently taught him how to breathe fire. To face off against battle-hardened enemies? Madness, he thought with an involuntary shake of the head, pure madness.
Virgo: "... Weren't these guys supposed to be auxilia and lend us operational support? This is the sort of thought process I'd expect coming from some bedwetting hatchling!"
Yvaine: "I mean, we know things were disorganized enough on Task Force Aegis that these civvies were actively dumpster diving for food. Are you really surprised that they'd have morale problems even without most of them getting killed off?"
Virgo: "They'd have fewer morale problems if they followed my advice and lived a little!"
- Yvaine 'ugh' expression -
Yvaine: "Let's... stick to more traditional methods of encouragement, Virgo. I don't think contracting venereal diseases right off the bat is going to help them learn the ropes much."
Flame: “Look, we don’t need you to show us these ‘ropes’, okay?” >_>;
Sensing his quickened blood flow, Flame's mind attempted to inject soothing thoughts: perhaps he still had time to change things around. Perhaps he wouldn't be sent off right away. Didn't new recruits receive training? Yes, he thought with a great deal of relief, they would stay here in Aesernia and train before any of that could happen. Perhaps it would buy them a week, or two, or a month if luck shone on him, long enough to formulate some sort of escape plan.
The rapidness with which that thought sprung up surprised even him, but in his mind, there was simply no other way. Flame didn't even know if his teammates would approve of such an act, or if they would loathe him for thinking it. And yet, every possible scenario in his head where they stayed in the army ended with him and Alice and Gaius being shipped off to die in a nameless field, against a nameless enemy, for an Empire he knew nothing about.
I’d recommend hacking up this paragraph in two, since it’s pretty long and dense. I don’t think any further changes are needed if you divide it up here, but it might be worth giving it a once-over if you do split it.
Gaius: "... I thought we were all in mutual agreement that we wanted to bail for Capri but were stuck on how to avoid getting turned into piñatas by our new bosses if we got caught."
Alice: "Remember that none of this is canon, Gaius. It's not unreasonable for Flame to have doubts in-story." ¬_¬
Gaius: "Oh come on, how gung ho for army life do you think I am in-story with a missing hand right now?" >_>;
Deep in thought, Flame shot a tentative look at his teammates. Gaius sat to his right, paying more attention to his bandaged stump than to his surroundings. Flame hadn't heard a wordcomingcome out of his mouth ever since the meeting with Sycorax. Frankly, he couldn't be sure whether his thoughts concerned their new employment at all, and not the two-thirds of a hand he had left—not that Flame could blame him. To his other side was Alice, her serpentine body sprawled on the grass, her cheek crushing a wilted flower. The moment he met her gaze, she shot her head up to look at him, blinking furiously. She then twisted her neck around to look, only to let her head fall to the ground with an audible groan.
He could understand her pain; Sycorax had promised someone from the army would greet them once discharged. Approximately two and a half hours had passed without anyone so much as deigning to give the three a glance—a fact made all the more exasperating now that Camp Tempest had been taken over by the Imperial Army, who now presided its entrance, inhabited its tents, and populated its many paths as if things had always been like this.
Flame: “Oh yeah, this is a great omen for how army life’s gonna be already, I can just tell.” >_>;
"Are you okay?" Flame said softly.
Alice kept staring into nothingness, her mouth forming into a bitter smile. "Do I look okay to you?"
[ ]
"No. You don't. S-sorry," Flame said, feeling the need to add that last part even knowing that her bitterness wasn't directed at him.
It might make sense to drop in a paragraph between Alice and Flame’s second lines doing some combination of describing Alice’s body language and having Flame get flustered and taken aback there.
Gaius: “To be fair, there wasn’t exactly a ton of description of what was going on with you, Alice-”
Alice: “Gaius. I’m. Not. Feeling. Well.” >.<
Alice shot him a glance and shook her head, as if in disbelief at his stubbornness, then glazed her eyes over again. "It's all so … ironic. I've spent most of my life wandering from one sorry excuse of a job to another, always on the brink of going hungry. Everywhere I went, the Army was always the one job open to me. All I had to do was enlist. But I never did. Want to know why?"
At that she lowered her head, at that her eyes seemed to gleam. "I'm scared of fighting. I don't care if you think I'm a coward. The thought of fighting this war scares me. It scares me, Flame. Ferals are one thing—they're dumb, predictable. But the Scum?" her voice wavered closer to fear. "You … you saw for yourself what they're capable of. What fighting a war really looks like."
Flame: "I thought that dropping Portal Storms on us aside, the actual fighting with the Scum was explicitly compared to fighting Ferals, just with a lot more of them at once.”
Gaius: “Pretty sure that that one was firmly out the window considering how completely they managed to overrun Camp Horizon, even if the leadership’s strategies weren’t exactly ironclad there.”
Flame: “... Yeah, I don’t have an explanation for that one. Especially since the Scum we fought in Castra Aeterna weren’t hard to take down at all!"
- Beat moment -
Flame: "Hey, wait a moment. How come the Scum in Castra Aeterna were that much easier to deal with anyways? There were dozens of them there and we just picked them apart!"
- Alice shifts uncomfortably in coils -
Alice: "There's... some possibilities I'd considered based off those stories I told you about the Scum moving mothers and younglings along with their armies right before Portus got sucked away, but I honestly think it'd make me feel worse right now to think too hard about them." ._.
Then, Alice's face softened; her gaze turned to somewhere far away again. "Years of running away … it was all for nothing. They'll just make me serve. Give my life for the same Empire that banished me just for being born."
Flame: "... Remind me why you didn't run away to Capri originally in the first place again, Alice?"
- Alice hang head -
Alice: "I- I wanted to, but... I..."
Flame: "... It's alright, Alice. Everyone has their reasons, we can try and figure out a way to make it there together."
Gaius: “Might want to get a bit creative about that strategy, since I’m pretty sure one of those reasons involves Capri being the property of the Emperor and dumping ground to exile unfavorite members of the royal family.” >_>;
- Beat moment -
Flame: “... (Huh. Maybe she is a Senator’s kid after all. Since if that’s where royal family members get exiled, it wouldn’t make sense for Alice to not have gone there… right?)”
Flame didn't speak immediately; instead, he let his vision take in the view of the dozens of faceless soldiers and nurses streaming past them, the sky above tainted by patches of rainclouds.
"I'm scared too," he admitted, a paw of his slipping onto her back. "Of fighting, I mean. If one of you … If I die without finding out who I am…"
Turning her head to him, Alice showed him a small, tired smile. "We'll be there for you. We'll find a way."
The tiniest of smiles settled on Flame's face. At least he wouldn't be in this alone. At least when the time to heed the call of battle came, they'd do it together.
Not that Flame knows it right here and now, but that line is so cruelly ironic looking back given that when these three were ultimately summoned for battle, they didn’t get sent to fight together. ^^;
...Oh, right. They were going to be deployed together on the battlefield. In danger. All three of them. Flame felt his mood immediately come crashing down again.
Gaius, who until now had been staring dazed at his wounds, made a low grunting sound. "Just so long as we don't meet up with your old buddy back there."
Flame blinked for a moment, then his frown deepened. "Oh, right. That…"
Flame: “M-Maybe he’d forget about the Flamethrower I blew into his eye?” ._.;
Gaius: “Need I remind you that we were probably about to get flying lessons off a cliff if you hadn’t breathed out that Flamethrower? Look, no matter how well that meetup would end for you, it wouldn’t end well for us.”
For the first time since their admittance to hospital, Gaius chuckled weakly. "Yeah, that. Kind of hard to forget when your teammate's the Scum's ex-leader or something," he then dropped his gaze to his feet. "Figured I'd be more worried right now."
Flame: “Gaius, can you not say that out loud while we’re in the middle of an army base? God, imagine if someone had heard you there!” >.<
Alice: “To be fair, with how much Gaius drinks, we could just say that he was just drunk and most of these ‘mons would probably believe it.”
No sooner than those words were uttered did anger enter his bloodstream; he was not one of the Scum. As the seconds passed, however, the glare Flame directed at his former leader became weaker and weaker; no, he couldn't blame the Grovyle for saying that, no matter how much he loathed the thought. After what they'd seen, it wasn't that far-fetched of a conclusion to reach.
Uh… yeah, funny story about that, Flame…
Even if some recent revelations in the most recent chapter have made it a bit murky as to how right or wrong his sentiment is there.
Flame turned to face Gaius fully, unable to hide a small sneer. "If you still think I used to be one of them, why didn't you tell Sycorax?"
Gaius raised both his shoulders in a shrug. "Don't know. Guess it felt like the right thing to do."
While you probably didn’t already plan it out this far back, considering what you recently revealed about Gaius’ backstory, he likely had a few contributing motivators he’s not being open about for hiding Flame’s background.
Gaius: "I mean, it would be kind of a dick move to get the 'mon who's the reason why we're all still standing here right now killed as soon as we got back here."
The answer caught him by surprise. So much that he forgot about his anger for a few heartbeats. Perhaps some part of him was expecting Gaius to concoct some selfish reasoning. What gave him even more of a pause was the fact that that wording sounded strangely similar to something he himself had said while they were both recovering.
Gaius: “Look, it just felt really, really wrong for me to throw you under the wagon there, alright? There’s nothing more to it.”
Flame:
Gaius: “Look, shouldn’t we be trying to find that army officer or something?” >_>;
Inevitably, though, as silence settled between them and they continued to await an officer thatmay wellat this rate would never arrive, Flame's thoughts couldn't help but settle on his encounter with the Dusknoir all those days ago. Except being part of the Imperial Army only compounded his problem...
He could see the scenarios play out already. Say he were sent to recapture the ruins of Portus, alongside Alice and Gaius and a thousand more soldiers. What ifsayin the midst of fierce fighting, street to ruined street, he encountered the same Dusknoir, and it touched him gently on the shoulder before his comrades in arms? A cold shiver ran down his spine. Only now did he realise just how thin of a line he was currently treading. If something like that happened, and Alice and Gaius were deemed too close to a traitorous Scum like him…
Gaius: “Again, Flame. We’d be really, really dead if we ran into that Dusknoir again.” >_>;
Flame: “B-But suppose that you weren’t dead yet by then. You’d definitely be dead thanks to the army.”
Alice: “... Are you two seriously talking out loud about this in the middle of an army base?” >.<
He couldn't put them in that sort of danger. Not when he'd become aware of the gravity of his past connections, not after seeing with his own eyes what sort of fate was reserved for Scum sympathisers or members. He would have to consider getting away from them. The mere thought tore at his heartstrings, but deep inside he knew it was the best option for everyone.
The difficult part was broadcasting the idea to his teammates.
Flame turned to gaze at both of them. They were both looking around, trailing each passing pokémon with their eyes, turning rigid whenever someone walked particularly [ ]. How could he abandon them in their moment of need? Swallowing his feelings, he glued together an argument in his head and hoped for the best.
"Hey, guys, listen…" Flame said, shifting uncomfortably. "I've been thinking about what happened back there, and maybe it'd be best if we … part ways. Pretend we've never known each other. I don't want to risk your safety because of who I was."
Just saying. This sort of separation from the rest of Team Phalanx actually happens to Flame later on. He very, very quickly regretted getting cut off from his
Also, you’re missing a word after “particularly” there.
"What?" Alice said plainly and blinked, turning towards him. "Sorry, where did that come from?"
Flame released a heavy sigh. Why did she have to make things so difficult for him? "L-look, I … I'm not sure if I used to be one of them or not. Okay? My head's too much of a mess to think clearly. But that's not what matters here. Right now, I'm putting you in danger just by being next to you, and…" He had to stop to swallow a sudden knot that had formed in his throat. "… and I can't let that happen. I can't risk this news getting out."
Alice: “... And yet you’re just openly saying all of this on an army base where we can be overheard.” >.<
Flame: “Look, let’s just assume that we’re leaning in and whispering, okay?” >_>;
Alice stared dumbly at him with a look that bordered on anger. "Now you're just spewing nonsense. How exactly would they find out? I don't plan on selling anyone out, and neither does Gaius. You can trust us."
Gaius: "Alice, you do realize that we literally tried to do just that less than two weeks ago, right?"
Alice: "Don't undercut my moment, Gaius!"
Flame: "Yeah, and honestly, that's kinda been overtaken by events at this point. I'm honestly think I’m ready to let it go here."
Gaius: "(Still as overly eager to trust as always, I see.)" -_-;
Flame ran a paw along his forehead, closing his eyes shut. "Alice, you know what will happen if they find out. They'll go after you two. We'll have to come into contact with the Scum sooner or later, and the risk of—"
"Flame, look at me."
The firmness in her voice spurred him to comply, and so he stared directly into her deep, blue eyes, ever so bloodshot from the anxiousness that gripped them all.
"Do I look like someone who high-tails it at the first sign of trouble?" Alice asked as she stared back with an intensity that took him aback. "You, me, and Gaius are the only ones who know. Nobody else needs to find out—and if they do, we'll find a way to make things right. Please. You worry too much."
Flame stared dumbly at his lap, feeling at a complete loss for words. "I thought you said you were a coward."
"Not when it comes to friends," she raised her neck from the grass, her voice clear and determined. "You deserve better than to end up alone for something that's outside of your control. Besides, we're still a team. We don't leave teammates behind."
Well, she’s not wrong. And we get to see Alice prove this repeatedly over the course of the story. Even if there’s a couple things she’s not ready to be brave about even with her friends just yet.
Flame did not know what to say. He was fairly sure he had never seen her eyes so determined, her voice so full of conviction, even while weaved with traces of worry. An odd warmth rushed to his cheeks and chest the more she argued to make him stay.
Sensing that she'd succeeded in overcoming his momentary self-doubt, Alice showed him a candid smile, and the two of them held each other's gazes for a few heartbeats before she continued on, in a soft, quiet voice.
Gaius: “Oh blargh. Do you two have to do this sappy stuff right in front of me?” >_>;
Alice: “Gaius, hush.”
"It doesn't matter if Team Phalanx isn't in the records anymore," she said, looking between him and Gaius. "I say we stick together, no matter what the future holds for us. Arceus knows we're going to need it. It's the only way we'll make it through this damned war. Gaius?"
Gaius made another small shrug, but Flame could have sworn he saw the ghost of a smile creep upon his face. "Sure. Didn't want to die alone anyway."
Gaius: "I mean, we'll still try to make Capri work, but might as well be realistic here."
Flame: "(Was Gaius always this much of a pill before he lost his hand?)"
Alice's smile grew even wider at that, and she turned to him. "Did you hear that, Flame? It's official now. You're staying with us, no matter what your stupid sense of guilt says."
Boy is that a mood when Flame’s arguably still stitching the team back up together again in the most recently published chapter and it doesn’t firmly have all 3 members on lock yet.
"… Okay," Flame shook his head as he finally resigned to his fate, a minuscule, exasperated smile lodged on his face. Did she really want him to stay that much? He hadn't exactly given her many reasons to care—until a week and a half ago, he couldn't even breathe fire on will. Sure, he'd gotten slightly less incompetent and awkward with time, but still…
Saving someone's life raises their opinion of you. How surprising, Flame thought with a wry quirk of his lips, hugging his knees.
Gaius: “Hey, it raised my opinion of you too, you know!” >_>;
Flame: “Considering what your opinion of me was beforehand, that’s not saying much, Gaius.” >.<
Beyond what had happened back during that expedition, there also was something else, he thought. A subtle bond that tied them together—the kind of bond felt by pokémon who bled, fought, and went hungry together, those who relied on one another to make it to the next day.
His gaze wandered to Alice and Gaius for some time. In a way, Team Phalanx was still here—the three of them sitting beside each other, sticking together through everything life threw at them. Flame felt no small measure of strength flow through him at the knowledge. Perhaps they would even join his escape plan. Had Alice not confessed to his same fear? Gaius he couldn't be sure about, but the Grovyle was in no psychological condition to talk. He would have to wait for his opinion. Regardless of that, even if they did share his same fear, did that necessarily they would accept? Desertion was no small thing, he reminded himself, and the consequences of that risked forcing them to live the rest of their days as fugitives.
But if it was the only alternative to dying on the battlefield, then maybe…
I'll have to tell them soon, Flame thought, wringing his claws together. I just need more time to think this plan through.
Gaius: “... Wait, but I thought that we were already in broad agreement that we were going to skip out on the plot and bail to Capri.”
Flame: “That’s not canon, and we probably want to think that through a bit if… well… we’re going to die if we get caught.” ._.;
"No way!"
Flame's head shot up when he realised this voice belonged to none of his teammates. His eyes immediately flew to a Gabite standing in front of the three of them—one that, on second thought, looked and sounded quite familiar. [ ]
Oh, for Arceus' sake…
IMO, it probably makes sense to drop in a sentence like “When it dawned on him why he felt familiar.” in the bit in brackets to better tee up “Virgo’s here”.
Virgo: “Hey! Flamey! Fancy seeing you here!”
Flame: “... Well it was a nice, heartfelt and touching moment in the story.” >.<
"There's no way it's you guys!" Virgo said with a growing, open-mouthed smirk.
Flame had barely enough time to stand up before he was crushed in a bear hug, the legionary slapping his back hard enough to make him wince.
"Oh," Flame said flatly, unsure how to react. "Hey, uh… Virgo."
Virgo: "I'd been looking forward to getting some more screentime! We were starting to go stir-crazy watching your boss’ villa!"
Alice: "Oh gods, him again." X(
Flame: "Hey, you're not the one getting bear hugged by the syphilis-ridden land shark here!" >.<
"Ha-ha! I knew you three were tougher than you looked," Virgo said, finally releasing him. "Yvaine thought you guys were dead like all the other civvies. But a bunch of Scum ain't enough to take you guys down, eh?"
Virgo: "Guess love really does conquer all, huh, Flame? You and your girlfriend here look ready to go wild on the battlefield. And not just against the Scum either!" ^^
Flame + Alice: "..." >///<
Gaius: "(... Starting to think we should just go ahead and make a run for it. Getting caught and executed for desertion can't possibly be that much worse than having to deal with this crap.)"
"So…" Alice said, her facing bearing unease. "That means we're in the same cohort?"
"Yeah. Isn't that awesome?" Virgo replied with his customary grin. "You're lucky, you know—at least you know me and Yvaine right off the bat. Saves you the awkwardness of being around total strangers."
Flame + Alice: “...” >.<
Gaius: "Uh... what cohort is this again?"
- Virgo strikes a pose -
Virgo: "The tenth cohort, of course! Full of all of our legion's rising stars!"
Alice: "... Isn't the tenth cohort of every legion composed of its least experienced and lowest-ranked members?" >_>;
Virgo: "That's just a technicality! It's still a step up from that Task Force you were all on!"
Gaius: "Gods, we are so screwed."
Team Phalanx shared uncertain looks for a few moments.
This was not how Flame was expecting the day to develop. The Gabite's argument rang true, in a way, yet the idea of being around them constantly didn't sit well with him.
"Come on, now," Virgo waved his claw over. "The Captain's waiting for you. He'll introduce you to the squad and give you something to do."
Flame: “Gee, what could possibly go wro-?” >_>;
Gaius: “Flame, I know we owe you our lives and all. But I swear to gods, I’m going to stab you if you finish that statement.” >.<
After a reluctant pause, the three of them began following the legionary as he led them further into the camp, through orderly patrols and messengers running about with haste. Almost no civilians were to be seen, with the exception of nurses and a small outcrop of squalid tents built for denizens displaced by the earthquake.
Further ahead, Flame could see that the dirt pathway they were following led them past a vast stockpile of grain, berries, salt, seeds, orbs, and other pieces of equipment he couldn't identify overflowing from their open crates, plus dozens of other crates stacked on top of one another whose contents couldn't be seen. A fence surrounded the patch of land and a legionary stood guard in front of its only entrance. Likely to prevent looting, he supposed.
The whole city's still recovering from the earthquake, Flame mused, his thoughts turning sour. Food stores must be running low if they have to guard them like that. What will all the civilians eat in the meantime? Where will they stay?
I’d recommend hacking up the first paragraph in this block here.
Virgo: “... It’s above our pay grade, so don’t worry about it?” ^^;
Yvaine: “We do have multiple crises to respond to in the army, so…”
Flame: “Gee, way to make me feel better about being a soldier, you two.” >_>;
Part of him hoped that their first orders as legionaries would be to assist in the reconstruction efforts: clearing debris, hauling building material and the like. The other part of him, however, wasn't quite so optimistic.
"Just a word of warning," Virgo said, turning his head back. "Most of us in the Army don't take too kindly to civvies. But don't worry, we'll put in a good word for you."
Flame: “Yeah, I kinda gathered when we were in Nova Sperantia.” >_>;
Yvaine: “In Virgo’s defense, getting attacks lobbed at one’s self would make anyone cranky. Especially in a setting like this one where Pokémon aren’t exactly built strong against injuries.”
Oh, goody, Flame rolled his eyes. Perhaps having him and Yvaine in their cohort really would be a blessing, despite how obnoxious and creepy they were, respectively.
Virgo: “Don’t you know it. Why this way you can finally get to see Miss October-” ^^
Flame: “Okay, I take it back, this isn’t going to be a blessing.” >_>;
"Since we're new, will we have to … I don't know, do training?" Flame asked, his gaze wandering about the structures and legionaries they passed by.
Virgo made a small shrug as he kept looking forward. "Normally, you would, but I'm pretty sure they're gonna make an exception for you—coming from Civil Protection and all."
Virgo: "I mean, just saying, you are supposed to be able to fight well enough already to have our backs. Your assignments have already been drawn up assuming that."
Flame: "Ahahaha... Crap." o_o;
A sickly feeling began creeping up in the back of Flame's throat as he walked. There went his strategy of buying time to escape. It was now entirely plausible they would start sending them off to fight a few days from now. Sneaking a look over at Alice, he saw in her eyes the same fear. Gaius looked broody, but then again, there was hardly a moment where he wasn't.
"Aw, what's with those faces?" Virgo quirked an eyebrow as he looked behind him. "Trust me, Army life's not that bad. Most of the time, we're busy patrolling the countryside or being shuffled around on garrison duty. Kind of boring, but you'll get used to it. Oh—and none of that 'walk into a mystery dungeon' bullshit they give you in Civil Protection. Ugh. Keeps your sanity in check."
"Good. Never want to see one again," said Gaius grumbled quietly, as if to himself.
I see that the Imperial Army understands that Prinny logic is a bad idea for its rank and file when they need them to bleed against the barbarian hordes. One would think that there’d still be some MD training for survivability purposes, though from the way that evacuation efforts at Camp Horizon just completely collapsed and the Imperial Army being directed by influences that don’t necessarily prioritize optimal strategies, I suppose it wouldn’t shock me that much if that training was withheld.
A long, orderly file of soldiers passed by them. Flame found himself drawn to how synchronised and disciplined their steps were. The life that Virgo was describing didn't sound as bad as he had made it out to be—patrols meant encountering Scum, sure, but this wasn't the same thing as fighting on the front lines. Still, there was hardly any certainty things would stay that way. Not after what happened in Portus.
Yeah, let’s not get into the fact that Sycorax’s strategy at this point is already to lure the Scum to Aesernia to engage them. ^^;
"It ain't perfect, but at least they keep us fed," Virgo said as the group entered a patch of drowned sunlight. "That's more than I can say about the rest of the city."
Flame took a long, lingering look towards the horizon, where a few smokestacks still rose from the wounded city below.
"All those refugees," Alice said, following his gaze. "Theyescapedfled their villages only to find this. So many of them must be going hungry right now."
Flame: “Considering how a nontrivial chunk of Aesernia was already going hungry before the earthquake, I’m not sure if I want to know what’s going to happen to them with their food situation getting even more dire.” .-.
Flame kept his gaze low as he thought of how to answer. "Let's hope they'll let us do something about it. Heck, if that's all they make us do for now, maybe I'll like this job. Anything that isn't … you know."
Alice gave him a small, somber nod. "I know."
Considering how thus far, the most sympathetic Imperial Army characters have been Yvaine and Virgo, I’ll very heavily take the under on that one, Flame.
They passed a large, concrete building and began heading towards a large congregation of tents, the same kind he and his team used to live in, all arranged in a near-perfect grid pattern.
Virgo stopped momentarily, looking back at them. "C'mon, we're almost there. Keep quiet. Form up behind me, single file. Make sure you look … I don't know, soldierly. Got it, Flamey? Awesome."
Flamey? Flame creased his brow as they resumed walking.
Flame: “Oh my god. That’s seriously canon now?!” >.<
Virgo: “Well, yeah. How’d you think the writer of these things knew I’d call you that, Flamey?”
Flame: "Look, couldn't you have called me 'Ignis' or something like that instead? Alice was saying it was something that might’ve suited me, and while it's a mouthful, it sounds a hell of a lot better than 'Flamey'." >_>;
Virgo: "Nah, that sounds like something Yvvie would call you. I'm not the nerd type that throws around fancy Oldspeak left and right."
Alice: "... ('Ignis' as a Charmeleon's name? Why does that sound vaguely familiar? And why am I thinking of that killer Froslass we never ran into again?)"
The group navigated past a long row of tents, past gruff-looking soldiers sneaking looks at Gaius's hand, before Virgo stopped right in front of one of the larger tents in their vicinity, cupping his claws behind his back and stepping closer to the entrance.
"Permission to enter, sir," Virgo said with an uncharacteristic lack of excitement.
"Granted,"saida grating voice from within answered.
The Gabite parted the tent flap and Team Phalanx followed inside one by one. As soon as he entered, Flame found his attention captured by the large, almost towering Scizor sitting behind a roughly cut wooden desk on the far side of the tent. The Captain regarded them with an indifferent glare, then returned to the papers strewn haphazardly across his desk.
The wide-eyed look Virgo gave them told him to wait.
Flame: “(Wait, isn’t this the same Scizor that stiffed us out of those rations before the earthquake?)”
Gaius: “(I’m really, really hoping it’s not, otherwise this is going to get awkward as hell and I’m pretty sure we’re going to have a really bad time in this Legion.)”
Flame took a few seconds to look around. The tent wasn't quite as tall as it was wide, and seeing how the Scizor towered over them all even while sitting, he doubted it could even fit the thing's full height. Aside from the desk, and a few levigated logs that served as seats, the only other thing worthy of note was a bed on the complete opposite side of the tent—an actual, framed bed, complete with a pillow.
One day, Flame thought in a somewhat solemn mood. I'll get to sleep with an actual pillow.
I mean, you technically got to already, Flame… for all of about 5 minutes, but still. :V
A distant, staticy voice streamed from what Flame identified as a communications badge sitting atop the Captain's desk, but the Scizor seemed uninterested as he sifted through more papers and attempted to organise them into neat piles, a task easier said than done.
With a grunt that sounded more like two gears screeching against one another, the Scizor raised his gaze and propped a pincer against his head.
"What is it, Sergeant?"
Virgo showed the Captain a crisp salute and stood straighter than Flame had ever seen him.
"Sir, I've brought you those new recruits. Straight out of the hospital."
… Somehow I completely forgot that Virgo’s rank or at least as a Praetorian embed was a Sergeant (though you want to capitalize that). I guess that would explain a good deal about his and Yvaine’s fighting prowess since if Urbe’s ranks track IRL structures, they’d be NCOs.
Upon hearing those words, the Scizor's eyes gleamed with interest. He immediately rose from his seat and bounded over to them, the horns atop his metallic head brushing lightly against the tent's ceiling. The Captain looked down on each of them, as if appraising them with a mere look. Flame forced himself to stand so unnaturally straight that his back started to hurt; the act of breathing itself threatened to make him quiver.
"These are the recruits who Sycorax recommended personally?" the Captain said, blinking rapidly. "Dragonair are powerful [weapons], but I fail to see what's so special with the other two. One of them's an amputee, even."
I think “weapons” likely sounds more natural as “fighters” or something like that, since these guys have proper siege machinery that they employ as weapons out on the field.
For a moment Gaius' face contorted into expression of pure hatred, and Flame's heart skipped a beat at the thought that he might say something out of line.
Flame: "Uh... Gaius, you're kinda scaring me here."
Gaius: "Why the hell were we drafted if this asshole is just going to dump on me not being fit for service?!"
Alice: "Gaius, calm down! The superior's right there!"
"You know what? It doesn't matter," the Scizor returned to his desk, and sat down. "Right now, Grovyle, you and your team are the least of my problems. If Sycorax took a liking to you three, then good for him. It's none of my business. All I need to know is that you swear loyalty to the Emperor and that you are ready to fight against any who threaten His dominions."
The implications ofthatthe Scizor’s statement were left unsaid: even at the cost of your lives.
Flame: "... Wait, how did that implication come into play? We weren't talking about 'costs' at all here." ._.
Gaius: "I mean, this is Urbe, Flame. It's just assumed like that. Though I guess it would've been clearer if he tacked on something like 'no matter the cost' at the end or something."
"Ave Imperator," said Gaius, muttering the words.
Flame tilted his head slightly at the strange-sounding words, but interpreted it as an oath of sorts that he needed to say. This was it; he couldn't pull back now. For that, waiting would be the only option.
"Ave Imperator," repeated Flame.
Flame: “... What the hell did I just say, anyways?”
Gaius: “‘Hail, Emperor’. Y’know, the traditional profession of loyalty to him?”
Flame: “... Yeah, that didn’t survive my amnesia, so…”
Scizor: “Boy does Sycorax sure know how to pick ‘em…” >_>;
Flame: “(... Wait, this guy could hear us saying all that stuff earlier?)” O_O;
For a few heartbeats, Alice said nothing; her eyes were glazed over, directed at the ground, as if seeing some far-away image.
"… Ave Imperator," she said, traces of defeat leaking through her deadpan voice.
The sudden drop in emotion in her voice made Flame's head turn towards her. The slip in her posture lasted but a few seconds, yet even when she straightened her back and steeled her face, he could still sense a vague sadness in her eyes.
Flame: "(Yeah, I take it back. You are so not a Senator's daughter with that reaction.) Uh... Alice, are you alright? You sound... well, awful."
- Alice look away -
Alice: "... Can we please just move on past this part and into the rest of the chapter?"
There was hardly time for him to approach her, however, for the Captain acknowledged their words with a nod and went back to reorganising papers on his desk.
"Good. Just because the general told me to keep you three safe doesn't mean you get special privileges. Don't cause any problems."
Flame: “... This guy is totally going to yeet us to the front line as cannon fodder in like a day, isn’t he?” o_o;
Gaius: “The hell’s a ‘cannon’? Though… yeah, I suddenly feel a lot less confident about my life expectancy right now. And I was already not feeling too hot about it.”
Virgo, unmoving from his rigid pose, motioned another salute. "Orders, sir?"
The Captain did not raise his eyes from the desk as he spoke. "There is equipment that needs to be moved by the entrance. The rest of the cohort is alreadyonthere. Go."
Without further words exchanged, the group left the Captain's tent, and just then Flame was met with the feeling that his life had taken a turn from which he could no longer deviate.
Flame: “Uhhh… yeah, we totally should’ve skipped out to Capri like ten chapters ago.” ._.;
Alice: “Well, there’s not much we can do about it now. Let’s just try and survive this first day of army life.”
Oily shadows had settled onto the main street of Aesernia by the time the procession of soldiers and equipment marched within sight of the city walls, the first stars twinkling to life as the sun gradually dissipated into the horizon.
Colossal machines of wood and metal—catapults, ballistae—sangawith constant, unharmonious creaking as the wheeled carts they were loaded on bounced along the pothole-ridden road. They were being tugged forth by equally massive pokémon who barely seemed to be breaking a sweat.
For his part, Flame was barely sure of how he was still standing. His feet, back, and just about everything else ached after carrying the heavy backpack on his shoulders for what felt like the entire length of Aesernia. He could not tell how many hours had flowed by.
If I find out this thing is loaded with logs, I'm going to burn them…
Yeah, that’s what happens when you get thrown into endurance marches with all of like a week of practice. Fresh after a week of bedrest to boot.
The temptation to slow down was too great to resist, until he felt another backpacker run into him from behind him, followed by a sling of curses concerning family members he wasn't exactly sure of having.
Wow, rude.
Very briefly, his balance wavered, and he thought he would fall on his side and be crushed by the Aggron dragging one of the catapults near the centre of the column. He had to remember the formation, he thought as he resumed marching: one central column dealing with the heavy equipment, flanked by two columns of backpackers like him. When they'd started, he saw about two dozen artillery pieces, and at least double the amount of bags of whatever it was he was carrying.
Just a little more. The gates are right there. Just a couple more minutes… he gritted his teeth and took a breath after shaky breath.
The city walls were even more massive than he remembered them to be; they appeared to grow more gigantic the closer he approachedtothem, although the tall houses rising just a few metres from its length were now a heap of rubble.
As the walls grew to cover his vision, and the first catapults began pouring out of the open gates, he inferred that his legs had caught fire. Five more steps, and he could barely feel the rest of his body after being inundated by the numbing heat.
- Flame gawks at the passing catapults and ballistas -
Flame: "... Shouldn't we be concerned at how long these things will last considering how nobody seems to know Protect in this setting? I can't imagine it'd take that much to mess these things up."
Gaius: "The idea is to use them before the enemy gets into range to mess them up, Flame."
Flame: "I guess... though it seems kinda risky given how much work obviously went into them."
Relief came in the form of the column of backpackers ahead of him abandoning their loads in a pile at the base of the wall. He gathered whatever scraps of energy left and jogged the last few dozen metres out of formation, almost collapsing to the ground as he let the heavy backpack slide off his shoulders. In that moment, a massive weight was lifted off his spirit and hejust wantedfelt an overwhelming urge to lie down someplace cool.
Yeah, that’s kinda to be expected when you’re baking in the sun constantly as a reptile without a break. It’s a fast way to overheat.
Flame trod through the grass to a spot not too far away from the gates, rested his back against the wall, and slid down until he was in a sitting position.
I … am going to die… he panted with his mouth wide open, all threats of burning the backpack beaten out of him.
As he ran a claw along his face to wipe away some of the sweat, the question of his teammates' current whereabouts surfaced to mind. He knew Gaius was carrying a backpack somewhere along the formation, but the last he'd seen of Alice was just before the column started moving. He couldn't imagine her body shape being adept at carrying sacks; perhaps they were saddling her with some other tasks? Was she still in Camp Tempest?
I mean, they could have her pretend working like she canonically did when they were making their way out to Portus, but I’ll be nice to her and not assume that. :V
If so, Flame thought, they would see each other later that night, for he had no intention of moving from that spot.
While he waited for his frenzied heart to settle down, he turned his head towards the former column now scattered near the gates, curious to see if he couldidentifyspot either of his teammates amongst them. The dying sun was now a tiny sliver above the horizon, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to see. He also noticed other legionaries sitting nearby, but none whose face he recognised.
The fatigue flowing through his veins almost made him miss the Gabite waving at him from within the crowd. Flame had already let out a sigh by the time it approached him, flanked by a familiar Umbreon whose yellow rings were beginning to glow in the shrinking sunlight.
Oh, Mew almighty…
This day’s just getting better and better for Flame, isn’t it?
Flame: “Seriously, why me?” >_>;
"Hey, Flamey! Don't tell me you're exhausted on your first day?"
"Shut up," Flame muttered under his breath, resting his head against the cold wall.
"I bet they never made you civvies do this, eh?" Virgo cackled to himself. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it. Maybe you'll start putting some muscle over those bones. Can't have all the girls to myself, after all."
Flame: “I’d just like to remind everyone that I’m doing this after having been on bedrest for a week.”
Virgo: “Nice try, Flamey. I saw you moving around earlier, and you weren’t exactly stiff and slow there.”
Yvaine: “It would’ve reflected better on you if you were just honest about being inexperienced at long marches.” -_-;
Flame couldn't help but openly roll his eyes, and he was glad to see Yvaine make a similar expression of skepticism.
Her expression lightened into a civil smile as she regarded him. "Hello, Flame. It is good to see you. I was under the impression you and your team had perished in the ambush near Portus, but clearly I was underestimating your abilities."
Flame: “... Is being really, really lucky an ability? Since that’s basically what carried us back there.” ^^;
Yvaine: “Well Super Luck is an ability, yes. Even if it’d be… peculiar for a ‘mon of your type to have it.”
"I … wouldn't frame it that way," said Flame, growing uncomfortable at the mention of the subject. "You make it sound easy. There was a lot of luck involved. We … we almost didn't make it out."
Yvaine made a small nod. "I see. Even so, few would be capable of living through an attack like that. While the memories may bring you pain, I would personally view the situation with pride, rather than with regret. It is only thanks to your combined efforts that you escaped with more mental wounds than physical."
Flame: “... I’d personally like to not view the situation at all, since I’d like to be able to sleep at night and not be constantly woken up by nightmares of seeing mangled corpses and hearing the sounds of death rattles.”
Yvaine: “... I suppose that that’s a valid alternative as well, yes.” -_-;
Virgo: “(Yvvie, how on earth did Sycorax think it was a good idea to enlist Flamey in the army again? Like I know we’re supposed to keep him and his buds safe, but boy is he not going to make it easy when he’s still this green.)”
"She's right, you know," said Virgo, sitting down beside him. "Besides, those sons of Lopunnies are livin' on borrowed time. It won't be long before Sycorax sends us up there for some payback, that I can tell you."
Flame: "... 'Sons of Lopunnies'?"
Virgo: "I mean, they are literal playboy bunnies. You do the math there, Flamey."
- Flame frowns -
Flame: "Do I want to know what a 'playboy bunny' is?"
Virgo: "Well, you know what my Playdrakes are right? A playboy bunny's-"
Flame: "Okay, stop, I get it already!" >_<;
Why would I want to do that? I barely know anything about this Empire I'm in; I have no motivation to risk my life for it. I have no reason to hate these Scum, either. Heck, I probably used to be with them—who says they aren't the victims in this stupid war?
Flame: “... (Okay, I suppose there was Nova Sperantia getting sacked and burnt to the ground, but still. For all I know the Scum got forced into a corner where they had no alternatives. It’d be pretty par for the course for this Empire considering everything I’ve seen of it thus far.)” .-.
For obvious reasons, however, he would never let those thoughts leak from his mind. Never mind the fact that it felt weird to excuse the same group who just under a week before had nearly killed him and his teammates.
"Honestly, I'd rather not see another one of them again for a long time," said Flame.
Flame: “Preferably ‘never’, honestly.” ._.;
"Ha! I almost wish I did," Virgo snorted. "A dozen times I must have petitioned the Captain to put us in a more active combat role—but nooooo, he always insists we're more 'strategically valuable' doing garrison duty rather than taking the fight to the enemy." he made a small shrug. "Hell, maybe that's true, but I'd rather be doing something that's not sitting on my ass all day while more of our cities are captured."
Flame: "... If we're literally the least experienced cohort in the legion, doesn't it make sense to not reflexively send us out into combat? That sounds like a really, really fast way to die painfully and horribly." o_o;
- Yvaine and Virgo trade looks with one another, before Virgo shrugs -
Virgo: "Tch, well how are we supposed to get any better that way?"
Flame began staring before he could contain himself. "You want to go to the front lines?"
The weirded out looks that both Virgo and Yvaine gave him made him conscious of how suspicious and insensitive the question sounded. Wringing his claws together, he quickly scrambled for words that would distance him from the possible image of a Scum sympathiser, not to mention a coward.
"D-don't get me wrong—the Scum are murderers, and evil, and, and rapists, but facing them on the battlefield is …" he trailed off briefly, grasping at words. "I realise it's necessary, but I simply can't imagine anyone being eager to go."
Virgo: “... Flamey, you do realize there’s the better part of a centuria all around us and that that sort of talk gets ‘mons into trouble, right? You should be more careful, not everyone’s going to be so understanding.” :|
Flamey: “Look, I have like a week of effective combat experience to work with, okay?! I’m allowed to freak out a bit about potentially going off to frontline combat!” >.<
Yvaine: “... (Maybe we should see if we can inform Sycorax about this somehow. Since this… seems kinda fundamentally at odds with his request for this Cohort to keep Flame and his companions safe.)” ._.;
For a few heartbeats, both the legionaries remained silent, visibly pensive, only heightening Flame's worry that they might suspect him of traitorous thoughts.
Surprisingly, it was Yvaine who spoke up. "Have you ever seen Edessa, Flame?"
Flame: “Yeah, Alice brought it up in passing in the Chapter VI review and then you reacted to it like she started talking about Ravenholm or something like that.”
Yvaine: “(I’m pretty sure that’s a few more violations of the fourth wall than is healthy, but…) Okay, let me repeat that. Have you seen Edessa, Flame?”
Flame: “Er… well…”
Flame responded with a shake of his head.
"I thought so," Yvaine responded in her quiet, flat tone, betraying little emotion. "No one has, ever since the Scum took control of it fifteen years ago. Not even me. I was too little at the time to remember. I only know of the stories my family told me of it: about the Imperial Library, once one of the largest in the Empire. About the Towers of Moltres, made of luminescent metals which provided lighting even at night. They told me of the rich cotton fields and the workshops made of sandstone.
[ ]
For all we know, everything I justlistedbrought up might have been destroyed years ago," she paused, her head arching downwards but her eyes remaining steadfast. "Me and my family escaped unharmed, but many others didn't. Long ago, I swore I'd fight until I could see Edessa with my own eyes, until I could go back to living there with my family. That is what drives me forward," she turned to regard him directly. "What is it that drives you forward, Flame?"
IMO, Yvaine’s paragraph where she goes into detail about the home she never knew works a bit better hacked up with a paragraph describing her body language or the like dropped in as a separator. Some food for thought.
Also, some of those features of Edessa Province are very
Flame: "Uh... being able to go to Capri with my teammates?" ._.
- Yvaine frowns -
Yvaine: "... Being able to go on an island vacation? Really?"
Virgo: "Hey, don't knock it, Yvaine. Flamey here's got ambition! Why I hear the girls on Capri are top percentage-!"
Flame: "By 'teammates', I didn't mean you Virgo!" >_>;
It was a fair question: what was it exactly that drove him to persevere in spite of all the hunger and death he'd endured during his brief existence? He supposed it was finding out about his past identity, filling the unnatural, horrible emptiness in his head wherever he turned. Other than that, he couldn't really come up with anything else. He had no ties to a specific town, or a specific nation, or any specific pokémon outside of Alice and Gaius. Perhaps a greater goal would present itself once he'd gotten his memories back.
I don’t know how much it was planned out at this point in time, but it still gets me in the wake of your most recent chapter how that lack of belonging arguably applies to the whole of Team Phalanx. A lot about Team Phalanx’s dynamic could’ve potentially been very different but for the want of a couple nails for decision-making and personality.
As of right nowAt that moment, however, Flame hesitated before giving an answer. He could have lied and claimed he was fighting for some imaginary family as well, but they would likely see right through it. If he claimed to fight for the safety of his country, he wouldn't even be able to tell them the Emperor's name. The only realistic option left was telling them the truth, yet the prospect of doing so unsettled him deeply. Only Gaius and Alice were aware of his current predicament—and while these two seemed nice enough, they had done little to gain his trust. Then again, by that standard, neither had Gaius.
With a deep breath, he made his choice.
"Honestly, I don't know," Flame said. "The thing is … I'm not really a normal pokémon, in a sense. Something must have happened to me in the past, because the earliest memory I have is waking up in some cave way north of this city some … three weeks ago, I think. Alice and Gaius found me there, and that's when I joined Civil Protection. Not because of a specific reason. I have nowhere to go and no family to turn to, at least that I can remember. And it's the same deal now."
You do realize you could’ve just left things at “Honestly, I don’t know”, right, Flame? ^^;
As silence stretched between them, Flame let out a smallheavesigh of relief. There; his secret was out. Whether the two of them would now start to harbour suspicions or that was just his paranoia creeping into his thought process, he would soon know. He figured it was worth the risk, in the small chance they had any valuable insight into situations like his.
"Amnesia," Yvaine muttered, as if mesmerised by the word. "That would explain some of your behaviour, at least in part. What you are telling me … it's fascinating."
Flame blinked himself out of his stupor. "Huh?"
Flame: “Wait… it… is?” ._.;
"You are not the first to claim to be suffering from amnesia," Yvaine said. "I haveseenheard of similar reports in recent years: soldiers who went missing in action, only to return without any bearing of who they were or what happened to them. Their minds always present signs of external probing, likely by Scum psychics searching for military intelligence. Oftentimes, their unrestrained methods lead to a complete loss of memories at best, and cerebral damage at worst."
Considering how the Empire’s SOP for dealing with Scum is either “summary execution” or “subject to a fate worse than death”, some of those mind-wipes literally would also be explainable as “soldier saw too much, captors for one reason or another didn’t have the stomach to kill them, and then covered their tracks before yeeting said soldier back to their territory”. Considering the consequences of intel being relayed back to the enemy, it’d be an almost mandatory prerequisite for giving any sort of quarter that didn’t involve lifelong captivity.
Flame: "Are- Are you telling me that I got kidnapped by Scum, got my brain picked, and then got mind-wiped?" ._.
Yvaine: "It would seem to be the most logical explanation. Why? Do you have an alternative?"
- Flame thinks back to the Scum Dusknoir trying to get chummy with him and vigorously shakes his head -
Flame: "No, no, nothing like that. It's... just a lot to take in, that's all."
Yvaine: "You do realize that I can sense that you're being evasive right now, right?"
Virgo: "Aw lay off him, Yvaine. Why's everyone need to get the third degree from you anyways?"
Flame listened intently toher recountingthe Umbreon’s account, running theresultingscenarios that spawned in its wake over in his head. "So, you think I could be…"
"Perhaps," she said, staring him directly in the eye. "I would need to peer into your mind to say with any degree of certainty. Until then, I may only speculate."
Or, you're saying that I have brain damage, Flame held back a sneer. Looking into my mind, though … could she really do that? She wasn't joking, was she?
Yvaine: “I mean, I have my doubts from how relatively normal you are, but it’s not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.”
Virgo: “But hey, don’t sweat it, Flamey. Yvvie will get right to the bottom of things after a quick peek.” ^^
Flame: “... Yeah okay, Virgo.”
By the Umbreon's side, Virgo hummed in thought. "One thing's for sure, Flamey. You're one hell of an interesting fella, you know that?"
"Thanks. I think," mumbled Flame, his mind wholly focused on other matters.
Flamey: “... Pretty sure that I don’t want the two ‘mons who consistently have been giving me vibes that they’re going to kill me when I’m not looking to think I’m interesting.” O_O;
Yvaine: “Oh trust me, you couldn’t hide that even if you wanted to. You… carry quite a presence with you.” ._.;
The concept of entering one's mind was … unsettling, to say the least. It was certainly possible, according to her story, that his memories had been erased by an overzealous Scum psychic; but her anecdote was referring to Imperial soldiers on the field, something he probably was not, judging by his current abilities. Plus, every time he recalled the Dusknoir touching his shoulder tenderly, he couldn't help but feel a cold shiver run through him…
Virgo: “I mean, I’m pretty sure that the average camp follower to a legion isn’t exactly a prize fighter. You could’ve always been one of them, Flamey. It’d still place you in a position to be captured like that and explain a thing or two about how you kinda suck at this whole ‘fighting’ thing.”
Flame: “... I feel as if I should probably feel insulted right now, but I guess it’d be possible? Assuming we even have camp followers in this setting…”
A feeling that he'd seen that eye before, somewhere in his past life. A feeling of familiarity.
Maybe I betrayed them and they sent me into exile. In that case, he could have been trying to forgive me. But … the question still stands, why do I understand the Empire's language, but not theirs?
I mean, at the end of the most recent offsite chapter at the time of writing, it’s an open question as to whether or not Flame actually has a blood tie to the Scum, or else if he just has his link because there’s a certain role that’s been conveniently cleared for him to fill in it by a figure the Scum deeply trust. That would definitely explain the disconnect between his role and his complete lack of knowledge of the tongue of what’s supposed to be his side.
Still nostalgic over this ‘Flame as Arminius’ hypothesis from back in the day, even if it ultimately appears that Flame’s background is something much, much more unusual.
Alice: "... I know that this is going to sound crazy, but... If Flame really is connected to the Scum somehow, is it possible he was taken from the Wastelands when he was younger to be raised in Urbe or something like that?"
Gaius: "What? Why the hell would anyone want Scum to be living in Urbe in that sort of capacity? Let alone important Scum?"
Alice: "Well just thinking back through Urbe's history, when an enemy was conquered or else forced into tribute, sometimes they'd be made to give up the children of their leaders and the like to be raised in Urbe and taught our ways.”
Gaius: “And you’re basing this off what again when what little we’ve heard about Scum that weren’t put down like the borderline ferals they are very heavily pointed towards enslavement?”
Alice: “An educated guess from how Urbe has direct historical parallels to that other Urbe and very heavily takes after its culture. I mean, think about it, Gaius. The way the Scum's leader reacted to him, the way Flame reads and speaks our language and has a natural-sounding accent to 'mons from the South... isn't that something that you'd expect from a 'mon that came from circumstances like that?"
Flame: "... I... But..."
- Flame shake head vigorously -
Flame: "B-But that's insane! If all of that somehow happened, why on earth would I have turned up in a cave in Aesernia?!"
Alice: "... I don't have an answer to that. And it's all just a theory that's probably wrong anyways. (... I hope.)"
With a breathy, self-contained growl, he dismissed the cyclone running through his head. It was pointless to hypothesise; there just wasn't enough evidence. However, what Yvaine was suggesting, however,was the first true glimpse into his past that offered no room for uncertainty. If she could somehow look into his mind and find any shred of information locked away somewhere, even the most inconsequential, it would already fill the empty pit of knowledge that ate away at his peace of mind, day by day. Knowing nothing was unbearable. He couldn't go on like this—this could be his only opportunity to figure out who he was.
"Is that something you could do?" Flame breathed quickly before he let his thoughts wander any further. "Enter my mind? Recover anything left in there?"
Yvaine remained quiet for a couple of moments. Her eyes piqued with interest. "My psychic abilities are trained enough to where I could try, yes. It is an … unusual request, though. Do you know what it entails?"
"Uh…" Flame rubbed his neck unconsciously. "Not really. I was hoping you'd explain things to me."
"Our minds would become connected via a psychic link. Technically speaking, we would both have equal access to each other's minds—among those of us with psionic powers, it is usually considered a gesture of trust, and … well, matehood," the Umbreon averted her gaze briefly, only for her steel mask of indifference to return moments later. "Yet, since you do not possess such powers, it is not a problem. Only I will have to access your memory stream."
Flame: “(Oh yeah, I totally needed thoughts of getting intimate with Yvaine on my mind.)” X(
- Flame pauses and falters briefly -
Flame: "... (Also don't I have memories of 'mons begging me for mercy and weird technology like boats made entirely out of metal that everyone insists isn't possible to exist? Is letting some random legionary I was worried about ratting me out for sympathizing just a few minutes ago really a good idea?)" .-.
"Wait, hold on, hold on," Flame held up a paw. "Is it just my memory stream? You wouldn't be able to … I don't know, access something else? Do something to my brain?"
"I could read your current emotional state, of course. I could also use mindspeak to communicate with you. That's about it. As far as changing your brain goes? That would require immense concentrations of psy waves, far outside the biological limit of any pokémon, and even then it would probably overload your nervous system as a result."
Flame blinked, and let his mouth hang open. "… Okay. I, um … didn't need to know that part."
Will need to make a note of the underlined for the future. Though I have to question if that really is the truth, or only applies to ‘normie’ Pokémon. Since… yeah, I would be hesitant to take the under on the likes of Sycorax pulling off some of those more impressive party tricks assuming they had appropriate training.
"I apologise. Back on topic: due to the way the mind functions, your memories will play in chronological order, starting with the most recent and working backwards. Whenever I access a memory, it is triggered in your head as well: you will see exactly what I see. There is a distinct possibility that I will stumble upon an intimate moment in your past, or something you consider private. I hope what I just said will ease your mind about any breaches of privacy."
The question of whether there were any moments too intimate for her to find out sprang to mind. It was certainly an interesting one. There were many moments, such as his attempted fling with that cute female Charmeleon, or that one time he was in the library, and Alice wasn't looking, and the encyclopaedia featured a reproduction section for his own species…
Oh, Arceus, she'll see everything I watched…
Flame: “I’m… starting to get second thoughts about all of this right now.” .-.
Yvaine: “Suit yourself, though I can’t exactly help you if you don’t bare your thoughts to me.”
Apart from that, he wasn't even sure if evoking a memory meant she could also access his thoughts and feelings tied to that memory. For instance, if a memory of him glaring at Virgo and herself surfaced, would she be able to read, or somehow sense his thoughts? In that case, she would find out his exact thoughts about them, which would make the situation needlessly awkward for him.
That example in and of itself didn't bother him too much, as it was fairly innocuous. It was the precedent it would set that did so.
Flame: “Er… yeah, all of this is just screaming that this is a terrible idea…” ._.;
Virgo: “Oh, so underneath that prudish exterior, you do have a wild side, Flamey. If it’s any consolation, Yvvie knows all about me and we get along just fine.” ^^
Flame: “(That’s… not a high bar to cross, Virgo.)” >_>;
If that were true, his thoughts went, she might have been able to learn about his true feelings on the war, or even worse, his earlier internal monologue concerning the Emperor, both thoughts that qualified as less than soldierly—if not outright treasonous. While the possibility of that caught in his throat, he found that it did little to dissuade him from going ahead with the procedure. In the end, while he would have much rather kept those thoughts and memories to himself, they were something he was ultimately willing to risk, especially if it meant finding out about his past identity. The opportunity was simply too unique to pass up, and the only possible revelations that came to mind were those whose consequences he could conceptually deal with.
"I see," Flame said simply, collecting his breath.
"Do keep in mind that I have never attempted reading another pokémon's mind before," Yvaine said, taking a step towards him. "I will exercise as much caution as possible, but it will not be a painless procedure for you. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"
Flame: “Th-This is the first time you’ve done something like this?!” O_O;
Yvaine: “... Yes? I mean, I’ve did some exercises, but this would be the first time using it in an actual field setting.”
Flame: “... I swear, it’s like the universe itself thinks this is a terrible idea…”
Flame grimaced slightly. He had imagined it wouldn't just result in a mild headache, but swept up as he was in the tide of excitement, he knew that figuring out who he was would ultimately be worth any physical pain.
"It doesn't matter," he said without skipping a heartbeat. "I need to do it. You have no idea how important this is to me. [It's … it's not knowing who I am. Why I'm here.]"
Something about Flame’s phrasing feels a bit off there, you might find something like the following worth considering as an extension / polished take:
[ [...] How much it’s bugged me… not knowing who I am. Not knowing why I’m here. ]
Food for thought, anyways.
Flame: "Screw it, I need to know. Do it, Yvaine."
- Gaius and Alice stare on from the side slack-jawed -
Alice: "Flame, what are you doing?!" O.O;
Gaius: "Oh good Arceus, don't you have a single skeptical bone in your body?!" >_<;
Yvaine dug quietly behind his eyes, giving a single, tacit nod. "Very well. I will help you. I apologise in advance if I happen to stumble upon intimate moments, or if inflict pain upon you. I trust you will forgive me. Now, I ask that you breathe deeply, and close your eyes."
"Oooh, this ought to be interesting," Virgo sat with his legs crossed, grinning with an even goofier smile. "Mind if I watch?"
"Uh … sure. I guess," Flame slurred with a raised eyebrow.
Flame: “... I’m regretting agreeing to go along with this already.” >_<;
Gaius: “Flame! For gods’ sakes! Back out now while you still can!”
With no small amount of apprehension, Flame shut his eyelids and tried to slow his breathing to manageable levels. Just as he tried to think of the possibilities locked away inside his head, his eyes flew open in the same moment that Yvaine rested her forehead against his, her own eyes resting shut.
I forgot the Dusknoir. She'll see everything. This was a terrible idea. This was—
Flame: "U-Um, Yvaine? On second thought, can we-?"
Yvaine: "Too late, I'm starting the read now."
Alice: "... We are so dead." ._.
"No, wait!" he shouted, wrapping his claws around her front legs before his whole body seemed to lock into sudden paralysis. His breaths became laborious and erratic, and there was a strange heat beginning to pulse within his head.
He was seeing the Umbreon's face pressed against his, yet at the same time, with another pair of eyes, he saw images flash by him in a quick succession: they were inconceivable at first, but after a few seconds, the broken stream stabilised and he was able to recognise the field hospital, the sleeping mat, his eyes staring into Alice and Alice's eyes staring into his. For a fleeting moment, he was able to concentrate on her drained, yet undeniably graceful features, all the while continuing to see a black, furry face pressed against his real, physical one.
"Do not worry," Yvaine's flat voice reverberated throughout his mind, though she was sporting a tiny, amused smile. "I will be discreet."
Let’s not get into how this very sequence is what Yvaine uses to pass Flame’s true identity on to the rest of the Praetorians.
His breathing[/b]’s[/b] pace only increased as the scene lost form and another took its place: again he was enclosed in the oppressive ice prison of the Boreal Chasm, alone in the feeble light of his tail. Blood completely smeared his scales, and the cold burned into his muscles, into his bones, into his very being. He cried out for help, but there was no one to save him. Only darkness. Only the freezing corpses of his friends.
If this is specifically past memories and not nightmares or the like, you want ‘(unconscious) bodies’ of his friends and not ‘corpses’. Since corpses are very specifically dead bodies and Alice and Gaius are both very much alive right now.
Yet still, with his real eyes, he continued to see Yvaine's face touching his.
The pain—it felt too real, too cold, too … it was too much. Seeing those images again, reliving the same hopelessness, but, also, knowing what was coming, sent Flame into hyperventilation.
No, no, no, no! Flame thought, hoping she would somehow hear his message. Stop! Please!
"Please, Flame, breathe," came Yvaine's reply. "This will be over quickly."
Flame: “N-No I mean it, Yvaine! I really need you to stop right now-!”
Before he could protest further, the icy walls of the mystery dungeon faded away, and in its place, a flurry of images assaulted his mind: the Dusknoir's single, smiling red eye looking down at him, the chaotic sky above Portus, Alice smiling at him—a simple, candid smile—, then again the Dusknoir laying a hand on his shoulder. Flame could mentally feel Yvaine linger at that memory.
Flame: “Oh god, why on earth did I agree to this?”
Gaius: “That’s what we’d like to know, genius! Fat lot of good us keeping your secret did for you when you just let a Legionary see it for herself!” >_>;
He wanted to scream at himself and at her for letting his secret out, yet she continued without so much as a word, a pulse of heat cutting through his head.
With his second pair of eyes, he saw Gaius' form take shape: a barely concealed sneer was etched onto his face, and his arms were crossed. Suddenly a joint sensation of shame and resentment washed over him. Trees rose hundreds of metres above them, their thick branches interlocking into a cage pattern. He remembered this place; this was the first dungeon he'd ever entered. Meeting Gaius' hateful glare was as hurtful now as it was then, except that now it also made him realise how stupid he had been for thinking any sort of friendship existed between them.
Flame: “W-Well, at least Yvaine didn’t see all the memories I had of fantasizing about injuring her or Virgo? S-So silver linings?”
Yvaine: “Oh no, I saw those, I’m just not dwelling on them since this current train of thought seems more interesting.”
Flame: “... Of course.” >.<
The scene faded into obscurity, and another quick succession of memories entered his mind: the stench of his prison cell, the high walls of Aesernia, Alice and Gaius staring him down in a cave—that very cave he'd awakened from—and then there was darkness, not as dark as the fur brushing his real nose but more so, a darkness that enveloped his being and made the cold even more—
Flame could not cry out, but his throat certainly tried to as pain pulsed through his head in distinct waves. Unable to move, unable to even clutch his skull, he felt his body quivering uncontrollably. His eyes, his real eyes, were beginning to blur in and out of focus in time with each new wave of heat.
"Huh? I … what is this?" Yvaine's voice boomed, sounding as bemused as her current face. "Uh, never mind. Fear not, Flame. We're almost through this."
Flame: “... (Considering everything she just saw from my memories, I feel that I should be a lot more worried about her having a ‘bemused’ face there.)” o_o;
Then, all at once, a weight hit Flame right in the stomach. With a choked gasp, his breath died out, and he watched what felt like a pile of rocks crumble onto his soul.
Incoherent sounds, smells, emotions, and images shot through, one after the other, sometimes overlapping, few lingering enough for him to indulge. He saw a display of blinking lights. Fire. Calm whispering; a red eye. Safety. Followed by explosions and metal tinkering on the floor. He wanted nothing more than to scream.
Just as the jumbled maelstrom was beginning to die down, a new memory punched his senses into submission. A face—no, faces, were looking at him. Surrounding him. He saw glass. More blinking lights. A pressure was beginning to build in his head.
"We are one and the same thing. The same…"
Out of nowhere, the words appeared in his mind, spoken by no voice in particular. The red eye was once again in front of him.
Flame: "What- What the hell is-?" ._.
"Yvaine!" Virgo's voice leaked from the ringing in his ears. "C'mon—he ain't looking so hot!"
He could barely distinguish one sound from the other at this point. Just as he was sure the pressure in his skull would explode, Yvaine's forehead suddenly detached from his, and the paralysis locking his muscles into place lifted, causing him to collapse into a heap, the grass prickly against his cheek. His paws shot to cradle his pulsing headache, and a much needed groan exited his throat. When he opened his eyes, he could barely make out an Umbreon laying nearby, her paws over her head. His ears wouldn't stop ringing.
Ah yes, this is where Yvaine got that encounter she talks about in Chapter XXXI that spooked her about Flame. Or at least I assume that it is since while she obviously sensed something was wrong in her prior encounters, she didn’t react like this to them.
He crawled himself into a sitting position, groaning quietly when he squinted enough for the figures of Yvaine and Virgo to not sway to and fro.
"Gods… That felt terrible," Flame clutched his stomach with both hands. "I thought I told you to wait!"
Yvaine raised herself on four paws with a sharp breath, making no attempt to mask her discomfort. "And you made it clear how important this was! Had you not done that, I would have stopped the moment you started to experience pain."
Yeah, okay Yvaine. Everyone saw you linger at the memory of Daedalus.
[ ]
"Arceus… let's just hope you at least found something," Flame mutteredlowlyin a low voice, rubbing his head in circles.
I feel as if there should be a paragraph dropped before the one here in where Flame stops to catch his proverbial breath after Yvaine’s retort before he speaks up. Perhaps it’s just me but it feels like it’d help show off Flame’s state of mind a bit better.
While he was somewhat mad at her for forcing herself, in truth, his mind was racing for an entirely different reason. She had to have found out his secret by now. Oh, what a stupid, idiot he was—so caught up in the rush of curiosity that he chose to bare his very soul to an Imperial soldier right after finding out he might have been related to the Scum. Stupid, stupid.
Uh… yeah, this whole moment basically is what helps Sycorax firmly put two and two together as to what Flame’s real identity is. So this kinda caused some serious second-order effects.
Yvaine panted with her head hung low, as if about to vomit. "Everything … beyond a certain point in your life was fuzzy, chaotic. Every thought, every memory. Whatever happened to you, someone clearly did a number on your mind."
Something caught in Flame's throat as he processed her words. "So … you're saying all w-we just did was pointless?" He swallowed before continuing. "That I'm a lost cause?"
Yvaine stopped shaking to look up at him with no small amount of annoyance. "As I already said, I have no previous experience probing minds. It is possible there are methods I am unaware of to bypass psychic damage, and possibly to recover intact memories. You will have to search elsewhere."
And he does! Just not in this chapter. :V
Though that makes me wonder if that other psychic is going to wind up getting similarly burned by what lies under the surface of Flame’s mind at some point. Since… yeah, Flame has some things about him that are distinctly not normal.
The two of them let a few heartbeats pass as they regained their breaths, yet Flame could feel a certain tension in the air, as if both were waiting for the other to comment on something they both knew. He had a good idea as to what it might have been.
Not knowing how to encroach the subject, Flame started with a genuine question. "I saw something after you crossed into my past. Memories, but as you said—chaotic, fuzzy. I barely even remember what they were about. Did you…?"
"I did," Yvaine said. "They were chaotic—but … I saw a Dusknoir. I seem to remember one also being present in your most recent memories."
Flame: “A-Are you sure you weren’t seeing things from inexperience? This is your first time mind-reading.”
Yvaine: “Y-Yes, I’m very sure that I saw a Dusknoir on two separate occasions. The same Dusknoir on those separate occasions.” ._.
Flame: “(W-Well, I tried...)”
Though he'd been bracing for the inevitable, the words still made his heart skip a beat. He knew that for a second, he'd let his uneasiness leak through the plaster mask on his face. She had to have noticed that—in fact, her eyes seemed to have grown ever so minutely wider.
"I apologise," Yvaine signalled a nod, sounding strangely sincere in spite of her previous anger. "I tried my best to breeze through your most recent memories as a show of respect for your privacy. As I already stated, every time I analysed a memory, your mind played it for you as well. You saw everything my own eyes saw."
Flame: “You kept reading even after I told you to stop!” >_>;
Yvaine: “Again, I thought it was just the equivalent of stage fright, okay? I didn’t know that- that was going to happen!” >.<
Despite the palpable sincerity dripping from her tone, Flame regarded her with a thinly veiled glare. What did he know of mind reading? For all he knew, she could have very well swept through his two weeks of life in a breeze, and only chosen to leak a few highlights with the excuse already crafted in her head.
Then again, he mused, if her words were indeed true, that made his situation significantly more manageable. She might not have seen the full context, and even then, she might understand his situation and not turn him in at once.
An object lesson in being careful for what you wish for there. Since… yeah, what does wind up happening because of this is arguably significantly worse than what Flame feared. ^^;
Maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion. She's just a common soldier—I doubt she even cares as much as I think she does.
>25 words thought moments before disaster
Wandering in thought, Flame brought his head to look at the surrounding area. The sun had just dipped below the horizon; only a desperate trickle of light hit Aesernia's main street. The mob of soldiers blocking the gates had all but dissipated, and only a small unit stood guard by the stockpiled equipment, lighting torches and sharing laughs.
For the thousandth time, he wondered how much this stupid, stupid mistake was going to cost him. Maybe it didn't matter; he was planning to desert soon enough anyway.
Gaius: "Remind me, Yvaine's mind read didn't pick up anything from these cutaway gags, right?"
Flame: "That's nonsense, none of this is canon, so-"
Yvaine: "Er… by the way, Flame. You sure seemed to be thinking about Capri a lot. I know that these aren't exactly pleasant circumstances, but do try to keep yourself from spacing out, okay? It could be the difference between life and death in battle."
Gaius + Alice: "..." >.<
Flame: "... Right, thanks for the heads up, Yvaine." -_-;
"Are you okay, Flamey?" asked Virgo, who until then had simply sat there, whirling his head between the two of them.
Flame pondered the question briefly, interrupted only by the pulsing of his headache and the desire to be next to familiar faces.
"You know what? I'm going back. I, I need to rest," he said, hissing lightly as the strain of carrying a backpack half as heavy as himself caught up with his back.
Virgo: “Flamey, you could’ve just said ‘no’!” >_>;
Flame: “Fine, I’m not okay, alright?” >.<
"Awww, come on, don't be like that," Virgo made an exaggerated pout, just as Flame turned away from the two of them.
"Why don't you try having your head ripped open?" he snapped, stepping away from the duo. "Argh, sorry. I'll—I'll talk to you later. Head hurts."
"Fiiiiiine, we'll meet at the mess hall then. Got it?"
This time, Flame did not answer, but trudged onward to the main street, eyeing the faint light of Camp Tempest rising against the stormy horizon.
Flame: “... Should’ve listened to my gut to stay far, far away from those two given how that’s what happen after I let my guard down for once.” >.<
- Flame hesitates briefly -
Flame: “Though what is with those two? Have I met them somewhere? Since I’ve always felt like I wasn’t safe around them, and like I really, really wish they were dead. But I can’t for the life of me understand why...” ._.
It took nearly twenty minutes of aimless wandering before Flame spotted the table where Alice and Gaius were sitting. The building felt much larger than it probably was. A tired smile settled on his face, and he took great care as he swerved around the mass of overcrowded tables and benches, clutching the bowl of stew in his paws tightly.
An insult nearly shot from his throat when a particularly bulky Wartortle half-shoved him aside and made a small wave of stew crash out onto the grass, but he was far too tiredto commitcry out in protest. He managed to close the remaining distance and round the table without further incident.
Probably for the best, since picking a fight with a trained soldier with a type advantage in this setting sounds like a recipe for a bad time. ^^;
He set his bowl down, and, ignoring the strange looks coming from the five or so other occupants of the table, sat down in the thankfully empty spot next to Alice.
When he did so, the Dragonair snapped out of her glaring contest with her untouched stew and turned to look at the new arrival. Her eyes, distant and tired, seemed to light up ever so slightly.
"Oh—hey, Flame," she said with a small, soft smile.
"Hey," he said, returning the smile. His gaze drifted briefly to her stew. "What … uh, what's wrong?"
Alice exhaled a heave. "Discrimination, that's what's wrong." She sent her meal an odious look. "Does it look like my tail was made for handling spoons, or bowls?"
Flame blinked, and glanced at her meal; indeed, a metal spoon was in her stew. "… there were spoons?"
"I told the cook I couldn't eat like this, and he basically sent me off. Said they don't have cutlery made for serpentines. Arceus, now I have to eat like some feral…"
Flame: "Wait a minute... what does cutlery for a Dragonair look like anyways? Isn't it just socially acceptable to dig into your food since you don't have limbs?"
Flame quirked an eyebrow, his lips curling upward in amusement. "Are you trying to get me to spoon-feed you?"
Alice simply stared at him, shaking her head in feigned incredulity.
"Say that again," Alice said, her smile turning mischievous, "and I'll show you I can still throw this at you just fine."
As if tied to the same switch, they both let out a hearty chuckle that lasted a good few seconds.
Alice: “But seriously, I will throw this soup at you if you try and spoon-feed me.” >:|
Flame: “Er… noted.” ^^;
Feeling strangely satisfied, Flame turned his eyes to his brown-coloured stew and the chunks of meat and potatoes floating in its midst. Once again the problem of not having a spoon presented itself. He could probably manage to gulp the whole concoction down his throat, but he wasn't ready to sympathise with Alice that far.
"So, can I…" he trailed off, his paw hovering over the spoon.
She raised her gaze to meet his, then nodded to the unspoken question.
He nodded back, and brought the dripping spoon over to his own bowl. "Thanks. I … um, didn't realise there were any."
"They were just by the platters. How did you miss them?"
Flame: “... I mean, I didn’t realize there were platters given that they didn’t exactly show up in the narration.” ^^;
Alice: “You should try to be a bit more observant, Flame. After all, you don’t want to get snuck up on if we actually get into a fight on a battlefield.”
Flame: “... Yeah, I can see how that’d be a problem.” ._.
He actively avoided looking at her as he lifted his first spoonful of stew. "… Yeah."
Chuckling quietly,Alice shook her head once again, chuckling quietly. "You're incredible."
Flame: “I-In a good way, right?”
Alice: “Well, in an amusing way, that’s for sure.”
Flame swallowed the first potato with no small amount of courage. He found the taste surprisingly decent. Granted, after a week of hospital soups, anything would have tasted better.
The potatoes disappeared in under a minute, the meat in a fraction of that time, at which point he brought the bowl to his maw and gulped down the remaining liquid. Only now did it dawn on him that this had been his first meal of the day. His first. How on earth had he managed to carry that bagwhile fastingon an empty stomach?
Flame: "... How do we have potatoes in a Rome-themed setting again?"
Gaius: "The same way we have Mystery Dungeons, mind probing, and a malevolent faction that styles itself after the Combine lingering in the background in a Rome-themed setting?"
Flame: "... Right, guess I won't question it too much."
Once he set his bowl down, he also realised that everyone else was still halfway through theirs. It probably wasn't healthy to eat with so much haste, he thought. Alice was in a very awkward position, her maw nearly glued to the table as she tipped the other end of the bowl towards her with her tail. Her cheeks bore a red just shy of matching her scarf, and her eyes were darting left and right, catching his glance immediately. He averted his gaze immediately with an apologetic frown.
Flame: “... Pretty sure that fact that our meals for the entire time up to that hospital stay were scraps from dumpsters surely would explain a few things about my appetite as well.” ^^;
Alice: “(Flame can you not say that out loud in front of the hall full of Legionaries that casually bully ‘civvies’ for giggles?)” >_>;
Gaius on the other hand, had his usual, distant stare. Every movement of his—from the way he held his spoon to his chewing—was slow and sluggish. Flame noticed immediately that he was hiding his stub under the table.
What he also noticed, and what grabbed his attention the most, was that the other legionaries at the table were staring intently at the three of them—more often than not, at Gaius in particular, exchanging glances he did not like the nature of.
Flame: “Boy did we sure pick a winner for a table here.” .-.
Then, the Zangoose sitting across from Flame leaned into his neighbour's ear.
"This is just getting ridiculous," he whispered, but loud enough that Flame could hear. "I mean, I know we're losing, but a damned cripple? What next, are they going to start recruiting Magikarp from river beds?"
Flame: “Wow, rude. You can at least pretend to care about hiding that from us.”
Legionary!Zangoose: “Hey, butt out, trash muncher. I wasn’t talking about you anyways.”
Alice: “(Oh gods, so they did hear that dumpster comment.)” >///<
The Zangoose had barely finished speaking when a spoon crashed against his forehead and drops of stew exploded over the table. The legionary drew back and yelped, clutching his right eye in pain. Flame's heart leapt from his throat when he turned to see that Gaius was up from his seat, leaning forward with the leaf blade on his stump hovering close to the legionary.
"I've still got everything I need to slit your throat right here, right now!" Gaius growled, raising the leaf blade on his stump.
Flame: “Oh god, this dinner’s going places already. M-Maybe we can calm the Zangoose down with an apology?”
After a moment's shock, Flame shot from his seat as well and pulled on Gaius' arm, succeeding momentarily only to receive an elbow to the snout.
Background!Legionaries: “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”
Flame: “... So much for that brilliant plan.” ._.;
Gaius: “Oh shut up, Flame. I already took apart one Zangoose before, what’s another?” >:|
Flame fell back down to his seat, rubbing his aching nose, just as the Zangoose uncovered his face, showing the stew-soaked fur on the side of its face and a red eye.
"You … you're fucking mad," the legionary growled back, before a toothy grin flashed on his face. "Oh, did I hurt your feelings too much? How rude of me. It must be horrible, being a cripple and all…"
Flame jumped forward once again and pulled Gaius' arm back, but not before the tip of his leaf blade cut into the Zangoose's cheek in a haphazard swipe, sending the legionary reeling back far enough to nearly fall off his seat.
Gaius: “Say that again to my face, jackass!”
Alice: “This sure would be a handy time to have the likes of a Petrify Orb. Assuming those work outside of Mystery Dungeons.” ._.;
"Gaius—Gaius!" Flame said while struggling against the Grovyle's resistance. "Stop! There's no point!"
Flame: "Gaius, you were giving me crap for having poor impulse control?" >.<
Gaius: “Flame shut up and let me have this right now!” >_>;
The Zangoose rose from his seat in a flash, sharp clawsin displayextended as blood trickled down his face. "Want me to take care of that other hand for you, leaf?"
"Oh, shut it, Private," said the amused Scyther by his side as he rose as well. "You can't even look the Captain in the eye without shaking, much less start a fight. Let's just go."
One by one, the five legionaries opposite of Team Phalanx rose from their seats and vaulted over the bench, more than a few holding back a grin as they passed by their bruised comrade.
… Those are some quality friends that Zangoose has got there. :V
"Fuck you, guys," the Zangoose muttered under his breath, rubbing his cheek. He turned towards Gaius. "Let's see how long you last on the battlefield, cripple. Good to know real soldiers like us will have bait to keep the Scum busy."
Then, he disappeared behind the bustling tables.
I mean, if what that Scyther had to say about how well the guy holds up in the presence of his superiors, I’ll heavily take the under on this “real soldier” lasting more than about 5 minutes in serious battle before either devolving into a gibbering wreck or else running into problems of the terminal sort. ^^;
Although the threat had ended, Flame's eyes never left Gaius as he unhooked his arms from the Grovyle and returned to his seat. With only a single sideways glance, the Grovylewas aware ofnoticed him and Alice staring directly at him.
"Gaius…" murmured Alice, her eyes quiet and alert. She was visibly trying to collect her words.
"I—I know," Gaius muttered, staring down at the table. "I know. Don't ask me."
"What were you thinking?" said Alice, speaking slower than usual. "You can't get into trouble over some idiots. They have no idea what you—"
"I said I know," growled Gaius, his eyes lost among the nearby tables, his two claws clenching. "Stop lecturing me. Let … let me think."
[Thus stopped all conversation at Team Phalanx's table.]
I think the last paragraph works better as something along the lines of [All conversation at Team Phalanx’s table stopped after that. Nobody had anything further to say about the episode.] since something about “Thus stopped all conversation at Team Phalanx's table.” feels a bit stilted. There might be other ways of slicing that apple, but it’s what immediately came to mind.
Flame was suddenly unsure of what to do, despite his urge to look into Gaius' eyes. [The thought had lingered in his mind ever since their hospital stay, but now, he could no longer ignore the fact that Gaius had changed.] Losing an entire hand plus one of his digits was an experience that by all means ought to have crushed the Grovyle’sone'sspirit, of course, but to witness such an outburst for himself … it scared him.
He glanced at Alice and saw similar concern etched on her face; for a few heartbeats, the two of them shared a look of understanding, of quiet resignation. Their eyes drifted apart, their heads hung low, only to then meet again moments later, seeking a distraction from the thoughts storming their heads.
It was Alice who spoke first, improvising a small, uneasy smile. "So … I saw you two head out with the supply convoy after we split up. What happened?"
Flame was puzzled by the subject matter, but he could understand the need for small talk.
Flame: “Agony.” X_X
Alice: “Yeah, I kinda gathered. Though do you mind elaborating a bit?”
He let out an exaggerated heave. "They made us carry those bags all the way to the city gates. [ Two hours—that's how long it took. ] Whatever they made you do, it couldn't have been worse than that," he said, unconsciously returning the smile. "By the way,Though what did you do anyway?"
That… is more than a little presumptuous there, Flame.
Though something about Flame’s ‘Two hours’ bit feels a little flat. I think the solution is probably to expand with details and get a touch theatrical. For instance, something like:
[ It took us two hours to carry the damn things there. From how heavy they were, I could’ve sworn they were filled with concrete! ]
Her smile crumbled at once. A vague sense of anxiety entered her features, her mouth parting for all of a second, before closing shut once again. She was visibly cobbling words together while Flame's thoughts scrambled to figure out what he'd said wrong, a nameless guilt gripping him already.
Yeah, see what I mean? ^^;
Flame: “... Me and my big mouth.” ._.
"The … Captain wanted me to train with Aerial Assault Squadron, to- to see if I could join them," she said as her breathing became ever so quicker, ever so shallower. "By Mew's grace, it's always the same story. I told him again and again that I … th-that Dragonair can't fly, that it's just a blasted urban myth that everyone seems to believe. And, and you know what he did? He accused me of lying! As if he knows better than me about my biology!"
Taken aback by the growing fierceness in her tone, he frantically cast glances around to make sure nobody was looking at them. Never had he heard such passion in her voice. Was this truly the full extent of the issue?
The look in Alice's eyes turned into one of pure hate. "He and his dear Emperor can go to hell. What does it matter what the imperial princes can or can't do? I'm not them. I am not them!" she half-shouted, before turning to him and failing to catch her breath. "Th-there's, there's a … dozens of my kind. I-in the imperial court, I mean. None of them fly. None of them."
My operating hypothesis for how Alice got disowned from the Imperial family is still that it’s precisely because she can't fly. I saw that little slip-up of hers there
Gaius: "Psst! Alice, pipe down about your axe-grinding against the Emperor there! We're in an army mess hall!"
Flame: "Yeah, calm down! Look, there was that encyclopedia of Pokémon back in the library. No urban myths, just cold, hard facts. We can go and borrow it, turn the pages over to the part about Dragonair in front of the Captain, and it should back you up, right?”
Alice: "No!" O.O
- Alice blanch before laughing nervously -
Alice: "I-I mean... we're new here, and w-we've already been getting into trouble on the first day. Maybe it's for the best if we don't make any waves." ^^;
Gaius: "... We'll wait, though I wanna see this encyclopedia entry for myself now. I'm starting to question who's getting the bad read of biology here."
Strangely enough, Gaius of all pokémon huffed loudly.
"Yeah, sure," he muttered, his eyes as distant as his voice. "Keep telling yourself that, Alice."
Oh, so Gaius has already copped a look at that ‘Dragonair’ page to that encyclopedia, huh? :V
Alice snapped her head towards him, and she made a small growling sound. "Oh, would you shut up? Go back to killing yourself with booze, why don't you!"
Something resembling anger flashed through Gaius' eyes; despite this, he continued to stare. Silencebefellfell over the table.
Wow. Rude. Even if that obviously struck a nerve for Alice there. Though I’d completely forgotten that there were cracks this visible between Team Phalanx’s members this early on into the story.
Flame swallowed, trying to quell his rising fear as he swapped looks between the two. Never had his team felt so close to utter collapse before. Never had he witnessed Alice steer away from her calm, collected demeanour. Of course, he knew one could not feel calm and collected indefinitely—but it was still no less traumatising to see.
Gaius: “... No, I’m pretty sure that the moment where we were all half-dead in the snow in Boreal Chasm was the point where the team was the closest to collapsing.” >_>;
Flame: “Okay, ‘close to utter collapse’ in a fashion that doesn’t involve imminent death. Happy now?” -_-;
There were no doubts in his mind that this issue of flight affected her much more than she let on. He had a hard time believing that someone as rational as Alice could lose control over something soapparentlyseemingly frivolous. There had to be something she waswithholdinghiding.Why hide it, thenBut why? The more he reflected on her words, Gaius' comment, the more a single question rose above all else.
Is she lying to me?
Though yeah, she’s lying to you, Flame. Though unlike a certain life detail of Alice’s, this is one that she hasn’t come clean to you about yet even offsite.
Gaius: “How is this possibility just occurring to you now when we both tried to pass you off as-” :|
Alice: “Aius-Gay, ut-shay up-ay about-ay e-thay agauda-bay oment-may!” >.<
That doubt lingered as he stared at her, but it was nowhere near enough to drown out his chest from tightening at seeing her head hung low, lip twitching, eyes squeezed shut in a mix of bitterness and sorrow.
Flame drew in a shuddering breath, and despite his hesitation, laid a paw on her middle.
The reaction to his most likely warming touch was swift; jerking awake slightly, her head shot towards him, then relaxed slightly with an apologetic look. She held his inquisitive gaze, and, though she flashed him the faintest of smiles, her eyes told a completely different story.
I think that it probably makes sense to elaborate what sort of story those eyes told. I’m assuming that it’s something like “betrayed that she had clearly felt deeply hurt by the topic of conversation”, but it’s not explicitly laid out at the moment.
"Alice…" he said softly, then tried to come up with something, only to find his mind completely blank and his heart strangled with spasms. It dumbfounded him how hard it was to find words that didn't feel insincere or hollow.
"What's wrong?" he breathed out eventually. Arceus, why did he have to sound so trite…
Alice immediately averted her gaze, but managed to look back at him again. "I'm sorry. It's … it's something stupid. I shouldn't have taken it out on you." she looked over to the side. "What I said was wrong, Gaius. I hope you can forgive me."
"Eh," the Grovyle shrugged his slouched shoulders, not deigning either of them a look. "Guess you had a point."
Boy is Gaius’ response such a mood in light of his thought process in your most recent chapter. .-.
Flame applied a tiny bit of pressure to Alice's middle with his paw. She didn't seem to find the gesture intrusive or weird, so he kept it there, perhaps hoping to soothe her.
"It's all right," he said with a small, encouraging smile. "Can you tell me what's bothering you?"
Alice flashed him the flickers of a smile, before the tension in her expression won out and her head arched downwards again. "Honestly? I'm worried, Flame. All these preparations… They're planning something. Perhaps it is a precautionary measure to ensure Aesernia can be defended. Perhaps they are planning an expedition to the north." he saw her swallow before continuing. "Either way, th-they won't just leave an enemy army roaming the countryside. We—…"
Flame: "We're not going to make it to Capri, are we?" ._.
Alice: "(Oh thank gods, you’re not pressing on about the whole flight thi-) I mean, er… No. Probably not."
Gaius: “(Considering how Capri has come up exactly zero times canonically thus far, I’m pretty sure that’s closer to ‘definitely not’.)” >_>;
Alice: “(Hush. We’re allowed to try and find a way to get out of this story here!)”
Alice never finished that sentence, yet there was no need to. They both knew exactly what had been left unsaid. They would be sent to the battlefield very soon. Flame found that he could not look her in the eye.
"I know," he said, a sudden tightness blocking his throat.
"I, I just … I thought we'd get more time," she mumbled out, her voice rising in pitch and tightening toward the end.
Flame: “Okay, seriously, can we just go on strike from the canon and try and flatly run away at this rate? Like everything about this conversation is more or less screaming ‘Hello Capri’ loud and clear.” o_o;
Gaius: “You realize that’s just going to lead to us getting drug back kicking and screaming if there’s another chapter to review, right?”
Flame: “I-It’s still worth a shot?”
The sound ofthatAlice’s voice hitching was too much for his heartstrings. He brought his arms around her, and enveloped her in a hug, a tender warmth flooding his senses from within. Sheposedoffered no resistance, and only seemed to embrace him back. Her head settled onto his shoulder, and he rubbed the back of it gently with a paw. Neither of them moved for what felt like a while. Despite being in the middle of the mess hall, packed with shouts and laughter from every direction, he was still able to hear her shaky breathing, feel her slim chest expand and contract against his.
I mean, yeah. It’s only a horrible situation where everyone’s worried about dying in painful fashion in the immediate future, but it’s still a very ‘d’aww’ moment there.
Gaius: “What am I, chopped liver here?” >_>;
Eventually, they both pulled back simultaneously. His eyes sought hers, and though they still gleamed in the room's torch light, she made an effort to steel her posture, as well as her expression.
"Th-thanks," she said simply.
He nodded back, still smiling softly. As he let his eyes wander around the room—half the tables now empty, he saw—a single thought permeated his mind: his plan.
Alice's fears of a coming confrontation may well have been true, yet there was something they could do. All it would take was the right opportunity—perhaps a reconnaissance mission, any excuse to wander outside the gates. From there, they would separate from their unit and vanish into the forest, vanish before anyone could figure out their intentions. A surge of excitement flooded his veins. He looked again between Alice and Gaius, both busy in thought. They needed to know. They needed to know there was a way to decide their own destiny.
Gaius: “That… doesn’t exactly sound like a plan, Flame.” >_>;
Flame: “I-It’s the rough outlines of one? Look, the point is that it’s a goal to start with and work towards.”
And yet, just as he was about to call for their attention, he held off.
No. Not now, he thought as his eyes swam from one table to another. If someone overhears us, we're as good as dead. I need to wait until we're alone. Maybe on the way back…
Flame: "... Why am I this worried again when Alice literally just badmouthed the Emperor in a 'half-shout'? Shouldn't I be able to just whisper this without getting overheard over the crosstalk?"
- Flame looks around mess hall again and thinks of literally everything that almost went wrong earlier tonight -
Flame: "... Egh... better not tempt fate."
As his thoughts once again wandered to his teammates, he tried his hardest to block out the thought that perhaps they might not sign onto his plan after all.
Gaius: “... I’m sorry, but why would that be an issue when we were literally just plotting ways to run away from the plot and make it someone else’s problem?”
Alice: “Gaius. Remember that none of that was canon...” >.<
The sky was devoid of stars that night. Flame didn't know whether it was his curiosity or his paranoia that made him notice that.
He, Alice, and Gaius were walking on one of Camp Tempest's many secondary pathways—perhaps they too were seeking a bit of quiet, he thought. No matter how many times he checked behind his back, the only visible signs of life were the small, shadowy figures moving manning the perimeter watchtowers, illuminated only by the faint glow of torches.
A little surprised at the lack of naturally bioluminescent Pokémon being pressed into service like Ampharos or other Chars, but I suppose it doesn’t take that much to get a torch going.
Nobody else seemed to be walking that path; most of the camp was likely in their quarters by then.
Thus, the more Flame spun his head to investigate every shadow of their surroundings, the more he realised they were as close to alone as one could get.
Now might be the only opportunity I'll get, he thought, trying to calm the rising pressure in his chest. There's no one around. Just tell them.
He found that his breathing was unusually shallow. Twisting his head to look around for the last time, he gradually slowed the steady pace he had maintained by his teammates' side until he came to a complete halt.
"Hey, guys…" he said. "Can we stop for a second? There's … something I need to tell you. It's important."
Gaius: “If it’s about ditching the plot, you know the answer’s going to be ‘yes’, right?”
Flame: “No, it’s about the plan. You know, to actually make that happen.”
Alice: “Hm? What is it?” :?
Gaius and Alice were now standing still too, looking back at him intently. He made an effort to meet their stares, and suddenly found the need to swallow before words could form in his throat.
"Okay. This is … going to be difficult to say," he rubbed his forearm unconsciously. "So, I've been thinking of a plan… Well, 'plan' is a bit of a strong word, since I haven't really thought of any details yet, but … it's still something worth considering. I, I think."
Flame: "Namely, let's just leg it for Capri and figure out the details as we go along."
Alice: “... On one level, that doesn’t sound like much of a plan, but-”
Gaius:
Alice: “Yeah, that.”
Alice tilted her head, yet her eyes asked him to continue. Gaius, meanwhile, was visibly evaluating whether his words were worth his attention.
He wrung his claws together, scouring his head for the right words to make his plan sound sensible.
"L-look, I never asked to be recruited. This isn't what I want for my future. I don't … I don't want to live day by day, not knowing if I might be dead a week from now. Maybe you feel the same," he shot Alice a look. "I—I know it may sound crazy, but I honestly can't think of anything else we can do."
"Please, Flame, relax," Alice said. "If you have an idea, share it."
Flame: “H-Huh? But I just shared my idea.” .-.
Alice: “Share more of it. Remember that we’re going to die if we get caught deserting, so it’d be handy to hear some firmer details.” >_>;
"We run away," he mumbled out rapidly. "Run away from Aesernia, from the military, go … I, I don't really know where we would go, but anything's better than fighting this stupid war."
Gaius: “Including being stuck with Virgo and Yvaine on a bodyguard assignment in Capri for the foreseeable future?”
Flame: “... Okay, almost anything’s better than fighting this stupid war. (Please tell me that we weren’t seriously considering that as our ticket to going out there!)”
Gaius: “(Godsdamnit, Flame. Why do you have to be so picky? We could’ve potentially done that without deserting. Virgo would’ve been all over it.)” >_>;
Flame gauged their reactions from his first word to the last: Alice's eyes seemed to light up in understanding, and an aura of vexation seemed to emanate from her features.
"Oh," she hummed, her eyes glazed over in thought. "Flame, I … d-don't get me wrong, I completely agree with how you feel. Didn't I just cry to you about it? If executed properly, we could easily do it, but I just … I just don't know."
Flame tried not to show too much hurt on his face, and by his estimates, he failed miserably.
"Oh," he said with a minute voice. "I … I understand, if it seems too dangerous. I won't force you to go."
Flame: “Even though I don’t see how we’re exactly going to fare better if we have to fight Scum on the frontlines.” o_o;
Alice's frown deepened, and guilt flashed across her. "What? No, no, it's not—it's not that. I hate being here. Every fibre of my being wants to follow your plan, believe me, but it's…"
Suddenly her eyes darted away from his, looking behind her, returning to his in a fluid motion.
"The authorities don't take desertion lightly, Flame," she said in a quiet voice, her face tense and unsure. "We'd be put to death if they found us. The only option for us would be to go into hiding—I don't know where, but certainly far away from any major cities or army camps. We'd essentially live the rest of our lives as outlaws. Well, okay—maybe not our whole lives, but … at least for a few years. Maybe longer."
I mean, Team Phalanx have canonically mugged other Pokémon by this point in time, so they could do worse than roll becoming bagaudae as a new career path. :V
Gaius: "Again, I told you this was a thing in the last review, Flame!" >.<
Flame: "That was in a cutaway gag and not in the actual story!" >_>;
Alice: "Look, the point is that this is a serious decision with serious potential consequences. I'm... iffy, to say the least about trying to play deserting to Capri by ear." ._.;
Flame gave her a small nod of understanding as thick, gooey dread filled his stomach. She wasn't going to come along. Of course she wasn't. Who would agree to be marked as a traitor for the rest of their lives in the eyes of the authorities? It was a stupid plan, just as stupid as him.
"I don't know," she whispered, looking at some point far in the distance. "I just don't know."
Alice: “I mean, I know that I have some… problems with the leadership of this Empire. But you can’t exactly keep your head down and soldier on as a wanted outlaw...” ._.;
Flame: “But you could get an awesome island lifestyle out of it!”
Unsure how to continue, he turned his gaze towards Gaius, whose eyes snapped awake upon seeing his attention.
"Honestly? She makes a good point. But…" Gaius lowered his head, watching his two claws curl back into his fist. "Hell, it's not like I have much left to live for. If there's even a small chance we can start a new life in some backwater village… you know what? I'll come with you. I owe you that, at least."
Again, one of those bits that definitely reads harsher in hindsight after the events of the most recent chapter. Gaius really got messed up by the events of Boreal Chasm given that he was showing flickers of that self-destructive impulse this far back, huh?
At that, Flame paused in surprise, for he hadn't expected Gaius to back him so readily; at that he grew pensive, for he hadn't asked himself whether he was even willing to leave without them—whether he'd still leave without her.
Gaius: “Oh my gods, seriously Flame? You’d turn down help in deserting like you wanted to over a girl you have a crush on?”
Flame: “Th-That’s not the only reason for my hesitation, okay?!” >///<
His brain refused to indulge the dilemma, yet it hung around them like a cloud of smog, as they stood there in the middle of that shaded path, refusing to stare at one another, waiting for some unspecified word to be uttered. Just the concept of leaving without her burrowed a sense of emptiness into his chest.
"W-well, I…" he swallowed, and forced himself to look her in the eye, only to waver moments later. "I don't really want to leave you behind, Alice. But I also don't want to stay here. We could come up with a new, uh, plan, but I just can't think of anyth—…"
"No," she cut him off suddenly, her quiet voice gaining confidence as she spoke. "There will be no need. I'm going with you, Flame."
- Flame exhales out of relief -
Flame: “Oh thank god, she is coming along.”
Gaius: “Not helping your case there, Flame.” >.<
The abruptness of her answer left him with his mouth hanging open from his previous sentence, her words taking a few heartbeats to process in his head.
"What—are you sure?" he mouthed off the first question that shot to mind. "I mean—not, not that I don't want you to, of course, but … are you sure?"
Alice remained quiet; she chuckled weakly, shaking her head as she did so. "This has to be the rashest and most dangerous decision I've ever taken, and that's saying a lot. But I'm ready to take it."
"Oh. O-okay," he unconsciously began rubbing his neck. "You just said…"
Gaius: “Flame, I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you. For the love of the gods, you have what you want. Stop talking already!” >.<
She shook her head again, this time, determination shining in her eyes. "And I was right. But you were right, too. This isn't living. This isn't what I want for me. I did not come this far just so he could—…" she stopped, squeezing her eyes shut as she took a sharp breath. "No matter the danger involved in your idea, it pales in comparison with what's ahead of us if we remain."
Alice trailed off andsheturned her head towards the night sky, towards the faint, red glow coming from the watchtowers.
"Out there, somewhere, there's hope,” she said. “In here? If it's not the coming battle that kills us, it'll be the next one, or the next one still. And in between them all, the waiting…"
He saw her pondering for a moment, before she concluded. "Anything, even if we risk a lifetime of hiding, would be better than this."
I’d recommend hacking up Alice’s line into at least two paragraphs of dialogue with a transition in between, with the suggestion I made being one possibility. It might make sense to expand the new description paragraph further, but I’ll leave that for you to decide if you opt to go this route.
Her eyes returned to his, and when he saw the last shred of doubt in her eyecast outvanish, he felturgedcompelled to hug her with inappropriate strength. It felt as though a Charmeleon's worth of weight had been lifted from his chest; the wide grin stretching across his face probably made him look idiotic, but frankly, he didn't care.
Alice smiled back—a soft, genuine smile, her voice softening as well. "Besides, I do believe we swore to always stick together when that sun was still up. What would going back on that promise say about me? A day in? Think of my reputation!"
"… Thank you," he whispered, still grinning. "Both of you."
This is once again one of those moments that’s simultaneously very
For the first time in many days, Flame felt elated at finally having a solid goal in his mind. For the first time, he could envision a future for them that didn't involve angsting about what the next day would bring.
Out there, somewhere far away from Aesernia, lay the truth to his identity. [ ]
"Keep in mind, though," Alice said, snapping him awake, "that we can't simply walk out of here on a moment's notice. We'll only get one shot at this. If we are to have a chance out there, then at the very least we're going to need supplies and money to sustain us, as well as a general direction to head to. In short, we need a plan."
Feels like you’re missing a sentence or two to to transition things back from Flame and back over to Alice. I’m admittedly sure not what would work best. Perhaps have an acknowledgement of Alice’s voice snapping him awake in the description paragraph in a new sentence, and just axe it from Alice’s speech tag?
Flame's smile perhaps grew wider at the sound of that. This was happening—they were really going to run away together. Plus, the hurdles she had just mentioned didn't seem all that insurmountable to him.
Alice: “I mean, there’s more than that. But you were having a moment and I didn’t want to freak you out.” ^^;
Flame: “...”
After a moment of thought, Gaius uncrossed his arms and stared directly at them. "It ain't much, but I can dig up the stash I left under our old tent. Bit of money and a few dungeon items. Better than nothing, right?"
Alice gave a small smile, and nodded. "It's a start."
Huh. I forgot that Team Phalanx actually had more than the clipped nummi and dust bunnies to work with under their tent. Though yeah, now would be as good a time as any to take those out to use.
Flame turned a skeptical eyebrow to the Grovyle. "Are you sure you can find it again? There's … there's probably thousands of those tents."
"After three years of living in one place, you tend to remember where it is," Gaius shrugged, a smirk growing across his face as he crossed his arms again. "Hah! I knew I made the right call stashing it there."
Flame: “... Assuming it didn’t get flooded by the rains a little over a week ago.”
Gaius: “Flame, can you seriously stop being such a wet towel? You’re a Fire-type for crying out loud!” >.<
Alice nodded with finality, excitement visibly spilling over to her face. "We need to be vigilant, and take any opportunity to steal supplies from the army. If we're going to be criminals in their eyes, we might as well double down on it, right?"
Not that Alice knows that, but that’s actually a really terrible idea versus stealing from civilians if Urbe takes after Real!Urbe for military discipline. Since theft in legionary camps was historically punished by ever-so-minor sentences of death. ^^;
"Th-the scouting missions," said Flame, tripping over his words the more adrenaline flowed in his veins. "Virgo told me they equip you with seeds and berries and the like. We could volunteer. They're dangerous, but … they could also be an opportunity to make our escape."
Alice stood still for a moment, visibly pondering his suggestion, eyes glazed over. "… Yes. Actually, that sounds perfect. Tomorrow, while Gaius digs up the stash, we should go to the library to see what we can find."
I feel like the library bit should be elaborated a bit more than what’s there, though if my memory serves me right for what they wind up taking from the library next chapter, that should be [ we should go to the library to see what we can find for a map ] .
Flame realised that he was shaking: he looked down at his open paws, and, seeing them tremble, smiled even wider and let out a small, liberatory laugh.
"So … we're actually doing this?" he asked.
"Yeah," Alice said with a smiling voice. "It sounds crazy to me, too."
It is crazy. Even Gaius is smiling…
Flame: “... Which is probably a sign that we haven’t planned things out enough, but let’s not think too hard about that.” ^^;
"And … afterwards?" he wondered aloud. "What do you think will happen if everything goes the way we intend it to?"
Alice laughed dryly, turning her gaze towards the starless void above. "Who knows? Perhaps we will find a village or town that will accept us. Perhaps we can take a ship to the far away eastern kingdoms. Somewhere out there, there has to be hope for us…"
Flame: "Wait, isn't Capri closer than all those places?"
Alice: "It's also under Urbe's control and we'd need to sneak through [Naples] to reach it. We might as well keep our options open just in case we bring down more heat on us than we expected."
- Flame sigh -
Flame: "Dammit, I was looking forward to those beaches..."
It was not long before Team Phalanx resumed walking towards their quarters, and it was not long before they started crossing the more civilised parts of Camp Tempest and were forced to halt all discussion about the topic. Nevertheless, it was obvious from the looks they kept exchanging that none of them had stopped thinking about it as much as he was.
Flame had no doubts that it would take a week at the very least to fully prepare, yet he was ready to endure the wait. He let his attention wander to the half-moon. Alice was right; they only had one chance to make this work.
Indeed, if they fled, there would be no going back. No city to take refuge in. Their lives would be marked by that choice forever.
But, if they fled, they would do it together.
Flame: “No pressure, huh?”
Gaius: “Look, we’ll have at least a night to think things over. Probably. There’s a teaser for a next chapter, after all.”
Speaking of, let’s take a gander at that glimpse into things yet to come, hm? … Or at least for this review series, since the chapter’s right there for everyone to read. ^^;
"While searching through the Imperial Archives, I have made a ghastly discovery. It would appear that for the last one hundred and forty years, approximately 30% of the Empire's grain produce, as well as approximately 20% of our wartime slaves have disappeared from official records completely. All of these disappearances seem to coincide with unmarked cargo ships departing to the Lipari Archipelago.
Hadrianus refuses to discuss the issue and pushes me away. I had always suspected that he cared for these 'gods' of his more than his own people, but this discovery is something else entirely. How much food have They taken away from our starving citizens over all these years? How many famines avoided? Do gods need to eat?"
— Private letter from Marius Alakazam, Governor of Urbe, to Ioannes Serperior, Governor of Basileia.
I mean, all that’s missing at this rate is draining the seas and yeeting hostile wildlife into Urbe’s world, and then ‘Our Benefactors’ really will complete the strong HL2 vibes they’re giving off here in this passage right now.
Gaius: "Wait, 30% of our grain has been going to some random islands? Then none of this food inflation crap needed to happen in the first place! Who the hell are these 'Benefactors' and what is their deal?! Stealing food from our mouths is a funny way of 'benefitting' us!"
Flame: "'20% of wartime slaves' for over 140 years? As in the ones Urbe took after every time it defeated an enemy in battle like Virgo mentioned back in Castra Aeterna? What on earth would they need so many 'mons for?" ._.
Alice: "I just don't understand how the Emperor could be so powerless to resist this! He's the Emperor! How can he let himself get pushed around like some little child when the fate of all Urbe is in his claws?!"
Flame: "Based off that letter, I think the point is that it's not in his claws."
Gaius: "Let's just get some rest. If that's really what the Army's fighting for, then the sooner we ditch 'em the better."
- Flame sigh -
Flame: "I really wish I'd looked at that 'Our Benefactors' book while I had the chance. Maybe it'd make more of these teasers make sense."
Alright, for my final recap of thoughts:
I thought that this chapter was a decent breather coming off the heels of the last chapter where everyone was basically picking up the pieces in the wake of the disastrous expedition to Portus. It also did a good job at showing glimpses of what life in the Imperial Army is like, the internal workings of Alice and Gaius after their big wipeout in Boreal Chasm and hints at things going on in their pasts that they don’t want to be too open about, and sets the stage for things to come since we find out in fairly short order after this point that boy was Flame’s mind read sequence with Yvaine ill-advised.
As for stuff that probably could’ve been done differently… it is a bit long as a transitional chapter, but I won’t give you too much crap over that, since I’ve written a few chunky chapters myself, and I admittedly am not sure if there’s a clean thematic break lying around anywhere in the vein of Chapter XIII. If the segment after Yvaine’s mind read was a bit longer and had a bit more going on, it might be an option worth considering, but as it stands… yeah, that theoretical “Chapter XVIS” there would be both a bit short and light on things happening as a standalone in its present form. I suppose you could’ve cliffhangered things at the part where Yvaine just starts her mind read over Flame’s objections and yeeted everything after into that “Chapter XVIS”, but meh. That’s getting into fairly gimmicky territory there, and I won’t begrudge you for sticking to your guns.
Good work as usual, @Shadow of Antioch , and kudos for supporting this version of your story. It’s been quite the journey seeing it evolve from those lonely two chapters you had up for the longest time. ^^
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