Pokémon One Hundred Tiny Plays About Hoenn

[Fennel]

Play #1: Littleroot Town

(Two women stand watching a moving van being unloaded)

Jan: Should we go over and say hello?
Yvonne: They’ll introduce themselves to us if they want to.
Jan: Only we got off on the wrong foot with the previous neighbours.
Yvonne: God, they were awful. That kid was a little terror.
Jan: These ones look like they might be nice.
Yvonne: More out-of-towners. I hear the father’s got some big important job in Petalburg.
Jan: Wonder what they’re doing here?
Yvonne: They wouldn’t want to mix with the likes of us.
Jan: Us?
Yvonne: Village folk. We’ve been here longer than anyone.
Jan: These ones look friendly. Maybe we should invite them round for a coffee.
Yvonne: There you go again with your flights of fancy. We won’t be their sort.
Jan: The boy looks nice. He looks about the same age as your Neil.
Yvonne: Neil has enough friends.
Jan: Lucky for him.
Yvonne: We’re doing very well for ourselves as is.
Jan: [pause] I think I’ll just go and say a quick hello.

 

[Fennel]

Play #2: Mt. Chimney

(A woman talks into her phone near the peak of the mountain)

Shayla: It’ll be too late now. [pause] No, I have no idea. I just follow whatever route the nav tells me to take. I didn’t plan on climbing a sodding volcano at seven o’clock in the morning, Brice. [pause] Oh, that’s clever of you. Well done. And how does that help me? [pause] Well. You talk to your mother and go on ahead, then. I’ll be perfectly happy here. [pause] No, no, I’ll be fine. Someone will help me get down. [pause] A helicopter? Wonderful. Could you ask them to send along a picnic basket, too. And some wine, Brice. The view here really is lovely. Maybe I’ll just sit here and watch the sunrise with a nice glass of wine.

 

[Fennel]

Play #3: Battle Frontier Pokemon Centre

(A man speaks with a Pokemon nurse at the main counter)

Nurse Joy: It’s against protocol, Sir.
Randall: But they’re hurt.
Nurse Joy: We don’t allow customers to heal this many Pokemon at once.
Randall: So it’s your policy to turn away hurt and bleeding Pokemon? They’re bleeding.
Nurse Joy: We have the right to refuse service to anyone if we suspect suspicious-
Randall: Suspicious? I’m not suspicious!
Nurse Joy: If we suspect suspicious circumstances, Sir.
Randall: You nurses. You’re all crooks.
Nurse Joy: Please step away from the counter, Sir.
Randall: You’re all crooks. You don’t want to help Pokemon, do you? You just look out for your own asses around here.
Nurse Joy: Sir, please.
Randall: Public healthcare is a sham. I’m glad I don’t pay any taxes to fund this shit.

 

[Fennel]

Play #4: Route 111

(Two young trainers hunch over a Cacnea lying in the desert)

Cliff: It looks hurt.
Heidi: Give it a poke. Go on.
Cliff: With what?
Heidi: That stick over there.
Cliff: Okay. [pause]
Heidi: Okay, that didn’t do much.
Cliff: It’s not moving at all. Should we do something?
Heidi: It’ll be fine.
Cliff: How do you know?
Heidi: They’re resilient, aren’t they?
Cliff: Um.
Heidi: They like living in the sand.
Cliff: I don’t think it’ll be living much longer.
Heidi: Well. Everything returns to the earth eventually. Or sand. Everything turns to sand in the end.
Cliff: It’s a grass-type.
Heidi: Grass can grow from sand. Haven’t you seen those big long ones growing on the beach before?
Cliff: I think so.
Heidi: We’ll be doing it a favour by leaving it here. Trust me. I studied sand at school.

 

[Fennel]

Play #5: Cove Lily Motel

(A young man and woman whisper to each other from their single beds in a hostel room after dark)

Cole: What’s her name?
Lindsey: She doesn’t have a name. I just call her Skitty.
Cole: Uh huh, yeah. What’s her contest rating?
Lindsey: 7.87 last season.
Cole. Wow. Wow. That’s amazing.
Lindsey: We’re aiming to qualify for Master Rank tomorrow.
Cole: I bet you’ll get it. You look brill. Amazing, like.
Lindsey: I’ve got no makeup on.
Cole: I like the natural look on girls.
Lindsey: Yeah. [pause] It’s getting late.
Cole: Yeah, no probs. You guys need your beauty sleep, right?
Lindsey: We’re actually competing in the Cool category.
Cole: Oh, right. That’s cool. Lol. Cool, get it?
Lindsey: I’d quite like to go to sleep now.
Cole: Alright. Maybe I can come along and watch you tomorrow.
Lindsey: Yeah, maybe.
Cole: What time is the contest?
Lindsey: [pause] Afternoon.
Cole: Yeah, but what time?
Lindsey: Afternoon. We really need to sleep.
Cole: Sure, yeah, yeah. Maybe we can talk more over breakfast. Lol. [pause] I’m actually amazing at contests too. If you need any tips, just ask. My name’s Cole, by the way. [pause] C-o-l-e. Like, ‘lump of coal’. My mum always calls me that. “You useless lump!” Lol. You’d like her, though. You’d get along and that. You and her and your Meowth.

 

[Fennel]

Play #6: Verdanturf Town

(Two children sit in a living room, video game cartridges scattered across the floor around them)

Milo: What do you want to play?
Osamu: Umm. What do you have?
Milo: Oh. Everything. We can play whatever you want. What do you play at home?
Osamu: I’m not really allowed to play video games at home.
Milo: Oh. That’s okay. [pause] Do you know this one? Feebas Fluoroscopy Frenzy. It’s really gory.
Osamu: I’m not sure.
Milo: Or this one? Dragon Doctrine IV: Here Today, Shelgon Tomorrow.
Osamu: I don’t know how to play that one.
Milo: I’ve got these too. Spinda Spreadsheet Simulator… Team Magma: Dream Wedding Brigade… Water-Type Whistleblower Remastered: Tentacruel To Be Tentakind… That one’s really good.
Osamu: Do you have checkers?
Milo: What’s that?
Osamu: It’s a board game. Like chess.
Milo: Oh. I don’t think I have that.
Osamu: That’s okay. [pause] Just play whatever you want and I’ll watch.
Milo: Okay. [pause]. I just got this one. Want to see?
Osamu: Sure. What is it?
Milo: It’s called Blakizen Ballet Bacchanalia.
Osamu: Oh. Okay. Sure. Whatever you want to play is fine, I guess.
Milo: Alright. Let’s play this one. It’s really fun. [pause] It’s got loads of cool guns and you get bonus points for headshots too.
Osamu: Oh.
Milo: You wanna try? It has two-player.
Osamu: No, that’s okay. [pause] I’ll just watch you play.
Milo: Sure?
Osamu: Yeah. I’m sure. I don’t want to play. I’ll just watch.
Milo: Okay then. [pause] Oh, this bit is really good, listen to this guy. BLAZIKEN! BALLET! BACCHANALIAAAAAA! Hahaha. [pause] Isn’t that cool?
Osamu: Yeah. [pause] It’s… cool. Really cool.