Pokémon One Hundred Tiny Plays About Hoenn

Fennel · Jan 18, 2026

One Hundred Tiny Plays About Hoenn

A series of small, scripted snapshots of everyday life in the region of Hoenn.

Inspired by Craig Taylor's One Million Tiny Plays About Britain.

Content Warnings: Strong language and references to alcohol. These warnings will be updated as necessary the plays are written and posted.
If you want to seek out Taylor's original plays, keep in mind they are aimed at a mature audience and reference adult topics such as sex and sexual activity, amongst others.

Fennel · Jan 18, 2026

Play #1: Littleroot Town

(Two women stand watching a moving van being unloaded)

Jan: Should we go over and say hello?
Yvonne: They’ll introduce themselves to us if they want to.
Jan: Only we got off on the wrong foot with the previous neighbours.
Yvonne: God, they were awful. That kid was a little terror.
Jan: These ones look like they might be nice.
Yvonne: More out-of-towners. I hear the father’s got some big important job in Petalburg.
Jan: Wonder what they’re doing here?
Yvonne: They wouldn’t want to mix with the likes of us.
Jan: Us?
Yvonne: Village folk. We’ve been here longer than anyone.
Jan: These ones look friendly. Maybe we should invite them round for a coffee.
Yvonne: There you go again with your flights of fancy. We won’t be their sort.
Jan: The boy looks nice. He looks about the same age as your Neil.
Yvonne: Neil has enough friends.
Jan: Lucky for him.
Yvonne: We’re doing very well for ourselves as is.
Jan: [pause] I think I’ll just go and say a quick hello.

Fennel · Jan 18, 2026

Play #2: Mt. Chimney

(A woman talks into her phone near the peak of the mountain)

Shayla: It’ll be too late now. [pause] No, I have no idea. I just follow whatever route the nav tells me to take. I didn’t plan on climbing a sodding volcano at seven o’clock in the morning, Brice. [pause] Oh, that’s clever of you. Well done. And how does that help me? [pause] Well. You talk to your mother and go on ahead, then. I’ll be perfectly happy here. [pause] No, no, I’ll be fine. Someone will help me get down. [pause] A helicopter? Wonderful. Could you ask them to send along a picnic basket, too. And some wine, Brice. The view here really is lovely. Maybe I’ll just sit here and watch the sunrise with a nice glass of wine.

Fennel · Jan 18, 2026

Play #3: Battle Frontier Pokemon Centre

(A man speaks with a Pokemon nurse at the main counter)

Nurse Joy: It’s against protocol, Sir.
Randall: But they’re hurt.
Nurse Joy: We don’t allow customers to heal this many Pokemon at once.
Randall: So it’s your policy to turn away hurt and bleeding Pokemon? They’re bleeding.
Nurse Joy: We have the right to refuse service to anyone if we suspect suspicious-
Randall: Suspicious? I’m not suspicious!
Nurse Joy: If we suspect suspicious circumstances, Sir.
Randall: You nurses. You’re all crooks.
Nurse Joy: Please step away from the counter, Sir.
Randall: You’re all crooks. You don’t want to help Pokemon, do you? You just look out for your own asses around here.
Nurse Joy: Sir, please.
Randall: Public healthcare is a sham. I’m glad I don’t pay any taxes to fund this shit.

Fennel · Jan 18, 2026

Play #4: Route 111

(Two young trainers hunch over a Cacnea lying in the desert)

Cliff: It looks hurt.
Heidi: Give it a poke. Go on.
Cliff: With what?
Heidi: That stick over there.
Cliff: Okay. [pause]
Heidi: Okay, that didn’t do much.
Cliff: It’s not moving at all. Should we do something?
Heidi: It’ll be fine.
Cliff: How do you know?
Heidi: They’re resilient, aren’t they?
Cliff: Um.
Heidi: They like living in the sand.
Cliff: I don’t think it’ll be living much longer.
Heidi: Well. Everything returns to the earth eventually. Or sand. Everything turns to sand in the end.
Cliff: It’s a grass-type.
Heidi: Grass can grow from sand. Haven’t you seen those big long ones growing on the beach before?
Cliff: I think so.
Heidi: We’ll be doing it a favour by leaving it here. Trust me. I studied sand at school.

Fennel · Jan 18, 2026

Play #5: Cove Lily Motel

(A young man and woman whisper to each other from their single beds in a hostel room after dark)

Cole: What’s her name?
Lindsey: She doesn’t have a name. I just call her Skitty.
Cole: Uh huh, yeah. What’s her contest rating?
Lindsey: 7.87 last season.
Cole. Wow. Wow. That’s amazing.
Lindsey: We’re aiming to qualify for Master Rank tomorrow.
Cole: I bet you’ll get it. You look brill. Amazing, like.
Lindsey: I’ve got no makeup on.
Cole: I like the natural look on girls.
Lindsey: Yeah. [pause] It’s getting late.
Cole: Yeah, no probs. You guys need your beauty sleep, right?
Lindsey: We’re actually competing in the Cool category.
Cole: Oh, right. That’s cool. Lol. Cool, get it?
Lindsey: I’d quite like to go to sleep now.
Cole: Alright. Maybe I can come along and watch you tomorrow.
Lindsey: Yeah, maybe.
Cole: What time is the contest?
Lindsey: [pause] Afternoon.
Cole: Yeah, but what time?
Lindsey: Afternoon. We really need to sleep.
Cole: Sure, yeah, yeah. Maybe we can talk more over breakfast. Lol. [pause] I’m actually amazing at contests too. If you need any tips, just ask. My name’s Cole, by the way. [pause] C-o-l-e. Like, ‘lump of coal’. My mum always calls me that. “You useless lump!” Lol. You’d like her, though. You’d get along and that. You and her and your Meowth.

Negrek · Jan 18, 2026

Hey, Fennel! This seems like a really neat idea--I haven't read the source material, but at least so far, these tiny plays are a delight.

I don't know if you're British yourself, but a couple of these seem to have that flair to them. In the very first, Yvonne seems like exactly that stereotype of a small-town British resident who just doesn't truck with outsiders and is already judging these young newcomers three seconds after they've arrived in town. (And what a cute place to start this series off, of course!) Then there's Cole in the Cove Lily Motel telling Lindsey that her she looks "Brill." It's not the sort of language I normally associate with Hoenn, but it does seem to fit with an image of the region as pastoral, full of small towns with wandering paths between them.

It's fun, puzzling out the larger context of these brief conversations. I'm impressed by the fact that Shayla seems to have found herself on top of Mt Chimney... accidentally? At seven in the morning? I guess she really does just go wherever the nav tells her. I'm wondering whether there's a reference I'm missing with the Battle Frontier one, or whether those allusions to a very large number of injured pokémon is intended as an ominous mystery for us to contemplate. That poor nurse, one way or another. There's the flash of something really dark, there.

In the Cove Lily play, though... is Cole actually saying "lol" out loud? Repeatedly? Oh, buddy. No. Cole in general is just a whole lot of "no."

I don't think I can really pick a favorite entry out of these so far, but I do have a favorite line: "Trust me. I studied sand at school." What better credentials can you expect than that.

So far these tiny plays have been super whimsical and fun. You obviously have a knack for comedy. Writing a hundred of these seems like a pretty ambitious target, and I wish you good luck and a bit of good fun throughout however many you ultimately put together.

Fennel · Jan 19, 2026

Hey, Negrek, thank you for stopping by!

Negrek said:
I don't know if you're British yourself, but a couple of these seem to have that flair to them. In the very first, Yvonne seems like exactly that stereotype of a small-town British resident who just doesn't truck with outsiders and is already judging these young newcomers three seconds after they've arrived in town. (And what a cute place to start this series off, of course!) Then there's Cole in the Cove Lily Motel telling Lindsey that her she looks "Brill." It's not the sort of language I normally associate with Hoenn, but it does seem to fit with an image of the region as pastoral, full of small towns with wandering paths between them.

I am indeed British! I have a real admiration for naturalist British playwriting and literature, so these plays draw from that as well as things I've picked up from just overhearing things out and about. I love using British vernacular and slang, and I find that leaning on those in particular helps to bring out the humour in the mundanity and banality of some of the snapshots here.

Negrek said:
It's fun, puzzling out the larger context of these brief conversations. I'm impressed by the fact that Shayla seems to have found herself on top of Mt Chimney... accidentally? At seven in the morning? I guess she really does just go wherever the nav tells her.

That one is based on a true story! Apparently a woman inadvertently drove 900 miles on what was supposed to be a 90 mile trip and only noticed when she reached Croatia... which is four countries away from her home in Belgium. I feel like GPS errors are less commonplace these days but that story always stuck in my head as being quite absurd and amusing. Source

Negrek said:
I'm wondering whether there's a reference I'm missing with the Battle Frontier one, or whether those allusions to a very large number of injured pokémon is intended as an ominous mystery for us to contemplate. That poor nurse, one way or another. There's the flash of something really dark, there.

This one isn't a reference to anything and is just intended as a snapshot of something vague and morbid. I'm interested in those sorts of glimpses of something that you have to fill in the gaps for yourself - stuff that you'll have to accept that you might never learn the full story of, but have the potential to be quite odd and sinister if you let your mind wander in that direction.

Negrek said:
In the Cove Lily play, though... is Cole actually saying "lol" out loud? Repeatedly? Oh, buddy. No. Cole in general is just a whole lot of "no."

Cole is once again based on something from real life that has stuck with me; in this case, someone I used to know at university and their propensity for saying "lol" in odd moments of conversation and general misplaced overconfidence when chatting up women. I feel like we've all had run-ins with a Cole at some point or another!

Negrek said:
I don't think I can really pick a favorite entry out of these so far, but I do have a favorite line: "Trust me. I studied sand at school." What better credentials can you expect than that.

Quite!

Negrek said:
So far these tiny plays have been super whimsical and fun. You obviously have a knack for comedy. Writing a hundred of these seems like a pretty ambitious target, and I wish you good luck and a bit of good fun throughout however many you ultimately put together.

Thank you so much! A hundred is definitely the goal and I have a lot of them mapped out or completed already, including the milestone ones like the 50th and 100th plays. Thank you very much for your kind comments and hope you'll enjoy reading the rest of them as they come out!

Fennel · Jan 19, 2026

Play #6: Verdanturf Town

(Two children sit in a living room, video game cartridges scattered across the floor around them)

Milo: What do you want to play?
Osamu: Umm. What do you have?
Milo: Oh. Everything. We can play whatever you want. What do you play at home?
Osamu: I’m not really allowed to play video games at home.
Milo: Oh. That’s okay. [pause] Do you know this one? Feebas Fluoroscopy Frenzy. It’s really gory.
Osamu: I’m not sure.
Milo: Or this one? Dragon Doctrine IV: Here Today, Shelgon Tomorrow.
Osamu: I don’t know how to play that one.
Milo: I’ve got these too. Spinda Spreadsheet Simulator… Team Magma: Dream Wedding Brigade… Water-Type Whistleblower Remastered: Tentacruel To Be Tentakind… That one’s really good.
Osamu: Do you have checkers?
Milo: What’s that?
Osamu: It’s a board game. Like chess.
Milo: Oh. I don’t have that.
Osamu: That’s okay. [pause] Just play whatever you want and I’ll watch.
Milo: Okay. [pause]. I just got this one. Want to see?
Osamu: Sure. What is it?
Milo: It’s called Blakizen Ballet Bacchanalia.
Osamu: Oh. Okay. Sure. Whatever you want to play is fine, I guess.
Milo: Alright. Let’s play this one. It’s really fun. [pause] It’s got loads of cool guns and you get bonus points for headshots too.
Osamu: Oh.
Milo: You wanna try? It has two-player.
Osamu: No, that’s okay. [pause] I’ll just watch you play.
Milo: Sure?
Osamu: Yeah. I’m sure. I don’t want to play. I’ll just watch.
Milo: Okay then. [pause] Oh, this bit is really good, listen to this guy. BLAZIKEN! BALLET! BACCHANALIAAAAAA! Hahaha. [pause] Isn’t that cool?
Osamu: Yeah. [pause] It’s… cool. Really cool.

Fennel · Jan 21, 2026

Play #7: Trick House

(An older man and a young woman stand in a maze)

Benny: Excuse me. Which way is the way out?
Alexis: Can’t tell you that. That’d be cheating.
Benny: It’s just that I rather need to visit the bathroom.
Alexis: There’s one by the exit.
Benny: Okay. Where is the exit?
Alexis: Can’t tell you that.
Benny: I think… don’t accessibility laws require places to have a toilet available?
Alexis: There is one. At the exit.
Benny: I can’t find the exit.
Alexis: That’s the point. It’s a maze.
Benny: I really need to find the bathroom.
Alexis: You have to look for it yourself. Do you understand? We’re not supposed to help each other in here.
Benny: There needs to be toilets in here. And I’m a little worried what might happen if there’s an emergency. I can’t see any fire exits.
Alexis: You have to find the way out yourself. This is not a collaborative experience.
Benny: I’ve been trying. I’ve been in here for heaven knows how long. [pause] I can’t find the exit and I can’t come back through the way I came. [pause] Oh, this isn’t good. I’m not enjoying this. I normally like puzzles but I’m not enjoying this at all.

Fennel · Jan 21, 2026

Play #8: Rustboro Gym

(Two employees sit in a break room with mugs of tea)

Josh: Then I’m using up a week to go to Sinnoh and my parents’ lodge in April.
Stevie: I’ve only got two days left to take now. I used all mine up on that cruise.
Josh: They can’t keep on getting away with this. Giving us the bare minimum.
Stevie: They’re tight, though. Cutting corners everywhere.
Josh: They’ll start making us pay for toilet breaks next.
Stevie: I heard in Lavaridge Gym they get 25 days off a year. Plus free pizza on Fridays.
Josh: Bastards.
Stevie: And you know Angie? Her cousin works in the Mossdeep Gym and they get 27 days off and an open bar at their Christmas party.
Josh: I’d need an open bar just to get through a party with those lot, though.
Stevie: Fair. Fair.
Josh: Would you do it, though? Move to another Gym?
Stevie: I’ve been thinking about it. I’m not really attached to Rock types, are you?
Josh: I can take or leave them.
Stevie: I almost applied for that post in Mauville Gym before all that stuff about Wattson came out.
Josh. Oh, yeah. That was bad.
Stevie: I always had my doubts about him, you know.
[pause]
Josh: Did you hear that Fortree Gym have a pinball machine in their break room?
Stevie: Get out.
Josh: Yeah.
Stevie: I think I’d just live there all the time.
Josh: I don’t think I’d ever even bother to take time off work.
Stevie: That would be amazing.
Josh: Wouldn’t it, though?
Stevie: Yeah. That’d be the life.

Fennel · Jan 21, 2026

Play #9: Pokemon Day Care

(A woman and a Day Care Attendant stand at the reception counter. The Attendant holds an egg.)

Margaret: I don’t understand.
Attendant: I’m sorry. Policy says you have to take it.
Margaret: But it’s not mine!
Attendant: It was produced by your Pokemon, ma’am. You have to take it.
Margaret: What do you mean, produced?
Attendant: Erm.
Margaret: Do you mean to imply that that thing came from my Slugma?
Attendant: Erm. I don’t really know what to say.
Margaret: You better think of something, young man. I hope you’re not insinuating what I think you are.
Attendant: What do you think I’m insulating, ma’am?
Margaret: Insinuating, insinuating!
Attendant: Oh. I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m definitely not ‘insinin-uating’ at you.
Margaret: Clearly not.
Attendant: The eggs… come from Pokemon.
Margaret: Look at her. Exactly how do you think she’s managed to do that? She’s a glob of molten rock. She’s quite literally a bag of rocks.
Attendant: [pause] I don’t know.
Margaret: If she didn’t have a face, you wouldn’t even know she was alive.
Attendant: That’s really not for us to say.
Margaret: Well. I’m not interested in discussing this any further. You keep it, then. You’re a day care, aren’t you? You must have the facilities to look after it yourself. Whatever “it” is. [pause] Who do you suppose to be the father, anyway?
Attendant. Erm. [pause] A Gastly.
Margaret: [pause] Well. That’s something to think about, isn’t it? Goodbye.

Fennel · Jan 21, 2026

Play #10: Mauville City

(A father, his young daughter and their Poochyena sit in a cafe)

Dad: What do you want to eat, darling?
Lauryn: I want ice cream!
Dad: They don’t have ice cream here, sweetness. How about a sandwich?
Lauryn: Ice cream!
Dad: Poochyena, stop that. Get back here.
Lauryn: I. Want. Ice cream!
Dad: We can eat ice cream at home, darling. You need to have something proper to eat right now, like a salad or a sandwich.
Lauryn: No sandwich! Ice cream!
Dad: I said stop that, Poochyena. Calm down.
Lauryn: Chocolate ice cream!
Dad: They don’t have chocolate ice cream here, darling.
Lauryn: Chocolate ice cream! There!
Dad: Where?
Lauryn: On floor!
Dad: Oh, for… Bad, Poochyena! Very bad!
Lauryn: I want chocolate ice cream!
Dad: No, you can’t eat that, darling. No ice cream.
Lauryn: I want it!
Dad: You definitely can’t eat that.
Lauryn: Ice cream!
Dad: Don’t eat that, darling. Please don’t eat that. That goes for you too, Poochyena.
Lauryn: Ice cream! Ice cream for Poochy!
Dad: No one’s getting ice cream. How about a nice egg sandwich?
Lauryn: Poochy wants ice cream! I want ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!

Fennel · Jan 26, 2026

Play #11: Seaside Cycling Road

(A man and a woman stand on the side of the road with bicycles. The woman talks into her phone)

Abigail: Yes. [pause] Yes. [pause] No. [pause] Yes. [pause] With all due respect, I know it’s broken because I’m standing right here with it in my hand right now. [pause] Yes, I know it’s supposed to be attached to the bike!
Jacob: Abigail.
Abigail: Do you cycle? Do you understand how bikes are put together?
Jacob: Abigail.
Abigail: Hold on one moment, sorry. What, Jacob?
Jacob: We really need to get going.
Abigail: In a minute, okay? Hello? Yes. [pause] No, I want a courier with a replacement sent out to me right now, as per the terms of my warranty. [pause] Tomorrow? [pause] No, I’m sorry, but that’s not good enough! Do you know why? I’m supposed to be at my mother’s funeral in a couple of hours and I don’t have a functioning bike to get me there! [pause] That’s right, my mother’s funeral. [pause] Thank you. [pause] Yes. [pause] Yes. Okay. [pause] Thank you. Okay. Bye. Thanks. Bye. Bye. [pause] All sorted. They’re sending a replacement now.
Jacob: Great. [pause] I’d better call Jenny.
Abigail: Why?
Jacob: To let her know we can’t make it to brunch because your mum’s carked it. [pause] Very sorry to hear about your loss, by the way. It must have been very sudden.
Abigail: [pause] Shut up, Jacob.

Fennel · Jan 26, 2026

Play #12: Petalburg City

(A man sits by the water with a fishing rod. Another man, slightly older, approaches him)

Douglas: Hello. Caught anything yet?
Max: One Goldeen and a Magikarp this morning, but nothing since then.
Douglas: Oh, good, good. [pause] I dropped my wallet in there fifteen years ago, you know.
Max: Really?
Douglas: Yes. It was rather sad, you see. It had one of my favourite pictures of me and my late wife in it.
Max: Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.
Douglas: She was a looker. A real looker. You will let me know if you fish it up again, won’t you?
Max: Of course.
Douglas: Yes. [pause] You never quite know when these things might wash up again. Unexpectedly. Things misplaced and forgotten about. But I take a walk by this pond everyday just in case I can spot anything.
Max: Sure.
Douglas: Some things one can never really let go of. Silly old memories and such.
Max: Mhmm.
Douglas: Anyway. [pause] I won’t take up much more of your time. Let me know if she turns up. Or the wallet.
Max: She?
Douglas: Yes. My wife. She’s down there too, you know.
Max: [pause] What?
Douglas: It would be wonderful to have that photo back, though. Such a treasure. Anyway, you have a good day. Happy hunting and all. [pause] Happy hunting indeed.

Fennel · Jan 26, 2026

Play #13: Team Aqua Hideout

(Two grunts sit in the break room eating lunch)

Hussein: It’s like mixed martial arts or kickboxing, yeah? But like, with more kicking and that.
Ibrahim: Sure.
Hussein: There’s a tournament in Slateport next month. Try’na qualify for it.
Ibrahim: I see.
Hussein: Yeah, so that’s basically what I’m saving up for, innit? That’s why I got this job.
Ibrahim: Mm.
Hussein: So. Uh. [pause] What do we do here, anyway?
Ibrahim: We do whatever they tell us to do.
Hussein: [pause] That’s it?
Ibrahim: Yes.
Hussein: But why? What for?
Ibrahim: They’re trying to expand the oceans.
Hussein: What?
Ibrahim: Expand the oceans. Raise sea levels. However you want to say.
Hussein: [pause] Huh.
Ibrahim: Just do everything they tell you and you’ll be fine.
Hussein: Really? You sure?
Ibrahim: We have to assume.
Hussein: [pause] Just do whatever they say?
Ibrahim: Yes.
Hussein: And they just pay us, yeah?
Ibrahim: Yeah.
Hussein: And when the… sea levels rise or whatever, everything will be alright?
Ibrahim: That’s what they tell us.
Hussein: Oh. Alright. Cool. [pause] I’m gonna qualify, man. I can feel it. I’m gonna kickbox the fuck out of that tournament.

Fennel · Jan 26, 2026

Play #14: Fallabor Town Contest Hall

(A woman and a Shroomish sit backstage with a contest coordinator and a large box of props and costumes)

Coordinator: Cowboy boots?
Karla: Mmm. No.
Coordinator: Sparkly sequins?
Karla: Mmm. Not that one.
Coordinator: Pink feather boa? Bowler hat? Sexy Aroma Lady outfit?
Karla: Mmm. No, none of these are right.
Coordinator: Hmm.
Karla: What did whats-his-name wear? You know, the Master Rank winner last year.
Coordinator: Nemesis?
Karla: Yes!
Coordinator: Nemesis was a Salamence.
Karla: So?
Coordinator: [pause] I’m not quite sure the same principles of style apply here, if I’m honest.
Karla: No? Oh. Mmm.
Coordinator: I have some dragon fairy wings if that’s the vibe you want to go for?
Karla: Mmm… [pause] No, that’s okay. [pause] Let me have a look at the sexy Aroma Lady outfit again.

Fennel · Jan 26, 2026

Play #15: Route 129

(Two swimmers sit on a secluded sandy beach by the water)

Chase: Are you… part-Grass type?
Reed: Nope.
Chase: Are you a part-Flying type?
Reed: Yes.
Chase: Are you a Wingull?
Reed: Yes! Nice one.
Chase: Thanks. [pause] Hey, Reed.
Reed: Yeah, mate?
Chase: Do you ever get the feeling you want more out of life?
Reed: All the time, man.
Chase: Really?
Reed: Yeah. You see that limited edition Rootin’ Tootin’, Rockin’ Rollin’ Regirock fig? Sold out in minutes, mate. Absolutely gutted.
Chase: I don’t mean one of your stupid dancing figurines, you berk. I mean life in general. Real life.
Reed: This is real life, mate.
Chase: I know. And you’re happy with that?
Reed: Mate - I gots my sun, my sand, my sea, and my best mate to hang out with every day. I’m pretty chuffed. [pause] Aren’t you?
Chase: Yeah, I'm pretty chuffed, I guess. [pause] I guess I just thought I’d be doing… more.
Reed: Like what? Like that book club you said you were going to start and never did?
Chase: No.
Reed: Or that D&D group. Or that competitive snorkeling class. Or that time you were gonna start brewing your own beer.
Chase: That one’s still a work in progress.
Reed: Well, see? That’s what you gotta do, then! Brew that beer, mate.
Chase: Really?
Reed: It’ll be banging. We can stop paying for pints at the Roselia and Crown and once you have a few home brews, you’ll stop complaining so much about stuff, innit?
Chase: [pause] Yeah.
Reed: Well get off your fat arse and do it then, you lazy cunt.
Chase: [pause] Alright.
Reed: Banging. See? You feel better already, right?
Chase: [pause] Yeah.
Reed: Alright, man. See? Reed’s got your back, mate. [pause] Alright, let’s go again then. I’ve got a good one this time. You’ll never guess it, mate, not in a million years. I’m not even a Water type this time.

Fennel · Feb 1, 2026

Play #16: Pacifidlog Town

(A man approaches a woman sitting on a narrow log bridge on the water. The woman is sopping wet and shivering and wrings out the water from her jacket)

Man: Careful - you have to watch your step around here! The water’s quite cold, you know.
Melanie: Thanks. [pause] I’d never have guessed.

Fennel · Feb 1, 2026

Play #17: Pokemon Herb Shop

(A shopkeeper converses with a customer holding a Revival Herb)

Zachary: So this will revive my Pokemon… but it’ll make it hate me.
Shopkeeper: I wouldn’t phrase it in those terms exactly. But yes, the taste may evoke less than positive feelings from your little Pokemon helper friend when used.
Zachary: But I could go up the road and buy a Revive from the Pokemart that does exactly the same thing and won’t brass off my Pokemon.
Shopkeeper: Well, yes.
Zachary: So why would I want to buy this, then?
Shopkeeper: Revives and Max Revives contain glaspirillium sodium ditrates. They negatively affect your Pokemon helper friend’s aura and deteriorate the cosmic bond that it shares with you, its trainer.
Zachary: [pause] I don’t think me and my Lotad have a “cosmic bond”. If we did, I think it would probably stop pissing on the rug so much despite me telling it otherwise.
Shopkeeper: Your Pokemon’s bond is fuelled by its aura. Auras are sacred, delicate constructs that need careful cultivation in order to be preserved. Ultra-processed, manufactured medicines will harm the sacred auras of your Pokemon.
Zachary: [pause] How much are you charging for this thing, anyway?
Shopkeeper: $2,800. But you get 15% off if you spend over $3,500 or if you have a valid Happy Herb Club membership card. [pause] Are you a member?
Zachary: No.
Shopkeeper: There’s a form here, if you would like to join. You also get a bonus 10% off on any of our promotional items before the next waxing phase of the moon if you join before Thursday.
Zachary: [pause] Okay, fine. [pause] I guess my Lotad can’t possibly hate me any more than it does already.
Shopkeeper: Thank you. [pause] I think the hardware shop down the road sells rug cleaner, too, though. Just in case.

Pokémon One Hundred Tiny Plays About Hoenn

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Ignis Aurum Probat

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