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Hana looked away, briefly embarrassed. She’d come to learn that as easygoing as Oliver was, the one word he didn’t tolerate in his lab was ‘impossible.’ “I just mean, Spinda without a trainer are categorically weaker pokemon. Their group structure isn’t as combat centered as other pokemon so they don’t have as much experience with battle, and they lack the natural abilities of many species. I don’t see how it can ever hope to win.”
moral of the story: love your haters and never stop grinding
---
General Comments
Strangely enough, I had... very few thoughts come to me while reading this. In the case of my negative ass, that's in large parts good news - I found nothing wrong - but I did try to think about why I felt this disconnect of some kind. One big factor was probably that I'm not particularly into trainerfic, but in order to have some constructive feedback, I tried to find some possible explanations outside personal preference.
I realized that the main conflict is rather tricky in the sense that it is very hard to find any real life parallels for (my friend/pet/trainee is upset they could not beat someone in a fight?) and thus harder to relate to. It is, though, a conflict I can very well imagine happening in the Pokémon world, so I don't think the premise is bad at all. I thought about how the gap between this conflict and the conflicts of our own lives could be bridged, and I think one way would be to put more emphasis on how low Raga feels. Since she was still into training and seemed to be just wandering outside at night to think, it seemed like her problem wasn't that acute. If there was talk of how she was no longer eating well or that she was acting more strangely, it would bring more weight to the problem and give somewhat of a sense of urgency. Or maybe if there was more of a visible effect on Hana. Or both, whatever fits best for the story told.
On a totally unrelated note, I found it interesting that wild Pokémon apparently have battles of their own, and interspecies ones at that. It makes sense for the "battling makes Pokémon stronger faster" idea many trainerfics use, and it makes it less weird that humans are doing battles with them now that we see that it's a perfectly natural thing for Pokémon to do. It does still make me wonder how it works in cases where different species must compete for resources like real animals do, but not any more than the bajillion question marks raised by things in the Pokémon canon itself.
Well, that's about it for my thoughts! I hope there was something useful in them, at least. Good luck with writing onward, and see you around!
Just read the first chapter of this fic and it was pretty short, though I have to say it was a pretty decent read. Here are my thoughts regarding it.
The mental image of a certain Ketchum crashing slapping into a window in the opening paragraph aside, I liked how that leads into the lone dragon on a hill. We quickly learn what's got Raga down in the dumps, as well as a glimmer into the relationship between her and Hana. Hana's line about how there was nothing Raga could've done to win did well foreshadowing the real reason why the dragon was upset. More on that later.
The middle section of this chapter with the battling ring pokemon was my favorite part. While I lament a bit at how little we got to see of the wild pokemon fights (it was all just mentioned in summary), one can forgive that since they weren't pivotal to the focus of the chapter. I chuckled when Hana asked how the magikarp heard the voices even though it was deaf, which is a glimpse into her more logic based mindset. The brave little Spinda was also cool, fighting and losing every battle and yet still asking for more. Godspeed, little teddy bear. Someday they shall become king of the mountain.
The final scene was pretty short so I don't have too much to say here. However, it was refreshing to see Hana come to the realization of the actual reason Raga was upset: it was because Raga felt that Hana no longer believed in her. Admittedly I'd have liked to see more of these two characters before that revelation was reached, but hey at least we're given a promise of a journey for Raga's sake and I think that's a good enough compromise.
To close things off, this was a decent chapter to start the story off. I felt that it was a bit short overall, but that's because I just wanted to see more of the dynamics before the chapter's conclusion. That being said, I'll definitely come back to this in the future.
Hi, Tetra, first-timer here. I've heard about your fics around Discord before, particularly this one since you said it had Pokemon POV in it. And this did not disappoint. This is a nice set of opening chapters that have clear conflicts, but also has a nice, gentle outlook on the Pokemon world. Well, aside from the Garchomp trainer being a huge dicksneasel.
The main thing that sticks out to me is how well the Pokemon are represented here. It hits that sweet spot of showing them as intelligent creatures who nevertheless have different values to humans, and it's nice to see them coexist with humans, even transcending the language barrier. It was especially interesting exploring Hana's lab and how these different Pokemon react to her presence/the other staff members.
Raga's POV in particular was a joy to read, capturing just how damn awesome it is to be a dragon while also being introspective when the story needs her to be. It was pretty rough to see how warped her perspective is, and how she instantly jumps to the Flygonite as the thing that will make her whole. I'm especially excited to see how her character will develop from this point and if she'll realise that she doesn't need the Flygonite to validate her existence or make her stronger.
Hana's chapter also did a good job at reinforcing these themes of innate ability vs personal strength, with Hana's slip up about the Spinda (I'm excited to see if that comes back to bite her later with Raga) and the whole fable about the Magikarp. The wild Pokemon fight club (thanks, kintsugi) was also a great way of establishing why Pokemon live for battle, and how it's a part of their society even without trainers interfering.
Though going off on a tangent, it makes me wonder how these wild Pokemon distinguish between sparring for fun/dominance and fighting to hunt down prey. How is it regulated so Pokemon aren't killed mid-battle? If it is regulated, is there a truce in the circle? Who's organising it? What do these Pokemon get up to aside from the gatherings, since the honourable nature of these fighting circles seem to imply some sort of civility?
There were a couple of things in this story that didn't work as well for me. The biggest thing that sticks out is that structurally, the two chapters seem quite redundant. They're both good when read independently, as both of them get into the heads of the protagonists quite well, but it was a bit jarring to read Hana's chapter, then go to Raga (god, I keep wanting to spell that as Ragu) which takes place at around the same time as Hana's opening segment. Together, they don't seem to convey much new information.
I feel like it could've been better structured if Raga's chapter was the opening to the story instead of Hana's, since it immediately throws people into the action and also shows the conflict rather than tells it second hand through Hana's perspective after it happened. Hana's conversation with Raga could also be condensed and shown through Raga's eyes, and there could be more room for how Raga reacts to her trainer's attempts to comfort her.
The other thing is to do with characterisation. Hana and Raga both have clear motivations and insecurities, but those motivations strike me as a bit one-note since it's centred around making Pokemon stronger/being stronger. I don't think it's a huge fault since the canon outright states that Pokemon live for battling, which is reinforced by all the Pokemon characters we see, so it's appropriate that this story is built around that. While I'm personally more into Pokemon characters that have lives and identities outside of battling, Raga's worries make sense here. But I don't get much of an idea of Hana's personality outside of her caring nature, or what her further ambitions are outside of the immediate conflict of helping chase down the Flygonite (if it even exists) or training her Pokemon.
In any case, this fic is good so far, and I'm curious to see where it goes.
Sup, Teta! Here with your blitz prize review. I've been very curious about this story; it sounds like it's been your primary focus recently, and I'm interested to see where you go with it, since it sounds like it's not going to be a straightforward journeyfic. I don't know that I'll be able to say much different than what other reviewers have told you already, but here's what I've got!
I like that you set the conflict up very clearly in these opening chapters: both Hana and Raga are focused on finding a Flygonite, but it ultimately won't fix their problem. The actual issue is that Raga feels like Hana lacks confidence in her. And Hana probably does, at least to some extent! I thought the spinda encounter was great for showing Hana's "by the numbers" thinking--some pokémon are simply weak, or at least weaker than others, and that means they aren't going to win against a "stronger" foe. Hana may love Raga, and I'm sure she doesn't believe that Raga isn't a "real" dragon... but I imagine she does believe that a flygon is weaker than a mega garchomp, and that sort of thinking would be bound to damage her relationship with Raga with time. I'm real excited to see how you end up resolving this one, on the assumption that these two are going to work things out in the end, since there's a serious communication barrier between them. They're definitely operating in different worlds.
I also enjoy a look at the post-journeying life of a trainer, which isn't something we usually see a lot of. A bunch of people just getting along and living with their pokémon; good stuff. I'm always here for some pokémon science and scientists, and although we haven't seen too much of Hana's work yet, it feels appropriately grad-studentish, heh. If Hana's going to go off in search of a flygonite, we probably aren't going to stick to watching pokémon battles from a distance, but it seems like her journey will have a different sort of feel than the typical badge quest, and I think that's going to be fun.
I'm curious why Raga's POV comes second here. To me it makes for a very natural opening--we see the actual battle between Raga and the garchomp here, whereas in Hana's POV we're seeing the aftermath. We also end Chapter One on a note of Hana and Raga's quest getting underway, with the suggestion that the search for a Flygonite is about to begin, so it's odd to me that instead of continuing with that we go into a flashback. I don't think the current chapter one is bad or makes for a poor opening on its own, but when considering both it and Chapter Two, Chapter Two coming first feels like it works better for the story's progression.
My other minor gripe is that the garchomp trainer Hana battles is perhaps a little bit too much of a dickface for me to take entirely seriously, but I can't claim that such people don't exist, unfortunately... I presume he's going to reappear later (he's certainly looming large without physically present right now), and I'm curious to see how that goes!
All in all I think these first couple chapters set up a solid premise and work well to get me invested in Hana and Raga's relationship. I'm definitely interested in seeing where the story goes from here; it's not a typical journeyfic or other genre with a fixed structure, so things feel very wide-open from here! I think I remember you saying you finished a draft of the next chapter recently, so I hope the writing's going well and you'll be able to publish more of this soon.
All because of the newly discovered bane of Raga’s existence, mega evolution. If only she could go back and decline that battle, everything could go back to normal.
These sentences read a little odd to me, I think because the "she" is ambiguous at the start of the second sentence--you mean Hana, but Raga was the last person mentioned. I think "everything would go back to normal" would also make more sense in terms of phrasing.
With a half-hearted grunt that she took to mean ‘goodnight’, the dragon flopped onto the ground and wrapped her tail around her snout.
Little pronoun confusion here, with "she" meaning "Hana" and then "her" meaning Raga. I think just using Hana's name instead of "she" would fix it right up.
A moment later the Linoone was fast asleep. Moments later, Hana joined him.
Usually you tuck something into or under another thing; "tucking" a pokéball on someone's belt sounds odd to me. "Stowing," "replacing," "hooking," or similar would all sound better to me here.
Hana took the hint, and began to scratch under Laguna’s chin.
- I didn't realize Raga was a vibrava here at first! Somehow from the first chapter I'd gotten the impression that Raga had evolved right before the battle, not during it... might just be a failure of reading comprehension on my part, heh.
Whipping her head back, she let out a long, sonorous cry, reveling in the strange feeling of her new vocal chords.
I got impatient. My April Fools chapter references some stuff from this chapter, and will be a little more enjoyed if you happened to read this first, but its also not 100% necesaary.
As for feedback on this chapter, the usual goes - I am okay with anything, as long as its constructive and has some positives to balance. It also intentionally ends on an 'abrupt' note. Experiementing with some stuff here.
Also uh. There might be one or two rough patches? I wrote some of this very late at night.
Mega Evolution can be defined as a temporary evolution achievable by certain Pokemon. It requires two components. The first, naturally, is the Mega Stone itself. Mega Stones are crystallized deposits of energy that respond to the latent aura of specific species of Pokemon.
This energy triggers a temporary evolution in the Pokemon. However, the surge of power that accompanies a Mega Evolution can cause a Pokemon to become unstable, both physically and emotionally. This is where the second component comes in - the Key Stone.
The Key Stone links a trainer and Pokemon, allowing the strength of the bond to act as a stabilizer for the Pokemon, as well as siphon off the overwhelming levels of evolutionary energy. Without it, it is believed a mega evolved Pokemon can suffer intense pain.
Hana shut the book and glanced over her shoulder where Raga peered. Her eyes burned beneath her red visors, her grip on Hana's arm tight.
"So the first thing we're going to do is get a key stone. Even if we did find a Flygonite, it wouldn't do any good unless I have a key stone. Sound good?"
Raga reached out with her claws, brushing it against the page, one half of which showed pictures of various mega stones. After a moment's silence, she gave a soft cry of acknowledgement and nodded. Key stone first.
Despite her tiredness, Hana smiled. She rubbed her eyes and stifled a yawn. "Perfect. I already did some research while you were sleeping and found out there's a place in Mossdeep City where trainers can get mega stones. I guess they have to pass some sort of test first, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle, right?" Technically, the website had mentioned the tests would be challenging and unorthodox but Hana felt pretty confident.
The very next second, Hana was forced to cover her ears as Raga gave a cry of affirmation. Well, good to know she was on board. That just left explaining everything to her boss and then making travel arrangements.
Yawning again, she started to reach for her PoryPhone when Raga seized her hand. She chittered frantically, then fluttered her wings. Her eyes practically blazed with excitement.
After a moment, her intentions dawned on Hana. She quickly shook her head. "No! Absolutely not."
Raga's expression shifted. The glow in her eyes hardened, and the tip of her tail twitched side to side. She growled.
Hana glared back. "We're not flying. It's too far. That's at least three hours. It's too long, and you only just evolved-"
A hiss, followed by a disdainful sniff. I'm faster than that. I can handle it.
"No."
Yes. Raga stamped her foot.
Hana folded her arms, and Raga mimicked the motion. The air crackled. A flash of light lit the room, and Cosmo appeared from his pokeball. He nudged Raga's leg, tilting his head and churring. What's wrong?
Raga didn't reply. Hana growled and stamped her own foot. "We're taking a boat. End of story."
XXX
"Don't tell me you're still mad..." Hana placed her hand on Raga's side. The Flygon's only response was to huff and turn away.
With a sigh, Hana turned her gaze outward again, to the sea. She leaned against the railing of the ferry, letting her thoughts drift. Here and there, she could catch a brief glimpse of Laguna as she cruised alongside the boat, skillfully weaving through the water. Cosmo scurried about on the deck, apparently enjoying the boat ride. Only Pi remained in his ball, given his propensity for seasickness.
What was she doing? Oliver had been understanding, and given her a few days off but... Would it be worth it? Mega Evolution had been discovered over a decade ago. Surely if Flygonite existed, someone would have found it by now.
Unconsciously, she twirled the end of one of her ponytails around her finger as she watched Raga. And what of Raga? What happened when their search ended in failure? Would she really be satisfied? She sighed again. By the seas, I can't wait for this to be over.
She checked her watch again and rolled her eyes. "Why does time always move slower when you're trying to get somewhere?" she grumbled aloud. Cosmo responded with a cheerful grunt and continued dashing around the deck. Well, at least he was happy.
"Do mine eyes deceive me? Hana Saito?"
The sound of a taunting voice drew Hana's attention.
"I'd ask if that was really you but those ridiculous glasses are hard to miss."
Hana tensed at the familiar voice. Clenching her jaw, she slowly turned around. Cosmo had stopped racing around the deck to stare at the newcomer, his fur bristling.
"Taro." The words came out with a hard edge. A few feet away stood another trainer, arms crossed and head cocked, looking for all the world like some smug Incineroar preening before a match.
"Who else?" Still smirking, he stuck his hand out. Withholding a sigh, Hana settled for rolling her eyes as she shook it. Even so, a half smile tugged at her lips. It had been months since she had crossed paths with her rival. Not since she'd battled him after her third gym badge.
"So how many badges you got? Please tell me it's at least five. The last time I saw you was what? Four, five months ago? You'd better have made progress since then." He winked. "Otherwise I might have to find myself a new rival."
"Six, actually," she replied, a hint of smugness slipping into her tone. Nostalgic pride filled her, and she reached for her pocket where she used to keep her badge case. Then she stopped short. Right. Ever since she'd stopped the gym circuit to intern at the lab, she'd started keeping her badge case in her bag instead. Which was back in the locker on the boat. For a moment, she swore she caught Raga giving her a judgemental look. Then it was gone.
"Sweeet." His gaze shifted to Raga, and his eyes widened. He let out a low whistle, nodding appreciatively. "Are you that same little Trapinch I met? You're pretty impressive."
Raga let out a triumphant croon and flared her wings, basking in the praise.
Taro nodded to Cosmo in acknowledgement before turning back to Hana. "Too bad about only having six badges though. You're gonna have to step up your game, I'm about to get my 7th." He said, puffing out his chest.
A pang shot through Hana, but she kept her face even. She'd been happy those past couple months at the lab. She didn't miss the training, the preparation, the wins and losses, the sting of failure. "You're challenging Tate and Liza?"
"Duh," he sneered. Despite the arrogance in his tone, his friendly smile and the light in his eyes belied his teasing. "So what about you? You must be fighting them next too, right?"
Hana fidgeted, and adjusted her rose-tinted glasses. "Actually I'm going to Mossdeep for something else."
"Pah! What could be more important than the gym? Don't tell me it's more of your nerd stuff. Let me guess, the Space Station?" He gave her a playful punch on the arm.
"Key Stone Center, actually."
She could practically see the gears turning in his head. His eyes slowly widened, his mouth opening slightly. "Wait, you're gonna try for it? Mega Evolution? You must have caught a new pokemon then! Who is it?"
Before Hana could answer, Raga stepped forward and let out a high-pitched cry.
Taro snorted, looking like he was about to laugh. When he saw the look in Raga's eyes, he stopped short. "Wait you're serious? Flygonite doesn't exist-."
Raga hissed, narrowing her eyes.
"Okay okay, jeez!" Taro grumbled, backing up as he waved his hands in a pacifying motion. Hana could still sense the bewilderment from him, but he seemingly decided to hold his tongue. "So uh... Guess you're gonna do the gym after that then, right?"
Hana glanced away, trying to put on her best thinking face as she watched the ocean slip past. A mental countdown began in her head as she tried to compose the best response. It ran out all too fast. "I actually stopped traveling."
She didn't quite meet Taro's eyes, but she could see his face change from surprise to anger, then something else. Her heart sank, and she felt a vague pang in her chest that she dismissed. He's disappointed.
"You quit?" The statement felt much more like an accusation than a question.
"No!" She immediately clenched her jaw after the curt response escaped. She could feel everyone's gaze on her. Cosmo, eyes filled with concern, Raga anticipation, and Taro annoyance. Her mind scrambled to find a way to pacify them all. "I'm trying out some new stuff. Interning at a lab, studying. But I still battle. I just haven't had time to go after badges." There. Still true. She had been busy. And she did still battle.
Raga's eyes narrowed and she cocked her head ever so slightly. That's it?
Hana braced herself, expecting an argument or a snippy comment from Taro.
His silence stretched on too long. "I see," he said finally.
Somehow, those words hurt more than any protest.
The rest of the boat ride at least passed by quicker. She managed to get her rival talking about his team, which he praised for the rest of the boat ride. And thankfully got the spotlight off her. Apparently he'd raised a full team of 6 pokemon by now - His starter, a Blaziken, followed by Houndoom, Exploud, Dodrio, Lunatone and his newest, an Altaria. He didn't stop his ramble until well after the boat had docked and they disembarked.
Hana adjusted her backpack and kept glancing towards Mossdeep as he finished his tale about Dodou chasing him all across some route until they'd both worn each other out. She couldn't help but smile to herself when she realized the story made her feel equally worn out.
"So I guess I'll see you around," Hana offered, once he'd finished his tale. She held out her hand.
The same disappointed expression from earlier returned to Taro's face. "Mhmm yeah." He waited a moment too long, then shook her hand. His grip was weak. Too weak.
"We can have a battle, too. Raga would like that I'm sure."
"Uh huh." Taro shoved his hands in his pockets. "Maybe."
The waves lapped against the dock, and Wingull squawked overhead. Hana adjusted her glasses. She forced herself to smile cheerfully. "Good luck with your gym battle."
"Yeah. Thanks." With a final wave, he walked away. Hana watched him go until he vanished into the crowd of passersby. Her gaze lingered on the spot where he vanished for a few moments, before she shook her head.
Focus. She needed to get to the Key Stone Center if she wanted to make her appointment. They apparently held three classes every other day. She'd picked the afternoon class, which left her... she glanced at her watch and frowned. 15 minutes.
Not much time, but she could still make it. The confirmation message she'd gotten after signing up mentioned someone would be at the docks to escort her. So where-?
Her eyes alighted upon a small figure some yards away, with a top hat perched on its head and a sign between two stubby forelimbs. It appeared to be a Nosepass, holding a sign that read 'Hana Saito'.
She couldn't help but laugh a little at the sight as she made her way over to it. "Are you my guide?" It let out a guttural noise like rocks knocking together. Hana nodded. "Lead the way then."
XXX
Ten minutes and a mini maze of back streets later, Hana found herself at her destination. The Nosepass had proved to be an effective and skillful guide, avoiding almost all foot traffic. Except there seemed to be one problem - they'd arrived at the wrong building.
Hana stood, hands on her hips, as she stared forward. "Are you sure this is right?" Large, cursive print on the front read: "Morelull Plant Nursery". A few ferns and various plants hung from the eaves, and frosted windows offered a blurry glimpse of colorful flowers within. Not at all like a testing center where trainers would receive rare key stones.
Nosepass eyes glimmered cheerfully and it gave a small hop, as if to say 'I am sure!'
Hana's hand drifted to her side and she ran it across her pokeballs. Maybe she should turn around and leave. She still had a couple minutes to go... She could try to ask around for the right location... Her gaze drifted back to Nosepass, who watched her placidly.
She tapped the release button on Laguna's pokeball. The Milotic emerged with a soft cry and coiled into a graceful circle as she eyed Hana curiously.
"I needed a second opinion," Hana said, answering the unasked question. And I didn't know if I could trust Raga to be objective. She kept those words to herself, however. "Turn back and look for another way to the testing center, or go in this shop? I just don't see what a plant nursery has to do with anything..."
Laguna called a brief greeting to the Nosepass, then turned her gaze upon the shop and scrutinized it. Then she turned back to Hana and dipped her head.
Hana raised an eyebrow. "Well, if you say so." Unclipping the ball, she held it out. Laguna returned herself, and she tucked the ball away before releasing Raga. "We have to go in here."
To her surprise, Raga didn't offer any argument. She simply gestured to the door.
Hana stepped up to the door of the shop and opened it slowly. The soft ring of a Chimecho filled the air. The pleasant scent of herbs and flowers greeted her, along with an array of colorful plants of all shapes.
"Hello?" Hana called. She scanned the shop. Despite how small it appeared outside, the inside felt surprisingly airy. A tall ceiling left plenty of room for different plants. Various grass-type pokemon moved about the store, tending to the plants. Bellossom kept careful globes of sunny light above some plants, while Morellul gave off a soft glow in the darker corners of the shop, watching over luminescent fungi and strange mushrooms.
A woman clothed in a soft lavender kimono emerged from the depths of the shop, smiling brightly. A name tag pinned to her chest read: Aphra. "Welcome!" she called cheerfully. Her gaze immediately shifted to Raga, who stood behind Hana, tail coiled carefully around her feet.
"Oh my! What a gorgeous, strong dragon."
Hana kept an even expression as Raga once again soaked up the praise. "Actu-" she never finished her sentence.
The woman clasped her hands together. "Please! Trade with me." She turned her gaze upon Raga. "Come with me. I can offer anything you seek. The best foods, access to the best training, whatever you want. My sister is a dragon tamer you see, and is seeking a strong young Flygon. You'd be just perfect."
Hana stared at her, unable to conceal her aghast expression. "No!" Simultaneously, Raga let out a disgusted huff.
Aphra frowned. "If it's mega evolution you seek, I can offer a magnificent Salamence, looking for a nice young trainer. Or perhaps you might like an Altaria?" She glanced at Raga again. "You'd get to battle the strongest dragons, travel the world, have all the comforts you could want."
The low growl building in Raga's throat grew louder. Hana placed a hand on her neck to calm her. "With all due respect, no. We came in here because we believed we could find the location of the Key Stone Center. But if you don't know anything about that, we're leaving."
Aphra's expression shifted, becoming suddenly serene, yet pleased. "Good. You passed the first trial."
"First... trial?" Hana shared a perplexed look with Raga.
"Precisely. From the moment you arrived, you were being tested. If the Nosepass hadn't trusted you, he would have led you in circles. Then, if you had accepted or considered trading your pokemon, or leaving your trainer, then you would have failed." She let her gaze rest upon Hana and Raga in turn.
Aphra turned towards the rear of the store. "Indigo!" she called.
Mystified, Hana watched as a Grumpig trotted out from the rear of the shop and stood next to Aphra. It gave them a friendly wave in greeting, which Hana returned.
"Indigo here will teleport you to the testing facility. Good luck."
"Wh-" Han let the question die on her tongue. Whatever she wanted to ask, didn't really matter. She'd passed, and she was closer to Raga's goal.
Hana took Raga's claw. "Well, I guess we're halfway there." She grinned a little, then took Indigo's outstretched paw. Bright light filled her vision, swirling with blues and pinks. Then the veil of shimmering cyan and magenta faded, and Hana found herself standing in an open foyer with a raised podium at one end. Marble tiles and square architecture gave the room a very sleek, refined feeling. A few other trainers stood around, gazing about with equally perplexed looks. It looked like they had been teleported in as well. She also noted the distinct lack of outer doors in the room. Only large windows, a small door to the right of the podium, and a set of double doors on the other side.
Just what was this testing center?
Before she could consider the strange room any further, a man emerged from a door behind the podium, carrying a clipboard. An Orbeetle floated behind him. He adjusted his glasses before stepping up to the podium. As he scanned the room, a smile grew across his face.
"I'm very pleased to see so many participants!" As he spoke, he handed off the clipboard to the Orbeetle, who began to write on it.
He cleared his throat. "Welcome everyone, to the Key Stone Testing Center! If you made it this far, that means you have passed the initial trials designed by our sponsor, and you are one step closer to earning a key stone. The next stage will involve a series of trials that will test the bond between you and your chosen partner pokemon. We strongly recommend you attempt them with the pokemon you seek to mega evolve."
A few murmurs swept through the crowd, and she felt more than one pair of eyes on her and Raga.
"There will be three trials in total. You must successfully pass all three to receive a key stone. If at any point you fail, you will not be allowed to continue and you will be teleported out of the facility."
At that, several shocked gasps came from the assembled trainers. Hana traded a glance with Raga, who looked utterly unperturbed. Hana quickly disguised the anxiety in her own eyes. Best not to dwell on the potential failure. Besides, how hard could it be?
"Please wait here until your name is called, then proceed through the double doors. The test will be explained to you there. And to everyone who made it this far, good job. Trust in your pokemon, and you won't need luck." With a wave, he turned and strode back the way he came, his Orbeetle following.
Just as Hana was mentally preparing for the wait, a loudspeaker crackled to life. "Hana Saito and Raga."
"Guess that's us-" Raga fluttered her wings and made a beeline for the double doors, leaving Hana scrambling to catch up.
She stepped through the doors, into a small, empty room. At the other end was a door, seemingly the only way forward. The only occupant appeared to be the Orbeetle from before.
Raga, please proceed through the door, alone. Miss Saito, please wait here until you are called.
Hana flinched in surprise at the smooth telepathic voice in her head, which she assumed was the Orbeetle. With barely a second glance, Raga hurried to the door, and stepped through. It shut behind her, leaving Hana alone in the room. She checked her watch, then tried her best to make herself comfortable. Two minutes ticked by, then Orbeetle nodded to her and beckoned with one of its claws.
You may proceed.
The door swung open telekinetically, and Hana stepped into a large room roughly the size of a gym battlefield. A room filled with Flygon. There had to be at least twenty or thirty, all clustered in the room, flying and gliding about, talking with one another. As she stepped into the room, several let out cries of greeting.
Then she heard a voice.
"Hello Miss Saito, and welcome to your first test."
She turned, and her eyes widened in surprise. Just to the side of the entrance, waiting for her, stood none other than Hoenn's former champion, Steven Stone.
"Mr. Stone!" Somewhat in awe, she held out her hand in greeting, and he shook it. She found herself surprised at the strength of his grip, and the hint of roughness to his hands. There was a quiet confidence to his posture, a surety in the way he carried himself. Brief envy rippled through her. There was someone who'd probably never had any doubts.
He smiled amicably, folding his hands behind his back. "No need to be formal. Mr. Stone is my father, just call me Steven."
Hana nodded, her surprise morphing into curiosity. "What are you doing here?" As soon as she asked, the answer seemed obvious. "Are you in charge of the testing center?"
He nodded. "That I am. The facility was my idea actually, a little project after I resigned from being champion. A better way for trainers to earn a key stone. Far too many reckless trainers would injure themselves delving into dangerous caves." He paused, clearing his throat. She swore she detected a faint hint of embarrassment.
"I myself got into my fair share of scrapes in my youth. So instead I came up with this - trials that any trainer and their partner would be able to pass, if their bond is strong enough."
He gestured to the room of Flygon, still smiling. Despite his calm demeanor, she detected an almost child-like flicker of excitement in his eyes. "Now, for your first test, you must identify which of the pokemon in this room is yours."
Hana nodded. That seemed straightforward enough. She turned to face the room full of Flygon.
"Raga?" she called. Almost every head turned to face her. She frowned. Every Flygon in the room was practically identical. Same height, same build, even the same wing sizes. They had to be Ditto. Twenty-something Ditto in a room, and only one Raga.
Her mind began to churn, running through ways to narrow it down. She could call out, or ask Raga to come forward, but then, every Flygon would just do it, too. Still thinking, she began to move through the crowd, running her hand over each Flygon's scales, looking into their eyes for any sign of a Ditto. There were none. Each Flygon's eyes glimmered with eerie similarity and eagerness, watching her, making small vocalizations as if to say 'pick me, pick me!'.
Dang. They were good. She paused in the middle of the room, once more scanning the group. Their body language was surprisingly Raga-like as well. The same tail-flick she liked to do, the way she carried herself, head held high... The Ditto must have all copied Raga. She adjusted her glasses and scanned the room again. Something wasn't right.
Slowly, she made another pass through the room. Every single Flygon was the same and yet- it was nothing she could explain. It was what Oliver liked to call a 'gut-feeling' and she called 'subconscious observation'.
Heart beating rapidly, she flexed her sweaty palms and turned back to Steven. If she was wrong... Raga would probably take a long time to forgive her. She swallowed. "I can't. Raga isn't in the room."
From behind her, several of the Flygon let out cries of protest or anger.
Steven nodded slowly. "And is that your final answer?" His face was utterly unreadable now.
Without looking back, Hana nodded. "She's not here."
A smile broke and his eyes glowed with unrestrained delight. "Correct!"
Something flashed in the corner of Hana's vision and she turned to see the room now filled with Ditto. From a door on the other side of the arena emerged Raga, looking very pleased.
"You may proceed to the next room."
xXx
"For your next test, Raga will be blindfolded. It will be your job to guide her in battle."
She had followed Steven down a long hallway to the next room, and had even found herself excited when she realized it was a battlefield. Right up until the moment he'd explained there was a catch.
Great. Hana reached out and took the blindfold from Steven's hands. Of course there was a gimmick. Steeling her nerves, she turned to face Raga. She hoped Raga wouldn't notice how forced her smile was.
"Ready?" She did her best to sound calm and confident.
Raga placed a claw on Hana's shoulder and gave a high, eager cry followed by a sharp nod of her head. I trust you.
A knot of tension faded from Hana's chest, and she carefully tied the blindfold over her eyes. She flexed her hands and took a deep breath. A smile formed on her lips, this time a genuine one. "We got this," she whispered.
Raga gave a triumphant cry of assurance, then turned awkwardly towards their opponent.
Hana sized him up. Everything about him exuded confidence. His neat black hair was streaked through with blue, and judging by his lightly tanned skin, he looked Alolan. He stood straight, one hand slipped lazily into the pocket of his slacks, the other holding a pokeball. His gaze was focused and serious, almost unnervingly so. Hana found herself wondering how many trainers he faced. And how many he defeated.
She cut a quick look to the side. Steven had moved off to the side of the battlefield, where he now stood, arms folded and expression perfectly neutral. She wondered why he was here, watching her test. If she won, she decided, she'd ask him.
"Ready?" their opponent called. He tossed a pokeball lightly in his hand, and caught it again.
"Ready!" Hana called, turning her attention back to him. She could do this. No doubt they wouldn't use anything too strong - this was a test of her and Raga's bond, not a gym fight, right?
In a smooth, practiced motion, he flung the ball forth. The light faded, revealing a Crawdaunt. It clacked its pincers together and took up a battle stance.
"Okay Raga, our opponent is a Crawdaunt." Hana's instincts took over, and her months of training and learning for the gym challenges resurfaced. She quickly evaluated their opponent.
Crawdaunt were adept fighters, especially in close quarters. Their claws could deal serious damage, but they were slow. That would be their key to success. Strike fast, strike hard, and keep their distance.
She quickly relayed her plan to Raga in a low voice.
Raga hardly finished nodding in understanding before the referee called for the match to begin.
Pushing all thoughts except ones related to the battle out of her mind, Hana called the first move.
“Earth Power!”
Raga slammed a claw into the dirt immediately, and a second later, the ground under Crawdaunt exploded, knocking it off balance.
“Now, fly straight forward and use Bug Buzz!”
Raga’s eyes flashed red beneath her blindfold, and a wave of red energy surged forth, nailing Crawdaunt in the chest. It grunted and stood, looking slightly shaken. It’s trainer seemed undaunted.
“Crabhammer, swiftly.”
The Crawdaunt moved like a blur, charging across the field towards Raga.
“Feint left!” Raga thrust with her wings, jerking first left, then right - much to the dismay of Crawdaunt, who expected the opposite. Its pincer missed Raga by inches.
“Dragon Claw! To your left!” Hana added, struggling to keep her voice level. Raga’s claw shone, and she swung to her left, but not far enough. Crawdaunt dodged backwards, firing off a swift Water Pulse at his trainer’s command, soaking her.
Raga landed and hissed irritably, shaking her body. Still, the hit hadn't been too bad, it looked. “Okay, we got this Raga.” A half baked plan rushed through her head. “Bug Buzz, sweep it across the field!”
Crawdaunt trainer frowned. “Jump to dodge it!”
Raga’s eyes blazed again, and she swept the red energy side to side across the field. It was substantially weaker this way, but that detail didn’t matter. It had already achieved what Hana hoped.
Crawdaunt weaved frantically side to side, hopping awkwardly to avoid the beam. As Raga swept it across the field a final time, Crawdaunt leaped up, and Hana saw her opening.
“Just to your right, fly forward and use Dragon Claw!”
Raga took off, wings vibrating in a blur. Crawdaunt landed and tried to fire a blast of water, but raga crashed straight through it to deliver a stinging blow to its side, knocking it down.
“Spin, and use Iron Tail!”
Raga swung her tail in a wide arc. A sharp crack echoed through the battlefield as it made contact, toppling Crawdaunt over.
“Crawdaunt is down! Dragon Claw, right side!”
Draconic energy wreathed Raga's claw and she lunged downwards before Crawdaunt could recover. She struck a direct blow to its underbelly, sending it skidding backwards, where it gave a final cry before falling limp.
The referee's piercing whistle signified the end of the match. For the first time since the fight began, Hana allowed herself to relax as she let out a long breath. Her heart was still beating rapidly, and her hands were shaking slightly. Yet she felt... exhilarated. How long had it been since she'd felt like this?
Raga pushed the blindfold off and shrieked with triumph, before flying towards Hana and grabbing her into a hug. Hana laughed, wrapping her arms around the dragon and pressing her cheek against her silky scales. How long has it been since you've seen Raga like this?
She stepped away as Steven approached.
"Congratulations! Raga clearly trusts you a lot. And she's quite talented." Steven smiled at her, and she held her head high. "That means there's just one more test. Are you two ready?"
"Yes," Hana declared. "But if you don't mind, can I ask a question?"
"Only if I can ask you one," Steven countered.
She nodded, then continued. "Why are you watching our test? You can't possibly have time to watch every trainer's test personally, so why me?"
Steven chuckled lightly. "I think my question may answer yours. Why a Flygon? I have seen many trainers and their pokemon come through my center. But I've never seen a Flygon. As far as anyone is aware, Flygonite doesn't exist."
At that, a scowl appeared on Raga's face and she slapped her tail on the ground. She gave a soft, insistent trill.
"So what made you take the test with Raga?"
Hana adjusted her glasses, suddenly feeling uncomfortable under Steven's cool gaze. "Actually, Raga really wanted to find one so I'm-" humoring her? Going along? Trying to make her feel better? "-helping her. After we get a key stone, we are going to take a trip and go exploring, see if we can find one." Perhaps he would tell her this was all ridiculous, a lost cause. If anyone would know, it would be Steven Stone, right? Maybe they could just go home now-
"A noble endeavor." Hana's heart twisted, but she made herself smile. Steven's gaze shifted to Raga briefly. "But it's not one without flaws. You might not find what you're looking for. Are you prepared for that?"
Raga hissed.
Steven simply regarded her calmly. "Well, if you pass this test, then I hope you find what you seek, young dragon." There was something in his tone that Hana picked up on. Was that a warning?
With a huff, Raga turned away and flew towards the doors to the next room, leaving them alone.
Steven watched her go, before fixing his gaze on her. Hana was suddenly filled with the unnerving sensation that he was somehow staring right through her ruse, and all her fears were laid bare. "Miss Saito."
She tipped her head. "Yes?"
"This dream you two are chasing... are you truly prepared for whatever answer you find?"
Hana nodded, maybe a little too quick. "Sure." Her voice felt uncomfortably high pitched. She cleared her throat. "We're fine. Whatever we find, we'll be fine."
"Very well. Good luck with your final trial, Miss Saito."
XXX
Hana felt a strange, almost nostalgic surge of energy as she followed Raga down the hallway to the final room. Anticipation, excitement and nervousness all blended together, making her heart race, in an almost pleasant way. It almost reminded her of her days traveling, just her and her team. They pick somewhere exciting and just start traveling, whether it was some obscure vista or an amusing tourist attraction. Nothing but the thrill of adventure.
"One test left. You ready?" she remarked, as they approached the doors to the next room.
Raga chirped enthusiastically.
The sound brought a smile to Hana's face. There was even more pep than usual to Raga too. She seemed a lot happier than yesterday. A new confidence filled Hana. They'd made it this far, she felt confident that they could handle whatever the next challenge was. Still smiling, she pushed open the door to the final room.
The sight that met her eyes was both strange, yet not unexpected. An obstacle course stretched out before her. Hurdles, tunnels, things to squeeze between and climb up, and various other objects barred her path forward. Still, all things considered, it looked fairly mundane. No absurdly high walls or moving obstacles. This didn't seem so bad.
A smile shifted and she pressed her lips together, frowning in thought. Surely it couldn't be this easy?
A moment later Steven emerged from the hallway behind her. "Welcome to your final test." He walked up next to her and gestured to the course before continuing to speak. "The test is simple. Navigate to the end of course, blindfolded. You must rely on your partner to guide you."
There it was.
Still, it felt less scary than the surprise of the previous test. "Okay," she said simply.
"Are you ready?" Steven asked, his voice reassuringly calm. "Don't worry, as long as you have each other, you'll be fine."
Hana nodded. "I'm ready."
Darkness swallowed Hana as the blindfold was wrapped around her eyes. Yet somehow, she felt eerily calm. The trial was simple, she reassured herself. Of all the things she'd had to do so far, this felt the simplest. The easiest. Just finish this and then it'd be over. They'd have a key stone, look around for a Flygonite, and then... then she could go back to her old job, back to the way things were.
Fixing the mental image of the obstacle course in her mind, she began forward.
The first part of the obstacle course passed by in a blur. With her memory of the course still strong, and an occasional comment from Raga, she found herself fairly easily navigating it. Even easier than she first assumed. The further in she moved, the more her confidence grew. Her recollection of the course was still strong, and she hardly needed Raga's help. Soon enough, she realized she had to be approaching the last part of the course. Before she knew it, she felt her boots catch on the rough floor. The final obstacle. Cross the short, wide bridge and she'd be done. A key stone would be hers.
Heart thrumming, she took a step forward.
A high shriek cut through the air and Hana paused. That was Raga. Almost immediately, she heard Raga again, this time letting out a sharp, high chirp. Jump?
No, that wasn't right.
Maybe Raga was seeing something wrong, or misunderstanding. Stretching out a toe, Hana tapped the floor ahead. There was definitely something there. She moved to take a step, but Raga called for her to stop again. Then she made the same call as before.
The message was perfectly clear. Raga wanted her to jump.
Hana walked forward.
The floor crumpled under her weight in an instant. Her stomach lurched and she pitched forward, flailing her arms. Then her face met the soft foam below. As she sunk into the foam blocks, the weight of what she'd done settled inside her chest.
Hana strode the streets of Lilycove, intent on getting back to the boat. The past two weeks were a blur - she’d been searching and asking around for any sign of Flygonite, but she’d heard nothing. She’d visited, texted, emailed and called every scientist, researcher, and professor she knew, from every region, even the ones from spin-off games.
She’d done everything possible to find it, but perhaps there was no thi ng t b foun HJHAJGkjgh!
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But Raga knew, deep down, there had to be a way. A way to accomplish her dreams. They couldn’t give up yet. Determination surged within the powerful and elegant Flygon, and she roared to the skies.
Hana gasped in awe, utterly amazed by the incredible cry and the sheer tenacity her amazing dragon displayed. “Raga... I had no idea you felt this way. You’re right, we can’t give up so easily! We have to keep going, keep fighting, do whatever it takes!!!” She pumped her fist in the air, and was filled with determination.
Eyes shining, Raga held out a claw and gave Hana a high-five, before setting her sights on the horizon.
It was then she spied something from the corner of her splendid eyes. A figure, draped in a dark cloak and hood, hidden in the shadows of an alley. Invisible to all but her keen eyes. As if knowing Raga was watching, the figure held out one gnarled hand, beckoning.
Curious, Raga approached, Hana trailing behind.
“Young dragon... I sense within you immense power and unbridled potential. You possess such determination and an unwavering spirit.”
It was true, Raga reflected. She was very strong too.
“Also you are very elegant and beautiful. One such as yourself can accomplish anything.”
Raga nodded. “Can I mega evolve? Does Flygonite exist?”
The man chuckled mysteriously.
“That is a question you must answer yourself. But I can guide you.” The old man withdrew a strange map, one that looked ready to crumble.
“Hey, that map isn’t canon!” Hana protested. “There’s an island there that doesn’t exist!”
“Yo what do you even know?” the old man retorted. “Do you know everything? Just because people don’t talk about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist you know.”
Hana fell silent.
The man, satisfied that he’d reminded Hana of this, continued. “You must seek this ancient island... Mega Island. There... perhaps you may find what you seek.”
“How do we get there?” Hana aksed.
“Do you not desire to ride upon the back of your glorious dragon to reach it?” The man asked.
“No, I’m just boringggg “ replied Hnna. BorinGly
“I’m boring and I like taking BOATS.” HANA SAID.
“VERy well, if you wish not to experience the joy of riding on the back of Flygon, there is a mysterious shop that will take you there.” Reaching into his cloak, the man took out two rainbow printed tickets. “Show this to the Boat Driver down at the docks. He’ll take you there.”
“Thank you,” Raga said.
And so Raga led Hana down to the docks where they found the Boat Driver, and showed him the tickets. “I can take you ma’am, but really its so much more FUN TO FLY ON THE BACK OF THE FINE FLYGON YOU HAVE THERE.”
Hana shook her head very boringly. “No thank you, standing on a ship for three hours sounds more interesting.”
“Have it your way,” Boat Driver said, shrugging.
They boarded his bland ship and rode it for a while. Finally, they arrived on the shores of a mysterious island, so far from the coast of Hoenn it was invisible. It was dark and ominous, but almost tantalizingly so, and had a volcano. It was very cool.
Raga disbarked the boat, and led Hana onto the island. Now what? She scanned the island, but her keen senses didn’t pick up anything. All she could detect was the presence of various wild pokemon.
“Where do you think we should go now, Raga?” Hana asked.
Raga frowned in thought.
“We have to explore the island.”
“Good idea! Exploring is a great idea. I really miss doing that. Let’s go!”
And so the two adventurers set off on a quest, journey all across and through the island, battling wild pokemon together, growing strong, and seeing places perhaps no human had seen. And then one day, they came across a mysterious cave. Energy radiated from its depths, and powerful wild pokemon guarded it.
Together, they fought their way through until they reached the very bottom of the depths. And there, Raga saw something amazinnnnNNNNNNN
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There, at the bottom of the cave, waited a trainer, and beside the trainer stood an aged Flygon. The trainer looked like she was old, her hair graying and face wrinkled. Yet there was a deep wisdom to her eyes. Her Flygon’s tail swished rhythmically side to side as it evaluated the new arrivals.
Hana felt strangely compelled to bow in greeting.
“Ah, young trainer and Flygon. Why have you come to this place?”
Raising her head, Hana peered at the old woman. “Please, your honor. My name is Hana, and this is my Flygon, Raga. We have come to this island seeking the truth. For many days now we have been trying to find out if Flygonite exists. A strange old man told us to come here to find the truth. Do you know? Can Flygon mega evolve?”
The old woman chuckled lightly, and shared a knowing smile with her Flygon. She approached, walking slowly. “Young child... the truth you seek is a simple one. So long you have sought the answers in the world around you. But the power you and Raga seek is not out there.” She gestured to the cave around her.
“It’s in here,” With a gentle hand, she placed it on Raga’s heart, and her Flygon did the same. “You don’t need mega evolution, you’re already fine.”
Hana nodded in understanding. Raga did too. A grin spread across Hana’s face, and she felt at peace.
“She’s right,” Raga said slowly. “I thought I needed mega evolution to be strong, but I’m already strong. What I am now is just fine.”
“Yes.” Hana looked to the old Flygon and the woman. Pride shone in their eyes. “Thank you. You’ve taught me something amazing today. I can don’t need to keep chasing these things.”
Then she turned back to Raga, who looked at ease. “You see Raga? What you were looking for... We never needed any of that, it wasn’t important.”
Raga nodded. “I only wish I’d understood sooner... power and strength aren’t what matters. Thank you for telling me.” Then she turned to Hana. “Want to go home now?”
Hana nodded, and bid a farewell to the the old women and the Flygon. Raga did the same.
Before Raga turned to leave, the woman brushed her hand across Raga’s chest. “Always remember. The power is in hereee
.
“Oh hell no.” Raga slapped the woman's hand aside. “I didn’t come all this way to give up!”
She glanced between the two. Understanding dawned on her immediately. “This is a test.”
The old woman’s eyes glimmered, almost a little mischievously, yet with veiled delight and pride. The old Flygon nodded sagely. “You are correct,” they said, speaking almost in sync. “A brilliant deduction.”
Slowly, old women reached up, brushing a hand through her graying hair. “The truth is, mega Flygonite does exist. But it is rare, and one of the strongest and best mega evolutions known to human and pokemon kind. Only the Flygon possessing the strongest wills and greatest determination can wield it.”
The old Flygon stepped forward, flicking his tail. “Are you ready?”
Raga turned to meet Hana’s eyes, and saw a matching grin.
Hana squeezed her hands into fists. “I’m always ready! Let’s do it!”
“Very good.” The two old ones said.
The old woman brushed aside a lock of her hair, revealing a pin set with a shining stone. Raga gaze landed on the old Flygon’s tail, spotting for the first time the gem set in a special strap near the end.
“In order to mega evolve, you must unearth your own mega stone, and then pass the trial.”
The old Flygon stepped back. “But first, defeat us in battle, and we will show you the path forward.”
“Let’s DO this!” Hana cheered.
Raga sprang forward and roared a challenge. The old Flygon roared in return, then charged.
A great and awesome battle ensued. The old Flygon was strong, smart, and tough. But Hana never gave up, and together, they managed to land just enough powerful blows to take it down.
They cheered together as they defeated the enemy, and the two old ones nodded in approval. “Very well, you have proven your skill. We shall reveal the path.”
At these words, the magnificent and wise old Flygon opened its jaws and let out a stream of dragon fire at the back wall of the cave. When the fire faded, a secret hidden passage was rveealed.
“So awesome,” Hana said eagerly.
Raga shrieked happily, and then together with Hana, started down the tunnel.
It seemed to wind on forever, but Raga didn’t mind. With Hana by her side she could handle anything. In no time at all, they found themselves in a small chamber, with only a single object in it. A large stone, almost as tall as Raga, and flecked through with rainbow specks. On the floor lay a set of mining tools.
Immediately, Raga understood, her intuition giving her wisdom. The Flygonite was buried within the stone, and they would have to unearth it. With their combined efforts however, and Raga’s strong claws, they carved through the rock, until finally all that remained was a single sphere-like geode.
“This is it,” Hana whispered reverently. “The Flygonite must be inside this.” She held out the geode to Raga and smiled. “Go ahead, crack it. You earned this. You never gave up.”
Heart racing, Raga channeled energy into her claw, then with a single powerful strike, slashed it open. And there, at the center, shining with rainbow brillianc W S NotaFlygon tie that wasn’trealbecause
A Flygonite. The gem shone vivid green, swirled through with red and orange. It absolutely pulsed with energy, filling Raga herself with newfound strength, even just by touching it.
“You did it!” Hana shouted. “We really did it!”
Raga gave a primal roar of delight. Finally, Flygonite was hers! All her hard work and determination and amazing skills had really paid off.
“Now there’s one thing left to do.” Hana grinned, almost a little devious. “How about we get some retribution!”
Xxxxxxxxxx
“Back for more, huh?” the Garchomp trainer sneered. His Garchomp sneered too.
Hana stood across from him, Raga with her, facing it down. Excitement and determination filled Raga to her core.
“Let’s get this over with quick,” the Garchomp trainer said obnoxiously. His ugly face twisted into a grin and he threw out a hand. “Garchomp, Mega evolve.”
The familiar light of evolution shone, just like it had before. Raga remained unafraid. She was ready this time.
Soon, mega Garchomp stood across from her, looking as dumb as the first time she’d seen it.
“Now it’s our turn!” Hana shoved her hand skyward, the key stone on her wrist blazing in the sunlight. Energy rippled outward. Rainbow tendrils began to snake from it, wrapping around Raga, responding to the mega stone on Raga’s tail. Her whole body began to blaze with light as Hana began to speak.
“Feel the power of our determination realized, oh great dragon arise from your slumber to slay your foes! Behold our ceaseless willpower! Keystone, respond to my hearts desire. Raga, Mega Evolve!”
The light an energy crescendoed, until Raga’s regular body couldn’t contain it any more. She felt herself changing. Shifting. Growing larger and large, developing armor for battle and wings to power her. A new visor, stronger jaws, a body that could deal out powerful hits. The evolution light peaked, then exploded outwards, revealing Raga’s new form.
The roar she unleashed shook the earth and struck the fear of Arceus into Garchomp. She saw him tremble at the sight of her, completely shocked and stunned and surprised. Totally off guard at the towering majesty of her new form. She now stood over a full foot taller than his puny self.
“Attack!” Hana cried.
Raga needed now prompting. With her strong new body she launched herself across the field in the blink of an eye, missile drop kicking Garchomp right in the jaw before slamming its face into the dirt. It didn’t rise again. One blow had felled it, so strong now was Raga.
“OH MY GOSH YOUR FLYGON IS SO AWESOME” the trainer shouted. “Flygon are way cooler than Garchomp.”
“Yeah, I guess I’m overrated,” Garchomp muttered, still lying on the ground. “You’re way more awesome than me. And stronger.”
Raga smirked, then high-fived Hana before roaring to the skies once agai
“Give me my laptop back!” Hana yelped. She yanked the laptop away from Raga for what had to be the fourth or fifth time that evening. Frowning, she skimmed the words Raga had added this time, before looking up and shooting the dragon a grouchy glare.
“You know, when Oliver suggested I write my thoughts down in the form of a story, I don’t think he meant you writing your stuff in my story.”
Raga stared evenly back at Hana, then crossed her arms and hmphed.
Hana sat back, rolling her eyes. “It’s not even realistic! There’s no such thing as mega island, first of all. And it doesn’t make sense. Why would a random old man in a cloak appear just to tell us about some mega island? It’s contrived.”
Flicking her tail in protest, Raga but on her best offended face.
Hana could practically hear her saying ‘At least it was cool.’ She shook her head, half smiling to herself. She supposed the exercise Oliver had suggested had been fun. Even if Raga had almost immediately hijacked it. She couldn’t help but smile just a little as she reread parts of it. Her smiled slowly shifted to a playful scowl as she kept reading, however.
“And for the record, I’m not boring!”
In case you haven't guessed, this is a meta fic wherein Hana and Raga sort of 'cowrite' a fanfic.
Oliver, her friend and boss from her lab, suggested she write her thoughts as a story. So one night she sat down to do so, only for Raga to interrupt and take over with her idea how the story should go.
The last bit at the end of course, takes place in the 'real world'.
Feel free to guess which bits belong to which of them!
I should also note that as jokey as this is, I have my element of seriousness - there's some tasty psychoanalytical analysis to do with how each character writes their part.
Cute chapter, really highlights Hana and Raga's bond, further establishes that even though Hana is only playing along with Raga, there is a shred of hope in her that they will be able to find what Raga is looking for. What I liked in the previous chapters (Hana communicating with her Pokemon, the Pokemon using a lot of body language to get their point across) is expanded upon further here, and Hana's interactions with her team were gold. I loved the Nosepass scene, and I'm sure another user on this site will appreciate its inclusion in your fic (which also makes me wonder if Nosepass are commonly used as tour guides in this world).
One thing I want to critique is some of the interactions from the side characters. So far in this fic, from the Garchomp trainer to the rival in this chapter, they've come across as a bit one-dimensional. The way Taro talks about getting more badges (aside from it coming across as a pissing contest) kind of makes him feel like an NPC from the Pokemon games. Of course, training is a huge thing in this world since it revolves a lot around the pursuit, but I want to see more of the side characters outside of training being their only identity. It does establish something important about Hana's goals and her hiatus from her trainer journey, so it was still a worthwhile scene.
I also wish the blindfolded sections lingered more on the sensory stuff, like what Hana and Raga would be hearing and the tactile sensations they'd probably be focusing on. Raga's battle against the Crawdaunt in particular didn't feel as tense as I would've liked as Raga's blindfolds didn't seem to make much difference to her strategies. Even with Hana's instructions, it would've added more conflit to the scene if it showed more of Raga listening out for the enemy's movements to dodge or attack.
And so Raga led Hana down to the docks where they found the Boat Driver, and showed him the tickets. “I can take you ma’am, but really its so much more FUN TO FLY ON THE BACK OF THE FINE FLYGON YOU HAVE THERE.”
I don't think Raga will ever let Hana live it down. I can just imagine her going 'YES, HANA, YOU LITTLE SHIT, LISTEN TO THE BOAT DRIVER'.
---
You know, I was just thinking that this chapter comes across as if a Pokemon wrote it, then when the reveal came at the end, I was like 'HELL YEAH! CALLED IT!'. That was a satisfying end that not only put a good spin on the whole April Fool's joke nature of the chapter, but it also makes Raga feel even more endearing, even though it's non-canon. Or maybe them writing the story is canon in-universe, I don't know.
I also might be reading too deeply into it, but if this joke chapter's ending indicates that this is all a story that Hana and Raga wrote. it makes me wonder if Raga has the capacity to write in the real story, though that's just wishful thinking (though if that Orbeetle in chapter 3 could write...). In any case, aside from all the tangents, Raga has potential. Maybe if this Flygonite thing doesn't work out, she'll take up fanfic writing as a hobby and make a self-insert trainerfic that gets 1000+ faves on fanfiction.net.
hi tetra i am here for my end of our review exchange! sorry it took me a bit to get around to it.
i liked this chapter, for sure my favorite of the set so far. the first chapters introduced the characters, their perspectives, and the overall goal of the fic, and here we feel like we're taking our first steps toward resolving that goal.
to me trial-based structures like this tend to be quite hit or miss. my issues with these sorts of structures are essentially these:
they tend to be very contrived and game-y feeling. this stuff doesn't really happen in real life.
they're often cop-outs for presenting actual obstacles between the character and their goals, and often don't provide any meaningful insight into the character.
usually you know going in that the character is going to succeed, because the plot requires that they do, so there's not much tension to the trials.
i think what you've done here is mostly a hit, and you side-step each of these points to varying degrees.
for the first, i actually really like the general conceit of the trial here. i can't comment on the anime, but in the games it's somewhat unclear how ordinary people acquire keystones, since the protagonist comes by theirs through exceptional protagonist-y circumstances. i like the idea that they're naturally occurring stones and that adventurous trainers might embark on dangerous expeditions to find their own. it also makes perfect sense that ronk lover supreme, multibazillionaire, and known mega evolution user steven stone would have an interest in making them more accessible. the trial format also makes sense as the manner of testing applicants here—you need a solid bond or else the process is dangerous, and there's really not a better way to test something like a bond other than qualitatively observed trials. overall i found the worldbuilding here satisfyingly justified and well-considered.
as for the second point: i feel like these trials do a decent job at exploring some of the conflicts in the story so far, in particular the strained relationship between raga and hana, as well as their different reasons for engaging in the plot—raga genuinely motivated to find flygonite, hana somewhat selfishly (imo) trying to placate her moody pokémon and fully anticipating disappointment. i liked the first trial especially because it really demonstrated their deep bond in a way that would have been pretty deeply unintuitive to guess at random, and it was pretty short and sweet. i was less engaged by the second trial because, while in concept it seems like a solid test of their bonds, in practice i wasn't really expecting them to lose and the battle itself mostly played out exactly as an ordinary one would have except hana's commands were slightly different—the handicap of the blindfold wasn't really felt to me, and as a consequence it didn't feel like the strong test of their bonds that i think it was meant to.
finally, the third point: less to say here, but i think you did a good job subverting this and i think the chapter's ending point was great. i spent most of the chapter pretty firmly convinced that they were going to breeze through this, and it seemed like i was going to be right UNTIL the last moment—and this trial is the one that, i feel, most directly stabs at the major conflict between the two characters. their bond as individuals is there, they have lots of battle experience together. and raga is more than capable of listening to hana. but when it comes time for hana to really hear raga? plonk.
onto other topics: i feel like i'm getting a stronger sense of hana's character here, but one thing did leave me a bit confused: i don't really understand why she's researching instead of continuing her journey and battling. maybe i'm not remembering something from the earlier chapters, but based on her thoughts in this one, she seems pretty wistful for her battling days, and it seems that raga is not exactly thriving in this environment either. she seems ashamed to admit she's taking a break and not totally able to justify it to taro. so i'm wondering... why is this her situation? in the previous chapter, it seemed like she was enjoying her research, but here i get the impression that really everyone would be better off if she just resumed her gym challenges.
altogether, though, this is a nice expansion of the previously-introduced character conflicts and a substantial step forward in the plot, all pretty well tied-in and cohesive! i'm impressed. and again, the ending is really punchy and a great cliffhanger without feeling frustrated, i'm bout it. i am genuinely not sure what to expect from the next chapter—looking forward to finding out!
i feel like i remember you oscillating in chat on whether "key stone" should be capitalized. i think it makes sense for it not to be, but i would consider keeping it lowercase in the book's text as well—you could argue that the writer capitalized it extraneously but i think it's simplest just to stay consistent.
And what of Raga? What happened when their search ended in failure? Would she really be satisfied? She sighed again. By the seas, I can't wait for this to be over.
She turned, and her eyes widened in surprise. Just to the side of the entrance, waiting for her, stood none other than Hoenn's former champion, Steven Stone.
"For your next test, Raga will be blindfolded. It will be your job to guide her in battle."
She had followed Steven down a long hallway to the next room, and had even found herself excited when she realized it was a battlefield. Right up until the moment he'd explained there was a catch.
Great. Hana reached out and took the blindfold from Steven's hands. Of course there was a gimmick. Steeling her nerves, she turned to face Raga. She hoped Raga wouldn't notice how forced her smile was.
i feel like this might flow better if the scene opened with hana seeing the battlefield and getting excited before being let down by steven rather than starting with the let-down and then describing her excitement after the fact.
i found this kind of surprising—when i read "tanned" i just think of someone who's spent a lot of time in the sun (rather than a naturally darker skin tone) and i don't think that's exclusive to alola at all. might track a bit better like: His skin was a rich tan, and streaks of blue accented his neat black hair. Judging by his facial features, he seemed to be Alolan. or something like that?
Hana nodded, maybe a little too quick. "Sure." Her voice felt uncomfortably high pitched. She cleared her throat. "We're fine. Whatever we find, we'll be fine."
the present tense here felt a little odd. maybe: She missed those days when they had just picked somewhere exciting and started traveling without thinking twice, whether it was some obscure vista or an amusing tourist attraction.
Until now, Hana had never appreciated plain, regular wind. But after her three-day long excursion through the desert, and feeling nothing but the sting of sand against every uncovered speck of her body, it felt blissful.
She basked in it as her two pokemon, Cosmo and Pi, chased each other around her feet. Pi in particular seemed delighted to be able to run around without falling into some sand pit or having to watch Cosmo fight every battle against a ground-type looking for a battle. In retrospect, a Plusle and a Zigzagoon weren’t the best picks for desert travel.
Now all that lay ahead were the rolling grasslands of Route 111, and just beyond that, Mauville City. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready for a nice bed for a few days.”
Pi paused their little game to dash over to her leg and tug at her boots, letting out high pitched squeaks as he bounced from paw to paw.
She leaned down to pat his head reassuringly. “And yes, you can have the next battle. I think Marill like to hang around here...” She returned her two pokemon to their respective pokeballs, so they could rest.
The next few hours passed by in peace, not having to worry about any of the usual perils she’d been keeping an eye out for the past few days. Which was why, as she picked her way through a stretch of nearly knee high grass, her eyes were trained on the sky and not the ground.
Her knee collided with something hard. She yelped and pitched forward, crashing into the ground and getting a mouthful of grass. With a grunt, she rolled away from whatever she’d tripped on and pushed herself onto her hands and knees. “What the-”
A single large, beady black eye peered at her from a sphere of orange.
She blinked and rubbed her eyes.
The thing opened and shut its mouth, showing its displeasure. Hana simply continued to stare at it dumbly. What on earth was a Trapinch doing all the way out here? They were almost a full day's walk from the desert.
With a final displeased rumble, the Trapinch turned away from her and started to plod south, a strange dutifulness in its step.
Curiosity seized Hana. She stood up properly, checked to make sure she had her two pokeballs, then pulled her notebook from her pocket. “You know, the desert is back that way.” The Trapinch made no indication it heard her comment. She frowned and scribbled a quick note of their location in her book.
The Trapinch gave no indication it had even heard her. It simply pressed onwards, slowly parting the grass as it walked. Clearly it was going somewhere. A new nest? Food? But nothing to the south would appeal to a Trapinch.
She frowned and peered closer. There was a slight heaviness to its steps, and a few scuffs on its scaled hide. More possibilities swarmed through her mind. Had it been chased out of the desert? Injured? Sick? For the next several minutes, she watched from afar as it left the patch of grass and started to make its way further south. As far as she could tell it didn’t seem badly injured or sick, just tired.
A jet of water smashed into the Trapinch’s side, sending it tumbling several feet. Hana whipped around to see a Marill crouched near a pond, eyes blazing. The Trapinch scrambled to its feet, somewhat ungainly, and whirled to face the Marill. It snapped its jaws together threateningly, and took a step towards the water-type.
Uh oh. Hana crouched a safe distance away to watch.
With a loud cry Marill shot another stream of water. The Trapinch tried to shift out of the way, but only succeeded in making it halfway before the attack glanced off its hide, causing it to stagger. Almost without hesitation, Marill followed it up by charging the Trapinch, its body glowing faintly with energy.
The slam attack connected with a sickening thud, causing the Trapinch to cry out. Its eyes flashed and in a blur of movement, snapped its jaws shut, catching the Marill before it could retreat. It squealed in distress, but the Trapinch’s vice-like jaws remained unmoving. Hana felt a slight smile tug at her lips at its valiant attack. Perhaps the determined Trapinch was out here to train?
Her elation quickly turned to dread at the sight of a second Marill emerging from the pond. Water began to swirl around its tail, then with a powerful leap, it lunged forward and brought the Aqua Tail crashing down on the Trapinch. The impact left a small crater and dislodged the other Marill from Trapinch’s jaws.
But to Hana’s dismay, none of the Pokemon seemed content to leave the battle. Trapinch’s eyes blazed with fury despite its battered body, while the two Marill looked ready for another fight. The Trapinch was in no condition to keep going like that.
Hana’s hand was already on Pi’s pokeball as she rose to her feet. “Electro Ball!” she shouted, tossing the pokeball forth.
The flash of light from the ball briefly drew the two Marill’s attention, as she hoped. It hadn’t even faded before a sphere of electricity shot across the field and struck both Marill simultaneously. Pi stood, cheeks still sparking, a smirk on his face. The Trapinch let out an annoyed rumble, regarding the new arrival with visible suspicion.
“Let me help!” Hana called.
There was no more time to argue further. The Marill had recovered and turned their sights on their new foes. One of them sprang forwards with another Slam attack, aiming right for Trapinch’s head. The other shot a powerful stream of water towards Pi.
Hana acted quickly, directing Pi to dodge and attack with two more well-placed Electro Balls. A shower of sparks exploded as the attacks connected, sending the Marill rolling back several feet. Almost as soon as it began, the battle had ended, and the two Marill slunk away, their defeat accepted.
Trapinch gave a curt nod to Pi, then turned and started trekking south once again. It hadn’t made it more than a few steps before it stumbled, then caught itself and kept going.
“Wait!” Hana called.
She jogged over to the Trapinch, who watched her impassively. “Let me at least help you.” Unslinging her backpack, she took out a few of the Oran berries she’d kept aside for her team. She’d be in Mauville soon anyway, she could spare some. She held out the berries, and gave the Trapinch her best reassuring smile.
After what felt like an eternity, it reached forward and gently scooped them into its mouth. Relief flowed through Hana and she sat back and watched as the healing effects kicked in. “Isn’t that better?”
A tentative nod was given in response, which made Hana smile further. Something about the Trapinch’s attitude was amusing and admirable. Looking closer, she could also tell this one was female, based on its jaw structure. “Where are you going?”
The Trapinch jerked her head to the south and made a series of chittering noises. Then she nodded back towards the pond.
“Hm...” Hana drummed her fingers against her leg. “You want to go to the south to find... water?”
She nodded vigorously, and stamped her foot.
“A specific place? Like a lake?”
She nodded again.
Hana couldn’t imagine what a Trapinch would want at a lake of all places, but she had already come so far. Except... the next closest lake to the south was past Mauville and on the route to Verdanturf. Tons of wild pokemon, and hills and other terrain that would be difficult for a Trapinch to cover. And if she ran into more water-types...
“Let me help you.” Hana declared. “If we work together, you can get to your lake much faster. And I can help you navigate the city.” She crossed her fingers. Her curious spirit yearned to know what this strange little Trapinch was after, and it was a good excuse to keep traveling a while longer.
The question hung in the air as the Trapinch evaluated Hana, her beady eyes narrowed. Finally, she gave a tiny nod.
“Yeah!” Hana pumped her fist and jumped up. “Let’s go!”
Reaching Mauville ended up taking twice as long Hana expected, and the sun had long since set by the time she entered city limits. Still, she didn’t mind. A fair few wild pokemon had challenged them on the hike, and Pi seemed more than happy with the training, and Trapinch seemed to appreciate the assistance (even if she acted like she was tough enough).
By the time she found herself among the first small buildings of Mauville, night had fallen. The city looked a lot different from when she’d first visited with her parents, some years back. From what they said, Mauville started out as a small crossroads city. Throughout the years, it expanded into a sprawling indoor complex that eventually expanded to include several suburbs and other businesses around the outskirts. Navigating as a human felt daunting enough, she couldn’t imagine how it might look to Trapinch.
“You good?” she asked.
Trapinch nodded, her eyes narrowed with determination. Despite the long walk, she had declined Hana’s offer to carry her every time.
“Alright, time to find somewhere to stay for the night, and then keep going in the morning,” she mused out loud.
“Excuse me, miss?”
Hana turned to see a young woman, dressed in casual clothing and resting a hand lightly on her hip. The light from the streetlamps reflected in her glossy brown hair and she flashed a friendly smile. “You’re looking for somewhere to stay, right?”
Hana nodded slowly. She hoped this wasn’t some weird trainer or someone asking her for directions.
“Great!” She stuck out her hand. After a moment, Hana shook it. “Name’s Irene! I sometimes give tours through the city in my spare time. I was about to head in for the night, but I can show you to a nice place for the night if you want. And I’ll give a discount, since it's late anyway. How does... 250poke sound?”
A small knot of tension left Hana’s shoulders. “Oh awesome, that sounds great! Thank you.” The idea of wandering through outer Mauville’s winding streets for half an hour trying to find a good spot didn’t sound appealing. She could already feel the burn in her legs from walking so long. Besides, she could spare 250p. That was barely more than a couple pokeballs, she supposed.
Trapinch butted a head against her ankle. She glanced at her, then knelt down. “Don’t worry, I promise we’ll get right back out there nice and early in the morning. But we both need rest.”
She gave Hana a long stare and rumbled in displeasure.
Hana offered her most confident smile. “Don’t worry, it’s fine! Trust me, Irene is going to help us.”
Trapinch huffed, then gave a reluctant nod.
“Alrighty then, come on, follow me!” With another smile, Irene spun around and began to stride confidently down one of the many streets.
Hana quickly scrambled after her, glancing back briefly to see if Trapinch was still following her, before once more setting her gaze on Irene’s back so she didn’t lose sight of her. Within minutes, Hana found herself surrounded by unfamiliar buildings and winding stone streets. None of it felt very familiar or looked like any kind of hotel, just houses. Perhaps when she got further in?
Just as she was contemplating asking Irene how much further, her tour guide spoke up.
“Is that your Trapinch by the way?” she asked casually.
“Oh no, I’m just...” she glanced at Trapinch, trotting along behind her. “Traveling with her I guess. That’s all.”
“Aww, that’s sweet.” Irene’s hand dropped to her waist, where a single pokeball hung. With a flick of her wrist, a flash of light lit up the dark streets, and a Roserade emerged. “This is my partner!” she said cheerfully. The Roserade dipped her head and trotted after Irene, who hadn’t slowed down at all.
Hana’s attention, however, was only on how bright the flash of the pokeball appeared in contrast to the streets, which felt even darker than before. Kyogre’s rings, she couldn’t wait to get to wherever this hotel was...
They’d been walking for another couple minutes when she noticed a strange, sweet aroma in the air. Floral, yet it almost reminded her of fresh bread or warm pastries. From the Roserade, maybe? A clicking noise drew Hana from her thoughts and she glanced over her shoulder to see Trapinch had stopped some feet behind her.
“Hey.”
Hana spun back around and almost jumped back when she saw Irene suddenly standing uncomfortably close. Her Roserade stood next to her, eyes glinting dimly.
“Look, I hate to be this way. You seem sweet. But if you want me to take you the rest of the way it’s gonna cost extra. Consider it a late fee. Or a fee for the passenger. Whatever you want. But hand over 5000p and I’ll show you right to the hotel. Otherwise...” She smiled again, but this one didn’t reach her cold eyes.
Hana blinked and cocked her head. “Excuse me?” Her heart began to thrum in her ears. Was Irene robbing her?
Irene tipped her head to the side, almost as if mocking her. “You heard me. Pay up, or you’ll find yourself in quite a bit of trouble.”
Cold chills rippled down Hana back and she tensed. With some effort, she swallowed and forced a word out. “No.” Maybe she could go for her pokemon, fight her way away...
Irene frowned and sighed. “Ah, one of those.” She smiled pityingly. Her Roserade, however, wore a sinister grin. Irene swept her arm forth. “All yours, Hemlock.”
With a blindingly fast flourish, it spun, flinging out hundreds of purple spikes all across the ground around Hana. Even in the dim light, Hana could see she was completely surrounded by the toxic thorns.
“Well? Maybe if you pay up, I might consider getting rid of those spikes. I’m sure a smart trainer like yourself knows how deadly they can be.”
Squeezing her hands into fists, Hana did her best to hide her trembling arms. Anger welled in her chest and her mind raced. She couldn’t send out Pi or Cosmo, they would just be horribly poisoned. And she couldn’t move either.
Irene’s scowl deepened. She stepped closer to Hana. “Pay up, before I ask Hemlock to do it the hard way.”
Hana stiffened, tensing more. If she stepped back she’d end up straight in the midst of the spikes — Irene’s hand suddenly flew out and seized Hana by the jacket. At the same moment, vines slithered out from Roserade’s bouquets, and curled threateningly around Hana’s wrists.
Taking a trembling breath, she forced herself to stay still. There had to be some better way out —
When Irene spoke again, her voice rang cold. “Last. Chance.” Her grip tightened, and Hemlock’s vines dug into Hana’s wrists.
A throaty roar shook the air and Hana turned her head to see Trapinch charging straight through the midst of the toxic thorns, jaws open wide. Her black eyes flashed and she lunged awkwardly forward, brushing past the Roserade, and sinking her jaws into Irene’s leg.
Irene screamed and released her grip. Roserade cried out, withdrawing her vines from Hana, before desperately trying to pull Trapinch off Irene. After a few yanks, they tumbled apart, and Irene clutched her leg, face twisted into an ugly grimace. Hana cringed. Trapinch hadn’t used anywhere near her full strength, but Irene looked hurt nonetheless. Even so, Hana couldn’t help but feel relieved. Trapinch had saved her. She wasn’t sure what Irene might have done if Trapinch hadn’t intervened when she did.
Irene glared at her, then awkwardly rose to her feet, supported by her Roserade. She shot Trapinch a nasty glare, who clacked threateningly in return. “Fine. Hemlock, Flash!”
Hana paled. The Roserade let out a furious cry as it pressed its hands together. Hana’s hand shot up. But she was a moment too slow. Searing whiteness filled her vision and she cried out. She distantly heard Trapinch rumble in distress, and the sound of footsteps, heading away from them.
Spots continued dancing across Hana’s vision. Several more seconds passed before the last flickers of light faded and she could see properly. Irene was nowhere to be seen. Trapinch, however, lay curled on the ground, trembling. A sickly purple colored her scales and she made weak grunts every few moments.
“Oh no no no.”
Still shaking, Hana dropped to her knees next to Trapinch. From here Hana could see several of the spikes dug into her feet and belly. Too many. And nothing in her bag would be strong enough to help now. Gritting her teeth, Hana stood again.Think, think.
She needed to get Trapinch to a Pokemon Center immediately. But she was lost, in an unfamiliar city, with no clue where to head and no time to debate either. As she scanned her surroundings again, it struck her.
Her hand flew to her side and she flung Pi’s pokeball out, away from the spikes. Pi emerged, ears twitching, then started to take a step towards her.
“No! Stay there,” Hana snapped. Pi froze, then noticed the spikes, his eyes widening. “Pi, I need you to try and sense electricity in the air. If we’re close to a pokemon center, it’ll be the only place using a bunch of electricity at this hour. Understand?”
Pi’s face turned grim, and he nodded. As he closed his eyes to focus, Hana stooped down and carefully maneuvered the trembling Trapinch into her arms. “Thank you. You’re gonna be fine, okay?” she whispered softly. Trapinch shifted in her arms and moaned softly. “Anything?” she asked, turning back to Pi. He gave a shrill cry and took off running.
Hana started after him, trying her best not to jostle the poisoned pokemon. Trapinch let out another feeble cry and Hana held her closer, praying to any legendary she could think of that the Pokemon Center wasn’t far. Already she felt heavy in Hana’s arms.
Heart racing, she followed Pi as he zigzagged through the streets. Her chest heaved and sweat dripped down her neck. The minutes ticked by. Just as she was sure she would collapse or her arms would give out, she emerged from an alley to see a tall gray building, lights shining from within and sporting a vivid red “P” on the outside.
If she hadn’t been in such a rush, she might have wept from relief.
Staggering under the weight of Trapinch, she rushed inside, flanked by Pi. She didn’t even have a chance to speak before a nurse seemingly manifested next to her. In a flurry of activity, a small stretcher was brought over by a Chansey, and Trapinch was carted away.
A long, weary sigh escaped Hana. Trapinch would be fine, she would be fine now... Her eyelids grew heavy, and she almost wanted to fall asleep on the spot. She could explain everything later, and report Irene to the cops tomorrow. Her legs burned and her arms tingled, probably from carrying Trapinch.
Something squeaked softly, but the noise sounded far away. Another pokemon maybe? Distracted, she scanned the lobby for a chair or couch. Then she blinked. Everything seemed a little blurry. Rubbing her eyes, she blinked again as she shook her head. By Jirachi, she must be more tired than she realized —
Something squeaked again, this time much louder. A light flashed at her side, one of her pokeballs opening. Hana turned to look. The world twisted and suddenly she crashed into the cool tiles of the floor. The last thing she saw was the frantic faces of Pi and Cosmo, eyes filled with distress. Then a warm, dark haze enveloped her.
The sound of slow, steady breathing was the first thing Hana became aware of. A warm weight on her chest, soft fur pressed against her side and arm. Fabric tucked around her legs and torso. The feeling of her own chest, rising and falling, and a strange drowsiness. With effort, she forced her eyes open and blinked slowly as she soaked in her surroundings.
Dim yellow light from a bedside lamp illuminated the area. She appeared to be in a plainly furnished room that consisted of a bed, bathroom, and a window with the curtains drawn. A simple regional map hung on the wall. Cosmo lay on her chest, which explained the furry weight she felt, and she spotted Pi at the foot of the bed.
One of the Pokemon Centers bedrooms, if she had to guess. But when had she gotten here-? She remembered running here and then... she whipped her head to the side, then breathed a sigh of relief. A small bed had been set up on the floor, and in it lay Trapinch.
At first, she thought it was sleeping, but then she caught her peeking out from one half closed eye. As she watched Trapinch, she gathered her thoughts from the night prior. She must have dropped off the injured Trapinch, but after that it was all a hazy blur.
Cosmo’s eyes flicked open, and upon seeing her awake, immediately covered her in frantic licks. A knock sounded at the door almost the same time, and Hana pried the Zigzagoon off of her and sat up. “Uh, come in,” she managed.
One of the nurses poked her head in and smiled softly. “Feeling better?”
Hana nodded numbly. “What happened? Did I collapse or something?”
“You sure did. Got a nasty bit of poisoning. You Pokemon were so worried about you. Your Trapinch, too.”
She tipped her head. “Oh, Trapinch isn’t mine.”
The nurse frowned. “Really? As soon as she recovered she took off looking for you.” She chuckled. “She practically chewed through the doors.” The nurse shrugged. “Well, you’re welcome to leave, whenever you feel ready. The poison is gone, but you might feel a little tired. And there’s a police officer in the lobby who needs to speak with you before you go.”
“Will do,” Hana said. “Thank you.”
A comfortable silence fell. Hana let out a soft sigh, absently scratching at her wrist. She glanced down to see that the area where that Roserade had snagged her left a faint scar on the underside of her wrist. She traced her fingers across it and shivered. Irene’s cold gaze flashed through her mind, and for a moment she wondered what would have happened if...
Hana crawled off the bed to kneel in front of Trapinch. “Trapinch... Thank you. You saved me back there. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” She hesitantly reached out, then patted her on the head.
Trapinch’s only response was a noncommittal grunt, as if saying ‘no big deal’, though Hana detected a sparkle of gratitude in her dark eyes.
After that, Hana quickly set about changing into the pair of spare traveling clothes she kept in her backpack, then returning Cosmo and Pi to their pokeballs. After telling Trapinch to stay put, she hurried out of the room. Suddenly, she felt all too anxious to get out of Mauville. Her gym badge here could wait awhile. She could still feel Irene’s mocking, icy gaze; see Hemlock’s eyes glinting in the dark.
The police report seemed to fly by. She recounted everything as best as she could. Apparently, this wasn’t the first incident of a traveler getting preyed on, each time the explanation varied slightly, but it all came down to the same thing — unaware travelers agreeing to get a tour or guide through the city, and then ending up paying double. ‘Irene’, however, seemed to be one of the more aggressive ones.
Within an hour, she was heading back to her temporary room to gather her things and leave. She was eager to get out of this city and figure out where her— er the Trapinch was headed.
Crash!
The sound came from her room. “Oh no...” she opened the door to see the framed map that hung on the wall, now on the floor. Trapinch stood over it, head cocked, seemingly studying it.
“Trapinch!” Great. Now she’d probably own a maintenance fee. Maybe this Trapinch was more trouble than she imagined...
Trapinch glanced at her, then turned her attention back to the map.
“What?” she grumbled, standing over Trapinch and peering at the map.
With an excited chattering noise, Trapinch tapped her foot on a spot just west of Mauville, one of the many lakes along the route.
“That’s where you’re going?”
Trapinch’s head bobbed up and down, her eyes shining.
Hana rolled her eyes. How had she even gotten the map down? No matter.
“Okay, fine then! But let’s not break anything else in the room please. I have to pay for it, you know.”
Trapinch’s only reply was a smug, yet eager grin.
The trip out of Mauville and west towards the lake had proved thankfully uneventful. Hours slipped by as Hana enjoyed the scenery and Trapinch’s quiet company. Soon, warm oranges seeped through the clouds, blending with rich purple and blue as the setting sun began to cast shadows across the ground.
Not much further now. She could glimpse flashes of shimmering blue between a thick copse of trees ahead. Trapinch noticed, too, and immediately took off running, which was closer to an awkward shuffle.
The sky had grown dark by the time Hana followed Trapinch all the way out to a secluded spot near the edge of the lake. She nestled herself into the earth, until just her head peeked out, and trained her eyes on the sky. Mystified, Hana took a seat nearby and let Pi and Cosmo out. Cosmo set to making himself a nest to take a nap, while Pi sat next to Trapinch. Curiosity burned in the Plusle's eyes.
Was she waiting for something? What did a desert pokemon like her want at some lake? It couldn’t just be training, or she would have stayed near the desert. There was something else... but what? Why this lake? At this time?
A gentle, steady hum filled the air. Hana glanced around, but the sound seemed to come from everywhere at once. It began to grow in volume, as if many tiny voices were becoming one, until the air itself seemed to thrum. And then she saw it. Dark shapes, flitting from all sides to gather around the lake. By the faint moonlight, she could just make out familiar red and blue bodies and gossamer wings.
Hundreds of Volbeat were gathered together, the beating of their wings filling the air. A soft cry sounded overhead, and Hana looked up just in time to catch a flash of purple. Illumise.
It fluttered forward until it was in full view of the Volbeat. A tender floral scent tickled Hana’s nostrils. A moment later it was followed by a gentle glow flickering to life from the Illumise.Then the sky came alive.
The Volbeat lit up the night, their lights dancing and weaving together in a symphony of light. Living shapes wove through the air, shifting and blooming into a new pattern every moment. Pictures emerged, then reformed into new ones, always moving, and in perfect synchronization
Hana sucked in a sharp breath, eyes glued to the sight. The elaborate dance continued, looking like the stars themselves had come down to put on a show. Each movement precise, each shape somehow more complex yet beautiful than the last. A strange mistiness gathered in her eyes and she blinked, still in awe.
She managed to tear her eyes away for just a moment to look at Trapinch. From her burrow, she watched, jaws spread wide, the reflection of the light show dancing in her dark eyes. She reared up slightly, rumbling and calling out, as if cheering them on, her stubby forelegs pawing the air. Somewhere beneath the awe and amazement, Hana recognized something else.
Longing.
Her heart lurched and she looked back to the dancing Volbeat. They were building now, their movements swift and bold, though no less precise. The dance culminated in one final geometric pattern, like a series of triangles wrapping into themselves. The lights beat in perfect harmony. As one, they lifted their voices, the song-like cry filling the air, followed by a brilliant flare of light.
It faded, and the bug pokemon began to disperse. Trapinch’s gaze still lingered on the lake. Hana stood up and stared at Trapinch, studying her. She understood that longing now that she had seen in her eyes as she watched the Volbeat. The beauty, the intricacy. The skill. Trapinch wanted to be there in the sky. Strong and majestic and beautiful.
And Hana wanted to go there with her. To take her there. To travel the skies, to have that beauty and grace. She wanted Trapinch to be her partner.
“Let’s battle!” Hana shouted.
As if sensing her thoughts Trapinch spun and dropped into a battle stance with no hesitation.
“Cosmo!”
With a yawn, Cosmo bounded over and took up a stance of his own, facing Trapinch. A tingle of excitement ran through Hana. It had been awhile since she remembered feeling this excited. And she wasn’t even sure why, but something about this Trapinch, and then everything she’d been through the past two days...
“Attack!”
Trapinch put up an excellent fight, and proved surprisingly quick on her feet, but Cosmo had the edge in strength and experience. Exhilarated, Hana called out another command. The battle slipped by in a blink. Minutes later, Trapinch lay on the ground, exhausted and defeated. Yet Hana caught a glimmer of pleasure in her eyes as well.
Heart pounding, she withdrew a pokeball, then tossed it out. It tapped Trapinch’s head, sucking her in. The ball wiggled once, then dinged softly. Hana let out a whoop and jumped up before racing over to retrieve the ball.
She tapped the button, releasing her new partner. Trapinch churred softly and stared up at her, eyes burning with excitement.
“That makes us a team now,” Hana declared. She knelt down, grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. “We’ll travel the world, and I’ll help you get stronger. So strong that one day you’ll fly like that, and the skies will be yours.”
Trapinch opened her jaws and let out a cry almost like a low roar. Hana rubbed her on the head. “Do you want a name then?”
Trapinch nodded.
“A name then. A name worthy of a Flygon.”
Trapinch’s eyes widened and she screeched and stamped her feet.
Hana thought about it for a long time, the only noises that of wild pokemon and the waves lightly lapping the shore. Then she smiled.
The Flygon stubbornly kept her back to Hana. Holding back a sigh, Hana sat down. Ten long minutes had passed since the Alakazam had teleported her to a quiet corner of Mossdeep City, thankfully free from Steven’s gaze, which she couldn’t meet, and away from prying eyes of other trainers.
{Better luck next time} Alakazam said gently, before vanishing.
“If at any point you fail, you will not be allowed to continue and you will be teleported out of the facility.” The officiator’s words wore a hole in Hana’s thoughts. You failed, Hana Saito. Again. And she’d let Raga down. On a mission that was folly in the first place. She gritted her teeth, then forced herself to take a deep breath. “We can find a keystone somewhere else, Raga,” she pleaded. “It’s not a big deal. I mean, it's just a test, there’s probably somewhere else to get them.”
Or you can let it go, she thought. Stop chasing a pointless dream. Except Raga would never do that. Hana’s hand clenched into a fist. So now what then? Surely other trainers had to have failed. She couldn’t have been the only one. So what did other trainers do when they wanted to Mega Evolve? Maybe she could buy one...
Hana stood up, taking out Raga’s pokeball. She edged closer, into her peripheral vision. Raga could see her, even if she was pretending she couldn’t, keeping her gaze fixed on the horizon. “Come on Raga, we need to go home. I have work at the lab to catch up on. I’ll try to find another way to get one, okay? I promise. But there’s nothing else we can d—”
Raga spun to face her, face just inches away, eyes burning with an anger Hana had never seen before. Hana shrank back. Then Raga gave a fury laden screech that almost deafened Hana; and with a few beats of her wings, shot up into the sky.
“Raga!” The name hardly left her mouth before Raga had become a distant green dot, quickly fading. Hana’s throat tightened and her heart began to race. She glanced frantically around, then back up at the sky, which was now empty. For a few more seconds, Hana stood there, mouth open, blinking dumbly at the spot where Raga had vanished. Then she sank slowly back to the ground, Raga’s pokeball still clutched in her sweaty hand.
Great. Now she’d have to wander the city for hours trying to find her. What more did Raga want? She couldn’t help it if getting a key stone was a hassle.
One of the pokeballs on her belt trembled slightly, then with a splash of light, Cosmo emerged. Sympathy filled his gaze and he pressed his cold, wet nose into her empty hand, nuzzling himself into it. She gave him a half-hearted scratch behind his ears.
Slowly, he wormed his way onto Hana’s lap, then crawled up to give her a sticky kiss on the cheek. Hana gave a hollow smile and pulled away. He chittered inquiringly. “It’s just... it’s silly Cosmo! I tried the test, and I told her I’ll try and find another way but still it's not enough. Flygonite doesn’t exist and she’s just gonna be angry once we get the dumb keystone, go looking, and find nothing! I’m trying to save her the annoyance of being disappointed but she doesn’t even care.”
Cosmo gave a low whine and butted his head into her chest. He tapped his paw on her knee and stared at her.
“Yes that's the only reason,” she grumbled. “I have a job to do at the lab. Oliver was nice enough to give me some days off but I can’t just shirk my responsibilities to wander across the region looking for a rock that doesn’t exist. I just don’t want her to get her hopes up.”
He gave a high-pitched squeak. Are you sure?
“Yes. If it did exist surely someone would have found one by now, right? Mega-Evolution has been in the public eye for over a decade.” She huffed and stood up, trying to orient her thoughts. Her gaze drifted skyward briefly before she shook her head. “If Raga is going to be stubborn, then she can come find me. I have to go to the docks and find out when the next ship is.”
She started to walk, only for Cosmo to slither between her legs, nearly tripping her. He grabbed her boot in his teeth and tugged at her, then gave her one of the first glares she’d seen from him in a long time.
Her stomach churned and she glanced away. She could still feel Cosmo’s accusing gaze on her, questioning her. Then Cosmo stood up and nudged her wrist, where she still held Raga’s pokeball. “Cosm-” Her thoughts stopped abruptly and she held up her arm where Cosmo had touched it. The skin still bore a faint scar from her encounter with Irene and her Roserade, a thin line wrapping halfway around her wrist.
She slowly traced her finger across the scar.
Irene's cold tone rang in her ears. And with that came another memory. Raga, tugging at her boots, trying to stop her. To warn her about Irene. But she’d ignored her. Hana’s grip on Raga’s pokeball tightened. A hot sticky feeling weighed on her, and suddenly the buildings around her felt tall, too tall. The memory of her all too recent failure resurfaced.
Jump. One simple command Raga had asked of her. But she ignored her, again. When it counted most, she hadn’t trusted her. Guilt and anger churned inside her.
Cosmo butted her leg again, giving her an accusing and slightly impatient glare. “...You’re telling me I need to apologize, aren’t you?” she said heavily. He nodded, as if to say ‘obviously’.
The thought of apologizing made her buzz with anger. But Cosmo was right. If she'd listened to Raga at the end she would have had the key stone. "You think..." she hesitated. "You think Raga is more mad about that than failing?"
Cosmo nodded again, looking pleased with himself.
Once again, Hana sighed heavily. "Okay. I'll try to find her." Mossdeep was a fairly large city though, and Raga could have gone anywhere. She doubted Raga would leave the city, but that still left a lot of city to explore.
Unless... She looked down at her wrist again. A slow smile crept onto her face. Maybe finding Raga wouldn't be so hard after all.
As it turned out, for once Hana was right. One uncomfortable walk later, Hana had worked her way to a secluded beach on the west side of the city. The sun was not quite touching the horizon by the time she arrived. And there, resting on the beach, claws folded under her and tail wrapped around her body, sat Raga.
Her gaze was fixed on some distant point on the horizon, and she didn’t acknowledge Hana’s approach. Even so, Hana detected the nearly imperceptible twitch of her tail. Hesitantly, Hana took a seat next to her. The whole walk, Hana had gone over and over what she wanted to say to her, but now the words seemed so far away.
“Raga I’m sorry.” She blurted the words out before she could question them further. Hana saw Raga’s gaze flicker briefly to her. “Really sorry. You trusted me in battle, to guide you, but when the time came I didn’t trust you. And...” she swallowed, trying helplessly to clear the lump in her throat. “I was wrong. And unfair to you. I really thought I knew what I was doing back there.”
At that, Raga snorted and rolled her eyes.
Hana chuckled humorlessly. She toed the sand with her boot, painfully aware of Raga staring intently at her. “Yeah, I guess I missed the point of the whole exercise.” Saying it now, she felt even more stupid. Of course there would have been some simple trick to the test she would overlook... “I can’t change my mistake, but I promise I’ll try to do better next time.”
For a moment, Raga didn’t say anything. Then she turned her head to nuzzle Hana’s cheek. Smiling, Hana wrapped her arms around her neck in an awkward hug, stroking her silky scales. “Thanks Raga,” she whispered.
When Hana finally drew back, she checked her watch and her eyes widened. “We better head back for real. And I do mean what I said earlier. If you want, I’ll see if I can find another way to get a key stone.”
Chittering happily, Raga nodded. Hana returned her to her pokeball, clipped it back to her belt, and then hurried towards the port.
She had just passed by the gym when she spotted a familiar face. A moment later, their eyes met.
“Hey Taro,” she called, slowing down from her speed walk and waving.
He turned, recognition flashing through his gaze. “Hey Hana.”
“Where are you headed?” she asked carefully. She half expected him to launch into bragging about getting his 7th badge, but instead his voice was serious.
“Training. Hoping a few of the sailors around the port or some trainers around the beach might be willing to battle. My team is real tough but Tate and Liza are something else. Their pokemon were in perfect sync and we could barely touch them.” Bitterness stained his tone. “I’ll probably have to try again in a couple days. My team and I are gonna drill on some double battle strategies.”
“Oh. Good luck to you guys then.” Somehow knowing she wasn’t the only one who failed made it sting a little less. Except Taro would just undo his failure. Her chest tightened and she walked a little faster.
Taro glanced conspicuously at her wrist as he kept pace. “No key stone?” he asked, surprise in his tone.
Familiar shame rose in Hana. “Nah,” she said as casually as she could muster. She studied her steps as she walked through the city. “We uh... I kind of messed up the test. So I’m heading home and we’re just gonna have to find another way.” When she looked up, Taro was staring at her like she’d asked if Caterpie evolved into Rayquaza.
“You’re joking, right?”
Heat rose to her cheeks. “No,” she snapped indignantly. “I messed up and it’s not that big a deal-”
Taro shook his head. “No I mean, you’re just going home?”
“Yeah...” she said slowly. What was he trying to get at? “You only get one shot at the test,” she muttered. She picked up her pace, keeping her thoughts on deciding what ferry to take, and anything but Taro.
“Come on! I can’t believe you’re giving up so easy. The Hana I knew would never do that.”
She felt him grab her by the shoulder, spinning her around. She scowled at him as she pulled away.
Taro continued, heedless of her annoyance. “What about when you lost to Flannery and you went to the middle of nowhere to catch a Feebas because you liked Milotic so much and needed a water-type? Or losing to Winona twice?” He flung his arms into the air as he spoke, his brows knitting together.
Hama grimaced at the memory. Winona’s flying types were unparalleled in the air, and even with Pi’s help she’d struggled against her birds, especially her Skarmory and Altaria. Raga had only been a Vibrava then, and had been completely outclassed in the air. “There’s nothing I can do—”
Taro abruptly stepped in front of her, staring her seriously in the eye. “I didn’t become rivals with a quitter. You dropped out of one of the most prestigious academies in any region to come here and be a trainer. You’re not even gonna try?”
“There’s nothing to try,” Hana snapped, raising her voice. Why didn’t he get it? What was so hard to understand. Not everyone had it as easy as him, what authority did he have to question her!? He wasn’t her parent! “I failed, and that's that. It's over.”
“No, you quit. You could have gone back, at least tried to convince them to let you retake it. You gave up.” With a huff, Taro spun around and strode away.
Hana glared daggers at his back as she watched him leave. “By the land, where does he get off thinking he can act like that?” she muttered. Shaking her head, she did her best to put his words out of her mind.
Finally, she reached the docks, and was relieved to see that the last ferry for the day would arrive in less than ten minutes. Already, she thought she could spot it on the horizon in the slowly growing twilight. She couldn’t wait to get back home, to her familiar house and her familiar job at the lab... Maybe Oliver would even know another way to get a key stone.
With a twinge of guilt, she wondered what Oliver would say about her failure. Probably give her another fable. And just like Taro he’d probably try to say she could have tried harder...
Taro was just being irrational. He hadn’t been at the test. It was simple. They’d said you got one shot, and that was it. Her steps slowed. Better luck next time. That had been the Alakazam’s final words to her. And when she’d gotten off the boat, the Nosepass waiting for her took her to a random flower shop. Not to the test. The first stage of her test had been there, and she hadn’t even realized it. A test within the test.
What if... what if Taro had been right? What if only getting one shot at the test was part of the test?
The ferry’s horn broke her train of thought, and she looked up to see the other passengers boarding. She took a step towards the ferry and paused. If she left now, that might be it. She didn’t think she could come back in a week or two when she felt like it. Her heart rate picked up. What would Raga say? And she knew. Raga would tell her to try.
Hana closed her eyes and exhaled hard. “Okay.”
Running at a dead sprint through the city, Hana breathlessly arrived in front of the flower shop from earlier, only two minutes before closing time. “Please let me be right,” she muttered as she stepped inside.
Aphra and Indigo looked up as she entered. “Oh, Miss Saito. We didn’t expect to see you back here. Anything I can help you with?”
Hana gulped, then spoke, sounding as confident as she could. “I need to get back to the center. I have to speak to Mr. Stone, if he’s still there. Please, can you help me?”
An oddly pleased smile formed on her face and she nodded. “Of course, I’ll see what we can do. Indigo, would you be so kind?” The grumpig nodded cheerfully and trotted over to Hana, and held out his paw. Still dumbfounded, Hana took it. A moment later, Hana felt the subtle lurch of teleportation as her surroundings blurred and went white before fading back into view. She was back in the main hall of the Testing Center, although now it lay empty. The main lights were off, and the area was lit only dimly.
Indigo gestured to a door she hadn’t noticed before on the far side of the room, under which she could see a strip of light. Hesitantly, she approached the door and as she drew near, she saw a nameplate reading ‘Steven Stone’.
She took a deep breath before raising her fist and knocking.
Almost immediately, she heard a soft voice from within. “Come in.”
Hana turned the knob and pushed the door open. The sight that greeted her was not what she expected. For some reason she always assumed that the son of one of the most prolific and profitable businesses in Hoenn would have a fancy office.
The room was undeniably huge, yet plain. Her gaze was immediately seized by the hulking giant of an Aggron curled up on one side of the room. One eye flicked open to stare at her, and it grunted in acknowledgement before returning to its nap. A display case along one wall was filled with stones of every kind, and the rest of the room was taken up by a plain wooden desk, behind which sat Steven himself.
“How may I help you, Miss Saito?”
The soft navy carpet absorbed her footfalls as she stepped up to his desk, where he watched her expectantly. “Mr Stone... I mean Steven. I came to ask you something, but not for me, for my partner, Raga’s sake. Let me take the test again. Just one more time. I’m the reason we failed because I didn’t trust her enough. But I promised I’d try to do better next time and I want to do right by her so... Give me one more chance!” She finished abruptly, suddenly painfully aware she had rambled.
Steven gave a broad grin. “Of course.”
Hana blinked. “Really?” Even with her theory about it being another test she’d rather expected it to be harder somehow.
“If you’re back here, that means you might have figured out that the ‘one chance’ part was a bit of a fib. I do apologize for the theatrics, but far too many trainers simply aren’t ready for Mega Evolution, so I had to be sure the key stones I give out only go to those who both have a strong bond and are truly determined. Of the trainers that fail, only a few try to return, and those are the ones I find who possess true fortitude of spirit.”
“So it's just that easy?”
Steven chuckled lightly. “Naturally, the challenges will change a bit, but indeed it is. Sometimes the simplest thing to do is to just try again, Miss Saito. Now, let’s get to that test, shall we?”
The first half of the test flew by. This time, Raga was among the crowd of Dittos. Just as before, she could sense it, somehow. A sort of spark when she locked eyes with her.
The battle test proved trickier the second time around when their opponent turned out to be a tough Cetitan. Yet even as a moment of doubt crept up on her, Raga gave her a reassuring grumble. Dodging its ice-type moves proved hard, but Raga fearlessly heeded her every command, even blind.
All too soon, Hana found herself staring down the obstacle course again. The layout had changed, unsurprisingly. More complex, more gaps and twists and turns. Except this time, Hana felt completely at ease. Almost unnaturally so. She’d already failed. The worst thing had happened, and this time she had Raga. There was nothing to fear.
“Are you ready?”
She nodded.
As Steven tied the blindfold around her, she wiped away her mental image of the course and instead focused on Raga. She stepped up to the starting plate. Her heart stilled and her muscles relaxed. “I’m ready, Raga.”
Raga chittered in acknowledgement.
Steven spoke. “You may begin.”
With Raga’s voice as her guide, Hana slowly worked her way through the course. Twice she avoided a hidden pitfall and a shaky platform, thanks to Raga calling them out to her. Left, right, crawl over, shimmy under. The time seemed to drag. Just as she was falling into the routine of inching forward, waiting for Raga’s commands, and slowly moving again, she felt the ground under her change from the soft rubber to solid ground.
A soft chime rang through the room.
“You can take off your blindfold now.” Steven called.
Slowly, Hana pulled it off and looked behind her. She... finished? She turned back around to see Raga waiting for her. Raga’s eyes shone with happiness and pride. “I did it?” Hana asked, half expecting another test or perhaps the ground under her to collapse again.
Raga nodded, then gave a smug roar. Hana pulled her into a hug. “We did it! We did it! Thank you Raga.” Rumbling happily, Raga awkwardly wrapped her arms around Hana.
“Excellent work this time, Hana,” Steven said as he approached. “Strong improvement from before. I can see your bond has grown, even in such a short time.”
Pride burned in Hana’s chest and she nodded appreciatively, resting a hand on Raga’s side. “Thank you.”
“In light of that, I can now confidently present to you your prize.” He reached into his pocket and held out a velvet covered box.
Reverently, Hana reached out and took it. She opened it slowly. Inside lay the key stone - a small rainbow colored sphere, slightly larger than a marble and sporting an intricate pattern within. It was set into a bracelet, a simple leather band. She took it out, and strapped it to her wrist.
The weight of it felt... good.
“So where do you intend to head from here? Are you two still planning on pursuing Flygonite?” Steven asked.
Raga nodded fervently.
Hana hesitated a moment, then asked, “I don’t suppose you know where I could look?”
The long pause that followed made Hana’s spirits begin to sink.
Steven stroked his chin in thought. “Mega Evolution is still mysterious, to say the least. It’s believed that mega stones form in response to surges of the right sort of aura from said species, along with a combination of factors in the earth that no one is sure of. If you were to find one, the best spot would be where you can find Flygon themselves.”
“So Mirage Desert then?”
Steven nodded. “While the main part of the desert has been explored, pokemon keep plenty of secrets, and there’s no telling what lies beneath the sand. Of course, the desert is dangerous territory. I can’t stop you from going but if you do, be careful.” His gaze shifted to Raga. “Take care of her. As my Aggron is always reminding me, humans are not quite as sturdy as we often think.”
“I’ll be careful,” Hana said solemnly. If she went. Suddenly the idea of a trek through the desert for days or weeks sounded unappealing. Still, there was no backing out now. Raga would never let her.
“And where are you heading tonight?” Steven asked. “To an inn, I hope. The last ferry has already left and nighttime is no time to try and cross the water with a pokemon.”
“I’m staying the night,” Hana said with a nod. “But I actually have one errand left, a friend I need to thank.”
Steven nodded knowingly. “Good luck to you both then. Or rather, as long as you have each other, you won’t need luck.” He held out his hand to shake, and Hana took it.
“Goodbye, Steven. And thank you for everything.”
The sun had nearly set by the time she left, this time through the regular exit. Turns out, the Testing Center was just a nondescript building near the Space Center. She needed to find a cheap inn to stay at for the night, but first, she had one person she wanted to find...
After a good fifteen minutes wandering around the docks and the surrounding beach, she finally spotted him, heading away from the coast. She picked up her pace, jogging across the beach, her boots sinking into the sand.
“Taro!”
He paused and glanced towards her, as if deciding whether to ignore her or not. After a second, he stopped, waiting for her.
“Taro I-”
His eyes locked onto her wrist and widened. “You did it!? You got a key stone?”
Hana nodded. “Yes I... Well, after what you said I started thinking and realized maybe I should try to ask them to give me another shot. So thank you. If you hadn’t said anything to me I probably would have just gone home. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you out.”
Taro quickly shook his head. “Nah, I’m sorry too. I was pretty harsh with you. I guess I just miss battling with you all the time. Now that you’re at the lab I never run into you on the road. I mean, who am I supposed to curbstomp if you’re not around? It’s just not the same.”
“You do remember I won our last battle, right?” Hana griped, her tone light. “Besides, just because I’m working at the lab, doesn’t mean I haven’t been training.”
“Oh yeah?” A twinkle came into Taro’s eyes, and he grinned. “Then I challenge you to a battle!”
“Bring it,” Hana retorted confidently. Her hand dropped to her belt on instinct, and she grabbed Raga’s pokeball. Without even thinking, she moved back to make space, and Taro did the same. “Go Raga!” she cried.
Light spilled out, illuminating the night, and Raga emerged, roaring in challenge. Taro’s Blaziken emerged a second later, and dropped into a fighting stance. Standing across an empty field, facing Taro...It reminded her of the old times. Traveling across the region, running into her rival, and every day something new.
Chapter 1:
The opening here is some nicely done organic exposition. Most of the first 8-10 paragraphs could all be considered exposition, but don't feel the part because they're filtered well enough through the lens of things Hana could reasonably be thinking about. Though I did find myself having to reread one part twice to make sense of it:
Hana had laughed at the sight, and Raga had laughed as well, her strange little trills echoing through the air. They spent some time sightseeing before moving on to the next town to challenge the gym. Back then, Raga had been happy. Even when Hana put aside her badge quest to join the research lab, Raga had still been happy.
The first time this had happened, Hana had dismissed it as a one-off.
"The first time this had happened, Hana had dismissed it as a one-off." could be bumped to the end of it's paragraphs so that the 'this' isn't ambiguously following the memory of Raga sneezing and being happy, before the following sentence pulls us back into the present. Ultimately, though, it's a small thing and my major takeaway is that our backstory info is conveyed quickly and smoothly.
I feel like this just comes with the territory to an extent when there's a bunch of nicknamed pokemon, but I do notice I'm having trouble keeping track of them and their respective species already. (That being the trained ones, didn't try to keep track of who all was watching the fight club.) Since this can be pretty inevitable with people who are as terrible with names as I have been known to be, the best advice I could really give there is when the more side-character ones come up again, fitting a subtle reminder of what species (or who their trainer is, if it's not obvious) into the prose where possible can go a long way towards making a scene easier to visualize.
The Magikarp story is cute. I haven't much to say about it, but I should acknowledge that much.
Chapter 2's pretty short and mostly fight scene. Since that's far from my forte, and it's a flashback to what we already established in chapter 1 plot-wise, I think I'm going to move on to reviewing chapter 3:
Raga wanting to fly all the way there is so adorably stubborn if I ignore the part where that desire, and her being upset by the rejection, is probably fuelled by the gnawing feelings of inadequacy. Cosmo is also very cute.
The conversation between Hana and Taro carries a strong feeling that I'm having trouble putting a name to. Similar to the feeling of friends drifting apart, even though he's kind of a dick. Even jerk rivals can feel friend-y, I guess. There's an emotional resonance to watching him find out that his little joke about having to find a new rival becomes reality as his and Hana's paths begin to diverge away from the goal they used to share in common.
Oh. Laguna is one of Hana's team members? Thought they were Oliver's.
I like the mega stone test- conceptually and in execution. The 2nd trial is the expected one, I don't fault it for what it is, while the 0th, 1st and 3rd trials are all creative premises that I love... and it's so perfectly appropriate that failure would come in the form of Hana failing to trust Raga. Because, really, she's just been humouring Raga this whole time, hoping but not really believing that Raga's right about mega evolution.
Chapter 4:
Ooh, this is how Hana and Raga met! I like it. Hana's good at thinking on the fly, that's a neat idea for how to track down a center. Too bad that didn't translate to the street smarts not to get scammed in the first place. Irene's chosen a tricky scam to pull off on newcomers to a town with a gym. :) I suppose that's why she folds at seemingly the first sign of resistance.
Raga is super cute in this chapter. From meeting, to the moment with Irene, to checking in on Hana, to the moment with the Illumise. Trapinch is innately adorable of course, but the charm is also sold here well. I like seeing Raga get named, too, seeing what characters use to come up with names in general is great. A name worthy of a Flygon, indeed...
And we're back in the prese- Hey is this an intentional alternating pattern between past and present you've pulled on me?
Cosmo is a very good mediator. Strong "kid who both sides of the drama trusted to deliver their dramatic messages in middle school" energy. Good job getting through to her, buddy. (And, yeah, fair that Raga'd be miffed at Hana not listening.)
Even when Taro is right he still manages to be a dick. What a guy. But it's for the best, I'm glad she could go back and get it. (One thing I'm unsure about, does Steven mean the first run is rigged to fail, or is coming back only part of the test if you don't screw up the first one?) I'm glad to get a look at him being nicer towards the end of the chapter, too.
"I guess they have to pass some sort of test first, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle, right?" Technically, the website had mentioned the tests would be challenging and unorthodox but Hana felt pretty confident.
Uhhh this seems like a BIG thing that she should tell her Pokemon about before sending her in blind to a lion's den. I'm sensing some trust issues coming their way.
That's a funny way of saying "Too bad you only have the same number of badges that I do" LOL
Hana adjusted her backpack and kept glancing towards Mossdeep as he finished his tale about Dodou chasing him all across some route until they'd both worn each other out.
"Hello?" Hana called. She scanned the shop. Despite how small it appeared outside, the inside felt surprisingly airy. A tall ceiling left plenty of room for different plants. Various grass-type pokemon moved about the store, tending to the plants. Bellossom kept careful globes of sunny light above some plants, while Morellul gave off a soft glow in the darker corners of the shop, watching over luminescent fungi and strange mushrooms.
I liked this chapter! I feel like your writing is quite similar to mine, where the trainers can understand the Pokemon even though they don't speak human language. I do wonder why Hana walked when Raga wanted her to jump--I would've loved an expansion on her thought process there. Though, from earlier in the chapter, I got the idea that there was already some trust issues on Hana's side towards Raga. Any reason for that? Or is Hana just an "I know what's best" sort of trainer? And Steven's comment about Hana not finding what she was looking for... it's ominous! Though I do think you can expand more on character thought and feelings, I think this was a good chapter! :)
Ah, finally. Haven't quite been able to jump into LA yet, but I'm hoping to get around to that as well! In the meantime (and especially since it was just updated recently!), I'm eager to get started here and get to know more about these fine green ladies and their totally not impossible at all pipe dream. :D
Aw, Hana snuggles in bed with her pokémon regularly. Such a good.
Sounds like that fateful battle against the Garchomp has already happened! I think I'd been expecting it to be shown directly, but this sort of melancholy reflection on it/regret about it is a fun way to start, and I think I like it better than my original idea, actually. Presumably Raga isn't just bothered by the loss itself, but is already lost in thought about whether she can have that mega evolution potential, too?
“Think of it like ... a snowball. Remember that research trip we took to Sinnoh? If you press all that energy together you make it a lot stronger than just throwing some out there.”
This comparison does confuse me a bit! I guess the implication is that they had a snowball fight when they were in Sinnoh, and someone tried just scooping and throwing snow rather than a snowball? I do like how the analogy can be applied to the move they're practicing, I think I'd just appreciate a smidge more clarity with something like "Remember that snowball fight during the research trip to Sinnoh?" or similar. Tiny thing, though!
I wonder what the training is for if Hana is solely focused on research now? Is it just general fun/exercise, or is there something in her job that requires keeping the pokémon in top shape?
Raga gave a low rumble, tipping her head and flicking her tail. Pokeball.
Hm, but the training seemed to have her in a pretty good mood! Wonder whether she's anticipating there being something in the lab she'd rather avoid for now.
The Armaldo rarely strayed far from his trainer. Raga and me used to be like that.
And hm! Just a week or so seems like a short time to feel like "oh, we used to be like that", but I suppose that depends on the individual relationship and how close they really were. Or maybe there've been some underlying tensions for longer that are only just coming to light after the garchomp defeat? or maybe I'm just an asocial loner who doesn't understand people lol
“I’m sure she’ll get over it eventually.” Hana shook her head. “I already explained that no one has found a Flygonite. They don’t exist.” She shrugged, avoiding Laguna’s crimson gaze, which suddenly struck her as accusatory. “I’m trying, though. We get up early to train together. She just has to accept she’s fine the way she is.”
Laguna’s only reply was to swish her tail through the water and snort.
I wonder what Laguna's actual opinion here is? Does she snort because she thinks Raga's being silly about needing to be "better", or is it that this human, no matter how well-meaning, just doesn't understand a pokémon's desire to improve? It seems like Laguna does sympathize with the lack of flygonite, at least...
I do have to say, one thing I'm really looking forward to is that I (obviously) have no idea whether anyone's ever going to find any flygonite or not, but the outcome of this whole thing would likely be great either way. There are lessons to be learned no matter how it turns out—perseverance and believing in yourself, or acceptance and avoiding perfectionism and, uh, believing in yourself. I'm eager to see how it all turns out in the end!
The wild pokémon fight club is a fun idea! I saw your comment about having ganked it from the anime, but hey, it's a fun idea to steal; might snatch it for myself at some point, haha.
The spinda is a fun way to start highlighting the fairly rigid set of beliefs Hana has. (Wonder if Raga's ever talked to it on their previous outings?) I also liked the magikarp story a lot! Including the fact that, again, Hana can't help but question the logic of the magikarp being able to respond to the pokémon at all, hah. Wouldn't been surprised if someone's mentioned this before, but it kind of reminds me of an old story about two frogs in a butter churn who are about to drown in the milk—one just gives up and does in fact drown, while the other keeps fighting and kicking for so long that the milk churns and solidifies into butter and he's able jump out to escape. Bit of a different silly solution and point, of course. But a similar moral of perseverance! My money's on this not being the last time Hana hears a fable like this :V
This is really fun and well-written so far! My only note in terms of grammar and whatnot would be that you often use "alright", single word and technically an adverb, when "all right" would generally be more correct, but it's hardly a big deal. Overall we get a good starting sense of Hana's character here; not so much of Raga since we aren't inside her head, but arguably seeing what Hana believes about Raga is every bit as important and loops back around to telling us more about Hana herself. And even if she's not really the "persevering in the face of the impossible" sort, it's sweet to see that she wants to try and understand, try and rebuild the closeness that she feels is being threatened, by offering to search anyway.
Looking forward to revisiting this as soon as I can. I have no idea where they're going to start looking or what they'll find! Then again, I'm sure Hana and Raga don't, either. :P
"Yeah, and some pokemon just got more weakness than strength. You want my advice? Ditch the oversized insect and get a better dragon." He paused. "A real dragon."
I was briefly confused here since I thought Laguna was just one of the mon in the research facility and not Hana's own, but I guess that isn't too hard to figure out here.
"There will be three trials in total. You must successfully pass all three to receive a key stone. If at any point you fail, you will not be allowed to continue and you will be teleported out of the facility."
At that, several shocked gasps came from the assembled trainers. Hana traded a glance with Raga, who looked utterly unperturbed. Hana quickly disguised the anxiety in her own eyes. Best not to dwell on the potential failure. Besides, how hard could it be?
She turned, and her eyes widened in surprise. Just to the side of the entrance, waiting for her, stood none other than Hoenn's former champion, Steven Stone.
"Mr. Stone!" Somewhat in awe, she held out her hand in greeting, and he shook it. She found herself surprised at the strength of his grip, and the hint of roughness to his hands. There was a quiet confidence to his posture, a surety in the way he carried himself. Brief envy rippled through her. There was someone who'd probably never had any doubts.
Steven watched her go, before fixing his gaze on her. Hana was suddenly filled with the unnerving sensation that he was somehow staring right through her ruse, and all her fears were laid bare. "Miss Saito."
She tipped her head. "Yes?"
"This dream you two are chasing... are you truly prepared for whatever answer you find?"
Hana nodded, maybe a little too quick. "Sure." Her voice felt uncomfortably high pitched. She cleared her throat. "We're fine. Whatever we find, we'll be fine."
"Very well. Good luck with your final trial, Miss Saito."
The message was perfectly clear. Raga wanted her to jump.
Hana walked forward.
The floor crumpled under her weight in an instant. Her stomach lurched and she pitched forward, flailing her arms. Then her face met the soft foam below. As she sunk into the foam blocks, the weight of what she'd done settled inside her chest.
This sentence is kind of weird. Just "having to watch Cosmo fight every battle against a ground-type" or "having to watch Cosmo fight every ground-type looking for a battle" would do.
First, Chapter 2. Now, I managed to notice the mention of non-chronological storytelling in the author's notes before starting this chapter, so I'm not able to give the real perspective of someone who wouldn't have known, but I think it's done in a way that should make it pretty unambiguous - showing team members in their previous forms is an obvious clue, both here and in Chapter 4. I also think this shows a lot better than the first chapter why Raga is so down. Easy to understand feeling like you're eternally inferior when you go and evolve during a fight to your final form and your opponent just draws a new one out of their ass and cockily kicks yours which, I am told, is how DBZ works. Dickbag trainer's dickbag comments didn't help much, either.
While I'm not sure why, I think that the non-chronological storytelling - specifically, this order - works well here. Maybe it's because we get to see Hana before Raga, and Hana is kind of the protagonist, but the inciting event comes entirely from Raga, and to understand the stakes and characters of the story we need both sides' perspectives. If Raga was first, it'd feel like Raga was supposed to be the protagonist, and then we'd find ourselves wondering "why are we suddenly following this smelly human" (paraphrasing).
On to Chapter 3. I liked the tests in this and felt like a smart cookie by calling that Raga wouldn't be in the room among the Ditto. One thing, though - I couldn't figure out the point of the flower shop. It didn't feel like there was anything there that could have made a Pokemon partner sense it was the right place to go, and the "hey wanna trade your Pokemon" test could have just as well happened in an official building.
Chapter 3.5 was fun. Not a lot of thoughts to give in my part, though.
Onto chapter 4, then. I was surprised to see that Raga wasn't Hana's first or even second Pokemon, but given that the Trapinch line seems semi rare, that does make more sense. Shows Raga's stubborn personality from the beginning and Hana finding it odd but intriguing to both of them saving each other and deciding to make their friendship official. I do kinda wonder now, though, if there's gonna be much flashback material going forward. While I don't really care that much, it could be weird if a story was non-chronological for just the first few chapters and then continued on as normal.
Finally, Chapter 5. I like that the rival has roughness to him, but that he seems to consciously keep it within Hana's comfort zone, which tells us of their friendship(?). The emotional beats of Taro making Hana realize she needs to go back... I think it could have been stronger? Like, Taro says Hana gave up, but she's still talking about "finding another way". Unless I'm reading this wrong and it's not meant to be a character weakness moment but just a "oh heck the test might still be on actually" realization, in which case, it's alright, I think. I like that the chapter ends with a battle where both Hana and Raga are into it and feel like old times, hinting at the end that the true Flygonite was inside them all along.
So, yeah! Caught up. If you want any elaboration on my points, you can ask here or on Discord, either's fine by me. Good luck in writing, and see you around.
HEYYYYYYY after *checks watch* two years, I'm getting caught up on this. And finishing up our review exchange (sorry for my lateness.) Read all the way from chapters 2 to 5, including the April Fools chapter (which was iconic by the way).
So this was an interesting bunch of chapters, with some FLASHBACK sprinkled in there, as well as some PRETTY FAMILIAR CHARACTERS HUH????? But I'll get to that.
So I know I already said it but I hate this fucking Garchomp trainer, and it's totally not because I despise Garchomp as a Pokemon (that's a lie, that's definitely like 50% of it). I'm intrigued by the fact that this trainer doesn't seem to have a name, he is simply just "the Garchomp trainer." Will we ever learn his name? I'm of the mind that that was just a chance, unfortunate encounter and I guess they never exchanged names. Or he's just some mysterious stranger. Or there's a reason the bitchass doesn't get a name. I'm interested to see if they'll ever run into him again at some point in the story, of course BEFORE they find the Flygonite (because they will find it, right??? RIGHT?????)
I really like your lore around mega stones and evolutions!! Actually, I don't know what of it is canon and what it is you came up with. I'm 98% sure the bit at the beginning of chapter 3 was all your HC, especially because I do not remember mega stone lore ever getting that deep, but I also don't intake any other Pokemon media aside from the games so for all I know this shit was mentioned in the show or a movie. Or it WAS mentioned in the games and I am simply braindead. But I'm going on the basis that you came up with a lot of it so tl;dr very good stuff I very much enjoyed and am very much taking notes.
I didn't like Taro for 0.02 seconds but then they started talking more and now I fuck with him heavy. I really felt his disappointment when Hana was trying to skirt around saying she wasn't traveling anymore; despite her words, I think he DEFINITELY knew she was stretching the truth. His disappointment made me bristle, from the long pauses to the parting "Yeah. Thanks" like the man is MALDING his rival isn't there anymore. I feel for him. GET HER BACK OUT THERE, THEN.
Also I wonder how they became rivals, that is a big pressing question I have. Hopefully we'll get more insight on that in future chaps?
STEVEN APPEARANCE!! I was not expecting that, and now I feel immensely bad about that mafia game we played where Hana freaked out when she saw him, got zeroed, and then it made him v v sad :(((((( That aside, I guess this is the point where Wallace is le champ because Steven's too busy handing out Key Stones to people. Good for him. I was wondering for a lot of the time if he was deadass astral projecting as a hologram or whatever but no, he heard this 2-year-old her her bug dragon were trying to get in on the mega action and he said "I gotta see this lmao." I guess that's cool, that means he do be involved with his institutions.
I was very impressed with how easily Raga and Hana got through the first two trials and was actually a little disappointed there wasn't more strife. But lord have fucking mercy I do have a bad habit of questioning shit too soon, cuz no sooner did I think "damn that was a breeze" Hana ate shit. Retire in poverty, bro. Goddamn. Way to hold out until RIGHT AT THE END, and figures it's the trial where Hana has to trust Raga. Cmon beotch, Raga had no issue listening to you, why don't you have the same courtesy???? I'm gagged.
Flashback chapter. Didn't realize it was a flashback chapter until I was like 75% done with it, I was going through the whole thing like "HOLLUP IS HANA ABOUT TO BRING ON ANOTHER FLYGON????" but alas I am what the kids call fucking stupid. I was sitting through the whole chapter like "where tf is Raga in all this why are we focused so much on this new scrappy Trapinch" but like......that was Raga, lmao. Got me. I think that's a segue into my first real critique: granted while I AM a stupid hoe I think some sort of indication that it is a flashback chapter earlier on would be helpful in general.
OHOHOHO THIS BITCH IRENE. HEY IRENE. I felt bad for her after her confrontation with Steven in AQ but after seeing her in this light, I get it. She a stone cold bitch, man. Someone needed to beat her upside the head with a good reality check, yes indeed. I also wonder if we're gonna see her again.
I really enjoyed how her scene ended up playing back into the issue at hand, and it being Hana's trust in Raga. Raga was tryna keep her ass out of trouble even BEFORE they were a team, and Hana didn't wanna listen. Now they're trying to get a goddamn Key Stone, and Hana still doesn't wanna listen. It was a good full-circle moment that had me like "OHHHHHHHHH, RAGA GOTEM."
And then Taro coming back to give Hana another reality beating that she DEFINITELY NEEDED was very welcome. I like him a lot. I hope we see more of him. I hope we learn more about how he and Hana got to know each other and how they became rivals. I get a feeling they're pretty good friends to start, and I'm a sucker for cool friendships. Please, inject it all into my veins.
Also LMFAO THE FUCKING APRIL FOOLS CHAPTER. It took me a couple seconds but I realized that it was Hana and Raga trying to write a story, and I loved how they like, exquisite corpse'd the whole fic, where it left off as Hana wrote it, then Raga took over and moved it in a completely different direction, only for Raga to move it back, and it was just a cute game of tug-of-war. Very fun chapter that ACTUALLY helped me see more into their characters!!! We love a goofy chapter that has some relevancy!!!
I had a couple of smaller critiques, but I think they're all in the line-by-lines. The only other part to me that stood out the most was in the flashback chapter, where Hana woke up after being poisoned. It might just be me reading too deeply into the realism (or just not really knowing how your WB is around this) but I feel like if someone had been poisoned, the nurses wouldn't be so nonchalantly "oh you can bounce whenever you feel like it but you might be tired." I feel like they'd be a little more coddling of her, maybe insist she take some sort of medicine, help her get out of bed etc. etc. I also would have expected the cops to come into her bedroom; usually when they want to question a patient, I think they'll go directly to the room. But again, very small thing.
My line by lines will follow, and that makes me caught up on HIWTHI, YAY! Gud fic pls update.
This was weirdly worded because I read it as "Raga felt Hana was tiring" (tiring as in annoying), so I'd reword this to maybe, "she was getting tired."
Power... ambition... strength. She felt her dragon instincts take hold, and she embraced them. Her new form bloomed. The light faded and her senses returned, along with a strange awareness granted by the energy of evolution. A new body, lithe and strong, one she could stand upright with. A red tinge to her eyesight, thanks to her beautiful, shimmering eye covers. Protection and beauty, all in one. Beneath the covers, her eyes widened as her mind fully caught up with the strange lightness on her back. Craning her new neck, she peered behind her, desperate to catch a glimpse of her wings.
"So are you gonna admit it?" the Garchomp-trainer asked.
"Admit what?" Hana demanded.
The Garchomp-trainer folded his arms and cocked his head back, smirking. "That Garchomp are the superior dragon. They're better than Flygon in every way."
"That's not true," Hana replied, sounding more confused than angry. "They're both excellent. They both have strengths and weaknesses."
"Yeah, and some pokemon just got more weakness than strength. You want my advice? Ditch the oversized insect and get a better dragon." He paused. "A real dragon."
Mega Evolution can be defined as a temporary evolution achievable by certain Pokemon. It requires two components. The first, naturally, is the Mega Stone itself. Mega Stones are crystallized deposits of energy that respond to the latent aura of specific species of Pokemon.
This energy triggers a temporary evolution in the Pokemon. However, the surge of power that accompanies a Mega Evolution can cause a Pokemon to become unstable, both physically and emotionally. This is where the second component comes in - the Key Stone.
The Key Stone links a trainer and Pokemon, allowing the strength of the bond to act as a stabilizer for the Pokemon, as well as siphon off the overwhelming levels of evolutionary energy. Without it, it is believed a mega evolved Pokemon can suffer intense pain.
The rest of the boat ride at least passed by quicker. She managed to get her rival talking about his team, which he praised for the rest of the boat ride.
"That I am. The facility was my idea actually, a little project after I resigned from being champion. A better way for trainers to earn a key stone. Far too many reckless trainers would injure themselves delving into dangerous caves." He paused, clearing his throat. She swore she detected a faint hint of embarrassment.
The floor crumpled under her weight in an instant. Her stomach lurched and she pitched forward, flailing her arms. Then her face met the soft foam below. As she sunk into the foam blocks, the weight of what she'd done settled inside her chest.
It was then she spied something from the corner of her splendid eyes. A figure, draped in a dark cloak and hood, hidden in the shadows of an alley. Invisible to all but her keen eyes. As if knowing Raga was watching, the figure held out one gnarled hand, beckoning.
Hana sat back, rolling her eyes. “It’s not even realistic! There’s no such thing as mega island, first of all. And it doesn’t make sense. Why would a random old man in a cloak appear just to tell us about some mega island? It’s contrived.”
Spots continued dancing across Hana’s vision. Several more seconds passed before the last flickers of light faded and she could see properly. Irene was nowhere to be seen. Trapinch, however, lay curled on the ground, trembling. A sickly purple colored her scales and she made weak grunts every few moments.
“Oh no no no.”
Still shaking, Hana dropped to her knees next to Trapinch. From here Hana could see several of the spikes dug into her feet and belly. Too many. And nothing in her bag would be strong enough to help now. Gritting her teeth, Hana stood again.Think, think.
At first, she thought it was sleeping, but then she caught her peeking out from one half closed eye. As she watched Trapinch, she gathered her thoughts from the night prior. She must have dropped off the injured Trapinch, but after that it was all a hazy blur.
Irene's cold tone rang in her ears. And with that came another memory. Raga, tugging at her boots, trying to stop her. To warn her about Irene. But she’d ignored her. Hana’s grip on Raga’s pokeball tightened. A hot sticky feeling weighed on her, and suddenly the buildings around her felt tall, too tall. The memory of her all too recent failure resurfaced.
“I didn’t become rivals with a quitter. You dropped out of one of the most prestigious academies in any region to come here and be a trainer. You’re not even gonna try?”
Here for Catnip! I read just chapter 3 for this review and here are my thoughts on the chapter.
Starting with the first scene we're shown that after Hana has decided to take some time to pursue finding a Flygonite for Raga or at least she's just going along with it because the flygon would be too depressed otherwise. Raga is so excited about this development, yet I can't help but wince at the eventual disappointment this false hope is going to give her down the drain. Judging by the way things are headed, this will be putting their bond to the test that's for sure.
Scene was almost painful to read, but in a good way. Hana reuniting with her old rival only to have to break the bad news that she's KIND OF quit the gym challenge was a big oof. Taro was so disappointed by that news, but at least he didn't keep chiding her for it since he must've felt betrayed. Even then It was probably not the best circumstances for a reunion. I wonder if Taro will show up again in future chapters.
That ending bit in the last chapter was what I was waiting for. I like how it's almost metaphorical how it's shown that Hana doe not actually have complete faith in Raga as shown when she didn't jump even after Raga told her to repeatedly. I'd initially thought that Hana would get the keystone but then a rift will start to form between them DURING the Flygonite quest, but it looks like the cracks are already forming.
Overall this fic has a lot of things to like about it. I'm enjoying that this is a story trusting the strength of Hana's bond with her pokemon and whether or not it'll prevail in the end. I'm sure it will, eventually, but boy that's one bumpy road they're walking on.
Since I've started reading Legendary Adventures, I figured that I may as well check out this other fic to review for Catnip's reviews!
So I read Chapter 1, and the first thing I want to say is that I really love the basic idea of the fic; not only is it a cool "What if Flygon had a Megaevo?" concept, but I like that it explores what it must feel like from the Pokemon point of view, something that is never really touched upon, at least in the games. What would a Pokemon think at seeing another Pokemon mega evolve while they can't? Do they think it's unfair? Would they be jealous? Would they feel that something about them is "missing"?
What *does* decide what makes a Pokemon get a Megaevolution, in-universe? While reading this first chapter as soon as Hana said "nobody's found a Flygonite, they don't exist", I thought that since Megaevolution relies on a strong bond between human and Pokemon, maybe it's not that it doesn't exist, it's that no one has managed to create one yet triggering the evolution, so I'm really curious to see if that is the direction the story will go!
I really really liked the scene when the research team is observing the group of wild Pokemon battling, the idea that Pokemon of different species would gather to spar and fight so amicably is interesting! I feel like the scene with the Spinda getting up again and again to fight the Zangoose set up some nice foreshadowing and mirrors Raga's situation.
Hana thinks Spinda's effort as useless since they are technically weaker than a Zangoose, and since they don't evolve, in her eyes they have no chance to change things... But that is exactly Raga's situation at the moment, she lost because her opponent had something she didn't, but at the moment Hana doesn't quite see it yet. Raga doesn't want to give up and wants to keep trying the impossible, exactly like that Spinda.
Also Oliver is a cool guy. I like characters that drop wisdom bombs and leave the protagonist/other characters to figure it out lol, it always sets up nice scenes for the characters to reflect and mature.
I also really liked the Magikarp's story and the metaphor it carries: Hana again is too focused on the end goal; "why go to all that trouble if there wasn't even anything worthy at the end of the waterfall?"
But for the Magikarp, they literally changed and grew by getting there, and they only managed to do it because they had someone to support them... Or at least they thought they had.
You did so well to continue when everyone was mocking you,’ they told him.
The Magikarp, now in his new form, gazed at them in surprise. ‘Mocking me? I could hardly hear anything over the sound of the waterfall. I thought they were encouraging me!’
This scene really, really hit me. I don't know, just the whole idea that they *thought* it was encouragement when it was actually the opposite, but that's what they assumed it was and it still gave them strength... It says a lot about the Magikarp's personality and determination. As someone that has a bit of a pessimistic personality and would have immediately thought the exact opposite, that really made me think.
And Hana got it at the end! The scene where she realizes what Raga is doing night after night was really sweet, I liked it a lot. I'm definitely curious about how the duo will even approach their mission of looking for a Flygonite and what they will do, I'm already attached to Raga's
mission!!
Heyo, here for chapters one through three of this one; I'd had this on my list for a while, having heard enough about Hana and Raga that I was of course intrigued by their plight to mega evolve and finally prove that they're way better than any mean old garchomp. I'm very glad to get around to it, at long last.
I really liked your decision to start with Raga struggling to cope in the aftermath of the battle, which foregrounds the relationship between her and Hana early on — it allows us to get acquainted with their characters in a more subtle way, establishing a restrained atmosphere that emphasises both their strong bond with one another and the barriers that have arisen between them as of late given Raga's evolution and defeat in quick succession. You do a good job of telegraphing the themes of the story at this early stage, in fact! Regardless of whether Raga even finds a flygonite (should they turn out to exist), her main issue seems to lie in embracing who she is and feeling comfortable in her own skin without needing a power-up, as nice as one of those would be; Hana meanwhile seems caught between urging her pokémon to embrace herself and doing right by her wishes anyway, even if her search ends up being as fruitless as she fears it is. (More quietly, Hana seems to be in the process of balancing her current occupation, interning and doing research at Oliver's lab, with her interest in battling and keeping on top of her game as a trainer given Raga's competitive streak.) I think you do a good job of introducing us to the two and giving us a sense for Hana's POV here, and I like the decision you make with chapter two to cycle between the POV of trainer and pokémon: this is a story about their relationship, after all, and given Hana's need to fully listen to her pokémon, it's only fair that we as readers get a glimpse of Raga's inner world.
On the first two chapters, though, there were a few points that I didn't think worked quite as well for me. I was a little confused by Hana's takeaway from the magikarp story being that the magikarp only pressed onwards because it thought the mockery of its peers was actually encouragement, which in turn led it to press on and find what it wanted; while this is a good sentiment that speaks to Hana's own flaws as a person, it didn't feel like the story was about that so much as it was the magikarp pressing onwards in its own right and finding satisfaction in the real, the art of doing and growing as opposed to idolising something ideal — the point about receiving recognition from others barely seemed to factor into it as I was reading it, barring the one line ("the other Magikarp laughed at this sentiment") and the ending, and although I appreciated what it was going for it felt like the story was trying to focus on two different things (the needs of the magikarp as a person and the recognition of others) without properly reconciling them at the end. I feel it could've been more cohesive if you'd emphasised the magikarp viewing the reception it received from others as encouragement at an earlier point of the story, for example; you could still do this while noting that it received plenty of ridicule from its peers, and I feel as though Hana would still come away from it briefly confused before realising the purpose of the story later (which, for what it's worth, was a good decision).
I also wasn't sure about the decision to make chapter two a recollection of Raga's big battle, given that it serves to restate how we came to this point; relitigating this point made the pacing of the broader story feel a little inert. In particular it felt strange that we haven't learned all that much about the garchomp's trainer, such as their motivations or their general reason for being like this. I think he provides a crucial obstacle given the premise of the story, and he's a bit of an interesting case because for Raga's he's less relevant than the garchomp whose motivations require less work to justify ("I have to be good at battling so that I can bring honour to my trainer and not get hurt; I will do this by any means necessary; anyone who fails to pose an adequate challenge is beneath me"), but I didn't really have much interest in his conversation with Hana given that he just seems to be Some Guy with little interest in anything outside of being an obstacle to the protagonist. (I did still enjoy chapter two; Raga comes across as charming, diligent, and competitive in her own right, and I think ultimately, if you decided that you wanted this chapter to prioritise giving her a voice above all else, I couldn't begrudge you for that.)
Chapter three gives us a sense of forward momentum; in it, we get to see a manifestation of the strengths and shortcomings of Hana's ability to connect with Raga. We get a good sense of the effort that this journey requires in the boat scene, which I think serves a good double function as a transitional scene: it gives the characters time to introspect and reflect on how far they are going, both physically and metaphorically, to work on things, and it gives the story a sense of scale such that it is still a journey even if it isn't a traditional trainer adventure. That's very good, I think! The conversation between Hana and Taro is fun for giving us that sense that Hana has the whole "trainer" lark on hold for a while. The rest of the chapter plays out well enough, I think, although I have less to say for it: it's cool to see Steven pop up here, and I think the series of trials is a good idea that allows for some neat shenanigans (including the cliffhanger ending!) to play out.
Ash fluttered from the skies, coating the windowsill outside Hana’s room. Beyond the sooty windowpanes, she could make out the silhouette of a Flygon, perched on top of the hill.
Raga had been a Vibrava then and had immediately taken to swooping and diving about, batting the ash into clouds until she slipped into a sneezing fit.
Hana had laughed at the sight, and Raga had laughed as well, her strange little trills echoing through the air.
on the one hand :) and on the other :( -- you do a very good job of making Raga a charming beaft, she's animalistic and has a clear personality. love her
Hana flinched in surprise at the smooth telepathic voice in her head, which she assumed was the Orbeetle. With barely a second glance, Raga hurried to the door, and stepped through. It shut behind her, leaving Hana alone in the room. She checked her watch, then tried her best to make herself comfortable. Two minutes ticked by, then Orbeetle nodded to her and beckoned with one of its claws.
"Hello Miss Saito, and welcome to your first test."
She turned, and her eyes widened in surprise. Just to the side of the entrance, waiting for her, stood none other than Hoenn's former champion, Steven Stone.
She quickly relayed her plan to Raga in a low voice.
Raga hardly finished nodding in understanding before the referee called for the match to begin.
[...]
Raga landed and hissed irritably, shaking her body. Still, the hit hadn't been too bad, it looked. “Okay, we got this Raga.” A half baked plan rushed through her head. “Bug Buzz, sweep it across the field!”
Crawdaunt trainer frowned. “Jump to dodge it!”
Raga’s eyes blazed again, and she swept the red energy side to side across the field. It was substantially weaker this way, but that detail didn’t matter. It had already achieved what Hana hoped.
Crawdaunt weaved frantically side to side, hopping awkwardly to avoid the beam.
though I liked the battle a fair bit, there were areas where the pacing felt a bit funny to me, and I think it was mostly the rapid cutting between thoughts and ideas with the paragraph breaks -- it made things feel a little too jumpy and prevented me from properly stringing these ideas together with any sort of clear arc. e.g. she's speaking and then I'm cutting to Raga as though this is a whole new idea; Raga uses Bug Buzz, response (which, y'know, jumping to a new paragraph there *is* correct), Raga uses Bug Buzz and "it achieve what Hana hoped", Crawdaunt *then* responds after the fact
was unclear as to why this would swallow her as opposed to just her vision
Enjoyed this on the whole; glad I finally read it, and, you know, when you give me a big dragon this silly and goofy -- someone I would lay down my life for without any hesitation -- with such an important mission, I've gotta make sure I know how their quest unfolds. Love Raga. Would give all my earthly possessions to her. Great work! :)
Okay so??? I totally thought I had reviewed at least a few chapters of this, but I HAVEN’T? Turns out I’ve only beta read a couple (and I definitely read the first chapter but never formally reviewed it, apparently!) Time to rectify that!
ahahaha okay this is funny because you know the Mistborn trilogy, the one I keep telling you about? The first line of the first book is “Ash fell from the sky.” It’s a line that’s used a lot throughout the trilogy, particularly in climactic moments, so it’s just funny to see an almost identical opener here.
Raga had been a Vibrava then and had immediately taken to swooping and diving about, batting the ash into clouds until she slipped into a sneezing fit.
Hana watched her for a moment, brow furrowed, then shook her head. Tomorrow would be better. Some dedicated training would cheer Raga up, and then everything could go back to normal.
Oh LAWD No. 😂 Listen, this is the thing that tells me I would not be cut out to be a trainer. Camping? Sure, challenge accepted. Hiking? Sign me up! Early morning training regimens? Ha. Hahaha. NOPE.
Shaking her head, she followed a path through the greenhouse to a large lake that took up most of the rear area. A geyser of water erupted from the surface, spraying a shimmering rainbow. A moment later a Milotic breached the lake’s surface with a trilling cry. She fired a ring of water into the air, then twisted gracefully through it, scales shimmering in the sunlight.
Hmmm is this about Raga, or is this about you, Hana? Too afraid to branch out, so you keep convincing yourself that you’re fine where you are, that you’re perfectly happy with settling here?
Hana watched the scene unfold. First, a Zangoose broke away from the crowd and stepped into the circle. Judging by the size, it appeared to be the same Zangoose she’d observed the last two times they’d come to this valley. It stood nearly six inches taller than the other Zangoose.
“Am I crazy, or is that the same Spinda that keeps fighting?” She was fairly sure it bore the same pattern of spots, which were unique to every Spinda.
Oliver scribbled something in a journal and nodded. “Indeed it is.”
Hana frowned, staring at the Spinda as it once again left the ring to rest. “Why do you think it keeps fighting? Doesn’t it know it’s impossible for it to win?”
Oliver turned to face her, one eyebrow quirked. “Impossible?”
“The same way a trainer can carry a Slugma in their bare hands and not suffer a single burn?” Oliver smiled. “Remember, Hana. Pokemon are capable of incredible things. Who’s to say that Spinda won’t one day defeat every pokemon you see there?”
Okay BUT I REALLY REALLY LOVE THIS. Not just for the message, but because this is literally a feasible thing that could happen in canon. Magikarp didn’t always evolve into Gyarados, according to legends. And Pokémon like Stantler used to have evolutions that made them stronger. Others like Dunsparce didn’t have their evolutions “discovered” (i.e. added to the games) until much later! Spinda literally could be given an evolution or a form down the road, we have no idea, so it’s perfectly in-line with canon to say that Pokémon can adapt and go beyond the known restraints of their species.
Atta girl! I love that Raga, for all her strong will and stubbornness, waited for Hana to come to this conclusion rather than trying to force her. She wanted Hana to be as on board with the idea as she is. Granted, even with this realization, Hana isn’t fully convinced…but it’s a start.
That night as she cooked herself dinner, she nearly burned her stir-fry. Only Pi’s frantic squeaking alerted her to the dangerous sizzle of the pan. She snatched it off the fire and heaved a sharp sigh of relief
This is the tiniest nit-pick ever, but if Hana lives in a small apartment, why is she cooking over a fire? I’m going to assume this was a typo from habitually writing Koa cooking over fires, haha.
When she spoke, she carefully pieced her words together. She needed Raga to believe her. “Okay Raga. Maybe it is impossible. Maybe people are right when they say Flygonite doesn't exist. And even if we looked for it, we might not find it.” She let out a slow breath and looked into Raga’s eyes. “But... I’ll help you look anyway.”
Good on her for agreeing to this, even if she doesn’t really believe in it. She may not be signing up for this for the right reasons, but at least she’s willing to humor Raga at least a little.
As the last note of her cry faded, something inside Raga cracked. A dam opened inside her. Light flooded her vision and consumed her. Her entire body suddenly felt alive, every inch of it tingling with boundless, beautiful potential.
Man, this doubly sucks. I mean, losing a battle and being mocked for your species afterwards is bad enough, but losing so badly immediately after evolving? That stings. It probably tainted the experience quite a bit and made it hard for Raga to even enjoy her evolution afterwards.
Hmm yes, I see Raga has some flaws in her methodology as well. Both of them have some issues to overcome, and it’s fascinating to see how polar opposite yet similar they are; in a way, it’s the same problem at its root: perfectionism. But Raga seeks to fix this and become perfect, while Hana seeks to avoid anything that could lead to failure. What a great combination!
Unconsciously, she twirled the end of one of her ponytails around her finger as she watched Raga. And what of Raga? What happened when their search ended in failure? Would she really be satisfied? She sighed again. By the seas, I can't wait for this to be over.
A pang shot through Hana, but she kept her face even. She'd been happy those past couple months at the lab. She didn't miss the training, the preparation, the wins and losses, the sting of failure.
Are you sure you were happy? Or were you just content? Settled into a pleasant, if dull, rhythm because it was safer, because there wasn’t risk of failure like there is on a training journey? Really makes me wonder what exactly happened to have taken the wind out of her sails so completely.
Her eyes alighted upon a small figure some yards away, with a top hat perched on its head and a sign between two stubby forelimbs. It appeared to be a Nosepass, holding a sign that read 'Hana Saito'.
Oh! For some reason, it didn’t click until just now that Laguna is her Pokémon. I always thought Laguna was a lab Pokémon, since that’s where we get introduced to her.
"Precisely. From the moment you arrived, you were being tested. If the Nosepass hadn't trusted you, he would have led you in circles. Then, if you had accepted or considered trading your pokemon, or leaving your trainer, then you would have failed." She let her gaze rest upon Hana and Raga in turn.
I love this so much. No better way to test a person’s character than when they have no idea that they’re being tested in the first place. Also, lol at the visual of Nosepass leading someone in circles around the city for hours.
Hana traded a glance with Raga, who looked utterly unperturbed. Hana quickly disguised the anxiety in her own eyes. Best not to dwell on the potential failure.
Man, it’s so telling to see the difference between the two of them here. Raga has every confidence in the world—confidence in both of them, while Hana has very little. I think it’s not so much that Hana doesn’t trust Raga, but that she’s got some sort of hangup on trusting herself, and that insecurity bleeds into everything else. When you’re a trainer, if you don’t have confidence in yourself, then it’s hard to have confidence in your Pokémon; it’s a relationship that really needs effort from both sides because they depend on one another so much.
"Hello Miss Saito, and welcome to your first test."
She turned, and her eyes widened in surprise. Just to the side of the entrance, waiting for her, stood none other than Hoenn's former champion, Steven Stone.
Lolol are you suuuure about that, Hana? Quite a big assumption to make of someone who has risen so high through the ranks. I don’t think anybody makes it that far without some doubts along the way.
Far too many reckless trainers would injure themselves delving into dangerous caves." He paused, clearing his throat. She swore she detected a faint hint of embarrassment.
Man, I love this test so much, and the fact that Raga isn’t even in the room is freaking genius. I wish we got a little more elaboration here—maybe Hana realizes that none of the Flygon here have that spark when she makes eye contact with them, or something like that.
Raga placed a claw on Hana's shoulder and gave a high, eager cry followed by a sharp nod of her head. I trust you.
A knot of tension faded from Hana's chest, and she carefully tied the blindfold over her eyes. She flexed her hands and took a deep breath. A smile formed on her lips, this time a genuine one. "We got this," she whispered.
This hurts a little, knowing how the chapter ends. Raga trusts Hana, but Hana doesn’t trust herself—or Raga, by extension. It’s sad, but poignant that, despite Raga’s complete faith in her, it’s not enough and ultimately can’t make up for that deficit within Hana herself. That’s how confidence works irl, too.
The referee's piercing whistle signified the end of the match. For the first time since the fight began, Hana allowed herself to relax as she let out a long breath. Her heart was still beating rapidly, and her hands were shaking slightly. Yet she felt... exhilarated. How long had it been since she'd felt like this?
Raga pushed the blindfold off and shrieked with triumph, before flying towards Hana and grabbing her into a hug. Hana laughed, wrapping her arms around the dragon and pressing her cheek against her silky scales. How long has it been since you've seen Raga like this?
Hmm so are you saying staying at the lab wasn’t fulfilling either of you like this is? Hm? Hmmm?
It makes me think of the phrase “good, better, best.” The lab wasn’t at all a bad thing, in fact it’s been a very good place for a lot of reasons. It may even be a “better” place. But it’s not the best. It doesn’t light the spark in them that they feel (and used to feel) as a training duo.
"This dream you two are chasing... are you truly prepared for whatever answer you find?"
Hana nodded, maybe a little too quick. "Sure." Her voice felt uncomfortably high pitched. She cleared her throat. "We're fine. Whatever we find, we'll be fine."
I find this to be such an interesting question, because it doesn’t seem like he’s asking “are you prepared to be disappointed if you don’t find one?” It feels more like he’s asking what Hana will do if they do find one. Because rest assured, Raga’s not going to be content to just fly back home and go back to a sedentary life as a lab assistant’s mon. Not after finding a Flygonite. I wonder if Hana knows this somewhere deep down, too.
A high shriek cut through the air and Hana paused. That was Raga. Almost immediately, she heard Raga again, this time letting out a sharp, high chirp. Jump?
Ah man this is such a gut-punch. Hana wasn’t really trusting or relying on Raga the whole time to begin with (in this leg, at least), so it makes sense that she would disregard Raga’s warning. Big oof for Raga though; she did everything right and put all her faith in Hana, but Hana couldn’t reciprocate.
Oh hi, Raga 😂 I haven’t read this chapter before (I think? If I have, it’s been a while and I’d forgotten a lot), but it’s already very clear to me what’s going on ahahaha
A great and awesome battle ensued. The old Flygon was strong, smart, and tough. But Hana never gave up, and together, they managed to land just enough powerful blows to take it down.
Bahaha I love this initial description of Trapinch. I love them because they’re such dopey little bobbleheads, and this matches their awkwardness so well.
“Great!” She stuck out her hand. After a moment, Hana shook it. “Name’s Irene! I sometimes give tours through the city in my spare time. I was about to head in for the night, but I can show you to a nice place for the night if you want. And I’ll give a discount, since it's late anyway. How does... 250poke sound?”
“No! Stay there,” Hana snapped. Pi froze, then noticed the spikes, his eyes widening. “Pi, I need you to try and sense electricity in the air. If we’re close to a pokemon center, it’ll be the only place using a bunch of electricity at this hour. Understand?”
Something squeaked again, this time much louder. A light flashed at her side, one of her pokeballs opening. Hana turned to look. The world twisted and suddenly she crashed into the cool tiles of the floor. The last thing she saw was the frantic faces of Pi and Cosmo, eyes filled with distress. Then a warm, dark haze enveloped her.
Bahahaha so true. 😂 I love that you point this out, because so many times in fic people will write Pokémon moving around without really accounting for, you know, their actual species. Like…idk, saying a Quagsire just “ran” somewhere. My brain can’t compute that.
She managed to tear her eyes away for just a moment to look at Trapinch. From her burrow, she watched, jaws spread wide, the reflection of the light show dancing in her dark eyes. She reared up slightly, rumbling and calling out, as if cheering them on, her stubby forelegs pawing the air. Somewhere beneath the awe and amazement, Hana recognized something else.
Awww bless Raga. She’s so determined and hopeful, she went on a journey just to see this! And the description of her sparkly eyes and pawing at the air is TOO cute 😭
You know, I really love the placement of this flashback chapter. Hana and Raga just failed the test, there’s been a lot of tension building between them the whole time, and Hana herself has been wrestling with some inner demons. This flashback really drives home that they weren’t always like that, and gives an inkling of hope that they can go back to who they were when it all started.
Wellll, a decade really isn’t that long since a new scientific discovery! Especially in the Pokémon world, where “new discoveries” (aka new game gimmicks lol) are always popping up all the time. Honestly, being a scientist in the Pokémon world would be the most exciting and/or the most frustrating thing ever, because every few years your understanding of something just gets totally upended. 😂
“We uh... I kind of messed up the test. So I’m heading home and we’re just gonna have to find another way.” When she looked up, Taro was staring at her like she’d asked if Caterpie evolved into Rayquaza.
YES, bless you Taro! Hana needs someone to just give it to her straight, and nobody is more suited for that than her rival, who knows what she’s capable of.
“No, you quit. You could have gone back, at least tried to convince them to let you retake it. You gave up.” With a huff, Taro spun around and strode away.
Hoo boy. Perhaps he was a bit harsh, but he was absolutely on the money. Hana is fleeing to safety once again, taking the safe way out, and he just called her on it in no uncertain terms.
Lololol okay for some reason I just had the funniest and most ooc image of Steven in my head, where anybody asking to be taken to “Mr. Stone” would get teleported to Devon Corp in Rustboro instead. 😂 “I already told you, Mr. Stone is my father!”
For some reason she always assumed that the son of one of the most prolific and profitable businesses in Hoenn would have a fancy office.
The room was undeniably huge, yet plain. Her gaze was immediately seized by the hulking giant of an Aggron curled up on one side of the room. One eye flicked open to stare at her, and it grunted in acknowledgement before returning to its nap. A display case along one wall was filled with stones of every kind, and the rest of the room was taken up by a plain wooden desk, behind which sat Steven himself.
This is so perfectly fitting for Steven, Aggron bed and all. (I realize a bed wasn’t actually described but I pictured him curled up on one anyway, lol)
“If you’re back here, that means you might have figured out that the ‘one chance’ part was a bit of a fib. I do apologize for the theatrics, but far too many trainers simply aren’t ready for Mega Evolution, so I had to be sure the key stones I give out only go to those who both have a strong bond and are truly determined. Of the trainers that fail, only a few try to return, and those are the ones I find who possess true fortitude of spirit.”
Yesss I love the difference here! Before, she remembered as much of the course as she could and barely paid attention to Raga at all, counting on her own instincts. But now, she’s discarding everything and only listening to Raga. We love to see it!
Steven stroked his chin in thought. “Mega Evolution is still mysterious, to say the least. It’s believed that mega stones form in response to surges of the right sort of aura from said species, along with a combination of factors in the earth that no one is sure of. If you were to find one, the best spot would be where you can find Flygon themselves.”
Steven nodded knowingly. “Good luck to you both then. Or rather, as long as you have each other, you won’t need luck.” He held out his hand to shake, and Hana took it.
Hana nodded. “Yes I... Well, after what you said I started thinking and realized maybe I should try to ask them to give me another shot. So thank you. If you hadn’t said anything to me I probably would have just gone home. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you out.”
Taro quickly shook his head. “Nah, I’m sorry too. I was pretty harsh with you. I guess I just miss battling with you all the time. Now that you’re at the lab I never run into you on the road. I mean, who am I supposed to curbstomp if you’re not around? It’s just not the same.”
Man, it’s refreshing to see a rival dynamic like this! Genuine friends, but not without a healthy amount of trash talk and banter. But when the chips are down, they’re not afraid to drop pretenses and be actually real with each other, as shown by Taro earlier. It’s fantastic.
Man, this is great so far!! I know you’ve expressed struggles with Hana’s character—it’s been a while since I’ve seen you talk about it, so maybe it’s not as much of a struggle anymore, but I actually got a really good sense of her personality and character through these chapters. She’s obviously gunshy thanks to something happening, but whatever it is, it must have been subtle enough that not even her Pokémon or Taro are really aware of what sparked the change. Idk if you already have plans for this, but I have a couple theories and am more than happy to brainstorm if you’d like.
Anyway, this flows so nicely and it’s a wonderful character study! I hope we get to see a little more of Raga’s issues eventually, too. Great work!!
What a guy. But it's for the best, I'm glad she could go back and get it. (One thing I'm unsure about, does Steven mean the first run is rigged to fail, or is coming back only part of the test if you don't screw up the first one?) I'm glad to get a look at him being nicer towards the end of the chapter, too.
