| Sharing the Blame | Most Outrageous Prank | |
| Playful Ribbing | Secret Handshake | Road Trip! |
| Earning a Nickname | Inside Joke |
Chapter 2: The Troublemaker
Well, at the very least, Gladion could say he was full. He never took Guzma for a cook, but apparently, it was a closet hobby of his. He made a mental checkmark in his head--friends learned stuff about each other, right? Well, that was something new he knew about Guzma.
However, although his stomach felt full, his brain was on the opposite end of the spectrum. The longer he sat there, watching the two Mankey’s play this video game, the smoother, smaller, and emptier his brain was starting to feel.
He’d heard of the game before--Grand Theft Auto: Castelia. His mother had never let him play video games like this, so he supposed it was moderately interesting to watch it in such close proximity. But, he couldn’t help but think that the way Hau and Guzma were going about it was not the correct way to play it.
There was obviously some sort of story to it--albeit, a raunchy, degenerate one--and yet, all they were doing was wreaking havoc on the in-game characters. Watching Guzma make his character run over geriatric after geriatric while riding a shiny Camerupt was starting to make him question why the former Skull boss wasn’t in a jail cell yet.
Gladion found himself somewhat shocked when Hau decided to pause the game, because the psychopath had been laughing like a drugged up Mr. Mime for almost five minutes. He turned his head over to the weathered beige couch, where the two had taken to sitting. Gladion had opted to keep his distance for now, and sat securely in the lone bean bag chair next to the lopsided coffee table.
“Bro, what the fuck, I had a streak goin’!” Guzma yelled. The volume of his voice caused Gladion to flinch.
“Do you have to be so loud?” he muttered.
Guzma evidently ignored the comment, because he was more caught up in whatever Hau was up to.
“Yo, Guz,” Hau began. “Wanna see a pic of my cock?”
Gladion choked on the breath he was in the middle of taking in. He could just barely catch the way Guzma scrunched his brows through his coughing fit.
“What?” Gladion sputtered.
“Fuck no!” Guzma shouted.
Despite the clear opposition, Hau retrieved his wallet from his pocket, and Guzma stood up and raised a fist. He looked like a frightened Glameow trying to make itself look bigger.
“I said no!” he menaced.
Hau yanked what looked to be a Polaroid picture from a pocket in the wallet, and flashed it to him.
It was a picture of a Blaziken. Nothing more.
“Pic of my cock,” Hau said, his cheeks beginning to puff with threatening laughter.
“That’s a Blaziken, motherfucker!”
Hau had barely started busting a gut as Guzma hauled off and began to beat him with one of the worn couch cushions. All Gladion could really do at that point was...watch. It felt like he’d just turned on the nature channel, to a well-timed showing of their “Idiots in the Wild” special.
He tried his hardest to level his breathing, as he witnessed Hau push Guzma off of him with his feet, and fling himself over the back of the couch. He begrudgingly pushed himself up to stand, in order to get a better look at what was to come. It was all like a car crash--hard to look at, but he couldn’t look away.
“I thought you’d enjoy it since you told me you were bi!” Hau screeched. He was so breathless from laughing, he had a hard time getting back to his feet to run away from his attacker.
“Yeah, I said I was bisexual, not somebody with shit standards,” Guzma said, just before barreling into Hau and pulling him back to the floor. Hau screamed through his giggles, before losing his voice to another wheeze.
“Just tell me you’re not attracted to me, I can take it!” Hau said. He had curled himself into a ball to ward off Guzma’s oncoming punches. However, from what Gladion was seeing, it looked like the punches were merely playful, with no true malicious intent behind them. Gladion was only assuming as much, because he’d seen Guzma hit with malicious intent...surely Hau wouldn’t be laughing as hard as he was if Guzma was truly trying to hurt him. He probably wouldn’t be conscious, actually.
“Okay, I’m not fucking attracted to you, you look like a shriveled up Kakuna.”
Hau abruptly stopped laughing, and sucked in a deep, offended breath. “Hurtful!”
Now, it was Guzma’s turn to start laughing. He fell back onto his rear and clutched his stomach as he doubled over, his giggles rocking his shoulders. Hau sat up and landed a few moderately paced punches to his right shoulder.
“And you look like a cracked-out Zigzagoon that decided to stand up and dress like a butch twink.”
Guzma wheezed. “Butch twink,” he choked.
Hau paused, then also wheezed. “Shriveled up Kakuna.”
Soon they were just laughing in each other’s faces. Gladion felt his eyebrow start to twitch. This Mankey brain humor was lost on him, and the regret was starting to creep in again.
“Uh...are you guys okay?” he asked. That was all he could manage, because he wasn’t sure what else he could say in this situation.
The duo quickly allowed their laughs to subside. Hau wiped away some tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes, while Guzma struggled to clear his throat. He had to punch his chest a few times for good measure.
“Yeah homie, all’s good,” Hau said, stumbling to his feet. He stretched a hand out to Guzma. “We’re just fucking around.”
“Well, Hau’s being an ass and I’m humoring him,” Guzma corrected as he grasped Hau’s hand and pulled himself up.
“So, basically what I said,” Hau commented. Guzma flashed his fist, prompting Hau to raise his hands defensively.
“I’ll pummel you again, say I won’t.”
“No man, I’m still trying to digest lunch, that was enough for me.” Hau rested his hand back on his stomach as he hobbled back around to the front of the couch. Guzma took the easier route and simply jumped back over the back of it, landing in a sitting position precisely where he was before he started his assault. Gladion took that as a sign that he could sit back down in his spot.
“You’re goddamn lucky I didn’t puke all over you,” Hau said.
“I’d have killed you. Gladion would have needed to help me hide your body.”
At the sound of his name, Gladion stiffened. “No, no, no. Don’t get me involved in your troublemaking hypotheticals.”
“Aw, thanks for keeping your nose out of my murder, homie,” Hau said, offering a sweet smile.
Unsure how to respond yet again, Gladion froze. “...sure?” he said after a moment.
Guzma picked up his controller again, and Hau did the same. They were quickly re-immersed in their virtual carnage. Guzma continued to flatten pedestrians with his flame camel, while Hau utilized the powers of a Giritina to rob a bank. It was complete and utter chaos on both halves of the small screen.
Truthfully, after what he’d just witnessed, it somehow made sense. The two of them together meant trouble in the real world, and even virtual worlds. He had to wonder if they’d ever had any sort of argument like that in public. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out, or be around when and if it happened again. Gods, what if they broke into some sort of meaningless fight while the League was in session? He couldn’t fathom it.
But, if you’re friends with them, you’ll just have to deal with it, right?
He sighed quietly.
Well, he supposed, if he did manage to wriggle his way into their tight-knit duo, he’d have to do his best to reel them in. Be the buffer to their energy, if that would even be possible.
No, no. He was thinking too far ahead. He’d only be hanging out with them for about an hour, and he very clearly needed to take some baby steps here.
He was abruptly snapped from his thoughts when Hau spoke to him again.
“Hey, sorry again that I only have two controllers, the third one’s been broken for a while,” he said. His eyes never moved from the screen. “Are you sure you don’t want to jump in? I can take a break.”
Gladion averted his attention back to the screen. He watched as Hau’s character mowed through a day-care center, riding on the Giritina’s back. He cringed slightly. This was clearly a game that did not meet his tastes. If he’d known better, he’d have brought one of his Lego series games for them to play instead. Or...maybe not. They didn’t need to know he had those on hand.
“No. I’ll leave you to cause your trouble for now.”