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Pokémon Gladion's Friendship Hijinks (Anniversary Bingo Thread)


Angy Tumbleweed
In Guzma's Closet
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
Hi! Welcome to my bingo thread! Thanks for stopping by!

Instead of doing multiple standalone one-shots or drabbles, this is going to be a short, yet multi-chaptered fic centered around my problem boys, Gladion, Guzma, and Hau. Each chapter will revolve around a single cell from my chart here!

Sharing the BlameMost Outrageous PrankCrashing a Party
Playful RibbingSecret HandshakeRoad Trip!
The TroublemakerEarning a NicknameInside Joke

This fic will be rated T, for strong language, drug usage, and light angst. This is intended to be a comedic/crack tale, full of shitty Vine, meme, and Oneyplays references. If you're looking for somethin' a lil' more serious, you probably won't find it here!

I'm not having any of this beta'd--I'm kind of just going to sprint, proofread, and post. Feel free to knock me for any issues you see, but don't come for me too hard! :ROFLMAO:

This story takes place in the same timeline/universe as my longfic White Swan, Black Swan. While these characters have yet to show up in that particular fic, they are slated to in the near future. There will be occasional mentions of the MC of that longfic, Odette, in these chapters, so if at all confused by that name among these canon characters, refer to that!

In this story, Gladion is 22, Guzma is 25, and Hau is 20. If at all alarmed by anything Hau or Gladion might be saying or doing with or without Guzma, please be aware that they are all being written of LEGAL age!

Table of Contents:
Chapter 1
Crashing a Party
Chapter 2
The Troublemaker
Chapter 3
Secret Handshake
Chapter 4
Inside Jokes
Chapter 5
Sharing the Blame
Chapter 6
Earning a Nickname
Chapter 7
Road Trip!
Chapter 8
Playful Ribbing
Chapter 9
Most Outrageous Prank
Last edited:


Angy Tumbleweed
In Guzma's Closet
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
Sharing the BlameMost Outrageous PrankCrashing a Party
Playful RibbingSecret HandshakeRoad Trip!
The TroublemakerEarning a NicknameInside Joke

Chapter 1: Crashing a Party
I know you’ve all been through a lot, but if you five can’t find it in yourselves to somehow be friends, this League is not going to last.

Kukui’s words were stuck on replay in Gladion’s head as he walked slowly down the dirt path that perforated Hala’s land. As much as he wanted the Professor to be wrong, Gladion had to begrudgingly admit that there was a truth hidden in there somewhere.

Thinking back to the beginning of August, he’d remembered just how ready he was to compete in the trial. How ready he was to be Alola’s first reigning champion. He had so many ideas in his head on how to make the newly established League the best in the world, and he’d had so many ideas about how he was going to break away from his mother as a result of it.

He’d finally get to be his own person.

Well, Lusamine was always one step ahead, it seemed. Always there to thwart his plans to break free of her mold. Next thing he knew, being champion was the last thing he wanted to be. Really, all he wanted to do was crawl in a hole and stay there. No human interaction, hell, no Pokemon interaction. Just him alone, being his miserable self.

But, he’d secured his spot in the League by leaving the trials in the top five. Not showing up to the final showdown didn’t change that. Now, he had no choice but to socialize. To make amends. And, as Kukui was so desperately putting it, to make friends with his new coworkers.

Gladion had decided, that instead of doing the unthinkable and trying to speak with the opposite sex, he’d start small. Though, he wasn’t sure if he’d call trying to befriend Guzma and Hau a “small” task. He barely knew Hau from Adam, but Guzma...there was that history, that bridge between them, created by the wretched things Lusamine had done, that was going to make this process...awkward. Extremely awkward.

Not to mention, there was the fact of the matter that the two of them had already had a head start on this “friendship making” thing. Hala had taken Guzma under his wing, considering the former Skull boss couldn’t just up and go back home. Now, it was apparent that he and Hau were borderline inseparable.

Gladion felt like he was getting ready to crash a party he wasn’t invited to.

He’d gotten so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t realized he’d arrived at the humble guest cabin until he was standing on its lawn. He stared at it for a long moment, before peering back down the path. Perhaps it wasn’t too late to turn back?

He shook his head, then slowly trudged up the two steps to the shabby porch. He needed to make himself do this. For the League’s sake, at least.

Now that he was up close and personal with the cabin, he could clearly make out the fresh yet uneven paint-job. The porch light next to the aged front door was spewing broken wires, which was causing the bulb to blink intermittently. The stench of rotting wood wafted by his nose as the breeze picked up, and he grimaced. Not a glamorous living space by any means; certainly not much better in quality than the shady house in Po Town. But that wasn’t the focus here.

He balled his hand into a fist, so tight that his knuckles turned white…

And knocked.

Some unintelligible yelling could be heard from inside, followed by a loud crashing noise. It caused Gladion to jump, and a sense of unease filled his gut. Not because he was afraid of what the noise entailed, but more because he wasn’t sure if he was prepared to spend a day with these two Mankeys.

No. No. He’d have to truck through. He was sure he’d have enough brain cells to spare.

Before his regret had a chance to creep back in, the door swung open. Standing before him, dressed in lounge clothes, was Hau. His hair was down, which Gladion wasn’t quite used to seeing yet. He couldn’t help but blink in surprise, and it looked like Hau was doing the same.

“G...Gladion?” he said incredulously.

The corners of Gladion’s lips twitched, as if trying to form a smile. He couldn’t quite do it, so he settled for shifting his weight uncomfortably.

“Uh...hi, Hau,” he greeted stiffly. “Hala told me you guys would, uh...be here.”

Hau raised a brow, and whatever he planned to say was interrupted by another voice from deeper inside the cabin.

“Who is it?” Guzma shouted. “I’d come see, but I’m only making our fucking lunch, you goddamned ungrateful scrub.”

“It’s Gladion!” Hau called back, ignoring the insult. Gladion flinched at the sound of his own name.

There was a sound of pans clattering, followed by a sizzling. Gladion lowered her brows in concern. Were they...cooking?

Suddenly, Guzma came bounding up behind Hau. He had his own look of puzzlement plastered on his face. His wife-beater tank was stained with splotches of what looked to be different kinds of sauces.

“Huh, you weren’t bullshitting me,” he said, crossing his arms. “The hell are you doing here? We thought you were dead.”

There wasn’t any hostility in his voice, like Gladion was anticipating, but the words made him gulp nonetheless. He began to nervously scratch his neck, just trying to keep his hands busy.

“Uh, no…” he said. He didn’t know his voice could ever get this meek, but here he was. “I just was in the neighborhood and wanted to see...if you guys were busy.”

Both Guzma and Hau’s features scrunched up. Did powerful friendships make people do things in perfect sync?

You were in Iki Town?” Hau asked. “Just happened to be strolling through here?”

“I...yes?” Gladion started tugging on the collar of his shirt. “I went to Hala’s first, but he told me that you,” he paused to point at Guzma. “were living here, and Hau was over. So I just stopped by.”

The duo exchanged looks.

“Why?” they asked tentatively.

Yep, friendship definitely made people do things in sync. Gladion wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. But he’d already gotten this for.

For the League.

He cleared his throat to compose himself. He straightened his posture, and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ve been thinking about what Kukui said to us the other day. We all haven’t exactly been on...talking terms since Ultra Space,” he said. He briefly scanned their faces for any traces of animosity at the mention of that place. It had silently become a taboo subject among them, but he wasn’t sure how else to explain himself. When they remained unwavering, he continued.

“But I wanted to try making amends,” he said quickly. “I wanted to...see if we could be friends.”

Hau was the first one to raise his brows. Guzma took a little longer to react, as he was still looking rather skeptical. He only changed his face when Hau shot another look at him. Something of a wordless conversation passed between them.

And they smirked.

Oh shit, Gladion thought dejectedly.

Hau slung his arm around Gladion’s neck before he could react.

“Took ya long enough, bro!” Hau cheered. “Of course we’re down to be friends!”

Gladion stared at him, wide-eyed.

Was it that easy?

“I honestly thought you were just gonna drop out,” Guzma chided.

“But he didn’t!” Hau said urgently, punching him in the shoulder. Guzma winced lightly, before shrugging it off.

“Come on in dude, Guzma’s trying his hand at making stir fry, and it smells deeee-lish,” Hau said back to Gladion, starting to lead him inside.

“Keyword ‘try,’” Guzma added.

Gladion didn’t try to fight Hau’s grip. In fact, he felt himself going willingly. He actually didn’t realize how hungry he was until he walked through the door and was promptly smacked in the nose with an aroma that he could only describe as enticing.

He still felt like he was crashing a party, but at least he could say he’d done so successfully.
Chapter 2 - The Troublemaker


Angy Tumbleweed
In Guzma's Closet
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
Sharing the BlameMost Outrageous PrankCrashing a Party
Playful RibbingSecret HandshakeRoad Trip!
The TroublemakerEarning a NicknameInside Joke

Chapter 2: The Troublemaker

Well, at the very least, Gladion could say he was full. He never took Guzma for a cook, but apparently, it was a closet hobby of his. He made a mental checkmark in his head--friends learned stuff about each other, right? Well, that was something new he knew about Guzma.

However, although his stomach felt full, his brain was on the opposite end of the spectrum. The longer he sat there, watching the two Mankey’s play this video game, the smoother, smaller, and emptier his brain was starting to feel.

He’d heard of the game before--Grand Theft Auto: Castelia. His mother had never let him play video games like this, so he supposed it was moderately interesting to watch it in such close proximity. But, he couldn’t help but think that the way Hau and Guzma were going about it was not the correct way to play it.

There was obviously some sort of story to it--albeit, a raunchy, degenerate one--and yet, all they were doing was wreaking havoc on the in-game characters. Watching Guzma make his character run over geriatric after geriatric while riding a shiny Camerupt was starting to make him question why the former Skull boss wasn’t in a jail cell yet.

Gladion found himself somewhat shocked when Hau decided to pause the game, because the psychopath had been laughing like a drugged up Mr. Mime for almost five minutes. He turned his head over to the weathered beige couch, where the two had taken to sitting. Gladion had opted to keep his distance for now, and sat securely in the lone bean bag chair next to the lopsided coffee table.

“Bro, what the fuck, I had a streak goin’!” Guzma yelled. The volume of his voice caused Gladion to flinch.

“Do you have to be so loud?” he muttered.

Guzma evidently ignored the comment, because he was more caught up in whatever Hau was up to.

“Yo, Guz,” Hau began. “Wanna see a pic of my cock?”

Gladion choked on the breath he was in the middle of taking in. He could just barely catch the way Guzma scrunched his brows through his coughing fit.

“What?” Gladion sputtered.

Fuck no!” Guzma shouted.

Despite the clear opposition, Hau retrieved his wallet from his pocket, and Guzma stood up and raised a fist. He looked like a frightened Glameow trying to make itself look bigger.

“I said no!” he menaced.

Hau yanked what looked to be a Polaroid picture from a pocket in the wallet, and flashed it to him.

It was a picture of a Blaziken. Nothing more.

“Pic of my cock,” Hau said, his cheeks beginning to puff with threatening laughter.

That’s a Blaziken, motherfucker!

Hau had barely started busting a gut as Guzma hauled off and began to beat him with one of the worn couch cushions. All Gladion could really do at that point was...watch. It felt like he’d just turned on the nature channel, to a well-timed showing of their “Idiots in the Wild” special.

He tried his hardest to level his breathing, as he witnessed Hau push Guzma off of him with his feet, and fling himself over the back of the couch. He begrudgingly pushed himself up to stand, in order to get a better look at what was to come. It was all like a car crash--hard to look at, but he couldn’t look away.

“I thought you’d enjoy it since you told me you were bi!” Hau screeched. He was so breathless from laughing, he had a hard time getting back to his feet to run away from his attacker.

“Yeah, I said I was bisexual, not somebody with shit standards,” Guzma said, just before barreling into Hau and pulling him back to the floor. Hau screamed through his giggles, before losing his voice to another wheeze.

“Just tell me you’re not attracted to me, I can take it!” Hau said. He had curled himself into a ball to ward off Guzma’s oncoming punches. However, from what Gladion was seeing, it looked like the punches were merely playful, with no true malicious intent behind them. Gladion was only assuming as much, because he’d seen Guzma hit with malicious intent...surely Hau wouldn’t be laughing as hard as he was if Guzma was truly trying to hurt him. He probably wouldn’t be conscious, actually.

“Okay, I’m not fucking attracted to you, you look like a shriveled up Kakuna.”

Hau abruptly stopped laughing, and sucked in a deep, offended breath. “Hurtful!”

Now, it was Guzma’s turn to start laughing. He fell back onto his rear and clutched his stomach as he doubled over, his giggles rocking his shoulders. Hau sat up and landed a few moderately paced punches to his right shoulder.

“And you look like a cracked-out Zigzagoon that decided to stand up and dress like a butch twink.”

Guzma wheezed. “Butch twink,” he choked.

Hau paused, then also wheezed. “Shriveled up Kakuna.”

Soon they were just laughing in each other’s faces. Gladion felt his eyebrow start to twitch. This Mankey brain humor was lost on him, and the regret was starting to creep in again.

“Uh...are you guys okay?” he asked. That was all he could manage, because he wasn’t sure what else he could say in this situation.

The duo quickly allowed their laughs to subside. Hau wiped away some tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes, while Guzma struggled to clear his throat. He had to punch his chest a few times for good measure.

“Yeah homie, all’s good,” Hau said, stumbling to his feet. He stretched a hand out to Guzma. “We’re just fucking around.”

“Well, Hau’s being an ass and I’m humoring him,” Guzma corrected as he grasped Hau’s hand and pulled himself up.

“So, basically what I said,” Hau commented. Guzma flashed his fist, prompting Hau to raise his hands defensively.

“I’ll pummel you again, say I won’t.”

“No man, I’m still trying to digest lunch, that was enough for me.” Hau rested his hand back on his stomach as he hobbled back around to the front of the couch. Guzma took the easier route and simply jumped back over the back of it, landing in a sitting position precisely where he was before he started his assault. Gladion took that as a sign that he could sit back down in his spot.

“You’re goddamn lucky I didn’t puke all over you,” Hau said.

“I’d have killed you. Gladion would have needed to help me hide your body.”

At the sound of his name, Gladion stiffened. “No, no, no. Don’t get me involved in your troublemaking hypotheticals.”

“Aw, thanks for keeping your nose out of my murder, homie,” Hau said, offering a sweet smile.

Unsure how to respond yet again, Gladion froze. “...sure?” he said after a moment.

Guzma picked up his controller again, and Hau did the same. They were quickly re-immersed in their virtual carnage. Guzma continued to flatten pedestrians with his flame camel, while Hau utilized the powers of a Giritina to rob a bank. It was complete and utter chaos on both halves of the small screen.

Truthfully, after what he’d just witnessed, it somehow made sense. The two of them together meant trouble in the real world, and even virtual worlds. He had to wonder if they’d ever had any sort of argument like that in public. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out, or be around when and if it happened again. Gods, what if they broke into some sort of meaningless fight while the League was in session? He couldn’t fathom it.

But, if you’re friends with them, you’ll just have to deal with it, right?

He sighed quietly.

Well, he supposed, if he did manage to wriggle his way into their tight-knit duo, he’d have to do his best to reel them in. Be the buffer to their energy, if that would even be possible.

No, no. He was thinking too far ahead. He’d only be hanging out with them for about an hour, and he very clearly needed to take some baby steps here.

He was abruptly snapped from his thoughts when Hau spoke to him again.

“Hey, sorry again that I only have two controllers, the third one’s been broken for a while,” he said. His eyes never moved from the screen. “Are you sure you don’t want to jump in? I can take a break.”

Gladion averted his attention back to the screen. He watched as Hau’s character mowed through a day-care center, riding on the Giritina’s back. He cringed slightly. This was clearly a game that did not meet his tastes. If he’d known better, he’d have brought one of his Lego series games for them to play instead. Or...maybe not. They didn’t need to know he had those on hand.

“No. I’ll leave you to cause your trouble for now.”
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