Spiteful Murkrow
Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
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Hey everybody, @Virgil134 and I figured that it was a good idea to get back into a more normal bumping schedule, and it has been about 2 weeks, so it’s about time for another review roundup, huh?
@Gyeig
I mean, it could’ve gone worse, at least? Since in one of the really early ideas for this scene that didn’t make the cut was that Pleo would find some booze on the ship, drink it without knowing what he was getting into and wind up hung over the next day.
It’s only Elty among those groups, and yes, it’s meant to indicate that he’s from a different island from Tromba. He’s not quite the only character with that “accent” in this story, but it’ll be a while before that comes up from where you’re at.
Technically, it’s more “island with pirate neighborhood on it”. Real pirate island is still a few arcs away from where you’re at.
Glad to hear that you’re enjoying things so far. We work hard to pull off those character dynamics. ^^
More or less, yeah. This won’t be the only arc where they’re relevant, but it’s the first.
Yup. This was kinda implied by his rank as a ‘Commissioner’ while as early as Chapter 12, there were mentions of how Tromba has an ‘Administrator’. It was about time to show a bit more of the Company’s structure.
In the future, if you notice particular bits that struck you as being wordy or confusing to read, feel free to point them out specifically. Though glad to hear that on balance, you’re having a good time with this story. Your reviews have been a blast so far. ^^
@Arukona
Don’t feel too bad. There was a lot of material competing for time and energy in that event, so I can relate to the feeling.
A trip over to the mission board to cough up a reward? :V
Hilariously enough, there’s a party member down the pipe who more or less fills this role. Just not with a newspaper.
Hrm. We’ll keep it in mind, even if this might be one of those flaws that we opt to leave alone and learn from in the future.
Actor: “My island? Look, I just moved out here. I’m not the one who thinks that it doesn’t sound totally stupid to call a Swoobat a ‘Rhinolove.’”
Oh, I’m eagerly awaiting the part where you get to the authors’ commentary about this episode to see how your thoughts about her evolve. :P
Margi: “Because he’s literally a demon? Did nobody with a Mark ever point this out to you in the past?”
Or, hear me out: what if he listened to them for a time?
Well, “safe hands” is relative, but he definitely has a lot fewer friends when off-island to lean on.
He was planning on stowing away and making his way off to a friendlier (for him) neighborhood. There’s a few lying around in Anyilla.
I mean, hey. She does need to get in some practice at being a guile heroine, always best to start early.
Yeah, she was having fun with this at this moment.
That’s actually meant to be Cresselia there. Lunala got her own epithet much later in the story after Sun and Moon came out.
Yeah, it will be a decent while before “German Iisland” pops up in this story. It does exist and is occasionally mentioned, so keep an eye out.
This actually is “just a story” in an in-universe sense, but… hmm, nah, it’ll be more fun for you to figure out the story behind this “just a story” as the story goes along.
Pleo: “Is it always going to be that scary, though?”
I mean, have you seen his hide? He literally is blue. :V
I mean, you do know what they say about friends rubbing off on each other…
And cue the funny reaction in 3… 2…
I mean, for my really long-time readers, they probably saw this coming, since… let’s just say Crom and his family aren’t the first family of Druddigon with an axefaced father I’ve written as an author.
Yeah, recurring gags can be like that. We kinda shuffle them around from time to time to try and keep them from going stale, but glad to hear that it’s accentuating the intended vibes here. ^^
Pleo: “Especially after yesterday... how are you all not exhausted right now?”
Yup. If you had keen eyes during the opening episodes, you might remember her getting brought up in passing around the Tromba Guild. This story does a lot of little foreshadowing bits like that from time to time.
Almost like there’s much bigger places out there in the Cradle than Bluewhorl, huh?
Alas, Boisocéan’s Protector won’t be awakening in the main narrative. You will get a chance to find out about him a bit more, though.
Such is life when you’re eating factory-produced food. Gummis made from mix on a personal level would likely get further into “delicious” territory.
More or less, yeah. Also since Boisocéan’s politics are a bit different than the average island’s in Anyilla, which got spelled out a bit later on.
At “some point”, yes. I mean, we did need to get around to bringing Cabot onto the scene in this story. o<o
Elty: “Just saying, she could’ve done more for us.”
Nida: “Elty, seriously. Don’t complain about us getting a lucky break.” >_>;
Venner: “I mean, I and my team get around it just fine, so...”
Yeah, “retail cartel run by Kecleon” is a thing in this setting too, the story does attempt to make them feel distinct from one another. One of those things is how most Kecleon shops in this story are depicted as partnerships between one of the obligatory lizards and a local partner. (Minus Calino, but there’s a story behind how he got his shop.)
Nah, there’s a convenient sidestep for Rescue Teams lying around, as you saw right afterwards.
Literally has an eye for it. In this case, we pulled off of the biology of birds and had Pleo see UV light getting reflected off of the aluminum (which does indeed happen IRL), and off of the (implied) aluminum bronze Poké coin.
Hold onto that thought, really. Though make what you will about what the coinage of Anyilla used to be like back in the day given the composition of the currencies that its successor powers use.
I mean, the stuff lying around in the Cradle’s not quite as impressive since it’s literally chunks of a world plucked and shuffled around, but yeah. There’s some of that dynamic going on in this story too.
Childish naivete can be endearing like that, yes. ^^
Yeah, he gets around a bit in the earlier part of this story. :V
A little longer indeed.
I mean, they are called ‘Silver Wings’ in official media, so…
I mean, regardless of however true it is, it’s definitely unintentionally hilarious for Pokémon that aren’t locals.
You sure about that one?
Nah, that’s just standard operating procedure for a mission well done. Since you do get to collect payment for rescue missions in the games. :V
You’ll get an answer to this later on in the story.
And disappointed from the lack of payout, but fortunately Nida took care of that one already.
That would be a bit hard considering who their client turns out to be… ^^;
Indeed. Though they’re probably personally lucky that they had that run-in for Pleo, since… yeah, Lyn wasn’t in a great mood at the time.
What, are you telling me that it’s not safe to have two ships full of Pokémon attempting to drag you out of your hiding place kicking and screaming? ^^;
Something like that, yes.
I mean, they did have that big, expensive metal bell in their own shrine. So it wasn’t as if they weren’t trying… ^^;
This was also hinted at with the very name of the island, with “Boisocéan” being a pun to “Bois aux Chenes”, the name for Ilex Forest in the French Localization.
Bold of you to assume that he’s filing this request in any official capacity when he’s the equivalent of an older child.
Elty: “I’m sorry, but how on earth is this not going to inevitably wind up ending in a giant headache for us?”
Yeah, that was actually a scenario that was settled on very early in this episode since we needed… well, you’ll see when you get there.
Lyn:
Though hold onto that thought, really… if not necessarily for the immediate future.
I think that I’ll spare my liver, really. Though at least it’s a sign that we’ve accomplished what we set out to do with Pleo here. ^^
I mean, Crom's bravery stat is a bit higher, but that’s not really wrong there.
Yeah, that’s more of an “independent evolution” thing. There’s some times in the story where that gets reminded to the readers, like here.
That obvious, huh?
You’ll get some more hints about this in a few arcs, though hold onto that thought…
Even if it’s obviously not going to be as straightforward as anyone assumes.
Pleo: “Yay, I’m winning!”
In the words of an oldSelenian Russian proverb: “those who don't take risks, don't drink champagne”. Guess Bluewhorl’s villagers are a bit thirsty for bubbly, huh?
Hold onto those thoughts for both of these. If for much later.
Well, that’ll be something worth keeping eye on, huh? Given the implications that it’d have for the character’s little world at large. ^^;
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sORXQ-KHXw
I mean, a journey that’s partially one of self-discovery can’t all be fun and games for our cast.
Hold onto those thoughts, really.
I suppose Virgil and I see the argument for it and might come around to implementing it at some point in the future, though we admittedly have some other priorities that are a bit higher up the totem pole for this story.
Poulet is indeed a reference to CMD, yes. It’s the default name for the Chocobo in the very first CMD game.
Though yeah, making references to Chunsoft’s other MD series is kinda a calling card of mine for PMD and PMD-adjacent stories that I’m involved in. They just have varying levels of story focus and blatantness depending on the work.
Yeah, he’s always been the type to see instructions as more of a suggestion, and has a loooong history of that.
Glad to see that he’s wearing well with you.
They were almost certainly going the apprentice route for this story, though not every Pokémon ages at the same rate in this setting, and given that you read Casting Off, you might recall that the in-setting definition of “old enough to enlist” is pretty young by human standards.
Does it really count as OC-ness if the OC factor can literally casually be taken off? ^^;
Oh boy are they ever.
They get them explicitly dropped within a few chapters from this point, even if in retrospect, it might have made sense to already mention them here.
Yeah, she’s very protective of her lil’ bunnies, even if she’s not used to situations where she can’t go out to defend them.
Hrm. A bit unsure if we agree on this one, though I suppose it is a decently common practice in fics. We’ll consider it.
Command responsibility kinda sucks like that, yes.
Whelp, we’ll see how well it wears on you with time, though I’d like to think that we don’t overuse it, especially as Elty’s relationship with his teammates evolves over the course of the story.
Pleo:
Yeah, that would be a bit hard for reasons you’ll see shortly.
We went and patched this in.
Almost as if the ‘Abyss’ would be called and portrayed as something really, really different depending on who was telling this story, huh?
Something to ponder while this story goes on, hm? I will say off the bat that the story makes a deliberate point of everybody’s established mythology about the local Protectors being off in one way or another. What the truth is something for our cast to discover.
Hold onto that thought, really. Even if mentally, the pair probably aren’t ready to go much further than “Pleo is an outlier” at the moment.
The average Pokémon in this setting isn’t super cognizant of Legendaries outside of their local Protectors plus Arceus. Between that and having no frame of reference for what the things look like beyond off-model paintings or sculptures (to the point where Bluewhorl Town’s Pokémon were thrown by Pleo’s size), well…
An answer to this question will be uploaded on TR later this year. Potentially as soon as within 2-3 months depending on our update pace.
Guess they’ll just have to improvise, huh?
And we’ll be looking forward to seeing how you react to things shaking out.
I mean, “life kept me busy” is a decent enough reason to take your time. Though don’t beat yourself up about it, your feedback here was well worth the wait.
I mean, I’m not going to promise that they won’t go through some hard times, but “darker Saturday Morning Cartoon” has been this story’s vibe from its outset, and I’m confident that even when those times come along, that our handling will still fit in with it.
Nah. Making mistakes doesn’t invalidate noticing them elsewhere, and they were genuinely helpful catches. Admittedly, a lot of them will probably be left on the “learn from this for next time” pile since there’s only so much time and energy to throw around spit-shining earlier chapters once a story gets big enough, but we appreciate you taking the time to call things as you saw them.
And thank you for taking the time to leave such a thorough review! We’ll have to repay the favor sometime soon. ^^
Alright, and with that, let’s jump back into the story, and send off the Haipheh arc with its last chapter before this story heads back a bit closer to home for its protagonists:
@Gyeig
Stopping to rest in an abandoned shipwreck. What could possibly go wrong? Whatever happens in the end, the first part of this chapter is a small recap after the special chapter. Makes sense, you’d want to rejog people’s memories a little after that, but not too much. The balance here on that front is just about right.
I mean, it could’ve gone worse, at least? Since in one of the really early ideas for this scene that didn’t make the cut was that Pleo would find some booze on the ship, drink it without knowing what he was getting into and wind up hung over the next day.
So, there’s one thing I’ve been wondering about the other languages this fic uses from time to time - what made you choose for the mix of Spanish and Polish the Tromba characters have… or is the Polish only from Elty and no one else, because she’s not originally from Tromba (if I remember correctly)? If that’s correct… then that’s pretty clever, actually! Interesting way to show the differences between characters from different islands.
It’s only Elty among those groups, and yes, it’s meant to indicate that he’s from a different island from Tromba. He’s not quite the only character with that “accent” in this story, but it’ll be a while before that comes up from where you’re at.
Moving on, pirate island is pirate island, Team Traveller gets robbed – bitter start to the new island.
Technically, it’s more “island with pirate neighborhood on it”. Real pirate island is still a few arcs away from where you’re at.
Anyway, Lyn. He’s here, except whatever threat he poses is currently subdued by the inevitably yanking he’ll get on his ear courtesy of an administrator. Gives the cast some time to get used to this new island, which… yeah, doesn’t exactly seem like the nicest place. Between the drugs and the pirates, it’s a miracle they haven’t gotten into more trouble here already. Probably because Elty can talk her way through this place, at least a little. I feel like this is the chapter where her role in the cast really starts to shine through.
Glad to hear that you’re enjoying things so far. We work hard to pull off those character dynamics. ^^
Chapter 27
So this pirate trio’s going to be a big deal while they’re on these islands at least, that’s nice. Also, Nederlands.
More or less, yeah. This won’t be the only arc where they’re relevant, but it’s the first.
Anyway, Lyn’s comeuppance happens here. It’s… a remarkable exchange, honestly. Suddenly the antagonist who seemed invincible for five chapters straight is shown to be little more than a puppet dancing on the string. He’s weak. He’s nothing compared to bureaucracy. If he screws up, it’s game over for him… and in order to win, he’s got to go after the protagonists.
If there’s anything that could make this fic deeper and more intriguing in an instant, it’s this sort of thing. Lyn is ultimately just a Company goon. These administrators are as much the villain as he is, and arguably even worse - in Elilan’s case, anyway. I think Farn comes off as far too brutish for the position. Elilan reminding Lyn of his situation comes off far more intimidating than Farn looking like she’s about to kill him, quite frankly.
Yup. This was kinda implied by his rank as a ‘Commissioner’ while as early as Chapter 12, there were mentions of how Tromba has an ‘Administrator’. It was about time to show a bit more of the Company’s structure.
Overall Thoughts
Pretty good chapters, all things considered. Revealing hidden depths of well established characters went over really well, even if there’s some bits of wordy and confusing prose muddlings things up. Good stuff as usual.
In the future, if you notice particular bits that struck you as being wordy or confusing to read, feel free to point them out specifically. Though glad to hear that on balance, you’re having a good time with this story. Your reviews have been a blast so far. ^^
@Arukona
Well, hello there! Man, it has been a while since I last stepped into this fic. It's been - checks notes - nearly a whole year since I last had a gander at Fledglings, since I did a review reward for it back for Union's Review Event last year. One of those fics I've been meaning to get back to reading, but alas other writing and reading commitments have prevented me from doing so. I even hoped I'd be able to do it for Review Blitz, but alas I didn't get around to it then.
Don’t feel too bad. There was a lot of material competing for time and energy in that event, so I can relate to the feeling.
However, now we have a new PMD server with a new review event, and with it comes a chance to dive back into this million word monolith. So let's do just that, resuming our journey back at the island of Boisocéan where our young heroes seem to have been accosted for a reward of sorts? Let's see what that's all about....
A trip over to the mission board to cough up a reward? :V
Aaaaand as usual, Elty acts as the killjoy of the bunch. Pleo ought to get a newspaper to bap him with any time he makes remarks like that.
Hilariously enough, there’s a party member down the pipe who more or less fills this role. Just not with a newspaper.
This next part about paying fees with the berries in Team Traveller's bag could be better filled by speech as opposed to briefly being glossed over by narration. I know it would bump the word count up in an already sizeable enough chapter, but it would feel more engaging, I think.
Hrm. We’ll keep it in mind, even if this might be one of those flaws that we opt to leave alone and learn from in the future.
Wow, way to throw shade at your fellow islanders, Actor. Though the mention of gummis makes me wonder if we'll have a snapshot of Team Traveller eating some of them before they make their way out of town.
Actor: “My island? Look, I just moved out here. I’m not the one who thinks that it doesn’t sound totally stupid to call a Swoobat a ‘Rhinolove.’”
Damn, a Hydreigon? Can't say I was expecting that. And nor did Pleo, by the looks of it. Also, if I had a nickel for every million-word fic that had the main protagonist be scared of a Hydreigon at one point, I'd have two nickels. Not a lot, but interesting that it happened twice.
Oh, I’m eagerly awaiting the part where you get to the authors’ commentary about this episode to see how your thoughts about her evolve. :P
Seems like Margi's treated just as harshly as Ander was back on Tromba for being a Marked. Strange how they all seem to be reacting to Pleo like this - what is it about our resident cute as heck baby Lugia that's making them react with such hostility to him?
Margi: “Because he’s literally a demon? Did nobody with a Mark ever point this out to you in the past?”
At least the other townsfolk are there to put that aggression to rest. Still, no doubt this episode might well instil feelings into Pleo of him indeed being a jinx. Hopefully he'll learn to ignore such sentiments in future…
Or, hear me out: what if he listened to them for a time?
For once, that gruff, straight-talking tone of Elty comes in handy, for snapping everyone to action and shutting them up about Pleo. Though now that he's in foreign lands, I can't imagine our little Lugia will be in as safe hands as he was back on Tromba.
Well, “safe hands” is relative, but he definitely has a lot fewer friends when off-island to lean on.
Looks like Elty's planning to make a run for it. ...How, exactly, on an island when he can't exactly get back to Tromba easily? Unless he plans to stow away to somewhere else on the next ship that arrives. He's a fugitive, either way. As is Nida and Pleo, come to think of it, now that they've escaped from Lyn's grasp and that Samurott won't hesitate to correct his failure if given the chance…
He was planning on stowing away and making his way off to a friendlier (for him) neighborhood. There’s a few lying around in Anyilla.
I do kinda like how Nida twists her lie and forces Elty to take part in it too. Clever little Nidoran, I like when that side of her comes out.
I mean, hey. She does need to get in some practice at being a guile heroine, always best to start early.
LMAO Way to put our resident chubby pirate on the spot, Nida. That'll show him for trying to abandon Team Traveller.
Yeah, she was having fun with this at this moment.
Interesting that the Prince of a Thousand Enemies story seems to differ depending on the culture of the island in question. Not too unlike how some mythologies and cultures have similar enough folktales to each other to draw parallels between. I wonder what each island's version of the story sounds like?
Mention of the Lunar Healer...a dead ringer for Lunala, I take it?
That’s actually meant to be Cresselia there. Lunala got her own epithet much later in the story after Sun and Moon came out.
Ah yes, the old 'watered down for children' status that most folktales seem to fall into. It's like a Brothers Grimm story, although we're not on the German island yet, if there is one.
Yeah, it will be a decent while before “German Iisland” pops up in this story. It does exist and is occasionally mentioned, so keep an eye out.
How much do we wanna bet it's not gonna be 'just a story'? I'm willing to bet a significant amount that it might well not be. That said, it's still early days in this fic, so I guess I'll enjoy the quiet enough parts of these early chapters before stuff possibly ramps up later on.
This actually is “just a story” in an in-universe sense, but… hmm, nah, it’ll be more fun for you to figure out the story behind this “just a story” as the story goes along.
Standing firm whatever the odds is a good lesson to learn. Especially when there's a young impressionable Lugia to imprint lessons upon. Now Pleo might well have a creed to live by in the face of impossible odds in the future.
Pleo: “Is it always going to be that scary, though?”
And now back to Crom on Tromba, where he's clearly feeling the blues about missing his fellow teammates.
I mean, have you seen his hide? He literally is blue. :V
Man, these pirates might need to consider cutting back on the food if everyone keeps remarking about their chubbiness. Then again, that would be a tall order for the greedy folks that pirates tend to be.
I mean, you do know what they say about friends rubbing off on each other…
Oh boy, now there's a ship on the horizon. Something from the Company, if I had to guess. Maybe Lyn's ship, looking for payback of some kind?
Never mind, it's the ship of Crom's dad. I wonder what he'll be like?
And cue the funny reaction in 3… 2…
He's a Fraxure? Huh, can't say I expected that. I would've expected another Druddigon, or a fully-evolved 'mon at least. Why is he not a Haxorus? On the other hand, this does make for a funny interaction with Pyry and Pekka remarking about Crom growing big and strong.
I mean, for my really long-time readers, they probably saw this coming, since… let’s just say Crom and his family aren’t the first family of Druddigon with an axefaced father I’ve written as an author.
I'm beginning to notice a recurring trend of the pirates always being on the receiving end of someone or something falling on them. Elty had a good few moments like that in the first few chapters and now without our resident doggo, we're seeing it with Pyry and Pekka instead. I like this - definitely adds to the 'Saturday morning cartoon' vibes of this fic.
Yeah, recurring gags can be like that. We kinda shuffle them around from time to time to try and keep them from going stale, but glad to hear that it’s accentuating the intended vibes here. ^^
Now back to Boisocéan, where our resident baby Lugia is being awoken. Give the little cutie five more minutes, he deserves it.
Pleo: “Especially after yesterday... how are you all not exhausted right now?”
Oh, so Maranda's the Mairesse of Seahive? Hiding in plain sight, I see. At least she's not some lofty overlord of the town, and was willing to pithc in to help out the gang. But now we're gonna have just a mite more scrutiny upon little Pleo, and chances are, that won't mean anything good. I guess we'll find out next chapter just how caring Maranda is as Mairesse.
Yup. If you had keen eyes during the opening episodes, you might remember her getting brought up in passing around the Tromba Guild. This story does a lot of little foreshadowing bits like that from time to time.
Chapter 22
The fact that there are Gummi Fabs implied to be bigger than what we see here is...kinda intriguing. Especially when this one, thought to be huge by Nida's standards, is regarded as not all that big by Maranda. On another note, I kinda like the description of the processes that go into gummi making with the more primitive methods they have going on here.
Almost like there’s much bigger places out there in the Cradle than Bluewhorl, huh?
Boisocéan has a Protector as well? I wonder what Pokémon they might be? If it's another cute baby Legend like Pleo is, then I'm looking forward to meeting them whenever they awaken.
Alas, Boisocéan’s Protector won’t be awakening in the main narrative. You will get a chance to find out about him a bit more, though.
Ah yes, tasting the gummi mix. Rookie mistake right there. And more sympathy points earned for Pleo.
Looks like it's gonna be gummis for breakfast. Hopefully what was alluded to earlier about them being delicious will live up to their name.
Never mind, it didn't. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaame.
Such is life when you’re eating factory-produced food. Gummis made from mix on a personal level would likely get further into “delicious” territory.
And now comes the scrutiny over Pleo having a Company scarf, and by the looks of it, Maranda clearly doesn't think highly of them. I guess that's one thing Tromba and Boisocéan have in common, and I'm gonna bet now that they're far from the only islands that resent the presence of the Company.
Maranda's telling Pleo to get off the island...perhaps as a safeguarding measure along with the reasoning she gives that they can't really look after Pleo? Because consider that if word got out that Pleo was on Boisocéan, the Company would be over there quicker than you could say 'le Prince des Temps.'
More or less, yeah. Also since Boisocéan’s politics are a bit different than the average island’s in Anyilla, which got spelled out a bit later on.
Interesting to hear about the feud between the Company and the Imperials, along with their figurehead Conntow. Knowing how stories go, this is probably gonna end up with Team Traveller caught directly in the crossfire of their little squabble at some point.
At “some point”, yes. I mean, we did need to get around to bringing Cabot onto the scene in this story. o<o
At least Maranda's not kicking them off the island immediately. That's kind of her. Even allowing them to stay for a while to let the team heal and patch up Pleo's scarf.
Elty: “Just saying, she could’ve done more for us.”
Nida: “Elty, seriously. Don’t complain about us getting a lucky break.” >_>;
Gotta love the 'town is such a maze it might as well be a Mystery Dungeon' vibes that this place gives off. Granted, not great on Seahive's part. Maybe they ought to invest in signage. That would be a good help.
Venner: “I mean, I and my team get around it just fine, so...”
I see the Kecleon merchants of this universe aren't exactly like Anna from Fire Emblem, in that they go by different names. They do keep the 'looks the exact same as all the others' though, if nothing else. (There's a Fire Emblem coincidence with Alphonse, at least.)
Huh, do the various Kecleon merchants have subtle rivalries and distaste for each other? I suppose it would make sense that they aren't all necessarily chummy with each other.
Yeah, “retail cartel run by Kecleon” is a thing in this setting too, the story does attempt to make them feel distinct from one another. One of those things is how most Kecleon shops in this story are depicted as partnerships between one of the obligatory lizards and a local partner. (Minus Calino, but there’s a story behind how he got his shop.)
Exchange rates are a thing in this world? Oh dear, that's gotta complicate things far more than need be.
Nah, there’s a convenient sidestep for Rescue Teams lying around, as you saw right afterwards.
The demonstration of how to recognise counterfeit money has to come into play at some point later in the story, I reckon. Particularly when Pleo has quite the eye for spotting the fake one.
Literally has an eye for it. In this case, we pulled off of the biology of birds and had Pleo see UV light getting reflected off of the aluminum (which does indeed happen IRL), and off of the (implied) aluminum bronze Poké coin.
Copper's a scarce resource, eh? There's gotta be tension over that place where they're mined, and we might well see that conflict in future.
Hold onto that thought, really. Though make what you will about what the coinage of Anyilla used to be like back in the day given the composition of the currencies that its successor powers use.
Oh hey, another theme Once a Thief touched upon, with not being able to comprehend leftover human elements and structures. Though it's not as in-depth for now as to interacting with human ruins, I look forward to see if the fic expands any further with those concepts.
I mean, the stuff lying around in the Cradle’s not quite as impressive since it’s literally chunks of a world plucked and shuffled around, but yeah. There’s some of that dynamic going on in this story too.
60 Poké? Gotta agree with Elty here, that is rather a pittance. Though Pleo's cuteness in his cheery accepting is always wholesome to see.
Childish naivete can be endearing like that, yes. ^^
Oh hey, Scout's here. Didn't expect to see him island-hopping. Nice to see a familiar face, though.
Yeah, he gets around a bit in the earlier part of this story. :V
So it seems the gang can't quite go home just yet, lest the Company catch wind of them and make a move to catch Pleo again. Guess we're gonna have to wait a little longer for a family reunion.
A little longer indeed.
Them gleaming white feathers of Pleo do seem like quite the distinctive way to leave his mark. Our resident baby Lugia does stick out like a sore thumb as is.
I mean, they are called ‘Silver Wings’ in official media, so…
That story the Emolga's telling about besting that Swoobat sounds like quite the interesting tale. Though is it just the typical haughty boasting? Some part of me wonders how true that really is.
I mean, regardless of however true it is, it’s definitely unintentionally hilarious for Pokémon that aren’t locals.
Slackers in town, eh? Looks like we need a Gwenith-like figure in Seahive to whip slackers like these into shape.
You sure about that one?
Good thing Meyrink's willing to lend a hand (or whatever it is Claydol have instead of hands) towards helping our gang with teleportation from Dungeons. Although now I'm vaguely reminded of that mention of a 'reward' back when Team Traveller first landed on Boisocéan, and now I can't help but be concerned.
Nah, that’s just standard operating procedure for a mission well done. Since you do get to collect payment for rescue missions in the games. :V
This bird continues to be the cutest, most innocent thing in existence. Although this is the furthest thing from an art gallery, little Pleo. Now I'm curious where this world's art galleries might be, if they do exist... Not out here in the quiet peripheries, at any rate.
You’ll get an answer to this later on in the story.
Gotta be an odd thing to see your own mission on the board. Whoever nabs that mission is gonna be confused as heck when they get to the floor in question.
And disappointed from the lack of payout, but fortunately Nida took care of that one already.
Looks like more practice battling for our group, and a chance for those in Boisocéan to see what Team Traveller are capable of.
That would be a bit hard considering who their client turns out to be… ^^;
And now over to Lyn (whose crime of kidnapping cute little Pleo has most definitely not been forgotten ) on the ship.
Oh, that Poliwhirl and Remoraid were members of Lyn's crew? I suppose that would explain why they were shirking work, and to who they were shirking work from. Frankly, I would too, if it meant working for the likes of him.
Indeed. Though they’re probably personally lucky that they had that run-in for Pleo, since… yeah, Lyn wasn’t in a great mood at the time.
Good thing Pleo being in Boisocéan means he's safe for now. And yet I can't help but get the feeling that he might not be as safe as alluded to. Especially given how Lyn essentially has a trap set up for him when he, Nida and Elty slip out of there…
What, are you telling me that it’s not safe to have two ships full of Pokémon attempting to drag you out of your hiding place kicking and screaming? ^^;
Chapter 23
That title does not imply good things for this upcoming chapter. Someone's nemesis is showing up in this chapter, by the looks of it?
Something like that, yes.
Dang, those are some lavish decorations for the Protector of Boisocéan. Maybe Tromba could take a few notes towards giving their Protector a bit more luxury.
I mean, they did have that big, expensive metal bell in their own shrine. So it wasn’t as if they weren’t trying… ^^;
Ah, so the Prince des Temps - 'Prince of Time' - is a Celebi. Had a feeling that might've been the case.
This was also hinted at with the very name of the island, with “Boisocéan” being a pun to “Bois aux Chenes”, the name for Ilex Forest in the French Localization.
Wait, the client is a Deino? Can't say I was expecting that. I was thinking something more like a Fighting-type, a bit like Mosca the Hawlucha on Tromba.
Ohhhh, I see what's happening here. Because Daraen is a Deino, he's blind and thus doesn't realise that he's talking to someone his relative (I'm guessing Margi's related to him? They do share a species, after all) would be horrified at him interacting with. Surprised that someone like him got a position in spite of his Marked status.
Bold of you to assume that he’s filing this request in any official capacity when he’s the equivalent of an older child.
Oh yeah, this guy has no clue. Wait till he's actually told the truth that Pleo is the Guardian who he apparently should be fearing. For whatever reason. So it's very much a sight thing as opposed to senses going haywire. Interesting...
If nothing else, Daraen is enthusiastic. A nice change in pace from the two Marked folks we've met thus far.
Elty: “I’m sorry, but how on earth is this not going to inevitably wind up ending in a giant headache for us?”
The cluelessness of our resident Deino is almost comical. At the very least it's certainly a moment of dramatic irony for us in the audience.
Yeah, that was actually a scenario that was settled on very early in this episode since we needed… well, you’ll see when you get there.
Oh dear, looks like Daraen's led the gang into what looks like feral territory. Though luckily Elty's aggression led them to back off messing with the gang for now.
Kinda strange seeing Team Traveller console Daraen after he suddenly gets cold feet. I see he's not exactly the most confident of sorts. Maybe this training's to make him more confident? In which case, a session with Team Traveller should hopefully help him get a better backbone. And maybe, if he's put in Pleo's debt, then he might well help him in a future confrontation against Margi or some of Lyn's men.
Lyn:
Though hold onto that thought, really… if not necessarily for the immediate future.
Aww, poor Pleo, not understanding how all of this works and becoming crestfallen when things quickly go south for this sparring match. Honestly rather cute (I swear you could make a drinking game for all the times I've called Pleo cute).
I think that I’ll spare my liver, really. Though at least it’s a sign that we’ve accomplished what we set out to do with Pleo here. ^^
Now over to Bluewhorl, where Pladur's getting caught up to speed on all that's happened in the last while. And I see that he has the same habits as Crom speech-wise when he gets nervous. I see that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I mean, Crom's bravery stat is a bit higher, but that’s not really wrong there.
Hatteras sounds surprisingly more pleading than I expected. I had it in my head he would be more resolute, although perhaps I'm relating him too much to PSMD!Ampharos.
Yeah, that’s more of an “independent evolution” thing. There’s some times in the story where that gets reminded to the readers, like here.
Well, if that isn't the timing of the century. At least now their worries can abate, if only slightly. After all, Nida, Pleo and Elty are still out there and not back on Tromba, and I'm going to make an estimate now that they're not gonna be back for some time.
That obvious, huh?
Hmmm, seems there was 'an incident at sea' once upon a time that the Company had nothing to do with. What happened there exactly? There doesn't seem to be any missing parents among Nida and Crom, so I don't think it's anyone related to them. But what could this incident have involved?
You’ll get some more hints about this in a few arcs, though hold onto that thought…
Perhaps the solution isn't to wait for the three to come back, but for one or some of them to travel to Boisocéan to reunite with them there.
Even if it’s obviously not going to be as straightforward as anyone assumes.
Speaking of the trio in Boisocéan, back to there, where the spar's gotten underway and Pleo appears to be understanding teamwork with this random stranger he met only today (Daraen, in other words). Enough to actually be victorious against the more feud-heavy Nida and Elty. A nice win for our little Protector.
Pleo: “Yay, I’m winning!”
Returning to Tromba, where Hatteras appears to have a plan. Or as the folks over in PMDiner would say, "he's cooking."
So an inside job with villagers masquerading as members of the Company, eh? I'm all for showing those bastards a thing or three. Though with a bounty on Pleo's head? This sounds like quite the gamble to be making, because while the Company's plot will be brought to the fore, many other eyes will now surely be casting their eyes towards Pleo, eager to use his power for their own gain.
In the words of an old
Good to see Calino jumping in with his contributions. For once, a merchant that's not solely focused on getting a bit of coin and nothing else.
An opportunity the ex-pirates wanted to seize...although the metaphorical ship has sailed on that front.
Hold onto those thoughts for both of these. If for much later.
Fascinating to turn Ander's logic against him and make him into help to get involved with the current plan. It'll be interesting to see just how right or wrong he and his fellow Marked will be about Pleo.
Well, that’ll be something worth keeping eye on, huh? Given the implications that it’d have for the character’s little world at large. ^^;
So that's the reason, is it? Why the Marked fear and despise the Protector so? That would make sense for a motive...but how could one think cute little Pleo's a monster? I suppose now the chapter title makes sense - the 'bête noire' is the Protector in the eyes of the Marked.
And now he's plagued with doubts...just like I suspected he'd be.
I mean, a journey that’s partially one of self-discovery can’t all be fun and games for our cast.
Chapter 24
Would Pleo actually end up hurting his friends if pushed to do so? At this point in the story, I'd be tempted to say, "No way in hell," but with how much it's been peddled as a fear among the Marked, things could well change further down if, for instance, some form of madness could take him over. Just a theory for now.
Hold onto those thoughts, really.
On another note, I didn't think there was a need to have this part in the aftermath of Margi's outburst to start off this chapter when it could just as easily have been the end of last chapter. Seeing it splintered up like this feels a bit jarring, in my opinion, and I think this chapter would have been better off starting back in Bluewhorl, with the scene of Crom and Kiran heading to the Guardhouse.
I suppose Virgil and I see the argument for it and might come around to implementing it at some point in the future, though we admittedly have some other priorities that are a bit higher up the totem pole for this story.
An outright mention to Shiren the Wanderer, eh? Funny, I remember Once a Thief doing the same thing. And Poulet the Adventurer - is that a reference to Chocobo's Mystery Dungeon I spy?
Poulet is indeed a reference to CMD, yes. It’s the default name for the Chocobo in the very first CMD game.
Though yeah, making references to Chunsoft’s other MD series is kinda a calling card of mine for PMD and PMD-adjacent stories that I’m involved in. They just have varying levels of story focus and blatantness depending on the work.
I see Osmund's one of those types that even when they need bedrest, they still insist on doing their duties, probably in flagrant disobedience of the nurse's orders.
Yeah, he’s always been the type to see instructions as more of a suggestion, and has a loooong history of that.
Aww, Crom being scared of Marley is almost childishly endearing. Pleo's obviously the cutest character of the bunch in this story, but Crom definitely gets a close second.
Glad to see that he’s wearing well with you.
Won't Crom stick out among the Company members for how young he is? The Company has to have some kind of age limit for entering their ranks, surely? Or maybe they're planning to pass him off as an apprentice?
They were almost certainly going the apprentice route for this story, though not every Pokémon ages at the same rate in this setting, and given that you read Casting Off, you might recall that the in-setting definition of “old enough to enlist” is pretty young by human standards.
Ah yes, tying a scarf like a PMD protagonist would. Now the OC-ness factor of Crom and co. have increased by severalfold.
Does it really count as OC-ness if the OC factor can literally casually be taken off? ^^;
Looks like our budding spies are in for a bit of higher-up snobbery from the First-Ranks. Oh well, it's all part of the mission, by the looks of it.
Oh boy are they ever.
The Raichu and Servine have names, surely? They've appeared enough so far to warrant them, I think.
They get them explicitly dropped within a few chapters from this point, even if in retrospect, it might have made sense to already mention them here.
Marley's nerves probably won't abate until she does indeed see with her own eyes that her little niñita is safe and sound from the threat of the Company.
Yeah, she’s very protective of her lil’ bunnies, even if she’s not used to situations where she can’t go out to defend them.
And now back to said niñita, who wakes from a pleasant dream into the nightmare that is her current reality. That said, I don't feel like it phases well between dream and reality, and that the dream section could've been italicised.
Hrm. A bit unsure if we agree on this one, though I suppose it is a decently common practice in fics. We’ll consider it.
A nightmare indeed, when Elty appears to have landed them in trouble. And if there's one lot that they don't want to anger right now, it's the folks that might well have an excuse to hand them over to the Company if they take a step out of line.
Command responsibility kinda sucks like that, yes.
More excuses for the chub, Elty? I see someone has a sore spot. And I do like this running joke of Elty's chubbiness being made fun of. It certainly doesn't feel like it's run its course yet, and hopefully it doesn't. It's been done rarely enough that it feels like a novelty every time there's a jab against it.
Whelp, we’ll see how well it wears on you with time, though I’d like to think that we don’t overuse it, especially as Elty’s relationship with his teammates evolves over the course of the story.
Oh boy, now the team have gotta play negotiations with Margi. They managed to kinda sorta convince Ander back in Tromba, but now we have a whole new set of Marked on a new island where without prior relations, matters will be rather more tricky.
Pleo:
La bastille? Doesn't sound our team will be storming this one, though.
Yeah, that would be a bit hard for reasons you’ll see shortly.
I feel Elty's "Just like you, spike ball," jab at Nida could be moved into his own paragraph, and maybe show Nida giving a huff in reaction to it, instead of just saying 'to her annoyance' in reaction.
We went and patched this in.
A place called Abyss? Sounds like a dark place that no one should want to go near. It does sound a little fantastical though, with how Margi describes 'dreams coming to life'. That is rather broad for what that could mean.
Almost as if the ‘Abyss’ would be called and portrayed as something really, really different depending on who was telling this story, huh?
Wow, Margi called Arceus an archdemon? That is quite the blasphemic statement right there. If she and the other Marked are tossing statements like that out willy-nilly, no wonder everyone hates them.
You do have to wonder if there was intended malice among the gods. Or...that there's an evil force they have to contain and that's why the land is flooded, a la Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker. (At least from what I remember of that game's plot.)
Something to ponder while this story goes on, hm? I will say off the bat that the story makes a deliberate point of everybody’s established mythology about the local Protectors being off in one way or another. What the truth is something for our cast to discover.
The brief moment of introspection between Daraen and Margi makes me wonder if they'll eventually be swayed on Pleo and the Protectors. They did come pretty close just there.
Hold onto that thought, really. Even if mentally, the pair probably aren’t ready to go much further than “Pleo is an outlier” at the moment.
Is Pleo really seen as an overgrown Wingull to everyone else? I can understand that most regular 'mons would hardly know what a Lugia is, but man, that is some level of incompetence if this crew doesn't know what they're looking for.
The average Pokémon in this setting isn’t super cognizant of Legendaries outside of their local Protectors plus Arceus. Between that and having no frame of reference for what the things look like beyond off-model paintings or sculptures (to the point where Bluewhorl Town’s Pokémon were thrown by Pleo’s size), well…
Oh, now Ellsberg's shown up. That makes two equally face-punchable assholes who I'd love to see get their comeuppance. Although I can't help but notice that Lyn's painted in a bit more of a sympathetic light with Ellsberg breathing down his neck. I wonder if there might be any past to divulge with him…
An answer to this question will be uploaded on TR later this year. Potentially as soon as within 2-3 months depending on our update pace.
Welp, guess the Tromba gang's plan is about to go up in smoke, now that Lyn's onto them.
Guess they’ll just have to improvise, huh?
So they're going to hand in an extradition notice to Boisocéan? Hmmm...I wonder how well that would work. I can't imagine the residents of Boisocéan (the Boisocéannais? Would that be what they would be called?) would be happy with two Company ships showing up at their doorstep for no good reason. Although labelling Team Traveller as pirates is a worrying prospect, given how they have disgruntled a fair few residents with Elty's stunt at trying to get food.
I wonder how Maranda's going to react to all this when the extradition notice comes in. Will she be so willing to hand Pleo over to them immediately? Given a possibly terse relationship with the Company, there's bound to be some resistance. But there is also the geopolitical side of things to consider, which could tip the scales away from Pleo and co.'s favour. Worrying prospects upcoming in this next chapter that hopefully our gang can find a way out of.
And we’ll be looking forward to seeing how you react to things shaking out.
Conclusion
But for now, I think that's a good place to leave off this review.
I swear, any time I leap back into a fic I haven't read in a while, I always think to myself, "Geez, why did I put this on hold for so long? I forgot how good this was!" And that certainly applies to this fic. Reading this again after so long away from it, I'm now reminded of all the things I loved about it. The humour that certainly lands well, like the numerous jabs at Elty's chonk. The way Nida as well as those back on Tromba are able to cleverly use one's words against them, like Nida with Elty and Kiran with Ander. The intrigue with the Marked and how the world was formed, that saw a bit more light shed on it this time around with Margi's spiel against the trio.
I mean, “life kept me busy” is a decent enough reason to take your time. Though don’t beat yourself up about it, your feedback here was well worth the wait.
Though we can't forget my favourite part of them all - the cuteness and innocence of our protags. Especially Pleo - still as cute/10 as ever. And I do kinda hope that in spite of the darkening clouds on the horizon of this fic's plot, that his cuteness doesn't abate too much. Of course, growing up will probably have to happen at some point, along with the erosion of that innocence he has, but he's so endearing in these early chapters that I don't exactly want it to disappear entirely.
I mean, I’m not going to promise that they won’t go through some hard times, but “darker Saturday Morning Cartoon” has been this story’s vibe from its outset, and I’m confident that even when those times come along, that our handling will still fit in with it.
I outlined the occasional fault I stumbled across so far in the review, but that which I noticed seemed to be some POV oddities that hopped from one character's perspective to another in a number of scenes. (Of course, I am all too aware of how stone throwing in a glass house this might sound coming from me, given my own track record with that in my writings. Eheh.)
Nah. Making mistakes doesn’t invalidate noticing them elsewhere, and they were genuinely helpful catches. Admittedly, a lot of them will probably be left on the “learn from this for next time” pile since there’s only so much time and energy to throw around spit-shining earlier chapters once a story gets big enough, but we appreciate you taking the time to call things as you saw them.
In spite of those minor faults, I really enjoyed coming back to this fic, and I hope to catch up a bit more with this fic over the coming year. And with my reading list slightly more cleared out (far from fully, of course - that'll never happen with how many great fics there are out there), I might be able to keep up with it a bit better. Maybe I'll snag a few Review Tags with it now that I'm caught up with Once a Thief.
Good job with this set of chapters, and I look forward to reading more of this fic in time.
And thank you for taking the time to leave such a thorough review! We’ll have to repay the favor sometime soon. ^^
Alright, and with that, let’s jump back into the story, and send off the Haipheh arc with its last chapter before this story heads back a bit closer to home for its protagonists: