[COMPLETE] Humble Vale Mafia

[Bluwiikoon]

"Very well," Mademoiselle said, calming down slightly, hiding her confusion. "Though I request for this to be done privately." She certainly didn't want anyone else to witness what she would say or do to that lowlife.

"of course, of course," said sans, nodding politely. He hands a receiver📞 to her. It has no sign of any cords or ways to input anything, aside from the typical receiver speakers. "magic phone, should know who you want to talk to when you speak into it. go knock yourself out."

 

[IFBench]

"I-I just wanna go home," Gen said, looking down.

 

[Inkedust]

Mademoiselle looked at the receiver skeptically, wondering if this was some kind of joke before picking it up with her mouth—an act that thoroughly disgusted her. Rounding a corner, Mademoiselle ensured she was well out of sight and earshot before using the strange phone. She took a deep breath and proceeded to screech a rather colourful set of swears, threats and insults into the receiver.

---

Meanwhile far, far away from any of the events occurring in the small town of Humble Vale, Altair was partially stirred from his nap at the sounds of muffled screeching. He considered it halfheartedly but, with a yawn, decided it probably wasn't anything important and went back to sleep.

 

[Bluwiikoon]

"I-I just wanna go home," Gen said, looking down.

"well," said sans, eyes shifting to one side. "i hate to say it, but it may be a while until the next bus turns up. could be tomorrow, could be a week from now. budget cuts for public transport hit us pretty hard. and the bus drivers, most of the time they're slacking off. unlike me - i've never slacked off a day in my life." Wink.

Pat pat. "but hey. if someone reserved a spot for you, they must have thought you'd enjoy it here. you like ice cream?"

 

[IFBench]

Not the way home he was talking about, but...

"Y-yeah. Chocolate's the b-best," Gen said.

 

[Bluwiikoon]

Not the way home he was talking about, but...

"Y-yeah. Chocolate's the b-best," Gen said.

"we got a pretty good ice cream bar inside the hotel, there's sprinkles and everything. c'mon, i'll show you around."

sans offers his hand to Gen, a hand that is visibly whoopie-cushion-less. No pranks just ice cream.

 

[AbraPunk]

"Woah, hold up, bro. You got food here?" Palkia asked the skeleton. He hesitated before continuing: "Are there sandwiches?"

He was just really hungry and really wanting some good sandwiches. You know, like every space dragon god does.

 

[Bluwiikoon]

"Woah, hold up, bro. You got food here?" Palkia asked the skeleton. He hesitated before continuing: "Are there sandwiches?"

He was just really hungry and really wanting some good sandwiches. You know, like every space dragon god does.

"naturally," replied sans, winking at Palkia. "we got most basic combos at the snack bar, but if you want something real crazy, i'll fix one up for ya."

 

[AbraPunk]

"naturally," replied sans, winking at Palkia. "we got most basic combos at the snack bar, but if you want something real crazy, i'll fix one up for ya."

Palkia immediately rushed over to the snack bar.

So many sandwiches!!! 🥪

This was just about the best day of his life. Holy shit.

 

[IFBench]

Gen hesitated, then tried to reach for Sans' hand, though his stubby Osha arms couldn't reach.

 

[Bluwiikoon]

Gen hesitated, then tried to reach for Sans' hand, though his stubby Osha arms couldn't reach.

Looks like sans is just gonna have to get closer! When you huddle up, he is able to grasp a little Osha paw. Success!

You enjoy a cosy walk inside of the building, where there is indeed a magnificent ice cream bar. So many different kinds! Kinds you've never even heard of! Sprinkles!!! Oh my, they even have M&Ms! It is a heaven for custom ice cream creations. They even have a touchscreen interface for custom orders, if you happen to be unable to scoop ice cream yourself for dexterity or height-related reasons.

"pretty nice, right?" he said, with a characteristic sans wink. "you can kind of see why we didn't have enough budget for more rooms."

 

[Flyg0n]

The possum is noticed! When you turn away for a second, a dumpster suddenly appears at the side of the hotel. How did you miss that...!? Who cares, it smells trashy. Finally, some good food.

Oh! The possum gods had smiled upon him, for he spotted a dumpster overflowing with food. Clearly no one else was eating it.



Once he'd has his fill, the possum trotted back to the main street where most of the beings were wandering around. Lots of the furless things with no tails and thumbs on their forepaws, which seemed backward, but they were interesting.

And a skeleton man. He was nice. Oh! and a big creature over getting... His nose twitched. More food. He liked this town already.

 

[Sinderella]

The bass of the low-rider car’s stereo rumbled the ground around it as it tore down the deserted road toward the little town. Whoever was driving clearly shouldn’t have been, because the car was swerving and skidding all over the cracked road. A muffled bout of screaming could be heard over the rumbling subwoofer, even as the car skidded to a stop as an entrance to the town. The passenger side door swung open, and out stepped the Boss of Team Skull himself. With the door open, the song that pounded the car’s stereos could now be heard for miles around. Thank the gods Fuck Da Police was a good song.

“Who the fuck taught you how to drive, homie?! Out here tryna get me killed before I even fuckin’ start here, bro!” he yelled, slamming the door shut behind him. He started brushing himself off as the window rolled down.

“I’m sorry boss!” said the Grunt in the drivers seat. “I wasn’t expecting the thing to go so fast!”

“That’s why there’s a fuckin’ break, Zipp,” the Boss said. No sooner had he spoke did the back passenger side door pop open, and out stepped his Admin. Her pink and yellow hair, normally tied back in a neat set of pigtails, now looked frizzed and unkempt.

“Move the fuck over, man, I’m driving the way back,” she hissed, trying her best to smooth her locks out. “No way I’m letting you crash our only mode of ground transportation, goddamn.”

Behind her, two other Grunts stumbled out of the vehicle, falling to their knees and collectively hugging the ground, as if they were thankful to be walking on it. They both seemed to be on the verge of hyperventilating, and the Boss gestured wildly to them.

“Look what ya did, forehead! Ya traumatized ‘em!” he said to the Grunt in the drivers seat.

“You didn’t have to let me drive!” the driving Grunt insisted. By that point, the Admin was already storming around to the drivers side to yank him out. The Boss took a deep, heavy breath as he shoved his hands into his pockets, thumbing his Golisopod’s Pokeball in his right one. He then turned to face the entrance to the town.

His hard eyes narrowed at the sight of the place. It looked like a ghost town to him. He could vaguely make out some movement in the distance; probably other players. But not much more than that.

It radiated something funky.

He couldn’t pinpoint what, but it made him feel some type of way. He silently thanked his lucky stars that he’d “lost” the bet. He wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving one of the Grunts here, or even his Admin. She could handle herself, sure, but better him than her, that’s for damn sure.

“What a dump,” he huffed, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Fitting for you,” the Admin teased, now sitting in the drivers sear. The other Grunt had been bumped to the back, and was sitting there pouting.

“You’re in your element,” she finished.

The Boss turned around, brow raised as he leaned down to steal a look at her smirking face.

“Talkin’ a lot of smack for somebody who gets to go home,” he said.

“Don’t be salty that you’re fuckin’ terrible at poker,” the Admin replied.

He shrugged. “Best believe that if it was chess, I’d have beaten all your asses.”

“But ya didn’t. So now yer reppin’ Team Skull here.”

Truthfully, who better than the Boss, really? Again, better him than anybody else, for more reasons than one. He definitely wasn’t the smartest in the room, but he could certainly knock a few heads together if it came down to it. He could surely secure a win if he put his brute force to it. No doubt about that.

He turned to the other two heavily breathing Grunts, then slapped the roof of the car twice. “Alright, Zipp. Rapp. Get goin’. Plums’ll get ya back home safely. At least she’ll try.”

He heard her scoff, but didn’t bother turning. The pink haired Grunt stumbled back to her feet, and clasped her hands together. Her eyes sparkled with hope.

“Yer gonna try yer best to win, right Boss?” she asked.

It was his turn to scoff, and he placed his hands on his hips.

“Puh-leeze,” he said. “I’m gonna win. No if’s, and’s, or fucks. I’m motherfuckin’ Guzma. I don’t fuckin’ lose.”

“Your confidence is amazing, Boss!” said the other, blue-headed grunt, who was still sitting on the floor.

“Don’t let it get ya killed, Guz,” the Admin warned.

He sighed deeply, the confidence draining from his shoulders. Such a mom, she was. He supposed he wouldn’t have made it this far without that, so perhaps it was worth heeding such a warning.

Again, he shrugged. “Yeah, yeah. Now get goin’,” he said, waving his hand back in the direction they’d come from. “Need to get a good look around before this shit gets started, and y’all are hard distractin’ me.”

The two Grunts standing before him hurried back into the rumbling car, pulling the door shut behind them. The window rolled down, allowing the Boss to watch them wave at him. Even the Grunt who’d previously been driving was also waving with them.

“Good luck, Boss!” they said in unison. He saluted toward them, flashing his winning grin. His gaze then traveled to his Admin, who returned his salute.

“Make us proud, meathead,” she said.

“Damn straight, he replied.”

The windows rolled up after that, and they sped off. Back to the Island.

He released another deep breath as he turned back to the entrance. Now that he was alone, the weight of the situation was staring to register with him. He was here, and this was happening. He was in this game.

But, no matter. He didn’t need to be scared. His opponents needed to be scared.

Because he was Guzma motherfucking Kahele, and he was destruction in human form.

He reached up and pulled his glasses down over his eyes as a wry smirk crossed his lips.

“Let’s. Fuckin’. Get it.”

 

[Flyg0n]

He reached up and pulled his glasses down over his eyes as a wry smirk crossed his lips.

“Let’s. Fuckin’. Get it.”

A large metal possum rolled into town, carrying beings who were doing lots of shouting and loud noise involved.

The tailless one who stepped out though was very interesting. He had no tail but he had white fur on his head and dark fur, and a dark look in his eyes, and that black outer fur.

Good colors.

Soon the metal possum rolled away, leaving behind the black and white . He trotted up to the tailless being and sniffed his feet curiously.

 

[Sinderella]

A large metal possum rolled into town, carrying beings who were doing lots of shouting and loud noise involved.

The tailless one who stepped out though was very interesting. He had no tail but he had white fur on his head and dark fur, and a dark look in his eyes, and that black outer fur.

Good colors.

Soon the metal possum rolled away, leaving behind the black and white . He trotted up to the tailless being and sniffed his feet curiously.

Feeling something moving at his feet, he paused. He frowned slightly, then looked down. He didn’t know what exactly he was expecting, but it sure as fuck wasn’t what he saw.

His knee-jerk reaction was to jump back, but his smooth brain registered what he was looking at before he could do that. It was the animal to end all animals: a fucking possum.

He inhaled, and loud gasp escaped him. “No fuckin’ way,” he said. He’d never been approached by one before. The ones in Po Town always ran from him.

This was absolutely amazing. He felt like he might die.

“Hey trash king!” he greeted, his eyes sparkling with interest. “Or queen, or primordial being. I accept all those pronoun things.”

He kneeled down and began to gently scratch it behind its ear. A giggle fell out of him. He was so damn excited.

“Holy shit I’m petting a possum,” he said. “I take it back, this place is lit as hell.”

 

[Flyg0n]

He kneeled down and began to gently scratch it behind its ear. A giggle fell out of him. He was so damn excited.

“Holy shit I’m petting a possum,” he said. “I take it back, this place is lit as hell.”

Oh! oh pets!! He closed his eyes slightly with delight as he was scratched behind the ears. Yes, what an excellent town indeed. He let out a faint chirp and leaned into the touch, opening his jaws slightly.

Yes, he was glad he'd come.

He reached out started to climb the tailess ones legs, easily scaling the soft outer fur until eventually waddled up to Guzma's shoulder.

 

[Sinderella]

Oh! oh pets!! He closed his eyes slightly with delight as he was scratched behind the ears. Yes, what an excellent town indeed. He let out a faint chirp and leaned into the touch, opening his jaws slightly.

Yes, he was glad he'd come.

He reached out started to climb the tailess ones legs, easily scaling the soft outer fur until eventually waddled up to Guzma's shoulder.

He might actually start crying at this point. This was just too good.

He’d been hesitant to pick the thing up because he knew how skittish they could be. But, not only did this one like the pets, it climbed on his shoulder.

“Hell yeah, little bro!” he cheered. He wasn’t expecting to form any alliances so fast, but he’d take this any damn day.

“I guess I should give ya a name? I don’t nickname my ‘mons but I guess this is a lil’ different…”

He began to tap his chin, thinking of something fitting.

“Somethin’ unisex ‘cause I don’t know what ya are and I don’t wanna violate ya like that,” he said. He pressed his lips together. “Hmmm…”

It was then that his stomach growled. He grimaced as he grabbed his emptied belly, regretting his decision to not grab something to eat before getting here. They’d even passed a damn McDonphan on the way here, but his stupid ass had decided he wasn’t hungry at that point, and assumed there’d be some sort of buffet happening here. How could they bring so many people together and not feed them? It made sense in his head at the time, but he’d bet a solid amount of money they weren’t serving any McDonphan.

“Man, I want some french fries…”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he had an epiphany. He gasped again.

“That is fucking. It,” he said gleefully. He then pointed to the possum on his shoulder.

“Your name is French Fry. That’s cute as hell.”

His stomach growled again.

“Alright Fry, we’re gonna go find some grub.”

 

[Flyg0n]

Yes. This was a good one. He didn't know where exactly this being was headed but... he looked quite possum-like enough.


What to call him though... Sure he was one of the tailless beings but this one was cool, so he needed a name....

The white fur on his head reminded him of something. A plant. What had that plant been known as again? Right! Guzmania! He would dub this human... Guzma.

 

[Flyg0n]

Possum was very good at naming things he decided. Onward Guzma. For food!

 

[Inkedust]

Mademoiselle had been shouting at the receiver for at least ten minutes only to be answered with silence. Either the son of a bitch had the nerve to ignore her or, more realistically, the phone was never "magic" to begin with and she'd been screaming at nothing the entire time. Considering her circumstances, both scenarios were just as likely. Frazzled and left in a state between calmness and cold rage, Mademoiselle left the receiver behind—if anyone else wanted it, they could come get it themselves—to speak with the strange skeleton.

After a frustrating few minutes of being lost in back alleys, Mademoiselle leapt onto the rooftops and made her way to the main square from there, only to realise that the walking skeleton was gone. Instead, she saw a delinquent of a man with the linoone-creature sitting on his shoulder. She looked down at the man and demanded, "Do you know where the walking skeleton went?"