Pokémon Broken Things

[Persephone]

Ice 8.5: Face to Face
Danielle(?)

August 15, 2020

Sina and Dexio’s lab is air conditioned. You can feel Pixie purring away beneath your hand. This is the first time she’s had it in… weeks? Has it been that long? Longer? Shorter?

She leads you over to a seat and you take it.

“Thank you for coming over,” Sina says. “I know things are a little hectic right now.”

“I have nowhere else to be.”

Dexio snorts. “Still, your help is appreciated.” You’re pretty sure that’s what he says. You’ve already learned that you can’t get a translation for him. With his Kalosian accent and your questionable Galarian you can’t make heads or tails of what he’s saying. At least, you shouldn’t be able to. One half of your mind is much more fluent than the other.

“Help with what? Your message was kind of vague.” You were worried it was a trap. Then you decided that you didn’t really care. Either they had something interesting related to dragons to talk about or Noci and Coco could tear them apart for trying to ambush you.

It’s like having Alice behind you in a lot of ways. Just not in the one that matters.

“Right to business. Tell me, what do you know about Zygarde?”

You’ve certainly heard of her. Both parts of you have, although one usually calls her Cipactli. The first dragon. She’s the kind of god Dr. Karashina insisted you not tell anyone about, ever. No one’s entirely sure if she’s actually dead but you aren’t taking chances.

“I haven’t, no.”

You can hear your hosts shift around. They’re silent for a long time. Probably talking to each other. Kind of annoying when other psychics do that.

“I see,” Sina says. “Since you’re already here, would you mind talking to a dragon we found? She says she’s a ‘zygarde.’”

That makes you freeze. They already have Zygarde? Under control? Sedated? What do they want to do with her? Is there another secret mastermind in Alola trying to get a god on their side?

“Uh. Sure?”

“Has anyone told you you’re a terrible liar?” A new voice. Soft tones. Speaking Upper Draconic.

Is that…?

“I am Zygarde,” says the strongest dragon who ever lived. “Or a fraction of her. It seems my reputation precedes me.”

You don’t know what these humans know. What Zygarde wants them to know. You try to reach out for a silent conversation. It’s not hard to find her. But trying to connect with her mind is like looking directly at the sun. Too big. Too bright. You can do it for a moment, but it would be a bad idea to look too long. You still manage a sentence.

{Do you need help?} It sounds ridiculous that something like her could need help from someone like you. But if these researchers are holding her against her will… maybe you could stop them. Unless they can make Zygarde fight you. Then you would have no chance.

“I’m quite comfortable where I’m at, although I would appreciate it if you kept quiet about some of the details of my history.”

It’s reassuring. But could they make her say that? No. If they could control Zygarde and they knew what they had, this wouldn’t be how you found out.

“I think I get it.” You do not. Time to move on, though, since talking about it too much could tip your hosts off. “I acknowledge your territory.” You said the same thing to Reshiram a long time ago. It’s like you told Kekoa. Wherever a dragon god is, that’s their territory.

Zygarde’s territory is the entire planet. Although territory may not be the best word. In Anahuac they say the entire planet is her body. The dragons don’t go that far. It’s just her domain in the same way that the seas are Kyogre’s domain or Unova belongs to The Dragonmother’s Children.

“I do not have territory anymore,” the goddess says. “I ceded all of that to my children. Ah, that reminds me. I would appreciate it if you kept quiet about my return if you ever meet my eldest. She has a history of overreactions.”

Like killing off almost all life on Earth at least once. Maybe twice. You think The Great Dying was also him… her and her siblings, but you don’t know for sure.

Rayquaza being a girl and no one knowing about it is maybe the most normal part of this conversation.

“I can promise that.” It’s not like you have any chance of actually meeting her. She never comes to the surface. The only time she has in millions of years was when her siblings were fighting again.

“It’s interesting to meet one of the twins’ pets. I look forward to learning what about your breed of human is so endearing to them.”

Breed. Like your bloodline is just some livestock. You’re pretty sure they haven’t been intentionally breeding you or anything. Reshiram even thought your ancestors had died out a long time ago. You weren’t one of theirs at all. At least, you weren’t the project of this world’s Reshiram and Zekrom. “I’m not one of their champions. They have other ones.”

“Is that so? I had seen the video of you conversing with The Flame-bearer and assumed you had been adopted.” Adopted like a daughter or like a pet? You’re pretty sure she means like a pet. “A shame. I had been hoping to meet some of the new settlers. It’s been ages since I last talked to a fellow star-traveler.”

Some stories say that Zygarde came from the stars on a meteor. Others that she simply drifted through the void until she found the sun. It seems at least one of those is true. You know the Dragonmother did. She’s probably a ‘star-traveler’ like Zygarde.

You are, sort of, but not in the same way. You’re from an Earth… probably.

“I have a metagross. She was born here, but maybe she knows something.”

“Perhaps. They’re relative newcomers to the cosmos. I had not heard of anything like them when I went to sleep.”

Interesting. You don’t really know what the metagross’ whole deal is. You also don’t really care. Yes, you could ask, but you don’t trust that Noci would tell you the truth. It also doesn’t seem like she wants to harm you or the people around you. Sometimes she just makes mistake.

[I have never made a single mistake in my entire life.]

Sometimes she just makes mistakes and she needs to learn her limits.

“I’m guessing you know more than you were letting on,” Sina says.

“She’s a very old dragon. Shows up in stories. I didn’t think she was still alive.”

{And does humanity have anything to fear from her?} Dexio asks.

Is that what this is about? They’re not planning to use her; they’re scared that she’s using them?

“I think that it’s best to keep dragons from wanting to kill people.”

Yes, they could call Rayquaza if Zygarde starts attacking humanity. That would stop her. It would also probably kill almost everyone else.

Zygarde huffs. “I don’t want to kill anyone.”

“She says she doesn’t want to kill anyone.”

“Yes, we know,” Sina says. “Would you mind telling us some of the stories she appears in?”

You tentatively reach out a mental link towards Zygarde again. You don’t say anything. Just let her know that you would like her to talk.

“There may be time for that later,” Zygarde says.

“I’m sorry. That’s all I have now.”

“I see.” Sina’s clearly disappointed but she isn’t pushing. Good.

“You’re still planning to go to Lanakila, right?” Dexio asks.

“Yes. I’ll do some training at the base and then…” Well, you won’t be climbing. Just waiting.

“I really wouldn’t,” Sina says. “Lot of asbestos and other poisons in the air after the bomb hit. You can stay here and train as long as you like.” As long as you pay us with information. She doesn’t say it, but you understand.

“I would not mind the company,” the goddess adds.

Fine. If she agrees, too.

“I’ll have to ask Lyra. I think we can work something out.”

*​

You agreed to tell Vengeance and Leo about some military strategy from Anahuac. It’s something they teach everyone, boys and girls alike. Anyone could be called upon to defend their town if it were attacked. It is important to know what strategies have worked for and failed the empire in its history.

This is something you do every week. This week you were going to talk about a famous campaign against the… you can’t really remember.

You can’t remember any of it.

Not the campaign, not the battles, not even who they were fighting. Probably the Maya or Zapotec. It’s usually the Maya or Zapotec. You think. Even that’s hazy.

It’s a little terrifying. Especially since you don’t know why it’s happening. Do you just have too many memories now? Are some getting pushed out? Maybe it would be okay if you could choose, but if you can’t…

Noci has some explaining to do.

[Your complaint has been updated. We are working hard to resolve the matter in a timely matter. Please hold.]

Apparently even your soul is torn now.

You take a deep breath. Okay. There’s nothing your pokémon can do about this. They do not need to know. Lyra has asked that you tell her when things change. You should do that. Later.

“You know what? Since Madeline wants to know, we can talk about how you fight against giant dragons.”

This is something both halves of you know well.

“Finally! I can spar against Coco and win again,” Cueptiltia says.

First, you’re not sure he ever ‘won’ those spars. Second, there is nothing you can tell him that would let him beat Coco without evolving. Maybe even after evolving.

“I have not asked and I do not need to know how to fight scalebags.”

Madeline is perched in your lap. She has been perched in your lap almost constantly since you got here. Every time Pixie or Leo wants attention there is a standoff about it. She makes a show of only letting you play with Coco out of the goodness of her heart, and not because she’s scared of dying for a second time.

“It sounded like you lost to Coco.”

“I made a slight miscalculation.”

“Sure. How do you plan to beat her next time?”

She has no answer. You can feel her mind stewing with unkind words. At least she doesn’t say them. It’s a little progress. The girl is very clingy and hasn’t quite learned not to say every thought that comes through her head. You like her. Really. Sometimes you just want time to breathe where she isn’t there giving her thoughts.

You only got her to leave you alone this morning because you were talking to a dragon and she thought that sounded boring. She decided that it was a good time to start her little training plan. You don’t mind that. You had a similar thing in Unova that didn’t quite make it to Alola because you were blind and dealing with a lot. You just wish you got space outside of a training session that you should probably be at. All of your other pokémon are either good with personal space or at least quiet when you need them to be. Except Searah. But Searah is kind of dumb. You don’t need a lot of brainpower to cuddle her and sometimes answer questions.

You shake your head. Searah is dead. You’re getting lost again.

“Thought so. There are a few types of dragons. The blades, the breath, the armor, and the wings. The blades hit hard up close but don’t have a lot of ranged options or thick armor. Think haxorus.”

“What’s a haxorus?” Vengeance asks.

How does he not know—you’re not in Unova. “They’re a dragon that stands on two legs and has an axe for a head. You don’t want to get hit by that axe. They aren’t that fast and their armor is thin. Thin for a dragon. They can still take weak attacks without noticing. Your goal is to hit them without getting hit even once. How do you do it?”

“Is Coco a blade?” Leo asks.

Kind of? She has bulldoze to knock things down at range. She’s also really tough. Her scales are about as thick as Alice’s and you’ve seen her keep going after tanking slashes from a scyther and dragonfire from a druddigon when she was just a zweilous. Then there are Coco’s bones. Sure, you could break her leg and slow her down. It just might take a machamp to do it. “Sure.” ‘Blade’ is still the best way of characterizing her. One close range attack that can take out almost anything.

“She doesn’t turn around quickly,” Leo says. “Make her charge. Hit her back. Run away. Do it again.”

“Cowardly,” Vengeance mutters.

“Do you think you could fight her head-on and win?”

He doesn’t answer that.

“You can be a victorious coward or lose with honor. Your choice. You can’t beat most dragons with force. They win. And Leo, that’s a good idea. But dragons are still big and have scales. You would need to do it a lot of times without getting hit once to win. She’s not stupid. She’ll use roar or stealth rocks or bulldoze to try and throw you off. In the end you probably lose.”

“How many times must I hit her?” Madeline asks.

“A lot.”

“Yes, but how many?”

“Depends on how hard you’re hitting.” Even if you had an exact number, you wouldn’t tell her exactly how to beat your daughter. Just the broadest strokes.

“Should I hit from far away?” Leo asks. “I don’t know a lot of moves for that.”

“It can work, but weak moves won’t do anything even if they hit.”

“I do not suppose you have a moonblast TM to borrow?”

“Nope.”

“Then how do we win?” Cueptiltia asks.

“One on one? You don’t.”

[I can!]

She could. That does not mean she needs acknowledged. “You need to wear them down or hit them from multiple sides at once. One to distract, one to strike. If you’re alone with a blade, or any dragon, the best plan is to not fight the dragon.”

“Booooooooring,” Madeline protests. “You’re just holding out on me.”

“I’m sure Coco would fight you one-on-one again if you think there’s a way to win.”

Dragons have never hated fairies as much as fairies seem to hate dragons. Fairies are simply an annoyance that can be crushed if needed. Being immune to dragonfire doesn’t mean they can survive every other attack from a giant dragon. Sometimes they need reminded of this. Madeline was. She still did not learn her lesson.

Maybe your other pokémon need a demonstration. Coco should be happy to help.

*​

Madeline tries running away and firing dazzling gleam after dazzling gleam with some shadow claws and wood hammers mixed in. She just makes Coco mad. It’s a little fairer when Pixie, Leo, and Vengeance join in. Coco still wins the first time.

You go to the side and give Pixie some advice. She has a lot of tricks. Even more than Madeline. Just a few less ways to deal damage. And lower average damage, too. She doesn’t need to be reminded of that when she’s already upset about the ghost taking some of her attention away. The only reason they haven’t torn into each other yet is that Pixie wants to get stronger and you… aren’t the best trainer. Haven’t been the best trainer. Even if you wanted to get back into your old regimen, it would be much harder while blind.

You give Pixie some advice on what tricks she should pull, what move she should disable, and where she should aim. Enough to let her pull off a win when Madeline couldn’t.

In the next round Leo gets up to Coco’s eyes and makes her give up. But the only reason he could do that is Pixie disabling thrash and making the ground too slippery for Coco to charge or turn around well. Madeline is smug about the victory but it belongs to Pixie and Leo and they all know it.

*​

The soft grass dampens your footstep as you walk into the night air. It feels nice at this hour.

You’re sure Madeline followed you out. Just can’t hear her right now. She can shut up when she wants to. Usually when she’s trying to scare someone.

“Hey, Pix,” you call out.

“Hello—” You hear the sound of an ice beam followed by Madeline’s cackling laughter.

“Got you~”

Pixie hisses. Great. Can’t even talk to one of your team members without everything falling apart.

You walk closer to Pixie and sit down. She closes the rest of the distance and you idly scratch her ear. You can feel Sitrus’s mind when you reach out. She was probably talking to Pixie before you interrupted.

Madeline tries to hop into your lap. Pixie lunges and barks.

“You just had it for hours. Give Pixie a turn.”

“I’m starving,” she whines.

If you are not keeping her fed, then you don’t know how anyone feeds a mimikyu. You still reach out a hand and let her rub against it. She’ll start asking for more active petting in a bit. Still gives you time to talk to Pixie.

“What were you doing?”

“Watching the stars,” she says. “They’re so much brighter here.”

“Less city light.” You remember the difference between New England and Unova. Castelia shines so bright that all of Unova lives under its glow.

Pixie’s tails twitch. “Do you think Kalani is in the stars?”

She told you once that vulpix think their ancestors become stars when they die. If that was true, then Kalani would be there. You don’t think Pixie would want to see the fox who bit off her ear every time she looked up at night. How do you answer this?

“I think she is,” Sitrus says. “Yet you must remember that the stars are very far away. We can remember the departed and feel their influence on the present, we may even speak towards them, but they can no longer reach us.”

She’s good at this. Is this the first time she’s seen this happen? Well, not exactly this. Just something like it. And why can’t she be anywhere near this nice to you?

Madeline snorts. “Stars aren’t dead people, silly. They’re big balls of flaming gas. Dead people are just dead. Or undead.”

“No one asked you,” Pixie hissed.

“Do you think I don’t want to talk to anyone?” For a moment Madeline actually sounds hurt. Then it gets drowned out again in her usual playfulness. “Of course I do, but that’s not how the world works. Oh! I can tell you more facts about space. We’re fairies. We’re supposed to know this stuff. Clearly no one taught—”

You feel Pixie tense and pounce.

Madeline runs, still laughing, while Pixie chases her with something between a growl and a roar.

“Do you know if she was human?” Sitrus asks.

“I think so.” She’s talked about how nice it is to speak with ‘another’ human.

“How old was she when she passed?”

“No idea.” Sometimes she seems very mature. Then there are moments like this when you think she might be closer to Cuepiltia or Pixie. You aren’t sure how dying impacts mental age, either, and you can’t really go to the library or search the internet to find out. Even Dexio and Sina don’t have a satellite internet connection.

[If only someone in constant contact with you had access to the internet and a swarm of dull-but-lovable minions who do her bidding.]

You still aren’t sure where she got the beldum she claims to command. She hasn’t been hoarding supplies to make them. Is that even how beldum are created? No one seemed to know from what you’ve read.

[They don’t need to know.]

“I’ll talk with her,” Sitrus says. “Young fairies need firm boundaries that are constantly reinforced. Otherwise, they will continue to push and claim all that they can. This isn’t a problem if those boundaries are far from where the line actually needs drawn.”

“And they just obey the rules?”

“They obey the rules as written. The game of subverting the rules without breaking them is usually vastly more entertaining than whatever breaking the rule outright would get them.”

You remember when Sitrus was reasonable like this. She never liked you but you could at least have talks that didn’t end in screaming or crying.

“Were you ever pursuing antidepressants?” she asks. Seems she’s still mad that you’re depressed. Even if she won’t admit that’s what she’s mad about.

“Dr. Livens talked me into doing it when the journey was over. Said that it was dangerous to start a new drug while traveling.”

“Generally good advice. I take it that there are no more available with things as they are.”

She doesn’t add ‘because of you’ to the end. You can still hear it loud and clear.

“No. Lyra’s having to wean herself off of them.”

[Working on a solution. Please hold.]

{Would that also be enough for me?}

[I do not think taking new psychoactive medications is advisable until your current complaint is addressed.]

Sitrus huffs. “She’s probably right.”

“Was Noci sharing that?”

“Most of it. If your… current situation… can be resolved, I would offer you an egg as a bridge until a regular antidepressant supply can be established. Not a full egg. Not every day. A third a week at most.”

And now she’s being nice to you like she didn’t just stand aside to let you be killed. What is that about? Is this an apology?

“I had a long conversation with the queen of shadows about my recent conduct. I am willing to admit that I took legitimate grievances to an unreasonable extreme. The situation surrounding the war has also changed. Renoucning the phantoms no longer seems like a surefire path to less suffering.”

“That’s a pretty big change of heart.” You still don’t entirely believe this. She doesn’t seem like someone who changes easily, and she hated you enough to let you die a few days ago.

“I like to think of it as a return to form.” She takes a shaky breath. It’s remarkably human. “I was not always consumed by my bitterness. My past self might not appreciate who I have become. Even he…” You can feel her attention snap elsewhere. “Girls! Too far!” She rushes off with speed you forgot she had.

You’re not going to immediately start trusting her. You will at least accept that she might be trying to turn things around for now. It’s easier than fighting her while dealing with Pixie and Madeline and the whole mess with Cuicatl. Maybe she can help with those, too.

*​

August 16, 2020

You’ve felt Zyarde’s attention on you all morning. Just haven’t felt comfortable speaking with her with Madeline around. She has no respect for dragons. Disrespecting a dragon god could get her torn apart. If you told her why you didn’t want her talking to Zygarde, she would go ahead and do it.

During the training session you have an excuse to pull Coco away. You send a thought out to Zygarde and she finally approaches.

“Aren’t you a beauty?” the goddess says. “To think that the common dragons got so big so soon after I fell asleep. And what nice teeth you have! I have met star-travelers with far lesser fangs.”

Coco met a god and immediately showed them her teeth. You aren’t even surprised.

“You’re small for a god.”

“This form is. My full body…” The ground rumbles like Coco’s bulldozes. No, not quite. It’s less that the top of the ground is being torn up. More like something enormous is moving far, far below. “…is bigger than this avatar might suggest.”

“What do you want with Cuicatl?” Coco asks. Is she trying to intimidate a god? After that. Maybe it’s not just Madeline who needs a lesson knocked into her.

“Merely to ask questions of her. There is still much of this new world I do not yet understand. Rest assured, I will have plenty of questions for you as well. You are the first member of your kind I have met.”

“What questions do you have for me?” you ask.

“Several. I will eventually ask about your homeworld.” You tense up. How does she know about that. “It seems a sensitive subject, though. I will give you time to discuss it on your terms.”

“I don’t actually remember anything being different.” If you ever did, Tapu Lele took care of it.

“Interesting. You were also one of the humans who began this conflict, correct?

Zygarde knows, the red florges knows, at this point you assume the Americans know.

[They seem far more concerned about me than you.]

{You killed one of their pilots.}

[Details.]

“I had something to do with it.”

“May I ask why you made your decision?”

You take a deep breath. How much does she know? How much do you need to repeat?

“I was not in a good place at the time. It wasn’t a rational decision. They were just going to take my daughter and I had a way to stop it. It wasn’t about Alola or the Americans. I was desperate and someone gave me a way out.”

“Do you disapprove?” Coco asks. Again, too challenging of a god.

{Back down. She can kill you in a heartbeat.}

{I’m just figuring out what she wants.}

Should you apologize for her? Dragons usually don’t accept those apologies. But the idea of Coco going through what Hala did to Pixie? It terrifies you to the core.

“No,” Zygarde says. She doesn’t sound bothered by Coco’s tone. “I understand why such fragile creatures value non-violence. I simply do not see the point myself. Declaring to the world that you will not fight does not prevent violence, it simply allows it to happen to yourself and those you love. You had a boundary. Others breached it. You retaliated. Your boundaries are more likely to be respected in the future.”

“I broke one of the American’s boundaries. If they retaliate and we keep escalating…”

You sigh. It’s done. You didn’t even care until… well, you’re guessing Danielle cares more about peace than Cuicatl.

“They slighted you and misjudged the risk of loss,” Zygarde answers. “That was their choice and they bear the consequences of it. They acted, you reacted, they may choose to act again if they believe the course is still justified with a better understanding of the potential risks.”

“You talk about fighting for yourself,” Coco says. “Yet you just let your children kill you. Why?”

“I suspect your parents would do the same.” She sounds wistful. Maybe a little sad. She is right, though. You would. “I gave my children all they needed. The day came where they needed freedom. I gave them enough of a fight for there to be satisfaction in it. There is no honor in vanquishing a god if she dies in her sleep. Then I happily gave my children all I knew how to give.”

Cuicatl thought Danielle did something like that for her, which is really weird to think about right now when you’re somewhere between the two. It was also held over her. That she had done something wrong even in birth. That she should make up for what she had done. It’s… justified? Infuriating?

Coco and Zygarde go back and forth for a bit before something vast approaches your mind.

“Are you alright, child?”

“I…” Did you freeze up again?

[I have a plan for resolving your complaint. Please hold for a little longer.]

Damn it.

*​

August 18, 2020

Noci insisted that it was time for you to meet the totem. You were hoping, well, Madeline was hoping for a little more time to see if her training could pay off. It doesn’t bother you too much. Acerola wants this done sooner rather than later. You just don’t know why Noci is so insistent.

She sets you down on a sandbar that’s under an inch or two of water. The old trial site. The cool water washing through your sandals is really nice on a hot day. Then you wait. She seemed to think the bruxish would come to you here. You have no reason to doubt her. it’s just annoying to wait under the tropical sun. Nothing you’re used to—exactly what you’re used to. And what you’ve been doing for almost a year.

It’s too damn hot even in shorts and a t-shirt. Which is what you get for wearing cotton instead of the huīpīlli. Like wool would be any—

Something big moves onto the sandbar and a wave crashes up to your knees.

“Aren’t you an odd one?” The mental voice is accompanied by loud clacking with a buzzing sound behind it. Really, really annoying. “I’m not sure that I’ve seen a human’s mind do that before.”

“It’s a long story.”

“You fell from another world, Tapu Lele performed psionic reconstructive surgery on you, probably sequestering some memories in the process that did not fit her preferred narrative, a metagross who seems a little too eager to insist that she listens to your orders decided to perform more psionic reconstructive surgery with minimal training, now there are two sets of memories with their own identities tearing apart your soul and occasionally overloading your mental processing abilities? Is this correct?”

What. The. Fuck?

[I believed my explanation would be more objective and thorough than yours.]

That doesn’t mean she can just go sharing your secrets with anyone and everyone! Is this how the florges and Zygarde found out about what you did?

[I am almost certain that the florges was told by another florges, who may or may not have been the florges who originally influenced your decision. Massive gossips. Will not shut up. I am beginning to believe it is a natural trait of the fairies.]

{And metagross.}

[This was a conversation between physicians.]

Never took her for a healer.

[I have reviewed the sum total of human neuroscience and already made several advancements. I also plan to conduct multiple studies previously vetoed by review boards without a sense of humor.]

Not relevant. You can argue with her later.

“Do you know the other reason I’m here?”

“The self-proclaimed queen of this land wants me to help fight for her against other humans. This will likely result in less pollution in the long term at the cost of more landslides and explosives landing in my waters in the short term. I am still weighing my options.”

[See how efficient this is?]

“You’re also here for an informal psychic trial. I am willing to accept, both for the exercise and to see your mind in action for a while longer before I attempt anything.”

“You’re going to try and fix me?” You’re getting tired of people trying to do that without asking.

“I am going to have a long discussion with you, ideally both of you, about what you want and how we could go about achieving it.”

What do you want? The problem to go away, yes. You hadn’t thought you’d actually have a say in how it happened. You’d just wake up one day and find out what the cost was. It’s how you got into this mess. And the last one, probably. Maybe the one before that. You assume there was one before that even if you can’t remember it.

“Let’s clear your mind, shall we?”

“Forcefully?”

“No. Just with a battle.” He sounds offended you’d think that. Good. You’re starting to like him, horrible voice aside.

You pull out Noci’s ball. “Is it safe to put you in storage? Want to think through this on my own.”

“The Americans are distracted. You have about an hour before they decide they wish to capitalize on the opening and settle on what to do.”

“Good.” You withdraw her for the first time since… well, since she captured herself. Is she influencing you to keep her out? Is that just something you naturally do? You can’t really remember withdrawing her before she evolved, either, but that’s normal with most of your pokémon.

It’s probably the safest approach. The talk with the florges could have gone a lot worse if she hadn’t been around.

“I am summoning a pelipper, claydol, and raticate to my side. Pick your first move.”

You try and quickly realize a few problems. First, you keep thinking of plans involving Tchaikovsky, Alice, and Spike. They are dead. Second, you have limited experience fighting multiple opponents at once. Third, you are blind.

How are you supposed to fight things you cannot see?

You are useless here.

This part of you.

You reach out below and try to summon… something. You haven’t talked to your other half. Can’t really tell when you’re you and when you’re her. You can sort of feel her sliding to the fore. Parts of you change. It feels natural. Normal. Like the way it was before was wrong.

It will feel like that when those parts come back, too.

“Fascinating,” the bruxish says. “Most fascinating.”

Focus. Battle. Four pokémon. Madeline and Leo can handle the claydol, raticate, and bruxish. Pixie can maybe take the claydol. Cuepiltia has the best match against the raticate. First, take out the pelipper. Then see how far Leo and Madeline can go. Have Cuepiltia and Pixie do cleanup. Obviously Noci could win by herself, but you’re trying to let your pokémon test their training. Feels boring to just let her sweep.

Kind of feels boring to let Coco handle things herself, too. You’ll just leave the pelipper to her.

She appears and the waves crash around you as the water and ground adjust. Your daughter growls and you can feel it in your bones.

“Attack pelipper.” {Bite if you can. Rock slide if you can’t.}

The bird avoids the bite. Maybe for the best. Coco wouldn’t have much fun if her part was over that quickly.

You almost immediately have to start bracing and moving to keep your head above the water. The ground shakes. Probably the claydol. The wind howls. Maybe a cold rain starts falling. Maybe that’s just the spray from the ocean. The waves are lashing up to your chest. Coco’s steps thunder down and almost knock you over every time she moves.

{What’s happening?} you ask when the waves calm down—no, when the waves just take a little break. You sputter and try to wipe the water off your face. It’s just as wet when you finish as when you started.

“The fish is making waves. Sometimes lunges. Swims away. The rock is shaking the ground. The rat is—” The ground shakes and something yelps. “Kicked the rat. Kept trying to bite. Bird is flying. Hard to hit. Not enough rocks.”

“Okay. Use stealth rock and make more.”

She doesn’t have a lot of ways to hit flying pokémon. Stealth rock and rock slide. A lucky bite. That’s kind of it. Need to work on that. Can tyrantrum learn smack down?

…

You were expecting a response.

Wait, Noci’s in her ball.

Huh. Weird to be alone in your thoughts. Well, as alone as you can be with Danielle lurking somewhere.

If not smack down then—

This time a wave knocks you flat off your feet. It takes a moment to reach out and feel the bottom. Another few to push yourself up and breathe.

“—the bird,” Coco says. “What now?”

“What?”

She turns around. And then she growls. Low. Powerful. “Who hurt her?”

You wave her off. “Accident. Pelipper’s down. Anyone else?”

It takes her a moment to calm down. “No.”

“Good. Can the others get a chance? Don’t want you to win by yourself.”

Coco doesn’t need as much flattery as Pixie and Madeline. Still good to give it to her. You didn’t have a lot growing up. Well, there was—

You feel the headache coming and shove the thought aside. Not freezing up where you can barely stand.

“Fine,” Coco concedes. “So long as they win.”

“They will.” With or without Noci.

You withdraw her and the water shifts again. There was a shallow sandbar beside you when you started this. Even the water you were standing in was shallow enough for your smaller team members. It’s up to your calf now. The dry land might be gone. This could be a problem.

Still, you need to at least get the bruxish out of the way. Cuepiltia and Pixie can at least soften up the raticate and claydol. If you have to finish with Noci you can live with it.

Leo can fight underwater. You send him out.

{Straight for the totem.}

He lunges.

There’s a splash as they both go beneath the surface.

{Is there still land?} you ask. Not being able to see is kind of a pain in the ass.

{Very little. Shallow enough water for allies.}

Okay, good. He guessed your next question. You’ll let him do his—

Whatever noises the bruxish makes, they get a lot louder. Suddenly the world feels unbearably hot and dry. Do you have water? Blood? Anything? Anything at—

“What was that?” the bruxish asks.

The bruxish.

The totem.

In Alola.

Not… that place.

You take a few deep breaths.

“Ultra Space, I think. Sometimes it pokes through.”

“Noted. Carry on.”

Something slams into something else. Leo hisses and then the raticate squeals.

“Hard to fight two enemies at once,” Leo says. “Nowhere to run.”

Just two?

“What’s the claydol doing?”

“Making rocks.”

That will be a problem. “Break his concentration.”

You feel the water shift and the sand vibrate as Leo jumps. He falls into the water with a massive splash a moment later.

“Teleports.”

Definitely a problem. One that Pixie or Madeline will be better at solving.

“Back to the bruxish.”

He grunts and there’s another flurry of splashes. A gnashing moan of pain. The sound of something hard cracking.

“I’m done. Will heal. For now. Not pushing,” Leo says. “Fish is injured. Not retreating.”

Still on track. Just need Madeline can finish the totem quickly and do a little damage to the others.

You send her out. Blindly. Don’t know where the land is. Probably should have asked Leo before withdrawing him.

She hisses in annoyance. “Was this an intentional slight?”

“No. Field got wrecked.”

“I take it this is the brute’s doing?”

You don’t answer that. She can ask nicely if she wants answers. Dexio suggested it and Madeline was horrified enough that it started to sound like a good idea. You’re making Pixie do it, too, although she had been doing better. Just can’t apply it to only one or they started fighting.

“Can you go underwater?”

“We are finishing my new veil tonight if I must.”

“Okay. Might be good to have a spare in the future?”

You can feel her perk up. “Yes. I will have several. Perhaps the next one can be—”

“There’s a battle going on.”

That causes her to focus. “So it seems. You need me to target the… that fish?”

She insisted that bruxish were hideous. Almost too ugly to fight. You told her to get over it. Kindly. Eventually. Had to tap deeper into Cuicatl for that. You just ignored ‘covsky’s shit-stirring whenever you could. Eventually he’d relent or start bothering someone else. Don’t think that would work on fairies.

“Yes.”

“Hmph.”

You can hear her move like a rock skipping across the edge of the water. Then they both go under. Then splash back up. An impact. Is the bruxish trying to throw her into the raticate? It’s not a bad idea. Having two big melee attackers feels kind of weird. They have to get in each other’s way, right?

It’s really frustrating not being able to give good orders. It’s making you rethink how effective parts of your old training plans would actually be. They were more about getting the team to instantly respond to orders and attacking relentlessly while you watched for traps. There’s going to need to be strategy lessons in there like you were doing the other night. Like you’ve been doing with Leo and Vengeance.

Something breaks the surface and you can hear Madeline gasp. Drama queen. You know she doesn’t need to breathe. She told you while you were trying to figure out how her body worked and couldn’t find any lungs. “Ugly swam away. I’m getting out of the water.”

She’s not at her best standing in place. At least the raticate should come to—

Your sash gets pressed against your body and you hear a pokéball withdraw Madeline. Fine. You can have the rest of the team finish this. You know the raticate’s already been hurt by Coco and Leo. The claydol… that’s going to be a problem.

You send out Vegeance and the rufflet screams. He really loves screaming. Whatever floats his little boat. You kind of prefer being able to hear. {Close combat on raticate.}

The dark-type’s probably a lot bigger than him. Bigger teeth. He’s also been kicked by a tyrantrum and cut by a golisopod. Vengeance’s type advantage should fully swing things.

Then there’s not a lot to do. Listen to him attack. Doesn’t sound like the raticate is having a good time. They’re cowards. The moment something stands up to them they either give up and run away or call in more friends. You thought about catching one in the Castelia Tunnels but none impressed you and wanted to stay on the team.

The raticate gives up long before your little bird.

“You hurt?”

“I can keep going.”

You’ll let him, even if he’s not the most useful here. He’s kind of slow. The claydol can teleport away. He doesn’t have any ranged attacks. Should you teach him one? He’ll be able to fly eventually. Still might struggle with faster fliers…

You’ll ask Madeline for her thoughts. Later.

“Whirlwind the rocks.”

You’ve been trying to get him to learn defog. Coco can set rocks and he can try to blow them away. Kekoa was working on it with him. Just didn’t have a reliable setter to train with. He learned whirlwind in the last few days. It’s a step forward. Just not quite where you want to be.

“The claydol is spinning. Bringing the rocks with him,” Vengeance says.

What? They can do that? Is that psychic? Some weird rapid spin combination? Both?

{Protect if you have to. Whirlwind until then.”

You hear rocks hit a barrier. And keep hitting the barrier. They’re waiting Vengeance out. They’ll probably succeed, too. New plan.

{Crush claw.}

He’ll go down afterwards. That’s fine. He hates it when you withdraw him early. At least now he’ll do a little damage.

He screams. You withdraw him when the screams start sounding more like pain than anger.

That leaves Pixie. And Noci. How do you want to play this? Something needs disabled. Teleport? The spin move? The spin move can do more damage. Might be the only way to do damage. Teleport makes hitting harder.

You send her out.

{Aurora veil.}

You’re so glad she learned it. You were waiting on that for months. It’s where all the really fun ninetales strategies begin.

Something slices through the air again. Is that what the spinning sounds like? Cuicatl would be better at this. Should you try and pull her up again? You’re pretty sure you’re better at fights. Have the gym badges to prove it.

She has eight trials behind her.

Those still seem less impressive. This has been tricky, but not ‘fight a pro trainer five v five in the middle of a hostile crowd’ hard.

The rocks don’t make the same sound when they ‘hit.’ You’re not sure they hit through the aurora veil at all. Pixie doesn’t make a noise. Can’t smell blood. Would you be able to smell blood over the saltwater? Cuicatl’s blind. That doesn’t mean superpowers. Except for the ones that you both have.

“Ice beam.”

The air grows colder. Pixie growls in frustration. “Teleports.”

“Try again.” {Disable the teleport.}

You reach out to help before pulling away. Probably shouldn’t. That hurts at the best of times, and with everything else going on in your mind it sounds like a bad idea.

There’s another pulse of cold air and the claydol lets out an inhuman groan.

She has aurora veil for defense and a super effective ice beam for offense. Hopefully that’s enough? Or is there something else you can do. She knows… hypnosis. Claydol have a lot of eyes. You saw a picture once. Can they close the eyes? Do the clay robot doll things have eyelids? You know some pokémon don’t.

Pixie grunts. Guess the rocks are breaking through.

“Hypnosis.”

The sound of the claydol’s whirring rocks moves further away.

“Did it work?”

“It closed its eyes. Too many eyes.”

It can do that. Great. Was worth a try.

Now you’ll just have to… can you really only sit back and wait? Every match is usually engaging. You have to set up your own traps while searching for your opponent’s. Now you can do half of that, tops.

Cuicatl’s lucky that all of her pokémon are smart. She would not work well with Spike or Searah.

The claydol makes an extremely dramatic noise before something heavy crashes to the ground. Was that acting? Actual pain? You would feel bad about hurting a wild pokémon like that.

“Don’t worry,” the bruxish says in his grinding, overlapping way. Guess he’s back. If he ever really left. “Alph’s just a drama queen. You’re fine, right?”

There’s another noise. Shorter. Lighter.

“What a shame that I couldn’t see your metagross in action. I was very much looking forward to it.”

Pixie nudges your leg.

“Salt. Hate it.”

You withdraw her. At least she tells you she wants withdrawn instead of just doing it.

“I don’t think you want to see her fight,” you tell the totem. “She’s terrifying. It would be over as soon as it started.”

“She’s rough, hmm? Perfect. Tell me, is she mated?”

Is she—

She’s not even organic, why would—

No. You don’t want to know any more about this.

“I don’t think she’s looking.”

“What a shame. Well, send her back out. I’m ready to get started.”

*​

“Are you ready?” the totem asks after a few minutes of preparations.

You still don’t even know what you’re preparing for or how to prepare for it.

[Creation of a shared psionic space. It will allow avatars of your separate personalities to speak.]

Does that involve tearing you all the way apart? That can’t be good for your soul, right?

[All variables have been considered. The ghost you’re tethered to has said this is no riskier than continued inaction.]

She really has been talking to everyone but you about this.

[I have been speaking with experts. You will be consulted when you gain sufficient expertise in conducting psionic reconstructive surgery rather than simply being subjected to it.]

“And whose fault is that?” you grumble.

[What is the human expression? ‘Fuck up my brain once, shame on you. Fuck up my brain twice, it is my fault for not gaining better psionic defenses. Fuck up my brain three times, that is a good idea and will fix all problems. I mean this unironically. Your consent would be appreciated but is not required.]

“Your consent is required.”

[I was joking. The joke was not received. Recalibrating humor… Knock knock? Who’s there? A supercomputer capable of simulating even your fractured mind at 99.8% accuracy at fifty times the speed of thought. The simulation was asked for consent. The simulation consented. This is what efficiency looks like.]

You really don’t get why Cuicatl trusts this thing absolutely. You suppose you’ll have to ask her.

You, unfortunately, don’t have any better ideas.

“Will I drown if you knock me out?”

The sand underneath your feet gets pushed up until you’re completely above the water.

[Any further pointless questions?]

You take a deep breath.

It’s just a talk.

You shouldn’t be scared. It’s fixing things.

The hairs on your arms are still standing straight up.

“Let’s get it over with.”

*​

You aren’t entirely sure why this is the place your mind goes. It’s in the background of a few memories, but none that are too important. It still feels deeply familiar. You lift up your mug of coffee and look out the window at the rain-soaked Nimbasa streets below.

It’s good coffee. The best in the city as far as you’re concerned. You’re not mad you ended up here. Although, you can’t help but wonder if Cuicatl is somewhere else right now. She’s sitting across from you in the booth, but maybe in her mindscape she’s at home in Anahuac or something. It’s a little hard to remember the details of her life right now. What would be comfortable to her.

She’s practically swimming in the booth. You both are, but you’re a little older. Or not? You are her mother. You know that. Sort of. The strongest parts of your memories, though, are the ones from your journey. Which was… you can’t remember. You were a teenager, probably. Perhaps a little younger.

You blow over the top of your mug.

However constructed Cuicatl is, you’re worse off. Tapu Lele wasn’t even trying to make you functional.

“I’m guessing there’s only room for one of us,” Cuicatl says. Her accent is pretty thick. Thicker than Dexio’s, even. You’re not entirely sure you could understand her outside of a telepathic space.

You set the mug down. Guess things are getting serious. “That seems like a good assumption. Sharing is what got us here.”

She looks down. There’s a drink in front of her. Does she know it’s there? Is it there in her reality?

“I’ve had control for almost a year. It would be fair if…”

You really should have seen that coming. You take another sip while you gather your thoughts.

“Since when has the world been fair?”

She opens her mouth to object. You cut her off. It was a rhetorical question.

“Never. I don’t think you really believe in fairness, either. If it was ‘fair’ for you to destroy me, would you be arguing we should do it?”

“Maybe,” she lies. Poor girl. You know all of her tells. They’re yours.

“Do you have boundaries?” you ask. “Like, have you ever sat one and enforced it?” You can’t entirely remember. Your past is hazy. Hers is practically gone right now.

“We just talked with Zygarde about this.”

You roll your eyes before taking another drink. Not quite what you meant.

“That was setting a boundary to protect someone else. You ever sat one to protect you and stuck with it?”

“Kekoa was being an ass when we first met. I told him no.”

Right. You can sort of remember that now. That was early on. You need to modify your theory a little bit.

“Hmm. Perhaps. I guess you can make limits for strangers. But has someone you care about ever hurt you and you didn’t forgive them for it?”

“I just broke up with my girlfriend.” Her arms are crossed. She’s pouting. Doesn’t like being pressed on this. Tough. You might have one chance to speak with her and you’re going to make it count.

“After I came out. Were you on track to do that before?”

Her eyes narrow. “Might have happened.”

Sure. Whatever she thinks. You look back out the window. The streets are empty. You didn’t notice at first glance. It feels wrong. This part of the city is always overflowing with life, even in winter.

“If you did set a boundary, do you think people would respect it?”

She takes a deep breath. “Some would.”

“Anyone you remember from before Alola?”

“…maybe Renfield or Searah.”

Renfield is respectful like that. He certainly wouldn’t pull any of the metagross’s bullshit. And if he did, you would be pissed. Cuicatl’s mostly just annoyed that her pokémon hurt her in a way that could get her entire identity erased.

She’s said enough, though. You know why she doesn’t think she can stand up for herself.

You don’t remember a lot about your husband. Just that things started to go south shortly after you literally went south. Never bad enough that you left, but you definitely should have. Seeing what he did to Cuicatl makes your blood boil, even if you can’t remember it. Lightning booms in the distance with your rage. Cuicatl jolts in her seat. Maybe she is in Nimbasa with you.

“Cuicatl, it might be fair to me if you fold. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone else. I barely remember your journey before a month ago. I wasn’t the one who met your friends and team. I had people. They’re gone, now.”

With a thought, Renfield’s ball appears on the table. You palm the rough wood. What would wouldn’t give for him to be here now. He would know what to do.

“If I have to leave, though, I need you to promise that you’re going to stick up for yourself. The people around you deserve it. More importantly, you deserve it, too.”

Cuicatl takes a shaky breath and finally picks up her drink. She barely drinks anything before setting it down. “Growing up, I thought that you could do anything. You trained the team and traveled across Unova on your own. If you had been there…”

“Things would have certainly been different.” There’s another roll of thunder so loud that the cups rattle on the table.

“You’re here now. Do you have to go?”

“There are a few options.” The bruxish finally speaks. His voice is much more pleasant when it takes the form of a little intercom message above you. “The first is the partial or complete destruction of one personality. We could optimize the central nervous system to either restore sight or increase psionic abilities at the same time.”

Cuicatl bristles. Good. You weren’t really looking forward to oblivion. You would pass to give Cuicatl a chance, but that doesn’t mean you’re looking forward to death.

“We could also attempt integration. This would be the most stable option in the long term and also allow for some enhancements. You could decide which parts of the separate personalities remain in the restored whole.”

That’s still a little close to death for you. It’s a little more palatable, but whatever came next wouldn’t be you. Just like you.

The idea is deeply unappealing. This is still probably Cuicatl’s decision to make. She doesn’t seem quite as opposed to this option.

“Finally, we could use the efficiencies to clear up space for a second personality to operate in a subordinate role. It would still need frequent rest and there would be a few problems stemming from it. Heightened or dulled emotions, weakened psionic abilities, potential dysmorphia, mild but persistent claustrophobia, maybe even temporary paralysis if the subordinate personality attempted to seize control. I would recommend either subsummation or integration in the long run. Coexistence is probably just a way to buy time to work out an integration agreement.”

That sounds messy. The other options are probably messier. You take one final sip of coffee and leave the mug dry.

“Well? I think the ball’s in your court.” You would take your own advice to stand up for yourself. You will if she decides to destroy you entirely. At the very least you are making her take some of your confidence. You’re also incomplete. A mother and a teenager all at once. An interloper in someone else’s story. Whatever she claims about fairness, she does have the right to decide here.

“How bad is coexisting going to be?” Cuicatl asks.

“Unpleasant, but survivable. Symptoms should be less than your current arrangement.”

‘Should be.’ You don’t like the risk there. It sounds like there’s a path to fixing things if this doesn’t work out, though.

“I guess we try to live together?”

You close your eyes to think. If you agree to this, you are hurting her. Probably hurting yourself, too. Being conscious and unable to control your own body sounds like a special form of hell. You aren’t sure how integration would work. Who would be left behind. This does give you some time to figure out those answers and see how bad the side-effects are.

“Sure.”

*​

You slowly drift awake. The waves sound distant. There isn’t sunlight tearing into your skin. Someone must have moved you from the beach. You flick an arm out to feel what it hits. Soft. Blankets. Something shifts against you and clenches tight. It’s long, thin, and very strong. Madeline must be out of her veil.

Right. It got wet. You agreed to fix it.

You slowly sit up and stretch out.

The world feels quiet. Fixed. Like the ground was spinning and then it stopped and now you feel dizzy.

You try to reach out for your mother’s memories and come up with nothing at all. There’s a moment of panic. She left one thing for you and now it’s gone forever.

You feel something stir at the back of your head.

“Don’t be so dramatic, love. I’m right here.”

Relief floods through you. For years you just wanted her to be there and had to settle for memories. Now she is here and your brain isn’t collapsing. Probably. Hopefully. The totem’s warning was pretty scary. You don’t feel any of that now, though.

You reach out with your gift and… oh. Definitely doesn’t reach as far. You can still feel people. Could probably message them. Just feels like you’re wading through mud.

“We should probably tell Lyra about this. Can’t imagine she’s going to be thrilled to learn that more surgery happened while she wasn’t there.”

“Yeah…”

That’s one problem solved and a few more created. But you can’t really be mad about it. You still have your pokémon. And Lyra. And now Danielle. Things are going to be okay.