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Hello, I'm here for catnip stuff. Right off the bat, I have to confess this was a bit of a difficult read for me because there are lot of really odd word choices and grammatical errors. It slowed things down for me tremendously because I had to keep stopping to ask myself what you were trying...

Chapter 11: The Hanged Man Yuna braced for a painful electric shock but instead heard Nikki's garbled wails. She poked an eye open. Seifer stood in front of her protectively, while Nikki lay a couple of meters away, water dripping from her jacket. "You okay?" Seifer asked without looking back...

Chapter 10: Dungeons and Dragon-Types Cold. Coarse. Yuna's hands brushed against rough ground that was as frigid as the stone floors of her parents' castle. She opened her eyes. A pile of gray sand greeted her. Yuna lifted her head. Sand streamed down from her horns. The dreepy looked around...

Generally speaking, this kind of onomatopoeia stuff is better suited for visual mediums like comics, not written works. How very, uh, anime? Do animals exist in this world? If not, how would the non-humans know what a goose is? This also applies to the prose from Meowth's POV using epithets like...

Chapter 9: Dude, What a Trip! Vortex stood between two of the many cracks and splinters running through the ruined center of the courtyard. Broken fragments of the fountain lay scattered around the area which, thanks to the hasty work of some Polaris laborers, had a metal dome placed around it...

PMD: Eternal Shadows - 3 parts, 974 words = 3 points

Ch 6: It’s the credits song from Gunvolt Chronicles! :D -If it were me, I’d italicize that opening paragraph to make it read like the character’s thoughts, since it’s in present tense. Actually, this pops up a handful of times in the Mossy Town stuff. -Did that one-shot orb actually kill the...

PMD: Liberators of Fate - 5 parts, 1313 words = 5 points

Merry reviewmas Part 1: Oh, this is an Assassin’s Creed fic? WEN EZIO? -FYI, the character you’re looking for if you’re cutting someone’s speech off is the em dash (—), not a typical hyphen (-). On Windows PCs, you can get it with Alt+0151 on the number pad. -Likewise, ten is one of those...

Death is Lonely - 4 parts, 1053 words = 4 points PMD: Double-Edged - 2 parts, 754 words = 2 points

Merry reviewmas! This is probably going to be redundant to what other people said. Oh well. @.@ Prologue: Someone’s about to die, aren’t they? -Very purple prose in those opening few paragraphs. I’m not entirely sure if Nevada here is supposed to be a dig at some rural town there or, like, in a...

Merry reviewmas Part 1: FRESH BLOOD FOR THE BACON GOD -Obvious comment about subverting the god ‘mon gender stereotypes with male Xern and female Yveltal. [cough] Anyway, opening bit mixes some of Yveltal’s dex logic with an actual grim reaper job of sorts. Or, perhaps, in the context of the...

Also two point review for PMD: Elegy for Humanity

Merry reviewmas Ch 1: Do we all fall down when this is over? 🤔 -Celeste is a cat. Good to know. And how dare Salac interrupt edgy husbando’s beauty sleep. -I think I’d have liked to open with a bit more description for Rainbow Valley. A hillside could mean anything, y’know? -oh hey look an...

Fighting Nature - 5 chapters, 1294 words = 5 points + 1 for theme (previously reviewed for BLC) PMD: Eternal Shadows - 5 chapters, 1371 words = 5 points

Merry reviewmas Ch 1: Oh boy it’s that 3DS Zelda game people like -Legit unsure what the naming inspiration behind Gen is. Dr. Google notes it’s British slang for information and he’s faking amnesia, so… maybe that? Actually I don’t know your nationality. -Okay, so Gen’s a human from, I guess...

Merry reviewmas! Ch 4 -Oh boy, a Bethesda chapter. This is gonna go great. [brick'd] -Raskin's exhaustion reminds me of an adrenaline crash, so to speak. Nifty. -Sid's right. The bait-and-switch letter thing seemed pretty obvious, though I think that's the point? -Not sure if you were using any...

XxX Chapter 8: All That Shimmers is Gold Yuna drifted through her morning classes in a dreamlike trance. She was only vaguely aware of what was going on around her while she imagined herself floating inside some giant hall filled with columns and arches. A faceless figure towered above her...

Chapter 7: Grim and Bear It Arianna wound up teleporting all three members of Team Bastion to the student clinic. It was their second time there within the span of a few hours. With Yuna on the other side of the curtain, however, she was able to get more of a sense of her surroundings. Some...

So, after three chapters, I can say the writing style is quite similar to what I read of Fractured Elements. A fair bit of exposition given through Raskin's inner monologue, which I guess is better than "as you know"-style explanations. Though it still would've been nice to find more... organic...