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Even though I liked the final line, I decided to change it in this revision because I wanted to show why Koa decides to try and end the fight with a kick, since a kick is contextually appropiate

Thank you both for the input. Ok, so this is what I edited so far. I included some different verbiage, tried to vary the sentence length, and clear up pronoun confusion. It is supposed to be a bit climactic since it comes at the tail end of a bigger fight, so I want it to be somewhat...

Thank you for the feedback! I'll be reviewing my piece later today to see what I can do to get more into Koa's headspace as opposed to telling too much. This was some good advice.

Alright so it'll probably be easier to get feedback if I post here I would like some feedback on the prose of this fistfight I wrote. I only would like to know if the prose itself flows well, and if the fight is clear and easy to follow. Which parts are clunky and which are smooth, where it...

Chapter 21: KOa'd Koa faces the Veilstone gym! Will he be able to win as easily as he believes? Echo (Male Golbat) Hazard (Male Joltik) Rascal (Female Tyrunt) Anubis (Male Houndoom) Scrapper (Male Breloom) Flurry (Female Spheal) "Echo, finish this with Air Slash!" Echo's wings glowed...

http://cerey.github.io/fighters-block/ Fighter's Block is an awesome writing app that uses RPG mechanics to trick your brain into stay focused and in the zone while writing. I love it so much and has done wonders for me. If for some reason anyone has trouble with the link, click on the twitter...

Small-scale Feedback Thread Hello! Welcome to the feedback thread! The idea here is to create a single thread for writers to post small sections of their work and (hopefully) get some fairly quick feedback. This is intended to be for small works, and is not a review tag or a place for chapter...

Well first off, I really want to thank you for your input! You mentioned a lot of really helpful points that I will be clarifying when I edit. I really appreciate the insight. I never intended for that Squirtle to have met Gary before, heh. Its more like you said in a later line, Squirtle had...

First. Good title. Love titled chapters. And I like this one quite a bit! Alrighty! Chapter 2! Now to begin, I say, good job! The overall story here is good, characters solid for the story setting. You've set up an interesting second chapter. We have a pokemon seemingly running to be mayor of a...

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Who's crying? Me? No it's raining inside my room and I'm cutting onions. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH So I've just read both versions. Both are really good, but there's a solid improvement in the ending of the second one. Your intent comes off much clearer. I just...

Time to give my thoughts on chapter 1. Very good! Love the idea of Lance being mixed. Very cool, would actually explain a lot of details. I thought the prose and flow of the story was lovely as well. The dancing bit was very good, probably as good as one can expect trying to describe something...

Pokemon: Turning Tides Preface: Welcome to Turning Tides, my very first "ash-rewrite"! This is something that's been on my mind for quite some time, and I finally decided to take charge and do it! It's secondary to my main project, Legendary Adventures. Now you may be thinking, what makes this...

I'll give some thoughts reactions to the prologue before I move on to the 1st chapter. Great prologue first of all!! Very poetic and dramatic. I don't have any real critique to give but I figured I'd just put some thoughts and musings. So Italy exists in this pokemon world? This evokes some...

Pokemon as a franchise has such a wide scope. It has a diverse, wonderful world, teeming with possibilities. So what does Pokemon mean to you? In case you feel stumped, here are a couple questions to get you started: Of course, you don't have to use these questions at all! Feel free to...

Duly noted. I'll have to see what I can do to fix some stuff. His accepting Golbat finally was supposed to represent a shift. His first battle with Roark, he foolishly leaped into too fast because he was impatient and reckless. But after this, there's supposed to be a bit of dynamic shift. He's...

This sounds fun!! I'll give it a shot. Legendary Adventures: Young Man With A Plan Embarks On A Journey To Catch A God But Discovers He Can't Control Everything And Ends Up With A Zubat Who Forces Him To Learn The Value Of Friendship

Alrighty, *cracks knuckles* time to review chapter 1, revised! For starters, great improvements! This version is definitely better, in my opinion. I can tell you took critique and tried to adapt it, which is great! Opening with the dream is good. Some may say a dream sequence is cliche but...

MMMMMM sweet sweet feedback! I really, really appreciate this. And you read to chapter 6!!! Getting some insight into how my story is perceived by others is fantastic. I get stuck in my own head, so its hard to tell what my story sounds like to anyone else. And don't apologize, I absolutely love...

Chapter 20: An Electrifying Encounter In other news, Koa successfully mastered Ice Fang thanks to Wilma. Now he goes to Celestic to see some ruins. But a few surprises await him... Echo (Male Golbat) Hazard (Male Joltik) Rascal (Female Tyrunt) Anubis (Male Houndoom) Scrapper (Male Breloom)...

Chapter 19: Breaking the Ice Fang Koa has his sights set on teaching Rascal Ice Fang. But will he be successful? Echo (Male Golbat) Hazard (Male Joltik) Rascal (Female Tyrunt) Anubis (Male Houndoom) Scrapper (Male Breloom) Flurry (Female Spheal) A blue furry ball shot past Koa as Flurry...