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Pokémon Pokemon: Turning Tides

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
Pokemon: Turning Tides
Preface:
Welcome to Turning Tides, my very first "ash-rewrite"! This is something that's been on my mind for quite some time, and I finally decided to take charge and do it! It's secondary to my main project, Legendary Adventures. Now you may be thinking, what makes this ash rewrite different? My goal here isn't to completely rewrite Ash's character. I've seen some perfectly nice stories where Ash is some kind of book nerd or whatever. But that's not my style. I love working within canon or doing AU's. So my goal is actually to advance and provide a different take on his character.

What would happen if Ash's journey took a new direction? What if the anime had internal consistency? And what if there were.... *drumroll* Lots of fun exotic pokemon?!

So yeah. Expect exotic stuff cause I love that. Plus if Pokemon got to be a cohesive world, I'm sure we'd see a lot of diversity :).

Rating: K+. Rating wise I generally expect to keep this story roughly the same as the anime. Like Pokemon the First Movie. Mostly adventure, with a few dark-ish moments, and lots and lots of friendship. If a particular chapter will contain darker things, I will place a warning on them.

Feedback: Honestly, I'd love every kind of feedback. But especially character-based stuff. Character development and accuracy. I also love reactions, thoughts and generally meme-yness

I am going to take a moment to inform all the potential readers what you can expect from this story.
Disclaimer: A lot of people like to take a ‘realistic’ take on pokemon. So this story is my ‘unrealistic’ take on pokemon. Instead of applying our world’s laws to a world that isn’t ours, I’ve decided it would be more fun to investigate what it is that sets the Pokemon World apart. Which means there will be a nice dash of Lore

Of course, it will still primarily be an adventure tale.

This story will center on Ash (of course), but with a few twists on his journey. The story will begin similar to the very beginning anime, but naturally will follow its own path quickly after that. And before I get any gripe about how Ash isn’t smart enough, please keep in mind the intention of this story is to take canon Ash and his personality and explore a more coherent and reasonable character growth for him.

So no. he won’t be super smart right off the bat, or perfect. But he won’t be completely stupid either. He will learn, grow and evolve.

Chapter 1: Early Bird

Squirtle. Charmander. Bulbasaur.

Decisions, decisions. 10-year old Ash Ketchum lay on his bed in the darkness, his mind running wild. One of the three pokemon would become his lifelong companion and his best friend on his journey. Each had their own strengths, a fact he knew well, given he’d practically memorized Professor Oak’s informational speeches on the merits and challenges of raising each.

But just knowing the pros and cons didn’t make his choice any easier. After all, he’d always believed that any pokemon could become strong. He reached over, to check his alarm clock one last time before turning in for the night. Just as he rolled over, however, a horrifying thought crossed his mind. What if he somehow accidentally overslept tomorrow? Then he’d arrive late, all the pokemon might be gone, and he’d have to wait who knows how long to leave on his journey!

“Oh no!” he cried out. Sitting upright in bed, he looked outside, then at his clock. 11:56pm. A rush of adrenaline shot through him and he swung his legs off the side of the bed. No way was he gonna let himself be that guy. The trainer who showed up embarrassingly late only to never get a pokemon. He could practically hear Gary’s sneers, mocking him for being immature.

Well not tonight! This time, he’d be the first. Quietly, he eased out of bed and slid his window open. He poked his head out and peered outside.

Pallet Town was the picture of peace and quiet, rolling green hills and far-off forests the only sight for miles. In the distance, he could just make out Professor Oak’s lab and the corral behind it. With a grin, Ash swung one leg over the windowsill, then stopped. Snatching his cap off his nightstand, he plopped it on his head. Now he was ready.

Then, without any further thought, he crawled onto the sloped roof, shut the window behind him, and dropped to the ground. He landed rather unceremoniously, falling onto the ground. Standing, he brushed himself off, grinned, and set off towards Professor Oak’s laboratory.

It was a fairly short walk to the lab, and in no time at all, he found himself outside the doors. “Now what?” he muttered to himself. The night time silence grew thick, and for a moment he felt ridiculous. He never considered what he would actually do once he reached the lab. If he went back, he could get caught, but he also couldn’t knock on the door this early either. With a sigh, he sat down in the grass, next to the entrance.

His thoughts drifted, and he once again considered which starter he wanted. His eyelids grew heavy, and the cool night air made him drowsy. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep.

xXx

“Presenting the new world grand champion master of pokemon, Ash Ketchum!” Cheers and applause filled the stadium, and someone handed Ash a huge trophy. A pokemon stood by his side, and he held the trophy up proudly, grinning widely. He’d really done it!

“Ash?”

Puzzled, Ash turned to his right to see the announcer. However, instead of the announcer, Professor Oak stood in his place. “Professor Oak? What are you doing here?”

“Ash what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I’ve finally become a master-”

“Ash!”


Ash’s eyes jerked open and he sat up, blinking rapidly. The sky was light, the distant chirps of Pidgey filled the air, and one very concerned Professor Oak stood over at him, a frown of confusion etched on his face. Rubbing his eyes, Ash took a look around. The sun had only just begun to rise. Grinning, he stood up so fast he almost slammed into Oak.

“Sorry Professor,” he said, chuckling, rubbing the back of his neck. “You see, I realized I better be on time today to get my first pokemon, so I uh... I kinda came out here really early.”

Oak frowned and regarded the boy with a serious gaze.

Ash’s excitement wilted slightly, and he started to wonder if he’d made a mistake. Maybe showing up on his doorstep at a ridiculous hour of the morning, in his pajamas no less, didn’t give the best impression.

The Professor’s shoulders began to shake, then he threw his head back and broke out into uproarious laughter. As his laughter petered out, he patted Ash on the shoulder. The gesture was oddly comforting. “Well, this is certainly an interesting turn of events. I’ve had trainers show up early, and late, but never one who was so worried he came the night before.”

“Well, technically I got here after midnight so it’s the same day,” he declared, matter-of-factly.

Oak nodded. “That you did. Well, I believe in honoring a trainer’s heart. Why don’t you come inside, and we’ll see about getting you your first pokemon?”

Ash’s eyes practically lit up and he nodded so hard he almost shook his cap off his head. Even the fact that he was still in his pajamas hardly mattered. “Thanks, Professor!”

With an amused smile, Oak turned and led the way inside the lab. Heart racing, Ash followed him inside and into the main room of the lab.

The inside of the lab was familiar enough to Ash. Maybe a little too familiar, thanks to a little incident last summer involving trying to get a closer look at some Tauros in the corral and leaving the gate open. Not much had changed. The same crowded bookshelves lined the walls, a few machines were pushed haphazardly to the corners, and stairs to his left led to a loft. In the center of the room stood a circular machine with a domed lid.

Ash resisted the urge to sprint straight up to the machine, and instead tried to make himself look as dignified as possible even if he still wore his pajamas. Slowly, he edged towards the machine which held the three starting pokemon given to trainers who left Pallet town.

Oak held up his hand. “Now Ash, I understand you’re excited, but please wait just a moment longer. I have some important information that I am required to tell all trainers who receive a pokemon come from me.” He pulled out a chair and motioned for Ash to sit.

Pushing his excitement down, Ash nodded and took a seat. "This isn't a quiz, right?" he asked nervously.

Oak smiled kindly. "No, nothing like that. I'm sure you learned plenty already from Delia."

Relief rushed through Ash and he relaxed. All the usual school subjects never seemed to stick in Ash's head. In fact, only Basic Pokemon Identification had.

"I just want to remind you that being a trainer is an important and special privilege. It wasn't always so easy to travel our world, nor were relations between Pokemon and people always friendly."

Ash nodded quickly, his impatience already returning. He knew the gist of the history - lots of wars or whatever, then some tower in Johto burned then people and pokemon realized they had to work together.

“Having fun on your journey is important, but just remember that it is also a special privilege."

Ash nodded again, doing his best to keep eye contact and show Oak he was definitely listening.

Once more, Oak nodded. “Very good, Ash. I’m glad your lessons with Delia paid off. Now, I believe you understand the importance of your journey, so I won’t bore you with any further details. Would you like to choose your starter pokemon?”

Ash bolted out of his chair, sending it clattering to the ground. Blushing, he quickly picked it up and turned back to face the Professor. “I’m ready!”

Oak stood and strode over to the pedestal. Pressing a button on the side, he waited as three pokeballs rose into the center. Each one bore a unique symbol - a small flame, a leaf, and a single drop of water. “Have you already decided who you would like your partner to be?”

“Sure have.” With complete confidence, Ash grabbed the ball with the water symbol on it. “I choose Squirtle!” He pressed the button, and a beam of light burst from within, coalescing into the shape of a small bipedal pokemon.

The water-type gave a loud cry and took up a fighting stance as if expecting a battle. When he saw the lab, however, he frowned and relaxed.

Ash slowly knelt in front of Squirtle and smiled. “Hey there, Squirtle. I’m gonna be your trainer from now on, and if you let me, I’d like to be your friend.”

Squirtle crossed his arms and looked Ash up and down. Then he snorted and shrugged, unimpressed.

A seed of worry sprouted in Ash’s heart and he edged back a little. Although the gesture wasn’t a rejection, it wasn’t exactly the reception he’d imagined either. In his mind, he’d always pictured getting his first pokemon, looking them in the eyes, and making some kind of special connection.

“It’s alright, Ash,” Oak said. “This Squirtle has a bit of a stubborn streak. He’s quite reliable, however, and I’m sure he’ll warm up to you if you give him time and understanding.”

Ash glanced up, half-wondering if the professor was simply trying to make him feel better, but he saw nothing but genuine care and honesty in the older man’s eyes. “Okay. Thanks, Professor.”

He stood up, staring at Squirtle for an uncomfortably long moment. “Would you um... like to go back to your pokeball?” Please say no, please say no...

Squirtle nodded. With a sigh, Ash pulled out the ball and returned him. “Now what?” he asked Oak.

Smiling broadly, Oak spoke. “First, I will officially register you as Squirtle’s trainer. That way if something should happen and you are separated, although I pray it never does, they will know who he belongs to. And after that... well, that’s completely up to you, my boy.”

Familiar excitement returned to Ash, and he handed Squirtle’s pokeball over. A few minutes later, the registration process was completed.

“Now, here is your Pokedex and Trainers License. Take good care of them.” Oak presented the two objects to Ash. “I know Delia already covered your Outdoor survival, so here is your beginner trainer kit. There are potions, extra pokeballs, and many other useful items inside.” Ash took the small bag with a smile.

“Thank you!” He took everything, carefully tucking his pokedex and license into his bag. He slipped Squirtle’s pokeball in his pajama pocket, then turned towards the door.

“Just a moment Ash,” Oak called.

Ash paused and glanced back.

“There is one more thing you must remember. Though the world is a great deal safer and kinder than it once was, you must still use wisdom. I always tell every trainer who leaves here three rules.”

Turning fully around, Ash focused on Oak.

“First, trust your pokemon. A pokemon can be a lifelong partner if you stick by them. They will defend you, so take care of them well. Second, don't leave the routes. Dangerous Pokemon live in the wilds and don't always take kindly to intruders. We must respect the Pokemon's territory. And third.” Oak paused. His expression grew grave. “Pokemon are never to be used as your tool. Battles are about bonding with your Pokemon, not using them for selfish purposes.”

Ash nodded solemnly. “I will.”

Oak brightened. “I am sure you will. Now, your mother is likely wondering where you got off too. Perhaps you should head home and see her before you go. And change your clothes,” he said, a twinkle in his eyes.

Turning away before Oak could see his embarrassment, Ash rushed toward the door.

“Oh and Ash?” Oak said.

He paused, halfway to the door.

“Remember, there is a time and a place for everything, but not now.”

The statement didn’t make much sense to Ash, but he pushed it aside. Maybe it was a grownup thing? At any rate, right now only one thing mattered. He slipped his hand into his pocket, his fingers grazing the pokeball that lay within. He had really done it. He had gotten his very own pokemon!

Stepping outside, he was about to let out a loud cheer, when he almost collided with someone else. He stepped back just in time to see Gary Oak. His nemesis, his rival, and his enemy depending on the day. Though they’d grown up in Pallet town together, calling them friends would be like saying Venonat evolved into Butterfree. A ridiculous conclusion to anyone who knew better.

“Well, if it ain’t Ashy-boy. Still in your pajamas, huh?” He smirked, standing with his arms crossed as he stared down at Ash. The fact that Gary was technically three inches taller was positively infuriating. “I’m surprised you even showed up since everyone knows I’m gonna be the greatest trainer ever.”

Ash snorted. “Then how come I got here before you?”

Gary’s face contorted into a scowl. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll still beat you when I get my pokemon.” He glanced at Ash critically. “What’d you choose, Charmander? Everyone knows only wannabe strong trainers pick the fire type.”

“No,” Ash replied, unable to keep the smug tone out of his voice.

“Huh, guess you went for Bulbasaur then. Gotta say, I’m almost impressed. Almost.”

Ash’s smile got a little wider. “Nope. Wrong again.”

Gary’s face turned pale. His eyes almost bulged out of his head. Shoving Ash out of the way, he barreled through the doors of the lab. As the doors swung shut, Ash could hear his high pitched screech. “Gramps!”

Still wearing a slightly smug grin, Ash hurried away. Gary could figure out his own problems. Right now, he had a golden opportunity to get a headstart on his rival. Plus, he couldn’t wait to show his new pokemon to his mom. Or rather, his new friend. Even if Squirtle didn’t seem overly fond of him now, he vowed to do whatever it took to bond with him, no matter how long it took.

Ash broke into a the rest of the way to his house. The day was still early, and it couldn’t be past 8 am. Plenty of time to change, introduce his mom to his new friend, and start his journey. Pausing in front of his door, he took a deep breath, then flung the door open.

His mom stood in the kitchen by the stove. As soon as she heard the door open, she whirled around, shock written across her face. “Ash?” She set down her spatula and hurried towards him. “Just what were you doing outside young man? I thought you were still asleep. And why are you in your pajamas?”

“Sorry, mom. I just couldn’t wait to get my first pokemon. And then I got so worried that I’d sleep in that I... kinda snuck out early this morning.” He chuckled mareepishly. “But I did it! I got my first pokemon!”

Delia’s face went from frustrated to delighted. “Oh Ash, that’s wonderful! Who did you choose? Let me see!”

Before Ash could release Squirtle, dark smoke began to rise from the stove and a faint burning scent filled the air.

“Right after I stop your breakfast from burning.” Chuckling, she turned and rushed over to the stove. “How about you get changed first, and then introduce me?”

Ash nodded and charged up the stairs.

A short time later, Ash had changed into something a little more appropriate for traveling. Sturdy blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a polo over that. And of course, his cap. He’d never leave home without it. He also wore his backpack, which his mother had helped him pack last week.

Downstairs, his mother had finished cooking breakfast and sat waiting for him. A tall stack of hot pancakes sat on the table, next to two plates of eggs. A pitcher of her famous Pecha berry syrup stood next to it.

“Now, tell me who you chose,” Delia asked, smiling brightly.

Taking the pokeball from his pocket, Ash pressed the button. Squirtle emerged from within, a frown already stretching across his round face.

“Hello there,” Delia said amiably. She stooped down in front of Squirtle, who regarded her with a critical eye. Despite his attitude, her body language remained relaxed, and at ease. Long before his birth, Ash recalled she had taken her own training journey with her partner, Mr. Mime. She'd never been very interested in the gym challenge, rather she'd enjoyed exploration and biology.

After inspecting him a moment longer, she smiled wildly. “You’re a very determined Squirtle, aren’t you? I can tell you have the makings of a strong Blastoise.”

Squirtle smirked at the praise and puffed out his chest.

“You take good care of my boy, alright?”

Squirtle’s expression shifted to one of disinterest. Ash’s heart sank a little further. What kind of trainer wasn’t even wanted by their first pokemon?

Delia stood and ruffled Ash’s hair. “You two will get along just fine,” she declared.

Ash glanced at Squirtle, who had walked away and was busy investigating the house. “I don’t know mom. I don’t think Squirtle likes me a lot.”

Rolling her eyes, Delia shook her head. “Ash, a bond takes time to grow. Some pokemon are willing to bond quickly, but others take time. Remember Banette?”

At the sound of its name, a dark grew pokemon glided out of one of the empty guest rooms. Squirtle's eyes widened at the sight of the ghost, and he gave a loud cry as if to issue a challenge. Banette however, entirely ignored him, floating over to Delia’s side instead.

Ash waved to the ghost, who raised one of its appendages and waved back. “You said Banette ignored you after you caught it, right?” he asked, recalling the story his mother had told him. She caught Banette wandering near one of the towers in the Johto region. Her Mr. Mime, who had recently evolved, managed to defeat it and she decided to capture it. However, Banette had refused to listen to her in battle and ignored her even outside of battle.

Delia nodded. “That's right. You see, many wild pokemon desire to bond with a trainer. However, Banette had her own idea of what sort of trainer she wanted. " Her gaze grew distant as if she were lost in her memories. Banette settled herself comfortably on Delia's head, her gaze twinkling. "When we first met, I think she believed I was just another 'dumb trainer'. But I was quite stubborn then, and determined too." She chuckled softly. "She taught me to be patient. Once she realized I truly cared about trying to understand her, she began to warm up to me. Back then, I would lie awake every night and talk to her, just telling her stories to keep her company."

Reaching up, Delia gently patted Banette on the head. "She pretended she didn't care, but I know she appreciated it."

A loud cry from Squirtle drew his attention, and he looked to see him glaring indignantly at Banette. He tapped his foot on the floor and tipped his head up in a clear challenge to fight.

The behavior elicited a chuckle from Delia. “It looks like your Squirtle wants to battle. What do you say, Ash?”

“Wait, what? I can’t battle you!” he blurted.

“And why not?” she said indignantly, planting her hands on her hips.

“Well, your pokemon are way stronger! And... and I have to get a headstart on Gary.” He paused. “And well, you’re my mom. It’d be weird.”

Delia shook her head. “Remember Ash, patience is key to victory. Beating Gary to Viridian City won’t make you stronger. But a good battle can help both of you grow a lot."

Ash paused. He’d never considered it from that angle before. Even though his mom’s pokemon weren’t super strong, they were still tough. He glanced down at the water type, who stood with his little arms folded, looking quite impatient with the humans in the room. Banette seemed apathetic, her gaze lingering on her trainer. A smile began to grow on his face. Maybe battling with Squirtle could help them bond.

“How ‘bout it, Squirtle? Wanna have a battle?” Squirtle nodded, shooting Ash a frustrated look, which he interpreted to mean as 'yes, hurry up already'.

“Who are you gonna use?” Ash asked. “I mean, Squirtle and I have never fought before, so I don’t think we’d be very good.”

Delia waved her hand. “Don’t worry about that. You can battle Banette. She has much less experience than Mimey, plus I think your Squirtle would enjoy it more. I’ll make sure she takes it easy though, alright?” Banette nodded, then snickered, eyeing Squirtle with a bit more interest now. “Let’s go outside, shall we?”

“Come on Squirtle!” Ash called. He charged outside ahead of his mom, to a large stretch of open grass beside the house. He stopped, then looked at Squirtle, pleased to see the determined water type had kept pace with him. “Oh! I don’t even know your moves yet, Squirtle.” Pulling out his pokedex, he quickly scanned Squirtle.

‘Squirtle, the tiny turtle pokemon. Squirtle's shell is not merely used for protection. The shell's rounded shape and the grooves on its surface help minimize resistance in the water, enabling this Pokémon to swim at high speeds. This Squirtle is male and knows the moves Tackle, Water Gun, and Withdraw.’

Nothing special, but that wasn’t surprising. Professor Oak rarely taught the pokemon he handed out anything unique, rather he allowed the trainers to do most of the work themselves.

A few moments later, his mom walked out onto the grass, standing opposite him. Her Mr. Mime followed her out, offering one of his odd smiles and a wave to Ash. Banette hovered onto their makeshift battlefield and faced Squirtle.

Ash waved to Mimey, then focused his attention on Squirtle.

"Okay Ash, are you ready?"

Ash nodded, as did Squirtle.

"Call out your first attack," Delia said.

Ash quickly reviewed the three attacks Squirtle knew. Tackle wouldn't do anything. One of the first things his mother had shown him was how normal moves had a way of simply passing straight through a ghost-types body. Something about how energy interacted or whatever. He'd never been much for the 'whys' of battling. "Okay Squirtle, use-!" Before he could finish his command, Squirtle charged across the battlefield, the faint shimmer of energy flaring around his body as he used Tackle.

Banette simply watched, unmoving. To Ash’s dismay, Squirtle phased straight through Banette’s body and landed on the other side, looking fairly annoyed.

“Your Tackle attack won’t work on a Ghost-type like Banette,” Ash called. Squirtle wrinkled his nose and frowned. “Try using Water Gun!”

Squirtle opened his mouth wide. A jet of water shot from within and struck Banette, pushing her back a bit.

Ash beamed. They'd scored a direct hit! "That was great, Squirtle."

"Don't celebrate yet, Ash." A familiar fire sparked in Delia's eyes. "Banette, Shadow Ball."

A small snicker escaped Banette. She held her appendages together. Dark energy formed between them and coalesced into a large sphere.

Ash’s eyes widened and he grimaced slightly - the sphere looked huge. Cackling, Banette twisted her arms and easily shrunk the sphere to a quarter of its size and sent it flying at Squirtle. The whole process took a few seconds longer, which Ash guessed was because Banette was taking it easy.

“Withdraw!” Squirtle jerked into his shell just in time. The orb crashed into him, sending him spinning across the grass. His feet popped out, followed by his hands, and he dug his claws into the earth to stop himself.

“Okay Squirtle, use another Water Gun!” Poking his head from his shell, Squirtle fired another jet of water.

“Dodge!” Delia called. Banette jerked sideways, the water passing by it harmlessly. “Now, Shadow Sneak.” Banette sank into the ground, melting into a pool of shadows. Ash’s eyes bugged out and he glanced wildly around. Squirtle grunted in frustration as well, clearly confused how his opponent had disappeared. A hundred thoughts flew through Ash’s head. His knowledge of moves had always been a bit patchy, and Shadow Sneak was one he wasn’t familiar with.

Before his eyes, Squirtle’s shadow suddenly lengthened and grew pitch black. A devious grin appeared within the shadow, then two claws shot from the shadow and struck Squirtle hard, sending him reeling. Banette reemerged a few feet away from Squirtle, triumph gleaming in its eyes.

Squirtle caught himself and growled as he panted. Ash frowned. Even with Banette holding back, he doubted his pokemon could take another hit. But he also had a feeling his mother wouldn’t make it easy to land a hit. In all his years, she’d always been kind, but never once the type to go easy either. Unlikely she would start now.

“I know Banette’s strong, but I won’t give up as long as you don’t, right?” Squirtle glanced back at him, then nodded. Ash could have sworn he detected the faintest gleam of respect in his eyes.

“Alright, run forward, then use Withdraw!” He had no idea if it would work, but there was no harm in trying. Squirtle raced toward Banette, then drew his limbs into his shell. His moment carried him forward and he slid across the ground right under Banette.

“Now, use Water Gun!” Right after he passed under Banette, Squirtle burst from his shell, landed, and fired a stream of water. The attack struck Banette’s back, scoring a direct hit. The blow was enough to actually stagger Banette midair and push it through the air a few feet.

Pride twinkled in Delia’s eyes. “Now, Thunderbolt.” Banette held out one arm, a few sparks crackling across it. She fired a miniscule bolt of electricity, striking Squirtle in the chest. He swayed, staggered a couple steps, then collapsed, unconscious.

Even though it was inevitable, the defeat still stung a little. Still, he was proud of how tough Squirtle had been. Jogging to his pokemon’s side, he knelt next to the water-type, who had opened his eyes. He patted him gently on the head. “You did really awesome.” Squirtle stood up and huffed, pulling away from Ash’s touch. He sat down and crossed his arms, an annoyed frown on his face, his eyes shut.

“It was good,” Ash said firmly. He paused, contemplating. “Thank you for battling so well and trusting me.”

Cracking one eye open, Squirtle peered at him, then grunted. The faintest of smiles grew on his face, and Ash smiled back. As soon as it began, however, the moment ended. Squirtle hopped up and tapped the button on his pokeball, returning himself.

“Oh Ash, that was so good!”

He looked up to see Delia standing a few feet away, smiling down at him. “You both fought so hard, and you didn’t give up. And I loved your idea to have Squirtle slid on his shell. Very smart.” She reached out and patted his head.

“Moooom,” he grumbled playfully, pushing her hand away.

Without warning, his mother grabbed him and wrapped him in a bone-crushing hug that would have put any Bewear to shame. He tried to wriggle free rather unsuccessfully. “I’m so proud of you, Ash.”

He stopped trying to slip free and embraced her back. It was, after all, the last time he’d get to see her in person for a while.

Finally, she let him go, stepping back and placing her hands on his shoulders. “Now, you make sure to be careful out there, okay?”

Ash nodded. “Professor Oak told me a bunch of stuff already. Besides, you’re the one who taught me everything else, remember?”

Delia just smiled, her eyes shining. “So, you’re off to Viridian first, right?”

“Yeah. It’s really close and easy to get to. I just have to walk north for a couple days. Plus there’s a lot of Pidgey there. Catching one would be really cool since they’re so strong once they evolve.” Not to mention, Pidgey were fairly easy to train and tended to be one of the most amiable bird species. “Or maybe a Hoothoot,” he mused out loud. “They flock around there, right?”

His mother nodded. “You’re right. Of course, you’ll only see them during the night time.”

“Right...” he frowned, thinking a little more, then glanced up. His eyes widened when he saw how high the sun had risen. “Oh man, I better get going! I gotta stay ahead of Gary.”

Turning around, he took a moment to orient himself and started to race off in the direction of Route 1. He stopped after a few steps, turned around, and hugged his mom one more time. “Thanks for everything mom.”

She held him tightly for a moment, then pushed him off and spun him around by the shoulders. “Of course. Now you go out there and become the very best, alright?”

Ash smiled. “I will. Like no one ever was.” And with that, he charged off towards the first route, and to the beginning of his journey.

xXx​

Route 1, or Pallet Path, as the residents of the town knew it, was a fairly straightforward route. A long stretch of lightly packed earth stretched endlessly forward, leading all the way to Viridian. Tall grass waved in the breeze, and small copses of trees dotted the area. Far off to his right, he could see a stretch of water, an inlet of the ocean that stretched almost as far north as Viridian.

A gentle breeze blew overhead, and he saw tiny black specks of bird pokemon soaring through the sky. Most likely Pidgey or Spearow, he guessed. The day was exceedingly pleasant, and the perfect day to begin a journey. Now if only he could get his starter to like him... On a whim, he reached down and took the pokeball off his belt. Pressing the button, he released Squirtle. The water type glanced at him as if to ask ‘why am I out here?’

“We’re gonna walk together for a little bit, okay?” Before Squirtle could protest, he added, “It’ll help you get stronger and build stamina.” That clearly appealed to the water type, and he trotted eagerly by Ash’s side.

It was good to finally be on his journey, Ash reflected. As he walked, he took in the pleasant scenery and talked to Squirtle, rambling about how excited he was to get to Viridian before Gary, and how he finally had the chance to beat his rival at something. How he'd always loved pokemon, and dreamed of meeting every single one, battling and traveling the world. The way he hoped to travel to every region one day, and see the whole world.

They’d been walking for a good few hours when Ash glanced suddenly at Squirtle. “Hey Squirtle, I’ve been thinking, how would you like a nickname?”

Squirtle stopped walking to look at him, then very slowly, gave a barely noticeable nod, as if embarrassed to admit he liked the idea. The gesture almost made Ash laugh, but he held it back. “Hm....” he tapped his chin as he resumed walking, trying to think of a name that was both cool and simple.

“Riptide?” he asked, after running through several names in his head. No response. “Well?” Still no response.

He looked down to see Squirtle’s gaze locked on something else. Following it, he saw a small brown bird standing on a rock a short distance away. A Spearow, he realized. Before he could say anything else, Squirtle let out a loud cry and charged the Spearow.

“Wait!” His command fell on deaf ears as Squirtle rushed forward and leaped, tackling it off the rock. An indignant shriek came from the bird. Landing on the rock, Squirtle opened his mouth and fired a blast of water at the Spearow before it could get up. It staggered back, shaking water from its feathers, then kicked its talons into the earth, sending a spray of dirt at Squirtle. The dirt splashed into his face, but he was undeterred. Throwing himself blindly forward, he crashed into Spearow with another full-body tackle, knocking it through the air. It smacked into the earth and lay still.

Ash’s eyes widened. Squirtle had actually KO’d it. No point missing a golden opportunity. Fumbling into his backpack, he quickly retrieved a spare pokeball and tossed it at the downed Spearow. It arced through the air, struck it, then sucked it into the ball. The ball shook once, twice, then dinged softly, signifying the capture.

Grabbing the ball, he grinned at it, pride swelling in him. He’d caught his first pokemon! Well, sort of. His excitement deflated a bit when he recalled how Squirtle had fought all on his own. Turning around, he saw the little water-type trying to rub the grit out of his eyes.

“Let me help,” Ash said gently. He knelt next to him and pulled out a spare shirt from his backpack, gently wiping the turtle pokemon’s face. A few moments later, he’d managed to wipe off most of the grit. “That was pretty impressive,” he began. “But we’re supposed to work together. You just rushed off without even saying anything-”

Huffing in frustration, Squirtle turned and stalked away. Ash suppressed a groan. So much for progress. Well, he might as well check out his newest team member. Taking out the ball, he released Spearow. It emerged with a loud shriek and immediately flew at his face, talons extended. A jet of water blasted it away, knocking it to the ground before it could get close.

Surprised, Ash turned to see Squirtle glaring at the Spearow. Stomping over to it, he gave a loud cry of anger. Spearow glared back at him with equal ferocity, then settled a little, simmering fury in his gaze. Despite his aggression, he seemed to understand he was outmatched.

"Thank you!" he said earnestly, happy to see his starter defend him. Maybe this meant Squirtle would listen to him more now. The thought had barely formed in his head before Squirtle turned away, seemingly back to being disinterested.

With a sigh, he turned back to Spearow. "Hey, Spearow-"

The bird interrupted him with a loud shriek, hopping to its feet and flaring its wings, its eyes gleaming with fury. Ash flinched back. Keeping one eye on it, he withdrew his pokedex and scanned it.

Spearow, the Tiny Bird Pokemon. This Spearow is male and knows the moves Peck and Sand Attack. It possesses the hidden ability Sniper, which powers up an attack when it lands a critical hit.

Ash quirked an eyebrow. Sniper? He hadn’t heard of the ability before, but it sounded incredibly useful. If a pokemon could land what had been dubbed a ‘critical hit’, it could deal a ton of extra damage. With an ability like Sniper, that could go even higher.

“Pretty awesome. Hey Spearow, think you can give me a chance? I’d like to challenge all the gyms and travel the world. And I want you to come with me.”

Spearow just glared at him, then let out another shriek.

Ash frowned. "Do you want to go then?" he asked hesitantly.

Spearow's only response was to scream again, puffing his feathers out in a threatening display. Despite his attitude, however, he didn't make an attempt to move, fly away, or nod his head. "So you want to stay then?"

A long glare from Spearow was the response. A measured look.

Before Ash could think of anything else to say, Squirtle suddenly turned and raced away. “Squirtle!” he shouted. “Where are you going?” Ignoring him completely, Squirtle ran off the path, heading east towards a large grove of trees. Returning Spearow, Ash turned and bolted after his starter.

Squirtle barreled ahead, heedless of his call. He reached the trees long before Ash, then stood at the base and fired a burst of water into the branches. An earsplitting avian scream erupted from within. The entire crown of the tree shook, then a massive brown bird shot out. The narrow wings, long neck and needle like beak identified it quite clearly - Fearow, Spearow’s evolved form and a notoriously aggressive species towards any perceived threats. Hovering above Squirtle, it let out another piercing cry, a clear warning.

“Stop-”

Unintimidated, Squirtle opened his mouth and tried to fire another blast of water at it. The shot went wide, missing it by several feet, but the gesture was not appreciated in the slightest. Fearow opened its beak and gave a loud cry. In the space of a heartbeat, a solid twenty or thirty Spearow burst out of the branches of the tree, flocking around their leader.

Ash's blood ran cold. A flock of Spearow that large was incredibly dangerous, even as hardy as people and pokemon were. While it was rather unlikely they would attempt to kill him, they could certainly inflict a large amount of bodily harm. Pulling out Squirtle’s pokeball, Ash tried to return him.

Letting out a battle cry, Squirtle dodged the red beam and fired another Water Gun, striking one of the Spearow. Four Spearow descended and began harassing him, pecking and scratching at him with their claws and beaks.

“Hey! Get away from my pokemon!” Ash shouted. Lunging forwards, he swatted at the birds. They backed off, slightly surprised at his intrusion, which gave Ash just enough time to grab Squirtle. Picking a random direction, he turned and ran. Behind him, the furious cries of Fearow and its flock filled the air.

Gasping for breath, Ash ran even faster, clutching Squirtle to his chest. A Spearow dive-bombed him, its talons swiping his arm. Another pecked his cap. His foot caught on something and he fell forwards. Squirtle tumbled from his grasp and rolled across the ground. The Spearows descended upon Ash, pecking mercilessly and scratching him.

Squirtle scrambled to his feet, desperately trying to knock the Spearow away with basts of water and by tackling them. Looking up, Ash caught sight of Fearow, high in the sky. It folded his wings and dived at Squirtle. “No!” he shouted. Grabbing a pokeball, he returned Squirtle. The Fearow struck the ground right where Squirtle had been a moment before.

Scrambling to his feet, Ash threw his arms across his face and struggled onward, several Spearow still harassing him. And then, just like that, they were gone. He heard their cries, but more distant now. Lifting his head, he glanced behind him as he ran.

The Spearow all hovered a few yards away. Ash couldn’t believe his luck. Had the Spearow really lost interest? He started to grin. Then he fell off a cliff. The ground vanished and he found himself plummeting down. He flailed his arms wildly, a panicked scream escaping his throat. Before his mind could process anything else, he crashed headfirst into the water.

The impact felt like it jarred every bone in his body. Water closed in around him and he clawed wildly, unable to see anything clearly. His mouth opened on instinct and he sucked in water and choked. His vision began to blur. Bright light lit the water and he saw a blur of blue scales, a brown shell, and keen magenta eyes. Something brushed his hand. A log? Instinctively he grabbed on. It tugged him along, and a moment later, his head broke the surface.

Coughing, he spit out a mouthful of water and then sucked in a deep gulp of air. Blinking water from his eyes, he stared at the log he grabbed. The... blue log? Squirtle?

“You saved me, buddy...” Ash said hoarsely. Saying nothing, the water type paddled dutifully along.

Still breathing heavy, Ash took stock of his surroundings. From what he could tell, they had landed in a wide river. High above them, he saw the cliff they had fallen from, and beyond that, the Spearow flock. A swift current carried them along, and Ash breathed a sigh of relief as the flock faded into nothing more than dark specks in the distance. With great relief, he dragged himself out of the water, Squirtle crawling out beside him.

The warmth of the grass seeped into his skin, and he let out a long sigh. What a day... After resting for several moments, he stood up and took a look around. Tall green hills rose all around him, and the sun edged towards the horizon behind him. “Where are we?” he muttered. Although he hadn’t been in the water long, the current had been pretty swift, so he figured they’d covered a decent amount of distance.

Maybe he was almost to Viridian by now! Heartened by the thought, he charged up the nearest slope, ready to see the gray buildings of Viridian. The sight that met his eyes was much, much worse.

Sprawling green plains, small hills, and scattered houses, along with a single large building with a fenced in corral. He muttered a curse under his breath that probably would have gotten him in a great deal of trouble with his mother. Because the place that lay before him was definitely not Viridian City. It was Pallet Town. In all his haste, he hadn’t bothered to check their direction, and now he’d ended up all the way back home.

He sank to his knees and pounded his fist into the dirt, feeling very much like a small child. How could he have been so stupid? He felt a tiny claw pat his shoulder, and he looked to see Squirtle patting his arm in a surprising gesture of comfort. Behind the sympathy in his eyes however, was something else. Regret?

“It’s uh... It’s ok Squirtle. We’ll figure this out,” he said, smiling. In his mind, however, he could already imagine Gary’s scornful voice.

“You left Pallet Town, only to end up back in Pallet Town? What kind of trainer are you?”

No matter how hard he tried, he was sure to make it to Viridian long after Gary. Heck, by that time Gary might even have beat his first gym! Viridian gym used ground types, which meant that if Gary had chosen a Bulbasaur, he’d have a distinct advantage. Of course, if he’d picked Charmander...” That thought brought a smile back to Ash’s face. If Gary had picked Charmander, he was in for a real challenge. The direction he’d be traveling would mean his first three gyms would be Viridian, Pewter, then Cerulean.

Still, he’d be behind him the whole time. His smile fell. He curled his feet and sat down cross-legged on the top of the hill. Squirtle flopped into a sitting position as well, and for several minutes, they sat in silence. His gaze drifted over his hometown, then past that to the north. Pallet Town was roughly an hours walk ahead of him, and Viridian two days beyond. His gaze returned to Pallet, then to the south. A long way south of Pallet, he could just make out the glittering blue of the sea.

On a whim, he slung his backpack off his shoulders and pulled out the Kanto map his mother had gotten him. It was a simplified version, so it didn’t show every detail, but it captured the major towns and cities. Directly south of Pallet Town lay a stretch of wilderness followed by the ocean. In that ocean, however, lay Cinnabar Island.

A crazy idea began to form in his mind. Normally, he’d always planned to walk to Viridian and start his journey there. The ground type gym was as a good a place as any. Gyms usually accepted any trainer of any ability or skill level and maintained several teams of pokemon. They would choose their Pokemon based on a trainer's strength. Which meant that technically, he could start his journey in any direction.

The ferries to Cinnabar Island were somewhat infrequent and a bit expensive, so he’d never given it much thought as an option. But now... If headed to Cinnabar, he could challenge the gym leader there. From what he could recall, the Cinnabar gym leader specialized in fire-types. Which as any self-respecting trainer knew, were weak to water types.

A huge grin spread over his face and he turned to look at Squirtle. “What do you say, buddy? Feel like fighting some fire types?”

Squirtle nodded emphatically, his eyes lighting up at the mention of a fight. Confidence renewed, Ash stood up. The trip to the port was less than a day, which meant if he could keep up a good pace, he could reach it just after nightfall. But there was still one more thing to settle. “Hey Squirtle, you never said if you liked the nickname. Riptide?”

Cocking his head, the water-type stared at him quizzically.

"Oh yeah, guess you might not know what a riptide is. It's like a super strong current! They're really scary and dangerous."

Instantly, Squirtle nodded fiercely, puffing his chest slightly.

Ash beamed. “Awesome! Then from now on, you’ll be known as Riptide.”

xXx

Ash decided to return Riptide and give him a chance to rest. Between fighting Spearow, attacking the Fearow, and swimming him to safety, the little water type was thoroughly exhausted. Training could wait until later. Of course, his next thoughts immediately went to the Spearow he’d caught. It had been so aggressive earlier, he wasn’t even sure if he could connect with it. Perhaps later he could try again. With those thoughts in mind, he began to hike south.

The walk turned out to be fairly boring. With Riptide still resting and Spearow being... well, Spearow, he ended up alone, with no company except for himself, and the occasional wild pokemon watching him. In different circumstances, he might have considered catching another pokemon, but as it stood that seemed out of the question. He needed to connect with the pokemon he already had.

The day wore on to night, and soon the sun began to sink into the horizon. The trees around him grew denser the further he ventured from town. Hoothoots called into the dusk as they began to wake for their nightly routines. Far ahead, he could hear the faint rushing noise of waves lapping the shore, and he knew he was close. Sure enough, after some more walking, he caught his first glimpse of the port.

South Port wasn’t much to look at - a couple small houses, a single larger building which he assumed was some kind of ticket station, and a long dock. Moored at the dock was a large ferry, floating gently in the water.

He walked up to the station doors and tugged on them experimentally. Locked. A schedule posted beside the doors listed the next departure times, however. 9am. Perfect. He could make camp nearby, and wake up with plenty of time to catch it. Satisfied, he found himself a nice area, just within the boundaries of the woods, to make camp. It offered some privacy but was also only a five-minute walk to reach the docks.

Settling down, he first set about preparing a fire. His mother had shown him all the steps, and he’d practiced a few times at home. Unfortunately, now that he was actually out in the wild, he found it much harder. The sticks were a bit different and everything felt weird to him. After three tries, he eventually gave up and settled on using one of the matches he brought. There’d be time to practice another day.

Once he had a nice fire going, he retrieved two dishes and some basic Pokemon food, carefully portioning it out. Taking one last look, he made sure everything was ready. Now there was only one thing left to do. With a gulp, he unclipped the two pokeballs from his belt and released the pokemon within. Spearow and Riptide burst out.

Immediately the Spearow took up an aggressive stance, glaring around him, his head twitching and turning in the curious way that bird pokemon tended to. Riptide, on the other hand, wore an odd expression on his face. His eyes were downcast, and his earlier pride and spunk seemed to have faded, replaced by something else. He scuffed at the earth with his hind claw, seemingly lost in thought.

“Hey Riptide, are you okay?” Almost immediately, his entire demeanor shifted. He lifted his head and nodded firmly, any semblance of his earlier emotion wiped away and replaced with his usual confidence.

Spearow let out a screech of challenge and glared at Ash. For a moment, a flicker of nervousness passed through him. Then it subsided. His gaze hardened and he glared at Spearow with equal ferocity. One of his mother's teachings came back to him.

Some pokemon needed patience, some kindness or understanding. And some needed a good old fashioned fight. On a crazy impulse, Ash let out a wild yell and ran straight at Spearow, waving his arms in the air. The flying-type screeched in alarm and fluttered backward, then turned tail and flew up into a low tree branch.

“I’m not afraid of you!” he shouted. His heart pounded in his chest and he swallowed, standing as tall as he could. “Listen Spearow. I meant what I said. I want to travel the whole world, and get strong. And I want you to come with me.” He paused and lowered his voice a little more. “But I won’t force you. It's your choice.” He spoke boldly but tried to keep his tone even.

The bird pokemon gazed at him with wide eyes, still shocked by his outburst. He seemed unused to his intimidation tactics not working on people. And in the rare events they didn’t, Ash had a feeling he was no stranger to a battle. But a human yelling at him like that? That was new.

“So? What do you say? You can join Riptide and me, maybe even become one of the most awesome Fearow ever.”

That seemed to spark a light in his eyes. He glanced at Riptide, glaring fiercely at him, and Ash almost chuckled. The spark in those eyes was the same he saw whenever he saw Gary. No doubt his first two pokemon had already developed a solid rivalry. After a long moment, Spearow tore his gaze away from Riptide and looked back at Ash. With a smirk, he nodded.

Pride flushed through Ash. “So, how about a nickname?”

Spearow ruffled its feathers and nodded.

“Hmm...” He stared at the Spearow, trying hard to figure out something cool. “How about... Windy?” He grimaced. “No way.” He tapped his finger against his chin. “Sky?” He quickly shook his head to himself.

For the next few minutes, he cycled through a variety of names, though most sounded silly as soon as he said them or Spearow didn’t seem to like them. “Okay, what about Squall?”

Immediately, Spearow nodded sharply and let out a pleased caw.

Squall. The name was fitting, Ash realized, given how squalls were basically violent bursts of wind.

“Alright,” Ash said. “Now that that's settled, who’s hungry?”

xXx

The next morning, Ash awoke to something wet splashing against his face. He sat up with a loud cry and looked wildly around. Riptide stood a few feet away, looking quite pleased with himself. Behind him, Squall emitted a harsh caw, which he could only interpret as laughter.

“I’m up, yeesh,” he grumbled, wiping water off his face. “Wait, what time is it?” Panic flared in him and he grabbed his pokedex out of his bag. 8:37am. Muttering furiously under his breath, he packed all his stuff from last night as fast as he could, while Squall watched, seemingly very amused. Riptide, however, appeared rather disgruntled. Every few seconds he would glance in the direction of the ocean and tap his claw against the ground.

“Almost done guys,” he said as he stuffed his sleeping bag into his backpack. Thank goodness for modern technology. Finally, he packed away the last of his items. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and looked to his two pokemon. “I’ll return you guys for now, ‘kay?” Both nodded, though Riptide with considerably more impatience.

After he returned the pokemon, he sprinted towards the docks. He arrived, panting and out of breath, in front of the doors to the office. A clock above the door read ‘8:52am.’ Just in time. He pushed open the doors and stepped inside.

The office was fairly plain, just a large space and a desk at the back. The space behind it appeared empty, although a strange pokemon resembling a golden bell rested on the counter. As he approached, it hopped into the air and shook its body, emitting a pleasant ringing noise. It waved at him with a stubby arm and smiled. Ash smiled and waved back.

A moment later, a man appeared from a door in the back. “Ah, hello there! Did you need a ticket for the ferry?”

Ash nodded. “Yes sir! Are there any tickets left for the 9am ferry?”

The man nodded. “You’re just in time.” He typed something into his computer, then looked up. “That’ll be 1500 Poke.”

He paled and swallowed. “Fifteen hundred??” He’d expected the tickets to be expensive, but... That would use up almost the entirety of his pocket savings he’d brought! If only he had a Blastoise... Unfortunately, Riptide was a long, long way off from being able to make the journey on his own. No going back now, he supposed. With a sigh, he handed over the funds and purchased the ticket.

“Have a nice ride! And you’d better hurry, the captain is very punctual.”

With a heavy heart, he took his ticket and hurried to the door. Just as he stepped outside, the ferries horn sounded. Breaking into a sprint, he raced down the hill and across the dock. “Wait for me!” he cried. A sailor who stood at the edge of the boarding ramp waved to him, beckoning him forwards. Grinning in delight, Ash thanked him and scurried up the ramp.

Only a minute later, the ramp receded. With one final sound of its horn, the ferry began to pull away from the dock. Minutes later, it picked up speed and was soon clipping across the ocean at a swift pace.

As the boat left the shore behind, Ash dashed through the trainers and other people and worked his way to the bow of the boat.

Once he reached it, he leaned out against the railing, gazing across the vast ocean. Winds rushed past him as the boat continued to pick up speed, tousling his dark hair and almost lifting the cap from his head. A movement to his right caught his attention, and he turned to see a great serpent-like pokemon emerge from the waters, swimming swiftly alongside the ship. Its sky blue scales shone in the early morning light, and its open jaws displayed an impressive set of teeth. He gasped loudly, then grinned. “Wow, a Gyarados!” he said out loud.

He watched it for a minute as it cut through the waters as easily as a Rhyhorn racing across the land.

“Quite the sight, isn’t it?”

Ash whirled around and saw a man in a blue and white sailor's uniform standing beside him, his gaze locked onto the Gyarados. His skin was darkly tanned, and a bushy beard covered much of his chin and round face.

“Just a couple centuries ago, seeing one of those would have struck terror into the hearts of anyone with a lick of sense,” the sailor's tone held a note of wistful awe, mixed with Ash thought might be thankfulness.

The sailor continued. “Nowadays, seeing one is less frightening, but still special. Why, it was just a while ago that I saw my first Gyarados while sailing with my father. It drew so near to the boat I could almost touch it. Its scales were beautiful, like... Gemstones, I suppose.”

Ash’s eyes widened as he listened, enraptured.

Shaking his head the sailor looked away. “Ah, sorry young un’, I don’t mean to bore you with my reminiscing. I’ll leave you to enjoy the trip.”

Ash quickly shook his head. “Wait! I want to hear more. What’s your name?”

The man turned around, a smile on his face, mixed with a look of pleased surprise. “Name’s Morgan. And yourself?”

“Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town!” Ash declared proudly, puffing his chest out. “Tell me about the Gyarados you saw!”

Morgan’s eyes lit up. “It must have been... oh about thirty years ago. I was sailing with my father through the Whirl Islands. Up until then, I’d always assumed I would follow in my father's footsteps and be an explorer, a hiker. Traverse dangerous mountains and crawl through caves.” He shook his head. “Until I saw that Gyarados. It came out of nowhere, swam right up next to the boat. Must have been over thirty feet long! Why, it was even longer than the boat.”

Ash’s eyes widened and his jaw almost dropped. If Morgan wasn’t exaggerating, then it had to be much, much larger than the Gyarados he’d just seen. “Whoa.”

“Then it turned and it looked right at me. Those big ol’ crimson eyes... Seeing that Gyarados that day...” his voice trailed off. “Ah, but I’m no poet. I couldn’t begin to tell you the feeling that arose in me that day. All I know is, ever since then, my heart has belonged to the open sea.”

“That’s so cool!” Ash declared. Recalling Morgan’s earlier comment, he asked, “How come Gyarados were so scary?”

A great, bellowing laugh erupted from the man. Ash almost would have been offended, but the laugh wasn’t at all like Gary’s condescending sneering laughs. It was good-humored, amiable. “I forgot what it is to be young, sometimes, still so much to learn. Gyarados weren’t nicknamed the atrocious pokemon for their friendly demeanor, you know. They are capable of great destruction if they wished. Why not so long ago, they could sink a ship like this in the blink of an eye if it struck their fancy. Fortunately, us people and pokemon get along a good deal better now than they used to, and a good thing that is for us sailors, eh?”

Ash nodded, eyeing the area where the Gyarados had vanished. He vaguely remembered some stories from history books, something about how the open seas used to be nearly impossible to traverse, thanks to unpredictable ocean-dwelling pokemon. “How come they don’t attack anymore?”

“Well, I’m no historian, so I probably couldn’t give you the most detailed answer,” Morgan said mareepishly, scratching the back of his head. “But I do know it took some humans working real hard with their water pokemon to create safe routes for people and pokemon.” He pointed out to sea, towards the east, then to the other side of the boat, towards the west. “See all those rocks, way out there?”

Ash squinted in the direction Morgan had pointed. He could just barely make out what appeared to be large rocks, poking up from the water and running in a roughly straight line from north to south, on either side of the boat. “Yeah,” he said finally.

“Capn’ told me those lines mark the boundaries where the wild pokemon allow ships to travel. Not so long ago, humans couldn’t be easily trusted, and wild pokemon weren’t fond of us just traipsing through their land. Feeling was mutual, I suppose,” Morgan mused to himself. “At any rate, once some rules and boundaries were established, things go a whole lot better for us sailors. Lotta water pokemon that live far out are looking for strong trainers or tough opponents. They love a good fight. So I guess it works out for both parties. Plus, League usually stations a few rangers out here to drive off prospective poachers.”

“Huh,” Ash mused. A smile crossed his face. He doubted either of his two pokemon were anywhere near tough enough to take anything that lived this far out. But perhaps, one day he would. It was nice to imagine, however, how humans and pokemon had learned to coexist, even in this relatively small stretch of ocean. “That’s really awesome. Thanks a lot for explaining everything, Mr. Morgan.”

Morgan smiled. “Ah, I’d say to just call me Morgan, but it seems you were raised with a good set of manners. Wouldn’t want to counter that. But I should thank you. Not all young’uns are interested in listening to a sailor's rambles.”

“They’re not rambles,” Ash declared. “They’re really cool.”

“Well, thank you either way. Now, I still have my responsibilities to tend to. You enjoy the rest of the trip.” Bidding him farewell, Morgan turned and left the bow.

Ash watched him go before, glancing back towards the sea. He squinted hard, wondering if he could catch a glimpse of Cinnabar Island, but saw nothing. It suddenly occurred to him he’d never even asked how long the boat ride would be. Judging by the looks of it, he had a feeling it would likely be longer than he anticipated. Drumming his fingers against the railing, he turned and looked around again.

A few people milled about. Some were trainers, although they looked to be a few years older than him, and carried a full six balls on their belt. Probably not the type he could handle in a battle. The others were either adults, who he guessed were simply traveling, or sailors, keeping an eye on the ship.

Then his gaze settled on one boy in particular. He looked close to Ash’s own age, perhaps only slightly older. He had rather noticeable dark green spiky hair and an orange and black polo with jagged stripes. He held a book of some kind in his hands and appeared to be intently studying it. What caught his eyes, however, wasn’t his clothes or hair. Rather, it was his eyes. There was a certain spark in them.

It was the same look that Ash saw whenever he looked into a mirror. Without thinking further, he darted across the deck and over to the boy. When he saw the two pokeballs on the boy's belt, he grinned. “Hey! Wanna battle?”

The boy blinked, then looked up at him, narrowing his eyes. “Excuse me?” he said, a harsh note in his tone.

“Do you want to battle?” Ash asked eagerly, undeterred.

Frowning, the boy gave him a long once over, his eyes narrowed and full of scrutiny. His gaze eventually settled on the two pokeballs at Ash’s belt. “What pokemon ya got?” he demanded.

“A Squirtle and a Spearow!” Ash replied, grinning. “They’re both-”

“I accept.” His tone was blunt and absolutely direct. “How many badges?”

“Uh... None yet. But I’m on my way to Cinnabar for my first gym battle.” He glanced around. “Is there a battlefield on the boat?”

“Yep, sure is. I’ll show you where.” Without waiting for a response, he tucked the book away and spun around, striding away. Ash jogged to catch up with him, once again lamenting the fact that he was a couple inches on the short side.

“So what’s your name? I’m Ash, by the way. I’m from Pallet Town.”

“Name’s AJ,” he said simply. He led Ash back towards the port of the ship, where he’d docked, and then to the interior of the ship. Ash decided to keep quiet, given that AJ didn’t seem particularly interested in conversation. He followed him down a flight of stairs through a set of doors at the bottom. They opened up to a large room which he guessed took up most of the bottom of the boat.

A wide, packed dirt field lay before them, with white lines marking the boundaries. A set of small seats rimmed either side, and the walls looked to be padded. All in all, it was a fairly basic battlefield, if a bit on the small side.

AJ wasted no time striding confidently over to one side of the field and into the trainer's box.

Ash quickly hurried to the other side. His heart began to race, and he realized he couldn’t stop grinning. This would be his first, real, proper fight! “Do you have any badges?” he called.

AJ shook his head as he selected a pokeball from his belt. “Not yet. I’m going to earn my first tomorrow, from Blaine.” He spoke with such absolute confidence, Ash couldn’t help but admire him. He privately wondered just how AJ could be so absolutely certain of himself. “How does a two on two battle sound?”

“Great!” Ash called back. He almost immediately selected Riptide’s ball from his belt. Across the field, he saw AJ tossing a ball up in the air and catching it again.

“No substitutions either,” he added.

“Fine by me!” Ash called. And with that, both trainers simultaneously tossed their pokeballs onto the field. Two flashes of light lit up the area, then faded. On Ash’s side, stood a Squirtle. Opposite him stood a small brown pokemon with a cream underbelly and a sandy brown hide. Its wide black eyes sparkled with determination as it tensed up, preparing to fight.

For a solid couple seconds, Ash’s mind scrambled to identify it, but he soon drew a blank and gave up. Retrieving his pokedex, he quickly scanned it. Sandshrew. Ah right, now he remembered. They were hardy little ground types, less common around Pallet. And... Squirtle had an advantage since he was water type. Perfect.

He glanced at Riptide. “You ready?” he called to the Squirtle. The little turtle gave a loud, aggressive cry and dropped to all fours, glaring at Sandshrew.

“Ready?”

AJ’s terse voice broke into Ash’s thoughts, and he nodded.

“Alright Sandshrew, go!” AJ shouted “Use Scratch.” Sandshrew dashed across the ground towards Squirtle, moving faster than Ash expected.

Ash grinned. “Water gun.” He spoke the command calmly. A water type versus a ground type would be a cinch! He watched eagerly as Riptide reared his head back, then spat a stream of water across the field.

Sandshrew didn’t veer off course at all, instead plowing straight through the water.

Ash’s jaw dropped and Squirtle’s expression mimicked its trainer as he let up the stream of water. For all intents and purposes, it seemed unfazed. It raised its claw, a white shimmer growing on the end. Before Ash could think of anything else, it slashed Riptide’s face and body, knocking him back.

“Tackle!” Ash shouted, beginning to panic. Did Sandshrew have some kind of special power? How had it not been damaged?

Riptide leaped forward and slammed his body into Sandshrew. It retaliated back with another scratch across the face, causing Riptide to cry out in shock and anger.

“Get it with another Water Gun!” He blasted the stream of water, grazing Sandshrew with the attack. It blinked and chittered. At least it seemed fazed, although it didn’t seem to damage the pokemon nearly as much as Ash would've expected.

AJ frowned. “Sandshrew, end this. Use Fissure!”

Fissure? He didn’t recognize the attack. Probably something ground type though, so he wasn’t too worried. Still, perhaps he should be safe. “Uh, use Withdraw?” he called.

Sandshrew sprang into the air and curled into a ball, then crashed to the ground. Riptide sucked his limbs back into his shell. A wave of white energy crackled across the battlefield, splitting the field in its wake. The split turned into a small chasm, and before Ash knew it, Squirtle had dropped into it. The two sides suddenly slammed shut violently, tossing him into the air. He landed hard, belly up, his head and limbs lolling out of his shell.

For a moment, Ash stared. Then he hurried onto the field and knelt next to Riptide. "I'm really sorry buddy," he murmured. Riptide's eyes opened and he blinked up at Ash, his expression unreadable. "Take a rest," he said softly. He returned Riptide to his ball, and odd feeling twisting in his stomach.

How had one attack done that much? An odd feeling twisted at his gut as he returned Riptide to his ball. Sandshrew stood, eyes gleaming in triumph, looking relatively unscathed.

Pushing aside his disappointment, Ash quickly grabbed his second pokeball. Well, maybe AJ had gotten lucky. A critical hit or whatever. But he had the perfect counter for a ground type. “Go Squall!” he shouted.

The Spearow emerged with a loud squawk, hovering above the battlefield, his beady gaze fixed on Sandshrew. AJ sized it up quickly, then returned Sandshrew.

“Hey!” Ash grumbled. “Afraid your Sandshrew can’t handle my Spearow?”

AJ snorted. “Please. It would be too easy.” With that, he lazily tossed another pokeball onto the field. Light spilled out and coalesced into the shape of a Rattata. They were plentiful around Pallet Town especially in his mother's garden, always nibbling at her Oran berry supply.

Ash frowned. Rattata weren’t particularly strong, he didn’t think. Then again, he had always believed that any pokemon had potential.

“Okay Squall, you ready-” Ash didn’t have a chance to finish speaking. Squall shrieked and dived at Rattata, beak glowing.

“Dodge it.” Rattata tensed. Spearow reached within a tail length of stabbing the rodent when it hopped neatly to the side. Squall smashed into the ground and skidded several feet.

“Super Fang!”

Rattata’s teeth gleamed, then shone a menacing silver before tripling in length. It hurled itself at the stunned Spearow and sank its incisors into him. An ear-splitting shriek echoed across the battlefield.

“Peck!” Ash shouted frantically. Squall listened this time, rapidly jabbing his beak into Rattata’s side and knocking it away. Squall stood, panting, its feathers ruffled and eyes dull. Ash frowned. The blow had clearly hurt, and done some serious damage. But why?

His hesitation cost him.

“Quick Attack.”

The command came quick, and Rattata reacted just as fast, scampering across the ground, a streak of white energy trailing behind it. Squall began to rise slowly, looking dazed.

Ash’s eyes widened. “Squall, dodg- no, use Sand Attack!” He tried to correct himself. The bird blinked, struggling to focus. A split second later, a small furry body collided with his chest with a soft thud.

Squall flared his wings at the last moment, managing to land on his talon. He scuffed them across the earth, sending a small plume of dust at his opponent. Rattata squeaked in surprise and pulled back, pawing at its face.

“Focus!” AJ barked loudly. “Get it together Rattata.”

Ash frowned when he heard his tone. It was harsh, demanding. Despite his misgivings, the command seemed to have an effect on Rattata, who stopped squirming and stood perfectly still, ears twitching slightly. His mind raced. Now was his chance to attack. “Use one more Peck.”

Squall flew upwards, then dove towards his opponent.

AJ just grinned. “Now, use Thunderbolt.”

Oh no. Ash could only watch as an electrical charge gathered over Rattatta’s purple fur. As Squall crashed into it, the attack was discharged. Yellow light flashed bright, nearly blinding Ash and tossing Squall across the field. He hit the ground and lay still.

“Squall!” he cried out. His shock shifted to a frown and he sighed. Heart heavy, he took out a ball and returned him. He'd failed his pokemon. Again. Even if fainting was a natural part of a battle, it hadn't even been a good battle.

As his excitement wore off, the reality began to sink in. He’d lost. Badly too, he reflected. He hadn’t even come close to defeating either of AJ’s pokemon. He hadn’t even known a Rattata could learn Thunderbolt!

“Your pokemon are weak,” AJ declared. “I expected a challenge. Guess I was wrong.”

Ash clenched his fists. “My pokemon are fine! We’re just... working on stuff.” He bit his lip, his cheeks beginning to flush. Working on stuff? That’s your best excuse? He chided himself. “What kind of move is fissure anyway?” he asked, desperate to change the subject. “I thought it was ground-type but it knocked my Squirtle out so easy.”

“You’re telling me you don’t even know your moves? Fissure is one of the four 1 hit KO moves.” he grinned. “Me and Sandshrew been working for weeks to perfect it.”

“Whoa,” Ash breathed. Based on AJ’s description, he understood now. He’d heard of the moves before, but never really bothered to go out of his way to memorize them. Fissure. He made a mental note and filed it away. He’d have to look up more about them later. “What about your Sandshrew? He barely seemed to take any damage from Squirtle’s attacks?”

AJ puffed his chest out a bit. “Oh that? That’s our special training. I knew water would be a big weakness for him, so we worked really hard to get him used to it.”

“So he’s immune now?”

“No, duh,” he said, rolling his eyes. “He’s just a bit more resistant to it is all. Sandshrew is my number one pokemon, after all.”

“But my attacks did nothing.” He narrowed his eyes. Was AJ lying?

He scowled. “How many battles have you had with your pokemon?”

“Well...” He trailed off. Between getting his first pokemon, catching Squall, then getting chased by the Spearow flock, he hadn’t really trained at all. In fact, battling his mom was the closest he’d had to a proper match.

AJ didn’t wait for a response. “This is me and Sandshrew’s one-hundred and first win.”

Ash’s jaw dropped. “What?” he yelped.

“Sure is. We used to run a gym, ya see.”

“You’re a gym leader?” he asked dubiously. AJ looked a hair older, but he was pretty sure he wasn't old enough for that. Plus he didn’t look familiar at all, unless he was from one of the smaller, unofficial gyms?

“No. Not an official gym, at least. A place out in the wilderness. I trained a whole lot with other wild pokemon, and we challenged any trainers we saw. Sandshrew and I vowed we wouldn’t start our journey until we had won a hundred battles in a row.”

Well, that definitely explained why AJ had been so much stronger then. A twinge of envy tugged at Ash’s heart. One hundred wins was an incredible feat for any trainer, especially one so young. And what could he boast of? Getting mobbed by a pack of Spearow. A starter who didn’t respect him and a very aggressive bird.

“Well if you’re done askin' questions, I’m outta here. I got more training to do with my Pokemon.” Turning on his heel, AJ strode away, leaving the way they’d come in.

Ash watched him go, unable to think of anything else to say. A mixture of shame and anger prickled his skin and he suddenly felt like the temperature was a few degrees hotter. The longer he thought of his battle, the more ashamed he was. And the more he thought about AJ, the more annoyed he felt. He wasn’t at all fond of how AJ yelled at his Rattata. What an awful trainer.

Heck, AJ was probably one of those mean trainers who didn’t care about his pokemon at all. Fed them scraps, never gave them breaks, just used them. His gaze bored into the opposite wall as his thoughts roiled. Well, he’d show him! He’d work really hard with his pokemon, then beat AJ and show him exactly how a trainer was supposed to be.

But first, he had to check on his two friends. He let out a sigh and calmed his frustrations. His pokemon were what mattered right now. With two taps of a button, he released them.

Squall and Riptide emerged, wearing sour looks. They traded brief glances, then Riptide grunted and turned up his nose. Squall jerked back, as if offended, then began to hop up and down, screeching like mad. His actions were rewarded with a weak blast of water to the face. Rage flared up in Squall’s eyes. His feathers fluffed and he spread his wings, preparing to attack.

“Stop!” Ash cried. He stepped between the two pokemon, then knelt down. “You guys can’t fight,” he pleaded. “You’re supposed to be friends. You gotta learn to get along.”

At that, both pokemon snorted and turned away. Ash didn’t know what to say. He could hardly force them to get along. “Well... at least don’t fight. Please Riptide?” he added, peering into the water-type’s eyes.

The Squirtle stared back stubbornly, his arms folded. His tail twitched side to side. Seconds dragged by. Finally, he gave the tiniest of nods. Ash beamed. “Thanks.” He stood up. First, he wanted to heal his pokemon. He retrieved the medicine case from his back and took out a couple basic potions.

A few minutes later, his pokemon were back to full health. Next... well, he probably owed them an apology for that battle. AJ’s pokemon were much stronger and more experienced.
He stared at them for a long few moments, his thoughts roiling. Then he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry guys.” Guilt tugged at his heart, but he pushed it aside. He wanted to stay positive for his Pokemon. “But we’ll win next time for sure! I’ll make sure of it,” he added.

Riptide and Squall gave him dubious looks. “I’m gonna head back on deck,” Ash said after a moment. “Would you guys like to come? You can see the whole ocean from out there!”

At the mention of the ocean, Riptide perked up and nodded. Squall, however, huffed and looked away, feigning disinterest.

“Well, Squall... You don’t have to come. But I bet everyone would love to see a really tough Spearow. You can stay on my shoulder if you like.”

Squall eyed him curiously, then gave a tentative nod. Ash grinned and knelt down, holding out his hand. With a pleased shriek, Squall hopped into it and Ash placed the bird on his shoulder. Then, with Riptide by his side, he left the battlefield behind and returned to the deck. When he emerged back onto the main area, he made a beeline for the bow.

A few other trainers milled around on, but Ash ignored them and climbed to the upper decks. Riptide followed dutifully beside him, glancing around, eyes shining with fascination. The area was empty, for the time being, and he strode to the bow, enjoying the sensation of the wind and open air.

The ocean stretched ahead seemingly endlessly. It had been a crazy two days, Ash reflected. He glanced down at his starter, his Squirtle. Hopefully his future best friend. The water-types eyes had grown as wide as Watmel berries as he gazed at the sea in awe. The sight brought a smile to his face. On his shoulder, he could feel Squall shifting, looking around as well, clearly intrigued by the new sights and sounds. This was good.

His loss earlier still stung, but he remained determined. He’d travel to Cinnabar and challenge whatever leader ran the gym. His pokemon would get stronger, and then he’d battle AJ again and win. A dark smudge appeared on the horizon, and Ash’s eyes lit up.

“Cinnabar Gym, here I come!”
 
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It's been some time since I've read some good old-fashioned anime fic. I was glad to see you're not doing smart!rational!aura!Ash, or whatever—if Ash isn't oblivious, derpy, and not the brightest bulb, is he really Ash? So I'm very down with the project of keeping Ash's characterization consistent with the show, and for the most part I felt like you managed that. I particularly liked the way you got him to the lab early, without jettisoning his impulsiveness. Him not thinking about the fact he was wearing PJs but remembering his hat was a nice touch.

The exposition from Professor Oak in the lab felt pretty forced, and I don't think it's serving you well to have it there. The later exposition from Morgan felt a lot more successful to me. It wasn't Morgan sitting Ash down and saying "let me monologue to you about things we both already know when you're not really interested," it was a dynamic reaction that revealed information about the world organically. Nothing in Professor Oak's exposition seemed particularly essential to have upfront, or that we couldn't learn about more naturally later. I'd advise cutting that portion down, or entirely.

It was cool to see Delia as a former trainer! Not something I've seen too often. I wasn't quite sure what point the battle between Ash and Delia served in the story, though. We already know that Squirtle isn't too impressed with Ash, and since this battle doesn't really alter that either way, it felt a bit superfluous and dragged the story out before him leaving home.

Squirtle's lack of enthusiasm for Ash pretty much tracks with Pikachu in the original anime, though I was intrigued by the thought that perhaps Squirtle had already bonded with Gary, and that's one reason he was so upset. Would make for an interesting character conflict when Ash comes face to face with Gary in battle!

I struggled a bit with how Ash's interactions with Squall were portrayed. Ash catches Spearow, asks him if he wants to come, gets an enraged response that's hard to read as anything other than a flat rejection, sticks him back in his pokeball and doesn't release him until they're far away from Spearow's home, at which point he physically intimidates Spearow, yells, and then asks Spearow's consent for the second time. Bit hard to take that as anything other than coercive. It's not a characterization that feels consistent to me with Ash, who is pretty respectful in canon of his pokemon's wishes and earns their trust before they choose to be with him. It certainly doesn't make me want to root for him here.

I flagged specific places in the line-by-lines, but in general you seem to be bringing in some game-concepts into the mix. I found the game-concept of particular water routes being designated for human travel really intriguing, and it tied nicely into your lore and backstory of how humans and pokemon have learned to coexist. Other moments of game logic felt less integrated or purposeful—critical hits, 1 hit KO moves, etc.

In general, the main deviations so far are Ash getting a squirtle and spearow instead of a pikachu and a caterpie, not meeting Misty, and ending up heading towards Cinnabar instead of Viridian. Interested to see what implications that has. Ash will probably end up with different traveling companions. So far things feel like they're tacking pretty close to the main plot--with even AJ making an appearance. The place the fic felt most distinct to me was Morgan's recounting the time he saw a gyarados. I would be excited to see more time spent on moments like that.

Regarding prose, one thing I appreciated was how clear that action sequences were in your battles for the most part. It's a thing I see trip a lot of writers up--actions not following from each other, things being hard to visualize, but generally I could imagine the sequence of the action. You may want to keep an eye on filter words and clunky constructions. Specific sentences flagged in the line-by-lines.

Some cut-and-dry grammar stuff I saw cropping up a fair bit:

Comma related:

Decisions decisions.
Need a comma! "Decisions, decisions."

“Well technically I got here after midnight so it’s the same day,” he declared, matter-of-factly.
Need a comma after "Well"!

“Hey there Squirtle.
Need a comma! "Hey there, Squirtle."

Anytime you're directing addressing someone in dialogue you use a comma before their name or title.

“It’s alright Ash,” Oak said.
Same rule as above, need a comma: "It's all right, Ash," Oak said.

“I’m sorry guys.” Guilt tugged at his heart, but he pushed it aside.
Same rule: “I’m sorry, guys.”

Dialogue Related

When there is dialogue followed by a complete sentence describing an action, that sentence stands on its own. So you end the dialogue with a period/question mark/exclamation and capitalize the following sentence.

Ex: "I'm going to be the best there ever was!" The boy pumped his fist in the air.

“Now Ash, I understand you’re excited, but please wait just a moment longer. I have some important information that I am required to tell all trainers who receive a pokemon come from me,” he pulled out a chair and motioned for Ash to sit.
“Now Ash, I understand you’re excited, but please wait just a moment longer. I have some important information that I am required to tell all trainers who receive a pokemon come from me.” He pulled out a chair and motioned for Ash to sit.

“Well, if it ain’t Ashy-boy. Still in your pajamas, huh?” he smirked, standing with his arms crossed as he stared down at Ash.
“Well, if it ain’t Ashy-boy. Still in your pajamas, huh?” He smirked, standing with his arms crossed as he stared down at Ash.

“Wait, what? I can’t battle you!” He blurted.
Blurted is a speech verb, so it should be, “Wait, what? I can’t battle you!” he blurted out.

“And why not?” She said indignantly, planting her hands on her hips.
Said is a speech verb, so it should be “And why not?” she said indignantly, planting her hands on her hips.

he asked, “how come Gyarados were so scary?”
he asked, “How come Gyarados were so scary?”

Now onto line-by-line reactions!

After all, he’d always held the belief that any pokemon could become strong.
"Held the belief" feels a bit clunky and overly formal here. Why not just say "he'd always believed"?

Well not tonight! This time, he’d be the first. Quietly, he eased out of bed and slid his window open. He poked his head out and peered outside.

Pallet Town was the picture of peace and quiet, rolling green hills and far-off forests the only sight for miles. In the distance, he could just make out Professor Oak’s lab and the corral behind it. With a grin, Ash swung one leg over the windowsill, then stopped. Snatching his cap off his nightstand, he plopped it on his head. Now he was ready.
Ah! This may be the first time I've seen 'Ash isn't late to the lab' done in a way that doesn't feel OC. This is extra in a way that is believably Ash.

Puzzled, Ash turned to his right to see the announcer. However, instead of the announcer, Professor Oak stood in his place. “Professor Oak? What are you doing here?”

“Ash what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I’ve finally become a master-”

“Ash!”
The dream sequence to awakening here was nicely humorous.

Oak frowned and regarded the boy with a critical eye and a serious gaze.
Think you may want to pick one here between "critical eye" and "serious gaze." Having both listed ends up deemphasizing them.

Maybe showing up on his doorstep at a ridiculous hour of the morning, in his pajamas no less, didn’t give the best impression.
You think?!

“Sorry Professor,” he said, chuckling, rubbing the back of his neck.
Since a few sentences down Oak chuckles, this ends up reading oddly, like the two have the same mannerisms, when one is an old prof and the other is a ten-year-old.

Still chuckling, he patted Ash on the shoulder, a gesture which Ash found oddly comforting from the older man.
"a gesture which Ash found oddly comforting from the older man" doesn't actually link to this sentence. Think it would read better, "Still chuckling, he patted Ash on the shoulder. The gesture was oddly comforting."

With an amused smile, Oak turned and led the way inside the lab. Heart racing, he followed him inside and into the main room of the lab.
A minor point here, but you may want to say "Ash followed him inside." Even though it's clear from context, "he followed him" is a bit confusing to read.

The inside of the lab was familiar enough to Ash, thanks to having spent last summer cleaning it after an unfortunate incident in which he’d accidentally let several Tauros’ loose. In fact, he knew it a little too well. Bookshelves lined the walls, a few machines were pushed haphazardly to the corners, and stairs to his left led to a loft. In the center of the room stood a circular machine with a domed lid.
The presentation of information here feels a little out of order to me. Maybe, "Ash was familiar with the inside of the lab. A little too familiar, really. He spent last summer cleaning the place as punishment for an unfortunate incident involving a a dare from Gary, an unlocked gate, and Professor Oak's tauros herds. The lab hadn't changed much since then. Bookshelves lined the walls, a few machines were pushed haphazardly to the corners, and in the center of the room stood a circular machine with a domed lid."

“As I am sure you have already learned in school, the National Trainer’s Program was instituted about 150 years ago, after the end of the Thousand Year War. It is important you understand why this program was created.”
The exposition here feels quite clunky. Professor Oak is basically saying, "As we both know!" and then expositing. Even if this is information that's really relevant to this story, I'm not sure this is the right place to put it. It clearly doesn't mean much to Ash at the moment. Perhaps it can come up organically when it becomes relevant. But it doesn't feel realistic that Oak sits ten-year-olds down and quizzes them about history.

His mother had taken it on herself to help school him with some more non-traditional methods. After that, he’d fared much better, especially when it came to his favorite topic, Pokemon. He’d managed to memorize the basics of the type effectiveness chart and ace Basic Pokemon Identification thanks to her. Of course,

“The Thousand Year War began with the Kalus Civil War right?”
Curious what those non-traditional methods were. Could be a chance to give us some more insight into Ash's character by showing the specific way that helped him learn.

(Of course should probably break off with an em-dash here rather than a comma.

Of course—

“The Thousand Year War began with the Kalus Civil War right?”)

One of his mother’s lessons popped into his brain. “And it wasn’t a proper war, but a long time of people and pokemon not getting along, right? People and pokemon all over fought a lot, for a long time, in a bunch of separate battles and stuff about different things. And even the legendary Groudon and Kyogre fought too.”

“Exactly right, Ash!” Oak declared. “However, when Lugia and Ho-Oh’s ancestral towers burned and they departed forever, the world began to see the misdeeds they had committed. Change began to spread. Naturally, it took some years, but eventually, the idea of the Trainers program was founded. It began as a coalition to inspire unity and understanding between people across the world.”
Obviously Ash's limited understanding here is limiting how well you can delve into your historical world-building here, but this is a bit vague and confusing. Are pokemon fighting against humans? Or are groups of pokemon and humans fighting against other groups of pokemon and humans? If the former, I'd be a bit surprised that any humans are left standing!

I'm also not really sure how the trainer program follows naturally out of the conflict Oak is describing. People recognized that fighting was wrong--and then founded a program to ensure that everyone could become a trainer?

Do you see the regions as being very interconnected? I'm a bit surprised Kalosian history and Groudon and Kyogre are relevant in Kanto.

“So it was decided that at a young age, every child should have the chance to receive a pokemon and travel freely, growing and learning about the world,” Ash quoted. The statement was burned in his mind since it was the very reason he had the chance to go on an adventure of his own. “Right?”
This is a reason that doesn't really explain anything.

Then he snorted and shrugged, unimpressed.
Hah, fair.

A seed of worry sprouted in Ash’s heart and he edged back a little. Although the gesture wasn’t a rejection, it wasn’t exactly the reception he’d imagined either. In his mind, he’d always pictured getting his first pokemon, looking them in the eyes, and making some kind of special connection.
This interaction lands well--reality not matching the vision Ash built up in his mind.

but he saw nothing but genuine care and honesty in the older man’s eyes.
A bit like the earlier sentence with "critical eye" and "serious gaze" having both of these actually lower their impact. Something like, "but he saw nothing but honesty in the older man's eyes" would convey the point a little more strongly.

“Would you um... like to go back to your pokeball?” Please say no, please say no...

Squirtle nodded. With a sigh, Ash pulled out the ball and returned him.
Oof, doesn't seem like Squirtle really wants to spend any time with Ash. Maybe he's also been building a vision in his head of what his trainer would be like, and Ash doesn't match it. Or maybe he's not interested in leaving Oak's lab.

“First, I will officially register you as Squirtle’s trainer. That way if something should happen and you are separated, although I pray it never does, they will know who he belongs to. And after that... well, that’s completely up to you, my boy.”

Familiar excitement returned to Ash, and he handed Squirtle’s pokeball over. A few minutes later, the registration process was completed.
I'm a bit curious what this registration process is. This makes it sound like they would be able to identify that Squirtle belongs to Ash even if they're separated--does Squirtle get some kind of chip implanted? Or is it just the pokeball being registered.

As almost every new kid learned, bags utilized pokeball technology to allow trainers to carry many necessities with them on the road.
If Ash knows it and the reader knows it, the narrative doesn't really need to tell us.

I ensure I tell every trainer who leaves here three rules.”
"I ensure I tell" is a bit of an odd construction. Maybe, "I make sure to tell every trainer who leaves here three rules."

“Pokemon are never to be used as your tool. Battles are about bonding with your pokemon, not using them for selfish purposes.”
He couldn’t ever imagine treating a pokemon only as a tool.
Be interesting to see how this is explored in the fic! So far Ash has done a lot of thinking about his own goals and desires, and assumed his pokemon will share them.

“Oh and Ash?” Oak said.

He paused, halfway to the door.

“Remember, there is a time and a place for everything, but not now.”
Hm, not sure I'm getting much out of this meta moment. It feels more jarring than humorous.

His nemesis, his rival, and his enemy depending on the day. Though they’d grown up in Pallet town together, calling them friends would be like saying Venonat evolved into Butterfree. A ridiculous conclusion to anyone who knew better.
Nemesis and enemy are close enough to being synonyms that this didn't quite land for me. But this is cute!

“No,” Ash replied, unable to keep the smug tone out of his voice.

“Huh, guess you went for Bulbasaur then. Gotta say, I’m almost impressed. Almost.”

Ash’s smile got a little wider. “Nope. Wrong again.”

Gary’s face turned pale. His eyes almost bulged out of his head. Shoving Ash out of the way, he barreled through the doors of the lab. As the doors swung shut, Ash could hear his high pitched screech. “Gramps!”
I chuckled at this sequence. Always the fun reversal to have Ash get the better of Gary.

Though, hm. Sounds like Gary was really expecting to get the squirtle. I wonder if they'd already interacted, and that's why Squirtle's so upset with getting Ash. Had Squirtle already bonded with Gary? That would kind of suck for them both.

Breaking into a run, he ran the rest of the way to his house.
Bit of repetition/redundancy here. "Ash broke into a run" would work fine.

She stooped down in front of Squirtle, who regarded her with a critical eye. Her body language remained relaxed, and she was completely at ease. Watching her, Ash was once again thankful for his mother.

It was a strong reminder to him that she too had been a trainer, before he'd been born. And although she'd possessed no drive to become the strongest and challenge gyms, she had still traveled a fair amount with her partner, Mr. Mime. That knowledge, coupled with what she'd re-taught herself over the past couple years, had served as the basis for almost everything he knew.
Nice to see Delia with a trainer background!

The flow here is a little clunky, though--"watching her" and "it was a strong reminder" are filter words we don't really need here. And some of the word-choice--"she'd possessed no drive" is a kind of judgemental statement that doesn't fit with Ash being grateful for his mother.

Is this bit about Delia teaching him meant to imply that Ash is going to have some special knowledge? You've already talked a fair bit about his schooling, so this felt a bit redundant.

Possible reword: "She stooped down in front of Squirtle, her body language relaxed. The squirtle's critical glare didn't faze her in the least. Before Ash was born, Delia had traveled the world with her partner, Mr. Mime. She'd never been interested in the gym challenge, but shed [insert anecdote.]

“You said Banette ignored you after you caught it, right?” he asked, recalling the story his mother had told him. She caught Banette wandering near one of the towers in the Johto region. Her Mr. Mime, who had recently evolved, managed to defeat it and she decided to capture it. However, Banette had refused to listen to her in battle and ignored her even outside of battle.

Delia nodded. “Correct. I had to show Banette that I was willing to be patient with her. It took some time, but eventually, she warmed up to me.”
A more concrete anecdote would carry more force here. Why did Banette ignore her? What changed between them? What did being patient with her look like?

“Remember Ash, quality over quantity. Beating Gary to Viridian City won’t make you stronger. But a good battle can help both of you grow a lot."
Not sure how saying "Beating Gary to physical locations won't help you beat him in battle" = "quality over quantity"?

Even though his mom’s pokemon weren’t super strong, they were still competent.
'Competent' reads oddly here. Doesn't really sound like Ash.

Tackle wouldn't do anything. The normal energy it channeled would simply cause Squirtle to pass through Banette's ghostly form.
Hm, your intro said this fic would do the whole smart!Ash thing, but this reasoning sounds a lot more academic than he is in the anime, particularly at the start.

His knowledge of moves had always been a bit rusty, and Shadow Sneak was one he wasn’t familiar with.
"Rusty" implies he had the knowledge at one point but it's been a while since he used it. You could say his knowledge of moves is lacking? patchy?

“I know Banette’s strong, but I won’t give up as long as you don’t, right?” Squirtle glanced back at him, then nodded. Ash could have sworn he detected the faintest gleam of respect in his eyes.
Seems a bit odd this would make Squirtle respect him. Not giving up doesn't really mean much for Ash here. Squirtle is the one fighting.

“Alright, run forward, then use Withdraw!” He had no idea if it would work, but there was no harm in trying. Squirtle raced toward Banette, then drew his limbs into his shell. His moment carried him forward and he slid across the ground right under Banette.

“Now, use Water Gun!” Right after he passed under Banette, Squirtle burst from his shell, landed, and fired a stream of water. The attack struck Banette’s back, scoring a direct hit. The blow was enough to actually stagger Banette midair and push it through the air a few feet.
This reads clearly! I can picture what Squirtle was doing here.

She fired a miniscule bolt of electricity, striking Squirtle in the chest. He swayed, staggered a couple steps, then collapsed, unconscious.
When the level thirty pokemon uses thundershock on the level five pokemon, rip.

Route 1 was an apt name, given how simple the road was.
Is the thought here that Route 1 is appropriate because there's one road? Not sure Route 1 = simple road, per say.

On a whim, he reached down and took the pokeball off his belt. Pressing the button, he released Squirtle. The water type glanced at him as if to ask ‘why am I out here?’

“We’re gonna walk together for a little bit, okay?” Before Squirtle could protest, he added, “It’ll help you get stronger and build stamina.” That clearly appealed to the water type, and he trotted eagerly by Ash’s side.
This felt a little oddly to me. Why wouldn't Squirtle want some fresh air? He seems pretty active.

As they walked, Ash took the time to enjoy the scenery and the pleasant feeling of finally being on his way to begin his journey. He talked to Squirtle, about how he dreamed of challenging each of Kanto’s eight gyms so he could qualify for the Indigo League, and how he dreamed of traveling the whole world one day, to meet pokemon from all over. After Kanto, he wanted to explore Johto and see the infamous Bell Tower and Brass Tower. And after that... well, he supposed he’d figure it out when he got there.
I think the moment later on where Ash realizes their back at Pallet and Squirtle seems sorry for him would land more strongly if Ash had chattered on a lot about how important reaching Viridian fast is, etc. This could be a good place for that.

There's a bit of filtering with this paragraph. Consider "As they walked, Ash took the time to enjoy the scenery and the pleasant feeling of finally being on his way to begin his journey." vs "It was good to finally be on his journey." The latter conveys the same point of the first, it's just a little more immediate.

“Riptide*?” he asked, after running through several names in his head. No response. “Well?”
Still no response.
Missing line break here!

It staggered back, shaking water from its feathers, then kicked its talons into the earth, sending a spray of dirt at Squirtle. The dirt splashed into his face, but he was undeterred. Throwing himself blindly forward, he crashed into Spearow with another full-body tackle, knocking it through the air. It smacked into the earth and lay still.
Another smooth action sequence!

He’d caught his first pokemon! Well, sort of. His excitement deflated a bit when he recalled how Squirtle had fought all on his own.
Nice moment of self-awareness from Ash here.

It emerged with a loud shriek and immediately flew at his face, talons extended. A jet of water blasted it away, knocking it to the ground before it could get close.

Surprised, Ash turned to see Squirtle glaring at the Spearow. Stomping over to it, he gave a loud cry of anger. Spearow glared back at him with equal ferocity, then settled a little, simmering fury in his gaze. Despite his aggression, he seemed to understand he was outmatched.
Uh oh, Spearow doesn't seem that happy about all this.

utmatched.
"Thank you!" he said earnestly
Missing line break!

With a sigh, he turned back to Spearow. "Hey Spearow-"

The bird interrupted him with a loud shriek, hopping to its feet and flaring its wings, its eyes gleaming with fury.
Yuup, very much not happy.

Sniper? He hadn’t heard of the ability before, but it sounded incredibly useful. If a pokemon could land what had been dubbed a ‘critical hit’, it could deal almost twice the damage. With an ability like Sniper, that could go even higher.
Not sure how well the video game logic of critical hits fits into an anime-based fic. What does it actually mean to deliver a critical hit here? How exactly does the damage "double" and what does doubled damage even mean if you can't see an HP bar?

“Pretty awesome. Hey Spearow, think you can give me a chance? I’d like to challenge all the gyms and travel the world. And I want you to come with me.”

Spearow just glared at him, then let out another shriek. Before Ash could think of anything else to say, Squirtle suddenly turned and raced away. “Squirtle!” he shouted. “Where are you going?” Ignoring him completely, Squirtle ran off the path, heading east towards a large grove of trees. Returning Spearow, Ash turned and bolted after his starter.
Hm, that sounded an awful lot like no.

Unintimidated, Squirtle opened his mouth and tried to fire another blast of water at it. The shot went wide, missing it by several feet, but the gesture was not appreciated in the slightest. Fearow opened its beak and gave a loud cry. In the space of a heartbeat, a solid twenty or thirty Spearow burst out of the branches of the tree, flocking around their leader.
Nice to see Squirtle's battle urge causing some conflict.

His blood ran cold.
"He" in the previous paragraph was Squirtle, and while it's not ultimately ambiguous, I do think "Ash's blood ran cold" would flow better here.

Lunging forwards, he swatted at the birds, driving them away. They backed off, slightly surprised at his intrusion, which gave Ash just enough time to grab Squirtle.
The action is a little disordered here--we have Ash "driving them away" before "They back off."

Fleshing this out a little would be nice--it's more the surprise than Ash's physical force that's making them back off, right?

He started to grin. Then he fell off a cliff.
Heh! Comedic timing worked well here.

Realization struck him as he saw what he was clinging to was none other than Squirtle.
The construction in this first sentence is a bit clunky, especially for what is a pretty simple thing to notice! Maybe something a little more organic like, "Good thing he'd found to a log to cling onto. Hang on. A . . . blue log? Ash looked down and saw Squirtle's bobbing head."

“You saved me, buddy...” Ash said hoarsely. Saying nothing, the water type paddled dutifully along.
Dutifully is an interesting word to use here! Also, I wonder whether Squirtle could say anything in response, with its mouth under-water.

Because the place that lay before him was definitely not Viridian City. It was Pallet Town. In all his haste, he hadn’t bothered to check their direction, and now he’d ended up all the way back home.
Ah! Actions having some consequences.

How could he have been so foolish?
I wonder if a word like "stupid" would fit Ash's narrative voice better. Foolish just carries this sense of elevated diction that doesn't really mesh with Ash.

In his mind, however, he could already imagine Gary’s scornful voice.

“You left Pallet Town, only to end up back in Pallet Town? What kind of trainer are you?”
Gary's potential mockery 100% checks out as an Ash motivator.

If Gary had picked Charmander, he was in for a real challenge. The direction he’d be traveling would mean his first three gyms would be Viridian, Pewter, then Cerulean.

Still, he’d be behind him the whole time. His smile fell.
The reasoning from the first paragraph to the second didn't quite make sense to me. If Gary picked Charmander and would struggle with the Viridian gym, isn't there a good chance Ash could arrive later, but beat Gary to the badge and take the lead?

A crazy idea began to form in his mind. Normally, he’d always planned to walk to Viridian and start his journey there. The ground type gym was as a good a place as any. Gyms usually accepted any trainer of any ability or skill level and maintained several teams of pokemon. They would choose their Pokemon based on a trainer's strength. Which meant that technically, he could start his journey in any direction.

The ferries to Cinnabar Island were somewhat infrequent and a bit expensive, so he’d never given it much thought as an option. But now... If headed to Cinnabar, he could challenge the gym leader there. But what type did he use?” Flipping the map over, he scanned through the key and the additional information. His mother had specifically chosen this map for him since it listed the gyms and their specializations. After a second, he found what he was searching for. Cinnabar gym specialized in fire types.
Seems a little odd Ash knows enough about the Cinnabar gym leader to knows they're a "he" but not that they train fire-types. Especially since Ash is so obsessed with becoming a pokemon master, and there are only eight gyms to keep track of.

Hey Squirtle, you never said if you liked the nickname. Riptide?”

Squirtle nodded fiercely, puffing his chest slightly.

“Awesome! Then from now on, you’ll be known as Riptide.”
Does Squirtle know what a riptide is, having grown up in a lab? I wonder if you could have Ash describe a Riptide as something scary and dangerous--that would explain why Squirtle takes to the name.

"You'll be known as Riptide" is a bit of a grandiose construction.

The telltale calls of Hoothoot began to fill the air, and the trees around him began to grow denser.
Not sure why "Hoothoot calls" is modified with "telltale" here?

The way these clauses are paralleled makes it seem like night falling is making the trees grow denser.

His eyes were downcast, and his earlier pride and spunk seemed to have faded, replaced by something else. He scuffed at the earth with his hind claw, seemingly lost in thought.

“Hey Riptide, are you okay?” Almost immediately, his entire demeanor shifted. He lifted his head and nodded firmly, any semblance of his earlier emotion wiped away and replaced with his usual confidence.
Good to see some internality from Riptide here.

It had been so aggressive earlier, he wasn’t even sure if he could tame it. Perhaps later he could try and connect with it. With those thoughts in mind, he began to hike south.
Maybe something for Ash to figure out before leaving the place he caught it?

“I’m not afraid of you!” he shouted. His heart pounded in his chest and he swallowed, standing as tall as he could. “Listen Spearow. I meant what I said. I want to travel the whole world, and get strong. And I want you to come with me.” He paused and lowered his voice a little more. “But I won’t force you. It's your choice.” He spoke forcefully but tried to keep his tone even.

The bird pokemon gazed at him with wide eyes, still shocked by his outburst. He seemed unused to his intimidation tactics not working on people. And in the rare events they didn’t, Ash had a feeling he was no stranger to a battle. But a human yelling at him like that? That was new.

“So? What do you say? You can join Riptide and me, maybe even become one of the most awesome Fearow ever.”
"But I won't force you" and "He spoke forcefully" are a bit of an unfortunate combo here.

"Intimidation tactics" strike me as a really odd way to characterize Spearow's responses here. He's been captured, separated from his flock, and removed to an entirely different location. As far as I can see, the only ones doing the intimidating here are Squirtle, who attacked Spearow, and Ash, who has captured him, attacked him, and yelled at him.

For the next few minutes, he cycled through a variety of names, though most sounded silly as soon as he said them or Spearow didn’t seem to like them. “Okay, what about Squall?”

Immediately, Spearow nodded sharply and let out a pleased caw.

Squall. The name was fitting, Ash realized, given how squalls were basically violent bursts of wind.
Surprised "squall" is in Ash's vocabulary!

a strange golden pokemon rested on top. It was round in shape, and possessed two beady black eyes. Two red and white striped appendages poked from its head, and it stood on two small feet. As he approached, it hopped into the air and shook its body, emitting a pleasant ringing noise.
This reads a bit forensic, like a bulbapedia description. Appendages in particular! Casual observers tend to notice an overall impression rather than breaking a pokemon down into these discrete details. Maybe something like, "a strange pokemon shaped a like a golden bell. It raised its poofy ears as Ash approached and shook itself, making a pleasant ringing sound."

Only a minute later, the ramp receded. With one final sound of its horn, the ferry began to pull away from the dock. Minutes later, it picked up speed and was soon clipping across the ocean at a swift pace.


Heart racing, Ash dashed through the trainers and other people and worked his way to the bow of the boat.
Was this double line break intentional?

The action seems a little out of order here. Seems like it should be 1) ramp recedes 3) ferry sounds horn 3) heart racing, ash dashes through crowd as ferry pulls away from dock 4) picks up speed. Doesn't seem like Ash's heart would still be racing after all that happened.

Morgan’s eyes lit up. “It must have been... oh about thirty years ago. I was sailing with my father through the Whirl Islands. Up until then, I’d always assumed I would follow in my father's footsteps and be an explorer, a hiker. Traverse dangerous mountains and crawl through caves.” He shook his head. “Until I saw that Gyarados. It came out of nowhere, swam right up next to the boat. Must have been over thirty feet long! Why, it was even longer than the boat.”

Ash’s eyes widened and his jaw almost dropped. If Morgan wasn’t exaggerating, then it had to be much, much larger than the Gyarados he’d just seen. “Whoa.”

“Then it turned and it looked right at me. Those big ol’ crimson eyes... Seeing that Gyarados that day...” his voice trailed off. “Ah, but I’m no poet. I couldn’t begin to tell you the feeling that arose in me that day. All I know is, ever since then, my heart has belonged to the open sea.”
Ooh, I really like this! Three cheers for gyarados love. Love that dichotomy of both the beauty and danger of wild nature that gyarados embody.

It was good humored; amiable.
Semicolon isn't appropriate punctuation for this. Semicolons connect two parallel, independent clauses, or in rarer cases can be used for complicated lists. A comma works here!

“How come they don’t attack anymore?”

“Well, I’m no historian, so I probably couldn’t give you the most detailed answer,” Morgan said mareepishly, scratching the back of his head. “But I do know it took some humans working real hard with their water pokemon to create safe routes for people and pokemon.” He pointed out to sea, towards the east, then to the other side of the boat, towards the west. “See all those rocks, way out there?”

Ash squinted in the direction Morgan had pointed. He could just barely make out what appeared to be large rocks, poking up from the water and running in a roughly straight line from north to south, on either side of the boat. “Yeah,” he said finally.

“Capn’ told me those lines mark the boundaries where the wild pokemon allow ships to travel. Not so long ago, humans couldn’t be easily trusted, and wild pokemon weren’t fond of us just traipsing through their land. Feeling was mutual, I suppose,” Morgan mused to himself. “At any rate, once some rules and boundaries were established, things go a whole lot better for us sailors. Lotta water pokemon that live far out are looking for strong trainers or tough opponents. They love a good fight. So I guess it works out for both parties. Plus, League usually stations a few rangers out here to drive off prospective poachers.”
Ah, the exposition feels a lot more natural here than it did with Professor Oak. It's a conversation, and the history arises naturally out of what Ash asked.

Rather, it was his eyes. There was a certain spark, a light within them.

It was the same look that Ash saw whenever he looked into a mirror.
This could be tightened up a bit, I think. "Rather, it was his eyes. There was a certain spark in them.

It was the same spark that Ash saw whenever he looked in the mirror."

“Not yet. I’m going to earn my first tomorrow, from Blaine.” He spoke with such absolute confidence, Ash couldn’t help but admire him. He privately wondered just how AJ could be so absolutely certain of himself.
This was a nice moment of internality for Ash. I wonder if AJ reminds him of Gary, who is also quite confident?

He landed hard, belly up, his head and limbs lolling out of his shell.

Ash blinked at the sight, confused. He was unconscious, that much was clear. But how had one attack done that much? An odd feeling twisted at his gut as he returned Riptide to his ball. Sandshrew stood, eyes gleaming in triumph, looking relatively unscathed.

Pushing aside his disappointment,
Kind of striking that Ash's first reaction is analyzing the attack and feeling disappointed about losing. He doesn't show much (any?) concern for Riptide here.

A critical hit or whatever.
Again, protraying critical hits as something that happens when you're "lucky" feels more like game logic, where random chance determines them. But what's actually happening here to make the hit do more damage?

With that, he lazily tossed another pokeball onto the field. Light spilled out and coalesced into the shape of a small purple rodent. Ash immediately recognized it - Rattata, perhaps one of the most numerous species of all pokemon, next to Zubat, and found in just about any temperate climate on the planet.
If he immidiately recognizes it, we don't have to run through the thought process here. It's not a "small purple rodent" to Ash, it's a rattata! The statement about rattata being numerous feels a bit generic, like someone reciting a wiki fact. Maybe you could talk about where Ash has seen them before, his frame of reference.

Ex. "Light spilled out and coalesced into the shape of a rattata. They were a common sight in Pallet Town, nosing about trash cans and napping in the summer heat."

Rattata weren’t particularly strong, he didn’t think. Then again, he had always believed that any pokemon had potential.
Rattata are best babies and can do anything.

(You might like Making It Big! https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9989826/1/Making-It-Big)

The blow had clearly hurt, and done some serious damage. But why?
Hm, Super Fang is a tricky one. I think it works best to make the attack look somewhat distinct from a normal bite, otherwise it feels a bit like you're hanging a lampshade here--why does Super Fang do so much damage? And the answer of, because it does 50% of the HP is, again, not super meaningful when there aren't floating HP bars.

AJ just grinned. “Now, use Thunderbolt.”

Oh no. Ash could only watch as an electrical charge gathered over Rattatta’s purple fur. As Squall crashed into it, the attack was discharged. Yellow light flashed bright, nearly blinding Ash and tossing Squall across the field. He hit the ground and lay still. “Squall!” he cried out. His shock shifted to a frown and he sighed. Heart heavy, he took out a ball and returned him.
The attack sequence flows well here.

Think you want a new paragraph when Ash speaks, and maybe to use "Ash" instead of "he" here--since "He" in the previous sentence is Squall.

Again, not too much concern from Ash here.

“My pokemon are fine! We’re just... working on stuff.”
It's your first real battle, Ash, that's valid!

Fissure is one of the four 1 hit KO moves
Mm, yeah, again, not sure how well game logic stuff like 1 hit KO moves applies here.

A mixture of shame and anger prickled his skin and he suddenly felt like the temperature was a few degrees hotter. The longer he thought of his battle, the more ashamed he was. And the more he thought about AJ, the more annoyed he felt. He wasn’t at all fond of how AJ yelled at his Rattata. What an awful trainer.

Heck, AJ was probably one of those mean trainers who didn’t care about his pokemon at all. Fed them scraps, never gave them breaks, just used them. His gaze bored into the opposite wall as his thoughts roiled. Well, he’d show him! He’d work really hard with his pokemon, then beat AJ and show him exactly how a trainer was supposed to be.
I'm hoping the hypocrisy with Ash deeming an AJ an awfull trainer for yelling at his pokemon when we just saw Ash yelling at Squall is intentional?

Squall jerked back, as if offended, then began to hop up and down, screeching like mad. His actions were rewarded with a weak blast of water to the face. Rage flared up in Squall’s eyes. His feathers fluffed and he spread his wings, preparing to attack.

“Stop!” Ash cried. He stepped between the two pokemon, then knelt down. “You guys can’t fight,” he pleaded. “You’re supposed to be friends.”
More conflict between what people are supposed to do in Ash's mind and what the reality is.

well, he probably owed them an apology for that battle. AJ’s pokemon were much stronger and more experienced.
He stared at them for a long few moments, his thoughts roiling. Then he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry guys.” Guilt tugged at his heart, but he pushed it aside. He wanted to stay positive for his Pokemon. “But we’ll win next time for sure! I’ll make sure of it,” he added.
Missing line break here.

Nice to see Ash apologizing. I'd be interested in what he thinks "making sure of it" looks like.

But I bet everyone would love to see a really tough Spearow. You can stay on my shoulder if you like.”

Squall eyed him curiously, then gave a tentative nod.
This was a cute moment, Ash being a bit sneaky with the flattery.

he water-types eyes had grown as wide as Watmel berries as he gazed at the sea in awe.
Watmel berries struck me as a strange choice! They're a pretty rare type of berry, aren't they?

The next morning, Ash was awoken by something wet splashing against his face.
Should be either "Ash was woken up by" or "Ash awoke to."
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
It's been some time since I've read some good old-fashioned anime fic. I was glad to see you're not doing smart!rational!aura!Ash, or whatever—if Ash isn't oblivious, derpy, and not the brightest bulb, is he really Ash? So I'm very down with the project of keeping Ash's characterization consistent with the show, and for the most part I felt like you managed that. I particularly liked the way you got him to the lab early, without jettisoning his impulsiveness. Him not thinking about the fact he was wearing PJs but remembering his hat was a nice touch.

The exposition from Professor Oak in the lab felt pretty forced, and I don't think it's serving you well to have it there. The later exposition from Morgan felt a lot more successful to me. It wasn't Morgan sitting Ash down and saying "let me monologue to you about things we both already know when you're not really interested," it was a dynamic reaction that revealed information about the world organically. Nothing in Professor Oak's exposition seemed particularly essential to have upfront, or that we couldn't learn about more naturally later. I'd advise cutting that portion down, or entirely.

It was cool to see Delia as a former trainer! Not something I've seen too often. I wasn't quite sure what point the battle between Ash and Delia served in the story, though. We already know that Squirtle isn't too impressed with Ash, and since this battle doesn't really alter that either way, it felt a bit superfluous and dragged the story out before him leaving home.

Squirtle's lack of enthusiasm for Ash pretty much tracks with Pikachu in the original anime, though I was intrigued by the thought that perhaps Squirtle had already bonded with Gary, and that's one reason he was so upset. Would make for an interesting character conflict when Ash comes face to face with Gary in battle!

I struggled a bit with how Ash's interactions with Squall were portrayed. Ash catches Spearow, asks him if he wants to come, gets an enraged response that's hard to read as anything other than a flat rejection, sticks him back in his pokeball and doesn't release him until they're far away from Spearow's home, at which point he physically intimidates Spearow, yells, and then asks Spearow's consent for the second time. Bit hard to take that as anything other than coercive. It's not a characterization that feels consistent to me with Ash, who is pretty respectful in canon of his pokemon's wishes and earns their trust before they choose to be with him. It certainly doesn't make me want to root for him here.

I flagged specific places in the line-by-lines, but in general you seem to be bringing in some game-concepts into the mix. I found the game-concept of particular water routes being designated for human travel really intriguing, and it tied nicely into your lore and backstory of how humans and pokemon have learned to coexist. Other moments of game logic felt less integrated or purposeful—critical hits, 1 hit KO moves, etc.

In general, the main deviations so far are Ash getting a squirtle and spearow instead of a pikachu and a caterpie, not meeting Misty, and ending up heading towards Cinnabar instead of Viridian. Interested to see what implications that has. Ash will probably end up with different traveling companions. So far things feel like they're tacking pretty close to the main plot--with even AJ making an appearance. The place the fic felt most distinct to me was Morgan's recounting the time he saw a gyarados. I would be excited to see more time spent on moments like that.

Regarding prose, one thing I appreciated was how clear that action sequences were in your battles for the most part. It's a thing I see trip a lot of writers up--actions not following from each other, things being hard to visualize, but generally I could imagine the sequence of the action. You may want to keep an eye on filter words and clunky constructions. Specific sentences flagged in the line-by-lines.

Well first off, I really want to thank you for your input! You mentioned a lot of really helpful points that I will be clarifying when I edit. I really appreciate the insight.

I never intended for that Squirtle to have met Gary before, heh. Its more like you said in a later line, Squirtle had his own ideas of what kind of trainer he wants to be with and Ash didn't exactly fit his mental image, hah.

There seem to be two main points that are really unclear. Namely, the Spearow incident. When I wrote it, I only meant Spearow to come across as aggressive, not unwilling. If he spoke English, you might hear something like

"Hey Spearow, do you want to join me?"

"YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE ME HUH? I'M THE TOUGHEST SPEAROW EVER SO WATCH OUT! I BET YOU AINT GOT THE GUTS TO TRAIN ME BOY!"

It's really more like his aggression stems from his desire to weed out weak-willed trainers who would run away or back off. This is why Ash yelling back later actually works. It's really meant to read as Ash showing Spearow that he's tough and stubborn too. This is why Spearow relaxes more once Ash does that. Spearow respects Ash more this way. Naturally, this wouldn't be the case for every pokemon, but it works with Spearow because that's what Spearow respects.

Ash's approach to a pokemon with a different personality is something that will be showcased in the second chapter, so it won't all be yelling and stuff, lol.

That said, your insight has given me ideas for how to tweak certain interactions to convey this. And if you have any other ideas I'd love to hear it. It's a big struggle for me, getting caught in my own head and not realizing how stuff sounds on paper.



The other point is the exposition from Oak. I guess I can see how it may not be necessary yet, but I am loathe to take it out. It's really important thematically to the story and something I want to establish early on because I want to explore aspects of it throughout the whole story. Plus I really wanted to set up for the world that Oak is meant to be a responsible figure, so he's basically legally obligated to inform Ash about these things. Informing and making sure trainers are aware of this fact is something he takes seriously because it's really something that contributes to the overall status of the world. I want to show what the proper start to a journey might look like, instead of just 'here's a pokemon have fun bye'.

I've always believed history is critically important, and if people don't understand where they come from, they're bound to repeat the same mistakes. This is why Oak talks about this. It's also relevant to show that the world is interconnected. The regions are not totally isolated. They're individuals, with different cultures and such, but still very aware and affected by one another. (Even more than our world). Many events that began as something in one area eventually spread to others, affecting them.

Understandably, Ash's knowledge of this history is shaky, but of course, he's got growing to do. This is only meant as a tease to something bigger, not a full lesson. But it's something that will be very relevant, so it has to be brought up at some point. I usually prefer sooner than later, cause I'd hate to be 50k words in and suddenly say 'eeeyyyy remember the War?'

All this in hand, do you have any thoughts on how this information could be included/hinted at differently or more smoothly? Should I try to phrase it like a conversation more? Or make it almost like a mini-quiz from the Professor?

All that said, thanks again. I'll be working on implementing a lot of your other suggestions and fixing those rascally commas! Dialogue punctuation is something I always slip up on. I hear the dialogue a certain way in my head and then try to punctuate it like that, which is why I always forget. 😅
Thanks for pointing those out!
 
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