As much as Owen is strange, this is one thing normal about him. All Charmander, and all Pokemon in general with their elemental attributes, are aura-based in how they're emitted. It's sort of touching upon that anime logic of a Ponyta's flames only hurt if they want it to, and so on. The thermal aspect of the fire only happens when they want their aura to emit it.If it's foreshadowing that his tail doesn't behave like regular fire because it's aura, I could buy it
(The reason Owen sleeps in a Rawst bed is because he 'sleep-fights' and his tail becomes hot while dreaming.)
Right, I think I get that, and building up on it...what tripped me up was what parts of the world *were* being revealed vs what weren't.
It seems like during this expository portion of the story, I need to better evaluate how I reveal information relative to the reader and what Owen knows so it seems easier to follow without seeming 'out of the way.'So like if in the third chapter of Harry Potter we got a full rundown of the Triwizard Tournament instead of walking through Diagon Alley to learn a bit about wands/potions/wizard supplies, I'd wonder why this Triwizard Tournament stuff is so important that we're getting that over the basics of the world. Or in this case, if Owen goes into a dungeon with ferals, I'd be curious about some of what he knows about those things.
I'll keep that in mind, maybe an offhand remark. It'll double as world building anyway~I do think that this explanation is better than the original one -- instead of "Hypnosis can't control minds" it could be "there's no way a psychic that powerful would waste his time on you", which would seem a lot less pointlessly nitpicky imo
Y'know, early feedback is just as useful! The beginnings of a story are immensely important, after all. And while I imagine it'd be hell to give such detailed feedback to the entire story, chapter by chapter, I certainly appreciate when feedback is provided for the beginning chapters, the latest chapters, and any particularly egregious portions in the middle. Anything more and I wonder, "God, I hope you aren't overworking yourself over this."I do feel strange trying write any sort of reasonable criqitue based on 0.5% of the total wordcount, so I'm glad this was helpful to your editing!