Pokémon quick writing dump sprint organization thread?

[candycanearter07]

The light shone down from above, filtered through the trees until only a trickle of light made its way down to the forest floor. Bugs of all sizes chirped and played and interacted. The human standing there, however, seemed far more out of place, especially given the urban clothes and simple Pokemon-themed bag they had been clutching with their life. Occasionally, they snapped their eyes to the novelty poketch on their wrist, watching the pendulum swing until they could leave this death trap. This forest was one of legends, one that claimed hundreds of the most talented trainers, and this kid lost to a Caterpie, landing them in this mess. After an agonizing 5 minutes passed, they finally let go of the breath they were holding for nearly half an hour. The dare was over, and they could go back to the playground. Except.. where was it? A wave of panic filled them, and they sprinted in a random direction, hoping to find their way out, and they found their way... to trip on a passing bug and straight into a mud pile. Despite the laughing and teasing about being a Clodsire by the other kids, they felt relieved to have made it out with their life.

 

[candycanearter07]

Kicking the door down, I stormed straight up to the quest giver, quivering before me. "That last one was a death trap!", I screamed. "How can you label a firey volcano trek as a low difficulty?!". "w-well, quest submitters give the rarity labeling..", a feeble voice rose out from behind the wooden counter. The desk was too pristine and well-crafted to smash, so I instead stomped my foot on the floor. That turned out to be the wrong decision, however, as the rotting wood beneath me was not as sparkling new as the desk. Tumbling down the sudden sinkhole, a large cave floor came up to greet me, nearly skewering me on a stalagmite, but thwarted by some rope. "I'm not paying for damages!", I shouted up through the celing, and a muffled voice of anger greeted me. I could deal with them later, that building was so much of a hazard any court system would give me the victory. The real issue now was getting out.. I hadn't thought to bring any of my mons with me to complain, but a couple empty pokeballs were scattered on the ground from the guild supplies, and none of them seemed too damaged. They would have to be pretty durable to handle being thrown at such large creatures, anyway.. Stumbling through the large cave, swatting away the 50th Zubat, I finally found my ticket out: A sleeping Drillbur! Tossing a ball at them, they went down quite easily, thanks to the sleep weakness. Dig did the rest, and in a couple minutes, we found ourself back in front of the quest organizer, complaining and requesting compensation for the incident, which never came. At least I got a new friend out of the whole thing.

 

[candycanearter07]

Sun shined down on the shimmering lake below, illuminating the pale blue of its surface. Fish darted below the water, birds chirped in the distance, the temperature was just right. In other words, it was a perfect day to fish. Letting my small travel bag fall onto the grass, I was amazed at the lack of people taking advantage of such a perfect day. Their loss. The motions of casting the line were second nature. Swish, flick, plop. Letting my mind wander, I daydreamed about how much spare change I could make on the GTS. Sure, it wasn't a lot, but any source of income was fine by me, especially since I had been saving up for-
The tug of the line pulled me back into reality. Alright, first catch of the day. Whatever it was, it put up a big fight, and I was starting to worry my team would fall to whatever was tugging on my line. Finally, I yanked back, and

The wind was knocked out of me. One of the rarest fish mons one could even find, rarer than a natural Gyrados.. Dratini, right there, wriggling on the end of my line.

Once I regained composure, I quickly threw out my Sneasel. I NEEDED to get this thing's health down and catch it fast, or it would be lost to the ages. Thanks to False Swipe, I could make sure I didn't make it faint, so it was a matter of attrition to get this mon into my PC. It was not an easy fight, my mon was so electrocuted their fur stood up for weeks afterwards, and the PP of False Swipe was nearly drained, but I managed to catch it in a great ball.

After the excitement of THAT, I quickly packed up, and ran straight home to display it. I did get a cool 30000P for it, and I'm now (semi) famous for being mentioned in the Pokedex!

 

[candycanearter07]

The chance of rain was SUPPOSED to be 3 percent that evening, but I rolled snake eyes. Sitting at the edge of the water, as it poured over me. My shouts of frustration echoed across the rolling waves. Deep in thought, I barely noticed my feet moving across the edge, the water threatening to knock me over.. how long had it been? Hours? The sun had long since left, leaving me in despair. I looked down at my bag, holding all the supplies one would need for a shiny hunt. Today was going to be the lucky day, I knew it, but the waves were far too dangerous for my Lapras to overcome. I stomped across the coast, wishing I could go out and battle and catch one and
Wait, that can't be right. Why do I feel a battle coming? The island wasn't supposed to have any encounters, and I never knew anyone who fought a wild mon here. It was devoid of any tall grass, any hospitable living conditions, ever since the volcano, so WHAT could be attacking me at this point?


I didn't understand. Whatever this was, it looked like some kind of TV static come to life. Shaking, I held up my Pokedex, ready to scan it, but whatever it was nearly set it on fire from trying to comprehend this... thing? I cursed myself for never investing in a camera, if anyone was going to believe me about this, I had to catch it, and NOW. Before it dissipated into smoke, making me look like an insane person. Unfortunately, whatever it was, it did NOT have good defense. It went down after a single tackle.. I decided to cut my losses and head home before the day could get more disappointing, barely noticing how heavy my bag had become.

 

[candycanearter07]

I was never one for putting myself in unnecessary danger, so how did I end up out in the ocean, about to dive into one of the most dangerous caves of the region?

"You all set to go?", said the answer. My old trainer friend, one of those types to get in way over their head, and drag everyone down with them.. including me, this time. I would never go on a wild goose chase to catch some "legendary", but of course I'm the only photography expert he knew, and he somehow got me out into the water before I could even object.

"Do we really have to do this NOW?", I responded, desperate to get out of this and go back to my comftorable, safe home and never think about it again. Of course, I knew the answer before he even opened his mouth, there was no talking him out of something. "C'mon, we already traveled allll the way here! You don't want to go back empty handed, riiight?" Against my better judgement, that convinced me, and suddenly we dived down into the murky depths, and I prayed we would come back out the other side in one piece.

The Seafloor Cavern was a thing of legends, of course. Legendary in all the worst ways. Hundreds of trainers traveled there, hopeful to catch a glimpse of one of the two Hoenn legendaries (reports never seemed to agree WHICH one was down there, but they all agreed there was one), and whited out far before the last chamber. Even if you made it through the gauntlet, of course, you'd THEN have to fight a LEGENDARY, which if they WERE real would destroy you without even blinking. It was an obvious death trap if ever there was one.

Gasping for air, we managed to get to the entrance of the cave mostly intact, save for a chunk of damage sustained from some wild mons around the area. We DID have a Abra with Teleport, but if they went down, we'd be stuck down here for a long long time. I tried to shove that out of my mind, and shakily followed my friend, who was bouncing with excitement at finding the elusive mon.

------

It felt like hours since we saw any light. Flash thankfully let us see well enough to navigate, but that could only do so much against the encroaching darkness of the cave. Our potion supply was starting to wear thin, too, and I was starting to hold my Abra pokeball close to my chest, afraid to even risk losing our only safety net out of this mess. HE, however, took it all in stride, constantly running ahead and tripping, and getting us into far more battles than I would've liked. He's not one to use repels, claims it "takes the danger out of it, and wheres the fun in that?" I'd prefer if the "danger" were very, VERY far away from anything I ever did, but here we were. Alone.

Finally, FINALLY, the chambers started to widen out a little. A sliver of natural light drew me into the last chamber and..

nothing. There WAS no legendary here. I felt like I could finally exhale, I was right, while all of this might have been for nothing, at least I didn't have to fight a hulking beast on top of how miserable my experience already was. My friend, however, seemed to be taken aback, before shrugging, and crossing that entry off his little bucket list. With a sigh of relief, I threw down my Abra, and teleported us the hell out of there.

// i didnt want to do 3 STORIES about finding legendaries in a ROW so..

 

[candycanearter07]

[this one is based off a real thingy i got to go do :D]

The murky depths of the water seemed to stretch infinitely below me. Shivering, I tried not to look down, and focus on paddling my boat. According to the Pokenet, some magical event was supposed to happen here, some beautiful sight that you can't get anywhere else. Me being the gullible idiot I am, followed up on that, and that's how I ended up out here. On the lake. On a rickety (rented) paddleboat. At 2 in the f*&^ morning.

Looking up, I could at least appreciate the stars shining above, the little glimmering confetti in the sky. I didn't get that kind of view from the city. It wasn't worth the drive out to the countryside, but this whole thing at least wasn't a complete loss. I also learned my lesson about not trusting people online. The water almost seemed to glow under the stars.. and it was getting brighter. Huh?

The silence of the lake was broken by a loud splash, as a glowing pokemon suddenly jumped from the water, as if to say hi.

Apparently, the whole lake was home to a school(?) of Lanturns, a pokemon I'd never seen before. It was truly mesmerizing watching the little lights dance underneath the surface, them playing and swimming and all. Before I knew it, the sun was peeking over the horizon. Hurriedly, I began to paddle back to shore, ready to return to my life, carrying that experience with me.

 

[matt0044]

The light shone down from above, filtered through the trees until only a trickle of light made its way down to the forest floor. Bugs of all sizes chirped and played and interacted. The human standing there, however, seemed far more out of place, especially given the urban clothes and simple Pokemon-themed bag they had been clutching with their life. Occasionally, they snapped their eyes to the novelty poketch on their wrist, watching the pendulum swing until they could leave this death trap. This forest was one of legends, one that claimed hundreds of the most talented trainers, and this kid lost to a Caterpie, landing them in this mess. After an agonizing 5 minutes passed, they finally let go of the breath they were holding for nearly half an hour. The dare was over, and they could go back to the playground. Except.. where was it? A wave of panic filled them, and they sprinted in a random direction, hoping to find their way out, and they found their way... to trip on a passing bug and straight into a mud pile. Despite the laughing and teasing about being a Clodsire by the other kids, they felt relieved to have made it out with their life.

A nice start to what seems to be a story about a kid trying to prove themselves to their peers. Though spacing it out into short paragraphs would help better rather than it being all bundled up together.

 

[133TFR33k]

Review:
"quick writing dump sprint organization thread?"
Post #1 (No title or threadmark label for it)

Hi candy! I'm here for the first review in our exchange!

Keep in mind that I am still new to writing in general. I only began writing fanfiction about 3 or 4 months ago, but I'm happy to share what I have learned in that time.

You can increase the quality of your writing more if you have more people to help review. Of course, it depends on how willing you are to listen to the reviews and implement changes too.

Based on the name of this thread, this seems to be something thrown together in a hurry, so I'm expecting there to be some easy things I can point out to help with.

One thing I noticed was the lack of titles for things. That could be a very easy thing to enhance your fic with. I don't have good suggestions for what you could name them though, because I'm only reading the first post in here (to start with) and I don't know how long you intend to make this story.

Spoiler: Line by Line Reaction

The light shone down from above, filtered through the trees until only a trickle of light made its way down to the forest floor.

Hey, this is a nice description!

I would make this its own separate line to add weight, though.

Bugs of all sizes chirped and played and interacted.

I would make this a separate line too.

In general, learning how and when to use spacing can help quite a bit. Different actions or ideas can easily justify using a paragraph break or at least one space between lines. Some authors even prefer to you 2 lines in between paragraphs!

The first line was only a description of the setting. The second line introduces the bugs that are playing and interacting. If the second line was describing more of the setting without introducing the bugs, I would not recommend separating the two lines because describing the setting is all part of one basic overall idea aka paragraph.

Most people seem to only tolerate paragraphs about half this length. (I don't mind long paragraphs myself, but I think almost everyone else would recommend shortening them.)

From the description here, we can see this forest is a positive and peaceful place.

The human standing there, however, seemed far more out of place, especially given the urban clothes and simple Pokemon-themed bag they had been clutching with their life.

So this person seems to be out of place and scared. I wonder how they got here?

I would recommend this line spaced separately from the line before it since it introduces another distinct character.

Occasionally, they snapped their eyes to the novelty poketch on their wrist, watching the pendulum swing until they could leave this death trap.

So they are here for some amount of time, but I wonder what they are scared of. Is it the bugs? Are they scared of bugs?

This line could probably be ok joining the previous sentence above without spacing since its still talking about the actions of the human.

This forest was one of legends, one that claimed hundreds of the most talented trainers, and this kid lost to a Caterpie, landing them in this mess.

What is a trainer so new doing in a place so reportedly deadly?

Caterpie doesn't sound like a 'legendary threat' to me though.

And what is the mess, I wonder?

I also wonder what region this is in. Could this be Viridian forest? There are other places it could be too.

After an agonizing 5 minutes passed, they finally let go of the breath they were holding for nearly half an hour.

Small numbers are better to be spelled out. So use 'five' instead of '5' and it will flow better with the narration and avoid looking jarring.

Again, not sure what it was they were so afraid of. I suppose they ran from a Caterpie that beat them in a battle and maybe they were hiding from it?

I wonder how they lost to it? What Pokemon were they using against it? Were they trying to beat the caterpie by throwing rocks at it or something? Some more detail here could help to enrich the story.

The dare was over, and they could go back to the playground.

Oh, kids over-exaggerate threats. This simple forest became a 'legendary forest of death and doom!'

I guess the dare was to stay in the forest for a certain length of time.

Except.. where was it?

Oh THAT is not a good situation for a kid! Yikes!

A wave of panic filled them, and they sprinted in a random direction, hoping to find their way out, and they found their way... to trip on a passing bug and straight into a mud pile.

I hope this isn't going to be a fic where the kid gets eaten alive by weedles or something. If so, you REALLY need to put up a content warning or something...

Despite the laughing and teasing about being a Clodsire by the other kids, they felt relieved to have made it out with their life.

Wait what? So they went the correct direction?

Just because they found their way out of the forest doesn't mean it went to the correct place. It could have been a clearing in the wrong direction. I would try to clarify that better on the previous line.

This makes the mud far less distressing since they found their way out. It makes sense that they are ok with the laughing and mud since they got back safely.

Still no idea who this human is. Is it a boy or a girl? What's their name? We don't know. Might be good details to include.

Summary:
This was about a young kid who got lost in the woods on a dare from the other kids for how long they could last in the forest. They had a battle with a Caterpie and lost and presumably had to run and hide after that. They lasted long enough but realized they were lost. They went in a random direction and got lucky with it being back the way they came. Being muddy and being laughed at was fine as long since it was much better than being lost.

Per my line by line reactions, the story could use some more detail on various things and could benefit from titles and spacing, but much of the descriptions you went with were pretty good already!

If you make changes to it and want me to take another look, just let me know!