Tango
Mascot of the Doduo Alliance
And with this, my last solicited review for the old version is now complete!Hello and hi, I'm finally back from recovery and am now able to give you your last final reviews for this fic. So let's hope right into it and not waste any more time!
Yep!Summary of Chp 13:
Mint fights Cypress who is revealed to be in Mr Nameless' body and apparently possessing the power of the diary which lets him Save and Load like a game.
The way my original fic ended what where the majority of my drive and motivation came from to keep writing and improving my fic series. I freaking LOVE the plot twists from it. Once I can get this rewritten, I can make it even MORE delicious!Chp 13:
So, to begin with. I absolutely love the villain having a Save/Load ability., it's really unique and cool as most of the times, it's usually the protag or good guy that has it and it's really fun seeing how he was able to let other people in on the whole remembering the resets things. The way he just so confidently taunts Mint and constantly resetting and driving her up the wall was great.

Thank you for mentioning this. I can consider this and factor that in when I am working on the rewrite!Though of course, there is a slight problem I have with Mint's POV during this and that's mostly because it comes and goes away pretty fast. There's like I think only two or three resets that are shown and really, it's a shame that we don't get to see more of the trauma and stress that this constant reset is causing Mint.
Ooo! I like the sounds of that! I really COULD milk it more!Like I think it'd be a nice way to show off more of Cypress' traits as well during the resets. You could show off some of his cruelty by say throwing her off the ledge and resetting just before she hits the ground, laughing about deactivating the anti-gravity thing while doing so. Purposely making shitty plays and dragging things out or any number of evil people things you could come up with.
Definitely something to keep in mind when I am rewriting. In fact, I'll come back to this review later when I am working on the rewrite for this chapter and the others!That aside, the reveal of Cypress being in Mr Nameless' body was great, seeing Mint in shock and horror was excellent though again, I do wish there were more details in her POV. Like say how his familiar face contorts into expressions that doesn't match the one she loves, or the uncanniness of Cypress or just what Mint can notice. I think it'd really enhance the vibe if we get to see more of what she was feeling during all of this and how it affects her thoughts.
So yeah, very fun chapter. Let's move onto the next!
In a nutshell.Summary for Chp 14:
Mint beats Cypress by calling out Mr Nameless' chosen name and kills him instantly. Then suddenly Doduo reveals himself to be Cypress and just when all hope seems lost, he reveals again that he's actually ex-Cypress and is Tango. After that scare, the whole gang live happily ever after.
For a while, I sat and thought about it. I was like, do I really want to go this direction with it? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how perfect it would be. How many fics have to end with the hero winning? Wouldn't it be cool if the villain won? But that would be unsatisfying which is why almost no one does it.Chapter 14:
Tango, my good man, my good sir...
What the fuck was that plot twist? Like genuinely what in the everliving fuck! You're the bad guy?! Or well ex-bad guy but still! What the fuck?!
But I could have my cake and eat it too!!! The villain would be defeated, but the villain wouldn't be defeated and instead win and THEN psycho plot twist: Doduo was a version of Cypress ALL ALONG!!

Which is why he was so useless early on lol...Okay, now with the obligatory screaming at the author bit is over. Let me just say that wow, I really, really did not expect Doduo to actually amount to anything. From the annoying little douchebag of your first writing,
These changes you helped to inspire. I also went through great efforts to make Tango more likeable in Book One. My Book Three is going to explore Tango's origins when he first got downloaded into the Doduo and how his adventure with his owner reshaped his outlook on life to make him so different than the Cypress Mint defeated.to the tolerable later half, and finally the somewhat likeable birdo.
This is why I try SO hard to get people to review through my fic! Comments like these are the absolute pinnacle of the kind of feedback I've worked so hard to get! 😆I did not fucking expect him to apparently be the villain's second version that became good. That's so outrageous that it circles back to a hilarious genius! Like wow, I love this. It's so stupid but it's so amazing at the same time. It easily overshadows everything in the chapter.
Yeah, I agree. It didn't need to be quite that blunt.That said, I do have some problems with the chapter and that's mostly to do with how Cypress was dealt with. It was... anticlimactic, to put it bluntly.
Well, kind of, but with the kind of power he had, there was no other way they could get out of it.The build up, the whole 'I'm incredibly op' thing gets dealt with by a method that feels so out of left field. It felt like a Deus ex machina is what I'm trying to say.
Well, Cypress pressing the button would do nothing as long as the Progenitor was unplugged, but the moment Bill would realize it was unplugged and plug it back in, Cypress would then be able to reset again. Basically Cypress would be mashing the button in a panic so that the moment Bill plugged the Progenitor back in, it would all be over. Cypress would never again let Mint call Bill and they would be locked for all eternity until one of them finally gave in.I almost wished that Mint did say the wrong name first just so that Cypress would figure things out slowly and then it comes down to a countdown between who could act first: Mint in saying the correct name or Cypress pressing the reset button.
Spoiler: in that situation, Mint caves and devotes herself to Cypress. Not sure how long it takes for that to happen. This then creates a dark future where Cypress controls everything only for their world to suffer a massive cataclysm from the ultimate threat of the entire series. This threat succeeds and Cypress and Mint escape the destruction of their world by traveling through the Nexus to another timeline. They aren't able to use it carefully enough and Cypress is lost in the nexus as a result and Mint who I refer to as "Fallen Mint" finds herself in the main timeline on Neo Island and becomes one of the primary foes of Book Five. This Mint cares only about finding her way back to the Nexus and rescuing Cypress. She has an agenda completely separate from the villains of Book Five but joins their side to further her own goals. I plan to have her encounter normal Mint as a dark shadow of her. Fallen Mint will be better at duels than regular Mint too but won't have Tuff as Nails deck since Neo Island can't use cards from TCG Island or GR Island.
That's fair. It still needs to happen abruptly, but I agree that dragging it out and making it more dramatic would be better. I think the way to do it would be for Mint to forget the name she suggested and frantically struggles to remember the right name. Maybe I can even switch POV during it to Bill showing him getting close to plugging the Progenitor back in?Because as it is, it falls so flat on its execution that I felt... disappointed, and it was only because of the sheer insanity that was Tango that I didn't dwell on it during the whole chapter.
Yep, it was addressed in Book One... I think. I guess I'll let you be the judge of that as you go through it!And also the plot twist. I just want to say I love the utter insanity that came from the reveal but at the same time, I wish there was maybe some sort of foreshadowing early on. I know there were tidbits where Doduo was shown to be subtly smarter than he looked and how he's an oddball. But I think it would've been a lot cooler if we also got an idea of just how different Tango is. It doesn't have to be very explicit of course, I know how much you wanted to hide this so I think instead what you could have done is show off some of the other Doduo that live around the world is like and who knows maybe you could also add some red herring here and there if someone gets close to guessing who Doduo is (though I very much doubt anyone will because christ this is insane).
(If this is already addressed by Book 1 then apologies if I'm rehashing what you've already done, just putting my own opinion and thoughts based on what I've read)
Speaking of Book One and the rewrite for Book Two, I plan to keep as much things as possible from Book Two as canon, but I will change, add, or remove scenes to make the overall experience better. Changes should be mostly minor or objectively better than the original.
You don't have to call him Mr Nameless or MC anymore. From now on, you can call him Mark! Mark is the canon name of the 10 year old protagonist you can play as in the first and second Gameboy Color games. It is also how Mark used to look as a kid. It is also why he has a diary. Mint is also a protagonist from the 2nd game. I might give Mint a diary that could work just like Marks but I'm not sure if I will or not. To access the save/load feature, she would need one of those remotes that Cypress had and it would need to be keyed to her brainwave pattern.Epilogue:
Starting off right after the last chapter, I like the part about Mint being frustrated with Mr Nameless' obliviousness, it's really funny seeing it from a different perspective that isn't the MC.
The original ending was very abrupt. I added this ending as an extension to the end of it. Originally I had it end after Tango revealed who he was. (But that was before I decided to make it a series)I like the chapter, it's a nice little way to show off the aftereffects of the story with Mint taking care of her petty vengeance after becoming basically god of TCG, the king and Bill becoming rich and abolishing gambling and the sequel hooks for the tournament.
A big part of Book Three will lead up to how Mint loses and I am committed to having Mint lose in the first round, so that will stay canon.I'm interested in seeing just how the hell Mint lost the literal first round of the tournament and can't wait to see what else you have cooking up.
So yeah, now let's head on over to my line-by-line comments:
Chp 13
Missing an 'I' here and this semicolon should be a comma
Correct.At first, I was a little confused by this sentence but I think I understand what this is supposed to say. Mr Evil guy took over Gentleman's body, didn't he? It's a familiar voice but in an unfamiliar tone, yes?
With an entire boatload of BS and a lot of luck!Yup, knew it! Mr Nameless got mind swapped! Now, how shall he escape this predicament?
Missing a comma
I'm going to go with the funny explanation!With this explanation, it's kinda odd that the machine didn't set off against Seth instead. I mean, it kinda sounds like it will activate on anyone that's nearby and unless it has a charge-up time or a uh, setting that can exclude certain people, it's weird that Seth didn't get mind swapped. Or I could also go with the funny explanation and have Seth literally book it out of the room before the machine activated lol.
🤣Mint: So it's a cult
Cypress: Yes, exactly–what no, it's a pseudo religion, built to preserve my leg–
Mint: It's a cult
You go, girl! You were slightly tempted by your fear but you resisted the urge and stuck to your guns!
Yeah, I'll be picking those types of things up at that point. Glad you aren't using too much effort on them!Also, I know that this is supposed to be her inner thoughts but oh boy, are there a lot of tense changes here.
Oh and on second evaluation, I don't think I'm gonna focus too much on the grammar for these last few chapters since I know you're gonna have to like rewrite the whole thing so I think I'm just gonna focus on the plot and story beats.
Only because of the device Claire gave Mint that Mint plugged into the Progenitor. The Progenitor regulates those duel conditions so that in order to duel someone with conditions you have to meet the conditions first. The Progenitor normally doesn't allow duel requirements to be so absurd such as the worst technically-legal deck in existence: 59 non-water energy and a Shelder.Wait what, you can do that and you can just ignore said conditions if you go into the duel?
I think I even stated in the fic that Claire's device is what allowed Mint to bypass the duel requirement.That's odd as hell but I guess since Mr Nameless always rejected the duels with specific conditions, it's not too out of hand to say this can happen but I will say that it does sorta come out of nowhere, if something similar to this does happen in your first book then it'd certainly be great foreshadowing but as of now, it feels like plot convenience tbh
I think I need to add more reminders that Axel can see out of the earpeice. It has a micro camera included which allows him to do so. I believe this was mentioned back in chapter 13, but it was definitely mentioned. You forgetting is a sign that I should add at least one reminder about it at some point. I'll do that in the rewrite.Uuh, I don't remember if Axel can see right now 'cause like, isn't he speaking through an earpiece? How is he gonna tell if she's nodding or shaking her head? If this was addressed earlier then I apologise for being such a forgetful dork😜
Oh it could do that too, he just has so much power and control that he lets them remember. Him doing that is ultimately what causes his defeat.Damn what? He has causality manipulation? Holy shit, that's busted. I mean it's probably only limited to duels and nothing else but considering that all conflict in this world is resolved with duels then that's still pretty op!
Oh wait, no. It's not causality manip, he has fucking Undertale's SAVE/LOAD function except it's a shittier version since it doesn't erase people's memories.
I'll come back to this later when I rewrite it. Thanks for pointing it out!I feel like this loneliness bit could be played up more since it kinda just falls flat and disappear mid-sentence. I'm assuming something changed in between writing this as the transition to controlling fate is incredibly abrupt and makes almost no sense
Yep. He is aware. He let her do it. More fun that way since it's impossible for him to lose.Haha, Mr evil man, there's already a problem with your plan since Mint quite literally is able to remember the resets. I'm assuming the diary can and will work on Mint despite it being attuned to Mr Nameless due to her being a former nameless and PC
Mint can't use that Diary. The only people who can use their own diaries are Mark, Mint(if I decide to give her one) Kram (a character from Neo Island to be introduced in Book Five) and maybe Fallen Mint if i decide to give her one.And nevermind, guess the 'keeping memories after reset' was planned. I retract everything I just said about him miscalculating things though jury still stands for whether Mint can use the diary or not
I'll keep this bit in mind later for the rewrite. Thanks for mentioning.I'm not sure if this is intentional but this bit here feels like Mint is slowly falling for some kind of trap or mind control. I know it's probably supposed to represent her not having to tax herself by the constant duels but still, I think it should be a bit more detailed and it should show like more of her relief and desperation.. I guess? I'm not really sure how to describe it though so something to keep in mind later on
Also quick grammar fix here 'cause it's bugging me. This should have quotation mark preceding and after the action tag.
An example:
It's like we have living cards" – He held his hands up as he paced – "originally..."
They don't understand how to use the device to upload a different mind in place of Cypress. They only understand how to activate it to override someone else's mind with Cypress. I could probably add this as a question for Mint to ask, though in the rewrite.Y'know, it is kinda crazy that none of the cultist in like a thousand year timespan ever thought of using the Mindswapper for themselves. Like I get that cultist are fanatic devotees but damn, it really is wild that no one had ever wanted to steal it for functional immortality.
Well those with power always exclude themselves from any penalties. Thanos naturally didn't snap himself out of existence or leave it to a coin toss. He just exempted himself.Of course, only the rich and powerful get to stay at the top. How original, Cypress...
Lolwait, is Doduo immortal? Like what? That's fucking hilarious
Funny you should say that about Psychics... Book One will have some interesting lore on that.and thank god, Cypress didn't choose a psychic, fairy or ghost. If any one of them became immortal then humanity would be so doomed since they have like no weapons to fight back
Naturally.Damn, guess I gotta add 'extremely narcissistic' to my list too
He thinks of it as the Progenitor and so does his cult. They never bothered to learn what the game center named it.... Does Cypress not know what the Black Box can do? Or is just because he's that confident that he doesn't even respond to Mint literally talking out loud about messing with it?
Yes and no...Chp 14
Wait, is he actually dead?
Mint was unable to use a codeword. She would have had to set it with Bill in advance, and Bill has no idea what Mint's situation is or what she is trying to accomplish by calling him. He thinks it's just a social call.Oh the black box is called Progenitor, huh? I guess if Cypress doesn't know what black box they're talking about, then I guess it makes some sense that he wouldn't notice though I still think it'd make more sense if Mint made some sort of codeword for it honestly. Because black box is like really risky as hell since that's quite literally the shape of the machine
The mindmaster is a prototype. It has a failsafe built in. The failsafe allows the effects of the mindmaster to be reversed if the person is beaten in a duel and then the victor calls out the original name of the person who lost. That would allow them to test it without permanently erasing anyone's original mind. Cypress isn't smart enough to build a mindmaster on his own, so he just uses the Prototype.I know I made a theory about the Mindmaster using names to swap minds before but I can't remember exactly whether it was actually stated to be what lets Cypress swap minds. Because having her call his name to save Mr Nameless is... weird and kinda comes out of nowhere.
The voice Doduo hears came from the Altar. It is not Cypress. The voice belongs to Lugia. Lugia is the being the cult was formed to worship. Lugia is real and exists in their world. Lugia is also immortal in the sense that it does not age. Lugia can die from wounds, though. Lugia will be important for Book Five.Doduo was Shenron all along? Wtf
Indeed, the heroes have failed! The world will now belong to Cypress!Oh wait, nvm. I thought Shadow Lugia was speaking through him, guess it was just Cypress
Oh no! RNGesus has forsaken this world!
Purify thy sins this instance for RNGesus has once again let this world to rot!
He meant the time 100 years ago when Cypress failed to ressurect properly. He ended up ressurecting in the body of a Doduo and later became known as Tango.Oh, Axel somehow got the machine working, huh. For a second there I was gonna say I was completely confused by the sudden shift in attitude
The person that was supposed to be Cypresses vessel never had Cypress override his mind. That person then went around impersonating Cypress and controlling the cult. Ultimately that leader believed he was so special that Cypress decided his mind was more important than Cypresses mind and that he was chosen to be the new Grand Cardinal in place of Cypress. He believed he could surpass death with his mind now being the new thing that would upload to the mindmaster upon his death. The idiot locked himself in the Ghostmasters fort, sealing himself and Mary inside killing them both.(This was how the ghostmasters fortress became sealed) The guy didn't ressurect later and Mary became the final Ghostmaster when she died. I'm also going to make Mary before she died be Tango's original owner to be explored in Book Three.
🤣Wait huh
The fuck is going on? Tango, the hell are you doing here? The fuck do you mean you were an ex human and was evil and
*System Reboot*
*Rebooting...*
Don't worry. I have a plan for that. In Book Five he will meet his nemesis: a Shiny Doduo fighting on the side of his enemies clad in customized Mewtwo-style armor. This Doduo became shiney through experimentation. The results made this Doduo unique with human-level intelligence. This Doduo will also be female and not have masochistic tendencies. She will fight with a graceful flowing style instead of a blunt style like most Doduo. Tina will be her name, and I have plans to make her a romantic partner for Tango.Y'know, while it is kinda sad that he can't really experience love the same way as a human, it is good to see that for all of this wacky shit, ex-Cypress can see how weird everything would be if he tried getting together with Ellen
Yep.Epilogue
Like the little freak he is
Yeah!And so the sequel hooks are set and ready for shipping!
Not just one threat either. Multiple.I'm sensing a huge 'but' right here. Someone is 100% gonna show up and be a threat for the two
I suppose I'll have to design the entire menu at some point. Not sure if broccoli will be one or not... 🤔Hopefully broccoli pizza isn't one of 'em
Yep. Even with Tuff as Nails, Mint will still be going down.Bruh
Neither did I when I started writing it!And that's it! Phew, what a wild ride this has been. Like wow, I had no idea things would get this insane nor how enjoyable it really got with the wacky and crack-ish ideas played seriously.
I've got so many plans for this series. I gave you some insight and some spoilers, but that only scratches the surface of the plans I have. This didn't just brighten my day, it made it. In fact, it made my whole week. I'd go so far as to say it made my month. I can't wait to see what you think of Book One and for the rewrite later for Book Two. I guess I'm running out of content to exchange with you, though...I loved it, I enjoyed it and as always, hope this review could brighten your day even if it was a tiny smidgen! See ya!
Perhaps I can do review brokering? I just need to offer to set up and review fics of others on your behalf and then you could review my fic in return. I want you to read my Book One! Your reviews have been so freaking good!

