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It's Mark isnt it? Thats the only reason Mint doesn't just deck the big bad until he creis uncle.
Eww this adds a squick twist to "and we shall rule together" doesn't it.
Mind bleach mind bleach!
So random thought, due to his fixation with doduos shedding I suspect Mark might be a little allergic to the turkeys feathers. If thats the case would doduo sitting on Mark solve the big bad problem?
Wait where is doduo because i remember it running ahead...
Wait, I thought Mint already knew it was Mark? Oh well, (dully) surprise?
Ah but will the subscription cancel out when Mr. Dark's credit card inevitibly expires, therefore nullifying the auto update?
I'm sorry... Can you tell i'm one of those that lives to crash big bad monologues? I'd say its a bad trait but it keeps me easily amused.
Wonder why Axel didnt see any of this go down and warn Mint though?
Thank goodness Mint wasn't taken, she is fit enough to be a threat just by socking people... Mark's (to put it nicely) a bit of a wuss, so even if the big bad does win, a brisk walking speed will keep the masses safe.
Like he shared with Seth and Trish, who he ditched and left wildly underpowere for incoming threats?. Does it come with a goth makeover, and can you say no to it?
Because dresscode like that is a crime...
Whats the fiscal conversion rate to power and glory?
"He already has my gentleman! If I can't get him back, Cypress is all that remains! If I give myself to him, I can have everything I could ever want! Maybe I could even live forever at his side? Even if i can beat him and my gentleman returns to me, we will both eventually age and die! Look at how smart he is to have arranged all this! He called me beautiful and strong. He acknowledges me! He hasn't shown me any hostility and will let me rule with him! What lies beyond the nexus? What future will he weave? It would be so easy if I accept. Isn’t my sense of power just misguided? He can beat this deck I have even though it should lose to nothing! If I yield to him, he could handle and direct everything. He would take charge and I would only need to serve him. Life as a pet of a man that smart and powerful could be a paradise..."
... i'd actually argue that him taking over gentleman and with Mint's naturally firey temper that you could nix her dispair and waffling. It feels wildly out of character for her. What temptation is there? Living by a shell of a man who wears her loved ones face? The insult seems likenitnwould be prod enough (living in perpetual hostage situation) to infuriate her.
Considering murder of multiple peoples identities is an acceptible starting point for Mr. Dark I'd say his plans are, as a whole, probably going to be bad.
If she hits him again it'd definitly be by her hands... just saying....
How is he able to dictate the rules of this duel as a final boss? So Clair's efforts are a dues ex mechanica, that works?
Huh interesting to see MothZapper being used against the protags. I'm surprised he didnt god-mode a different deck in but considering she's been with Mark for so long she should know its ins and outs...
Right...
Hopefully?
Not-Mark pulled a Flowey I see, screwing with time. And not-Mark is screwing with her head. Wonder how his powers work through a concussion? Mint could test that. Marks a very understanding
Gentleman...
If you keep them talking sometimes you get acess to a weakness ala smaug and the snail shell convo...
"One of the things I learned from the Progenitor during my time as a researcher was of the existence of a seemingly simple book that the Progenitor references to render our entire world at the time of the last entry! -
Eventually somones going to need a snack break or bathroom break. And if he only remembers he's going to get bored really fast... just saying...
Burn the book. He cant reset if theres no book to reset from.
Well we got the meta rules of the game now. Fun times for Mints sanity up a head
As she takes on Cy' and tries to stall for team ghost'.
Wait until somone tells this lunitic about the mobile version of the trading card game... his mind will be blown.
I wonder how much bad data he got through that trick. Religious fanatics aren't usually discerning in their researxh. Cy' coukd have scalds of bad data (or even worthless fanish stuff roiling around upstairs due to this badly thought out system.
I must of missed doduo's proud return, but hey, he's here to ruin a few hands by taking nips or being chaotoc. Might buy Mint some time too.
But really, Cy' used godmode to bring forth the ultimate Turkey mon? Why not the Meowth line, or Persians! We could have a world with giant fluffy albino puma-kitties and he denied it to us! The monster!
I could make so many comments about stupidity and mobs. I wont. but know i'm thinking them.....
I think Cyrus and Cypress could form a "only i am perfect fanclub"... except in thier first mweting theyd get distracted in route to the meeting by a mirror.
Way he's going, the only person Cypress would be happy dueling is himself.
snorts. Mint pushing with that exact word choic us flashing me back to a five year old. I'm surprised Cy rolled with it to be honest.
I can see the writing on the wall. The fact that its gunna be Timmy that undoes this is hilarious...
Well thats one way to be woken up. And funnily enough its a neat reverse to how she joined the party. Nice tie in to the tales begining.
... of course he uses his last life to body hop to doduo... if only pokeballs were a thing... this would be over in seconds.
Theure going to have to card duel this bird aren't they... how is this going to work...
Do'Cy'duo is quite the headcase... and it also explains why it glued itaelf to Mark. Will this be a twin duel where Mark and Mint have to takw him down and winat once or...
Or Mint could dice and win. That works. Interesting that his wandering with Mark was a bit of a redemption arch.
With creepy stalker vibes...
But still a subdued redemption arch...
Doduo is such a creeper, ShiniGira would probably feel vindicated. Marks a sap. He's going to fall for these puppy eyes and sad violen noises... please be smarter then him Mint... please...
She's falling for it too... unnnng... nooo...
And Axel, the betrayal knows no bounds.
So.theyre going to get married after saving the world. Its a fun upbeat cap to an insane tale.
Overall it was a fun irrelevent read. Thanks for shaing and hopefully my feedback helped.
Post edit commentary:
Unsealing redo
You... did not... just alter a few terms and... (barks a laugh) so they open just like a super market door... and are decked out in a more gaudy manner than the kocal card collector/duel shop. That is both on the nose and hillarious all at once...
Revisiting the offer scene
Did anyone else weigh in on that or am i just that persuasive? Nice use of the antigrav tech to defang the direct skultion btw. Amd the chapter reads much easier w/o mints... ah... waffling. Looks nice.
(I've pegged both of these into the original fics review trail)
chapter 8 review complete
Nice to see doduo has its heart set on grub. He takes after p.o.v. in that regard. Hm, how would food distribution be managed by two heads... much less two digestive tracks? Would the bird pull a lady and the tramp noodle slurp with itself...
The mind boggles.
Mentioned seems an odd word choice. He's talking to himself and mentioning is something you do to others... maybe mumbling would be a better choice?
A toddler... recalling certian call center schenanigans we might have our culprit..
Also where is the duel table in relation to the house? A porchside affair, a nook by the kitchen table where guests can scuffle then break for snacks. A mahogony monster of a center piece with indenter card nooks, plush seats, and a place of pride in the heart of the living room? Are the seats snug? Is p.i.v. able to sit cozily next to his (ill-advised for his health li?)
Is holding hands possible?
You know, little thoughts about setting leap to mind.
P.o.v. is having an aha moment i see.... good on him. He's also imagining all that cursed hold music, which fair too. Poor p.o.v. "Bill" and "not Bill" are going to break his brain.
Wonder if Bill copywrote his alternate identity, that'd only add to the madness.
It's interesting to see Bill try to wrangle with the morality of his amoral system and find a reasonable middle ground. Granted its working very slowly and lives are still getting ruined, but he found a good slow down tactic didn't he?
Still, some action between these huge chunks of text would be nice. Bill leaving to get drinks and coming back, his rant trailing behind him like a banner. Some heavy plopping into his seat... ohh hand wringing is a classic old-timey motion of woe.
Also, how's Mint reacting to all of this? Jaw dislocating, squirming with repressed questions, keeping tabs on the kid in the background?
Aww p.o.v. made a morality buddy. As long as Bill doesn't develop any agony seeking tendencies, we can call the man the "responsible mom friend" of the team.
Guessing p.o.v.s doduonis iv and ev enclined and took names and feathers during his last visit... fear is probably the safest reaction.
Doduo being the king of unsettling things and having 2 rowns to prove it likely isnt noticing the eldritch events like spontaneous card spawns and personal freak outs among its human retainers. He just carries on.
As for how Doduo eats... at least for my fic, both heads feel what happens to each head. This would include the sensation of taste. maybe i'll have the gentleman make some speculation about this somewhere in the fic.
Mumbled, yep I like that better than "mentioned". Edit done!
As for the toddler, you are right on the money there!
Good point on description lacking for the home. I went ahead and added a paragraph for it.
Good idea on interaction between the dialogue. I weaved some in. (I would have done so eventually anyway, but why not now while I am here looking at it) Its a Timmy tiny subplot playing with blocks with Mint. For some reason I am reminded of the Pikachu ketchup incident from the season 1 anime.
I guess Mint is easily distracted by kids and toddlers since she doesn't really chime in here. She didn't have much interaction with the Bill subplot anyway though.
Chapter 9 review complete
So this is where I lose the ability to p.o.v. drop isnt it? My workaround had a good run, though I do wonder why you abstained from a name for so long...
Might as well milk it for its final run then.
Mint's priorities are weird... just saying... p.o.v. is taking her insanity like a champ. But then he has practice with his doduo.
I'd be a mite concerned about Mint being flirtatious. Seems a dangerous place to be, in her affections...
And Mints is the one with the group's sole brain cell, I fear for them. And the islands.
Out of curiosity, what made you decide to hook the two up?
So the p.o.v.'s gentleman class only allows namedrops during romance? How does he manage less insane interactions on the mainland. How does he order a pizza/takeout/or respond when people demand his name?
Single sentence my rear... I'm ignoring the run on for respecting the power of lols...
So if having no-name is a mark of being an npc, and npcs are the Dark side's pawns basically (like the doduo squad who are fixed characters in other ways), then... well it could lead to quite the exisentiental crisis and add some drama as to where his "real" loyalties lie...
On the other hoof... how in Hade's name did he buy a house? You know how much paperwork is involved? So many signatures... so much papers... How is he existing in basic society?
Well, at least Mint is enjoying herself...
It's got to be killing him. P.o.v. dropped a huge plot point and he's getting treated like a comedy hour... man's ego must be smarting.
Some paragraph breakdown errors that I fixed for you...
Does p.o.v. mention Axel's conflicting age? I'm surprised Mint didn't start giggling at that... I will give Mint's argument credit, this is convoluted enough that it's hard to disbelieve it.
Hmmm its a shame you didnt have a big readership on publishing. You could turn his naming into an onsite game. Perhaps if you a03 it?
Yeah I suspect it when her jealousy rolled out and she started counting ladies. When did you decide to play the pairing game?
Red? Oh dear... Would that count as multidimensional copyright infringment?
Funny how Gio and Grace have the exact same convo when naming Silver...
Family friend: "Colors are trendy?"
Grace: "absolutly not"
Gio: "we posess some taste"
Family friend: "but technically Silver is a-"
Gio: "its an alloy."
Snorts. Hows that leaning against the fourth wall treating you? Also have you seen the wand of gameion? Or just refering to the meme?
Its decided, p.o.v. is not allowed to name thier kids, pets, or internet surnames.
Mark? Well goodbye p.o.v. and hello Mark.
You know, 2/3rds of the story in...
So this is where I lose the ability to p.o.v. drop isnt it? My work around had a good run, though I do wonder why you abstained from a name for so long...
In my brainstorming before writing Chapters 4 and 5 I realized I could set up a crazy situation with Mint waking up and from that I realized it would be the perfect excuse to add her as a traveling companion. I also at that point decided that she could potentially be the girl protagonist from the game just dressed up and in some makeup. Because she is the traveling companion and Mark is the protagonist of the story, it became a little like a standard Pokemon adventure when strangers decided to travel together for a long time. I loosely modeled Mint's personality after anime Misty but other than that I'm not too sure what other influences there were. I was always annoyed how the Pokemon anime lacked any real romance in it (or the franchise in general honestly) so I figured I would see if the two characters would be a fit for each other. Worst case scenario, she would take over the role of Doduo in upsetting Mark. The more I wrote, the more it seemed to click, so I decided to go with it because it seemed to be working. I did not set out to add romance to the story. It was a surprise even to myself.
So the p.o.v.'s gentleman class only allows namedrops during romance? How does he manage less insane interactions on the mainland. How does he order a pizza/takeout/or respond when people demand his name?
So here is the thing, Mark is the protagonist of the original game and a protagonist you can chose to play as in the second game. The player gets to name him though. Mark somehow bypassed the name selection screen and just goes about life as "The Gentleman" as a result. His namelessness is not the permanent and commonplace variety since he is not from Neo. Immigrants from Neo cannot have names or duel but Mark can and does duel. He doesn't just start existing once he chooses a name though. He has a past, present, and presumed future. So if he exists before he is named then it means he goes through at least a portion of his life before he is able to name himself. In his case, he just stretched it out way too far according to pretty much everyone.
So if having no-name is a mark of being an npc, and npcs are the Dark side's pawns basically (like the doduo squad who are fixed chacters in other ways) then... well it could lead to quite the exisentiental crisis and add some drama as to where his "real" loyalties lie...
On the other hoof... how in Hade's name did he buy a house? You know how much paperwork is involved? So many signitures... so much papers... How is he existing in basic society?
A valid question but not everything in their world is a copy of how things work in our world. I suppose from this, you can infer that he was able to do it without one since he did.
As for Mark mentioning Axel's age, yes, I didn't want to rehash the entire explanation, so you can assume Mint knows everything Mark does about it. I don't know if she giggled about it or not. Maybe?
I decided to attempt to play the pairing game from before I wrote the original versions of Chapters 4 and 5 which was the only significant brainstorm session I had where I just sat and thought for a good long while before I continued writing.
Yeah at least the readers have a name to call him even if he still hasn't actually picked one for himself. The longer without a name he went I eventually started brainstorming possible reasons that he did not have a name rather than try to go back and give him a name. I'm quite satisfied with the result lol
Chapter 10 review
In this case, I don't suspect that all that sightseeing/flirting p.o- Mark has been doing is to blame, is it? Not that either are going to mention it...
Does it have auto doors?
Like a supermarket?
Is there a bell, a jingle to mark them coming in?
Is there a slucking crackle sound as the superglue of the anchients is forced to part under the power of dues exmechanica card edition?
Seriously, what does the doors look like, stone monoliths decked out in card runes? Knowing that, giving them some descriptive grandeur, will add weight to them opening and make the unSealing more impressive.
Is Toby wearing a white sheet over his body? I just can only see that type of ghost when I hear/read OoooOooo...
So, how do they appear? Swirling out of the dark, with a little pop and disturbing of the dust bunnies of the temple?
Aww, well that's sweet, Axel and Mark trying to hug. Wonder how hugging a ghost felt like?
Question: Have you played any of the " Tales of" series? Your Mint and their Mint have some striking similarities...
She's also a decoy sidekick, taking the reins in her home game during/near the final boss. Stronger physically and arcanely than the p.o.v. from the character you start with... and wrestles harder than a WWE champion with something to prove and plot immunity/vindictiveness.
Considering Axels age i'm surprised he isnt grossing out about cooties. Granted that might be a more my generation than yours sort of thing....
So about Axel's speech, there's a ton of data and no motion, setting reinforcement, ect. I'd recommend popping a few of those in so you can break down the brick here. It'll help make it manageable/less bricky.
Same issue here, although I'm noting some repetition.
So this section above has a "foe currently has" and"stolen" are basically the same idea. Unless someone else stole it from Seth's bodynapper you can drop one of the two to cut down the text. I did some strikethroughs so you can see one way to do it.
I continued with the strike through to par down on words of the upcoming brick. The reason i am suggesting it is because Axel is 10, but his wordiness is really starting to make him sound like Mark. Feel free to use it or not, but it will help with the bricking too.
So training is card duels back to back then? It's interesting to see how he's working around these foes but I have to wonder if there's a deck that could butcher him with minimal effort and what workarounds he has for that.
Seth being the image of power creep and all that.
Interesting with Mint getting the mon card equivalent of Excalibur if she shouldn't be taking on the big bad by herself.
Then she can deck him. I imagine the big bad will bail on Seth after the first punch. He seems like an oils snake to do that... granted then Mark and Mint will need to pay off Seths medical bills... but it'll be an easier win for it.
Seriously what does the doors look like, stone monolithes decked out in card runes? Knowing that, giving them sone descriptive grandour, will add weight to them opening and make the unSealing more impressive.
Good call here. In the game there is absolutely no flourish to unsealing or entering but it makes a lot of sense to do so in the fic! I Added a bit on this.
Shes also a decoy sidekick, taking the reigns in her home game during/near yhe final boss. Stronger physically and arcanely than the p.o.v. from the character you start with... and wrestles harder then a WWE champion with something to prove and plot immunity/vindictivness.
He may have never developed past 10, but he has been accruing knowledge and has lived over 1,000 years. He wouldn't still be worried about anything like that at his age and has craved interaction with other humans especially in the physical sense.
Also due to his age, I am generally not worried about his wording on things. If he sounds like a kid, he is one. If he sounds more sophisticated, he has the language skills to back that up by now.
So about Axel's speech, theres a ton of data and no motion, setting reinforcment, ect. I'd recommend popping a few of those in so you can break down the brick here. It'll help make it managable/less bricky.
Same issue here although i'm noting a so.e repitition.
Noted. I split things up a bit and took several of your other suggestions and implemented them too.
I also added a bit more for Axel to have him react a bit more to being sealed and not wanting it to happen again. I'd be curious what you think of the modifications I made leading up to the training section.
So training is card duels back to back then? Its interesting to see how he's worjing around these foes but i have to wonder if theres a deck that could butcher his with minimal effort and what work arounds he has for that.
Interesting indeed, but I can also state here that Mint is not as skilled as Mark when it comes to duels. She uses an unrestricted deck to keep up with Mark in the training. Since Mark does the common deck thing, it made sense to give her the uber deck. (which I crafted myself by the way and its in-game effectiveness is top notch for completing challenge machine runs!)
Then she can dexk him. I imagine the big bad will bail on Seth after the first punch. He seems like an oils snake to do that... granted then Mark and Mint will need to pay off Seths medical bills... but it'll be an easier win for it.
I was worried about her slap actually for this very reason... the fact that you are commenting on it will probably lead to me taking additional measures in the later chapters...
Review chapter 11
Well that trots. Archaic spiritualism titles getting repurposed for a more modern spin... though if we were keeping up the chess motiff she'd be a biship.
So how does a psychic reading look? Does clair consult tea leaves each question, a tarot deck. Or her inner eye? Theres a nice oportunity to show it off a bit here...
I feel like Wong from infinity wars when I say "you wanted more?"... thats quite a list and if no one caught on the big bads identity before this point theres no doubt now...
When clair me tioned a higher power I imagined all the ghostmasters going "not it" as they look over the deck build and shudder.
So who is b.kid? A l.p.er in the genre?
Part of me is like... Mint can just punch them. Accomplicaces would go down like a house of... you know.
Aka psycic abilities do not make r.l. work like a streaming service....
I know your passing this off as a gag but it feels more like forshadowing at this point...
Insignt my rear, shes just detail fishing... she even confessed to it.... so i'm taking her couples prophacy with a grain of salt...
So how does a psychic reading look? Does clair consult tea leaves each question, a tarot deck. Or her inner eye? Theres a nice oportunity to show it off a bit here...
I think I kind of answered this later in the chapter. Its her inner eye essentially. Most of the special things she knows was from previous uses of her power that she remembers.
Smug snake thy name is Seth. Though candidly i'd be less cocky knowing i was a second in command. Big bads tend to throw them under the bus... especially when they fail... just saying...
Because Mark just said he was speaking to Mint it seems silly to use her name immediatly afterwards. Also the "i'll take care of it" is pretty much implied with the "you go" line and his actions in starting a card duel...
Because replying is kind of a back talk I'd suggest nixxing the back.
Lost a period here enroute ..
Because the "good luck" is attached to Seths speach you could drop the "and continued" as a new paragraph would show someone else talking...
So evil Brock vs recently unnamed Gent... this will be interesting... whike i appreciated the battle the formating was pretty bad.
Brick alert, please fix!
You can easiky drop the authors note telling of a protagonist shift. Mints opening line of "my gent" as well as the page break/spacing covers that well enough.
Of course its the crazed desk lady... who else was honeestly left?
Love how getting posessed by big bad dark makes you an instant goth. Is that why the dark entities were literal dark massses? The emo cring of thier dated gothwear self censored itself when put upon anchient stones?
Ohh Trish's rant bricked. Need some pointers to break it down or you good? And having worked customer service at shady joints i get her frusteration. I dont see how helping the card cult will getnher out.... but it is a fair motive towards her start of darkness as far as it goes.
Ummm but the Queen doesnt have Marks basic limitation.... so thsts a broad assumption as to what Mint's packing.
Also she thinks Seth's in charge? Thats a fun delusion, i'd bring it up for funsies to break her worldview, might make her play worse you know? Lets see if Queen Mint plays the psych game...
Well she treid, just cant reason with that level of crazy I guess. Shrugs.
I get she's got reason for her crazy and this is her monologue chance to shine but I would strongly recomend breaking her monologue up a bit.
I'm surprised Mints so compassionate (she comes across as quite the firebrand really) but if she lives long enough to help Trish it might be an interesting dynamic for the ladies to interact after this.
I wonder hiw Alex is faring havong to listen to all this, or does he dip in and out... or is he back at base, using the ghostmaster's 2.0 device with its attached popcorn maker getting ready for the final smackdown in proper detached protagonist/mentor fassion.
Axel forgot Marks name... didnt he?
Be happy Axel doesnt start humming mission impossible over the lines.. or james bond... do either of those themes exist? If Mark were to click on would he drop into this convo, no context, and pick up psychological damage from the experience?
Perhaps thats why he colapsed.
On a serious note though I suspect the why behind his fall will be expanded on next chapter.
Smug snake thy name is Seth. Though candidly i'd be less cocky knowing i was a second in command. Big bads tend to throw them under the bus... especially when they fail... just saying...
Reply to Chapter 12 Review (As of 4/12/25, chapter 12 now includes what used to be chapter 13. The final regular chapters are now 13 and 14. Those chapters used to be 14 and 15.)
Well, he is the leader of a religious cult that follows what he views as a God-like or perhaps outright God entity.
Because Mark just said he was speaking to Mint it seems silly to use her name immediatly afterwards. Also the "i'll take care of it" is pretty much implied with the "you go" line and his actions in starting a card duel...
You can easiky drop the authors note telling of a protagonist shift. Mints opening line of "my gent" as well as the page break/spacing covers that well enough.
Love how getting posessed by big bad dark makes you an instant goth. Is that why the dark entities were literal dark massses? The emo cring of thier dated gothwear self censored itself when put upon anchient stones?
Ohh Trish's rant bricked. Need some pointers to break it down or you good? And having worked customer service at shady joints i get her frusteration. I dont see how helping the card cult will getnher out.... but it is a fair motive towards her start of darkness as far as it goes.
Fixed, I also updated this chapter a bit in general to have Mint and Trish get a good laugh in. If you haven't read that version, I think its worth checking out.
So, I made the mistake of using the term "basic" very often when I should have been using "common". Basic is not a rarity. Common is a rarity. Marks deck uses all commons. It uses more than basics hence why his Pokemon can evolve as long as the evolutions are also common rarity. I had to go back and fix this in many areas of the fic. Apologies for the confusion.
I'm surprised Mints so compassionate (she comes across as quite the firebrand really) but if she lives long enough to help Trish it might be an interesting dynamic for the ladies to interact after this.
Mark is not actually named yet. Mint only gave him a suggestion that he said he would think about. If he is named yet he hasn't mentioned it to Axel, but if he listened to Clair then there is a good chance he is named at this point.
Be happy Axel doesnt start humming mission impossible over the lines.. or james bond... do either of those themes exist? If Mark were to click on would he drop into this convo, no context, and pick up psychological damage from the experience?
Chapter 13 review
Personal experience with the horror genre, noisy graves are scarier then silent ones. There are some places you dont want to be hearing specific noises...
I get that Axel can hear but how is he seeing again?
Considering Mints left hook anyone getting in punch range us bound to lose by default. Just saying.
How is Seth giving orders, isn't he staring in shock at the duel table where Mark left him?
"We are here to stall you." Says flunky one
"Alright i'll play by your rules and be stalled!"
Says the protag who is more than capable of thrashing her victims to an inch of thier life and knows it...
I'd suggest giving her a reason to play by game logic, because candidly shes got no actual reason to and a ton of skills to bypass this trap, even if its to shove them out of her way and keep walking.
Basically we have a case of this...
(comic courtesy of "manly men doing manly things" aka "the punchline is machismo")
Nice ominous final duel arena build up. I have a hunch i know who is in that seat, next chapter will see how on the mark I am!
Personal experience with the horror genre, noisy graves are scarier then silent ones. There are some places you dont want to be hearing specific noises...
Reply to Chapter 13 Review (As of 4/12/25, chapter 12 now includes what used to be chapter 13. The final regular chapters are now 13 and 14. Those chapters used to be 14 and 15.)
Understandable, but I'm not sure what noises there would realistically be in here. I did try to go for a more creepy feel here than I did anywhere else though, I'm glad you noticed.
Ugh.. the price of kicking off her relationship with Mark is high. Now we can ask this about everything basically... I refuse to take back her slap to Mark though.
Says the protag who is more than capable of thrashing her victims to an inch of thier life and knows it...
I'd suggest giving her a reason to play by game logic, because candidly shes got no actual reason to and a ton of skills to bypass this trap, even if its to shove them out of her way and keep walking.
Alright fine. I updated the scene to have their cooperation required to pass the door. To get that, she has to duel them. I don't want her to threaten to beat them though because I don't want to draw more attention to violence as a possible solution than absolutely needed. Besides, even if she did threaten them, they wouldn't care since they would die for their false god.
It's Mark isnt it? Thats the only reason Mint doesn't just deck the big bad until he creis uncle.
Eww this adds a squick twist to "and we shall rule together" doesn't it.
Mind bleach mind bleach!
So random thought, due to his fixation with doduos shedding I suspect Mark might be a little allergic to the turkeys feathers. If thats the case would doduo sitting on Mark solve the big bad problem?
Wait where is doduo because i remember it running ahead...
Wait, I thought Mint already knew it was Mark? Oh well, (dully) surprise?
Ah but will the subscription cancel out when Mr. Dark's credit card inevitibly expires, therefore nullifying the auto update?
I'm sorry... Can you tell i'm one of those that lives to crash big bad monologues? I'd say its a bad trait but it keeps me easily amused.
Wonder why Axel didnt see any of this go down and warn Mint though?
Thank goodness Mint wasn't taken, she is fit enough to be a threat just by socking people... Mark's (to put it nicely) a bit of a wuss, so even if the big bad does win, a brisk walking speed will keep the masses safe.
Until they get suckered into duels.
Like he shared with Seth and Trish, who he ditched and left wildly underpowere for incoming threats?. Does it come with a goth makeover, and can you say no to it?
Because dresscode like that is a crime...
Whats the fiscal conversion rate to power and glory?
I'm sorry, I cant help myself...
... i'd actually argue that him taking over gentleman and with Mint's naturally firey temper that you could nix her dispair and waffling. It feels wildly out of character for her. What temptation is there? Living by a shell of a man who wears her loved ones face? The insult seems likenitnwould be prod enough (living in perpetual hostage situation) to infuriate her.
Considering murder of multiple peoples identities is an acceptible starting point for Mr. Dark I'd say his plans are, as a whole, probably going to be bad.
See above....
If she hits him again it'd definitly be by her hands... just saying....
How is he able to dictate the rules of this duel as a final boss? So Clair's efforts are a dues ex mechanica, that works?
Huh interesting to see MothZapper being used against the protags. I'm surprised he didnt god-mode a different deck in but considering she's been with Mark for so long she should know its ins and outs...
Right...
Hopefully?
Not-Mark pulled a Flowey I see, screwing with time. And not-Mark is screwing with her head. Wonder how his powers work through a concussion? Mint could test that. Marks a very understanding
Gentleman...
If you keep them talking sometimes you get acess to a weakness ala smaug and the snail shell convo...
I fixed a missed paragraph break for you here...
Eventually somones going to need a snack break or bathroom break. And if he only remembers he's going to get bored really fast... just saying...
Burn the book. He cant reset if theres no book to reset from.
Well we got the meta rules of the game now. Fun times for Mints sanity up a head
As she takes on Cy' and tries to stall for team ghost'.
Wait until somone tells this lunitic about the mobile version of the trading card game... his mind will be blown.
I wonder how much bad data he got through that trick. Religious fanatics aren't usually discerning in their researxh. Cy' coukd have scalds of bad data (or even worthless fanish stuff roiling around upstairs due to this badly thought out system.
I must of missed doduo's proud return, but hey, he's here to ruin a few hands by taking nips or being chaotoc. Might buy Mint some time too.
But really, Cy' used godmode to bring forth the ultimate Turkey mon? Why not the Meowth line, or Persians! We could have a world with giant fluffy albino puma-kitties and he denied it to us! The monster!
I could make so many comments about stupidity and mobs. I wont. but know i'm thinking them.....
I think Cyrus and Cypress could form a "only i am perfect fanclub"... except in thier first mweting theyd get distracted in route to the meeting by a mirror.
Way he's going, the only person Cypress would be happy dueling is himself.
snorts. Mint pushing with that exact word choic us flashing me back to a five year old. I'm surprised Cy rolled with it to be honest.
I can see the writing on the wall. The fact that its gunna be Timmy that undoes this is hilarious...
Well thats one way to be woken up. And funnily enough its a neat reverse to how she joined the party. Nice tie in to the tales begining.
Reply To Chapter 14 Review (As of 4/12/25, chapter 12 now includes what used to be chapter 13. The final regular chapters are now 13 and 14. Those chapters used to be 14 and 15.)
Yep. I had to do it. It was the most impactful way for the reveal of the big bad. Ugh, again with the punching. I guess I'm going to have to fix her punching capability here too...
So random thought, due to his fixation with doduos shedding I suspect Mark might be a little allergic to the turkeys feathers. If thats the case would doduo sitting on Mark solve the big bad problem?
Hey that's a pretty cool theory! If I was going to do that though, I would have had him scratching after his attempt to ride Doduo in Chapter 1 though. As for getting Doduo to take action to help... good luck with that. lol...
No. All Mint did was suggest the name to Mark. Mark then said he would think it over but even when speaking with Clair when they obtained the SealedStar deck, he still didn't have a name actually selected. Now perhaps he selected one prior to his arrival here before Cypress took him over, but did he? Hmmm!
The only way to potentially nullify that is to beat Cypress in a duel. Only then can Mint call out Mark's name to bring him back. Oh and if she calls out the wrong name and can't find the correct one, he will be lost forever. If he named himself something different but just as bad as BasicBro, Mint will NEVER figure it out.
Thank goodness Mint wasn't taken, she is fit enough to be a threat just by socking people... Mark's (to put it nicely) a bit of a wuss, so even if the big bad does win, a brisk walking speed will keep the masses safe.
Good thing I picked Mark for him to possess then. Trying to explain why the villain doesn't resort to fists would be yet another cost of adding Mint's slap to the story.
ike he shared with Seth and Trish, who he ditched and left wildly underpowere for incoming threats?. Does it come with a goth makeover, and can you say no to it? Because dresscode like that is a crime...
So, Seth didn't have to win to complete the plan in the final duel. Seth still didn't like to lose though obviously. Trish got a massively powerful deck actually. Hers was even stronger than Seth's. It just wasn't enough to stop Mint using Tuff As Nails. Actually, Trish's deck is stronger than Axel's too. The goth makeover was all Trish's idea but in my mind I'm thinking she didn't go punk and/or goth until after she created her Dark Triad deck. Technically, Cypress didn't get a chance to share much of anything with Seth or Trish since he just now reincarnated, but he wasn't offering to share his glory with them. In his mind they are nothing but useful tools that are beneath him.
You probably think this is funny, but I really CAN add this as a question Mint can ask to Cypress while stalling him for time. Pretty much anything is fair game in there. A humor question would not be a terrible idea, especially while she is getting desperate for stall tactics! lol
... i'd actually argue that him taking over gentleman and with Mint's naturally firey temper that you could nix her dispair and waffling. It feels wildly out of character for her. What temptation is there? Living by a shell of a man who wears her loved ones face? The insult seems likenitnwould be prod enough (living in perpetual hostage situation) to infuriate her.
So.. my idea behind this part was to explore the potential "give up" route that most games and stories never do. I was hoping that having her think about all that in a quick moment all at once would be enough to excuse it from character conflict, but I guess its not quite there.
I updated it to fall more in line with Mint's character. Thanks!
The game never explains why duelists are able to impose restrictions upon the player and never explores what the actual extent of those restrictions are. Since Cypress has the ability to do some things with the Progenitor, I thought a small modification of dueling restriction in his favor could have massive repercussions for his opponent. Clair said the device would thwart one of the foe's plans. She didn't specify which one but her power allowed her to know what to do and what the effect of it would be.
Huh interesting to see MothZapper being used against the protags. I'm surprised he didnt god-mode a different deck in but considering she's been with Mark for so long she should know its ins and outs...
He could have gone with a different deck but he doesn't care or need to. It's more amusing to him to beat her with a deck of commons. It also wasn't smart of him to let Mint and the Ghostmasters retain their memories of the resets but making them forget would make it not nearly fun enough for him and even though he would normally play things safe, he had been waiting too long to not have his moment now.
Not-Mark pulled a Flowey I see, screwing with time. And not-Mark is screwing with her head. Wonder how his powers work through a concussion? Mint could test that. Marks a very understanding Gentleman...
True, Flowey was a big inspiration for going this direction with it. My version works differently though since it depends on a diary and a way to perform the reset.
I wonder how much bad data he got through that trick. Religious fanatics aren't usually discerning in their researxh. Cy' coukd have scalds of bad data (or even worthless fanish stuff roiling around upstairs due to this badly thought out system.
But really, Cy' used godmode to bring forth the ultimate Turkey mon? Why not the Meowth line, or Persians! We could have a world with giant fluffy albino puma-kitties and he denied it to us! The monster!
Well the real reason was that when I crafted FlashFire! I decided to include Doduo for free retreat and fighting resistance but I wasn't too overly fond of it and was thinking of replacing it with something else but I wasn't sure what to replace it with. As such it became the ugly red-headed step child of the deck and was the butt of many jokes which over time morphed it into the star of the fic lol
As for Cypress's reasoning for picking Doduo, I'm considering adding in a bit where he experimented on it. Having two heads would make it easier to do so. I could use that as the reason for them enjoying pain too and the reason they don't procreate. Procreation would feel good and they hate that so they never breed. Good thing too because with them being immortal, the islands would quickly become overrun with them if they did that. I could also say that they are all clones of the original that was brought over. If they are all male or all female then that would be another way of explaining how they didn't take over everything.
... of course he uses his last life to body hop to doduo... if only pokeballs were a thing... this would be over in seconds.
Theure going to have to card duel this bird aren't they... how is this going to work...
Do'Cy'duo is quite the headcase... and it also explains why it glued itaelf to Mark. Will this be a twin duel where Mark and Mint have to takw him down and winat once or...
Or Mint could dice and win. That works. Interesting that his wandering with Mark was a bit of a redemption arch.
With creepy stalker vibes...
But still a subdued redemption arch...
Doduo is such a creeper, ShiniGira would probably feel vindicated. Marks a sap. He's going to fall for these puppy eyes and sad violen noises... please be smarter then him Mint... please...
She's falling for it too... unnnng... nooo...
And Axel, the betrayal knows no bounds.
So.theyre going to get married after saving the world. Its a fun upbeat cap to an insane tale.
Overall it was a fun irrelevent read. Thanks for shaing and hopefully my feedback helped.
Reply to Chapter 15 Review (As of 4/12/25, chapter 12 now includes what used to be chapter 13. The final regular chapters are now 13 and 14. Those chapters used to be 14 and 15.)
Interesting, I hadn't realized people would think maybe he body hopped somehow. Not that he really has a way to do that. Cool! Makes the twist even better then!
Do'Cy'duo is quite the headcase... and it also explains why it glued itaelf to Mark. Will this be a twin duel where Mark and Mint have to takw him down and winat once or...
Or Mint could dice and win. That works. Interesting that his wandering with Mark was a bit of a redemption arch.
Doduo is such a creeper, ShiniGira would probably feel vindicated. Marks a sap. He's going to fall for these puppy eyes and sad violen noises... please be smarter then him Mint... please...
Hi hello, hope you have a nice day and sorry that it's a bit later than I would've liked but here's the second review!
Chapter 1 Summary:
Alright so Mr Nameless wakes up on an island without his wallet and with a note telling him what he needs to do to escape.
So of course he first goes to the Grassy one where he meets the first of a running gag, a person who only wants to fight with a specific type and like a true gentleman, he runs away with as much grace as possible before taking on the leader. After that, he is tortured on his way to the Lighting fort via crappy music and questions about why gambling is stupid. There he meets another fanatic, this time about Pikachu instead of a type and makes her cry, truly that is the most gentleman action. Then he meets another type fanatic and as usual they don't listen and he fights the leader.
Next he goes to the Water fort, meets with two more fanatics and fights the leader who sympathise with him about their shared hatred of Bill and his crappy tech.
Then to the Fire fort he goes, he meets more fanatics but this time they're actually sensible! Who knew you just needed to work in a literally volcano in order to have things like respect and common sense! Anyway, he beats the leader and goes on to the Fighting fort.
While he's moving, we finally learn why Bill's teleporter sucks at doing its job and that's because not only is Bill a crappy scientist, engineer or whatever, he's also a crappy uncle that leaves a toddler alone. Like how is this guy not accused of neglect? That is stupidly dangerous especially since it sounds like the kid can get himself into his lab!
Anyway tangent aside, he fights and learns about how much of an airhead the fighting leader is and moves onto the Psychic fort where he goes to a fort and meets with three fanatics with one being a probable impostor.
Prologue Stuff:
Now that's done with, let's get on with some notes on the new parts of the prologue.
Adding the Billy scene is a nice way to let the readers know certain aspects of the world, I did enjoy reading it though I can't say for sure if a new reader would like having a bunch of exposition just shoved directly in their face right of the bat. One thing I can advise in making it a bit better is that instead of throwing everything in one area, it would probably be better if you sprinkle the info throughout the chapter. Take out bits that aren't super important in the tutoring and sprinkle them throughout the chapter where you think it would make sense.
Oh and also, your dialogue tags AKA "he replied and I replied". I'll be honest and say reading the same two tags going back and forth gets repetitive and it would make the dialogue feel better if you either spice things up with different tags, action tags and whatnot. I've linked a video in my line-by-line comments that should give a nice lecture about them if ya need to know more about them.
And the final part where the kidnapper writes in Mr Nameless' diary is nice though kinda silly tbh, since he literally just gives it back to him and the next chapter I don't think Mr Nameless makes any mention of the new additions.
Chapter 1 stuff:
It was a nice read. I had fun reading Mr Nameless having to deal with all the goofballs on the island, Pikachu girl and Kara being my two favourites of the bunch. The thing I like most about this chapter is definitely reading how much of a straight man Mr Nameless, his normalcy dealing with the weird bizarre people was really fun.
That said I do have a few gripes about the chapter.
I don't know what it is but to me it feels like things happen too fast or there isn't enough substance to the content. Four fortresses and leaders have already passed by and yet despite that, it didn't feel like much has happened. I think the reason why I feel that is probably because too much has happened too fast and it feels like I'm just reading through a checklist or a presentation rather than a full-fledged story. The chapter doesn't stop to give me time to breathe before moving to the next fortress. I feel like it'd would really benefit if you focused more on Mr Nameless and his environment, more on how he feels about his situation what he thinks he needs to do, perhaps focus more on how weirded out he is by the people or show him actually bonding with the Doduo to make me care about it instead of just showing me how utterly annoying and useless it is since I don't really feel like it makes sense for Mr Nameless to really care about the Doduo during that Fighting duel.
And while I get that the battles themselves aren't the main focus of the story, I feel like it would really benefit if you had shown at least one duel, like say writing a duel during an important fight. 'cause I'll be honest and say that I feel kinda disappointed not seeing a single duel play out when I'd initially read the description of the fic.
That said, I really do like the little tidbits of Mr Nameless and him wondering around the island, and I really wished there's more focus on him and his interactions and the world if there aren't gonna be any duels written down. And the one off characters have been fun to read so it'd be nice if we could stick with them for more than sentence or two.
Oh and also, I know I said I can't really say much about the soundtracks since I can't listen to them properly. But I have something I'd like to say before getting to the line-by-line comments.
And that is... there's kinda a lot of them. From my experience, most of the times readers would rarely go out of their way to click on a link since it breaks their immersion, doubly so when practically every scene has a soundtrack. Most fics I've seen that do put in soundtracks usually have it in important scenes rather than in every individual one. Basically keep moderation in mind when putting in music is what I'm saying, having less of something can sometimes be better than having a ton of them.
I thought to myself "I'm sure my assailant could have sold it, but the way it spreads its feathers about likely made it more trouble than it was worth. Apparently the bird finds the prospect of starving amusing"
I was glad I had a hearty victory meal prior to my kidnapping. "At least the note said nothing about dehydration, so I can presumably have water at least." I thought to myself.
A little advice: For these thoughts by Nameless, you could just either turn them into italics or build them into the narrative because to me, it gets kinda repetitive just reading 'I thought to myself' every time he's thinking of something.
Before I began I travels, I reasoned that I might need the teleporter to be operating at peak efficiency as I have never been to this island before and have no idea how strong the opponents here could be! I pulled out my phone and dialed the number for Bill’s company.
An automated voice said “Please hold while we work to connect you. Your estimated wait time exceeds what we have been programmed to say. We value your time and thank you for your patience.”
I question why would he even have two headphones in the first place and now that I'm asking that, where the heck did he find or get headphones in the first place? I thought he was robbed of everything but his cards when he got here?
(Okay, just reread the beginning and honestly, kinda weird that they'd steal his wallet but not anything else)
Again 'Bills' needs an apostrophe... though if it is how it's spelled in the original game, you could probably ignore this and any other instances I said this lol.
The teleporter will remain inconsistent regardless at this point anyway, so I opted to continue the bribery knowing that both cards will continue to occasionally fail.
Well, that just sounds incredibly stupid. He's not exactly rolling in money and yet he's still willing to waste money doing something he knows doesn't help.
Ooh, I know, you can shove some electric energy cards into it to charge it, my guy.( Tis a joke btw)
Also it just dawned on me that his phone lasted days without charging like christ, my phone can barely last two and half hours without combusting. Guess Pokémon tech's pretty crazy here.
He defiantly crossed his arms turned up his nose and proclaimed that his choice was clearly the best of the three but that he would not accept anything less than full compliance.
This should be 'Seth who peered at me with closed eyes' unless of course that's a name of a card which if it is, should be capitalized or be in quotation marks.
And here's a link to a video about dialogue tags since I don't think I can clearly explain them myself
Nice to see the next review up!! So many details, reactions, and advice! I'm impressed with all the spelling, grammar things you managed to catch too! I've fixed the isolated issues and will be working my way through the systematic errors you pointed out. This is wonderful thanks! :)
So of course he first goes to the Grassy one where he meets the first of a running gag, a person who only wants to fight with a specific type and like a true gentleman, he runs away with as much grace as possible before taking on the leader.
If he had known how long it would take her to finish talking about Pikachu, he probably would have edited his deck and then dueled her to save time. Under normal circumstances though, I'm pretty sure he would have just humored her.
Then to the Fire fort he goes, he meets more fanatics but this time they're actually sensible! Who knew you just needed to work in a literally volcano in order to have things like respect and common sense! Anyway, he beats the leader and goes on to the Fighting fort.
While he's moving, we finally learn why Bill's teleporter sucks at doing its job and that's because not only is Bill a crappy scientist, engineer or whatever, he's also a crappy uncle that leaves a toddler alone. Like how is this guy not accused of neglect? That is stupidly dangerous especially since it sounds like the kid can get himself into his lab!
Adding the Billy scene is a nice way to let the readers know certain aspects of the world, I did enjoy reading it though I can't say for sure if a new reader would like having a bunch of exposition just shoved directly in their face right of the bat. One thing I can advise in making it a bit better is that instead of throwing everything in one area, it would probably be better if you sprinkle the info throughout the chapter. Take out bits that aren't super important in the tutoring and sprinkle them throughout the chapter where you think it would make sense.
Oh and also, your dialogue tags AKA "he replied and I replied". I'll be honest and say reading the same two tags going back and forth gets repetitive and it would make the dialogue feel better if you either spice things up with different tags, action tags and whatnot. I've linked a video in my line-by-line comments that should give a nice lecture about them if ya need to know more about them.
I'm going to give that video a watch. I'm not English-teacher proficiency at writing and this is my first fic as well. Its also the longest narrative I have ever written by far.
I agree that they get repetitive and I'm glad you called me out on it. I'll be adding this to my to-do list as well.
Its going to require editing a LOT of places in various chapters but I'll start on the early chapters for now and move along editing as those who read and review make progress. That way I can hopefully stay ahead of them to keep things shiny without throwing too much time at it all at once.
And the final part where the kidnapper writes in Mr Nameless' diary is nice though kinda silly tbh, since he literally just gives it back to him and the next chapter I don't think Mr Nameless makes any mention of the new additions.
I thought I had made it clear in the Mission Report that it was a separate document/book from the gentleman's diary, but I don't know if you were reading an old version of it or if I just didn't do a good enough job there. I added a bit more in it to help make it completely clear. Thanks for mentioning it.
It was a nice read. I had fun reading Mr Nameless having to deal with all the goofballs on the island, Pikachu girl and Kara being my two favourites of the bunch. The thing I like most about this chapter is definitely reading how much of a straight man Mr Nameless, his normalcy dealing with the weird bizarre people was really fun.
Ok it sounds like it's doing it's thing then. I believe this is based off of the older version of it before I revamped it though. I think you will find considerably more of what you liked in it now!
I don't know what it is but to me it feels like things happen too fast or there isn't enough substance to the content. Four fortresses and leaders have already passed by and yet despite that, it didn't feel like much has happened. I think the reason why I feel that is probably because too much has happened too fast and it feels like I'm just reading through a checklist or a presentation rather than a full-fledged story. The chapter doesn't stop to give me time to breathe before moving to the next fortress. I feel like it'd would really benefit if you focused more on Mr Nameless and his environment, more on how he feels about his situation what he thinks he needs to do, perhaps focus more on how weirded out he is by the people or show him actually bonding with the Doduo to make me care about it instead of just showing me how utterly annoying and useless it is since I don't really feel like it makes sense for Mr Nameless to really care about the Doduo during that Fighting duel.
Agreed it was happening too fast. My revamp adds more to the environment and characters and even introduces a new subplot for Doduo! Agreed that its better to have Doduo do some useful things and some new scenes help address that. By the way, the reason I added the extra scenes/subplot with Doduo was solely due to your feedback. I like what I came up with so far, and hoping it is to your liking as well!
And while I get that the battles themselves aren't the main focus of the story, I feel like it would really benefit if you had shown at least one duel, like say writing a duel during an important fight. 'cause I'll be honest and say that I feel kinda disappointed not seeing a single duel play out when I'd initially read the description of the fic.
There are some duels that have some more details in them. They are in the next chapter and some future chapters actually. They tend to get a bit wordy though. Its pretty hard to make them into theatrical masterpieces when I am literally just trying to functionally explain the duels I played in the game itself.(even then I am still not stating absolutely every thing I did) Due to the format of the duels, I locked the especially wordy ones away in spoiler tags for any who are interested. I didn't want to remove them completely though as it would break away from the reason for the fic existing in the first place. As a heads up, for any duels in spoiler tags, I'm probably not going to edit them, so don't worry about catching mistakes there.
That said, I really do like the little tidbits of Mr Nameless and him wondering around the island, and I really wished there's more focus on him and his interactions and the world if there aren't gonna be any duels written down. And the one off characters have been fun to read so it'd be nice if we could stick with them for more than sentence or two.
Oh and also, I know I said I can't really say much about the soundtracks since I can't listen to them properly. But I have something I'd like to say before getting to the line-by-line comments.
And that is... there's kinda a lot of them. From my experience, most of the times readers would rarely go out of their way to click on a link since it breaks their immersion, doubly so when practically every scene has a soundtrack. Most fics I've seen that do put in soundtracks usually have it in important scenes rather than in every individual one. Basically keep moderation in mind when putting in music is what I'm saying, having less of something can sometimes be better than having a ton of them.
Honestly if I had the talent and/or patience to turn this into a visual novel and write master-class music for it, I'd just do that. That way the soundtrack would flow perfectly into it and everyone would enjoy it without having to click anything.
It does switch tracks pretty often sometimes. The tracks have to be fitting though. That's why there are so many of them. I guess some people who might try to use them might hate them. If they do, "oh well" I guess. If they have suggestions for better tracks to use or specific recommendations to take some out and use a single track instead, I would be willing to listen though. At this point I'm thinking half the people who read the fic (or maybe even most) won't have the reasonable ability to utilize the soundtrack and I bet half of those that could won't even bother to try to use them. Well.. if no one uses them, at least I will still enjoy them...
A little advice: For these thoughts by Nameless, you could just either turn them into italics or build them into the narrative because to me, it gets kinda repetitive just reading 'I thought to myself' every time he's thinking of something.
I question why would he even have two headphones in the first place and now that I'm asking that, where the heck did he find or get headphones in the first place? I thought he was robbed of everything but his cards when he got here?
(Okay, just reread the beginning and honestly, kinda weird that they'd steal his wallet but not anything else)
Maybe I'll give her more of a backstory at some point. This is definitely the sort of thing that lends itself to one! But yes, I'm going with that as a fact of her life. Thanks for the reaction!
Well, that just sounds incredibly stupid. He's not exactly rolling in money and yet he's still willing to waste money doing something he knows doesn't help.
Understandable reaction. I went back and added a bit more for this thought process on it. It should make a little more sense now, but objectively speaking, his bribery is indeed a useless waste of money and has no effect because the coinflips in the game as I played always had a 50% chance of heads or tails lol...
Also it just dawned on me that his phone lasted days without charging like christ, my phone can barely last two and half hours without combusting. Guess Pokémon tech's pretty crazy here.
Hello, finally found the time to do this review! Hope you're having a fine day!
Chapter 2 quick summary:
A bit of a revision here since I've already read this part so I'll be brief. Mr Nameless goes to the Fighting Fortress, duels, wins then goes to the Colourless Altar on Dodou's back, meets three goofball fanatics and run away before finally reaching the Psychic Fortress.
He meets three fanatics again but this time, they don't impose their rules on him! Like wow, the first few people who actually have personal boundaries and respect other people.
Though instead of going immediately to beat the leader, they drag him to a meeting of the fanatics and somehow they rope him into becoming their leader and together they decide to rebel against their king.
Mr Nameless goes to Clair, beats her and learns of the reasoning behind his kidnapping and then he goes to beat up the king. And through the power of shonen magic (AKA getting the shit beaten out of him), the king sees the errors of his way and lets him go.
Then The End... for now...
Brief bit of Chapter 1:
I reread the chapter a bit and I can say that it's definitely improved a bunch, the personalities between the fanatics are a lot more thorough and distinct now and each of them were a lot more fun to read through. Ellen and Cassie are still my favourite of the bunch and I really like knowing the small backstory of Ellen in Chapter 2, makes her a lot more endearing and cute.
So yeah, that's about it for the new chapter 1.
Chapter 2:
Okay, heading to chapter 2. The Doduo bits, I really like the added moments in chapter 1 and chapter 2. It made me like the little bugger a bit more than before and the scenes where it gives little Ellen rides were cute. Hopefully future chapters will show more of the Dodou's personality and his interactions with Mr Nameless since I do wanna know more about the bird aside from his masochism. The scenes with Ellen show that he does have some form of empathy or sympathy so...
The duels, they were nice though a bit wordy like walls of text, while I understand that they're not that important to the story. I do think it'll be nicer if you've broken them up into multiple paragraphs rather than just one big wall.
Then the pacing of the chapter was certainly a lot better than the previous, unedited chapter 1, it didn't feel like too much or too little happened, there are little places where the story takes breaks for the reader to catch their breath
The fourth wall breaking with Clair, I'll be honest and say that it just wasn't for me, it did kinda take me out of the story when it happened but I don't think it mattered too much to change it. Though it is kinda ridiculous that the Internet is something that doesn't exist in this world especially when y'know, smartphones, headphones and stuff exist here.
So yeah, I liked this chapter, the funny bits were funny and it was a nice read.
And here's my line-by-line comments though they're mostly grammar or spelling errors:
Missing a comma between these and this should be 'three'.
So regarding numbers in writing, usually you should write them down as actually words, like two, ten, four, or fifteen. Writing their actual numbers should usually only be done if the number is huge like 361,081 or if you're talking about date or time, see: 2/12/23 or 09:14. Though I'm not entirely sure about negative numbers but they're probably fine to write down as symbols.
Seth spoke "Gentleman, we shall now see what you are made of. Do be gentle with me.” he said as he peered undaunted, totally unbothered, and actually amused.
She then pulled out a box stuffed full of hoodies and continued "Please everyone take one, we have ordered enough in all sizes for everyone except Jacob!"
pocketed my deck. "Erm.. yes very good then, carry on my wayward companions we shall make our way to the psychic fortress and then to the castle! Rest assured that I shall rest in this chair until I am needed and only after I am given another pretzel for the journey ahead!"
Allison exclaimed "Marvelous! Simply marvelous! To think we understood the game so little that we rely on our uncommons and rares to carry us to victory when our deck building skills and tactics are so sorely lacking! With your power, you should be able to challenge our king. Go forth stranger with your ragtag group of misfits - what do you call them? The Doduo Alliance!" She proclaimed as I inwardly cringed once more.
Anyway, that should be it for now. The revamped chapter 1 is definitely a big step up from before and chapter 2 has been a nice read so yeah. I'll see ya in the next review!
First I want to say, thank you for all of the editing catches for spelling and wording. One reads over and edit multiple times and thinks it is good, but the errors just keep coming! Also, at this point, all of the things you are pointing out have been things I 'should' be able to catch but have of course missed. That video you posted about dialogue tags helped immensely and I reworked the entire fic to enhance it.
A bit of a revision here since I've already read this part so I'll be brief. Mr Nameless goes to the Fighting Fortress, duels, wins then goes to the Colourless Altar on Dodou's back, meets three goofball fanatics and run away before finally reaching the Psychic Fortress.
He meets three fanatics again but this time, they don't impose their rules on him! Like wow, the first few people who actually have personal boundaries and respect other people.
Mr Nameless goes to Clair, beats her and learns of the reasoning behind his kidnapping and then he goes to beat up the king. And through the power of shonen magic (AKA getting the shit beaten out of him), the king sees the errors of his way and lets him go.
To be fair, the 2nd game story used this exact same logic as well. For the most part I wanted to follow the general logic and events of the story of the game but I did change several things as well to make it work better for the challenge run as I played through it. In general, I like to explain why this world works the way it does rather than change it. If there are details missing though, I have no problems filling in the blanks.
I reread the chapter a bit and I can say that it's definitely improved a bunch, the personalities between the fanatics are a lot more thorough and distinct now and each of them were a lot more fun to read through. Ellen and Cassie are still my favorite of the bunch and I really like knowing the small backstory of Ellen in Chapter 2, makes her a lot more endearing and cute.
Okay, heading to chapter 2. The Doduo bits, I really like the added moments in chapter 1 and chapter 2. It made me like the little bugger a bit more than before and the scenes where it gives little Ellen rides were cute. Hopefully future chapters will show more of the Dodou's personality and his interactions with Mr Nameless since I do wanna know more about the bird aside from his masochism. The scenes with Ellen show that he does have some form of empathy or sympathy so...
These scenes with Doduo and Ellen were written specifically with you in mind Shini. I will say that these new scenes also affect later chapters in the fic too. I'm pretty happy how they turned out and I'm thrilled to see you enjoy them!
Oddly enough, future chapters for a good while will focus less on Doduo but he will still be around, just less prominent than before. Part of the reason will be lots of world building and lore coming up to frame the remainder of the events of the fic. There is another character I will be introducing to fill the void that Doduo has completely occupied thus far. I look forward to future reviews from you and would be curious what you think.
The duels, they were nice though a bit wordy like walls of text, while I understand that they're not that important to the story. I do think it'll be nicer if you've broken them up into multiple paragraphs rather than just one big wall.
Then the pacing of the chapter was certainly a lot better than the previous, unedited chapter 1, it didn't feel like too much or too little happened, there are little places where the story takes breaks for the reader to catch their breath
The fourth wall breaking with Clair, I'll be honest and say that it just wasn't for me, it did kinda take me out of the story when it happened but I don't think it mattered too much to change it. Though it is kinda ridiculous that the Internet is something that doesn't exist in this world especially when y'know, smartphones, headphones and stuff exist here.
Every time you point something out and I listen, the fic improves. (at least I think its been every time? Maybe I should keep a list... lol)
Yeah... I think this worked better when the fic was less well written. It kind of sticks out now. Clair is still going to have powers to see things you wouldn't think she should be able to see, but I think I do need to re-evaluate things here and make some edits. Thanks for calling me out on it!
Don't worry, the gentleman doesn't have much of a clue how/why it happened either. He just rolled with it.
If you want a more specific reason, the prophecy they mentioned is the reason they wanted to make him the leader. This will have positive repercussions for things on the island which you will be able to see the effects of later.
Here for our review exchange! You said to start with your intro and prologue so that's what I'm doing. Keep in mind my reviews tend to be running commentary on what I read that stands out to me with more general thoughts at the end.
INTRO
I know of the old Game Boy TCG games. Certainly a novel thing to base a fic on.
Our protagonist only uses copmmon cards eh? A person of the people.
You have a soundtrack built into your fic? That's so cool. I kinda wanna try that now.
Don't worry I'm not a very picky person and myramblings about people's fics intentionally lead positive (unless I'm doing contest judging where the gloves come off but this isn't that)
This is based on an actual playthrough huh? Also hoo boy at those content warnings...
PROLOUGE
fucking competitive tcg stonks
So this is like yu gi oh and people go to school for this huh.
Oh no little Billy is aware of the Author's Notes. We have to kill him.
And here's the Yu Gi Oh. Give Billy his holograms.
Oh so in this world the TCG Island stuffand ONLY the TCG island stuff exists, huh? that's mildly horrifying.
Billy has given the gentleman an existential crisis
And Doduo is the only Pokemon that actually exists. Even more horrifying.
THE BILLCORP CONSPIRACY
Yes Billy punch them in the nose
(Since I'm short on time and don't know much about the subject I skipped the actual TCG lesson; i may read it later and amend this review)
Yeah what a horrible housing market that would be.
That is. Quite the deck.
Man some of these card arts take me back.
THE SNORLAX MAN
Doduo frien...
NOT JOHNATHAN
Soon everything will be Doduo. You cannot resist.
Lmaooooooooooo the alteration joke.
UNLIMITED POWER
Yeah Doduo vs. Electabuzz is gonna work out great buddy
Hmmmm yes a perfectly unsuspicious man
Please do not unplug the teleporter.
OH NO! I THOUGHT THE MAN WAS UNSUSPICIOUS! Also Doduo being useless lol
Yeah what kind of chump would let you read his diary
This Great Rocket guy likes to emphasize his words huh
This GR planning all sounds very omnious...
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I applaud you for making a fic out of your nice hyperfixation in this fandom. That is the way. It's definitelty a fun comedy fic so far, even if some jokes like holograms and doduo feathers overstay their welcome but it's still the sort of goony humor that makes me laugh anyway. Looking forward to reading more when I have the time! Thanks for posting!
Perfectly acceptable. I wrote it in a way to try to hint that it's ok to skip it and that part has no real baring on the story. Come back to read it later if you want, but no worries if you don't.
Its also written to be very interesting as you read more chapters. More can be understood as the fic progresses. If you want to try guessing what's happening behind the obvious scenes, the mission report is where to go back to from time to time.
I didn't mean to hyper-fixate on it at all though! This entire thing has been quiet the un-intentional rabbit hole. Even the extent to which I played the game before writing the fic at all lol...
It's definitelty a fun comedy fic so far, even if some jokes like holograms and doduo feathers overstay their welcome but it's still the sort of goony humor that makes me laugh anyway.
Hey, 133TFR33k! I'm back for the next three chapters of your story.
...Sort of. I noticed that you revamped Chapter 2 quite dramatically, so I figured I'd go back and read the new version of that, since I was a bit lost starting off on Chapter 3. So I'm looking at Chapters 2-4 here.
I really like the little TCG portraits you've added to the posts! They add a lot of character and enhance the atmosphere of these actually being TCG2 games. It's always impressive to me the level of detail they managed to cram into those tiny graphics.
With Chapter 2, I get the impression that you maybe consolidated/condensed some material that had previously been split across multiple chapters. Generally speaking, I think that's a good thing, although Chapter 2 now comes in as rather chunky. It did feel as though it dragged a bit to me--I might have appreciated it being split into two parts. In any case, it was good to see the resolution of the GR Island plot (part one). It's kind of wild to think that you cover the entire main-story plot of the game in just two chapters (plus prologue), albeit fairly long ones.
I'll be curious to see how the casino stuff introduced in Chapter 3 comes up later. It's obvious what the exposition in Chapter 4 portends (and I look forward to seeing what card-related crisis is on the horizon, lol), but right now Chapter 3 feels kind of like a detour. Not sure whether you have a plan to bring the gambling stuff back, or if this was something you included just as a nod to the game.
I was delighted to see Imakuni? show up, though. An actual tragedy that it's been so long since they've been in the TCG. Love goofy little in-jokes like that. Incidentally, are you familiar with Imakuni?'s Doduo?
In any case, Chapter 4 was the most interesting to me out of the three I read here, as it clearly sets up a direction for what might be the remainder of the plot from this point. Clearly we have another hundred-year crisis coming up, and the Gentleman is going to be the one to stand in its way. I'm really curious how much of this is in the game and how much of it is your riffing. I'm guessing this is pretty straight from the game events? One way or another, it's intriguing! The past crises actually sound pretty serious--more serious than anything we've seen thus far. How the plot would grow from silly TCG duels into, well, slightly higher-stakes TCG duels, is a fun question to contemplate. None of those previous heroes seems to have had anything like a doduo on their sides, of course! Gentleman's more than a match for whatever's about to come his way, clearly.
One thing that did cause me problems throughout these chapters was the continued relentless character introductions. The character portraits help a little to make everyone immediately distinct and recognizable, but there were still just a ton of new people introduced each chapter, and I'm really going to struggle to remember them. I felt this particularly hard in Chapter 4, where we don't have the usual volume of TCG duels and instead have a lot of exposition about the history of GR Island... which is still conveyed in the form of information about a bunch of new characters. Hopefully some of them will be coming up again later (unclear whether those are their specific portraits, or whether you picked some generic portraits to represent them), but as it is it's another gauntlet of characters I'm going to have trouble remembering, from my perspective.
In any case, I think the emerging storyline of the TCG hero has a lot of potential to be fun, and I look forward to seeing how you take us through it. The stakes have been pretty low for the Gentleman (and Doduo) thus far, but it seems like things might pick up a bit from here. I'm excited to see how he might react to situations that really threaten him! Or, it might be that the tone is going to stay pretty whimsical, and nothing serious is going to come of the prophecy--that could be fun, too! I'm still not entirely sure where this story is going, but I'll be back for more later. I want to see where you end up taking things!
...Sort of. I noticed that you revamped Chapter 2 quite dramatically, so I figured I'd go back and read the new version of that, since I was a bit lost starting off on Chapter 3. So I'm looking at Chapters 2-4 here.
It was probably good to re-read chapter 2 with the revamps.Good call on that. From this point I don't think there will be too many dramatic reworks of previous chapters so it should be safe to continue ahead.
I really like the little TCG portraits you've added to the posts! They add a lot of character and enhance the atmosphere of these actually being TCG2 games. It's always impressive to me the level of detail they managed to cram into those tiny graphics.
I figured I wasn't making use of the 10 unique picture limit enough, so I decided to use what I could! Everyone seems to like the pictures, so I'm pretty happy about adding them! Thanks!
I would include more if it allowed for more pictures.
Kind of a shame it has a 10 pic limit, but I'm guessing it's there because it's needed. I had to pull some pictures away from cards in some chapters to get more portrait pictures.
So what I did there was moved some material between chapter 1 and 2. I think some material has also been added to chapter 2 since your last read of it too.
Generally speaking, I think that's a good thing, although Chapter 2 now comes in as rather chunky. It did feel as though it dragged a bit to me--I might have appreciated it being split into two parts.
I was wondering about their lengths. I was trying to keep them under 10k each for future catnips, but I failed as chapter 1 still went over 10k by a little.
Perhaps I should split both Chapters 1 and 2 and turn them into 4 chapters... I appreciate the input here!
In any case, it was good to see the resolution of the GR Island plot (part one). It's kind of wild to think that you cover the entire main-story plot of the game in just two chapters (plus prologue), albeit fairly long ones.
Well there is actually more exposition coming up in the next chapter. Just fair warning there. Next chapter contains the last big chunk of it. It's needed to advance the remainder of the plot though...
but right now Chapter 3 feels kind of like a detour. Not sure whether you have a plan to bring the gambling stuff back, or if this was something you included just as a nod to the game.
I was delighted to see Imakuni? show up, though. An actual tragedy that it's been so long since they've been in the TCG. Love goofy little in-jokes like that. Incidentally, are you familiar with Imakuni?'s Doduo?
I had no idea that existed! Feels like a missed opportunity of some kind, though I am unsure how I would work it into a scene at this point... Also that card was not in the actual game and since this fic doubles as a let's play... well, you get the idea.
The past crises actually sound pretty serious--more serious than anything we've seen thus far. How the plot would grow from silly TCG duels into, well, slightly higher-stakes TCG duels, is a fun question to contemplate.
One of the things I like about my fic is the way the stakes and story evolves! I can't wait for you to hopefully read more!
By the way, you might want to come back to the missionreport at the end of the prologue from time to time. As you progress, you should be able to understand more and more about what the kidnapper was talking about. Hint: it pertains to things spanning across the entire fic.
There are a lot of characters in the game so there are a lot of introductions...
From this point on there are almost no more introductions!
Also, most returning characters from this point will have had portraits in the previous chapters you have read. So hopefully the ones you remember the most will be the ones you see again.
The character portraits help a little to make everyone immediately distinct and recognizable, but there were still just a ton of new people introduced each chapter, and I'm really going to struggle to remember them.
Im hoping the way the rest of the story is written that it would be as hard as you think to remember them. Thanks for mentioning it though. I'll be curious if it actually does become a problem for you later or not.
I felt this particularly hard in Chapter 4, where we don't have the usual volume of TCG duels and instead have a lot of exposition about the history of GR Island... which is still conveyed in the form of information about a bunch of new characters.
Well that's why I added the portraits of the heroes as well as crafting backstories for all of them. It was difficult to tie those characters from the game into the narrative of the story.
I'll drop one but of information here: those heroes are the Ghostmasters referred to in the mission report at the end of the prologue and they are far less dead than people think they are...
Hopefully some of them will be coming up again later (unclear whether those are their specific portraits, or whether you picked some generic portraits to represent them),
Their portraits look sort of generic, but those are the ones for them from the game. And yes, they absolutely come up again later... One of them far more than the others.
Don't worry, I try to mention their deeds with them when talking about them later, although I'm starting to think I should be a bit more overt with it. I think I'll comb over the remaining chapters again to make sure. Thanks for voicing the concern.
The stakes have been pretty low for the Gentleman (and Doduo) thus far, but it seems like things might pick up a bit from here. I'm excited to see how he might react to situations that really threaten him!
Or, it might be that the tone is going to stay pretty whimsical, and nothing serious is going to come of the prophecy--that could be fun, too! I'm still not entirely sure where this story is going, but I'll be back for more later.
After far longer than one might expect and the caravan getting lost in the wilderness on more than one occasion, we finally found our way back to the psychic fortress!
Setting me down, Heidi then proclaimed, "From here the challenger must go on alone, for only the champion has the right to earn the favor of the standard folk!"
Under her breath I then caught her muttering "and I don't know how I could look mother in the eyes having organized this opposition! Forgive me mother!"
At this, I entered the threshold of the stronghold as Doduo bowed to let Ellen dismount and followed along behind me. As for Ellen... what?? How does she have no feathers stuck to her after riding that bird for so long! I reasoned her clothes must be made of some special material or something.
I then turned my attention back to the task at hand.
The entrance was lined with an ornate long rug of various shades of purple leading deeper into the stronghold. Along all of the walls were a series of electric lamps embedded in the walls that lit up one at a time with a blue light in each of the corners of the room. The light appeared to move from one lamp to the next until meeting both sides of the doorways with the rugs before repeating the pattern again. The floor was polished industrial strength glass that appeared to sit on top of epoxied concrete. On both sides of the rug in the middle were giant red painted letters: GR.
I made my traditional stop to the lobby first for some water. The same style of flooring continued here as well but there were large sections of flooring missing in both corners along the left wall. I peered down to take a look and found they were stuffed to the brim with multicolored pipes and wires. After getting my water, I proceeded to the inner chamber.
The flooring continued here as well and there was another set of red GR letters near the entrance. To the right and left of the floor after the entrance were two rectangular dark holes that I could not see the bottoms of.
Doduo looked down the holes, but didn't appear to have much interest in them, or really anything else in the room for that matter. It did however seem unusually content to a large degree considering the fact that it was not trying to hurt itself.
Ahead was a lit platform that alternated between purple and white light on top of a set of stairs. Other than the area the elevator took up, the remainder of the back wall was lined with embedded large long glass tubes containing a light blue liquid that each had a constant stream of bubbles floating upward in them. The tubes continued downward under the floor and also above the ceiling.
There was a single duelist in the room who greeting me informing me of his name: Kevin.
He seemed to be age 10 and had a typical short haircut for a boy his age and wore a plain white shirt. He also had a pair of goggles resting on his forehead with the lenses containing the large red letters: GR.
He proclaimed that the passage to the upper floor with Claire is only permitted to those authorized to use it. To gain authorization, one must defeat each of the duelists in the room. He admitted that since all the rest had requested PTO for the day, all the work had piled on him, so I would merely need to defeat him to advance. Little did he know all of his fellow employees were outside as members of the Doduo Alliance! Eager to get things underway, we began our duel!
After an intense bout, I polished off my opponent using the ability of Dark Rapidash to target a foe on the bench for 10 damage. Notably, Doduo served a purpose in the pounding it procured at the wrong end of a Tail Drop attack for 80 damage. That it suffered overkill damage pleased it to no end...With my final lower-status foe vanquished I took to the seizure-inducing elevator as I ascended to face my fated foe, Claire the GR psychic leader!
The top floor was dimly lit primarily by lights from various control panels and complex immense computers in both of the far corners. In the middle was an enormous metal U-shaped desk that opened towards the elevator. It had a huge monitor along the back the size of two of the largest TVs I had ever seen put together! The floor was the same here and the two corners near the entrance were holes extending down.
There in front of the monitor stood a figure with their hands behind their back. The figure was clothed in a purple hooded robe. As I approached, and without looking or turning around, she crowed with the voice of an undoubtedly old lady.
"So, you have managed to avoid starvation and are seeking general restitution eh? You fascinate me, sir. Somehow your pathetic deck of only common cards has managed to make it this far on our island! I have been monitoring your progress with our state of the art surveillance system. Quite the curious anomaly you are..."
I replied "Are you Claire, the one who arranged for my kidnapping?"
She turned around revealing her face. She appeared to be at least in her 70's.
She smiled. "Indeed I am, but what are you going to do about it?"
I held out a fist in her direction. "I will challenge you to a duel! If I win, you shall never arrange to kidnap anyone again and you will permit me access to GR Castle so I can put an end to this twisted game you all have me playing!"
Claire cackled "How amusing! Very well, I agree to your terms!"
At that, our duel to determine my admittance to the GR castle was underway!
Claire unleashed a veritable torrent of Energy Removal and Super Energy Removal upon my precious stores of energy. With no means to attack, I was forced to fight off the licks of her Gastly with my trusty Porygon.
As the turns accumulated, energy inevitably found its way more and more onto my Pokemon. What's more, I returned my energy with the ever trusty Nightly Garbage Run! With energy restored to fighting levels I then began plowing through her defenses with my loyal Dark Rapidash.
She eventually brought out her ace: Gengar! It succeeding in Push Aside to send my Dark Rapidash and all its energy back to the deck. Unfortunately for Claire it had already taken 30 damage, so it was a simple matter for my Voltorb to finish the job!
Once the terrible ghost was banished, Porygon and Voltorb teamed up to bring down her Kangaskhan bringing our turbulent tussle to its rightful conclusion!
The duel as long and arduous, but ultimately ended in my victory! Also of note was Doduo's enjoyment of my use of the Nightly Garbage Run card. I expect it was able to smell the garbage from it and it looked like it loved every moment of it.
Claire smiled. "Congratulations, gentleman of the Doduo Alliance! I am aware of your following and have long predicted your arrival. My surveillance system helped to fill in the blanks but I have awaited this moment for many years. Do forgive me for the note; I needed a way to convince you to proceed deeper into the island since you could have simply arranged to fly back to your home island at any point by merely turning around and asking the flight attendant! She's always going out of her way to rescue stray animals and no doubt would have committed treason to help you... As for preventing you from eating, you required some extra incentive to get here in a timely fashion. Timing of things does matter after all, especially when viewing the world through powers like mine."
There was the truth of it, I have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, and deceived! I then asked her why she kidnapped me instead of simply inviting me to the island.
"You could have said no.," she said with a sly smile. "Who would actually expect you to prevail on our island with nothing but a ridiculous deck of only commons! But I knew you would, my predictions have never failed me. In truth, I have long awaited a chance to show our king the error of his ways, but he is far too stubborn to listen to this old crone. Fortunately the masked reporter informed the king of your exploits on TCG island which caused him to take an interest in you."
My thoughts suddenly flashed back to the duel that resulted in my kidnapping. If only I had my deck of rares for that duel! I never would have suffered such indignity!
Claire held her hands in front of her touching all of her fingertips together angled slightly upward. "At that point, he entrusted me to select a man from our kingdom to defeat you in a duel and to abduct you. It was I who selected that man, but you will need to discover for yourself who that was. But I digress, I needed someone with the audacity you possess to defeat the king with a deck full of commons!"
She began her devious laughter before stopping abruptly. "Now you must show the world that your deck can defeat the GR king! You have only to defeat one of his lackeys to be afforded the honor, the other will surely join your merry band of misfits!"
Emboldened by this new information, I gave a short nod and bid her farewell as I returned to the elevator to begin the descent which stopped only inches after starting the descent.
Claire furiously grabbed her cane that was laying on a nearby table. "Confound those accursed NEO outsourced repairmen! I told the king to hire GR citizens to fix this, but he's always droning on and on about needing more money to procure rare cards! Rare cards! As if they will save him from the impending storm of your arrival!"
Claire shuffled to a nearby control panel and bashed it with her cane before muttering, "infernal contraption..." The elevator then resumed its decent.
Arriving back outside the stronghold, I informed Heidi of her mother's involvement.
Heidi's jaw dropped. "She... what?? She already knew? So she pretended all this time to be against the movement while making me lead it the whole way? This is so embarrassing!" she hissed as she turned red.
She balled her fists at her side. "There is no way I am going up there now, lets just go to the castle now!!"
So, the final journey to the castle commenced much in the same fashion as the one that led here. Doduo again singled out Ellen to ride, despite attempts from other members of the Doduo alliance to try to get it to let them ride it. No, it would only allow Ellen it would seem!
Upon arrival to the gates of the castle, I was met by an individual known as Clay. He looked to be about 30 years old and was clean shaven and in an all-blue military-style uniform with the jacket un-buttoned and the collar flipped up. Under the jacket he wore a red shirt. He also had a hat in the same style as the jacket with a red GR logo on the front.
Before he could fully enter into what I am sure would be a carefully crafted explanation about how all decks should only contain the Pokemon cards of Legend (despite there being presumably limited copies of the cards released)
I held up my hand and proclaimed: "Good sir, the psychics under my command have already informed me all there is to know about your deck requirements. Now is not the time for our duel, it is the time for action against the GR king!"
There was no need for him to know I had no clue about his deck requirements. Sometimes one must simply play the part!
At this, he ceased his prattle and provided a salute. "Yes sir!"
He then motioned for the drawbridge to extend.
I entered the castle with Ellen still riding Doduo and the rest of the Doduo Alliance trailing behind.
The castle entrance was massive with a large red carpet with yellow trim flowing all the way up a set of stairs to a large stage. The stage was lined with a metal railing. Where the rug ended and before the hall deeper into the castle there were the letters embossed in the floor in dark grey: GR. Prior to the stage, sat a large ornate duel table lined with green felt. The floor was all some kind of polished white stone. The lower level with the duel table had long tables with white ornate table cloths lining the left and right walls. Blue candelabras adorned the length of both tables. The ceiling must have extended upwards of 100 feet with windows on both sides taking up most of the wall space to let in an abundance of natural light. The stage at the back had an entrance to proceed farther into the castle. The stage also had immense golden pillars lining the walls that extended all the way to the roof.
At the duel table sat Allison, the 2nd in command of the GR kingdom according to Clay. She had long blue hair with eyes to match. She also wore blue lipstick and wore a striking red trench-coat with the collar flipped up. She also wore a necklace with a red GR logo on it.
At this point, Doduo in preparation for dueling, bowed to let Ellen dismount. She gave it a big hug after and I noticed there were yet again not any feathers left on her clothes! How does she do it?
Allison rose from her seat with a confident posture. "The fortress leaders have informed me of your movement. Cease your struggle as it will amount to nothing! No one can hope to defeat our illustrious king without rares in their deck! To insinuate it can be done is treason! To insinuate it can be done without even uncommons is.. is even bigger treason! You didn't actually make it here honestly did you? There is no way your ragtag deck of commons could have done it! I don't believe you. To prove it, I shall duel you and prove to everyone here and now that a deck with only commons cannot prevail!!! I have 3 different rules and will pick whichever I feel like. Deal with it scum!"
At this our epic duel(s?) began!
The first duel was with low resistance meaning it would only be -10 instead of -30.
After perhaps the most fierce struggle I had yet to endure in a duel against the likes of Hitmonchan, Mr Mime, and Mewtwo, the bout ended in defeat, but I had managed to pick up four of six prizes!
Allison looked up from the completed game with her head tilted downward and to the side while looking at me primarily with her left eye. "Interesting! I did not expect your farce of a deck to even KO one of my Pokemon, let alone four! You will show me more!"
We entered into our 2nd duel.
The 2nd was using her Black Hole rule where all cards discarded cannot be returned. The duel commenced and proved to be every bit as challenging as the first!
She unleashed her dreaded Energy Removals upon my Voltorb rendering them inert for most of the fight. She even brought out a Blastoise to my utter horror and fully powered it up with water energy! Thankfully Doduo was absolutely brimming with excitement at the prospect of utter temporary annihilation at the receiving end of its dreaded Hydro Pump. Its sacrifice was not in vain as my energy was restored before it was too late! I gave that Blastoise a group spark to shake the heavens as the terrible tortoise tumbled!
With barely any prizes on her side remaining, I claimed the victory!
Allisons eyes went wide as she pinched herself. "How could I lose to a deck full of commons! This has to be a joke! Though I pinch myself, it is clearly not a dream! Marvelous! Duel me once more, stranger and I shall permit you passage to the throne room. You need not even need to win our next bout, I will honor my agreement!"
Allison then selected the rule for our final bout: Retreat cost is increased by 1 for all Pokemon! This meant I could no longer swap my Pokemon free of energy charge! With that, our 3rd and final duel began!
As the third duel commenced, she assailed me with yet more Energy Removal and lead with Scyther. It did its usual nothing as Doduo meticulously pecked away its HP. Once it was clear it could afford to tank no longer, it made a hasty retreat at the cost of its own energy.
Doduo now found itself staring down a Weezing. Since Doduo loves the idea of garbage, it had no trouble suffering a KO when Weezing exploded not once but twice to take the ecstatic Doduo with it!
The field was now populated by my Voltorb and yet another Scyther. I decided to blow this one away with Gust of Wind so I could target the Grimer lurking on the bench. The Scyther then returned to do more of absolutely nothing. They are objectively the coolest Pokemon to ever exist though. I suppose they do not need to attack for them to have value. After zapping it away, I was met with a rather ornery Koffing.
Once I dispatched it, the time for the decisive strike arrived as I finished the Grimer with my Dark Rapidash discarding its energy to finish the Scyther on the bench. And so, with four prizes remaining on her side, my foe was vanquished at last!
This duel resulted in my best victory against her yet with her still having four prizes left to claim at the end!
"Marvelous! Simply marvelous! To think we understood the game so little that we rely on our uncommons and rares to carry us to victory when our deck building skills and tactics are so sorely lacking! With your power, you should be able to challenge our king. Go forth stranger with your ragtag group of misfits - what do you call them? The Doduo Alliance!" she proclaimed as I inwardly cringed once more.
Why must they pick that bird? Oh well at least I have followers to gather its feathers and my word were there many of them from the duels we had here! My new followers didn't seem to mind though as they eagerly gathered them as souvenirs and keepsakes. The absurdity! All the while the bird displayed its now commonplace smugness. Oh well, as long as it deigns to charge headlong into my foes, it suits my purposes...
I ascended the stairs and into the throne room beyond!
As I crossed the threshold of my newfound destiny, I stood in awe of its opulence and splendor. Ahead were stairs leading to a stage with a duel table. Below the stage were golden stands with golden busts of the team GR King "Villicci" according to the plaques.
The floor was obviously inspired by the night sky and was smooth with no seams. It was all black with tiny lights embedded into the floor which lit up in various colors and intensities. The effect was that it gave the appearance that I was walking on top of outer space. Prior to the stairs in giant font and light blue were the letters: GR.
The stage was lined with a light blue railing on the side facing the entrance and the remainder of the edges of the stage were lined with oversized golden spikes. The roof here was perhaps fifty feet high with windows taking up the entirety of the back wall. At the top of the stairs was another red rug with even more stylized edges in gold than the rug in the previous room. Around the middle of the stage was another ornate duel table lined with green felt. Golden chairs sat on either side of it. The rug extended beyond the stage and towards the back wall into a smaller nook and raised stage. This stage had stairs and floor of pure gold and was framed by blue drapes. In the center of this stage was a golden throne and a figure was upon it.
"A fine set if I do say so myself." The words came from who could only be the king of this land.
"My name is Villicci.”
He looked to be about forty years old. He had black hair that was balding off to either side along the top. He had bushy eyebrows and a full beard and mustache. His eyes were a striking red and his skin was pale. He wore along purple royal robe lined with white and held together at the large collar by a red GR logo pin. He also wore a silver circlet upon his forehead with a dark red gem embedded in the middle in between and above his eyebrows.
He loomed over me from the stage. “King, Villicci. All the decor you see here was laid down my many generations of the citizens of our island. There is something to be said for their quality. But lately, I have utilized our coffers to pursue other interests; namely the vast accumulation of rare Pokemon cards! I have quite the collection you see, three decks in fact! Only my subordinate, Allison has been afforded the luxury of an equal amount of decks as I need someone at least close to my power to play against. You see, it quickly becomes a bore to be so powerful and to crush all of your foes with no chance of defeat. That is why I have had my eye on you for some time now. In fact, it was I who ordered your abduction!
I crossed my arms. "I suppose it would be too much to ask to be invited without abduction?"
At this the GR King laughed. "In truth the abduction was not my idea, but Claire's. She insisted it would make for quite the entertainment, and as usual, she was quite right! You have been the talk of the island as of late. Everyone's anxious to see our duel."
He then gestured towards various camera crews who had been behind me setting up to film our duel.
He continued "The gentleman, the one who wields the power of the masses. The gentleman whose skill at the Pokemon TCG knows no bounds. The gentleman whose mascot is a Doduo of all things! You know, one of my subordinates, the leader of the fighting club, has a Doduo. He beats it for training and the beast actually enjoys it! I have taken note that your following also embraces the foul fowl. There is simply nothing special about such a bird! It is a basic Pokemon! Sometimes it doesn't even do damage when it attacks! I have forced myself to study its properties and can only conclude that any who seriously use it without its evolution of Dodrio must be quite mad or a genius! So, stranger in this foreign land, which I inquire, are you?"
I brandished my deck and pointed it at him. "Duel me good sir, and you shall discover that for yourself!"
Villicci stroked he beard thoughtfully for a moment and then stretched his hand outward towards me. "Then ascend to the dueling stage Mr. Gentleman and we shall have not a duel, but a match! Show me this fabled common-deck power of yours!"
With that, the match against the king himself commenced!
The match began with the utmost intensity. The deck he selected for the first duel was dubbed: "Burn Up!".
Charmander thwarted my Porygon, but not before Porygon was able to switch its weakness to lightning. Voltorb paralyzed it in the turn to follow and struck again with Group Spark!
Out came Clefairy which failed to keep my Voltorb asleep. I top-decked another Porygon which I used to convert Clefairy's weakness. Its shining fingers kept Porygon asleep this time. With no way to prevent the debilitation, the turn was passed. It continued its assault with the same result. Voltorbs continued to flow to my hand as I filled my bench with them. Finally after a 3rd strike, Porygon awakened! After retreating, my Voltorb made quick work of Clefairy and Magmar took its place.
A single smog smote my Voltorb. Requiring a reprieve I played Gust of Wind to bring out his Kangaskhan which only had a single energy attached. I then made use of Gambler and was rewarded for my newfound gambling addiction with 8 more cards and a compete set of Voltorb! (On a previous turn I had played Nightly Garbage run, much to Doduo’s pleasure, to restock my deck)
I then converted weakness again and my foe drew a card from the attack that followed. I then reigned the supreme thunder of a Group Spark down upon my foe for a mighty 120 damage!
Magmar returned and attempted to obscure things with its smokescreen, but such attempts are pure folly against my deck! I returned to the already weakened Porygon to convert weakness yet again.
Behind enemy lines on the bench loomed a Dark Charizard that Villicci had been building up!
Magmar finished off Porygon but its victory was short lived as I brought down the might of the heavens upon its unfortunate hide with another Group Spark from Voltorb!
Dark Charizard took to the field and laid waste to my Voltorb. The enemy also prepared a Mr Mime to neutralize weaknesses! With little time to lose, I made a mad dash for the foe with a Group Spark for 50 of its 80 HP! Its ruinous Continuous Fireball attack incinerated my Voltorb but I had another in the wings to finish off the fearsome fiery foe!
Using a Pokemon trader in my hand I recovered yet another Voltorb from my deck and brought it to the bench. With the final piece of the puzzle set, I brought the last ounce of the power of my deck upon his Mr Mime and brought it down!
After a long and turbulent duel and with only one prize left unclaimed for my foe, the victory went to me!
After the first game, the king chuckled. "Amusing. Luck does indeed play a role in the game, but surely your deck will not last against what remains in store."
With that, he pulled out the deck "Beat and Destroy!" and potentially our final game in this match began!
The game commenced with Squirtle vs Ponyta.
Ponyta took a hit but was not paralyzed by the foe's bubble. I sent Voltorb out after it but it did not succumb to paralysis. I then brought his Clefairy out as I noted his hand appeared to be lacking energy. With Voltorb back in action, I hit it with a 40 damage Group Spark. After finishing the following turn in the same manner, my foe was then forced to bring out Scyther to the field.
Once the Scyther tasted the fire of my Dark Rapidash, it left the field since it knew it would have no further time to tank. The Lapras that replaced it was considerably less lazy as it used water gun to weaken Dark Rapidash.
I then swapped for Voltorb and took it out in a single 80 damage blow! The king then brought out yet another Scyther to tank some more and look cool of course! One can say many things of the king, but never that he is without style.
Dark Rapidash took to the field yet again and discouraged further tanking but then all at once, my foe was out of Pokemon to fill his bench! Dark Rapidash then went for the KO simultaneously ending both remaining Scythers at the same time as well as the duel.
Our second duel had me dealing with Squirtle, Clefairy, Lapras, and some unsurprisingly lazy Scythers! I'm not sure the inhabitants of the island realize just how lazy Scyther is, but its so cool I simply can't fault them for it and I think they are ok losing with it too for the same reason. And lose the king did!
With that, the match and the fate of this kingdom was determined!
Finally, the king looked up from the play-mat and conceded defeat.
"This is wonderful! Who knew a deck full of common cards could topple the duelists of not only your island but mine as well! Though I never saw your Doduo come out to the active slot in our games, I think I understand now. Doduo is always with you in spirit!"
At this I inwardly cringed..
He held his arms open as he gazed upwards. "Through your struggles and games, with the resilience of a Doduo, you carry on! You never let those stationed above you to tell you how far you may fly! No, you simply fly and soar above the clouds that produce such potent Group Sparks! Clearly you are well loved, as I can see the trust your followers place in you. I had labeled them all misfits, but perhaps they too have voices that should be heard. There shall be new laws in this land, the standard meta folk will no longer dictate all the rules, we shall now share with the downtrodden who follow you so faithfully! I would offer to share with you some of the collection of my many rares, but I now know you do not need them, my friend.
I then lamented the lack of additional rares. He clearly has more money than he knows what to do with! Why must he taunt me with them?!
He opened a nearby box revealing its contents. "Still, at least take these booster packs in exchange for your IOUs. Thank you for all you have done to show me the error of my ways. We shall always remember your deeds and your faithful Doduo! Take care my friend!"
Upon the defeat of the GR king, the Doduo Alliance cheered as they carried me away from the castle as I inwardly continued to lament the likely enormous pile of rares I would not be gifted. Even so, I opened several booster packs that the king had given me from the games I had won on the island noting that there were at least there are some cards I could sell from them.
The Doduo Alliance was eager to help bring my weary body back to the airport since I had expressed a desire to go home. We snacked on pretzels and sang many songs on our trek back to the GR regional airport.
Even Doduo seemed happy as it let Ellen yet again ride it the whole way to the airport. Ellen happily hugged it as she smiled with the wind blowing through her long hair.
"Perhaps he is not such a bad bird after all", I thought to myself as it ran along side me and I pet one of its heads.
The trip home was a peaceful one as I gazed upon the clouds. I would surely have many stories to tell back home of my grand adventure.
Doduo merely gazed out among the clouds responding to very little to things on the trip home.
Little did I know that not only would I be returning to GR Island, but the true journey for both myself and that bird was yet to come!
There are 4 status effects in the original Pokemon TCG: Paralysis, Sleep, Poison, and Confusion. A Pokemon can only be affected by 1 of these at a time except for Posion which can stack with the others. Status affects can only affect the active Pokemon of either player.
Status effects can be removed by evolving, using certain card effects like the Full Heal trainer card, or by retreating the active Pokemon.
Poison deals 10 damage to the affected Pokemon in between every turn.
Paralysis prevents the pokemon from retreating or attacking until the end of that players next turn at which point the status is removed.
Sleep acts the same way except it stays on permanently but with a chance of it being removed in between each turn.
Confusion and Poison do not go away on their own. Confusion requires an attack to flip a coin to see if the attack will continue to the rest of its effects. If the coin-flip is failed, the Pokemon does not attack and instead suffers 20 damage. It also effects retreating. After paying the reatreat cost, a coin-flip will determine if the retreat is successful. If not, the energy cost is still paid.
There are also attack effects that are not officially status effects. Porygon's conversion is an example of this as is Smokescreen from a Magmar. Those effects can be removed by retreating. You can retreat any number of times in a turn as long as the cost is paid.
This concludes the content that loosely followed the primary story of the game. The remainder of the story will be formed from the remaining unused elements of the game as well as the post game content. Until next time!
