Pokémon Too Damn Early

[Raindropcroptop]

Here's a fic from last year that I went back and revised a little to post here. No content warnings, just sleepless at 3am.

Hilda looks at the fridge. She feels the chill of the air skirt around her bare feet, and grabs a singular piece of ham before devouring it right out of the bag. Yeah. She's doing this.

---

The world is a dark, icy thing at 3:30 in the morning. That’s what Hilda thinks when she turns in her covers, surrounded by the inky black of the night and her alarm clock’s glow in her room. Her window, normally a calm place of midnight meditation, lies obscured by a giant box. It’s a giant, overwhelmingly exciting, absolutely huge box with a bow on it the size of Twist Mountain, and it makes her heart race every living second she stares at it.

There’s an evil core that has taken the place of her chest with the lack of sleep. It feels sickening with the energy that staying in the world of the waking costs, and Hilda’s stretching proves absolutely fruitless in dismissing it. It’s just there now. Forever. She gets up anyway.

There’s absolutely no way anyone’s sleeping in this house. Not when there’s a giant, huge, gargantuan, championsized, mamoswine, humongous, practically exploding box on her desk.

But.

But her best friends are sleeping. Probably. Maybe. The hours they’ve spent in the chat prove otherwise again and again, but she’s going to believe that they’re better than her at sleeping. Despite Bianca’s clear anxiety disorder and Cheren’s tendency to stay up until Dragons know when studying, which he’s probably doing.

You know what-

Nope. Nope. Hilda yawns again in a futile attempt to dismiss her sleep before ultimately deciding that it’s going to do absolutely nothing. She will exist in sleep limbo today, this cursed existence beyond common sense and fully into the realm of instinct. It flies in the face of the common, practically yelling at fate to go absolutely eat it.

Speaking of eating it, sleep limbo demands sacrifice for being summoned in this way. The teen knows it as she silently scales the staircase to feed the beast. The fridge is relatively silent in the white noise of 3:30 in the morning that blares in her ears somehow louder than any noise known to man, and the weary, excited, inaccurate, hands of a teen who’s up this early find the handle of the appliance with terrifying efficiency for someone who feels like they’re going to pass out at any second.

And standing there, tall and proud, is that drink. That energy potion x-treme that she *was* saving for later, now called upon in her great hour of need. Limbs laden with the broken promise of sleep reach for the energy drink, and she cracks open the cold one with precision unmatched by those in the world of the living.

There are two more that they all decided Bianca’s dad would never know about, and two more that she retrieves from the fridge to set upon the counter. They stand tall, condensation watering around the icy beverages that say “approved by the league safety commission” in bold, hilariously terrible lettering.

Yeah. Yeah. She’s going to do this.

“Hey. There’s three fucking Pokemon in my house. Get down here.” She whispers as she types, her voice cracking as it recovers from such an ordeal. It’s fine. She’s fine. She takes another swig of the energy drink and coughs from the bitter aftertaste as it runs down her throat, eyes watering.

It’s fine. She’s fine.

The groupchat lights up with not one, but two “now typing…”. The sip she’s taking of the drink sloshes in the can, and somehow escapes containment to splash into her nose.

“But… but it’s not even four in the morning…” Bianca’s text hits first, and Hilda is filled with that numb kind of excitement that only 3:40 in the morning can provide. She scarfs down an offering of lunchmeat straight from the bag, in front of the open fridge, in spite of the Dragons and all they stand for. Next is a handful of shredded cheese, some of which is spilled on both her shirt and the floor.


A fantastic start to the rest of her life. Hilda is convinced that she is thriving, standing in her element, barefoot and eating stale popcorn.

“We’re doing this now, aren’t we.” Cheren’s text, followed by Bianca’s sob emoji that takes the place of a larger emoji by attaching itself to his message.

“We are absolutely doing this right now.” Hilda texts the both of them, unabashedly burping now that the hunger of life has been satiated by her midnight snacks. “I have the goods. Get down here.”

The two thumbs up she gets in reply are satisfying, and Hilda goes to prop her front door open to breathe in some of that crisp, cool, night air before it turns into a sweltering summer breeze. Dragons, it feels so damn good. She almost regrets everything as she sees two bodies come into view, the only two foolish enough to look sleep in the face and give it the middle finger with her. Her best friends.

“Hey guys. It’s time. Let’s fucking go.” Hilda rattles off before swaying in place. “I’ve got the goods.”

“Yeah, I know. You texted us that you indeed ‘have the goods.’” Cheren replies, with his snarky air quotes. “Why do you phrase it like that? It’s just a couple snacks and some drinks you got at the mart.”

“Cheren, you wouldn’t understand. The flavor. It’s the flavor.” She jokes, and Bianca nods along like she understands the flavor. (She doesn’t, but Hilda always lets her have this. Always.)

“Yeah, I know. Well, let’s do this thing, I suppose.” Cheren says, and his excitement even in his tired words is palpable.

“That’s the spirit, my dude.” Hilda dramatically ushers the two inside, and they partake of the energy drinks and off brand chips in a fantastic, astonishingly quiet display before practically running up the stairs. Truly, they’re taking destiny into their own hands with this one.

And the box, that amazing, horrible box. It stands in front of the three as the light of day just barely makes its way through the blinds of her window.

“How are we awake.” It’s said so tiredly that it’s not even a question anymore, and Bianca yawns before shaking off the feeling.

“The power of energy drinks and teenage will.” Hilda answers regardless, and Cheren nods along with her.

“Alright. So… who’s picking the pokemon?” Bianca says, blinking back what could be exhaustion or energy. Really, it’s probably not even known to her what it truly is.

“Hilda, it is your house. And you did supply refreshments.” Cheren watches as she practically jumps at the opportunity, ripping the package to shreds and revealing…

“The balls…” Hilda says, giggling. It’s 4 AM, and there are pokeballs.

“Indeed. The balls.” Cheren joins in.

“Those are some pokeballs.” Bianca adds, not wanting to be left behind.

“Alright. I choose… YOU!” Hilda whispers, and what could be considered the cutest, most adorable, gentlest creature in existence comes out of the pokeball. Oshawott yawns with the early awakening, blinking before lifting its little paws for uppies. Not to rob a little guy of uppies, Hilda quickly obliges the practical demand and holds it close.

“This is the best thing ever. I love this.” Hilda practically sobs, “I love him. Look at my little guy.”

“Aww….” Bianca pokes the little thing, and the three of them watch as it sneezes before leaning into the hug. “Oh… okay. My turn?” she asks bashfully, almost looking ashamed for doing so, and Cheren pats her shoulder before pointing at the box.

"Okay! If you say so!" She grins, and picks out a PokeBall quickly. "Come on out!"

Tepig, the little bastard, pops out and snorts proudly, sneezing with sparks that could theoretically light the entire house on fire. It grins up at her, smiling, and Bianca also provides the little thing with a hug as fast as she possibly can.

"What a friend! Welcome aboard!" Bianca laughs as Tepig licks her hand, nibbling on her fingertips, and Cheren takes the opportunity to meet Snivy.

The last of the pokemon emerges with little fanfare, but blinks up at Cheren with hopeful, graceful eyes. He smiles back, and kneels down to hold it tight in a sleepy hug.

"Could we… could we battle with them?" Hilda asks, and all three of the pokemon start to stare at each other excitedly, and it seems to answer the question for the group.


“I want to battle.” Bianca says quietly, and Cheren pats her shoulder once more to lead her to the other side of the room.

“Yep, just stand there like that,” Cheren says to her, Snivy happily humming on his shoulder. “Just tell Tepig what to do, and you’ll be just fine.”

“Alright! Hilda, it’s time!” She squeals, before letting Tepig run into the center of the room. Oshawott waddles into the makeshift battlefield tiredly, but clearly happy to do so.

“Hit me with your best shot!” Hilda screams, and points at her childhood friend with a fire in her eyes and bags underneath them.

“Okay! Tepig! Tackle attack!” Bianca slips on her feet and falls to the floor with how hard she yells, and watches with a gasp as the pokemon follows her order. The little pig charges with all of the ferocity imaginable, and boy, does Tepig’s attack hit true.

A critical hit. Right off the bat, slamming into Oshawott with a powerful blow that knocks the otter into the wall, scattering all of the items on Hilda’s desk.

“Oshawott! Tackle back!” Hilda points, and the small creature breathes before getting up to retaliate. It pushes a bookshelf over, the piece of furniture slamming to the ground with a giant noise, and the idea of them coming out of this unscathed becomes even more improbable.

In fact, Cheren turns to see movement at his side, and the glaring face of a very tired Hilda’s mom that makes his entire body jolt with terror. She blinks at the damage, and yet refuses to enter the room to stop it.

Oshawott’s tackle hits the mark, but it’s not nearly enough damage to get Tepig off of its feet, let alone stop it from attacking once more.

And it’s another. Critical. Hit.

Another one. Somehow, one right after the other. Tepig must be a natural, because Oshawott didn’t stand a chance despite the type advantage.
“I… I won?” Bianca sputters, before shrieking again at the appearance of Hilda’s mom just like Cheren did.

“You’re cleaning your room before you go. All of you.” The woman sighs, grabbing the bridge of her nose and exhaling with the words. She points at Bianca, who’s pale and practically hyperventilating, and sighs once more. “And be glad I hate your dad, because otherwise you two would be in so much trouble.”

“Thank you, Hilda’s mom!” Bianca sighs before faceplanting as the energy leaves her practically a corpse. At least the bed is in one piece, and broke her fall. Tepig is quick to curl around her sleeping arms, and the two of them blissfully become unaware of the world they left behind.

“She deserves the rest, honestly. She did win.” Cheren remarks, and Hilda hums her approval.

“Yeah, she does. Let’s get cleaning.” Hilda accepts her fate, picking up the first of many ripped pillows as Cheren lifts the spray bottle to the first of many footprints, and both of them find that they don’t mind a little bit of cleaning during such a wonderful morning.

 

[Rusting Knight]

Helol! I’m here for Catnip. It was great being assigned your story, I enjoyed reading it a lot. Also, I’m sorry if there is anything wrong with my review, or I come across as overly negative, as I’m unfamiliar with the forum’s style.

This was a lovely one-shot - even reading through it three times to write this review it stayed really charming, and spending more time with the story just made me appreciate it more. Throughout the story you built up a wonderful mood, that felt very true to experience of being up way too late as a teenager - the energy drinks and cheese straight from the fridge were great and funny touches. I think this is my first time reading fic for Pokémon Black & White characters, but I got an impression of the cast very quickly. In terms of characterisation, the personalities of Hilda, Bianca and Cheren came across as unique and engaging while staying true to the original characters (as I remember them). Overall, the pacing felt natural - the battle scene was killer too, with really fun energy. Something about the story reminded me of plaything through the games first time as a kid, while adding some more grounded moments. It made me very nostalgic lol. There were a couple of minor issues that I noticed in my read-throughs though - I pointed out a few below.

There’s an evil core that has taken the place of her chest with the lack of sleep. It feels sickening with the energy that staying in the world of the waking costs, and Hilda’s stretching proves absolutely fruitless in dismissing it. It’s just there now. Forever. She gets up anyway.

There isn’t any typos or anything here, i just particularly liked this passage because of how it grounded the piece. Having magical creatures waiting on your desk might not be familiar, but the weird emotion of being up way to late/early definitely is. That sense of late night/early morning weirdness was very well conveyed.

They stand tall, condensation watering around the icy beverages that say “approved by the league safety commission” in bold, hilariously terrible lettering.

The wording of ‘condensation watering around’ reads a little clunky as well, as watering is not a verb often used to describe the behaviour of condensation.

“I… I won?” Bianca sputters, before shrieking again at the appearance of Hilda’s mom just like Cheren did.

The phrasing here is a little confusing: I’m not sure where else Bianca shrieks, and Cheren is described as jolting, not making any kind of verbal exclamation.

On a final note: there seems to be an extra paragraph break between the lines “… both her shirt and the floor’ and ‘A fantastic start to the rest of her life.’

These are just a couple of glitches though; overall your writing is very strong, particularly in terms of dialogue and descriptions, and on a paragraph level (if that makes sense). My apologies if the lines I took out were in fact correct, and I misread them. Thank you for putting this piece up for Catnip, it was a lot of fun reading fic for canon characters for once, and your writing was just really enjoyable to read.

 

[windskull]

Hey there! I stumbled across this while looking for fics to review for Thousand Road’s review blitz. I’ve never reviewed something written by you before, so I thought I’d give it a look.

This fic is short and sweet, focused on the opening of pokemon Black and White, but specifically in an instance where it takes place in the middle of the night. You do a great job of showing off Hilda’s excitement here. It reminds me a lot of being unable to sleep on Christmas Eve, being so wired with energy that you can barely stay laying down, let alone try to sleep. So what’s a girl to do when it’s three am, she can’t sleep, and the present is just right there, staring her in the face? Why, invite her sleepless friends over to get on with it, of course!

Even within this short story, the reader can get an inkling of your interpretation of the black/white story. (Everyone thinks Bianca’s dad is an ass, for example. Even the other adults. Which. They’re not exactly wrong.).

Hilda’s mom’s reaction to the ongoing fight in her daughter’s room is priceless. What parent wouldn’t be annoyed when they’re woken up in the middle of the night by sounds of an altercation only to discover that their daughter snuck her friends into the house and now they’re letting their new pets get in a wrestling match. Good on her for making Hilda clean up tbh. Girl’s gotta have some responsibility.

I don’t really have any critique. I could maybe say something about the simplicity of the battle, but it wasn’t the point of the story. And even then, there’s plenty of description, what with the destruction of the room. I had a lot of fun with this one!

 

[System Error]

Okay, so first of all? I have to complain! This fic claims there to be sleeplessness at 3am. However, it is very clearly written as 3:30 in the morning right there in the first line! And even reiterated again in another line, time somehow not passing! That is clearly worth a warning!

On the more serious side of things, this was a nice little fic. Liked it. Point form comments:

- Surprised they didn't just open the box right as it got there.
- The first few lines are a little overdramatic about the darkness and the night, but it just crosses that threshold of being more amusing than anything else.
- Yeah, like I alluded to: it's 3:30 when Hilda is tossing and turning, and 3:30 when she gets out. But it does turn 3:40 later, so probably could show time passing a little more with that middle line.
- It seems that the energy drink in question isn't a very pleasant one if it has a bitter aftertaste. Most I know of have better flavors than that.
- There's a double paragraph space after Bianca's first text line.
- I guess the three of them all text the same way? With grammar and punctuation and all that? I can't fuss about Cheren's text missing a question mark though, because that might be his style.
- I'm not really a fan of alternative words for "God/Gods" in Pokemon writing. I guess at least it isn't "Oh my Arceus" or stuff which sounds insanely awkward, but it took me a bit to realize that was what you were doing with "Dragons". Which still sounds kind of awkward no matter how you want to slice the worldbuilding.
- Hilda seems to have a very rough personality in this. It amuses me for whatever reason, and well, player characters are blank slates and you drew all over that slate.
- Only now hit me that somebody started their game in the middle of night. Though it seems her mother doesn't seem to be a factor in this. Not yet, at least.
- I like that there's a bit of an additional reason for letting Hilda pick first beyond just the box being in her house.
- Wow, excuse me, the pig is NOT a bastard.
- Another double paragraph space after Hilda's line about wanting to battle with them.
- You know it never occured to me why the room gets wrecked when it's never an issue in other places. Being clumsy and reckless with Tackle spam would do it.
- Also, oops, too many criticals. Huh, surprisingly they can happen in the games, more limited than I thought.
- Oh there's the mom. And Cheren doesn't get to battle, rip.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, working my way down my list of reviews for people who reviewed my stuff since the beginning of the last calendar year, and I figured that I was in the mood for some light reading tonight, so that brought me here.

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Here's a fic from last year that I went back and revised a little to post here. No content warnings, just sleepless at 3am.

<><><>
Hilda looks at the fridge. She feels the chill of the air skirt around her bare feet, and grabs a singular piece of ham before devouring it right out of the bag. Yeah. She's doing this.

Just for reference, but if the ‘Hilda looks at the fridge’ part is meant to be a part of your actual story, you probably want to separate it visually somehow from your first paragraph which reads more like a foreword.

The world is a dark, icy thing at 3:30 in the morning. That’s what Hilda thinks when she turns in her covers, surrounded by the inky black of the night and her alarm clock’s glow in her room. Her window, normally a calm place of midnight meditation, lies obscured by a giant box. It’s a giant, overwhelmingly exciting, absolutely huge box with a bow on it the size of Twist Mountain, and it makes her heart race every living second she stares at it.

Boy, that feeling is familiar when it’s just one of those nights where it’s just some god-forsaken hour and you can’t sleep no matter how hard you try.

There’s an evil core that has taken the place of her chest with the lack of sleep. It feels sickening with the energy that staying in the world of the waking costs, and Hilda’s stretching proves absolutely fruitless in dismissing it. It’s just there now. Forever. She gets up anyway.

There’s absolutely no way anyone’s sleeping in this house. Not when there’s a giant, huge, gargantuan, champion-sized, mamoswine, humongous, practically exploding box on her desk.

IMO, “champion-sized” would be a more proper rendering of the term there. Though, that sounds like an argument to go and open the box. Just saying, Hilda.

But.

But her best friends are sleeping. Probably. Maybe. The hours they’ve spent in the chat prove otherwise again and again, but she’s going to believe that they’re better than her at sleeping. Despite Bianca’s clear anxiety disorder and Cheren’s tendency to stay up until Dragons know when studying, which he’s probably doing.

Oh, so Hilda’s not the only one who’s sleepless tonight. Though cute little touch there to make Hilda’s thought process a bit more “grew up in a world with mercurial dragons that once peaced her home region” versus reality.

You know what-

Nope. Nope. Hilda yawns again in a futile attempt to dismiss her sleep before ultimately deciding that it’s going to do absolutely nothing. She will exist in sleep limbo today, this cursed existence beyond common sense and fully into the realm of instinct. It flies in the face of the common, practically yelling at fate to go absolutely eat it.

Is “the common” there supposed to be something like “said common sense”, since something about the phrasing felt a bit iffy to me.

Speaking of eating it, sleep limbo demands sacrifice for being summoned in this way. The teen knows it as she silently scales the staircase to feed the beast. The fridge is relatively silent in the white noise of 3:30 in the morning that blares in her ears somehow louder than any noise known to man, and the weary, excited, inaccurate, hands of a teen who’s up this early find the handle of the appliance with terrifying efficiency for someone who feels like they’re going to pass out at any second.

Oh, so that second paragraph wasn’t supposed to be part of the story, since I’m pretty sure she’s grabbing that slice of ham right now.

And standing there, tall and proud, is that drink. That energy potion x-treme that she *was* saving for later, now called upon in her great hour of need. Limbs laden with the broken promise of sleep reach for the energy drink, and she cracks open the cold one with precision unmatched by those in the world of the living.

Well, now she’s definitely not getting any sleep tonight.

There are two more that they all decided Bianca’s dad would never know about, and two more that she retrieves from the fridge to set upon the counter. They stand tall, condensation watering around the icy beverages that say “approved by the league safety commission” in bold, hilariously terrible lettering.

Yeah. Yeah. She’s going to do this.

Since boy is she going to be miserable for the entire day after this.

“Hey. There’s three fucking Pokemon in my house. Get down here.” She whispers as she types, her voice cracking as it recovers from such an ordeal. It’s fine. She’s fine. She takes another swig of the energy drink and coughs from the bitter aftertaste as it runs down her throat, eyes watering.

It’s fine. She’s fine.

Narrator: “She is absolutely not fine right now.”

The groupchat lights up with not one, but two “now typing…”. The sip she’s taking of the drink sloshes in the can, and somehow escapes containment to splash into her nose.

“But… but it’s not even four in the morning…”

Bianca’s text hits first, and Hilda is filled with that numb kind of excitement that only 3:40 in the morning can provide. She scarfs down an offering of lunchmeat straight from the bag, in front of the open fridge, in spite of the Dragons and all they stand for. Next is a handful of shredded cheese, some of which is spilled on both her shirt and the floor.

IMO, the description should be sorted out from the contents of Bianca’s text. Though a part of me wonders if it’d have been worth playing around with something like text formatting to make it obvious that it’s not actual spoken dialogue there.

A fantastic start to the rest of her life. Hilda is convinced that she is thriving, standing in her element, barefoot and eating stale popcorn.

Is this occurring after that whole “try and track N down” phase of her life? If so, I can see that blowing off school for two years has done wonders for Hilda’s life prospects right now.

“We’re doing this now, aren’t we.” Cheren’s text, followed by Bianca’s sob emoji that takes the place of a larger emoji by attaching itself to his message.

“We are absolutely doing this right now.” Hilda texts the both of them, unabashedly burping now that the hunger of life has been satiated by her midnight snacks. “I have the goods. Get down here.”

Oh right, they all live in the same backwater town with literally three houses together. So of course it would be easy for Hilda to gather everyone together like this.

The two thumbs up she gets in reply are satisfying, and Hilda goes to prop her front door open to breathe in some of that crisp, cool, night air before it turns into a sweltering summer breeze. Dragons, it feels so damn good. She almost regrets everything as she sees two bodies come into view, the only two foolish enough to look sleep in the face and give it the middle finger with her. Her best friends.

I dunno, I would wager some decent money that N’s not above this himself since he seems to have a tenuous grasp on what’s ‘normal’ for human beings.

“Hey guys. It’s time. Let’s fucking go.” Hilda rattles off before swaying in place. “I’ve got the goods.”

“Yeah, I know. You texted us that you indeed ‘have the goods.’” Cheren replies, with his snarky air quotes. “Why do you phrase it like that? It’s just a couple snacks and some drinks you got at the mart.”

“Cheren, you wouldn’t understand. The flavor. It’s the flavor.” She jokes, and Bianca nods along like she understands the flavor. (She doesn’t, but Hilda always lets her have this. Always.)

Yeah, there’s no way that Cheren was up at this godforsaken hour actually studying, just saying. >:V

“Yeah, I know. Well, let’s do this thing, I suppose.” Cheren says, and his excitement even in his tired words is palpable.

“That’s the spirit, my dude.” Hilda dramatically ushers the two inside, and they partake of the energy drinks and off brand chips in a fantastic, astonishingly quiet display before practically running up the stairs. Truly, they’re taking destiny into their own hands with this one.

This is going to end with them passed out in a bowl of chips a couple hours after sunrise, huh?

And the box, that amazing, horrible box. It stands in front of the three as the light of day just barely makes its way through the blinds of her window.

“How are we awake?” It’s said so tiredly that it’s not even a question anymore, and Bianca yawns before shaking off the feeling.

“The power of energy drinks and teenage will.” Hilda answers regardless, and Cheren nods along with her.

I mean… yeah, that sounds about right. Though caffeine is a wonderful, terrible thing at enabling gross violations to a body’s circadian rhythms.

“Alright. So… who’s picking the pokemon?” Bianca says, blinking back what could be exhaustion or energy. Really, it’s probably not even known to her what it truly is.

“Hilda, it is your house. And you did supply refreshments.” Cheren watches as she practically jumps at the opportunity, ripping the package to shreds and revealing…

“The balls…” Hilda says, giggling. It’s 4 AM, and there are pokeballs.

“Indeed. The balls.” Cheren joins in.

Oh, so this is an alt-take on how they get their starters canonically, or…?

“Those are some pokeballs.” Bianca adds, not wanting to be left behind.

“Alright. I choose… YOU!” Hilda whispers, and what could be considered the cutest, most adorable, gentlest creature in existence comes out of the pokeball. Oshawott yawns with the early awakening, blinking before lifting its little paws for uppies. Not to rob a little guy of uppies, Hilda quickly obliges the practical demand and holds it close.

Whelp, that was a fast confirmation. Though if Bianca and Cheren are picking out their Pokémon in the same fashion as they do in the games, I guess that pretty quickly confirms who the other two are going to.

“This is the best thing ever. I love this.” Hilda practically sobs, “I love him. Look at my little guy.”

Oshawott: “Um… lady? You’re scaring me right now.”

“Aww….” Bianca pokes the little thing, and the three of them watch as it sneezes before leaning into the hug. “Oh… okay. My turn?” she asks bashfully, almost looking ashamed for doing so, and Cheren pats her shoulder before pointing at the box.

"Okay! If you say so!" She grins, and picks out a PokeBall quickly. "Come on out!"

Tepig, the little bastard, pops out and snorts proudly, sneezing with sparks that could theoretically light the entire house on fire. It grins up at her, smiling, and Bianca also provides the little thing with a hug as fast as she possibly can.

Yeah, I had a feeling there. Though this does seem to be one the most common starter pairing with her in the fandom, so…

"What a friend! Welcome aboard!" Bianca laughs as Tepig licks her hand, nibbling on her fingertips, and Cheren takes the opportunity to meet Snivy.

The last of the pokemon emerges with little fanfare, but blinks up at Cheren with hopeful, graceful eyes. He smiles back, and kneels down to hold it tight in a sleepy hug.

Yeah, Cheren would choose that smug little blighter, wouldn’t he?

"Could we… could we battle with them?" Hilda asks, and all three of the pokemon start to stare at each other excitedly, and it seems to answer the question for the group.

“I want to battle.” Bianca says quietly, and Cheren pats her shoulder once more to lead her to the other side of the room.

“Yep, just stand there like that,” Cheren says to her, Snivy happily humming on his shoulder. “Just tell Tepig what to do, and you’ll be just fine.”

You have a superfluous newline here that you should probably axe. Though oh boy, carrying out a Pokémon battle at four in the morning when your consciousness is hanging there with bland-name Monster and sheer force of will. What could possibly go wrong there?

“Alright! Hilda, it’s time!” She squeals, before letting Tepig run into the center of the room. Oshawott waddles into the makeshift battlefield tiredly, but clearly happy to do so.

“Hit me with your best shot!” Hilda screams, and points at her childhood friend with a fire in her eyes and bags underneath them.

Aaaaand they’re actually doing this inside Hilda’s house. I see these three are making all the smart™ teenage decisions right now.

“Okay! Tepig! Tackle attack!” Bianca slips on her feet and falls to the floor with how hard she yells, and watches with a gasp as the pokemon follows her order. The little pig charges with all of the ferocity imaginable, and boy, does Tepig’s attack hit true.

A critical hit. Right off the bat, slamming into Oshawott with a powerful blow that knocks the otter into the wall, scattering all of the items on Hilda’s desk.

“Oshawott! Tackle back!” Hilda points, and the small creature breathes before getting up to retaliate. It pushes a bookshelf over, the piece of furniture slamming to the ground with a giant noise, and the idea of them coming out of this unscathed becomes even more improbable.

Yeeeeah, hope you weren’t planning on a Gym Challenge anytime soon, Hilda, since I think you’re going to be grounded for the rest of summer at this rate.

In fact, Cheren turns to see movement at his side, and the glaring face of a very tired Hilda’s mom that makes his entire body jolt with terror. She blinks at the damage, and yet refuses to enter the room to stop it.

Hilda and Bianca aren’t even going to notice this until it’s too late, are they?

Oshawott’s tackle hits the mark, but it’s not nearly enough damage to get Tepig off of its feet, let alone stop it from attacking once more.

And it’s another. Critical. Hit.

Another one. Somehow, one right after the other. Tepig must be a natural, because Oshawott didn’t stand a chance despite the type advantage.
“I… I won?” Bianca sputters, before shrieking again at the appearance of Hilda’s mom just like Cheren did.

Another newline error, this time, you’re missing one. And hope y’all had a nice summer, kids, since it’s all but confirmed to be over right now.

“You’re cleaning your room before you go. All of you.” The woman sighs, grabbing the bridge of her nose and exhaling with the words. She points at Bianca, who’s pale and practically hyperventilating, and sighs once more. “And be glad I hate your dad, because otherwise you two would be in so much trouble.”

Bianca: “Well, that… worked out for us?” ^^;
Hilda: “Hey, what about me here?! I have to live with her!”

“Thank you, Hilda’s mom!” Bianca sighs before faceplanting as the energy leaves her practically a corpse. At least the bed is in one piece, and broke her fall. Tepig is quick to curl around her sleeping arms, and the two of them blissfully become unaware of the world they left behind.

“She deserves the rest, honestly. She did win.” Cheren remarks, and Hilda hums her approval.

I have to wonder whether or not this is based off something that happened in a playthrough of yours, since boy is that some bad luck from Hilda there in a battle that the games practically go out of their way to rig in the player’s favor.

“Yeah, she does. Let’s get cleaning.”

Hilda accepts her fate, picking up the first of many ripped pillows as Cheren lifts the spray bottle to the first of many footprints, and both of them find that they don’t mind a little bit of cleaning during such a wonderful morning.

Cheren: “Oh hey, I think I see the sun coming up!”
Hilda: “... Okay, yeah, wake Bianca back up to help out, since screw doing all of this on my own, it’s too damn early.” >_>;

Well, that was something. Like it’s not exactly a giant epic, but I thought it was fun and lightweight piece just showing Hilda, Cheren, and Bianca being idiots in the way that only sleep-deprived teenagers could be. Like it’s obviously a (minor) AU to official media, but allowing for the absence of a content filter that meta-wise is needed to move games and merch to schoolkids, it felt very natural for these characters and the characterization you provided felt fairly believable for Hilda and her friend circle. I’d normally harp about how the description feeling a bit stripped down, but here in this fic where all the major characters are in that half-asleep haze, it actually feels like it mostly works. Dunno if that was planned or not, but cute touch on your part.

As for flaws that I spotted, I noticed that you had a couple minor typos here and there such as using the wrong punctuation mark or having extra or missing newlines between paragraphs that would probably merit taking some time to do a pass through to ferret them out. I also think you would probably find it worth your while to clean up your story’s opening a bit to make it a bit more obvious where your foreword ends and your actual story begins, since I’ll admit that the second paragraph threw me at first. Lastly, and veering a bit off into nitpicking territory, but you should consider finding some way of differentiating between the messages sent via text and actual spoken dialogue. Like it’s a small thing, but it could potentially help those text conversations stand out a bit more.

But altogether, I think that the strengths well outweighed the flaws I spotted along the way. Good work, @Raindropcroptop . I thought that this was a cute little fluff piece that’s a good companion for a night much like the ones that Hilda and her neighbors are living through where you want something to dive into but don’t have the spoons to really get into things.

Hope the feedback was fun and helpful, and best of luck with Review Blitz.