the main core stuff of the story :
1.Ash is not ten he is eighteen here
Ash being forever a kid is something that always bugged me. Good choice.
2.There is one year for every gen like in kanto he was 10 and in kalos he was 16 showing his growth in alola he was 17 and now he is 18
Simple and works well. Nice!
3.We will meet a king from XYZ
Seems like a little spoiler but it can also build anticipation, so it still works!
4.Villains will be there but not like your usual giovanni
Hmm! Sounds neat!
5.Moves that don't exist will be here
Sounds cool.
6.Power scaling here is known as bond power or pokespirit
Sometimes it's nice just having the rules of a fic laid out. Makes it easy to understand!
Could this be an inspiration from a certain popular anime??
8.Ash is more mature here and can take hints of intimacy
Characters
Yes PLEASE!! I always hated how the anime never allowed Ash to be in any kind of relationship. They really dropped the ball on that.
1.Ash
2.Serena
3.Clemont
4.Goh
5.Bonnie
6.Prof cerise (idc about yall saying "the spelling is wrong" i will spell it this way)
7.Mew
8.Arceus (jokingly called Arkoos as he will be overshadowed alot)
9.Giovanni
10.Team Rocket
Nice cast of characters here! Sounds promising.
I will uploading this very soon
Always good to see a fellow author excited to post stuff!
Smart of you to include this line. It helped me confirm that feedback was something you wanted!
But I'm not done. Let's take a look at your chapters!
Chapter 1: The Obsidian Resonance
Oh wow. Now that's a cool name for a chapter! Cool points awarded here for you.
The air in the Cerise Laboratory usually smelled of ozone and sterile data, but today, it felt heavy like the atmosphere before a catastrophic storm.
Ooo! What a tense way to start!
And by the way, I'm impressed how little spelling and grammar errors I'm seeing here and you seem to have a knack for some cool descriptions!
Ash Ketchum, eighteen and standing a head taller than he did a year ago, wasn't looking at a monitor. He was staring at Goh’s Frogadier. The blue Pokémon was practicing its Aerial Ace, but to Ash’s eyes, the movements were... slow. Simplified.
Neat way of communicating Ash's experience in the way that he observes!
"The form is good, Goh," Ash said, his voice deeper, carrying the weight of the Alolan throne. "But it’s hollow. There’s no Pokespirit behind the strike."
Goh looked up from his Rotom Phone, his eyes bloodshot from a fourteen-hour "Data Grind." "What are you talking about, Ash? The math is perfect. His velocity is top-tier for his level."
Ash didn't blink. He felt a phantom itch in his chest—a literal tugging on his soul that stretched across the ocean, all the way to the Kalosian woods. The Bond Phenomenon wasn't just a move anymore; it was a heartbeat he shared with a King.
Seems like you are setting up some interesting plot threads!
"He's hitting the target," Ash whispered, his eyes beginning to shimmer with a faint, obsidian blue light. "But he’s not deleting it."
Across the room, Professor Cerise froze. On his massive wall-sized monitor, a needle labeled [pokespirit] suddenly spiked from a calm 40 bHz to a screaming 850. The cooling fans in the supercomputer began to wail in agony.
"Ash?" Cerise's voice trembled, his 'Data Addiction' kicking in as he scrambled to record the anomaly. "What are you doing? Your molecular density is... it's shifting! GIVE IT TO ME! Give me the readout on that pulse!"
Ooo that sounds significant!
Ash ignored the Professor. He turned toward the window, looking toward the horizon where the Kalos region lay.
"Goh, pack your bags. " Ash shadow-boxed a single, lightning-fast jab into the empty air.
I'm really curious if this is your first fic. Your prose is unexpectedly nice!
Quite a bit of mood and intrigue you set up here!
The friction caused a miniature sonic boom that shattered a nearby beaker. "We’re going back to the roots. It’s time I showed you what a 100% Sync actually looks like."
In the shadows of the lab, Cerise’s eyes widened. He didn't see a student anymore. He saw a glitch in the universe that he needed to archive.
The Kalosian Journey had officially begun.
Ok ok!! Yeah! Nice way to start a fic!
The small chapters make it so easy for people to pop in to give you reviews. Any ideas on how long you plan to make your fic?
I've got a fic at the bottom of my post here with a link too if your are curious.
Have a great day! 😉