Pokémon The Journal of Hisui

[Forestoak]

Content Warnings : Semi-realistic, like my other fic(Paldea's Awakening)


Spoiler alert! Follows the game story. Or so I heard.Was it based off of this journal? It's probably a bit fudged though...





If you don't live in the pokemon world, don't read the blurred part because you'll realize it's real...wait, oops.

Never mind, I gave it away, so there won't be a blurred part.

See, I found a journal about the ancient the then-called Hisui region, now the Sinnoh. What it was doing in my Paldean house, I really don't know.

Anyway, I read it. I decided to transcribe it, after all, I don't want the world to lose such precious knowledge...little disturbing that a modern person went into the past though...



Entry 1 :

I...I couldn't remember my name. Or how I got here. Or...well, anything about me.
"Hi?" at least I could speak. I survey myself. Nothing wrong. Black clothing, cap, that type of stuff. I could care less about my appearance though.

Where am I? I don't know to be honest. I retained everything else though, so I might be able to know...right?

I should talk with the locals. They'll know a lot more than me.

I look around and dart off to a figure standing near me.

I...can't remember much. Did the person wipe some of my memories away? I remember standing with my jaw on the ground realizing...THAT I'M IN THE DANG PAST!!!GET ME OUTTA HERE!

He explained a bunch of things to me though...like pokeballs are crafted here...wait, is he from the modern world? Strange...

Anyway, I woke up suddenly with three small Pokemon, Rowlet, Oshawott, and Cyndaquil; and a human over me.

"You okay?" the person asks, "I'm Professor Laventon."

At the sound of his voice, the three pokemon are off in a flash. Laventon rushes after them. Something falls out of my pocket. A memory stirs. "Phone..." I mutter. Didn't the mysterious person call it an Arc Phone? Well, it hardly matters. I try to catch up with Laventon and the escaping pokemon.

Of course, Laventon can't catch pokemon because wow, it's in the ancient times, people don't catch pokemon! He gives me a whole bunch of pokeballs to catch them though.

I take a wild guess and go to a pond that appears to be a perfect habitat for oshawott. I'm surprised to see the cute rascal there. I take aim, careful not to move too many parts of my body, and throw. It hits the oshawott perfectly on the head and the pokeball beeps three times and I go out to get my catch...but I'm not the best swimmer. Ugh.

By now, I decide to just dry off at a hill, so I head to a high one. I can't believe my eyes. There, like a brown-green lump, is the rowlet. Now though, I can't exactly be stealthy. The rowlet screeches and tries to hop away. The pokeball, however is faster. It hits the rowlet and in it goes.

Two down, one to go. I just need to get that cyndaquil!

I check the forest, sure that fire pokemon love committing arson. No such luck there.

I probe at a few other sensible places before I find the most off-the-rocker place ever for a cyndaquil-a rock. The thing is surprisingly fast and I almost lost it. It attempted to eat a random berry on the ground however and it was an easy catch.

I returned to Professor Laventon.

"Um...okay you're probably wondering why in the world I was trying to catch those pokemon...well, I'm part of the Galaxy Team."

"Galaxy Team?"

"The team who's working on the first-ever pokedex! That's what we're calling it anyway."

Another memory. The figure said to catch every pokemon here. I better join up. Was the person a Team Galaxy member?

"I'm in."

"Great! I think we need to talk to Akari and Cyllene though..."

"Um...?"

"Come on, let's get to Jubilife Town!"

Since when have professors been this giddy?

I follow him to a restaurant there-The Wallflower.

Apparently Akari and Cyllene are members of The Galaxy Expedition Team...so, I need to talk to them? Laventon said something about them on a bridge, right?

"Um...are you Akari and Cyllene?" I ask the first group of people I see.

"That's us. I'm Akari. She's Cyllene. What's your name?" A 15-year old girl stepped out.

My...name? I vaguely remember the figure saying my name was Rei...eh, it'll do.

"Um...Rei."

Cyllene is clearly all business and asked me what in the world I was doing here. I tell them what had happened. They raise their eyebrows at the mention of the figure.

"So...you're hoping to join, I gather?" Akari asks.

"Yes."

"Then you'll have to pass the entry trial. We'll give you a room for your help though."

So...guess I'm just going to bed?





[Entry ends]

Hmm...Rei is in history...didn't he save the world from "nobles"? I guess I'll find out...

 

[Forestoak]

Okay, ready to transcribe the next entry!

My pulse was over the charts while I read this-my chansey(Angel) had to do at least a dozen heal pulses, so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Anyway..here we go!

Entry 2 :

"WAKE UP!" A electro ball hits me straight in the face, my limbs splay.

"Was that necessary?" I ask Akari, who with her pikachu check to make sure their deadly blast didn't hurt me too bad. It certainly feel like I was hurt too badly though.

"Checkup complete. If he's talking, he's okay." Akari recalls her pikachu then answers my question.

"Nope, that was not necessary, I just wanted to see what would happen. Plus, you didn't look asleep. Maybe lightly, but not that much." She says, much too cheerfully.

"I'll get you back for that." I mutter.

"Oh, I'm so scared of your non-existent pokemon!"

"Anyway, where do we go?"

"Galaxy HQ. You'll take your entry test."

"...no pep talk?"

"Um...I'll be very disappointed in you if you don't make the cut, so get in?"

"That's the opposite."

"Whatever, let's just go." Akari takes off-what is up with these people and running?

I follow her as quickly as I can and soon, we're there.

Captain Cyllene is there-apparently she's my assessor?

"Alright, time to get down to the brass tacks. You need to catch a bidoof, a starly, and a shinx. Time starts now. Also, here's a Survey Corps satchel. Now hustle!" She barks the words like she's in a word race.

I rush out and bump into Professor Laventon. He grinned sheepishly and handed me three pokeballs.

"Um...pick one of your catches. And thanks a lot! I think you'll ace this!"

Now that's a pep talk. Hear that, Akari?

Ow, okay, she just whacked me, but continuing with the story...

I pick the cyndaquil, and rush out, thanking him.

"Hey, is your name Pyro?" I try out the name, but the cyndaquil rejects it.

He reminds me of a campfire...hey, how about Bonfire?

"Bonfire?" Bonfire tilted his head. Bonfire it was.

I peek into my satchel, and find 20 pokeballs. Laventon must have put them in there.

Akari passed me and yelled to stop dillying the dallying and follow her.So I did. I find myself in a place my Arc Phone calls Obsidian Firelands.

Wait, no, the Front Gate is in front of us.

"Gingko Guild member!" Akari barely stops herself from crashing into a man near the gate.

[Forestoak : Gingko(also called Maiden's Hair) is poisonous. So... What does the name mean?]

"I'm Volo! And, because I got my butt kicked by you before, I challenge your friend!"

He sends out a togepi. Bonfire rushes out and a tackle hits the togepi who makes a scared sound than tries to counter with a tackle/harden combo-which does nothing against Bonfire's agility and hard hits. Volo runs away after I kick his butt, dropping some nice potions. I count five of them. Whoo-whoo.

The rest of the journey is uneventful and we find Laventon there.

"Hello!" I call to him.

He grins and explains that I have to get to Aspiration Hill to begin. Akari is already headed there, so I follow.

By chance, I see a wild bidoof. My mind thinks for me- wild cute pokemon I need to catch anyway->pokeball->catch. It sails in a perfect arc and I get the pokeball.

I catch up to Akari and she points to a starly.

Quietly she says"I know you already know stealth, but an efficient way to catch a pokemon who's not looking at you is to crouch."

I do as she says a voila, I caught the starly.

Apparently these people also love throwing stuff, because they forage by tossing their pokemon to search!

I spot a tree nearby and the bidoof(who I call Hew) is tossed at it, and we're rewarded with two oran berries.

I searched the place for a sphinx, and I finally spot one milling about. When I try to catch it though, it's aggressive. Finally! I'm so happy that finally my pokemon can do their very favorite general thing-battling!

Bonfire and Hew burst out and Bonfire spit an ember, burning the sphinx. Hew tanks the thing's scratch and it's low on health due to the burn. In it goes into my pokeball.

Akari brings me back to the professor and we all head to Jubilife again. Once we're at the HQ, Cyllene gives me the Survey Corps uniform and tells me to put it on. Kinda rude...

But anyway, I change and yeah. Captain Cyllene has me report to Commander Kamado. So I do.

"You're the new recruit? Good, you look like you should've made the cut..., right, better get you to the basics. I read your files so I know all about you."

With those alarming words in my head, I'm just going to crash.








[Entry ends]

Hah! Gotcha! There was nothing dangerous!
Um...
Never mind.

 

[Forestoak]

Entry 3 :

I got my revenge on Akari later. I woke up, bright and early, did the morning stuff-you know, eat, brushing, showering, that stuff.

Then I proceed to have my shinx, who I named Storm zap Akari awake.

"GAH!"

"'morning."

"Can you just set the alarm instead?"

"Well, you certainly didn't."

"Oh. So the score is even."

"It is."

"Grr. Well, anyway I'm u-PP! Gah!"

The last part was because Storm thunder waved her.

My revenge aside, I reported to Captain Cyllene.

"So. Since you're a recruit, you have zero stars. Fill up your dex and complete more research tasks to move up the ranks. I'll give you some money and gear to get you started. Akari will tell you more."

So she didn't know about my morning prank. Wait-research tasks?

Almost like she read my mind, Cyllene explained "Research tasks are kinda like experiments. Laventon will give you your dex."

Oh. Okay.

Akari led me to the craftworks and showed me how to craft, and taught me the recipe for a normal pokeball.

I did get my dex and I went out to the Obsidian Fieldlands Fieldlands Camp.

Laventon and I did encounter a person named Beauregard who said he needed some help, and asked me to come to his house to talk about it. I obviously accepted, and we continued.

Laventon explained that a number of research tasks needed to be carried out to complete the pokedex.

Akari came and explained more about the tasks. I got out my dex and looked at the Bidoof tasks.

Apparently I was supposed to take a photo of Hew, so I did, in a dramatic scene in which he was chopping at a tree.

Wait, catch six bidoof?!

Okay, so I also need to catch a male and female. Luckily for me, there were plenty of bidoof around the Fieldlands, so I managed to catch several by stealth, one I threw a few berries on the ground and caught it, but had to battle the last one, the male. It managed to crit Storm so I had to resort to Bonfire who KO ed it with a newly learned ember.

The next one was to defeat one, so I rained down on a low leveled bidoof(lvl 3) and went on to the next task.

Which was to evolve Hew.

[sigh]

I'd better do it, I guess I'll be writing the next entry after all of this.



[Entry ends]

 

[Forestoak]

Entry 4 :

Hew evolved pretty fast however and I was done.

Then came the starly research tasks. I don't want to bore you by telling you what I did, but anyway, I caught up to Akari.

"Hey, look, a buizel." She reached into her pocket for her pikachu, but I beat her to it by sending out Storm.

"Thunder wave!" The attack illuminated the evening ground and the buizel froze, paralyzed. A few quick hits, and a pokeball, the buizel was mine. I named it Flood.

"Alright, fine, you're doing excellent. For that, here."

Akari thrust a box at me.

"A crafting kit?"

"Well, now you can use it even in the wilds! Oh, and here."

She gave me the recipe for potions. Yessiree!

We went to Laventon to show him some reports.

"Hmm...very well done I must say. You are now a One-star."

YES!!!

After reporting to Cyllene(who very kindly gave me the recipe for revives and heavy balls), I went to bed.




[Entry ends]

He's moving up the ranks! Omigod! Yes!

As for the short entry, remember this is continuing from entry 3.

 

[Forestoak]

Entry 5 :

For breakfast, we ate at The Wallflower.

"Some of these people, while they think we're nuts trying to catch pokemon, they know we're useful enough. Plenty of them will personally take requests to the Galaxy Team. I have some on my blackboard." Professor Laventon explains the encounter with the man by the gate who had asked me for help.

"Hmm, look." Akari shoves the Galaxy Team's newspaper(Galaxy Gazette) to me, pointing out somebody named Mai wanting some help.

"Who's Mai?" I ask.

"Mai of the Diamond Clan. He's pretty important. You'll meet him later. Apparently his clan is trying to catch Dialga, the Timekeeper. The Pearl Clan wants Palkia, the Spacekeeper."Laventon explained.

Palkia and Dialga. Part of the Sinnoh Trio, they were known back in the future.

"Hey, can you help me with training? Meet me at the training grounds." She gives her plate to the waiter, running off and I follow suit.

When we're there, Akari explains that her pikachu isn't exactly fighting too well. So, she wants to battle me.

But I escape and go into the Obsidian Fieldlands, searching for rock-types for a advantage...

There! A bonsly innocently roams the grass and I sneak up and throw a heavy ball I had crafted earlier from a black tumblestone.

I name him Fake, and go back to Akari.

Akari's pikachu tries a thunderbolt, but the type matchup is clearly not in its favor and one low kick sends pikachu flying.

Zisu the captain of the Security Corps goes up to us and explains to me that pokemon and perform agile style and melee style. Agile is like its name faster but less powerful while melee is the opposite.

We decided to see if we could help Mai and went to find her.

We encountered Volo where he taught us to back strike a pokemon.

Mai was across the bridge and she challenged me with a pokemon who was clearly not her best. A level ten Munchlax.

A low kick sent it so high, we spent some time trying to find it.

Mai gave me 5 vivichokes, to restore my pokemon's vitality.

Mai had us go to deertrack Heights, and my Arc Phone navigated us to it.

I learned that alphas(bigger stronger pokemon) were here too, but not omegas(smaller faster pokemon).

Laventon was also there but we were interrupted by a ironically alpha pokemon.

Bonfire smashed it with a newly learned Flamewheel and I caught it, my first alpha pokemon caught. I named her Tune.

Suddenly, a wyrdeer stood in front of us. Akari threw a plump bean in front of it and it ate it, and let us ride it back to town.






[Entry ends]

 

[Cresselia92]

Howdy there! I'm here to deliver my Catnip review. ^^

So, this is your second-ish story, since you're writing it in tandem with Paldea's Awakening? That's cool! We all start somewhere, and getting the first ideas to pour into words and to show off to the world is always a thrilling experience. :D

As per what you've written in the other summary...

Um, oky, this is my first story thing, so please do not emphasize all the fancy things I can't do. Unless you're telling how to do those things.

For this review, I'm going to deliver my impressions and my suggestions to help you deliver stronger and more cohesive narratives for people to enjoy. These will be my own two cents and general pointers. Feel free to do whatever you please with them.

Having said so, let's get started!

1. The Theme

Well, the concept is certainly interesting. Someone found the journal of the hero(ine) who traveled back in time and reached Hisui, which by itself is a really neat idea. Considering that the hero(ine) is basically a silent hero, getting to know their thoughts and feelings can offer an interesting perspective that we can't get through the game itself.

Though, I'm a bit confused by the type of narrative you have picked for this story. The way you have written the first chapter is through the present tense, which works best when used to narrate events that happen in real time. This would work well if you showed some recorded logs of some kind -- like live reportages or live reactions -- but this kind of narrative is less effective for a written journal.

In general, journals are retellings and memories of something that happened during the days, so the texts are often in past tense. Also, journals are extremely personal and not hyper-detailed (since memories aren't infallible and can be blurry), which means you can showcase the personality of the character by narrating what they felt / thought / did about their various circumstances (in general there are no set rules, but it still helps to make things more realistic and pleasant to read, nonetheless).

Here's an example of a diary entry:

Spoiler: Sample

As you can see, the author of the journal focused only on how they were impacted by events. I'd probably remove most dialogs from your entries (unless they impacted the character in some way), and reword them into the narrative.

For example, this part...

Spoiler: Original Text

I...I couldn't remember my name. Or how I got here. Or...well, anything about me.
"Hi?" at least I could speak. I survey myself. Nothing wrong. Black clothing, cap, that type of stuff. I could care less about my appearance though.

Where am I? I don't know to be honest. I retained everything else though, so I might be able to know...right?

I should talk with the locals. They'll know a lot more than me.

I look around and dart off to a figure standing near me.

I...can't remember much. Did the person wipe some of my memories away? I remember standing with my jaw on the ground realizing...THAT I'M IN THE DANG PAST!!!GET ME OUTTA HERE!

He explained a bunch of things to me though...like pokeballs are crafted here...wait, is he from the modern world? Strange...

Anyway, I woke up suddenly with three small Pokemon, Rowlet, Oshawott, and Cyndaquil; and a human over me.

"You okay?" the person asks, "I'm Professor Laventon."

At the sound of his voice, the three pokemon are off in a flash. Laventon rushes after them. Something falls out of my pocket. A memory stirs. "Phone..." I mutter. Didn't the mysterious person call it an Arc Phone? Well, it hardly matters. I try to catch up with Laventon and the escaping pokemon.

Could be made more personal in this way...

Spoiler: Rough Reimagined Draft

Hello, Diary. My name is Rei and I can't remember anything else.

I've been told that writing things down could help me jog my memory, so I'm giving this a go.

Anyway, as I've written already, I lost my memories. I know I'm from the future, but I don't recall anything else. All I know is that I woke up by a beach with my clothes from my time (I think they are from my time), and I met some guy called Professor Laventon.

My mind was racing! What was going on? Where was I? He said that I fell from the sky? Something like that? He seemed worried, and the three Pokémon that were with him seemed worried as well.

Though, yes, if someone fell from the freaking sky, I bet there would be a good reason to worry!

Anyway! Those three Pokémon: Cyndaquil, Rowlet and Oshawott. They fled. For some reason. And the professor ran after them. Since I had nowhere to go, I followed them. On the way, I found a... phone. Somehow I know it's called Arceus Phone, but I don't understand yet what's it for. It looks so familiar, but I can't tell.

This is just an extremely rough draft, but I hope it gave you some ideas to develop your own story in a way that is engaging and compelling. Diaries have plenty of potential, so there is much you could accomplish through this tale.

[Alternative option: If you want to use present tense, consider the idea of having the character record their experience in real life through the Arceus Phone. In this way, you give some use to an item that is mostly underutilized in PLA, and it would make sense if past researchers failed to crack it: modern devices require modern mindsets, after all.]

2. The Grammar

I'm not sure what is your current mastery of English, but I've noticed quite a few typos across the narrative, which can be somewhat jarring and slow down the pacing. A suggestion I could give you is to have some grammar checker like Grammarly and ProWritingAid to help in catching the first stray mistakes, then have some beta reader which can help with the heavier work and in catching potential plot holes.

Grammar checkers might not be 100% reliable, but they are a good start to get the lesser issues ironed out, at least. Definitely recommend that approach, at least for getting started.

---

I don't really have much else to say, other than to not be discouraged by my impressions. We all start somewhere and we all have learned how to write by making mistakes over and over. It's all part of the learning process.

The idea is there and it could flourish into a neat story with an interesting perspective. It just requires some extra polish to stand out further and give more depth to your main characters.

That's all for now! Best of luck with your writing endeavors! ^^

 

[Forestoak]

Thank you!

Huh, I didn't actually know the person was writing in the present tense first, then past. I might have to make it more different.*

As for the extra dialogue, I might have to do something about that.*

A Arceus Phone. That makes more sense than a "Arc Phone".

Oh. Shoot. Yep, I reviewed my grammar and wording, and found one very serious one like you said :

"I don't know to be honest"

It should be :

"I should be honest"

Thank you very much!

 

[Forestoak]

Edited phrases with in correct grammar will have a *.
Remade things will have a ^.

Entry 6 :

Rumors are everywhere at Galaxy HQ about a pokemon, called a kleavor going insane and frenzied. Akari and I went to Commander Komando, to take this assignment.

At least that's what I'd heard from the grapevine.*

As we were going, we heard yelling near the door. Two people were arguing, Adaman and Irida(who were the leaders of the Diamond Clan and Pearl Clan, respectively, according to Akari.)

"I'm telling you, we have to exterminate the threat!" Adaman yelled, obviously frustrated.

"It's sacred! Get your inhumane nose out of this matter!"

"You'd risk the lives of innocent people for your religion?!"

"Well...it's inhumane! And Kleavor is dangerous!"

"Everything is dangerous!"

"Plus, how is it a threat if we contain it? The Warden is certainly capable enough."

"Not for long, just wait and see!"

"Then we could just support him."

"It's impractical. Plus, it's still risky!"

"It's risky to fight it all at once!"

They continued arguing. Were they...arguing over the kleavor matter? Maybe we should avoid them...

Akari must've had the same thoughts because she went inside quickly but with the stealth of many years catching pokemon(but still snapped two twigs) and I followed, possibly more stealthier though. Anyway, we met Kamado.

As it turns out, all the rumors were true. A kleavo was in a frenzy and Akari and I were supposed to stop it.

We met Cyllene and Laventon downstairs to learn more about Kleavor. So, apparently Klavor is revered in the Pearl Clan(which explains the argument). Laventon suggested to study the offerings to learn more, since Irida probably wouldn't welcome us.

Adaman suddenly barged in.

"Hey, who's on the kleavor assignment?"

Akari and I stood up.

"I need you to stop Kleavor, not just study it. Its in Grandtree Arena, in Heartwood. Its warden is Lian."

Wardens are the trainers who protect sacred pokemon.

For the rest of the day, we decided to train, as Kleavor was clearly powerful.

I rearranged my team to Bonfire, Fake, Tune, Storm, and Flood.

I went to Obsidian Fieldlands and chased around an Abra who kept teleporting. I managed to tire it out and named it Mental.

I leveled up most of my pokemon to lvl 17.

It was very late and so I went back to my quarters.

I was just about to go to bed when...what I thought was my curtain suddenly duplicated and one started scrambling around! Shocked, I called out my pokemon and suddenly I was looking at a frightened cute face that belonged to a hisuian zorua.

And then it transformed into me.

"Seriously? I just wanted to sleep..."

The zorua gave up though, and let me catch it after a quick battle with Flood(who dominated with a lot of water guns.)










[Entry ends]

This was a strange entry. It was leaning towards action but then it got dull, but then jump-scares everyone with the zorua...

 

[Forestoak]

Entry 7 :

Akari and I set out to Heights Camp, since it was especially close to kleavor.*

Along the way, I found a deposit of black tumblestones, perfect for heavy balls, coincidentally, we also found a apricorn tree.

So, as expected, I crafted heavy balls,refilled my stock of potions and we set out again.

As we were passing by Nature's Pantry, a alpha kricketune attacked us(which we defeated), along with a alpha bibarel at Tidewater Dam.

I also picked nanab berries. Other than all of this, nothing worthy of note happened.

At the Heartwood, Akari found some stairs, but the warden, Lian suddenly rushed toward us.

"No! Kleavor was struck by lightning and is now in a frenzy! Stop!"

When we didn't, he pulled out a pokeball and said that he would battle us if he must. He sent out his goomy.

Flood popped out of his pokeball and shot a water gun at the goomy, which dodged, trailing slime. Spooky(the zorua) joined in and bit the slimy pokemon, to no effect. Lian's goomy knew some fancy tricks and slammed Flood out with a sludge bomb and then slipped out of Spooky's hold.

The zoru shifted its form briefly as I called out moves.

"Trick room!"

Goomy, although trapped, still was able to do some damage before I KOed it.

"Ugh! Well, you will still not get past me. Kleavor is too dangerous. There's a reason why it's the Lord of the woods! You cannot even go close enough for offerings!"

At that moment, Irida came in.

"I can gather up the foods..."

Lian snorts and goes back, presumably to heal his goomy.

We returned to Laventon and told him what had happened. Later, we went back to Jubilife Village and entered Galaxy Hall.

Laventon looked over at his diagrams, crossed one out, muttered a few things, and crafted-or rather clobbered-together a few strange items. He studied one and threw it into the trash can. He looked over at his notes and scribbled down something. He continued muttering, and tried again. Finally, he seemed to have succeed.

"YES! I present to you, Tea Time Balls! Or, BALMS(Bad Attitude Lumped Medicine Soothers)!"

"What do they do?" I ask, intrigued.

"Help defeat frenzied pokemon!"

When I get to the Heights Camp. Adaman was there, with Wyrdeer.*

"Hey, I have a gift for you."

"What? A gift?"

"Yup, a flute-a Celestica Flute. I'll teach you a song to summon this wyrdeer."

So he did. After I played it, wrydeer suddenly perked up and nudged a plate to me.

When I got to Heartwood, Irida was there.

"Hey, let's practice, beat me!"

She sent out her glaceon, me with Bonfire. It was a relatively easy win. Just two flame wheels, and victory.

"Alright, here are the BALMS."

And so, I stepped into the Arena, into a legendary fight, I would never forget.

Kleavor saw me and charged, fury in its eyes. I dodged, and threw a balm, stunning it. I continued tossing more as I dodged. I sent out Flood whose attacks were effective. Kleavor was powerful though, and one swing hit Flood back into his ball. I dove out of the way as the kleavor's ax swooped low over my head. I threw a balm and spirited away.Hew was sent out next and the two pokemon struggled with one another, titans trying to push back the other. My balms certainly helped and eventually kleavor fell(into my pokeball), defeated.

And so, the kleavor was subdued. now I'm just gonna get some well-earned sleep, y'know?











[Entry ends]

 

[Forestoak]

Entry 8:

Tomorrow morning, we had our usual Wallflower breakfast.

Laventon had a new surprise for us : Smoke Bombs.

Not that we needed them as much as say, Volo, but hey, I'm sure they'll come in handy.

As Akari and I left, Vessa(who I had met previous times at The Wallflower) urgently told us she accidentally released a "small number"(107 of 'em) Wisps. To collect them, she gave me a queer keystone.

It was relatively peaceful-even with those spooky purple wisps hiding around everywhere-even in a shed's bathroom!(which was highly not fun for me, as I accidentally swirlied myself.)

Mental evolved, kleavor(Crude) is now level 25, Bonfire evolved, Fake was slightly depressed(but don't worry, he's okay now.), and I got to two star rank(great ball recipe.)

You know, typical things.




[Entry ends]


Now, this was short, so I read another entry.



Entry 9 :

I was passing by the hairdresser when Arezu(Diamond Clan), suddenly went up to me.

"You're Rei? I need your help! I know you subdued kleavor, so...well, just meet me at crimson mirelands!"

She left. Clearly, she was panicked.

Crimson Mirelands? Ah, well, I could always boot up my Arceus Phone^.

So, I left Jubilife-well, until Akari stopped me, hoping for a battle. Now, I'm not going to say this to her(well, I do want to live), but she did not read my mood correctly. Oh well, I'm going to welcome a pokemon battle no matter what!

Now her pikachu(Alarm) wasn't her only pokemon. She had kept a mime jr. as a surprise.

It didn't matter, as Crude was so good at cleaving others, that it was its actual name.

Arezu wasn't there, but the Warden Calaba was.

"So, you're Rei? A new frenzied noble is making mayhem-Lilligant, Lady of the ridge."

So that was what Arezuwas panicking about.

Volo popped up and was quick to challenge me.

Tune had the time of her life beating up on the togepi(Egg) and had even more critting the gible(Draco).

Then he revealed why he was there-three bandits had stolen a fragment from the ruins...


[Entry ends]

WHY REI?! DON"T JUST END THERE! IT"S RUDE!

 

[Negrek]

Hey, Forestoak! Happy to roll you for Catnip and get the chance to check out your new story. It’s quite different from your last one! I think epistolary fics like this are a lot of fun, where you get to know a character through what they write about themselves and their experiences.

Legends Arceus makes a great game to cover in a journal-style fic like this one. It makes sense that someone thrust into the past would catalog their experience this way—maybe even write down some of what they remember from their own time for fear of forgetting or disbelieving the truth of where they came from. Is this a chronicle of a playthrough you’re actually doing, or are you simply following the game plot and picking out what Pokémon you want Rei to catch, etc.? One way or another, I’ve enjoyed how you use the framing of translating this ancient diary to add a little additional commentary. You’ve been sparing with it, but it’s been fun so far.

I like the little spins you put on the LA lore here, like making “balm” into an acronym or Akari’s aggrieved personality. Any time when you can go beyond the framework of the game and make the world you own is a good time, imo!

One thing I might like a little more of is Rei’s thoughts and feelings about what he’s encountering in the past. I know what happens in LA already; what the game doesn’t give me is insight into what the protagonist’s thinking and feeling as they carry out their various quests. Is Rei worried about not being able to get back home? Just enjoying himself in the past too much to even care? Is his first encounter just completely terrifying, or is it cool and exciting? I think giving us more of these sorts of reaction would add a lot of color to the story and help us get to know Rei better as a person, in addition to all the stuff he’s up to.

I think Cress was spot on in recommending that you use past tense for the journal entries, and I think it works well for the entries you’ve used it in! A couple more quick rules to help you clean things up a little:

- You us “an” instead of “a” for nouns that start with a vowel, e.g. “an alpha” rather than “a alpha”
- There should always be a space between a word and a parenthesis, “(“ or “)”. You usually put a space after one but not before. You want a space on both sides unless you’d be putting punctuation after the closing bracket.

In any case, you’ve clearly got a lot of fun fics you’re experimenting with. I look forward to seeing where you take this, and I hope to be able to circle back to Paldea’s Awakening soon as well!

 

[Forestoak]

Ooohh. So that's what was missing. I think Cresselia92 did mention the emotions thing. I utterly forgot.

As for the incorrect grammar, I really hope that didn't appear in the later chapters-that was what I was working on. Maybe I should edit the earlier mistakes?

Wait...what? I didn't know about parenthesis with the format of ( Random-word ). Thank you for that( yeah, clearly I must have amnesia like all those PMD characters...either that or I never picked up a book(which is impossible, I can't live without them!))

Thank you!

 

[Negrek]

Ah, sorry, I think I may have been unclear! When I was talking about spaces around words and parentheses, I meant spaces outside rather than inside. So like here:

Now her pikachu(Alarm) wasn't her only pokemon.

You want a space after "pikachu," like so: "Now her pikachu (Alarm) wasn't her only pokemon."

Or here:

After reporting to Cyllene(who very kindly gave me the recipe for revives and heavy balls), I went to bed.

You'd put a space after "Cyllene:" "After reporting to Cyllene (who very kindly gave me the recipe for revives and heavy balls), I went to bed."

 

[Forestoak]

I hope I can get more of the journal done before I lose interest in history, but let's get going!
Entry 10 :
Volo, the sneaky spy he was led me to the campfire. Of course, I just had to find a spooky spirit and it frightened Volo so much that...

"Hey! Volo! It's-"

I was cut off by a sudden kick aimed at my chest. Luckily, Mental was released from his pokeball and he easily smashed the toxicroak that attacked me with a ultra-effective psychic.

The toxicroak was slammed back, but that didn't stop it from firing an agile gunk shot-and that gave it enough time to smash Mental with knockoff.

"Bonfire!"

Bonfire flame wheeled the monster of a frog into orbit finally and Coin, one of the bandits (Fortune Sisters?) ahd to give me back the fragment. It was about 2 centimeters in area.

"Ugh, this is relatively pointless. What is wrong with Volo if he tries to rescue a measly thing like this?"

I finished grumbling and resumed searching for him. After an hour, I found him running from a spirit, which I caught.

We brought it to Calabra, the actual person in charge. She repaid us for our troubles at least and used her flute to call a giant bear, apparently called a ursaluna...

Fake hit it with a low kick, but one tackle sent him tumbling into Volo's gible. We ourselves nearly died when it tried to strike us too. Crude wasn't so light though and crit ursaluna while Volo's gible(who's called Drake?) sacked himself to trying to scrape it with its rough skin ability(ow). Thank Arceus that I made a couple of great balls, because it busted one.

Summary : Volo and I kicked Coin's butt(well, me really while Volo was enjoying playing tag with the spirits) and then we caught Ursaluna.

I went back to Jubilife, because I was not going to comb all through the Mirelands for Arezu. Luckily, Akari devised a strategy to track Arezu down-Ursaluna's nose!

So yeah, I found her, she gave me Marsh BALMS and Adaman had the Warden let me in.

Lilligant jumped toward me as soon as she saw me and I dodged, throwing BALMS and Bonfire's pokeball. He just managed to burn lilligant before he was knocked out. Gosh, she was powerful. I could only throw BALMS as she struck out Fake in the same manner, caught Mental in crossfire and dodged all of Hew's attacks.

As it turned out, BALMS could take out a noble single-handedly.

So I caught Lilligant too. Guess it's time for the bed to capture me now.






[Entry ends]

 

[Forestoak]

Right...'cuse me, I forgot about this fic ,anyway, I finally made a neat little cover.

 

[lichhen]

hola, catnip camarada! i'm going to try to give your chapter 10 a review as good as yours was for my story.

First, i like the journal format. The brevity is my cup of tea - and you still manage to vividly depict what's going on. Your short & sweet descriptions are just enough.

i saw this possible typo? : "one of the bandits (Fortune Sisters?) ahd to give me back the fragment." "had" instead of "ahd"? But, I also thought maybe the typo was intentional, since this is a journal entry.

After an hour, I found him running from a spirit, which I caught.

this made me laugh a lot.

I really enjoyed the description of the battle with Lilligant. It's been a while since I played the game, but this scene really brought it back!

So I caught Lilligant too. Guess it's time for the bed to capture me now.

Awesome clever little note to end on. Nice!

Very fun read. Easy to follow, interesting, entertaining narrator voice. wonderful :D

 

[Forestoak]

Thank you, Lichhen, (I still think your story is better, but thank you for the compliments.)
Entry 11 :
Fake was different. So different. In fact, I even managed to steal borrow Akari's "Memory machine" although I technically made it, she got it because apparently I can't actually use it without a pokemon that uses current electricity so I sold i to her for 50P. I used Storm's instant static and it was just enough to take this photo as Laventon calls it.
That guy in the photo is riding a shiny rapidash (I think, as that guy was invisible at first, but Viatune (another Team Galactic member) says it was from another region...), if you're wondering. But besides the golden coloring, he can summon his aura and do stuff with it, namely levitate, battle, and show his mood.

Anyway, I better get to telling my day, because if Akari hears my quill writing for another 15 minutes, she might (as in guaranteed) kill me.

It was a pretty lax day compared to yesterday.

Laventon and Akari taught me to make scatter bangs, but I go a new mission. Face another noble, in the Cobalt Castlands. I better prepare...

[entry end]

Little preview of what will happen next :
Rei nearly drowns and encounters...this :

 

[Forestoak]

[Here is where the story is no longer strictly canon.]
Entry 12 :
I found myself not at the Galactic HQ's training arena, but on a beach with Stulcis, a Gingko Guild member along with Volo, trying catch water pokemon. Stulcis lent me his spare fishing rod and tried to teach me how to use it.

"Basically, you throw it-"

"I need a new rod."

"Not like that!"

This continued until he got so tired, he just did a demo to show me. 2 hours later, at dusk, there was a ripple then the rod vibrated. I was surprised to find out that wow, he actually got something.

"Yes! I sense a strong pokemon!"

A magikarp was tugged onto the shore.

"Good call."

Then it was my turn. I only just threw the line when the rod vibrated so hard, it was yanked from my grasp. Both of us chased after it before I realized I wasn't moving. Or at least my body wasn't. Yet, I was going deeper...

HGTFRESH8ud87ed6egdwjdjewuijdi???ujswudyhwKhGyt

,"jcjddejnwcjecui'

"ieuj746543dfr"

HYYgyewgytdgwhRERFRERheu327hswj

The psychic light faded. The good news : I was free. The bad news : I was stuck in the middle of a lake, about to drown.

Or so I thought. I woke up, bobbing in the water. There was something sticking into me. I looked down, dizzy before seeing red glowing eyes.

"AAAAAHHHH!!!"

[entry ends]