• Welcome to Thousand Roads! You're welcome to view discussions or read our stories without registering, but you'll need an account to join in our events, interact with other members, or post one of your own fics. Why not become a member of our community? We'd love to have you!

    Join now!

Pokémon The Cake is Ready [Whump Day Oneshot]

Sand

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
  9. porygon
Today, September 12th, is apparently whump day! So in honor of whump day, I wanted to post something. As some of you know, at the time of this writing I am in the final act of my roleplay campaign, Adventure Quest.

And in this campaign, I have a one-off side character named Chef Flygon, who works at a restaurant in his universe. During the course of the campaign, the characters are drawn into Darkrai's Realm and endure their greatest nightmares and fears, and overcome them. What follows is the nightmare Chef Flygon endures.

There's no inside context required for this one, just the knowledge that Flygon is an amiable Chef.

There's also msuic included, so enjoy some themeatic tunes while you read!

Feedback notice: This is posted as is, exactly how it was written at the time. I have no plans to make significant changes. However, I welcome grammar suggestions, and mostly want to know temperature reads and emotional reactions. Did you like the character, was the prose nice, and the evolution within the dream sequence enjoyable. That sort of thing.
It would actually make my day to get a comment, even if its just 'cool story bro' :quag:

Enjoy!

5 min doodle of Chef Flygon
1663030605278.png

CW: for implications of emotional abuse, bullying and for self-hatred

Sand.

Flygon stumbled and looked around. Before him lay a vast expanse of desert, a cloudless blue sky above and barely a wind stirring the air. Home? But then... he looked down, then all around. No sign of his hat or apron or any of his things. A tiny knot formed in his stomach. Swallowing it down, he started to walk.

It felt like home, sort of. He thought maybe the distant rock formation seemed similar, or certain dunes a bit familiar and yet... something was off too.

The earth under his feet rumbled and he paused. It shook again, and his body tensed up, his breathing accelerating. His eyes raced across the ground searching for any signs of something burrowing -

Rumble

Rumble


Chills crawled down his spine. It almost felt like... footsteps? His head shot up just in time to see a great silhouette in the distance, growing steadily larger. Four ridged wings, a bulky body, sharp covers over the eyes.

Flygon felt himself instinctively shrink back. The Mega Flygon finally came into full view at the crest of a dune, threw back its head, and roared.

The sound invaded Flygon’s mind, distorting his thoughts, burning deeper and deeper into his mind, dredging up memories he worked hard to bury until he couldn’t hold them back -


Nothing. Blinking, Flygon looked all around. Had he fallen down? The ground was so close... No... was he a trapinch again?

“Come on you stupid bug! I thought you wanted to be stronger!”

Trapinch-Flygon cringed at the voice as he recognized it. Adrian. His old trainer, many many years ago. Apparently what humans referred to as ‘a young man’. He shook himself and stood back up again, facing the Sandile. He’d show Adrian he could be strong. With a great cry, he rammed it, knocking it out. Adrian smiled, and Trapinch-Flygon found himself smiling too.

~

He did want to be stronger. That was why he’d joined Adrian. Whatever it took. Flygon pushed himself every training session, every battle. Adrian pressed him endlessly. Always a scathing remark, always a reminder of his weakness, always pushing pushing pushing pushing

Trapinch-Flygon handled it all. He wouldn’t be weak. ‘Suck it up,’ his den-mother had said once. And she was right.

“Get over it, get back up,” Adrian demanded.

And he did. It was all he’d ever wanted, before he’d even met Adrian. Stronger. Stronger. Push the pain down. Suck it up. Stronger. Pain is weakness, never give in. Get up. Get up.

Ignore the pain.

And he did. Every time. And he grew. Evolved faster than some of his teammates. First a Vibrava, then a Flygon. But still he wasn’t the strongest. A hole inside him, that evolving didn’t fill.

Stronger.

More battles. More gyms. Training and training, learning the best techniques, honing them hour after hour until his lungs burned and his body begged for rest.

Mega Evolution. He remembered the grueling flights across Kalos. The caves they explored, night after night, day after day. And then one day, a mention of something, the lead they needed. But they weren’t the only ones. Racing to the area. Rushing through cavern after cavern, through tight tunnels and tiny spaces.

And then finally, up above. All that he needed to do was reach the top of a ledge, and it would be his. But he wasn’t the only one. A girl. Climbing determinedly up the rock face. So he started up too, first flying, then half climbing, half flying. The wall at his back is too narrow to allow him to fly the whole way.

Except now she was in his way.

Flygon shoved past her. He saw her grip on the wall wobble. And he heard her shrill scream as her hand slipped and she fell, landing yards below with a sickening crack!

He saw her below, her leg twisted, and heard her crying out in pain.

And he heard Adrian's voice, always in the back of his mind. "Come on! Stop being pathetic! You wanted to be strong, suck it up!"

He turned away and half flew, half scrambled the rest of the way up.

The mega stone was his. Finally. Nothing could stand against him and Adrian now.

And nothing did, mostly. They mastered it swiftly, and almost every battle he felt it. Power. Confidence. Nothing could stop them.

Nothing could hurt him.

Soon his teammates grew to fear him.

As they should.

They knew he was the strongest, he worked the hardest, and he was the cornerstone. When they faltered in training he snarled and roared until they got up. On the days when they wanted a break, he shouted until they understood. This wasn’t a team for the weak. If they couldn’t handle it, they could leave.

He won, won so many battles he forgot the losses. Even Elite 4 Pokemon crumbled beneath him eventually. And if they didn’t, he fought and fought until they did. Stronger.

He barely felt the ever present void in his chest now.

Mega Evolution was all he needed. He had everything he needed.

He did, he did, he did. It had to be enough, please enough

~

“Jeez I just wanna take 5 minutes! I’ll keep training but I gotta catch my breath!” Tyrogue snapped. He glared defiantly at Flygon - no, he was a Mega Flygon now. “Go bother someone else!”

A snarl built in Mega-Flygon’s throat. Adrian’s new Tyrogue was strong but he wasn’t using it right. He wanted to take breaks. Rest. That wasn’t how you got to be stronger, that was weakness.

“Get up!” he growled, pacing around him, wings flicking irritably.

Tyrogue glared at him. “Buzz off. I’ll get up when I want.”

WHAP! Flygon's tail flicked out like a whip, without him even thinking about it. He felt it connect against Tyrogue’s soft face and it tumbled to the side, grunting in surprise. He saw the red welt form where it'd been struck, and all of a sudden he felt ill, sicker than he could ever remember being.

He'd yelled and roared and made threats and jabbed and goaded but he never once struck one of his teammates outside of battle. Not like this. He shrunk in on himself, hot shame and guilt pressing in on all sides. His mega evolution faded and he shrank to his usual size.

What was he becoming?



Sand pressed in on all sides. He was back in the desert, a trapinch again. Face buried in the sand, trying to block out everything. Hiding. He knew who the other Mega Flygon was. He couldn’t see him, couldn’t look at him. Couldn't face himself.

A pathetic mantra played on loop through his thoughts. Go away go away go away.

He dug himself deeper into his pit.

"You can't hide from who you truly are." A sneering voice. His voice. "This is who you're meant to be. No one can stop us like this. Stop being weak and get up!"

The Mega Flygon, loomed above him, tall now, too tall too big. Too strong.

Letting out a crackling wail, he cowered before the mega Flygon, before himself, burying himself deeper and deeper into his pit.

With flap of his powerful wings, Mega Flygon unearthed him. "Stop hiding! Get up you pathetic bug!" The Mega opened its jaws, white dragon fire streaming forth.

It enveloped Flygon in searing brightness, white all around as he screamed in pain-


And then he found himself in a kitchen, a pristine white kitchen, flanked by the cheerful face of... He felt himself wilt. Mariano. His best friend, and his mentor, the one who'd taught him to cook. A great pit yawned in his stomach, even as his body played through the memory on its own.

"I don't get why I should bother with this stupid cooking." He tossed the spatula to the ground. "It won't help me get stronger. It's useless."

I'm useless

Mariano frowned softly, and bent down, picking the spatula up. He set it on the counter.

"Why do you think it won't help?"

Flygon scowled at him. "What am I gonna do, cook my opponents into defeat?" The hot feeling in his chest burned stronger. "It's not helping," he hissed. He snatched the spatula off the counter and slammed it on the ground. "I don't need this."

Mariano simply nodded, understanding in his gaze. Genuine understanding. Not pity, but like he cared. Truly cared. Flygon hated it.

"You came here on your own, right? No one asked you to?"

Flygon clenched his jaw, tail flicking erratically. He forced himself to nod. It was true. The Center was meant to be a refuge for pokemon who wanted help. Who wanted to change. Except he wasn't like the other mon here. He wasn't good enough-

"Do you remember why you said you wanted to come here?" His voice was gentle but firm. Free of judgement. Flygon wanted to scream at him. Grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he snapped, told him he was awful and he couldn't be helped and he was worthless-

"Do you?"

Rolling his eyes, Flygon nodded. "I said I wanted to stop being such a horrible jerk." he spat the words out as cuttingly as he could. "But clearly I can't. I don't feel any better, I'm not getting any better and I never will."

Mariano just nodded. Not accepting, but just acknowledging. He turned to the bowl of cake batter he’d been preparing and began to pour it into a pan.

Flygon glared at him. Was he just going to bake? In his head, he raged. Say something! Tell me I’m right gods please just tell me the truth tell me I’m horrible tell me I can’t change tell me I’m bad-

“Are you going to put your cake in the oven?” Mariano stood in front of the open oven, his own cake already inside.

Flygon gave him a dirty glare, but grabbed his pan and jammed it inside the oven, then slammed the door shut.

Mariano stood back and folded his hands behind his back. “Is this a cake?”

He clenched his claw, then shrugged as he stared through the window of the oven. “What does it matter?” Mariano gave no reply, but from the corner of his eye, Flygon could see him watching expectantly. “No, I guess not,” Flygon said finally.

“Right. It’s not ready yet. It needs to cook, and the chemical reactions need to happen to turn it from a batter into something solid. Then it can be cooled and frosted.”

Flygon’s gaze remained locked on the oven.

Mariano continued. “You came here because you wanted help. As you said ‘I want to be less of an asshole. I’m a bad pokemon.’ Someone who is truly bad doesn’t try to get help, and they certainly do not admit to their issues. If you were a monster or beyond hope... you would continue in your ways, until it was too late. You would reject help.” He turned to face Flygon.

Eyes burning and throat tight, Flygon refused to meet his gaze.

“But you’re here instead. You must give yourself time to become a cake. Do you know what is required to change?”

Flygon shrugged forcefully. “Being good?” Bitterness filled his mouth.

“The only thing required to change is the willingness to admit your fault, and the strength to accept help.”

Flygon stamped their foot. “Strength? This isn’t strength, it’s weakness! I should have gotten over this by now! I should be stronger than this but I’m just a pathetic bug no matter what I try!” Burning, burning in their chest a pit in their stomach that never went away.

Still, Mariano’s tone remained level. Not angry. “Then tell me which was harder for you. Letting your anger control you, lashing out, using your strength to hurt others? Or coming here?”

“I...” Flygon stopped, blinked and turned to face Mariano. His thoughts tumbled into a jumbled pile and he scrambled to reorganize them. Harder? He opened his mouth, then closed it. Part of him wanted to say that it had been harder before, harder to fight and train and...fight again, harder and harder.

But it hadn’t been. That had been easy. So easy. Easy to give in every day, to ignore his conscience, ignore everything inside that told him not to listen. To push the emptiness inside him down and hide it away. Lose himself in every battle, every hard fought win. Coming here had felt worse, worse than every loss, every humiliation, even worse than every barbed comment Adrian threw at him. It had felt awful, like a fight every single day. This had been harder.

Mariano picked up the spatula from the floor. “You haven’t left yet. Even though you could. Every day you’re growing stronger, but it's hard to see that from inside the oven. But one day you will. You’ll realize that you’ve come far and you’re not the same dragon you once were.”

~

Flygon blinked, sand shifting all around him. He was a trapinch still, head buried in the sand. The ground around him kept moving erratically and he realized he was shaking, tears streaming from his eyes and dampening the sand.

Somewhere in the distance, he heard the Mega Flygon roaring still, he could feel himself tearing up the earth, snarling barbed insults.

Every day you’re growing stronger.

Flygon-Trapinch swallowed, the tightness in his chest easing. He shook himself, digging himself out of his pit. Shaking the sand off, he looked up. Mega Flygon still raged through the dunes, blasting streams of dragonfire, turning chunks of desert to glass.

You’re not the same dragon you once were.

The earth began to shine - no, he was glowing, the brightness reflecting. His body changed, he felt himself grow lean again, felt the wings on his back and his spindly legs, lifting him from the ground. The glow faded, and hence again found himself a Vibrava.

Mega Flygon’s head swung around, gaze locking onto him. “There you are, little bug. Going to fight me? You’ll never be strong enough to stop me. No matter how much you evolve, weakling. Stop fighting it.” It flared its wings in a show of strength. “Accept it. You are me.”

Flygon-Vibrava buzzed his wings, shooting up into the air until he was level with the Mega’s eyes. “No.”

It reared back, baring its fangs.

“I used to be you. But that's not who I am anymore.” A glow began to form around him.

The only thing required to change is the willingness to admit your fault and the strength to accept help.

The light intensified, consuming his form, morphing him until he was larger, a lithe body and strong wings and claws and teeth. “I’m stronger.” Yet the light didn’t stop.

And then, in his mind's eye, Flygon saw it. Mariano’s last gift to him. A Flygonite, with a note attached. “The cake is finally done.”

Light seared everything, blinding Flygon for a moment, before finally dissipating. He was larger now. Still in his regular form, but now he was as tall as the Mega.

A weight lifted off his chest for the first time in years. He felt... peace. A peace he’d never felt with Adrian. He stepped forward and pressed his snout into the other Mega. It pulled back, shock in its eyes. He glared back at it, this time without fear. “I’m done being you. I was done being you years ago.”

“We had everything,” Mega hissed. Now it's voice sounded more like pleading than anything worth listening to. “We were finally strong! We were happy, no one could touch us!” Even as it spoke, it seemed to be shrinking...

“No. We were hiding. Afraid.” As Flygon spoke, he gazed into the Mega’s eyes. And for a moment, he saw not the Mega Flygon, but himself. A scared Trapinch, hurt. Attacked by his own denmates. And he saw Adrian, standing behind him, telling him he didn’t need to be weak anymore, that he could be stronger than all of them and no one could hurt him that way anymore. He saw the anger in Adrian, the same clenched fists, fear in his hunched shoulders, even as he shouted and raged.

“Stop! Y-you can’t deny it!” The trapinch begged. “This is what you are. This is what you have to be!”

Flygon smiled ruefully and shook his head. “No. No it isn’t. I can be better.” And he gazed once more into his own eyes, and felt a sensation, a familiar hand on his back; a figure at his side. Mariano.

He slowly bent down until he was eye level with the Trapinch. With himself. The tension melted from his body completely when he spoke. And then, ever so gently, he scooped up the angry Trapinch, and held himself close, whispering words he’d been so afraid to speak for so long.

“I forgive you.”

Tears spilled from his eyes, and he felt them mirrored on his face, dripping down his neck, soaking the sand. Light swirling around the two, merging them, blending them. Flygon’s silhouette grew. Broad wings from his back, a strong body, and powerful armor of Mega evolution. Finally, the void in his chest faded.

And as the light faded, a great gust of wind blew from behind, sending sand swirling all around. It settled, and the hazy nightmare desert faded with it, into gentle oblivion.

1663037553245.png
 
Last edited:

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
Well I am here for the whump fest... very late but present I guess? also I like your artwork, it adds a nice touch.

It's interesting to see mere moments in that the accessories of his profession are so pivotal to his well-being that Flygon checks for them first before focusing outward. As a Flygon, and drawing more from my experience with them in other's stories and SNAP I suspect that any arid enough environ would be a good stab at being home as they're desert dwellers.

Granted a place that is familiar and an earthquake (or even the second by itself) are usually not something you want to deal with back to back... though the suddenness of the drop-off in this setting makes me think it's a dream and going to turn sour.

Ohf crimson Godzilla, yeah that's nightmare fuel right there. it being a Mega version of yourself... that points to a healthy set of issues (aka being unhealthy). I suppose de-evolution would be nightmare fuel. I've only seen that plot device used in one tale (one of my own)... Weedle spent almost a whole three paragraphs screaming in indignation so as far as that horror reaction goes flygon's doing just fine. Granted the bad trainer tango is not a good place to be... and abusive trainer tango is even worse when paired with a dismissive upbringing.. No wonder the fly' guy went into cooking, less insanity on that lifestyle and less pressure.

And I can see this going down so very well... that obsession paired with a target of a rival, even if it's an accidental one... Yeah, the fall isn't a surprise, the fact that there weren't any repercussions after kinda does.

But then Fly got a set of them when his companions went all fearful and he started gunning for everything smaller than him. Wonder if he turned on his trainer in the end?

Well I'm glad he got a wake-up call before he killed anyone, and in that situation that's probably the best outcome, though if Flygon turned bad I wonder at a system and if they'd of investigated all of the trainer's mon and did a shakedown of the whole team. I wonder how it should work is all.

And we're flicking settings again, yeah definitely a dream at this point. So he is facing himself... and digging himself in deeper, while a literal defensive action, aka dig being an actual move/dodge, applies here on so many other levels.

I wonder how he met Mariano. I don't see how he could have really bonded with him if his life was either work/training nonstop under his trainer's team, or if he broke away at some point and tried to make a life of himself and met up with Mar' during that time. Feels like there's a story there. Even here, his illness is still present, gnawing and blackholing for all its worth as he tries to take other methods to Chanel it's energy into something constructive. Really advanced therapy stuff honestly, but all he can see it as is in terms of his old activities and measures. In short, he's measuring and trying to bake with a dry set of cups and measures when he should be whipping out the liquid-friendly ones...

Mar' forgot the obvious, sitting still enough to hear this conversation, when under that much emotional pressure absorbing anything, even if you don't get it just yet, is a huge achievement. I'm hoping Mar' left and moved more than died, that last gift line though insinuates otherwise... huh so he went the full forgiveness route, well that works in some cases, and in this one seems to have been the final blow. Wonder where he'll wake up at next and what's going to happen for now, but at least he won that fight and seems better for it.

Thanks for the great read.
 

unrepentantAuthor

A cat that writes stories.
Location
UK
Pronouns
they/she
Partners
  1. purrloin-salem
  2. sneasel-dusk
  3. luz-companion
  4. brisa-companion
  5. meowth-laura
  6. delphox-jesse
  7. mewtwo
  8. zeraora
Hey, Tetra. I remember reading this as an RP post during AQ, and appreciating it very much. I do admit, I enjoy when an ostensibly shitposty character or concept end up hitting one's heart, and I let my guard down for this one. It's good. It pushes a number of my buttons. And it got me a bit emotional.

Let's see... For starters, I enjoy a lot of the devices you use to achieve certain narrative outcomes. For instance, the Blacklight-inspired (?) use of forum BBcode formatting to distinguish certain kinds of internal thought. Also in particular, the use of different appellations to distinguish between different personas of the flygon protagonist, which are distinct enough to merit such a thing. That really helps land the vibe, and make the interactions between the personas easier to parse. And, of course, the use of background music hyperlinked at key points is a pretty cool move.

As for the story/premise and characters, of course you know I'm a sucker for redemption arcs, emotional whump, self-hatred, and so on, but the cake metaphor is a particularly good one as concerns the 'slow development' model of turning a flawed character around. I enjoy that you've taken the concept of a power-hungry bully obsessed with strength in battle who hats their own weakness even as they pursue self-improvement, and resolve it not through a revelation about how being good is good actually, but through baking, and through self-forgiveness. The whole shtick about chemical reactions fundamentally changing something over time, and for the better, is wonderful. I remember it very fondly indeed.

And I gotta say, that's among the better mega flygon designs I've ever seen. Very cool indeed. Love the Kamina shades.
 

HelloYellow17

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. suicune
  2. umbreon
  3. mew
  4. lycanroc-wes
  5. leafeon-rui
Yes hello it is me, I can’t believe I actually haven’t formally reviewed this yet? How??

I’ll have you know that this wrecked me when I read it the first time and rereading it made me emotional AGAIN. So thanks for wrecking my feels repeatedly, you’re the worst. :mewlulz: (Joking, obviously. I love this a lot and I think it’s up there in my top 5 oneshots I’ve read.)

(insert Anakin GIF here)

I’m sorry. I had to. 😂
Nothing could stop them.

Nothing could hurt him.

Soon his teammates grew to fear him.

As they should.
So this story is absolutely PACKED with one-liners that punch you right in the gut. Like, there are multiple, but they all hit so hard? I hate you??? 😭

I also really like the touch you added by covering his inner thoughts, his real feelings, under the hover text. Something about it makes it hit home just that much more. “As they should” is heartbreaking. On the surface, it sounds like he’s taking pride in his strength, knowing he is the team’s ace. But if you look deeper, it means something else…that they should fear him, they should hate him, they should stay away because he’s nothing but a monster. Or at least, that is what he believes.

He did, he did, he did. It had to be enough, please enough
Hhhhh the sheer desperation leaking through here hurts so much, someone please give him a hug

Still, Mariano’s tone remained level. Not angry. “Then tell me which was harder for you. Letting your anger control you, lashing out, using your strength to hurt others? Or coming here?”
MARIANO FOR PRESIDENT

You really nailed Mariano’s dialogue. I feel like it can be hard to write a wise, patient character and make them actually seem wise, but you pulled it off flawlessly here. We don’t see much of Mariano overall, but we don’t need to; we already know what kind of person he is.
And then, in his mind's eye, Flygon saw it. Mariano’s last gift to him. A Flygonite, with a note attached. “The cake is finally done.”
This made me cry the first time. And wouldn’t you know it, it made me cry the second time, too. 🥲 Perhaps one of the best one-liners I’ve seen. Ugh. UGH. MY HEART.
He slowly bent down until he was eye level with the Trapinch. With himself. The tension melted from his body completely when he spoke. And then, ever so gently, he scooped up the angry Trapinch, and held himself close, whispering words he’d been so afraid to speak for so long.

“I forgive you.”​
As much as I love “the cake is finally done” (and I love it a lot), this one is what takes the cake for me. (Pun intended.) There’s something so vulnerable about looking your past self in the eye, a version of yourself that you’re so deeply ashamed of, and being able to forgive it. It hits hard. Really hard. I’m emotional even as I type this because it’s just…ugh. I don’t have words. It’s beautiful, it’s powerful, it’s bittersweet. It’s incredibly healing to read because it reminds me to treat my past self with this much love and forgiveness, as well.

Thank you for this beautiful one-shot. Truly. The theme here has so much personal significance for me, and I’m glad you were willing to share this with all of us.
 

tomatorade

The great speckled bird
Location
A town at the bottom of the ocean
Pronouns
He/Him
Partners
  1. quilava
  2. buizel
Ayo I'm reviewin' eer!

I think this is the first multimedia fanfic I've come across (technically not, on thought. I've seen a number with illustrations. Maybe it's more accurate to say this is the first fic with a prominent audio component). It's a little clunky on start, admittedly, but that has more to do with the limitations of forum reading, so I will take what I am given.

Also, goddamn youtube ads. I don't want ritz crackers right now, I want to be sad!

And flygon. Of course. He is here. Mega flygon, too. The dream never dies lol.

Continuing on the multimedia elements, It think they're fairly well considered. The function should be to provide a level of description that writing might struggle with and they do that excellently. There's not much need to overlabour description when the sounds of the desert do that for you. That said, it is fairly static. You recognise this by providing other tracks but I do think the clunkiness of forum interaction hurts the experience a little. Having to take a break to pause on track and start another is not ideal. Unfortunately, all solutions to this problem are not ideal. There probably isn't a track that exists or can be created to perfectly match everyone's reading speed or speak to all elements of the story fairly. So I guess my criticism wraps around to 'what can ya do?'. Still, I thought it was worth pointing out how this affected my reading.

One last formatting note, the choice to shove the flashback paragraphs to the right of the screen is an interesting one. It is, to be clear, the most readable format other than stuck left (although justified center would be very fun, even if it would ruin the entire story lol).

I think it works for the most part. It's somewhat jarring, but in a sort of holistic way that represents the experience of the flashback so it works.

I like the surrealness of the flashback. We sort of just step into it from the present and all of a sudden flygon is inhabiting his old self. It's also written closer to nonfiction which helps both with efficiency and distance. It's paceed well despite being very fast.

And mega flygon becomes real. Finally, what we've all been waiting for.

I do sort of struggle with the arch here, though. The way it's presented the final offence against the tyrogue is somewhat minor compared to what I expected, I guess. Like, after he hurts (kills?) that trainer to get the mega stone I'm like oh shit, how much worse can he get? and I sorta... assumed that he was already hurting teammates. To learn that he isn't is kind of surprising, but it feels minor even in context of the act. idk. I know he explains that he's never hurt a teammate like that, but I'm not sure I fully believe that tbh.

Tsundere flygon bakes cake.

I think the type change here is my favourite format trickery. It solidifies it as more than a gimmick, I think. I also like the expectation of sophistication that comes with serif fonts. Once again, it's a great way to suggest a transition into something more thoughtful and considered than past flygon was.

I love this little interaction with Mariano. It's quiet, even if flygon is very much trying to make it not be lol. And the 'baking a cake' metaphor is well realised and not overlaboured. I like that it comes as a realisation at the end of the scene, where flygon doesn't get much reaction. There's another great transition here to the next scene where it's fully explored without pointing out how the metaphor makes sense.

You commit a lot harder to the format than I initially thought you would. Changing type for only one paragraph to connect it back with Mariano's lesson is inspired.

I love how anime this becomes at the end, and through the framing device of evolution/devolution as growth. I think a strength in this approach (at least in good anime) is the way they attach these real, complicated feelings inherent in young characters to metaphors that, while not subtle, really help in connecting these experiences to the audience. Evolution is interesting, too, because it's often just an abject good. Something you add onto your own power without any actual change being made. But evolution here has more to do with perspective and actual, real growth.

And then he finally forgives himself : ' (

And we get a sick mega flygon for the effort. He's even got shades, dude, he's so cool.

Anyway, I really liked this. It definitely exemplifies the whump I was looking for. I do think I was fairly critical, so I want to be clear that I really enjoyed this. It's difficult to creat e cohesive arch in this short a time without it feeling rushed but I think you pull it off. And I'm always down for experiments.Thank you!
 

Negrek

Abscission Ascendant
Staff
LET THEM EAT CAKE! :yoomtah: I certainly remember reading this back when it was posted for AQ--can't remember whether I commented on it, but I hope I at least said something! Happy to take another look for a more in-depth review.

This story is really built around the central idea of change, that nobody's cake is "baked" yet and the fact that someone isn't performing perfectly yet doesn't mean that they're hopeless or sure to fail, but only that they're a work in progress, which is a powerful and important message. I also really love that this is ultimately a story that ends in forgiveness rather than violence; Chef Flygon doesn't "defeat" his former self, but is able to accept him, acknowledge the forces that combined to create him, and move on in a more positive direction. A common theme in Adventure Quest, but one I definitely appreciate! I love the idea of a pokémon pivoting away from battling and an obsession with "strength" into a more unusual profession where they can find fulfillment. More pokémon chefs, imo.

I also like that you lean into Chef Flygon's past as a power-hungry jerk--like, letting some poor kid (who I'll always think of as Hana, heh) fall to what could have been her death, dang. You get a real visceral sense of what he's trying to distance himself from, and why the dream-version of his past is so terrifying, and I think these sorts of stories are much more effective when the character in question really does have bad deeds to come back from. It's hard to have proper forgiveness if the original issue was just a misunderstanding or not that bad to begin with. It really makes sense why Chef Flygon would be terrified of his former self.

The devolution as Chef Flygon finds himself terrified and powerless before the apparition of his past, and subsequent re-evolution when he's able to acknowledge how far he's come (while Mega Flygon, in turn, devolves) make for fitting metaphors about weakness versus strength, fear and courage, and for tying personal revelations into legitimately cool story moments. All good stuff, and something that can almost uniquely be expressed through pokémon evolution. We do love to see some literal dramatic change at character-appropriate moments! I think you did a good job in showing the shift in power dynamics as the fic moved along, and the evolution/devolution was an appropriately dramatic moment each time.

I think it might have been nice to see a little more of Chef Flygon's current personality here; we see him in his jerk past, and we see him largely running scared in the present, but we don't see any of the joy that he found in becoming a chef or much of what flavor of cake he's become, so to speak. This is from a standalone perspective--for people who were reading this as part of the larger RP, we're already familiar with Chef Flygon from previous scenes, so it makes sense that we don't see any of his baseline here. However, taken alone, I think what this sequence would be lacking is a bit of a sense of what Chef Flygon's gained as a result of his decision to move away from solely valuing strength and fighting ability. What led Mariano to conclude that "the cake is finally done?" What experiences can Chef Flygon draw upon to reassure himself that he really has changed?

One thing I'm left wondering about is where Chef Flygon's love of cooking came from. Was it something he was always kind of interested in, and his relationship with it really blossomed after he gave up battling? Was he inspired by Mariano and got really into it after their talk about cake? Something else? It may not be relevant to this story, if it doesn't have much to do with Flygon finding himself, but I'm definitely wondering if his profession is caught up with his character progression in some way.

There were a couple places where the pronouns went a bit funky:

WHAP! Flygon's tail flicked out like a whip, without him even thinking about it. He felt it connect against Tyrogue’s soft face and it tumbled to the side, grunting in surprise. He saw the red welt form where it'd been struck, and all of a sudden he felt ill, sicker than he could ever remember being.
It was strange for me to see Tyrogue become "it" here when he'd been "he" before.

Burning, burning in their chest a pit in their stomach that never went away.
Similarly, I was expecting "his" rather than "their" for Flygon in this sentence.

On the whole, I think this is a really fun character exploration piece, and I love how you played around with the formatting and presentation throughout. Centering that final line is so good and impactful! I don't know that the framing makes a ton of sense outside the context of Adventure Quest, but I think the message and emotional arc of the story comes through nonetheless. Big props to Chef Flygon! I don't know if you have further plans for the guy, but I'd love to see more of him for sure.
 
Top Bottom