Pokémon TCG2: Doduo Adventures - Book One: TCG Island (In Progress)

[Tango]

Hey, nice to see you pop in for review of chapter 2!

Normally I would review two at a time, but things have gotten a bit complex so I shall review just one chapter today! Let's enter the water club!

Hey, if it means you are more in depth per chapter, I can't really complain!

🙏 King of public transit! We love a man who uses efficient mass transit options!

He is just getting started. He still has a whole slew of others to utilize!

💀 A hat hater, I see. Well, I guess his tastes run more modern.

Well, yeah. He can't be covering his magnificent head of hair in something so mundane as a hat! His ancestor would not agree, though.

I appreciate these moments where he sets a scene! I imagine he is describing a real location in the games, but it helps those of us who haven't played visualize what he is seeing.

Indeed, it is a scene from the game. To make it accessible to readers, I put a lot of effort into introducing characters and describing scenes. (I was definitely getting tired of describing new places by the end of writing Book One! (written all of it but chapters are still working through the beta reading pipeline before they get posted)

I feel like it wouldn't be exciting enough for him to do as a job. :P Can you imagine him in his red suit, on a tarp, fishing? I think he'd start betting with the fishermen around him to get some thrills.

Yeah, he would have to do something to occupy his thoughts.

Nitpick but they are wearing one-pieces, which mean they actually do leave at least the midriff to the imagination. If you wanted to show that he recognizes that they are good-looking women, you could say that their swimsuits showed off their amazing figures.

Eh, alright. You've devoted words to it, so not changing it risks another reviewer doing the same thing. I reworked it a bit. Hopefully it will be above reproach now.

One-pieces are actually less likely to have bouncing because of the compression that happens all over the torso.
'Bouncing' risks coming off a bit much - I think the flirtation they do afterwards is enough to show that these girls really want that money.

They run in ways to make things bounce more, probably.

However, I think the idea that he feels tempted is fine to leave him. He's a lonely 28 year old guy who lost the love of his life and these women in their 20s are making a move at him - I believe he might look and find it a bit hard to say no!

Screw the realism, they have bouncing!

Having to compete with your twin for a man sounds like a challenge.

And one they are always up to.

Eyyy battle time!
I looked up 'Gust of Wind' and I'm kind of amazed this is something you're allowed to do! O:

Original game had some pretty powerful cards. Especially trainer cards.

This is an example of why showing the battles is a good idea! When you get that second 'Gust of Wind' moment, you get to really up the ante from the audience. That means you get to have these moments where you're like 😈 aww yeah, winning time.

Well, maybe I'll make it a point to have one battle played out from each club. Not sure. But it does seem that adding in some more fleshed out duels here and there is good for the fic. I'll take a look at my other chapters and see about good opportunities to add more.

I'm not familiar with the TCG (I only ever collected the cards for fun and I never played the videogame), but I remembered the explanation you gave and looked up some of the moves. And I suspect the more battles there are, the more the reader will be able to learn the rules even if they did not play the game themselves.

I think that would be pretty cool. Also, a reader can always make a better deck than the all common deck by using more than just commons!

You did a good job having one battle in this chapter. I think any more and it could have felt a bit repetitive. But you've shown us some cards that I imagine will appear again in the future, as well as his

That seems to be the balance. You can have a duel be fully detailed, but probably no more than one per chapter.

His loneliness really peeks through here. As well as, perhaps, a little bit of low self esteem. I find it noticeable that he doesn't laugh at these young ladies or condescend. He feels cowed by them, or even flattered. If he felt more secure in himself, he would find it easier to dismiss them. These can't be the first women to want to catch his attention, after all. But even though he's faced them before, he finds it hard to deal with them. I get the impression that he's not someone who finds it easy to bat people away. He's not detached.

Yeah, he is kind of a mess in the love department. You analyze him well!

You mean... him??? :O

Ah, you've stumbled upon the card that inspired me to have Doduo following Imakuni in the first place!

>:) I'm a big fan of Pokemon who just like someone and start following them around.

Excellent. There will be quite a lot of that going on!

And as a final aside, I didn't find a good opportunity to put this in the quotes, but I like the way that you use the avatars from the games as emotion markers.

I'm glad you like them! I started using them when I got annoyed at how other fics use art in them. The fact that they are official game art means I can use them without trying to seek out and beg an artist for using them or to pay lots of money to commission them.

I LOVE how these things work in the fic. Gives it kind of a visual novel vibe. Especially with the soundtrack involved which I assume you have not been using. (It's ok, 90% of readers or more don't seem to implement it. Too many people using only phone and not PC, I guess... It kind of sucks though. I wish more people would listen to it. I put lots of time into selecting the tracks for it and implementing the links in the fic. Sometimes people hate music too. Oh well...)

Overall, this chapter showed us some of his battle strategy, as well as what makes him nervous (attractive ladies in swimsuits who want his fame and money). Perhaps he should tell them that he's broke

The thing is, they aren't really after his money, they are after his status. The want to be 'dating the Champion' because it's a status thing.

And we've got something quite important, which is Doduo! The idea of Imakuni?'s Doduo just being the protagonist's pal is actually extra funny to me now that I think about it.

Made for one heck of a random entrance too!

 

[Tango]

Special thanks to K_S & Astinus for beta reading!

Chapter 29: One Last Chance
​

(148)

June 3rd - (Afternoon)

Isaac, Rick, and Nikki had all opted to sit away at the conference table. I'm sure Rick would have loved to collect data on this game, but it was more important to him to be with Nikki since the outcome could kill them all if it went poorly...

The final game in my life commenced!

For setup I played Abra as active, holding Moltres back in my hand so I could benefit from its power to pull Fire Energy from my deck to my hand later. I won the opening coin-flip this time.

For Mew's setup, she played Mr. Mime (the damage shield version) as active.

My 1st turn began. I played a Bill and benched Moltres to dig out Fire Energy, attaching one to Moltres. I ended my turn there.

My deck had no ability to attack with Abra. Since I was currently without Growlithe, that left only Moltres for combat. It still needed two more energy to attack, but at least it was closer and I did not waste my ability to play an energy card for the turn. I had Professor Oak in hand that I perhaps could have used to look for Growlithe, but it would have been a waste to play it considering I still had seven other cards in hand.

Mew then proceeded to her 1st turn and played Tentacool to her bench. She attached Psychic Energy to Mr. Mime and played some draw-cards ending her turn there. At the end, she still had seven cards in her hand.

On my 2nd turn I attached Fire Energy to Moltres and passed.

For Mew's 2nd turn, she attached Psychic Energy to Mr. Mime and attacked with Meditate boosted to 20 damage from weakness. She still had seven cards in hand.

My Abra was now at half health. One more hit from Mr. Mime and it would go down...

For my 3rd turn: I attached Fire Energy to Moltres and passed.

Moltres now had enough energy to attack, but Mr. Mime's 'Invisible Wall' power prevented any damage over 20 from affecting it, and I still had Abra as my active mon anyway.

On Mew's 3rd turn she attached Psychic Energy to Mr. Mime. She then attacked with Mr. Mime's Meditate boosted to 40 damage from weakness, KOing my Abra, and claiming a prize card.

Mew now had five prize cards remaining, but I only had one more mon: Moltres. I moved it to the active position.

For my 4th turn I attached Fire Energy to Moltres. The extra energy I attached was to help Moltres stave off any potential Energy Removal's in Mew's hand. Sure, I could have attached one to Growlithe, but it might have spread myself too thin...

I then played Gust of Wind and switched her active mon with Tentacool. Next came my attack with Moltres, succeeding the coin-flip for 70 damage and KOing Tentacool! I claimed a prize card.



Only five more prizes remaining. We were even.

On Mew's 4th turn she played Rocket's Sneak Attack to see my hand causing me to discard Professor Oak! She then played Tentacool to bench and attached Psychic Energy to Mr. Mime. After a variety of draw-cards and benching an Abra, she benched another Tentacool. She ended her turn attacking with Meditate for 10 damage.

She took away my Oak! That is never something a duelist wants to see! Yet, even after a big turn like that, she still had six cards in hand! Her Mr. Mime now had FOUR Psychic Energy, making it all but impossible to disarm with Energy Removal since Mr. Mime only needed two for attacks!

My 5th turn came around. I benched a Growlithe and attached a Double-Colorless Energy to it. I then swapped her active mon with Gust of Wind and attacked her Abra with Moltres! A successful coin-flip brought 70 damage to KO her Abra! I then claimed another prize card.

With my 2nd prize claimed, I had only four remaining. Growlithe was starting to get traction with energy now too!

One would think I would start having doubts when getting closer to winning, but, honestly? I had never felt so alive in my life! And I loved my friends dearly...



(149)



Mew raised her eyebrows. "Wow! You seem to be doing much better now! You really don't mind dying, huh?"

I looked back at her and closed my eyes. "You don't scare me, Mew. I don't know why you are so fixated on killing us, but I'm not backing down."



I opened my eyes glaring at Mew. "I WILL save them!"



Mew laughed. "That's the spirit!"

Did she really take nothing seriously?



Mew frowned. "Hey! I do take things seriously! Must you always think such rude things?!"



She was blaming me for THINKING? The psychopath!



Mew puffed her cheeks out. "Really? Name calling now? Whatever, soon I will watch you writhe in agony over the loss of your friends. Or I'll just simply kill you. Either way I'll be satisfied..."



She would have me think that both options were a loss, but I knew winning would result in the best outcome. Even if I lost my life, it would still be a victory!



Mew smiled. "Ooo! Not a bad self-pep talk! Whatever floats your boat... dead man."



She then finally took her turn...



Mew crossed her arms. "What do you mean, 'finally'?! Look, I know you are in a hurry to die and all, but stop rushing me... jerk."

On Mew's 5th turn she played Abra to her bench and attached Psychic Energy to it. She ended the turn by attacking with Meditate for 20 damage

Moltres was starting to accrue damage and Meditate would only get worse... It was now two hits away from KO despite having 70 of 100HP remaining. At least her hand was down to two cards...



Mew grinned. "I wouldn't get too excited if I were you about my hand being low..."



I grit my teeth. "Why are you reading my thoughts during a duel!"

Mew shrugged. "For the same reason an opponent listens to what you say if you talk about your plans out loud. You don't want me to know your thoughts? Stop thinking them. Not my problem."



I put my hands on my head. "You are using your power to mess with me!"

Mew blinked. "So? It's my business what I use it for."



I scowled. "My thoughts are NOT your business!"



Mew held her hands up while she laughed. "Oh no! Mister Gentleman is mad at me! Quick! Someone find me almost any other man in the world to defend me!"



Oh sure, make fun of the weakling... Power-tripping card-scratcher...



Mew was now laughing even harder. "Oh man! It's fun messing with you. Gotta get it in while I can... you know... before you're dead." Her face then dropped all emotion as her eyes glowed.



Glowing eyes? Really? As if she could somehow make me more dead. What was she going to do? Kill me twice?



Mew frowned. "Hmmm... I see your point. Intimidation kinda loses its mojo when you already know you are going to die... Shall I threaten to alter the deal to kill more people then?"



I looked back at her with no emotion. "Even you couldn't be that petty..."



Mew frowned. "Yeah... I guess you got me there. I do have some standards..."

(150)

For my 6th turn I attached Fire Energy to Growlithe and brought it out to active by retreating Moltres. I then played Gust of Wind to swap Mr. Mime for Tentacool and used Energy Removal on Abra. To KO Tentacool, I discarded one Fire Energy on Growlithe to attack with Ember for 30 damage, claiming my next prize card.

And I had more where that came from too! Hopefully my opponent couldn't use my eyes to look at my hand...



Mew held up a finger. "Um! Actually, I CAN look through your eyes if I want! What your eyes see goes to your brain and all... But I haven't been doing that! I've been careful to avoid any cheating. I mean, I COULD cheat, but why? Sometimes I get too much information on accident. When that happens I just erase that portion of my memory, so there is no harm done!"

No cheating? Why did that feel... off... last game? Erase? Did she...



What was I thinking about again?

For Mew's 6th turn she played a variety of draw-cards followed by Energy Removal to take away the Double-Colorless Energy on my Growlithe. She then attached Psychic Energy to Abra and attacked Growlithe with Mr. Mime's Meditate for 10 damage.

It seemed like no matter what I did to her, she just kept bouncing back... But I was making progress on prizes!

On my 7th turn, I attached Fire Energy to Growlithe. I then evolved it to Arcanine. It only had one energy, but I would focus on adding more. I ended my turn there.

For Mew's 7th turn she attached Psychic Energy to Abra and ended the turn by attacking Arcanine with Meditate for 20 damage.

Two more hits would KO Arcanine...

On my 8th turn I only attached another Fire Energy to Arcanine.

I took a moment to review the game state: Three cards in hand: Fire Energy, Abra, and Computer Search. Moltres benched with 70/100HP remaining and two Fire Energy attached. Arcanine was 70/100HP and with two Fire Energy attached. Mew's Mr. Mime was her active mon with four Psychic Energy. She had Tentacool benched as well as Abra with two Psychic Energy. Seven cards in her hand and far more than ten cards left in her deck, meaning I would not be winning via deck-out.

It seemed both of us still had ample steam.



Mew laughed. "That's right baby! I'm a choo-choo train! VROOM!"

I rolled my eyes harder than I had ever rolled them before. I was pretty sure she added the wrong sound effect to mess with me further... This was the being that was going to end my life? I'd ask someone to shoot me, but that was basically already going to be happening...



Mew looked at me with wide eyes. "Holy cow! Did you just crack a joke at your OWN death?! Dude! That's pretty sick. Not gonna lie..."



The absurdity of it all. Sitting here making jokes about my own approaching death... Is that what some people did in hospitals?



Mew frowned. "Yeah... I could answer that, but I don't think I will... Kinda morbid, you know?"



Said the being who was going to murder at least one of us...



Mew waved her hand dismissively. "Nah, killing is fast and exciting! Talking about death though? That's just depressing."

(151)



Sure, if one were to completely disregard the immorality of murder... Still, it sounded like she was no stranger to the topic... If she could be depressed, perhaps she had a heart that could be reasoned with?



Mew sighed. "Owch! That one stung a little... I most certainly do have a heart! It's usually reserved for people I like. Other than that, I try not to get too attached. I outlive people and I've been through my share of funerals... they really suck..."



I looked her in the eye. "Then why create more?"

Mew looked up and away. "Hey! Wanna see a magic trick?"

What was-

Mew's face shimmered with bright light and changed form. She now had a Doduo head. "See? I can even speak with it! Doduo's have some incredible vocal cords!"



I blinked. "Mew, I-"



Mew's face went back to normal. "Ahh! The game! We got to keep playing the game!"



I crossed my arms. "MEW!"



She set her hand down and looked away, frowning.



I held my hands out. "You don't really want to kill us, do you?"

She remained silent.

I reached across and held her hand. "Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?"



Mew pulled her hand away and looked straight down. "...I get sick of acting... Always pretending to be something I'm not... I've got all this responsibility too..."

Mew grit her teeth. "People I like keep dying. It's not fun... It's not fun and I HATE IT!"



I took a deep breath. "Mew... If you want things to change, you're going to need to open up and stop hiding."

Mew leaned back and looked up through the eye towards the sun shining in the sky. "Maybe I should... Thanks. ...I'm still going to kill you though... So let's let this over with."

Well. At least I had tried...

(152)

For Mew's 8th turn she attached Psychic Energy to Abra. She then benched Tentacool and Mr. Mime before playing some draw-cards. She then used another Energy Removal on my Arcanine and evolved Abra to Kadabra. She ended the turn by attacking again with Mr. Mime's Meditate for 40 damage.

One more hit and my Arcanine would go down...

On my 9th turn, I used Switch to bring out Moltres followed by Goop Gas Attack trainer card to shut off Pokemon powers. I then attached Fire Energy to Moltres to bring its energy up to three again. Finally, I attacked with a successful coin-flip for 70 damage to KO Mr. Mime, claiming another prize card!

Normally I would not resort to such desperate tactics... If the coin-flip had failed, Goop Gas would have been wasted! But I needed it to pull ahead. And now? Her Mr. Mime was gone and there were only two prizes left!



I wondered if Mew would benefit from my advice... If I was going to die, I at least wanted it on good terms...

For Mew's 9th turn she attached Psychic Energy to Mr. Mime and retreated Tentacool to bring it out. She evolved Kadabra to Alakazam and ended her turn.

Just like that, she already had another Mr. Mime almost ready to attack! The most voracious opponent! I wondered what a duel between her and my old college professor, Doctor Wem, would have been like...

My 10th turn came around and I attached Double-Colorless Energy to Arcanine followed by some draw-cards. I then used Energy Removal on her Mr. Mime and retreated Moltres again for Arcanine. I benched another Growlithe too. I returned a Gust of Wind with Itemfinder and used it to swap Mr. Mime for Alakazam! I then used Arcanine's Takedown for 80 damage with 30 recoil KOing both mon. Each of us claimed a prize card and I set Moltres as active.

I still had a Bill, Fire Energy, and Arcanine in hand. One more prize to claim and the game would be mine! My friends would be safe... And my life would end.



Mew clapped. "Wow! That was superb! Imagine that? A player able to match me at the game when I am serious? Granted, I'm not using my best deck, but I'm still very impressed!"

Mew nodded. "You have my respect as a duelist, Mister Gentleman! In fact, you are the only one to ever have it! We will go a little longer until the end, but I'm no longer confident I can win."



If she respected me so much, maybe she would be willing to not kill me?



Mew laughed. "Nah, I'm still totally going to kill you. I just said that to make sure I wouldn't feel guilty about it when I do..."



It then dawned on me... This must have been what Stephanie meant when she said that thing she knew 'might not even kill me'... How ironic that the good outcome was death...

For my 11th turn, I attached Fire Energy to Growlithe, played Bill, and passed.

I had no doubt Mew could drag this out longer at least. She did make for a formidable opponent, after all!



Mew chuckled. "Aww, thanks!"

(153)



I guess I could accept it for what it was... She was going to kill me. Why be in a foul mood over it? My last time in this world was going to be with her. I decided it would be better if I made it pleasant.

On Mew's 11th turn, all she did was attach Psychic Energy to Mr. Mime.

She was gearing back up to attack again. I wondered how many people Mew killed like this?



Mew looked down at her hands tapping her two index fingers together. "Uh... I'm not going to answer that one."



So maybe she killed more people, but if she did, she won't say... If she did kill others, it at least seemed to bother her. If it bothered her then it was evidence she didn't enjoy it. But if she didn't enjoy it, why pretend to?

For my 12th turn, all I did was attach Fire Energy to Growlithe.

There wasn't much time left. Growlithe was already at two energy. Arcanine was in my hand as well as a Double-Colorless Energy. I even had a Goop Gas Attack. All that would be left would be to retreat Moltres. It was only a matter of turns...

On Mew's 12th turn, she played Energy Removal on Growlithe followed by Bill. She then attached Psychic Energy to Mr. Mime and attacked Moltres for 40 Damage with Meditate.

So, she was still fighting back. She even removed energy from Growlithe. It seemed I would be letting her KO Moltres instead of trying to retreat it... Even then, she would still have three prizes left. How odd that I was happy she was resisting. But it did allow the echos of my life to reverberate just a little more...

Mew's eyes appeared a little red.



Was she holding back tears?



Mew looked away to the right. "...I'm fine."

Ah, maybe she was just sad at not having an opponent like me to duel again in the future... An understandable notion, though I was sure she could just find Wem to play...

For My 13th turn, I attached Fire Energy to Growlithe and passed.

Here it was. If she KOed Moltres, I'd have Growlithe out. At that point, all I needed to do was evolve it, attach Double-Colorless energy to it, play Goop Gas Attack, and KO her Mr. Mime to claim the final prize...

Had I lived up to my grandfather's expectations? At least I got to duel arguably the most skilled duelist in history... and win! And I was even getting to save my friends lives in the process! I was sure he would approve.



I just needed to make the most of the time remaining and conduct myself with the dignity of a true Gentleman.



I wondered what Mew's experiences were with death. I supposed she read the minds of those she cared about at the end. It would make the passing of a loved one even more intense. I remembered what it felt like to lose my grandfather... Losing someone that important multiple times? I couldn't bring myself to hate her... Not even when she was going to kill me.



I noticed her eyes were getting watery! I wondered just how thick her emotional mask was to take this long before tears... Surely she was still reading my mind... I interpreted her silence as acknowledgement that she was in pain... Knowing that, I supposed she had some reason for continuing. Whatever it was, she intended to see it through to the end.



Mew surely struggled with loneliness for a long time... Why else would she seek out human companionship? Well... She had my understanding and my heartfelt sympathy. I hoped she could find a way to be happy. Clearly, she couldn't explain the situation to me or she already would have.



Mew was now actually crying. "You... uh... you're pretty observant, y-you know?" She smiled with the tears streaming down her face.

(154)

I reached out and grabbed her hand again, holding it in both of mine.

There wasn't a need for words since she could read my thoughts anyway.

We sat for a while.



I'd give her a while to get things off her chest, whatever they might be.

She gripped my other hand with hers. Her hands were delicate and light. I imagined they could probably bend steel with ease, but she only applied the minimum pressure to hold my hands back.

I assumed this would all look pretty weird to the others from back there at the table. They were probably fifty feet away, so I wasn't sure how much they could really tell was going on...



Mew spoke softly. "Don't worry about it. I'm not letting them form memories of this moment here... this is just for us."

All together? Not a bad way to go out. I enjoyed holding her hands as I closed my eyes.

I then felt her presence in my mind. A tender and gentle one. A psychic knock. It seemed she had something to say.

Thanks, ████, I've enjoyed our time together. I'm sorry I blocked that bit out from your mind. I said it, but I can't let you know it. Even so, I'm in love with you.



I guessed stranger things had happened to me today. I accepted her feelings even though I wasn't quite sure what to do with them.

You don't have to do anything with them. What you are doing now is perfect. I've been in love with you a long time... I didn't plan to though! I only wanted to help guide you... But I couldn't help it! I was lonely... The more time I spent around you, the more I was drawn to you.



It was the same for myself, though romantic love was farther than the feelings I currently had for Mew...

That's ok. I know you haven't been around me much to really know who I am. To be honest, I wasn't expecting you to form any emotional bond with me before the end of... this. I don't use my power to predict relationships for myself, but I knew in advance that a relationship with you wouldn't work... I'm sorry I've been an abrasive trouble-maker... You probably don't understand a lot of what's going on. It's not your fault.

It was true. I didn't understand what was happening. But I understood emotions, and I was grateful to have someone to hold hands with at the end.

Stuff like that is why I fell in love with you. I'm probably putting things at risk with this psychic conversation... but I think this is the only opportunity for this kind of thing we will ever have. I'll give you an answer you didn't know you wanted. What do you get when you spell 'Wem' backwards? Pretty dumb, right? It's me!



Ah, now Doctor Wem's skill made sense! No wonder she was able to teach me the TCG! But her confession of love... it wasn't new! But also... my feelings on this weren't completely resolved. Granted, I had a hard time reconciling those with how Mew acted recently...

I know I've been pretty bad. I'm sorry. I have my reasons though. Would you like me to transform into Doctor Wem? You knew me longer in that form.



Doctor Wem? Yeah... I thought I would like to see her again. I didn't feel good about rejecting her and I didn't like how things ended between us.

Mew then transformed.


I recognized her new body. Even without the glasses and lab-coat, she now had the form she used as Dr. Wem. She had her usual orange hair but was wearing a black sleeveless top and a black choker with a red gem in the middle.

Not an unattractive woman, for sure.

It's been so long ████. It really means a lot to me that you second-guessed rejecting me... But I need to move on. I can't be with you even though I wish I could... I sure was happy to see you getting to kiss Nikki though... I know how much you wanted to be with her.

Ah, so she saw that. It figured.

I'm sorry, ████. I'm going to have to let go of your hands now. I'm having a hard enough time maintaining my composure as it is, and I need to see this through till the end. Please don't tell the others I'm Doctor Wem, ok? I changed up my hair and clothes to prevent it from being obvious, but I at least wanted you to see a familiar caring face at the end.



I may not have understood the whole situation, but I understood her need for secrecy. I would keep it to myself.

Slowly, she pulled her hands away from mine as we opened our eyes at the same time.

Mew proceeded to her 13th turn and attached Psychic Energy to Mr. Mime. She then attacked Moltres for 80 Damage with Meditate to KO it, claiming another prize.

And there we had it.

On My 14th and final turn, I attached Double-Colorless Energy to Growlithe and evolved it to Arcanine. I then played Goop Gas Attack and used Takedown for 80 damage to Mr. Mime, KOing it and allowing me to claim the final prize...

It was done.

 

[NebulaDreams]

Prologue + Chapter 1 review

I’ll give props to you and say it’s an ambitious undertaking creating a LitRPG based off of an obscure entry in the Pokémon series, and the way you’ve presented everything here, from having different music cues to NPC portraits, while also making the more technical rules optional reading material, shows a lot of attention to detail.

Now, I skipped the rule explanation for the TCG, mainly because in any trading card anime (or sports story), the rules should be secondary to the characters’ and the story. Even if the reader doesn’t entirely get the strategy behind them, they should still be invested enough in the stakes behind the match that they can follow along (while being a treat for those who understand the mechanics really well).

In this regard, some of it works and has good potential, but a lot of it is kind of underwhelming.

Since this is a ‘sequel’ to a story that takes place off screen, that means it already starts with the main character having achieved their goal of becoming the champion. The issue that arises from that is upping the stakes so that they have a new challenge to go up against, or having some other conflict that their champion status poses.

For a while during the prologue, the MC came across as kind of insufferable and lacking in any real flaws. The thread of ‘I need to find a new purpose by tutoring instead’ could be good grounds for drama, but he treats it as more of a diversion since he’s already bested everyone, which didn’t endear me much to the character at the beginning.

I also found the prose throughout these two chapters quite distant. Since the prologue mainly consists of catching readers up to speed, that meant a lot of the story was told in summary rather than scenes, save for the tutoring scene, which undersold two of the conflicts I mentioned. It’s hard for the MC’s issues to feel grounded when the reader is like a camera experiencing the story from a far distance.

For instance, while I liked the section where the MC is reminiscing about Nikki, since it does actually flesh out the character a bit and add extra drama to him becoming a champion at the cost of his personal life, the fact it’s all told in flashback and exposition means those emotions aren’t really felt.

That’s not to say this style doesn’t have its strengths either, since it does make me feel like I’m playing the story mode (or perhaps a new game+) to a card game, and it does keep the momentum going forward for the most part.

The tutoring scene works well enough as a way to establish the rules of the setting (though I found Billy obnoxious), then at the end of the prologue, there’s finally some conflict as it turns out the MC is running out of money fast, though again, it’s treated as less of a serious issue and more of a slight inconvenience. Then comes his restriction to beat the same Clubs he already beat, except with using a handicap.

While I don’t think this setup is as exciting as it could’ve been (it’s not so much power scaling against stronger opponents as it is the MC scaling his power back to make it fair for weaker opponents), the way it’s played out in chapter 1 does add enough interest that I was curious to see how the MC used his new deck, since it wasn’t a complete landslide victory for him.

So I can’t say I have a conclusive grasp on this story, since I’m not quite the audience for it and it remains to be seen just how much interest the MC’s handicapped deck will create. There were some elements that left me wanting more, but a lot of what I’ve described depends on how you want to execute this story.

Thanks for the interesting read!

 

[Tango]

Hi Nebula! This is your first exposure to my fic, so I was pretty curious what you thought of it.

I'm not sure if you read the introduction, but it seems that you did. Also, you read and reviewed both the Prologue and Chapter 1 which was more than I was expecting. Your word count also went well above the Catnip minimum. Thank you very much for the effort!

Spoiler: Line by Line Reaction

Prologue + Chapter 1 review

I’ll give props to you and say it’s an ambitious undertaking creating a LitRPG based off of an obscure entry in the Pokémon series, and the way you’ve presented everything here, from having different music cues to NPC portraits, while also making the more technical rules optional reading material, shows a lot of attention to detail.

Thanks! 😅

...I feel a big 'BUT' just around the corner...

Now, I skipped the rule explanation for the TCG, mainly because in any trading card anime (or sports story), the rules should be secondary to the characters’ and the story.

No problem there. It's meant to be skipped depending on the reader.

Even if the reader doesn’t entirely get the strategy behind them, they should still be invested enough in the stakes behind the match that they can follow along (while being a treat for those who understand the mechanics really well).

Agreed.

Regarding stakes, they start small in the fic and get bigger as it goes. This gives the higher stakes more contrast and makes them more meaningful.

In this regard, some of it works and has good potential, but a lot of it is kind of underwhelming.

The fact that the battles are card duels, you mean? If that's what you mean, it sounds like you are not a fan of this kind of story. If that is the case, there is nothing I can do about that, but your perspective is understood and noted.

Since this is a ‘sequel’ to a story that takes place off screen, that means it already starts with the main character having achieved their goal of becoming the champion.

Off screen? Goodness. You are making me think I need to go back and make a prequel to the fic. Since that would involve playing with somewhat poorly crafted decks for his days as a kid and then ,after his graduation, it would involve crushing all opposition with a high powered deck. (most of his duels would be after graduation) I don't think it would make for a particularly appealing story to give that level of detail to, so I don't think that is something I'll be doing. Especially since I have flashbacks and interactions with characters throughout Book One that provides insight into the main character's past.

The issue that arises from that is upping the stakes so that they have a new challenge to go up against, or having some other conflict that their champion status poses.

These are all issues I deal with in one way or another. New challenges, high stakes, being weakened (aka using the all common deck).

For a while during the prologue, the MC came across as kind of insufferable and lacking in any real flaws.

I mean, the world is all about the Pokemon TCG and he is the champion. If you started a fic in the main Pokemon world with Cynthia as the main character, she probably wouldn't show any real flaws either.

Now if you are trying to say I should showcase his flaws in the Prologue, that's what Chapter 1 and other chapters are for.

The thread of ‘I need to find a new purpose by tutoring instead’ could be good grounds for drama, but he treats it as more of a diversion since he’s already bested everyone, which didn’t endear me much to the character at the beginning.

Hopefully your opinion improved, then.

I also found the prose throughout these two chapters quite distant. Since the prologue mainly consists of catching readers up to speed, that meant a lot of the story was told in summary rather than scenes, save for the tutoring scene, which undersold two of the conflicts I mentioned. It’s hard for the MC’s issues to feel grounded when the reader is like a camera experiencing the story from a far distance.

I mean, it's a Prologue. It's allowed to have a different style, even one that is more detached. I'm easing the readers into things without overloading them on too much detail. I wanted it to set up the expectations and initial goals of the fic.

If you dislike the Prologue, the remaining chapters I think would be much more to your liking as I do go much more in detail in all of them.

For instance, while I liked the section where the MC is reminiscing about Nikki, since it does actually flesh out the character a bit and add extra drama to him becoming a champion at the cost of his personal life,

Glad there was something about the plot you liked... 😅

the fact it’s all told in flashback and exposition means those emotions aren’t really felt.

I disagree. Other readers have felt empathy for him based just on those. Also, there is more to that which gets explored in future chapters.

That’s not to say this style doesn’t have its strengths either, since it does make me feel like I’m playing the story mode (or perhaps a new game+) to a card game, and it does keep the momentum going forward for the most part.

It does have a lets play skeleton underneath. I designed the narrative around that. If that hurts the quality some, so be it. I'm committed to it by this point.

Also, I'm glad the style isn't objectively weak in your eyes.

The tutoring scene works well enough as a way to establish the rules of the setting (though I found Billy obnoxious),

Glad to hear it. And sure, Billy is obnoxious. That is by design so it works with humor and lamp-shading.

then at the end of the prologue, there’s finally some conflict as it turns out the MC is running out of money fast, though again, it’s treated as less of a serious issue and more of a slight inconvenience. Then comes his restriction to beat the same Clubs he already beat, except with using a handicap.

Well, he is optimistic about it. Sure, it takes away some from the seriousness, but it wasn't my intention to start the fic on a completely bleak note even if it IS a pretty serious financial problem.

While I don’t think this setup is as exciting as it could’ve been

I guess? Couldn't you say that about literally any story ever created though? Who actually has a perfect story? Or maybe you are just being polite and find it boring...

Still, if you have specific examples or ideas to give, I'd be curious.

(it’s not so much power scaling against stronger opponents as it is the MC scaling his power back to make it fair for weaker opponents), the way it’s played out in chapter 1 does add enough interest that I was curious to see how the MC used his new deck, since it wasn’t a complete landslide victory for him.

Also, the early opponents are weaker and he has type advantage against them. He won't be winning all the games he plays and the games he wins won't all be easy. Plus there is more to the story than just the duels themselves. There are characters, mysteries, drama, and friendship too!

So I can’t say I have a conclusive grasp on this story, since I’m not quite the audience for it and it remains to be seen just how much interest the MC’s handicapped deck will create.

I don't think I would expect any reader to have a conclusive grasp on the story from just the Prologue and Chapter One. Props to you for tying, though!

There were some elements that left me wanting more, but a lot of what I’ve described depends on how you want to execute this story.

Just elements? Ok...

Can't please everyone, I guess...

Thanks for the interesting read!

My overall impression is that you don't really like it, but it's not to the point where you hate it. Small mercies, I guess. It seems to boil down to this not being the kind of fic you enjoy. Thank you for being kind and having some good things to say about it too. I do think if you end up reviewing it again the experience will be more like Chapter 1 than the Prologue, so I think your average experience with the fic would be better than this initial one, for what that's worth. Also, if you like seriousness, the fic does get more serious along with the stakes as it goes.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and review!

 

[Tango]

Special thanks to K_S & Astinus for beta reading!

Chapter 30: Those We Leave Behind​

(155)

June 3rd - (Afternoon)

Mew closed her eyes. "I have been defeated... Per the agreement, only Mister Gentleman will die."

I looked towards the other table.




Isaac was crying hard into his arm, while holding Nikki with the other as she cried on him. Neither of them looked capable of speaking at the moment or even watching...



As for Rick, he seemed strangely at peace with things or perhaps deep in thought.

Mew floated to the silver stage and spoke flatly. "The execution will be from one Solarbeam attack from me. It will take about ten seconds to charge in this environment. Mister Gentleman is to remain in place. If he tries to run, I will kill everyone else too."

Hah! As if I would bother running from a being as powerful as Mew. Besides, I had already decided I would face my end with dignity. But more importantly, this was still the only way I knew to keep my friends safe.



Rick approached me as he spoke. "Mister Gentleman, I'm going to stand beside you. That way you have someone with you at the end."

I chuckled. "You aren't worried you will get caught in the fire?"

Rick shook his head. "I trust Mew's aim."



Mew spoke from the stage. "Goodbyes take too long, so I will proceed immediately... Ten."

Mew began to glow from her entire body as points of light were pulled out of the air from seemingly nothing and were coalescing at the tip of her right index finger as she pointed at me.

I supposed things going fast was easier than trying to figure out what to say...

"Nine." Her finger was now brighter than the rest of her.

I chuckled. "What a crazy life, eh?"

"Eight."



Rick nodded. "You did well."

I noticed Mew was counting kind of slowly. I supposed she must have been trying to give me a little time. A final parting gift, it seemed.

"Seven."

I glanced towards him. "You get enough feathers?"

"Six."



Rick smiled. "Had enough ages ago..."

"Five."

I closed my eyes. "You're a pretty cool guy, Rick."

"Four."

Rick sighed. "Don't call me pretty."

"Three."

I chuckled as I pulled out my diary offering it to Rick. "Here. Once I'm gone, it's yours."

"Two."

Rick grabbed it and tossed it to the side. "Don't want it catching fire."

"One."

I closed my eyes, resigned to the end.

(156)

The next second all happened in a flash.

There was screaming in the distance. Nikki? I opened my eyes, but instead of Mew's Solarbeam, there was a white lab coat... RICK!

How would that help?! Surely, it would just cut right through him and into ME!

I moved to shove him away, but there was no time!

Suddenly, a mass of feathers was there too! TANGO!

He looked at me part-excited, but far more afraid...

The beam connected as I witnessed the life drain from Tango's eyes.

Within a second, it was over. He had taken the entire blast. His body, a grim charred reminder of the bird, crumbled to ashes.

No one dared to speak. After all, what would Mew's response be? She could easily fire another one... We all waited with baited breath.

Finally, Mew spoke. "There you have it. One Solarbeam. I never agreed to more, so I guess that will just have to do..."



Isaac stared at Mew. "Are you saying you aren't going to kill anyone else?"



Mew closed her eyes. "That's right. You all have that bird to thank."

(157)

Isaac and Nikki slowly rose from their seats and gingerly approached the ashes of Tango.



Isaac spoke first. "I can't believe I kicked you... rest in peace, you brave bird..."



Nikki closed her eyes and held her gardening book to her chest with both hands.



Rick knelt down. "The body of a Doduo... May I?"

I nodded. "Sure. He'd probably want you to have it anyway."

Rick pulled out a vial from his lab coat and filled it with some ashes. He capped it and deposited the filled vial in another pocket. He then reached out for Tango's dog tags that were still intact amidst the ashes and stopped. "Huh?"

He then put his hands into the ashes and pulled out an object. The object looked like a big black rock. Perhaps like a small meteor.



Rick scratched his head with his other hand. "What the..."



Mew spoke. "It is his core. The core of a Doduo."



Rick turned towards Mew with a raised eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

Mew levitated on her side like she was about to take a nap. Her hands were used a makeshift pillow. "The core of a Doduo is that through which its essence flows and allows them to regenerate. There are only two known ways to destroy one. The first is by an Aeroblast attack. The other is a Sacred Fire attack."

I held a hand at my chest. "Does this mean..."



Mew nodded. "Tango will regenerate from his core. In fact... It has already begun."

Rick placed the core down on the floor as we gathered around looking down in wonder.

Tiny feathers began sprouting from it! Once the core was covered with them, it began to grow slowly over the next several minutes as the feathers grew and multiplied.

Rick was recording the entire spectacle on his phone.

Once the core reached Tango's normal body size, it stopped growing. Tiny legs, feet, necks, and heads sprouted. After a moment, those also grew in size! After a while longer, Tango's body was restored, but he still wasn't moving...

The entire process was completely silent. If it did make any noise, a sensitive mic would likely be needed.



Mew continued reclining in the air. "Now that his body is regenerated, his brains should catch up. At that point, he will awaken, as if from a nap."

Sure enough, a couple minutes went by and Tango opened his eyes!

He was groggy at first with his eyes half open as he stretched and yawned with both heads. I'm not sure he realized where he was. Suddenly, his eyes widened! He looked about frantically for a moment and then over himself, seemingly expecting to be missing a limb or the other head. He then gave a nervous smile and... fainted.

I couldn't blame the poor bird!



Mew waved a hand in the air like asking a mom for five more minutes of sleep. "The near-death experience has exhausted him. He will be fine after he gets some rest."



Rick turned towards Mew. "So, your duel is over, but you have been waiting here with us... Why?"



Mew stretched and levitated over towards the conference table. "Gather round, everyone. I'll fill you in."

Sure? Why not?

I started walking as did Rick and Nikki.



Isaac crossed his arms. "I think we've danced to your tune long enough."



Mew threw her hands up in the air. "So what? You don't want to know why all this went down? Perhaps you want to stand? Doesn't matter to me since I can just float, but I thought you might prefer the comfy chair!"



Isaac stared at her. I imagined he was squinting behind his sunglasses. He then slowly started walking towards the chairs glaring at Mew the entire way.

Soon we were all seated.



Mew's arms stretched across the armrests as her eyes were closed. "I'm not sure any of you recognize my current form, but it is that of Doctor Wem, the college professor who taught Mister Gentleman the finer points of the TCG. I am both Mew and... Wem."

Ah, so she didn't want me to tell anyone prior to my near-death experience!

The hurricane that was still raging now faded away replaced by the hill again!



Rick put one of his palms to his face. "Ugh! Wem is just Mew BACKWARDS... How could I miss such an obvious clue!?"



Mew laughed. "I looked with my power to find the most obvious name I could get away with using. Moments like this make it totally worth it!"



Nikki tried to keep herself from laughing but didn't quite manage. "Pfft! This is so ridiculous! I thought about it earlier, but assumed there was no way it could be true!"



Isaac smiled. "That's our Nikki for you. She's a clever one! But, I have no idea who 'Wem' is supposed to be."



Nikki stopped laughing but was still smiling. "She was this crazy strong instructor at the university. Rick told me about her once."



Mew nodded. "Indeed. Oh, and I'm also the Oracle."