Heyo! I'd been meaning to check this one out for a while, and this is as good a season as any for it; I do often tell anyone who asks that you can never get enough kyeughfic. I went through all four chapters thus far.
For a start, this is an incredibly well-constructed story! You have a judicious eye for the information you end up showing in order to get the point across. Given the subject matter and character choice here, it would be very easy to fall into the trap of gratuity with the tone and content, but the choice to construct this as a series of vignettes works well as a means of avoiding that issue: there is just enough said within each entry to suggest what happens when we're not with Silver, which leaves the more graphic details up to the imagination. I didn't actually know this was a Silverfic going into it, for example, but by the time it gets revealed there's enough evidence to piece it together; Giovanni's shadow seems to linger over every facet of her life, not just in physical acts but in the way she is told to view pokémon training, in the zero-sum way she is forced to relate to and compete with Ariana (and by extension everything else), and in the distrust that has become second nature to her — because building distance from that which causes her pain has become an important part of her survival, and given the terrible hand she's been dealt (as well as the fact that she has only experienced Lyra, and basically every facet of training after running away, through disadvantage, which she has been led to view as weakness, which she has been raised to view as inexcusable, which becomes a self-sustaining cycle), she is inclined towards distancing herself from
everything... which isn't any way to live, really, even if it permits one to just barely hang on in the day-to-day.
All of this is communicated with remarkable efficiency, mind; all of this comes through in her actions, and even despite the overwhelming difficulty there is the sense that a better situation is possible. Not only that, but this sense of movement works well in conjunction with the fact that this is a story that is about the aftermath of an abusive, neglectful childhood that doesn't show that abuse or neglect in too much detail: the deleterious effects of all this is apparent in everything she does, of course, but the meaning of the story (and her ontological experience as a whole) is moved away from the cause of trauma itself towards that sense of momentum and promise of a different life. Hell, it's significant that she chooses Silver as her own name; I'm reading this as a story about the opportunity for self-craft and discovery, or about looking beyond that shadow and finding a new way to exist in the world despite the odds.
Elsewhere: I really like the ways that Silver's relationship with her pokémon are gradually communicated in relation to her broader personality and the point she currently inhabits in her broader character arc. You have this with Riptide, obviously, but I think it's a great decision to place Mr. Hisser at the core of the second vignette. The biting incident and her response to it with the former is very good in a vacuum and strengthened further when considered in juxtaposition with the end of her relationship with the latter: that searing sense that she has failed her ekans in battle and is therefore not worthy of training him is obviously a foundational memory, undergirded further by the irony that she relented due to her unease with seeing the pichu on the other side of the battlefield too hurt (and her inability therefore to sanction Mr. Hisser's use of his natural talents and impulses to attack the pichu in the ritual of battle). She therefore becomes hypervigilant of acting ungratefully towards Riptide later, even when she is attacked, and she finds herself consciously fighting to stay calm and rationalise his behaviour without lashing out herself, and it's again ironic that, despite previously being judged unable to handle raising a pokémon by Giovanni and despite having almost no clear legal means of making that a reality, she handles the situation like a natural animal handler. It's a fantastic moment.
Line-by-line comments:
Lately Red has had a habit of starting with his Venusaur,
the capitalisation of pokémon in this passage feels a little inconsistent: you get "his Venusaur" and "his charizard" not too far away from each other
Things he had ignored once anger him now, and she doesn't always understand why.
very good. communicates a lot in a few words: he is a more bitter person than he once was, a more difficult person to be around, possibly because he is desperate to wield those last vestiges of power and control he once had and no longer does -- he could afford to ignore those things and now cannot -- and she wants to understand this but does not, because he is secretive about his past to her, but also because despite everything that has happened and will happen there is a nugget of empathy that she still wants to use (but her quest to use it is often frustrated)
On one end is a a young man bouncing on his heels, and on the other…
two "a"s here
That’s why she was out here in the middle of the night, straining her eyes against the light of the television. She’d expected someone bombastic, a figure pulled from legend. But the man on the screen unclipping a poké ball from his belt was just some guy.
very good when considered alongside the broader themes of the story: Silver feels as though she has to bend over backwards and fight the world itself just to prove her right to exist, which in turn leads her to be on the defensive at all times in pursuit of a life that feels out of reach (although she views it necessary to her survival that she reaches it), and her father leads her to believe that she has to be impossibly great. but
the impossibly great trainer just appears normal! it's effortless to him. the question arises: how much of this is due to his nature and how much of it is because of his circumstances?
The camera cuts to a pokémon—huge and orange, stocky arms rippling with muscles, massive teal wings unfurling. Gleaming ivory teeth peek from its huge jaws, big enough to wrap comfortably around a human head. The creature fixes its eyes on the camera—its reptilian gaze is cold and unnerving, like it’s peering at Gemma herself and assessing whether her flesh would be worth its effort. A chill runs down her spine.
excellent description, gets across the imposing figure cast by charizard. also telling that she views even this image on a television screen in relation to her own perceived insignificance -- it's a very subtle way to communicate this core facet of her character!
Gemma’s twin sister—older just by a few minutes, though she acts like it's years. She’s visible in the light of the TV for a moment before it whines into blackness
very good line
It’s exactly how it was the day before, before anything had happened. It’s like it never happened at all. The television looks brand new. The only thing that’s off is the smell of paint; she notices after a moment that there are patches of the wall that have been freshly painted over.
She doesn’t see Ariana for a week.
exceptional way to end the chapter, emphasising the mandated distance between the two siblings
Ariana only needed to win the battle, but 100% is never good enough for her. She always needs to go... a little further.
Wings aren’t supposed to bend like that, are they?
“You’ve done more than enough to prove your competence as a trainer, Ariana,” Dad says. “I will be proud to sponsor your journey.”
eesh! great way of showing the ruthlessness with which Gio regards not only his children but the act of being a pokémon trainer at all
Even though they're twins, Ariana's just a little taller—maybe it's the way she stands, carries herself.
great line
And Mr. Hisser is a loyal, obedient pokémon. She trusts him fully to do his half, to fight to the end. And in turn he trusts her to think clearly and lead him to victory.
She only hopes to live up to that.
this gets acknowledged within the story itself but Mr. Hisser is a great name for these circumstances: it captures that sense of childishness and innocence that she is still trying to hang onto even when she is being asked to do something brutal. "he trusts her to think clearly and lead him to victory" is also quietly a very good way of summarising that: trying to live up to Giovanni's expectations (and the expectations she therefore maps onto Mr. Hisser) would require her to discard any childish sentiment or sense of mercy in pursuit of this transactional relationship. which, you know, the tough thing about this is that this is at least partially true: even though you do always want to care for your friends, pokémon training is a tough, often cut-throat game, and battles are zero-sum things in which there is a winner and a loser!
She knows what to do. Constrict it tighter, bite it, fill its bloodstream with venom, wait until it passes out, something. Probably Mr. Hisser is fighting every animal impulse in his brain not to do it unbidden. That’s how you end a battle, after all. That’s how you win. You fight until someone can’t.
But it’s so small. She imagines its delicate little head in her hand, resting, snoozing, its breaths so tiny. She imagines clenching her fist. Its squeaks of pain, betrayal, fear, confusion. The pouring of blood through her fingers, the crushing of bone, the squishing of gore.
excellent, and reflects the perversion of the idea I mentioned in my previous comment: she has been raised to envision the worst-case scenario and treat this as life-or-death in all the bloody detail that it demands, and that would be unbearable for almost anyone!
“Yes, really! I can get you started today, see? You don’t need to break the law or push people around, we can help you. You just gotta play nice. Now, I’ll remind you, it does require work, and it is real work. But you’ll get a sponsorship for free at the end. And—you know what, maybe this is bad, but—this pokémon," he says, tapping the capsule on the desk. Gemma becomes very aware of her heartbeat. "You've taken a little bit of a shining to it, haven't you? I figure the little guy's taken a bit of a liking to you, too. They kinda imprint like that. So look... If you’ve bonded with this pokémon, I can set it aside and look after it, and when you finish your work, I’ll make sure it comes back to you. But you do have to earn it. Understand? How does that sound?”
your characterisation of Elm is really endearing, I think; it's fun to see him go through the motions upon seeing another shithead kid stealing his stuff and almost writing her off because of it, but then once it becomes clear that Silver has the potential to be a really good trainer whose heart is really in this, he suddenly perks up and takes a genuine interest in her; his enthusiasm really shows in this excerpt, I think.
Elm’s face becomes deathly serious. “Silver,” he says again. “Are you… safe at home? You can trust me. The lab can help you.”
“Um.” She shifts in her seat. “Yes. It’s fine. And it’s none of your business, so just butt out of it, okay?”
He furrows his brows, and she knows this isn’t going to work. She balls her hands into fists, eyes flitting to the window. She could definitely outrun this man if need be, just bust through the window and be on her way if it came to that.
But the look Elm gives her isn’t anger. It’s… pity. She shrinks into herself. It’s not the first time she’s gotten that look in the last couple months, and there’s nothing she hates more. She doesn’t want to be pitied. She wants to be free.
“You can tell me the truth, Silver,” he says, like he’s talking to a baby. “We can send someone to check things out and get you out of there. You just need to trust me.”
likewise, his concern for her really shows here, and the tragedy of the situation really reflects in this: he's right that she needs to trust him, and yet, despite his great intent, he doesn't really seem to understand just how great an ask that is. he doesn't quite do enough to meet her on her terms!
That fight should have been easy for them, and she had given good orders. But Riptide had still gotten hurt. Why?
very good. reflects the lesson that is at odds with everything she has been raised to believe: she can do everything right and still lose, because things just turn out like that sometimes. it's not a reflection of her worth, yet she is still struggling with the notion that it is because of how deeply that was drilled into her
“Well, you should probably win more battles then,” the other trainer retorts. The chaperone just presses his lips into a line. “Okay, fine. Just give me what you have.”
lmfao Lyra's such a shithead. awesome
She isn’t sure what she feels, looking at him. It’s not anger, or fear, or revulsion, or betrayal. It’s not quite sadness, either, but it’s closer to that. How can she blame him? He’s a pokémon. When a pokémon is afraid, or feels backed into a corner, it attacks. That’s why they’re useful.
this is still a Silverfic; even despite the clear affection and respect she wants to treat him with, because she is afraid of losing him (and therefore losing her ticket to live a bearable life beyond the control of her dad), she still can't fully shake that idea that pokémon are first and foremost
useful... and, you know, for her own means of escaping her past life here, they are! it's a rough world
But there is a language they both understand. It’s in the way he lays on her stomach, eyes closed, purring contentedly. It’s in the way that she place her hand on his back and rubs him gently, still trusting him, still loving him. It’s in the way that she feels more at home, somehow, beneath the trees and stars with a monster that just hurt her than she does in a warm bed among other humans. It’s a language that only says three things, the only three sentences a pokémon and its trainer can ever really exchange:
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
It’s okay.
I love you.
:')
I really loved this, and I'm so glad I finally got it off my to-do list; if and when this story updates, I can guarantee I'll be there, because I am very much hooked in seeing where things lead for your interpretation of Silver. (And Lyra, too; she's not the protagonist of this story, but within the story she is clearly the protagonist of the games -- and given Silver's whole deal, I'm super intrigued to see how this dilemma plays out.) Fantastic work!
