- Pronouns
- He/Him
- Partners
-
Summary: In the pokémon world, it isn't uncommon for new trainers to go missing. But recently, the number of disappearances has been rising, including many notably skilled trainers. Meanwhile, two young adults begin their journey and unknowingly become entwined in a bizarre plot that threatens to overwhelm them. Thankfully, they don't have to combat this unknown threat alone...
Essentially this is an OC/fan-made region trainer/journey-fic that will eventually shift into other plots. In addition, I tend to make small references to other fics I like, so expect to find the occasional nod thrown into a chapter or two. That said, I've taken heavy inspiration from Pedestal (as in, I've set my setting in that universe/timeline) so be aware that there may be major spoilers for it as early as chapter 1, if you care about that.
Warnings: Mild-moderate blood (both during and outside of battles), naked humans, random cursing, character torture later on, minor character death, spoilers for other fics (will be marked at the chapter's open when applicable). I think that's all but I can add more if someone finds something necessary.
Review Preferences: I am... hesitant about sharing my writing, so please note... I'm not actively looking for reviews/critique. I'm certainly not going to turn it away, but know that I'm writing this for myself, for fun. That said, I'm not actively discouraging it, either, so feel free to let me know what you like/dislike, have questions on, think you see a plot hole, catch a typo, or just don't feel something is flowing properly.
Updates: Ch. 22 uploaded on 8/15/2023. Ch. 23 imminent.
Finally, some bugfixes and known glitches that eventually I will need to take a look at, either for clarity or just spicing up. (This list is essentially a list of things reviewers have pointed out to me that didn't work for them for one reason or another, and I am putting them here for my own reference so it's easier to clean up whenever I get around to that. Spoilered, because, well, they contain spoilers. Do not click if you haven't read; Don't be afraid to point out something that someone else already has, that just means it's a bigger issue for more people.)
8/12/2023
-Started a "patch notes" section because for some reason I wasn't keeping track before.
-Re-organized the "Known Glitches" section to sort problems by chapter for easier future editing.
-Went through reviews and collected Glitches I hadn't added yet.
-Fixed a ton of typos and grammatical errors, and other minor scattered instances of re-wording sentences so they flow better.
-Updated ch. 21 heracross attack because whump.
5/17/2024
-Found like three different old documents containing various edits and clarifications to make. Compiled them all together and added to the lists below.
-Among those were various typos, all noted in chapter 8. Fixed those.
-Started a "patch notes" section because for some reason I wasn't keeping track before.
-Re-organized the "Known Glitches" section to sort problems by chapter for easier future editing.
-Went through reviews and collected Glitches I hadn't added yet.
-Fixed a ton of typos and grammatical errors, and other minor scattered instances of re-wording sentences so they flow better.
-Updated ch. 21 heracross attack because whump.
5/17/2024
-Found like three different old documents containing various edits and clarifications to make. Compiled them all together and added to the lists below.
-Among those were various typos, all noted in chapter 8. Fixed those.
General/Multi-Chapter/Long Term:
1. Town descriptions are lacking. (How necessary is this?)
2. Find somewhere to introduce Costas earlier. Just do it.
3. Scattered mentions of MC motivations for travel. (Kimiko mentions hers the first time in chapter 8; follow up from there. Add Alex's indecision probably starting after loss to Cyrus in chapter 9. Maybe also throw in some more rigorous training sessions after setbacks to show overcompensation, both here and in the future.)
4. Add band practice scene somehow (perhaps flashback? repeat throughout story?) because it comes up more than once.
5. Narration can't decide whether Diamond is an obedient 'mon or a rebellious one. Make this clearer in his scenes. Also possibly make him feel more relevant; his significance feels insufficient for his buildup/intro.
Chapter 1:
1. Prologue segment: Apparently people are mistaking the training chikorita for Alex's starter chikorita. Need to clarify this; thought the 5-year timeskip and selling the excess starters to a breeder thing would deal with this, but apparently not.
2. Spice up the lab scene (Alex/Thorn's bonding more significant in light of getting no prior screentime, due to prologue chikorita being a different one?)
3. Less exposition dumping in general.
Chapter 3:
1. Post ghost battle, Kimiko's response/exposition is too "showing and not telling territory." Have her better physically react to Alex trying to comfort her rather than exposition-dump her feelings.
Chapter 4:
1. Kimiko should better react to her forest encounter. Putting on a facade is fine and in-character, but maybe make her a bit more nervous around her own ghost for a bit, to show the cracks/evidence that the event did actually leave her shaken.
2. Add a day or two of healing/recovery before Alex goes to the gym (to allow Thorn's injury to heal).
Chapter 5:
1. Remove mention of Kimiko not training (after already fixing that in Ch 4...)
2. Kimiko is too unbothered by the weird interaction with Phobos/Deimos, considering both her hesitation to go into the forest to begin with plus their experience once there.
Chapter 7:
1. E4 descriptions too cluttered in their introduction due to being lumped all at once; need to trim this somehow. Suggestion is to simply identify them by name and type for ease of memory, then expand upon appearance later, as with Devin. (Blair was fine)
2. Also, Champion's Tragedy exposition dump; shift to dialogue, with characters discussing the horrors and repercussions to better show the impact it had, rather than let narration do this (less info-dumpy + more emotional)
3. Alex's and Kimiko's reaction to meeting Kirsten in the woods is tame. Maybe make them a bit more shocked to see her. Likewise, Kirsten is too calm about just having been possessed and half her team beaten up.
4. Maybe build up the restaurant scene setup a bit so it doesn't feel out of place?
Chapter 8:
1. Clarify why Kimiko called Lillia before battle with Wyatt. (Lillia was supposed to call them prior and didn't, because lol I forgot about it; seeing the magby was the excuse I used to remind Kimiko she hadn't heard from her friend, and due to all the trainer disappearances she got worried and had to call to check on her friend, battle be damned - she hadn't wanted to do it anyway! Upon the call being answered, she knew her friend was safe, and thus returned her attention to the battle. Just... explain this in the chapter, damnit.)
Chapter 9:
1. Cyrus' reaction to Koyomi's gem breaking comes off too calm and cold. Add a little concern. Maybe some hesitation from Steelix, too.
2. Alex hesitates, but eventually tells Wyatt about Kimiko's motivations. He hesitates only because he hasn't discussed her plans for actually dealing with it yet and is unsure of whether or not she'd be comfortable telling strangers, but decides it's worth it for now; make note of this somewhere.
Chapter 10:
1. Update Ingrid's explanation/introduction of fairy types (Only former non-fairies who gained the type rather than "fairies never existed", IE gardevoir, clefable, etc. Also Xerneas is no longer the only fairy legend. Also why is this happening now?)
Chapter 12:
1. Kirsten encourages Kimiko to talk to Alex about her lingering ghost trauma and other issues (obviously, this cannot happen, because lol We Don't Do That Here). She's receptive to Kirsten's advice, but does not end up following trough. Why? Maybe have her start to somehow and then backpedal after feeling silly or uncomfortable.
2. Clarify why Kirsten doesn't end up talking to Diamond herself. Her reason is not good enough considering the importance of the lead.
Chapter 17:
1. After Kimiko's ankle is hit by solarbeam last chapter, she only takes one night to recover before she's sprinting around again. Should maybe stretch out her recovery time a bit there. Or at least make her limp/in discomfort longer.
Chapter 18:
1. When Biff and Johnny argue about trade machine, clarify it better, maybe? (He can do it, he just doesn't want to because of how easy it would be to trace back to him, so he's trying to wiggle out of doing it.)
2. Why would one person trading with themself to evolve a pokemon look sus? Wouldn't this be fairly common, especially specifically for "trade energy" evolutions?
3. Psychic lock mess - You now know exactly what is going on with this. It should not actually be breakable; would elgyem even recognize it? Maybe he tries and fails, and Kimiko insists they don't have time to worry about it, and eventually it's forgotten in the chaos?
Chapter 19:
1. Restaurant scene. The couple with Biff should act a little more puzzled at him being antsy. Maybe also/or tone him down and keep his stress to his thoughts; he does illegal shit all the time, this should not bother him despite his dislike of public places (even with gym leaders on his tail - at least until they show up there and actually see him).
Chapter 20:
1. Refine the bloody gym test. (Maybe the leaders themselves can't decide what to do with it, and so didn't consider the out-of-bounds thing being a rule-break? Keep the "get badge for learning a move" thing at the end though? Because even if it's on them, they can't just give out a badge to just any, technically un-tested trainer.)
Chapter 21:
1. Alex comes off as unconcerned by the bizarro tree growing smack in the middle of his old workplace (the lab). Maybe just show that he's distracted by recent events (ghosts/Biff) instead, as intended; it doesn't come off that way.
2. Do something with Michelle, don't just add her to the chapter then ignore her.
Chapter 22:
1. Make clearer that the candles around the ballroom are meant to look like litwick and lampent, and the chandeliers are modeled after chandelure.
1. Town descriptions are lacking. (How necessary is this?)
2. Find somewhere to introduce Costas earlier. Just do it.
3. Scattered mentions of MC motivations for travel. (Kimiko mentions hers the first time in chapter 8; follow up from there. Add Alex's indecision probably starting after loss to Cyrus in chapter 9. Maybe also throw in some more rigorous training sessions after setbacks to show overcompensation, both here and in the future.)
4. Add band practice scene somehow (perhaps flashback? repeat throughout story?) because it comes up more than once.
5. Narration can't decide whether Diamond is an obedient 'mon or a rebellious one. Make this clearer in his scenes. Also possibly make him feel more relevant; his significance feels insufficient for his buildup/intro.
Chapter 1:
1. Prologue segment: Apparently people are mistaking the training chikorita for Alex's starter chikorita. Need to clarify this; thought the 5-year timeskip and selling the excess starters to a breeder thing would deal with this, but apparently not.
2. Spice up the lab scene (Alex/Thorn's bonding more significant in light of getting no prior screentime, due to prologue chikorita being a different one?)
3. Less exposition dumping in general.
Chapter 3:
1. Post ghost battle, Kimiko's response/exposition is too "showing and not telling territory." Have her better physically react to Alex trying to comfort her rather than exposition-dump her feelings.
Chapter 4:
1. Kimiko should better react to her forest encounter. Putting on a facade is fine and in-character, but maybe make her a bit more nervous around her own ghost for a bit, to show the cracks/evidence that the event did actually leave her shaken.
2. Add a day or two of healing/recovery before Alex goes to the gym (to allow Thorn's injury to heal).
Chapter 5:
1. Remove mention of Kimiko not training (after already fixing that in Ch 4...)
2. Kimiko is too unbothered by the weird interaction with Phobos/Deimos, considering both her hesitation to go into the forest to begin with plus their experience once there.
Chapter 7:
1. E4 descriptions too cluttered in their introduction due to being lumped all at once; need to trim this somehow. Suggestion is to simply identify them by name and type for ease of memory, then expand upon appearance later, as with Devin. (Blair was fine)
2. Also, Champion's Tragedy exposition dump; shift to dialogue, with characters discussing the horrors and repercussions to better show the impact it had, rather than let narration do this (less info-dumpy + more emotional)
3. Alex's and Kimiko's reaction to meeting Kirsten in the woods is tame. Maybe make them a bit more shocked to see her. Likewise, Kirsten is too calm about just having been possessed and half her team beaten up.
4. Maybe build up the restaurant scene setup a bit so it doesn't feel out of place?
Chapter 8:
1. Clarify why Kimiko called Lillia before battle with Wyatt. (Lillia was supposed to call them prior and didn't, because lol I forgot about it; seeing the magby was the excuse I used to remind Kimiko she hadn't heard from her friend, and due to all the trainer disappearances she got worried and had to call to check on her friend, battle be damned - she hadn't wanted to do it anyway! Upon the call being answered, she knew her friend was safe, and thus returned her attention to the battle. Just... explain this in the chapter, damnit.)
Chapter 9:
1. Cyrus' reaction to Koyomi's gem breaking comes off too calm and cold. Add a little concern. Maybe some hesitation from Steelix, too.
2. Alex hesitates, but eventually tells Wyatt about Kimiko's motivations. He hesitates only because he hasn't discussed her plans for actually dealing with it yet and is unsure of whether or not she'd be comfortable telling strangers, but decides it's worth it for now; make note of this somewhere.
Chapter 10:
1. Update Ingrid's explanation/introduction of fairy types (Only former non-fairies who gained the type rather than "fairies never existed", IE gardevoir, clefable, etc. Also Xerneas is no longer the only fairy legend. Also why is this happening now?)
Chapter 12:
1. Kirsten encourages Kimiko to talk to Alex about her lingering ghost trauma and other issues (obviously, this cannot happen, because lol We Don't Do That Here). She's receptive to Kirsten's advice, but does not end up following trough. Why? Maybe have her start to somehow and then backpedal after feeling silly or uncomfortable.
2. Clarify why Kirsten doesn't end up talking to Diamond herself. Her reason is not good enough considering the importance of the lead.
Chapter 17:
1. After Kimiko's ankle is hit by solarbeam last chapter, she only takes one night to recover before she's sprinting around again. Should maybe stretch out her recovery time a bit there. Or at least make her limp/in discomfort longer.
Chapter 18:
1. When Biff and Johnny argue about trade machine, clarify it better, maybe? (He can do it, he just doesn't want to because of how easy it would be to trace back to him, so he's trying to wiggle out of doing it.)
2. Why would one person trading with themself to evolve a pokemon look sus? Wouldn't this be fairly common, especially specifically for "trade energy" evolutions?
3. Psychic lock mess - You now know exactly what is going on with this. It should not actually be breakable; would elgyem even recognize it? Maybe he tries and fails, and Kimiko insists they don't have time to worry about it, and eventually it's forgotten in the chaos?
Chapter 19:
1. Restaurant scene. The couple with Biff should act a little more puzzled at him being antsy. Maybe also/or tone him down and keep his stress to his thoughts; he does illegal shit all the time, this should not bother him despite his dislike of public places (even with gym leaders on his tail - at least until they show up there and actually see him).
Chapter 20:
1. Refine the bloody gym test. (Maybe the leaders themselves can't decide what to do with it, and so didn't consider the out-of-bounds thing being a rule-break? Keep the "get badge for learning a move" thing at the end though? Because even if it's on them, they can't just give out a badge to just any, technically un-tested trainer.)
Chapter 21:
1. Alex comes off as unconcerned by the bizarro tree growing smack in the middle of his old workplace (the lab). Maybe just show that he's distracted by recent events (ghosts/Biff) instead, as intended; it doesn't come off that way.
2. Do something with Michelle, don't just add her to the chapter then ignore her.
Chapter 22:
1. Make clearer that the candles around the ballroom are meant to look like litwick and lampent, and the chandeliers are modeled after chandelure.
Last edited: