Pokémon Starfrost (OSAS One-shot)

[HelloYellow17]

Spoiler: Authors Note

Hello and welcome to my first one-shot! 💛

Three things to note about this story: one, it is canonical OSASverse, but OSAS reading is not required to read this. Two, this takes place about 16 years prior to the current OSAS timeline. Three, I tried something new this time and wrote it almost exclusively in dialogue only. Thus, it’s quite short! Still, I hope you enjoy it, and if you have any thoughts or comments on the formatting, lore, etc, I’m happy to hear them!

P.S. Check out the AN at the end of the story for some bonus lore and behind the scenes trivia. :

Thanks for swinging by!

~ HelloYellow💛

Starfrost​

“Hey. Hey, kid. Wake up.”

“Huh—wha…?”

“Get out here. I got something to show you.”

“Righnow...?”

“Yep. Come on.”

“Wha’ time issit?”

“Dunno. I think one-thirty or so.”

“What?” A groan. “Alden, wha’ the hell?”

“You’ll thank me later, I promise. And watch your language, kid. You’re too young to be talking like that.”

“You talk like that all the time.”

“Do as I say, not as I do. Besides, I’m an adult.”

“Technically, I am doing as you’re saying.”

“...Since when did you become such a smartass?”

“Since you started waking me up in the middle of the night.”

“Hah! Fair enough. Now come on out here, I’ve got something for you. It’s a special night tonight.”

“Special?”

“That’s right. You’re about to experience your first Lumifrost, kid.”

A yawn. “What’ssat?”

“Well, come on out here and find out!”

“Nnngh…”

“You’re awake now, so might as well...that’s it. There you go—stop grumbling and step this way—and here we are!”

Cold night air, breaths puffing into misty clouds, blackness all around.

“I don’t see any—woah.”

A chuckle. “Happy Lumifrost.”

“Where…where did you get all this food?”

“Been saving it, mostly. But I also may or may not have nabbed a few things from the Snagger’s feast before we went out on this mission.”

“A few?”

“All right, a bunch. They were all too drunk to notice, anyhow—but don’t go getting ideas, kid. I can get away with swiping food from Gonzap’s table with my life still intact. You can’t.”

“But they get all this food and the rest of us don’t. It’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not. But we do what we can, yeah? Now help yourself, I didn’t bring all this to eat it myself.”

“‘Kay.” Crunch, munch. “Whassso speshal bout Loo’ frosh anyweh?”

“Good gods, kid, did you suddenly pick up a second language?”

“Ahm eatinh!”

“I can sure as hell see that. Take your time and swallow before you talk. I can’t have you choking to death tonight of all nights. That would ruin the mood and make you a poor party guest.”

“Hilarioush.”

“Thank you.”

“Thah washn’t a—”

“I know, ya punk. Now shut up until you’re done eating.”

“Hmmmph.”

“Right. So, ya wanna know what’s so special about Lumifrost, eh? Well, that’s because on this night, and only this night, you can see Ho-oh himself.”

“Wha?” Gulp. “I thought he wasn’t real. And I haven’t seen anything.”

“Not yet. Look up.”

“Why do I need to—?”

Silence.

“Amazing, isn’t it?”

“Are these stars?”

“Of course they are. You’ve just never seen this many.”

“But why are there so many?”

“Because we’re out in the middle of the desert with no towns for miles. Less light from the cities polluting the skies. All these stars? They’re always there, you just need to be in the right place for ‘em to show up.”

No response.

A chuckle. “When I found out this would be your first Lumifrost, I knew I had to bring you out here.”

“Where’s Ho-oh, though?”

“In the stars. This is the only night of the year that the entire Achihonō constellation is visible.”

“…The what?”

“Another name for Ho-oh. It comes from an ancient people that once occupied all of Orre and Johto long ago. And it has a story, too. In fact, did you know the stars are full of stories?”

“Huh?”

“It’s true. There are shapes made by the stars, called constellations. And there are stories about each one. See that line of stars up there?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Now, follow my finger - see how it connects and makes a sort of diamond shape?”

“...I think so.”

“That right there is Achihonō—Ho-oh.”

“Yeah, but...why is it called that?”

“Because it makes the shape of Ho-oh and his wings.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Well...yeah, no, not really. I dunno, kid, I didn’t make up these stories.”

“Who did?”

“I have no idea.”

“Then where did they all come from? Those people you talked about?”

“Not all of them, no—and no, don’t ask me where the rest of ‘em came from. Now do you wanna hear the story or not?”

“Will it make any sense? Because so far, none of this makes sense.”

A sigh. “Kid, you’re really killing the atmosphere, here.”

“Sorry. Tell me the story.”

“You sure you wanna hear it?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright then. There’s lots of stories about Ho-oh, actually, but the one in the stars is about his mission.

See, legend has it that he’s destined to stay in the sky forever, never landing, forever searching for pure-hearted trainers and righteous lands to bless. And if the Achihonō constellation is especially bright on Lumifrost, it means a year of prosperity and happiness for whoever sees it.”

A pause. Then—

“That’s a load of shit.”

“What did I tell you about watching your mouth?”

“Well, it is. Since when has anybody in Orre had a—a propous year or whatever?”

“Prosperous. And, well, it’s an old legend. Can’t say whether it’s really true or not, but I also don’t think too many people in Orre are looking for Achihonō. Not many of ‘em know the story to begin with. Just a day to eat lots of food for most people.”

“Then…how do you know the story?”

A long moment of silence. When the reply comes, it is soft. “Learned about it when I was a kid. Back in Johto.”

“You’re from—? But how did—why are you in—?”

“That’s for another time. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday…but not tonight. Please.”

There is a weariness in the air that leaves no more room for questions.

“…Okay.” Another pause. “So…do you know about other star stories?”

“Hah, sure I do. Would you like to hear ‘em?”

“Yeah.”

“All right, let’s see here…see that cluster over there? Connect that line to that one, and you’ve got Cygnus the Kyogre, who had to save the world from a perilous drought…”

Words flow, time drifts, the skies shift.

“…and that’s why that one is called Ursaring Major, and the other Teddiursa Minor.”

“Mmm.”

“You fallin’ asleep on me, kid?”

“N-no.”

“Yes, you are. Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

“Okay.”

A pause.

“Hey, Alden?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks…for this. It was nice.”

A soft chuckle. Ruffled hair.

“Happy Lumifrost, kid.”

Spoiler: Lore and trivia

Here’s some behind the scenes notes for how I came up with the lore in this chapter, plus some additional bonus lore!

First: Alden calls Wes “kid” and never “Leo” at this point because Leo is the name Gonzap gave him when he took Wes in. It’s a small act of rebellion on Alden’s part, and a subtle way of him telling Wes he does not belong to Gonzap or Snagem. This chapter is set before Wes chooses his current name, and also before he gets Neo and Novo.

The name “Achihonō” came from some Ho-oh research! I looked up various mythical creatures that Ho-oh was based on, and one of them is called Achiyalabopa, a celestial being that flies for all eternity. It is worshipped by the Pueblo Native Americans, who are from the southwest USA—namely, New Mexico and Arizona, and the latter of which is where Orre is based off of.

So that’s where I got the first half of the name from. More about Achiyalabopa here: https://www.google.com/amp/s/ponzer...27/the-celestial-might-bird-achiyalabopa/amp/

The “honō” comes from the Japanese kanji for “flame.” So a loose headcanon I’ve come up with is that long ago, the region of Orre and Johto was one region and one people, and their ethnicity would be akin to a blend of our world’s Pueblo and Japanese.

That’s all! Hope you enjoy these little tidbits of trivia!

 

[Panoramic_Vacuum]

Boy, I really like this both as an exercise and from a storytelling standpoint. There's a lot to be said for crafting a story that fits within certain bounds; the beginning, middle, and end all exist in the same document, the same page, the same breath. So not only to do that, but also tell this short story with almost exclusively dialogue is no small feat.

I really like the all-dialogue approach for this story in particular because this takes place at night beneath a starry sky. It almost feels like I shouldn't "see" what's going on, only hear. It reminds me of sleepovers where you're talking to each other in the dark, trying not to let your parents hear you're awake. My mind's eye sees everything in silhouette against a backdrop of endless stars, and Alden and Wes barely have to speak to be able to hear each other. It's like there's a "whispered" dialogue tag after everything, but there's not. You can just tell they're being hushed, subdued, even with all their humor and friendly ribbing. It's quiet and intimate, like we're privy to a conversation no one else should hear.

Speaking of dialogue tags, I enjoy how few there are here. The characters feel different even though there's no deliberate identification of each speaker. There's a rhythm, a cadence to the conversation that flows naturally. The characters themselves are clear with how they speak, what they say, how they say it. Alden is trying his best to be the parental figure Wes never had, and Wes is a little shit in the best possible way. It feels like a special moment between these two.

Also, I really like the term Lumifrost for a Christmas-esque holiday/event without the real world connections. I know you were worried that maybe the Christmas/holiday lessons are kind of too on the nose here, but it's not. It's not preachy because it's an adult teaching a child, it should feel didactic, and it does, but not in a pushy or sappy way. It's the right kind of feel-good for a holiday fic about a region and a people who have very little, but still want to celebrate something special. It's nice to see appreciation not for material worth (though an impromptu feast is always a nice surprise), but for the company they keep and the stories that are passed between people. There's so much comfort here in so few words, it's simply lovely.

 

[Umbramatic]

Here for Review Blitz! This is a very cute... I assume It's an Of Sand And Shadows prequel specifically.. It has what seems to be kid Wes/ And some other guy. I don't know who the other guy is. Apparently his name is Alden. For a sec mny brain auto filled to Jimothy.

The decision to make this like 90% dialogue is a bold one but you manage to get away with it pretty well (I WISH I could get away with it.) I never had an issue keeping track of who was talking- Wes and Alden's voices were very distinct. It didn't wear out my brain out any either - if anythig it made it easier for me to read.

There arer, ultimately, a lot of gaps in Orre's worldbuilding. So The stuff about this winter holiday is fascinating and I do hope more of stuff like that crops up in Of Sand And Shadows., It's really neat!

Wes' relationship with Alden is very cute. It's almost brotherly. The joke about stealing food from the Snagems greatly amused me, and is probably the start of Wes' dark path toward BETRAYAL.

I do wish we saw Neo and Novo in this. This would be even BETTER with tiny Eevee cuddles. Just think of it, Wes, Alden, Neo, and Novo gazing up at the stars, Neo and Novo occasionally sneaking a bite of the stolen foo- hey, wait, you two, don't do tha-

A nyway tis was very super cute. Hoping this is alluded to in Of Sand And Shadows.

 

[Flyg0n]

Finally got around to reviewing this.

I absolutely loved it when I first read it. I'm always here for stories with unique approaches, and the all dialogue approach works very well here. (somewhere in my brain this exists as a voiced audio short with lovely ambient background music...) It allows the reader to focus on what the characters are saying, especially since that stargazing in a written medium would otherwise risk become pretty boring. Instead, we get to enjoy some snappy dialogue, heartfelt moments, and leave the reader to picture the scene.

You did a great job capturing how young and juvenile Wes is here. I know we briefly discussed this, but this is a great encapsulation of 10-year old Wes. He feels a little immature, and has that childish sass, but also appreciates the stories in a way. His dialogue feels kiddish, in the sense thats its plain, might be sound rude but isn't really malicious or bratty, and he's still got some of the child-like wonder in him. SOMEONE HUG HIM PLS AAAAA

“What?” A groan. “Alden, wha’ the hell?”

“You’ll thank me later, I promise. And watch your language, kid. You’re too young to be talking like that.”

“You talk like that all the time.”

“Do as I say, not as I do. Besides, I’m an adult.”

“Technically, I am doing as you’re saying.”

“...Since when did you become such a smartass?”

“Since you started waking me up in the middle of the night.”

I loved this bit. Even as a kiddo Wes has that snark, the little rascal.

Achihonō constellation

I'm breaking into your house and robbing you of your lore, Yellow.

“That’s for another time. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday…but not tonight. Please.”

*sniffs * Do I smell a tragic backstory?
Oh man, with knowledge of OSAS, this story is both heartwarming yet heart breaking. It also pulls another double duty.

It makes me curious about the characters and lore. About Alden, his history, and Wes. If I haven't already read OSAS, it would certainly make me want to read more!

YELLOW STOP HURTING ME

Anyways very good, no critique, it was heartfelt, sincere, and struck a great balance of the characters and reactions.

 

[Dragonfree]

Figured I'd check this out for one-shot week, since I started OSAS! Definitely don't regret it; I really enjoyed this. (Still hoping to return for at least two more chapters of OSAS, though.)

“Hey. Hey, kid. Wake up.”

“Huh—wha…?”

“Get out here. I got something to show you.”

“Righnow...?”

“Yep. Come on.”

“Wha’ time issit?”

“Dunno. I think one-thirty or so.”

I enjoy the use of slurred words to show Wes is half-asleep in pure dialogue.

“You’ll thank me later, I promise. And watch your language, kid. You’re too young to be talking like that.”

“You talk like that all the time.”

“Do as I say, not as I do. Besides, I’m an adult.”

“Technically, I am doing as you’re saying.”

“...Since when did you become such a smartass?”

“Since you started waking me up in the middle of the night.”

Cute exchange of banter. Less the vibes of a parent-child relationship and more like the vibes of, like, uncle and nephew, or even brothers with a significant age gap. You get a good sense of their relationship right away, again with just the dialogue.

“That’s right. You’re about to experience your first Lumifrost, kid.”

A yawn. “What’ssat?”

Wes is so unimpressed.

“‘Kay.” Crunch, munch. “Whassso speshal bout Loo’ frosh anyweh?”

Tiny Wes, did no one teach you not to speak with your mouth full (probably not, huh)

“Of course they are. You’ve just never seen this many.”

“But why are there so many?”

“Because we’re out in the middle of the desert with no towns for miles. Less light from the cities polluting the skies. All these stars? They’re always there, you just need to be in the right place for ‘em to show up.”

Huh! So Wes lived in the city until quite recently here? Unless he's just managed to never see the sky at night since.

“Where’s Ho-oh, though?”

“In the stars. This is the only night of the year that the entire Achihonō constellation is visible.”

Aw, that's cute. I would've had questions about it if actual Ho-Oh just happened to appear once a year in the middle of the night, but a Ho-Oh constellation makes perfect sense.

“It’s true. There are shapes made by the stars, called constellations. And there are stories about each one. See that line of stars up there?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Now, follow my finger - see how it connects and makes a sort of diamond shape?”

“...I think so.”

“That right there is Achihonō—Ho-oh.”

“Yeah, but...why is it called that?”

“Because it makes the shape of Ho-oh and his wings.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Well...yeah, no, not really. I dunno, kid, I didn’t make up these stories.”

Ahaha. Of course he's not satisfied that some random diamond of stars is Ho-Oh. I like how Alden has been firmly talking about it like he's going to see Ho-Oh but even he admits when challenged that it doesn't really look much like Ho-Oh, it's just what we call the constellation. Play along, kid!

“Then where did they all come from? Those people you talked about?”

“Not all of them, no—and no, don’t ask me where the rest of ‘em came from. Now do you wanna hear the story or not?”

I'm not sure what Alden means by "not all of them" in this context? Not all of them did what? The only thing it could be referring back to is "where did they all come from" but it doesn't make any sense for him to respond to that with "not all of them", I don't think? Not all of them... came from anywhere?

“Alright then. There’s lots of stories about Ho-oh, actually, but the one in the stars is about his mission.

See, legend has it that he’s destined to stay in the sky forever, never landing, forever searching for pure-hearted trainers and righteous lands to bless. And if the Achihonō constellation is especially bright on Lumifrost, it means a year of prosperity and happiness for whoever sees it.”

When you have a single chunk of dialogue broken into multiple paragraphs, the convention is to leave off the closing quote of the first paragraph but include an opening quote in the second! Presumably the idea is to make it obvious the quote is actually continuing, and there wasn't just an accidentally left off closing quote.

Kind of curious what's meant by whether the constellation is especially bright on Lumifrost - stars don't as a rule vary perceptibly in brightness from day to day, as far as I know? Unless it just means weather conditions make the sky especially clear, but then it's more like the stars as a whole are especially bright, not this particular constellation? (Or there's something different about this world, and individual constellations can vary in brightness like that?)

“That’s a load of shit.”

“What did I tell you about watching your mouth?”

“Well, it is. Since when has anybody in Orre had a—a propous year or whatever?”

Aww, cynical child.

A long moment of silence. When the reply comes, it is soft. “Learned about it when I was a kid. Back in Johto.”

“You’re from—? But how did—why are you in—?”

“That’s for another time. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday…but not tonight. Please.”

There is a weariness in the air that leaves no more room for questions.

Oof, clearly a lot going unsaid here. Reasons he wound up in Orre are probably nothing good.

Words flow, time drifts, the skies shift.

“…and that’s why that one is called Ursaring Major, and the other Teddiursa Minor.”

“Mmm.”

“You fallin’ asleep on me, kid?”

“N-no.”

“Yes, you are. Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

“Okay.”

A pause.

“Hey, Alden?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks…for this. It was nice.”

A soft chuckle. Ruffled hair.

“Happy Lumifrost, kid.”

Aww <3 Look at them.

This was very sweet and I think the stylistic experimentation is a success - you get strong characterization and atmosphere across through dialogue only and create investment in the relationship between these characters. Little Wes is already doggedly cynical, talks back to Alden, but still has a measure of innocence and clearly feels pretty at ease around him, while Alden is just eager to show him things and let him experience stuff he learned in his childhood, and clearly just really cares about him, and it's very precious. It all gets across very well in a short space.

As a standalone, without having read more than a chapter of OSAS, there are also enticing hooks here pulling toward that story - about Alden himself and how he wound up in Orre, where Wes came from and how he wound up with Snagem. Stuff that we don't need to know to appreciate this story, but piques curiosity!

All in all, it was lovely and felt very authentic, and I felt things. I'm guessing something dreadful happened to Alden before the start of OSAS, huh. Looking forward to however you're going to tear my heart out about them in OSAS proper.

 

[Namohysip]

"Hey you, you're finally awake." Nearly had it. You nearly had the perfect opening and you squandered it.

Anyway, hi Yellow! Considering I'd only recently read OSAS proper at the beginning, I realized that this seems to be a oneshot related to it, so why not! Interesting to open with just dialogue, but I think the manner of speech of the drowsy one helps to clarify who's talking despite that, so it works.

Oh, it's all dialogue! Interesting narrative choice. This can be pretty tricky to work through because you have to leave a lot of it to the imagination, and the pacing can be all off, too, because there is no way to properly pause the scene aside from a few short words of narration. It's an interesting style, but it's good that you kept it to a oneshot. I do wish I could have had the stars described a bit, though!

Thought it was funny that Alden started off getting philosophical about the way the stars have stories, but the moment it's broken apart or questioned he falls off and shrugs. I guess it makes sense considering their background, but I still thought it was funny.

Overall, I liked this. It was a cute exchange, and it does have me a little curious just who Alden is. I have my doubts it's the minor character from the anime by the same name, but who knows?

The only bits that I'd argue were a little awkward was the deliberate, short sentences used when you needed some narration to describe something, because of how terse it was. Compared to the natural sounding dialogue, the terse narration was a little jarring. I guess when it comes to this style, you can't really win from that angle.

Anyway, nice story. I prefer your more descriptive style, but for dialogue-maximum challenge, I think it worked!

 

[Pen]

Did someone say Ho-oh lore? I tend not to be into holiday fics, but the holiday here felt appropriately grounded in the lore of the pokeworld, as opposed to an attempt to insert traditions from our world directly into a pokemon setting. A holiday revolving around a constellation just feels so fitting to Orre in particular--they might not have many flowing rivers or green fields, but they have an abundance of sky. I like the simplicity of what the holiday, at least in its older form, seemed to demand--looking. Paying witness to Ho-oh's starry appearance, paying attention.

Other people have commented that the all-dialogue style works well here. I agree. It gives it all an air of oral storytelling that is very authentic to older myths. Wes and Alden have some fun banter, and Wes sounds his age as a cute, but already stubborn-minded kid. I liked the sense I got of how much this moment means to Alden. Sure, he's doing something kind for Wes in taking him aside and sharing food, but I also got the sense that this commemoration of the holiday holds real significance for him, and he wants to be able to share that.

Thanks for sharing the links about Achiyalabopa--some gorgeous images there. I really like the idea of Orre and Johto sharing a common ancestry. Ho-oh seems like a good fit for Orre as a deity, in a lot of ways, really. I imagine the phoenix-side of that mythos could be really inspiring if you live in a region that's undergone such a major cataclysmic, where everything seems to be ash. Ho-oh stands for the proposition that life can come out of that ash. It's even more fitting in the context of Wes' storyline. He pretty much begins his OSAS story by emerging from literal flames, figuratively reborn as an ex-snagger. Are you planning on working some Ho-oh mythos and imagery into OSAS? I feel like you have some very fertile ground for it.

 

[Phoenixsong]

Now that I've had at least a brief chance to dip my toes into OSAS, it seems like as good a time as any to give this a shot!

“You’ll thank me later, I promise. And watch your language, kid. You’re too young to be talking like that.”

“You talk like that all the time.”

“Do as I say, not as I do. Besides, I’m an adult.”

“Technically, I am doing as you’re saying.”

“...Since when did you become such a smartass?”

“Since you started waking me up in the middle of the night.”

omg this is gold, lol. Especially the "Technically, I am doing as you're saying"—I love it! Even at this young age, Wes already has no time for anybody's nonsense. Make this good, Alden!

“Been saving it, mostly. But I also may or may not have nabbed a few things from the Snagger’s feast before we went out on this mission.”

Hm! I'm aware of Alden's existence and the fact that he raised Wes from Discord, but I was never really sure what their relation to Snagem was or how Wes got into it. This raises a lot of interesting questions! It's clear that Alden doesn't think highly of the Snaggers and doesn't want Wes to, either, and yet he has some reason to believe that he can steal from Gonzap/the others without consequences that are too serious. Where did that "trust" come from, I wonder? At any rate, this one little section says plenty about the hard times Wes and Alden are going through as well as their opinions about Snagem, so it's a great touch.

“Right. So, ya wanna know what’s so special about Lumifrost, eh? Well, that’s because on this night, and only this night, you can see Ho-oh himself.”

👀

“Because we’re out in the middle of the desert with no towns for miles. Less light from the cities polluting the skies. All these stars? They’re always there, you just need to be in the right place for ‘em to show up.”

Man does it feel good to see a huge, uninterrupted canopy of stars up ahead. It's been a long time since I've had the chance, haha.

“Because it makes the shape of Ho-oh and his wings.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Well...yeah, no, not really. I dunno, kid, I didn’t make up these stories.”

Can also sympathize with this, lol. Mini-me was always so confused when illustrations of constellations never actually matched the shape of the stars inside of them! Those are just random lines drawn between stars that don't make any shape, you're just making this up! When a connect-the-dots book is better at making pictures than Ancient Greeks and astronomers, smh. :P

A long moment of silence. When the reply comes, it is soft. “Learned about it when I was a kid. Back in Johto.”

👀 So this is presumably the genesis of Wes wanting to escape to Johto specifically!

I love setting-specific traditions and holidays, and all the different things about a world that people within that world would find important! It's so easy to just slap Earth holidays/traditions into the Pokémon world, or maybe loosely reskin those holidays/traditions (and there's nothing wrong with that!), but it's great when authors take an aspect of a pokémon's or region's lore and actually build something new out of it, something that makes total sense for people to create traditions and stories of their own around.

This was a very sweet little read! Sometimes it's nice to just zoom in on a single, quiet moment between two characters, give them space to breathe and relax. I've got this lovely little mental picture of the two of them out on some desert plateau, their backs to the city lights some distance away, able to see an endless sky and just appreciate it—and one another's quiet company—for a little while. We get a nice taste of some of the traditions of the world, as well as that sort of melancholy sense that it really means so much more to Alden (his memories of Johto, his excitement to share the details of the holiday that go beyond just "big dinner"). Wes is very appropriately little-kid here, with that bit of sass that both we and Alden find cute but will probably get him in trouble down the road, lol. It's just... nice!

Thank you for sharing it, and here's hoping for more propous times for Wes in the future. Eventually.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Hey, Yellow! I'm readiing this with the weirdly specific context of not having read OSAS except for the April Fools' Day chapter, but having spoken to you at length about it and read snippets. I didn't pick up at first that the kid was Wes, or what the relationship between the speakers was exactly, but I did get a really strong sense of their characterisations and the dynamic between them. The older dude is experienced, rough around the edges, maybe a bit jaded, but he's still got an appreciation for certain things and wants to pass it on to this little shit he's trying to mentor. The younger dude is following his lead, even if the role modelling he's doing doesn't quite match the behavioural standards he wants to teach, but he's more cynical despite his youth. Tells me that even a weathered bastard from somewhere else is gonna be more idealistic than a kid who only knows this shithole and nowhere else. It was a fun, cute interaction. Beyond that, I really love the feeling of realism and plausibility I got from the little wordbuilding details. Having alternative indigenous names for constellations associated with legendaries is a lovely detail, and I have to say, I want to steal them for my own work! That, I think, is an indicator of successfully charming the reader! Nice work. Indeed, I'd call the whole thing pretty charming. The dialogue and the way it feels naturalistic with consistent character voice, the muffled speaking-while-eating, the vibe of wonder being met with a kid's resentment, only for the kid to warm up to it given a little time... It's all very lovely. It made me smile; thank you.

 

[Shiny Phantump]

Aww, it’s smol Wes. I’m glad he has someone looking out for him. Given the cipher involvement I guess Alden probably isn’t the best person ever, but still… I want to believe in him. (I don’t see anything when I look him up. Must be an OC, I guess.)

Wes is a lot cleverer and funnier than I am when woken up at 1:30 AM. And the snippiness means he must feel safe to poke at Alden without anything bad happening. It’s a cute dynamic. Seeing Wes around someone he trusts is nice.

I wonder how much “all this food” by kid Wes’ definition is… and how much Alden is risking in stealing it for him, because I do have a hunch that this is the ‘not getting caught’ kind of getting away with it more than the Gonzap being okay with it kind.

The stargazing feels right, like how the experience would actually go. The sky without light pollution is awestriking (though I’m surprised Wes hasn’t seen it before anywhere else in Orre, figured it wasn’t that dense. I guess I was picturing Cipher keeping everyone far out of the way instead of in a city, but I should probably revise that assumption now.) Constellations, of course, are always disappointing. I wonder if the “I think so” is lying, I remember just pretending to see barely visible constellations before… or maybe I’m just projecting a childhood of lame constellation-watching onto him. And also like a real constellation it’s impossible to tell what it’s supposed to be, of course.

I just love little Wes so much. He feels so very kid while still distinctly Wes as he picks on the Ho-oh story. A bit of an Alden backstory, and then we cut to Wes starting to fall asleep. Which makes sense, it’s the right length for the story it’s telling… even if I wouldn’t complain about more kid Wes. (And it works out, because it means I have time to review it tonight, too!)

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, dropping in to do a bonus review of Starfrost on top of Nameless since I’d heard that it was a cute and imaginative little piece that was good for the holidays, and I figured that was a good enough reason to poke in and give it a shot. Especially since Nameless, er… went places in short order, so a nice palette cleanser felt right up my alley.

“Hey. Hey, kid. Wake up.”

“Huh—wha…?”

“Get out here. I got something to show you.”

Oh, this is a dialogue fic, huh? It’s not normally my cuppa in terms of style, but hey, that is basically what I used to write before making the jump into formal fic writing, so I’ll give things a shot.

“Righnow...?”

“Yep. Come on.”

“Wha’ time issit?”

Probably witching hour, but you probably shouldn’t think too hard about that.

“Dunno. I think one-thirty or so.”

“What?” A groan. “Alden, wha’ the hell?”

That name doesn’t ring a bell to me. Is this a minor from Colosseum?

“You’ll thank me later, I promise. And watch your language, kid. You’re too young to be talking like that.”

… Wait, how old is Wes at this point of time?

“You talk like that all the time.”

“Do as I say, not as I do. Besides, I’m an adult.”

“Technically, I am doing as you’re saying.”

Especially when it leads to kids being clever enough to come up with clapbacks like that.

“...Since when did you become such a smartass?”

“Since you started waking me up in the middle of the night.”

Wes is like 10 at the moment that all of this is happening, isn’t it? Since this feels very “snotty 10-year old” at the moment

“Hah! Fair enough. Now come on out here, I’ve got something for you. It’s a special night tonight.”

“Special?”

Wes: “... January 2nd?”

Alden: “Yeah, no, that’s not when the story’s set, kid. As I was saying…”

“That’s right. You’re about to experience your first Lumifrost, kid.”

Wes: “I’m sorry, my first what now?”

A yawn. “What’ssat?”

“Well, come on out here and find out!”

Wes: “Alden, you can just explain to me what’s going on, you know-!”
Alden:

“Nnngh…”

“You’re awake now, so might as well...that’s it. There you go—stop grumbling and step this way—and here we are!”

Wes: “Wait, where are we again? Since there’s no description anywhere.” ^^;

Cold night air, breaths puffing into misty clouds, blackness all around.

Alden: “You implying there’s much to describe, kid? Also, you’re looking the wrong direction.”

“I don’t see any—woah.”

A chuckle. “Happy Lumifrost.”

Wes: “Am I supposed to be looking at stars right now? Since I get the feeling I’m supposed to be looking at stars right now-”
Alden: “Look, is it really that hard to ask the readers to use their imaginations?!”

“Where…where did you get all this food?”

Alden: “Though no, you’re not just looking at stars.”

“Been saving it, mostly. But I also may or may not have nabbed a few things from the Snagger’s feast before we went out on this mission.”

“A few?”

How badly did Alden clean those guys out anyways?

“All right, a bunch. They were all too drunk to notice, anyhow—but don’t go getting ideas, kid. I can get away with swiping food from Gonzap’s table with my life still intact. You can’t.”

Oh, so Alden was one of Wes’ old associates before he blew up Team Snagem’s warehouse.

“But they get all this food and the rest of us don’t. It’s not fair.”

Alden: “Welcome to life, kid. Wasn’t fair for me to take their stuff either, but that’s called making lemonade out of life’s lemons.”

“No, it’s not. But we do what we can, yeah? Now help yourself, I didn’t bring all this to eat it myself.”

“‘Kay.” Crunch, munch. “Whassso speshal bout Loo’ frosh anyweh?”

Wait, what are they eating anyways?

“Good gods, kid, did you suddenly pick up a second language?”

“Ahm eatinh!”

So how many food particles are coming out of Wes’ mouth in live-time at the moment anyways? :V

“I can sure as hell see that. Take your time and swallow before you talk. I can’t have you choking to death tonight of all nights. That would ruin the mood and make you a poor party guest.”

“Hilarioush.”

I’ll take that as “a lot”.

“Thank you.”

“Thah washn’t a—”

“I know, ya punk. Now shut up until you’re done eating.”

“Hmmmph.”

Wes: “What are you, my dad?”

Alden: “Functionally yes, at this point. Now finish chewing before you talk.”

“Right. So, ya wanna know what’s so special about Lumifrost, eh? Well, that’s because on this night, and only this night, you can see Ho-oh himself.”

“Wha?” Gulp. “I thought he wasn’t real. And I haven’t seen anything.”

Wes: “... And why would a Pokémon associated with rainbows appear at night anyways?”

“Not yet. Look up.”

“Why do I need to—?”

Because how else will you see Ho-Oh metaphorically and maybe literally? ^^

Silence.

“Amazing, isn’t it?”

“Are these stars?”

Whelp, metaphorically it is.

“Of course they are. You’ve just never seen this many.”

“But why are there so many?”

Because you’re in the middle of an expy of the Arizonan desert and even without the massive killer plague years ago depopulating the place there would logically be no light pollution?

“Because we’re out in the middle of the desert with no towns for miles. Less light from the cities polluting the skies. All these stars? They’re always there, you just need to be in the right place for ‘em to show up.”

Yeah, that.

No response.

A chuckle. “When I found out this would be your first Lumifrost, I knew I had to bring you out here.”

“Where’s Ho-oh, though?”

Wes: “And please tell me that it’s not a metaphor here.” :|

“In the stars. This is the only night of the year that the entire Achihonō constellation is visible.”

“…The what?”

“Another name for Ho-oh. It comes from an ancient people that once occupied all of Orre and Johto long ago. And it has a story, too. In fact, did you know the stars are full of stories?”

For reference, “Achihonō” feels like something that might make sense to include hovertext as an inline explanation given that Alden doesn’t provide a full one here. But that might just be me.

“Huh?”

“It’s true. There are shapes made by the stars, called constellations. And there are stories about each one. See that line of stars up there?”

Wes: “Alden, you know that this would work better if there were more description of-”

Alden: “Shush, kid. It’s a medium limitation.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Now, follow my finger - see how it connects and makes a sort of diamond shape?”

“...I think so.”

“That right there is Achihonō—Ho-oh.”

Wes: “But Ho-Oh’s a bird and not a diamond.”

“Yeah, but...why is it called that?”

“Because it makes the shape of Ho-oh and his wings.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

Wes: “Again, Ho-Oh’s a bird and not a diamond.” >.<

“Well...yeah, no, not really. I dunno, kid, I didn’t make up these stories.”

“Who did?”

“I have no idea.”

Wes: “Probably someone with some strong beer goggles if they think that looks like Ho-Oh.” >_>;
Alden: “I’d ask how you know what ‘beer goggles’ are at your age, but you might be onto something, honestly.”

“Then where did they all come from? Those people you talked about?”

“Not all of them, no—and no, don’t ask me where the rest of ‘em came from. Now do you wanna hear the story or not?”

“Will it make any sense? Because so far, none of this makes sense.”

Wes: “Also, I’m not going to have a choice, am I?” -_-;
Alden: “Nope!”

A sigh. “Kid, you’re really killing the atmosphere, here.”

“Sorry. Tell me the story.”

“You sure you wanna hear it?”

“Yeah.”

Wes: “Alden, seriously. Just tell the story.” >_>;

“Alright then. There’s lots of stories about Ho-oh, actually, but the one in the stars is about his mission.

See, legend has it that he’s destined to stay in the sky forever, never landing, forever searching for pure-hearted trainers and righteous lands to bless. And if the Achihonō constellation is especially bright on Lumifrost, it means a year of prosperity and happiness for whoever sees it.”

… So how badly is Wes going to freak anyways if and when OSAS ever reaches the point where he runs into Ho-Oh for real? Since it’s one thing to hear about a mythical being in stories, but it’s quite another to see it in the flesh, and in less-than-stellar-shape.

A pause. Then—

“That’s a load of shit.”

Alden: “Kid, aren’t you supposed to have a sense of innocence and wonder at your age?” >:|
Wes: “Alden, we live in Orre.” >.<
Alden: “... Right, that would explain a few things.

“What did I tell you about watching your mouth?”

“Well, it is. Since when has anybody in Orre had a—a propous year or whatever?”

Decades ago at this rate.

“Prosperous. And, well, it’s an old legend. Can’t say whether it’s really true or not, but I also don’t think too many people in Orre are looking for Achihonō. Not many of ‘em know the story to begin with. Just a day to eat lots of food for most people.”

“Then…how do you know the story?”

Alden has Johtoan roots, doesn’t he?

A long moment of silence. When the reply comes, it is soft. “Learned about it when I was a kid. Back in Johto.”

Yup, thought so. Though why on earth is he here right now?

“You’re from—? But how did—why are you in—?”

“That’s for another time. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday…but not tonight. Please.”

There is a weariness in the air that leaves no more room for questions.

Oh, there’s a story behind that one, I can already tell.

“…Okay.” Another pause. “So…do you know about other star stories?”

“Hah, sure I do. Would you like to hear ‘em?”

“Yeah.”

“All right, let’s see here…see that cluster over there? Connect that line to that one, and you’ve got Cygnus the Kyogre, who had to save the world from a perilous drought…”

Well that’s definitely not a Johtoan name. Wonder where that one came from.

Words flow, time drifts, the skies shift.

“…and that’s why that one is called Ursaring Major, and the other Teddiursa Minor.”

Oh hey, it’s PokéAni constellations! :V

“Mmm.”

“You fallin’ asleep on me, kid?”

“N-no.”

Narrator: “Wes is absolutely falling asleep on Alden.

“Yes, you are. Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

“Okay.”

Alden: “Whelp, that’s the end of that one-shot-”
Wes: “Actually, there’s something I wanted to say first…”

A pause.

“Hey, Alden?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks…for this. It was nice.”

Wow, Wes actually being cute and not a grumpy gus for once. I think the world must be ending.

A soft chuckle. Ruffled hair.

“Happy Lumifrost, kid.”

D’aww, definitely a nice holiday piece. Also, I read your spoiler blurb and that’s definitely some stuff that I didn’t know until now. Though I suppose that would explain why Nameless has a segment set in Johto and you’ve mentioned in the past that one day you want to write a Johto fic. It leans in quite well with your overall mythos and serves as a nice breather, and you did a good job at making Lumifrost feel like a living holiday with its own history.

That said, I do kinda wonder if choosing to present things as a dialogue-based fic kinda got in the way of things to an extent. Since it’s admittedly a little weird to read a short story about two guys sneaking out into the desert to have a feast of stolen food under the stars… and then have very little of anything described. It’s ultimately your call as an author, though if you ever made a v2 of Starfrost, I’d honestly be really interested to see what it’d look like under more conventional framing with described scenery to sell the idea of “a winter night in the middle of Not!Arizona” a bit harder.

But even so, I thought that in its present state, Starfrost was a cute pick-me-up @HelloYellow17 . Just a little regretful that I didn’t read this around Christmastime, since it would’ve been great for the seasonal mood at the time.

Till next time! ^^

 

[K_S]

Ah alden training via the "do as i say not as i do" route... And learnimg how poor lt it works. I guess he should be happy there arent flying pilows to his face... A one thirty am wakeup call would have earnaled that honor where i am from.

Lumiforst makes me think of the old tradtion of throwing a party first snow no matter when it is.

I half expected alden to go "hi eatting i am"...

Ah the lovely wrangle of manners and dinner table ettequite... Though without a good grasp of setting (orre was mentioned once in story text) they could be at a base... Camping... In a hotel. Its left very much in the air as no one's really interacting with the environ so how fitting that wrangle is is up for grabs...

And consiering its food ... I mean i suppose i should view the steeling as a red flag but considering my own mon base use character (giovanni) and personal views (its food a base nessescity) I don't really see alden's relocation of thr grub as too bad a thing.

Gotta admit seeing oh-ho would be a treat... Ah symbolicly. Still pretty neat but then I like stars... Galaxies... Ect.

And now we begin the connect the dots with tales round one... How old is kiddo getting really young vibes off of them?

Lovely sketicism off of them though... And fitting for someone who has legit been through rough fiscal times amd not beem shileded from it.

Still the switch from "bull" to "i wanna hear more" does reinforce the young (teen at latest) vibe off of the kid.and is it silly i laughed at the teddy' minor ur's major constilations.. But then we got "dippers" here so I got no room to chuckle at wierdness I guess...

Well thanks for sharing it was a fun read!