There are many truths to the world. There are many rights and wrongs and truths and ideals, but there are several things that will always ring victorious.
There are good humans and there are bad humans, just like there are good Pokemon and bad Pokemon.
(And the past was the past, and that was where it belongs.)
There are shades of gray of course. Not many, because Turtwig judges people on their actions and most people usually act in a way that paints them in a certain light, but there are shades of grey in the world. Granny always tried to remind him of that, to try and focus on the grays in people and Pokemon.
Granny also told him he needed to learn to be more patient with the Pokemon around him, to not jump to conclusions as quickly as he does. She always tells him he gets carried away, but she also always gives him Sitrus berries and thanks him for his help, so he must be doing something right.
Ash says that too. He says that Turtwig can be too stubborn for his own good, but the two of them were a team now, and that meant they would work through it together.
Humans are confusing, but Turtwig liked the good ones. He liked Granny even if she somehow always knew when he was calling her Clara (“not until you’re as old as me young ‘mon I’m your Granny until then”), even if she stayed in that big house all by herself years after her husband and Pokemon partner passed away. He really liked Ash, even if Ash had a goal he was willing to claw to with the kind of desperation that Turtwig would normally avoid. Human goals always reminded him of leech seeds clinging to his shell as they sapped all his energy away; all take take take until you lose, until you can’t keep going anymore and even then they bind bind bind deep into his thin scales and keep you there.
(Keep you there, until there's nothing left to give. Keep you, until someone else cares enough to save you. To help you.)
But he liked Ash, despite all that. Ash knew when to be silly and happy and act like a kid in perfect synchrony as he knows when to train and work hard and strategize. So Ash was Turtwig’s now, even if he was a human. Granny was his too, even now that he was gone, but Turtwig didn’t think he’d ever want a human more than her until he met Ash.
There are good humans and bad humans and the past should stay in the past, so Turtwig didn’t really know what the deal with Chimchar was.
Ash had approached him on Chimchar’s fifth official day with them, because Chimchar stayed away from everyone who wasn’t a human- even after the Zangoose thing, even after he saved everyone. Ash approached him with that look; the one where determination bleeds through his boy like he knew just the right angle to try, where dark brown eyes stare into him with trust and understanding and love love love.
How could Chimchar doubt that? How could Chimchar see Ash’s smile and not feel one of his own growing on his face? Because Ash was good and Ash was love and Ash was kindness, the kind Turtwig didn’t even know existed in human children.
Turtwig didn’t really even believe in kindness, once. Turtwig didn’t really believe humans wanted him for anything more than what he could give them, but then Granny saved him and he met Ash and Brock and Dawn. Maybe there were still some bad humans Turtwig would hate and maybe that would never change but maybe, that was okay. Maybe he didn't have to care about every human, but that doesn't mean he should shun himself from this. From Granny's love, from Ash's.
(It was humans that reminded him that the world was still good and the world was still kind and the world was always smiling, if you were willing to try to smile back.)
“Hey Turtwig,” Ash sat down next to him, placing a hand on his shell. “I have probably the biggest favour I could ever ask.”
It made sense that Ash would ask him to take Chimchar under his ‘wing’. Ash had emphasised that he was asking Turtwig because he trusted Turtwig with this the most, right after Pikachu, but he wanted Turtwig to be the one to help him.
“He’s already pretty familiar with you ya know? You guys were awesome together at the Tag Tournament, so I thought someone who had already been willing to protect him was a good idea!”
Turtwig slowly nodded, because he understood why Ash thought that was a good idea. He knows Chimchar more than that, and maybe Ash knows that too. Turtwig knows why Ash thinks that's a good idea and he thinks it makes sense on paper but…
(Shrunken pupils were staring at him, tears welling up as the heat- fever, flames something wrong- began building up, so hot Turtwig could feel it radiating where Chimchar's fingers rested on his foot.
''m sorry Torterra.')
Turtwig grimaced, head bowing low. Chimchar was sick then, just sick, he didn't mean it, not to him, and maybe he didn't mean it at all! And he doesn't remember it, so it meant nothing!
But…
Chimchar was avoiding him. He's noticed it in the side glances Chimchar's been giving him, noticed it in the slow way Chimchar's eyes follow his steps, noticed it in the way Chimchar would move away when Turtwig tried to come closer.
Turtwig likes to live in the now. The past was in the past and that's where it belongs, but like it or not-
He's not part of Chimchar's past anymore than anyone else here is. He was with Chimchar at the Tag Tournament, but Chimchar seemed okay with him then. Grateful. Smiling. He's not part of Chimchar's past anymore than Aipom or Pikachu. He knows that. He knows that.
But despite all that, he doesn't know how he feels around Chimchar. Chimchar's been doing everything he can to avoid him and Turtwig doesn't like thinking about the reason why even when somethings don't quite align, even when somethings just don't make sense.
(How is it fair that Chimchar's not scared of Starvia? Of Pikachu's Thunderbolts?)
"Turtwig?"
Turtwig shakes his thoughts off and looks back up at Ash.
Ash, who's leaning down just a little to be closer. Ash, who's waiting for him, waiting for his response, waiting for him to decide. Ash, who has Pikachu on his shoulder and practically pressed cheek to cheek and-
He wonders if Pikachu had just a little bit to do with Ash asking him specifically. He wonders if Pikachu saw the way Chimchar looked at Turtwig and encouraged this plan of Ash's to begin with. Ash trusts Pikachu more than nearly anyone, including even maybe Brock, and Turtwig hadn’t known a human who depended on a Pokemon for company as much as Ash did.
But maybe Pikachu hadn’t.
Because just like Ash could be really dumb sometimes, he could also be really really smart. So maybe Ash had just thought of Turtwig on his own because maybe Ash really did trust him that much.
(If he was more poetic, Turtwig would say that Ash being like this added to his synchrony, added to all the reasons Turtwig cared about him so much.)
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Ash said, head tilted. "I won't be mad or nothing. I know it's a big ask but… think about it? Maybe? I think you would do a good job, but you don't have to if you don't wanna."
Because that was another thing about being partners with Ash. Trust. Ash had said they were buddies and he promised they would get stronger, together, as a team. And Turtwig had to make a decision then, when Ash was explaining the importance of them working together, of dodging at the right times, whether or not this human he liked and wanted to travel Sinnoh with was a human he was going to trust. Trust was a brittle thing and Turtwig didn’t have enough of it in his soul to give freely. But he trusts Ash, which means he trusts whatever crazy idea Ash has in the middle of battle and he trusts Ash with his heart, body and soul.
(Trust was a brittle thing, and Turtwig didn’t have enough of it as is, and what he did have was scarred over with scabs and hidden with brightly coloured band aids. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t whole and it wasn’t really all that good- not anymore- but he was willing to give Ash what was left. Ash wasn't asking for it he thinks, but Ash was good, the good you never get twice, so Turtwig wanted to give him the world.)
Sometimes, it scares him how much he trusts Ash, Brock and Dawn. Sometimes, he’s scared of just how confident he is in them, in knowing they would always try their best with him and their teams. Sometimes, something haunts him as Brock cared for his wounds, as Ash trained with him, as Dawn cheered for them in training. He doesn't have much to offer any of them, only himself and his loyalty. And he wasn't the most perfect Pokemon or the strongest battler yet, but he still made Ash happy. So Turtwig was willing to extend that trust, offer a little more than was maybe necessary, because he thinks Ash deserves that much at the very least. He doesn't know when Brock and Dawn crept into the 'trust' place in his heart, when he started getting excited to watch Dawn figure out contests or listen to Brock's quiet retellings of his gym with Buziel as Ash trained with his teammates, but he did. It's scary, sometimes, but he likes it so he's going to keep doing it because they don't seem to mind.
That feeling's been getting weaker the longer he’s known them. Hopefully, maybe, someday, it’ll be gone.
He wonders if he should talk to Chimchar about that. He wonders if it’ll help.
He wonders if there was a name for the look Chimchar has on his face when he looks at their humans; something that looked like lounging mixed with terror.
(It doesn’t feel like a trust thing with Chimchar. Maybe it was, but the longer Turtwig watches Chimchar stay on the sidelines and simply stare at them, the less sure he is that trust has anything to do with it at all.)
So Turtwig nodded, and then bit Ash’s head for good measure. Ash yelped before he began laughing, tickling Turtwig’s tummy to make him let go and fall onto his lap. “Thanks so much Turtwig. You’re the best!”
‘It’s not going to be easy,’ Pikachu said, walking closer to them. Turtwig looked behind Pikachu- because Pikachu was with Chimchar, because Ash trusts Pikachu so very much- to see Piplup trying to pull Chimchar towards Dawn, who was trying to coax Chimchar over herself, a brush in her left hand. ‘I thought he was at least kinda comfortable with me? But I’m starting to think that’s because I’m usually with Ash. He was stuttering through his words a lot.’
‘He’s just scared for some reason,’ Turtwig said, looking up as Pikachu scampered up Ash’s arm and got comfortable on the boy’s shoulder, eyes closing in bliss as Ash scratched the spot behind his ear with as their trainer whispered his thanks. ‘He didn’t seem this scared last time.’
‘Aipom did mention that. But I don’t really know what to do,’ Pikachu tilted his head so Ash would scratch a little higher, letting out a relieved squeak as Ash complied. ‘He started avoiding her now.’
‘Really?’ Aipom was the only person Chimchar ever really talked to lately, and maybe that's why Ash was asking him to watch over Chimchar now and not sooner. He thought Chimchar liked Aipom a lot.
He thought he liked listening to her insanity at least, and usually, that was enough for Aipom to start claiming Pokemon.
‘I don’t know,’ Pikachu said, shrugging. ‘But hopefully we can figure something out.’
‘Hopefully,’ Turtwig snuck a glance back at Dawn and Chimchar, at the way Dawn was holding Chimchar’s smaller hand. Turtwig looked, and even from here, he could see the swell of emotions in Chimchar’s grey eyes, like the last flickers of ember shining through the ashes as they attempted to stay lit.
(Like the flames inside him peter out outside battle, like he doesn’t even know how to rekindle it anymore.)
Turtwig swallowed as he watched Dawn begin brushing Chimchar, as Chimchar’s eyes slid shut. ‘Why do you think he trusts the humans more than he does us?’
‘...What?’
‘No offense to Ash or Dawn or Brock,' he started, because Pikachu is extremely protective over Ash- for completely valid and fair reasons- and he didn't want to irk the other Pokemon by implying anything. Not that he would anymore. Not when Ash has wormed his way through Turtwig's heart and soul, not when Turtwig had no desire to let him go. 'If someone treated me like Paul did, I wouldn’t want to be near a human again. But Chimchar is so... comfortable with them. More than he is with any of us.’
Because Chimchar wasn’t comfortable around him- not at all- but that doesn’t mean he was all that comfortable around anyone other Pokemon to begin with. He’d always sit on the sidelines, watching them with eyes wide open, but never engaged, not unless Ash said he could.
(Aipom was good for Chimchar. He hadn’t even really thought about the similarities between their species, but Aipom was good at using that to drag Chimchar into small little competitions. Into at least trying to build a connection. It always felt like she was tricking him, catching him on his lies as he tried to backpedal and asked Ash when he seemed confused, but she still got him to do stuff.
Until now, apparently.)
Pikachu didn’t say anything for a long moment. Turtwig wasn’t even sure if Pikachu even knew how to respond to that, but Pikachu didn’t have the chance.
“Aww look at Chimchar and Dawn,” Ash snorted, his chin brushing against the twin leaves on Turtwig’s head. “She’s trying to steal him from me. One of these days she’s going to steal you guys and I swear one of you probably won’t come back.”
‘Well Dawn doesn’t stop scratching me whenever she gets distracted,’ Pikachu said, and Turtwig could practically hear him sticking his tongue. ‘She can multitask.’
“I’ve spoiled you. Brat. You literally pushed my hand off.”
‘And now I want it again,’ Turtwig huffed in amusement, shaking his head as Pikachu’s tail began thumping on Ash’s back as their trainer began scratching him again.
“Is that good enough for you, my Prince Pikachu?”
‘Maybe,’ Pikachu hummed, clicking his teeth together happily.
“Rude. I bet Turtwig would stay.”
‘Maybe.’
Pikachu began laughing as Ash spluttered. “WHAT’D I DO TO GET THAT ANSWER FROM BOTH OF YOU?”
Turtwig shrugged as he giggled, before turning to nibble Ash’s sleeve.
“I swear I spoil all of you too much,” Ash was trying to grumble, but there was mirth in his voice, dancing across his words. “I can count on Staravia. Staravia wouldn’t leave me for Dawn.”
‘No you can’t.’
‘Absolutely not,’ Turtwig added, shaking his head long enough to find a better spot to place his beak on.
Ash actually did grumble at that, but he also gave them extra berries with their dinner, so Turwig counts that as a win.
He wouldn’t ever actually leave Ash though. He loves Granny and she certainly tried, but he doesn't think a human has ever understood his conversation as much as Ash did. Pikachu admires that about Ash and has been insisting with Chimchar he should try talking with Ash because just because Ash couldn't understand him now doesn't mean he wouldn't try. Even if Turtwig wouldn't hate Dawn as a trainer and really really likes her, Ash was his. Nothing was going to change that, so Turtwig was going to stay by his side for as long as the boy let him.
Which led to Turtwig’s current predicament.
‘So,’ Turtwig started, mulling over his words. Ash had the brilliant idea of letting Turtwig and Chimchar stay out of their pokeballs as they travelled, which would’ve been great if Ash wasn’t also too focused on his conversation with Brock and Dawn to save Turtwig from the awkwardness. ‘How do you like the team?’
The two of them had been trailing behind Ash for awhile now, silent for awhile as Chimchar looked at everything he possibly could that wasn’t Turtwig. But despite all that, despite no one else being around, Chimchar still jolted at his question.
(Turtwig wishes Aipom was here.)
‘Everyone’s- everyone’s good. Nice.’
‘You sure? No one’s giving you any trouble?’
‘No, no. No one’s giving me anything. Everyone’s been nice.’
He’s pretty sure he’s asked Chimchar those questions before. He’s pretty sure everyone’s asked Chimchar those questions, but Chimchar was hard to talk to since joining the team that Turtwig doesn’t really know where else he’s supposed to start.
‘...That’s good,’ Turtwig said, glancing at Pikachu and Piplup. The pair were on their respective trainer’s shoulders, looking down at him in various degrees of exasperation. ‘Pretty different change of pace from Paul, huh?’
Pikachu jolted, scowling at him, and maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned Paul this early but Turtwig ran out of conversation topics and they only just started.
He’s never really tried to talk to Chimchar after the Tag Tournament. Turtwig doesn't know him. He doesn’t know how to talk to someone who almost never looks him in the eye anymore, who tries everything they can to walk away from him.
(Turtwig knows what happened wasn't Chimchar's fault. He knows Chimchar's never done it again because he stays away, but still. It's hard to talk to someone who stared at him like he was a ghost once.
He doesn't know how to talk to someone who stared at him like a ghost and was terrified.)
‘It’s-it’s been different,’ Chimchar mumbled, eyes trained on the ground. ‘I like Ash. And Dawn and Brock. I like them too.’
‘Good! I’m happy! They’re good humans aren’t they?’
‘...They’re very kind. And-and patient.’
‘Yeah!’ they were. Turtwig thought Chimchar would be a little happier just being here, but he also doesn’t know how long he spent with Paul. Maybe humans are more familiar to him than Pokemon.
Maybe, he was more comfortable with humans because a human hadn't been the one to physically hurt him. Maybe a human was the cause, but none of Paul’s other Pokemon seemed very nice at all.
‘You haven’t told me why you were avoiding me yet,’ Turtwig decided to settle on, even though he's pretty sure he knows the answer, even though he already didn’t really like the mental image he was forming about Chimchar’s old life.
(Thinking about Paul made him want to bash his beak and bite. He hated Paul. He hated Paul so so much because how could he say all those about any of them? About Ash, about Chimchar, about Turtwig?
Paul doesn’t know anything. He’s the stupid kind of trainer, just like all the other ones Turtwig hates.)
Chimchar’s eyes widened at that, before he started hunching up.
‘No, no, I didn’t mean to upset you! I was just wondering. Did I mess up? Because I’m really sorry if-’
‘Don’t,’ Chimchar hugged himself, shaking his head before finally settling on looking at Turtwig, for the first time all day. ‘Don’t blame yourself Turtwig. You did nothing wrong. Thank you for trying with me.’
‘...You’re welcome?’ that wording felt... wrong. Weird. Bad. Chimchar shouldn’t be thanking him for anything right now, but definitely not for ‘trying’.
'I mean it,’ Chimchar was smiling, but his voice was wobbling with sorrow and his eyes were darting between looking at Ash and Turtwig. ‘Thank you. I’m sorry Ash put you to babysitting me.'
'Babysitting?'
Chimchar was nodding with a laugh, even though nothing was funny, even though he was still hunched over and hugging himself. 'Yeah, I'm sorry. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I promise.’
'…I want to do this,' he explained, trying to be gentle and soft, even through the disgust building up inside him, a smile on his beak. 'Ash asked me to do this because he cares about you but it was my choice. And besides, I did want to talk to you anyway so this worked out for me.’
'Well… what did you want to talk about.'
'Anything really. Do you have any questions for me? Anything you want to know?'
Chimchar opened his mouth, then slid it shut, hesitating before he swallowed. 'Why are you so fast?'
Something darker was swirling in his gut, faster and faster. 'Excuse me?'
'There's no purpose for you to be fast, you're a Turtwig,' Chimchar said, lifting a finger up, reciting words Turtwig's heard time and time again, mocking him. 'And your much faster now than you were before, so that means you're training your speed? Why?'
'Because I want to,' Ash liked that he was fast and Ash liked working on their stronger points. 'Do I need any other reason?'
'You could be training something more beneficial for someone like you! Like your defences or-'
'Because I don't want to do that!' his head had turned away, but his words had gotten more pointed, mean, and he tried not to flinch when Chimchar jumped. ‘...Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I don’t really like it when someone says I’m wasting my time with my speed. I like being fast. It's important to me. Why should I have to give it up?'
Turtwig didn’t like a lot of things, but he’s still not used to all the consuming hatred that boils through his blood when someone suggests that he can't do something. He can do anything. No one was taking that away from him ever. He's with Ash because Ash believes in him- agrees that a Turtwig being fast is useful!- so it works out for everyone. He wasn't hurting anyone. Everyone needed to stop asking about this forever-
Turtwig took a deep breath in through his nose and out through his mouth.
(He could almost feel Granny’s hand; dry, cracked and worn from years of gardening and falling in love with the Earth as it rested on his head, voice quietly whispering her reminders to him.
Patience. He needed to be patient to do this.)
'I'm sorry,' he said, because he does owe Chimchar an apology, even if Chimchar was being rude. 'I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. Maybe we can talk about something else though.'
Chimchar’s smile pulled just a little higher and he was a step further now, barely lingering by his side. ‘What could you possibly want to talk to me about?’
‘Anything really,’ he messed up, he messed up, he needed to fix this somehow. ‘I’m just trying to get to know you better.’
‘You learn more about Pokemon through battles,’ Chimchar mumbled, his ears curling down a bit. ‘There’s nothing more to learn about me outside of that anyway.’
Turtwig shot a look at Pikachu and Piplup. Pikachu was staring at Chimchar, ears folded and tail flat and Piplup?
Piplup looked like he was trying to decide whether or not he was mad or hurt about the things Chimchar was saying, and he seemed to not know why.
(He gets that. He gets that so much because he doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore.)
‘...I do think you can learn a lot about someone during a battle, but don’t you think that battles show off the relationship between trainer and Pokemon more than each of them individually?’ this was an angle he could use, something he could talk about. And Chimchar seemed interested, if the way that he was finally looking at him again meant anything.
‘What do you mean?’
Turtwig didn’t really like how Chimchar was looking at him though. There was curiosity wisping over his features, but it was intertwined with caution. Fear.
Like he expected something bad to happen.
Like he expected Turtwig to snap again.
(Turtwig wasn't the softest or most perfect Pokemon partner but he wasn't that bad-)
‘Well,’ Turtwig swallowed and distracted himself by looking up at Ash, Pikachu and Piplup whipping their heads forward as Chimchar followed his eye. ‘I think you can tell a lot about each individual that are in a battle through their styles, but Pokemon battles and stuff like contests are more about partnerships. A human can normally only catch a Pokemon once they’ve weakened it, and then they enter into a mutually beneficial relationship. The human usually wants to achieve some kind of goal that they need the Pokemon’s help with, and the Pokemon can gain safety, food, companionship and a chance to become a better version of themselves with the human. Make sense?’
Chimchar nodded once and he was finally little more curious and a little less scared, so Turtwig continued.
‘So a battle in our case is our way of showcasing our trust in Ash. He has a pretty unconventional style with creative ideas, but ultimately, it’s our choice to trust that he has the plan. It can tell you a lot about him and a lot about me, but I think it can tell you a lot about us, together as a team more. I can say ‘Ash has a very interesting style’ and ‘Turtwig prefers a faster paced battle’ but what really matters is what message we’re sending the other team. That he can trust me and I can trust him and we’ll overcome any challenge, together.’
Chimchar nodded again, then paused, before his eyebrows furrowed together.
‘But that doesn’t tell me much about anything?’ Chimchar said, before he flinched so hard he stumbled and ducked his head as Turtwig turned to him in surprise. ‘Or maybe it does, I’m just, not good at focusing on battles, sorry, sorry.’
‘I think you focus during battles a lot,’ Turtwig said, moving a little closer but stopping when Chimchar squeezed his eyes shut. ‘Chimchar, do you want me to stop talking?’
He had lost his temper. Not badly, not nearly as bad as he could've, but Chimchar was jumpy, scared.
Patience. Chimchar deserved that at the very least.
‘I want you to stop asking me questions,’ Chimchar’s voice was barely above a murmur anymore and he was ducking lower and lower towards the ground and Ash hadn’t noticed that they were falling behind again and Turtwig didn’t know what to do.
‘I think you focus during battles a lot,’ he repeated and he hoped the Chimchar could see his sincerity when he peeked up at him between fingers, knees pressing on the ground now. ‘Remember at the Tag Tournament?’
Did that count as mentioning Paul? He thinks it might, and the last thing he wants is to send Chimchar into an actual panic, but Chimchar simply nodded instead, fully deflating to the ground with a frown.
‘I wasn’t very helpful.’
‘You were,’ it doesn’t look like Chimchar believes him, not anymore, but Turtwig meant it. Means it, even now, even when Chimchar was making himself look as vulnerable as a hatchling. ‘You protected me from that Flamethrower didn’t you?’ Turtwig chuckled and hoped it didn't sound fake or forced. ‘I thought I was supposed to be protecting you?’
They were being left behind now. They were being left behind, but Brock had mentioned that this was a straight path for awhile so it’s not like they were going to get separated except.
‘You saved me twice didn’t you?’ during the Tag Tournament and during the Zangoose thing, where Turtwig would’ve plummeted off a cliff with the others. ‘I meant it when I said thank you.’
Except he doesn’t think he wants to be completely alone with Chimchar right now.
(Except he thinks Chimchar shouldn't be left completely alone with Turtwig, no matter Turtwig's feelings on the matter.)
‘But. You- you did. Protect me I mean. From that Zangoose. I was scared and- and you did protect me,’ Chimchar whispered, thumbs picking the finger nail on his index finger. ‘No one- I knew you meant it. That you would protect me, even though we weren’t friends.’
‘I don’t have to be friends with you to want to protect you,’ Turtwig wasn't friends with everyone on his route, but he protected them because that's what you do. And he and Chimchar were a team so they couldn't avoid each other forever and Turtwig doesn't want to do that at all. ‘And I want to be friends with you now. That’s why I’m trying to talk with you. ...I don’t think I’m doing very good though.’
He doesn't think Chimchar really gets friends. He doesn't even know if Turtwig saying that at all was very smart but it's the truth.
(He wants to be friends with the Chimchar he battled with. He liked that Chimchar; and he knows that Chimchar is still a thing because he saw it after the Zangoose and Team Rocket were dealt with. He knows it's there it's just. Hidden. Scared.
Chimchar doesn't remember what he said.)
‘You’re doing great Turtwig,’ Chimchar promised, placing his clasped hands over his chest. ‘No one has. I mean, I don’t know why... You would’ve, you wanted to help me. And you did. And you were worried about me, the whole time.’
‘I was. So were Ash and Pikachu.’
‘Yeah but. I said I was okay.’
‘Doesn’t change our feelings,’ Turtwig turned his head to see Brock staring back at him, a hand on Ash’s shoulder to stop him.
Turtwig turned away, because he doesn't want to see them right now.
‘But I’m not. I’m not fragile. I can handle myself. I handled myself before I’m just- overreacting. I’m not weak.’
(Turtwig doesn’t know what he’s doing.)
‘Nothing would’ve changed our feelings I think,’ because that’s who he was and that’s who Ash was. He had saved Pikachu from a cage and Ash saved him from Team Rocket, even though Turtwig had taken his best friend. ‘Even if you were a powerful Mythical Pokemon, we would still be worried.’
(Pikachu had told them about the stuff that happened in Hoenn and Johto after the Darkrai thing.
Ash would help anyone, and Pikachu's overprotectiveness made so much more sense.)
‘I...’ Chimchar hesitated, worrying his lip as he looked up at Turtwig, before pulling himself up and furiously shaking his head. ‘Okay. I want to hear more. About battles being. More about partnership thing.’
…That didn’t seem like a good idea. Chimchar had reacted so badly just because he had asked a question. They should shelve this conversation for now, try another day.
‘I can handle it,’ Chimchar must’ve seen something in his face because there was a bounce in his step as he flipped himself over Turtwig. ‘I can handle it!’
...Could he?
Turtwig was supposed to be helping right now. He was supposed to be trying to be friends with Chimchar again. This was a conversation starter.
This was something.
‘...Okay,’ he relented, closing his eyes. ‘But we gotta catch up first.’
‘Easy! Talk and walk!’
‘...Sure. Talk and walk it is. Um. What was your question earlier?’
‘Forget it! Just- just keep explaining your point! I just... it takes me awhile to get things sometimes. Just keep going, I promise I’ll eventually get it.’
‘...Okay?’ Turtwig doesn’t know where this sudden burst of energy came from, but he sprinted with Chimchar to catch up with their humans as he thought for a moment. He had been talking about... trust. ‘I think a trainer relies on a Pokemon’s strong points during battles, which shows off another level of understanding between each other. Do you want an example from me and Ash or do you want something from... Paul?’
Chimchar eyes shrunk a little, but he licked his lips and nodded, a beaming smile on his face. ‘Something with Paul would be good. I’d understand it easier!’
Turtwig blinked, wincing a little as Chimchar’s smile kept streching until it grew ear-to-ear. Chimchar was so distraught just a moment ago, but Turtwig couldn’t see any of trace of it anymore and he didn’t get why-
This is the calmest Chimchar has been with him since the Tournament.
Turtwig decided he didn’t want to think about that ever actually, so he kept going. ‘I remember Brock said that Paul had you and Elekid attack Cranidos’ legs during the first gym badge to help secure the win.’
Chimchar’s smile cracked for a second at the mention of Paul, winced at the mention of Elekid, but nodded anyway. ‘Roark was depending on Cranidos’ strong legs to propel it forward and headbutt into opponents.’
‘Right. And that tells me all three of you are observant.’
Chimchar coaxed his head.
‘You can say something Chimchar,’ Turtwig said, and from the corner of his eye he could see Dawn beaming, elbowing Ash to show him that Chimchar was talking to someone. ‘We’re just talking. I promise I won’t be mad if you have a different opinion.’
(They shouldn’t be proud. They wouldn’t be proud if they understood what they were saying and just how far out his depth Turtwig was.)
‘Well,’ Chimchar hesitated, closing his eyes as he bobbed his head. ‘I don’t know how me and Elekid were observing anything. Paul told us to attack his legs.’
‘But you both knew the right places to attack to stop Cranidos as quickly as possible. That was on you.’
‘Yeah but... it was Paul’s plan.’
‘And I follow Ash’s,’ Turtwig said, nodding. ‘But you play a factor in the battle too you know. You’re an active participant; the way you move, attack and dodge matter just as much as any plan.’
‘Yeah but...’ Chimchar trailed off, before he hummed and nodded. ‘That does make a lot of sense. I’m not really- I don’t. I think I need to think about it more. Not the smartest Pokemon around.’
‘Stop insulting yourself.’
‘What?’
‘The insults. Stop them. You’re not stupid,’ Turtwig could feel the familiar curling of anger brewing in his stomach but he needed to clamp his beak and keep them there, make sure his words were softer and nicer than what he was used to. ‘This whole thing is just my opinion. You’re not wrong for having a different one.’
His opinion was right because this was one of the truths of the world, but that didn’t matter right now. If Chimchar wasn’t so scared of him they could actually talk about this. Turtwig could convince him that he matters in battle just as much as Paul did, that Paul was just as responsible for any losses they had along the way.
But if Chimchar didn’t actually believe that, they should have a conversation about it.
Chimchar shrugged, turning to face forward and very deliberately walk a few steps ahead of him, so Turtwig thinks he failed his first conversation with Chimchar.
He looked up at Pikachu.
Dawn had taken Piplup and moved him to her arms so Turtwig couldn’t see him as well anymore, but Pikachu was still facing forward, an ear turned towards them.
Chimchar mumbled something Turtwig didn’t hear, something soft and quick.
‘Come again?’
Turtwig couldn’t see Chimchar’s face anymore, and he wasn’t slowing down, but his voice was soft as he repeated himself. ‘...What could you tell about me?’
‘In what?’
‘If you use battles to see the relationships between humans and Pokemon then,’ Chimchar took a deep breath in, his shoulders following the motion. ‘Then what did you think of me and Paul? During our battle?’
...He shouldn’t have brought up Paul. He doesn’t want to answer that. He doesn’t want Chimchar to retreat into himself again and he doesn’t want to feel the tendrils of shame moving deep across his body. ‘Does that really matter anymore Chimchar? You’re with us now.’
Chimchar kept his pace consistent, a hand and foot in dual movement as he moved.
‘Yeah,’ Chimchar whispered, resigned. ‘Yeah, I-I figured.’
(There are good and bad humans and the past should stay in the past, so Turtwig didn’t really get Chimchar.)
Chimchar sounded so tired with those words, an age Turtwig couldn’t see revealing itself. Like he was used to it. Used to…
Disappointment.
Turtwig was the one who brought up Paul in the first place. He knew it was stupid, but he did it anyway, and he shouldn’t stop when this was the longest Chimchar has been talking to him since Ash caught him.
Patience. He needs to be more patient and little less stubborn; because maybe leaving the past in the past worked for Turtwig but maybe that wasn’t for Chimchar. Maybe Chimchar needed to deal with how his relationship with Paul affected him, especially since Turtwig knows they’ll see him again.
(They shouldn’t have to. Chimchar should let Paul fade away as a nasty memory, safe in the crevices of his mind to never think about again.
Except they kept running into Paul.
Except if they hadn’t kept running into Paul, Chimchar would have been left to be abandoned and injured, in territory he barely even knew.)
‘I thought you two made a great team during our first battle,’ he said, startling Chimchar. Chimchar slowed down, long enough for Turtwig to catch up, long enough for Turtwig to see the shock in his face that Turtwig had answer him at all. ‘You seemed so confident in yourself back then, and you and Paul worked amazingly together. ...Even though I think Paul was really mean to you at the end of the battle.’
Chimchar’s eyes darkened as he turned back to the ground, so Turtwig kept talking because he doesn’t know if he was supposed to stop now.
‘I saw the beginning and the end of something, didn't I?’ he asked, even as Chimchar whimpered. ‘You can tell me about the middle parts. If you want to.’
‘I...’ Chimchar swallowed, blinking rapidly as he looked up. ‘I don’t think I know how to. Not anymore.’
‘Hmmm. Maybe you can learn again. Maybe that’s another reason why you’re here.’
‘I don’t deserve to be here. I haven’t- I haven’t earned anyone’s respect.’
‘Earn?’ Turtwig doesn’t think he likes how Chimchar phrases a lot of things, but there was something very wrong with the way the word ‘earn’ filled his mouth now. ‘Chimchar. You don't have to earn anything. Ash asked you if you wanted to come and you made your choice.’
‘I would’ve been a Wild Pokemon if I didn’t say yes. Ash asked me because he thought I shouldn’t- I would’ve been fine. Being Wild again.’
‘You shouldn’t have to be.’
‘I would've been fine,’ Chimchar’s head snapped towards him, something like bitter anger finally snaking it’s way into him, before he withered into himself, wrapping his arms tight around his middle. ‘I’m always fine.’
(There was something... broken there. Something broken in the sentiment of ‘always being fine’ when Turtwig very much knows Chimchar wasn’t. Isn’t, even now. Everyone knows that, and Turtwig bets Chimchar does too because Chimchar really wasn’t stupid, but he doesn’t know if Chimchar... accepts it, not being okay.)
‘...you know it’s okay? Not being fine, I mean,’ home was Granny’s property for a long time and Turtwig didn’t really even believe in kindness, once. He had to relearn what it was, and he’s not sure if he’s found all the pieces of it just yet. ‘I know Ash said he didn’t get it and he probably doesn’t. But. You got us. And I’m not sure what part of this is bothering you so much and I won’t if you won’t tell me but I will be here for you. For whatever you need.’
‘...I don’t know what I need though,’ Chimchar whispered, because Chimchar just admitted to him that he doesn’t think he knows how to talk anymore and Turtwig doesn’t know how to even begin making assumptions, if the assumptions he made were even right. ‘I feel like I used to. But I don’t anymore. And I don't know why, this is better, I just need to calm down and stop being stupid-!’
(Turtwig found it hard to believe in kindness, for a very long time.)
‘You’ll figure it out,’ he promised, and he hoped Chimchar could tell that he really does mean it as Turtwig leaned against the other's head and nuzzled his jaw on Chimchar’s cheek. ‘You’re under my protection now. And I take care of the people and Pokemon I care about.’
Chimchar froze.
‘So will Ash and the others,’ Turtwig continued, walking ahead of Chimchar. ‘You’ll always have a home here Chimchar. Always.’
It was humans that reminded him that the world was good and the world was kind and the world was smiling, if you were willing to try to smile back.
Turtwig didn’t know how to help Chimchar. He understands why Ash asked him, but he doesn’t know if he'll do a good job. And he knows Chimchar is a little scared of him specifically- because Paul had a Torterra and Turtwig doesn't want to think about why Chimchar would be afraid of Pokemon from that line- but Chimchar barely seems to remember being scared. He knows that anyone and everyone else would do better than he would at this.
But Turtwig was stubborn and he really does want to be Chimchar’s friend, so he was going to try at least. Chimchar deserved that much from him.
Chimchar deserved so much more than him, but all Turtwig could offer was his company, his patience.
Chimchar took a shuddering breath from somewhere behind him and he was back at his side a few moments later.
‘...Thank you, Turtwig,’ Chimchar breathed, as if he would get into trouble if he said it any louder. ‘I think I’m. I’m done talking. For now. If you don’t mind.’
‘I don’t,’ he said, slumping a little as he smiled. ‘Besides, isn’t it such a beautiful day?’
‘...It is.’
Turtwig wasn’t sure how good that was. He doesn’t know how hard this was all going to be. He doesn’t know why Chimchar thinks that the best way Turtwig can understand him is through a battle and not through a conversation, but that doesn’t mean Turtwig was going to give up.
Chimchar was good. He had a good head on his shoulders and his loyalties laid with a human who Turtwig thinks he’ll hate forever, but Chimchar was here, Chimchar was okay, and Chimchar would get better with Ash.
(And Turtwig wanted to be part of the group that helped remind Chimchar of the world’s kindness. He doesn’t know why Chimchar seems to be forgetting it the longer he’s with them, but Turtwig wants to help someone like he’s been helped; so Chimchar was under his protection now, and he wasn't planning on letting him go.)
That was a promise.
