Pokémon Sinnoh Bingo Fics! An Adventure! though Diamond and Pearl!

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

I initially asked for a bingo set based around the Diamond and Pearl Adventure! manga but apparently nobody has read that but me so I got a Sinnoh card instead. My dogged insistence on bringing DPA to others continues, however, so everything is going to be in that verse. Which is probably going to gut my prospective reader base but please enjoy anyway. I'll update this post as I progress.

NOW IN THE RIGHT FORUM WHAT THE CRAP SELF

A New Universe	Relic Badge	Gracidea Fields
Dr Footstep's Verdict	Rotom's Mischief	Sunk In Nightmare
Ice-Crusted	Great Marsh	The Reverse World

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Fic 1--Dr Footstep's Verdict



"Ahhhh!" Mitsumi sighed deeply as she stretched out on the picnic blanket. A trip to the shore was always fun, especialy if it was part of something Rowan had suggested. It felt more official that way, and the nagging guilt she felt at having fun, left over from her harsh upbringing, could melt away far easier.

The sand undeneath was loose and sifty, not like the coarser, rocky shore at Sandgem, and Hareta was having fun running around with his pokémon. But that was the point of their visit, after all. Enjoy the area while talking to Rowan's associate, that was what the professor had asked of them.

Nearby, the man named Dr Footstep watched merrily. He was an odd looking fellow who certainly didn't seem like a pokémon doctor, all overalls and a farmer's hat, but Rowan was confident in his associate's abilities. "All right, that seems like I can get a feeling for your pokémon now. Let me check."

"Ok!" Hareta ran off to the side, punctuating his exhuberance with a cartwheel. "Do Empoleon first!"

The stout man withdrew a magnifying glass from his pocket as he approached. "This should only take a moment," he said as he knelt down with a huff to examine the prints in the sand. "Empoleon, Empoleon...ah yes..." He sucked in a breath and straightened up, sitting rigidly on his knees. When he spoke, he almost seemed like a man possessed, his demeanor far more serious than it had been a moment before. "...Hareta is...a remarkable trainer. That I can always perform the best any Empoleon possibly can... I attribute that entirely to my partner Hareta. When we travel, I can see wild pokémon eyeing us enviously..." As quickly as it had vanished, his relaxed demeanor returned, and he turned back to the boy. "And that is what your Empoleon thinks of you!"

Hareta smiled broadly and lept at Empoleon with a tight hug. The bird ruffled the top of his head in return. "I'm so glad! That's amazing! See, I knew we were best buddies and this just proves it scientifically, doesn't it, Mitsumi?"

The assistant had left the comfort of the picnic blanket, leaving it to her Infernape. "It does, I think. But quantifying friendship scientifically...can that really be done? By looking at footprints?"

Dr Footstep smiled. "Naturally. Have you ever heard of having a spring in your step when you're happy? I heard that phrase when I was a child, and I wanted to know if it was true. So I started studying how people walked in different moods. But...people hide their emotions a lot."

"Tell me about it," Mitsumi chuckled.

"Pokémon don't really do that," Dr Footstep continued. "They're a lot more straightforward with their feelings. So it was a lot easier to translate their feelings into something like this."

"Wow, that's amazing!" Hareta exclaimed. "Empoleon, don't you agree?"

The bird nodded and made a few stomping steps in place to punctuate its thoughts.

"Can you look at Regigigas?"

"It would be my pleasure! When I heard that someone had managed to tame the beast of Snowpoint Temple, I was amazed! And to find out that this person was Rowan's own grandson, well, I tell you, that's quite a shock itself. For...well, for a few reasons," Dr Footstep laughed. Rowan had no children of his own, so for there to be someone he considered his grandchild had been a surprise to his cohorts.

"Haha, Gramps is weird like that. Hey, Regigigas, over here!"

The legendary colossus had been standing still, heels sunk into the sand under its sheer weight as it stared out over the ocean. It was impossible to tell what it was thinking, even for Hareta.

But Dr Footstep seemed to have a different tack. As Regigigas slowly moved, leaving sucking footprints in the sand that filled with trace water as it did, the man knelt behind it to get a closer look and was almost nearly overcome with the same sudden change in demeanor. This time, though, he only managed a strange noise. "Sssshhnnn... ... ...Ssshhhnnn... ... Ssshhhnnn... .."

Mitsumi startled. "What the heck was that?! Are you ok?!"

"Sounds fine to me, Hareta remarked. "That's about the sensation I get from Regigigas too. Right, buddy? Take your time."

The still approaching behemoth took another step before it seemed to start to process what Hareta had said.

Dr Footstep rose back up and dusted stray sand from his overalls. "Wow. Hareta, thank you so much for letting me examine Regigigas's footsteps. And you say that...uh, sensation is what you get from it too?"

"Yeah, about like that. Like kind of a...weird chime. There was that sort of sound around the temple too. I thought it was just the wind but I guess not." The boy smiled broadly. "Maybe it was Regigigas breathing or something!"

"I'm pretty sure we'd hear it all the time if it was," Mitsumi reminded him.

"Oh yeah. Still though, that's just a very Regigigas sound to make."

Dr Footstep laughed heartily. "I've felt that same emotion from other pokémon. It's a bit surprising to me that you identify it with Regigigas so strongly when it's the same emotion I derive from a Staryu. But...it did seem to be different. More...resonating, I think. I'm not sure how to describe it."

"Can I ask something?" Mitsumi had written something down before she asked.

"Absolutely! Anything for Rowan's assistant."

"What's with the whole...thing you do, where you go stiff and sound really different? Is it really that strong?"

He shrugged. "Can't really say for sure. I've had trainers tell me I sound possessed, but it's really quite different. Pokémon seem to understand though."

Hareta shrugged in an identical way. "It makes sense to me. It's like you're picking up the emotions and carrying them to be delivered."

Dr Footstep's eyes opened widely, the first time since the two had arrived that he'd opened them all the way. "Ah, that's it exactly! That's perfectly how I feel! Haha, I'd expect nothing less from Rowan's assistants!"

"So, like a conduit or something?" Mitsumi scribbled something else down but pocketed the notebook at the end of the line.

"Ah, you two are so smart!"

Hareta grinned. "Hear that, Mitsumi? I'm smart."

She frowned, friendly-like. "Don't let it go to your head."

"Hey, if you wouldn't mind..." Dr Foostep had turned towards Mitsumi. "I'd like to see what your Infernape has to say about you."

"Oh uh...Are you sure? I have a Leafeon if you wouldn't rather--" Her hand tightened around the pencil with the question.

"Well, Infernape is already out, right? And already running around." Sure enough, Infernape had left the picnic blanket and joined Hareta's pokémon in the sand, playfully jogging to and fro as it dodged incoming waves.

"Rowan put you up to this, didn't he?" she grumbled.

"A little bit," Dr Footstep admitted with a smile, idly polishing the magnifying glass against his overalls before heading over to where the monkey was playing. "Excuse me, may I"? he asked gently, and Infernape moved over.

Mitsumi was tense. "You don't think he can tell anything about...well, me, do you?"

Hareta put a hand on her arm. "Nothing like that. But Infernape loves you. We all love you."

"Haha..." It was a nervous sound. She brought her hand over his. "Thanks. Just...everything going on, I still need to hide it."

"I don't think it'll be a problem," Hareta reassured.

"Ya don't, huh?"

On the shore, Dr Footstep straightened up again, that strange manner overtaking him. "Mitsumi is...a remarkable human and trainer. That I can always perform the best any Infernape possibly can...I attribute that entirely to my partner Mitsumi. When we travel, I can see wild pokémon eyeing us enviously..."

The girl relaxed considerably at that. "Oh thank goodness...Infernape! I love you too!"

Infernape paused in its athletics to give its trainer an approving thumbs up and grin before returning to dodging the waves.

Dr Footstep returned, stopping every few feet to brush sand off his wet overalls. "Yep, should probably wash these now. So, Mitsumi, what do you think?"

She was smiling. "Gosh, I don't know what I was so worried about!" she lied. "Thanks for setting me at ease."

"Hey, I'm just the conduit, to use your word. It's Infernape that sent the message. You're doing everything right, it seems. You know how to pay attention to what your partners want and need while pushing them to succeed further, and that's vital. Especially to someone who doesn't have the ability to communicate as directly with them as Hareta can, which is most people."

Hareta grinned again. "You're doing great, Mitsumi!"

Mitsumi had relaxed considerably, but also couldn't help but notice something. After a quick consultation of her notes, she glanced over at Empoleon. "Huh. Why would Infernape call me a 'remarkable human and trainer' but Empoleon just calls Hareta a 'remarkable trainer'?"

Dr Footstep brought a hand down on Hareta's shoulder. "I noticed that too! It's the darndest thing, but I don't think Hareta's pokémon see him as...entirely human, for some reason. If you want, I can study that a bit more."

"Well, it only makes sense," Hareta laughed.

"It does?"

Glad to have the pressure off her, Mitsumi nodded. "I guess you just have to know him."

"Huh. I'd love to get the chance to talk to you both! Do you want to come inside? I always want to get to know people who care about their pokémon so much."

"Sure thing!" Hareta took off towards the door, giggling all the while, and Mitsumi noticed as she followed after that he was barefoot.

 

[Nubushi]

(Reposting as requested)

Pokemon manga is kind of a hard sell--even if it's PokeSpe (which I enjoy, the parts I've read), there are not that many people familiar with it. At first I thought that this was about the Diamond/Pearl arc of Pokemon Adventures, but now I see it's a totally different manga??

Anyway, it wasn't too hard to get a sense of the two leads' personalities, and it was fun to see a fic that fleshes out Dr. Footstep a bit more, giving a bit more explanation to what he does!

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Yep, DPA is a much different series than PokeSpe. Though they do both feature Cyrus redemption arcs, and I feel the need to address that before this next story because if someone goes into this fic not realizing that he *does* have a change of heart in this series, this may feel wildly out of character. So for any readers who haven't read DPA yet, just know that's a thing that happens.

Also this story hits TWO of the bingo slots, "Sunk in Nightmare" and "A New Universe".



-----


The wind howled, the light flickered, nothing beside remained. Only the glow of the Red Chain cut through the darkness, illuminating its master if any other was there to see him.

Cyrus's hands shook as he held up the chain, casting aside anything else as the relic began to float before him, circling itself around a stellar portal. Even his emotionless facade had slipped, and he smirked up at the shining relic. "Yes..." he murmured, voice inundated with awe, "my new world will be born on this spot...There will be only that beautiful world."

A glint in the chain seemed almost to wink back at him.

"Yes!" His voice was sharp, biting. "That perfect, shining world, the ideal..."

The Spear Pillar, the final gasp of land left behind, crumbled away beneath him, revealing the true form of the new universe, and at last only Cyrus and the chain were left.

"What..." Cyrus drew in a breath. "This isn't..."

It was wrong. Everything was wrong.

Where was that new universe? Where was everything he had worked for, everything he had sacrificed for?

Where was everything he had given the entire universe for?

His hands were still shaking, more intensely, as he reached for the chain again, only for it to shatter to nothing at the faintest touch. All light was gone.

"...I never intended...no, this isn't..."

But there was no sound. Even his breathing was artificial, he realized, with no air to draw from.

"There must be..." The words existed only on his lips, though he knew speaking them was in vain, as he raised a hand. "Red Chain, you must--"

The chain was gone, though. He had seen it, the final light of the universe itself had burnt out at his fingertips.

"Dialga, Palkia, you--"

The gods were gone. Even binding both of them to his will, they had still dissolved with the old world.

Cyrus was alone, truly and utterly.

He had sacrificed everything to become the god of nothing. He was the final remainder of everything that ever was, and there was nothing whatsoever he could do about it.





With a sharp cry, Cyrus jolted awake. Bed, room, curtains, covers, things existed in this place. He grabbed fistfuls of topsheet and brought them tightly to his face just to feel the sensation of something being *there*. "It didn't happen..." he muttered softly. "Just...just a nightmare..."

Beside him, Jupiter stirred. "Mm...are you ok?"

"Y--" he almost said, but stopped himself and thought of what his doctors had told him. "...not at all."

"Did you have a bad dream?" She rolled over to face him. "Are you taking your medicine on time?"

"Every day...I don't think it's working."

"You have to give it more time," she reminded him as she curled up at his side, not noticing that he tensed up at the mention of "time". "You just started your new dose."

He fell back, still grasping the sheets. "I'm not used to this. I caged my emotions for so long and learning to live with them is..."

"You still had nightmares, though. If anything, they were worse, weren't they?"

"Not...not like this." He could deny their control over him then, and he would be alone when he had them. Perfect for crunching them down and acting like nothing had happened. But ever since the events of the Spear Pillar, things had changed. He had changed, and everyone around him said it was for the best but he couldn't bring himself to agree.

"What was it, if I can ask?"

"I'd rather not."

"Ok. I'm here if you need me though. Bringer of contentment, that's me." He had called her that in coded messages, a reference to her mythic namesake, but she had reflected it even then. Not that Cyrus would have ever admitted to that in those days.

Instead of words, he brought a hand to hers, curling shaking fingers around and trying to release a steady breath. "...I couldn't breathe," he confessed. "In the dream...but I kept going anyway..."

It wasn't much, and she wouldn't pry, but it was a start. She gave his hand a squeeze. "You're here now. That's all there is to remember."

"...I can prepare to create a universe, but getting my life together is an insurmountable challenge, it seems."

Another squeeze. "Nobody's life turns out how they plan."

Another long, low breath, with just the faintest quiver. "...good night, Jupiter."

"Good night, Cyrus." She always had to take special care not to call him "sir" any more. "Remember, I'm here if you need me."

He fought the urge to remind her that she wouldn't have been part of his universe, that anyone who did would be mere copies of their extant selves, purged of all spirit. If any version of her was to exist, she wouldn't be the bringer of contentment any more, but a hollow puppet for his will. But he also feared that saying so would drive her away, and he needed her around. Was that still his old ways? Was he still manipulating those around him for his own gain?

Maybe he hadn't changed as much as they thought. He couldn't dare tell anyone, not even Hareta or his doctors. But didn't that show that he had changed, that he cared what others would think of him as a person, not merely as part of some greater plan?

The thought was confusing, and he wasn't used to being confused. Another matter to add to the pile.

He didn't get any more sleep that night, and he rationalized it away. He did that a lot lately too.

 

[Flyg0n]

Yep, DPA is a much different series than PokeSpe. Though they do both feature Cyrus redemption arcs, and I feel the need to address that before this next story because if someone goes into this fic not realizing that he *does* have a change of heart in this series, this may feel wildly out of character. So for any readers who haven't read DPA yet, just know that's a thing that happens.

Also this story hits TWO of the bingo slots, "Sunk in Nightmare" and "A New Universe".



-----


The wind howled, the light flickered, nothing beside remained. Only the glow of the Red Chain cut through the darkness, illuminating its master if any other was there to see him.

Cyrus's hands shook as he held up the chain, casting aside anything else as the relic began to float before him, circling itself around a stellar portal. Even his emotionless facade had slipped, and he smirked up at the shining relic. "Yes..." he murmured, voice inundated with awe, "my new world will be born on this spot...There will be only that beautiful world."

A glint in the chain seemed almost to wink back at him.

"Yes!" His voice was sharp, biting. "That perfect, shining world, the ideal..."

The Spear Pillar, the final gasp of land left behind, crumbled away beneath him, revealing the true form of the new universe, and at last only Cyrus and the chain were left.

"What..." Cyrus drew in a breath. "This isn't..."

It was wrong. Everything was wrong.

Where was that new universe? Where was everything he had worked for, everything he had sacrificed for?

Where was everything he had given the entire universe for?

His hands were still shaking, more intensely, as he reached for the chain again, only for it to shatter to nothing at the faintest touch. All light was gone.

"...I never intended...no, this isn't..."

But there was no sound. Even his breathing was artificial, he realized, with no air to draw from.

"There must be..." The words existed only on his lips, though he knew speaking them was in vain, as he raised a hand. "Red Chain, you must--"

The chain was gone, though. He had seen it, the final light of the universe itself had burnt out at his fingertips.

"Dialga, Palkia, you--"

The gods were gone. Even binding both of them to his will, they had still dissolved with the old world.

Cyrus was alone, truly and utterly.

He had sacrificed everything to become the god of nothing. He was the final remainder of everything that ever was, and there was nothing whatsoever he could do about it.





With a sharp cry, Cyrus jolted awake. Bed, room, curtains, covers, things existed in this place. He grabbed fistfuls of topsheet and brought them tightly to his face just to feel the sensation of something being *there*. "It didn't happen..." he muttered softly. "Just...just a nightmare..."

Beside him, Jupiter stirred. "Mm...are you ok?"

"Y--" he almost said, but stopped himself and thought of what his doctors had told him. "...not at all."

"Did you have a bad dream?" She rolled over to face him. "Are you taking your medicine on time?"

"Every day...I don't think it's working."

"You have to give it more time," she reminded him as she curled up at his side, not noticing that he tensed up at the mention of "time". "You just started your new dose."

He fell back, still grasping the sheets. "I'm not used to this. I caged my emotions for so long and learning to live with them is..."

"You still had nightmares, though. If anything, they were worse, weren't they?"

"Not...not like this." He could deny their control over him then, and he would be alone when he had them. Perfect for crunching them down and acting like nothing had happened. But ever since the events of the Spear Pillar, things had changed. He had changed, and everyone around him said it was for the best but he couldn't bring himself to agree.

"What was it, if I can ask?"

"I'd rather not."

"Ok. I'm here if you need me though. Bringer of contentment, that's me." He had called her that in coded messages, a reference to her mythic namesake, but she had reflected it even then. Not that Cyrus would have ever admitted to that in those days.

Instead of words, he brought a hand to hers, curling shaking fingers around and trying to release a steady breath. "...I couldn't breathe," he confessed. "In the dream...but I kept going anyway..."

It wasn't much, and she wouldn't pry, but it was a start. She gave his hand a squeeze. "You're here now. That's all there is to remember."

"...I can prepare to create a universe, but getting my life together is an insurmountable challenge, it seems."

Another squeeze. "Nobody's life turns out how they plan."

Another long, low breath, with just the faintest quiver. "...good night, Jupiter."

"Good night, Cyrus." She always had to take special care not to call him "sir" any more. "Remember, I'm here if you need me."

He fought the urge to remind her that she wouldn't have been part of his universe, that anyone who did would be mere copies of their extant selves, purged of all spirit. If any version of her was to exist, she wouldn't be the bringer of contentment any more, but a hollow puppet for his will. But he also feared that saying so would drive her away, and he needed her around. Was that still his old ways? Was he still manipulating those around him for his own gain?

Maybe he hadn't changed as much as they thought. He couldn't dare tell anyone, not even Hareta or his doctors. But didn't that show that he had changed, that he cared what others would think of him as a person, not merely as part of some greater plan?

The thought was confusing, and he wasn't used to being confused. Another matter to add to the pile.

He didn't get any more sleep that night, and he rationalized it away. He did that a lot lately too.

I thoroughly enjoyed this, for a number of reasons! (advanced apologies if this mini review is a little rambly/disjointed).

First of, the prose was nice. A lot of internal thinking/narration. I've never read DPA but I am fascinated eternally by all things Cyrus, and the idea of him eventually getting redeemed. Which is a crazy thought. I mean, this dude tried to rewrite the whole dang universe.

Anyways, it was a tad odd/unexpected, since I didn't know much about DPA. My only experience with Cyrus is game, anime and the one dope short about him. DPA Cyrus seems like a fascinating exploration however. Not bad though! Quite good, imo.

Second, your characterization of Cyrus. The way he experiences these nightmares and acts, I feel bad for him. Also, he's with Jupiter in this? Fascinating. Also he's broken and distraught, yet filled with all these thoughts and wonderings. By my rough guess, he seems in line with DPA Cyrus.

I loved the existential-ly pondering at the end. It's gonna be a heck of a long journey to overcoming all the stuff he went through and did. I appreciate that you left it on an open ended note and left no resolution. It feels like it works well for this piece.

And I think even if you didn't mention it was a DPA fic, one could just assume it was a Cyrus redemption story.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Well, recovery is a very long road for anyone, and for someone like him it's even longer. He'd probably be struggling with these things his whole life, and given how young he is that's a long road indeed.

Shipping him and Jupiter isn't exactly canon, but it's canon that DPA Jupiter has a crush on Cyrus.

Thanks for reading! Always good to find more Cyrus fans.

 

[K_S]

As I am only familiar with game canon and Special canon I might ask some redundant things and make some redundant points. Regardless I wanted to be supportive so here I am.

Initial response to summary/notes/comments: a redemptive non-au Cyrus? this I'm curious to see... And here we go, into the deep.

Key,
anything in parenthesis () indicates a grammar or spelling error noted.
anything in italics is ideas/flow suggestions

Line by line:

a) The sand underneath(e) was loose and sifty,
(autocorrect keeps trying to change this to shifty, as does google when I plug it in with the word "define" in front of it. Is this a case of a typo, wrong word, or odd word that my computer isn't catching?)

b) Nearby, the man named Dr Footstep watched merrily.

the joys of ly words, you don't use it a ton but it's present, I also noticed it in other works of yours. So here are my thoughts on how to work around the "ly" words since this seems to be a trait of yours.

disclaimer: Keep in mind this isn't a hard or fast rule, just something I was taught to minimize passivity in writing, although quite a few of my personal "on writing books" really demonize this trait.

the easiest solution: drop merrily. Dr footstep can just be watching here, no damage done. If you want to establish him as part of the fun element though there are other ways that can deepen setting, characterizations of that character, of descriptors attached to that character.

Here's a sampling of that idea:

Nearby, the man named Dr Footstep watched merrily.

suggestion, show him being merrily, he could be smiling wide, humming with glee, rising on his tiptoes to better see because his craft had made him so used to hunching down it was a bit of an effort, there's a lot of ways you can go with this to either build him up, or his surroundings to show him being merry that'll add to the text and dodge the ly tail you got there.


c) "Pokémon don't really do that," Dr Footstep continued. "They're a lot more straightforward with their feelings. So it was a lot easier to translate their feelings into something like this."

a lot is used a lot here... suggestions on how to tweak that if you're curious...

1) the easiest solution, delete the parenthesized and just dodge the repetition

"Pokémon don't really do that," Dr Footstep continued. "They're (a lot) more straightforward with their feelings. So it was (a lot) easier to translate their feelings into something like this."

how it looks

When you delete both) Pokemon don't really do that,- they're more straightforward with their feelings, so it was easier to translate their feelings into something like this...

Deleting one) "pokemon don't really do that- they're more straightforward with their feelings so it's a lot easier...."

Why I picked the second one to keep the first? The "more" makes the "a lot" a bit redundant in the first half. Something I think an educated character would avoid per their voice unless they're a babbler or something. This doesn't seem the case with the Dr. though. However the quantifier of "a lot" on "easier" gives the effort a more approachable scope without being repetitive like "much" is.

d) The bird nodded and made a few stomping steps in place to punctuate its thoughts.

Describing mon, and opportunities...

Alright, I have a personal pet peeve in this so take it as you will, but if I need to pop open bulbpedia/wiki to get a description of a mon then it's a knock against the fic. If none of the 'mon is described... well there are 900 of the critters now, or thereabout considering alt forms, megaevololution, etcetera some description is needed at some point. Again, I know this is a starting chapter, but still... I tried to make a character sheet for each character and when I got to the 'mon I stopped because there was so little physically to work with.

Here was my attempt.
Empoleon: A bird, (has hands?) how did it ruffle trainer's head? stomped (feet, shoes, talons?)
Infernoape: thumbs up (has hands?), monkey, fire type (per name?)
Regigigas: collosas/colasal? humming? Big deep feet? Legendary?

Alright while generalities work to a certain point there's a weakness when you consider the setting.

When a bird/flying 'mon consists of something as wildly different as a dodrio, vs a fearow, vs a empoleon, using the throw away "bird" causes a bit of a problem.

If you consider my examples, we got a two-headed ostridge, a long-necked evil-looking brown crow/vulture/rooster mix match, and a bi-ped trident-faced penguin mecha.

All of which could be described as birds.

A quick fix could be to toss one feature per name drop. Or have them interacting with something that emphasizes a distinctive trait of theirs.

infernape:

ex: sitting on blanket scene/moment.

suggestions/solutions.
Does it fold its long limbs to settle on the blanket (emphasizing height/build), tuck its tail off to the side so as not to tangle in the fabric (emphasis inhuman features), or lay on its stomach on the blanket so it;'s fire mane doesn't cause anything to catch on fire (emphasize type)?

Reactive bit:

It's curious to see the pokemon analysis from an outsider nongame/stat perspective and the back and forth between the trainers and the Dr. was quite cute and quirky.

Honestly, Footprints talents seemed more fitting a psychic effect/trance than anything else...

Huffs a laugh. If Reg' chimes like Darth Vader breathing I imagine the whole cast would be utterly tired of the chiming sounds by now and screaming at windchimes wherever they went.... alright I exaggerate, but I got to agree with Mit' here, they'd all of noticed it, bare minimum.

Speaking of bare min, I'm noticing that beyond the good Dr. that most of the cast isn't getting too many descriptors tagged to them. As it's not a cardinal sin starting out the lack of familiarity with the setting for many readers (or rather the interpretation of the setting) makes it a bit more of a weakness than it would be in a more mainstream fanbase. I won't label this as a weakness per se, but it's something I noticed.

I'm liking the foreshadowing of history and the 'mons footprint analysis and their relations with their trainers. And sort of would have liked to see the good Dr.s house, (I imagine it crawling with footprints in plaster, with odd scribblings ringed around them, wall to wall footprint plasters, like how some places have wall to wall pictures/posters, bits, and bobs on tables, medical and 'mon books stuffed in every corner/shelf with the odd modern shoe catalog knocking about.... because, why not? But that's just me and perhaps my wishes to see the abode of so unique a professional will get answered in a later chapter. Something to look forward to. Also, I'd wanted to see how you handled the transition between one set to another but again, maybe later and something I'm looking forward to seeing in action.

(I swear I'm hammering away at "Obsession", I just got distracted by the shiny new fic on my radar -and I have the attention span of a cat chasing a laser pointer, very pointed until something moves, and then gone again....)

As a whole, I left as I entered, curious to see where this goes. Thanks for offering this interesting starting point to spring into the tale from, until next time.

Kasan

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Honestly I just wanted to write something short and I'm still trying to adjust to writing short fics again after only writing Obsession and my original story for a while. Description is something I've got to get better at, especially describing people because I don't even think in those terms (I'm faceblind so picking out features to describe is something I rarely do even offline).

 

[K_S]

In response to your second story centering on Cyrus...

It's an interesting nightmare opening, isn't it? He got everything he'd think he wanted but the reality of perfection aka perfect state being zero isn't something he was expecting or prepared to cope with. Even in dream forum...

I'm wondering when he cut off his plan and got help? At what point in the timeline I mean. And seeing Jupiter still loyal and gently affectionate towards her boss was a nice touch of heartwarming to contrast the chill of the nightmare. It's good to see though, that he's able to consciously(realizing what Jupiter and he would lose in regards to their connection if he were to succeed) and subconsciously(per the dream) put together that his "perfect world" isn't quite what he wanted. It offers hope that he will break away from that delusional drive in time even if he's (with good reason mind) worried about the treatment's effectiveness and having to basically rebuild himself up from scratch.

Well, thanks for the good read, good luck with the next entry and I will try to drop a line when I see it.

KS

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

The nature of his dream and when he cut off his plan are the same. In DPA, his plan fails utterly, and it would have destroyed the universe without anything new to replace it. Realizing that even a flawed world is better than nothing existing at all is a key moment for him.

Glad you like that bit! Now, here's some more with the main characters! And with this, it means that DOUBLE BINGO has been achieved, because this is both "Ice-Crusted" AND "Rotom's Mischief"!




"--But when I went back in, there was no one there! You think she went out the window?"

Mitsumi sighed. "I don't know, Hareta. Maybe she wasn't there to begin with or something."

It was breathless hyperbole, Mitsumi barely paying attention to the boy's story through the biting cold of Route 217, but Hareta gasped in clear excitement. "You think so? But...someone had to give me the spell tag, right?"

Out front, Glaceon rolled its whole head, indicating to Mitsumi that she had indeed left herself open for that remark. "Yeah I know," the girl groaned. "Shut up."

"Hey, I can see the house from here!" Hareta called out from a nearby tree. "The stone should be close, right?"

"I told you to stay on the path!" Mitsumi shouted. Just how fast could that kid move? "You said your new ghost friend would want to see the area, so how about you get it out now?"

"Yeah, yeah, it really likes the cold too. I don't think most ghosts like it *this* cold." In a flash, a strange orange pokémon appeared, a boxy thing with a shimmery aura to it. "Hey Rotom, cold enough for ya?"

Mitsumi had been apprehensive about Hareta's latest acquisition, especially after it merrily led the boy to the abandoned Galactic base in Eterna and opened the way to Charon's old lab. But if anybody could keep a Galactic weapon under control, it was the kid who had somehow managed to tame their former boss into regret and reform. But she also didn't want to dwell on such thoughts. Rotom seemed innocent enough, and took a particular liking to Hareta's Misdreavus. It didn't seem like anything the team could have used as a weapon, but she knew firsthand, with a chill unrelated to the cold, how looks could be deceiving.

It could take on different forms depending on what appliances it was exposed to, and right then it was a small refrigerator, something the devious scientist's notes had called "Frost Rotom". Despite being held in a pokéball, it could keep items inside the adopted form, including--

"Hareta, what's that can?"

He looked down at the can in his gloved hand. "Lemonade. Want some?"

Mitsumi sighed. "It's freezing out and you want cold drinks? The can will freeze to your face!"

Hareta laughed, and Rotom echoed the sound with a tinny sound file. "It's fine! It's so slushy too! Jun said that drinks like this are expensive."

She shook her head. "We're almost to the Icy Rock, like you said, right. At least wait until we get there, ok?"

"Uh...I mean I guess, but I already opened it. And I can't really give Rotom a bath if everything spills."

She sighed again, intentionally increasing the volume to drive her point home. "Hareta. We have a job to do."

"Yeah but I'm hungry. Or thirsty I guess." But he reluctantly put the drink back inside the small doors that made up Rotom's artificial form. "There, I guess we can learn how to balance stuff, right?"

Rotom bounced back and forth, but slowly, mindful of its cargo, and chimed a happy tone, and the two followed behind Mitsumi and Glaceon.

The Ice Rock was behind a mysterious house that was rumored to be haunted, but they weren't there to investigate the house. Mitsumi had been there once before, to evolve one of her prize Eevees into the Glaceon beside her. Or...twice, on her way to Lake Acuity that one time, but that was another thing she tried not to think about.

Glaceon certainly seemed to remember, darting up to the rock and nuzzling against it with a wide smile. "Glay!" it exclaimed with glee.

"That's right!" Mitsumi knelt down to give Glaceon a scratch under the chin, her hand almost lost in her thick red gloves. "You remember this place, don't you? Does it bring back some memories? But today we're here to study it so if we ask you to move, you'll have to, ok?"

The pokémon seemed fine with that, pulling forward to prance about in the snow, leaping in and out of snowdrifts.

"Ok, so Hareta, hand me the measuring tape and we'll get started."

The boy was already slurping on his canned lemonade again, miraculously un-spilled over the short distance. "She's the boss right now, Rotom. We should listen to her."

It gave a high pitched whine as if protesting before opening the fridge doors and withdrawing a measuring tape with an electric tendril. "Um...thank you..." she groaned, glancing at the visible sparks shooting from the metal tape canister. "Here, set it down and I'll pick it up, ok? Hareta, don't touch it."

"I wasn't gonna," he lied, taking another drink as Rotom set the tape measure down in front of Mitsumi.

"Ok, good." She got a notebook out of her satchel and called Glaceon back over. "Now," she explained, "you're going to have to hold this in place while I feed the tape around the other side. Even with gloves on, this is too cold for humans to safely touch for long, but you being an ice type means you're protected. So just put your paw right here, ok?"

"Glay!" it happily agreed, pressing its paw against the end of the tape measure as Mitsumi wound the other end around the rock.

Rotom started sparking around the edges, and began creeping towards her.

"Hey! Rotom!" Hareta called out. "She's working, ok? Don't bother her."

"Ro-ro!"

"No, I told you. Besides, she's not like me. Most humans can't handle a shock like I can. It could really hurt her."

"Rotom-to!" It was being petulant, crossing its arms over the fridge doors.

"I know you haven't been out in a long time before you met me but if you try to bother Mitsumi while she's working, I'll have to put you back in your ball. And neither of us want that."

As she was having to keep a close eye on her work due to the extreme cold of the Ice Rock, Mitsumi couldn't look away for a moment to keep her measurements as accurate as possible, but she smiled behind her scarf. Hareta was learning some responsibility, and that brief exchange already made the trek up there feel worth it, even before she could write down the first note.

"Ow!" Hareta exclaimed behind her. "Aww, I dropped my lemonade. Ah, I guess I only told you not to shock *Mitsumi*, huh? You get off easy this time, buster."

Apparently, she concluded as she took down the first notations, it would be a long road indeed. But at least the first steps were already taken.

 

[K_S]

looks like there are 4 to go. Congrats on your progress in the bingo and thanks for the timeline clarification!

And are we opening up with a "slipped out the window kitty opening"? It feels like it?

Continues reading.

Ah, never mind a spell tag giver disappearance scene I guess? Anyway, I like that Glaceon. Definitely voting it has a sassy nature.
Mit's apprehension is probably very well based considering the 'mon merrily lead a kid to an evil person's lab... And the attachment to a pokemon whose name seems a corruption on the word mischievous...

Wanders off to read a Pokedex entry.

Yeah, I see foreshadowing here....

Have you seen a fox snowbank dive in nature documentaries? I'm imagining Glaceon's snowbank diving a bit like that.

Question, when Rotom crosses its arm to sulk would it close its fridge doors when it does so, slam them to show anger so to speak, or were the doors open and it wiggled its electric arms around the open doors?

Also, how is Hareta not nursing brain freeze at this point? Frozen drinks around an ice-type evolution site... the kids pushing his luck I swear...

And I think we're out of story so I'll cut off my reaction bits here and leave it for now...


Till next time KS

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

A what opening? To be honest the whole thing with the spell tag lady was just because I wanted the story to take place at the Ice Stone and the house is right there and Hareta suddenly has a new ghosty friend so why not.

Hareta's entire life is a series of random chaotic decisions that somehow work out for the best through sheer dumb luck.

I'm thinking the doors were closed but hey, whatever works.

Thanks for reviewing!

 

[K_S]

I think the "she went out the window" line made me think of a cat/mon going out the window. At least that's how my tired brain interpreted the opening dialogue without context, once context was realized I realized my mistake but since I was rattling off a stream of consciousness sort of review you got my mistaken interpretation as an opening.