Rocky Road ~ House of Diyem, Eien, Mellow, and Toast

[Negrek]

Nate snorted. "Yeah, that's comforting." So basically, yeah, if they didn't stop whatever shit on Cibus, it might end up coming home to roost where Nate lived, too. Probably not in his lifetime, but still.

Did it even matter? It wasn't like he'd been fucking slacking, thinking it didn't matter what happened to Cibus since it wouldn't affect his own world. It wasn't like he was going to do anything differently.

The idea of whatever-it-was getting ahold of them somehow, though. There was one fucking worrying angle. "And if this hypothetical ultra blacklight dude were to get his hands on you--like absorb you, or control you--that'd mean he'd have power over all of us, is that right? All our spirits or whatever the fuck tied to you?"

 

[Namohysip]

"Hmmm..." More concerning pauses. "...Possibly, yes. Though, I didn't have much control over you when I was indisposed in the Tree of Life. Then again, I had the foresight to keep you all more separate from me. That may not last forever if I am fully controlled... I would normally say, I wouldn't let that happen. But after seeing Maple and Eien, I cannot make such promises. It would be reckless."

 

[Negrek]

So, yeah, basically they were all fucked. At this point Diyem was probably the weakest link in their merry bunch of assholes, since he was only one guy and had been forced down onto the planet with all the rest of them. And if he went down, so did everybody else on Team Spectrum, at least unless they got lucky like they had with the whole Tree thing. Any serious enemy would be stupid not to take advantage of that.

And what could they do about it? Insist that Diyem fuck off back into his own Voidlands, or whatever had been going on with him hanging out in Veritas? Didn't seem like he'd go for it. Right now, at least. Maybe after they'd rescued Eien, made sure she was okay, he'd feel less attached to being here personally.

"'Indisposed,' sure. I know Bahamut's kinda, like, tried to talk to Eien a bit. Being psychic and all. But when you were in the tree yourself"--and pumped absolutely fucking full of Eterna power, coincidentally--"could you, like, hear her? Or know what was going on with her at all?"

 

[Namohysip]

That struck a nerve. It only showed briefly when his flame crackled and flared, but his expression remained neutral. "While under Xerneas' influence, it didn't cross my mind," he said. "...I didn't speak much with her..."

 

[Negrek]

Nate winced. Bad enough if he simply hadn't managed it, but to be fucked up enough to not even think to try? Jesus. "Do you think," he said hesitantly, "that all that with Xerneas, the, uh, influence and all... Do you think Xerneas was doing that on purpose?"

 

[Namohysip]

"I don't know," Diyem said, and his shifting body language suggested he didn't want to think about it, either. "I only hope that... I can speak to her and apologize later. If she would forgive me..."

 

[Negrek]

"You kidding? What's not to forgive?" Nate said. "I don't think you gotta worry about her not understanding." Not that that was likely to stop the guy from worrying about it, but still. You had to say it.

Nate rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I ain't the type to say you gotta be all open about your problems and shit, You don't wanna talk about all that Tree shit, you don't gotta. But it's clear it's on your mind. Ain't surprising. That sorta shit would be on anybody's mind. So if you did decide you wanted to get if off your chest... no judgment."

 

[Namohysip]

Diyem didn't look at Nate. His tail grew and fell, showing his thoughts. Toast rolled closer and headbutted his foot and Diyem raised it, furrowing his brow.

"Grr..."

Diyem sighed and brought his foot back down. Toast rolled onto it and Diyem kicked up, like it was a routine. Toast landed next to Diyem's thigh and curled up to sleep.

"...I was in love with Xerneas, and I'd forgotten all about Eien," Diyem said. "I... hate that it was so easily done."

 

[Negrek]

That... had pretty much been what Nate had gathered, yeah. Well, he'd kind of thought that Diyem had fallen in love with Xerneas because he'd felt like Eien--hell, he didn't know how much Xerneas had been controlled by Eien's corruption, was feeding on her own emotions, maybe. What a fucked-up situation, all around.

"Yeah, that's... I want to say rough, but that ain't really a strong enough word. Dunno if there really is a good word for how that'd feel," Nate said at last. God, he was shit at this sort of thing. "It was fucked up. And I don't know about you, but if it was me, I'd be pretty scared of it happening again."

Fuck. Why was he so fucking terrible at this. Nate was having to fight messing with his gills (gill?) again. "If it makes you feel any better, I know nobody on the team blames you for what happened. It was obvious there was some real fuckery going on there. And if anybody ever fucks with you like that again, you know we're here for you. We ain't gonna let nobody get away with that sort of shit."

 

[Namohysip]

"Mmh." Diyem looked off, claws digging into his thighs. His mouth leaked with Shadows and his chest thumped with a pulse of darkness. "Of course. Thank... you. But you don't have to say anything further." He seemed to be in pain. "I..."

More silence. His flame was dim.

"I don't... want to lose her..."

His voice hitched. Diyem was shaking. Like he'd finally admitted it, no matter how often he'd said he was ready to kill if he had to. And now, Diyem was cashing the check that Nate had given.

The Charizard was crying.

 

[Negrek]

For a moment Nate could only stare in disbelief. It didn't compute, the big grumpy guy breaking down like this. Even being crammed into that fucking machine hadn't been enough to do it, or talking about his fucking torture-therapy. But a second later he tore his gaze away, embarrassed and unsure if Diyem would even want him to acknowledge what was happening. Imagine loving someone that much, maybe the only person in the universe you could love, and thinking you might have to kill them. Before they possibly destroyed you and everthing else. Listening to Diyem cry, Nate felt melancholy prickling in his own chest. Goddammi, he wasn't about to start crying now.

Diyem'd said he didn't need to say anything more, and Nate thought it was better not to. What the fuck could you even say at a time like this? Words weren't gonna make it better.

So all Nate did was push back up to his feet and go over to where Diyem was sitting. He reached up and put a hand on the charizard's knee (goddammit how was he still so fucking short) to, like, show that he was there for him. For whatever the fuck that was worth. Diyem could take as long as he needed.

 

[Namohysip]

It wasn't for a while, but he eventually did speak again, long enough that his voice was even. "...The last thing I told her... was that I hoped she'd get what was coming to her for overstepping what the Overseers had laid out. She wasn't supposed to interfere with Dark Matters. They had called it a risk. I told her that I could get in trouble. I... I blamed it all on her. And she left, saying that she'd prove to me that the worlds she saved were still okay... And... now this..."

 

[Negrek]

Holy shit. Nate looked up at Diyem, even more at a loss for words than before. But it did feel like he needed to say something here. "That... Damn. It must have been fucking terrifying, thinking those bastards were gonna come down on you for what she did. You definitely got some things you need to say to her, but it ain't the end. Promise. Everything in our power... Everything we got, we're gonna put it towards getting he back for you. You'll get another chance."

 

[Namohysip]

"I just need... to talk to her. One last time... to apologize." Diyem looked out the window. Toast growled, or maybe it was a purr of some kind, and leaned into Diyem. "I can only imagine how she felt... seeing me with that mockery of a Xerneas... right in front of her. Not so much as speaking to her in all that time while she was locked away... Bahamut said she was so focused. Trying to stay sane. And then I do that to her..." Diyem laughed bitterly. There was no mirth in it. "I really am hopeless. I was born hopeless. Why should I think I can change? To the Overseers... I'm surely going to be a lost cause."

 

[Negrek]

Nate wondered if Eien really would have any idea of what was going on around her. Struggling to survive sounded like it might distract you a little bit.

Not the important thing here. Not even close. "I dunno, man," Nate said. "Forget what the fucking Overseers think. The way I see it, if the, like, lord of all darkness and negativity feels like he needs to apologize, not because nobody told him to, not 'cuz he's gonna get in trouble if he don't, but just because he wants to make things right? Sounds pretty fucking huge to me." Nate tilted his head. "Can you really say to me that it you had to go back, you know, back to where you were all petrifying people and gonna chuck a planet into the sun, that you'd make the same choices now that you did back then?"

 

[Namohysip]

Diyem didn't look like he wanted to hear Nate, but he also didn't order him to go away. His tail flicked and more darkness leaked from the corners of his mouth. "I suppose not," he grudgingly said. "But I don't see how that matters in the end. It's still... in my nature to be so cruel to others. I used all of you to get what I wanted. I lied when it was convenient. I told the truth when it was convenient." Diyem's shoulders sagged. "...I don't... know what I'm supposed to be anymore. Every time someone like... Owen, or Vix, or Brisa... any time they speak to me as if... I'm some leader... some hero... it feels--" He tried to find the word. "...Hollow."

 

[Negrek]

Nate did not fail to notice Diyem's comments about truth and lies and using people, but for the moment his only response was to raise his eyebrows faintly. "Is that what you want to be?" he asked. "A hero? A leader? Forget what other people are thinking right now. What kind of person do you want to be?"

 

[Namohysip]

"I'll never be a hero," Diyem said immediately, looking away. "Entities like me can never be heroes. No matter what anybody tells me, be it Overseer or mortal or whoever else... I know that much is an unshakable truth."

 

[Negrek]

"Yeah? What makes you say that?"

 

[Namohysip]

"Everything," Diyem snarled, but it wasn't toward Nate. "Look at me. I take the form of a false body so people don't scream in terror. I only came to this world to save Eien, the one person I could truly care about. Do you think I would do any of what I did out of the goodness of my heart? What goodness?" His tail was a cold inferno. "I, like everyone else, am an eternal being. But I was born with nothing but pain and hate. And one day I will become nothing but pain and hate again. It is inevitable because that is how forever works. I was a monster then. And I will only become a monster again later."

This sounded like things Diyem often thought to himself. Perhaps he'd never said it aloud before. His eyes were just a little wide, like he was surprising himself, even as he continued.

"I see all of you... thriving on hope and clinging to your little joys even as your powers tear your bodies apart. Corrupt your spirits down to their core. Yet you all smile because you were born pure. Why was I never allowed that same right? Why am I never allowed to... forget, to be born as something... proper. To leave it all behind to... do as I had once tried... so long ago, trying to end everything so I could find peace.

"Is that just something I'll never have? Am I not allowed... peace? ...Of course I'm not. I'm... evil. I was born evil. I cannot be good. And therefore... I'll simply never be left at peace. That's... my truth."