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Pokémon Roads of Galar

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thenatureking

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  1. lopunny
Roads of Galar

"Friends forever. Wolfpack for life."
The longer Evan goes without a pokemon, the less he believes this mantra to be true.
🟢​
A/N: Hi, hello. This is my take at an intimate (re: personal) exploration of the Galar region through the eyes of an earnest, young boy who, on the brink of trainerhood, finds that the three things he loves most in the world—friendship, freedom, and pokemon training—are being challenged. This is the story of how he never gets his way, but never stops trying. As his tale unfolds, I hope you find his journey worthwhile.

Genre: Friendship, Adventure, Drama, (Coming-of-age maybe lol)

Rating: K+ (minor injuries, blood mentions)

Feedback: How did you connect with the piece? What was your (reading) experience like? Thoughts on character, setting, plot, conflict, theme, POV, tone? Note: I never know what I'm actually doing successfully which is largely in part why I'm really hard on myself, so just know those are the type of comments I'd appreciate immensely. In the interest of not limiting anyone though, I welcome all types of feedback. Note: For future readers, grammatical-centered comments are not needed for earlier chapters when a new one is out. Thank you for your consideration.

0: Overall, I started this project back in December, and have been making tweaks and edits to it ever since. It's my first lengthy effort writing in 1st POV lol. I'm sure it shows. The story is organized into "Parts" which is probably the most fun thing to look forward to, I think. ALSO, the title is inspired by Flaze's Streets of Lago. I remember reading it last year, and the name popped into mind, and at the time, I hadn't had inspiration for anything in a while so I was really thankful. The community keeps inspiring me lmfao.
1A: This opening is close to my heart. It's pretty faithful to its original conceptualization, which always makes me happy bc my big brain has good ideas I can't always access so easily up there. I really enjoy writing Evan Hall; the Aries born April 8th, haha. He has a Sag Moon btw for all my Astrology heads. I've had many ideas about the type of story I wanted this to be, but in true Arian fashion, Evan has a mind of his own and is stingy with the controller lol. Because he's so large and in-charge in this story, I often struggle the most with plot direction when I lose his voice. He's a cool guy, and I hope his introduction was enough to hook readers in lol.
1B: This is a more recent addition. The original version didn't quite fit into the Wedgehurst segment but it wasn't quite developed enough to fully stand on its own until I lengthened it. Because it's relatively new (and sandwiched between two pieces that have had more time and have seen more revisions, in comparison), it isn't as fleshed out as it could be I think. I'm okay with this being a bit rough, though.
2A: Originally the first of many chapters set to take place in Wedgehurst, I decided to give "Home" some much needed room to breathe. So, it has its own chapter and Wedgehurst arc has been pushed back! OVERALL, this chapter has been through some things, like legit lol It's a huge exposition chapter and there were a lot of things I debated on whether I should keep or not. And the conflict at the end went through many revisions as well, so I honestly have no emotions left to spare lol. Interested to see how the reception is. Other than that, there's some foreshadowing at work here haha maybe I'm not supposed to actually share that, but I'm curious if ppl can pick up the threads/motifs I'm using lol. It's nothing fancy, but it gave me a good chuckle while I wrote.
—3A: Surprisingly, I'm feeling quite okay about this update lol. Like every posted chapter, it's gone through quite a bit of revision. The biggest thing was deciding how the visit to the lab should go, at points wondering if it should even happen lol but ultimately, it was clear that going to the lab with his brother was something Evan would certainly want to do so alas, we committed. All the while, the lab scene underwent several changes. Originally, Hop was an unnamed guy, hinted to be Hop but not confirmed, and Evan spilled his guts out to him in a crazy amount of exposition that I eventually wound up cutting, opting for a paragraph of summarization. Then, I decided I wanted to give Hop a bigger role and pushed him further and further into the supporting character position. Evan himself is much more grounded here, no doubt thanks to Hop's influence. And! Because I started developing their relationship, the idea for Evan to be an intern came about. The original outline of 3A was all over the place. I feel like my revision skills are so godly now because each time I go to edit a shaky chapter, I'm able to flesh it out and give it the length it needs to stand on its own. Yay me! As for the first half of the chapter, which focuses on the apology, its pretty faithful to its initial conception. I only tweaked and cleaned up the prose, sprinkling better descriptive details here and there. Overall, I have to say I'm pretty content with this chapter. It seems like 5K really is my average chapter length, give or take. Weird...
—3B:
—5/9: Extended the first convo in 1A. Also linked my A03!

Table of Contents:
Alternatives: FFN. | A03.
 
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1A: Route 1 — Game Start.

thenatureking

Bug Catcher
Pronouns
He/Him
Partners
  1. lopunny


Chapter One​


1A: Route 1 — Game Start.​


So, I stole one of my brother’s poke balls, big whoop. I was bored and upset, okay?

He wasn’t going to notice one of them missing, anyway. I mean, his underwear drawer was full of them, and I doubted he counted and polished them all every day. I just wanted to prove to my friends down at the creek that I, Evan Hall, was a real pokemon trainer.

All four of my friends had gotten a pokemon for their 12th birthdays. I wasn’t the last one to turn 12 in the Wolfpack—the name of our little gang—but I was the only one without a pokemon. No one expected Presley’s parents to get him a pokemon for his 12th birthday back in May. I mean, we were seriously shocked, our parents included, because Presley’s parents hardly bought him nice things. I remember Mum once saying they weren’t as “fortunate as us”, and when I had asked Brady what that meant, he said it meant that Presley’s family was poor. Back then, I wasn’t sure I understood what money had to do with luck. Now, I just knew I didn’t feel so lucky not having a pokemon myself.

Within days of Presley’s birthday, the Wolfpack began pestering me more and more about when I would have a pokemon. For four weeks, I wouldn’t know peace in my own friend group thanks to Presley’s annoying parents and their sudden generosity. It was about early mid-June when I realized I was close to my limit!

“It’s been two months, bro,” Olli said, referring to my birthday, which was on April 8th. “Any updates?”

“No. Mum keeps saying it’s not the right time.”

“Even though it's summer already?” Olli asked.

“Exactly. And whenever I ask Dad, he just says I should hold off on asking all the time and that I should just wait for Mum to work her magic, whatever that means.”

“It means she’s working on getting you one, right?”

I shrugged. “I dunno what it means. Maybe.” I didn’t share Olli’s optimism. Dad always spoke vaguely when he wasn’t being completely truthful. It was how we, thanks to Dad’s editor, knew whenever he was behind on his work projects.

“His brother doesn’t have one either, and he’s already 16,” Presley said. “Maybe his parents just don’t want them to be trainers.”

Gosh, did I want to punch him then. What did he know about what my parents wanted for me and Brady? They had no problem with us becoming trainers, otherwise they wouldn’t have bothered sending Brady to a private trainers’ school all the way in Motostoke. He didn’t have a pokemon because his school provided them during the school year, and Mum didn’t want to deal with an unnecessary hassle if it could be avoided, so he had to wait. I told the guys this before, so for Presley to even suggest that—ugh, he did it just to get on my nerves!

“What if you ask your parents again? But you do all your chores first—and your brother’s, too! They’ll like you more.” This was Zebedee’s innocent solution and no offense, it sounded like it sucked! I was ready to kindly reject it, but then Gio had vouched for it.

“That’s what I did for two weeks straight, and they finally said yes.” Gio was the oldest of our group and the coolest, which is why he was the leader of our gang; and since we all listened to him (well, most of us—Olli, excluded), I no longer had a reason not to give it a try.

But the thing was…. I hated spending ten minutes on my own chores; I couldn’t imagine spending two weeks doing them with my brother’s piled on. But, despite my apprehensions, I still vowed to see it through to the end, especially since I was also thinking that two weeks of extra cleaning would get me more leeway on my hangout time with my friends over summer break. Too bad it all backfired right in my face.

As the days of my changed behavior passed by, Mum and Dad thought I was growing to love chores and started asking me to help them out around the house like it was some sort of fun activity! And Brady?! He just started leaving bigger messes everywhere he went now that he didn’t have to clean it up himself!

One afternoon, while I missed out on my friends going wooloo herding, I stayed back to clean the whole house while everyone went out. And then, when I went to shower, Brady came back with his friends and messed it all up! We got into a big fight because of it, and when Mum and Dad came home from grocery shopping, their faces went red when they saw Brady’s black eye. It was an accident, though; it wasn’t like I’d meant for my elbow to hit his stupid face. But I’ve long learned that parents don’t really care what actually happened if it makes for a boastworthy parenting story at get-togethers, so Brady got away scot-free while I was punished and forced to clean up his mess again! Can you believe that?

That incident was all it took for every single bit of a good I had done to be forgotten. I was grounded for two weeks, so it basically turned into a month of cleaning everything! And just like that, this summer was quickly climbing my list as the worst in my life. All that talk about Presley’s family being “less fortunate” when I was the one constantly suffering. Talk about crappy luck.

When I finally got released from lockdown in early July, imagine my shock to learn that, apparently, the Wolfpack had started going down to the creek on Route 1 every day! Presley’s idea. They said they were training their pokemon, but I knew they were just goofing around, doing our usual stuff. Unless I was up early enough to travel with them, I couldn’t join them since Mum didn’t like me walking on Route 1 by myself (even though it was the safest route in Galar!! How humiliating!) But when I did join my friends, I felt left out.

While they trained their pokemon and sometimes battled, all I could do was sit around and watch bored or, at best, referee. I hated it.

Hangouts weren’t fun anymore without a pokemon of my own, but what could I do? The gift Mum and Dad got me for my birthday was a lousy camping set, not a pokemon. They said I could use it in the backyard as practice for when I eventually got to the wild area. It was green, my favorite color, super shiny, and really expensive I think because I overheard Brady’s friends ragging him for not having the same brand; and while that did make me like it a little bit more, everybody knew that a camping set was no good without a pokemon to share it with. I never asked for a camping set, so I thought it was a horrible gift. It was only perfect at showcasing my parent’s stellar listening skills. But if I had said that aloud, then Mum and Dad would have gotten real mad.

Every spring, in preparation for the rain season, (for some reason, Brady was exempt from this?), my grandma sent me ugly, thick sweaters because she didn’t realize other places weren’t like Circhester, meaning cold and snowing year round. Mum made me wear them while she took pictures to send to Gran. To show that I was grateful, Dad made me wear them for the whole day, too. Well, I wasn’t grateful for the camping set, but I had to use it, or my parents would’ve probably given it to Brady. I mean, you should've seen their faces the first night I emerged from the tent, grumpy with crazy bed hair from not getting a single lick of sleep with all the hoothoot hooting and the nickit pawing to get in! They were grinning ear to ear, with a camera in hand! I was trapped.

So, all of that was why I stole one of Brady’s poke balls and snuck off towards the creek. I figured if I could show the gang I had at least one of those, they would stop giving me flack. For some reason, I hadn’t expected them to make me actually use it!

“Well, let’s see it then,” Olli said, pretending to be pack leader while Gio was out of town. He had claw marks all over his arms because of the dumb rookiedee on his shoulder. When it wasn’t flying in the opposite commanded direction, it was attacking him or treating his arm like a tree branch, pecking it and clawing it willy-nilly. What good was a pokemon that hurt you more than it helped? The bird could barely fetch a stick, but Olli thought it was cooler than anyone else’s pokemon because it would eventually evolve into a massive corviknight that could fly him around. Big whoop. It’d be a long time before that happened.

“Ooh, yeah! I wanna see! I wanna see!” Zebedee exclaimed, hopping energetically in time with Bunnelby. He was the newest addition to the Wolfpack but the second oldest of us all. He already had Bunnelby when he and his family moved to Wedgehurst late last year, so his pokemon was well-behaved by this point, if not overly energetic. I didn’t know which distant region he was from with his accent, but they way he rushed through his words made his speech sound more musical, I thought. Like someone was randomly playing notes on the clarinet, but in a good, funny way. “Ooh, we can even have a battle! Can it battle yet? Have you battled yet?”

“Easy, Zeb,” Presley said, grabbing his shoulder as he usually did when Zebedee got too excited. “He probably rushed here as soon as he got it to show us. Right?” As he pushed up his glasses, I felt the urge to slap them off of his stupid, smug face. He wouldn’t act so cool when he couldn’t see without them. Gosh, I swore he’d only gotten more and more annoying lately, but the worst part was I don’t think anyone noticed but me.

Presley used to be one of the shyest, soft-spoken members of our gang, but ever since he’d gotten his little tyrogue, I had the feeling he thought he was better than me! He always talked like he knew everything when he didn’t. Reading a bunch of books didn’t make you necessarily smart, but it did make you one big nerd.

His tyrogue hid behind his leg. He was a fighting type, but he always looked scared of everything. Not much you could do with a scaredy-cat pokemon—everyone knew that. Presley could have his pokemon a whole year before me, and it wouldn’t make a difference because once I got mine, I would never lose to him. Ever.

“No, I didn’t rush here to show you guys,” I said, out of breath. “I didn’t come to show you at all. Just to tell you I had one.”

Zebedee stopped jumping, Bunnelby following suit. They were eerily in-sync like that. “Aww, but I really wanted to see it!”

“You can’t just screw, nut, and bolt on us,” Olli said, marching over and swiping at my hand. I twisted away.

“No! You don’t get to see it yet—” I froze. I didn’t think this far ahead. What kind of excuse could I give? “You’ll… only make it nervous!”

“Oh.” Olli backed away. He’d started to apologize when Presley said, “Well, what is it then?”

“H-huh?”

“What is it then? Your pokemon?” Presley spoke with his syllables spaced evenly apart. Talking to me like I was some little kid when I was still a month older than him!

“It’s uh… why?”

“You can’t show us, but you can at least tell us what it is.” He glanced at the other guys innocently to bring them in, then smirked at me. “Right?”

“Oh, yes! You can tell us!” Zebedee said, having dug his printed Galarian pokedex binder out of his satchel. Since he was still unfamiliar with Galar’s pokemon, he carried it with him everywhere he went, always ready to flip through the pages until he recognized a name or spotted the matching creature.

“Well?” Presley prompted. “We’re waiting.”

Olli was watching me with his raised brows. He was still standing so close that it made me uncomfortable. I stepped back. My grip on the empty poke ball was so tight, I thought it would break.

“I, uh, my mum told me I had to leave it at home, so I did.”

“And she let you come to Route 1 by yourself?” Presley asked.

“Well. No. I snuck out…” I explained. Gosh, it was scorching today. I tugged at the collar of my shirt. The creek’s water looked so clear and drinkable today. I saw the red scales of magikarp slip by. “I should really get back before she notices…” I mumbled.

“You can’t leave without telling us what your starter is,” Presley persisted. “Since visiting your house might frighten it. Right? Oh, I’m so excited for school now.” He shook Zebedee’s arm to get him amped and jumping again.

“Ooh, that’s right! Since we all have a pokemon, that means we can all take the same course at school this year, after all!”

“That’s a pretty big deal,” Presley said. “We should celebrate! Evan finally has a starter. If only Gio was here—”

“Just shut up, Presley! Yours hardly even counts,” I snarled. I couldn’t take it anymore. Why did he have to go and make me feel like crud?!

Presley’s face fell and all traces of his stupid smugness disappeared. He looked like he might cry. Well, good. I was already feeling better. I’d been holding that in since the start of the summer. Maybe that would teach him not to poke the beedrill’s nest.

“At least I have one!” he snapped. “Do you?!” His voice cracked, but nobody poked fun. We were all shocked that he had said something back. Shy Presley? Who never raised his voice unless it was at his annoying sister? It was almost unthinkable to imagine he’d ever yell at one of us. I mean, in the past, he hadn’t even dared to banter with us. He couldn’t handle the way me and Olli or Olli and Gio liked to go back and forth, sometimes in jest, sometimes in annoyance. The fact that he’d chosen me as the first person to do that to just somehow made me angrier.

“And do you think that makes you better than me?” I shouted back. “Having a pokemon doesn’t make you a good trainer, you know? I bet your tyrogue couldn’t beat a wild zigzagoon with its 4x type advantage; but please, prove me wrong.” When he didn’t have anything to say, I chuckled. “We can go to Route 2 right now, Presley!”

“Hey. That’s enough,” Olli interjected, voice strained.

I was done anyway. I’d said what I needed to. Presley’s moment of toughness had cracked under the slightest pushback. A choked sob escaped his lips. He scooped up his little confused tyrogue and ran off.

“Wait up!” Zebedee shouted after him. He seemed almost scared to look at me. Zebedee. The nicest of us all. I wondered what he was thinking, and if he didn’t like me anymore. He wasn’t a stranger to my temper, nor to our occasional Wolfpack feuds, but usually the fights were between me and Olli, or Olli and Gio. I think he liked Presley more for that very reason; he was less stressful.

“I’m gonna go check on him. Since his house is by mine,” he added, cautiously, as if I would write him off for ‘choosing sides’. But we didn’t do that in the Wolfpack. Problems between us guys were between those involved; we didn’t drag the group down. Without him and Bunnelby, it was just me and Olli left at the creek. I had no clue where his rookiedee had flown off to.

“Evan,” Olli said in the serious voice he used when one of us took our jokes too far. It was the type of voice preschool teachers used on the kids when they were trying to get them to admit the truth. “You still don’t have one, do you?”

“Obvious not! You don’t see it out here, do you?”

“Hey! Don’t get mad at me,” he said and shoved me. “I was just asking.”

Olli didn’t like it when people angry yelled because his parents always yelled, and since his stiff face always made me uncomfortable, I had a mental note of when not to push his buttons. So, I didn’t bother shoving back, but I did straighten out my shirt to let him know that I wasn’t so easily fazed.

“Well, you already knew the answer, so I didn’t see the point in you asking,” I said.

“And I didn’t see the point in you lying to our faces, either.”

“I wasn’t trying to!” I shouted, not at him, but he still tensed up.

I took a deep breath like Dad always told me to do when I got too riled up. He said I didn’t think in the moment when I was angry, so I needed to breathe. I wasn't too sure about that advice though. I felt plenty of oxygen in my lungs when I yelled at people. “It was supposed to be a joke,” I said, much ‘calmer’. My volume was in defense of myself, not directed at him, and I didn’t need him thinking otherwise. I was already being misunderstood enough.

“Some joke,” he said, and snatched the poke ball from me. He clicked it open, and nothing happened. Duh. He sighed, like he had expected something different and handed it back to me. It felt like a cold, hollow shell of what I had been holding before. “Usually, you make people laugh at jokes, not cry.”

“Well.” I didn’t know what to tell him. What could I do about Presley being an overly sensitive crybaby? He wouldn’t survive a day with Brady as his brother.

“What you said was really mean, Evan.”

I shrugged. I’m sure it was mean—that was the point of me saying it, after all—but none of this would have happened if Presley didn’t think he was better than me. He was the one that kept pushing me to blow up.

“Look,” Olli continued. He was still wearing his serious face. So annoying. Why couldn’t he just let it go? “You know we’re still friends, right? Even if we can’t be in the same class, we’re still going to be friends. Even if you don’t get a pokemon—”

“I’m gonna get one.”

“I know you are, Evan. I never said—”

“—Yeah. I know. Friends forever or whatever. Wolfpack for life. Gotcha.” His face hardened. I sighed. "Just drop it, Olli. I get it.”

“Fine. I’m going home then.” He whistled and from the trees flew his rookiedee. It was a quick little thing, and I flinched, expecting it to come barreling right into me, all beak and talons. But it glided right past, landing on Olli’s extended arm. Its claws dug into his skin, and I winced—that had to have hurt—but it was a perfect landing, I realized. The bird shimmied the rest of the way to his shoulder, where it perched contently. No fuss like I was used to seeing.

“We’ve come a long way, huh?” Olli mused, having noticed my hanging mouth. “I taught it to land this way because I figured it’s better to have a scratched-up arm then a scratched up face.” He scratched rookiedee’s head, and it chirped. The sound went straight to my heart and made it ache. It was the sound a pokemon growing to like its trainer. This is what all my friends were experiencing now, new friendships, while I was left to watch my own drift away.

I mean, sure we were friends now. But I could already see the rift—in live time. Olli and the others may not have been able to, but at least Presley certainly had. It was exactly why he thought he could make fun of me. Even he knew, that despite whatever memories we’d shared before, that they were living a different life than me. They were creating new memories from shared experiences I couldn’t relate to.

Every day, they were making progress with their pokemon, and yeah, there was still a lot to keep them busy here. There were still trainer skills they could learn from school and still plenty of wild pokemon they could train up against, but…

It wouldn’t take them long until they reached the point where they outgrew Wedgehurst. Like pokemon, people who were gaining new experiences reached a certain level and evolved, too. And once the Wolfpack did that, I’d be the one that was left behind, unable to keep up.

That was why I needed a pokemon—not ‘later’, not ‘soon’.

Now.

And I realized I was willing to do whatever it took to get one.

I still had Brady’s poke ball, after all…

And maybe, just maybe, I had a plan...
 
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1B: Route 1 — Speedy

thenatureking

Bug Catcher
Pronouns
He/Him
Partners
  1. lopunny

1B: Route 1 — Speedy​


Okay, so, technically, Brady would know one poke ball was missing if my plan worked, but at that point, what could he do? He’d be super mad at me, yes, and Mum and Dad would also be mad at me, yes… But, honestly, when weren’t they?! If they all liked to find reasons to take their anger out on me, what could I do? I was used to being their punching bag. So… why not get punched with a pokemon to defend myself? Not that I would ever attack my parents… Brady, on the other hand? Absolutely.

Olli was mid-ramble when he suddenly asked me, “What’s with that face?” I must have looked as guilty as a nickit in a liepard’s den because he didn’t buy my feigned innocence. “Whatever you’re thinking of doing—don’t.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do. That’s your I-have-a-bad-idea face.”

“Oh. You mean my I-have-a-good-idea face?” I flashed Olli my signature smile and his shoulders dropped, exasperated.

“See? You’re scheming again,” he said, unaware of how comical his rookiedee looked losing its balance. It beat its wings furiously so that it landed on the ground softly, and then it went around pecking at the dirt.

“Wow. Your rookiedee’s so cool,” I said, watching it bob around. “Have you nicknamed it yet?”

He brightened. “Actually, ‘it’ is a ‘he’, according to Nurse Joy, and we have a couple names that we can’t decide between, but—” He pointed a stern finger at me. “—don’t think that you can just change the subject, bro.”

“But Olli,” I pouted and tugged at his arm. “It’s just an idea. Don’t you at least wanna hear it first?”

“No,” he said, and pried himself free. “And whatever it is, leave me out of it.”

“You’re no fun anymore.”

“Well, I have responsibilities now.” He whistled to his rookiedee and held out his arm.

“Way to rub it in,” I grumbled and shuffled over to the smooth rock. There was a large tree overhead that offered shade from the hot sun, and at my feet were a pile of sticks that Olli had gathered to train his rookiedee. I swirled the toe of my shoe in them, then pressed down until they snapped in half.

“That’s not what I meant, Evan.”

“It’s cool,” I said, with a sigh. The tree rustled overhead. I thought it was the wind, but no, I was still hot. As leaves helicoptered to the surrounding ground, I leaned back to peer into the tree branches to see what the cause was. Three skwovet were scurrying along the branches, chasing each other around the tree. Hmm. The skwovet in the lead was the slimmest amongst them and leaped along the branch work with ease, evading its bigger and slower friends… Hmm…

I picked up a small stone; it was cool to the touch and fit snuggly in my palm. I chucked it upward. It knocked into a branch, startling the slowest of the skwovet and apparently, the clumsiest, as it fell out of the tree and hit the ground. I winced. Oops. I hoped it hadn’t hurt itself.

The fallen skwovet, Clumsy, spit out a seed and rubbed its cheeks, dazed. It was okay! Oh, good!

The poke ball glinted in the sun as I held it up.

“Evan? Stop...” Olli’s warning voice startled me and made me hesitate. The poke ball in my hand felt slippery all of a sudden, and I squeezed down on it so that I wouldn’t drop it.

“I’ve got this.”

“No, look out!”

Reflexively, my legs propelled me backwards before I realized what Olli was talking about, and it was just in time as the fastest skwovet dove out of the tree at me. Its tail flared and became a hot bushy mess, which it wagged like a warning sign. The second skwovet was slower to climb down, but nonetheless, it joined its friends, inserting itself between the clumsiest and the fastest one. Suddenly, I had three skwovet in front of me. I inched away slowly.

“Uh…. Nice weather we’re having, huh?”

The skwovet I’d had my eye on originally, Speedy, growled. I could see the muscle in his lithe frame more easily than the other ones. It was definitely the strongest of them here.

“Evan. What are you doing? Get away from them!”

“No! I want to catch this one.”

“Are you nuts? You don’t even have a pokemon!”

“Yeah, but you do!” I didn’t want to take my eyes off the prize, but I risked a glance at Olli. To my shock, he didn’t match my smile. In fact, he took out his poke ball and recalled his rookiedee.

“No,” he said. “You know I don’t like battling with rookiedee all that much. We’re not ready.”

“What? Olli? C’mon! You guys are ready. You have to help me!” I pleaded.

“No. I don’t, Evan. And I told you I wanted nothing to do with whatever you were planning in the first place. You don’t listen!”

“There’s three of them here, Olli!”

“And that’s on you, Evan!” His face was flushed red, his fists clenched by his side. If was standing closer, he probably would’ve punched me and pulled me away. But he was safer where he was. “Run away. That’s your only option here.”

“Oh, please, like that’s ever gonna get me anywhere!” I retorted. “I’m not a coward, unlike you—”

Speedy hissed at me and jerked forward. But it didn’t attack me. It was faking me out, trying to intimidate me. But it wasn’t going to work. I was bigger than it. I had the advantage. Well, the perceived advantage. I knew by its actions that it was hesitant to attack. Otherwise, it would have already. I mean, the bushy tail, the hissing, all of it was just one big elaborate show to scare me away. It was three against one, and they still hadn’t made a move which meant they were more afraid than I was. They were bluffing. I had nothing to worry about I figured.

“Tell you what, Speedy,” I said, staring the better skwovet directly in its eyes. “You come with me, and I’ll let your friends go. Deal?” I crouched, and extended my arm out to it, letting the poke ball roll to the ends of my fingertips. The sharp blades of grass scratched the backside of my hand. Somehow, I never realized how rough the ground was, but suddenly, I felt like I could appeal to the skwovet. When they weren’t in the trees, they were always this close to the ground. Whether it was cold, wet, or wrought with weeds and thistles. The poke ball I held offered an escape from having to experience this unforgiving land. At least the grass in my backyard was softer than this.

Speedy lifted a paw and took a step forward. Then another one. And another one.

It was crawling towards me, face low to the ground with its hind and wiggling tail in the air. It reminded me of a creeping litten. Closer, and closer it came, moving towards the poke ball. C’mon, little guy… almost there…

“Olli—”

“Shh!”

Speedy froze. Geez, Olli! My shushing scared it. I held my breath for what felt like the longest time as we waited in an intense silent, stare-down. Please, please, please, please.

Speedy bore his fang and sprung forward. Crap! I reeled back, dropping the ball. It rolled a few paces away from me. Speedy rushed past it to bite me. I jumped, hopscotching around it as it dove for my ankles. The little brown thing was a blur around my feet as I hastily twisted about.

“Olli! Help!” I spun around, but Olli was nowhere to be seen. He’d left me.

I yelped as pain spiked in my leg. Speedy had sunk its teeth into my ankle. I shook it off, all but kicking it in the process. It seemed to register the injury that a sneaker'd kick to its face would bring it, so it backed down.

“Yeah, that’s right! You better watch out!” I kicked the air and stomped the ground until my aching ankle told me it was enough. My leg was throbbing. I felt dizzy just thinking about the bleeding cut. Man, was my heart was pumping like crazy.

Speedy retreated slowly until it reached the base of the tree. Clumsy and the other skwovet had scampered up already. As if we both noticed that at the same time, Speedy turned and scaled up after them. This battle was over. Speedy had succeeded in buying its friends enough time to make their getaways. I’d lost, I realized. I totally got played by a skwovet. What the heck?

Grumbling, I hopped on one leg to pick up the poke ball I’d dropped like an idiot. I also grabbed another stone which I chucked at the tree from a safe distance this time. Imagining I’d hit one of them, I trudged back home worrying about how I was going to hide my pitiful limp. If Mum or Dad, or even Brady found out how I hurt myself, I was going to be in so much trouble. Gosh, Route 1 was the worst! I was never coming back here again. A skwovet was a stupid choice for a starter, anyway, especially when there was way cooler pokemon around to choose from. If I was going to get stuck with Route 1 fodder, I'd at least hope it'd be a nickit. Maybe then, I could teach it to steal more of Brady's things for me.
 

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
It's curious to see the 'mon world from the perspective of a person who, per the plot summery, is going to be separate from the main thrust of the series' namesake creatures. So kudos for taking this angle, I've only seen two cracks at it before. Among the two there's one tale where the main character is terrified of 'mon and thus avoidant, the other is a side character/villain who views the whole "journey" as unprofessional/childish/unsustainable and makes several legal stabs at trying to make it harder and harder for youth to start and makes it harder for trainers to make ends met, and thus corrodes the whole system down to a ghost of itself over the course of several years and legal games.

This variant thus far has been a treat. By having the lack of 'mon be a fracturing factor of the friendship, it's a good viewing of how alienating not going with the flow in this verse is (or really in general)... I'm curious as to why the main character's family isn't willing to give the protagonist a 'mon personally... I'm not seeing their behavior or actions as serious deterrents and no reason's been flat out stated... So far their efforts to get a 'mon have been interesting, to say the least, and perfectly believable considering their age and resources... And they've family in the trainer route... so it adds to my curiosity I guess.

The dynamic between the kids, the back and froth, felt beleivable, as did the fracturing per differnt life choices starting to kick in.

By the end of this segment I was left wondering what the linchpin will be that turns the main character off from the idea of being a trainer altogether, or if it will be outside forces... a ban from the parents per thier recent behavior, injury, or the like, falling into effect? Regardless I look forward to what happens next, thanks for posting this peice.
 

Adamhuarts

Mew specialist
Partners
  1. mew-adam
  2. celebi-shiny
  3. roserade-adam
I needed something to read in the morning and I happened to click on this story by pure chance, so I decided to give it a go anyway since it happened to be short and brief.

I read the first and second chapters, and the thing I liked the most about this fic is how it kinda reminds me of a simpler time in life. You did a good job portraying the neighborhood boys and the dynamics in their small clique. It reminds me of old cartoons like Edd Ed'n Eddy, though that's a very loose comparison.

It's hard not to relate to what Evan is going through, as a lot of people who've experienced friend groups like that in their childhoods will know what it's like to have that kind of peer pressure and need to fit in with everyone else, especially if your friend circles are very narrow. The first person narration paints a pretty clear picture of Evan's thought process, and how he's also kind of a jerk despite his own personal struggles. Especially when he made that other kid in their group cry just because he thought the other kid couldn't possibly be better than him.

In the end though, boys will be boys, and I sure hope these boys won't end up splintered by the end of this story's run. Though I can very well see Evan being alienated from the others even further because he keeps making bad decisions after another. If he's not a depressed college kid with loads of debt in the future, maybe he'll be able to look back on the past and maybe even laugh about it in retrospect.
 

Panoramic_Vacuum

Hoenn around
Partners
  1. aggron
  2. lairon
I'll try to stick with the Feedback requests, but I might ramble off the cuff (you know how stream of consciousness goes sometimes).

Right off the bat, I think I connected strongly with the fic. Evan is a fun, spunky, and smart-mouthed kid who has a little friend group he pals around with, as kids that age sometimes do. I got some very strong "Stand by Me" vibes with the group dynamic, as well as some of the internal and external strife the boys are dealing with.

I rather like the set up of the conflict: everyone coming of age and getting their first pokemon except our protagonist. And it's not like everyone in the Wolfpack suddenly turns into the most amazing trainers either: they're all struggling in their own way (the details about Olli's struggles with his Rookidee are great). But because he's feeling left out, it's hard for Evan to see it as anything but "him vs the world". And I feel that. It sucks to be the odd man out. I like that Evan's frustrations come to the forefront and turn into personal attacks, like with Presley's gifted starter. And then Evan's frustrations with his brother and family. Kids are like that, honestly. I think you captured Evan in a believably salty manner.

What does happen, though, is I think Evan ends up getting repetitive or over-explainy with some of his narration. I think in one instance where he's arguing with Presley, he goes off on a side tangent about Presley's bookworm tendencies. Not that that's irrelevant information, just that in that instance, it interrupts the flow of the "here and now" a bit. Maybe in some of the slower moments when Evan is bemoaning Presley's luck, that tidbit could come up there. Another instance when Evan was venting his frustration with his chore punishment backfiring, it felt a bit long-winded. Minor nitpicks, really though, in what is a strong opening chapter with interesting, unique, and likeable (or not!) characters.

I don't think anything felt off when reading in first person. Evan doesn't know anything he shouldn't, and we don't end up hopping out of his perspective any time. Other than some of the slightly repetitive narration on his part, which I mentioned earlier, I think it reads really smoothly. The bias is clear in Evan's narration, and that's great. That's the magic that comes from first person, imo.

In 1B we get our taste of what I'm sure is going to be the first of many bad decisions on young Evan's part. At first I wasn't sure if he was going to manage to somehow accidentally (or otherwise) catch a skwovet as his starter. Which, I'm sure that'd be a unique starter pokemon. I'm glad he didn't end up catching it though. There's a special kind of "salt on the wound" to not only getting bested by the skwovet (who in a doubly-delicious turn of events succeeded in working together to save his friends while Evan's friend group is busy splintering apart) but then Evan has to trudge home empty handed and bleeding. Poor kid.

There was a little bit of "I am very smart" going on with Evan analyzing Speedy's behavior, reading its bluff and deciding it wasn't going to attack him right away. It was nice where it turns out Evan was wrong, but maybe a little bit of kid-self-assured knowledge like "I read it in a book once so I know I'm right" sort of thing would explain why Evan was so sure of himself without any pokemon experience under his belt. Does he consider himself to be well-versed and prepared to be a trainer? He was making fun of Presley for being book-smart earlier, so where did he get his skwovet whispering chops from? Did Brady tell him some lies as a prank so he could watch his little brother get his butt kicked by a skwovet?

Just some musings as to Evan's thought process here, considering how much backstory we got from him in 1A.

Overall, this is a charming, sassy, and intriguing opening to a journey fic. Something different, which is always a treat to see. Looking forward to more.
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
Hi, TNK! I'm responding to part 1A.

It took me a while to get around to giving this a proper read, which is a shame since the narrative voice here is so charming. It drew me in from the first glance on my phone, but I hadn't had the chance to sit with it until now.

I'm gonna start with my biggest crit to get it out of the way so you can enjoy the praise that comes after: you've got a world-building hole. I think it's a recurring thing for you, so at least you're consistent? In your settings, pokemon seem to be kinda rare and hard to come by ... except that they are still plentiful on the routes. I appreciate the nod to economic inequality and the idea that maybe not all starters are created equal, but that doesn't feel like enough of a justification for why these kids can't just sneak into the tall grass to catch their own. (And it does seem like that might be exactly what Evan is up to at the end of the chapter, but I can't help wondering why he didn't try it sooner.) Like, if Brady has access to pokemon at school and clearly has access to empty pokeballs ... what's stopping him from going out and getting one that's his to keep?

I'll offer the solution I use in my settings in case it's helpful, since you and I are both interested in that good, good realist flavor. My characters can get pokemon kinda whenever--they're often passed down from parents or purchased--but they're legally classified as pets. They're not supposed to battle with them before they come of age and get their licenses, but of course they do. But they can't challenge gyms or buy pokeballs without a license. So in my settings, it would be hard for an underage kid to get a pokeball to catch something of their own if their parents couldn't or wouldn't get them one--they'd have to be really crafty and ballsy about it.

Here ... I'm not totally clear on what those rules are yet. DM me if you want to brainstorm about it!

My other critique (mostly in line reactions below) is relatively small stuff: some rewording for stronger effect, some paragraph spacing. Nothing big.

Overall, this was a fun read!

It's a ✅ rendition of middle school boys ...being dumb boys. Oh my goodness. The best/worst. I got a really strong sense of how, despite being friends, these boys don't necessarily always like each other or have that much in common. Which, yeah, what a mood, especially if you're in a town as small as Wedgehurst. I think your fics do consistently get how teens and tweens behave. You embrace their brattiness in some really fun ways.

So, I stole one of my brother’s poke balls, big whoop. I was bored and upset, okay?
Strong opener! I like "big woop" as Evan's catchphrase. Poke ball (as opposed to pokeball) is an odd spelling, but as least you were consistent about it. I think I'd cut the second sentence, though--it weakens the effect a little.

It's also worth knowing that, until the very end, I wasn't totally sure whether it was an empty pokeball or not. A sentence or two would help clarify, maybe when he's arguing over not wanting to show the pokemon.

I mean, his underwear drawer was full of them,
Oh my god, such a Boy Move ™️ .

All four of my friends had gotten a pokemon for their 12th birthdays.
I believe twelfth should be written out.

I wasn’t the last one to turn 12 in the Wolfpack
Again here.

I mean, we were seriously shocked, our parents included, because Presley’s parents hardly bought him nice things. I remember Mum once saying they weren’t as “fortunate as us”, and when I had asked Brady what that meant, he said it meant that Presley’s family was poor. Back then, I wasn’t sure I understood what money had to do with luck. Now, I just knew I didn’t feel so lucky not having a pokemon myself.
Oof. 🙃

the Wolfpack began pestering me more and more about when I would have a pokemon.
*when I would get
Also, huh! I wonder if they've chosen this name for themselves because of the legend of the sword and shield doggos?

For four weeks, I wouldn’t know peace in my own friend group thanks to Presley’s annoying parents and their sudden generosity.
This would work better in past tense instead of future tense.

It was about early mid-June when I realized I was close to my limit!
Early mid? Which one is it?

“His brother doesn’t have one either, and he’s already 16,”
Write out the number.

“It’s been two months, bro,” Olli said, referring to my birthday, on April 8th.
The numeral is fine here, since it's a date. I'm puzzling over the comma, though. The pause feels not-quite-right. Maybe the specificity of the date? My knee-jerk is to make it "referring to my birthday back in April" for flow.

He didn’t have a pokemon because his school provided them during the school year, and Mum didn’t want to deal with an unnecessary hassle if it could be avoided, so he had to wait.
I need to know more about what "unnecessary hassle" entails, I think. As I said above, I'm not making the connection here.

“What if you ask your parents again? But you do all your chores first—and your brother’s, too!
The word "you" is tripping me up here.
But do all your chores first—and your brother’s, too!

This was Zebedee’s innocent solution and no offense, it sounded like it sucked!
Cute name, omg.

Suggestion: This was Zebedee’s innocent solution. No offense, but it sucked!
I was ready to kindly reject it, but then Gio had vouched for it.

“That’s what I did for two weeks straight, and they finally said yes.” Gio was the oldest of our group and the coolest, which is why he was the leader of our gang; and since we all listened to him (well, most of us—Olli, excluded), I no longer had a reason not to give it a try.
Top line wants to move down with the next paragraph, I think. Also worth knowing that Gio in a pokemon context does make me think Giovanni of Team Rocket immediately.

Too bad it all backfired right in my face.
This one would be really strong on its own line.

One afternoon, while I missed out on my friends going wooloo herding,
"Herding" makes this sound like a chore instead of something fun. Tumbling?

We got into a big fight because of it, and when Mum and Dad came home from grocery shopping, their faces went red when they saw Brady’s black eye.
This feels a little rushed!
Suggestion: So we got into a fight. Not the worst fight we've had (maybe this is a longer aside? IDK, you tell me). But when Mum and Dad came home from the grocery store, they saw Brady's black eye, and then their faces went red.

That incident was all it took for every single bit of a good I had done to be forgotten.
Burying the lead here. (Also a little bit of passive voice?)

That one incident and Mum and Dad immediately forgot every bit of good I'd done.
All that talk about Presley’s family being “less fortunate” when I was the one constantly suffering. Talk about crappy luck.
Double oof. So self-aware. So mature. 🙃

I couldn’t join them since Mum didn’t like me walking on Route 1 by myself (even though it was the safest route in Galar!! How humiliating!) But when I did join my friends, I felt left out.
I think the parenthetical might work a little better being offset by an em dash instead.

But when I did join my friends, I felt left out.

While they trained their pokemon and sometimes battled, all I could do was sit around and watch bored or, at best, referee. I hated it.
I'm a little torn. I like the understatement, but I also want to be able to picture the scene a little more, the clumsy battling and training while he just sits sadly.

Hangouts weren’t fun anymore without a pokemon of my own, but what could I do?
Bump this line down.

The gift Mum and Dad got me for my birthday was a lousy camping set, not a pokemon. They said I could use it in the backyard as practice for when I eventually got to the wild area.
I was confused here. I've got a cat, and he costs me maybe $30/month. So, about $350 for a year. A tent can easily cost that much all by itself, plus sleeping bags and cook gear. Is the pokemon really more expensive than the tent?

It was green, my favorite color, super shiny, and really expensive I think because I overheard Brady’s friends ragging him for not having the same brand; and while that did make me like it a little bit more, everybody knew that a camping set was no good without a pokemon to share it with.
I'm getting a little fuzzy-brained (which is fully on me and not you) so I don't have it in me to reword it right now, but the flow of this sentence is off. I thinking breaking it up would help. Make sure you're emphasizing what's most important!

It was only perfect at showcasing my parent’s stellar listening skills.
This didn't read as sarcastic to me on the first pass. Maybe the over-emphasis on "perfect"? Italicizing stellar would help.

But if I had said that aloud, then Mum and Dad would have gotten real mad.
I feel like this needs a follow-up. "So, [here's how I grinned and bore it.]"

Every spring, in preparation for the rain season, (for some reason, Brady was exempt from this?), my grandma sent me ugly, thick sweaters because she didn’t realize other places weren’t like Circhester, meaning cold and snowing year round.
I can see how this becomes the follow-up I just asked for, but the transition doesn't flow naturally. The parenthetical also disrpts the flow--the protest comes before we know what he's protesting. But! This is the cutest grandma behavior, and it rings true for me. Evan's frustration and dislike of these sweaters, the parents' insistence.

Also, *rainy season.

with all the hoothoot hooting and the nickit pawing to get in! They were grinning ear to ear, with a camera in hand! I was trapped.
There sure are a lot of pokemon literally tapping at his door ...! Things like this made me headscrach over why he couldn't get one.

The bird could barely fetch a stick, but Olli thought it was cooler than anyone else’s pokemon because it would eventually evolve into a massive corviknight that could fly him around. Big whoop. It’d be a long time before that happened.
I love the pettiness here. Says a lot about where his head is at.

“Ooh, yeah! I wanna see! I wanna see!” Zebedee exclaimed, hopping energetically in time with Bunnelby. He was the newest addition to the Wolfpack but the second oldest of us all. He already had Bunnelby when he and his family moved to Wedgehurst late last year, so his pokemon was well-behaved by this point, if not overly energetic. I didn’t know which distant region he was from with his accent, but they way he rushed through his words made his speech sound more musical, I thought. Like someone was randomly playing notes on the clarinet, but in a good, funny way. “Ooh, we can even have a battle! Can it battle yet? Have you battled yet?”
I do think Z is characterized well here--he's the baby and the sweet one. Though, throughout this paragraph, you've got "energetic" in a few places, and the way sentences butt against each other also makes it initially unclear in a few places whether you mean Z or Bunnelby.

"I didn’t know which distant region he was from with his accent," this also feels a little rushed/clunky. He doesn't even have a guess?

“Easy, Zeb,” Presley said, grabbing his shoulder as he usually did when Zebedee got too excited.
Aww, this is a nice moment. Says a lot about the dynamic.

Presley used to be one of the shyest, soft-spoken members of our gang,
*Most soft-spoken

Presley could have his pokemon a whole year before me, and it wouldn’t make a difference because once I got mine, I would never lose to him. Ever.
A little clunky. (I do like that ending note, though!)

Suggestion: It didn't matter if Presley had his pokemon a whole year before me. Once I got mine, I would never lose to him. Ever.

“You can’t just screw, nut, and bolt on us,” Olli said, marching over and swiping at my hand. I twisted away.
Wow, what a delightfully awful turn of phrase. I'd never heard that before. ("I twisted away" goes with the next paragraph, though.)

“Oh, yes! You can tell us!” Zebedee said, having dug his printed Galarian pokedex binder out of his satchel.
The action is a little muddy here. Would read better if you weren't forcing simultineity.

I saw the red scales of magikarp slip by.
Ooh this is lovely!

The fact that he’d chosen me as the first person to do that to just somehow made me angrier.
Suggestion: That he'd chosen me of all people as his target made the whole thing worse. (I'm not sure why, though. Are they supposed to be closer than the others?)

I bet your tyrogue couldn’t beat a wild zigzagoon with its 4x type advantage; but please, prove me wrong.”
This strays too hard into vidya game speak and feels unnatural.

Suggestion: ... couldn't beat up a wild zigzagoon--even with the advantage. But, please, prove me wrong."

I wondered what he was thinking, and if he didn’t like me anymore. He wasn’t a stranger to my temper, nor to our occasional Wolfpack feuds, but usually the fights were between me and Olli, or Olli and Gio. I think he liked Presley more for that very reason; he was less stressful.
Suggestion: I wondered what he was thinking. Would he decide he didn't like me anymore? Zebedee wasn’t a stranger to my temper, nor to our occasional Wolfpack feuds, but usually the fights were between me and Olli or between Olli and Gio. I think he liked Presley best for that very reason: he was less stressful.

as if I would write him off for ‘choosing sides’.
The single quotes here are odd to me. One, the period should still go inside. Two, I feel like italics would work better. To me that implies something that wasn't literally said out loud but might have been or that Evan is putting into air quotes for the reader.

“Obvious not! You don’t see it out here, do you?”
Is obvious not a British thing?

“Fine. I’m going home then.” He whistled and from the trees flew his rookiedee. It was a quick little thing, and I flinched, expecting it to come barreling right into me, all beak and talons. But it glided right past, landing on Olli’s extended arm. Its claws dug into his skin, and I winced—that had to have hurt—but it was a perfect landing, I realized. The bird shimmied the rest of the way to his shoulder, where it perched contently. No fuss like I was used to seeing.
This is a great moment! It's a lovely image, and we can see how clearly Evan feels betrayed by it. He doesn't get to be petty anymore: there's no way for him to deny they have something he has no access to.

I mean, sure we were friends now. But I could already see the rift—in live time
Suggestion: But I could see the rift spreading in real-time.

That was why I needed a pokemon—not ‘later’, not ‘soon’.
Single quotes shenanigans again.

I'm looking forward to finding out more about the kind of trouble Evan is going to get himself into. Something dumb, I'm sure.
 
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canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
Hey there! Here's your Catnip review.

So I decided to read the first chapter as I usually do, but I have to say that I was slightly confused by the index. I wasn't sure if I should count 1A and 1B as separate chapters or one split into two until I checked the individual posts (and saw the current full word count as being 5.5k, which I figured I might as well read all of anyway). After reading both, I'm not sure I get why they couldn't simply be separate chapters or under one post. Of course I can't really comment on this fully since chapter 2(a) isn't posted yet and I can't see if it would be distinctly separate in some way that would warrant 1A and 1B to be collectively separated from it, but I'm just a little confused based on what I currently see, and if I'm confused, others may be too.

Next up, some quote-specific commentary. I'll return to some more general thoughts at the end.

He wasn’t going to notice one of them missing, anyway. I mean, his underwear drawer was full of them,
pokeballs in the underwear drawer? sus...

All four of my friends had gotten a pokemon for their 12th birthdays. I wasn’t the last one to turn 12 in the Wolfpack
I say this to a lot of people - I believe numbers under 21 are much better written out as words than as digits in prose. "Four" is written out here, and I'm sure we both agree that it looks better than replacing it with "4". I feel the same way about twelve, especially since it still has its own dedicated word instead of a construct like those ending with -teen.

I wasn’t the last one to turn 12 in the Wolfpack—the name of our little gang—
“It’s been two months, bro,” Olli said, referring to my birthday, on April 8th.
I remembering coming across a couple of spots like these where something pretty easily inferable is spelled out. We can guess the Wolfpack is what they call themselves and that Olli was referring to Evan's birthday based on context.

I remember Mum once saying they weren’t as “fortunate as us”, and when I had asked Brady what that meant, he said it meant that Presley’s family was poor.
lmao

And then, when I went to shower, Brady came back with his friends and messed it all up!
I think the narration could have benefited from being a bit more specific and visual - what kind of mess did he make? Greasy pizza boxes on the table and dirty dishes?

Hangouts weren’t fun anymore without a pokemon of my own, but what could I do? The gift Mum and Dad got me for my birthday was a lousy camping set, not a pokemon. They said I could use it in the backyard as practice for when I eventually got to the wild area. It was green, my favorite color, super shiny, and really expensive I think because I overheard Brady’s friends ragging him for not having the same brand; and while that did make me like it a little bit more, everybody knew that a camping set was no good without a pokemon to share it with. I never asked for a camping set, so I thought it was a horrible gift. It was only perfect at showcasing my parent’s stellar listening skills. But if I had said that aloud, then Mum and Dad would have gotten real mad.

Every spring, in preparation for the rain season, (for some reason, Brady was exempt from this?), my grandma sent me ugly, thick sweaters because she didn’t realize other places weren’t like Circhester, meaning cold and snowing year round. Mum made me wear them while she took pictures to send to Gran. To show that I was grateful, Dad made me wear them for the whole day, too. Well, I wasn’t grateful for the camping set, but I had to use it, or my parents would’ve probably given it to Brady. I mean, you should've seen their faces the first night I emerged from the tent, grumpy with crazy bed hair from not getting a single lick of sleep with all the hoothoot hooting and the nickit pawing to get in! They were grinning ear to ear, with a camera in hand! I was trapped.
I'll talk more about the structure in the general thoughts section, but here I'd remark on how a lot of this seemed extraneous and pretty unrelated to the current subject. It would be better if made more concise or moved to a different spot in the story.

He had claw marks all over his arms because of the dumb rookiedee on his shoulder.
I noticed that in this story Rookidee is consistently typed as Rookiedee. Is this intentional?

“You can’t just screw, nut, and bolt on us,” Olli said,
This line really made me spit out my proverbial drink. It is something I can see real 12yo kids saying - and it is a clever play on words - but as there had been basically no swearing or crudeness before this, I was under the impression there wasn't going to be, and this line then gave me pretty bad tonal whiplash. I mean, the protagonist says "gosh" without a hint of irony and, while I haven't ever been a young boy, I feel like that'd be branded as pretty lame. I suggest sticking to a certain level of vulgarity, otherwise it can come across as inconsistent.

“Well. No. I snuck out…” I explained. Gosh, it was scorching today. I tugged at the collar of my shirt. The creek’s water looked so clear and drinkable today. I saw the red scales of magikarp slip by. “I should really get back before she notices…” I mumbled.
The rest of the chapter (or part A specifically) has so little description of the environment in it that this part kind of felt like it came from nowhere. Not that I want you to remove it - more on that later...

with its 4x type advantage
Echoing what I said about numbers before, this would be much better written out as quadruple, unless Evan specifically said it as "four-ex".

He couldn’t handle the way me and Olli or Olli and Gio liked to go back and forth,
but usually the fights were between me and Olli, or Olli and Gio.
I feel like "Olli and me or Gio" would flow better for both.

“Wait up!” Zebedee shouted after him. He seemed almost scared to look at me. Zebedee. The nicest of us all. I wondered what he was thinking, and if he didn’t like me anymore. He wasn’t a stranger to my temper, nor to our occasional Wolfpack feuds, but usually the fights were between me and Olli, or Olli and Gio. I think he liked Presley more for that very reason; he was less stressful.
“At least I have one!” he snapped. “Do you?!” His voice cracked, but nobody poked fun. We were all shocked that he had said something back. Shy Presley? Who never raised his voice unless it was at his annoying sister? It was almost unthinkable to imagine he’d ever yell at one of us. I mean, in the past, he hadn’t even dared to banter with us. He couldn’t handle the way me and Olli or Olli and Gio liked to go back and forth, sometimes in jest, sometimes in annoyance. The fact that he’d chosen me as the first person to do that to just somehow made me angrier.
But we didn’t do that in the Wolfpack. Problems between us guys were between those involved; we didn’t drag the group down.
“Evan,” Olli said in the serious voice he used when one of us took our jokes too far. It was the type of voice preschool teachers used on the kids when they were trying to get them to admit the truth.
Olli didn’t like it when people angry yelled because his parents always yelled, and since his stiff face always made me uncomfortable, I had a mental note of when not to push his buttons. So, I didn’t bother shoving back, but I did straighten out my shirt to let him know that I wasn’t so easily fazed.
“No,” he said. “You know I don’t like battling with rookiedee all that much. We’re not ready.”
I picked a lot of quotes for this one so I could better describe the issue I kept having with the narration. There's a lot of spots where something is introduced by a bit of exposition from the narrator. In certain cases, this is pretty much the only way of conveying the information and doesn't have to be bad in itself, but when characters and their behaviors are explained this way, it can come across as unnatural. Readers love to make their own conclusions about characters based on how they talk, look and act more than they like being dictated how to perceive somebody. Now, when there are a lot of characters and not much space, it's not possible to convey a character through pure showing-not-telling alone, but there are still ways to make the introduction of character traits in speech seem more natural, such as by describing certain specific events rather than generalizing it ("we fought often" -> "just the other day we'd gotten into another argument about who should wash the dishes"). And sometimes not as much is lost when something is left out as one would think - readers can extrapolate a lot.

I must have looked as guilty as a nickit in a liepard’s den because he didn’t buy my feigned innocence.
Nice line here.

I flashed Olli my signature smile
I don't think we had him smirk once like that before, so the mention of it being "signature" feels kind of injected.

As leaves helicoptered to the surrounding ground,
I think only specific types of leaves descend to the ground in this manner - you could make it more immersive if you mentioned what kind of tree they came from.

“Uh…. Nice weather we’re having, huh?”
I'm sorry to say that I've seen this gag been done so many times that I can only roll my eyes at it anymore.

“Yeah, but you do!” I didn’t want to take my eyes off the prize, but I risked a glance at Olli. To my shock, he didn’t match my smile.
Not sure if he should expect a smile when Olli's been so vocal in opposing whatever he's doing.

as we waited in an intense silent, stare-down.
I think the comma here was accidentally misplaced.

Speedy hissed at me and jerked forward. But it didn’t attack me. It was faking me out, trying to intimidate me. But it wasn’t going to work. I was bigger than it. I had the advantage. Well, the perceived advantage. I knew by its actions that it was hesitant to attack. Otherwise, it would have already. I mean, the bushy tail, the hissing, all of it was just one big elaborate show to scare me away. It was three against one, and they still hadn’t made a move which meant they were more afraid than I was. They were bluffing. I had nothing to worry about I figured.
There were also times when the prose got kind of lengthy, repeating something it already established in slightly different ways.

---

General Thoughts

So while a lot of those comments ended up being pretty negative, I think you did a very good job in capturing the voices of a twelve-year-old boy and his friends. I got Stand By Me feels about it, though that had the crudeness element more consistently. I also buy Evan's motivations and thoughts, and I have a basic understanding of the other characters' personalities save for maybe Gio who doesn't get that much focus. I'm a little apprehensive about the "quirky foreigner" trope I perceive in Zebedee, but also understand that it may be exaggerated or oversimplified in the main character's point of view, twelve-year-olds not being the most politically correct.

I do wish we'd gotten more description of the characters' looks. With so little to visualize, it got harder to remember which name was which character. Character looks and body language are also great for subtle characterbuilding. Presley's insecurity and sensitivity especially could show up in how he carries himself and make his fragility better known before it becomes relevant and mostly not at that moment.

I also would have liked more description for the environments. It doesn't have to be poetry - just a general picture would be nice, as there being so little description of the surroundings makes me unsure what I should visualize. I probably wasn't too far off with my default image of some woods, but having some defined scenery goes a long way to help the reader immerse themselves.

Then a word on the structure, as I promised. The reason I brought that part about the camping gear and ugly sweaters as something that would benefit from trimming was that it's part of the 750-word sequence that puts the current events of the story on pause. I think it's too long for its own good as I'd genuinely forgotten a conversation was ongoing by the time the story returned to it. I'm not sure if just trimming the section I highlighted would meaningfully help make the sequence feel like less of a halt, but it did strike me as the least relevant. I will mention that 1A ends in a very good spot, though.

So those are my thoughts. It'd be negligent of me not to mention that I do likely have biases regarding this story - I've never been much for either trainerfics or stories starring children, so this isn't my cup of tea. For those genres(?), though, I think you did a good job. Good luck with further writing.
 
2A: Home — Good News

thenatureking

Bug Catcher
Pronouns
He/Him
Partners
  1. lopunny

Chapter Two

2A: Home — Good News​

“You boys have a good day today?” asked Mum, from the kitchen. I sniffed the humid air and sighed in relief. Mum was boiling spaghetti. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until now. After I came home from the creek ‘round noon, I was too annoyed to think about anything other than how Olli had left me! That traitor! The Wolfpack didn’t leave each other behind. In fact, we were supposed to do the exact opposite! Stick together, through thick and thin. Even if Olli didn’t agree with me, he still should’ve helped me…or stayed to make sure I wasn’t maimed to death. The Old Olli would’ve. So, the answer was No, Mum. My day was terrible.

“Mine was fine,” answered Brady, sprawled out on the couch behind me. We were in the living room watching TV, and as usual, he was hogging all three cushions, forcing me to sit on the floor. I complained a reasonable amount but didn’t push it. My band-aid-covered ankle was easier to hide sitting crisscrossed on the floor, and I’d made sure to shower early, too, so that I could put on pants without anyone wondering why I’d changed out of my shorts. I had to be thorough. I really didn’t want Mum and Dad sweating me over this.

“Just fine?” Mum parroted in her practiced vocal imitation of a teenage jock.

“Yup,” Brady echoed back.

“Circhester is airing a match today,” I announced, hoping to change the topic before she thought to focus on me. It worked well enough.

“Ooh, already? If it’s Melony battling, I reckon she won’t go easy.” Casual fans of the gym challenge tended to root for those they knew or the challengers from their hometowns, but diehard sports fanatics rooted for the gym leader that represented their city. Unfortunately, dumb Wedgehurst lacked most of those—adequate gym challengers and gym leaders, I mean—so every household in town had their own favorites. As for my family, we had a longstanding loyalty to Circhester that me and Brady inherited at birth and that Mum married into. Whether it was Melony or Gordie, we were always in their corner.

“Yeah. But she’s not on right now. It’s just the pre-show stuff.”

“Oh, that’s rare.”

The league didn’t always air the challengers taking on the gym trainers, especially when the gyms were particularly busy, like I imagined the third, fourth, and fifth gyms were at this point in the season. Circhester was eighth in the circuit this year, so the fact that a challenger had made it through seven gyms in less than four months was impressive and worth paying attention to. Champion Leon held the record at three months, but he was a pretty special exception. I heard he’d been training for the league since the day he was born. Must’ve been nice to have supportive parents!

Mom trotted into the living room wiping her hands in a towel. “Honey?” She called to Dad who was hauled up in his personal office, a sizable room with shuttered double doors that walled it off from the rest of the living room. “Did you know Melony was on today?”

“She is? But it’s only July!” Dad’s muffled voice replied. “Me Mum didn’t call!”

“I know, but maybe she forgot! She’s at that age, you know. Give her a call!” Mum moved away from the glass doors, stopping behind the couch to watch some of the match with us. I felt a bit nervous with her looming over us. I kept thinking she would see through me with that crazy freaking all-knowing Mum-sense and somehow figure out what had happened down at the creek. But she didn’t say anything to me. She only mumbled a few offhand comments about the challenger’s performance against the gym trainers.

“Some of these kids take the gym challenge so seriously,” Mum said, referring to the challenger who looked to be around Brady’s age. “I mean, he’s just breezed through the whole thing in just four months’ time, and for what? There’s no snow on the ground in Circhester right now! What’s the point in visiting Circhester without the snow?”

Brady snorted. “No one’s doing the gym challenge to sight-see, Mum, unless they’re pansies. They’re there to kick some as—”

She pinched his ear. “Watch it, Brady. I’m just saying. I think it’s a waste if you don’t enjoy all the beautiful sights the Galar region has to offer.”

“They’ll still be there, though,” I couldn’t help myself from saying. “That giant man in Turrfield has been there for hundreds of years.”

“And it’ll be there hundreds more,” Brady said, “for where else would Galar parents take their children on their first ‘exciting’ vacation?”

I chuckled while Mom huffed in good faith. “Whether you enjoyed it or not, seeing Turrfield’s geoglyph is Galarian tradition. It lets you know that there are big things in this world that we humans may not always understand. Those big things help remind us not to get caught up on the little things.”

“Such a touching sentiment, Mum. Thank you for that. I remember seven-year-old me being overcome with so much emotion on the way to the stadium afterwards.”

“Alright, smart aleck. I’m just saying, the thrill of visiting a new place is never the same when you go again.”

I sighed after she walked away. I didn’t understand how she could be so into watching the gym challenge and not understand why people did it—or why they wanted to, for that matter. In my opinion, this trainer was smart for prioritizing the gym challenge. The sights would always be there, but the time you had to prepare for the Champion Cup was dependent on how quickly you got through the gyms, and since the Champion Cup wasn’t until November, that meant that if Melony lost today, then this challenger would have four months to train for that. That was the ideal situation for any trainer determined to defeat the champion. I put a lot of thought into how my own gym challenge might go—as did every kid I knew interested in participating—and with the right preparation, I hoped my run would go smoothly as this strong trainer’s did. It just sucked that my friends were already working through their plans while I could only sit around and watch. All this crap about tradition, and yet here I was, twelve and pokemon-less for some big, dumb adult reason I really didn’t understand.

“So, what exactly did you boys do for your days to be ‘just fine?” Mom eventually tried again. Geez, was she persistent.

“Nothing, Mum,” Brady said, sounding as tired as I was. “It’s summer break. It’s a fine day if we’ve managed to do nothing.”

“Oh, I know you’ve done nothing. Look at this garbage still sitting here,” Mom remarked. “Didn’t I tell you to take it out before I left for work this morning?”

“I was sleep when you told me.”

“And you remember that?”

He paused. “No…?”

“Dummy,” I muttered.

Brady slapped my head. I slapped his stomach. It was loud, and he “oof’d!”, clutching his belly. Mum dipped her head in the room, eying us suspiciously.

“I was simply playing the narrator,” Brady wheezed.

“Not from that perspective,” Dad said, emerging from his personal office like a nap-disturbed pangoro. Eventually, his grizzly yawn morphed into more words we understood. “You’d have to use the third person omniscient point of view—”

“Okay, Dad,” Brady said, pointedly.

Dad was a novelist and a language fanatic with a generous tendency to teach us things Brady and I never asked to learn. We got enough grammar lessons during the school year.

“Watch your tone with your father,” Mum said.

“My knight in shining armor,” Dad growled, playfully as he went in to hug her and kiss her cheek. I heard Brady fake-barf behind me. What was fake-gross to him was pretty normal to me. Olli always seemed shy watching my parents. I remember him once saying I was “lucky” my parents “still acted like that.” Again, I wasn’t sure how luck played into things—I mean, how did them acting that way benefit me?—but I guessed I could see how it was better than having your parents argue all the time. But ugh, why was I thinking about that traitor?

“How was work, darling?” Dad asked and followed her into the kitchen to help set the table. Mum spent her days handling and overseeing business dealings with all types of companies across Galar. For years, I thought her being a lawyer was a cool job until I realized her most interesting cases were when one stupidly rich company breached contract with another stupidly rich one. According to Brady, a buttload of money came from those cases, but Mum and Dad had always been tight-lipped around us when it came to discussing their finances. I found that odd. We obviously weren’t on the level of Gio’s family—the Tarsiolis lived in a manor big enough to house our home three times over—but considering Brady went to private school in Motostoke, we obviously weren’t worse off than Presley’s family. And his family had managed to get him a starter for his birthday, so what what my family’s excuse? It made sense for Brady not to have one, even at sixteen, because his school provided them, but I was going to Wedgehurst Trainer Prep next school year like every other normal kid in this town. What was I supposed to tell everyone when I showed up empty handed? Who was I kidding? That couldn’t happen. I’d die of embarrassment!

I really needed to get to the bottom of this. It was already July, which meant that summer was almost over! The time for me to get acquainted with my new lifelong partner was slipping by, and quick! I had to ask them again... Mum hated when I bugged her, but I hadn’t asked her or Dad about my missing starter since May. Surely now I deserved a clearer answer than the nonsense they’d given me back then.

I cleared my throat, ready to project my voice clearly and evenly. If I approached the conversation “maturely”, then maybe… just maybe… they’d give me the truth. I—

“Dinner’s ready!” Mum called. “Come eat, boys.”

“But the Circhester—”

“Now,” Dad cosigned, and that was that. Brady muted the TV, and we both begrudgingly rose to our feet. Crud. I’d ask over dinner then.

We sat in the usual spots at our cozy circle table. Dad across from Mom. Brady across me. Tonight’s meal was spaghetti with rosalei berry sauce and garlic bread, and the aromas filled my stomach with hunger pains. Gosh, did failing to catch a pokemon make a boy like me hungry.

“Ooh, I love this. Thanks, Mum.”

I frowned as I watched Brady dig in merrily. Then as I glanced at Mum and Dad, who were watching him, seemingly too pleased over a typical compliment. The hairs on my arm stood up. I had an inkling suspicion that spaghetti hadn’t been the only thing Mum was cooking up. Something far worse was brewing, I feared.

It occurred to me then that tonight’s supper, spaghetti with rosalei berry sauce, was Brady’s favorite, and the last time Mum had cooked Brady’s favorite (right after work, no less) was when she and Dad had agreed to let him go on his school’s special summer “culture trip” last year.

Now, did Brady need to go on that overpriced field trip to the Kalos region (of all places!) especially when I’d spent months prior begging Mum and Dad to consider a fun, family vacation somewhere far away? The only acceptable answer was No; but because Brady had put on the waterworks about being the only one who couldn’t go in his class and moped around the house for weeks (boohoo!) they ended up changing their minds. Imagine that. I sure bet he was glad our parents knew how sucky it must’ve felt to be the only one left out.

(Oh, and to top it off, by the way, while he and his uppity classmates hitched a flight out of the region, I was the one who got saddled with his chores. I was sick of being the victim of serious favoritism, I tell you! Sick!)

So, that’s how I started dinner. With a sour mood and a dwindling appetite as I embraced myself for Brady’s “good news” that would surely solidify this as the worst summer of my life. I ate slowly, but violently, piercing each noodle on the prongs of the fork before biting them clean off. Amidst my own thoughts, the chatter around me died down until Mum spoke up.

“Well, Evan? You’ve been quiet.”

I looked up from my plate with a string of noodles swinging from my mouth.

“Gross,” Brady groused.

“I don’t think you told me about your day?” Mum continued.

With a mouthful of food, I was prepared to give the same answer as Brady when Dad chirped, “Yeah, sport! I didn’t see you when I came out of my office earlier. Where did you and your little wolf-gang go off to today?”

I nearly choked as my lie got lodged in my throat. There wasn’t enough rosalei sauce to wash it down, and I scrambled for a glass of water and chugged it down. I hadn’t expected Dad to leave his office today, or remember he even had children, for that matter. He was in what he called his crunch days where he spent hours on end finishing up his latest manuscript. Even his bathroom breaks were limited…

“Dork,” Brady muttered.

Of course, Mum couldn’t wait until I’d caught my breath.

“Yes, where did you and your friends ago?” she asked, a hint of suspicion in her voice. “Not to the creek on Route 1, I hope. I thought I told you there was a big group of nickit roaming around, harassing the wooloo and farmers out that way. I know the Jennies have been on the lookout, but I don’t want you getting caught out there alone and defenseless.”

“I know, Mum, I remember. But I wouldn’t be alone and defenseless if I had a pokemon...”

“And you’d be safe if you listened to me and didn’t go to the creek at all.”

“I wasn’t at the creek,” I said through gritted teeth.

“For long,” Brady said. “That’s exactly where he was, Mum.”

“Oh, shut up, Brady! What do you know?”

“Lower your voice,” Mum, said, but she kept the pressure on. “Well, did you go or didn’t you?”

“No, Mum. I already said I didn’t.” I couldn’t hold her gaze, turning back to my food. I stirred my noodles around my fork weakly.

“Liar,” Brady snorted.

“You’re the one who’s lying!” I narrowed my eyes, knowingly. He hadn’t done nothing if he’d been outside the house, same as me. I’d seen him walking home from the eastern part of town, where none of his ‘friends’ lived. But my friends and I all knew who did. “How was your visit with Poppy?” I asked, and Brady clenched his jaw. “I thought I saw you in the area. The east side of town, I mean.”

“Who’s Poppy? And who stays on the east side?” Dad asked, cluelessly. “Poppy some girl you like? Or is that a pokemon’s nickname?”

Brady ignored him to sneer at me. “What, were you and your dumb little friends spying on me?”

“We were at the creek. How could we?”

Brady turned obvious sarcasm against me, though. “See, Mum. He was at the creek. He just admitted it.” He cackled as I protested.

“Well, I, for one, thought it was a harmless question,” Dad remarked, casually.

Just then, the phone rang, and Brady and I fell into a silent, under-the-table, foot-kicking-game.

Dad wiped his mouth, but Mum stood first.

“I’ve got it, honey.”

Eventually, Dad and Brady returned to eating, but I couldn’t. I was feeling even more weird inside, like Zebedee and Bunnelby were jumping inside my stomach. Between lying about the creek and the weirdness of Mom cooking Brady’s favorite, I couldn’t make out how I was supposed to feel.

Our home phone was on the wall that separated the dining room from the living room, so as Mum answered, I had a clear view of Mum’s face, as she did of mine.

Her eyes focused on me, and I could see it, where her face turned a little plastic; it was her negotiation face. I’d overhead Dad telling his friends about it, saying she used it at work to hide what she was really thinking and was especially nice to her on days it accompanied her home. The phone call was less of a conversation, with Mum’s only responses being generic one-offs. A bunch of ho-hums later, and I sensed she was nearing the end of the call.

“Who was that, honey? Wasn’t me Mum, was it?”

“No. Just Mrs. Taylor. You know how she thinks she has the most interesting things to say,” Mum said, voice perfectly level.

Mrs. Taylor was Wedgehurst’s biggest gossip and somehow knew just about everything that went on in southern Galar without ever leaving her house. Seriously, she never left her house. Mum and Dad used to make me go over their house all the time to help out because of that. Though, I hadn’t been over there since summer started. I was pretty tied up, enjoying the company of my friends in between my time on house arrest and whatnot.

Whew. So, it wasn’t Presley’s parents then, thankfully.

But as I glanced to Mum, my relief was short-lived. She was so focused on swirling the spaghetti around her fork that it didn’t look natural, as if she were an zoroark trying and failing to blend in among us humans. Mum wasn’t the type to react in a moment. She waited, calm as a drapion while she weighed her options, waiting for the right moment to strike. . She was contemplating something… I just hoped it wasn’t my punishment. I’d grown tired of finding new things to scrub; our bathroom ceiling was now sparkling thanks to me.

“Who was the subject of discussion this time?” Dad teased, and it was his response that amplified my apprehensions. Nothing was more dangerous in a small town than gossip and a game of telephone. If Presley had tattled to his parents who in turn may have been in contact with anyone that may have talked to Mrs. Taylor afterwards, then my business may have been everyone’s business in Wedgehurst at this point.

“A simpler question would be, ‘Who wasn’t?’” Mum said and forced a laugh. Yeah, I once said that Mrs. Taylor had a mind and mouth like a zigzagoon the way she jumped from topic to topic, household to household with seemingly no break in between., and after Mum and Dad both barked out laughs, I was scolded for ‘badmouthing others’. But I was only telling the truth, and they knew it!

“Well, that’s good she’s still as lively as ever,” Dad said, a bit of his dark humor slipping through in his inflection. I think Mrs. Taylor was the oldest person that everyone that I knew knew, so I think it was just an unspoken understanding that we let her get away with stirring the pot sometimes.

“I hope they’re doing all right over there,” Dad continued. “Evan, you be sure to stop by sometime and see if they need any help around the house.”

Mrs. Taylor had a landline into every household in the surrounding area; was there really nobody else in Wedgehurst who could help them out? Anyone besides me?

“So, all Brady has to do is not take out the garbage around here? That must be nice.”

“I specifically asked you, son,” Dad said. “But not because I’m picking on you. The Taylors really enjoy your company. They also like when you bring your friends over to help.”

“Oh.” Gossipy Mrs. Taylor aside, I’d almost forgotten how well Old Man Taylor and I got along. He hated just about everyone else though, so the rest of the Wolfpack kept Mrs. Taylor entertained while me and the Old Man caught up. He wasn’t particularly nice to me, honestly, but I didn’t mind his unpleasant personality anymore did he mind my coarse and frank expressions. Maybe I should pay him a visit one of these days.

“Not everything is an attack on you,” Dad reminded me, gently. Whereas Mum was hard and stern with her words, Dad was more like a feather. A lot of annoying fluff, but his approach didn’t hurt. Usually.

But then Brady burped, instantly proving him wrong. As long as Brady was in my presence, my livelihood was under attack.

“You’re so disgusting.”

Brady stuck out his tongue and blew his breath across the table.

“Really, Brady? Not while we’re eating,” was all Dad said. Mum didn’t say anything. They let him get away with everything, it felt like.

“I’m done anyway.” Brady stood up to dump his plate in the sink, when Dad suddenly said, “Hold on.” There was an awkward pause as we turned to him. He smiled weakly. “I mean, I thought your Mum and I were going to share some good news over dinner, but I…”

“Oh, yeah. That’s right, honey. We were, weren’t we?” Mum said, looking like everything but a person with good news to share. I think Dad noticed that, too, because he shook his head and said, “Never mind it now. Let’s just let our food digest, and we’ll tell you both later.”

“Cool,” Brady said, obliviously, and did a running dive back onto the couch. “Melony’s match is starting in five!”

As much as I wanted to be excited about the gym battle, the spaghetti noodles felt tough and chewy in my mouth. I could barely eat it anymore. I seriously felt off. Nauseous even.

“I’m done, too,” I said, rushing to stand.

“Where are you going, Evan?” Mum said, coldly. I faced her slowly. “You’ve barely touched your food.”

“I don’t feel good,” I stammered, honestly.

“Aww, well, let us know if you need anything, sport,” Dad said.

I left my plate on the table and sped past Brady who asked where I was going. I ignored him, and went straight up the stairs to my room. I shut the door and locked it. Then, I unlocked it. Why was I scared I would get in trouble? I hadn’t done anything wrong. Boys fought and made up all the time is what Dad liked to say, and us Wolfpack were no strangers to those. And there was no reason to be anxious over Brady’s “good news”. Maybe the “good news” was actually for the both of us, if Dad had wanted to tell us at the same time…

Crap.

What if the “good news” was for me… ? But then the phone call…

No.

My parents were unfair, but they weren’t cruel… Right? They wouldn’t take away my “good news” over a petty little Wolfpack squabble… Would they?

I pushed the dreadful thoughts from my mind. I slapped my cheeks, grabbed my Sega DreamSwitch, and dropped into my beanbag chair. Playing the game would help me relax, so I killed some time doing that.



Three hours later, there was a knock on my door. I was too immersed in Ultra Recon Squad to do more than grunt. The long sigh that pierced my room as the door opened was characteristic of only one person in the house: a disappointed Mum. I braced myself for what was bound to be a frustrating conversation for the both of us. We never saw eye to eye on anything, and there was no way I was just gonna let her scold me without defending myself!

“Tomorrow, you need to go and apologize to the Pearsons’ boy.”

“Ugh.” I paused my game and slid off my beanbag completely. Presley. “It was Mrs. Taylor’s big mouth that tipped you off, wasn’t it?”

“Watch it, Evan; and that’s rich coming from you, young man. I just got off the phone with Stephanie, and she said Presley came home a crying and hot mess because of things you had said, Evan! This is unacceptable!”

I rolled my eyes. “She exaggerates everything, Mum.”

“Evan!”

Brady came out of his room across the hall and poked his head into mine, being nosy. “What did he say?”

“I wish I knew. Apparently, Presley’s being tight-lipped about it,” Mum said. Well, at least he wasn’t a total snitch. Knowing his mum, she probably bulldozed his door down after she heard a sniffle and pressured him into at least coughing up my name. Or maybe Zebedee had let it slip. He did say he would check on Presley, and he couldn’t hold water with a dry mop and an empty bucket to save his life. “Poor thing. He’s always been a sensitive boy, Evan. What did you say to him?”

“Nothing,” I groaned.

“Nothing?” Her voice lowered an octave that was only effective at scaring Brady. “I’m going to ask you one more time, and I expect the truth because it wasn’t nothing that made that boy cry."

“Mum, please! I just told him to shut up!”

“And?”

“And…” I coughed. Why was repeating things after the fact so hard? “I told him he wasn’t better than me and wasn’t a good trainer because his pokemon hardly counted and said his tyrogue couldn’t beat a wild zigzagoon with its quadruple type advantage—”

Brady doubled over as a fit of laughter overtook him, and he collapsed to the ground, much to Mum’s chagrin. My embarrassment faded, and I continued, biting back a smile.

“And then I offered him the chance to prove me wrong by suggesting we go to Route 2, but that’s when he ran away crying.”

“Now, why would you say all of that, Evan? What did he do to you?”

“He was acting like he was better than me,” I said, simply. I couldn’t exactly spill the beans about the empty, stolen poke ball that had prompted the fiasco.

“Woah, bro.” Brady hadn’t quite managed to recover yet, and was still wheezing on the floor in the hallway when he asked, “You really said all that?”

“Brady, don’t encourage him,” Mum said. “As his older brother, you should be leading by example, not enabling this type of behavior.”

“That’s definitely something I would’ve done, though.” Brady held up his hand to do an air fist bump. “Way to stick it to ‘em, dork.”

“What you said was out of line, Evan,” Mum said. “You don’t talk to your friends like that.”

“Yeah, and I’ve never spoken to him like that before, but ever since he’s gotten his stupid little pokemon, he’s basically been egging me on, Mum!” I explained. Why would I randomly snap on one of my friends? Obviously, there was a buildup. Weeks and weeks of buildup. Honestly, he was lucky that was all I said. “Maybe if I had a pokemon, Presley wouldn’t try to walk all over me,” I ventured. “We could have just battled it out like real men.”

Mum shook her head, but just then, we heard Dad’s bear-feet bounding up the stairs.

“About the good news since we’re all together! Bad timing, though, it seems.” He winced as he joined Mum and Brady in my doorway. My scolding had turned into family meeting.

“And now I regret this,” Mum mumbled. Dad laughed and half-hugged her.

“Brady, your mother and I have done a lot of thinking and talking… You’ve been waiting patiently for a starter pokemon from us, and we think you’ve waited long enough. So…”

“No way…” Brady and I mumbled at the same time. I must’ve missed Dad say my name, too.

“We struck a deal with the old Professor Magnolia. It took us quite a while to pay off our end of the agreement, but we did it. You, Brady, are one of the three trainers that’ll get one of her select special starters this year.”

“WHAT!” Brady and I exclaimed at the same time.

“Yup! You’ll go down and get it tomorrow. Isn’t that fantastic?”

“Why him?!” I yelled as Brady cheered, “Yes! Me!”

“Mum, Dad,” I was stuttering through my hysteria—I couldn’t believe my ears. If I wasn’t already on the ground, I would’ve sworn the floor was collapsing beneath me. Brady??? BRADY??? With a special starter??! “Am I one of the other two trainers?” I asked, desperately.

“Absolutely not.” Mum wasted no time in shutting me down. “Your behavior these last few weeks has us actually reconsidering if you should even have a pokemon.”

“WHAT?! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WHEN BRADY’S WORSE THAN ME?!”

Brady danced into my room and around me, as if to prove my point. I shoved the beanbag at his legs, and he hit the ground with a hard THUD. But he bounced up, shaking his butt and chanting, “Didn’t even hurt! Didn’t even hurt!”

“Did you see what you just did?” Mum asked.

“He was the one in my face, though!”

Dad gave a dry cough and intervened. “Evan—”

“Where’s my good news?” I asked desperately.

“Sometimes in life, not everyone gets the same good news. Or rather, your good news can simply be that you’re healthy and alive and able to be present and supportive of one another.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Language!” Mom reprimanded.

“Evan, we understand how you feel but—”

“No, you don’t, because you wouldn’t sit up here and announce Brady’s good-freaking-news in my face like that!”

“And maybe you’re right. Maybe we probably shouldn’t have done that,” Dad said, softly, “But we don’t think you would’ve liked to find out after the fact, either.”

“Well, thank you for being so considerate of my feelings,” I said, clapping slowly. “I hadn’t thought it possible.”

“First of all, Evan, you know your Mum and I care about the both of you very much. Just because you’re upset doesn’t mean we love you any less. So, why don’t you calm down, and perhaps, consider not centering yourself as the victim in every situation when you don’t get your way, son.”

My jaw dropped. Mum’s dry bluntness was one thing, but Dad’s attempt at trying to pacify me made me feel as if my rage would bubble out of my skin. His feathery voice had a way of adding fuel to the fire once I was over a certain threshold. Brady’s “good news” had definitely sent me rocketing over.

“Are you being serious right now? Brady is the most selfish person in the world!”

“You may think that, but that isn’t true,” Brady said.

“Yes. It is.”

Brady scoffed. “I’m the most selfless person in this house.”

I glanced around for something to throw at him, but Mum’s sharp voice made me stop.

“Evan, cut it out!” Mum said. “You need to grow up.”

“Is it really that hard to just be even a little happy for your brother?” Dad asked. “To let him have his moment?”

“Does he even deserve it?” I asked harshly. “Brady gets whatever he wants all the time; he can be happy for himself like he always is just fine without me. Why is it always ‘be happy for your brother’ and ‘let him have his moment’? What about my moments? I’ve been miserable for the last two months because you guys say things like ‘We understand you’ yet you haven’t even gotten me the one thing I’ve been asking for!”

“Evan,” Mum started, “it hurts me to hear that you’ve been feeling that way, but I’m sorry. Not having a pokemon isn’t the end of the world and the fact that you feel so strongly about it is yet another reason why we’re even reconsidering giving you one at your age. Owning and raising a pokemon takes maturity among other things, and your behavior as of late has been very telling of what you lack.”

“Oh, well that’s a convenient excuse. Aren’t you the one who goes on and on about “Galarian tradition”? I guess that’s just a bunch of baloney when it comes to me then, huh?”

Mum gasped, but Dad squeezed her shoulder. Mum would never be able to speak to me as “calmly” as Dad did, but I could see by the way his mouth pulled tight that he was past the point of “playing nice”, too.

“Evan. Your emotions are justified. But the way you’re speaking to us is not. This is clearly not the time or place to have this discussion.”

“Then when would it be because I think it’s three months long overdue,” I said, refusing to drop this.

“Bro, you do realize I’ve waited way longer than you, don’t you?” Brady stupidly asked me.

“Shut up, Brady. You fo realize that the only reason you didn’t have one already is because Mum and Dad both said you didn’t need one because your stupid school provided you with them?” Taking a much-needed breath, I steeled my nerves and turned back to glare at our parents. “And since obviously I don’t go to that dumb school, I guess they’ve gotta make up new excuses on the spot.”

“You’ve way over the line,” Mum said. “Several.”

“Well, living here sucks and makes no sense, so it’s bound to happen, I guess. I hate it here.”

“You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean, Evan.” Dad said.

“I’m not lying when I say that. I do. I do hate it here. I hate it a lot.”

“Fine,” Mum said. “You’re welcome to hate it here, but there are a lot of kids who would be happy to have nice parents who clothe and feed them and provide a nice, warm shelter over their heads.”

“And I’m sure those kids with oh-so-nice parents got pokemon for their 12th birthdays like everyone else, so…” I shrugged.

Mum nodded like she agreed. “Right. Well, I’m glad we’ve come full circle again.” Mum spoke like the meeting was adjourned. “Tomorrow, Brady will make sure you apologize straight to Presley’s face before he goes to the lab. Then I want you back home immediately. In case you aren’t understanding it yet, yes—you are grounded. Indefinitely. And if you test me, and you can kiss the rest of this year’s summer break and next goodbye. Do I make myself clear? Good.”

She herded everyone out and closed my door, and that was that. I was still so mad I threw my Switch across the room. It didn’t shatter into a million pieces like I wanted to, but it did chip some of the paint. Fantastic.

In that moment, I had a crazy thought.

I should run away.

But that was stupid and way too much work for what it was worth. Where would I even go? How would I defend myself if I ran into a wild pokemon or worse, a wild human? I couldn’t stop a mugger twice my size. I was utterly helpless, and it was all my stupid, dumb parents’ fault!

Seriously. How come everything about my life was just so unfair while Brady got and got away with everything?

My anger whittled down to bitter frustration, and it kept me wide awake way past my bedtime. I tossed and turned and grumbled and kicked my sheets off my bed more times than I could count. I was full of awful thoughts for a long time. Big, awful thoughts about my future.

My parents were never going to give me a pokemon, I’d realized. Especially not after tonight. And that fear was worse than having to wait for years like Brady.

I did a lot of crying that night, after getting myself worked up over stupid scenarios. I imagined all my friends leaving me one by one. First, Gio, because he was always going to try for the gym challenge ahead of us. And next Zebedee because he lived his life on the schedule his parents set for him. Then Presley would head off, leaving just Olli and I behind. Of course, Olli would try to stay long, under the guise of friendship, but really, it’d be guilt that kept him back.

It eventually sank in that I was right to go after that skwovet this morning. If I ever wanted a pokemon to call my own, it was clear more than ever now that I was going to have to find a way to get it on my own. Screw tradition.

Amid my brainstorming, Brady decided I didn’t need any sleep and barged into my room.

“Ever heard of knocking?” I hissed, rearing up with a pillow for defense instinctively. I was used to his random bouts of harassment.

“Everyone already knows you were crying; you don’t have to hide it.”

“Shut up and get out.”

“I know you went in my stuff, loser,” Brady said, rolling up his magikarp pajama sleeves and threatening me with his flexed arms. “Tell me where you put it.”

“What are you talking about?” My confusion came out so naturally, and it was only because Brady irritated my soul and fried my brain cells simply by existing.

“I’m missing a ball.”

“Ooh, Brady… I don’t know where that could have gone…” I risked a cheeky glance towards his lower half and pulled a disgusted expression. “Are you sure it didn't just pop? You should see a doctor—” I blocked his smack with the pillow.

“I know you took it, doofus,” he said, smothering my face with my pillow until I punched him in the gut. He spent the next couple of minutes searching around my room in the areas I would only ever hide something if I wanted it to be found before he gave up. “Doesn’t matter, I guess. You can have it. Not like it would do you any good, though. Ever,” he taunted. I chucked my pillow at him. He blocked it with the door— “Ha! You missed, loser!” —then slammed it.

“You’re the loser!” I yelled, not caring if it woke our parents. “But thanks for the permission to keep it,” I murmured. Hehehe. Sucker.

As I thought of the stolen—now, gifted—poke ball stuffed in my camping set’s sleeping bag, that’s when it hit me. I couldn’t just catch any ‘ol pokemon around here. Imagining Brady with a special starter and me, Brady Hall, with a trash-can caught caterpie made me sick to my stomach. That wouldn’t do at all. Yes, I was desperate, but not desperate enough to end up with a common ‘mon like skwovet or blimpbug.

Plus, after making such a big deal at the creek about the fact that I didn’t have a pokemon, I figured I kind of needed a cool one to make up for my pitiful failed attempt. Something cooler than or at least on the same level as that shrimpy tyrogue.

With Brady’s poke ball—I mean, my poke ball, getting my own pokemon was definitely possible. But I needed to do a lot more research…

The biggest problem that I could think of off the bat was that I lived in Wedgehurst, the most unremarkable town in Galar surrounded by the most unremarkable landscape in Galar. Even former Champion Leon had outsourced his partner pokemon. I mean, everyone knew charmander weren’t native to this region!

I was in such a big, fat pickle, but as soon as I figured out where in Southern Galar I could find a pokemon that exceeded the anticipation I’d built up for myself, it was a game over.

It was kind of exciting to have this much control over my own life. I’d prove to my parents that I didn’t need them. I’d rely on my own strength and get my starter through my own methods. I would.
 
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Homestar!

Mikeposter/Galaxy-Brainer
Location
NorCal
Pronouns
He/Him
Partners
  1. nidoqueen
Hey-o! Just wrapped up Chapter 1, and man, this is such a refreshing fic!

You've done a phenomenal job of not just getting into the head of a twelve-year-old, but writing a whole little batch of them believably! Their whirling emotions, prodding nature, day-to-day power struggles, it's all captured beautifully.

Evan's personal voice is delightfully "twelve" for lack of a better word. He's such a little punk! His narrative voice is also so honest with the reader about his intentions, to the point that even when he lies to himself/us, we know he's doing that.

Your "accent work" is also really stellar. Idk if you're a true-blue brit or just well-studied, but I lived in the UK for a few years. Your word choice and general cadence were a splendid match for a "typical UK kid."

Even though we don't see a ton of them, I also like your interpretations of Pokemon here. Even with just the glimpses that we get, we can tell their generally more animalistic vibes, and the learning curve with them. Not to mention the "people look like their pets" thing going on with Zeb and their Bunnelby!

I'm typically not the biggest fan of first person, but the execution here is so strong, and the voice is so superb, that I'm excited to keep going! I'll tuck some line notes below. Great work!
“It’s been two months, bro,” Olli said, referring to my birthday, which was on April 8th.
This is so perfectly "hey I am twelve and btw remember my birthday," but I do admit it also felt a little superfluous. While I don't think I would keep it, I also wouldn't fault you for a second for leaving it in.

Gosh, did I want to punch him then.
There weren't a ton of points where I thought this, but --- and recognizing that this is a fic about kids and probably for the YA audience --- "Gosh" felt tame even by a kid's standards. I remember being 12, and I was swarthy. Heck, everyone was either learning how to swear (and doing so all the time) or ardently abstaining from it. But ymmv, and this is Pokemon, of course.

(for some reason, Brady was exempt from this?),
I think parenthesis in first person are tough to do, as you can work it into your stream of consciousness 90% of the time. Here, I think you could have worked it in as a em-dashed interruption, or a thought after the sentence, and gotten on fine.

Zebedee exclaimed, hopping energetically in time with Bunnelby.
This was the only time I noticed it, but Bunnelby is capitalized, while earlier rookidee wasn't. Is there a reason for this?

Presley spoke with his syllables spaced evenly apart.
I love fussing with dialogue, and I think here was a perfect opportunity "to - have - Pers - ley - talk - like - this."

with its 4x type advantage;
I personally avoid small numbers in dialogue, and even in prose when I can help it. This could be any variation of "four-ecks," "four-x," "quadruple," etc.
 
3A: Wedgehurst — Magnolia Labs

thenatureking

Bug Catcher
Pronouns
He/Him
Partners
  1. lopunny


Chapter Three​


3A: Wedgehurst — Magnolia Labs​


I wasn’t exactly in the greatest mood when we arrived at the stretch of terraced houses that Presley’s family lived in, just a few blocks northwest of the town square. I hardly got any sleep because Brady literally dragged me out of bed at 7AM. He wanted to make it to the lab early, and since me apologizing to Presley stood in the way of him potentially getting first pick of the starters, he hounded me all throughout my morning routine. So, I was pretty sure I had toothpaste stains around my mouth when Mrs. Stephanie Pearson opened the door because she curled her lips like she was suppressing a giggle.

“Oh! Hi, Brady. It’s nice to see you,” Stephanie said. She looked at me like I was nothing more than Magikarp hung out to dry. “Thank you for bringing Evan by today.”

“No problem at all, Ma’am. My parents and I are terribly ashamed and regretful of Evan’s behavior yesterday.”

I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes. Brady was so fake, talking in that overly polite preppy voice that he used to fit in with his equally annoying friends in Motostoke. I wondered what Stephanie would think if I told them how much he was praising me for my exact same behavior less than a day ago.

“It’s a poor reflection of us and our core values as a family,” Brady continued. “Please know that we would never tolerate nor encourage this behavior, and that we intend to undergo the appropriate disciplinary measures to ensure that this doesn’t happen again.”

“We understand,” Stephanie said, understandingly. “And please tell your parents know that we appreciate the cooperation.”

“Will do, Ma’am.”

“Presley-honey, I think Evan has something to say to you.” Stephanie opened the door wider, and there was Presley, propped against the stairway banister where I think he’d been drooling. He looked as worse for wear as I was, still in his jammies. I briefly imagined his mum shaking him awake like Brady had done to me; they were both enjoying this more than either of us, it seemed.

“Evan,” greeted Presley, curtly as he stepped into the doorway.

Without his glasses, he was squinting bad. I knew I must have looked like a big blur to him which made me feel better. He didn’t have the satisfaction of seeing how much internal suffering I was going through. Actually though, I had to admit, I wasn’t feeling too horrible anymore. I vented a lot yesterday, and after last night’s brainstorming session, I was antsy to put all my energy into making new plans. I didn’t like to dwell on things too long, you know.

“Presley.” I added a dramatic pause. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” Presley said and yawned. His puffy face made it look like he’d had an allergic reaction and was in the beginning stages of morphing into a skwovet, and that was kind of funny.

“Oh. Is that all?” Stephanie asked. That was it, right? I narrowed my eyes at her as she touched Presley’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, as if she were prompting him to remember some rehearsed lines or something. “Maybe there’s something in particular…?”

Presley stammered to agree. “Uh, yeah? Is there…?” He seemed unsure of where his own mother was leading him, and I felt my annoyance start bubbling within. She was shepherding him around like a newly hatched wooloo, and he was still lost. But what could I do? It wouldn’t go well to be rude to Presley and then his mum. My own mum would have my head.

Brady elbowed me. “Sorry for what, dork? —I mean, dude.”

I had to explain, too? Ugh. This was why I hated apologies. They were a big waste of time. All for show. I had already said sorry, and it had been enough for Presley. Why did it matter to go on and on about it?

“I am sorry, Presley…. For… what I said?” Brady nudged me again. “I shouldn’t have…” I kind of didn’t want to repeat what I’d said word-for-word in front of his overprotective mum, and I had no doubt that Brady would burst out laughing and ruin it further. “I shouldn’t have said those mean things about you or your pokemon. I was just jealous and took out my anger on you. That was wrong. I’m sorry.”

Presley was probably resisting the urge to smile and cry, but he was as blind as a woobat so he just looked like he’d gotten dust in his eyes. He was such a cornball, so sensitive when it came to words, mean ones or nice.

“Thanks,” he said. “I accept your apology.”

To conclude the performance, I pulled him to a side hug and patted his back, Wolfpack-style. There, now this was behind us for good. My words may have hurt him, and I may have meant them, but Wolfpack gang didn’t hold grudges.

“Friendship. How cute,” Brady crooned.

Stephanie looked satisfied. I guess she’d heard and seen what she needed in order to move on from this small issue she blew out of proportion.

The train at the station whistled, its first disembark signaling the start of the typical Wedgehurst Day. I scratched my butt and stifled a yawn.

Now, what?

“Well… you’re uh, welcome to join us for breakfast, boys—if you’d like. Table’s set in thirty, but you’re free to use the telly in the meantime.” Stephanie had a lopsided smile as she made her reluctant but generous offer. I raised my eyebrows expectantly and turned to Brady. Well?

“Thank you for the offer, Ma’am, but we should really get going,” Brady said, enthusiastically. I could tell he was in the bragging mood. I’m getting my starter today. From the Professor. I’m trying to make it there early. So, I can get first dibs. On one of the Professor’s special starter pokemon, of course.”

Stephanie’s face lit up. “Oh, my! Congratulations! That’s fantastic news!”

Presley whispered, “Really?”, and I mouthed, “Really” back, even though I knew he couldn’t see that. Hehehe.

“Well, I’ll let you boys be on your way then.”

“Bye, Evan,” Presley said.

“Yeah, see you later,” I replied, and that was that. The door shut, and it was me and Brady again. Brady and I shared a long look. He narrowed his eyes. He knew that I was thinking about tagging along with him to the lab.

“No. You’re going home.” Brady started up the pavement without me.

“C’mon, Brady. Let me come with.” I was clutching onto his jacket, trying to keep up with his fast pace so he could catch sight of my wide eyes and pleading expression. “Please. I’ll behave.”

Brady guffawed at that. “Yeah, no. Who wants their annoying kid brother hanging around while they get their first pokemon? No one,” he answered himself and pried my fingers off of him. “So, go home.”

He crossed the street and rounded the corner without looking back. He didn’t care if I got home safely at all. Actually, he probably expected me to follow him because when he made it to the lab on the eastern side of town, he didn’t seem all that surprised when he turned around and saw me strolling up behind him.

“Bloody h—, you’re so annoying, you know that?”

“As if you’re not,” I countered, and shoved his arm.

His finger hovered at the button on the intercom.

“Don’t say or touch anything, or I swear—”

“—Oh-kay, I get it already. Just shut up and ring the doorbell!”

“Hush!” he hissed. Then, taking a deep breath, he pressed the buzzer.

“Who’s there?” A male voice chirped freakishly immediately.

“Uh, B-Brady Hall.”

Who?”

I snickered. Brady elbowed me while he cleared his throat. “Uh, my name is Brady Hall. I’m one of the trainers, new trainers, I mean, that’s um, here for the—”

“The starters! That’s right!” The man laughed, with too much energy for this early in the morning. “Sorry about that! Come on in!” The speaker chimed. The chrome doors slid open, revealing smooth metal corridors that looked out of place in comparison to the building’s traditional, Wedgehurst brick-and-mortar exterior.

“I-I’m one of the, the t-trainers here for, uh, the—” I laughed at the nasty glare Brady sent me for my imitation of him. His ears were so red.

“I didn’t sound like that, idiot,” Brady growled and shoved me aside, but I clung onto his arm and propelled myself past the door first. Together, we stepped into the future.

#

The lab was bright, spacious, and smelled of coffee and lemon cleaner. It was completely different from what I had been expecting. There were no gadgets and gizmos with wires messily strewn about nor were there any pokemon being studied in glass boxes or cages. There were a lot of books though, lining bookcases that took up most of the back walls and even lined the walls on the lab’s second level. There was also a greenhouse in the corner of the room, with the most vibrant green plants I’d ever seen. I pressed my face against the cool glass. I thought I might see a pokemon living in there, but there wasn’t any, unless it was camouflaged really freakin’ well. Every so often, the plants were beamed by a red light that reminded me of the Dynamax light you saw in gym matches. I stared at it long enough until I was certain I’d gotten eye damage, then backed away, blinking dumbly to remove the phantom image from my vision.

“Don’t just go roaming around like you live here,” Brady said and yanked me by my sleeve. “Don’t touch anything.”

“I’m not. I was just looking!”

“Don’t do that either, doofus.”

Laughter bounced off the walls, similar to the one from the intercom and we turned around to a man that looked an awful lot like someone I knew. The dark complexion and purple hair rang lots of this-is-too-familiar bells in my brain, but I couldn’t put a finger on it.

“Hey, guys. I’m Hop, the young Professor Magnolia’s assistant. Thanks for stopping by so early; the old Magnolia is a fan of punctuality.”

“Ah, awesome.” Brady mumbled. I think he was stuck up on the difference between the ‘young’ and ‘old’ distinction. I shook my head. What was his fancy pants school teaching him if he didn’t know that the old Professor Magnolia had stepped down and let her granddaughter take over the research lab? Considering Wedgehurst lacked any super famous trainers of their own, it was kind of embarrassing to be a Wedgehurst native and not know the notable figures in our community. The Magnolia family was as good as we got. And would continue to be, at least, until us Wolfpack hit the scene. Hehe.

“I’m Evan,” I spoke up. “And this is my brother, Brady. He’s not the brightest, so maybe I should be the one who—”

Brady hooked me with his arm, covering my mouth with his biceps. His free hand, he held out, and said, “I’m Brady Hall; it’s nice to meet you, Hop. And please excuse my annoying little brother. He’s got a chronic condition where he never thinks before he speaks. We found him as a child in the Wild Area so he—”

I bit his arm, and impressively, he held back a scream as he let me go. I flinched instinctively, expecting him to retaliate, but instead, he rubbed his arm and smiled sheepishly at Hop. “The poor lad; there are days where we’re afraid he’ll never recover. As you can see, he’s still got the mind of a wild pokemon.”

“What? I do not! Gosh, Brady, stop making up stories!” I crossed my arms and stood away from Brady. I was being so stupid, leaving such a bad impression on someone who might be able to help me.

Hop was laughing, though. “You guys are a riot.” It seemed like he was really wiping tears from his eyes. “My brother and I always got along, so it’s always funny meeting other brothers and seeing our relationship was a rarity. Still, though, I get the sense that you two really care about each other.”

Brady and I frowned and traded looks of disgust. Hop laughed again.

Brady cleared his throat, ready to switch the subject.

“So…um?” He was looking around expectantly. I didn’t see any shiny red pokeballs either. “When do I get to meet the little guy?”

Hop’s face lit up, and he clapped, then pointed. “Oh, right. Sorry again; but the pokemon aren’t here. They’re—”

“At grandma’s place on Route 2,” interjected a lady in a tan trench coat, emerging from one of the back rooms. She had a stylish style and walk that reminded me of gym leader and model Nessa, and an energy of authority that made it clear that she was the ‘young’ Professor Sonia Hop had mentioned. Nobody in the Wolfpack had ever seen her, until today, that was. The first thing I was going to tell the Wolfpack was that the rumors were true: she was pretty.

Brady must’ve thought so, too, because he had that dumb, slack jaw expression he had when he first met Poppy. Poppy was a Wyndon girl who was in town visiting Wedgehurst for the summer. I’d mentioned her at dinner yesterday to fluster Brady, but I knew Mum and Dad wouldn’t have known who she was. Her grandparents lived on the eastern side of town with all the big houses, and they always had events that the rest of Wedgehurst were never invited to. Gio told me all about them. The Wolfpack had crashed a few as part of Gio’s plus four.

Thanks for greeting them, Hop. I can take him from here.” Professor Magnolia passed him a clipboard, along with a look that said get back to work. I’d seen so shortage of them when Mum would catch onto Dad’s procrastination antics. Hop smiled sheepishly, nodding at us, before he returned to his desk in the corner.

Young Magnolia turned to us and leveled both of us with scrutinizing looks. Brady straightened his posture, and reflexively, I did the same. Her eyes narrowed on me, and I forced a smile.

“I don’t remember one of the new kids we approved being this young.”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I was of age to have a pokemon. Twelve wasn’t that young, I was about to say when Brady maneuvering me behind him.

“Oh, sorry,” he apologized for no reason. “This is just my kid brother; he only wanted to tag along while I got my pokemon. I mean, I’m one of those new kids, that got approved, I mean. I’m Brady. Brady Hall, Miss. Ma’am Um, Professor Magnolia, Ma’am.”

“C’mon, Sonia. You’re scaring the children.”

Professor Magnolia lifted a finger to her mouth, suppressing a smile. “No need to be so formal—or nervous—around me,” she said, “but I do appreciate the apprehension.”

Of course, she did. She was one of those adults that liked intimidating kids just because she could. I would hate to grow up and end up like that.

“So, the pokemon are at the old Professor Magnolia’s home? Not here?” I prompted, a bit more pointedly than I’d meant to. Watching Brady flounder was hard to watch, so I thought I’d speak on his behalf. I just hoped she didn’t sense an attitude within me. “I’ve never been to Route 2 before!” I added with enthusiasm, to throw her off my scent.

“Oh, yes. The plan was to wait for all three of the future trainers to gather here and then we’d head over all together since Route 2 is too dangerous to travel alone,” she explained, “but since you’re here so early, and history suggests the other two won’t make it here until around noon, I thought that maybe you’d want to head over now instead of sitting and waiting around. You might even get to choose your pokemon first. How does that sound?”

Brady was grinning ear-to-ear. “That sounds awesome!”

“Let me just grab my things, first, and I’ll meet you outside!”

“Sweet! I’ll be here,” he said, dumbly.

“You’ll get to have first pick,” I said, genuinely stoked for Brady. “Have you thought about which ‘mon you’re gonna pick?”

Brady’s excitement suddenly vanished as he turned to me. “Yes, I have, and you won’t know it until I get back. Now, go home. Your sitter is leaving.”

“But I thought—”

“No,” Brady said, adamantly. “Coming to the lab was one thing, but I’m not bringing you to Route 2, especially when you’re not even supposed to be here. You’re grounded, dummy. Did you forget?”

“But Brady—”

“No. Go home, Evan, or I swear—”

“Okay, I will! Geez!” The rustle of papers in the corner of the room ceased. I flushed, not realizing how much our voices traveled in the room. Hop must’ve heard everything. How embarrassing. “But, I have to use the bathroom first.”

Brady scoffed. “Evan, you’re not slick.”

“Bathroom’s that way,” Hop interjected with a friendly, life-saving smile. At the same time, Sonia emerged from the back with her coat and bag. “You boys ready?”

“Actually, it’s just me,” Brady answered immediately. “But yes, I’m ready.”

I’d skipped off to the bathroom before he could chew my head off. I kept the door cracked so I could hear what he was saying to Hop on his way out.

“-about my brother. Just kick him out when he’s done, please.’

“It’s no big deal. I’ll make sure he’s off on his merry way, no problem. So, go on! Your starter pokemon awaits!”

I shut the bathroom door softly. It was nice having an adult on my side for once.

The bathroom was nice, too. After using it, I washed my hands and dried them and looked at myself in the mirror. I was horrified. Up until now, there had been toothpaste stains on my face up until this point and nobody had even said anything! How embarrassing. I splashed my face and ran my hands through my messy bed hair, too. It was a darker brown then I remembered it. I dried it before ducking out.

The lab was quiet. I spotted Hop nowhere. There was no way they would've left a child unsupervised in their big, fat fancy lab…right?

I wondered to the corner where Hop’s desk was. It was cluttered with papers and books and stuff that reminded me all the boring busywork Mum and Dad both did in their jobs. When I got older, I hoped I never had to do a job that required so much paperwork. What couldn’t fit on the desk probably bled onto the surrounded bulletin boards, which consisted of graphs, pictures, and sticky notes by the dozen. Hand-drawn sketches of wild pokemon and landscapes also decorated the board, and a giant, cursive H signed the corner of them.

Gosh. I hoped Hop wasn’t the professor’s only assistant. It seemed like he had his hands full with all types of research.

Dynamax and Gigantimax. Star Pieces and Wishing Stars. That weird, supposedly evil alien, Eternatys. The fabled Legendary Wolf Pokemon that defeated the creature. The Sword and the Shield pokemon. We all watched the news on the Darkest Day five years ago and seeing Champion Leon save the day; it was incredible. That was how we got our name of the gang, the Wolfpack. I think every gang of friends had wanted a similar name at the time, but ours wasn’t just a phase. The name meant more to us than anyone ever knew. Five years ago, we swore to be each other’s Sword and Shield. Friends forever. Wolfpack for life.

As I dried my eyes, I noticed a picture of a misty forest. I recognized it immediately as the Slumbering Weald, having seen the big documentary Magnolia Labs had released last winter. Before then, nobody had really known much about the place as it’d been infamous forbidden to enter and was strictly protected by Postwick’s townsmen. It had shocked the whole region when it was revealed that the Legendary Wolf Pokemon had apparently lived there for thousands of years. It made me wonder what else cool pokemon lived there; surely, there had to have been something more interesting than rookidee and skwovet.

“You seem really into that.”

I startled and whirled around, ready to protest I hadn’t touched anything. Honest!

Hop’s unaccusing smile gave me pause, though.

“Yeah, well, it’s kinda cool. I’m a little interested, I guess.”

“Must be nice.” He slid a clipboard onto a tower of papers, and rounded the desk to join me at my side. “I wish I weren’t so deep, but I’m completely enamored. I’ve been studying all of this for years, and this—” he gestured to all the pinned notes and charts “—is really just the surface.”

“So, you’ve been to the Slumbering Weald?”

“Yeah, of course! It’s the main focus of my research!” Hop exclaimed proudly. “Since it’s close to home, I can go there whenever I want. It’s such a practical and convenient location for my studies, and I’ve been taking full advantage of it. When I finish this bloody dissertation, I’ll pretty much be the leading expert in all things Slumbering and all things Weald. Exciting, isn’t it?”

“Totally,” I said, to be polite. I’d experienced enough of Dad’s rambling about his own research findings to know it was better to just…pretend you actually cared. Still, there was stuff I was curious to know.

“So…Are there like…any cool pokemon there?”

“In the Slumbering Weald? You bet your bottom dollar, there is! There are all types of strange creatures you wouldn’t expect once you get deeper into the forest. Big and strong Pokémon, too. It’s quite dangerous, actually,” he said, rather seriously, rubbing his goatee. “It’s a miracle me and my best bud hadn’t gone any further back then. We were lucky to have a pair of guardian angels looking out for us.”

I’d clocked out at big and strong pokemon. That meant that there were little guys they evolved from, right? If I could just catch one of those, then I—

“Uh-oh.” Hop wagged his finger playfully. “I know that look, little man.”

What look? First, Olli, now Hop? No way I was that obvious!

“I know you’re probably thinking of what cool pokemon you could find there,” Hop continued, “but I guarantee you’d only be putting yourself in danger. The Slumbering Weald is still off limits, you know, even to some of Galar’s most capable.”

“Well, there goes that idea.” I deflated with a long exhale.

Hop huffed a puff of laughter, probably surprised I’d admitted as much. “Hey, but don’t feel sad. The forest doesn’t have any particularly special pokemon you can’t find elsewhere much safer.”

I shrugged as reality collided with my optimism. “Doesn’t matter. Not like I could even do anything if the forest did.” It was painfully true. I only had one pokeball. If I missed the throw, or if the pokemon broke out and attacked me, then that was the end of Evan Hall. A lot could go wrong in the forest, or anywhere I went alone. I had enough sense to understand that much.

“Aw, man. Now, I feel bad.”

“Nah, don’t. You didn’t do anything. It’s just—never mind.”

“What is it?” Hop poked my shoulder. “You can talk about it, if you’d like. I’m a good listener. I think. A neutral party at the very least. I don’t judge.”

I thought about it. Hop was a total stranger, and an adult. But he’d been nothing but nice to me since we first met. Even though I was probably just a kid in his eyes, he’d still shared his passions about his research with me without talking down to me like a kid. Even Dad had a tendency to over-explain things to me as if I wasn’t capable of putting two and two together on my own. After chewing on my lip for a moment, I nodded.

“Okay,” was all I’d said.

With a gentle hand on my back, Hop guided me over to the reception area. We sat on the comfortable leather couches. He opened up a tin can of biscuits that grandmas always left lying around and offered me one. I took it as I felt the beginning rumblings of my empty stomach. Maybe I should’ve had breakfast at the Pearson’s. Mrs. Stephanie made a mean fry-up. I could put up with a little awkwardness with Presley’s family for some fried eggs and sausage.

To my surprise, I kinda spilled my entire summer thus far to Hop. I told him about the Wolfpack, how I was the only one in the group without a pokemon, and even the situation with Presley yesterday. I told him about my parents’ nonsense rules, about our argument when I learned Brady was getting a pokemon, and how my parents thought I was worse than I actually was. I told him about the one pokeball I had, how I couldn’t even catch my own pokemon even if I wanted to. I told him how I felt so left behind, like nobody understood me, and how the worst part was that it felt like my situation was never going to get any better. I told him how I felt utterly… hopeless. Hopeless and powerless.

And the entire time, Hop listened. He didn’t interrupt me to explain why the world was the way it was; he just listened. He didn’t make fun of me for my eyes watering, and he didn’t judge me when I kept pausing, taking deep breaths because my voice kept coming out all shakily. When I was certain I could speak without my voice wavering, I continued.

“I just want a Pokémon so I can do the same things as my friends and make my own choices, real choices that mean something. Is that too much to ask for?”

“It’s not.” Hop said, his quiet voice loud in my burning ears. Embarrassment from oversharing left the back of my head warm and with a nasty itch, so I kept fidgeting in an attempt not to scratch at it.

“So, why do my parents think so?”

“Parents are…”

I held my breath, ready to hear what adults did—defend and make excuses for each other.

“Walking contradictions,” Hop finished. “They don’t make any sense.”

I raised my brows.

Hop had been spacing out, and he noticed my reaction only after a beat of silence. He laughed.

“They are, man. My brother’s, like, the strongest trainer in—” he paused, cocking his head at me, before dismissing his own line of thought with a wave of hand. “My brother is just stupidly strong, and pokemon battling is his life’s passion. I mean, he’s established, and yet, if my parents had a say in his life choices, I bet they would want him to retire, to settle down and start a family. Like, c’mon, my brother’s only 25, and every time he comes home—the rare opportunities he’s able to—they’re always pestering him, pressuring him to give up what he clearly loves and is bizarrely incredible at. I don’t care how old I am, parents will always be… they’re just so…” He sighed, laughing softly as he struggled to find the words. “Parents are…”

“Parents,” we said, simultaneously, then shared a smile.

I decided I liked Hop.

We sat in silence for a while. Only the sound of the greenhouse laser punching the plants pin every so often was enough to distract me.

“What is that, by the way?” I asked, pointing in that direction. “It reminds me of Dynamax light. Is that like…making the plants grow bigger or something?” I ventured.

A look that I could only describe as his I-have-a-good-idea face graced Hop’s features as he leaned forward.

“You deduced that just from simple observation?”

I shrugged. It had to have been doing something to help the plants if this was a research lab, right? “I dunno. I guess? Most people don’t keep plants to not help them grow. It makes sense to think the light is meant to help them, I would think”

Hop grabbed his chin and peered off into space. “Yes, I suppose that’s also a sensible line of reasoning.” Hop shot back up in his seat, eyes sharp. “Still! Not too many think critically about this kind of stuff! It’s cool that you are!”

I scratched the back of the head, not quite understanding how my simple thoughts were particularly special. But I’d take any compliments I could get. I was in short supply of those lately.

The train stationed whistled. Oh, crud!

I shot up, searching the lab for a clock. For the life of me I actually couldn’t find one.

“What’s—Oh, the time.” Hop flicked his sleeve back to read his wristwatch. “It’s eight-thirty. Is that bad?” My eyes must’ve bulged out of my head because Hop grimaced and said, “Oh, that is bad. Geez, sorry I kept you.”

The panic of making it home late and seeing Mum waiting for me at the table subsided. It was a weekday, I realized. Mum would’ve been leaving for work around the time Brady and I made it to the Pearson’s, which meant she’d have to rely on Dad’s word to know what time I’d made it back home. In other words, I could stay out all day if I wanted to, and she wouldn’t have a clue. As Brady and I was leaving, we heard Dad on the line with his editor, insisting that his manuscript would in fact be done on time. If yesterday he’d taken a break long enough to notice I was out of the house, then today he definitely wouldn’t have the opportunity. I doubted he would even leave his study until Mum got back later in the evening and forced him to get up and get some fresh air. And food. And a shower.

“No. It’s fine,” I said, calmly. “I got to see a lot of cool stuff, anyways. Plus, you were a great deal of help, too. It helped getting some of that off my chest. So, thanks for that.”

Hop flashed a big grin and rubbed the back of his neck. “Aww, shucks. Glad I could help.”

“Sorry if I got in the way of any actual work you should be doing, though.” I remembered the look Sonia had given Hop. I could only imagine what her expectations were like if she’d been on him like that so early in the morning.

“Blasphemy! My boss is out and you’re apologizing for giving me an excuse not to work?” Hop’s eyes were full of bemused confusion. “I should be thanking you for keeping me company. It gets pretty lonely here when I’m all by myself, I’ll admit it.”

Hop led me to the door and handed me the tin can of biscuits.

“Here, little man. You take ‘em. I can’t indulge my sweet tooth too much around Sonia, or she’ll rob me off all my treats!”

I tucked them under my arm. “Thanks Hop.”

He winked. “Don’t mention it.”

I was at the end of the corridor when Hop called out, “Evan! Hold on.” I half-thought he was coming to steal one more biscuit, but instead he handed me some papers. “Here, take this.” Before I had a chance to look over them, he was already saying, “I’m sorry I don’t have any good starter pokemon for you—otherwise, I’d hand it over in an instant. But this is the next best thing I can give you.”

I finally took a peek at what he’d handed me. One was a brochure, titled MAGNOLIA LABS. The other was a form, labeled APPLICATION FOR MAGNOLIA LABS - INTERN POSITION.

Oh. Wow. Seriously? I didn’t know what to say. Me, an intern?

“The lab is looking for two interns. This isn’t me promising you a position or anything, but if you qualify and pass the interview portion with Sonia—Professor Magnolia, I mean—then the lab would gift you a pokemon to use out in the fields upon your acceptance. The pokemon would be property of the lab until your contract was up, but then afterwards, it’d be all yours.”

I honestly couldn’t believe my ears. Pokemon research had never interested me before. And even after meeting Hop and seeing some of the cool stuff he was involved in, it still didn’t rouse excitement in me. But Hop thought I was worthy to be an intern here? To say I didn’t appreciate his consideration would be a total lie, but what would he think of me if I declined? Would he be disappointed? Or think I wasn’t as cool as he first thought?

“Hey, don’t over-think it, Evan. And I don’t need an answer right away,” Hop said with a knowing smile. “I know research may not be your thing, and that’s okay. It’s your decision, your choice to decide if this is something you want to do. I’m only sharing this with you because I figure, if a little time spent here can be an adequate means of helping you achieve your goals or alleviating some of the stress of your situation, then maybe it’s worth the consideration. Please don’t feel pressured to apply, either. You have until the end of the month to submit your application, so take all the time you need to determine if this is an avenue that’s even worth exploring. Only you know what’s best for yourself, right?”

I mirrored Hop’s smile.

“Alright. I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks Hop.”

As I made the trip home, I tried picturing myself working at Magnolia Labs, alongside the animated Hop and under Sonia’s no-nonsense leer. Even for me with my avid imagination, I struggled. Yes, I wanted a pokemon bad, and taking the internship might have been one of the fastest ways to remedy that. But was I willing to endure putting up with a buttload of boring research just to get one?

Gosh, what a new weight Hop had placed on my shoulders. I really needed to think about this some more.
 
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