"I was afraid that... They would've killed her if I hadn't..."
Oh, gods. Maybe it was best not to pry. Whatever it was that Starr was remembering, it sounded like a truly hideous emotional wound. Brisa had no right to make Starr explain, nor did she know how to give comfort over something like this. Or even if she
should—they weren't
friends. All the same, the fear and guilt in the litten's voice made Brisa's chest ache with sympathy. She just didn't know what to
do.
"...I wasn't trying to make it sound like it was stupid to feel bad about hurting Curio like that. Obviously it matters. But you didn't want to hurt anyone, so I still don't think it was unforgivable."
She winced at the memory of what she'd done to Curio, to Starr, to others back home... But... She ran what Starr had just said through her mind again. Paid attention to what she
meant.
"Thank you," she said, so quietly she wasn't sure if Starr would hear her.
"Just tell me one thing, Starr. I reckon you're tryin' to make things right... Are you?"
" I... I wanted to leave. Being around me was hurting her, but... I know it's unforgivable. I know. But she was willing to start over, so... I've just... been trying to put things right. Any way I can. It's not much, but... it's all I can do."
Starr was
trying. What she'd described sounded... sickening, yes. Yet, she was standing before Brisa half-dead of shame. Whatever she'd done in the past, she was changing. She'd even been given another chance by this gal she'd... hurt. The anger, the aggression, the fear... it all made sense. It was all
Brisa, writ large. How had it taken
this for her to understand? Gods. She'd got it figured out
now, now it was too late. Salt and sand and spit. Fuck it. She'd try anyway.
"Listen," she said, voice low and unsteady. "I had you figured wrong. I thought you didn't give a shit about other people. But you do. You
do. And I gave you a lashing for it. I thought that was how to give a shit about other people, by puttin' hurt on the people that hurt 'em."
Brisa shook her head hard enough to wring her own neck.
"I keep makin' the same mistake over and over again. I drive people away, because I can't keep my shit together. Everyone. I thought it might not happen this time. But it
did. Even when I came by the dojo to
apologise to you, to make things right, I ended up puttin' my teeth in your neck. I'm scared that this is just what I am, that I can't
change."
She took a long, shuddering breath. This wasn't the time to get upset again.
"But you.
You're changin'. I know you are. What you did ain't my injury to forgive, but I'll never
hate you for it. I'm sorry I ever hated you."