Pokémon Pokémon: Restoring Balance

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, was a little tight on time and energy tonight, but I figured that it was still a good idea to chip away at my list of authors that I wanted to check out this year. Though a story where Zygarde looms large in the background, huh? Can’t say that’s not appropriate for the current moment in the franchise, even if I can’t say I’ve run into too many stories that used ‘Renaissance’ as the name of something negative.

You have my interest piqued. Let’s see where this goes:

Prologue

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

The memories flashed through their mind as their slumber continued, fleeting from one to the next with unpredictable timing. Some lingered, while others lasted just a second before the next one began. However, their dreams soon settled, and they were thrust back into the past with little warning.

They watched as the Trainer and her friends fought their way through the underground base, plowing through everyone who stood in their path. Currently, the Trainer’s Delphox seemed to be dancing as she moved through the battlefield, unleashing torrents of flame from her wand, laying waste to the enemies’ Pokémon. Across the battlefield, a Pikachu seemed to almost fly as he dashed out of the way of oncoming attacks, before countering with power that almost seemed Legendary in strength.

I take it that this is Zygarde’s PoV that we’re seeing in live-time here given how things are jumping from one moment to the next in rapid succession.

Though is that Serena and Ash that we’re seeing there? Since just saying “Delphox and ungodly strong Pikachu” definitely sounds very “Serena and Ash” there.

Finally, the group had reached the bottom, where they could sense Destruction slumbering, unaware as his energy was stolen to fuel the weapon. The men and their Pokémon faced off against the leadership, while the female Trainer walked slowly towards the cocoon.

Just noting that this is apparently a Yverse. Duly noted. I do wonder that if given that Zygarde is deliberately stopping to focus on Serena(?) and Ash(?) here, if it’d have made sense to describe a bit more of the surroundings for what’s going on here since admittedly the described environment is fairly hazy.

Reaching out, she laid her hand on Destruction’s slumbering form. This sensation seemed to be enough to awaken him from his stasis. The cables that bound Destruction began to shake, as the energy that was stolen began to be reabsorbed. Destruction then began to glow, until a bright flash of light echoed throughout the chamber, and Yveltal finally awoke.

Oh, so this is just the Pokémon Y Yveltal battle, except it’s bound to go horribly wrong at some point. Though I do wonder if given that we’re seeing things through one of Zygarde’s cells at the moment and how tightly you leaned into his perspective earlier, if it’d have made sense to play up more of the “where” and “how” Zygarde is seeing things.

The humans in the awfully tacky uniforms quivered where they stood, while the Trainer and her friends appeared delighted at having freed Yveltal from his prison.

“All right, way to go, Serena!” the man wearing the red hat yelled out, excitement present in his voice. The Pikachu beside him seemed to echo his trainer’s feelings, a bright expression on his face.

Okay, yeah, Ash and Serena confirmed there.

At the noise, Yveltal turned to stare at the group of humans, but not before throwing a glance in their direction. Clearly, their presence had been noticed, and Yveltal knew what that meant for him if he acted out of bounds.

Unfurling his wings, Yveltal leapt off the pedestal towards ‘Serena’, and stared the human down. The Delphox did not appear deterred, as she set the ends of her wand alight. This seemed to please Yveltal, as he then lowered himself to look Serena in her eyes, and a flash of understanding occurred between human and Pokémon.

Serena then turned and spoke out, saying, “Alright, Yveltal, let’s do this!”

Not convinced this isn’t going to end with Ash and Serena as statues, but I suppose there’s only one way to find out…

They observed as the orange-haired human’s Pokémon fell, his Mega Gyrados and Pyroar finally falling unconscious. The human seemed shocked by this outcome, but seemed to recover almost as fast, as they straightened the neckerchief that hung around their neck.

“Impressive. Simply impressive, for one so young to be able to tame the Legendary Pokémon of Destruction incarnate. However, don’t think that you have won just yet!” The human snarled that last statement before thrusting a hand into their coat.

Okay, not that most people in this fandom aren’t aware of how the battle of Lysandre goes down, but I do wonder if it’d have made sense to at least mention the stuff that happened in it in passing and more importantly, give some more of Zygarde’s judgements about it. Like does he have any opinions about how Ash and Serena fought their way past the canonical boss fight and then Lysandre’s attempt to crash the party afterwards? If so, it’s probably worth communicating in some capacity.

The lights throughout the chamber died right there, leaving nothing but darkness. The trainers commanded their Pokémon to light up the room, but by the time fire and lightning had been unleashed, their opponent had fled.

However, the room was not as it had been. A large hole was now present in the pedestal where Yveltal had slumbered. Quickly, the glasses-wearing human rushed over. The ground rumbled and dust fell from the ceiling, causing him to stumble. Once he recovered, the man inspected the machine.

Oh. Hello, Clemont. I wonder if that means that Bonnie is here as well. Though I do find it a little weird that the full party was not at minimum mentioned in passing as being present in the first scene, since it makes Clemont’s introduction feel a bit out of left field.

I also feel like this section in general is veering a bit into “tell and not show” territory. For instance, what do these specific moments and their surroundings look like in a bit more detail? And given that we’re seeing this through Zygarde’s cell, what does he perceive of them?

“Ash! Serena! It looks like this machine’s core has been taken!” Seeing their compatriots' blank stares, he looked about to explain, only to pause. “Wait, hold on. If I’m reading this correctly, the machine will still fire!”

Damn. Lysandre really wasn’t messing around in this universe given that this is pretty different from his canonical ragequit in XY.

The other humans let out shocked exclamations and spoke over one another as they questioned the man. “By my calculations, the blast will only impact the town and the surrounding areas. Yveltal reabsorbing most of his energy must have shrunk the blast zone.”

This entire moment feels a bit too “told and not shown” at the moment. And more importantly, how is Zygarde reacting to all of this assuming that he can understand everyone?

The woman, standing beside Destruction at this point, replied, “Well, I guess that’s better. The League evacuated most of the town, right?” The jumpsuited man nodded in affirmation. Next to the woman, the other human and his Pikachu did not appear happy at the knowledge that the Ultimate Weapon would still fire.

Um… these three/four are aware that they’re going to die when this happens, right?*

Like it’s touching that they’re altruistic about Kalos here, but it does feel like they’re not really grappling with their own mortality all that much. Which you’d think that if Bonnie sat this one out, would really be on Clemont’s mind at the moment.

“Clemont, is there any way we can stop it?” he asked, voice desperate. Clemont shook his head no. He opened his mouth to reply, but another quake shook the room. “Ash, we have to go! Now! This place isn’t safe for us!”

Oh, well. Maybe they’re not so dead after all.

Ash clenched a fist in anger, but nodded. The trio and their Pokémon ran towards the entrance, Yveltal flying behind them, taking up the rear. “So, Clemont, what did you say about Lysandre? Something about the core?” Ash asked.

Clemont almost stumbled and had to be steadied by the other man. “How could I forget! Lysandre made off with the remainder of Yveltal’s energy, all that isn’t being used by the weapon that is.”

Wait, what-?

“And that means…” Serena began nervously.

“It means a that terrorist is on the loose with the power of Destruction incarnate in his possession!”

Only good things will come from this, I’m sure.

I think the dialogue here should more bluntly talk about Lysandre. At minimum it should be “that terrorist” if not outright “Lysandre”.

Yveltal cawed in anger and rage at this statement. The group had reached the entrance at this point. The avian made sure everyone had made it into the hallway before looking back. His teal eyes flashed, meeting the cell’s singular eye. A low growl echoed from the Legendary Pokémon of Destruction. He then turned back, escorting the humans out of the chamber.

More seriously, I do wonder if Yveltal’s presence hasn’t been played up as much as it could’ve been given that he’s mentioned once in passing a couple paragraphs ago, but doesn’t really do much in this scene.

Also, I’m just realizing that the perspective shift to something that’s a feature and not a bug for this scene. Even so, something about things feels off, and I think the main issue that gives that feeling is that things feel a bit overly summarized at the moment.

They were shocked by this statement from the human. Reaching out their senses, they could indeed feel a mass of destructive energy on the move, heading towards… heading towards the largest concentration of life in this region!

Okay, this definitely feels very “shown and not told” at the moment. Like what does it look like for the gang to be shocked here? What on earth does this feeling even look like to Ash and the gang? Like do they see a vision of where the death lazor is targeting?

They could no longer stand by. The world’s balance was about to be disrupted. If that energy were unleashed, it would devastate not only this region, but Galar, Paldea, and the uninhabited wilds that lie beyond Kalos. Intervention was necessary.

… Oh, so this is Zygarde’s perspective we’re dealing with again… uh… yeah, I think that at minimum you need more transition than this going from a more general PoV to one tightly coupled with Zygarde’s, and a part of me wonders if you’d have been better off just writing the entire scene from the perspective of whatever Zygarde could see of things, since that was my assumption at the beginning of the scene.

Quickly, they broke their connection to their cell and summoned all the cells available in this hemisphere. The remaining would take time to gather, so fifty percent would have to do for now.

If the planet’s balance was in jeopardy, Zygarde would answer!

Ah yes, so that’s how Ziggy loses half his cells there.

They had rushed out of their cave once most of their cells had entered the region. They willed their 10 percent form to manifest, and sped towards ‘Lumiose City’ as quickly as they could.

Along the way, Zygarde winced as they felt the Ultimate Weapon fire and land on the coastal town. They wished they could have stopped the impact, but whatever this ‘Lysandre’ wished to do with Yveltal’s energy was more important. Xerneas could clean up Yveltal’s mess. Several young cells pinged the network, but they blew them off.

I think that this entire sequence should be described in a lot more detail. Like I don’t really have a solid bead on where Zygarde is at the moment or where the beam is.

By the time they could view Lumiose Tower in the distance, their cells had reached them, allowing them to take on their more powerful 50 percent form if they needed to.

Wait, just how fast is Zygarde moving anyways? (Or alternatively, how slow is that beam moving?) [joltyshrug]

Like if Zygarde is pulling some lightspeed-tier antics, that definitely seems like something you want to describe since the sensation of moving that fast will be very trippy and distinctive.

However, to their shock, the destructive energy they had been tracking seemed to disappear. No, wait, they could faintly sense it. It was underneath the city. But what was that presence next to it?

Oh, hello, Ange.

As Zygarde reached the edge of the city, they knelt, tensing their hind legs before leaping high into the air. The canine landed on one of the buildings nearby, out of sight of any humans, and concentrated on that new aura. Where had they sensed it before?

It suddenly came back to them. A few decades ago, Sky had spoken during one of the Legendary Council sessions of a meteor they had discovered, one filled with Primal Energy. Sky said that he had stashed the meteor in some Draconid ruins for safekeeping, citing that it would be useful if the planet were ever threatened.

“You stupid overgrown Ekans! We told the council that the rock should just be thrown into the Sun! Damn what Helios thinks!” Zygarde hissed out, anger filling their voice. “Is that why Land and Sea were active recently? They should have returned to their slumber after those maniacs in Hoenn were dealt with!”

I take it that ‘Sky’ is Rayquaza, though I admittedly am not sure if I’m really feeling the sudden flashback exposition in the middle of a very tense moment. Maybe it have been smoothed over a bit more if it stayed in Zygarde’s inner thoughts and was a bit more compact than this.

Furious, Zygarde leapt off the building they stood on, drawing a few curious stares from the locals. They ignored this and unleashed a howl, channeling all the anger and rage that now filled every cell of theirs.

“Enough of this!” Zygarde roared out, summoning the rest of their cells to them. Their hind legs fused, elongating into one long tail. Their forelegs melted into their chest as their head moved away from the ground. Five crests grew out from their neck, fanning out to frame their head. Finally complete, Zygarde’s 50 percent form roared to the heavens, warning Lysandre and his lackeys of their fate.

… Aren’t they busy being in Geosenge right now? ^^;

Zygarde: “Look, I know that they’re also here okay?!”

Though I do kinda wonder if there should’ve been a bit more description of the state of the city here. e.x. if people are starting to notice the death lazor in the distance and stopping.

They unleashed their fury on the city that lay before them. Buildings crumbled as they rushed through the city, hexagons flying every which way to prevent anyone from stopping them. A trail of destruction lay in Zygarde’s wake, one that they paid no mind to.

Finally, they had reached the city's epicenter. Directly below them lay Yveltal’s stolen energy and Rayquaza’s missing meteor. Rearing up, Zygarde charged their core with as much energy as their cells could absorb, before unleashing a bright green burst of energy directly into the earth below.

Can’t tell if that’s meant to be Lysandre Labs that he’s targeting or if it’s Ange. Though this section in general suffers from being overly summarized again, which felt a bit at odds for something that event-wise would’ve been bait for a very action-heavy and dramatic sequence.

Zygarde continued to sustain Core Enforcer for nearly a full minute, until finally, they ceased the attack. The beam vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Reaching out with their senses, Zygarde could not detect the meteor or the destructive energy anywhere, confirming that they had been destroyed in the blast.

Zygarde returned to the ground wearily. Charging and maintaining Core Enforcer was extremely difficult without all of their cells to help control the energy, and they were quite drained from the effort.

Turning, Zygarde began to slither away, making their way out of Lumiose City. They beheld the destruction they had caused and felt a brief pang of regret at their actions. However, they quickly pushed those feelings aside. However, many of their younger, more rebellious cells did not seem to want the issue dropped.

Ditto here. Especially since we don’t really get a moment to see the consequences of Zygarde’s actions particularly clearly and it’s all very surface-level and brushed past.

“Great going, Core! You know we’re supposed to ‘protect’ the planet, right!” Zygarde had to stifle a sigh. It seemed that Cell 448-773-38 was going to be their usual aggravating self. Zygarde had hoped that their time in Paldea’s Area Zero would have helped tame their attitude, but it seemed to have only emboldened the young cell.

Ah yes, Zygarde shoving himself into the S/V plot, now that’s a cursed scenario to think about.

“Enough Cell 448-773-38! If Destruction’s energy had combined with the Primal energy inside that meteor, we could have faced a threat not seen since the Darkest Day!” Zygarde paused before conceding, “Although it is tragic, it was ultimately necessary.”

Zygarde: “I’m sorry, why am I this concerned about the fate of that city again when modern human cities are inherently giant ecological disasters?”

Shaking themselves out of their stupor, Zygarde began to move once more, but firmly stated to all their cells, “We are the Pokémon of Order, tasked by the Original One Himself to preserve the balance of the planet-” Cell 448-773-38 interrupted them before Zygarde could continue. “Order, right…then why have we not done anything about Area Zero? We all know how dangerous the being down there is. Now humans are accessing its power! I suppose standing by as ROBOT Pokémon invade Paldea is upholding order?”

“Robot Pokémon? What delusions are you suffering from now?”

Oh, so this is a Violet ‘verse, too. Though I’ll admit that I wasn’t expecting this timing here where XY’s plot occurs in parallel with SV’s.

I do feel that this sequence feels like it’s missing something. Likely character introspection, since we have a lot of back and forth between Zygarde and individual cells, but not a lot showing off his thoughts in actions.

Before Zygade could question Cell 448-773-38, their senses suddenly went into overdrive! It was as if they were surrounded by… themselves? Turning, Zygarde looked back at the crater they had left. It was glowing a bright purple, and as they watched, a beam of energy shot out from the crater, hitting the hexagonal serpent directly in the chest, launching them into the air.

Well, looks like Ange or whatever that was was less destroyed than initially assumed.

Zygarde spun through the air, landing haphazardly on a row of buildings that groaned with the effort of supporting them. As the Pokémon slithered off the buildings and raised themselves back up, dead and destroyed cells flaked off their form, leaving a large, jagged scar behind where the beam had impacted.

From the crater emerged another Zygarde, this one crystalline in form and much, much larger than Zygarde themselves were. Peering closer, Zygarde could see the meteor at the center of the construct. Best the gestalt serpent could gather, the meteor had absorbed Yveltal’s destructive energy, and together had formed a body around themselves.[/I]

I feel that “gestalt” risks getting into “busting out a thesaurus” territory and you should beat it a bit harder over the reader’s heads that you’re referring to Zygarde.

Also, once again, this feels like something that feels way too summarized at the moment and like it should be a sequence that’s noticeably longer.

“The damn rock probably absorbed our Core Enforcer as well,” they thought bitterly. The idea of another version of them existing left a bitter taste in their cells, especially a man-made creation such as this. Nevertheless, Zygarde steadied themselves and roared out a challenge, determined to take down the imposter and restore the world’s balance.

-looks up at the summary-

Yeah, I’ll go and start preparing the ‘F’s in the chat.

They watched as the human from the underground base, ‘Ash,’ soared through the air. He and his companions must have made it out before the Ultimate Weapon fired and impacted. The man landed on the construct alongside his Pikachu and his Greninja, who seemed to possess the ability to Mega Evolve without a stone, much to Zygarde’s shock.

Regardless, the man and his Pokémon dove deep into the construct and ran out soon afterwards, clutching a Chespin in his arms. As this happened, the construct roared out as if in pain and stopped in its tracks.

Wait, is there a reason why we needed an entire scene cut for this? Since wasn’t the idea that Zygarde saw this in the middle of his ongoing battle in Lumiose?

This was Zygarde’s chance! Quickly, the gestalt summoned their remaining cells and formed their ultimate form around their core. Their body grew upright, forming into a hulking titan that leapt into the air.

Concentrating, Zygarde commanded all their cells to absorb as much energy from the environment as could be taken. This time, they were determined to erase the meteor from existence.

Bruh, is there going to be anything left of Lumiose City after all of this?

The energy inside them continued to build until the effort was nearly tearing their form apart, energy escaping from the seams between their cells. Finally, it was ready, and Zygarde unleashed the largest Core Enforcer they had ever created. The beam impacted the construct, tearing through it like wet paper. Zygarde ensured that their signature ‘Z’ was made, and in a flash of green light, the construct vanished, leaving nothing but a new crater to dot the mountainous landscape.

I was going to ask where this was happening, but apparently as of Z-A, Lumiose is confirmed to have mountains in the distance, so I’m just going to assume that this is one of them.

They had returned to their slumber after things had calmed down and sent their cells back across the world to observe events. So far, nothing had required Zygarde to intervene, although a few did come close.

The Blinding One’s reappearance in Alola was certainly unexpected, though it seemed the Island Guardians were able to handle the Ultra Beasts that invaded afterwards. What Zygarde was not expecting was for Eternatus itself to resurrect, especially so close to their home. Everyone had believed Eternatus had been slain 20,000 years prior through the combined efforts of almost every major Legendary. Dialga and Palkia even put aside their eons-long feud to fight the invader.

I… feel like this is rather abrupt coming after the last scene, especially since there’s not much acknowledgement of any effects that the battle had on Zygarde.

Yet before Zygarde could fully awaken and intervene, Eternatus’s presence vanished. Upon further investigation, it seemed that it had been taken care of by yet another group of young men and women.

Things had been quiet since then, and so Zygarde continued their slumber, unaware of the danger they would soon face.

Wait, wait, wait, so they still haven’t lost half their cells after all of this? .-.

It began slowly at first. A cell would disappear here and there, with one disappearing a few days or so. Zygarde paid it no mind at first. Cells disappeared all the time, from Pokémon mistaking them for food, getting caught in Pokémon attacks from battles, to being accidentally destroyed by humans. Zygarde simply directed a nearby cell to investigate and undergo cellular division to replace the lost one.

However, the disappearances soon became an everyday occurrence, with entire clusters of cells vanishing. When other cells would investigate, those too would vanish.

inb4 it’s Elio having a giggle with the Zygarde Cube at the moment.

Normally, Zygarde would always be able to communicate with their cells, unless the cell had been destroyed. This time, however, the cells were not destroyed, yet communication was still cut off. Did whoever was responsible, as this was no natural phenomenon at this point, know that Zygarde had a limit to the number of cells they could create? A restriction was placed upon them by the Original One long ago, to ensure that they could not endlessly replicate and become a cancer upon the world.

While on the one hand, I’m not really sure how this information would come up without some level of exposition, I do wonder if it’s a bit much here.

Not that Zygarde would ever do such a thing. They were meant to maintain balance, and they had no desire to overthrow that balance. But the Original One was nothing but careful.

Zygarde: “Which is shocking to me since normally he’s content to just futz around in the Hall of Origin and listen to flute music.” >_>;

The memories flew back faster once more, shifting and morphing into something more akin to dreams, no, akin to nightmares. Zygarde dreamt of times where they failed to stop the construct in time, where it united with the Anistar City Sundial and absorbed its energy before unleashing it, devastating the entire world at the whims of a madman.

I’m not sure if it makes sense to dream of “times” unless the idea is very deliberately that Zygarde is seeing alternate realities. This feels a bit more like “hypotheticals” here.

Their dreams then shifted to all of their cells being stolen away, silenced in some sort of lair similar to the one Yveltal had been trapped in. They witnessed their cells suffering torment and experimentation, given the bare minimum of sustenance to sustain themselves and keep them from death.

… What do Zygarde and their Cells eat anyways? ^^;

These nightmares continued until they grew too much to bear. Zygarde awoke in a fit of terror, eye moving frantically as the red hexagon in their chest pulsed rapidly. As Zygarde fully left the dream, the pulses slowed down in frequency, and their emotions began to settle.

Wait, is this happening in that cave of his, or…? Since this feels kinda vague at the moment.

Once they had fully calmed themselves, they sent a message to their cells, hoping to still receive a response, but fearing that they were the last piece of themselves still free.

After a terrifying minute, Zygarde finally received a reply! It seemed that they still had cells out there in the world. Although their cytoplasm did flutter in agitation when they realized the respondent was Cell 448-773-38. However, as the minutes passed and the replies grew less and less frequent, they became increasingly less hopeful.

I feel like showing off the minute passing and Zygarde freaking out about how he literally can’t hear anything back would’ve been worth showing off, since this is another moment that feels a bit “told” and not “shown” at the moment.

Only around 7 percent of Zygarde’s cellular network had responded, barely enough for them to take on their canine form. They’d have to forgo some of the features then, and even still, that form could break if they faced strong opposition.

The continual loss of their cells presented another issue for Zygarde. The more cells they had access to, the faster they could process information, and the stronger they would be in battle. However, there was another, darker issue this presented. The fewer cells Zygarde had control over, the more volatile their emotional state would be, as each cell would have a larger amount of control over their actions, and the more their actions could be controlled by a small minority of outlier cells.

The underlined feels like something that would’ve been a lot more if we could actually see this start to play out for ourselves instead of having it told to us.

That was what Zygarde feared the most, deep down.

And this is an issue why? Like I don’t doubt that it’s bad, but I feel like we’re missing something tangible that Zygarde fears will happen if their fringe cells call the shots here.

As Zygarde went through the list of cells that had responded, that fear continued to grow. They had only heard from their newer, younger, more rebellious cells. It seemed that Zygarde’s decision to send new cells to remote locations around the world as a learning experience was now coming back to bite them in the tail.

I’m surprised that we’re not hearing more from these cells given that there hasn’t really been any cell commentary here, which you’d think would be a nice contrast versus what was going on earlier when Zygarde was trashing Lumiose.

Thankfully, the cells they had sent to Nebel Plateau and Lumiose City remained, continuing to monitor Life and Destruction. Perhaps their fairy and dark auras were helping to mask the energy signature of the cells. But the thought of those cells being captured was greatly concerning to the Legendary Pokémon. Zygarde would lose their ability to monitor their partners, and it would allow interlopers to attack Life and Destruction.

Have you ever considered, like, not leaving single Cells to watch over them? ^^;

They had some faith in the human female, Serena, to protect Yveltal, but Xerneas was all alone on the plateau. [ ]

“Ugh, enough of that,” they thought, and pushed the depressing thoughts away for the time being. They alerted the remaining cells to their situation and to look out for anything suspicious. If anything occurred, the cells needed to alert Zygarde immediately, so they could issue the return command.

I think you need more of a transition here before Zygarde speaks up again.

The world needed to stay in balance.

Zygarde only hoped that they’d still be in control when the time came.

inb4 this turns out to be a direct second order effect of Zygarde going and peacing Lumiose City

Also, Cell 448-773-38: Take a look at the Pokédex. I’m sure you can find my inspiration. 10 Terra Tokens if you can figure it out

Wait a minute, those are Pokédex numbers. Lucario, Silvally, Nineta-

Assuming that’s a nod to what I think it is, cute touch there. Even if I’m surprised it wasn’t attached to a place like Hokulani Observatory to go the next step with that reference.

Alright, made it to the end. I admittedly felt this Prologue was a bit on the rough side, but there will be plenty of time to get to that, so let’s start by focusing on the stuff that worked better first. First off, I thought that opening your story from Zygarde’s perspective was definitely a neat and distinctive choice, since he seems to be a bit unsung in the fandom as a whole. The execution was a little touch and go, but the sorts of things you were doing with Zygarde’s perspective such as showing him keeping tabs on disparate parts of the world and the way he was basically a force of nature for the sake of the world’s broader balance definitely felt on-brand for being a Zygarde. The shorter length also made it approachable to dive into, even if I feel that it was a bit of a double-edged sword for reasons I’ll get into a bit later.

As for the stuff that I didn’t feel worked as well, the long and short of things is that you do a lot of summarizing of events, and quite a “telling and not showing”. In a story, it’s generally more interesting to see things play out as a reader instead of having it told to us as readers. Like for instance, towards the end of the Prologue, there’s a bit where it mentions that Zygarde’s cell network is whittling down and that he’s increasingly left with new and more rebellious cells… which is fine and dandy to have told to us, but what does that look like from Zygarde’s perspective? Especially since we saw what him communicating with his cells looked like earlier. It also meant moments like Lumiose getting trashed weren’t as climactic as they could’ve been since we don’t really get to see much of the action but instead got things in a high-level and summarized fashion. There were also some moments where the story basically slowed to a crawl to provide exposition that I kinda wonder if things would’ve been better dripfeeding that information over a longer period of time.

I also felt that there were points in the story where things suffered from not having clear description, which was the downside of the Prologue being as compact as it was, with the whole sequence of the Lysandre bouncing with Yveltal’s energy and Zygarde going after it having a number of offending moments. You also had some spots where there were very abrupt transitions, both between scenes (e.x. going from the Lumiose battle to the resting scene afterwards), and within scenes themselves (e.x. going from a general to a Zygarde-focused perspective in the second scene). Like it’s the sort of thing that you can get away with in a visual medium, but in a written one, you need words to make pictures in your readers’ heads, and as such you want to provide yourself more room to provide pictures of how different scenes and moments within them fit together. Like I don’t think that you needed to make things super long, but even an extra thousand words would’ve given you a lot more runway to smooth out some of those issues.

Sorry if that feedback wasn’t quite what you were hoping to hear @BlizzardBricks , though for what it’s worth, I feel that the core concept of your story is actually pretty solid. I just feel that it needs a solid round or two of refinement and tightening up to really leverage the things that it’s trying to accomplish.