Pokémon Pokémon Rebirth

[Axihdio]

Thanks! I hope you enjoy the later chapters as well!

 

[Axihdio]

Well the reason why they have to kill the enemy pokemon is because those pokemon are trained by assassins. E.g. They are trained to kill. If Daisuke and his friends keep sparing them, those pokemon would be able to track them trough their senses and get the jump on them when they are sleeping or resting. So although they don't like it, it's kill or be killed.


For the Nidoran part, Daisuke has to be calm in order to use that sleeping move. When the Ryhorn attacked him, he was taken by surprise and forced into a battle which of course caused him to have an internal "Oh shit!". Because of that and the Ryhorn's aggresion, he couldn't just put it to sleep because 1, It was actively trying to kill him and 2. He wasn't calm enough for the move to work. Thanks for leaving your feedback though!

Also Daisuke and Kakuro were so focused on getting rid of Sorre that they forgot about not using their abilites.

 

[K_S]

Hi, missed you during newbie week, so I thought I'd just swing in and say hi with a review anyway.

Hope you don't mind.

Summary:​

Chapter 1 - Genesis

March 11th 2024

It was a sunny morning in Pallet Town. The Route 1 pidgeys were chirping and the grass was being blown by the morning breeze. In a two-storey house diagonally left above the professor's lab there lived an almost 14 year-old Daisuke Serizawa and his family which consisted of his parents, his elder siblings and himself.

We are precise today. For a second, I thought the house was literally diagonal, it took a second read to realize we were treating architecture as a chessboard setup.

Julie(Mother) : Children! Time to wake up!

Daisuke, Kosuke(Brother) and Jennie(Sister) : Yes ma.

I know Kanto's Japan (basically), but I always hear a southern twang in ma'. Wonder if it's just me. Also, this is a script fic? Interesting...

As the three of them were getting ready, their mother was making breakfast which were some katsu sandwiches. After 20 minutes they were now at the dining table after taking their showers and changing into their school clothes.

Had to look up Katsu sandwiches, still mildly confused despite Wiki trying to help. More at 10...

Jennie : So lil bro, how do you feel about going to a different school than where we're at?

Daisuke: I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I've never been in this kind of situation before.

Tips head... so when jen's talking, she's using the contraction lil aka little. But to show it is a contraction (unless Diasuke has the cruelest middle name ever, and we don't know that as readers). You'll need to put one of these fellows in ', this symbol ' tells the reader that there's letters missing, or even conjoined words at work

ex:
can't = can not
shouldn't = should not
don't = do not
or perhaps a drunken "donut" that last might be a push, but you get the idea

also, reading it out loud I dropped the "then where we're at" and it sounds much more like conversation, I'd rec dropping it....

Kosuke : Yeah, and make sure to stay out of trouble, I can't bail you out like last time.

as in bail bail. or as in save him from a swirly level of bail?

Julie : Don't worry, your brother knows how to stay out of trouble. Right Daisuke?

Daisuke: Yes, ma.

Julie : Anyways, we have to leave in ten minutes or else those idiots would cause another traffic jam so finish your food quickly.

Daisuke and his siblings : Alright ma.

As the four of them got in the car, Daisuke started to wonder about the endless possibilities that his new school would offer. Would there be a ton of delinquent poke'mon trainers who the teachers do nothing about or would everyone be treated equally and fairly? These questions lay in the back of his mind until they almost arrived at his new school Cyan Academy.

I'm wondering why he's going to the new school, and why is he thinking it's going to be crawling with wanna be rocket mobsters/biker class trailers...

Julie : Daisuke we're almost at Cyan Academy, you can get ready with your bag now.

Julie sounds a bit... like a flight attendant...

Why not say "Daisuke, we're almost there. You got your stuff ready?/Get your stuff read"

I think a good read out loud (ironic that I'm suggesting it, I know) would help out scalds with the families back and forth...

Daisuke : Yare Yare Daze, What is with people and always naming things after colours? I've even heard that some people name their own children after colours. What's next, a new species of poke'mon is discovered and we name it after a colour?

Snorts. I mean, I guess it's an option. It's not like the names Geo-dued (rock guy, or literally a geod, which is a rock) are ablaze with creativity. I mean, most mon names are puns when you look at them carefully anyway... so why not being another batch of kids into the world with awkward first names to make their growing up a nightmare?

Julie : Well anyways, we've arrived at the school. Have a good day!

Daisuke : Bye ma! See you later!

Julie : Bye Daisuke!

As Daisuke saw his mother's car drive away, he entered the school and was not surprised to see that the school was absolutely jam packed with students. There were students form all across the region and some from others. Eventually, Daisuke made his way to the assembly hall and took a seat as the Assembly began.

At the assembly hall

So there's a lot of duplication here, two schools in the same line. two students words apart, ditto for assembly (hall), that ones three times in10 words... I don't know if you're interested in diversifying, but it caught my attention.

Daisuke: (Yare Yare Daze, when is the assembly going to begin? It's already been 15 minutes.)

As Daisuke was thinking to himself, a teacher who looked to be in his late 40's to early 50's went onstage.

Teacher : Hello students! I'm your principal Joseph Johnson And I welcome all of you to the new academic year for Cyan Academy.

Daisuke (thinking to himself) : So that's the principal. I wonder if he's going to be teaching my class.

As Mr. Joseph continued with the assembly, Daisuke's eyes started to dart around as he was getting bored of the assembly. He noticed some students had poke'balls in their hands, some were watching the assembly and that the school's flag hadn't been replaced in a while because it's colours were a little faded. After half an hour the assembly ended and The students were directed towards their classes.

At the classroom

Daisuke: (This class isn't too bad. It's got some decent desks and the chairs are pretty good too. Oh, the teacher's coming.)

Teacher : Good morning class, my name is Mr. Abdul and I'm going to be teaching you history once the orientation week is over. But before we go any further I want all of you to introduce yourselves starting from the right to the left.

As Daisuke was processing the information, he realized that he was on the farthest right desk which meant that he had to go first.

Daisuke : (Shimata! I haven't come up with my speech yet! I guess I'll have to improvise.)

Mr. Abdul : You there with the hat! Please come forward. What's your name?

Daisuke : My name is Daisuke Serizawa and I'm turning 14 this year.

I was wondering how old the kid was. Fourteen answers that nicely enough.

Mr. Abdul : What are your hobbies?

Daisuke : I enjoy playing Beyblade and studying poke'mon.

Beyblade is a thing here? Wonder if we'll get a chance to see a match...

Mr. Abdul :Hm.. Interesting. By the way, can you tell me where you're from and about your family?

Daisuke : I'm from Pallet Town and I live with my parents and elder siblings.

Mr. Abdul : Okay then you can sit down now.

Daisuke (thinking to himself) : Whew. Luckily I managed to improvise well enough. I guess I'll draw some Beyblades that I was thinking about.

Later, during recess

Daisuke was enjoying his lunch at a bench when he was approached by some senior students.

Daisuke: (Well, my mother's katsu sandwiches are as good as ever. Maybe even better because she used soft chicken .)

Random senior 1 : Hey you! With the hat!

Snorts I'm guessing this is going to be a bullying squad. sighs...

Daisuke : What?

Random senior 2 : Stop eating at our battle area!

Daisuke : Your "battle area"? Aren't places like these areas that you can't battle at ? Look at the sign you dumbass!

Daisuke points to a nearby sign that says "Poke'mon battles are prohibited in this area."

Random senior 1 : Enough of that nerd shit! I'm gonna beat your ass!

Called it, and sighs again. Basic reading is nerd shit? How do these people manage to pass class?

Mr. Joseph: Oi you two, back off!

Random senior 2 : Oh hell no! Not the principal!

Both seniors proceed to run away

Daisuke : Thanks for the help back there sir . I probably would've gotten my ass kicked if it weren't for you.

Mr. Joseph :You're welcome and make sure to inform me if they keep messing with you or anyone else.

Daisuke : Yes sir.

After finishing his meal, Daisuke looked at his watch to see how many more minutes of recess were left. To his surprise there were 20 minutes of recess left.

Daisuke : (Stupid trainers. Don't know anything but how to battle.)

Says the guy who studies battling mon...

Daisuke then walked away from the scene and started wandering around the school premises.

At the woods in the school– 15 minutes before recess ends

As Daisuke was walking around the school, he noticed that there was a small forest-like area not that far from where he was. Against his better judgement, he decided to check that area out. Normally, the purpose of these areas were to be a sort of training for students to learn catch wild poke'mon with their teachers supervising them in order to make sure that none of them would be injured or killed by some of the wild poke'mon. This area was also connected to Viridian Forest which was right up ahead the end of the area. Back in the present however Daisuke was suddenly attacked by several wild male Nidoran.

Daisuke : Well I guess I'll have to put them to sleep now.

With a swift motion, Daisuke made the Nidoren fall asleep.

Um how... what? tips head. I guess he's a psychic or has sleep powder pellets in his back pocket?

Daisuke : Night-night guys, you'll need that extra energy for the mating season.

Sighs... yeah, ew, let's not go there, brain..

Just as he was about to leave the area, Daisuke heard what seemed to be shouting before narrowly dodging a beam that was about to pierce trough his neck.

Daisuke (thinking to himself) : Where did that beam come from?!

Mysterious figure : It came from here!

And he's got psychic enemies with laser powers and bombastic personalities... snorts... this small bad probably failed ninja 101 or something...

Daisuke : Who are you?!

Mysterious voice : My identity isn't relevant right now. I suggest you run away as far as you ca-

Bauum!!

The mysterious figure was knocked away by what sounded to be a punch. Without hesitation, Daisuke ran towards the sound and came face to face with a Ryhorn.

Daisuke : (Shimata! I shouldn't have come here!)

Ryhorn : Roars menacingly

I mean, rabid ryhorn, definitely shouldn't have come here. Now this guy passed ninja 101 as a rock type, and no one saw is coming. Including Mr. Mystery silhouette with laser powers.

How did Daisuke not see anything about his assailent though?

As the Ryhorn charged towards Daisuke, he used telekinesis to push the Rydhon back. However, It proved ineffective as the Ryhorn kept coming at him. With no choice Daisuke used a power that he hadn't used much. One that was inherited from his father.

Several spikes erupted from the earth.

What is his father, Groudon?

The Ryhorn was then hit with the spikes that erupted from the Earth. Daisuke then summoned a small tornado to lift it into the air before knocking it out by impaling it with two electric Tanto which were yellow in colour.

Daisuke(breathing heavily) : Yare Yare, that was close.

Can you explain this yare yare thing to me please?

Mysterious figure : Thanks for helping me out. I hope to be able to return the favor sometime.

Daisuke : You're welcome but what are you anyway? Based on your ability to speak you must be some kind of Psychic type poke'mon.

Mysterious figure : Your guess is correct. However, I have to take my leave now. Farewell!

Daisuke : (Damn, what a weird mon.)

As the mysterious figure escaped, Daisuke himself exited the area as he was probably already late for his next class, Which was English class.

End of Chapter 1

Biography: Daisuke Serizawa

A person of few words that looks somewhat threatening to those that don't know him on a personal level. However, Daisuke's personality betrays his appearance as someone who is able to keep a calm head(most of the time) and is rather talkative towards those that are close to him such as his friends or family. Likes: Ultraman, any kind of chicken that tastes good, pizza, Beyblade and building model kits of fictional spacecraft. Dislikes: Beef(He doesn't eat it), Idiotic drivers in traffic and poke'mon trainers .Abilities: Psychic powers and elemental manipulation of earth, lightning and wind. Height: 6ft 5 inches (195.58cm)

Geeze, reads over Daisuke's profile, the man's half a superhero league in a single man package. That explains what he's doing. Though how and whatnot are a mystery for other chapters...

This was an interesting start to something that could be very big. Thanks for sharing your fic and good luck with further chapters.

 

[Axihdio]

Hi, missed you during newbie week, so I thought I'd just swing in and say hi with a review anyway.

Hope you don't mind.



We are precise today. For a second, I thought the house was literally diagonal, it took a second read to realize we were treating architecture as a chessboard setup.



I know Kanto's Japan (basically), but I always hear a southern twang in ma'. Wonder if it's just me. Also, this is a script fic? Interesting...



Had to look up Katsu sandwiches, still mildly confused despite Wiki trying to help. More at 10...



Tips head... so when jen's talking, she's using the contraction lil aka little. But to show it is a contraction (unless Diasuke has the cruelest middle name ever, and we don't know that as readers). You'll need to put one of these fellows in ', this symbol ' tells the reader that there's letters missing, or even conjoined words at work

ex:
can't = can not
shouldn't = should not
don't = do not
or perhaps a drunken "donut" that last might be a push, but you get the idea

also, reading it out loud I dropped the "then where we're at" and it sounds much more like conversation, I'd rec dropping it....



as in bail bail. or as in save him from a swirly level of bail?



I'm wondering why he's going to the new school, and why is he thinking it's going to be crawling with wanna be rocket mobsters/biker class trailers...



Julie sounds a bit... like a flight attendant...

Why not say "Daisuke, we're almost there. You got your stuff ready?/Get your stuff read"

I think a good read out loud (ironic that I'm suggesting it, I know) would help out scalds with the families back and forth...



Snorts. I mean, I guess it's an option. It's not like the names Geo-dued (rock guy, or literally a geod, which is a rock) are ablaze with creativity. I mean, most mon names are puns when you look at them carefully anyway... so why not being another batch of kids into the world with awkward first names to make their growing up a nightmare?


So there's a lot of duplication here, two schools in the same line. two students words apart, ditto for assembly (hall), that ones three times in10 words... I don't know if you're interested in diversifying, but it caught my attention.



I was wondering how old the kid was. Fourteen answers that nicely enough.



Beyblade is a thing here? Wonder if we'll get a chance to see a match...




Snorts I'm guessing this is going to be a bullying squad. sighs...



Called it, and sighs again. Basic reading is nerd shit? How do these people manage to pass class?



Says the guy who studies battling mon...



Um how... what? tips head. I guess he's a psychic or has sleep powder pellets in his back pocket?



Sighs... yeah, ew, let's not go there, brain..



And he's got psychic enemies with laser powers and bombastic personalities... snorts... this small bad probably failed ninja 101 or something...




I mean, rabid ryhorn, definitely shouldn't have come here. Now this guy passed ninja 101 as a rock type, and no one saw is coming. Including Mr. Mystery silhouette with laser powers.

How did Daisuke not see anything about his assailent though?



What is his father, Groudon?



Can you explain this yare yare thing to me please?


Geeze, reads over Daisuke's profile, the man's half a superhero league in a single man package. That explains what he's doing. Though how and whatnot are a mystery for other chapters...

This was an interesting start to something that could be very big. Thanks for sharing your fic and good luck with further chapters.

Thanks for the review! The yare yare part was inspired by Jotaro saying it in jjba. The full version : Yare yare daze means "Give me a break" or "Good grief".

 

[Tango]

Chapter 2 - Hell Breaks Loose

And I'm back for catnip!

Judging from the chapter title, it looks like things are going to escalate extremely fast.

Class 1-1

After defeating the Ryhron, Daisuke rushed back to his classroom as he knows that he is probably going to be late to his English class.

Dude has an assassination attempt on his life and just goes back to class! 😅

Daisuke : Damn! Why couldn't I have just not gone there?! Well at least I have three minutes left till class starts.

I wonder why he is complaining? He didn't even get harmed and if someone really wanted to kill him, not venturing into the woods would have just delayed it.

As he made a mad dash towards his class, Daisuke looked at his watch again. 2 minutes left. He made a left turn , went up to the third floor, made a right turn, turned left again and reached his class with 1 minute to spare.

Daisuke's classmates : (Was this guy being chased or was he just late?)

The teacher then entered the classroom just as Daisuke sat down on his chair.

He displays more fear of being late for class than he does when someone is actively trying to kill him!

Mr. Joseph : Good morning class, You may know me as your headmaster, Mr. Joseph and I am going to be your English Teacher.

Just as Mr. Joseph finished his introduction, a fair skinned boy with a tall blonde flat top with four bangs walked into the classroom.

Boy : Excuse me, is this Class 1-1? I mistakenly entered another class and I didn't know that I was in the wrong class until after recess.

Mr. Joseph : Well what is your name?

Boy : My name is Jean.

Mr. Joseph : very well then, you may take a seat.

Jean then took a seat next to Daisuke.

Mr. Joseph : Alright class, Mr. Abdul told me all about your introductions so you all can all do whatever you guys want as long as you don't make too much noise or start a fight.

Good thing Daisuke wasn't late for THIS! Can you imagine the consequences?

I have no idea why Mr. Joseph is not teaching.

Class: Yes sir.

Jean starts a conversation with Daisuke.

Jean : So, what's your name?

Daisuke : My name's Daisuke. Are you from Kalos?

Jean : Of course ! My name is a dead giveaway.

Daisuke : So did your parents move here when you were a kid?

Jean : Well, about that. My parents are dead.

Off to a great start already, I see!

Daisuke : Ah crap. Sorry about that.

Jean : You don't have to apologise.

Daisuke : Anyways, do you have any other family members?

Jean : I have a younger twin sister.

For a moment I thought he was going to say "I had a younger twin sister, but she is dead too."

Daisuke : Well, I have an elder sister and an elder brother.

As Daisuke and Jean continue to talk, they soon become good friends.

I suppose it doesn't take much to make a friend in the right circumstances, but I was looking forward to learning more about both of them while they became friends since I assume Jean is relevant to the plot.

Three weeks later...

It's been three weeks since the start of the school year and it's looking to be a normal day at school.

I guess the assassins just gave up and went home? Then again, if I saw a dude use Pokemon-like powers to wreck a Pokemon in a battle, I probably wouldn't be keen on messing with him again either... 😅

Daisuke : Hey there, Jean!

Jean : Good to see you Daisuke, how have you been doing?

Daisuke : Yeah I've been doing great. How about you?

Jean : Yeah I've been doing great as well.

Intercom : Attention students! Please go to the assembly point now as our assembly is about to start.

Daisuke : Jean, lets go to the assembly point. We don't want to risk being late.

Jean : Right behind you, Daisuke!

As the both of them were walking towards the assembly point, Daisuke had a gut feeling that something was wrong but he shrugged it off. However, Daisuke soon realised that he should've trusted his gut.

BOOOOM!!!!!

Jean : What the hell was that?!

Intercom : Attention everyone! Please evacuate the premises immediately! The school is under attack !!

That intercom person is on POINT! No idea how they figured it out that fast since it probably could have had other explanations unless the attack was directly witnessed by that person.

Daisuke : The school is under attack?! Yare yare, can this day get any worse?

Well. Yeah. They could kill you. Ah, who am I kidding... they don't stand a chance. Carry on, then.

Suddenly, a group of armoured figures approached the school.

Daisuke : (Well, it just got even worse!)

Jean: Daisuke! Let's get the hell out of here!

Daisuke : Yeah, let's bolt!

So I guess they think having a group well help them. I highly doubt it. Daisuke seems OP like crazy!

Armoured leader : You know the job boys, take out anyone in our way and make sure we get to Joseph before he has time to do his secret technique.

What technique? The ability to let the students do whatever they want so he can do whatever he wants while still somehow keeping his job?

Armoured soldiers : Yes sir!

The Armoured soldiers then started firing at everyone in their path whether it was a pokémon, a student or a teacher, they didn't care at all.

Well, I'd say that gives Daisuke a pretty good reason to make them a bit less alive.

Meanwhile, at the assembly point.

Joseph and Abdul were working with the other teachers and a battalion of soldiers to evacuate the students .

Friendly soldiers? Why? How did they get there so fast?

However they were too late as the Armoured soldiers arrived and started firing at the evacuees resulting in the deaths of many students, pokémon and teachers.

Joseph : No, no, no!!!

Abdul : Joseph we have to get out of here! It's too dangerous !

Joseph : No Abdul ! I can't let them kill the rest! I.. can't ....!

Tears of rage started to form in Joseph's eyes as his hands started emitting blue sparks of energy.

Joseph : I won't let them die!!!

Joseph then punched the ground, releasing the blue energy towards the Armoured soldiers who were then shocked by said energy.

Armoured soldier J-90 : Argghh! What the hell was that?!

The secret technique you were afraid of. Didn't you get the memo?

Joseph : ....

Joseph then proceeded to beat the living shit out of every single one of the Armoured soldiers to the shock of the surviving students and teachers.

I uh... was not expecting cursing to be used so bluntly by the narration! 😂

Student : Holy shit! Mr. Joseph is beating them up!

Other students : Go Mr. Joseph !! Finish them!!

Joseph : I appreciate the praise but all of you have to evacuate NOW!!!

Students(slightly frightened) : Y-Yes sir !!

Joseph continued fighting the Armoured soldiers as Abdul and the remaining teachers focused on getting the students to the evac choppers.

Abdul : Okay everyone this way ! This way!

That's when Abdul realised a terrible truth .

Abdul : Wait, where are Jean and Daisuke??!!.

Wait, there are HOW many students being evacuated? How and why would they pick those two out in all the chaos of everything going on?

Meanwhile,

Daisuke and Jean were attempting to escape with some other students but they were spotted by some of the Armoured soldiers who started firing at them.

Daisuke :Shimatashimatashimatashimatashimata!!!!

Jean : AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

To make matters even worse, the soldiers started summoning pokémon to chase them .

They seem to be going through a lot of trouble to hunt Daisuke and Jean down when their target is supposed to be Joseph.

Armoured soldier G-45 : Scyther! Make sure none of these little punks get out of here alive!

Scyther : Scy-Scyther!!

The Scyther then started chasing the evacuating students cutting them down and turning the scene into a gory mess while laughing maniacally .

Armoured soldier G-45 : Yeah, that's good Scyther! Slaughter those brats!

What is the goal of these soldiers? Just to kill everyone? Why? What do they gain out of it?

Jean : Mon dieu !!! Run Daisuke run !! That thing is approaching fast!!

Daisuke : Jean! Grab my hand!

Jean : For what?!

Daisuke : Just grab onto my damn hand!

Daisuke uses his lighting ability to quickly outrun the approaching Scyther with Jean still holding onto his hand.

Jean : What the hell was that?!

Daisuke : I'll explain later! We have to get the hell out of here first!

I wonder where these powers come from?

In the distance

Armoured soldier D-16 : Well boys. I spotted some runts. Care to take them out for me?

The Armoured soldier then summoned an Abomasnow along with a Tyranitar and an Absol.

Jean : Daisuke, incoming!

Daisuke dodges an energy ball from the Abomasnow and proceeds to use his earth and telekinetic powers in tandem to knock it out. However, both he and Jean are cornered by the Tyranitar and the Absol.

Armoured soldier D-16 : Sorry kids but there ain't now way outta this. Any last words?

The soldier has no surprised reaction to Daisuke's crazy powers? I don't think I'd be confident if I were that soldier... 😅

Daisuke and Jean : ..........

Daisuke prepares another attack in secrecy.

Armoured soldier D-16 : Got nothing to say ey? Put them out of their misery, boys.

Just as Daisuke was about to finish the Tyranitar and Absol off, a mysterious figure came out of nowhere and fired some purple shards at the Tyranitar and Absol .

Armoured soldier D-16 : What..

Deet. Kaboom!!

The Armoured soldier along with his pokémon were killed in the explosion.

Daisuke : It's you again!!

Jean: Wait you know this guy?

The mysterious figure walked out of the explosion. Finally revealing his true form.

Jean : Impossible.. It's only a conspiracy theory!!

Mewtwo : Don't be afraid my friends. I am not going to harm the both of you. As a matter of fact , I intend to escape along with the both of you.

I hope the fic intends to explain in great detail why Mewtwo is here, because this by itself isn't making a lot of sense to me. Mewtwo can fly at high speeds. I wouldn't think escaping from something should be that difficult for him.

Daisuke : Why so?

Mewtwo : Because my home was taken over by those soldiers. I no longer have anywhere to hide.

No where to hide? How? The planet is huge! With Mewtwo's power, I wouldn't think he would even need a home... Caterpies live in the forest. You might call the forest their home, but they are living outside with no permanent shelter. If Caterpies can do it, so can Mewtwo.

Jean (slightly uneasy) : Well, you can come with us ! But you need a disguise.

Mewtwo : That won't be an issue.

The Mewtwo then took upon the form of a purple eyed teenage boy with green clothes and red hair.

I didn't know Mewtwo could learn transform... And if Mewtwo can do that, how does Mewtwo have a hard time hiding?

Jean : Well, that was quick.

Abdul (Breathing heavily): Daisuke ! Jean ! We need to evacuate now! And who is this young man ?

Daisuke : We saw him walking around here. He was also trying to escape the attack.

Mewtwo : Y-Yes! I was just walking around here when I heard the explosion.

Abdul : Then we must make haste. The school is almost completely overrun!

The four of them make a mad dash towards the evac choppers as the Armoured soldiers and their pokémon begin breaking out of the school.

Daisuke : Mr. Abdul , where is Mr. Joseph?

Abdul : Don't worry Daisuke; he is waiting for us in an evac chopper .

Daisuke : Well, lets get to the chopper asap. Those guys might be gunning for us.

Daisuke and the rest of the group manage to evade detection and get to the evac chopper in time.

Joseph : Daisuke, Jean ! Am I glad to see the both of you !

Jean : Well, we're also glad that you got out of that hellhole.

Joseph : Oh, and who's that?

I guess Mewtwo will be joining their band. Not sure what they are going to do after this, though.

Mewtwo : Oh, me? I'm –

The Mewtwo was cut off by the Armoured soldiers as they fired at the group.

RATAATATATATATATATATATAATATAT!!!

Joseph :BLOODY HELL!

Abdul : Everyone in the chopper now!

Everyone enters the chopper.

Abdul : Joseph! Get this thing off the ground!

Joseph : Alright!

Jean : Wait I thought that those military guys that were helping us evacuate were the ones piloting the choppers?

Joseph : Well the blokes that were supposed to fly this chopper were shot down before you all came here so I decided to pilot this chopper myself.

Daisuke : Sir, are you even qualified to be piloting this sort of military chopper, let alone any sort of aircraft?!

Joseph : Don't worry Daisuke! I know how to fly this bad boy because I've watched the demo video on how to fly it! Though I had to watch it again because I fell asleep the first time....

Daisuke : ( Yare yare daze. We are so screwed.....)

Joseph : Everyone! Grab onto something because this bad boy's going turbo!

Mewtwo : What is "turbo"?

BAEEEEEEEEEMM!!!

The chopper goes very fast; colliding with a nearby Salamance which unbeknownst to them at the time, severely damaged the landing gear.

Mewtwo : Ah, that's what he meant by turbo.. Going very fast! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Mewtwo, why don't you just levitate everyone and fly them out of there? What good is a disguise if people end of dead because of it?

Jean : Mon dieu!!!

Daisuke : Shimata!!

Abdul : Joseph! What were you thinking?!

Joseph : On second thought... I shouldn't have done that because I think the landing gear's busted now because of our earlier impact with the Salamance.

Daisuke : Everyone ! Brace for impact!!!

Everyone : AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!

Everyone braces for impact as the chopper crashes into the ground . Producing a deafening array of noises.

WHEERRRRR BOOOOOOOMM!!!!!!

So Mewtwo just lets them all crash. Ok.

 

[Axihdio]

Well, the writing here isn't that good considering the fact that I wrote this about three to four months before I published the story on Wattpad in November.

Also in Kakuro's bio it was explained that there were many Mewtwo made by Team Rocket. The thing is these Mewtwo are pretty weak and need to train their powers which they didn't. Kakuro couldn't stop them from crashing because he was panicking like the others. Same reason why Daisuke couldn't just put the Ryhorn to sleep in Chapter 1. Granted I admit that the writing is is kind of shit because I didn't really plan out the finer details when I wrote this.

(Also the reason why Joseph lets them do whatever they want is because it's orientation week.)

(The armoured soldiers are also psychopaths that's why they kill everyone they see.)

 

[Tango]

So, at first I wasn't going to reply to your reply with more than a reaction, (as that is usually how this kind of thing goes with most reviewers and fics) but I try to hold myself to a higher standard than that, so I'm back for a reply in the hopes that you find it helpful.

Well, the writing here isn't that good considering the fact that I wrote this about three to four months before I published the story on Wattpad in November.

Length of time from when it was written matters less than you might think. It all depends on your willingness to learn and the effort applied.

Also in Kakuro's bio it was explained that there were many Mewtwo made by Team Rocket. The thing is these Mewtwo are pretty weak and need to train their powers which they didn't.

I did some searching and found that was listed in Chapter 3. That comes a little too late in the narration to explain to readers prior to Mewtwo's reveal. Readers in chapter two will have no idea there were many of them made and that they didn't train their powers because the standard canon is that there is only one Mewtwo that is very powerful and capable.

Also, Mewtwo's ability to effortlessly transform looks like a pretty good control of power, so it sends the opposite message of what you are intending. Perhaps if you added an explanation why Mewtwo was able to transform? Perhaps Mewtwo is just good at transforming as a way of hiding since Mewtwo has had to do that so often?

Kakuro couldn't stop them from crashing because he was panicking like the others.

Considering Kakuro is not like the Mewtwo your readers are familiar with, this is an acceptable reason, however, readers at this point in your story don't know that, and to them it just looks like the calm, collected, and very powerful Mewtwo is freaking out over a helicopter crash and doing nothing to help when he easily could. Reviewers likely wont read your entire fic and then come back to comment on individual chapters. They will likely read and review chapter by chapter.

Same reason why Daisuke couldn't just put the Ryhorn to sleep in Chapter 1.

Danger is very common to Pokemon. A Pokemon battle is dangerous. Pokemon commonly use moves and powers in stressful situations like battles. This explanation works better for Daisuke than it does for Pokemon, but Daisuke seems used to combat, so I question how well the explaination works for him too.

Granted I admit that the writing is is kind of shit because I didn't really plan out the finer details when I wrote this.

Writing quality is subjective. You wrote it the best you could at the time, I'm sure. Nothing to be objectively ashamed about and everyone has to start somewhere.

Also, you as the author know how to make sense of the world you have written. You know things that readers don't. In your mind it is better than how readers perceive it. There is more there, you just have to learn how to draw it out of yourself and into your story.

You can improve both your writing and your fic, if you set your mind to it. It all depends on your willingness to try by soliciting feedback, learning, and applying suggestions and edits. That's what I've done the past 9 months and it's worked out great for my fic so far. (I became a first time author 9 months ago)

But keep in mind that you usually need to be willing to review other peoples fics if you want them to give you feedback, especially if you are looking for in-depth feedback. In my case, my original post for you was because of the blitz. You satisfied the weekly theme to help me earn points and Negrek mentioned your fic on discord which drew my attention to your fic. My second review was from catnip.

But you can get reviews from more than blitz and catnip. Setting up a review exchange with another author is a good way.

(Also the reason why Joseph lets them do whatever they want is because it's orientation week.)

A simple line added to the fic could clue readers in to that fact. Or even just updating the line where he lets them do what they want to add in that it is because it's orientation week.

(The armoured soldiers are also psychopaths that's why they kill everyone they see.)

They don't sound very effective, if they veer off-mission to shoot random people... Don't their superiors want them on-target to accomplish the mission? To have such a large team of soldiers, I assume their superiors have lots of money and would be able to hire the most effective and focused soldiers. Unless of course, the mission is for them to kill as many people as possible. I suspect that is not the case, but feel free to correct me if that suspicion is incorrect.

Anyway, I hope this helps you a bit. I'll be around if you have further questions or need some general advice.