Pokémon Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Trails of Wonder

[Wonderain]

Wonder is a young Shinx, and a full-time paperboy. In a world with rescue teams and mystery dungeons galore, it’s no secret that such a lifestyle isn’t exactly ideal. Add absent parents into the equation, and it’s a recipe for disaster. However, fresh faces, as well as a rising danger in the town could ensure that Wonder’s life can turn itself around as he knows it. Could Wonder be in for the twist of his life? Or is he to be forever known as the town paperboy?

Welcome to Trails of Wonder. This is the first thing I’ve ever officially gotten out in a long ass time, so I hope you enjoy. I am open to any and all criticisms.

 

[Wonderain]

PMD: Trails Of Wonder

Fire crackles in the dim of the forest, its wispy orange-yellow shape flowing through the cold air. By the flame rests a small feline, its blue and black fur brushing against the soft grass below. As it bathes in the heat, its black tail waves in the air, the 4-pointer star on the tip facing the sky.

Digging its paw into a small brown bag, the Shinx rummages a bundle of amber-golden coins.

"250 Pokè…this was my pay for today. Wonder what I'll do with this. Probably not much."

Shuffling about, the Shinx tries to absorb as much warmth as possible, eventually lying flat on its stomach.

"Crappy job…no home…"

Opening its left paw, a batch of berries fall from the Shinx's grasp.

"Living off fucking berries to save money…I haven't had a real meal in a month. Just how low can I get?"

Turning over, the Pokèmon positions itself to where its stomach faces towards the night sky.

"Why can't I be a regular teen? Having friends…being in rescue teams…I just deliver mail to people."

The Shinx's paw rests on a newspaper, discarded on the ground beside him. He drags the paper closer to him, before picking it up and reading it aloud.

"Team Cavalier saves the day once again…Mudbray Musician 'Hay-Z' releases new single…New sales at…." The Shinx crumples the newspaper in its paws, tossing it into the fire. "Who the FUCK reads this shit?"

As the newspaper is cast into the deep inferno, the flame momentarily grows in size as it absorbs the article, breaking it down into a gas in mere seconds.

"God…did my parents just do away with me because they knew I'd turn out like this?"

Pouting, the young Shinx lies back on its frontside, burying his head into the grass.

"Just a stupid paperboy…" He grumbles, before closing his eyes and nodding to sleep.

---

That morning….


"Attention, guildmates!"


The noisy room is effectively silenced by the boom of a large steel Pokèmon.

Over a wooden tabletop, the Pokèmon stands tall and firm, its body formed of large steel plates, with white claws in place of fingers on its oval-like paws.

The Pokèmon, an Aggron, places its paws on its hips before beginning its address, practically shouting across the room.

"Lissen up, ye runts! There's an important announcement fer' all ye suckers, so you better keep yer' ears wide open, ye hear?"

…..

"I WANNA HEAR A 'YES, SIR ABBADON!'"

In unison, the room's populace erupts into a synchronized chant.

"Yes, Sir Abbadon!"

Suddenly, a small blue Pokèmon waddles its way into the room.

"Yes, yes. That'll be enough, Gerald."

Flinching, the Aggron immediately drops its firm position at the sight of the Wooper.

"A-Ah! Yes, of course, sir!"

'Sir Abbadon' clears the way for the small fish-like Pokèmon as it approaches the room's center.

Clearing his throat, the Wooper begins to speak in a deep, toned voice.

"Ahem. Good morning, members of the Round Table. Before I begin my address, I would like to, as your headmaster, congratulate all of you on your excellent work, so far. You have all, as individuals, made an excellent contribution to our guild. I would like to commend you all substantially for your efforts."

After the headmaster bows, the entire room erupts into a tumultuous applause, before silencing as he lifts his head, allowing for his address to continue.

"I appreciate all of you for your work as individuals, and for the amount you all, separately bring to the table."

"Because, unfortunately…there has recently been an event, in which someone has been taken out."

Sir Abbadon enters the room, revealing a whiteboard on which a poster containing the face of a Grovyle is displayed.

Gasps and murmurs fill the room, eventually subsiding before the headmaster's next words are spoken.

"Mr. 'Oliver', please make your way to the board."

Withdrawing the crowd is a Sandslash, who approaches the whiteboard, a frown visible on his face.

"Clayton had always been a dear partner of mine," Oliver begins. "He always had a bit of a jerkass sense of humor…it made him pretty entertaining to work with. I couldn't ask for a better co-worker….no. I couldn't ask for a better friend."

Oliver emits a deep sigh.

"That night…we'd been scoping out the woods for anything unusual. Any signs of that damn troublemaker running about…we'd heard some rustling in the bushes, and when we found it was really just a little cat, we'd let our guard down, y'know? We thought it was a false alarm…that we'd tensed up for no reason."

"But then, that bastard…he popped up out of nowhere. That damn Zangoose that we'd been searching for in the first place…He came and attacked."

Oliver holds his paw over a scratch mark on his cheek. "I managed to get away by the skin of my teeth. My partner, on the other hand…I can't so much say the same for him. Damn Zangoose snatched 'im, and there's no telling where he is, now. For as much as we know, he might as well be dead. 'Course that's not what I believe. But, I guess it is sometimes best to assume the worst."

Sir Abbadon flips the whiteboard, as the headmaster signals Oliver to return to the crowd. Displayed on the board is a wanted poster, with a picture of a Zangoose on the cover.

"This criminal has been running around these parts for some time, and despite our efforts, we have not achieved much in the way of finding his place of origin, or the reason behind his repeated abductions. The state of his victims is unknown, but we believe they are being exploited to his benefit." The headmaster's eyes begin to furrow. "That, at least, is the best-case scenario."

"But, in any case, to conclude this lecture, we strongly suggest that you all exercise the utmost caution in your missions. If you see anything that seems off-color or unusual in the slightest, do not ever shrug it off. Keep your guard up, and make sure you cautiously exit the area until you are certain it is secure. However, we are a team of rescuers. Therefore, the safety of those you are meant to protect should be your biggest priority. If there is any way that you can ensure that both you and the Pokèmon that is to be rescued can make it from the mission safely, you must make it happen. By being a part of this guild, you have all promised to put the lives of others above yours. Whether you like it or not."

"That will be all for today. Proceed to your missions."

---

Only the headmaster and Sir Abbadon are left behind as the remainder of the guild piles out through the door. Turning to the headmaster, Sir Abbadon tries to initiate a conversation.

"Ay, I put today's newspaper on yer' desk. Did ye see it?"

"Yes, I did. That paperboy…'Wonder', was it? Did he put it in the front mailbox?"

"Yes, sir."

"Hm. I'll leave a note for him to put it in the one by the backdoor. That'll make things more convenient."

"Ay, you know I have no problem carryin' it over, boss. I can always make time to help ye out."

"No. I need you to keep watch of the guild at all times. As long as that culprit still lurks, we must keep our guard up."

"U-Understood, sir."

The headmaster lets out a slight chuckle. "That's why you're my favorite worker, Gerald."

Entering the building, the headmaster shuts the door behind him.

Sir Abbadon stands in shock.

"Boss said I'm his favorite….by golly, I could cry right now!"

"I mean….erm…of course I am! Who else would be?"

Fin.

 

[Wonderain]

Chapter 2: Doubled Down

"Well, if it isn't our favorite paperboy!"

The Pelipper's beady eyes are filed with a joyful expression as it looms over the desk, its humongous beak leaning about an inch away from Wonder's face.

"Yeah…of course it's me. I'm here just about every day." Wonder sighs. "So…anything interesting as of late? What exactly am I delivering to people?"

"Oh, it's maarvelous!" The orange-beaked bird beams. "The limited edition froggy hats at the Espeon Emporium are back in stock! Oh, I just can't wait to get my flippers on one! Say, I think it would look good on you, paperboy! Perhaps that could be a reward for all your hard work~!"

Wonder awkwardly chuckles, shifting his eyes. "I-I think cash will do fine enough. Thank you."

"Oh, in that case, I'll just get one for my brother!" The Pelipper places a large bag on the counter, before trotting over to the office. "Oh, Roobeeert!"

Wonder stands in silence, before moving to grab the bag of newspapers.

"Friggin 'ell," he thought to himself.

Fastening the bag around his back, Wonder dashes down the paved road of the grassy hill, making his way towards the village of Kingstown.

"If I deliver this mail fast enough, maybe that Pelipper'll give me a pay raise." Wonder lets out a scoff. "Or a 'froggy hat'. No matter, I can profit off of either."

"As a matter of fact, people'll be looking all over for those damn things. I could make some big bucks outta reselling. I can see it now. 'Wonder, the big-shot salesman'! 'Wonder, the extravagant Entrepreneur!"

He lets out a slight chuckle. "I gotta get my head outta the clouds, man. I'm still eating berries for breakfast, for heavens' sake. I need to look ahea-"

BAM!

A blunt collision halts Wonder's train of thought, causing him to fall over. When he looks up, he realizes that he had crashed into an unsuspecting Espurr.

"Ow…" the Espurr groans, rubbing their head in pain.

"Oh!" Wonder perks up, realizing the Pokèmon was hurt. "Hey, you good? Sorry, I should've been paying attention to the road."

"You really should've.." The Espurr remarks, still rubbing their head, while regaining their footing.

"I…uh…sorry." Wonder rubs the back of his neck.

"…Wait a minute."

Panicked, Wonder quickly slides his paw to the flap of his bag, and realizes it had been opened.

"Ah, crap!" Wonder exclaims, quickly unfastening the buckle around his torso and dropping the bag to the ground, anxiously tallying the newspapers.

"1…..2…..18….19…" Wonder mumbles. "19."

"…..19!?"

"Dammit! There's supposed to be 21!" Wonder's eyes widen, as he starts to panic."

"Oh…I would help you, but…" The Espurr holds their hand to their arm. "I'm actually on my way to file a rescue report…for a friend of mine."

Wonder shakes his head. "It's fine…it's not your problem anyways…"

"Ah….god damnit."

Panic starts to build up in Wonder's head.

"Damnit! I have to deliver this town's newspapers by noon! I don't have time to stand around, I've got other towns to get to!"

He looks towards the side of the hill.

"If my hunch is right…it must've rolled from down there to the forest…meaning…"

The realization hits him. "Shit, it rained yesterday! The grass is still damp!"

As he dashes down the hill, Wonder's feet practically grind against the solid rock like an industrial locomotive. He reaches the bottom of the hill, and makes his way into the forest, stopping between a column of trees.

"At least one of them should be here…huh?"

Wonder sees a squirrel-like critter in the corner of his eye, scurrying away with a newspaper stored in its mouth.

"You've got to be fucking—HEY!" Wonder calls out to the critter. However, his call only leads it to dash further into the forest.

"W-Wait! Come back—damnit!" Wonder quickly tails the creature, attempting to get its attention. "Hey, come back! I need that!"

However, this is to no avail. The creature sharply turns, causing Wonder to nearly lose it.

"Little bastard—!" Wonder growls, before redirecting his path to follow the critter.

Soon enough, Wonder closes in his distance with the squirrel-like Pokèmon, and tries to reason with it.

"Hey, little guy! If you stop right now and lend the paper over, I'll forget this ever happened! Nobody'll have to get hurt, you hear?"

The critter turns its head back to Wonder, and winks, before shaking its head. Almost instantaneously, the creature is decked on the forehead with a Plain Seed, causing it to fall over and drop the newspaper.

Wonder scoffs, placing the Plain Seed back in the front pocket of his bag. "I tried to make it easy for you, buddy."

Wonder feels the newspaper's soggy texture, his paws moistened by the wetness. "Ugh. It's all damp now…this is in no condition to be delivered." He lets out a sigh. "I can't get it replaced, though. They don't print extras."

"I'll just have to hope whoever I was meant to deliver this to doesn't care too much about the news." Wonder shakes his head. "And I haven't even found the last one, either."

Wonder turns back to the collapsed squirrel Pokèmon. "Thanks a lot, ya little cunt."

As Wonder walks back through the forest, he suddenly gets an unsteady feeling in his head.

"Huh…?"

As if some instinct of danger had triggered, Wonder begins to look around in a panic.

"I-Is someone there?"

Clutching onto his bag, Wonder begins to take a few steady steps back, before his foot bumps into a rock, causing him to trip over his hind legs. The sound of a rustling bush is heard behind him, followed by a near deafening silence, causing Wonder to freeze in fear.

A red paw quickly seals Wonder's mouth, its long, black claws touching the back of his head.

"Such a fearful soul…you'll make an excellent victim."

Another red paw is raised before Wonder's eyes. His eyes widen, as he realizes just what he's gotten himself into.

He tries squirming, but the threat's hold is too firm. He tries screaming for help, but it only comes out as a muffle in the grasp of the creature.

As he stares at the creature's black claws, he feels that he is staring at the soul of death itself. The sharp, dim appearance feels like an all-too-familiar face. And as it closes in, it feels like everything slows down before his eyes.

Reaching for his bag, Wonder desperately searches for a last resort. He feels the texture of a warm sunflower seed…his eyes light up instantaneously.

Wonder grabs the Blast Seed from his bag, and makes a shot to save his life. He hurls it behind him, right where he assumes the face of the creature to be. Closing his eyes, he listens for the sound of a…

CRACK!

Wonder feels the warm coat of the blast seed's effect. Without a second to waste, he grabs his bag and makes a mad dash through the woods.

"Thank you, Mr. Pelipper! Thank you, Mr. Pelipper.! Thank you, Mr. Pelipper!"

The feeling of relief and gratefulness felt in this moment could not be matched by any moment in Wonder's life. Although, that bliss is replaced with the same prior feeling of uneasiness, as Wonder feels his adversary closing in.

"Come on! Just a little more…!"

As he nears the end of the forest, Wonder feels the threat closing in more than ever. Clearly, he was outmatched in speed. Now would determine whether or not he could make his escape.

Wonder makes the grand leap toward the hillside. His leg is grabbed and clawed by the creature before him as he quickly grasps onto the rock and climbs his way back up the hill. After making it to the top, he looks down the hill, to see that the threat had fled the scene.

"….ALLLLRIIIIIIGHT!" Wonder exclaims. "WHOOO!"

He falls over on his back, letting out a deep exhale. However, now that the adrenaline has subsided, Wonder comes to the realization that he is still one magazine short.

"Oh…damnit. I forgot all about that…and there's no way in hell I'm going back in that forest to look for it."

Wonder shakes his head. "I'll just have to give them a formal apology. Sure hope they're the understanding type."

"God…it hasn't even hit noon, and I'm already exhausted…I want this to just be over with."

Making sure his bag is tightly fastened on his body, Wonder makes his way to Kingstown village.

---

At the Round Table…

Scanning a newspaper, the headmaster lies back in his chair.

Sir Abbadon enters the office, saluting before beginning his address.

"Sir Headmaster Gore, I have come to report that another bounty has been poached by our guild. One by the name of 'Band Bandit Brandy'."

The headmaster lowers his paper. "…By who?"

Sir Abbadon opens his palm, revealing a tiny Budew. "Me. He was quite the easy find."

Gore squints his eyes. "And say, 'Brandy', what is your motive for your multiple instances of rubber band theft?"

"Who the hell needs em'?" Squeaks the tiny bud. "When I was a youngin', I had an incident revolving a rubber band. I was screwing around with one, until it snapped back so hard, that I got a band-shaped burn on my forehead! From then on, people would always sling rubber bands at me. And it's all thanks to this bastard named Jonas who started it…! He did it once during lunch, and then everyone hopped on the bandwagon! Now, I'd been known as 'Rubber Band Brandy' for the majority of my school career. And when the joke died, I became nothing. Nobody would ever talk to me! I don't want anyone to suffer the same torment that I did…that's why I decided to resort to theft…to remove the source of it."

Headmaster Gore's eyes begin to furrow. "Unfortunately, Mr. 'Brandy', past traumatic experiences are never a legal excuse for a crime such as theft. I am afraid you will have to face punishment."

Brandy lets out a sigh. "Yeah, I figured."

"….But," Gore continues. "I am an advocate for justice just as I am for enforcement."

"…Do you, by any chance, remember the species of this 'Jonas' individual?"

Brandy immediately perked up. "Oh, YES! I remember it just as well as the damn incident itself!"

"He was a Machop! The ugliest, bitch-faced Machop you will EVER meet! I saw him at the grocery store about 2 months ago. And funnily enough, he's a Machoke now. Good for him. But I still recognized him, because of that stupid fucking hat he'd always wear! 'Cool guy below', with an arrow pointing to his stupid, meatheaded….head!"

Headmaster Gore nods. "Very well. Meet me in the back. Gerald, you can watch the office."

"Yes, sir!" Sir Abbadon bows in compliance.

"Heh. Suck-up." Gore chuckles to himself, before closing the door behind him.

After a moment of prolonged silence, Sir Abbadon picks up the newspaper placed on the desk. "Paperboy came around, I see. Let's see what's new."

"A froggy hat!? By heavens, I've always wanted one of those! Oh, I know what I'll be wasting my paycheck on!"

---

"Now, you see that? Look very closely. Pay close attention to which house he goes to." Gore instructs.

"Aye, sir," Brandy replies, a shit-eating grin creeping onto his face.

"Ah! Beige building! Three stories tall!"

A sly smirk creeps onto Gore's face. "Excellent. You have the rubber band and the silly string. You know what to do from here. Unfortunately, I cannot offer any further involvement in this."

"Man, you're the coolest boss ever. I'd totally work for you."

"…You do realize you're still serving time, correct?"

"….Yeah…."

---

Gore reenters the office, sitting back in his chair. "I apologize for the wait, Gerald. The client and I had some…'business' to attend."

The same sly smile remains on Gore's face as he sips his coffee through a straw.

Sir Abbadon lets out a chuckle. "Yer' something else, boss."

---

After a long morning of mail deliveries, Wonder arrives at the final house for his mail delivery.

"Hoo, boy…okay, last delivery of this town. One order of 'pathetic formal apology', coming up."

Wonder rings the doorbell, waiting for it to be answered.

"Now, how should I present this? 'My dear sir or ma'am, I formally apologize for…' no, too sophisticated. An apology shouldn't read like a legal document."

Wonder emits a sigh. "Man, I should've thought about this more before I made it to the house."

Suddenly, the sound of an adjusting doorknob intervenes Wonder's train of thought.

"Ah! Now's the time! Welp, here goes nothing."

Suddenly, Wonder notices an odd contraption on the doorknob.

"Hey, is that a rubber—"

The door opens, causing a container of Silly String to be pulled by the rubber band contraption. Before Wonder can greet the residents, the Silly String hits the ground, causing an explosion of the contents.

"….!"

"O-Oh…I….uh…"

Wonder looks up to the house residents.

"Hehe…I really don't…"

Promptly, the Machoke explodes in anger.

"DID YOU DO THIS, YA LITTLE SHIT!?"

Wonder's face fills with sweat. "W-Wait, no! I-I'm just a paperboy! I don't have anything to do with—"

Wonder watches as the Machoke's face nears his, its beak looming over his head, just an inch away from his face.

"I don't see no paper, ya little runt." The Machoke growls.

"Well, actually, that's what I came to—-"

"I don't want to hear SHIT!" The Pokèmon yells, practically fuming. "I am NEVER ordering any newspapers from your STUPID company EVER again, ya hear!? You get your douchey ass off my property, and if you so much as breathe on it again, I will make sure you get fired from your crappy little job."

Wonder's eyes began to furrow. Something about those words caused his blood to boil.

"Go on, little paperboy. Or would you rather me get involved with your job now, and have your little punkass be living on the streets? Take your pick."

The customer's words fill Wonder with rage. However, he calms down, for his own sake.

"…I have other deliveries."

Wonder walks away from the house, before breaking into a sprint out of the town.

"Heh. Little punk." The customer scoffs.

---

Afterwards, Wonder had successfully finished the rest of his deliveries to the other towns. After a long day of delivering papers, he found himself settled by a campfire once again, bathing in the heat of the flame.

"Chewed out by a customer…pissed off my manager…almost got fucking killed….what a day."

Wonder buries his head into the grass below.

"Fuck my life, man." He grumbles, against the dirt on the ground. "I'm so tired of disappointing people…"

Wonder sits up on his hind legs, picking up and chewing on his batch of berries as if they were sunflower seeds.

"Welp, I'd ought to get a good night's sleep. If I have to put up with this shit tomorrow, I'm gonna need the energy."

Wonder lies on his side, before slowly closing his eyes.

Fin.

 

[Gyeig]

Heya Wonderain. Just dropping a quick review on the start of your fic here. Going into this with no prior knowledge, just keep that in mind in case I get anything wrong.

Chapters 1 and 2​

So starting off, you've got a start. A unique one for PMD, mind you - Pokemon works mundane job, gets paid like crap, is unsatisfied with life, lives in town that's got plenty of problems and bad guys to worry about, and so on. You'd think it was a common opening, but it actually isn't, and I like that - you made the mundane look fresh.

Getting into the meat of the fic is actually kind of difficult - it's hard for me to figure out where to start with the things I spotted, especially given that there's only two chapters I'm reading at the moment. Let's just start with the pacing: I think you do it well, although I thought there was a problem here initially (more on that later). Things move at a brisk pace, we don't get paragraph after paragraph describing how shit Wonder thinks his job is, instead the fic just shows a day where every last thing seems to go wrong. This is good - there's a lot of things just flat out shown here, and it gives me as a reader quite a lot to think about. What kind of town is this? Is it full of crime? Is everyone in it just kind of a dick? Same goes for Abbadon looking up to his Wooper boss, for example. This is all well and good.

However, there are issues. A major, maaajor one would be the structure. It doesn't feel like a story, if that makes any sense: Rather, it feels more like a collection of scenes that are kind of thrown together in a weird order. Sometimes they're split up into tiny chunks. Most of the time, the transitions happen way too early, and the result is that the story feels fragmented. IMO, you'd have been better off putting all the Wonder scenes in these two chapters in the first, then all the Abbadon scenes in Chapter 2. This would make it easier to absorb both of these characters, in my eyes.

Going in deeper, the whole scene where Wonder is almost murdered is just weird. Why does this happen this early into the story? Who is this? Why isn't it followed upon? Shouldn't he be filing a police report that he was almost killed in the woods in the middle of the day? It feels incredibly off.

Alright, I'll leave things off here for now. To summarize, I think there's a good amount you're doing well, but also some things that you should have a second look at. Best of luck with your writing, and thanks for the fic!

 

[Namohysip]

Here to review both chapters currently up so far. This was an interesting premise that takes a classic opener from other stories and puts it in PMD where it's decidedly less common. Having a normal person having an unsatisfying life with the idea that very soon it'll become abnormal. For the following paragraphs, I'll be giving some chapter-by-chapter thoughts and then I'll end off with some overall opinions.

Strange that the prose seems to use 'it' and 'he' interchangeably for the opener. I'm pretty sure you'd normally just go for 'he' in this case, right? I'm not sure what to make of that one otherwise.

Looks like the opener is about our young Shinx who doesn't really know what to do with himself and generally isn't leading the best life, even if he's trying to make a living. A classic tale of someone starting the story dissatisfied with their current way of life.

And it seems the chapter also opens with our first obvious conflict, a missing Grovyle and the fact that Wonder is their delivery mon. Though those two things seem entirely unrelated, the narrative framing seems to imply or suggest that he might be the one to perform the rescue, perhaps even by accident. Curious to see if that's explored in the next chapter. I've seen this style of narrative before and I do it myself, so I'm curious to see where that'll all come into place.

I agree with Gyeig above that these scenes are a little scattered. I do see what's being implied with the flow, though. It seems clear that the person who nearly got Wonder was Zangoose, and I like the way that these plot points converge very quickly. I don't think it was immediately obvious, but maybe in the next chapter, it will happen. I am surprised that he simply went about his day after that experience, though. Surely he would have reported to someone, especially if the guild is part of his route! Maybe he planned to do it tomorrow, is my guess.

I think so far, the pacing, while fast, has at least been showing that the initial paths drawn for these currently separate storylines are intersecting soon. That's what I hope will be happening soon, at least. I think, had it not been for the summary, I would have been pretty lost on the direction that this story is trying to go, and because of that, maybe straightening that out soon would do the narrative some favors. I wouldn't want to rely on a summary to get an idea of the direction of the story, especially when so little has been published yet.

Overall, it's too early to tell precisely how this story will go since it's just getting started. The chapters are short so there isn't a whole lot to say in terms of what happened or what is to come. But with how short they are, there's a minor expectation to make sure the thing that gets the plot rolling happens just as quickly. Hopefully, that'll be... the third chapter!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, was a bit short on time and energy tonight, though I decided to poke my head in at least one story that seemed like a breezy read to potentially revisit later on in RB5. You were one of the lucky winners tonight.

Chapter 1

Spoiler

Fire crackles in the dim of the forest, its wispy orange-yellow shape flowing through the cold air. By the flame rests a small feline, its blue and black fur brushing against the soft grass below. As it bathes in the heat, its black tail waves in the air, the 4-pointer star on the tip facing the sky.

Oh, hello Shinx. Or at least I think you’re a Shinx.

Digging its paw into a small brown bag, the Shinx rummages a bundle of amber-golden coins.

"250 Pokè…this was my pay for today. Wonder what I'll do with this. Probably not much."

Can you even buy three square meals with 250 Poké in this setting? Since that could buy like four berries in some canonical PMD games with that amount of money.

Shuffling about, the Shinx tries to absorb as much warmth as possible, eventually lying flat on its stomach.

"Crappy job…no home…"

Well, I suppose that answers that question there.

Opening its left paw, a batch of berries fall from the Shinx's grasp.

"Living off fucking berries to save money…I haven't had a real meal in a month. Just how low can I get?"

Wonder, don’t go tempting fate there. Since however low you think you are right now, you can always go lower.

That said, I wonder if there’s more that could’ve been said about Wonder and his general environment thus far. Like I assume that Wonder’s situation isn’t normal for wherever he lives, but it’s a bit hard to gauge what his world is like and what his place in it is at the moment.

Turning over, the Pokémon positions itself to where its stomach faces towards the night sky.

If you’re going to be incorporating the accent in ‘Pokémon’, remember that it’s an acute and not a grave accent.

"Why can't I be a regular teen? Having friends…being in rescue teams…I just deliver mail to people."

And getting paid wages that are sufficiently insult-tier that you might as well go hobo it up by the river. ^^;

The Shinx's paw rests on a newspaper, discarded on the ground beside him. He drags the paper closer to him, before picking it up and reading it aloud.

"Team Cavalier saves the day once again…Mudbray Musician 'Hay-Z' releases new single…New sales at…." The Shinx crumples the newspaper in its paws, tossing it into the fire. "Who the FUCK reads this shit?"

>Hay-Z

That pun was physically painful.

As the newspaper is cast flies into the deep inferno, the flame momentarily grows in size as it absorbs the article, breaking it down into a gas in mere seconds.

"God…did my parents just do away with me because they knew I'd turn out like this?"

Pouting, the young Shinx lies back on its frontside, burying his head into the grass.

"Just a stupid paperboy…" He grumbles, before closing his eyes and nodding to sleep.

Not that we’re not finding out that Wonder apparently has a troubled backstory and family life, but I kinda wonder if you’re neglecting to show off his internal thoughts a bit. Like does he have any commentary about how his job is monotonous and unrewarding? Does he feel alone and lonely after being kicked out by his parents? Does he have trust issues such that there’s a reason why he’s all alone in the boonies?

Just feels like you’re leaving a bit on the table for a moment that would otherwise be used to introduce you readers to your character and the world he lives in.

That morning….

"Attention, guildmates!"

Assuming that you’re going for one of those canon-game style timeskips, it might make sense to differentiate the format from “that morning” from the line of shouted dialogue there.

The noisy room is effectively silenced by the boom of a large steel Pokèmon.

Over a wooden tabletop, the Pokèmon stands tall and firm, its body formed of large steel plates, with white claws in place of fingers on its oval-like paws.

The Pokèmon, an Aggron, places its paws on its hips before beginning its address, practically shouting across the room.

Oh, so this is Wonder’s guild, huh? I wonder if we should’ve gotten a bit more framing as to what he was up to / what he was thinking / what his surroundings were like here. Since in general, it’s typically better to frontload description into locations that are depicted for the first time in a story such that you can get away with revisiting them with the audience already having an idea of what they look like.

"Lissen up, ye runts! There's an important announcement fer' all ye suckers, so you better keep yer' ears wide open, ye hear?"

…..

"I WANNA HEAR A 'YES, SIR ABBADON!'"

In unison, the room's populace erupts into a synchronized chant.

"Yes, Sir Abbadon!"

Ah yes, the guildmaster is just casually named after a biblical demon. Totally not an ominous sign for what this guild is going to be like once we get to know it better.

Suddenly, a small blue Pokèmon waddles its way into the room.

"Yes, yes. That'll be enough, Gerald."

Flinching, the Aggron immediately drops its firm position at the sight of the Wooper.

"A-Ah! Yes, of course, sir!"

I’ll admit, I didn’t expect for that to be ‘Sir Abbadon’, but Gates has taught me better than to underestimate Pokémon from the Wooper line. Especially with the way that he just cows that Aggron there.

'Sir Abbadon' clears the way for the small fish-like Pokèmon as it approaches the room's center.

Clearing his throat, the Wooper begins to speak in a deep, toned voice.

Okay, never mind. The Aggron was ‘Abbadon’ after all. Though I’ve still got my eye on him there.

"Ahem. Good morning, members of the Round Table. Before I begin my address, I would like to, as your headmaster, congratulate all of you on your excellent work, so far. You have all, as individuals, made an excellent contribution to our guild. I would like to commend you all substantially for your efforts."

>of the Round Table

Wait, is this a guild or a knightly order there? .-.

After the headmaster bows, the entire room erupts into a tumultuous applause, before silencing as he lifts his head, allowing for his address to continue.

"I appreciate all of you for your work as individuals, and for the amount you all, separately bring to the table."

[ ]

"Because, unfortunately…there has recently been an event, in which someone has been taken out."

It’s been a bit noticeable in this scene thus far, but this point is particularly noticeable in that I presume that the Guildmaster would have some sort of reaction / expression to having to bear bad news, but it’s not really described at the moment.

Sir Abbadon enters the room, revealing a whiteboard on which a poster containing the face of a Grovyle is displayed.

Ah yes, just casually killing off your stereotypically heroic Pokémon. Totally a good sign for whoever did this and how well the guild will be able to handle them.

Gasps and murmurs fill the room, eventually subsiding before the headmaster's next words are spoken.

"Mr. 'Oliver', please make your way to the board."

Withdrawing the crowd is a Sandslash, who approaches the whiteboard, a frown visible on his face.

‘Oliver’, huh? Wonder what the story behind that was.

"Clayton had always been a dear partner of mine," Oliver begins. "He always had a bit of a jerkass sense of humor…it made him pretty entertaining to work with. I couldn't ask for a better co-worker….no. I couldn't ask for a better friend."

Oliver emits lets out a deep sigh.

Oh, so the Grovyle is just flatly dead. I… kinda wonder if there ought to have been more delved into regarding how the Pokémon present are reacting. Especially if this ‘Clayton’ was particularly beloved by them.

"That night…we'd been scoping out the woods for anything unusual. Any signs of that damn troublemaker running about…we'd heard some rustling in the bushes, and when we found it was really just a little cat, we'd let our guard down, y'know? We thought it was a false alarm…that we'd tensed up for no reason."

"But then, that bastard…he popped up out of nowhere. That damn Zangoose that we'd been searching for in the first place…He came and attacked."

At first I thought that that was going to be Wonder, but yeah. I suppose a Zangoose would be a wee bit more threatening than a Shinx.

Oliver holds his paw over a scratch mark on his cheek. "I managed to get away by the skin of my teeth. My partner, on the other hand…I can't so much say the same for him.”

[ ]

“Damn Zangoose snatched 'im, and there's no telling where he is, now,” the Sandslash muttered. “For as much as we know, he might as well be dead. 'Course that's not what I believe. But, I guess it is sometimes best to assume the worst."

I… actually wonder if the headmaster should’ve just bluntly said that Clayton was abducted, since I was under a very different impression up to this point.

Also, Oliver’s line here is long enough that you should strongly consider breaking it up into two parts separated with a pause and some sort of reaction / emotion on his part.

Sir Abbadon flips the whiteboard, as the headmaster signals Oliver to return to the crowd. Displayed on the board is a wanted poster, with a picture of a Zangoose on the cover.

"This criminal has been running around these parts for some time, and despite our efforts, we have not achieved much in the way of finding his place of origin, or the reason behind his repeated abductions. The state of his victims is unknown, but we believe they are being exploited to his benefit." The headmaster's eyes begin to furrow. "That, at least, is the best-case scenario."

I mean, depending on how dark you want to get, being “exploited” isn’t necessarily a best-case scenario there. Though the headmaster’s line also feels long enough that you should consider dividing it up into two again.

[ ]

"But, in any case, to conclude this lecture, we strongly suggest that you all exercise the utmost caution in your missions. If you see anything that seems off-color or unusual in the slightest, do not ever shrug it off. Keep your guard up, and make sure you cautiously exit the area until you are certain it is secure. However, we are a team of rescuers. Therefore, the safety of those you are meant to protect should be your biggest priority. If there is any way that you can ensure that both you and the Pokèmon that is to be rescued can make it from the mission safely, you must make it happen. By being a part of this guild, you have all promised to put the lives of others above yours. Whether you like it or not."

[ ]

"That will be all for today. Proceed to your missions."

Ditto here. Beyond the current big block of text that’s like two to three paragraphs’ worth of dialogue, it probably would make sense to show how these guild Pokémon are reacting to things. Like are they getting worried? Is Abbadon himself starting to get worried? There’s a lot of details that I think are currently a part of your mental image of what’s supposed to be happening right now in this scene that I don’t think you describe enough for readers to also pick up on.

Only the headmaster and Sir Abbadon are left behind as the remainder of the guild piles out through the door. Turning to the headmaster, Sir Abbadon tries to initiate a conversation.

"Ay, I put today's newspaper on yer' desk. Did ye see it?"

The one with the Hay-Z headline? :P

[ ]

"Yes, I did. That paperboy…'Wonder', was it? Did he put it in the front mailbox?"

"Yes, sir."

[ ]

"Hm. I'll leave a note for him to put it in the one by the backdoor. That'll make things more convenient."

Another spot where I think that some description would add a lot to visualizing this scene, since it’s a bit hard to get a feel for the intended mood / character establishment or foreshadowing when things are almost entirely dialogue.

"Ay, you know I have no problem carryin' it over, boss. I can always make time to help ye out."

"No. I need you to keep watch of the guild at all times. As long as that culprit still lurks, we must keep our guard up."

[ ]

"U-Understood, sir."

Ditto here. Since there’s no real indication that Gerald/Abbadon is growing nervous from his prior lines where he reads as composed.

The headmaster lets out a slight chuckle. "That's why you're my favorite worker, Gerald."

Wait, so then is Abbadon a surname? Otherwise, what's the story behind his dual name?

Entering the building, the headmaster shuts the door behind him.

Sir Abbadon stands in shock.

"Boss said I'm his favorite….by golly, I could cry right now!"

"I mean….erm…of course I am! Who else would be?"

Fin.

Dude certainly has his priorities straight right about now. >:V

That said, I do kinda wonder if Gerald/Abbadon’s reaction to this should’ve been built up and foreshadowed more, since his reaction presently reads as coming a bit suddenly since he’s not really hinted at being a softie at heart.

Alright, that feedback was definitely a bit more critical than normal. Though for what it’s worth, I think that the nuts and bolts of your story and premise from what I can gather of the first chapter are decently solid, since you establish your protagonist’s situation, trouble lurking out in the distance, and then reveal that he’s on track to be roped into it. That’s all fine, it’s just that there’s a few things about the present execution that are weighing things down.

The number one issue that you have with this first chapter at the moment is that you are really lacking in description. Both in terms of setting the scenes that things are happening in, and getting into the heads of your characters. I’m sure that you’re familiar with the old saw about a picture being worth a thousand words, and that you had a mental picture of what these different scenes and the moments in them looked like, but unfortunately in a written medium you need words to actually convey what they look like to the reader. Not necessarily a thousand words for each second that passes, but definitely more than what’s presently there. Even something as simple as noting the expressions of characters as they interact with each other can go a long way to helping your readers visualize things.

Sorry if this feedback wasn’t what you wanted to hear @Wonderain . Though on a positive note, you are still early enough into your story’s run such that going back and patching in changes and course correcting in future chapters is relatively easy. Best of luck with your story, and I hope that this feedback was helpful for you in continuing on with it.