Pokémon Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Perceptual Cosmos

[Bluwiikoon]

Calamity brews in the world of Pokémon, and the balance of nature is shifting. The only force that can stand against it is the power of one unlikely Rescue Team's friendship. Will they withstand the tides of destiny, or will they sink beneath its unforgiving pressure?

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Welcome to a new experiment of mine! ^^ This fic will be mostly intended for a web-based format, but text-based posts will also be included if applicable. Links to the web version of a given chapter or section will be included within the thread's posts. At the moment, they will all be hosted on robosethie.neocities.org/pmdpc, but will likely move to my own domain space (bluwiikoon.art) whenever I am able to resolve some personal technical issues. Chapters will usually be pretty short, bite-sized slices.

I understand that this is an unusual format, but I hope you will be willing to give it a chance. If you encounter any issues with the web version of the fic, please feel free to let me know about it anytime.

Chapter Index // [ Web Version Index ]

• Chapter One: Waking Up (you are here!) // Web Version
• Chapter Two: Being Patient // Web Version
• Intermission: ????? // Web Version

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Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Perceptual Cosmos​

Chapter One: Waking Up​

[ Web Version ]​

Bright flashes, colours, static, shapes and sounds rolling in an incoherent cacophony-

Huh. Was I dreaming?

Somewhere between slumber and awakening, Sal laid in a comfortable sleepiness, the last remnants of the harsh vision quickly slipping away from his mind. He could feel a gentle breeze on his scales, hear stirring grass and rustling leaves as it passed by, and he could taste the refreshing scents of sun-warmed greenery.

Did he remember falling asleep here? No. But, did it matter at the moment? Probably not.

As he dozily began to consider basking there in the sun indefinitely, a rhythm of unsteady footsteps jolted him out of his haze, moving closer and closer to where he was laying. They seemed to hesitate, whoever they were, pausing nearby and not yet saying anything, but it seemed from their continued presence and continued nervous breathing, that they had no intentions of simply leaving Sal be. Seconds passed. Their shallow breaths continued. Sal sighed, dramatically.

"What's up?" He didn't open his eyes, nor get up. Perhaps, if he could convince this stranger to leave, he could continue basking for a while.

"I, um..." They coughed and cleared their throat. "E-excuse me, are you okay?"

"...What?"

"It's just, I don't think I've seen you around before, and I don't normally see any Charmander around here, and I..."

Sal scoffed. "A Charmander?" Opening his eyes, he finally rolled to his feet. "I'm not a Charmander, I'm..."

Orange skin. Stubby claws. Having caught sight of his arms and hands, he blinked, wearily. He rubbed his eyes, even. His limbs were still orange. And lo and behold, when he turned to check behind him, a small flame flickered on the tip of his orange tail.

"...Why am I a Charmander?"

"Aww, gee, well..." The stranger awkwardly scratched at their blue head feathers. "That's a bit too much of a philosophical question for me..."

"No, I mean..." Sal spluttered, turning back around and nearly tripping over himself. "I don't think I'm meant to be a Charmander."

The stranger tilted their head, frowning in confusion and concern. "...I don't think you're okay. Umm, I think there's a village nearby, if you need help with stuff..."

They awkwardly shuffled on their webbed feet. Sal simply stared at them.

"...Who are you, anyway?" Sal asked. "What are you, even?"

"Oh!" The stranger gasped, white wing-hands clasped in front of them. "I'm Splashy!" They hopped for emphasis, nearly falling over in the process and giggling between wheezes. "I'm, umm, a Quaxly? I think?"

"...Okay, listen," said Sal. "Splashy."

"That's me!"

"Never mind what's going on with me. You seem... kind of confused," he continued, eyeing the wobbly, wheezing duck. "And I kind of don't like how your breathing sounds right now."

"My... throat feels really dry," Splashy said, nodding with a bashful smile. "And my legs feel... weird."

"Right. So, how about we both go to... wherever you think that village is, together?"

"Together?" Splashy gasped, near-stumbling again in surprise.

"I mean, yeah?" Sal said, shrugging. "You're the only person I've seen so far, and I wouldn't just ditch ya."

"T-together..." Their eyes sparkled, as if the mere motion of hanging out with Sal was enough to bring them to tears.

"Uhh... yeah." He carefully stepped through the grass and offered Splashy an arm to lean on, hoping to prevent any more trips and stumbles. "Oh, and my name's... Sal, I think."

"Uwaa... th-thank you... Sal." They gratefully leaned on Sal, quietly blubbering and sniffling as they began to walk together.

"Hey now, try not to dehydrate yourself any further," he half-joked, patting Splashy on the back. "We've gotta make it to that village, remember?"

"Together!" they said, nodding happily.

"Yeah... together."

He still had no idea what was happening, or what he had even gotten himself into. He didn't yet have time to even wonder how he had woken up in the middle of nowhere. But at the very least, Sal knew he wasn't alone.

 

[Bluwiikoon]

Current party members:

​	Sal (he/him)​
​	Splashy (they/them)

Chapter Two: Being Patient​

[ Web Version ]​

"Sal! Saaaaal!"

"...Yeah, Splashy?"

"Th-this water..." Unable to continue speaking without excitable choking, spluttering sounds, Splashy gestured wildly to the cup in their hands.

"Just what you needed, right?" Sal pat them on the back, as Splashy nodded gratefully and sniffled.

The doctor's office was humble, cosy and well-lit, sunbeams illuminating a colourful, hand-woven rug on the stone flooring. When they had arrived and explained their symptoms, the doctor made Sal and Splashy go through some basic physical exams and gathered some samples from them, eventually leaving both of them to wait upon some comfortable cushion-seats in the main room. Across from them, a pink-furred nurse hummed cheerfully, refilling a ceramic pitcher with water from a tap on the wall.

Sal held his tail close - not necessarily because the doctor had been intimidating, no. Rather, he simply didn't want to accidentally light up the doctor's furniture, given that being a Charmander with a constantly-lit tail still felt so new to him. Next to him, Splashy's beak clicked and clacked on the ceramic cup as they turned it upwards, gratefully downing the last drops of water it contained.

"You feeling any better, buddy? You've hardly spoken since we got here," said Sal, chuckling and ruffling Splashy's blue head-feathers.

"I've never seen someone so good at hydrating!" said the nurse, Audino, giggling as she walked over with the refilled pitcher. It was true. Splashy had already drank four cups of water during their visit.

"Thisth is... the best water, I have ever tasted," said Splashy, eyes sparkling in delight as they held out their cup to the nurse.

"If only our other patients were so enthusiastic," said Audino, sighing wistfully as she poured more water into Splashy's outstretched cup. "I wouldn't need to make so many home visits."

"Nurse Audino."

Sal jolted in his seat. How on Earth did this doctor manage to sneak around so silently?

Dr. Luxray padded back into the room from a doorway behind where Sal and Splashy were sitting, her dark fur and volumnous mane a stark contrast against the warm hues of her office. Her sharp, golden eyes made Sal shiver; even for a brief glance, it was if they were piercing right through him.

"Yes, ma'am?" Nurse Audino placed down the pitcher of water on a nearby table and nodded at Dr. Luxray, her fluffy ears raised in attention. How was she not affected by the doctor's gaze?

A pause. "Try not to breach patient confidentiality," said the doctor, blinking slowly at her soft-and-fluffy coworker. Nurse Audino only giggled in response, a paw at her mouth as if to contain her warm smile.

...Was that meant to be a joke?

Stepping into the centre of the room, Dr. Luxray sat opposite Sal and Splashy and silently turned to face them both, her gaze ever intimidating and unreadable. With her form blocking out some of the sunlight from the window behind her, the shadows only seemed to only emphasize how large and imposing her presence was.

"I have some good news," she said, addressing them both.

Splashy gasped, nearly dropping their cup in excitement. "Good news!?"

"...Yes."

The doctor warily eyed Splashy's cup, her round ears flattening ever so slightly. Sal hoped, for both their sakes, that Splashy didn't manage to break her tableware while they were here.

"It appears that you, Splashy, are in good physical health," continued Dr. Luxray, nodding at Splashy. "Your bones are fine. Your muscles function correctly. There are no signs of injury, internal or otherwise. Your test results seem normal for an individual of your age."

"I was so brave for the tests," whispered Splashy, showing Sal a small bandage on their arm where their blood had been drawn.

"So brave!" remarked Nurse Audino, beaming as she pat Splashy on their head-feathers.

"However." Dr. Luxray paused, tilting her head and almost seeming to frown. "This suggests that you may be experiencing psychological symptoms, or some form of chronic psychic damage. That... is more complicated to treat."

Sal's heart sank. Without thinking, he had already put his arm much closer around Splashy.

"Okay. So..." He took a deep breath, mustering himself to look directly into the doctor's eyes. "How can we help them?"

"It is hard to say," she replied, tail flicking as she gazed back. "We have no medical history. No background information."

She was right. While Splashy had correctly identified where the Pokémon village would be, nobody here seemed to know them. And, for as much as Sal talked with them on the way there, they cheerfully didn't even seem to know much about theirself.

"I'm not in trouble, am I?" asked Splashy, quietly staring down into their cup.

"No, dear," said Nurse Audino, rubbing their shoulder and smiling gently. "You've done nothing wrong."

"I would like you to remain here, if possible," said Dr. Luxray, nodding at Splashy. "I can arrange an examination with a psychic specialist, to rule out any potential chronic psychic damage. We can monitor your condition, and formulate a care plan if your symptoms persist."

"I mean..." Splashy shyly looked back up at Nurse Audino and Dr. Luxray, peering over the edge of their cup. "Umm... I guess, I don't have anywhere else to be..."

"We do have some very comfortable patient rooms," said Audino, smiling encouragingly and clasping her paws together. "And... we do have plenty of water for you to drink."

Splashy gasped at the mere mention of water. Sal couldn't help but chuckle, seeing their sheer amazement and delight.

"And you," said Dr. Luxray, making Sal jolt in surprise as her intensely piercing eyes turned to him yet again. "Regarding your amnesia. It is unclear how you acquired such a condition. No physical issues seem to be present. No signs of sickness or head injury, and no clear symptoms. You told us of the body dysmorphia you are experiencing, but it is unclear whether that correlates with your amnesia, or whether it is an unrelated condition." She tilted her head to one side, sighing and closing her eyes. "Very perplexing."

Sal waited for her to continue, mouth slightly agape, doing his best to control his breathing despite how stuffy the room suddenly felt. He felt Splashy pat his back with one of their wings, and heard them making a small, quiet concerned noise.

"For the time being... I would also like you to stay," said Dr. Luxray, opening her eyes again and looking down at him. "I believe an appointment with a psychic specialist would also be beneficial for you, Sal."

"Whuh... a psychic?" Sal clutched his tail, teeth gritted. The mere thought made his skin prickle.

"Yes. If you would allow that." Her fur bristled ever so slightly, tail twitching. "If nothing else, to rule out CPD and CPD-related conditions."

"That's 'chronic psychic damage'," whispered the nurse to Sal, noticing the blank look on his face.

"Well... I mean..." Seconds passed. Sal sighed, face in his palms. "...Okay. Sure." As uncomfortable as it sounded, it probably was his best bet.

"Excellent. I will arrange that as soon as possible." Dr. Luxray got back to her feet, tail aloft and seemingly pleased with Sal's answer. She gestured a large paw towards Splashy, nodding at Sal. "I presume you will be staying with them?"

"Ack!" Splashy near enough fell over in their seat, feathers ruffling, taken aback and flustered by the doctor's presumption. They quickly turned to stare at Sal, eyes comically wide. Even Nurse Audino had turned to look at Sal, with similarly wide sky-blue eyes.

"I... uhh..." Sal stammered, unable to formulate a coherent response under the stares of everyone.

"O-oh... umm, please?" said Splashy, eyes beginning to glitter with tears. "I mean... you don't have to, but I..."

"...Splashy?"

"Y-yes?"

"I already told you," continued Sal, "that I wouldn't just ditch ya."

Splashy gasped in delight, tackling Sal with such unprecedented enthusiasm that he never stood a chance.

Groaning on the floor under the weight of such fierce hugs, he couldn't find it in himself to be mad.

"Well, then," said Dr. Luxray, beginning to step away from the group. "I trust that Nurse Audino will show you around our patient rooms, when you have composed yourselves." She paused near the door, looking back over her shoulder. "...Please do try not to injure yourselves immediately after you've been examined."

Splashy burst into giggles, both laughing and sobbing happily into Sal's pale-yellow chest, while Nurse Audino giggled and waved to the large, retreating presence of the doctor. Sal... kind of felt like he was taking damage from all the moisture he was being subject to. (He was fine, really.)

As Splashy's uneven breaths and giggles steadily calmed to a slightly more normal pace, they looked up at Sal... or, down, since they were both still on the floor.

"...Sal?"

"Yeah?"

"You... you're the nicest person, in the whole world."

"The whole world is a pretty big place, Splashy," he replied, chuckling under his breath.

"Doesn't matter!"

Taking a deep breath, Splashy blinked away their tears and slowly got to their feet, wobbling and leaning on Nurse Audino's fuzzy pink arm when she scurried over to help. Once Sal was able to get to his feet again, Splashy walked over for a proper hug, happily and tiredly humming as Sal held them in his arms.

"Thank you so much, Sal," they said, quietly sniffling. "I think... everything's gonna be okay."

"You know it," said Sal, ruffling their head-feathers. "We'll make sure of it. Don't you worry."

Sal pulled away and paused, thinking back over the appointment. He slowly bent down and whispered to Splashy behind a hand, hoping the nurse wasn't paying attention. "...hey. Weren't you scared of that doctor?"

"...Huh? She was really nice!" said Splashy, blinking puzzledly. "Why would I be scared?"

"I... eh, never mind."

 

[Bluwiikoon]

Brief patch note: Chapter 2 has been edited and fleshed out with some more description and dialogue. Yay!

 

[tomatorade]

Hello :)

I needed something a little lighter because I'm a new years boy with new years plans, so here I am. Normally I'd structure my thoughts under nonsense categories, but this was fairly short so I'll just jot down some thoughts :)

Review

I've never related more to Sal just wanting to sleep forever. He kinda fun, too. He's like... very chill compared to other PMD protags, I think. It could just be the relationship he forms with Splashy in 0.2 seconds but he gives me 'chill uncle' vibes. Sal would totally drive me to my baseball games when dad is busy.

Splashy kinda fun, too. Quaxly is a new one for me as a character species--I think you're an innovator in the PMD field. I truly do not envy the name, though. Someone needs to go into the PMD world and have an intervention to stop people naming their children the most obvious things lol. It’s an epidemic. Though maybe Splashy is also human? It seems they might be—doesn't even know their own dang species, even if they knows where the village is. I will put these things in the back of my mind but Idk maybe splashy is just weird.

Even from the beginning, this story feels like a very fresh PMD. There's not much exposition to be found yet and while I think a lot of stories in general would be tempted to show the entire walk to town, you don't. It's interesting, because a lot of fanfic tends to fall on either side of overloaded with detail or just skin-and-bones levels of description, but you've got a nice economy of words here. A couple paragraphs here and there to set the scene and characters, and section of dialogue to push things forward. A lovely reading experience. And speakign to the lack of exposition, I think that's what makes this feel fairly fresh in the genre. Lots of PMD these days really dives headfirst into high fantasy stuff, which can be fun if very dense. My old brain stil remembers when PMD was a more pure make friends, dive dungeons, save the world kinda deal. And this reminds me a lot of those fics.

Overall, I think you recognise what's fun about your story and what you want to get out of it and that's pretty clear through what you focus on and how you write.

Which brings us to the dialogue, which might be my favourite part so far. You've got a way of writing some very earnest banter with good comedic timing, especially with Splashy and whoever happens to be talking to them lol. The entire doctor's office segment was filled with gems. I love Splashy being brave. I love Splashy haveing the best water of their life. I love Splashy thinking Sal is the nicest peron of all time. And he's right--Sal loaned me five bucks once and he's never asked for them back.

Lots of ellipses, though. Not a big deal but sort of a pet peeve of mine. Specifically, prefacing dialogue with ellipses. I just don’t think they do anything in that context, tbh. Like I struggle to think of what type of mood or tone they imply.

Splashy’s fine, they just love water so much, you guys. They’re very good at hydrating. I’d say ‘he’s very good at hydrating’, is a weird compliment, but a nurse I had once said I had very good lungs and I thought that was sick.

Love Sal’s barely hidden fear of doctor luxray. X-ray lion would be pretty spooky in rl tbh. Knowing PMD, that doctor is going to become the third act villain, so I’m excited for that. You’ve got a wonderful description of the doctor, though. Loving how you emphasize the way the light and shadow play off her form in front of the window.

Not quite sure what psychic damage means but it sounds… fine…? I think this maybe confirms that splashy no human, but maybe some of the same nonsense happened to him that happened to Sal. idk.

Forgive me for thinking this is too wholesome lol. I'm too much of a cynic for good things, but while I first joked about the doctor being secretly evil, I’m getting suspicious vibes. Interesting that Splashy immediately knew which village to get help in but not much else hmmm…

And now they’re getting a psychic to check Sal's brain? commencing hmmmm intensification by 200%

And Splashy doesn’t get Sal’s fear about the doctor. Very interesting. We already know how brave he is, so maybe it’s just that.

So I think that's going to be my one big prediction for the future. I'm putting ten bucks on the doctor being secretly evil.

Anyways, I really enjoyed this. It's adorable, frankly. Even if I think Sal got on so quickly with Splashy that the ending of chapter one was a little corny, I can't pretend that I didn't also smile.

Happy new year :)

 

[Bluwiikoon]

[This extra chapter can only be viewed in web format.]

Intermission: ?????​

[ https://robosethie.neocities.org/pmdpc/ch02-extra ]

 

[K_S]

Hi bluwiikoon saw your request for a revoew and swung in

blitz review
Chapter 1

I swear its a miricle kingdom hearts hasnt sued all of us mystery dungeon writers since i think we all have that one fic or scene were the inserts plow in thinking its a dream.

And then the dreaded "i am snug and sleepy and dont wanna move" its a classic that holds true until either rain, ambush or some sort of the alarm kick in. Wonder which mr. Scales prompt to get up will be?

Sals interloper(friendly ambusher) is quite the nervious soul arent they? At least they didnt get a stick and start poking... And i see per his reaction Sal has yet to realize his pokemonification yet.

This is gunna be good.

Blue feathered head matches sals blue screen of death... Nice. Per our description of sals alarmclock i'm going to guess... A quaxly maybe? Or a piplup? Cant think of any other blue bird mon at the moment. The webed feet make me think quaxly?

Splashy oh dear. I see his inner mon is a magikarp with all his floppong. A friendly magikarp but i think sals... Not getting a standard rescuer here. I think sals amnesiac self is going to be doing the saving.

Poor sal with how weepy thier companion got at the idea of together I think this one is going to be a bit clingy and i hope sal takes that well. If nothing else hes gunna have stories from this walk to town if nothing else.

 

[K_S]

Chapter 2
Blitz review


I suspect sals wanting ear plugs at this point or at least noise mufflers. Splashy reads loud. And possibly ineberated... Off water? I'm confused but they are obscenly interested in that water to the point i have some suspicions (most of them wrong i'm sure).

Still sals provong nice towards them and parinoid about the furniture. Like justifiably paranoid considering he has a flamethrower on his backside... But still between splashy and accidental arson hes got his hands full.

I wonder if sals kneejerk reaction to the doc is part because he's not a cat person as a human and part because cats hunt lizards quite enthusiasticly.

So splashy seems to be a non person to this town. That does leave a quandry as to where he came from ect. The standard amnesiacs journey. Kinda an inverse of sal who knows what he was but not how that relates to his place in tjis alien here and now. They compliment each other pretty good in that regard.

Body dysmorphia... I dont think i've ever jeard that directed at a human as a mon before. How advanced is thisplace again because it seems a cut above the romanticised dark age norm mon mystery dungeons tend to start at. From the social system and medical system i'm pinning this place as pretty close to modern.

Also the characters being a medical mystery instead of being shenghigjed into adventure by destiny is a refreshing change of pace.

Keep tossong lines loke "nicest in the whole world" and you might earn sals undivided loyalty indefinitly. Actually thinking back he migjt have it already.

 

[K_S]

Also i was going to review chapter 3 but i cant load it on my phone so i'll pass until a forim chapter becomes available.

 

[kintsugi]

Hullo! It has been big long time since I’ve managed to read your new content, and tbh I was going to wait until a bit of a chapter backlog built up, but I got juked pretty hard [see later] and chortled so hard that it felt unfair not to say anything. Also, Splashy reminds me of my new favorite canon character ever and I didn’t know how else to drop a link to this but it does deeply remind me of something you'd write (or enjoy).

Big picture–your writing is delightfully cozy and your characters really just remind me of that sandshrew hap emote. You also toe this really delicate line of “everyone is kind” and “behold, conflict”--really feels like there’s a plot flexing beneath all the fluff, hmm. It’s enthralling how pure and whole-hearted everyone is; Sal’s got these big crazy problems and his first thought in seeing Splashy is “must protecc”. The big scary doctor is very kind, patient, and understanding. The healthcare is free even if you can’t prove anything about yourself. This is a very pure and wonderful world and yet for all that I am a little nervous that something bad will happen …

There will be a lot of flailing about character speculation! The introduction really has me curious; in it, Sal seems very comfy-cozy in referencing the warmth on his scales–is this the sort of dream doze where everything makes sense/logic does not apply? Is it that he wasn’t always a charmander, but maybe before he still had scales and that was normal to him? He emphasizes that his tail was orange, not that his tail was orange, so honestly this shitpost theory has some legs on it already. Idk I’m so primed for amnesiac folk in PMD to be humans-turned-pokemon that I’m really just sifting through the clues to land on “it was grovyle from EOS the whole time [gears]” crack theory even though it’s pretty likely that you just wanted to keep up with the orange hands/orange skin/orange tail emphasis set up in the earlier lines. They also seem really primed to dislike psychics, hmm.

I would die for Splashy by the way. They are incredible. Just like the water they drink. The little thisth and the way they’re making sure that the nurse knows she’s found great water, my god. The comedic timing on this segment is also really something? I don’t think I’ve ever really considered that sweet fluff can also have really densely-packed jokes like this. Delightful to read.

Spoiler: ”?????”

Hi! Looking for secrets?

WHEN I SAY I SANK DOWN INTO MY CHAIR LIKE A TINY GUILTY CHILD UP TO THE ELBOWS IN THE COOKIE JAR
like i had to stop what I was doing and show my friend, screaaaaming
this whole thing gives early 2000’s internet ARG (except like the puzzles are very smol because at our hearts we are all just brave little ducks who need some of the best water ever and some encouragement), and is deeply charming. Also a little ominous. Either way I admit I wanted the sweet clout of admitting that I was called out.

ok so I really love everything about this chapter. I really associate your stories with either “delightfully sweet” or “delightfully sweet but also the cavities will leave you with the lingering sensation of voidsight”, and funnily enough it’s really hard to tell which one we’re in until something hits the fan! I think we are firmly entering the latter, which makes sense honestly, I always associate your oneshot collections with the pure fluff and the chaptered work with fluff in the face of the insurmountable. :c

Hmmm, but blind theory time? I admit I am not the most skilled puzzle solver even though I have eaten some of the pieces out of the cookie jar.

Front text–someone is watching with big eyes. At first I was thinking “their” meant Splashy, especially with that CPD diagnosis and fact that everyone in the village doesn’t think they exist, but “hearts” is plural, now, isn’t it. So unless I’m really missing a ton of pokemon biology it’s several people, and probably both Sal and Splashy. Narrator also seems to think they both remember things they shouldn’t. Splashy is a big McDoesn’tExist so anything they remember is probably already weird. Sal seemed oddly confident about what his name was, so maybe going with that? Maybe it’s just that they’re close, and them being fast friends is a sign that their hearts remember each other from before. Maybe this is talking about two entirely different people, or one of them and one entirely different person. Probably just the two of them and I’m overthinking things, but who knows, I am FILLED with the elation of finding the little silly easter egg rn. Probably the watcher, who seems kind of mysterious, very “I can’t interfere but also here’s some interference”, voice behind the PMD quiz sorta vibes. Certainly not me.

Back text–a conversation between two (or more? I read it as two) people, where one person is really struggling and the other person is definitely also struggling but pretending not to. First person’s dialogue is not recorded. Second person is expected to have a resistance to heat. This could be! Still anyone lmao, water-types and fire-types smh. I’m kinda inclined to guess Sal it should be grovyle from EOS talking via time loop this theory is airtight, talking to Splashy/a person who is motivated by swimmies and drinks back in town and likes berries, who is also called “kid”.

Idk! I’m kind of in two crack theory camps for this one–is this foreshadowing or is this flashback, sorta thing. Both are good times to dramatically climb a big scary tower that will probably burn you to death and murder you. I’m kinda inclined to guess that this is flashback, and this is Sal/Splashy before “it has already changed so much” ended up resetting them to a charmander/quaxly, but the “kid” is kind of throwing me. But there’s just so much warmth and comfort in this, and that seems really fitting with “their hearts remember what their minds do not”--maybe they’re both timeloop/amnesia/reset/reincarnation friends, idk, final answer!

I do really like the ending on “this is it”. It’s weird and cryptic in the overlay version, but it’s got this nice weight to it in the back-text version, with all the buildup. There’s no more reassurance–they’ve made it, after all–but what comes next is horribly unknown. Oh no.

(fwiw I in no way expect to be remotely correct or expect the story to really give me a good set of puzzle pieces with which to be correct. this is some very blind speculation that hopefully will make you chuckle, and also me chuckle when I find out how things are actually supposed to go)

ok i will spare you the suffering of more silly flailing in the dark. This was such a charming read, glad to see you’re posting things again!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, stopping by for our review exchange that we kicked off last week. Though a PMD fic, huh? That’s definitely something I hadn’t been expecting from you, though let’s see what that looks like, especially in a web format story:

Chapter 1

Spoiler

Bright flashes, colours, static, shapes and sounds rolling in an incoherent cacophony-

Huh. Was I dreaming?

Mostly no, since that’s how most PMD openings of this ilk tend to go.

Somewhere between slumber and awakening, Sal laid in a comfortable sleepiness, the last remnants of the harsh vision quickly slipping away from his mind. He could feel a gentle breeze on his scales, hear stirring grass and rustling leaves as it passed by, and he could taste the refreshing scents of sun-warmed greenery.

Did he remember falling asleep here? No. But, did it matter at the moment? Probably not.

Huh, so Sal’s not a human. Or at least I’m pretty sure that Sal isn’t a human given how he’s not freaking out from having scales at the moment.

As he dozily began to consider basking there in the sun indefinitely, a rhythm of unsteady footsteps jolted him out of his haze, moving closer and closer to where he was laying. They seemed to hesitate, whoever they were, pausing nearby and not yet saying anything, but it seemed from their continued presence and continued nervous breathing, that they had no intentions of simply leaving Sal be. Seconds passed. Their shallow breaths continued. Sal sighed, dramatically.

Ah yes, there’s our human. Probably. Maybe.

"What's up?" He didn't open his eyes, nor get up. Perhaps, if he could convince this stranger to leave, he could continue basking for a while.

"I, um..." They coughed and cleared their throat. "E-excuse me, are you okay?"

"...What?"

Sal: “I’m sorry who are you, again?”

"It's just, I don't think I've seen you around before, and I don't normally see any Charmander around here, and I..."

Sal scoffed. "A Charmander?" Opening his eyes, he finally rolled to his feet. "I'm not a Charmander, I'm..."

Oh, well. Nevermind then. I guess Sal really is the human of the story.

Orange skin. Stubby claws. Having caught sight of his arms and hands, he blinked, wearily. He rubbed his eyes, even. His limbs were still orange. And lo and behold, when he turned to check behind him, a small flame flickered on the tip of his orange tail.

"...Why am I a Charmander?"

Sal: “And why is this just occurring to me right now?!”

"Aww, gee, well..." The stranger awkwardly scratched at their blue head feathers. "That's a bit too much of a philosophical question for me..."

"No, I mean..." Sal spluttered, turning back around and nearly tripping over himself. "I don't think I'm meant to be a Charmander."

Oh, so Sal doesn’t even remember being human beyond a faint memory, huh? That’s definitely a take I don’t think I’ve seen done much for an ‘amnesiac protagonist’ plot in PMD.

The stranger tilted their head, frowning in confusion and concern. "...I don't think you're okay. Umm, I think there's a village nearby, if you need help with stuff..."

They awkwardly shuffled on their webbed feet. Sal simply stared at them.

"...Who are you, anyway?" Sal asked. "What are you, even?"

Quaxly: “... A Quaxly? You know? A duck? Water-type Pokémon? Did you hit your head before lying down or something?”

"Oh!" The stranger gasped, white wing-hands clasped in front of them. "I'm Splashy!" They hopped for emphasis, nearly falling over in the process and giggling between wheezes. "I'm, umm, a Quaxly? I think?"

And we’ve got a name. Though I’m not sure what to make of how Splashy wasn’t sure of his species for a moment. Must be fairly young.

"...Okay, listen," said Sal. "Splashy."

"That's me!"

Okay, yeah. Maybe he’s very young at this rate.

"Never mind what's going on with me. You seem... kind of confused," he continued, eyeing the wobbly, wheezing duck. "And I kind of don't like how your breathing sounds right now."

"My... throat feels really dry," Splashy said, nodding with a bashful smile. "And my legs feel... weird."

Has Splashy been dehydrating or something? Since this doesn’t exactly sound normal for a Quaxly there.

"Right. So, how about we both go to... wherever you think that village is, together?"

"Together?" Splashy gasped, near-stumbling again in surprise.

"I mean, yeah?" Sal said, shrugging. "You're the only person I've seen so far, and I wouldn't just ditch ya."

"T-together..." Their eyes sparkled, as if the mere motion of hanging out with Sal was enough to bring them to tears.

I kinda wonder if there should’ve been at least one paragraph thrown in somewhere around here to break up what’s otherwise been a pretty long stream of mostly-dialogue between Sal and Splashy up to this point, even if I’m having a bit of trouble pinpointing definitive places where I’d suggest adding it.

Sal: “... (Oh boy, there’s a story behind this, isn’t there?)”

"Uhh... yeah." He carefully stepped through the grass and offered Splashy an arm to lean on, hoping to prevent any more trips and stumbles. "Oh, and my name's... Sal, I think."

"Uwaa... th-thank you... Sal." They gratefully leaned on Sal, quietly blubbering and sniffling as they began to walk together.

Sal: “Um… Splashy? Are you okay there?” .-.

[ ]

"Hey now, try not to dehydrate yourself any further," he half-joked, patting Splashy on the back. "We've gotta make it to that village, remember?"

"Together!" they said, nodding happily.

"Yeah... together."

I actually wonder if Sal should’ve had any further thoughts or commentary as to what was going on here, since you’d think that he’d be a bit more weirded out or concerned by Splashy’s reaction, but it’s not really played up at all by the narration.

Sal still had no idea what was happening, or what he had even gotten himself into. He didn't yet have time to even wonder how he had woken up in the middle of nowhere. But at the very least, Sal knew he wasn't alone.

IMO, the first ‘He’ should probably be ‘Sal’ to avoid ambiguity between Sal and Splashy there.

Chapter 2

Oh, huh. There’s a party member table. That’s definitely a neat touch. I kinda wonder if the “they/them” is something that would be more organic for Splashy coming up from the actual text of the story, but eh. I won’t question it too hard.

Spoiler

"Sal! Saaaaal!"

"...Yeah, Splashy?"

"Th-this water..." Unable to continue speaking without excitable choking, spluttering sounds, Splashy gestured wildly to the cup in their hands.

"Just what you needed, right?" Sal pat them on the back, as Splashy nodded gratefully and sniffled.

Just how dehydrated has Splashy been all this time? .-.

The doctor's office was humble, cosy and well-lit, sunbeams illuminating a colourful, hand-woven rug on the stone flooring. When they had arrived and explained their symptoms, the doctor made Sal and Splashy go through some basic physical exams and gathered some samples from them, eventually leaving both of them to wait upon some comfortable cushion-seats in the main room. Across from them, a pink-furred nurse hummed cheerfully, refilling a ceramic pitcher with water from a tap on the wall.

Huh, well that’s quite the jump ahead in space and time, though I suppose we’ll be getting a view of wherever we stumbled into town-wise a bit later on in this chapter.

Sal held his tail close - not necessarily because the doctor had been intimidating, no. Rather, he simply didn't want to accidentally light up the doctor's furniture, given that being a Charmander with a constantly-lit tail still felt so new to him. Next to him, Splashy's beak clicked and clacked on the ceramic cup as they turned it upwards, gratefully downing the last drops of water it contained.

Yeah, no. Sal was totally intimidated by the doctor to at least some extent, since even a Chansey will dwarf a Charmander in terms of relative sizes to each other.

"You feeling any better, buddy? You've hardly spoken since we got here," said Sal, chuckling and ruffling Splashy's blue head-feathers.

"I've never seen someone so good at hydrating!" said the nurse, Audino, giggling as she walked over with the refilled pitcher. It was true. Splashy had already drank four cups of water during their visit.

Oh, Audino nurses. I kinda wonder if that could’ve been hinted at a bit more explicitly earlier on. Like even something as simple as “pink-and-cream-furred” would’ve very quickly taken Chansey off the board and only left Audino as a candidate.

"Thisth is... the best water, I have ever tasted," said Splashy, eyes sparkling in delight as they held out their cup to the nurse.

Sal: “Splashy, don’t you think you’re getting a little dramatic there?” .-.

"If only our other patients were so enthusiastic," said Audino, sighing wistfully as she poured more water into Splashy's outstretched cup. "I wouldn't need to make so many home visits."

Huh, I actually hadn’t put a lot of thought into home visits for nurses/medics in a PMD setting, though it does make sense. Especially if the patient is one that won’t nicely fit inside whatever building they’re operating out of like an Onix or something like that.

"Nurse Audino."

Sal jolted in his seat. How on Earth did this doctor manage to sneak around so silently?

It’s an acquired talent for not disturbing patients while resting? [joltyshrug]

Dr. Luxray padded back into the room from a doorway behind where Sal and Splashy were sitting, her dark fur and volumnous mane a stark contrast against the warm hues of her office. Her sharp, golden eyes made Sal shiver; even for a brief glance, it was if they were piercing right through him.

Oh. Oh. Yeah, that would definitely help for getting around without patients hearing you. I take it that this is the one-mon radiology department, huh?

"Yes, ma'am?" Nurse Audino placed down the pitcher of water on a nearby table and nodded at Dr. Luxray, her fluffy ears raised in attention. How was she not affected by the doctor's gaze?

She got used to it after seeing over and over again on the job? ^^;

A pause. "Try not to breach patient confidentiality," said the doctor, blinking slowly at her soft-and-fluffy coworker. Nurse Audino only giggled in response, a paw at her mouth as if to contain her warm smile.

...Was that meant to be a joke?

I’m guessing that this is an Intimidate Luxray with how decidedly uncomfy she’s making Sal feel just by being in the room.

Stepping into the centre of the room, Dr. Luxray sat opposite Sal and Splashy and silently turned to face them both, her gaze ever intimidating and unreadable. With her form blocking out some of the sunlight from the window behind her, the shadows only seemed to only emphasize how large and imposing her presence was.

"I have some good news," she said, addressing them both.

None of their bones are broken, I presume. Or did you mean good news aside from that?

Splashy gasped, nearly dropping their cup in excitement. "Good news!?"

"...Yes."

The doctor warily eyed Splashy's cup, her round ears flattening ever so slightly. Sal hoped, for both their sakes, that Splashy didn't manage to break her tableware while they were here.

"It appears that you, Splashy, are in good physical health," continued Dr. Luxray, nodding at Splashy. "Your bones are fine. Your muscles function correctly. There are no signs of injury, internal or otherwise. Your test results seem normal for an individual of your age."

Yeah, I knew it. Though I honestly get a grin whenever I see other authors do the ‘Luxray radiology’ take in Pokémon stories, since it’s surprisingly rare for whatever reason in spite of Luxray’s X-Ray vision fluff.

"I was so brave for the tests," whispered Splashy, showing Sal a small bandage on their arm where their blood had been drawn.

"So brave!" remarked Nurse Audino, beaming as she pat Splashy on their head-feathers.

Sal: “Wait, we needed blood tests? I thought that this was just a checkup!” .-.

"However." Dr. Luxray paused, tilting her head and almost seeming to frown. "This suggests that you may be experiencing psychological symptoms, or some form of chronic psychic damage. That... is more complicated to treat."

Yeah, now that I think about it, you’d think that realistically the surrounding world would make a bigger deal out of PMD protagonist amnesia, but it always has a habit of getting shrugged off, huh?

Sal's heart sank. Without thinking, he had already put his arm much closer around Splashy.

"Okay. So..." He took a deep breath, mustering himself to look directly into the doctor's eyes. "How can we help them?"

"It is hard to say," she replied, tail flicking as she gazed back. "We have no medical history. No background information."

Musical therapy? Since it is supposed to be a part of memory retention / recovery therapy IRL sometimes, so… ^^;

She was right. While Splashy had correctly identified where the Pokémon village would be, nobody here seemed to know them. And, for as much as Sal talked with them on the way there, they cheerfully didn't even seem to know much about theirself.

"I'm not in trouble, am I?" asked Splashy, quietly staring down into their cup.

Oh, so two amnesiac protagonists. Or at least I think that’s what you’re getting at there. I’m pretty sure that Splashy’s not human, but technically, I suppose there wouldn’t be anything to prevent that…

"No, dear," said Nurse Audino, rubbing their shoulder and smiling gently. "You've done nothing wrong."

"I would like you to remain here, if possible," said Dr. Luxray, nodding at Splashy. "I can arrange an examination with a psychic specialist, to rule out any potential chronic psychic damage. We can monitor your condition, and formulate a care plan if your symptoms persist."

Well that would be a very uneventful adventure if so, and given the tagline of this story… yeah, they’re not going to stay cooped up here for long.

"I mean..." Splashy shyly looked back up at Nurse Audino and Dr. Luxray, peering over the edge of their cup. "Umm... I guess, I don't have anywhere else to be..."

"We do have some very comfortable patient rooms," said Audino, smiling encouragingly and clasping her paws together. "And... we do have plenty of water for you to drink."

I wonder if the medical care here is going to be free per playable series standards, or if they’re ultimately going to get kicked out for having a lack of money.

Splashy gasped at the mere mention of water. Sal couldn't help but chuckle, seeing their sheer amazement and delight.

"And you," said Dr. Luxray, making Sal jolt in surprise as her intensely piercing eyes turned to him yet again. "Regarding your amnesia. It is unclear how you acquired such a condition. No physical issues seem to be present. No signs of sickness or head injury, and no clear symptoms.”

[ ]

“You told us of the body dysmorphia you are experiencing, but it is unclear whether that correlates with your amnesia, or whether it is an unrelated condition." She tilted her head to one side, sighing and closing her eyes. "Very perplexing."

Dr. Luxray’s line is long enough that I’d strongly recommend breaking it up into two pieces and dropping in something like some internal thought process from Sal’s end as a separator.

Sal waited for her to continue, mouth slightly agape, doing his best to control his breathing despite how stuffy the room suddenly felt. He felt Splashy pat his back with one of their wings, and heard them making a small, quiet, concerned noise.

"For the time being... I would also like you to stay," said Dr. Luxray, opening her eyes again and looking down at him. "I believe an appointment with a psychic specialist would also be beneficial for you, Sal."

"Whuh... a psychic?" Sal clutched his tail, teeth gritted. The mere thought made his skin prickle.

Wait, does Sal even still have a conception of what a ‘psychic’ is? If so, it might make sense to elaborate in the narration as to what it is for Sal.

"Yes. If you would allow that." Her fur bristled ever so slightly, tail twitching. "If nothing else, to rule out CPD and CPD-related conditions."

"That's 'chronic psychic damage'," whispered the nurse to Sal, noticing the blank look on his face.

… Just how often do ‘mons with amnesia pop up around these parts anyways? Since if there’s a medical acronym for events that would cause it…

"Well... I mean..." Seconds passed. Sal sighed, face in his palms. "...Okay. Sure." As uncomfortable as it sounded, it probably was his best bet.

"Excellent. I will arrange that as soon as possible." Dr. Luxray got back to her feet, tail aloft and seemingly pleased with Sal's answer. She gestured a large paw towards Splashy, nodding at Sal. "I presume you will be staying with them?"

"Ack!" Splashy near enough fell over in their seat, feathers ruffling, taken aback and flustered by the doctor's presumption. They quickly turned to stare at Sal, eyes comically wide. Even Nurse Audino had turned to look at Sal, with similarly wide sky-blue eyes.

Nurse Audino: “... Is that a ‘maybe’ there?” ^^;

"I... uhh..." Sal stammered, unable to formulate a coherent response under the stares of everyone’s stares.

"O-oh... umm, please?" said Splashy, eyes beginning to glitter with tears. "I mean... you don't have to, but I..."

"...Splashy?"

Sal: “We’ve literally known each other for less than a day!” .-.

"Y-yes?"

"I already told you," continued Sal, "that I wouldn't just ditch ya."

Splashy gasped in delight, tackling Sal with such unprecedented enthusiasm that he never stood a chance.

Splashy has a story behind them, don’t they? Since they are getting really, really enthusiastic about the idea of having a friend hanging around them right now.

Groaning on the floor under the weight of such fierce hugs, he couldn't find it in himself to be mad.

As cute as this is, I can tell that it’s going to be very [rotorregret] at some point in the future in retrospect once we get to learn a bit more about Splashy.

"Well, then," said Dr. Luxray, beginning to step away from the group. "I trust that Nurse Audino will show you around our patient rooms, when you have composed yourselves." She paused near the door, looking back over her shoulder. "...Please do try not to injure yourselves immediately after you've been examined."

Sal: “Wait, what? But isn’t this a hospital or something equivalent like that? Shouldn’t this be an environment where it’s hard to hurt ourselves?” ._.;

Splashy burst into giggles, both laughing and sobbing happily into Sal's pale-yellow chest, while Nurse Audino giggled and waved to the large, retreating presence of the doctor. Sal... kind of felt like he was taking damage from all the moisture he was being subject to. (He was fine, really.)

Sal: “(Aside from the fact that this is… uh… worrisome seeing Splashy like this.)” .-.

As Splashy's uneven breaths and giggles steadily calmed to a slightly more normal pace, they looked up at Sal... or, down, since they were both still on the floor.

"...Sal?"

"Yeah?"

"You... you're the nicest person, in the whole world."

Sal: “But we literally just met and walked to a clinic together...”

"The whole world is a pretty big place, Splashy," he replied, chuckling under his breath.

"Doesn't matter!"

Is… this level of attachment even healthy right now? Since I get the distinct feeling that it’s really not. .-.

Taking a deep breath, Splashy blinked away their tears and slowly got to their feet, wobbling and leaning on Nurse Audino's fuzzy pink arm when she scurried over to help. Once Sal was able to get to his feet again, Splashy walked over for a proper hug, happily and tiredly humming as Sal held them in his arms.

"Thank you so much, Sal," they said, quietly sniffling. "I think... everything's gonna be okay."

Yeah, there is a lot more subtext to this than just being dehydrated and lost. But I suppose that’ll be a story for another day.

"You know it," said Sal, ruffling their head-feathers. "We'll make sure of it. Don't you worry."

Sal pulled away and paused, thinking back over the appointment. He slowly bent down and whispered to Splashy behind a hand, hoping the nurse wasn't paying attention. "...hey. Weren't you scared of that doctor?"

"...Huh? She was really nice!" said Splashy, blinking puzzledly. "Why would I be scared?"

"I... eh, never mind."

Sal: “I feel as if I should be a lot more concerned for Splashy right now, but eh. One thing at I time, I suppose since I apparently wasn’t supposed to wake up with almost all my memories gone.” ^^;

Intermission

Spoiler

Well that was certainly different. I guess Splashy might be human themselves after all given that whoever it was that was speaking there strongly implies that they sent both Sal and Splashy into the story’s world. The overlapping words texture is a nice way of mimicking the whole “disembodied voices talking in a void” thing that visual media sometimes does, even if I wonder if the hover-boxes might have worked a bit better if they were transparent layers or something like that such that some of the text wasn’t cut off. Though the bits of dialogue that I could make out from the background text was intriguing. It sounds almost like characters psyching themselves up before a major, climactic battle. Almost as if Sal and Splashy aren’t alone, or else that this wasn’t the first time that Pokémon like them have come into their world. Something to keep an eye on in future updates.

Aright, and made it to the end. All-in-all, I thought that this was a pretty nice opening to your story, and in spite of sticking to a very strict length limit to emphasize digestible installments, nothing felt incomplete thus far. The main star of the show thus far is the characterization, with Sal being more of the ‘everyman’ character off which the others bounce for contrast, while Splashy is very bubbly and energetic, along with subtle hints that they are a bit on the affection-starved side of the spectrum for reasons that I’m sure aren’t just going to stay nicely in the background forever. It’s still early on, but you’ve still worked in some neat worldbuilding already, and the web format intermission was definitely a nice touch and change of pace for reading along.

I essentially have two criticisms of this story thus far. The first is that there’s some paragraphs where it feels like there’s too much going on in certain paragraphs and that they should be multiple smaller ones. The second is that there’s a couple places that feel a bit too minimalistic in style, and would benefit heavily from taking the time to either be a bit more generous describing what’s going on and what the surroundings are, or at the least, the internal thought process of Sal so that way we can get to know him and how he ticks a bit better.

But on the whole, I don’t think those issues got in the way of your story all that much. You set out to make a breezy read leveraging web media, and so far it’s been paying off. Good work, @Bluwiikoon , I’ll be looking forward to seeing more of this story in the future.

 

[Negrek]

Hey, Bluwii! Happy birthday! I was excited to see you post a new fic, and now seems like a great time to get a review out for it.

I'm really enjoying the combination of lightheartedness and mystery in the story so far. We have our traditional amnesiac protagonist, who's taking all this weirdness pretty well in stride, but we also have this other amnesiac pokémon who perhaps knows even less than our main character, and it would seem that they're both outsiders to this village. Is Splashy another amnesiac human, or perhaps something even stranger? The intermission certainly suggests that they already know each other, and perhaps something happened to rob the both of them of their memories. While everyone in the story has been quite friendly and pleasant so far, there's something shady, and perhaps sinister, going on under the surface. Based on your previous porygon fic, I know that you can sometimes hide rather dark meaning behind a cheerful exterior!

I was kind of surprised that Dr. Luxray didn't comment on the similarities between Sal and Splashy's condition. Obviously she wants them both to stay at the office so she can observe them for potential signs of psychic damage, but she never at any point made clear the "hmm, you both have funny memory things going on, wonder whether it's connected" possibility, and Sal doesn't seem to really consider it, either. But two people showing up in a similar location with similar symptoms definitely seem like they could have experienced the same thing! That's my guess at the moment, anyway.

I like Dr. Luxray, though. Her dismay over Splashy potentially dropping the cup, lol. Hopefully she isn't the "gray text" from the intermission--that'd be a little morally suspect, heh. But if that was any of the characters we've met so far, it seems most likely that it would be her! A little hard to say too much about the other characters at this point, since we haven't spent a great deal of time with them. Splashy is cute, and I'm definitely curious about what's up with them. They're probably the character I'm most worried about having a horribly tragic past, heh. Sal's exhibited a pretty mild personality so far, although they obviously have a kind nature. PMD protagonist material for sure!

Not a lot of words so far, but definitely a lot of mystery! From the summary, it sounds like this is going to be an adventurous PMD fic, with destiny and dark forces arrayed against our characters. It'll be fun to see how that builds out of a quiet opening like this--what could almost be a fun slice of life. It's neat how this is both very like and unlike the "typical" PMD beginning: we have our amnesiac character being found by a "partner" and brought to the nearby village... But other than that it's entirely different. I look forward to seeing how you play around with PMD tropes in the rest of the story!

Some small typos and grammar stuff under the spoiler if you're interested.

Spoiler: Linequotes

"Lie" and "lay" are really confusing, but the rule of thumb is that if you're referring to a thing being placed somewhere, you use lay or laid (e.g. "I laid my blanket out on the bed," the blanket is being put somewhere), whereas if it's just the subject of the sentence existing somewhere, you use lie/lay (e.g. "I lay in bed all night worrying," "I" is the thing lying around). So here:

Sal laid in a comfortable sleepiness, the last remnants of the harsh vision quickly slipping away from his mind.

This would be "Sal lay in a comfortable sleepiness." And here:

As he dozily began to consider basking there in the sun indefinitely, a rhythm of unsteady footsteps jolted him out of his haze, moving closer and closer to where he was laying.

This would end with "...moving closer to where he was lying."

Splashy had already drank four cups of water during their visit.

*drunk

Dr. Luxray padded back into the room from a doorway behind where Sal and Splashy were sitting, her dark fur and volumnous mane a stark contrast against the warm hues of her office.

*voluminous