Welcome to Thousand Roads! You're welcome to view discussions or read our stories without registering, but you'll need an account to join in our events, interact with other members, or post one of your own fics. Why not become a member of our community? We'd love to have you!
1: It may be used or held by a Pokémon to recover from poison.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Synopsis: She never dreamed anything like this would happen to her. It wasn't something she could even bring herself to fathom.
In the aftermath of a vicious assault, Odette Cinq-Mars no longer feels she has the will to function. She wants to be okay, but the prospect of feeling whole again feels forever out of reach. When she finds companionship in a mimikyu with a parallel problem, she soon learns that poison comes in all forms, and that accepting life's pecha berries is a necessary skill that comes with time.
~
Poison & Pecha Berries A tale of recovery, partnership, and learning that it's okay to not be okay...
This was a story I've had on my mind for a while and I finally have the cohones to actually write it. Being that the subject matter is unfathomably heavy, I was worried about even taking it on. But, I do want to tell this, and I hope that I can do the theming justice.
THIS STORY IS ABOUT A WOMAN RECOVERING FROM A SEXUAL ASSAULT. IT WILL CONTAIN DISCUSSION OF (THOUGH NO GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF) THE ATTACK, THE AFTERMATH, AND EPISODES OF TRAUMA ASSOCIATED WITH IT. IF THIS CONTENT UPSETS YOU, OR EVEN HAS THE SLIGHTEST CAPABILITY TO, PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING.
While I do want to take this story seriously, it's not imperative that I nail down every bit of continuity right now. That said, at this moment, I am mostly worried about whether or not everything is being depicted realistically, and most importantly, respectfully. Do the trains of traumatic thought make sense? Do the story beats progress logically and at an okay pace? Is the scenario being told in a way that isn't offensive or in a more "hand-wave" fashion? Of course, grammar checks, characterization critiques, and everything in-between are always welcome, but I'm really focused on ensuring this isn't off-base thematically.
If you do decide to read on, I do hope you enjoy it. Updates on this will be very sporadic as inspiration for it strikes less than it does for WSBS, but I do plan for this to be ~10 chapters long.
As always, thank you so much for reading and for any constructive and polite critique you might offer!
Specific content warnings will be listed at the beginning of every chapter, but in general, this story is flagged for:
Odette groaned as she was forcefully pulled from her slumber at the sound of her alarm clock. She didn’t know why it had been set in the first place; it wasn’t like she was getting out of bed any time soon.
She’d have honestly just been better off unplugging it. But that might have made things too real. Far more real than she’d accepted they were, anyway.
At least the beeping clock reminded her the days were still passing by and that she still had the capability to wake up. Not that either mattered anymore.
Odette raised one of her arms to slap a heavy hand down on the button to silence the sound. She opened her right eye just in time to see one of the yellowing bruises on her forearm. From where he’d grabbed her.
Gods, she wished she could scrub it off her body. She wished she could just scrub her body in general. Make it feel clean again.
She’d spent hours in the shower after the doctors and police cleared her to bathe, and she could not get the feeling of him off of her. No matter what soap she used or how hard she scrubbed, it wouldn’t go away. His presence was stuck on her, within her. Like a fucking tumor. Forever there to disrupt her being and everything she used to be.
There was nothing left to do at that point but stop. No amount of showering would erase what he’d done, what she’d done in return. She had given up silently, sinking to the shower floor and sitting in a numb ball until the water ran so cold she couldn’t bear it anymore. That had been about two weeks ago.
Surely it was unsanitary and even unhealthy for someone to go that long without bathing, but she couldn’t be bothered. She barely had the will to open her eyes, let alone get up, run a bath, and try the impossible all over again.
Pulling her comforter up over her head, Odette held her breath until the sting of threatening tears passed. There was no use crying, either. No energy for it. If she could doze back off again, she could enjoy a few more hours of dreamless reprieve.
However, the sound of her bedroom door creaking open ruined all chances of that happening.
“Odette?”
Her mother, Vienna, speaking made her release her breath. She curled into herself as footsteps neared the bed, and the springs creaked as a presence sat at her side.
“Are you awake?”
“Kind of,” Odette replied. She hated how weak and raspy her own words sounded.
A hand landed on her covered head. The urge to cry returned with a vengeance.
“I just came to let you know I’m running into the office to grab some things,” Vienna said tenderly. “I shouldn’t be more than an hour or two, alright?”
“Do your thing,” Odette croaked. “Don’t feel obliged to tiptoe around me. You can stay there for the day if you want.”
Vienna made a sound reminiscent of a sigh, but it sounded shaky. Like she’d either tried to hold it back and failed or was on the verge of tears herself. Odette didn’t want to think about the latter.
“I don’t want to leave you alone right now. You shouldn’t be alone right now. I-I can call your friends back if you want. They’re begging–”
“I’m fine,” Odette responded as curtly as she could. Gods, no. She didn’t want any of them to keep seeing her like this. She could barely look Noel and Acadia in the eye, and Basille, Noemie, and Claude were all back home on their holidays. She didn’t want to be the reason their leisure time was interrupted.
“I’ll call them later. I’m not alone, I have my team around anyway.” Out in the living room in their balls because she didn’t want them to watch her wallow, but still nearby nonetheless.
Another shaky, suppressed sigh. “Do you need me to get you anything, then? Solene just cooked breakfast, I can fix you a plate? Or I can run you a bath?”
That had to be a hint. Odette had gotten up to use the bathroom and change her pajamas if she was feeling up to it, but that surely didn’t mean she smelled or looked great. She’d generally avoided glancing at her reflection on any of those sparse trips, so she wasn’t sure how her appearance was fairing. If it matched how she felt physically and mentally, there was no doubt it was ghastly.
“I’ll get up in a bit. Thanks, though.”
The silence that followed was tense, despite feeling like it didn’t want to be. There was so much that needed to be said, but where was the starting point? How could anyone begin to unpack the situation at hand? Where was there to even go from here?
Odette didn’t know, and frankly, she didn’t care. She just wanted to keep sleeping. She’d only been conscious for a few minutes on this new morning and was already tired of it.
“Alright,” Vienna said softly. Odette felt her lean down, and some pressure fell against her cheek. Judging by Vienna’s voice’s close, it must have been her head. “You call me if you need me. I’ll be as quick as I can,” she said. “And just so you know, just in case…that rehab mimikyu I brought home the other night? His ball is sitting on the coffee table. I locked it to make him sleep, but if anything does happen, there’s some pecha berries in the freezer. Give him one, he should head right back into the ball, no issue. I ran it by your team, but I figured I’d also let you know.”
Right. With all the turbulence of the past several days, Odette had completely forgotten that Vienna had volunteered to take care of an injured wild mimikyu she’d caught on her last expedition to Alola. Odette wasn’t entirely sure why Vienna felt the need to run the info by her again; it wasn’t like she’d be much use in wrangling it. But, she supposed, in the deep, dark recesses of her ruined mind, there was an able version of her that appreciated being let in on the situation.
“Got it,” she said. The next words came out involuntarily. “Have a good day.”
No. Don’t have a good day without me. Stay. Please hug me. Everything hurts so fucking bad.
After a moment, she felt lips brush against her blanketed cheek. “I love you, my girl. Please know I’m here for you,” Vienna whispered.
She seemed to wait a moment for a response, and Odette knew exactly why. It was a lifeline. 'Ask me to stay, and I’ll stay,' the pause said. 'I would drop everything for you.' Odette knew her mother well enough to know that was true.
A chasm tore open in her chest and filled with a conflicting sense of anxiety and numbness.
Don’t go, her mind screamed. I can’t be alone; I don’t want to be alone.
And yet, as the words ran laps around her brain and settled on the tip of her tongue, she couldn’t open her mouth. She could not bear the thought of uttering them.
“I know. I’ll be alright. I’ll see you in an hour. Or two.”
I need help.
Even though she couldn’t see Vienna, Odette could practically feel her hesitate. The way she slowly sat up and pulled her hands back.
“Go get your things, I’m fine.” The forcefulness in her tone should have sold it.
Nothing was said. All Odette heard was her mother slowly getting up and walking toward the door to her bedroom. It opened, then shut.
No, no, no, no, no, no–
The short conversation left Odette feeling winded. Exhausted. Nauseous, even. She craved sleep more than she had a few minutes ago, yet adrenaline pulsed through her nerves. She heard the distant sound of the front door opening next and the muffled voice of Vienna speaking. Probably saying something or other to Solene, or Enora, or whoever was out and starting their day.
–no, no, no, no, no, take me with you, please take me with you, I need a hug, I need–
That door shut too.
There, the tears began to run down Odette’s face, her nose clogging and her chest tightening with threatening sobs.
“Come back,” she croaked, her fingernails digging into her mattress as she squeezed her eyes shut.
She hated herself. She hated herself so much.
Her body wanted to be alone. It wanted to lay in bed, in the dark, and forget the world around it existed. Maybe seep into the darkness around it and simply waste away. Stop existing altogether.
And yet, her mind and heart and soul wanted someone to crawl into her bed with her, wrap their arms around her, and not let go for a long, long time. She wanted someone to remind her that things always got better, even when it seemed like nothing was repairable. She wanted her mother, her grandparents, her team, and her friends there to distract her from how awful she felt and how terrible her situation was.
But she couldn’t ask them of that. She couldn’t bring herself to ask them to put out. Or risk them seeing her so low and so broken.
***
CRASH.
Odette flinched back into reality, still fully submerged under her thick blankets. She pushed them off her head, blinking tiredly as she waited for a follow-up. A cry from Ange or an angry shout from Solene. A suspicious silence lingered, and she took that time to slowly glance at her alarm clock.
11:01 am. That didn’t really make much of a difference to her because she wasn’t even sure what time she’d woken up in the first place, but at least she knew.
“Maman?” she called hopefully. No answer.
“Isaur? Enora?”
Nothing.
“Ange? Sol?”
THUMP. CREEEEAAAAAK.
The sudden rush of dubiousness prompted Odette to push herself to sit up.
“Guys,” she said. The lack of response caused a faint feeling of anger to creep up her back, and she groaned before swinging her legs off the bed.
She padded her hand over her night table and grabbed her glasses, which she pushed onto her face lazily. Her vision swam, even against the darkness of her bedroom, and her legs wobbled like those of a newborn deerling as she shuffled for her door.
“Guys, what the fuck are you breaking out here?” she said through a sniffle, pushing her fingers up under her lenses to rub her eyes. She hobbled out into the hall and to the living room, expecting to see some sort of mess or her team up to gods knew what. When she saw nothing of the sort save for a fallen chair and one of the couch pillows on the floor, she stopped mid-step to examine the situation.
“What on earth…” she muttered.
No sign of any of her partners. Their balls sat exactly where she’d left them for the time being, in the decorative bowl in the middle of the dining room table. Her gaze then cut to the coffee table, and the sight of an unfamiliar ball, completely broken open, caused her to raise her eyebrows.
“Hang on.”
Upon approaching the regular poke ball, she picked it up to get a better look. Its locking mechanism looked charred as if it had short-circuited somehow. It hung on by a wire, like the perpetrator had also gone out of their way to tear it off once they’d broken out.
I locked it to make him get some sleep, but on the off chance anything does happen, there’s some pecha berries in the freezer, her mother had said.
Odette exhaled sharply from her nose. She supposed that Vienna must have known this thing wasn’t one to be easily contained to a ball. Just great. The absolute last thing she needed to be doing was trying to fight with a mimikyu, especially one that was probably pissed off it was taken from the wild, injured or not.
“Fucking brilliant,” she grumbled, tossing the ruined ball back onto the table. She looked back over her shoulder at her team’s balls, and made her way over to them. Her head throbbed, and her body ached—some parts still more than others—and she felt prickles of annoyance in the corners of her mind. Why wasn’t anybody out to watch the thing if they knew it was a flight risk? Was it a ploy to get her out of bed? She certainly wasn’t fucking with that.
“Guys, the damn mimikyu got out. Why aren’t you–”
She stopped short. Closer inspection of their capsules showed that they had been locked.
She never locked her Pokemon in their balls unless she went somewhere that required it. Which was rare in itself.
“...watching…it…” she trailed off. For a moment, she began to second-guess whether or not she had initiated the locks. Everything had been such a blur, she imagined it wasn’t so farfetched to think she’d done so for some out-there reason and forgotten. But no, Vienna had said Solene had cooked, so that didn’t happen.
A thought occurred to her, and if her frown could have gotten any deeper, it did.
Did that little shit lock them?
How would it have even managed to do that? Unless they were all already in their balls when it broke out, she couldn't fathom it being able to recall all five of her teammates without at least one of them subduing him. Either it caught them while they weren't paying attention, when they were already in the balls, or she was dealing with a particularly crafty ghost.
Sighing, she moved to unlock them.
Sksksksksksksksksksksksk.
The sound was unfamiliar, but it was coming from the ceiling, and it caused her to pause. The sound would fade in and out, but it lingered above her head. Looking up, she took notice of something that hadn’t initially alerted her.
The vent above the table was hanging open.
Gods, I’m off my rocker, she thought bitterly. That would have been the first thing she noticed if she were in the right mind.
Propping herself on the tips of her toes, she returned to the table, staring intently into the small rectangular hole above her. The scattering noise sounded its loudest the closer she stood to it, and she raised a brow.
“If you’re looking for some Alolan humidity, you’re sure as hell not going to find it up there,” she called. “And locking my team up to keep them from stopping you is a hell of a low blow.”
Shit, now that she was thinking about it, how would she catch it again? It had broken the ball it was initially contained in, and she knew she had no extras. Vienna probably did somewhere in her room, but the thought of having to go digging for an empty ball both didn’t interest her and annoyed the everloving shit out of her simultaneously.
But the skittering sound stopped before she could dwell on that too deeply. Odette suddenly found that she couldn’t move. Anticipation flooded her core, a welcome deviation from the melancholy that had taken up shop as of late.
Even with the brace, she still cried out as a small mass hurled itself from the vent’s darkness, aiming right at her nose. She ducked to cover her head as she heard it hit the ground and scurry into the kitchen. She was surprised she could hear that much with how her heartbeat suddenly pounded against her eardrums. It was too much excitement in one go, but she eventually found the will to straighten up and find what had just kamikaze’d her.
It didn’t take long. She merely needed to glance into the kitchen and easily found the culprit.
Standing on top of the wall-mounted cabinets, she could see the shape of a fake pikachu head. It hung over, like the neck had been broken, staring back at her with a pair of soulless drawn-on eyes and a zig-zaggy grin. She could make out the tatters and dirt patches in the cheap brownish fabric, and even from her vantage point, she could see blood stains and even some splotches of a nasty-looking purple on it.
Although she’d initially been caught on the fake face, her gaze fell on its real eyes. Glinting against the light of the kitchen bulbs and wide with both malice and what she assumed was an air of curiosity and even some fear. Typical wilding mimikyu behavior, at least from what she’d seen and read. She placed a hand on her hip, using the other to rub her eyes again.
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m sure you’re livid,” she huffed. “Unfortunately, I can’t offer you much aside from an assurance that the lab will return your ass to the wild as soon as whatever’s wrong with you goes away.”
“Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk,” it hissed back at her. She noticed how it wobbled back and forth, almost dazedly, as it tried to speak. Even its real eyes fluttered tiredly. The longer she looked at it, the more exhausted it looked.
Suddenly, the purple splotches made sense. Poison, she realized. She immediately felt a little bad.
“Sorry to hear that,” she replied, despite being entirely unsure of what it was trying to say. She momentarily wondered why she was struggling to understand it, as the ghost-type language was practically her third tongue. She chalked it up to her frazzled state of mind. “But if you’re poisoned, all I can offer you are some pecha berries. You like those, don’t you?”
“Kkkkkkkkkkkk.” Something about that sounded defiant.
“Well, that’s all I got. I didn’t catch you, so you’ll have to take any gripes up with my mother when she gets back.”
That time, it made a noise reminiscent of a groan and stumbled as it tried to move further down the cabinet. Odette sighed sympathetically.
“I get it, dude. You’re…you’re not the only one kinda going through it right now.”
She suddenly shuddered involuntarily, her mind flooding with thoughts and vivid images of what had happened.
Leaving her bag and poke balls with Noel, going into the auditorium, realizing too little too late what she’d stepped into…trying to get away, but him just being so much bigger than her…blacking out, feeling his fingers around her neck…
Truthfully, she didn’t look much different than the mimikyu had when she finally managed to get away. Blood splattered, torn clothes, destroyed…
Stop. Stop. Please, stop.
A violent jolt rolled down her spine, causing her to stiffen and walk quickly toward the freezer. Tears prickled the corners of her eyes, and she hastily blinked them away as she pulled the door open and rummaged around for the berries Vienna had said were stored in there. She found them rather easily, piled into a ziplock bag, and pulled three out by their frozen stems.
“Look, here are the pecha berries,” she said, sniffling. She replaced the bag and nudged the door shut with her side. “Maman said you respond well to these, so if you come down now, they’re yours. I’ll even give you the whole bag if you really want it.”
Facing the cabinets again, she held the treats out in front of her in her palm, hoping to entice the thing to come down and grab them. She watched as it cautiously leaned forward, eyeing the bait hungrily, before falling back again and pushing itself further against the wall.
No, the gesture said. Odette exhaled sharply, irritation firing up her nerves and slowly growing more intense.
“I really don’t have time for this,” she snapped despite her best efforts to keep her tone leveled. “I don’t want to be up in the first place, and if you’re poisoned, you need medicine and rest. So can you please do us both a favor, take the damn berries, and let me get you back into a ball? I won’t lock it this time, so you can pop out whenever you want, as long as you agree to chill out.”
The malice in the mimikyu’s eyes intensified, and it shook its head defiantly.
“Kkkkkkkkkkyu.”
The corners of her vision began to blur with red. She didn’t want to be doing this. It was supposed to be a quick thing, and the fucking Pokemon was giving her too hard of a time.
She wanted to go back to bed; stop the flashbacks from jumbling her head. The longer she looked at it, the more her mind raced.
You looked just like that. You still look like that. You’re one and the same.
“You’re gonna piss me off. I’m trying to be nice, and you’re just being a fucking dickstain,” she growled. “Take the berries.”
The mimikyu appeared to flatten itself against the top of the cabinet, trying to make itself smaller.
“Kkkkknnnggghhhhh.”
It didn’t want berries. It didn’t want the help. Despite how it had looked at the fruits, it wasn’t going to take them. It would continue acting on its own, denying every chance offered for assistance despite how much it looked like it needed it.
Odette’s irritation bloomed into fury. She clenched her fist to keep her hand from shaking.
“Take. The. Fucking. Berries.”
Let me help.
The mimikyu responded by fully turning his body away from her, and she exploded.
A guttural, animalistic scream clawed up from the trenches of Odette’s vocal cords, and she flung the fruits at the backsplash, watching them burst on impact and spray their pulp, juice, and seeds all over the counter and floor. “Fine! Fine! Fucking stay up there; sit in your filth, starve, deal with your poison! My mum shouldn’t have left me alone with you in the first place!” she screamed.
Her breathing was heavy now, and there was a sting in her nose that she didn’t register through the rapid-fire words spilling out of her mouth. “You clearly need some fucking help, so why won’t you just let me help you? What is sitting and hissing at me going to accomplish? Getting me to lose my shit? Congratulations, you got your fucking wish! You successfully pissed off a broken human, are you fucking happy? Are you?”
Odette didn’t realize she started to cry until she could taste tears on her tongue and heard the strain of her own voice against her angered words. Dizziness took her in a chokehold, and she found she could no longer stand upright. She tried to turn back for her room but didn’t make it more than a step before stumbling to the floor and collapsing onto her rear.
There was nothing to do at that point except cry. Her own sobs felt like charged punches to her chest, beating on her lungs with such an unnecessary vigor that it left her feeling winded. Her body shivered despite being far from cold, and her tears stung with an unbearable shame. It would have been the perfect time to go numb, but her body was out to punish her.
It was just a snippy injured mimikyu, and yet she’d been reduced to a heap of tears, screams, and anxiety. Pitiful. Pathetic.
What even was she anymore?
She had to have only been sitting on the floor for a few minutes, but by the time she’d gotten enough of a grip on herself to look up, it felt like she’d been sitting there for days. Only then did the numbness finally hit, and she could no longer work her legs. Not even to stand up and unlock her team’s balls, even though she wanted to. They shouldn’t be left involuntarily confined to their spaces, and she didn’t care about being seen now.
She wanted Enora to ease her mind again. She wanted Ange’s warmth. She wanted Isaur’s chill hugs and Solene’s hums of assurance. She wanted her mother to walk back through the door and rush to her side. She wanted to call Noel and Noemie down from their apartment two floors above her and feel their tight embraces. She wanted her grandfather to look her in the eye and tell her everything was alright.
She wanted a reprieve.
I need help. I need help. I need help.
Raising a hand to wipe her cheek, she finally managed a shaky breath.
“I’m so fucked,” she whispered to nobody.
“Kyu?”
Flinching, she whipped her head around to see the mimikyu standing at her side, albeit at a relatively safe distance away. The malice had faded from its beady eyes. All that remained was that evident curiosity and something else she couldn’t quite make out through her tear-blurred vision and foggy glasses.
Sniffling, she pulled her lenses off her eyes to wipe them on her wrinkled shirt. “What, what?” she breathed. “Did your conscience finally kick in? A little late for that, but what the fuck ever, you know?”
The mimikyu took the slightest step closer, its look on her unwavering. She watched it continue to sway tiredly, blinking what she decided was exhaustion out of its eyes.
It's still poisoned, Odette reminded herself as she slowly clawed her way back up from her low. Exhaling a shaky breath, she continued to wipe her face.
It can’t be helped that it’s fucking wild, you know better. Stupid.
“Sorry,” she apologized stiffly. “You didn’t deserve that, I’m just…” she trailed off, unsure of how she wanted to finish that thought. Instead, she settled for silence and just shook her head.
“I’m sorry.”
For a moment, it looked like the injured ghost wouldn’t respond. But, when it inched itself even closer, to the point where it was a mere foot away from Odette’s hand, she quirked a brow.
“Kyu?” the ghost squeaked. A nice contrast from the hissing, but it sounded weak nonetheless. Even with the apologetic tone, she still couldn’t figure out what it was saying. It was starting to frustrate her; as if she needed anything else to be aggravated about. However, as she watched it wobble again, worse than before, she managed to figure out the gist.
“Right. I shouldn’t have…” Once more, she stopped herself with a headshake. “Hang on.”
Using the wall, she pulled herself up to stand, having to take a second to regain her balance as the exhaustion from her rage took over. She stumbled over to the fridge again, grabbing the bag of berries from the freezer and getting herself a water bottle as well. Upon sitting back down in front of the mimikyu, she allowed herself time to chug half the bottle before doing any more damage control.
As always, the water brought her mostly back to her senses, and once she was able to think clearer, she went for the berry bag again. Watching the mimikyu eagerly eye it was actually quite cute, and she’d have smiled if she had the capability to, despite everything that had just happened.
It’s wild. You’re not going to solve anything by screaming at it.
She took three berries out and held them out in her palm. This time around, the mimikyu hesitantly approached her fingers in order to give them a sniff. Suddenly, a shadowy hand emerged from under the tattered cloak and snatched one before quickly disappearing.
It settled on the floor as whatever mass of ghostly energy hidden under the fabric indulged in the healing berry goodness, and the difference was almost instant. It very visibly perked up, and as its real eyes blinked, a new sense of alertness filled them. It didn’t look 100% by any means—far from it, truthfully—but it was a positive change nonetheless.
Odette nodded. “Good. See, that was easy,” she said. She carefully set the other two berries down. “The more, the merrier. Poison’s no joke, you know.”
Mimikyu turned to eye the other two fruits, and it was a long moment before it reached out and took another one. As it looked like it was also going to take the third, it stopped before pushing it back toward Odette.
“Kyu,” it said just before munching down again.
Odette furrowed her brow. “No, that’s for you. I don’t need it.”
Mimikyu cocked its head questioningly. “Not poisoned too?”
That managed to make sense to her. What had changed in the split second? Was it choosing to just squeak and hiss at her before just because?
All she could do for a while was blink. “I’m—” she stammered.
Not in the same way. But she wouldn’t dare say that out loud.
“I—like I said, I’m just going through it.”
"Look poisoned. Smell poisoned. Have one too."
She was left in a stunned silence. Instinctively, her eyes fell back to the pecha on the floor before meeting Mimkyu’s look again. It would be a wonder if eating a pecha berry would cure her of the metaphorical toxins within her, but the thought of putting anything in her stomach only made her ill. As did wondering how bad she looked and smelled to have Mimikyu think she was literally poisoned. Yet her curiosity was piqued, in the most unfortunate way.
“It’s fine,” she muttered. “It won’t help me anyway.”
A hiss again. "Unfair. I heal here. You too."
She wanted to laugh. Who the hell did this Pokemon think it was? Since when did healing become a fucking negotiation?
But…now she had to know what Mimikyu was seeing. What she was avoiding looking at for the past weeks. Her relatives and friends hadn’t said much, and maybe there was a reason for that.
With an apprehensive glance toward her bathroom, she pushed herself to stand again. Slowly but surely, she walked toward the door. From the hallway, she padded the wall next to the sink for her light and hesitated for a while before actually flicking it on. Only then did she step into the view of the mirror.
There, she understood.
Her curly hair, unbrushed and unwashed for days, sat like a partially defined tumbleweed on her head. The bags under her eyes matched almost too well with her pallor face and the wrinkled oversized t-shirt she wore. The skin around her nose was inflamed and red, and she could see the beginnings of a few zits peppering her forehead and jawline.
Worst of all was the finger-shaped bruises that coiled around her neck. She tried her hardest not to look at those, though.
“Holy shit,” she whispered, leaning over the sink and running her fingertips down her cheeks. She hated how hollow they felt. How much weight had she lost from just laying in bed and not eating?
Mimikyu was right. She did look poisoned.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d stood there staring at her pitiful reflection, but she was jostled out of her trance when she heard something ‘THUMP’ her toilet.
She saw Mimikyu on the closed seat, looking far more awake, with some telltale pecha juice staining the front of its cloak. That’s when she realized she’d left the bag on the floor. She might have been miffed in any other scenario, but that was a mere speck on her list of concerns.
“You weren’t kidding. I look like shit.”
"Smell poisoned," Mimikyu said.
Frowning, Odette hastily smelled the shirt fabric close to her underarms and visibly cringed at the overwhelming scent of sweat and body odor that assaulted her nostrils. It was also right about that.
“Fuck,” she sighed.
“Unfair. I heal here. You too."
This…wasn’t her. It couldn’t be her.
She supposed, in some fucked up way, Mimikyu had a point.
She couldn’t say for sure what had poisoned it, but it couldn’t have been anything weak, that was certain. That said, if she was able to yell at it about not accepting help at first, then Mimikyu had a right to give her shit for being in a similar boat.
With a long, drawn-out huff, Odette lowered her head to her chest in contemplation. Bathing before hadn’t been any help; more panic-inducing than anything. But she knew she couldn’t allow this to continue taking hold of her, now that she was looking at what she’d started to become.
If she did, then he won. Even in death.
Odette had to make sure that didn’t happen. Just like Mimikyu, she needed to take a step. It had come to her for pecha berries even after her meltdown; now, she needed to try doing something similar. Try to right herself again. Try to actually make herself take the hands that were being held out to her. Realize she could, and needed to.
And if a wild mimikyu could make an attempt, she could too. This wasn’t her.
“Okay,” she said nervously. She had to work up the nerve to say what was on her mind next, and it took a second. But, she got it out.
“You’re right. I guess I have to match you. Make it fair.”
She moved to turn on her shower. Once the water was running, she realized she'd forgotten something. Narrowing her eyes, she shot one last look at Mimikyu.
Aaaaa this was so good! You say this is supposed to be about 10 chapters, so I'm kind of surprised Odette's had any kind of progress already! Makes me all the more eager to see what's still to happen. But anyway, I loved everything about this. Little gremlin ghost being affectionate gremlin is adorable in a strange way, given the state of the pair of them. But I do love that they start to build each other back up. Help can come from the most unlikely, or unexpected, places.
I felt like both Odette's and Loic's (what little I know of him) reactions were natural and consistent throughout this. Can't speak from experience, but I have no issues with Odette's post-SA reaction and behavior. Feels real enough to me. I've wanted to stop existing for less, lol.
Only a couple minor things I really wanted to specifically draw attention to:
“Alright,” Vienna said softly. Odette felt her lean down, and some pressure fell against her cheek. Judging by Vienna’s voice’s close, it must have been her head.
“...watching…it…” she trailed off. For a moment, she began to second-guess whether or not she had initiated the locks. Everything had been such a blur, she imagined it wasn’t so farfetched to think she’d done so for some out-there reason and forgotten. But no, Vienna had said Solene had cooked, so that didn’t happen.
So not only did Mimikyu lock them all in, it had somehow managed to recall everyone who had already been out, too! Little gremlin sure knows his way around pokeballs.
The one issue I may have with the story so far is here, in that if Odette is so acutely aware of how infrequently she locks her team's balls, why would she not immediately go and unlock them here when she realizes that's what happened? I know it's obviously so she can have some alone time with Mimikyu for the rest of the chapter, but it does feel a bit weird to mention how they're almost never locked away unless absolutely required, but then she doesn't move to undo the locks. She does think about it again later on, which is good, showing that she hasn't forgotten, but it's a little odd that she didn't at least try to do it right then and there.
Of course, she hears Mimikyu up in the vents only moment afterwards, but she took the time to look around first, so I wonder if she couldn't have been moving to unlock them and then got distracted by the sound?
Or maybe I'm reading too much into this very minor detail, because in the end, it really is minor.
This line got me. It's a perfect metaphor for what Odette's going through. I don't think she did end up eating a berry (Loic totally should have brought back the bag with only a single one left in it to the bathroom for her), but the shower is a good start.
Also I love how once she starts to break down, suddenly she can understand what Mimikyu is saying.
This is a cute idea despite the underlying heaviness of Odette's trauma. Not that I would know, but her reaction seems believable, and I appreciated the hints of her feebleness sprinkled throughout the story, before she finally confronts the totality of her self-neglect. From a big-picture perspective, one of my critiques is that the point felt a little belabored. By the time we got to this paragraph...
It didn’t want berries. It didn’t want the help. Despite how it had looked at the fruits, it wasn’t going to take them. It would continue acting on its own, denying every chance offered for assistance despite how much it looked like it needed it.
...it felt like the parallel was obvious, so maybe Odette could have realized it right then. Wouldn't have felt out of character, as despite her distress, she is self-aware. For example:
That had to be a hint. Odette had gotten up to use the bathroom and change her pajamas if she was feeling up to it, but that surely didn’t mean she smelled or looked great. She’d generally avoided glancing at her reflection on any of those sparse trips, so she wasn’t sure how her appearance was fairing. If it matched how she felt physically and mentally, there was no doubt it was ghastly.
So the story isn't entirely consistent in this regard. Alternatively, you could change the narration so it's a little less on-the-nose until the end.
I also found myself wanting more concreteness on the mimikyu body language. There was a lot of assigning adjectives to eyes, which I kind of struggled to imagine given that the mask obscures most of the face. And here:
Having Loïc sway tiredly was good, however. I can definitely buy that.
The way Loïc behaves here feels perfectly consistent with his characterization in WSBS. Stubbornly independent, but not without empathy. Though if he can speak, I wonder why he doesn't do it more in WSBS. Hm.
Yo Sind! I've wanted to check out your stuff, and I saw this fic is available for the Week 4 bonus!
Odette Cinq-Mars no longer feels she has the will to function. She wants to be okay, but the prospect of feeling whole again feels forever out of reach.
Compared to Pacific Islands closer to the equator, I think Hawaii (so Alola?) is pretty dry!
I usually avoid themes of violence and trauma since I'm sensitive to them but thought I'd give this a go. I felt like this first chapter was fine, at least, for me. You mentioned at the start that you primarily want to know whether or not the depiction of someone being traumatized by sexual assault and path of recovery is described realistically and respectfully. I will point out that, though there are common themes of how people respond to sexual assault, it is something personal and everyone deals with it and responds to it in unique ways. I've been pretty open that I have been sexually traumatized by a guy I had once dated, but even then I can only give insights on MY reaction to the trauma--others can (and do) react differently (especially since I didn't murder my guy LOL), and so I think that, as long as you are showing how weighty the trauma is and not hand-waving it, you don't need to worry too much about whether your depiction is "realistic."
That being said, I can give my perspective on how Odette reacts in this story--and I'll definitely say that her interactions with the Mimikyu (that others are calling Loic?) are certainly the highlight of this first chapter. It's evident that the Mimikyu is also traumatized--he wants to escape, get outside, and doesn't want to accept help from Odette. Her realizing the parallels between the Mimikyu and herself are very telling: they're both damaged, beaten, and help is being offered on a plate and they just don't feel capable of accepting it. I like that the Mimikyu's prodding her to take a berry is what gets her to finally start taking care of herself.
The aftermath of her SA felt very raw, especially with the memories coming unbidden to her mind, and her constantly feeling torn between what she does and doesn't want. She wants to be alone, but desperately wants love and company. She doesn't want anyone to see how far she's fallen, but she really wants help. She feels disgusting and hates her body, but she can't find the motivation to do the things that will help her along. I think these are all very real reactions, and you do a good job showing them.
I can't really comment on how people around her are reacting or her inability to get out of bed (nobody around me knew what had happened, and I never lost motivation, only the ability to feel enjoyment), but they both seemed real to me, and I think you did a good job of that.
Leaving her bag and poke balls with Noel, going into the auditorium, realizing too little too late what she’d stepped into…trying to get away, but him just being so much bigger than her…blacking out, feeling his fingers around her neck…
Truthfully, she didn’t look much different than the mimikyu had when she finally managed to get away. Blood splattered, torn clothes, destroyed…
Stop. Stop. Please, stop.
A violent jolt rolled down her spine, causing her to stiffen and walk quickly toward the freezer. Tears prickled the corners of her eyes, and she hastily blinked them away as she pulled the door open and rummaged around for the berries Vienna had said were stored in there. She found them rather easily, piled into a ziplock bag, and pulled three out by their frozen stems.
This was the only part that I can say I reacted differently to. When I experienced intrusive thoughts of what happened to me, I would have an uncontrollable breakdown, no matter where I was or what I was doing, and so I couldn't just do something else to distract myself from it. But, again, just because I didn't experience something a certain way doesn't mean that it's incorrect--I was just surprised to read this and see that she was immersed in the memory of what had happened to her but was able to still get the Pecha berries for Mimikyu.
The scene where she looks at herself in the mirror is hard! I also lost weight (but for me, it was just because I kept forgetting to eat and had lost the desire to), but never to the point where my face looked sallow or had bruises that wouldn't heal. I hope that means that Odette can start to take care of herself and slowly look better as she recovers.
So far, I think you have the start of a story that shows how raw and gritty, but also beautiful and heartwarming, healing from trauma can be. It's messy, and can be ugly, but at the end, people are more whole and better. Thanks for sharing this with us!
Surely it was unsanitary and even unhealthy for someone to go that long without bathing, but she couldn’t be bothered. She barely had the will to open her eyes, let alone get up, run a bath, and try the impossible all over again.
Man I don't have any experience with this kind of trauma but I do know that trauma and grief is just exhausting, and that feeling of just sitting in the shower is a mood.
Man this is such an experience, the duality of wanting to pretend to be okay but wanting to just say how much everything sucks and you don't want to be alone
Nice line here of "that door shut too".
I think this whole bit is still one of my favorite sequences because it really captures that feeling of desperation but being so unable to communicate
I like the glimpse of how the trauma can really seep into and corrupt ones mind, the way Odette is convincing herself she can't bear to be seen as broken
The corners of her vision began to blur with red. She didn’t want to be doing this. It was supposed to be a quick thing, and the fucking Pokemon was giving her too hard of a time.
Okay but it's both a mood and funny to me, this is like when a cat is causing chaos and you need to put it away but it's not listening to anything even a bribe and it's so annoying
It didn’t want berries. It didn’t want the help. Despite how it had looked at the fruits, it wasn’t going to take them. It would continue acting on its own, denying every chance offered for assistance despite how much it looked like it needed it.
Odette’s irritation bloomed into fury. She clenched her fist to keep her hand from shaking.
Heh, love the parallel of Odette getting so viscerally angry at Mimikyu when she's clearly also angry at herself but can't find a way to work through that
“Fine! Fine! Fucking stay up there; sit in your filth, starve, deal with your poison! My mum shouldn’t have left me alone with you in the first place!” she screamed.
She moved to turn on her shower. Once the water was running, she realized she'd forgotten something. Narrowing her eyes, she shot one last look at Mimikyu.
I can't remember but I almost feel like the ending changed a little since I read it? Either way it was quite good. I can't remark specifically on the trauma but I think generally it feels realistic. There's a lot of raw and confusing emotions at play, a great duality and sense of internal conflict.
The parallels with mimikyu and lines where she's yelling at it are kind of on the nose but not in a way that felt unreasonable or unbelievable, if anything ppl b like that sometimes lol.
I like that there's this sense of resolution and moving towards taking care of herself at the end, and bordering close on a hopeful note, because I suspect it might get bad again before it gets worse. But sometimes it can feel like at the time of that first step that maybe it'll all be okay.
One thing I am especially curious about is getting more of Mimikyu's story. It's a little gremlin but something pretty rough must have happened if it's still poisoned and not healing proper?
As far as an emotionally focused story about healing goes I found this quite excellent, and it really captures that mood.
So. To start off, I think you do a great job of implying a lot about the traumatic event without getting deep into the details. There may be storytelling instances where going into more detail would be warranted. But honestly, in this case, I think skirting around it and letting the reader fill in the blanks is the way to go. Both because sometimes it's more horrifying to leave it to the imagination, but also in this case we are very much in Odette’s head and her state of mind and she’s clearly not wanting to think about it.
Her way of dealing with the trauma also feels highly realistic, in my opinion. Different people respond to trauma differently, but mentally shutting down isn't uncommon. I think it also makes a lot of sense that she lashes out at the Mimikyu. She's stressed and she's seeing herself in the way it's acting. So, in a way, she's lashing out at herself. (At least, that's what I got out of it.)
Also, I really like how Loïk views Odette’s current state. It makes a lot of sense that a pokemon that doesn’t know about the full situation but understands the general idea, would approach it with something it does understand (poisoning, in this case).
There’s just one critique I do want to bring up, but it’s relatively minor and more of an observation. I kind of feel like this connection might have happened a little too fast. When I went into this story, I was fully expecting it to take a chapter or two before they actually connected due to their similarities. But that said, I could also easily see this as a first step or a one step forward, two steps back situation. From what’s already been displayed in this chapter alone, I trust you as a writer to handle this in a nuanced and respectful manner.
But regardless of that, I really liked this. I think it has great potential, and I’ll be keeping an eye out for more. Maybe I’ll get caught up with WSBS sometime in the near future too, lmao. Until next time!
