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Pokémon PMD: Hellfire Renegades

Chapter 1: Jumper


Cosmic Guardian
The Circle
  1. luxio
Hi. I will not have this be beta-read.

Consider this a... I guess proof-of-concept...? That's not the right word, but I wanted to get this first chapter out as the baseline for an idea I've had for a while. Basically, I still need to figure out the actual plot and such, but you all can have this in the meantime.

Thusly, this is most likely below my actual quality of writing. I implore people to absolutely tear this thing apart and tell me everything that sucks about it lol.

Or don't! It's fine, really. If you enjoy this, cool, there'll be more..... eventually. If you hate it, also cool! Thanks for giving it a shot, at least.

strong language

Bzz! Bzz!

A scruffy man is jolted awake by the vibrations of his phone against his stomach.

He groggily picked up his phone and looked at the notification. Someone had sent him something on Discord.

Once the notification was clicked, the man found out that the message was nothing more than a link. He sighed irritably and texted the person who'd sent him the link.


StarkRaven: Dave.

verdebean: what's up bro

StarkRaven: Why the fuck did you send me a link to a fucking Buzzfeed quiz.
StarkRaven: At 4AM.

verdebean: idk man i'm bored bruh damn

StarkRaven: And why the fuck are you awake right now anyways?

verdebean: because i just am????? lmaoooo what i can't be awake rn??? you the sleep police??? rhys the sleep officer gonna arrest me?????

StarkRaven: Please just go to sleep.

verdebean: nah i want you to take that quiz first pls

StarkRaven: Fuck off.

verdebean: :(((((( pls bro? for me???

StarkRaven: Okay, fine. Whatever. Maybe this shit will put me back to sleep anyways.

verdebean: lol thank u man you're the best :)))


Rhys reluctantly clicked on the Buzzfeed quiz.

"'What type of bread are you,' are you fucking kidding me?"

He exhaled deeply and calmed himself before he got too mad.

It's just a stupid fucking quiz. Nothing to get mad about, you piece of shit.

Once he was done with the quiz, he none too eagerly glanced over his results, one hand dangling over the side of the couch he'd slept on for the past several weeks.

"Sourdough bread, huh. Hilarious."

Something touched his hand.

He jumped slightly and whipped his head around to see what it was.

It was just Dave's Herdier, sniffing at Rhys' fingers.

"Oh, shit, it's just you, Salsa. What're you doin' up so late, girl?" He whispered to the dog, reaching his hand over to scratch the top of her head.

Salsa ducked under his fingers, sniffing at them again, then turned and walked away.

"...Uh. Okay, good night, I guess." Rhys mumbled awkwardly as he watched the dog leave.

He turned his attention back to his phone.


StarkRaven: Hey jackass.
StarkRaven: Did that stupid fucking quiz.

verdebean: yoooo what did you get

StarkRaven: Sourdough.


StarkRaven: Yeah, okay, whatever. Please never send me Buzzfeed quizzes again. Or maybe just send them at a more reasonable time.

verdebean: gotcha fam, have a good rest of ur night :))

StarkRaven: Fuck you, and good night.


Sleep came easily to Rhys after that. He simply closed his eyes and waited to drift off. And wait long, he did not.

He found himself inside of a room, the walls and floor all solid stainless steel. In one corner, a small, wooden table resided, with a TV remote and a loaf of sourdough bread atop it. Opposite the table was a wooden shelf, atop which piles of paper were stacked high.

In the middle of the wall Rhys was facing was a small television. The screen displayed static, with the words "DO WHAT YOU WILL" in bright red.

He glanced around uneasily, looking for some kind of door or window. Nothing. Not even an air vent that he could crawl through.

"Uh… Okay? Do I just… do whatever?" He thought aloud.

…Wait, why am I talking, nobody's even here.

He wandered over to the table first. The remote could perhaps control the television, or give him more instructions? He mashed random buttons on the remote, but nothing happened.

Okay, whatever.

Next, the loaf of bread. The irony of the type of bread was not lost on him.

Very fucking funny.

Rhys took a bite of the loaf, gagging at the rancid taste. He turned and spat it to a far corner.

How the fuck do people like that shit?

The only thing left was the various stacks of papers. Once he looked at a few, it was clear that there was an intended order they were meant to be in. Tiny numbers were printed on the corners of each paper, presumably their order.

Easy enough, I guess…

As he tried his best to organize the papers, he caught glimpses of what must have been some kind of story they were telling. Something about a hero that wielded lightning, and another that channeled the spirits of gods…

He snorted. "Bunch of weirdo shit."

Well, I'm exactly the kind of weirdo that'll eat that shit up.

Once he had only a handful of papers left to organize, there was a faint humming noise.

Rhys turned and watched as the outline of a door cut itself into the farthest wall. The piece of wall that had been outlined fell away, and someone walked through it.

Blinding light from outside the walls made it impossible to discern anything about the new person.

"Who the fuck are you?"

The mysterious person remained completely silent for several minutes, and did not even move a muscle. Finally, they said, "I am the one who will take you."

He sputtered out, "T-Take me? Fuck you mean, 'take me'? Where?"

The light was beginning to invade the room, everything fading away, even the person.

Before Rhys could do anything else, everything was light.

And then there was only darkness, in less than a blink of an eye.

Faint sounds were reaching him, what sounded like the whirring of a machine, and footsteps…?

Ugh, fuck.

Rhys tried to get up, but couldn't.

He weakly began to open his eyes-- and immediately snapped them open once he registered what he was seeing.

In front of him was a street, with several skyscrapers visible, each having lines of different neon colors stretching along their walls. Equally neon signs could be seen a bit closer, advertising various businesses. The sky was a beautiful midnight black, but there were no stars visible.

What the fuck.

Those footsteps he'd been hearing got progressively louder.

"Hey! Hey, you!" An unfamiliar voice called out to him.

Rhys still couldn't move-- what the fuck was wrong with him?-- so he settled for just staring straight ahead.

The unfamiliar voice, a soft, somewhat high-pitched voice, said, "Excuse me, are you okay? I just saw you laying down over here, and I was thinking that's not a good idea, because the drones might get you--"

"Fuck you talking about, kid?" Rhys grumbled in annoyance.

"O-Oh! Um, I'm sorry, sir, you must not be from around here…" The stranger's voice trailed off, before eventually continuing, "Um… can you… see me at all, sir?"

"Do you think I can fucking see you?" He snapped, thoroughly confused and irritated now.

There was a shuffling noise, and then the stranger came into view. It was a Tyrogue, with a bag slung over one shoulder, clearly very concerned and wringing his hands together. "Sorry about that… Um, like I was saying--"

"Wait. Why the fuck can I understand you?"

"...Um, what do you mean by that?"

"You're a Pokémon. I shouldn't be able to know what you're saying."

The Tyrogue took a tiny step forward and crouched down. "I'm sorry, but I'm not really sure what the problem is… I mean, yes, I'm a Pokémon, but so are you."

Rhys snorted. "Fuckin' yeah, right. I--"

He paused. Wait. No. No, it couldn't be true. Is that why he couldn't move? Was he a fucking Grimer or something?

With some difficulty, he stood… on four stubby legs. He lifted one of his legs to see what it looked like. It was gray.

Oh. Holy fucking shit.

"I'm a fucking Aron." He said breathily, scarcely believing the truth even as it spilled from him.

The Tyrogue nodded slowly. "Er, yes, sir, you're an Aron. Um… do you maybe need medical assistance… or a mental health evaluation…?"

Rhys chuckled flatly. "Got enough evaluations before. Say, uh, kid, can you tell me why I'm an Aron?"

"...Because you live in this world--"

"No I don't. I've never seen this cyberpunk shit in my life. Definitely no talking Pokémon."

"...Okay. Erm… sir, may I offer to take you to the Engineer's Guild? They might know how to help you."

"The fuckin' what."


"That was a rhetorical, dumbass. You're not taking me anywhere."

"W-Well, I don't think you can exactly walk…"

"Sure I can. Just watch." Rhys took one step and toppled over.

"I'll just carry you, sir." The Tyrogue scooped up Rhys-- to much protesting-- and walked for several minutes.

Eventually, he came up to a building that was much like the skyscrapers Rhys had seen earlier, sleek with neon lines snaking across the surfaces. The Tyrogue held Rhys with one arm while awkwardly fishing through his bag for something. Eventually, he pulled out a card and pressed it to a small device embedded next to one of the neon lines.

Almost instantly, a door materialized and slid open. The Tyrogue put his card back in his bag and stepped through. Rhys was able to see glimpses of the interior: shockingly colorful, with lights embedded in the ceilings that pulsed different colors, making the heavily decorated walls that much more vibrant.

The Tyrogue walked up to an alcove in the main room, then stepped onto a large circular platform --no surprise, with a neon rim-- that made a quick descent down to what must have been a different floor.

Underground building, huh?

On this new floor, several Pokémon were milling about, most working on various gadgets and machinery. A Zoroark with a bizarrely yellow mane was asleep at a desk, and a Bisharp next to them was similarly asleep.

Tyrogue whispered to Rhys, "These are the Engineers, sir. They develop new technology to distribute around the world."

"So, what, they're a bunch of fuckin' super-geniuses?"

"...I guess so, yeah! But, um, I'm not taking you here to see the Engineers themselves."

The kid walked through the room, skirting around various projects and tables, earning more than a few glances from the Engineers.

He walked through a wide hallway, down to the very last door. The Tyrogue gingerly knocked on it.

It swung open within a matter of seconds, and something came out to greet them.

Rhys didn't know what the fuck he was looking at. Some weird ass… purple bug-robot thing with a cannon on its back and a head that looked like a fucking UFO…?

"Ah! Engineer Tyrogue, and… someone else. Please, come in!" It spoke through the white part on its face, which Rhys supposed was meant to be a mouth.

Tyrogue followed the bug into the room, which, shockingly, had no neon lights whatsoever. It was actually very white... or light blue, it was hard to tell, since there was hardly any light in the room at all.

"Kid, did that thing say you're one of those guys out there?" Rhys whispered to Tyrogue.

"Uh…? O-Oh, yeah, I'm an Engineer too! Though, uh, I haven't been one for very long… um, only a year."

The bug-robot turned to look at the two of them. "So, Engineer, who is this that you've brought into my Guild?"

"...Well, I don't actually really know who he is. I just found him only a few minutes ago, laying in the streets of the capital… I thought he might have been injured or sick, so I brought him here…"

"I see. You there," the bug-robot pointed a claw at Rhys, "do you have anything to say?"

Rhys squirmed a bit before answering, "What the kid says is right. I mean, as far as I know, I just woke up outside, and now I'm in this crazy-ass place."

"Hmm. An intriguing account, indeed…" The bug hummed in thought for a few seconds. "Very well. This stranger shall be shown hospitality until tomorrow, then we shall evaluate his physical and mental health. You are dismissed, Engineer."

Tyrogue smiled. "Understood. Thank you, Guildmaster Genesect!" He waddled over to one of the beds lining the walls of the room, and gently placed Rhys on it.

Rhys lifted his head slightly. "Hey, kid." he called out to the Tyrogue.

The Tyrogue stopped by the door and looked back. "...Uh, y-yes?"

"You got a name?"

"...I-It's Lonny, sir."

"...Huh. Well, I'm Rhys. Thanks for… uh, this." He vaguely gestured around the room.

"...Y-You're welcome." And Lonny left the room, leaving Rhys alone with Genesect.

The Guildmaster stared at Rhys for several seconds, then chuckled. "How curious. You're a complete stranger, both to him and to the Guild as a whole, and yet… besides myself, you're the only one who's been able to get more than one word out of him at a time."

Rhys awkwardly, half-heartedly laughed. "Uh, I guess. So… what, I just go to sleep, and wait 'til tomorrow?"

"Precisely. May you rest well." Genesect left the room, and the lights were completely shut off, leaving Rhys in total darkness.

Well, guess this is shit that's happening now.

Despite everything that had happened in such a short amount of time, and all of the thoughts swirling through his mind, sleep came to Rhys as easily as it had when he had been human.
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Rescue Team Member
Pokemon Paradise
  1. chikorita-saltriv
  2. bench-gen
  3. charmander
  4. snivy
  5. treecko
  6. tropius
  7. arctozolt
  8. wartortle
Here for our review exchange!

Interesting way to open things! Looks like Pokemon exist in this world, and so do horrible online quizzes. Neat way to parody the traditional PMD personality quiz!

Looks like this PMD world is pretty high-tech...neat! Love seeing tech in PMD.

I like the contrast between the abrasive protagonist and the (presumably) partner who's just doing their best to help.

Ooooh, a Genesect! I rarely see those in fic! Interesting having one as a guildmaster!

I'm intrigued by Lonny! Seems like he's not one to talk much, and yet Rhys and Genesect can get him to. I wonder why that is?

Overall, a very intriguing start! I wonder what the connection between the human world and this cyberpunk PMD one is, and why Rhys was brought along, after a Buzzfeed quiz of all things.

Thank you for writing this!
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