• Welcome to Thousand Roads! You're welcome to view discussions or read our stories without registering, but you'll need an account to join in our events, interact with other members, or post one of your own fics. Why not become a member of our community? We'd love to have you!

    Join now!

Pokémon Of Ghosts, Idols, Conductors, and Haunted Washing Machines

lisianthus

『教えてよ、まだ知らかい話』
Location
the stars
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. altaria
CW//blood, violence

(A bit of a foreword! And defining some things! So, what is called Unova here encompasses the entirety of America (including Alola) and Canada–excluding Quebec, which is a part of Kalos! The official name of the country is called The Isocratic Union of Unova (Isocracy is a political ideology meaning that everyone shares equal power, which I thought fitting of the semi-utopian world of Pokémon, and of the 'freedom and liberty' roots of America). The country called Hiyori (with two kanji that both mean 'Japan', which read together mean 'good weather', and sound like 'greater than the sun') is analogous to modern-day Japan, and in tradition of adding 'go' (meaning 'language') to a country's name to signify a language, Poké!Japanese is called Hiyorigo. Citizens of Hiyori are called Hiyorijin, which follows the Japanese convention of adding 'jin' (meaning 'person') to the end of a country's name to signify a citizen of said country. The language analogous to English is called Hydraean, which takes from the prior, colonial name of Galar (the Kingdom of Hydraea).


Some info to make sure you get everything! Happy reading~~~ I do hope you enjoy!!)



Shining, dazzling sky-flavored blue. And a form draped in a matter-of-fact piece of clothing that vaguely mirrored an oversized labcoat. Usually that slouched Trainer was accompanied by an almost-identical-looking figure, however on that particular day he had the twisted privilege of taking part in silly antics with a certain idol who was nothing like him. If it was true that, as many strangers said, that Emmet and his brother, Ingo, were very, very different personalities (which, if you truly studied the pair, was unarguably false), like two immutable forces of Black and White... Lisia was best described as some alien shade of deep Sapphire.


Of course, whether or not Emmet was any similar to his brother was of relatively little importance. What was more important was the unfortunate burden, in his opinion, of being known the world over. That shared reality of his and the blindingly bright girl in his peripheral vision was what brought him to this... what seemed to be a haunted house in a windswept corner of Kanto of all places. Taking him away from the work he loves, and the brother that he admittedly has been overly attached to for a greater part of his 26 years on Earth. All for... a glorified PR stunt. Sure, this would bring some tourists to the Subway upon airing, but closing the Subway for a few days, just because half of the main attraction wasn't there... seemed irresponsible, Emmet thought. Well, maybe not... Ingo couldn't do all the battling after all, that'd be too much trouble. But having just the Single Train open... wouldn't that be fine?


Despite his futile gripings, Emmet was… contractually obligated to be there. And unlike Lisia, wasn't afraid of ghosts. In fact, he semi-frequently explored the ‘catacombs’ of Nimbasa’s now-abandoned subway system, back when the Battle Subway didn't exist. Alone–well, with his Chandelure in its Poké Ball, anyways.


So why… was he dreading an event as trivial as this?


Lisia, to her credit, was happy to visit Kanto once again–her father was born and raised there, so she naturally had an interest in exploring the not-so-distant region. Although both Kanto and her home of Hoenn were, of course, in the country of Hiyori, the 700 miles separating the two regions made truly taking in the sights and spectacles of Kanto a bit of a hassle, especially for someone as young yet busy as herself. Lisia assumed that doing something like this would hopefully bring forth new fun, and new people to meet, hopefully! As for the prospect of seeing ghosts, Lisia, perhaps mistakenly, categorized them as 'new friends' in her head. Her reasoning was a slightly vapid one, along the lines of:


"Some Ghost-types are cute, too, like Mimikyu!"


And of course, the opportunity to spend time with Emmet is a welcome one! Emmet is quite different from her best friend and close relative Wallace... aside from being older than her, Emmet is just about the opposite of him. Emmet is in many ways the complete opposite of a 'magical girl' of lore. Stoic in public appearances, quiet, a little demure-seeming, the list goes on and on. But because of Lisia’s fairy-tale-like ability to seemingly make friends with anyone, the two were at least acquainted with each other.


A sunglassed man, his slightly lean build obscured by a black parka, beckoned to the pair. Probably to give another overview of the escapades of the day.


'Isn't that overdressing? Kanto isn't that cold…' Lisia noticed, ever the sharp eye.


"We'll be filming for about an hour, that should be more than enough footage for us. It's big here, so you won't be able to explore every room. And make sure to get comfortable! That means acting like normal, Emmet, the cameras won't hurt you, you know!" he chuckled.


Emmet stiffened at the man's remarks, visibly now very conscious of the five black-clad crew members stationed near the entrance.


"Hey… don't worry about them! I have a trick to forget about cameras, Emmet!" Lisia quickly stepped a little closer to him.


"...What is it?"


"All you have to doooo… is, hold your breath and slowly, slooowly, count to three! It might sound too good to be true, but it's helped me a lot before getting on the stage to perform!" Lisia offered cheerily.


One… two… three…


Emmet had to admit that it worked well. Almost too well. How did that girl possess the nerves to do this, just about every day? He couldn't wrap his mind around it.


"Let's head inside. Even if we have all the time in the world, we're still on a schedule!" the producer commanded.


The first thing the pair noticed inside the almost-crumbling, definitely-abandoned mansion was the long, winding staircase… and the obvious bloodstains on it. Yikes.


Lisia involuntarily shrieked, clearly taken by surprise by the blood.


Emmet was unprepared for such a reaction from his costar, and stepped back, failing to see an expensive-looking ceramic cup behind him.


Crunch, went the cup.


The sound echoed across the mansion, two wide stories tall. There was a glass chandelier in the middle of the main room they were in, precariously hanging a bit lower than it should be.


Other than the debris scattered around, and the rather conspicuous bloodstain on the stairs, nothing else seemed too out of the ordinary for a supposedly haunted mansion.


'Maybe, they'll just edit the ghosts in later..?' Lisia secretly hoped to herself.


"Action!"


The cameras turned on, the lights flickered, and it was time to explore.


Wait.


"D-did the lights just flicker?!" Lisia stuttered.


A Spinarak darted out from the cover of a tablecloth draped on the floor, and ambled over to Emmet.


"Oh, hello there. Would you like to say hello to my Galvantula, Spinarak?"


The Spinarak nodded, then sadly watched Lisia not-so-slowly back away from the newly demarcated-and-annexed Bug Zone, which was only a few away.


'Is Amou seriously that afraid of this kind of thing? She can be in front of a crowd, but not in front of a wild, docile Bug-type?' Emmet questioned.


"Miss Amou. I believe you're making our newfound friend feel sad right now. Would you like to say hello, too?" Emmet sternly stated in a joking sort of manner.


"It's not as bad as seeing a ghost, of course… I'll bite, then! Coming~"


At her mention of the word 'bite', however, the Spinarak bolted off, presumably all the way to Azalea Town. That was much to the dismay of Emmet's Galvantula, who had excitedly jumped from its' Ball to greet its' compatriot mere moments before.


"...Was I the scary one?!" Lisia loudly exclaimed, clearly quite puzzled.


Bzzt.


Bzzt.


Click.



The lights turned off.


'That was on purpose, wasn't it?' Lisia nervously thought.


"Galvantula, can you try to give some electricity to the lights?" Emmet asked his Pokémon.


"Galv!" it affirmed.


But it didn't work. If the reason for the lights going out was simply a power outage or even on purpose, feeding the lights with electricity, like a power generator or, in this case, a Pokémon, would have brought the lights back on. Could it have been a ghost's doing?


"Galvantula, return. Chandelure, I need you." the white-clad figure spoke to his Pokémon with a steady voice, belying any hint of fear in his mind.


Chandelure almost instantly illuminated the room to a level comparable to a person holding a torch or a lamp. Not enough light to see very far, but it did fit the mood of a haunted house quite well.


"At least we have some light, now… thank you, Chandelure!" Lisia thankfully exclaimed.


Chandelure spun to show appreciation… and crashed right into the actual glass chandelier.


Shards flew everywhere. Chandelure was unharmed due to its' metal and glass composition, but the same couldn't be said for Emmet. He wasn't bleeding heavily, but a sizable, and sharp-looking, piece of glass had definitely scratched his cheek badly.


"Are you okay!?" the exuberant girl screamed over the reverbing din of glass crashing.


"I'll be fine… just adding more blood to this place. It's better happening to a train conductor like me than an idol, anyways." Emmet remarked, unfazed. Much worse had happened to him before, after all.


"And don't worry, Chandelure. I should have sent you out a bit further away. Are you fine?" he apologized to his clearly-concerned Pokémon.


Chandelure nodded in the affirmative, and the pair decided to move onwards, with a Pokémon lighting their way.


Suddenly, Chandelure zipped towards a certain door. Was there, perhaps, a particular energy behind that door that appealed to it?


"I guess we're going over there? What do you think happened?" Lisia asked Emmet, who was a little ahead of her.


"It could be a powerful Pokémon’s aura… get your Altaria out, just in case," he instructed her.


Lisia rustled through her small Bag while walking–she had placed it on the ground as soon as she had entered, but apparently thought better of it. The possibility of an errant Ghost-type trying to steal her unattended items was a slightly likely one, so it made more sense for Lisia to keep it on her person.


“...I think I forgot his Poké Ball?!"


"..." Emmet offered nothing in response, just a glance Lisia's way that seemed equal parts shocked, dissapointed, and resigned.


"Wait, I DEFINITELY brought it!! Did a ghost take it…? Oh nooooo…" Lisia was panicking quite a bit at this point, understandably so.


'This is fine, you're strong enough to defeat most things that are in your way. Damn, it would have been nice to have backup at least…' Emmet said to himself.


"Your Altaria will be fine. It'll turn up at some point. Let's keep on moving." Admittedly, doing this was a bit of a cold move, but considering how Chandelure was interested in whatever lied beyond the door, getting moving was a better option.


Perhaps her Altaria lied beyond that door, as well. One would never know, of course.


Besides, Emmet's hunch was that the ditzy-seeming girl left her Altaria wherever she was staying in Kanto. How she functioned like that, he would never know… order was a stable element in his life. Trains depart and arrive at exact times. Leading an orderly life like that was absolutely a must for him, and his brother, too. Scheduling, planning, and order were a bit mundane to some, but those things have provided structure in his life thus far.


And so, they opened the door, which was to the right of a window with tattered curtains. It was raining outside, which wasn't too unusual for Kanto in October.


Tontontontontontontonton.


Many, many Poké Balls spilled out from the door. The room itself couldn't have been big enough to be a big storage area, but it was packed full of old-tech Poké Balls, about 20 or 30 years old.


"C-could there be Pokémon inside of those? There's no way someone would leave their Pokémon like that for so long, right…?" Lisia, nervously shifting her weight from one side to the other, wondered aloud.


"Chandelure, is there a Pokémon nearby?" Emmet asked.


Nodnodnod, the Chandelure shook up and down, confirming Emmet's suspicions.


"Alright... stay right behind me, then. Keep a lookout for anything strange."


"Alright…" Lisia murmured, blissfully unaware of something floating right towards her from behind.


Emmet continued to look in some worn cardboard boxes, which were also filled with Poké Balls, for 'anything suspicious'. He hadn't taken notice of the absence of his costar, one Lisia Amou, yet, for he was too engrossed in his own investigation.


A faint screaming sound could be heard in the distance. Emmet took no heed to it, as it seemed like a normal occurrence in an area infested with mischievous Ghost-types.


"Doing alright, Amou?" he asked. She hadn't said anything for the past few minutes, not that he remembered anyways, which was strange, considering her observed idol habit of talking very quickly and frequently–at what felt like the rate of a Pikachu's heartbeat.


And there was no response from the Lisia-less space Emmet called to.


Once more, this time looking over his shoulder.


It was dark inside still, but the flashes of lightning seemingly coming from outside combined with Chandelure's flames illuminated Emmet's surroundings passably enough.


"...Oh my god…" Emmet muttered. Lisia had disappeared. Where to, hell if he knew. 'God, was that screaming her? Guess I'll have to look for her now…'


"Chandelure, let's go to the second floor. Hurrying would be better."


And they took off across the main floor, making sure to sidestep any debris. Then, went up the steps of the stairs, until,


Emmet slipped on the pool of (fresh?) blood, in a very exaggerated and comedic fashion.


Don, his body hit the third step of the stairs, and gacha, his back cracked louder than any back should.


"Damn… was that the blood we saw before? It had to have been dry before, right?"


Sudden realization hit. Emmet bolted upright from his prior dangling position, which did not do wonders for his newfound back pain.


Could it be that that blood was spilled not even five minutes ago?


Being the morally upstanding individual he is, Emmet got to his feet once more in pursuit of his costar.


Except.


Don.


Gachaa.


His back hit the floor once again, with his head smacking the floor as well, a moment after his body.


And this time, Emmet did not entertain the now-futile thought of getting up once more. Nor the thought of his likely imminent demise to the same monster that got to Lisia. Or if the brave people manning the cameras would stop the footage and rouse him.


Only blank, meaningless thoughts occupied his head as he fell unconscious.


Instead of waking up his Trainer with flames, Chandelure decided to take another route in looking for Lisia (which was quite an easy task, her aura was quite bright, along with her choice of clothing to boot), and bringing her to Emmet's possibly-dead possibly-alive corpse.


While going off to the second floor to look for what she thought was Altaria (the shadow looming behind her was simply a Gastly playing tricks), Lisia had made a new acquaintance of her own.


Rotom tend to hide in abandoned buildings, and a particular one that Lisia befriended while upstairs had made its' home in a washing machine. A Rotom was of course no replacement for her beloved Ali, no Pokémon would be, but she figured that a new member of her team, at least for now, would be great to have.


"Jingle Slosh IV, use Hydro Pump to wake Emmet up!" Lisia said, using her best Ace Trainer

impression. She pointed her finger into the air in front of her, directing her new Ghost-type friend to Emmet's face-down, slumped figure.


Shuuuu, the cold water blanketed Emmet and he woke with a start.


Dripping wet.


"...My head hurts. Why am I wet, Amou?" he asked, extremely bewildered.


"Chandelure found me upstairs and-" she started, only to be cut off by Emmet making one of his signature erratic-looking poses to halt her speech.


"Are you bleeding, Amou?" he suddenly remembered to ask Lisia.


"No? I'm all in one piece. Anyways, like I was saying, Chandelure found me, so I took Jingle Slosh down with me, well, he floated down, I didn't carry him, and he just woke you up! And the lights turned back on a few minutes ago…"


"I'm sorry, did you call that Washer Rotom 'Jingle Slosh', Amou?" Emmet inquired exasperatedly.


"Yep! His full name is Jingle Slosh Amou IV!" Lisia enthusiastically twirled, pointing to the dancing-as-best-a-washer-can Rotom by her side.


'Dear God… this has to be a fever dream.'


"You've had not one, but three other washers at some point in your life, all with the name 'Jingle Slosh Amou'...?" Emmet asked, incredulously.


"Is naming household applicances not normal…?" Lisia tilted her head. The Rotom was copying her movements by now, he seemed to have taken quite a liking to her.


"Our viewers will decide, I guess… so if you checked the upstairs areas with Chandelure, I guess nothing terrible was up there. We probably don't have much time left, so let's head back to that Poké Ball room once more." Emmet got up, then paused.


"My coat and hat are sopping wet." he noticed aloud.


"Tom, Rotom!" the washing machine offered, lid swinging open. It seemed to have a drying function as well, which was quite convenient. Dual washer/dryers weren't common in older Hiyorian homes.


"These are dry-clean only... shou ga nai, naa…" he defeatedly uttered the last phrase ('it can't be helped…'), in Hiyorigo out of habit more than anything else. Ratings in Hiyori–and the number of visitors to the Battle Subway–would undoubtedly skyrocket because of this.


Score one, PR stunt.


The mansion was quite big, complete with a few blocked-off-by-debris areas, so traversing the mansion in a truly safe manner took a little while. Lisia peppered him with rapid-fire Hiyorigo the whole way to the room.


Even though the show was being filmed in Kanto, she tended to default to Hydraean when it came to media being consumed internationally. Not everyone in Unova could speak Hiyorigo, the whole region of Unova was three times the population of all of Hiyori after all, but most people in Hiyori could speak Hydraean. So it was Lisia's joy to carry on a (mostly one-sided, just like in any language with the two) Hiyorigo conversation with Emmet once she remembered that he spoke it, too. The Subway Boss spent time studying both the engineering of trains and the art of battling in Kanto. Even if he didn't look it, he was most definitely more than competent in the language.


And so, they arrived at the incredibly mysterious, incredibly small room, and waded across the incredibly large river of Poké Balls to the left and right sides of the room.


"So... what now, Mr. Subway Boss Number One?" Lisia said in Hydraean, attempting to lighten the mood just a little.


"There's something we need to do here. Start digging through these Poké Balls, and it you see anything strange, tell me as soon as you see it," he seemed to come up with the idea on the fly.


Gatagatagatagata.


The sound of both of them rooting through Poké Balls was the only sound in the mansion, suddenly. Considering how their experience thus far was marked with screaming, loud noises coming from who knows where, and other sound-based occurrences likely brought about by ghosts, the absence of noise felt even scarier than hearing the screech of a Haunter.


"Emmeeeeeeeet!" Lisia called, drawing out the last part of his name for emphasis. "I found something you might want to see..! It's a pretty big button… I wonder what would happen if I were to push it?" she teasingly said.


"Stay there, and don't push it. I'm coming over to look."


"Alright, this looks pretty old…" he absentmindedly put his right hand down on the ground in order to get into a squatting position, when disaster struck.


He had placed his hand directly on the one area of the room he was not to touch. Which housed an inconveniently big red button.


Ban. Ban. Ban. Banbanban. Banbanbanbanbanbanbanbanbanbanban.


Hosts of Mimikyu seemed to erupt from the Poké Balls, all chittering excitedly. They made no move to attack the stunned Emmet and frozen Lisia. Instead, all of them, who must have numbered more than a hundred in total, simply gazed towards the right of the room, which Emmet and Lisia were both facing.


With a byuu~n, a purple shadow seemed to cut through the stale air and menacingly stare at Lisia and Emmet.


This seemed to unroot Lisia from the floor, and she quickly ran out the door, undoubtedly crushing more than a few Poké Balls, which were made with older, more fragile material.


"Amou, you were not scheduled to depart! Please return to the station!" Emmet yelled after her, his speech a tad stilted.


'Are the train references in his speech something he only does for the Battle Subway…?' Lisia thought to herself.


When making a train-based pun, Lisia thought that Emmet's speech always seemed unnatural, like he didn't know how to effectively deliver lines. Maybe next time, she would tutor him on idol work for this show.


"I don't want to be attacked by whatever's in there, did you see how it looked at you?"


"I see Haunter while exploring the old parts of the station sometimes. They're harmless if you have Pokémon with you." Emmet tried to calm her fears.


"It's nothing to be afraid of, it's weak to Chandelure's moves. Your new friend can fight it, too... and you've been meaning to get more battle experience, correct?"


Jingle Slosh IV had been standing to the outside of the entrance. It seemed like he wouldn't fit through.


Lisia noticed this, and made an outlandish, and quite destructive decision.


"Jingle Slosh IV, break down that wall!" Lisia said, perhaps a bit rashly.


And before Emmet could object to the probable asbestos exposure brought about by Lisia's not-so-sage advice to the living washing machine... With a don and the sound of Poké Balls spilling out the side of a somehow fully-collapsed wall, Lisia was ready to fight as well.


The Haunter looked as though it was considering escaping, but the just-made dust cloud covering most of the room seemed to make it think twice.


During that time, Lisia and Emmet both prepared moves, taking advantage of an opening just as any competent Trainer would.


"Chandelure, use Will-O-Wisp!" Emmet said, remembering the results of his Pokédex scan of the Rotom fifteen minutes or so ago.


'If Amou knows how to utilize that Rotom effectively… this encounter might be over in one turn.' Emmet thought.


Of course, if anything went wrong he would likely easily be able to deal with the Haunter effectively, but giving the inexperienced Trainer a confidence-boosting opportunity such as this one would be a good thing, or so he thought.


Lisia's eyes shimmered with recognition at the set-up, which was undoubtedly an easy task for one as skilled in Double Battles as Emmet.


So of course, she took advantage of it. Lisia had recently been studying the art of battle in preparation for someday taking over the role of Gym Leader from Wallace, so the mental connection, the most dazzling move to pick!, came easier to her than it would have had before.


It also helped that the status move to Hex combination was a fairly well-known Contest combo, too.


No matter how or why Lisia knew, she chose correctly.


"Jingle Slosh IV! Use Hex!" Lisia confidently grinned.


With that, extra damage was added to the already super-effective combination, and the Haunter fainted. It disappeared in an instant, along with the Mimikyu horde, which silently shuffled out through the new, gaping hole in the wall.


There was one Poké Ball left in the room. That one was a modern-style Ball, however.


Lisia picked it up, and out came her Ali. Their reunion after an hour apart was joyous enough that one would have thought they hadn't seen each other in weeks.


'Such is the manner of an enduring, close relationship, I guess… and to be fair, if I was as worried about Nii-san as Amou likely was about her Altaria… well, the scene here would be just about the same, wouldn't it…' Emmet mused, smiling just a little.


"I believe it's about time to leave this place, Amou. My Pokédex says that it's been about an hour and five minutes from our departure." Emmet stated matter-of-factly.


"Come on, Ali! I'll race you to the outside!" Lisia excitedly said to her friend, who chirped something back to her.


"Right... hey, Jingle Slosh IV! I've already named you, so why not become a part of my team? I think we could have lots of fun, no matter if we battle or do Contests together!" the aqua-haired girl cheerily said, beaming heavily.


"Tom! Rotom!" it answered. Lisia touched a Poké Ball she had picked up from the floor to it, and stowed the Ball into her small bag.


Thus, Jingle Slosh IV became a member of Lisia's team.


Outside, the weather had cleared up considerably, although some signs of the prior heavy rainfall still showed.


Lisia was off to the side, busy showing her new Pokémon to the cameras. It would undoubtedly become featured in countless magazines across the world once the Halloween-themed episode of that particular variety show aired in a week or so.


"Emmet, what happened to your coat and hat?" the producer enquired after supplying him with a customary 'otsukaresama', thanking him for his work.


Emmet gazed at the Rotom, realizing his mistake.


Never mind his clothes shrinking in the wash, they had to have shrunk while in a Poké Ball too, right?


Emmet's suspicions turned out to be correct. His coat and hat, the most ubiquitous parts of any self-respecting Subway Master's outfit, were small enough to fit a plushie of his likeness.


He had to immediately deal with Lisia, who alternated being on the verge of laughter due to the absurdity of the situation, and being incredibly apologetic for the exact same reasons causing her laughter.


He had many more at home; yes, he had packed extras; yes, he would let his Eelektross wear the hat.


And the two both look fondly on that day, now. It hasn't even been two months since then, but the two both remember that day as a hectic and zany, yet fun one.


As a keepsake, Emmet and Lisia each have a signed picture of themselves standing back-to-back, on Jingle Slosh IV, making exaggerated Subway Masters-style poses. Eelektross is sitting on Emmet's head, complete with a tiny conductor's cap, and Altaria makes a silly face in the background.


Emmet and Lisia want to do something again, very soon. Although they had their doubts at first, particularly Emmet, their time together turned out to be a very fun one.


And in a few months, Lisia will visit the Battle Subway, for the first time in what will definitely be many times, for the purpose of advancing her battle technique.


Perhaps she would show Emmet the correct way to deliver lines. It would likely help their advertising efforts nicely. Apparently the Battle Subway had recently hired a new PR assistant. Lisia had heard her name before... and was excited to meet her, too!


SHUPPATSU SHINKOU!
 

bluesidra

Mood
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. hoppip-bluesidra-reup
  2. hoppip-bluesidra-pink
  3. hoppip-bluesidra3
Spotted: First target for this year's blitz!
Hello there!

I really love the vibes of this one-shot. It manages to convey a looney-toons sense of violence, which is not something easily done.

There are a few issues with pacing and placing -- sometimes things happened so fast, I didn't know what was going on. And in one instance, where Lisia goes missing, the narration only takes like one sentence, when an entire minute in the story has passed. Here, focusing a bit more on what Emmet sees and otherwise perceives (smells, sounds etc...) could help.
But those are minor issues.

Now on to the characters, which are definitely the focus of the fic: They are so much fun!
Lisia is so kind-hearted and honest and seemingly has not a single evil cell in her body! She is such a joy to follow. The narration makes it clear that she can be very annoying, which is fair. But also, the way you summarise her antics are so descriptive and matter-of-factly, they are some of my favourite passages.
Emmet I haven't paid much attention to until Blanc pushed him under my nose (in a good sense!). Before, I kinda thought of him as odd, and of the submas twins as gimmicky. But the way you characterise him here is so emphatic. It becomes clear that his strange behaviour is a default-reaction he jumps to whenever he's overwhelmed with a situation. And he easily is. He can't stand loud lights and sounds and being watched. Instead, he is very knowledgable about pokemon battles and subways. I would say he's autistic-coded, but am myself not autistic, so who am I to say. But with or without label, he is very relatable.
He and Lisia bounce off each other surprisingly well. Each has their own brand of over-the-top-ness and it makes for really good comedy.
Oh, and that teaser at the end? I want a follow-up, alright?!

If it was true that, as many strangers said, that Emmet and his brother, Ingo, were very, very different personalities
"that [...] that" --> one is enough here
like two immutable forces of Black and White... Lisia was best described as some alien shade of deep Sapphire.
Okay, this paragraph. I quite like the description of Emmet and Ingo. But Lisia's description squeezed itself in there somewhat unnaturally at the end. It almost feels like an editing mistake. Describing her in a full paragraph after Emmet is introduced would help a lot more. You could also point out some of their differences in dress and demeanor.
And of course, the opportunity to spend time with Emmet is a welcome one! Emmet is quite different from her best friend and close relative Wallace... aside from being older than her, Emmet is just about the opposite of him. Emmet is in many ways the complete opposite of a 'magical girl' of lore. Stoic in public appearances, quiet, a little demure-seeming, the list goes on and on. But because of Lisia’s fairy-tale-like ability to seemingly make friends with anyone, the two were at least acquainted with each other.
So. This entire paragraph is written in present tense, when the established narration tense is simple perfect. Even if something is still true after the narration ended, it would still be written in simple past.
However. At the end of the story it's revealed that all of this has been a flashback of sorts, when the narration switches to present tense. In that case, this paragraph could technically remain in present tense. It would be a cool style thing to remind the reader that this is a flashback and that the narrator will maybe color it with their experiences. However, there are no other instances of this happening, and so it's rather off-throwing than stylish.
Rotom tend to hide in abandoned buildings, and a particular one that Lisia befriended while upstairs had made its' home in a washing machine.
*tended
and the "its" in "its' home" doesn't need an apostrophe, no?
The country called Hiyori (with two kanji that both mean 'Japan', which read together mean 'good weather', and sound like 'greater than the sun') is analogous to modern-day Japan, and in tradition of adding 'go' (meaning 'language') to a country's name to signify a language, Poké!Japanese is called Hiyorigo. Citizens of Hiyori are called Hiyorijin, which follows the Japanese convention of adding 'jin' (meaning 'person') to the end of a country's name to signify a citizen of said country.
Ooooh, I am so :eyes: on any worldbuilding like this! You could write an entire article about how you'd call countries and how that's done linguistically, and I would gobble it up!
:wowzard:a stealth shill for my fic?!
closing the Subway for a few days, just because half of the main attraction wasn't there... seemed irresponsible
omg, I hope the subway in nimbasa is not as important as, say, the subway in New York. because that would be absolute war.
Lisia assumed that doing something like this would hopefully bring forth new fun, and new people to meet, hopefully!
A sidenote on Lisia: I really love how good-hearted Lisia is. Her thoughts aren't very deep, and there seems to be a direct connection between her brain and her mouth with no filtering capacity in between, but she's so... innocent! I always figured that idol life is very stressful and you really get burnt out on humanity as a whole, while also putting on this super nice facade, but the way you write Lisia (and your iono too) makes me believe that they really are the way they act on camera. And that's lovely. :veelove:
That means acting like normal, Emmet, the cameras won't hurt you, you know!
Wants to hug Emmet
But it didn't work. If the reason for the lights going out was simply a power outage or even on purpose, feeding the lights with electricity, like a power generator or, in this case, a Pokémon, would have brought the lights back on. Could it have been a ghost's doing?
As someone who spent way too much time in electrical engineering, this has made me think a lot about how electro types interact with electricity than I thought possible...
"..." Emmet offered nothing in response, just a glance Lisia's way that seemed equal parts shocked, dissapointed, and resigned.
omg :mewlulz:
Insert Captain Picard gif here
Instead of waking up his Trainer with flames, Chandelure decided to take another route in looking for Lisia
Chandelure seems oddly okay with its trainer dying. I find it hilarious, and very ghost-type-like. But also concerning. But mostly hilarious.
"Is naming household applicances not normal…?" Lisia tilted her head
No, Lisia, it's perfectly normal. But having gone through three washing machines in your short life isn't.
Lisia peppered him with rapid-fire Hiyorigo the whole way to the room.
Awesome image!
It's a pretty big button… I wonder what would happen if I were to push it?"
:copyka: I love me some awfully big red buttons that read "don't press"
"Amou, you were not scheduled to depart! Please return to the station!" Emmet yelled after her, his speech a tad stilted.
Oh, Emmet. So lovely.
The mental image of Emmet chasing someone down stating this line over and over again is frightening (and fun.)
When making a train-based pun, Lisia thought that Emmet's speech always seemed unnatural, like he didn't know how to effectively deliver lines. Maybe next time, she would tutor him on idol work for this show.
Actually, that's true. And a very nice observation on Lisia's part. Emmet seems so... oh, I really like how he's depicted here.
And before Emmet could object to the probable asbestos exposure brought about by Lisia's not-so-sage advice to the living washing machine
A sentence I didn't know I would read today, but I am very happy that I did.
And in a few months, Lisia will visit the Battle Subway, for the first time in what will definitely be many times, for the purpose of advancing her battle technique.
Lisia goes to unova when?????? this is a super cool and wholesome premise!
 

Pen

the cat is mightier than the pen
Staff
Partners
  1. dratini
  2. dratini-pen
  3. dratini-pen2
Hi, takoyaki! Your title caught my eye--haunted washing machines, oh my!--so I thought I'd check your story out for Review Blitz.

It was a bit hard to figure out what was going on at the start, and it was a little odd how the camera-people seemed to drop out of the story. I wasn't sure if the shenanigans was meant to be something that had been planned, which they were in on, or not, and I wondered how they were filming in the dark. But I quickly realized the story was going for a more cartoonish, absurdist vibe, so I put the logistical questions out of my mind.

Lisia's a fun character and it's nice to see her getting some time to shine. I'm less familiar with Emmet, but I see how he has a more quiet and orderly personality that provides a foil to Lisia's. You definitely leaned into Lisia's bubbly nature for comedic effect. Her unwittingly scaring the spinarak and her interactions with the Washing Machine Rotom stood out. "Jingle Slosh Amou IV" is such a ridiculous name, but she's so earnest about it! She comes off as someone who approaches the world with a lot of good-will and cheerful energy that's so intense that the world can't help but vindicate her positive outlook.

The incidental world-building was a pleasant surprise! Treating Kanto and Hoenn as being part of what's basically Japan makes a lot of sense to me, from their size and cultural similarities.

I hope you enjoy the forum! Off the top of my head, I can't think of any Lisia fics here, but there's a cute one I enjoyed over on fanfiction.net (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10951006/1/Our-roles-reversed-The-queen-and-her-protege).

That shared reality of his and the blindingly bright girl in his peripheral vision was what brought him to this... what seemed to be a haunted house in a windswept corner of Kanto of all places.
This sentence was a bit hard to follow for me. I think you'd want to say, "The reality shared by him and the blindingly bright girl . . ."

And of course, the opportunity to spend time with Emmet is a welcome one! Emmet is quite different from her best friend and close relative Wallace... aside from being older than her, Emmet is just about the opposite of him. Emmet is in many ways the complete opposite of a 'magical girl' of lore. Stoic in public appearances, quiet, a little demure-seeming, the list goes on and on.
The story is mostly in the past tense, but I noticed you slipped into present tense here.

The first thing the pair noticed inside the almost-crumbling, definitely-abandoned mansion was the long, winding staircase… and the obvious bloodstains on it. Yikes.
Yikes indeed!

"Galvantula, return. Chandelure, I need you." the white-clad figure spoke to his Pokémon with a steady voice, belying any hint of fear in his mind.
For dialogue like this, you'll want a comma where you currently have a period.

"At least we have some light, now… thank you, Chandelure!" Lisia thankfully exclaimed.
Generally, I find adding too many adverbs can actually take away from what you're trying to get across. Here, we know she's thankful from her saying thanks and "exclaimed" is already a speech-verb that gives us a lot of information. You probably don't need the "thankfully."

Shards flew everywhere. Chandelure was unharmed due to its' metal and glass composition, but the same couldn't be said for Emmet.
Since you're using "its" in the possessive sense, you don't need an apostrophe.

"Are you okay!?" the exuberant girl screamed over the reverbing din of glass crashing.
Just as with adverbs, I find that with epithets a little goes a long way. Being told that Lisia is the 'exuberant' girl doesn't do much work here--we're already being told she's screaming.

Admittedly, doing this was a bit of a cold move, but considering how Chandelure was interested in whatever lied beyond the door, getting moving was a better option.
You want "lay" instead of "lied" here.

A faint screaming sound could be heard in the distance. Emmet took no heed to it, as it seemed like a normal occurrence in an area infested with mischievous Ghost-types.
Fair enough!

"Yep! His full name is Jingle Slosh Amou IV!" Lisia enthusiastically twirled, pointing to the dancing-as-best-a-washer-can Rotom by her side.
What a mental image!

"You've had not one, but three other washers at some point in your life, all with the name 'Jingle Slosh Amou'...?" Emmet asked, incredulously.
This bit was quite funny.

And the two both look fondly on that day, now. It hasn't even been two months since then, but the two both remember that day as a hectic and zany, yet fun one.


As a keepsake, Emmet and Lisia each have a signed picture of themselves standing back-to-back, on Jingle Slosh IV, making exaggerated Subway Masters-style poses. Eelektross is sitting on Emmet's head, complete with a tiny conductor's cap, and Altaria makes a silly face in the background.


Emmet and Lisia want to do something again, very soon. Although they had their doubts at first, particularly Emmet, their time together turned out to be a very fun one.
For me, this sort of ending overview lessened the impact of the story a bit. It gives a sort of 'now what did we learn from this' vibe. You might consider cutting to Lisia's plans to visit Emmet at the battle subway, which tells us that they enjoyed their time together and want to do more things without having to go right out and say that.
 

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
  2. zygarde
Here for Review Blitz! I don't think I've reviewed your stuff before! Let's get started!

Oh boy Lisa and Emmet - interesting character combo - are on vacation in Kanto! Or is it in Johto? Alzea gets mentionned at one point. Either way they are in a HAUNTED MANSION for a film shoot!

Things start pretty tame at first - Emmet even meets a new spoder friend - but then things slowly gbt spookier and spookier as more Ghost types get involved. Eventually Emmet gets knocked out, and Lisia needs to think fast. Fortunately eventually she finds a Wash Rotom she names JINGLE SLOSH THE FOURTH. Perfect name, no notes.


Eventually they find Emmet and JINGLE SLOSH THE FOURTH him awake, but then the gang finds another foe: a vicious horde of Mimikyu! They flee from this new foe, Lisia managing to reunite with her Altaria in the process, and they escape the haunted mansion.

...At the sacrifice of Emmet's clothes.

At least they learn to laugh this off.

This was a very cute fic! It's interesting to see two characters that are never shown interacting in canon ever except;t maybe in Masters bouncing off each other like this. It's actually a cute and wholesome relationship and you make it work. The Halloween shenanigans are cute too, and it's good seeing both humans and Pokemon getting in on the action (something I am a STICKLER ABOUT)

I do think I am not sure about what seem to be random bits of cutsey Japanese (though some seem to be Pokemon cres). I know it's to make it seem like an episode of an anime but it took me out of it ever so slightly.

Cute fic tho! Look forward to reading more of your stuff.
 
Top Bottom