Null Forest Depths

[Namohysip]

"You could say that," Owen and Wishkeeper both admitted.

Then, Owen continued, "I just wish... this part didn't also have to be familiar. I--I almost killed you guys... Who knows where you'd wind up if that happened. The Voidlands is huge, I..." He couldn't look at Brisa. "I guess now you know what I meant about... the whole, you know..."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"I worked it out, yeah. Weren't exactly hard."

Brisa stared at Owen. A huge, ancient, formidable dragon, endlessly kind and contemplative, terrified of how he might have hurt her.

"You didn't kill us. Just focus on stayin' in control of yer head 'til we get the fuck outta this place."

She glanced at Dave. He looked so concerned. This was probably starting to become repetitive for him—people in his life being a danger to others.

"You good, Dave?"

 

[Dragonfree]

So dying in Hell just got you to somewhere else in Hell. Figured.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good." He scowled, turning back to Owen. "Why were the gods recruiting you for their inter-godly conflicts? Can't they just mind their own fucking business and leave the mortals out of it? Or, what, are you some kind of immortal too? That why you're four hundred years old?"

 

[Namohysip]

"That, uh, that's a long story," Owen said. "I guess you could say that I and a lot of other mortal Pokemon mingled with them a little. Not like, the way it happens in Destiny Village or anything, but it was an era of peace that... Well, peace doesn't last, y'know?"

Owen shook his head. This was ridiculous, but talking about something like this, letting himself ramble, it was helping him clear his head. It made no sense, there was no logic to it, but being able to ramble eased his mind. Finally getting his thoughts out, even if they weren't the thoughts that plagued him.

And that brought some clarity.

"You didn't kill us. Just focus on stayin' in control of yer head 'til we get the fuck outta this place."

They were all coming here to help him and get him back, to go somewhere safe. Was that not what Wishkeeper had asked for? He'd object, of course, but he was irrational. Perhaps the real truth was that safety was with his team. It usually was.

With a snort, Owen puffed a small ember from his nostrils and nodded. "Okay," he said. It was time to stop sulking. He'd done that for far too long, so he squeezed his fists and brought them up, near his chest. "Let's go back! I've done enough moping around."

His tail, too, blazed with defiant energy.

"Wishkeeper?"

"What now?"

"I'm gonna rely on you to tell me if I'm acting erratic, alright? Keep me from losing it if I don't catch myself."

"Mmh... fine."

With a glance toward Dave, flashing a little smile, and then at Brisa, looking a little apologetic, he said, "Let's go back to Null Village."

 

[Dragonfree]

Dave exhaled. Owen seemed to be all right. Wishkeeper would watch him. It'd be fine.

He glanced at Brisa, at the pure haunted exhaustion on her face behind a fraying mask of stony resolve. Even here she'd been running the fuck all over the place trying to fix every problem. Jesus.

"Actually, uh, Owen, why don't you go on ahead."

 

[Namohysip]

"Uh?" Owen tilted his head, glancing at Brisa, then at Dave. A part of him seemed tempted to stay as well, but Wishkeeper batted him with a wing and urged him along. With a grunt, he lumbered behind the larger, dark Charizard. "Okay, well, I'll check on you guys if you take a while. Don't get lost!" And with that, Wishkeeper spread his wings and took off. Owen followed.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Dave was looking at her like she was still wounded.

"You want somethin', partner?" she asked, tersely.

She was fine.

When was the last time you were fine? What does even mean, fer you? That y'ain't dead yet? Ah, no. Too late fer that.

 

[Dragonfree]

Dave peered at her. “Have you gotten any fucking sleep?”

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa peered back at him. He sounded exasperated.

"What, since bein' unconscious longer'n everyone else afore I woke up in Null Village?" she said, bitterly. "When would I have gotten any fuckin' sleep since then? I went straight after Cynthian an' saved her from bein' consumed by her own shadow, then after Owen an' saved him from fuckin' dustin' everyone. You tellin' me I shoulda slept through all that?"

She was dead, she was fucking dead, she couldn't get any peace even when she was fucking dead and he was berating her for it.

You never fuckin' rest, though. He's right. He's right.

Shut the fuck up. Just . . . stop.

 

[Dragonfree]

“Well, you sure look like you haven’t slept in a fucking week.” He frowned. It was hard not to get the feeling, somehow, that Brisa was about ten minutes of additional work away from literally exploding. Her voice still had the dark Shadow quality to it, had done the entire time they’d been here.

“Look, remember how not everything is your responsibility? You don’t have to rescue everyone from their inner demons or whatever the fuck. There are more of us here. Focus those Shadows away and take a goddamn break.”

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa scoffed. "If I'd sat on my haunches here, things could've gone a lot worse fer Cynthian, fer Owen, fer anyone around him. As if I coulda seen Nip beggin' fer help an' said no, just 'cause I'm tired."

It's worse'n tiredness. It goes deeper'n that. You feel it.

Leave me the fuck alone.

"Dave, if I can help, I'm gonna. Simple as that. It's my duty."

Yer duty's gonna destroy you.

Stop it, fucking stop it.

 

[Dragonfree]

Her voice was cold, almost threatening, the sinister quality of the Shadows unsettling; the running instinct was starting to prod at his brain, and out of the corner of his eye he could see Shadow backing away from her a little. "Yeah. Yeah, okay, it's good you were here for that. But it's not your duty to fucking die of exhaustion. They're fine. All right? Just focus and clear your head."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Dave's Shadow was frightened of her. Fucking great. What had she done to scare him, anyway? Nothing but run herself ragged helping people. And the best part was, he'd insist he wasn't scared of her because everything Shadow did and said was nonsense, apparently.

You're pretty goddamn fearsome, though. Ain'tcha?

Enough.

"P'rhaps that was just a slip of th'tongue, but Dave... I'm already dead."

She scowled, tamping down her misery, her frustration, her hopelessness. The feeling that this was permanent. She never could succeed after all, never could help people enough that they'd be glad to have her around.

Well now, some folks did! You should've appreciated them more while you had the chance.

"I'm already dead and I don't know how much worse things can fuckin' get, but I'm damned if I'm gonna let 'em get worse on my watch. My head's plenty clear, Dave. Maybe you haven't noticed, but I'm the only one whose shadow isn't makin' an appearance. 'Cause I'm the only one who sees shit clearly down here. You're the fella who's so unwillin' to admit how he fuckin' feels that you pretend like yer shadow ain't what's in yer own fuckin' head."

Shadow cowered from her anger. Goddamnit, Dave did think she was a threat.

"Fuck's sake, you are scared of me. You do think I'm dangerous. Goddamnit, even you."

 

[Dragonfree]

He tensed where he stood, glanced over at where she was looking, to Shadow shivering. Goddamn it. He gritted his teeth.

"Brisa, no, you're not dangerous, your voice just sounds like it's been possessed by the fucking patron demon of workaholics and any sane person would think that's a little fucking unnerving. I don't know why your Shadow's not running around as a separate entity being a nuisance, lucky you, but that doesn't mean you're not operating on distorted Shadow bullshit. Come on and just snap yourself out of it."

Why was it not fucking working? All they usually had to do in a fight to stave off corruption was call out to the person, get them out of their own head, but if anything it felt like she was getting worse. Should he not have sent Owen ahead? His heart thumped sickeningly in his chest.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa huffed and clenched her paws. Why was this happening? Should she just... agree to take a nap? Fuck that.

"Ain't nothin' to snap out of! I'm not wrong. My shadows ain't bullshit, just painful. It's like this: I've got strength, and it's only right fer me to do everythin' I can to use it fer good. Anythin' less is negligence. Hell, you fuckin' agree with me. You said yerself I'm doin' it right. You know I've got self control."

And much good it fuckin' did you. You sacrificed yerself without even blinkin'. Don't that say it all?

It didn't matter whether it did her any good or not, it was the right thing to do.

"Goddamnit, I said I'd die before anyone thanked me, an' here I fuckin' am. I died savin' someone else's life, 'cause I always put others before myself, and you're still fuckin' afraid of me."

Maybe he's right to be.

Fucking stop it.

 

[Dragonfree]

"What I said is you've got the self-control to not abuse your power, I never said it's your responsibility to solve every fucking problem with it. In fact I've said over and over that it isn't. Is this more shit from your fucking dad?" Probably, honestly. God, that fucking guy.

He thought of his own last words, begging Mia not to follow. Of Mia insisting she'd protect him. Of the kids, rushing in for a rescue that wasn't needed, two of them never to return. "Maybe you shouldn't always put others before yourself, all right? Maybe people don't want you to literally fucking die for them." He clenched his jaw. "And for the last time you aren't dangerous, stop fucking saying I think that."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa's mind sparked into an electrical fire that she didn't know how to douse.

"If you ain't afraid of me then why's yer fuckin' shadow pissin' himself behind ya?" she growled. "You don't understand this any better'n you understand yerself."

Shadow whimpered. Dave looked ready to retort—she stepped forward with a sharp snarl.

What're ya gonna tell him now? That dyin' turned out great, that everythin' you ever did was worth it, that Astrid and Starr are gonna be fuckin' happy now you're gone?

Yes. ...No! Yes, goddamnit, what kind of fucking thought was that? It wasn't about being fucking happy!!

"I couldn't let them fuckin' die! I thought givin' one's life fer others was admirable, but I guess it's just one more way fer me to fuckin' fall short, huh? Was I not supposed to save them? The most selfless thing I ever did, and I can't even feel good about that? I don't have anythin' else!"

She advanced on Dave, her fur crackling with electricity.

"I can't offer more than this! Workin' hard and helpin' others is all I am. I've done everythin' I can, I swear to fuckin' sky and stars, I don't know what I could've done better! Goddamnit, goddamnit, I'm never gonna make you proud of me, am I, pa?"

She hit Dave before she even knew what had come out of her mouth. Training drills, adrenaline and shock made her hit him again. The sight of his teeth (an attack, or a cry of pain, it didn't matter) made her hit him again.

D'you see now? This is what comes of bein' miserable yer whole goddamn life. It's finally all comin' out, and you're beatin' the shit outta someone who actually gives a fuck about you.

Electricity sizzled, and Brisa's cry of aggression and grief turned into yet another sickening crack.

How much worse can this even get?

 

[Dragonfree]

Dave was about to respond when Brisa snarled, electricity crackling in the air around her, and a chill went down his spine, his hackles rising. The distortion in her voice magnified as she spoke, sparks flying off her mane as she advanced, and he was backing away before he even knew it. Fuck, shit, fuck--

I'm never gonna make you proud of me, am I, pa?

He froze for a befuddled moment, heart thumping in his chest. Before his brain could take that anywhere at all, Brisa's paw lashed out, sparking with electricity, slugging the side of his face. He stumbled, reeling from the impact and the electric shock. Thud. Another paw smacked him from the other side, another jolt of sharp pain. "Bri--"

His muscles seized at the next shock, cutting him short into a strangled yelp as he bit his tongue. His heart hammered, blood filling his mouth. He could protect himself, couldn't he. Technically. But the usual spark of Radiance in the back of his mind wasn't lighting up at all. He stared wide-eyed at Brisa as her fur sizzled, and clenched his stomach, bracing for the next shock before it hit.

The final Facade sent him tumbling back, gritting his teeth against the spiking pain. He struggled to his shaking legs as fast as he could, backing away. "What the fuck," he gasped through ragged breathing. Brisa's face was twisted with rage and torment and grief, a Shadow haze surrounding her. The Poochyena instinct desperately told him to run, but he couldn't. Was he going to have to fight her? For the first time in a while he was acutely aware how much bigger and stronger she was. His main attack didn't even work half as well if somebody else didn't hit the target first. Why the fuck hadn't he just got Owen to stay?

A familiar cold, dark sensation was pooling in his chest, and though he wasn't sure what he'd even do with it, tendrils of darkness began to sprout around his feet.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Pure adrenaline and her horror at what she'd done spurred Brisa to take control. Her fur gleamed as she performed a shadow-empowered Radiant Arrest, laying down shackles of light on Dave.

"Stay the fuck down," she warned. "I don't want yer help no more. Talkin' to you just makes everythin' worse, an' I'm sick of feelin' like shit fer doin' my goddamn best."

She glowered at the shadow pooling around Dave as he struggled against the radiant bindings. His shadows. Fear, anger, suspicion. Yeah. Yeah, that was right. He didn't fucking love her, did he.

He ain't Jesse. You know he ain't.

"Fer all that you say y'disagree with everythin' my fuckin' father said, yer exactly goddamn like him," she spat.

Now you've done it.

 

[Dragonfree]

Radiance locked around his limbs, seeped into his muscles, and as he struggled to move, cold panic spread through him, the Shadows around him growing.

I don't want yer help no more. Talkin' to you just makes everythin' worse.

Nausea twisted his stomach, killed the words forming in his throat.

Yer exactly goddamn like him.

(I'm never gonna make you proud of me, am I, pa?)

From within the cold came a sickening burst of suffocating anger. "Yeah?" he said, voice shaking, echoing with Shadows. "If I'm just like him then why don't you just keep hitting me?" He forced his legs to move, to put on speed, to hit her with a stiff, awkward shadowy punch that hurt. "Come on!" he snarled. "Fucking get it over with!"

Dave used Umbral Barfight!