Nihil River

[Namohysip]

North, and winding northwest, of Null Village is a large, deep-red river that possibly nourished the dead trees that surrounded everything on the north side of this segment of the Voidlands. Aquatic... things swam in the water, though they appeared to be docile to Team Spectrum. The water itself tasted like rot, but perhaps if boiled it could become something more easily drinkable. Oddly enough, the more Shadowed someone becomes, the tastier the water becomes...

The current is slow and gentle, and the water itself was chilly. Bathing it it isn't advised; the red color will never get off. Again, boiling the water and collecting the steam would probably be better for washing off. Strange plants grew here, reminiscent but slightly different from the foods that grew at home, and strange lookalike items are much more common here, too. Try your luck, and perhaps something tastier will be found.

<><><>​

 

[Namohysip]

Wishkeeper followed Owen every step of the way, loyal and protective like he always was. And yet, now that he had a more tangible form--now that he was this imposing, twelve-foot monstrosity that that pushed the trees away if the path was too narrow for him--it became so much more prevalent. Bahamut's words about Wishkeeper echoed in his mind, thoughts of needing protection, his childishness, this need for Guardianship from the one person he could trust...

The Charmeleon tried to push the thoughts away, but his mind was a haze of irritation and restlessness. He needed to move. He needed to run, to spew fire, to slash at something, burn a tree! He needed to feel his claws sinking into--

Meditate. Calm. Breathe. In, out. Owen stopped walking and closed his eyes, focusing on only his breath. Rise and fall. The river nearby reminded him to keep the flow.

"We're being followed," Wishkeeper said.

"That's fine." Calm, cool.

 

[Fusion]

It was rather easy to follow behind Owen when his guardian spirit parted the trees like a Wailord cutting in line.

"You still ain't decided on beatin' that cowardly Charizard senseless, huh? Just because the fucker is massive ain't mean it's all that strong, I think."

"I don't care about Wishkeeper, and I don't care about you," Vix growled wishing she had some sort of mute button on this piece of shit Shadow. "I'm just here for Owen... nothing else."

As Vix arrived at the riverbed, she floated closer to Owen while keeping a stone cold glare on Wishkeeper all the while. The Charmeleon was meditating, or trying to, but it'd be a miracle if he actually could in this literal hellhole. "You doing alright, Owen?" she asked, taking her eyes off Wishkeeper once she got within arms' reach of Owen.

 

[Dragonfree]

Dave followed along with the two of them, doubtful. They’d gone quiet now, but Owen seemed restless and tense and Dave had to fight to keep up on his small Poochyena legs. If there was one thing to say for Shadow, at least he wasn’t exactly a domineering presence. Wishkeeper, on the other hand, was huge next to Owen, looming, gave the impression he could crush Owen under his foot if he wanted. It was honestly pretty creepy.

 

[Namohysip]

"Y-yeah, I'm doing fine," Owen said, taking a nervous glance at Wishkeeper, who was stepping forward to glare at Vix.

"You have five seconds to distance yourself."

"Wishkeeper, what's gotten into you?" Owen said, exasperated. "You were never this protective, not since the Shadow Machine. Can you just... calm down?"

"...Ngh. If you try to attack him, you'll have to answer to me. Understand?"

"Just--sit over there for now," Owen said, gesturing to the nearby tree.

Wishkeeper growled and huffed a plume of Shadows, which evaporated in the air. He stomped to the tree and sat down--the whole ground shook when he did.

 

[Fusion]

Vix's shadow chuckled, letting off small dark wisps. "He's fuckin' dreamy, ain't he?"

On the brighter side of things, it was getting easier for Vix to ignore her damn Shadow. "If I wanted to attack anyone here it'd be you tall, dark, and jackass," Vix growled at Wishkeeper, then turned to Owen and sighed. "Seriously, the hell is up with you Owen? I'm pretty sure Wishkeeper isn't acting up just because we're in a place he finally fits in."

"Maybe you ain't the only one takin' this bittersweet victory hard. You all did get killed, and I'd imagine that'd get under anyone's skin. What are the odds you ain't the only one here figuring out what the hell you're doin'?"

Vix paused for a moment, then shook her head and ignored that question. The shadow beneath her started to writhe and grew slightly.

 

[Namohysip]

Owen winced a little, looking at Wishkeeper, who kept glaring at anyone who tried to get closer.

"I'm... Look, it's a Shadow for a reason," he said, perhaps a little more curtly than he'd wanted. "I know I have problems trusting people, but I have to do it anyway because that's how teams work. And it usually works out in the end, doesn't it? I can't just go at it alone..."

"Perhaps you wouldn't be dead if you did," Wishkeeper said.

 

[windskull]

Nip took some time to arrive, in part because he kept pausing to shoot annoyed glares at his shadow. The scrawny sneasel was following at a distance, staying hidden when possible and always avoiding eye-contact. Distracted as he was, he was late to arrive, only catching the tail-end of the conversation. He approached the edge of the water, staring into the murky depths.

"Maybe Wishkeeper is right," his shadow said, voice quiet. "Nip is probably only alive because he ran away to be on his own."

"Except we're not alive," Nip snapped. "Besides, didn't you decide Wishkeeper was dangerous earlier? Make up your mind. Gods, are you really a part of me?" Then, after taking a deep breath, he turned to face Owen.

"Sometimes, being alone is for the better... But... I don't think being alone is a good idea here. Whether that be truly alone, or just with your shadow." He cast another glance at the sneasel, who shrank back from the withering look.

 

[Namohysip]

"I know," Owen said with a nod.

"But that isn't how you feel," Wishkeeper said.

"But I know that's the real truth," Owen spat back, then caught himself, rubbing his temples. "I'm... too on-edge. Wishkeeper, please, can't you accept that it's okay to trust people? It's... there's nothing good in life if you can't just trust people now and then."

"Perhaps you trust too much."

"Okay." Owen stood up. "I think... I think I've heard enough. Look, Nip and Vix and--is that Dave?--yeah, and Dave are all here with me, and that's fine."

"It's not fine. They want to bring you back. They're trying to control you."

"It's fine. They aren't like that."

"How do you know? You've known them for only a few months. You've known people for centuries and they've all betrayed you."

"It's not like that."

"I am your Shadow. I am the truth. Stop ignoring it."

"I'm not ignoring it."

"Then why do you keep fighting it?" Wishkeeper narrowed his ember eyes, taking one extra step until he was right beside Owen, by the final tree before the riverside. "Every single one of them only wants you around for your power. No matter how kind they are, if you became useless, they would cast you aside. And look where it's gotten you. Dead, in the Voidlands. It wasn't worth it. Stop letting yourself be torn down so others can build themselves up."

A cruel breeze sent red mist through the air, though it didn't show on Owen's scales. The Charmeleon's flame sputtered as a few stray droplets hit it, and Owen stared up at Wishkeeper, eyes narrowed the same way. "Are you done?"

 

[Dragonfree]

Dave stared at Wishkeeper. “Owen, what the actual fuck.”

He stepped closer. “Look, see, they just talk absolute fucking nonsense. Can’t trust anyone, my ass. All you do is go around befriending literally everyone. This guy thinks he’s your true self and declares people just want you for your power based on literally nothing? When have any of us given a shit about your power. That doesn’t even make any fucking sense.”

 

[Namohysip]

Wishkeeper glared in silence, looking like he was searching for the best way to smash Dave into the ground.

"I will never be done until you agree."

"I do agree." Owen looked at Dave and gave him a sad smile. "Wishkeeper, everything he's saying... Those are my real thoughts. Those are what I think, every day, sometimes when I don't even realize it. That maybe everyone really is using me all over again. Even you, Dave. And that maybe the only one I can trust is me. Is Wishkeeper."

Wishkeeper's golden flame doubled in anger. "Liar. You--"

"I agree with everything you said." Owen stared him down, every fiber of his being wanting to get that through to Wishkeeper, because he was right. All of the things Wishkeeper said were how Owen felt, deep down, no matter how much he said otherwise. He'd known these people for a blink's time compared to his long life, and so many of them were there just to use him in the end. Cibus would not be so generous to Team Spectrum if they were not the sole force keeping them safe. Their team would not be together if they didn't need to be together. That was just how life worked.

And Wishkeeper knew, the way Owen was moving, his body language, his Perceive of his own body... "You aren't lying," But despite this, he snarled. "Then why don't you accept this as the truth?! Why don't you--"

"You are my Shadow," Owen interrupted, firmly enough for Wishkeeper to stop. "Everything you say is how I really feel. It's what I think deep down and what I'm afraid of, right?"

"Yes. And I'm trying to keep you safe so you don't--"

"And," Owen said, holding up his hand. Wishkeeper snarled, but said nothing. "And," he continued, "I know that you are telling the truth when you say that's how I feel. You're right. That's how I feel. I agree with you completely." Owen turned around, looking down the river. "But we're wrong, too. The truth in my head is not the truth of the world."

He saw Brisa in Null Village, curled up and trembling. He saw Vix cursing the world, ready to wander in her anger for all eternity. He saw Nip, coming to terms with the Death he'd coveted for so long. But most of all, he saw Cal, her desperate eyes as she'd put everything she had just to keep him safe.

"What do you mean?" Wishkeeper growled. "You think it's the truth... and yet you think you're wrong?"

"We've gone through so much," Owen said. "We've been warped by it. And the Voidlands, these Shadows, it's only going to amplify that. I can't trust my own head. You know that."

Because he'd been through the same thing so many times before.

Owen put a hand to his heart. "My feelings are real. What you're saying is real. But what they mean is not." He motioned to Dave. "They aren't using me. They're my allies, my teammates, and yes, my friends. We help each other. We help each other... not use each other."

"What's the difference?"

"The feeling behind it."

Wishkeeper scoffed.

 

[Dragonfree]

Dave cocked his head as Owen went into full-on inspirational speech mode, and what was more, it kind of seemed to work. He was kind of impressed, at the same time as he worried Owen was just barking mad this entire time. “Owen,” he said as Wishkeeper was left speechless, “look, why are you saying this shit that you know isn’t true is how you really feel? It’s still bullshit, and you know it’s bullshit. If you didn’t have a giant fucking Charizard snarling it at you right now, why would it even matter? How the fuck is that more real than everything you actually do and say?”

 

[Namohysip]

The Charmeleon considered that. Why did it matter? On one hand, it was true--everything he felt was what Wishkeeper had said. "Feelings and logic don't go together all the time. I mean, I'd really like it to, but I can't really tell myself how to feel sometimes. So, the next best thing is to accept that's how I feel, but then, like... move past that and try to act against it. Ignoring it isn't going to really help, because then I can't solve it. It'll just be there, bothering you, and not really going away." He paused, glancing at Dave. He had considered, for a split-second, whether he should save his final sentence. But the Voidlands, perhaps, clouded his judgement--or maybe he felt it had to be said, and what better time than now?

"Kind of like yours."

 

[Fusion]

Vix didn't realize it at first, but during this whole ordeal she found herself glaring at Wishkeeper. She still heard everything else, but every word out of that coward's mouth just irked her. To no end. Even the way Owen was willing to try and compromise with it felt... undeserved. All that bastard's done is get inside Owen head and be a damn nuisance.

"Ignoring it isn't going to really help, because then I can't solve it. It'll just be there, bothering you, and not really going away." He paused, glancing at Dave. He had considered, for a split-second, whether he should save his final sentence. But the Voidlands, perhaps, clouded his judgement--or maybe he felt it had to be said, and what better time than now?

"Kind of like yours."

"Oh snap, he went and fuckin' said it," Vix's shadow shook in a chuckle. "Sound like anyone we know?"

"Not now..." Vix still didn't get this shadow bullshit; if they're just your true self, then why the hell was hers so... intolerable? Fuck, Vix might've been down in the shitter before but she never tormented herself! Her flame simmered in thought, but she shook it off. Introspective thoughts can wait. Her shadow began to growl.

"How do you know that every one of these fucking Shadows needs to be dealt like that? They're our true selves? You mean Nip's secretly a insecure bitch thinking the world is out to get him? You, the friendliest motherfucker on the team, has trust issues so bad that you don't trust the people you befriended? I'm an annoying, cowardly fuck that won't even face the person they're shitting on? And Dave's a whiny brat who follows others around like a lost puppy just so he doesn't have to feel alone?" She looked over at the Poochyena. "Actually, that's more accurate than the rest of us. Besides Cabot's, I guess. That one is literally just him."

 

[windskull]

"How do you know that every one of these fucking Shadows needs to be dealt like that? They're our true selves? You mean Nip's secretly a insecure bitch thinking the world is out to get him?

"Wh-hey! It's not like that!"

"But it's true, isn't it?" Nip's shadow muttered. "If it wasn't true, you would not be here. You'd be in the tribe, living the life you always wanted. Not running away from everything that went wrong."

Nip cast an uneasy glance at his shadow. And for a moment, he looked afraid. Afraid of what it might say, perhaps, and perhaps afraid it might try to turn the others against him to prove its point.

He slowly turned his attention back to Owen. But he remained silent, uncertain of what he could do to comfort him, or else convince him otherwise. If there was anything he could do. He had to admit, he wasn't exactly close to the charmeleon, and that probably wouldn't help with the whole trust issues problem.

 

[Fusion]

"What? No! I'm saying that these shadows aren't us! You aren't a bitch just because your shadow is," Vix huffed and rolled her eyes. Un fucking believable. Was it really that easy for their shadows to take one little thing and fucking run with it? It completely ignored the point of what she was saying goddamnit!

"Wow, how can you be so bad at talking that simply stating a fact comes off as a threat?"

Vix's flame crackled angrily, and her body started to darken. "Shut. It."

 

[Dragonfree]

The Charmeleon considered that. Why did it matter? On one hand, it was true--everything he felt was what Wishkeeper had said. "Feelings and logic don't go together all the time. I mean, I'd really like it to, but I can't really tell myself how to feel sometimes. So, the next best thing is to accept that's how I feel, but then, like... move past that and try to act against it. Ignoring it isn't going to really help, because then I can't solve it. It'll just be there, bothering you, and not really going away." He paused, glancing at Dave. He had considered, for a split-second, whether he should save his final sentence. But the Voidlands, perhaps, clouded his judgement--or maybe he felt it had to be said, and what better time than now?

"Kind of like yours."

Of fucking course he was going to make this about Dave. He gritted his teeth. "Well, sometimes your brain just vomits out some fucking nonsense for no reason, all right? People look off the edge of a cliff and automatically imagine jumping, that doesn't mean it's their true feelings, or that they have something to solve. Maybe your brain goes off about how nobody's actually your friend but you don't actually believe that. You just made a whole fucking speech about why you don't. Why's the random shit he comes up with the true feelings and the shit you actually believe and act on is fake?"

Shadow tilted his head at him with something like curiosity.

"How do you know that every one of these fucking Shadows needs to be dealt like that? They're our true selves? You mean Nip's secretly a insecure bitch thinking the world is out to get him? You, the friendliest motherfucker on the team, has trust issues so bad that you don't trust the people you befriended? I'm an annoying, cowardly fuck that won't even face the person they're shitting on? And Dave's a whiny brat who follows others around like a lost puppy just so he doesn't have to feel alone?" She looked over at the Poochyena. "Actually, that's more accurate than the rest of us. Besides Cabot's, I guess. That one is literally just him."

Dave took an irritated glance at the Lampent. He hadn't ever talked to Vix much but from the one time they'd interacted in Veritas City, it seemed to check out that she'd be hard at work taking over the spot of most obnoxious dick in Cibus after Zane'd vanished into the ether. And now they were in Pokémon Hell together. Fantastic.

 

[Namohysip]

"I think, at that point, we're just looking at semantics," Owen admitted to Dave. "Just because they're how I really feel on the inside doesn't mean I have to act on them, or I have to behave that way all the time. Especially if I know they're wrong. But I can't just ignore it, either... Not when he's literally facing me right now."

And so, Owen turned to Wishkeeper, who was growing more and more inwardly agitated.

"I can agree with something from the bottom of my heart," Owen said, "and still know that it's wrong logically. That's what you are, Wishkeeper. You're everything I wished I was, that little hypothetical if I didn't trust any of my friends who might act in their own interests instead of mine. You're the selfish part of me that thinks just because someone makes a mistake once, I can never trust them again. Well--guess what? We're no less guilty! And I'm not going to go around and... and hate myself forever when I need to move on. The same goes for everyone else's mistakes. I don't need to be protected. I need to get out there and learn from the past, not hide from it."

Wishkeeper stared, open mouthed. He tried to say something, but Owen held up his hand again and closed his eyes. He trembled, then, with rage, but said nothing.

"You can Perceive so much," Owen said as the wind died away. "You have your own truth in your head... You think you can see what everyone else is thinking, their true intentions. And because of that, you can't trust any of them because they're all looking out for themselves. You're stuck in the past and I'm trying to move on, because the world's worth fighting for, even if I need to be used for it sometimes. Even if I barely know them, they're still my friends. And friends don't need to do exactly what you want. They've given to me as much as I've given to them. But all you can see is the times when they hurt me the most, and you forget all the times that they've been trying to help, even now.

"You only remember the worst in people. That's why you're nothing but my Shadow."

 

[Fusion]

Vix put on a mouthless smirk. Getting shut down was exactly the thing Wishkeeper deserved. Part of Vix wanted to do the same to her own, but why waste the effort? Their shadows weren't them, just some stupid collection of incorrect thoughts an shit. They weren't worth the time.

They were nothing.

They are nothing.

And that's all they'd ever be. Nothing.

"There you go, Owen. Put that twelve foot tall stack of nothing in its place," Vix said. She either didn't notice or didn't care about her own shadows writhing beneath her.

"You gotta have selective hearin' or some shit, or maybe ignorin' your friends is somethin' you take more seriously than this hero shit."

"The hell are you talking about, and since when were you and I friends? If you were saying shit, I probably tuned you out to listen to Owen."

"I was talkin' about Owen."

Now this shadow wasn't even making sense. Of course she was listening to Owen, he just reminded his shadow of what it was. A miserable little pile of nothing.

 

[Namohysip]

Amid that silence, Wishkeeper made an annoyed grunt and then looked to all the others. "These people are all a bad influence on you," he said. "You're too far gone."

He stood up and took a few threatening steps forward. The ground shook with every move he made.

"I'll have to take you away from them. This is for your own good."

Owen hopped back and toward the water. "What do you mean? No, you're not taking me anywhere. Not here--it's dangerous to--"

"I am a Shadow and will be just fine here. I am going to keep you safe the only way you know how."

"What, by forcing me to go along?"

"Until you learn."