Pokémon Niente [one-shot]

[silurica]

​

When the dragon came to, there was only coldness. The coldness of ice, and nothingness.

Rating: Teen
Word Count: 2,200

Author's Notes:
Hi, hello, please have this vignette-style fic that hopefully resembles a story.

I was racking my brain about whether to post anything while I put Luceat Lux Vestra on a break to gather materials from Legends: Arceus. Then one conversation shifted into what topic/legendary you want to see getting a Legends-esque game, and I remembered about my headcanon notes for Kyurem. Hey, I should unleash this on the world.

As with LLV, this verse features legendaries as gijinka (i.e. human form). Familiarity with LLV isn't strictly required but may be a nice bonus.

Fun fact: Dragonspiral Tower and Giant Chasm shared the same background music. Yes, this is relevant to the fic.

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I. Chick

In the outskirts of one small kingdom, a traveler stood among a small group of armored soldiers and fiery creatures. The traveler was pale-skinned and silver-haired, clad in a robe of pure white. Like droplets of blood on fresh snow, his red eyes were the only trace of color on his person. And before the group, with an appearance conveying a coldness more severe, a gray draconic being of ice was chained down to the ground.

"I will ask you again," demanded the traveler, "is it true that it came from the sky?"

"Yes, sir!" One soldier answered, "It was last winter, sir. A star fell to our forest, then this monster showed up and attacked livestock and townspeople. We have never seen any monster like this before the disaster, so we believe they are connected."

The traveler didn't speak of it, but this was also his first time seeing the dragon. Which of his children brought this irregular existence to this world? And for it to be captured by the humans….

"Pitiful being, I shall allow you sympathy for the confusion in your heart," he said to the dragon, who watched him with wary eyes. "For the world to stop you from following the instinct you were born with is nothing enviable. However, if you are one of my children, instinct cannot be the only thing you carry."

The traveler stepped forward, separating himself from the group, closer to the dragon. Frost crept under his feet; the chains didn't allow movement for the dragon, but still it bared its fangs.

Without any sign of fear – for fear would be unbecoming for someone of his standing – the traveler asked, "Answer me: do you wish to live and find your purpose? Or do you wish to die as a chained beast?"

The barrier between the beings of this planet was tall, but for the traveler who straddled that boundary – and always will – he could invite anyone to walk on the same path as him. And extend his hand to the dragon of ice he did.

Clanks and thuds resounded as heavy chains fell off to the ground. The group readied their swords and flame, but there was no need to. The being before the traveler no longer held the form of a dreadful dragon, but of a person with long, flowing hair in the color of ice, tears welling up in their golden eyes.

"Yes… I want… to know…."

The traveler took off his robe and wrapped it around the newborn. "I shall bestow upon you a name, and with it, my protection. Listen well, my child: from now on, you may call yourself Kyurem. All shall be well, I promise you this."

For the first time, the dragon knew of warmth.

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II. Fledgling

"It matters not if you are a sage or a god. We shan't forgive you if you bring catastrophe to this land."

With those words, the traveler in white left the throne room of the castle, his audience with the king had ended. He returned to his tower without delay where his pupil awaited. There was a glint in their golden eyes when they greeted his return with a question about the weather and the path of the stars above.

The traveler had struck a deal when he took Kyurem under his wings: in exchange for lodging and sustenance for the dragon, he was to raise them into something that can be of use for the kingdom. It would be easy to hone their physical strength – and they certainly didn't ignore it – but that alone wouldn't answer their question of what purpose they have beyond their primal instinct.

By now, listening to them musing about astronomy and alchemy like this, no one would expect them to be the same monster that terrorized Lacunosa Town. It surprised him how fast the dragon learned and took on difficult topics – truly irregular. There should be no problem now if he left them to their own devices.

Yet the king's words were so cold.

"My child," he said, cutting through his pupil's enthusiasm, "I won't be able to linger in this place for much longer. What will you do?"

Kyurem's eyes widened, followed by a frown. A moment passed in silence, only the wind blew in from the open window, whispering as it played with both the traveler's and his pupil's long hair – charcoal and ivory intertwined under a sheet of ice.

The uncertain edges in Kyurem's expression melted away with the wind, slow but sure, until only serenity was left. "I will remain here, in this kingdom," they answered. "It's the place where I was born, and I owe the king for allowing me to live and become what I am today. This is where I belong."

"I taught you, did I not? Living is the right you were born with. To feel gratitude for something rightfully yours is…."

"I understand, Master. Even so, this is how my heart feels. My apologies for the unsatisfactory answer."

A resolute answer. The traveler closed his eyes and muttered, "No, do as you wish."

Slowly, Kyurem rose from their seat and walked to the window. From this height, they could see not only the castle and its gardens, but also the city beyond its gates. Further on, they could see speckles of colors; of the fields, the forests, the rivers, and the mountains. The world, green and gold and grand. Even further on, they could imagine a vast blue sea.

As they took in the sight, a soft smile formed on their face. "I probably wouldn't have understood warmth and beauty if you didn't save me that day, Master. I probably wouldn't even have been able to see it. Trite, isn't it?"

"I have lived for longer than anything else in this world. I care not for a concept like triteness," answered the traveler.

Kyurem chuckled at that answer. "Yes, of course."

What was it that his pupil found amusing, the traveler could only begin to guess. He suppressed the urge, however, for it no longer mattered.

The next morning, when Kyurem woke, they found the bed of their master empty and cold, no trace of him left behind anywhere in the tower.

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III. Mother

Many seasons had passed since, and the kingdom prospered through a period of peace. In its history, whispered like a legend, was the sage of the tower who guided the kingdom through decisive moments.

One day, bright light shone on the tower. For a moment the sage thought they would melt away if they didn't take cover, but they soon realized the light had a familiar, nostalgic warmth to it.

"Master…."

When they whispered that word, the figure from the old days materialized in the room. The same white robe, silver hair, and blood red eyes. In their youth, they would have run to him and asked him to indulge their curiosity, but now they bowed down with the grace befitting of a sage.

"You cut your hair," remarked the traveler. He stared down at the floor, muttering, "No, not just that…."

A smile rose to the sage's face. "It has been a long time, Master. As I promised before you left, I have remained and given my all for this kingdom." They stood and began walking toward the stairs – down, to a lower level. The traveler followed his former pupil.

"Have you heard? His Royal Majesty was blessed with not only one, but two heirs, both with promising capabilities. Yes, they are both characters with great conviction, loyal to each of their truths and ideals. I'm sure they will be able to lead this kingdom to even greater heights."

At the end of the spiraling staircase, they stopped and turned around to face the traveler. "Because they are such characters, I found myself alone insufficient in aiding them." From under their robe, they took out a gleaming silver wedge. Pressing it against the base of their own neck, their smile still lingering, they said, "So I offered my body and birthed children of my own, in hope for them to guide the princes. Didn't you do the same when you created this world, Master?"

Yes, they used to have long, flowing hair, now no longer than where that wedge was placed. Even the charcoal and ivory that used to color their ice-like hair had faded. Their golden eyes, which used to look at him with fondness, now had lost their shine and warmth. How much did they give up? The traveler couldn't voice that question. After all, this was the path chosen by his former pupil.

Instead, he whispered, "Forgive me."

The sage blinked in confusion. "For what?"

No answer came. No answer could be voiced.

After sheathing the wedge again, the sage entered the room downstairs – it was the room where the two rested together in the past. With a sweet yet chilling voice, they called, "Reshiram. Zekrom. Rise and shine, my dears."

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IV. Death

"You look and smell similar to my master, but something is different. Who are you?"

Yes, this traveler had the same silver hair and red eyes as him, but his robe was a deep, dark blue. "You're Kyurem, correct?" asked the unfamiliar traveler. "And I guess you're talking about my old man— I mean, my dear father."

Hearing that word of affection, Kyurem's frown grew deeper. "Who are you?"

"Good question. I have many names, but to our kind, I'm best known as Dialga. Perhaps that would ring a bell," said the traveler with a polite bow. "Ah, but I'm no more than a passerby today."

Dialga, the guardian deity of time, one of their master's direct descendants. Anyone studying the history of the world would know his name, if not his existence. That bow was unlike their master, however – he was never one to lower his head for anyone.

Still, the frown lingered on Kyurem's face. "My master… where is he?"

"Deep in slumber, guiding the world in the way he knows best," answered Dialga.

"I see. That's right, he often dozed off…." mumbled Kyurem, closing their eyes, hands gripping the blanket covering them. It was cold. No matter how many layers they used, it was cold.

"Pitiful being," whispered Dialga. Those words earned him a stare from Kyurem – their eyes were empty, as if asking for something to fill them. Sympathy wouldn't fill them, but it was the only thing he could offer, so he continued, "You gave your blood and your heart, but this is how you end: forgotten and alone in a crumbling tower. Humans can be so cold."

"Can you blame them? The wars have taken a toll on all of us," said Kyurem in a low voice. "I thought I was on the right path. My children fought, but they worked together when it mattered. But eventually the distance between them grew more and more and…."

Dialga stood without moving, his red eyes staring down at the forgotten sage. Could it be that he had heard about their children before? He must have – anyone would have, in this land ravaged by the war between truth and ideal. When he spoke again, there was a quiver in his voice.

"Do you… regret giving birth to your children?"

A frozen sigh escaped from Kyurem's lips. They had asked themself that question more times than they could remember. For such a question, only another question was apt as an answer. "Please tell me, is destruction the only thing I can bring forth in the end? Is this my purpose in this world?"

Slowly, Dialga shook his head. "I'm afraid that isn't a question I'm permitted to answer."

Kyurem closed their eyes again – their guest's silver hair and red eyes had become difficult to look at. "Of course. Even your father never answered that question."

It was cold. They were a dragon of ice, so coldness was something they were used to, but when did it start bothering them like this? Would their master know the reason?

But their master had left them, never to return.

Perhaps they should rest too. They had nothing left which they could give to the kingdom, and they had grown tired of the cold and solitude, of scorn and resignation. To Lacunosa… no, to the chasm where they were born, where everything began.

——————————————​

V. Resurrection

So loud. So bright. There were voices – conversations in a language unfamiliar to their ears. Humans. Between them was a one-eyed man in an ominously patterned robe, laughing with an unpleasant voice. Ah, Kyurem realized, these people must have broken the ice cage they sealed themself in before entering a sleep of oblivion.

Questions began to fill their mind as their consciousness returned, piece by piece. Are these people from the kingdom? Or are they enemies? Does the kingdom still exist? What about Reshiram and Zekrom? How long have I slept? Have I awakened to bring forth destruction again?

Have I…?

The unpleasant man extended his hand to them. At that moment the dragon decided, if they had woken up to destroy, to bring everything to cold nothingness, this time they wouldn't back down from it.

 

[silurica]

Henlo, henlo, thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it

Did not expect the concept of anti-natalism in a Pokémon fic, but it makes sense. This sentence sounds very similar to some stuff I've heard before.

Hooookay I want to address this one real quick because I didn't think of this reading exactly. I, as an author, do not intend to point any opinion to one direction or another in this topic. These are simply characters trying to navigate the information and feelings they have and even they aren't 100% sure this is it.

That said, "oh boy this is a very dysfunctional parent-child relationship" did come to my mind a lot because placing your expectations and dreams in your children without regard of their wishes is a recipe for trouble, and it sure was a trouble and more. There's also the matter of loyalty and status and... look, I think Tao Trio is potentially Complex and Neat. I want to write more about them someday. It's a stark contrast from how I handle Creation Trio who occasionally butt heads but are generally on good terms otherwise.

YES YES YES!!! ALL SHALL BE WELL!!!!! ALL SHALL BE WELL!!!!

(Narrator voice) And nothing was well.

Is that,,,,,, the DNA Splicer things????

Yesssss.

(And yes, the traveler in white is good ol' Alfa.)

 

[System Error]

No reason not to crosspost.

Like I said, even though it was actually more "in the car while being driven to get food"

Well, different format this time because I didn't stop to take notes every now and then in favor of doing a speed read. But this was an interesting little story, and shows something of a darker - or at least more definitively morally ambiguous side to Alfa. Sometimes I got the feeling Kyurem was not one of his creations and he was simply forcibly 'adopting' him (under thread of disposing otherwise), and particularly from the way Dialga spoke. Something of a different take on Kyurem splitting up to give aid to the princes too. And the twist ending too. Interesting things to think about considering LLV. Only uncertainty I have about it: it was at no point shown that Kyurem was at any point anything but a dragon of ice. So then where did the elec and fire come from in the other pieces of its body? Stuff that may or may not be answered.

And here's to LA not mangling some of the things you had in mind, or if it does, you throwing up your arms and saying "screw it, I'll take inspiration but I write what I want" like I pretty much intend to.

 

[kyeugh]

hi silurica! i gave this thread a peek and sorta gleaned that it was set in a medieval-ish period and as the resident Pokéworld History Enthusiast was like oh boy i've got to read it. it did not disappoint! i'm a sucker for the lore of bw and there's a lot of cool ancient history at that feels under-explored to me. i also don't think i've read anything that handles legendaries in quite this way, so that was a treat!

there's a lot to like here. i always received the impression from canon that reshiram and zekrom sort of spring forth from kyurem of their own accord, leaving behind an empty husk. it's tragic but doesn't suggest much of a character for kyurem—they're defined by absence rather than the conviction that embody reshiram and zekrom. here, you adapt kyurem from a very human angle. every step of their story is determined by a personal decision. they choose to remain among the humans and oversee events, grateful for the chance to live. they choose to seek out a purpose. and when the time comes, they choose to give up a part of themselves in the service of something greater. these choices provide kyurem a lot of depth and give us a lot of insight into their character. they're someone who wants to belong in their world and understand themself. they seek purpose in motherhood, but their children wreak destruction outside of their ability to prevent, hearkening back to their time as a feral dragon in the chasm. if anything, i think you could draw that dynamic out a bit more, make us feel the shame that drives them to seal themselves away. you describe it as a weariness and a feeling that they have nothing left to give, but i felt like it could have been more than that.

it was cool getting to see arceus (?) and dialga. sort of makes you wonder what their role in the world is otherwise—i was definitely intrigued. i'll have to check out your fic! i liked the understated ways in which arceus demonstrates their paternal love. they act like a calm observer, above it all, but something keeps bringing them back to check up on kyurem over the years. dialga was interesting, although i found myself wanting more information about why he showed up. it kind of felt like he was there conveniently to deliver information and prompt some information out of kyurem, but what he had to gain from the interaction was a bit unclear.

the ending goes hard as hell honestly. i really like the way you reconcile their bestial behavior in canon with the complete and complex life you describe in this one-shot. their bitterness at their failure to find purpose and subsequent withdrawal are consistent with the story you've written here, and their overall arc of failure to find purpose in the world meshes well with the themes of emptiness and lack of purpose that surround kyurem in canon. all around good stuff and very creative.

something i found myself wondering is whether the legendaries are in human form all the time, or if they can change back and forth at will. i'm assuming they can, but it would have been kind of cool to see it, i think. maybe just a bit at the end about how they returned to their old body because they felt it better reflected their destructive purpose, or something.

your prose here can be quite poetic and evocative but i do think it tripped on its own complexity in places. i highlight a few examples and some grammatical mistakes below (sorry if the line comments feel negative btw—i did like this fic!) but there were quite a few sentences that felt a bit awkward that i didn't point out. feel free to reach out to me if you'd like me to pick it a part a bit more, if you ever want a beta for anything; happy to give your work a look.

Spoiler: line comments

Like droplets of blood on fresh snow, his red eyes were the only trace of color on his person. And before the group, with an appearance conveying a coldness more severe, a gray draconic being of ice was chained down to the ground.

both of these sentences placing the description before the subject felt a bit repetitive to me.

"Yes, sir!" One soldier answered, "It was last winter, sir. A star fell to our forest, then this monster showed up and attacked livestock and townspeople. We have never seen any monster like this before the disaster, so we believe they are connected."

i think this would work a bit better like: "Yes, sir!" one soldier answered. "It was last winter, sir. … also, i love that this explanation feels very medieval but is also canonically correct.

"Pitiful being, I shall allow you sympathy for the confusion in your heart,"

i wasn't quite following "I shall allow you sympathy."

"For the world to stop you from following the instinct you were born with is nothing enviable. However, if you are one of my children, instinct cannot be the only thing you carry."

this is cool. wonder who this guy is. silver hair, white clothes, red eyes, paternal figure to legendaries... arceus, probably?

the chains didn't allow movement for the dragon, but still it bared its fangs.

it seemed strange to me to make the chains the subject here. i think the dragon's movement was restricted by the chains, but it still bared its fangs. or something like that would flow a bit better.

"Answer me: do you wish to live and find your purpose? Or do you wish to die as a chained beast?"

ooh. banger line.

The barrier between the beings of this planet was tall, but for the traveler who straddled that boundary – and always will – he could invite anyone to walk on the same path as him

i feel like "would" works better than "will" here.

With those words, the traveler in white left the throne room of the castle, his audience with the king had ended.

the last clause here is independent, so i don't think you can just append it with a comma. any of the following might work:

• With those words, the traveler in white left the throne room of the castle, his audience with the king complete.
• With those words, the traveler in white left the throne room of the castle. His audience with the king had ended.
• With those words, the traveler in white left the throne room of the castle, as his audience with the king had ended.
• With those words, the traveler in white left the throne room of the castle; his audience with the king had ended.

The traveler had struck a deal when he took Kyurem under his wings: in exchange for lodging and sustenance for the dragon, he was to raise them into something that can be of use for the kingdom

i think it should be "could" instead of "can" here.

A moment passed in silence, only the wind blew in from the open window,

another pair of independent clauses joined by a comma. i would replace the first comma with a period here.

"I taught you, did I not? Living is the right you were born with. To feel gratitude for something rightfully yours is…."

love this.

What was it that his pupil found amusing, the traveler could only begin to guess.

* What it was

At the end of the spiraling staircase, they stopped and turned around to face the traveler. "Because they are such characters, I found myself alone insufficient in aiding them." From under their robe, they took out a gleaming silver wedge. Pressing it against the base of their own neck, their smile still lingering, they said, "So I offered my body and birthed children of my own, in hope for them to guide the princes. Didn't you do the same when you created this world, Master?"

Yes, they used to have long, flowing hair, now no longer than where that wedge was placed. Even the charcoal and ivory that used to color their ice-like hair had faded. Their golden eyes, which used to look at him with fondness, now had lost their shine and warmth. How much did they give up? The traveler couldn't voice that question. After all, this was the path chosen by his former pupil.

Instead, he whispered, "Forgive me."

The sage blinked in confusion. "For what?"

No answer came. No answer could be voiced.

this was cool. i like the implication here—it took a lot out of kyurem to bear their children, but those children are worth far more than what they cost. that's what makes the sacrifice required for their birth worthwhile.

With a sweet yet chilling voice, they called, "Reshiram. Zekrom. Rise and shine, my dears."

what's chilling about it?

Anyone studying the history of the world would know his name, if not his existence.

how could one know his name without knowing his existence?

"My master… where is he?"

"where" marks the beginning of a new sentence here, so it should be capitalized.

"Pitiful being," whispered Dialga. Those words earned him a stare from Kyurem – their eyes were empty, as if asking for something to fill them. Sympathy wouldn't fill them, but it was the only thing he could offer, so he continued, "You gave your blood and your heart, but this is how you end: forgotten and alone in a crumbling tower. Humans can be so cold."

bit of head-hopping here.

He must have – anyone would have, in this land ravaged by the war between truth and ideal.

* ideals, right?

Perhaps they should rest too. They had nothing left which they could give to the kingdom, and they had grown tired of the cold and solitude, of scorn and resignation. To Lacunosa… no, to the chasm where they were born, where everything began.

ahh, this is very cool. so this is how they end up back in the chasm during the plot of bw.

Questions began to fill their mind as their consciousness returned, piece by piece. Are these people from the kingdom? Or are they enemies? Does the kingdom still exist? What about Reshiram and Zekrom? How long have I slept? Have I awakened to bring forth destruction again?

Have I…?

The unpleasant man extended his hand to them. At that moment the dragon decided, if they had woken up to destroy, to bring everything to cold nothingness, this time they wouldn't back down from it.

ohhhh. so cool. this is an awesome ending, i love it.

 

[silurica]

O hai SE I wasn't expecting to see you here Thank you for taking a look!

Interesting things to think about considering LLV.

My planning is flexible, but as it is right now LLV will likely reach conclusion before the whole BW2 plot can happen. Ergo, Alfa will be already back to sleep when Team Plasma finds Kyurem. In their timescale, this would be like when one enters a room right when/after the other leaves through a different door.

Only uncertainty I have about it: it was at no point shown that Kyurem was at any point anything but a dragon of ice. So then where did the elec and fire come from in the other pieces of its body? Stuff that may or may not be answered.

This is something that I chose to be subtle about so I can focus on the key themes, but there's chance I might have been a few degrees too subtle and crossed the line into obscure. Electricity and fire are things they learned/developed as they grew, and in this specific instance it's reflected in their hair color (the color of ice → black and white under the ice → the black and white faded after the split). I guess I'm just gonna live with this since I've decided to put my theme on priority lol

And here's to LA not mangling some of the things you had in mind, or if it does, you throwing up your arms and saying "screw it, I'll take inspiration but I write what I want" like I pretty much intend to.

Looking at the teasers, it feels like it already has lmao. I'm deffo gonna cherry-pick what to use.

~~~

Henlo, kyeugh! Thank you for the review

i think you could draw that dynamic out a bit more, make us feel the shame that drives them to seal themselves away. you describe it as a weariness and a feeling that they have nothing left to give, but i felt like it could have been more than that.

(Nods) Hm. "Do more with the kids" did cross my mind but I wondered if it would be too loredump-y with the structure I have. At the end I decided against it and saved the thought for next time I write the Tao Trio again.

dialga was interesting, although i found myself wanting more information about why he showed up. it kind of felt like he was there conveniently to deliver information and prompt some information out of kyurem, but what he had to gain from the interaction was a bit unclear.

So this is lore/characterization from another story that Dialga is in a habit of traveling around the world periodically and "I'm just a passerby" is meant to convey this. He literally was just in the area, so might as well take a look at this someone that his father apparently took a shine on. Perhaps it won't hurt to make this curiosity clearer if I ever get to revising this (along with ruminating over the line comments).

 

[Namohysip]

Felt like looking around the front page, saw this, got to reading since it was short and sweet. A short story about Kyurem... Interesting premise. That's not one I see often, and it seems to be a headcanon, so let's see where that goes!

Interesting... So a bit of an origin story. I don't know who this 'traveler' is, but my best guess is that he's Arceus as a human, perhaps in the ancient past? I wonder if this is the same one from Luceat... The description seems to fit him. This is pretty interesting to read in the context of that story, actually, since this is kind of a flashback to some of the things he's done in the past, isn't it?

Second part seems to just be of the master leaving, sort of a transitional phase. I think the first one was much more impactful, because there wasn't a whole lot that I could say about this part. I do wonder why he is at the whims of the humans... Maybe it's some kind of power dynamic I don't fully understand.

Part three--two heirs? Uh oh, I just realized where this is probably going. Oh... or not. Just had kids, which gave rise to Zekrom and Reshiram, but indeed, the traveler seems to wonder what the cost was for such a thing. And is that what the traveler also had to do? Give up a portion of his power? Hmm...

"I see, he often dozed off..." Lol there's something funny about that way of phrasing it.

Ahhh, and that's how we go to present day... I see now, that makes sense. What a sad way to go, put all in a quick story. I guess from there we see what the hero does for old Ghetsis and perhaps Kyurem can reach a new state of being afterward... But it's certainly an open end due to the nature. Gods are always cryptic in that way, refusing to answer questions, even among each other. I never was able to understand the purpose behind all that, unless it's some kind of self-definition thing.

Anyway, good story. For the story you wanted to tell, I think you covered all the beats quickly and efficiently. A fine short story that ties into the main games, too!

 

[kintsugi]

Fun fact: Dragonspiral Tower and Giant Chasm shared the same background music. Yes, this is relevant to the fic.

One-shots set in Unova inspired by BW's jam of a soundtrack with esoteric titles consisting of singular words that start with the letter N? How could I not, tbh. Saw this during Blitz but my reading list continues to be endless; here we are instead. Also, hi!

I liked the tone of the first section a lot; there's something appropriately weighty and dramatic about Arceus' dignity and curiosity, along with the humans witnessing in fear/awe. It's a pretty appropriate intro for a gijinka fic featuring legends, and while I'm not familiar with LLV past the first two or so chapters, this worked really well as an intro for me as a semi-blind reader. The description here is the most vivid + we get the most colors that we end up getting out of the five sections here, which I thought was a really effective wording choice for a Kyurem-centric short; as the POV passes further to Kyurem I noticed that those bits started falling out of narration, which I thought was a cool detail.

How long have I slept? Have I awakened to bring forth destruction again?

Vignette stories are hard to structure, but I think this worked pretty well. The broad arcs of--Kyurem's discovery, growth, independence/choice, despair, and then fall--has a neat arc to it; it lets you twine together these interesting themes of destinies/power in the context of gods. I found myself finding that section four felt a little out of place--the pivot to Kyurem's descent into nihilism felt a little abrupt for me, although pacing-wise I'm not sure how to best approach that in a story of this length. It's a little tricky since the first half is all about Kyurem doing more or less normal things with Arceus being vaguely concerned about Kyurem's stranger tendencies, while the second half (fourth section onward) is dominated by the despair/fall into destruction. I think where I stumbled was that we're mostly told that Kyurem is dangerous, then Kyurem is "saved" by Arceus, then Kyurem gives up Resh/Zek and becomes dangerous--the motives are a little opaque and it's difficult to tell, for example, why Kyurem thought that destruction is their "purpose" when the main destructive act that they did happened offscreen. The fifth section with Ghetsis has a similar stumbling point for me imo, where it's difficult to understand what's motivating Kyurem's decision here--and I do think that there's a really compelling story between the lines here, with Kyurem having given up the portions of themself capable of containing truth/ideals or interaction with reality/dreams of something better or something, where without them Kyurem isn't even capable of understanding what's been lost--but it didn't quite land for me, and i wasn't entirely sure if that was your intent or if I was just headcanoning off of your story, haha.

The being before the traveler no longer held the form of a dreadful dragon, but of a person with long, flowing hair in the color of ice

And in general I think gijinka stories are really interesting for straddling that boundary of "person" and "pokemon"--specifically in this case, where it seems like any pokemon can actually become a person if Arceus wills it? There's a lot of interesting questions to unpack in that for sure, but in general there was something really fairy-tale-esque about this setup, of the beast becoming a person and then reducing back to beast, that I thought utilized the setting in a neat way.

(sidebar--not something that I think this story needed to answer; just something I was personally curious about--are the heroes of truth/ideals still human in this one, even if Reshiram and Zekrom are also gijinkas? Or are Resh/Zek birthed from Kyurem but still draconic in a sense? idk! I think the Unova lore in particular would have some really interesting implications if the main heroes were literally combinations of humans and pokemon, but that's neither here nor there with this specific oneshot/I was mostly just curious what your headcanon was here)

Overall I thought this was a neat little vignette--Kyurem's a fascinating pokemon and it's fun to see different takes on the history/lore.

The world, green and gold and grand.

I liked the alliteration in this sentence. That's all!

some line/phrasing notes, mostly grammar/clarity-focused:

Spoiler

a gray draconic being of ice was chained down to the ground.

"draconic being of ice" parsed a little unclearly for me. I think it'd read a bit more smoothly if you broke out which bits appear draconic (maybe he notices the head, or the eyes) and which appear "of ice" (the jagged crystals or the cold crown on their head)

"Yes, sir!" One soldier answered, "It was last winter, sir. A star fell to our forest, then this monster showed up and attacked livestock and townspeople. We have never seen any monster like this before the disaster, so we believe they are connected."

I don't know if there's a particular/strict rule on this, but this would've read more clearly to me as:

"Yes, sir!" one soldier answered. "It was last winter, sir. [...]

Since otherwise it looks like "yes, sir" and "it was last winter" are being spoken by two different people but are on the same paragraph.

Without any sign of fear – for fear would be unbecoming for someone of his standing – the traveler asked, "Answer me: do you wish to live and find your purpose? Or do you wish to die as a chained beast?"

The paragraph break here made it a little trickier to tell what the "fear" might've been about (on reread it's more clear that it's about the frost forming beneath the traveler's feet)--and specifically if the traveler isn't afraid because of pride/appearances/unbecoming, or because it's not particularly scary. I think a reference that the humans shy back but Arceus doesn't or something might help there.

I. Chick

Purely on your preference here, but I think "chick" conveys more birdlike imagery for me, whereas "hatchling" might convey more draconic stuff.

With those words, the traveler in white left the throne room of the castle, his audience with the king had ended.

With those words, the traveler in white left the throne room of the castle; his audience with the king had ended.
With those words, the traveler in white left the throne room of the castle. His audience with the king had ended.

(this is a kind of esoteric grammar rabbithole that's about comma splices--in general, you shouldn't join two independent clauses with a comma)

The traveler had struck a deal when he took Kyurem under his wings: in exchange for lodging and sustenance for the dragon, he was to raise them into something that can be of use for the kingdom.

The swap into present tense is a bit jarring imo--"he was to raise them into something that could be of use for the kingdom"

I also thought it was strange that the traveler still calls Kyurem a "dragon" after the whole deal of making them a person earlier!

It would be easy to hone their physical strength – and they certainly didn't ignore it – but that alone wouldn't answer their question of what purpose they have beyond their primal instinct.

Similar present tense--I'd swap to "it would've been easy to hone their physical strength" and "but that alone wouldn't have answered their question of their purpose beyond their primal instinct"

I also think with "primal instinct", it'd be helpful to dig in a little more into what that instinct is--presumably it's to destroy stuff? But that really doesn't seem like something that they've entertained too heavily, so I wasn't sure.

A moment passed in silence, only the wind blew in from the open window, whispering as it played with both the traveler's and his pupil's long hair – charcoal and ivory intertwined under a sheet of ice.

A moment passed in silence; only the wind blew in from the open window [...]
A moment passed in silence. Only the wind blew in from the open window [...]

(similar thing with comma splices)

Further on, they could see speckles of colors; of the fields, the forests, the rivers, and the mountains.

Semicolons don't quite work this way. You'll want something like:

Further one, they could see speckles of colors: of the fields, the forests [...]

 

[bluesidra]

Oh look, it’s a bonus review because I’m stupid and can’t navigate AO3. Also, I’m now convinced Niente is actually chapter 17 of LLV.

So. Oh wow. This is such an interesting take on your universe. We see Alfie and Dia, but from a very different, very much more mature perspective. And the origin story for Kyurem is very very welcome. I’m not suuuper deep in Gen5 lore, but damn, this could very much be a legend or a fairy tale from this region.

Speaking of fairy tale: I very much sounds like one. Big kudos on the writing style here. It’s different from LLV, and I like it a lot. There are a lot of beautiful pictures painted with the descriptions, and we have a limited pov back, which is probably why it feels more comfy to me.

Seeing both Alfa and Dia detached from their usual human “sidekicks” lets them act a lot more deified, and damn, do they have a presence of authority. Alfa is of course the unapproachable, frightening but immeasurably forgiving deity he’s in LLV too, but this time we see one of his endeavors play out in fast forward. And Dia, though being his usual laconic self, acting as an ambassador and being very aware of the rules he has to abide by makes him seem a lot more capable than the bumbling lovestruck fool he displays in LLV. It’s frightening to know what those two can be up to if they don’t meddle in personal affairs of some select mortals.

Some thoughts on the segments

Chick: Opening the story by painting a picture of knights and dragons drives home the fairytale aspect just a bit more. I love it. Also, Alfa is such a good, gentle guy. I again don’t understand why he even bothers with other beings and doesn’t smite everything that gets in the way of his godly affairs, but that’s the comfort of your depiction of Arceus. (Confession: Whenever I get too frustrated with PLA Arceus, I imagine him suddenly taking Alfa’s form, explaining that all this misery has a point and that all will be well. Then I feel a lot better.)

Mother: I can’t quite picture what Kyurem does with the wedge, but I get what it resulted in, so just a very minor nitpick. Also, Kyurem starts to take on an uncanny vibe here that I dig a lot.

Death: Oh wow. Starting with “Is destruction the only thing I can bring?” I found myself right back in my by now familiar headspace of questioning Arceus. And from there, I could steal the segment one by one for my fic, those questions and the unsatisfying answers are so good.

Resurrection: Lol, that man feels very crusty. Definitely smokes cigarettes. If I was woken up to the smell of cold cigarettes, I’d be in for world-destruction, too.

The story very much reminded me of Umbra’s Divided I Fall, which also tackles Kuyrem’s backstory.

But bottom line: Gud fic, pls other legendaries next. Love seeing Alfa content and especially love seeing these folklore style takes that could themselves spawn their own legends.

 

[Joshthewriter]

This was a stunning read for someone with utterly no experience with you or your writing.

I love the structure. The vignette structure of a story can be difficul, can really hold back emotion. But when it’s done well, it just adds to the story.

I love the opening, harkening back to ancient times sets the stage for a story that could be ripped right out of a book of real life fairy tales. I loved the POV, the way it almost seemed detatched from the actual story itself.

I did have some difficulties with understanding what was going on. I didn’t know who the traveller was supposed to be until the dialga segment, but once I realized that it all fell into place. Probably would help if I had any base knowledge of your universe lol.

I really really really liked the last two segments. They just… they hit harder than the rest, probably because of how well you did setting them up. We know how Kyurem ends up in canon, and having Ghetsis wake Kyurem up at the end is a fantastic tie in to what I’m assuming is your fic’s universe is a great ending.

I’m sure I would have thought this was a fantastic side-story to your main work had I read the main work. I’m a huge fan of writers building out worlds that they play around in and write sidestories of. Congrats! You did a great job here!

 

[Sinderella]

Hi Silurica! I hope all is well. I've been eyeing reading Luceat Lux Vesta for a hot minute but I have absolutely no attention span, so I thought I'd indulge myself in your one-shot to start out. I have to say that you have a masterful way of crafting vibes--each little section seemed to have their own aesthetic more or less and I really fucked with that. The beginning was super fairy-tale esque, leading right into the ending section where I audibly groaned to myself as poor Kyurem was woken up...because, well, yes, I definitely know for damn sure how that ends :')

I really like the concept of all the legendaries being gijinkas!!! And honestly that just made me more hype to read LLV, but I digress...

There were a couple times where I had some issues following what was going on, mainly in regards to the traveler and what his relationship ended up being with Kyurem. It wasn't until Dialga rolled up with his "rub salt in the wound" ass that I realized "OHHHHHHHHH THAT WAS FUCKING ARCEUS" and then it all clicked and I had a huge epiphany moment. I really like those moments when I read stories, but I wonder if that was your intention at all for this? Have the reader wonder who the traveler was until you drop that hint? If it was, fantastic job, but if not, perhaps a single hint or so about it earlier on would to the trick!

All in all, good stuff!!! Thank you for blessing my eyes with this little piece, and I hope you have a good April Fools day!! <3

 

[silurica]

Henlo, henlo, thank you for the reviews, y'all!

Seeing both Alfa and Dia detached from their usual human “sidekicks” lets them act a lot more deified, and damn, do they have a presence of authority. Alfa is of course the unapproachable, frightening but immeasurably forgiving deity he’s in LLV too, but this time we see one of his endeavors play out in fast forward. And Dia, though being his usual laconic self, acting as an ambassador and being very aware of the rules he has to abide by makes him seem a lot more capable than the bumbling lovestruck fool he displays in LLV. It’s frightening to know what those two can be up to if they don’t meddle in personal affairs of some select mortals.

The duality of man gods.

(Confession: Whenever I get too frustrated with PLA Arceus, I imagine him suddenly taking Alfa’s form, explaining that all this misery has a point and that all will be well. Then I feel a lot better.)

Aw, I'm glad something I penned has captured that spirit. It's a phrase that I've grown fonder of for reasons that may or may not directly relate to Alfa.

Resurrection: Lol, that man feels very crusty. Definitely smokes cigarettes. If I was woken up to the smell of cold cigarettes, I’d be in for world-destruction, too.

This checks out.

The story very much reminded me of Umbra’s Divided I Fall, which also tackles Kuyrem’s backstory.

Thank you for this recommendation! About time I gotta read an Umbra fic.

I did have some difficulties with understanding what was going on. I didn’t know who the traveller was supposed to be until the dialga segment, but once I realized that it all fell into place. Probably would help if I had any base knowledge of your universe lol.

There were a couple times where I had some issues following what was going on, mainly in regards to the traveler and what his relationship ended up being with Kyurem. It wasn't until Dialga rolled up with his "rub salt in the wound" ass that I realized "OHHHHHHHHH THAT WAS FUCKING ARCEUS" and then it all clicked and I had a huge epiphany moment. I really like those moments when I read stories, but I wonder if that was your intention at all for this? Have the reader wonder who the traveler was until you drop that hint? If it was, fantastic job, but if not, perhaps a single hint or so about it earlier on would to the trick!

lol it has been a while and I don't clearly remember anymore if I had any particular intention on this. Either way the story is short enough that I'm not bothered if it takes that long for it to click together. (In the scenario where the reader didn't come from LLV, anyway -- with the additional context, his physical description and attitude should be a dead giveaway, alongside a couple other subtle hints.)

And you know what, I also love that feeling when you learn an information and it recontextualizes what came before it. It's Goals.

because, well, yes, I definitely know for damn sure how that ends :')

Good things, surely